Tag: Possibilities

50 Ways to Find Creative Inspiration

“If we look at the world with a love of life, the world will reveal its beauty to us.” ~Daisaku Ikeda

I have always loved that scene in American Beauty when Ricky Fitts shows his video of a plastic bag blowing in the wind.

He’s the complete opposite of his neighbor Lester Burnham, who seems to have decided long ago to live life in a comatose state of submission, completely disconnected from authentic joy.

Ricky seems inspired by everything that most people simply overlook. He explains of his bag video:

“It was one of those days when it’s a minute away from snowing and there’s this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it. And this bag was, like, dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes.

“And that’s the day I knew there was this entire life behind things, and… this incredibly benevolent force, that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Video’s a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember—and I need to remember. Sometimes there’s so much beauty in the world I feel like I can’t take it, like my heart’s going to cave in.”

Though it can look different for all of us, I suspect this is the feeling we wait for in life: a sense that there’s boundless beauty out there, and we have the capacity to feel, channel, explore, and express it.

We all want to feel moved, and then to use that to create love, joy, passion, and purpose.

If you’ve been feeling stuck or uninspired, these ideas may help you find inspiration. (more…)

December 31, 2013
How to Activate the Life Purpose That’s Right Under Your Nose

“Our obligation is to give meaning to life, and in doing so to overcome the passive, indifferent life.” ~Elie Wiesel

After surveying 3,000 people, psychologist Cynthia Kersey discovered that 94% had no clue as to their purpose in life—94%!

As painful as this statistic is, it’s even more painful in light of how relatively simple it is to discover a worthy and fulfilling life purpose.

For most of us, a meaningful purpose lurks just beneath the surface of conscious awareness and can be discovered in a few minutes.

This is the easy part. What happens after you discover your life purpose is the plague of humanity.

I discovered my life purpose in high school psychology class at age seventeen. A local therapist visited our class and asked us to sit on the floor in a large circle. We cleared out the desks and sat. Then he said the following:

“You’re trapped in a cave with the rest of this class. Only a few of you will make it out alive before the cave collapses. A few at the front of the line will make it. Those in the rear will be crushed. Now, as we go around the circle, I want each of you to explain to the class why you need to get out alive. Tell us why you should be at the front of the line.”

One of my classmates raised her hand. “What if we don’t want to be at the front of the line?” she asked.

“Then say so, if you really feel that way,” the therapist conceded. (Therapists can be such pushovers.)

I was on the opposite side of the room and listened, one by one, as more than twenty kids declined the opportunity to state what they wanted to live for and merely said, “I’ll just be at the back of the line.”

On my turn, I took the risk and said, “I wouldn’t want to be responsible for someone else not getting to live, but since you asked why I need to get out alive, I’ll answer your question.

I want to live and make something of my life. I am being raised by a single mother who has made sacrifices to see that I get an education and stay out of trouble. I don’t want to let my mother down. I feel I owe it to her to make the most of myself. If I can do something really great in life, it will make her sacrifice worthwhile.”

I caught the nod of respect from the therapist and noticed a few of the girls in the class looking misty-eyed and—right there—I knew my purpose. I knew that if I could help people discover something great within themselves, like I had just discovered, I’d live a meaningful life!

That was easy compared to what came next.

I fought it. I failed out of college the first time around. I passed on great opportunities to advance my education and career by telling myself, “You can’t do it. You are not worthy. You’re a fake.”

I looked for shortcuts. I refused to cooperate with my supervisors because, even though I was plagued with self-doubt, I still thought they were stupid.

If you looked at my life, you’d wonder just how I was manifesting any purpose that had to do with helping myself and others grow.

One step forward, two steps back! That was me.

Later, when I did find opportunities to advance my career by teaching workshops, I made it horrendously difficult. I demanded perfection of myself at every performance, which created unbearable anxiety.

I often walked to the front of a lecture room just knowing I would have a full-blown panic attack and be carted out on a stretcher and never be invited to speak anywhere again.

I just couldn’t give myself a break. My purpose in life not only lacked fulfillment, but also became a source of personal torment.

I know what it is like to fight your purpose in life. I’ve been there. In fact, I now believe that most people who are not living a life of purpose are sabotaging their efforts as I was.

Many people give up on their purpose because of all the perceived trouble that comes with making it real.

My parents won’t approve.
It is too difficult.
I can’t do it.
It’s not realistic.
I won’t fit in with my friends anymore.
Where I come from people don’t do that.
I’ll never be able to pay the bills.
I am sure I will fail in the end and be right back where I started.
It’s just not worth it.
It’s too late.
I am comfortable where I am.

And so the story goes. We resist a more meaningful life because we get in our own way. This is the saddest story ever told!

Worse, so many have written off their purpose to such a degree that they don’t know where to begin to find it.

It is right under your nose.

If you’ll take a few minutes to do the following experiment, you are very likely to discover something wonderful that might serve as a purpose for your life.

Take a few minutes alone to simply breathe and think. When you are relaxed, ask yourself some simple insight questions per the following examples.

When you’ve gotten greater insight as a result of the questions, ask yourself how the insights apply to a potential life purpose. This is the application question mentioned below.

Insight Questions

What do I love?
Why do I love this?

What talents has the universe given me?
Why are these talents important?

What are my dreams?
Why are these dreams important?

When and where have I found joy in my life?
Why did I find joy in that?

What have I always found meaningful?
Why is this so meaningful to me?

Write down the answers to the insight questions that appeal to you. Remember, this is just you. Imagine for a moment that nobody else in the world matters. No one has any say here but you.

As you are writing, notice how you are feeling. Which particular words cause you to surge with positive energy? These words are a major clue as to your purpose in life.

Application Question

While in that positive state, ask yourself the application question.

How might the answers to any of the above be part of your life purpose?

For example, imagine you are writing about a particularly meaningful experience that came to mind as a result of an insight question. Let’s say you remembered when you were meditating and felt a deep connection to the universe.

You asked yourself, “Why was this so meaningful to me?”

The answer came, “Because that is what life is all about—connection.”

Next, you asked the question, “How might connection be part of my life purpose?”

So many ideas might flow from there:

Your purpose may be to simply stay connected! Whatever you do in life, you remain open to the possible connections to others and beyond.

It may be that you feel a desire to help others connect to the universe—a great life purpose.

Perhaps your purpose is to help children experience greater connection.

The possibilities are limitless! If you center your life around staying connected and helping others to do so, you will surely experience the fulfillment that comes with a clear life purpose.

How can you make your purpose real? There are a million ways. The better question is how are you likely to get in your own way? How do you subconsciously protest having a purpose? How might you attempt to devalue your purpose?

Learn your purpose. Learn the ways in which you sabotage it. Get out of your own way and follow your heart.

