Tiny Buddha

Tag: pleasure

  • How I Found the Secret to Happiness in the Jungle

    How I Found the Secret to Happiness in the Jungle

    “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” ~Mahatma Gandhi

    I’d like to bring it one step further and say, “Happiness is when what you feel, what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”

    Some people may argue that there is no need to add in “what you feel,” but I think there is. There is a difference between feeling and thinking.

    For example, I thought I wanted to be a travel writer, I said I was going to be a travel writer, and I did travel writing. By definition I should have been happy. But I wasn’t.

    Deep down I didn’t really want to be a travel writer, and my heart knew it. I liked writing and I liked traveling, and my thinking brain put the two together to come up with a career.

    Last October I flew to Mexico with three of my best mates. I had a writing gig in my back pocket and I also had my own personal blog, which I planned to keep updated. We would be spending three months traveling from Mexico all the way to Costa Rica, so I was sure to have plenty of material to write about.

    But only two weeks into the trip, I realized I didn’t like having to write about my travels, especially while I was still traveling. I much preferred immersing myself in the experiences rather than having to constantly step back from them to analyze each experience and write about it.

    It felt forced and unnatural. There was too much structure and not enough time to let thoughts simmer in my mind in order to make distinct connections. Another downside was that I would need to spend time alone in cafés each morning to write.

    This often led me to miss out on other great things that my friends were doing. While we were in Guatemala, I even missed the chance to see a jaguar in a local sanctuary, one sight I had been really hoping to experience.

    I soon gave up on travel writing and any efforts at blogging while I was traveling. I knew there would be plenty of time to write when I got home after I had time to digest it all.

    I realized that just because something makes sense in my head, doesn’t mean it’s what my heart truly wants. Deep down I feel like I knew I wouldn’t enjoy much of the hidden aspects of travel writing. But my head outplayed my heart’s instinct and only showed me the upsides and possibilities.

    So in order to be truly happy you must have harmony with what you feel in your heart, not just your head. Your heart must be aligned with your thoughts, words, and actions. And the heart should be the one that initiates the rest. Thoughts, words, and actions should follow what you feel in your heart.

    Maybe Gandhi implied this in his quote, but I feel it necessary to say it explicitly. The world we live in today can get muddled and complex, so having a guiding mantra that is specific can help direct us.

    The Call to Return Home

    Earlier this year I returned home to Ireland after spending a total of two years and three months traveling. While I was away, I spent plenty of time tapping into what my heart truly wanted for my future.

    There were moments where I wondered if I even wanted to return home. I thought about continuing the traveling lifestyle, seeing the whole world. I could work odd jobs when I needed more cash.

    When I think about it, I’m sure I would’ve been able to enjoy myself if I continued traveling. But the reason I didn’t choose it is because my heart wasn’t in it. My heart was yearning for that return home to Ireland.

    I was eager to return to my family and get started with my mission to reimagine Ireland’s education system. I believe education should empower young people to find love, joy, and fulfilment in their lives, not just prepare them for a limited number of careers.

    When My Calling Was Blinded by Pleasure

    There were many moments on my travels where I got caught up in the fun of drinking with good friends and I wondered if I really did want to go home to pursue this mission. One particularly memorable moment was when I was volunteering in the Treehouse hostel in Nicaragua.

    As I sat overlooking the jungle canopy, sipping on a cold beer after one of our wild jungle rave parties, I watched the morning sun pierce through the trees. I felt its warmth sooth my face, and any worries about the future were washed away as the refreshing beer slid down my throat. Tropical house music gently bounced from the speakers, and I was surrounded by friends who were all chatting and laughing.

    This is paradise, I thought. Why would I leave? Why put all my efforts into something that wasn’t guaranteed to give me immediate joy?

    I didn’t owe it to anyone to reimagine Ireland’s schools. Why not just live a carefree lifestyle, traveling to new places and finding new groups of friends to drink with and beautiful girls to chase?

    Seeing Things Clearly 

    Looking back now, I realize the endorphins rushing through my body were tricking me into believing I needed to seek more instant pleasures like these and forgo my grander visions. But once I sobered up and the newly made friends and beautiful girls disappeared, those feelings of joy wore off, only to be replaced with a profound feeling of emptiness.

