Tiny Buddha

Tag: passions

  • Being True to Ourselves and Forgetting What Other People Think

    Being True to Ourselves and Forgetting What Other People Think

    Dreaming

    “Live your life for you not for anyone else. Don’t let the fear of being judged, rejected or disliked stop you from being yourself.” ~Sonya Parker

    The day that I realized that I was trapped inside of my life was an ordinary day. I woke up, dressed myself, drove to work, and applied makeup to my assigned actors and actresses. It was a groundhog day filled with my usual routine as an entertainment makeup artist.

    I settled into my chair on set and watched as the director directed and the cameramen captured the scenes on tape.

    The vibration from my phone caught my attention. I picked it up and whispered, “hello.”

    The person on the other end asked me why I was whispering. I told them, “I’m on set and I must be quiet.”

    They asked, “So, you can’t speak out loud at your job?” I was perturbed by this question because, of course, I can speak out loud at my job but not when the tape is rolling.

    This question lingered in my mind well after I hung up the phone. So you can’t speak out loud? The more I thought about it, the more I realized it was my truth. I realized I didn’t feel free to truly speak out loud—I didn’t feel free to be me.

    I could not speak out loud during a take but I, honestly, could not speak out in the makeup room either. In my mind, it was a classic case of your voice doesn’t count so keep your mouth shut. The actors and actresses have the floor, and who really wants to listen to a makeup artist?

    It takes a special kind of actor/person to truly take interest in the lives of the people who serve them. I saw clearly that I wasn’t living my life for myself and that I shrunk within the space around me to allow others to shine.

    I was living in the matrix and I needed to take a new pill in order to go on with my life.

    I began to understand the reason depression had come over me that year and, at that moment, I knew I had to make a change. Of course, fear pounded on my head and my heart; yet, I could not allow it to stop me from advancing.

    I knew I wanted to write but I am a makeup artist not a writer. Who would read a novel written by a makeup artist? I also knew that if I didn’t write I would die. So, I made a decision to apply to UCLA as a transfer student.  

    I had walked away from college twenty years before to attend beauty school and since I knew that I wanted to major in English, I thought I’d give college another try, but when UCLA accepted me, fear knocked even harder.

    How could a forty-one-year-old makeup artist, wife, and mother of two return to college and complete a degree in English? 

    I had to walk down a new path and live my life for me and not for anyone else. I had to be free to be me.

    My life began to change when we studied Ralph Waldo Emerson’s essay Pray Without Ceasing. This was where I first heard the concept that we pray without ceasing because our thoughts are our prayers and our prayers are answered and manifested in the person that we become.

    I began to spend time talking with the professor in his office in order to understand these concepts.

    A new world opened up for me, as I understood that I played a huge role in my reality and that my thoughts were my power.

    I began to correlate the relationship my old thoughts had to my past situations. It shook my paradigm.

    I recognized that my thoughts kept me in a state of depression, as I focused on my past and all the bad that had happened in my life. These thoughts also catapulted me into the future as I fantasized about a better life. I could not live in the present moment.

    I also began to see that I chose to please everyone around me. I thought it was a moral duty to take care of others while I neglected the desires of my heart. Before entering UCLA, my heart ached a lot.

    I literally had pains in my chest that woke me in the middle of the night. I had an EKG and while everything looked good, I knew something about me had to change.

    After learning a new way of thinking, I knew I could turn my life around, and I did.

    I began to renew my mind with new thoughts. When a negative thought come to mind, I observed it and then replaced it with a thought that uplifted and affirmed me. In the beginning, it felt like I was lying to myself.

    Although it was difficult obtaining my English degree from one of the top English departments in the country, I graduated and I walked across the stage a month shy of my forty-third birthday. Since then, I have completed my first novel, which I began in 2004 before entering UCLA.

    After graduation I continued to read and practice empowering my mind with uplifting messages. I read books by Louise Hay, Florence Schovel Shinn, and Eckhart Tolle. I began to wrap my arms around myself and embrace me.

    Each day I release my old paradigm and I allow new thoughts to build an uplifting foundation within me. This has saved my life by giving me freedom to exist and unfold in each moment. I now know that if I live for the present and remain in the now, I breathe easier and feel lighter.

