Tiny Buddha

Tag: opportunities

  • The Power of Finding Hidden Opportunities in Our Problems

    The Power of Finding Hidden Opportunities in Our Problems

    “The solution to every problem is to be found on a level that is slightly, or even greatly, above the conflicting perceptions. As long as you are eye to eye with the difficulty, you will fight the problem rather than resolve it.” ~Glenda Green

    Years ago, my city was in the middle of a heatwave. My home had no air conditioning. It was so hot indoors that I was sticking to my office chair. Even well after 11 p.m. I was still sweating away at the computer.

    Then the office lamp overheated and shut off. Sudden total darkness. Did I get up, take a break, and do something else? Nope.

    Did I relocate to a cooler part of the house? Nope. I wasn’t paying attention.

    Then it got worse.

    Several website pages I had created suddenly vanished into cyberspace. Poof! I was in the middle of a promotion that was directing people to those very sites.

    My frustration level was rising fast—almost to panic levels—which of course, naturally led almost immediately to the next disaster: I locked myself out of the house.

    Now it was serious.

    I had gone into the garage for something and soon discovered that the door back into the house had closed and locked behind me. My hidden spare key was nowhere to be found.

    Fortunately, one of the windows around back was open, so I managed to get into the house by hilariously climbing through the kitchen window like a Cirque du Soleil performance gone wrong. It was just the thing to bring me back to my senses.

    It’s a rare person who, when presented with what looks like a problem, thinks, “Great, how is this amazing? How is this an opportunity?”

    Albert Einstein once said that a problem cannot be solved at the same level of mind that created it. So, it’s helpful to zoom out and look at the issue from a higher and wider perspective. When we do, we can see the hidden opportunities.

    When we take a step back, we often realize those less-than-awesome things were happening for us, not to us.

    During my three-part problem of the heatwave, website crash, and the lockout from my house, there were the obvious lessons of “always know where your spare key is” and “go somewhere else when the office is sweltering.” The bigger opportunity, though, was to be reminded that:

    There is very little in life that is worth panicking over. In fact, little is as bad as our minds would have us believe.

    So what if the web pages vanished? They can be recreated. Big deal if it’s hot in the house and there’s no air conditioning. At least I have a house.

    Someone once said that “life is largely a matter of paying attention.” Had I fully paid attention to the first two events—the rising temperatures and the vanishing web pages—and paused to consider what the message might be, I likely could have avoided the trip through the back window.

    The truth is, opportunities are around us all the time. But we must look for them.

    When I sleep through my alarm, for instance, I end up running late for appointments, and then the whole day feels off. But perhaps arriving late for an appointment is really a gentle nudge from the universe to reassess my expectations of how much I can realistically do in a day. Maybe sleeping through my alarm meant I avoided a car accident that happened during my usual drive time.

    Within every problem is an opportunity, even if it might not seem that way at the time.

    Recently I drove over a nail, only to discover my car needed not one but all four tires replaced. Here was another opportunity to observe my default mode when unfortunate things happen. The natural tendency is to react. “How did this happen?” “What do I do now?” “This is awful. I can’t believe it.”

    For many of us (myself included), our automatic reaction to a setback is fear, worry, and frustration. Although it is important to acknowledge and validate these totally normal feelings and accept that they are there, these automatic reactions do little to find a solution and fix the problem.

    We can train ourselves to meet each perceived problem with the question, “How might this be a good thing?”

    After that initial moment of frustration and sticker shock at the price of the four new tires, I actively searched for the silver lining. Since I was going on a long road trip in a few weeks anyway, it made sense to have the car in top condition now.

    Replacing all four tires also led to discovering a more serious problem with my car—something that would have gone unnoticed had I not driven over that small nail.

    When confronted with what looks like a problem, the mind wants to jump in and run endless doomsday and what-if scenarios. One way to interrupt this tendency is to give your mind a funny name.

    For example, imagine your mind as an annoying neighbor who loves to complain. The next time it starts rattling off how things are terrible, you can tell that mind, “Thanks for sharing, Buzzard.” Seeing your mind as something separate from you allows you to acknowledge its concerns and simultaneously interrupt its negative patterns.

    Another way to release yourself from a downward mental spiral is to grab a slip of paper and write down how that unpleasant event or circumstance might be a good thing.

    Start by sitting quietly and taking some slow, deep breaths to calm your mental Buzzard down. Once you’re in a more neutral, centered place, look for any hidden opportunities. Write down one or two potentially positive things that could come of this.

    Writing them down vs. just thinking about them or typing them on your phone or computer is important, as physically writing something interrupts the conditioning and habits of the mind. Writing them down with your non-dominant hand is even better since it engages the often-underused side of your brain. It’s a great method for receiving creative insights about the perceived problem.

    Our daily activities offer countless opportunities to notice how we react and to practice looking for the hidden opportunities. In fact, a few hours after I started writing this article, my computer suddenly stopped working. It was a chance to practice the very thing I was writing about: awareness and opportunity.

    I noticed how my mind still wanted to frantically imagine a variety of worst-case scenarios if I weren’t able to recover all my files. When I ignored the mind and looked for the opportunity, I decided I was being forced to take a much-needed timeout from my computer. I suddenly had plenty of time to spend on other activities I had been putting aside because the computer work seemed more important and urgent.

    If you have a problem in your life right now, take a step back, grab a piece of paper, and consider it with a wider and brighter lens. Get creative and brainstorm until you find at least two ways that situation might actually be a good thing. Look for the opportunity!

  • 4 Things to Try When You Want Change but Don’t Know What to Do

    4 Things to Try When You Want Change but Don’t Know What to Do

    “If you get stuck, draw with a different pen. Change your tools; it may free your thinking.” ~Paul Arden

    For a year and a half, I could feel a career shift coming. I had worked hard to cultivate a career I loved, but I began feeling disconnected from my work. The meaning I had originally felt from it was no longer there. Each time I started a new project, I felt tired and unmotivated.

    At first, I thought it might be burnout. So I took a few weeks off to see if I could reset myself into feeling excited about my work again. But when I returned, I felt the same. The things that I had built my career around, that previously gave me energy and meaning, no longer resonated.

    I thought about the type of work I did daily and couldn’t imagine myself still doing it ten years from now. But what could I imagine myself doing? I had no idea.

    I struggled and strived to figure out what a career shift might look like. I read several books, including Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life by James Hollis (Ph. D.), but while I resonated with the ideas in several of them, I still felt no closer to an answer.

    I became very intentional about noticing when things gave me energy. At one point, I went to a dinner party where someone brought tarot cards and gave me a reading. It was so energizing! I went home and immediately ordered the same set of tarot cards. I began learning about them and started doing readings with friends and at parties.

    “What does this mean? Should I become a tarot card reader?” I thought. But that didn’t resonate for a variety of reasons.

    By this point, I was telling everyone who would listen that I was “directionless.” It was a new label I used often. When someone asked what I did for work, I would say, “Meh, I’m directionless.”

    Well-meaning friends and acquaintances started offering their opinions of what I should be doing next. I even googled, “How to make a career change.” I felt like I was walking around in a black fog where I could barely make out what was ahead of me. Sometimes I could see a slight shape—a glimmer of something that gave me energy. But what did it mean? And how could I use that information for what was next?

    I went through a cross-country move to a location where I had no friends. Because of this, I had more time to myself than usual. I spent each day going inward and connecting to my body through meditation, simple somatic practices, like stimulating my vagus nerve, and parts work.

    Finally, I realized that the answer was never in my head. It was in my body—wisdom that had been blocked by all the thoughts and old beliefs that had formed, and parts of me that wanted to protect me and keep me safe.

    I found that a part of me didn’t want a career change because it was too scary and unstable. Instead, it wanted to stay with what was known, dependable, and safe. I befriended this part and worked through the fears. As I spent more and more time going inward, the answer appeared clearer and clearer. It had been there all along, and finally, I was able to access it.

    If you’re feeling stuck, here are a few things to try.

    1. Identify parts that may be trying to tell you something.

    If you are feeling stuck, there may be a “part” of you that is keeping you there to protect you. These parts are often created during childhood when we might not have had as many resources as we do now.

    For example, maybe you learned during childhood that being seen by others can be unpredictable and dangerous. So a “part” of you could have been created that helped you make decisions based on that information. Now, as an adult, you likely have more resources, but that information never got to the “part” that was created.

    So, let’s say that you want to write a book and you just can’t seem to move forward. No matter what you do, you’re staying stuck. Why? One reason might be because this “part” knows that if you write a book, you will be seen by others, and based on experience, that can be unpredictable and dangerous. So it prevents you from stepping out and taking risks where you might be seen. You may not even be aware of this part consciously. Yet it could be there, working day and night to protect you.

