Tag: perfection

  • 8 Ways We Block Our Creativity and Keep Ourselves Stuck

    8 Ways We Block Our Creativity and Keep Ourselves Stuck

    “Accept your past without regret, handle your present with confidence, and face your future without fear.” ~Unknown

    I have always considered myself a creative person, and formerly, I didn’t put much attention or energy into where  inspiration came from.

    There was a time when I had just started writing copy, designing, printing, and hand-painting T-shirts. Having worked on a few creative ventures before then, I felt that this time things were different.

    I urgently and passionately worked into the early mornings, designing and putting ideas and concepts on paper, afraid that I would lose the inspiration. Dramatic as it may sound, this was my first brush with raw creative inspiration and the waves of delight and despair it makes you ride.

    Fast-forward many years later, I had gotten myself gradually into a non-creative nine-to-five job. I began wondering why I didn’t feel as inspired to create.

    These last few years have been an attempt to reconnect with creative inspiration. I have always been interested in writing and the power and magic of words. I strongly feel like there is a writer within me who is waiting to unleash his creativity.

    As I turn the clock back, I reflect over how I blocked my own creativity—what thoughts, beliefs, and excuses got in the way. If you’re also feeling stuck, some of these may be holding you back:

    1. I am not an expert and I don’t feel ready.

    This is the most fundamental level at which we block ourselves from using our creative powers. We tell ourselves that we’re not ready, and we believe we need to learn more before we can begin.

    We may never feel completely ready, but we’ll feel a lot better and a lot more confident after we allow ourselves to take action.

    2. I don’t believe in myself.

    Have you ever met someone who was talented but chose to remain a wallflower in their own life because they didn’t believe they were?

    I remember the time I stood in front of fifty students to teach biology. Before the class, I’d looked at myself in the mirror, nervous and unsure if I would be received well. I looked squarely into my eyes and reconnected with a sense of deep belief that I was good enough for the task.

    As a result, I felt authentic and allowed myself to be a vehicle of expression to others.

    Since that day, I’ve incorporated many creative techniques in my teaching methods. Instead of just lecturing, I tell stories, use models, and engage my students in hands-on activities.

    3. It’s not the right time.

    Time is a wonderful excuse to put off that dream project because we always think we’ll be better prepared or have more time later. But every time I’ve asked myself if I could carve out some time for my creative dreams, the answer has been a resounding “yes,” because I know it’s a worthy, fulfilling, and rewarding experience, and that I need to make time.

    4. It’s not perfect: analysis paralysis.

    Perfectionism can kill creativity. You wear yourself thin by assuming something isn’t good enough, and you get stuck in analysis.

    I have endlessly analyzed the merits and demerits of a creative venture, never quite going past that stage—never taking any real action to make it happen.

    We create standards for perfectionism based on our beliefs, and think that we don’t measure up. This becomes a self-limiting experience. When we realize we’re the ones setting the high standards, we have the choice to accept imperfection and become free to express our creativity.

    5. I feel overwhelmed.

    Having too much on your plate can push you into overwhelm mode, and everything feels like a crisis. How can you create if you don’t know where to begin?

    Whenever I feel like this, I take the time to unwind, breathe, and slow down. I clean my space, de-clutter my surroundings, and put things back to where they belong. I allow myself to take a break, relax, and do what I enjoy.

    I’ve realized that we were not designed to be on “go” mode all the time; doing too much makes us feel like hamsters spinning on a wheel. I’ve made the choice to step off. The solution is to take small steps!

    6. I’m afraid of failure.

    As a society, we are mortally afraid of failing and looking bad. Success and the quest for the better life are deeply programmed in us. We don’t always learn to fail, brush off, and move on, and we don’t accept that failure is not only probable, but also inevitable.

    I learned the lesson of failure when I began working in a laboratory setting. In science research, much of what you do on a daily basis fails. These failures become stepping stones for what finally works.

    7. I feel uncertain and don’t know what to do next.

    How many times have you felt uncertain and unwilling to do something new, and therefore became stuck?

    When we realize that uncertainty is just a step in the creative process, we can begin to feel at ease with it and focus on moving forward.

    8. I’m dwelling on the past and blocking my creative energy in the present.

    When I was angry, I told myself stories about how everyone else was to blame for my problems—how I had it difficult and why no one understood or cared.

    Now I realize that by being caught up in my stories, I stunted my creative growth. Instead of using the energy of anger and my stories as an impetus to create more, I just let it waste away.

    When ancient stories and programs bubble up, I do some acceptance and forgiveness work. I allow the emotions to come up and then I thank them and ask what can I learn from them. I then choose to forgive and let go. This frees up my energy to create more in my present.

    What blocks your creativity, and are you ready to get unblocked?