    I am free to be me just as you are free to be you. It doesn’t matter what others think or feel about us as long as we are true to who we are.

    So, to those who are living their lives for themselves and no one else, I applaud you, and to those who aren’t, I hope this inspires you to do so. You deserve to fully embrace yourself and to enjoy your existence on this planet.

    Photo by nic519

  • Eliminate These 5 Words to Create the Life of Your Dreams

    Eliminate These 5 Words to Create the Life of Your Dreams

    “Don’t be pushed by your problems; be led by your dreams.” ~Unknown

    For years I felt nothing.

    Nothing, that is, except bored at work, trapped in my marriage, uninspired in my educational pursuits, misunderstood by friends and family, and stuck in my hometown. I’d lay awake at night wondering what was wrong with me.

    How did I manage to manifest the exact scenario I’d been trying so desperately to avoid?

    As I reflected upon all the major decisions I’d made up until that point, it didn’t take long to realize what had happened: I’d spent so much time focusing on what I didn’t want that I’d neglected to figure out what I actually did want.

    I’d been pushed by my problems rather than led by my dreams.

    This realization was both unacceptable and intolerable, and sent me on a quest to uncover who I was and what I actually wanted in life. Once I had a clear vision, I began taking action.

    That was more than three years ago. My life today is much, much different.

    For the last six months I’ve been driving around the United States, living out of my car, and couch surfing with friends and strangers. This adventure was just the icing on the cake of a three-year stint living out of a suitcase and traveling around the world.

    Long gone are the restless nights, self-defeating thoughts, and dull emotions. The words “play” and “work” have become synonymous; my interpersonal relationships are now fruitful and plentiful; I’m inspired and motivated to learn as much as possible; and I happily refer to the world as my newfound hometown.

    Believe it or not, the process of how I re-created my life started with a few simple changes. One of the biggest changes I made right from the beginning was with the way I speak.

    Words are powerful and they carry energy. While they can be used to manifest massive growth and positive change, when used unconsciously, they can just as easily aid in creating a life we never wanted.

    So, rather than having a “breakdown,” I’d talk about having a “breakthrough.” Rather than discuss the pieces of my life that were falling apart, I’d talk about the pieces that were falling into place. There was no longer space for things I didn’t want in life; instead, I placed all my energy and focus on the things I did want.

    To start creating the life of your dreams, eliminate these five words from your vocabulary:

    1. Should

    As I started to explore all the reasons I wasn’t taking action in my life, I quickly came up with a laundry list of “should” statements.

    “I should be happy in my marriage.”

    “I should stay in this high paying job.”

    “I should feel understood by my friends.”

    The word “should” gives you an easy way to avoid going inward; it’s often used in statements that are based in fear.

    For example, if there was no “should” regarding my marriage, that meant I suddenly had no excuse for why I wasn’t taking action; it also meant that I had the freedom to make changes, which was both liberating and terrifying.

    Ask yourself why you aren’t taking action in your life, and for every “should” you come up with, explore what would happen if you actually did make the change. Once you maneuver through any guilt and shame, you’ll find a little seed of fear.

    Nurture that seed because when you overcome the fear that planted it there, you’ll start moving forward in the direction of your dreams.

    2. But

    Many years ago, I was told that every time you hear someone say the word “but,” you can erase everything they said leading up to that point, because none of it is true.

    “My family’s great, but…”

    “I would quit my job, but…”

    “I’m relatively happy, but…”

    No, your family’s not great. That doesn’t mean you don’t love them. That doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. It simply means that you’re unhappy with them, and that’s okay.

    Just be honest with how you really feel; there’s no need to sugarcoat things. If you don’t have any intention of quitting your job, stop saying why you “would if you could, but you can’t,” because the minute you really want something, “I would” becomes “I will,” without the “but.”

    Being honest is a critical step toward manifesting the life of your dreams.

    3. Maybe

    The clearer I became about what I wanted in life, the easier it was to make decisions in alignment with my dreams. I suddenly went from saying, “Maybe I’ll go on a road trip,” to “I’m going on a road trip,” and “Maybe I’ll leave my job,” to “I’m leaving my job.”

    The word maybe indicates a lack of clarity and fear of commitment.