    2. Meditate.

    Being stuck can sometimes prompt negative thoughts, such as “What if I’m stuck forever?” or “I’m not good enough.” These thoughts can then lead to negative emotions, which can then make us feel even more stuck and overwhelmed. It’s a vicious cycle. Meditation can help you break out of this cycle and receive clarity, which can help you find direction and move forward.

    Set a time each day to meditate. It doesn’t need to be that long—even just ten minutes is enough. If you have trouble sitting silently, you could search for a guided meditation on YouTube.

    Make it part of your routine and do it at the same time each day to keep momentum going. Doing it at the same time each day will help it become part of a habit and make it easier to remember.

    If you start thinking while you’re sitting silently, that’s okay! Just come back to your breath. You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to cultivate some stillness and silence. This practice helps you drop out of your mind and into your body, where so much wisdom lives.

    3. Stimulate your vagus nerve.

    Your vagus nerve regulates your entire nervous system. When your vagus nerve is activated, it helps calm your nervous system, which helps shift you into a more creative, open state of being. It is from this state that you can more easily access wisdom within yourself.

    There are a variety of ways to stimulate your vagus nerve. Because the vagus nerve is connected to your vocal cords, humming or singing is one way to achieve this:

    1. Focus on your breath and notice anything you feel in your body. Maybe you feel pressure on your chest, a pain in your neck, a burning in your throat, etc.
    2. Breathe in deeply.
    3. As you exhale, say “Voo” out loud for the entire length of the exhale.
    4. Sit and notice how your body is feeling now. Is there any difference?
    5. Continue steps two through four until you feel a shift.

    4. Change your environment.

    Have you ever taken a trip to a new place or gone on a great hike and felt a sense of renewed inspiration, clarity, or presence? The reason for this is because we grow when we’re out of our comfort zone.

    Being in a new environment, meeting new people, and having new experiences takes us out of our comfort zone, opens our minds, and provides us with the opportunity to grow and learn more about ourselves. It shakes things up from our normal day-to-day experiences.

    Get out into nature or go on an overnight getaway. It doesn’t need to be something fancy—anything that will get you out of your current space can help shift the stuckness.

    Is there an area of your life where you feel stuck or don’t know what to do? Which of these actions most resonates with you? Or, do you have an action you typically take that works best?

  • 5 Ways to Explore the World and Feel Excited About Life

    5 Ways to Explore the World and Feel Excited About Life

    “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So, throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”  ~Mark Twain

    In 2022, I wanted to quit my job and didn’t know why. I was about to embark on a six-week trip to a country I’d always wanted to visit—New Zealand—to work in sports TV production. I loved the people I worked with, the company I worked for, and the buzz I got from live TV. Still, it wasn’t enough. I needed to explore these feelings further.

    That word “exploration” was the key. It took me back to 2004, when I was in a hostel in Laguna Beach, an eighteen-year-old girl travelling alone. When I was growing up, I didn’t want to follow the traditional route of going to university just to find a corporate job, climb the career ladder, and retire with a good pension. The perfect path for many was not an option that excited me.

    I was travelling around the U.S. West Coast, hoping to find adventure and opportunities, but I knew I’d need to start seriously thinking about my future and next steps when I returned to London.

    I sat on Huntington Beach and spent some time thinking about what I wanted my life to look like. I wanted to work for a reputable company that could offer me travel opportunities. I couldn’t identify what I wanted to do with any precision, but I knew that was a good starting place.

    A few days later, on July 7, I was awakened in the early morning by a fellow Brit who informed me that terrorists had just attacked London. For the rest of the day, I was glued to the BBC, watching the tragedy unfold. In between the journalism, adverts depicted BBC correspondents working all over the world, and that’s when I thought the BBC might be the company for me.

    Several months later, I returned to London and applied to be a production team assistant for a BBC sister company. To my astonishment, I got the job. I was so excited! A new job, new people, and new opportunities.

    During my first week, I overheard my boss speaking on the phone with a friend in the BBC Sport division. She was preparing to travel to Germany to spend six weeks working on the FIFA World Cup. My mind exploded. That was the job I yearned for. I wanted to work in sports and travel to the most spectacular events on earth.

    I asked my boss if she could find out whom I could contact to get a foot in the door in that department. It wasn’t straightforward, but after several attempts and emails to their senior production manager, I was asked to come in for a coffee and informal chat.

    Fast forward eighteen years. I’ve travelled the globe to work on the biggest sporting events, from World Cups in South Africa and Brazil to the London Olympics, Euros in Poland and Ukraine, umpteen Formula 1 and Formula E races on five continents, sailing regattas off the coasts of Australia and the US, cricket in the Caribbean and New Zealand. And that’s just a partial list.

    Travel has shaped my life in so many ways. It has impacted my outlook on life, perspectives, relationships, and goals. It has taken me out of my comfort zone time and time again and allowed me to be inspired by new things.

    I have loved my job and still do, mostly, to this day. So it was a surprise to me when I felt the urge to hand in my notice.

    Truth be told, throughout my career, I’ve always been restless. I have consistently sought out new opportunities within the framework of my role. I’ve moved between companies, permanent contracts, temporary contracts, and freelancing. I’ve trained to become a teacher, left TV to work on sports documentaries, returned to TV, become a tutor as a side job, and set up my own business.

    It wasn’t that I was unhappy in TV production. I just love exploring and presenting myself with new learning environments. That eighteen-year-old in me who never wanted to follow the common path society can push us down still lives within me. And I wouldn’t change her for the world. If I’d never explored different paths, I never would have had the courage to create a lifestyle around my passions, purpose, and skills.

    Exploration is one of the greatest purposes of humankind. Everything we know about the world comes from those who explored before us. Discoveries in medicine, science, technology, religion, geography, space, and philosophy have changed the world for the better. They have led to greater equality of race and gender, alleviation of poverty, advances in health and education, tolerance and peace, and preservation of the environment.

    The world is constantly changing and developing because of our need to explore and continue learning, growing, creating, building, making, connecting, debating, and trying new things.

    So, if you’re feeling stuck and want more fulfilment in your day-to-day, it might be helpful to remember there’s a whole world out there to discover. Our time on Earth is finite. Life should be lived, explored, and enjoyed. Through exploration, you might just stumble across that sweet spot that lights you up and creates a new path for your future.

    Here are three reasons why I believe exploring and discovering new opportunities could be the recipe for a more fulfilled life:

    1. Exploration is a natural requirement for humanity.

    It is as necessary as warmth, love, food, and shelter. Exploration has been the driving force behind humankind since the dawn of time because it is at the centre of everything we do. We explore everything we do from the moment we are born through play, travel, work, speaking, writing, experimenting, singing, and interacting with each other. Let alone the preciousness of exploring the world through the eyes of our children.

    From religion to literature, politics to science, and design to philosophy, we are constantly asking questions and searching for new ways to develop our minds and abilities. There is no end to exploration. It is the driving force behind our survival as a race.

    2. Exploration creates more self-awareness, which I believe is a critical aspect of meaningful living.

    It allows people to understand their strengths, weaknesses, and areas for growth. By becoming more self-aware, you can gain a deeper understanding of your passions, values, and goals, and can make more intentional choices about how you live your life.

    3. Exploration inspires us and gives us hope for a better future.

    There is a vast world outside waiting to be explored. It offers adventures to be experienced, endless possibilities, stories to be created, and dreams waiting to come true.

    Having a curious and hungry mind allows you to discover goals and options that will bring you more fulfilment and happiness. You can chase your dreams with the comfort of knowing that it’s possible to understand almost anything. By constantly learning, you see what’s possible for yourself and others and alter your perspective of the world.

    Exploration doesn’t have to involve big steps such as quitting your job, moving countries, or travelling the world seeking adventure. Instead, we can seek exploration in our every day, and the good news is there are plenty of opportunities to explore and seek purpose wherever you are in life.

    Here are five ways you can implement exploration into your everyday lifestyle immediately.

    1. Look at your passions and interests and find a way to get more involved in them.

    Whatever interests you—art, animals, baking, singing, decorating, driving, teaching, embroidery, music, or sports to name a few—find a way to go and explore how to implement this into your daily or weekly routine.

    This could be interning, volunteering your time, picking up a book, subscribing to a podcast, emailing someone who is successful in that field, or taking a class. Getting involved in this area will open up your creative channels. The key is to allow yourself permission and time to experiment.

