Tag: reflect

  • 6 Compelling Reasons To Spend Some Time Alone

    6 Compelling Reasons To Spend Some Time Alone

    “There are times when alone is the best place to be.” ~Unknown

    Some people think it’s awful to spend time alone—that it means you’re antisocial or no one needs you.

    Some people feel sad and lonely when they don’t have company every evening or weekend.

    But being alone doesn’t mean that no one needs you. And it can actually be quite useful to take some time to yourself.

    I am almost thirty. This is an age when you start to rethink your whole life, trying to understand what you should change or improve, what you should do next, and what specifically you need in your life.

    I felt this way a couple of months ago.

    I thought I’d achieved nothing in my almost thirty years, and I felt I should have changed something but couldn’t figure out what or how.

    I had to cope with my feelings, but the everyday chaos of my life didn’t allow me time to concentrate on myself.

    The decision came like a bolt from the blue—to spend some time completely alone.

    When you’re alone, nothing prevents you from listening to your inner voice, heart, and mind.

    Here are a few other benefits of spending time in solitude.

    1. It’s a great opportunity to recharge.

    We often try to make people around us happy and help them work through their feelings. This can be emotionally draining.

    For example, I have one friend who lives abroad, who comes online to talk to me only when she feels bad and wants to share all her problems with me. It takes a lot of energy and makes me sad and frustrated.

    Time spent alone helped me take a break from constant interaction with other people so I could recharge.

    2. It’s a good time to think and reflect.

    Life moves at a crazy speed. It doesn’t often give us time to stop and reflect. When alone, you have a great opportunity to focus on yourself.

    Thanks to my voluntary solitude, I had a chance to question whether I was moving in the right direction, I’ve realized what I should change in my life, and I’ve finally found time to relax and meditate.

    3. It’s a chance to understand what really makes you happy.

    When you spend time with other people, you often have to make compromises. There’s always a chance that what you want may not coincide with others’ wishes. When you’re alone, it’s only you who decides what to do.

    Do you want to spend the whole day lying on the beach? Go! Do you want to visit that contemporary art exhibition? There’s no reason to skip it. As for me, I’ve finally visited the city of my dreams, Prague. None of my friends ever had the time, money, or desire to go with me, but that no longer mattered.

    4. It makes you more productive.

    It can be fun and exciting to spend time with friends, but it can also distract you from things that are important to you, like exercise, hobbies, a long-delayed book, and unfinished work.

    Spending some time alone can be a good opportunity to make progress toward your personal goals.

    5. It makes you more self-reliant.

    We often seek approval from friends, colleagues, and family members before we take action or make a decision. There are times when it’s necessary to do this, but there are also times when it’s possible to act without consulting others first.

    When you’re alone, you’ll learn how to make decisions without anyone’s help. This was difficult for me at first, but in time I became more self-reliant.

    6. It teaches you to value people who are close to you.

    When you regularly take time for yourself, it becomes even more enjoyable to engage with others, as you’ve given yourself time and space to miss their company.

    Don’t be afraid of being alone. Very often it helps us understand who we are, what we want, and what we can do to become better people.

  • The Art of Reflection: Feel Your Way to a Happier Life

    The Art of Reflection: Feel Your Way to a Happier Life

    Contemplation

    “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards.” ~Steve Jobs

    One of the best ways I’ve found to develop wisdom is through reflection. While reflection might look like a quiet session of daydreaming, it’s actually an active process during which you enrich your life and encourage personal growth by reviewing parts of your day or your life.

    It was January 2001 and I was sitting in New York’s La Guardia airport waiting for my flight to Atlanta. I had moved to New York to attend a graduate program there, and in spite of doing well academically, I withdrew after one semester.

    I questioned my career path. I felt lost and deflated. Now what? I didn’t know what I wanted. Or did I? I figured what I was supposed to do now was just move back to Atlanta, where I lived previously.

    What I didn’t know back then was how to be present, listen to my inner voice, and ultimately how to reflect in order to learn.

    That day at La Guardia, every cell in my body was telling me that New York wasn’t finished with me yet. I still had some things to do and people to meet. I loved the energy of the city.