    “Maybe I’ll start my own business.”

    “Maybe I’ll start looking for a new friends.”

    “Maybe I’ll start sending my resume to headhunters.”

    No, you won’t, and if you do, the energy behind your decisions still isn’t firm enough to manifest your dreams. Figure out what you want and start making clear and succinct statements about it. Declare your intentions to the world without an ounce of wavering in your voice. 

    4. Don’t

    What I really mean here is, “I don’t know.”

    When people used to ask what I wanted in life, I used to respond with “I don’t know,” and at the time, I thought that was the truth. Then one day, a friend challenged me and said, “Yes you do. Try again.”

    The truth is, he was right; I knew exactly what I wanted. I wanted to volunteer in Brazil. I wanted to take a road trip around the United States. I wanted to leave my job.

    We all have an idea of what we want in life. Saying “I don’t know” is just an easy way to avoid the hard work of clarifying our vision. It becomes a statement that enables us to stay “stuck” in our lives.

    So whenever you catch yourself saying, “I don’t know,” go deeper. Even if you don’t have all the answers, somewhere inside of you there is a little pearl of wisdom just dying to propel you in the direction of your dreams.

    5. Can’t

    When I began telling people about the changes I wanted to make, I started to hear about all the things people “can’t” do in their lives.

    “You can’t quit your job!”

    “You can’t leave your PhD program!”

    “You can’t spend your life traveling!”

    What I quickly realized was that I was telling myself those same stories. There seemed to be a constant stream of “I can’t” running parallel to all the things I wanted in my life.

    But then one day, I decided to look the word “can’t” right in the eye and call him out with a simple question: “Oh really? Why not?”

    For the first time, I started to challenge all the things people were telling me I “can’t” do—all the things I was telling myself I “can’t” do. What I uncovered was that the only difference between what we can and can’t do is our belief in what’s possible.

    So whenever you hear the word “can’t,” take a step back and affirm, “Yes, I can!” Then create a list of all the reasons that you will.

    These shifts in the way you speak can serve as a huge catalyst toward manifesting the life you want. Dare to use words that solidify your dreams rather than those that perpetuate your fears.

    Then watch the magic unfold.

    I made these shifts over three years ago, and my life has been one big adventure ever since. Won’t you come join me?

  • Enjoying Our Passions Instead of Focusing on Status and Approval

    Enjoying Our Passions Instead of Focusing on Status and Approval

    Happiness

    “If your number one goal is to make sure that everyone likes and approves of you, then you risk sacrificing your uniqueness, and, therefore, your excellence.” ~Unknown

    The year that I graduated from college with my undergraduate degree, I was beyond enthusiastic about being a teacher.

    I was absolutely confident that I was a very gifted communicator and that I had a great deal to offer to the field of education. In reality, I had no idea how right I was, yet how different my path would be from what I expected.

    For me, work was not just a “J-O-B”; however, my first school job was incredibly disappointing for me. The students were apathetic, my colleagues were unimpressed with me, and at the end of the year I was crushed when I received an average performance review.

    When I switched schools, under the impression that a change of scenery would improve my experience, I somehow carried with me in my bag of tricks the same perfectionism and tendency to overwork that had poisoned my first experience.

    To my frustrated mind, it was as though my previous school’s faculty had gone backstage, changed costumes, and reappeared in new garb to undermine me.

    That year, I was so determined to make a name for myself locally that I worked myself into an almost hysterical state of constant anxiety and busy-ness.

    Responding to every emergency, I took on all the weaknesses of the struggling school system in an effort to feel important and indispensable. I thought great teachers could work miracles. Again, I was right—but not in the way that I assumed.

    Ironically, the intensity and drive that I brought to my teaching did nothing to increase its impact or my prestige.

    My people-pleasing was not only compromising my professional effectiveness, but it was also causing me to continue to look outside of myself, to my principal, my students, and my colleagues, for affirmation—something that I could only give myself.

    However, the worst part was that I had begun to resent my students, because they became the symbol of my exhaustion. I turned in my resignation at the end of that school year with a sinking feeling of defeat.

    How was I, the star of my college graduating class, rapidly becoming a statistic of teacher attrition?

    That summer, I applied for new teaching positions relentlessly as unemployment loomed before me, but I wondered if the problem was the job—or me.