    2. Be spontaneous and get out of the humdrum routine and predictability of your daily life.

    Play a different radio station on your way to work, choose a brand new restaurant or cuisine on the weekend, walk a different route around your park, order something completely different off the menu, or choose a different vegetable to cook with each week. There are always surprises and fascinations in store for us if we are open to exploring new ways; we never know what we will discover.

    3. Connect with new like-minded people.

    You never know what conversation might spark a new thought or perspective. You can find inspiration from one word, a smile, or an interaction that can change your outlook on a situation. For example, buying from a local business instead of a corporate chain allows you to get to know the owner and the story behind their product. Their story might just inspire your exploration journey.

    4. Even if you can’t pack a suitcase and fly to far-off destinations, that doesn’t mean you can’t transport your mind to them.

    Movies, documentaries, TV shows, and books can all transport you into new worlds and cultures. Next time you settle down with a good book or in front of the TV, why not choose a new genre and be open to learning new things?

    5. Your clothes are one way to show the world what you stand for and who you are.

    Fashion has a huge impact on your mindset, mood, and confidence. Experiment with different clothing, mix and match what you already have, and play around with what makes you feel most confident so you’ll want to get out in the world and explore.

    —

    We can open the door to exploration in everyday life. After all, the reason for your exploration is not to discover your life’s purpose. The purpose of your life is to live it!

    Exploration is a continuous journey toward self-improvement and personal growth that allows you to live a life that is fulfilling and meaningful to you. Don’t give up on exploring what you want and pursuing your dreams. Your life is what you make it, and it’s worth trying to make it what you want it to be. So go! Explore and discover. Embrace the journey and enjoy the ride!

  • A Simple Plan to Overcome Self-Doubt and Do What You Want to Do

    A Simple Plan to Overcome Self-Doubt and Do What You Want to Do

    “Don’t let others tell you what you can’t do. Don’t let the limitations of others limit your vision. If you can remove your self-doubt and believe in yourself, you can achieve what you never thought possible.” ~Roy T. Bennett

    Ahh yes, self-doubt. Something that affects every single one of us at different times and at different magnitudes—even those that seem supremely confident.

    Why do so many of us experience self-doubt, and how can we overcome it?

    On a personal note, I can tell you my self-doubt comes any time I am trying something new. I’ve learned over the years where this stems from, and it may be similar for you. It comes from my parents.

    Although my parents were always encouraging, they’d also say things like, “Are you sure this is the right move?”, “Are you sure you want to do this?”, and “Be careful.” In fact, every time I left the house, that’s what my dad would say: “Be careful.” “Drive safe.” Not, “Have fun,” “Have a fantastic time,” or something along these lines.

    In my twenties I realized that it had been ingrained in me to always be cautious, which then led to me doubting myself in certain scenarios, though I’ve never been someone who shies away from challenges or holds myself back. Over the years, I learned to identify what contributes to my self-doubt and then push through it.

    Now, this isn’t the case for everyone. Other things that contribute to self-doubt are comparing ourselves to others; feeling a lack of means, intelligence, or other things we think we need to succeed; past experiences; possibly being criticized; and the natural fear that we feel when attempting something new.

    When we doubt our ability, we are allowing fear to settle in and hold us back from forging forward and taking a leap. Without trying, we are feeding the self-doubt, which means it will likely compound the feeling the next time we are faced with or offered a similar opportunity.

    So how can we detach from self-doubt and make sure we are not missing out on what could be an amazing opportunity or journey for ourselves?

    First, we need CLARITY.

    We need to first get clear on where this self-doubt is coming from.

    What is striking this feeling within you that makes you think you shouldn’t try it or you can’t make something happen? Is it the fear of the unknown, or is it the feeling of not having the ability, or something else you think you need to succeed? Are you comparing yourself to someone else in the process? Or do you think you couldn’t handle it if you failed?

    Second, we need to recognize the FACTS.

    What do you know to be true? For example, what do you know about yourself that can help prove that you can attempt or accomplish this? Have you had any similar experiences that prove you can do this?

    If you’re comparing yourself to someone else, what are the facts in this? Meaning, are you comparing yourself to someone who has already succeeded? Or are you comparing yourself to someone who is at the same stage you are? Nobody gets from A to B without experience, practice, and even failure. So, try not to compare yourself to others, as you may not know the complete story to their success.

    There was a time when I was contemplating which direction to take my business degree. I’d majored in marketing because it’s a creative field that allows for variety, which aligns with my values. But as I was working in my first couple of “corporate” jobs, I was enticed by sales.

    My father wanted to steer me away from sales. He said that it’s a hard career, it’s mostly male-driven, and it’s extremely stressful and unpredictable. But what I saw was the fun interaction sales teams had with their clients and prospects. How they were able to basically chat on the phone 80% of the time and attend fun events.

    It was a fact that sales is stressful, unpredictable, and male-dominated, but I knew myself. I knew I was different than my father. I knew I was up for a challenge and taking risks, whereas he was risk adverse. I knew if it didn’t work out, I always had marketing to step into or maybe other options, whereas my father was opposed to change.

    I had to recognize that he was from a different generation. That although what he expressed was true, there were other factors to consider. If I compared myself to the majority of people occupying these roles I likely wouldn’t have attempted it and enjoyed a fifteen-year-plus career in sales and business development.

    Finally, GO FOR IT!

    The best way to conquer self-doubt is to put yourself out there, take action, and see what happens. No success comes without failure. If it works out, you’ll be glad you did it, and if it fails you’ll learn and can progress.

    Without acting on it you will never know. At least if you push through the doubt and try you will understand yourself and your ability a lot more.

    There was a time when I was considering making a big move that I had dreamt of for so long. I loved my friends and family, but I didn’t love where I was living or the lifestyle I was caught up in. When the timing was right I decided to take the leap and move to the other side of the county alone, without a job.

    I heard things like: “Do you really want to go?” “It’s so expensive out there. How will you afford it?” And “It rains so much there, and people get depressed.”.

    If I had listened to others’ fear and angst about the move I would’ve likely lived in a miserable cycle. Instead, seventeen years later, I still feel this was the best thing I’ve ever done for myself, for my life, for my soul.

    The move brought me an even greater awareness of how resilient we are when faced with change.

    And if it hadn’t worked out, I would have had an adventure, and who knows where it may have taken me? Maybe it would have led me to something else I didn’t even know I wanted until I opened myself up to new possibilities. New possibilities I would never have known about had I limited myself based on other people’s fears.

    —

    Don’t let others’ doubt or success deter you from going after what you want or trying something new. Recognize that you can either let your doubt leave you with regret or feel the satisfaction of taking action. Who knows, your action might actually inspire others to ditch their doubt and take a leap into a life they’ll love.

  • 5 Ways to Start Valuing Your Time and Making the Most of It

    5 Ways to Start Valuing Your Time and Making the Most of It

    “It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important.” ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

    Oh, how I loved sleeping when I was a teenager. I would sleep for twelve hours, just as babies do.

    And guess what else?

    Another favorite activity of mine was taking selfies until I finally had a perfect one, editing it, posting it on social media, and waiting for likes. And scrolling through the feed.

    Wow. So unusual nowadays.

    I didn’t care what I was doing with my life. I chose a university degree just for fun and finished it just because I started it. I don’t even like what I chose. I had no goals, no ambitions. I was just drifting through life.

    But then adult life got in the way. Suddenly, I was married and had a child.

    What a turn.

    Now I don’t even have Instagram.

    Do you know why? Because I started valuing my time.

    And I am here to tell you that you need to do it too if you want to live a fulfilling life.

    Why should you value every second of your life?

    When I became a mom, I barely had time to brush my teeth. I didn’t have time to do anything that wasn’t related to my son.

    I started regretting all the time I’d wasted before.

    But let’s be clear: It’s not about productivity. It’s about living your life to the fullest.

    You see, when you value your time, you start valuing your life. You set your priorities straight and start doing things that matter to you. And that’s when life gets really good.

    Although my situation might be different from yours, time is one thing we have in common. And you’ve heard it a million times, but time is our most precious commodity.

    It is non-negotiable. You can’t buy more time, no matter how rich you are. And you can’t save time either. You can only spend it.

    Time waits for no one. So the sooner you start valuing your time, the better.

    Here are a few things that have helped me start valuing my time and life more that might help you too.

    1. Set your priorities straight.

    Oh, priorities. They are so important, yet we often forget about them.

    If you want to start valuing your time, you need to set your priorities straight. Ask yourself what is really important to you and start making time for those things.

    Ask yourself:

    • What do I want to do, achieve, and experience in life?
    • Who and what matter most to me?
    • What makes me happy?
    • Where do I see myself in five years?