  • Start Building Confidence in Yourself Without Trying to Be Perfect

    Start Building Confidence in Yourself Without Trying to Be Perfect

    Screen shot 2013-02-19 at 5.57.23 PM

    “The outer conditions of a person’s life will always be found to reflect their inner beliefs.” ~James Allen

    I know now that I don’t have to be perfect. I don’t even have to try to be perfect. I used to think that things did not come to me because I did not try hard enough. Not true!

    The truth was, I was sabotaging myself.

    In college in Switzerland, instead of going to that school event or even answering the people who tried to talk to me, I shut myself down and ignored people.

    I was afraid of being rejected so I rejected life first. I did not think that I had anything to offer the world. I wasted a tremendous opportunity to see that world and meet unique people.

    It was only when I graduated that I realized that everything I wanted was knocking at my door, and I was choosing not to answer. Then I knew I had to change.

    I had to find something to believe in—and I was that something. I also ultimately had to forgive myself for repressing myself for so long. This is a journey that I am still on.

    I destroyed my early journals, wrought with misdirected messages, but writing once again became my resolve. A chance reading of a book on Zen changed my outlook as I began to meditate and calm my mind.

    Meditation is so powerful; it allows you to embody you, as you are. You see and feel yourself, and know deep down that you are alright. From that place of peace you can find the seeds of change.

    From there I started to build my life. I joined an amateur theater company, found a job I loved, got into and finished graduate school, and began to write on a new blog. Now I have to the bravery of self-reflection, the support of friends around the world, and the beginnings of my PhD in Humanities.

    I am far from perfect, but I am happy. (more…)

  • 3 Tips to Escape the Perfectionism Trap and Feel Good Enough

    3 Tips to Escape the Perfectionism Trap and Feel Good Enough

    Looking Down

    “I have done my best. That is all the philosophy of living one needs.” ~Lin-yutang

    Perfectionism—the word brings to mind images of order and organization, of effectiveness and efficiency. This is what society expects from a “perfectionist,” and this is what is projected as desirable and attainable. There is an aspirational value to being a “perfectionist.”

    Many people believe that perfectionistic tendencies motivate people to do their best and achieve their goals.

    However, I can vouch for the fact that it actually feels like being caught in a trap. There is a feeling of suffocation and dread at not being able to escape. The joy of living is sucked out leaving one feeling inadequate and incompetent all the time.

    I don’t remember how or when I fell into the trap. All I know is that I have suffered the pain of trying to be the perfect daughter, the perfect student, the perfect sister, the perfect friend, so on and so forth.

    And I remember the exact moment when I realized I was trapped.

    It was when I was fifteen and in the tenth grade. In India, the tenth grade examinations are considered extremely important. These are the examinations that would decide whether or not I got into a college of my choice.

    I always did well academically, and needless to say there were expectations from those around me to perform well in these exams. I had to live up to these expectations—or so I thought.

    That thought was enough to drive me into what was unarguably the darkest period of my life. As a teenager I was already dealing with issues of body image, being bullied, and trying to make friends. Added to this mix, my desire to excel academically pushed me over the edge.

    I cried myself to sleep. I had suicidal thoughts. I wanted to run away from home.

    I rebelled against my parents. I magnified even the smallest of my mistakes and obsessed over imagined flaws in my personality. I simply wasn’t good enough. 

    I was constantly depressed and wouldn’t tell anyone why. This worried my parents, especially my mother. She took me to see a guru she trusted in the hope that maybe he could help me.

    The guru, a kind and wise man, just asked me one question. (more…)

  • Loving Your Whole Body, Even the Jiggly Parts

    Loving Your Whole Body, Even the Jiggly Parts

    “When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.” ~Miguel Ruiz

    When I was in fifth grade, the boy who shared the desk next to me said that I had a “roller coaster nose.”

    At that age when things were starting to sprout from places I didn’t know things could sprout, and everyone’s watching each other develop under the microscope of pre-pubescent angst, that little comment sent me into a 10-year-old tailspin.

    I would spend hours examining my nose from every angle in the mirror, only to affirm that indeed I’d been cursed with a roller coaster schnoz. I even stole clothespins from my mom’s sewing kit and would use them to pinch the lower spot of my nose in an attempt to get it even with the higher part.

    So how did I get over this ridiculousness and get onto loving all my parts? As a budding singer, I latched onto Barbra Streisand who refused to have rhinoplasty because it would ruin the sound of her voice.

    Years later, I would find inspiration in the ample-billed Jessica Simpson who once claimed her favorite body part was her crooked nose because it made her stand out from all the other blondes in showbiz. Cheesy, yes, but that is what got me on my road to healing that fifth grade wound.