    I researched graduate school obsessively, continually looking for the next right thing that would launch me into professional happiness. However, all roads were dead ends.

    I didn’t realize it, but the emptiness and anger were having a profound impact on my ego, as I was no longer sure that I had anything special to offer education or culture, let alone a confidence that my ideas were as valuable as anyone else’s contributions to the world.

    Most importantly, I was beginning to question the purpose of work and vocation in my life for the first time. I asked myself, “What do I want to do?” instead of, “What should I do?”

    I completed an extensive career workbook that allowed me to take an honest look at my spiritual motives for working, and I realized that my relationship to work was based on my desire for recognition—a gift that I could grant myself simply by believing in the unique value that I brought to the educational world.  

    My addiction to achievement, education, and status had defined me for so long that my newfound non-identity, professionally, was intensely quieting.

    While I was in this space of self-exploration and laying the groundwork for a major career change, however, I was unexpectedly offered an interview at a very appealing private school.

    Ironically, by that time, I was simply interviewing as a last-ditch effort to use my existing education degree before I became a fitness instructor or got a degree in counseling.

    On the interview, I was casually frank and personable—I did not use the PowerPoint presentation that I had brought on my computer to all of my other failed interviews. I simply talked about my passion for my subject with directness, humor, and energy.

    Then, of course, I got the job—and, surprisingly, there was a mix of disappointment in my excitement.

    I had barely attained serenity without my “teacher” mortarboard, and then the universe returned that role to me. That’s when the two years of experience that I had sown, planted in frustration, and watered with anger and emptiness began to flower.

    Because I was less emotionally invested than I ever had been before, I found myself creating ways to rearrange my working time at my new school so that I could do more teaching and exploration of my fascinating subject, and less codependent overworking.

    I began to experience more “flow” states, of being totally engaged in my teaching. Also, I had developed numerous hobbies, such as writing, from my period of unemployment, and I continued to enjoy them.

    I said “no” more than I ever had at any other job. I was late occasionally, I risked people’s disappointment, and I stood up for myself. In other words, I took my job, and myself, a lot less seriously.

    I had finally taken myself off my self-created pedestal and joined my coworkers as a more relatable person, and for the first time ever I felt connected to the people around me, and the relationships allowed my unique and talented voice to be heard in the workplace in the way that I had always wanted.

    Best of all, I realized late that first autumn that I truly loved my students and my subject—fortunately, somewhere along my winding path I had left behind that bitter version of myself that resented the young people who depended on me most.

    Work, now, isn’t all about what I should do or what I have to do—now in the mix there’s a healthy dose of what I want to do. My passion is a precious gift that I should share with the people around me, not hoard in order to obtain status.

    My valuable voice is heard best when I am surrounded by a caring, connected community, and that circle is not available to me when I overwork and isolate myself.

    For me, being a human being in the workplace means that I make mistakes, and that those flaws connect me with the people around me.

    I’ve learned that we don’t always have to make major career changes to become content with our work. We may only need to appreciate the energy that flows from what we do, and stop looking outside of ourselves for affirmation of our uniqueness and worth.

    Photo by camdiluv

  • 5 Reasons to Use Your Gifts and Do What You Love

    5 Reasons to Use Your Gifts and Do What You Love

    “Man is only truly great when he acts from his passions.”  ~Benjamin Disraeli

    Like many of us, I had a difficult childhood. My parents’ relationship was unhappy and unhealthy, and their misery left me feeling alone, afraid, and anxious most of the time.

    My environment was so unpredictable that I often withdrew from family and friends, losing myself in the comfort of my own creativity.

    I fell in deep and indescribable love with music at a very young age. The radio became my confidant, my protector, my therapist, my escape. I would sing and preen and pose like a rock star, imagining thousands of frenzied fans singing my songs back to me with tears in their eyes.

    Music inspired me to do everything. Create art. Write songs. Sing. Dance. Act.

    By the time I was a teenager, I knew exactly who I was and what I wanted to be. I was a good writer—infinitely curious about people and what made them tick. And music was my passion.

    I wanted to travel the world as a rock journalist, follow my favorite bands, write about their lives and music, and live like a rock star. And one day I would start my own band, get onstage, and be a rock star. Those things would be my “gift” to the world.