    That being said, I didn’t know how to deal with the voice in my head that was telling me all about the “shoulds.” You should move back to Atlanta. Your stuff is still in storage there. It’s expensive in New York.

    I couldn’t logically explain what I was feeling. I just felt like it wasn’t time yet to move back to Atlanta.

    While sitting at the gate, I called my friend, Helen. “I don’t want to get on the plane.” What? What do you mean? “I just don’t want to go back yet.”

    After Helen respectfully listened, I called another friend, Prema.

    Prema answered. “I don’t want to get on the plane.” What?

    Granted, I had already said my goodbyes with my grad school New York friends.

    Ultimately, I got on the plane that day because I though I had to in spite of what I was feeling…only to return to New York two weeks later, when an awesome rent-controlled apartment in the West Village seemed to fall in my lap, and I somehow landed a coveted position, which led to many great opportunities in my career.

    My pattern of not listening to my inner voice continued for years until I began to make a conscious effort to trust my intuition, reflect, and learn from my experiences. My patterns of not trusting myself showed up with my relationships, jobs, school programs, and apparently, moves.

    Looking back, I know the reason I was indecisive was because I did not trust my gut and pay attention to what I was feeling. I made fear-based decisions. After some practice with reflection, I now realize that my inner voice does always know.

    What I’ve learned is that while our busy lives can make it seem difficult to reflect on our experiences, taking some time for self-reflection is necessary if we are to learn and grow.

    Reflection helps us to build upon the successful moments and break free from the self-doubt that holds us back from embracing our true dreams and living a fulfilling life.

    I think it’s important to be clear that I am not talking about reliving negative experiences of the past. Dwelling in the past is just as unproductive and unhealthy as stressing about the future.

    We can’t change the past. What we can do, though, is use self-compassion to reflect on and learn from what is happening right now.

    This is what helps us to embrace a vibrant life and allows our spirit to flourish.

    The following tips will help you to learn how to listen to your inner voice while you practice reflection so that you can learn and move forward.

    Carve out some solo time for your sessions of self-reflection.

    By definition, self-reflection is a solitary process. Typically, you will want to choose a time and place for reflection that is quiet and where you can be alone with your thoughts.

    You can make this part of your daily or weekly habits. This quiet time will help you to be able to center your thoughts without interruption, and make it easier for you to “hear” your inner voice.

    Listen to your inner voice.

    Many people find it helpful to sit down somewhere that it is quiet and write down their thoughts and feelings when they are reflecting. If writing is an activity that you enjoy, by all means keep a journal or diary to record your inner discoveries.

    Others find it easier to hear their inner voice and consider their past as they go for a long walk, or as they practice meditation. I like to sit or walk in nature. There is no “right” or “wrong” way. Select the space that helps you to best feel relaxed and calm as you look back on your past.

    Let your mind float.

    Set your thoughts free. You don’t necessarily have to try to direct them to a specific event or time. Your subconscious knows where it wants to take you.

    Tune in to what it’s showing you. Can you see something or hear a voice? Is it bringing you a feeling? Let it sit with you in peace for a while.

    The message will come when it’s ready and often it’s a real “aha” moment. Other times it’s a gentle nudge in a new direction.

    Trust yourself.

    We are very used to giving people reasons—evidence—for our choices and decisions, so basing your actions on something that can be as unquantifiable as reflection may initially make you nervous.

    The beauty of reflection is that it won’t steer you wrong. It gives you perhaps the most honest and clear guidance you will ever have.

    Reflect even when there seems to be nothing to reflect on.

    Don’t be tempted to skip your reflection period because everything seems to be going well for you. Use the time to let go of any stresses and worries that are hiding in you.

    Look for the positives and seek the keys to help you become the person you want to be. Sit in peace and think about life, love, and all the wonderful things you have to be grateful for. Personal growth springs out of silence just as often as it does from experience.

    With practice, your confidence in your abilities will grow and your self-esteem and spirit will soar. You will come to love the quiet moments of reflection that you have given yourself.

    By looking back we can sometimes make sense of life, and as Steve Jobs put it, connect the dots to our future.

    Often the ability to grow as individuals is tied to the understanding of the context of our lives. Personal reflection is a powerful and liberating experience that can smooth out life’s bumps, boost our happiness, and help us become the people we want to be.