    Over the years I’ve had to process the hating of many body parts—nose, thighs, butt, teeth, even my dang pinkie toe. Someone once dubbed it “The Beast.” Here are some of the steps that got me to love all the bumps, wrinkles, juicy and jiggly parts:

    1. Make a list of all the wonderful things each body part allows you do.

    My thighs have climbed the Great Wall and danced across stages all over the world. My nose has given me the most wonderful olfactory memories, like my grandmother’s cooking and the hardwood floors of my first grade classroom. My mouth has kissed, sang, grinned, and puckered. What wonderful things have your many parts done? (more…)

  • Stop Overextending Yourself to Please Others: 6 Simple Tips

    Stop Overextending Yourself to Please Others: 6 Simple Tips

    “Sometimes the wrong choices bring us to the right places.” ~Unknown

    In a span of one month, my beloved little red Toyota catches on fire, burning to a molten blob; I land in the emergency room with a ruptured disc after lifting a child out of her wheelchair; and I try a do-it-yourself hair highlighting kit, which leaves me looking, well, think Phyllis Diller.

    I feel confused. I have tried so hard to do all the right things. How could my life have gotten so off track?

    I am in the grip of a disorder some people might call manic compression—trying to do everything perfectly in an attempt to please everyone around me. Some of my friends seem to be enjoying life, but I’m definitely not.

    I flounder, looking for answers to this dilemma, without the vaguest inkling that I have created the situation. I call friends and bore them with my woeful tales of angst and doubt. I wake up every morning at 3:00 to wrestle with my pillow for an hour and then, as a last resort, drag my journal off the nightstand and into my lap.

    Most of what I write in that diary is page after page of questions with the same themes: Why are these bad things happening? How can I stop feeling so befuddled? Will I ever sleep again?

    You know how sometimes life sends little presents just when we need them. I was having lunch with a friend who was excited about sharing a story she had just read. She reached into her purse and pulled out a copy of Autobiography in 5 Short Chapters by Portia Nelson:

    I

    I walk down the street.
    There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
    I fall in.
    I am lost. I am helpless.
    It isn’t my fault.
    It takes me forever to find a way out. (more…)

  • A Beautiful Thing Is Never Perfect

    A Beautiful Thing Is Never Perfect

    “A beautiful thing is never perfect.” ~Proverb

    There are so many reasons to think that we, as humanity, have far to go to reach a certain stage of happiness. Yet with every step we take toward a “golden future,” we seem to take two steps backward.

    Our demand for technological advancement causes great stress upon the Earth: Medical achievements aim to eliminate ailments, but serve as crutches for our poor health choices; and we push ourselves to reach great heights of “success,” which then fuels our self-rejection because we think we aren’t good enough.

    In this sense, our progress tricks us into always wanting something else to cure our unhappiness. I know this because I feel it and live it every day, as many of us do.

    I, too, am guilty of wanting a picture-perfect prosperous future—two dogs, a classy and purposefully minimalist apartment in the perfect area of a snazzy city, and a really awesome electric car.

    In fact, I have become so entrenched with figuring out how to become rich using my creative skills that I’ve begun to forget the very goal that fueled my original desire for success.

    I wanted to get rich and help others live—at the very least—comfortably and happily.

    I’ve forgotten my dream, the original dream, in response to my desire for “the good life.”

    I’ve forgotten that my life is already beautiful and amazing as it is. My desire for things that I thought would make me feel happier actually made me lose sight of the one thing that really would help me feel happy and fulfilled.

    In the same way, humanity thinks it needs to constantly evolve so that maybe someday, old age and sickness will be eradicated from existence. However, our folly isn’t the goal of a life without suffering; it’s our assumption that life can exist without suffering.

    In other words, we can never not suffer. (more…)

  • 4 Lessons about Perfection Born from 1000 Failures

    4 Lessons about Perfection Born from 1000 Failures

    “Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.” ~Voltaire

    This was just not working out. I had ended up in a failed attempt every single time. This was my 4th day of trying to fix everything.

    I had wanted to make a video for my blog—just a minute-long introduction. Not that I didn’t have one already.

    I had a video up and running. But that was from my first attempt, and everyone knows there is always room for improvement.

    After the video went up, I started to see how I could do better than that. I was not going to be satisfied with something just good enough.

    I wanted to emphasize the right words. I wanted the right amount of pause where it mattered. And just enough rise in the tempo of my voice where needed.

    The lighting had to be perfect. An overcast day would not help. I wanted to dress right, I wanted to look right.

    I wanted to sound enthusiastic, not pushy. I wanted to put my best out there.

    My husband offered help with setting up my precarious camera set up. But I politely refused. I wanted to do it all by myself.

    I didn’t need to lean on anyone to get the million settings just right. I was being self-reliant, or so I told myself.

    My camera stood on a tripod pulled to the maximum. My lap-top was perched on top of a step stool which stood on a cane foot rest, which in turn was balanced on a dining chair. This was needed in order to bring the tele-prompter software running in my lap-top level with my line of sight.

    Then there was the little matter of keeping my bouncy toddler from demolishing my rickety set up with a single sleight of his hand.

    If persistence was something that could be learned, I had got it down pat. (more…)