    But it never happened.

    I listened to people who told me my dreams were too big. That jobs for rock journalists were few and far between. That I wasn’t being realistic and would never make a good living that way.

    So I did what I thought I should. I found a stable corporate writing job that offered health benefits and a nice retirement plan. And eventually, I lost touch with the creative, spontaneous, audacious girl with gigantic rock-star dreams.

    I shifted my focus to a more responsible, practical life. I had no time for frivolous hobbies or daydreams. And very soon, I was restless, bored, angry, and miserable.

    I changed jobs often and with every new job, my misery deepened. My anger escalated. I wasn’t sure why.

    I blamed the work. I blamed the environment. I even blamed the people I worked with.

    It was only through an extended bout with depression that I uncovered the greatest source of my anger and unhappiness. During a therapy session, my counselor encouraged me to think back to when I was happy in my life.

    “What were you doing that made you happy, Angela?” she asked. “How did you spend your time then? How did it make you feel?”

    I realized that I was happiest when I was using my creative gifts: music, writing, art, and performance. Using my gifts made me feel like me. And hiding them away was making me miserable.

    So I committed to re-discovering my creative self and honoring my gifts. It was scary for me, so I started small. I committed to one hip-hop dance class.

    And suddenly the damn was broken. Before I knew it, I was singing again, designing jewelry, taking photographs, teaching myself to play the guitar. Anything and everything that sparked a creative fire in me was fair game.

    And very soon after, I felt happy! Like me. Like I had taken in a huge breath and finally let go. I became more positive, more optimistic, more joyful than ever.

    This journey has taught me so many things about the gifts we’ve all been given and why it’s so important to honor them:

    Our gifts are an expression of our deepest selves.

    They’re not just things we “do” with our time. Our gifts reflect who we are at our very core, and who the world needs us to be. When we deny that, we deny our true nature and cause ourselves great pain.

    Using our gifts keeps us aligned with a purpose.

    Our gifts point us in the right direction, help us focus, and show us a clear path to joy. When we discover our gifts and learn how to use them, we no longer worry about who we are and why we’re here.

    Using our gifts builds our confidence and self-esteem.

    Many of us have to push past a great deal of fear and resistance to use our gifts. Every time we do that, we feel more confident about pushing even further, and more certain that everything we’re doing is a step in the right direction.

    Our gifts fill us up and validate us.

    Using our gifts make us feel whole and deeply fulfilled. Having that measure of happiness in our lives keep us from seeking fulfillment and validation in empty vices, material attachments, addictions, and unhealthy relationships.

    Our gifts help us help others.

    When we do what we’re good at—what we truly love to do—and we share it with the world, it helps other people find their way, too.

    I’ve started writing again and getting back in touch with that audacious girl with huge rock-and-roll dreams—the one who still jumps up and down and screams out loud when her favorite band comes to town. I think the world really needs her.

    I’m also working with a mentor who encourages, guides, and supports me with an incredible amount of patience, compassion, and humor.

    This journey has been tough. I’ve spent a lot of time questioning and second-guessing myself and my gifts. But I’m thrilled to report that I’ve finally surrendered. In fact, should I ever backslide into questions and self-doubt again, I’ve asked my mentor to reply as follows:

    “Shhhhhhh. Faith, Angela. Keep writing.”

  • 15 Reasons to Start Following Your Dream Today

    15 Reasons to Start Following Your Dream Today

    “One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it’s worth watching.” ~Unknown

    Do you have a dream? A wish? A desire?

    Do you ever wake up and wonder: What would it be like to love life?

    People can tell you “follow your dream,” but is anyone really doing it?

    Not someone in a TV show or movie—a real, living, breathing human, just like you?

    Is it possible?

    The Depression

    Three years ago I couldn’t sleep. Night after night, I’d lie awake at 2am. My heart would pound in my chest.

    The anxiety overtook me. I welcomed it. If I fell back asleep, the next time I woke I would head back to that place. The place I despised.

    Fifty hours a week to a job that was slowly, inch by inch, sucking the life out of me.

    I was twenty-six years old, but I didn’t feel twenty-six. I felt old, tired, and overwhelmed.