    Deep down I yearned for real connection and a sense of purpose. Something I knew could only be found in a great love or a great mission.

    The freedom I felt in the jungle was euphoric, but I knew that it couldn’t be sustained. There was a fire in my belly that couldn’t be ignored. Moments of pleasure could dim the flame for a while, but they could never put out that spark that was pushing me to do something more.

    Don’t get me wrong, I really enjoyed my travels. I indulged in many pleasures and had a great time while doing it. I had lots of amazing experiences, met tons of great people, and learned countless lessons along the way.

    I’ve experienced the most blissful peace on top of mountains and the most painful loneliness at the bottom of them. My time spent traveling was an important part of my journey through life. One that I’ll always remember and always be grateful for.

    However, I knew that making the pursuit of pleasure my aim in life was dangerous. It was always destined to lead to a life of addiction and misery. I’m aware pleasure can bring me joy and satisfaction in the moment, but I also know those feelings never last.

    Where True Happiness Exists

    I am not saying I am giving up pleasure altogether, I still love drinking and things like sex and nice food are great too! I’m just putting my heart’s mission in front of my mind’s pleasure pursuit. My mission is what will bring me lasting joy and fulfilment.

    My casual indulgences in pleasures will simply bring me all I expect from them. Momentary pleasure.

    I urge people to experience the fullness of life through travel. Try the things you’ve always dreamed of trying. Indulge in pleasures and enjoy them in the moment. Just remember that the joy they bring will not last forever.

    Lasting joy and fulfillment must come from within. When you are living in line with what your heart believes is right. When what you think, say, and do is in harmony with what you feel. Pursue that great love or that great mission when they ignite inside. When you do, you won’t need to seek happiness. Happiness will find you.

  • How Pain Can Lead to Pleasure and Why We Should Embrace It

    How Pain Can Lead to Pleasure and Why We Should Embrace It

    “The pain you feel today will be the strength you feel tomorrow.” ~Unknown

    We all hate to suffer, and avoid suffering at all costs. I’ve gone through great lengths to avoid discomfort, pain, and sorrow.

    I stayed with the wrong people to avoid the suffering of letting go; I indulged in tasty, fatty snacks to avoid the suffering of not eating them; and I smoked a pack of cigarettes a day to avoid the suffering involved with quitting.

    I stayed in bed for longer than I should to avoid the discomfort of waking up when I needed to. I didn’t exercise to avoid the misery of running and doing pull ups, even though being unhealthy causes a lot more pain. And I avoided the aching uncertainty by staying within my comfort zone instead of going into the unknown.

    Oh, yes! I’ve avoided hardship in so many ways; however, this constant avoidance of temporary distress led to a postponed agony and never-ending pain.

    My life was out of my own control because of this constant avoidance of suffering. I found temporary pleasure in cigarettes, alcohol, sleep, chocolate, procrastination, and T.V. And so I tried to constantly numb myself with these external pacifiers to keep myself from doing and thinking.

    I didn’t want to think; I didn’t want to face my inner demons because I knew that would bring an even bigger amount of pain. It was like a Band-Aid that I didn’t want to rip off, and so I was slowly taking it off and putting it back on.

    I was miserable most of the time, even while I smoked a cigarette with a glass of wine, but at least they numbed the pain. They made my time endurable but not enjoyable.

    I had a never-ending list of things, errands, and problems that needed addressing, but that I kept postponing. Procrastination is the mother of instant gratification and long-term suffering.

    My life was far away from what I had hoped for or wished for, and there was no one to blame but myself.

    I needed to suffer. I needed to suffer for the right reasons and in the right direction. I needed a temporary amount of suffering so I could have a more durable amount of happiness.

    I needed to feel tired and get things done, I needed to crave that chocolate and not eat it, I needed the suffering of nicotine withdrawal, and I needed to look deep inside myself and suffer so I could fix what was broken.

    I needed to stop fearing the pain and embrace it as part of the battle to achieve something greater, something better.

    Suffering is not bad if you know what your suffering is worth.

    I remember when I told a swami, “I don’t know how to quit the things and people who are bad for me, because it causes me pain to let them go.”