    For me, the answer to these questions was simple: I want to value time with my son more. And I want to find a way to balance work and life.

    What I don’t want is to be glued to my phone while my son is next to me, or to watch movies instead of making small steps toward having my own business.

    Self-care is on my list of priorities too. I make sure to have enough time for myself. Even if it’s just ten minutes a day (to have a cup of coffee in silence), it makes all the difference.

    Self-care keeps me sane and happy. And when I am happy, I can give my best to my family.

    2. Realize the importance of limited time.

    We all have limited time on this earth, and we need to make the most of it.

    The idea of limited time gives so much magic to this life. It makes things more precious. And when you start realizing life is precious, time becomes more valuable to you.

    On top of that, it makes you more aware of your mortality. It might sound depressing, but it’s not. It’s actually very liberating. Just think about it: If you knew you’re going to die soon, what would you do differently?

    Do it now so you don’t end up with regrets about how you spent your time.

    I think about death every day. I accept it. And I thank the universe for being mortal.

    We never know when we are going to die, so the best thing we can do is to live each day as if it’s our last.

    3. Notice what your distractions are and eliminate (or at least minimize) them.

    We all have our own distractions. It can be social media, Netflix, video games, or anything else.

    Here is how I deal with my distractions.

    • My main distraction was Instagram. I deleted it.
    • Then, movies. I decided to watch only one movie per week. No TV series (all they did was make me escape my reality).
    • Internet surfing is another one. I decided to use the internet only for work and research. No more browsing without a purpose.
    • I open the app only if I want to relax for twenty minutes and watch something. Otherwise, it’s a huge time waster (I used to open the app and scroll through it for five minutes with no purpose).

    Once I did that, I noticed that sometimes I even got bored. And I love that feeling of not picking up my phone every time I have a free minute. I just enjoy it.

    4. Consciously choose to do one thing despite countless other activities you could be doing.

    You know those moments when you’re about to do something, but then you wonder, “Should I really be doing this? I could be doing something else.”

    This is a common feeling. We often have so many options that it’s hard to choose just one. But simply do that. Choose one activity and stick to it.

    It doesn’t matter if it’s the “right” choice or not. There’s no such thing as “right” when it comes to how you spend your time.

    I recently listened to a podcast by Oliver Burkeman. He said that we don’t want to make choices. We don’t want to decide. We want to let all the options remain available to us. This is also why we love dreaming about the future. Because all the options are open.

    But we need to make a choice. It is so liberating to make a choice. It gives you a sense of control over your life and your time and it keeps you moving forward instead of standing still.

    So, choose one thing and do it. You will feel so much more in focus because you know where you are going.

    For instance, I am writing this article. I could be doing a million other things, but I choose to do this. And it feels great. I am all in. And I am focused because I am not thinking about other things that I could do.

    5. Know that failure is a sign you’re using your time well.

    When we start a project or an activity, we want to do it perfectly. We need to be the best. Otherwise, we think it’s a waste of time.

    In reality, it is life itself. You can’t prevent failure. You will fail. A lot.

    And that’s a good thing. Failure is a sign that you’re trying something new; that you’re pushing your limits, learning, and growing.

    How can we make the most of our failures?

    • First, accept them. Don’t try to bury your failures or pretend they never happened. Acknowledge them and learn from them.
    • Second, put things in perspective. This one opportunity didn’t work out, but it’s not the last you’ll get.
    • Finally, focus on the successes in your failure. Odds are something good came from it, even if you can’t see it just yet.

    Oh, I failed so many times. I lost years of my life in failure. But I am grateful for every single one of them because they made me grow and become better, maybe even wiser.

    My biggest failure is probably my university degree. It’s three years of my life. I was so naive thinking that I can succeed no matter what bachelor’s I choose. And I chose the easiest one.

    Turns out, there is nothing I can do with my bachelor’s degree. It’s useless.

    I could have spent those three years better, but I am not regretting it. Because if I didn’t fail, I wouldn’t be so motivated today to start my own business and to create something that has meaning.

    —

    As I said in the introduction, I was once horrible at valuing my time. But I am glad to say that I have changed. It certainly wasn’t easy. And I am not an expert at this. I still must remind myself to value my time. To cherish every moment.

    But my alarm doesn’t annoy me when it wakes me up in the morning anymore. It’s a reminder that I get to wake up and enjoy my time on this earth.

    I am grateful to still be alive.

    The time that you took reading this article is valuable. I hope it will make you value your time even more.

    Remember that time waits for no one.

    Remember that it’s non-negotiable.

    Remember that you can’t save it.

    You can only spend it wisely.

  • How Life’s Daily Challenges Can Actually Be Gifts in Disguise

    How Life’s Daily Challenges Can Actually Be Gifts in Disguise

    “Smile at your patterns.” ~Tsoknyi Rinpoche

    Partway through Eckhart Tolle’s Conscious Manifestation course, I furiously jotted down his teachings about challenges and obstacles to remind myself that they’re not only a normal part of the human experience but necessary for spiritual growth. “Yes!!!!” I wrote in agreement.

    When faced with difficulty, the human tendency is to react and resist, and when we do this, we add suffering to an already difficult situation. This tendency is reflexive within me, and my mindfulness practice has enabled me to either observe the cascading habit pattern as it unfolds, which disentangles me from its snare, or to gently accept what is happening and proceed with calm action and a quiet mind.

    When we can practice acceptance and equanimity, when we can say, “Okay, this is my present moment experience, and I can allow it because it’s already here,” we soften and open in the most tender way. And with this opening, we can receive a bounty of lessons and wisdom that our obstinance so often obscures.

    A few days after listening to Eckhart’s talk, I had to see several doctors and get lab work done to address symptoms I’d been experiencing. The entire week was pockmarked with small difficulties.

    First, the doctor’s office lost my lab sample, so I had to go back and give another one. Then the lab work process got delayed, and in an attempt to access my results, I spent two hours getting transferred between multiple staff members who ultimately said they couldn’t help me.

    At the end of the week, I confronted my last hurdle: I arrived for a follow-up appointment, only to be told that the automated system had canceled it and that the doctor was not available.

    After I explained my situation and expressed my discontent, the medical assistant managed to rebook me with another doctor. I softened, thanked her, and sat down, acutely aware that I’d lost my (spiritual) way.

    With each setback, I was upset and resistant. Like a snake releasing venom, I texted my husband flurries of frustrations, spoke exasperatingly to hospital staff, and felt my body tighten with stress.

    I realized that I only softened to the medical assistant because she told me what I wanted to hear, and within moments, this insight allowed me to look back on the entire series of events with a compassionate and non-judgmental eye. 

    I saw with clarity that in cloying for ease, I only created more difficulty. I saw that I had been behaving as if everything were a threat—like the healthcare system was out to get me—and that the real predator was my own mind. Immediately, I felt an internal release, like a nearly bursting balloon slowly deflating with the prick of a pin. I realized I could stop fighting. I realized that I could choose to surrender.

    After my appointment, I had to go to the lab, and I arrived at what felt like a crowded DMV: people everywhere, red ticket numbers glaring overhead, and a wait that seemed unending. I took a deep breath, pulled a number, and decided that I was going to use the wait—which I now perceived as an opportunity, not a threat—for mindfulness, presence, and spiritual practice.

    I looked around me at all the people. I watched as children caringly pushed their elderly parents in wheelchairs, as a pregnant woman patiently engaged her three children, and as a person laboringly limped to the ticket machine, burdened by a massive leg brace.

    I thought: Everyone is here because they are experiencing some difficulty; everyone has health scares; everyone is taking time out of their days to be here; everyone is waiting.

    I was so touched by the kindness and patience I witnessed. Suddenly, my story became enveloped in everyone’s story. I was them and they were me. I felt a deep kinship—a tenderness that made me feel enveloped in, rather than targeted by, the human experience. 

    As my awareness expanded further and further outside myself, I began connecting with those around me. I told the pregnant woman sitting beside me that I admired her patience, and when she shared that she was fasting for a half day of pregnancy-related lab work, I became even more aware that mindset is a choice.

    I made eye contact with a man whose gentleness I perceived underneath his masked face. We didn’t say anything, but we said everything.

    I kept scanning the room, and I noticed it had transformed from a chaotic, undesirable place, to somewhere I wanted to stay, somewhere I felt deep meaning and connection. Then I noticed that the space did not transform; I simply changed my relationship to it.

    When I left the lab, I was buoyant. I felt energized, connected, and light. I was overwhelmed with the experiential realization that the entire week was a skillfully designed lesson on challenges. I saw what happens when I fight to make them go away, and then I saw what happens when I invite them in, with an open heart and an open mind.