    As I write this post, I remember that night. Staring in the mirror. I could barely look at myself. The breathing in my chest pushing in and out rapidly. Tears rushing down my face. I was a grown man, or at least I was supposed to be.

    Allowing Fear to Stop You

    I was so scared. I’d put all my work experience, degrees, and life into my career. Yet, I hated it.

    I had gone all in—and I was losing.

    I couldn’t argue with the tears flowing down my cheeks. Something needed to change.

    Follow The Dream

    I know what it’s like to feel depressed, lost, and burned out. But I also know what it’s like to follow a dream.

    I’m now thirty years old, and my life is a lot different than it was four years ago.

    Soon after that experience, I made a commitment to discover and follow my dream.

    What’s my dream? I want to become a ninja.

    Not a ninja in the traditional sense. It’s a childhood dream.

    Over the course of four years I quit my job in America, moved to Japan, and now I train extensively in martial arts.

    I arrive at the dojo at 7:30am Monday through Friday. Over the next year of my life I will train over 1,000 hours in Aikido (a martial art).

    I’m living, breathing proof that it’s possible to follow a dream.

    I’m thrilled to wake up each morning. I love my life in a manner I never knew possible. But this post isn’t about me—it’s about all of us. More importantly, it’s about all of our dreams.

    I hope with all my heart, today is the day that you begin the journey to turn your dream into a reality.

    15 Reasons to Start Following Your Dream Today

    1. You’ve always wanted to do this.

    When I think about the question: If you had a million dollars what would you do with your life? I can now say, “Exactly what I’m doing.”

    You’ve always wanted to follow your dream—so start today!

    2. You’ll experience things you never could have imagined.

    I’ve taken Japanese tea lessons with a fifty-year-old woman. I’m learning a new language. I eat foods that I never knew existed.

    The pursuit of a dream will give you experiences you never thought possible.

    3. You will become courageous.

    At some point your dream will mean so much to you that you will stop at nothing. When the dream overtakes you, no matter what your fears are, you will not allow it to stop you.

    You will stare your fears in the face. You will become a courageous person.

    4. You will become an inspiration to those around you.

    By doing what I want to do instead of what others want from me, I have been able to inspire others to follow their dreams.

    Focus on your dreams, not what others want you to do, and you will do the same.

    5. You will realize the incredible things you are capable of doing.

    When you step forward to pursue your dream, you will face challenges you never could have anticipated. You will allow nothing to stop you. You will shock yourself at your ability to plow through any situation.

    6. You will like yourself more.

    You will feel excited and energized by the life you are choosing to live. You will feel proud of what you are doing. And you will like yourself more for it.

    7. Life will become beautiful.

    As you realize your own potential, you will realize the potential in others. You will start to recognize the beauty that life, you, and others have to offer.

    8. Your joy and happiness will become contagious.

    When people are around you, they will feel better about themselves and life because you are living proof it is possible to live a dream!

    9. You will connect on a deeper level with the force of the universe.

    The pursuit of a dream requires an act of faith. You step forward and take action. When you do this, you will face experiences that will bring you closer to the force of the universe.

    10. You will smile more.

    Life is better when you smile more. If you follow your dream, you will enjoy yourself and this will happen!

    11. It will give meaning to everything you do.

    Before I started following my dream I would often wonder, “What’s the point?”

    Now, I know the answer to that question: Every action I take brings me closer to my dream.

    12. The food will taste better.

    Yup, you read that right! When you step forward with your dream, you will feel more alive and you will better appreciate all the beauty life has to offer. So, yes! Even the food tastes better.

    13. Every day you will learn new things.

    Every day I learn more Japanese, more martial arts, and more about myself. I’m challenged and excited. The deeper I get in my dream, the more I learn.

    14. Your happiness will show on your face.

    It’s true! When you are optimistic, excited, and happy, guess what? You are drastically more attractive.

    At twenty-six I looked stressed out and overwhelmed. At thirty I look happy and excited because I am happy and excited.

    15. You will love being around you.

    When we pursue a dream, we are connecting with our heart’s desires. It’s a way of telling our soul “I love you.”

    It’s pretty great to hang out with people you love—especially when it’s yourself!

    What has stopped you from following your dream?