    He replied, “Yes, it might cause you pain, and so what? You suffer a little bit and you gain so much more in return; you avoid greater suffering in the future from getting lung cancer, becoming an alcoholic, getting treated badly, losing your job, etc. Don’t fear suffering if you’re doing it for the right reasons.”

    Nothing ever gets done without a little bit of pain.

    And this is all right. When I pushed myself to what I thought was my limit, I realized that it is limitless on the other side of pain.

    A wise man once told me “Pain is just part of the process of commitment. Nothing ever gets done without a little bit of pain. And when you see the result the pain is gone.”

    Change Your Perception About Suffering

    Pain, discomfort, and displeasure. They’re negative emotions and feelings we need to avoid, right? Not always. It is this precise perception I had toward suffering that kept me enslaved to many things.

    That painful moment when my alarm clock shouted at me to wake up, with my eyes still closed, my head spinning from the glasses of wine I had drank the previous night, my lungs burning from all the cigarettes I had smoked and my heart empty of satisfaction.

    For those few hours of fun, five, maybe six hours of “pleasure,” I had to endure sixteen hours of pain, and this was just the tip of the iceberg.

    Of course, how could I endure the displeasure of not drinking and partying on a Saturday night? “Who cares about tomorrow?” I would think. This is the clearest example of instant gratification and long-term suffering.

    Sometimes we indulge in things that are bad for us only to experience a short amount of pleasure, overlooking the long-term effect.

    Enduring short-term suffering can bring on a greater amount of long-term happiness and pleasure. When things get done, when I wake up at 5:30 in the morning and meditate, exercising and fitting into my clothes, freeing myself from abusive people, when I wake up with a clear head and no hangover. And so, suffering becomes pleasurable.

    Slowly, with one foot after the other, I push myself to long-term happiness. Sometimes I give a step back but always remembering the sweet pleasure that suffering can bring me if only I decide to ache for the right reasons.

  • 10 Ways to Enjoy More: What’s Your Guilty Pleasure?

    10 Ways to Enjoy More: What’s Your Guilty Pleasure?

    “Happiness consists of living each day as if it were the first day of your honeymoon and the last day of your vacation.” ~Leo Tolstoy

    For as long as I can remember, I’ve had an epic list of guilty pleasures.

    As a young girl, my top three guilty pleasures included dressing up and dancing in my living room to Madonna (“Annnnd…VOGUE!”), watching over-the-top nighttime dramas with my mom over bowls of Breyer’s vanilla ice cream (“Kevin…I’m pregnant! And you’re not the father!”), and penning addictive, soap-opera-worthy novellas about the kids in my fifth grade class (they’d line up and beg for the next chapter).

    I found so much joy and fulfillment in those activities. And while I jokingly call them “guilty pleasures,” I never felt a single pang of remorse.

    As a grown-up girl, my guilty pleasures follow a similar strain: booty-shaking hip-hop classes, binge-watching Game of Thrones, and eating anything with the words “chocolate” and “peanut butter” (or both).

    Oh, and I’m penning a screenplay that’s one-part erotic paranormal romance, and one-part political thriller. (Obviously.)

    Clearly, I’ve got a lifelong passion for guilty pleasures—and I’m fascinated by how our bodies respond to our favorite ones.

    How our boundaries dissolve. How our curiosity ignites. How we find ourselves with an insatiable need to indulge (NOW!) before we explode with anticipation. (If you’re hopelessly addicted to any juicy TV series, you know what I’m talking about.)

    Guilty pleasures are exhilarating, and there’s no denying that they bring oodles of fun to our lives.

    So, why don’t we indulge in these pleasures more often?

    I believe the word “guilty” may be the culprit. For some of us, it’s hard to even say the phrase “guilty pleasure” without feeling a prickle of shame.

    And that semantic buzz kill needs a definition makeover.

    I’ve decided to re-define the term “guilty pleasure” as something that ignites and electrifies you in a way that should be totally illegal, but isn’t. It’s something you should enjoy every day, with wild abandon. It doesn’t (necessarily) have to be unhealthy or calorie-laden, but it’s got to feel decadent.

    Now that you have complete permission to pursue your most electrifying passions, here’s a peek at 10 ways you can make your whole life feel like one big guilty pleasure.