Life can be complicated. Sometimes we convince ourselves that what we want is impossible. This is where education and a compassionate, intelligent outsider’s perspective can be a life purpose saver.

To the life purpose under your nose….

November 26, 2013
When Life Feels Crazy: 6 Questions for Cracking Up & Breaking Through

“Every really new idea looks crazy at first.” ~Abraham H. Maslow

Once, when I was in a painting workshop, I hit a wall of resistance, totally stumped by what to paint next.

My painting teacher came over to explore some questions that could help unblock me. But my “wall” was concrete, or industrial metal, or super-duper spy-movie-like with some computer-code contraption locking all security systems down.

“What if a crazy woman came into the room?” she asked me. “What if the crazy woman painted for you? What would she do?”

“She would explode everything up!” I answered.

“What would she do on the painting?”

“She would rip it up!”

“If with respect for what you’ve already painted you allowed her to go crazy on the paper without covering what you already painted or ripping it up, what would she paint?”

I looked at the painting. It was an image of me. “She would crack me into a hundred pieces…”

“Great!” She said. “Paint that!”

I took out a small brush and started drawing black cracks, as many cracks as I could, cracking the body into thousands of pieces. I felt high as I painted. Free. Without interpretation or need to understand what I was doing, I energetically painted cracks all through my body. I finished the painting with glee.

A dear friend, who is a Jungian therapist, told me recently about the “Crazy Woman” archetype. The Mad Woman who likes to step in sometimes to shake our world, wake our reality. I told her I knew this woman. I had met her in my creativity.

But secretly, I was coming to understand her beyond that. In my own life, things felt uncertain, chaotic, ungrounded. I was feeling somewhat like the crazy woman myself.

I was living alone, a year after divorce in the house I lived in with my ex-husband in Venice Beach, CA. I never felt unsafe or in danger in my home or neighborhood. In fact, I felt the opposite; my home post-divorce had become my respite when everything else in my life seemed turned upside down.

One random Saturday morning, I awoke to find a young woman, around 25 years old, coming off of some meth or heroin high in my back studio that I usually kept unlocked because the perimeter of my house was well gated.

She was going through my cupboard filled with old wedding pictures.

She wasn’t an archetype, but a real person. I had to double check twice to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating. I was in shock, yet typically, when in shock I knew I tended to act unusually calm and reasonable.

I approached her. “Why are you here?” I asked.

“I thought I lived here.” She said, seeming vulnerable and confused.

“I have to call the police,” I said.

“But I don’t want to go jail!”

“I’m sorry I have to call…” I said to her.

She picked up her backpack, and while I told 911 that I had an intruder, she lit a cigarette as she casually walked out the side yard gate and continued down the street away from my home.

This wasn’t a dream. It really was happening. There was a stranger in my home when I awoke one random morning.

She left her tennis shoes and socks behind, which I showed the two policemen when they arrived.

“This happens all the time,” one of the cops said. “Just last weekend we had a squatter make dinner and take a shower in someone’s home around the corner from you. Welcome to Venice!”

Well, no. Actually I had been living in Venice for ten years. This wasn’t a welcome but a warning sign to make sure my side gates were better protected. Though the young woman seemed fine when she walked away, I still felt shaken.

After talking to my friends on the phone, telling them about my intruder, I was able to find my ground.

I saw the intruder as a reflection of what I had been feeling lately and told myself, “Sometimes it’s okay to see the Mad Woman and to accept her.”

I knew I was physically safe. She didn’t steal anything either. That night, I put her shoes out on the street corner so she would have them to wear, and in the morning they were gone. Her intrusion woke me up and made me curious to explore deeper.

These were the questions upon her departure I contemplated:

1. What if I allowed myself to feel as “crazy” as I felt and let myself live the life I always wanted to live?

How would I live it? (i.e. what would I paint?) Could I let myself crack?

2. Would I let my controlled, safe little world open up to something new or daring?

Was I ready to uproot the life I knew and create something totally different?

3. What if nothing had to make sense?

If the dots didn’t have to connect? If I didn’t have to know how my decisions would dictate my future? What would I do then?

4. What if I didn’t have to live according to the rules and expectations I had put on myself and the conditionings put on me that I bought into?

The ones that were based on how I was raised, my family’s expectations, or the beliefs I was taught to believe about myself?

5. What if my life was about being fully me, filled up with me, and no one else?

Not by a relationship or for my parents or my roles in society regardless if they thought my choices were “crazy”—what would I do differently?

6. What would happen if I accepted feeling out of balance, in unknown territory, and stopped trying to be something other than me presently?

What life choices might I make then?

After asking these questions of myself, something told me it was time to take off into a new adventure.

I thought about things I’d been afraid to do before or resisted: I feared skiing because of my weak ankles, but what if I tried again?

New York was a place I had thought about living in—what if I went to explore a new city? Or what if I started a new career path? What would I want to create in my life then?

As I asked these questions, I started to become interested, uncovering layers into exciting new territory.

So I ask you, what if metaphorically you met your Inner-Mad Man or Woman? What message would he/she have for you?

Creating a life change isn’t actually “crazy.” It’s the most fulfilling and exhilarating thing we can do.

What if you were to take a risk, jump into the unknown, shake up your world, leave your cautious mind and all that it says about you or about how you live your life and ask yourself, “If I were totally free, what would I do?”

Even if you don’t plan to actually do it, I’d love to hear. Be crazy and just for the fun of it. You never know what can happen.

Photo by Olearys

November 26, 2013
The Labels We Take On: How They Limit Our Potential

“Waking up to who you are requires letting go of who you imagine yourself to be.” ~Alan Watts

We live in a society of labels. Everyone will try to label you, including yourself. It’s been happening since the beginning. It takes some honesty and objective reflection to see it, but take a moment or two and really think about it.

Eventually, we each begin to subconsciously believe those labels and we start to feel as though to be whole, to be someone in this world, we need to appease our egos and the voices around us by “fitting-in somewhere,” preferably within those aforementioned labels.

Over time, it becomes the foundation for our lives: “I am this person”…. “I am not this person”… “I can do this”… “I can’t do this.” Our entire persona and sense of reality are sculpted by these labels.

In elementary school, we are quickly classified and reinforced with the ideas that we are smart, not smart, a good student, a bad student, a good reader, a bad reader, too hyper, too shy, athletic, uncoordinated… The list goes on and on. We begin to believe these ideas and take them on to be unquestionable, objective-reality truths.

Fast forward to the present day. Now, more than ever, we begin to believe we have tested ourselves on nearly every level; we know who we are.

While you may or may not still believe and buy into some of those labels from your childhood, I can almost guarantee that you still believe in and adhere to the holy idea of labels. Whether they are intellectual, physical, emotional, spiritual, or political, you still label everything, including yourself.

For most of us, our adult selves are a more concrete and self-actualized reflection of our childhood/teenage selves.