    Contemplation image via Shutterstock

  • How to Reduce Stress and Focus More on What Truly Matters

    How to Reduce Stress and Focus More on What Truly Matters

    “Beware the barrenness of a busy life.” ~Socrates

    Did you ever wish you could just take off from work and get away from it all?

    This past summer I had the opportunity to do just that.

    I was wrapping up a twenty-four-year career in the Air Force and had saved up two months of vacation time. So my wife and I decided to visit Rio de Janeiro and live by the beach.

    The tropical weather was everything you would expect it to be: sunny, warm, and gorgeous.

    But surprisingly, the time off gave me so much more.

    Being away from the daily grind of work prompted deep reflection on my part. As a result, I came to some unexpected insights about my career and my life. The lessons I learned are:

    Ambition can make you miserable.

    When you’re on the fast track, you’ve always got this nagging, stomach-knotting anxiety that you’ve got to go and make it happen or else you’ll be left behind, unable to take your place at the table of materialistic plenty. Worse yet, you start to worry that others will elbow you out and grab your share.

    For sure, our competitive society is full of this kind of attitude. And it’s easy to get pulled into it yourself.

    I’m not saying that ambition is bad—especially when pursued for good reasons, like taking care of yourself and improving your state in life.

    But the dark side of ambition is that it can pile on the stress. Remember that knot in the stomach I talked about?

    I learned that only when you take a break from the grind can you realize the impact of your ambition on your spirit.

    Only then can you discover what’s driving you and sort out whether it’s truly important or not.

    For my part, I discovered that “climbing the ladder” in an organization was no longer important to me.

    What emerged as most important was using my strengths and experience to coach leaders, help them solve their problems, and make their own marks.

    You may be more stressed than you realize.

    After about two weeks of sleeping in and waking up to the sound of waves and tropical birds, I realized the knot in my stomach was gone. What’s more, I didn’t realize how big of a knot it was.

    A good chunk of the stress knot was present because of my own doing.

    For many of us, this knot of stress is the price we pay for trying to make a living and get ahead. The price includes responsibilities that bear down on you. Maybe over time your health and wellness starts to slip away.

    The next thing you know you’re in the grind.

    But what’s being ground up is you.

    At this point, I learned I had a choice: I could go back to the grind or I could use the strengths I developed over my career to serve others in a more balanced way.

    I’ll give you one guess what I chose.

    You really don’t need a lot to live well.

    While we were in Rio, my wife and I rented a tiny one-bedroom studio apartment. All of our household goods had been packed up and stored, so the sum total of our possessions amounted to a couple of suitcases of clothes.

    And that was plenty. In fact, it was more than enough.

    Living this stripped-down lifestyle removed the hidden burden of having material things to worry about. I’m talking about things like a house, two cars, furnishings, bikes, golf clubs, lawn mowers, washers and dryers, and all the other things we buy to simplify our lives.

    The radical downsizing opened me up to experience the rhythm of a simpler life.

    And it wasn’t boring at all.

    On the contrary—with the hustle, bustle, noise, and possessions gone, I had time to notice the little things that make life rich and enjoyable.

    Like the cooling ocean breeze or the small monkeys that jumped from branch to branch in the trees outside our apartment window.

    Like connecting more with family, friends, and the transcendent.

    Living with less clears away the clutter of our go-go modern lives and allows us to get reacquainted with our authentic human selves.

    The Big Lesson: Taking Time Away to Reflect Can Change Your Life

    Extended time away from work can improve your life. It certainly did mine.

    However, my circumstances were unique. For the vast majority of people, getting away from work for an extended stretch is a challenge.

    So what can you do to incorporate reflection in your life?

    If you can’t take extended time off, you can take small breaks. These breaks can come in all shapes and sizes such as:

    • Meditation
    • Turning off the TV
    • Setting aside your smartphone
    • Journaling
    • Going on a hike
    • Taking a run
    • Getting away for a weekend

    Use these small breaks to progressively gain perspective on what truly matters.

    Even these little breaks away from the routine will bring insight and understanding. Over time, they will grow into tools that you can use to transform your life.

    Plan your small breaks (or a big one) now.

    And move toward a life that is simpler, less stressful, and more fulfilling.