    Go ahead—indulge.

    1. Schedule daily guilty pleasure breaks.

    No more guilt means no more excuses to avoid partaking in your favorite pleasures.

    You now have full permission to take a break from work and read that enticing gossip blog, catch up on the latest season of your favorite show, or revel in a romance novel (or audio-book—who’s gonna know?) and savor it while pumping away on the elliptical machine.

    2. Spice up boring to-dos.

    Loathe folding laundry? Detest doing the dishes? Crying into Quicken? Crank up the music that makes you grin like a goofball (classic Justin Timberlake, anyone?) and shimmy while doing your chores. Even Gwyneth Paltrow rocks 90s hip hop while cooking her uber-healthy, organic meals.

    3.  Create guilty pleasure play dates.

    Stuck in an “activity rut” with your significant other, family, and friends? Instead of dinner at “the usual place,” infuse your favorite guilty pleasures into your play dates. Get creative: host an at-home triathlon (video game competition, quickie card game, or a cupcake-eating contest!) or take a guided ghost tour of haunted historical buildings in your city. Spooky!

    4. Just giggle.

    Nothing lowers stress like a good chuckle. Create a giggle bank of hilarious YouTube videos (the boys from Saturday Night Live + T-Pain = win!), Awkward Family Photos, and hilarious blog posts (The Bloggess never fails). Get yourself in stitches, daily.

    5. Try something brand new.

    For an instant boost of pleasure and adrenaline, try something you’ve never done before, but always fantasized about. Channel your inner Gustav Klimt at a nude figure-drawing class (Dr. Sketchy’s Anti-Art School is always a delight!), find your local Ultimate Frisbee League, or try an aerial yoga class.

    Give yourself permission, and enjoy every clumsy attempt. You may spark a new lifelong hobby!

    6.  Do a tedium detox.

    This kind of “detox” isn’t about gulping kale-infused liquids. It’s about clearing out everything that’s tired, tedious, and boring.

    Rummage through your closet and get rid of anything that doesn’t make you feel like a million bucks. Donate old books you’re never going to read, toss stale ingredients that hog your cabinets, and chuck dusty relics that make your home feel like a cluttered mess.

    Once you cleanse the un-pleasurable, fill those spaces with items that delight and inspire. (Or, just leave some empty space. Ahhhh.)

    7. Try on a new character.

    Ever wish you were a Sherlock Holmes-worthy super spy? Or an adorkable hipster like Zooey Deschanel? A head-turning hunk, or traffic-stopping bombshell?

    Instead of throwing on your usual “uniform” in the morning, try dressing like your alter-ago—and live out your day as this new character. This could mean a little harmless flirting with the local barista, strolling through the city in a bright sundress with a parasol, or jotting down secret notes as you observe passersby, at an outdoor cafe.

    8. Make pampering a priority.

    Ladies, remember how much fun it was to play with scented lotions, glittery nail polish, and cake-batter-flavored lip gloss when you were a tween?

    Primping and pampering yourself is (still) absolutely essential. Bring back the joy with a quickie 10-minute scalp massage, a mini-pedicure, or a pre-bedtime back rub from your partner. To keep it simple, just take a few extra moments in the shower to lather up and let your mind wander. Completely cathartic.

    9. Keep conversations centered on pleasure.

    I once read—in a glossy magazine, of course—that the French find it rude to discuss work, religion, or politics at dinner parties, and focus their banter on movies, art, and music. Infuse every conversation with joie de vivre by asking, “So, what are your favorite guilty pleasures?”

    You can enjoy a conversation with anyone if you shift the conversation to pleasure.

    10. Build a guilty pleasure emergency kit.

    If you suffer from excruciating headaches, you probably tote a mini-emergency kit around in your handbag or briefcase. Why not build a Guilty Pleasure Emergency Kit for a mood-boosting pick-me-up?

    Put together a bundle of scintillating magazines, juicy novels, caramel-laced chocolate (or whatever floats your pleasure-boat) and label it “For Emergency Use Only.”

    Of course, you may find yourself “inventing” a dire emergency (“What?! The post office is closed on Sundays?!”) just to give yourself a reason to indulge. And that’s just fine.

    It’ll be our delicious little secret.