Stepping Out of the Box & Into Your Limitless Potential

When you realize the limits your family, your friends, your teachers, and your ego have set for you, you can take your power back and choose to go beyond those limits. You can become whoever you wish to become, or do whatever you previously and falsely thought you couldn’t.

First, we must each come to terms with what is real and what isn’t real—what is a self-imposed limitation and what is something we know, in our heart of hearts to be true. That, my friends, is the first of two difficult steps to freeing yourself.

Most of us have spent our entire lives, up until right now, believing that most, if not all of those labels are tangible parts of our being, inseparable from the fabric of who we are; they hold everything we are and ever will be.

Even if we know deep down that these labels and ideas are wrong or limiting, we are constantly faced with the subconscious war with fear.

This is and will be the second, and most likely the hardest, obstacle you face as you; as an empowered human being with free will, you must consciously decide to step outside of the familiar box and into the unknown.

In general, we fear the unknown and change. We each fear not being good enough, we fear rejection, we fear failing, and we fear not knowing what is going to happen to us. Life is short; don’t waste it living in fear of failure or judgment. We are here at “earth school” to learn how to live in love, rather than fear—to live as empowered beings, not victims.

You are not a victim of your past and your labels. You are a human being capable of anything you set your heart, mind, and soul on.

Once you have firmly decided who you are and who you are going to be as a human being, you have closed the door to endless possibility. This is how the “labels” begin to consume our sense of reality; we become set in our ways and in our beliefs.

Hold onto your character, integrity, and morals, but leave every other part of yourself open to the universe of possibilities. Stay open, stay present, meditate, self-affirm.

Do the work needed in order to surround yourself with positive thoughts, emotions, and people—people who will support you and align with you as you shed the old beliefs and leave the confining box of comfort, expanding and evolving the way you are meant to as a human being.

My Box

I spent my entire life, until I was twenty-two, living in a well-crafted box. As I grew up and went to school, I was unable to focus my mind on anything but sports. I was praised as a great athlete and labeled a poor student. My teachers and my parents couldn’t get me to focus, and I barely got by.

I was placed in alternative schools, private schools, and boarding schools; nothing helped. It only reinforced the belief that “I am not smart enough or good enough.”

After having beliefs pounded into my head for years and struggling from elementary through high school, it was clear to me then more than ever: “I am a terrible student; I could never actually get my college degree and do well. I’m too unfocused; I’m not smart enough.”

I took the labels on as objective-reality truths and struggled all the way through my early years of college, only to drop out at twenty-two in the pursuit of bigger and better things.

As I got older, I had to figure out what I was good at. All I knew was that I was good at sports and bad at school. I couldn’t do anything that required focused attention in a structured setting.

From the age of eighteen until twenty-four years old I struggled trying to find my way. I knew I was good at business and I knew I was smart, but at the same time I knew school was out of the question: “I am just not good at school.” So, I started a small tech company with a friend.

When I reached the age of twenty-five, my life changed forever. I realized and had come to terms with my intuitive abilities—ones I had possessed my whole life but never really knew about until looking back on it in that moment.

I was faced with fear. I began an inner battle with all of the labels I had lived with my entire life: How could I become a professional intuitive and follow what felt right without shedding all of the ideas about who I am and who I am not? Will people judge me? Does this new me line up with who people think I am? Will my friends still like me?

The list goes on and on. I was faced with all of the fears and questions you could imagine.

As of today, I have spent half a decade overcoming a lot of my fears and peeling away the many layers of labels and self-imposed beliefs about my potential and who I am.

I am back in college full-time, finally finishing my degree in health and counseling with nearly perfect grades.

I have found healthy relationships and have overcome the fear and anxiety that previously limited the love I had for myself, and I now work as a professional intuitive and life coach with a successful business doing so.

Was it where I ever thought I would be? No. Was it easy shedding the beliefs, ideas, and labels? No. Was it worth it? Yes. It has been the most freeing thing I have ever done, and even though it has closed some doors to my past, it has opened up new ones to my future I would have never thought possible before.

Once I opened myself up to the endless possibilities of who I am and can be and listened to what my heart and soul were saying, I was free.

Most importantly, I am no longer a victim of my past or my faults. I know I can overcome anything, simply by doing the work, facing my fears, and staying open to the endless possibilities this life has to offer.

There are countless other labels I have taken on in my personal life, each one just as difficult to shed as the ones I have mentioned. Yours will be similar or completely different; it is your work to identify and release them.

I am where I am today because I constantly push myself through the two steps mentioned above. It takes time and effort to overcome years of conditioning, but we all have the power to do it.

Photo by Ewen Roberts

November 20, 2013
3 Powerful Insights About Finding Yourself and Creating Change

“Get out of your head and get into your heart. Think less, feel more.” ~Osho

When you’re on a spiritual quest in the chaotic outlying suburbs of Bangkok, and you’re having a complete and utter meltdown about your ability to face your inner demons and greatest life fears, where should you turn?

Well, I feel well qualified to answer this question, having been in that exact situation!

Where I turned was a peaceful little Buddhist temple, and more specifically a gentle and elderly monk named Yut.

Don’t be deceived by the “gentle and elderly” description, however, for Yut was also direct and unforgiving in the way he challenged my perspectives and answered questions from my seeking, fearful self.

Surprisingly he was also quite humorous and down-to-earth, which made for a delightfully game changing afternoon that helped to interrupt my meltdown, supporting my breakdown to become a breakthrough.

It was mid-way through my three month sabbatical in Thailand. The preceding six weeks in the paradise island of Koh Samui had been blissful to say the least, then arriving in outlying Bangkok had been quite a shock to the system.

I had followed my own gut instinct and divine guidance to be there, despite my fear of being alone in large cities, particularly ones where I don’t speak the language.

I was at a point in my life where I had to shake things up. I was standing on the precipice of major change, of following my heart and leaving my decade long corporate career back home, where at the time I was National Manager of a recruitment firm.

I had spent 32 years honing my ability to be what I thought others wanted me to be—a “success.” The only problem was that my definition of success was warped.

I thought success and my worthiness was measured by the big job, the fancy house, the material objects. This was, of course, all nonsense that I had created in my head—a story I had bought into, fed by my addiction for perfectionism and a desperate need for security and validation.

I was ready to break out of the box I’d been living in, and this trip was helping me to see the world, life, and myself in new light.

It seems that when you step up in life to invite change, life has a way of guiding you to exactly where you need to be, with whom you need to be with, and hearing what you need to hear.

It would turn out to be perfectly synchronistic that my freak out in Bangkok led me to go in search of somewhere peaceful, which in turn took me to this Buddhist temple where I was very helpfully fed three game changing insights by Yut.

This turn of events would be another building block in one very important and transformative lesson: just be who you really are and that is more than enough.