    “Challenges as gifts” left the theoretical world of quotes and concepts and burrowed into my lived experience. It stays there, and reminds me of itself, when I allow it to shine its light.

  • Afraid to Say No Because You Might Miss Out on a Big Opportunity?

    Afraid to Say No Because You Might Miss Out on a Big Opportunity?

    “What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it.” ~Unknown

    Are you afraid of saying no in your professional life because you think you’ll miss out on a big opportunity? I’ve learned that a quick yes can sink a lot of ships. God only knows I’ve taken on too much at times because I feared I’d miss out on something life changing.

    We view opportunities as golden nuggets that are few and far between, so we snatch them up before someone else does, even if they don’t really excite us. But many of them are nothing more than fool’s gold—a superficial resemblance to what we actually want.

    It’s just so damn hard to pass on something that sounds promising like a new role at work, a chance to join an exciting new project, or an invitation to pitch your business idea (even if it’s hats for cats). And we’d be stupid to say anything but yes because it’s now or never, right?

    This is a sh*t storm brewing up a triple threat of overcommitted, overwhelmed, and overloaded, when all those exciting opportunities start feeling more like burdens.

    Grace Bonney is an author, blogger, and entrepreneur who knows a thing or two about this struggle. Bonney wrote The New York Times bestseller In the Company of Women, a book featuring more than 100 stories about women entrepreneurs who overcame adversity.

    Bonney had this to share on saying no:

    “The biggest fear most of us have with learning to say no is that we will miss an opportunity. An opportunity that would have catapulted us to success, or that will never come again. And most of the time, that simply isn’t true. I’ve found that the first part of learning to say no is learning to accept that offers and opportunities are merely an indication that you’re on the right path—not that you’ve arrived at a final destination you can never find again. If someone is choosing you, it means you’re doing something right. And that is the biggest opportunity you can receive—the chance to recognize that your hard work is paying off. And if you continue to do good work, those opportunities will continue—and improve—over time.”

    I know what she’s talking about because I used to put myself in this situation at least once a year. I would ignore this lesson and believe that this time would be different (and it never is).

    I remember one time I was sitting on the edge of my bed feeling like I had been kicked out of an airplane without a parachute. I could hear a violent whoosh sound in my ears as my boss picked up. “I don’t think I’m going to be able to come in today, I’m…”

    It was too late. I was already freefalling. I was experiencing my first panic attack. I couldn’t finish the sentence. The tears started coming as I blurted out, “I’m sorry, I’ve taken on too much and it’s hitting me all at once.”

    I was in a full-time job I loved, I had returned to school to become a certified coach, and I was attempting to start a business. As if all of that wasn’t enough, I’d also accepted an invitation to kick off a new innovation team because I thought it would look good on my resume and I was afraid I might never get an opportunity like that again.

    It’s sad to say, but my partner was left with a burned-out, easily agitated shadow of support. In an attempt to give us a better life, I had made life miserable.

    I sucked all the fun out of these exciting opportunities by pushing myself to a limit that clearly wasn’t sustainable.

    But then I did something magical. I started to say no.

    From then onward, I used three questions to help me filter possible opportunities in order to gain clarity.

    What does this opportunity mean to me?

    Why is this opportunity important to me?

    What does this opportunity give me?

    Answering these questions helped me see that I’d put zero thought into a lot of stuff I was saying yes to because I was trying to create a “successful” life.

    But I knew what I wanted my days to look like and what “success” actually meant to me. And more importantly, I understood that success without fulfillment is the ultimate failure.

    My north star of success is freedom. Having the freedom to invest my focus in the things that matter to me. Which means I need to do less so I can enjoy more.

    Now I’m not willing to accept an opportunity unless it truly excites me and I take something else off my plate. I’m unwilling to sacrifice my values. I trust that bigger and better opportunities will continue to come my way (if I keep improving and honing my craft).

    This gives me a measuring stick I can reference before I take on any new opportunities. Because a big part of saying no is the power it gives you to go all-in on something awesome when it comes across your plate (without being overcommitted, overloaded, and overwhelmed by sh*t you don’t care about).

    Bonney shifted my thinking of how I view opportunities. Rather than see an offer as a one-off that I need to jump on, it’s a sign that I’m on the right path. If someone wants to partner with me, it means I’m doing something right. As long as I continue to do what got me noticed in the first place, the opportunities will continue and improve in the future.

    Life is too damn short to be overcommitted, overloaded, and overwhelmed by a schedule of projects and people that bring you no joy. In the words of philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson, “Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.”

    Don’t see saying no as letting people down. You’re actually letting people down when you say yes, but don’t have the capacity or the enthusiasm to knock it out of the park. If you won’t say no for yourself, say it for the rest of us, because the world is a better place when you’re working on things you love.

  • How I Created Opportunities in a World Full of Obstacles

    How I Created Opportunities in a World Full of Obstacles

    “I really want to, but I can’t because [add semi-valid reason here].”

    That’s a template sentence to let yourself off the hook.

    It’s not copyrighted, so feel free to use it any time you want to let go of your dreams and not feel bad about it.

    Honestly, it hurts me every time I hear someone say it. I see it for what it is—an excuse.

    Every single one of us has ambitions, hopes, dreams, and goals. We fantasize about them on our commutes to work and before we sleep. We talk about how we will one day achieve them, but when it comes time to put them to action, we use that template sentence.

    I had every reason to use the template sentence. I live in a third-world country in the Middle East. We suffer from a lack of water, electricity, security, and opportunities—especially for girls.

    In the Western world, if you want to learn a new skill, you sign up for a training course, get a book, find articles online, or join a club. It’s different here. Here, we don’t have training courses, libraries, or clubs, and the internet is slower than a snail crawling through peanut butter.

    During my teen years, I felt stuck in my life. I wanted to learn so many things and achieve my wildest dreams, yet I couldn’t. How was I supposed to impact people when I would only leave the house to go to school on the weekdays and grocery shopping on the weekends?

    I read stories of kids my age winning science fairs and inventing devices to solve the world’s leading issues. Yet, there I was, wasting my time at home, waiting five minutes for a single webpage to load.

    I had always imagined what my life would be like, and this is not what I had pictured. Time was passing me by, and my talents and ambitions were going to waste.

    I wanted to have an impact, but I couldn’t because I didn’t have the opportunities to learn and gain experience and feedback. (Notice the template sentence.)

    This way of thinking was eating away at my soul. Day after day, I found myself sinking into a pit of misery. I would spend my days lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. There was nothing I could do to change my life, so why try?

    One day, I had had enough. I had been lying in bed for days. It had been years since anything amazing had happened to me. I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t accept the fact that this would be my life. There was an itch under my skin to make my life worth living.

    “Life is too short to waste it moping about the hand of cards life had served me,” I thought. I didn’t care what it would take. I would do whatever I could to get myself out of the hole I was in.

    I decided to use the resources I had to create the future I dreamed. “Bloom where you are planted” became my life motto. What I had access to at the time was the internet.

    In order to get out of the country I was in, I concluded that I’d need a scholarship. I set my mind on getting the Japanese Monbusho Scholarship. I found blogs, articles, and books online to become fluent in Japanese. I practiced day in and day out. I tried a plethora of different methods to learn new words and perfect my grammar. In a few months, I was able to hold a simple conversation in Japanese.

    I also realized that I would need money. I wasn’t allowed to go out and get a job. This was an obstacle I had trouble accepting. I tried to convince my parents to let me work, but they refused for my safety. My mother introduced me to the concept of passive income and showed me blogs that were making six figures every month!

    I set out to build a hedgehog care website. Every day, after school, I would research hedgehogs and write detailed articles about how to feed them, groom them, play with them, and anything else one would need to know. I went on like this for 3 years, studying Japanese and writing about hedgehogs.

    I’m sure you’re expecting a spirit-lifting ending where I travel to Japan and live off my flourishing website. That’s not how this story ends.

    I didn’t get the scholarship. The fact is, I didn’t even get the chance to apply. I ended up studying in my third-world country. I was crushed. I didn’t want to, but it was either study here or not study at all. Unwilling to accept the facts, I started an online university the next year. I now study at two universities simultaneously.

    As for the hedgehog website, it made me a total of $60 for the three years of work I put into it.

    I can stand here and tell you that I tried, but it didn’t work out. That’d be a lie. It did work out—just not the way I expected.

    I’m not in Japan, but I know how to speak Japanese and have met many interesting people along the way. I learned from them and gained experience just as I hoped I one day would. And instead of one major, I now have two, both of which I enjoy learning about.