There was some undoing to be done! In order to be who I really was, I first had to know who I really was…

1. Meditation is a tool to know yourself.

“Meditation is a way to know your true self. All you need to know is within yourself, seeking it externally in the world will only take you so far. You need to look within.” ~Yut

This Thailand quest was the start of what would become three years of daily meditation. Only 5−10 minutes per day, which connected me with my intuition and the real me. Once I connected, I was able to live from that guidance, using it as my number one navigation tool.

2. Knowing yourself opens the way to limitless possibilities.

“As we become more enlightened, as we know ourselves more, truly anything is possible. When you connect to your true self, then life is limitless and anything you can possibly imagine can be your reality.” ~Yut

I was delighted to hear this! I had incorrectly expected a Buddhist monk would tell me all about denial of one’s longings and living a meager life in solitude and silence.

I had big, audacious dreams for my life—to escape the rat race, to be a writer and coach, and to pursue my passion for energy healing, preferably while traveling the world!

Hearing that meditation was a path to my true self, and connecting to my true self was a path to enlightenment, which in turn opens up limitless possibilities for me, well, I was ready to get my meditation groove on!

3. Face your inner demons; own your responsibility.

“While we are all connected, we must face our own challenges alone.” ~Yut

While I believe deeply that our family and friend support networks are fundamental to thriving in life, the truth is that when we’re talking about inner demons, fears, blocks, and limiting beliefs, we have to face up to those ourselves.

It’s a very personal journey to honestly look into the dark crevices inside yourself and truly own the way you feel, the way you behave, and see what is blocking your own thriving.

Taking responsibility for how we are being and what we are doing is something that requires great courage.

Nearly in tears when I first arrived at the temple, fearful of my time alone in Bangkok and facing up to what massive changes I needed to make in my life, the message of having to face my challenges alone actually empowered me.

It woke me up and made me realize that no one else could set me free from my limiting beliefs about what validated me as a person and the blocks I had about risking my security in pursuit of a more meaningful life.

I had to do this myself. I had to build a relationship with the true me and let her emerge, just as we are all called to do.

Photo by Gane

October 6, 2013
Say Goodbye to Your “I” and Hello to Freedom

“More important than the quest for certainty is the quest for clarity.” ~Francois Gautier

It’s the last place in a million years I ever thought I would find myself.

Stuck in a day job I had originally taken to fund my art and still feed my family when times were lean. It all sounded so logical back then.

Except that after several years, this “I” that was showing up to work had zero passion, was totally unmotivated, and not exactly someone I was too proud of.

Which was very strange since I was always so committed with my dedication to my artistic endeavors, prior to this particular career move. “Who was this guy?” I thought.

But hey, it was all to keep the music train rolling along while I worked on my art and building up our fan base.

Then the band broke up.

Suddenly without the vehicle to deliver my artistic message I was like a ship without a rudder. The job felt like I was still living the joke but couldn’t remember the punch line anymore.

But then I was in a bit of a conundrum.

There was this other “I” who, during this same period, had rediscovered the storyteller I had always been since childhood.

This “I” started blogging, writing posts to inspire others to unearth their own unique story and live their passion. A first eBook was near completion. People were commenting and signing up regularly to my list.

This “I” felt totally alive. Totally confident. Like I was doing some good in the world.

Likewise, when I was playing guitar or producing other musical artists. People were consistently saying thank you whenever I was engaged in this work.

Hmmm.

So then who exactly was this “I” who was showing up to that day job? This self that was feeling so stuck? The one with all these self-limiting beliefs?

It was almost like I had a different “I” for different situations in my life. It was really confusing.

Did you ever have that feeling?

I finally found the clarity I was seeking after attending a Buddhist lecture series recently.

The Buddha says that since beginningless time, we have been grasping at a self that doesn’t really exist—a self that changes like clouds passing overhead.

According to Buddha, this self-grasping is the root cause of all human suffering, because we’re clinging to the delusion that this self and our own happiness is more important than anyone else’s.

I know, that sounds scary, right? Clinging to someone who’s not really there?

Now this might be a good time to ask an obvious question you might be wondering.

If our “I” doesn’t really exist then who’s driving the bus, right? Who decides we’re going to wear that blue shirt today? Who tells us to take a shower and get ready for work?

That’s a fair question. (I was thinking the very same thing when this was first presented to me)

But I learned that if you really believe there’s this independently existing fixed self called “you” then you should be able to point to it, right? Like your refrigerator over in the corner. “Yes, there ‘I’ am.”

So to see if this was true we went through the following exercise.

You get to a centered place in your meditation (or just a quiet place, if that’s not your thing) and you contemplate a version of a self you’re very familiar with. Preferably one that feels stuck in some aspect of your life. (Bingo! The guy at work. That was easy)

Then you just try to observe this self in action, as though in your mind’s eye, you’re looking over their shoulder and they don’t know you’re there. Then you ask yourself, “Is this really the person I always wanted to be?”

Well, it was quite obvious to me the answer was no. So then you set out to locate this self to test the theory.

Now if you just use common sense and look in the mirror you basically have only two choices where you might find this self. Either your “I” is located within your body or it’s in your mind, right? Where else could it be?

So for example, when “you” decide to go shopping do you say, “My body is going shopping now?” No, you say, “I’m going shopping now,” right? As though this “I” is some entity other than your body.

So this self is not located inside your body, would you agree?

Okay, so then is your “I” located inside your mind?

Well, think about it. You wouldn’t say, “I’m taking my mind shopping” either, would you? As though your thoughts are off to the mall? I’ll just leave my body home since that’s not me. No, you wouldn’t say that either.

And something else: don’t you say, “These are my thoughts” as though your “I” is in possession of them? Logic dictates that the possessor (your “I”) can’t also be the possessed (your thoughts) at the same time.

So if this self can’t be located in your mind either, then where is it? What are we to conclude?

It doesn’t really exist. It’s an idea, a name you ascribe to this collection of changing thoughts you call “me.” An insinuation.

But fear not. You do exist.

Just not in the fixed reality you thought you resided. You cannot point to this self because it’s nowhere to be found. Really, try to point to it right now.

So if your “I” is really just an “I”dea, then what would you do if you came up with a bad idea? Like say, a self that believed they were stuck in a day job?

You’d drop it right?

What’s the opposite of self-limiting beliefs?

Unlimited possibility.

Why not identify with that instead?

When I walked out of that class and began meditating on this concept over the following weeks and months, something eventually happened.

I didn’t view this job in the same way anymore. It’s not that I had any renewed passion for it. I didn’t. But I realized that all the years I’ve been in this field have not been for naught. It served my creativity in a way I never saw before.

I’ve been working in high end audio visual technologies with some of the wealthiest New Yorkers, living in these amazing spaces most only get to see on TV. Some are characters I could never invent in my wildest imagination. So the job has become the muse for a book I’ve been writing over the last few years now.

Writing has opened up a door and shown me new possibilities with my career. Suddenly people are asking to pay me for my writing.

An audience is building. A tiny voice says, “Keep going.” It’s the voice of a different self. One who knows it’s all going to work out.

There’s another premise in Buddhism called patient acceptance. You can’t force life to change. You create the conditions for change to come about. Then you accept that it will come when its time has ripened. Not before.

Maybe you can’t always change a situation by just snapping your fingers and making it go away. But you can change your perception of it.

Change your perception and you change the world.

Literally.

If you’re free to realize that this self is just an idea, then you’re also free to let go of those selves that don’t serve you because they don’t produce a positive perception of events.

You can learn to recognize them when they crop up. You can even have some fun and give them names. When they show up you can just say, “Take a hike, Larry (or Mary)!”

You’re free to see a seemingly difficult situation as a challenge instead—an opportunity to transform it into something positive.

And you’re free to watch with wonder what happens when you view each moment of your life in this way.

Freedom is yours when you let go of “you.”

Here’s to your freedom!

June 17, 2013
We Live Unbound: An Inspiring Video About What’s Possible

So much is possible, if we’re willing to believe it.

That doesn’t mean we have no limitations beyond the ones we set in our mind; simply believing that something is possible doesn’t guarantee it will happen. But it does create the possibility that it could.

That’s what makes us feel alive: taking bold action toward possibility, knowing that the goal isn’t to control what will happen tomorrow. It’s to create a sense of freedom as we choose what will happen today.

Are you living unbound?

June 7, 2013
50 Ways to Open Your World to New Possibilities

“To get something you never had, you have to do something you’ve never done.” ~Unknown

Maybe you feel stuck. Or bored. Or frustrated. It’s not that you don’t like the life you live, it’s just that you suspect there’s something more. Some greater sense of meaning or excitement. New connections. New adventures. New possibilities.

The truth is those possibilities are always within your reach. You may not be able to quit your job or develop new skills by osmosis, but every day contains within it countless opportunities, all dictated by the choices you make.

Some of those choices may seem inconsequential when you face them. They’re the little things, after all. Why not do it how you usually do? Why not stay in your comfort zone when it’s just so comfortable there?

Do it for the possibility. The possibility that if you make one minor change you may set the stage for major fulfillment. Sometimes even the smallest shift in thinking or doing can create the biggest opportunity. Here’s how to get started.

Get Out of Your Head

1. Challenge your beliefs about what you can and can’t do. Maybe you are a good leader. Maybe you can do hard things. Maybe you can change careers at your age.

2. Challenge your ideas about how things should work. Sometimes when you decide how things should be you limit your ability to be effective in the world as it actually is.

3. Have a vision session. Write in a journal, create a video, sketch—anything that lets you explore what excites you most.

4. Look for opportunities in a tough situation. Avoid a victim mentality and opt instead for a “ready for new beginnings” attitude.

5. Remove something from your life that doesn’t serve you to make room for something better and new. You never know what you might let in when you let something go.

6. Commit to something you always say you’ll do but always fail to start—and then take the first step right now.

7. Turn your focus from something don’t want to something you do want. This allows you to shift your energy from complaining to taking action.

8. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Positive energy creates positive results.

9. Identify the blocks that keep you from breaking a bad habit. Anytime you improve your habits, you pave the path for personal excellence.

10. Forgive someone if you’ve been holding a grudge. Removing that block will open you up where previously you’d shut down.

Get Out in the Open

11. Walk to work and open your eyes. You may find a gym you want to join or an organization where you’d like to volunteer.

12. Talk to someone while waiting in line and ask what they do. You don’t need to wait for a specified event to network.

13. Make an effort to connect with people you pass—smile and make eye contact for a little longer than usual. Being even slightly more open can open up your world.

14. Learn a new skill. Start taking piano lessons or karate classes.

15. Say yes to something you always talk yourself out of—sing karaoke or take a kickboxing class, even if you’re afraid of you’ll feel embarrassed.

16. Take a walking lunch. Walk around your neighborhood for a half-hour with no destination in mind, and then eat at your desk when you return. You never know what will happen when you get out without a plan.

17. Volunteer at your local animal shelter or ASPCA chapter.

18. Start something you always assumed it was too late to do. Take gymnastics, learn guitar. If it moves you, get started today. It’s never too late.

19. Take up urban foraging—the act of foraging for “free” fruits and vegetables around your city (where harvesting is sanctioned). According to worldchanging.com, “It saves money (free food!), it reduces waste (all that fruit isn’t rotting on the ground) and it builds community (…by forcing interaction between strangers…).”

20. Join an adventure club to try new activities, like white water rafting and rock climbing, and meet new people at the same time.

Get in with People

21. Offer to help someone else. Sometimes it’s the best way to help yourself, and not just for the warm fuzzy feeling it provides. You never know what you’ll learn through the process.

22. Carpool to work. This gives you a chance to get to know coworkers better—good for socialization, and possibly good for your career.

23. Compliment a stranger on something you notice. Everyone likes to be appreciated, and it’s a great way to start a conversation.

24. Take pictures of things you find interesting that other people might not notice. When you’re trying to frame the smiley face of leftover food on your plate, people will naturally want to ask what you’re doing. (I know this from experience).

25. Do something you enjoy alone. Go to a museum or read a book in the park. You’re more accessible when you’re not engulfed in a crowd, making it easier for new people to approach you.

26. Wear an interesting T-shirt, something funny or nostalgic. You likely won’t get through a day wearing a Gem or Alf shirt with at least one conversation with someone new!

27. Move one of your friends into a new pool. Take one from the “we keep things light and casual” pool into the “we share our dreams and confide each other” pool. Research shows people who have five or more close friends describe themselves as happy.

28. Bring enough lunch to share with other people at work—particularly childhood favorites. Nothing bonds like shared nostalgia.

29. Pay attention to other people’s body language and expressions so you can offer assistance when they seem to need it.

30. Help someone else get out of their comfort zone. You just may set the precedent that you challenge each other in your friendship.

Get Into Your Work

31. Show up a half-hour early or leave thirty minutes late. You’ll get more done, you may impress your boss, and you might open yourself up to opportunities for growth, particularly if your coworkers aren’t around.

32. Speak up in a meeting, even if you don’t feel confident or you’re afraid you’ll be embarrassed. Your ideas can only take shape if you put them out there.

33. Hold your meeting outside. People work and engage differently in new environments, particularly when they can feel sunlight on their faces.

34. Hold a meeting standing up. This will most likely make it shorter, meaning you’ll be more efficient and create more time to work on something else.