    My hedgehog website didn’t succeed, but I created a new one that’s even better with the expertise I gained. I interact with my readers often, helping them find ways they can live their dreams. I love hearing their stories and learning how I helped them build better habits or make their goals a reality.

    I still live in the same country I did before. I still have to wait five minutes for a webpage to load. However, I know that even though the obstacles are always there—and always will be—they have nothing to do with happiness, fulfillment, success, peace, and satisfaction. Some people have it better than others, and some have it worse, but every single person, regardless of circumstance, can control their mindset.

    I didn’t let my obstacles stand in my way, and I created my own opportunities when I found none. In an instant, anyone can decide to embrace the cards they’ve been dealt and create their own unique way to shuffle, redistribute, alter, or mold them into a winning hand.

  • 4 Reasons to Let Go of the Need to Plan Your Future

    4 Reasons to Let Go of the Need to Plan Your Future

    “No valid plans for the future can be made by those who have no capacity for living in the now.” ~Alan Watts

    I went to college a little bit later in life. Because of that, people often mistakenly believed I was operating on a specific (and somewhat urgent) timetable—as though I was running to catch up with the rest of the people my age.

    However, I was already in a career I loved (teaching yoga) that supported me financially. For me, going back to school was mainly about enjoying the process of getting an education without any pressure to get it over and done with.

    As it came time for me to graduate, I frequently got asked, “So, what’s next?”

    I never quite knew how to answer this question, and to be honest, it always made me a little bit uncomfortable. Mostly it made me uncomfortable because I could sense others’ discomfort with my answer, which was: “Nothing’s next.” People seemed to bristle at my reply and worse, give me a list of reasons why they thought it was risky not to have anything lined-up after I graduated.

    Even though their reactions weren’t personal, and for the most part, didn’t really have anything to do with me, the truth was: I was still insecure about making my own way through life and taking the path less traveled—which in this case was teaching yoga full-time and not making any concrete plans for the future.

    People clearly thought I should go out and get a “real” job (as if teaching yoga didn’t qualify as a real job). Another yoga teacher even asked me if I was going to get a “big girl job” when I graduated. Ouch.

    It seemed as though everyone expected me to launch into a new career or go on to higher education, and in spite of myself, I subconsciously agreed that perhaps I should just make a nice solid plan for my life.

    The problem was A) I already had a plan (which was not making any plans) and B) up until that point, my whole life had been spent making plans, and that hadn’t worked out so well. Over-planning had led to a lot of wasted time and energy. Plus, it had become readily apparent that life doesn’t always go according to plan (and thank God for that!).

    While plans aren’t in and of themselves bad, and they can certainly help lend direction to life, equally, I found it was generally in my best interest to leave things wide open to possibility, and here’s why:

    1. Planning tends to solidify life, and life is simply not meant to be frozen solid.

    Cliché as it may sound, life is a lot like water, and making plans is like placing a whole lot of logs and rocks and other obstructions in life’s way—it clogs up the current. Plans create resistance, and life is usually best when not resisted.

    2. When you’re looking for a specific outcome, you’re often not looking at anything else.

    A whole world of fantastic prospects could be surrounding you, but when you have on what I like to call the “focus-blinders,” all you can see is what you think you want, and nothing more.

    3. This one’s sort of an addendum to number two: We might miss out on opportunities.

    For the most part, people are inclined to think they’ll recognize opportunity when it comes knocking, but it’s been my experience that opportunity comes in all shapes and sizes, and it might easily be missed (or severely delayed) if we’re expecting it to look a certain way.

    4. This last one might be the most important, and it’s that over-planning can cause us to overthink and end up second-guessing or compromising ourselves, as well as our values and goals.

    I’ve learned the hard way (on more than one occasion) that having a plan and sticking to it like glue can be a fast path to rock bottom.

    All those years ago, when I was on the eve of graduating from college and on the verge of having a major planning relapse, I looked back at my life so far and could see that everything had always worked out in one way or another, and often in ways I could never have orchestrated (or predicted) myself.

    While the future certainly looked intimidating from where I was standing, I had the sense that I could trust things would continue to work out. Even if I wasn’t the one carefully planning everything out.

    The story we tend to tell ourselves is that if we don’t make plans, then nothing will happen. And if we’re not in control, then things might fall apart.

    But the gentle truth, which is actually the glorious truth, is: we’re not in control, anyway. Not fully. And that’s such a lot of pressure to take off your shoulders. Even if you don’t plan your life down to the last detail, things will still happen. Opportunities will still show up.

    Phew, it’s not all up to you!

    That doesn’t mean you can’t also have some idea of where you’d like to go—there’s nothing wrong with having dreams and goals. But there’s something to be said for staying open instead of being rigidly attached to a specific outcome.

    That compulsive urge to plan comes from the urge to avoid uncertainty, a protective instinct that’s literally hardwired into our biology. Planning is a powerful impulse to minimize risk and ensure our continued safety and security.

    However, if you can find a way of making peace with a future that is largely unknowable, and also recognize that unknowable doesn’t automatically mean bad, it will help soothe that part of your brain that instantly wants to launch into planning mode.

    Ultimately, real security doesn’t come from the outside—from making plans or holding office jobs or earning Master’s Degrees. Real security comes from within.

    The most control we can exercise is to keep on doing the next right thing, taking steps that move us closer to the center of our Self, and living our lives in a way that reminds us of who we are.

    I still occasionally fall under the spell of planning, but every time I get wrapped up in the false sense of security planning offers, I come once more to the realization that life simply does not function according to my made-up agenda (no matter how well-crafted).

  • How to Gently Coax Yourself Out of Your Comfort Zone

    How to Gently Coax Yourself Out of Your Comfort Zone

    “Everything you ever wanted is one step outside your comfort zone.” ~Unknown

    We’ve all seen this quote or similar ones. All the magic, growth, and transformation seem to happen there. Not everything that happens outside the comfort zone is magical, though. So, when we go wandering, leaving the safe shores, we also need to be realistic and aware that mixed in with the good, there’s also potential pain and discomfort waiting for us.

    Being aware of this, how can we still motivate ourselves to try something new and to step outside our comfort zone?

    On the one hand, I love variety and I easily get bored. On the other hand, I am also risk-averse and easily scared. The latter doesn’t exactly lend itself to living the great adventures of life, whereas the former often acts as a motivating kick up my backside.

    I am also a very rational, analytical person. I can quickly see the benefits of doing something. But I also deeply dislike feeling uncomfortable. Thus, while I can see that it makes sense to do something, I prefer to avoid voluntarily putting myself in a position that I KNOW will make me feel uncomfortable.

    With this in mind, let me give you a few examples from my life of where I left my comfort zone.

    I used to be very shy. My mum would tell me that in kindergarten, I didn’t speak to anyone. While I did start speaking to others, my shyness continued all throughout school—and still, somehow, I ended up studying abroad.

    I will always remember sitting on the plane, crying my eyes out, wondering why on earth I was doing this to myself. How was I ever going to make friends? How would I pass my exams in a foreign language? It honestly was completely out of character for me, and it ended up being the best decision ever.

    For my third year at uni, I chose to spend the year in France. And that decision came so much more easily based on my previous decision to come to the UK.

    A decade later, I was offered a promotion at work. To a job I literally had no relevant experience for. I knew that it included a lot of tasks that I despised, and just the thought of them made me very uncomfortable (sales and networking, to name just two).

    As you may guess, I said yes. And again, it proved to be an excellent move for me. I learned so much, and while it was challenging, I remember thinking that I had never before enjoyed a job this much.

    By now I have lost count of how many times I quit a job without having had another one to start straightaway. In fact, often, I didn’t even have the faintest idea what I wanted to do next.

    Growing up, I was taught how important it was to be financially independent. I’ve had many different jobs since my early teens and saved most of that money. Giving up a secure financial income was a huge step for me. Especially since it wasn’t that I was mobbed or close to a burnout or that anything else horrible had happened. I simply had come to the conclusion that I no longer wanted to do the job in question.

    I am using these examples to demonstrate how change is always possible, and how pushing yourself out of your comfort zone can often prove to be the best decision you’ll ever make.

    One option is to jump in at the deep end. But I appreciate that this can feel impossible at times. I want to share some tricks that have helped me over the years and that enabled me with all of the above examples. I believe they can help make that transition in a gentler way.

    1. No comparison and no judgment

    From the moment we are born the comparison starts, and it continues all throughout school (school reports) and into work (appraisals).

    Social media does its bit to remind us of other people’s achievements, and we might feel like we are not measuring up to what society expects from us. This might lead us to either a) set unrealistic goals for ourselves or b) give up before we even started.