35. Create a business card that speaks to what really matters to you, like Meng Tan’s “jolly good fellow” card.

36. Start learning a new language. The more people you can communicate with, the more valuable you become, particularly for work that involves traveling abroad.

37. If you don’t work in your dream industry, volunteer within it. This allows you to be your purpose now, even though you don’t have the job; gain experience; and make valuable connections.

38. Find a mentor. Ask someone who does what you’d like to do for tips.

39. Attend a networking event or conference that’s big in your industry. Collect at least ten business cards, and follow up with emails the next day.

40. Consider one of these creative ways to turn everyday situations into opportunities.

Get Caught in the Web

41. Check the Craigslist Community section for activities, events, and classes—and then send at least three emails today. Don’t wait.

42. Start a group at Meetup.com to connect with like-minded people, or join one that already exists.

43. Ask on Twitter if anyone can offer you tips to move forward with your dream.

44. Learn to cook one tweet at a time. @cookbook tweets entire recipes and instructions in 140 characters each.

45. Learn how to do anything that interests you on eHow, Instructables, or wikiHow.

46. Have a “friend trade” day on Facebook. Introduce your friends to one of yours, and ask them to do the same.

47. If you blog, find other bloggers in your niche and email them to introduce yourself.

48. Search WeFollow.com to find the most influential people in your niche, then initiate contact them through Twitter or email.

49. Become a host on Airbnb if you have a room to rent; it’s a great way to meet new people and earn a little extra cash!

50. Join the TinyBuddha forums to seek help and help others who need it. (Or subscribe to tinybuddha.com for more tips to live out loud!)

There’s a lot of information here—way more than you can tackle all at once. But it’s more about quality than quantity. Even just one small change can have a ripple effect into every area of your life. Of course it’s up to you to decide what’s possible.

How do you open your world to new possibilities?

May 9, 2013
When Your Beliefs Hold You Back: Release Them to Avoid Regret
“Waking up to who you are requires letting go of who you imagine yourself to be.” ~lan Watts

Do you hear voices?

Even when you are alone, there is usually someone talking to you. And you hear them loud and clear.

Everyone has an internal dialogue going through their heads for a large part of the day. Just because you hear these “voices” it doesn’t mean you are crazy.

On the other hand, these voices can make you believe some crazy things.

Most of what these voices tell you is negative. And when you hear these negative things often enough, you come to believe them.

The worst part is that these voices speak to you in the first person, making you imagine that it’s actually your words:
- “I’ll never be able to lose weight. I just have a slow metabolism.”
- “Old/Bald/Fat people like me never find fulfilling relationships.”
- “I’m not the kind of person who can start my own business—people like me just get a ‘comfortable’ job.”
Underlying each of these statements are assumptions that restrain your behavior, or limiting beliefs. See if you can spot some.

For a long time, I thought I had to become a professional, like a doctor, lawyer, or accountant.

Since I was good at math, I decided to become an actuary. I was fairly content with this decision for a while.

But despite enjoying my 10-week internship, I felt like I couldn’t handle 40+ straight years of corporate work.

In my mind, however, it would have been a waste of my intelligence to do anything else that I wanted to do, such as writing. Plus, I craved the ego boost that comes from other people seeing me as intelligent.

So I applied for more actuarial jobs. And I got rejected from all of them.

While it certainly did hurt to get rejected, it forced me to choose another path for myself. (more…)
March 18, 2013
Leaving the Safety of Something Familiar When You Feel Scared

“To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest.” ~Pema Chodron

Winter is a time for hibernation, I told myself, drinking a second cup of coffee under the duvet, flicking absent-mindedly through old magazines and self-help books bought in a brief conviction that I wouldn’t begin another year reading in bed.

It seems perverse that, in the Northern Hemisphere at least, this time meant for reunion and resolution (neither of which is easy or straightforward) should occur in the darkest of seasons—when the sun barely even rises and the general inclination is to climb into a hole and only reemerge in spring.

This year I had returned home after a five-year absence, which had seemed longer. During that time, I had spent Christmases in random parts of Asia that, if listed, would sound romantic and exotic—temples, jungles, and mountains.

But that time had been largely marked by loneliness and bewilderment at why I always choose to be far from those I’m meant to be closest to.

Travel, in its constant offering up of newness and discovery, always seems to promise another chance at reinvention. Maybe this is in part why I do it, never having found a version of myself I’m comfortable enough to settle with.

And yet, once back in familiar surroundings and familiar relationships, it never takes long for this promise to fade and for old habits to reappear. Over the past weeks, I’ve had to keep checking photos, maps, postcards, just to remind myself that what had gone before was in fact something I lived, not merely a dream.

The previous three months I had been traveling, over-ambitiously combining Thailand, China, and India in an attempt to compensate for a year of teaching in a chaotic Asian city.

My intention had been to get myself out of the dysfunctional routine I had created while teaching—the six-day work-week, an addiction to HBO and my sofa, overreliance on a few good friends—and throw myself back into Life with a capital L.

Unfortunately, over the course of the year, I had learned to become a person suited to precisely such a routine, cutting off the part of myself that secretly wanted connection and community even as I hid away.

After all, old habits die hard. During the acute social phobias of my teens and twenties, I had become skilled at avoidance—often not stepping out onto a street for days on end—and while one of my tough-love strategies for overcoming the fear had been to start working as a teacher and traveling the world, it now became painfully clear that it was still there, still part of the baggage.

So now I was out of the nest all right, but once more I had completely forgotten how to fly. Learning how to travel again was beautiful, awful, and everything in between. (more…)

February 7, 2013
Realizing Your Dream: Stop Dwelling on “What Ifs”

“Excellence can be obtained if you care more than others think is wise, risk more than others think is safe, dream more than others think is practical, expect more than others think is possible.” ~Unknown

I think I always had an idea of what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I sort of tweaked it along the way. I knew I wanted to work in the field of science, but like most kids, I wasn’t exactly sure where I fit in.

When I was 10 years old, I wanted to be an astronaut. At the age of 14, I wanted to do absolutely anything for the United States Air Force (pilot, scientist, etc.). By the time I was 18 years old, I wanted to be a microbiologist.

When I finally did grow up, I found myself working in bars by night and a dead-end office job by day; this lasted for most of my 20s. Who was I to complain? I was making decent money, but I felt awfully unfulfilled.

I knew that I had what it takes to actually be a scientist, but I was not sure exactly how to get there. And for a moment, I thought it was too late.

My childhood family was not comprised of college-bound folks; there were both hard workers and slackers alike, but school was not considered to be important.

I was never pushed academically, and there were rarely any consequences for receiving bad grades. Also, like many families in the United States, mine was extremely dysfunctional.

I was actually quite an intelligent child. I comprehended the concepts that the instructors were teaching; I just did not care to pay attention. And why would I?

No one in my home valued education. Despite being able to understand science with my eyes shut, I struggled with mathematics because it’s hard to learn the subject when one is being rebellious. (more…)

January 3, 2013
There is No End Worse Than the End of Hope

“Kites rise highest against the wind, not with it.” ~Winston Churchill

We all fall down. And you’ve probably heard that getting back up is the key to moving forward.

But what do you do when disaster strikes? When a loved one is so injured, so debilitated, that hope seems to have vanished? What then?

This is a true story. It may be hard to believe and beyond what you may think is possible, but it actually happened.

It took place nearly thirty years ago.

Disaster

I picked up the blue referral sheet in the physical therapy office at Brackenridge Hospital in Austin, Texas one morning, like I always did.

Scribbled on the top of the page was a patient’s name and a room number in the Intensive Care Unit along with instructions: “Physical therapy – range of motion twice daily.” I was supposed to manually move the patient’s limbs and joints to maintain mobility.

As I walked into the room, I noticed that the patient was a young woman in her early twenties. I assumed that the people seated at her beside were her mother and father. The only sounds in the room were the pulsations of the ventilator, the intermittent beep from the IVs.

The young woman, I learned later from her medical file, had been strangled and left for dead. She suffered from anoxic encephalopathy—severe loss of oxygen to the brain.

She had few signs of life. Eyes shut. Body rigid. Non-responsive to touch. The family wanted my opinion and all I could say was that I would do everything I could to help. (more…)

November 4, 2012
The World Needs You to Come Alive

“Don’t ask what the world needs, ask what makes you come alive and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” ~Howard Thurman

Three years ago, I found myself in the biggest predicament of my life.

I had finally found what made me happy. I knew that travel ignited a part of me that otherwise lay dormant. The foreign sights, sounds, flavors, and language of a new country are what make my heart pound, my blood pump, and my soul bloom.

I love everything about traveling, and how it impacts my life: the Greek words I add to my vocabulary, the delicious cuisine of Morocco, the relaxed evenings in Italy. These are experiences that I want in my life.

Traveling makes me a better, more well-rounded person, and it makes me exquisitely happy—in a word, alive.

Travel was my dream—a massive, untouchable dream. A dream that didn’t involve multiple phone lines ringing, my cell phone buzzing, and my inbox flooding as a 40-hour workweek merged into 60 hours.

I compromised my dream because I was working—for a promotion, for validation, for the almighty dollar. Blindly contented in this role, I kept settling, assuring myself that the day would come when I could fulfill my desire to travel.

One day the Tiny Buddha weekly email arrived and “10 Questions to Ask Yourself before Giving Up on Your Dream,” by Lori Deschene, loomed out at me.

I read the questions and tried to defend my current life choices, but I wasn’t able to satisfy my own inquiring. I knew travel made me happy, and I couldn’t justify giving up on that.

The rest of the day I fought a battle between my head and heart. I knew the right choice, no matter how terrifying, was to follow my dreams.

Within a week, I bought a one-way ticket to Greece and started writing my 60-day notice for the office.

Naturally, I was scared. That crippling, nagging feeling came to sit with me—doubt. I doubted myself, my plan, and the decision to leave a great job in a bad economy.

When I put in my resignation, the General Manager did his best to discourage me, saying, “You’ll never get another chance like this… You think careers are just handed out? You’re making a mistake.” (more…)

October 10, 2012
40 Ways to Feel More Alive

“I don’t believe people are looking for the meaning of life as much as they are looking for the experience of being alive.” ~Joseph Campbell

As I write this, I am two hours away from my first weekly acting class in Los Angeles. I’ve been here for almost two years now, and though I loved community theater as a kid, I never so much as researched acting classes until a couple weeks back.

I frequently said I wanted to do it, along with painting classes, which I’m starting next week, but I always made excuses not to start either.

I was too busy. I didn’t have enough money. I didn’t have the time. I wouldn’t be good enough. I’d feel uncomfortable. I might not enjoy it. I don’t like commitment. It wouldn’t lead anywhere.

The list went on and on, but I realized the last two were the big ones for me. I chronically avoid commitment because I associate that with hindering my freedom. (What if I decide last-minute I want to go somewhere or do something else?)

Also, I hesitate to give large amounts of time to hobbies I have no intention of pursuing professionally.

I realized last month, however, that I want to prioritize more of the things that make me feel passionate and excited—and not just occasionally, but regularly.

I don’t know if these classes are “leading” anywhere. I just know I feel in love with the possibilities I’m creating—not possibilities for growth tomorrow; possibilities for joy today.

That’s what it means to really feel alive—to be so immersed in the passionate bliss of this moment that you don’t think about yesterday or tomorrow. You just enjoy what you’re doing and love every piece of it.

If you’re looking to feel that sense of exhilaration but don’t know where to start, you may find these ideas helpful: (more…)

August 12, 2012
When You Fear Making the “Wrong” Decision

“Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” ~Pema Chodron

For the past three weeks, I’ve been trying to decide whether or not to move to Korea for a year. Some days I’ve completely made up my mind to take the trip. I get excited about teaching myself Korean and spend hours and hours online learning about the culture.

Other days, I’m an emotional wreck, terrified that I’m making the wrong decision.

What if I get homesick? What if I’m supposed to be doing something else? What if I don’t like kimchi? What if? What if? What if?

And then there are those days where my mind resists all attempts to make any kind of decision at all. I’m immobilized, unable to push through the debilitating fear.

Being the self-reflective (over-analyzer) type that I am, I decided to dig deep within myself to find the root of this pesky little emotion that has been sabotaging my efforts to move forward, or in any direction, for that matter.

I realized that the issue isn’t about being afraid to go to Korea. The real issue is that I have an overall fear of making the “wrong” decisions in my life.

Interestingly enough, I also realized that this brand of fear directly coincides with my decision to live a more purposeful and spiritually centered life.

(Record stops.)

Huh? I embarked upon this journey hoping to find inner peace, bliss, rainbows, and unicorns, and I actually seem to be experiencing more negative emotions than before. Seems counter-intuitive, right?

Not exactly. (more…)

July 16, 2012
5 Ways to Let Go of Limited Thinking and Create a Limitless Life

“The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.” ~Albert Einstein

As so often happens when I go on vacation, valuable insights come in unexpected ways. It happened again during a recent fly-fishing trip (through Fly Fishing for the Mind) with my adult son, Brandon, to the Sian Ka’an Biosphere, a government protected nature and wildlife reserve at the eastern tip of Mexico.

I got in touch with a major difference in Brandon’s and my thought patterns. Brandon thinks expansively about life’s possibilities—particularly those involving fun and adventure. His typical mind-set is “Let’s do it” and “This will be a lot of fun.”

I, on the other hand, tend to think restrictively, like “If we do this, then we can’t do that” and “That’s not what’s been planned.”