    Please remind yourself that everyone’s comfort zone looks different. What is easy for you might be a challenge for somebody else, and vice versa.

    Be honest with yourself and figure out what it is you want to work toward, and not what you think others expect of you.

    What really matters to you? Setting an objective that feels worthwhile to you will make all the difference and will keep you motivated even throughout the lows that are often inevitable.

    2. Baby steps

    We all know that every journey begins with a first step. How about you make that a teeny, tiny baby step? Cause that isn’t so scary, is it? Seriously, start small. Even tiny baby steps, taken one after the other (and feel free to rest in between), will eventually lead you to your goal.

    Not only are baby steps considerably less scary, they will also help you to keep going. If you are trying to make huge leaps, it is more likely that you will run out of steam quickly and/or get frustrated because it’s so hard.

    Break it down. And then break it down some more. Remind yourself that you are making progress. It might not be visible to others yet, but you can see it.

    3. Say yes now and figure out the rest later.

    This is probably the tactic I use the most. When I first started in event management, I got invited to speak at a conference. It terrified me. But rationally I knew it made a lot of sense to say yes to this opportunity. For myself as well as the company I worked for at the time.

    It was a no-brainer really—if it wasn’t for my fear of embarrassing myself on a stage. It was still four months or so to go until the event took place. So, I said yes. My reasoning was that I would either have it figured out by then or, in the worst case, pull out (I didn’t, and it went well despite me still being pretty terrified and hardly getting any sleep the night before.).

    If something excites you but also terrifies you, how about you say yes to it right now? Trust that you will work out the details over time. That you can ask for help and support. Or indeed that you can always change your mind. But don’t let the opportunity slip away.

    4. Worst-case scenario planning

    Let’s be honest: You are indulging in worst-case scenario planning anyway. You might as well do it deliberately and mindfully. What really is the worst that could possibly happen? Chances are, it’s not all that bad.

    Doing this will help you realize that even if things don’t go as hoped, you will be okay. And it also helps with putting measures in place to avoid some of the more likely scenarios you are trying to avoid. So many wins in that one!

    5. Can you feel it?

    Now that you’ve indulged your pessimistic side, it’s time to refocus on the positive. Stepping outside your comfort zone is not something you do just for the sake of it, but because you long for something that is out there. Your famous WHY.

    Why is this even your objective? What’s your motivation? Who are you striving to become? What are you hoping to achieve? And once you get there, how is it going to make you feel?

    Go all in and visualize the hell out of this! Close your eyes and imagine having already achieved it. Really feel it with all its glorious consequences. It’s that feeling and that fire that will help you make the next step. Remind yourself regularly of what it is you are after.

    6. Getting others on board

    I accepted promotions in the past partly because my superiors offered me help in the transition. You don’t have to go it all alone. You are not getting brownie points for NOT asking for help.

    Check in with yourself: Is your pride in the way? Is there a part of you that thinks the achievement will be better, more valuable if you do it all by yourself?

    There are certainly times when you will benefit from doing things yourself. But if it’s a question of not doing it at all or doing it with the help of others, surely the choice is clear?

    Surround yourself with people who inspire you. And make use of the wisdom they have to share. Chances are, people have done what you are trying to do now, in some form. There’s no need to reinvent the wheel.

    7. Be your own role model.

    In an attempt not to be labeled as arrogant, it seems that we have gone too far the other way. We often practice self-deprecation instead of shining a light on our strengths and achievements. But let’s face it; you can’t have made it this far without having learned, grown, and stretched yourself.

    Can you name your strengths? Do you have a list of your achievements? What are you proud of?

    If you are finding these questions difficult to answer, I strongly recommend taking some time to think about them. And as highlighted above: this is YOUR list. No judgment, no comparison, no diminishing of what you perceive as your achievements just because you think society, your family, or friends don’t value them.

    With all of that present, can you now see how you can be your own role model? What are the strengths that helped you reach those goals in the past? How can you harness them for your current project?

    8. Expectations and acceptance

    It goes without saying that leaving your comfort zone is unlikely to be plain sailing. We might experience setbacks, frustrations, and stress, and ultimately, we might not even reach our goal. All of that is human. Don’t let this deter you from trying.

    Redefine what success and failure look like. The outcome might be different from your expectations, but you will have learned something along the way. At the very least you will have gained resilience.

    Accept the discomfort. Be realistic about what the journey looks like and expect some detours. It’s all part of it, and I believe that the biggest disappointment arises from things not going as planned.

    So, what changes when you are detaching from the outcome, when you practice acceptance of whatever happens, all the while knowing that you can handle whatever comes your way?

    9. Reward yourself

    This is my favorite part! Reward yourself for reaching milestones, which can be as small or big as you like. Do whatever you need to motivate yourself on this journey. Take a break, get some rest, adjust the plan, get more help. But most of all, acknowledge what you have already achieved. Congratulate yourself even just on the decision to make a change.

    10. Practice makes perfect.

    This is not a myth but a fact: It really gets easier over time. At the very least, with every experience, you will have more on your list of achievements to celebrate (step 7), right?

    While it gets easier, it doesn’t mean that the experience itself will be pain-free or more comfortable. Trust me, any speaking engagement still makes me really nervous! But having done it once, I know I can do it again. Your self-confidence will make all the difference. Your belief that you will be able to handle it will grow.

    —

    Life is short. It’s my belief that we are put on this earth to make a wide range of experiences. You are limiting yourself if you aren’t prepared to step outside your comfort zone. And I really do believe that you are missing out.

    I also believe that it helps not to take ourselves too seriously. Very often, the consequence we fear the most is embarrassing ourselves should our plans not work out. When you think about this more deeply, though, are you really going to let potential gossip stop you from going after your dreams? And as I like a good, cheesy quote, let me end with this one:

    “What if I fall? Oh, but my darling what if you fly?” ~Erin Hanson

  • Say Yes to What Excites You and Make This the Year You Really Live

    Say Yes to What Excites You and Make This the Year You Really Live

    “I imagine that Yes is the only living thing.” ~e.e. cummings

    During the fall of 2017 I began openly dating, four years after my separation and divorce of a twenty-plus year relationship. It was scary. And I was clear—I didn’t want a commitment, I just wanted the experience and some fun.

    My third round of online dating, I finally went out with some younger men who I assumed lined up with my non-commitment goal. It was different and fun, but also not quite what I wanted.

    In December of that year, my friend, who was interested in getting to know me more and had been asking me to lunch for months, called me out on my non-commitment. I always had the perfect excuse as to why I couldn’t go. But none of them were as valid as the truth: I was scared.

    What if I enjoyed my time with him? What if he liked me and I had to let him down because I wanted nothing to do with a real relationship? My biggest fear is hurting other people, so I didn’t want to even consider that option. Until he said, “Why don’t you stop avoiding and commit to lunch.”

    I really dislike being called out, especially when it’s right. So I went.

    And you know what happened? What I feared. I enjoyed myself—for four hours. It was filled with great conversation and great company. We closed down the restaurant with our lengthy stay. For someone who listens to people all day long as a professional counselor, I thoroughly enjoyed being listened to and heard. It was wonderful.

    And from that moment, my goal for 2018 was born. The Year of Yes.

    For the entire year I would commit to saying yes to opportunities that scared me. Ones that made me squirmy and uncomfortable and that promised to teach me something every step of the way.

    In 2018, I created podcasts, which I had been avoiding. It scared me to put my work out there and expose myself. As I created them I discovered I loved them. They inspired me to continue doing the work I’m passionate about and still do.

    I also opened myself up to doing a number of interviews that completely took me out of my comfort zone. If someone contacted me or an opportunity arose that made my heart beat fast, I said yes without thinking.

    When my voice of inspiration popped up and guided me to write and post, I did. When I felt the pull to take financial risks that made me question my stability, I took them. If it felt scary but exciting, I said yes. And didn’t look back.

    When the days were sunny and I had a ton of work to do, but a fun option presented itself, I chose the fun. Not an ounce of regret.

    I said yes to adventure. I traveled more readily and confidently in 2018 than any other year of my life. I’m an anxious flyer and I jumped on a tiny plane up the coast and large planes across the country. I explored. I stayed open. I was scared, but I did it anyway, and loved it.

    I also said yes to a new relationship—sloooowly. Very, very slowly.

    In that relationship I noticed things in myself I could not have seen on my own. How quickly I want to bail if I’m uncomfortable. How hard it is for me to receive kindness and love and allow it to be a comfortable part of my life. How much I clam up when I want to run and how easy it is for me to shut down, all while teaching others how to do the complete opposite. Which meant I too, had to practice what I preached.