Had I followed my limited thinking during the trip, I would have missed out on some great fun and highly rewarding experiences. Let me share two of them with you.

An Enlightening Visit to a Remote Mayan Fishing Village and a Lobster Feast

On the second day of the trip, twelve of us (in three small motor boats) took a half-day eco- our. We were entertained by sea turtles and dolphins during the first part of the tour. Snorkeling at the second-largest barrier reef in the world was scheduled for the last hour of the tour.

While motoring to the barrier reef, we approached a primitive wood bridge that led to the small fishing village of Punta Allen, where our guides lived. Brandon asked our guide whether the village fishermen caught lobster. When the guide nodded yes, Brandon enthusiastically proposed, “Let’s go buy some lobsters and take them back to our lodge for dinner.”

The first words out of my mouth were, “If we do that, we won’t be able to go snorkeling.”

“Why?” Brandon asked.

Before I could respond, the two others in our boat also expressed interest in visiting the village and buying lobster, and those in the other boats quickly followed suit.

What followed was a delightful visit to Punta Allen, an unspoiled Caribbean paradise, in which we engaged with the locals and experienced their simple, uncomplicated lifestyle.

And despite my concerns, the guides gladly extended our tour so we could also go snorkeling! (more…)

June 14, 2012
5 Tips to Achieve Your Goals Despite the Odds

“Excellence can be obtained if you care more than others think is wise, risk more than others think is safe, dream more than others think is practical, expect more than others think is possible.” ~Unknown

After several excruciatingly painful and profoundly frightening years of undiagnosed symptoms, I was diagnosed with a “progressive and incurable” neurological disease, Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy/Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (RSD/CRPS). It’s characterized by unrelenting pain that is disproportionate to the inciting event, usually an injury or trauma.

As luck would have it I was diagnosed and, shortly after, hospitalized for the first of three times, just as I was accepted into a Master’s program for clinical social work.

I always saw myself obtaining a Master’s Degree and a Ph.D., but how would I accomplish these grueling and seemingly impossible tasks if I could barely stand up long enough to brush my teeth on a cocktail of the most potent narcotics available?

I didn’t have the answer to this question, and a flood of fear and doubt rose up within me like a tsunami crashing onto the shore, drowning hope and destroying all of the life in its path.

I pushed onward despite overwhelming feelings of fear and medical professionals suggesting that I should quit graduate school and go on disability.

That was three years ago, and now I have a Master’s Degree in clinical social work (MSW) and a professional license to boot (LSW). Not to mention, I no longer take any medication for the RSD/CRPS thanks to coffee enemas, a vegan diet (heavy on the fresh, organic fruit and vegetable juices), and a will and desperation to be healthy.* (more…)

February 29, 2012
Every Great Dream Begins with a Dreamer

“Don’t let today’s disappointments cast a shadow on tomorrow’s dreams.” ~Unknown

As a little kid I liked to dream—big, whether it was believing my red-Huffy bicycle would one day turn into a Transformer or convincing myself that as an adult I’d be spending much of my time in Hollywood hosting “The Price is Right.” As I said, I liked to dream big. I still do sometimes.

If we think back to our childhood, we all can remember a time when our dreams didn’t seem that far away from us.

I remember spending countless hours in my basement pretending I was a rock star on my make believe stage. There I’d be holding my microphone (nothing more than the cardboard tube from the paper towel roll) belting out song after song from a collection of 45’s.

Truthfully I never really did sing as much as I bounced around like other rockers I saw on television. Yet I still believed there was always a chance that one day I’d be singing on stage with the best of them.

Well, puberty fixed that for me. And while my wife believes my voice isn’t half bad, I couldn’t really carry a tune if it had handles on it. Though I still like to pretend when I sing along with the car radio—windows closed of course.

Whether you’re a kid or an adult I guess there’s never really a shortage of big dreams in this world. Why should there be?

I mean what’s the harm for a young ball player to dream that one day he’ll hit the most homeruns of any major league baseball player or the high school actress who fantasizes about having her name on a Broadway marquee?

And what about the frustrated adult who dreams of a career that inspires their heart and soul rather than simply pays their bills? (more…)

February 12, 2012
3 Lies to Eliminate to Start Living Up to Your Potential

“And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” ~Abraham Lincoln

I used to think that I would motivate myself to really live up to my full potential by reminding myself how much I wasn’t.

Well, that didn’t work.

Not that I didn’t get any results from chanting “You are so not living up to your full potential!” while getting out of bed, driving to work, doing the dishes, and combing my hair. Any time was a great time to remind myself. So I didn’t waste a second doing just that.

And I got results. Only not the ones I expected.

I became an expert on mindlessly browsing the web. I became an expert on constantly comparing myself to other people. I became an expert on feeling stuck. I became an expert on driving myself crazy with my non-stop “you are so stuck” chatter in my mind.

I felt drained, stuck, and low on energy; these were my daily companions.

So it shouldn’t be any wonder I grew less and less fond of my so-called motivational mantra that was doing anything but, well, motivating.

I’ve realized that living up to our full potential starts with eliminating three big lies: (more…)

February 8, 2012
The Fear of Change or the Thrill of Something New?

“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” ~Andre Gide

I’ve lived in Virginia all my life. Pretty much all that I remember at least.

I was a young boy when my parents moved here from Long Island, New York—away from much of our family—because life in the place they had grown up just didn’t provide the opportunities necessary to support a family of six.

Since then, nearly my entire extended family has followed—most of my aunts and uncles, and their children, and their children. And though they may live in Virginia, these older family members remain New Yorkers.

You hear it in their voices, in their attitudes. You see it in the Yankee hats and the Giants jerseys. They’re so “New York” in fact, that I often jokingly call them Virginian just to watch the comically disgusted looks on their faces.

I’m evil. I know…

And though I myself go back to New York all the time and do enjoy it, I’m just not one of them.

I am not a New Yorker. And though my family may secretly cringe at the thought, it’s true.

I love Virginia. I love it.

I think it’s the most beautiful place. I love all the hills, and the creeks, and the forests. I love how I’m a short drive from bustling young cities around DC and rustic old farms down south. I love how nearly every road has a sign marking some long-forgotten event of the Civil War.

I love the old split-rail fences that frame the historic houses. I love imagining that these forests were once walked by Indians and settlers, Confederates and Unionists.

I was educated here at a university founded by Thomas Jefferson. I graduated on the lawn where he once walked. I lived there on land that was once owned and farmed by James Madison.

This place is so perfect to me, and I love it.

So, Long Island?

Yeesh.

It’s just some place to me—known more in my memory for the countless old car dealerships, and the endless delis, and the fact that no matter how long it’s been since I’ve been there last, it never seems to change at all, as if it’s perpetually 1985.

It’s like people never move there. They only ever move out. (more…)

January 2, 2012