    I learned to communicate like a champ. I shared my feelings when I would normally close them off. I let myself get close to people when I’d rather stay much, much further away.

    I chose to say yes. I said yes to myself. I said yes to my life.

    And I lived.

    I lived in a way I’d been wanting to. I let the yeses guide me to the next step and the next place to grow and enjoy myself. I proved to myself over and over again that the rewards far outweighed the risks of what I thought it would take to be enjoying—truly enjoying—my life.

    I reaffirmed what I believed to be true: When I follow my heart, my intuition, my knowing, life has a way of working itself out. Not without some level of discomfort. Not without experiences of pain. Not without changing some tough habits to shake. But all with a value that lasts and creates experiences I’ve desired all along.

    I learned that my fear was also my thrill. My shaking and restlessness were also my courage. My pause was my inhale before the exhale to true joy.

    We are trained to fear, to hold back and question all the things that can go wrong. We are masterful at saying no to living, to taking chances and being uncomfortable.

    We want proof we will be okay. I know I do. And luckily, it already exists.

    We have years of being afraid of worst-case scenarios that never played out.

    We have memories of taking risks and things turning out even better than we expected.

    There may also have been times when things didn’t work out better than expected, or even close. But when we didn’t get what we wanted, we usually got what we needed—we learned, we grew, and we opened ourselves up to new connections and possibilities.

    From all our assorted adventures, there were pains that helped us grow stronger and triumphs that helped us feel braver.

    We have proof that when we follow what feels right, we’re always on the right path for us.

    We have a life that lovingly and courageously wants to be lived.

    What would happen if you started saying yes? What would your life look like if you let yourself live? If you pushed through your fears and excuses and let your curiosity and excitement lead the way?

    You have all the reasons you can’t. But you also have the reasons you can.

    What will you choose?

  • The More You Do, The More Opportunities Open to You

    The More You Do, The More Opportunities Open to You

    “We’re here for such a short period of time. Live like you’re already dead, man. Have a good time. Do your best. Let it all come ripping right through you.” ~Jeff Bridges

    Yesterday, a Chinese exchange student we hosted two years ago texted to let me know her mother would like to invite my family to visit them in Nanjing—and she would pay for our plane tickets and let us stay at their vacation home.

    Of course I told everyone I know (I mean, China! C’mon!) and they all said, “You’re so lucky!” And it’s true, we are lucky.

    However, there’s more to our luck than, well, luck. Receiving amazing opportunities is a function not of waiting around and wishing for good things to happen, but of going out and living life to the fullest so good things can’t help but come to you.

    The China trip is one example: Since 1997 we’ve hosted fourteen exchange students for periods of time lasting from one month to the whole school year.

    Our friends and relatives have always thought we were nuts to take on the inconvenience and expense. (No, you don’t get reimbursed for hosting.) But we consider hosting foreign exchange students to be part of our civic duty, a lot of fun, and a good learning opportunity for our now seven-year-old son.

    Our kid has lived with students who hail from all over the globe—from South Korea to Ukraine to France—since he was one month old.

    So is this free trip luck, or a natural outcome of hosting fourteen foreign teenagers over the years?

    Another example: We entertain a lot, including holding weekly board game nights for ten to twelve gamers in our home. We’ve gone to great efforts to host these game nights—including managing a Meetup Group, supplying drinks, juggling our son’s bedtime routine on game night, and even having our garage converted into a board game room.

    We’ve become good friends with one family we met through this group, and for my birthday last week they offered to pay for tango lessons for my husband and me.

    Tango! I would never have thought of learning tango if we had not met these people and if they had not offered to get us lessons. Even though we expected nothing from our game group but some fun gaming, we have a new opportunity to do something fun and exciting that will stretch our limits—in a good way.

    I started thinking about this more and more, and the concept holds: The more you do, the more opportunities open to you.

    “Do More WHAT?”

    Doing more means different things to different people, but at its core it’s about stretching, learning, expanding, and experiencing new things.

    For some, that might mean helping at the soup kitchen or learning a new language, while for others it might mean starting a meditation practice or forming a book club. It doesn’t matter, as long as what you do is one or more of the following (the more the better!):

    • A learning experience
    • Something you’re passionate about
    • Mind-expanding
    • Helpful to others
    • Exciting
    • Requiring effort on your part
    • Scary

    Traveling, training for an athletic event, learning a new skill, volunteering, joining a new team at work, entertaining, writing, creating, launching…it’s all fair game. Just don’t fall into the trap of simply ramping up the intensity or frequency of the same-old-same-old if it’s not what lights your fire; try something new.

    “How Does It Work?”

    I can’t say for sure, but I can theorize. My feeling is that when you make an effort to try new things and expand your life experience, the universe—or heck, even your friends—see that you’re open and ready for more awesome opportunities, and they rush to make those opportunities happen.

    After all, who would you invite to join you at a class at the local clown college, or to co-launch a business—the friend who’s ready for anything, who you’ve seen taking part in all kinds of events, competitions, and activities? Or the friend who shrinks from new experiences and who sticks to the same routine year in and year out?

    “This All Sounds Expensive.”

    It can be if you want it to, but it doesn’t have to be. Volunteering is free. You can start a new business or volunteer organization with a WordPress website for nothing. Starting a book club, dinner group, or running group on Meetup.com costs only about $13 per month, and you can charge dues to make up for it. Training for a 5k or fitness competition for free.

    These (and many other activities) will create bonding experiences, memories, and opportunities to do even more—all without breaking the bank.

    “But Wait…Isn’t This the Opposite of Non-Attachment?”

    As a reader of this blog, you’re probably interested in concepts like being present and accepting what is. If you’re making efforts to experience more, create more, and do more, doesn’t that mean you’re grasping, attaching, obsessing about the future, and generally not being satisfied with your current self?

    It could mean that, but there’s a way to experience more and create new opportunities without falling prey to attaching: Go after everything you’ve ever wanted to experience and create—but enjoy the journey while you do it and try not to attach to the outcome.

    Work to improve your PR for that weightlifting competition, but don’t freak out over how you’ll perform at crunch-time. Write that book, but expect and accept rejection.

    Even if all your plans go awry, you still have the memories, and the results of your hard work. Write a novel and you have a novel. Pump iron for a competition and you’ll be stronger. It’s the doing that matters, not the results.

    Want to open yourself up to positive, amazing opportunities today? Think of something you’ve always wanted to do—whether it’s taking drum lessons, completing a sprint-distance triathlon, or hosting a gigantic family reunion—and take the first step toward that goal right now, before your “logical” mind steps in and tells you all the reasons it’s not possible.

    Once you do that, please post your experiences in the comments below. Here’s to great experiences!

  • Show Up for Yourself and Believe in Your Dream

    Show Up for Yourself and Believe in Your Dream

    Follow Your Dreams

    “As you start to walk on the way, the way appears.” ~Rumi

    My early life was challenging, to say the least. I grew up in a difficult home situation, which I hoped to escape through an early marriage. That marriage produced four beautiful children by the time I was twenty-one years old.

    We were very poor and I hoped to get us out of poverty, but I wasn’t sure it was possible.

    I’d been poor all my life. I didn’t really know what it was like to have abundance. I thought success was for “other people.” My only education was a GED and I couldn’t earn enough money to pay for childcare, much less improve our situation.

    It seemed to be hopeless, but I looked at my kids and decided that I had to try.

    It was my ambition to earn a bachelor’s degree, which I eventually did through grants, scholarships, and a lot of hard work.

    It took me five years to get through college. I finally graduated at the age of twenty-nine. After that, I always had a job and was able to take care of my family. Poverty was a distant memory.                      

    What does this mean for you?

    You can do a lot more than you think. You may never be twenty-one years old again, but you can have the essence of what it is that you really want. If you have a dream, it’s because there’s a part of you that’s whispering “yes” into your ear. Listen to it.

    Please don’t listen to the nay-sayers. There were so many people who never thought I’d make it. They told me to go on welfare, to tolerate abuse for myself and my children, to give up.

    If I’d listened to them, you wouldn’t be reading this right now. I did what needed to be done in order to achieve my dream, and so can you.

    Yes, it will be hard. There were many nights that I sat up crying in bed. There were the two weeks that I went hungry so that my children could eat while I waited for the food stamp application to be approved.

    When I enrolled in a junior college, I had a major meltdown on the very first day. I thought I’d lost my mind by signing up for all those classes. Who was I, trying to go to college in my mid-twenties with four children? I did it though.

    If you set a big goal for yourself, it’s okay if it’s hard. It’s not fun, but it’s okay. Anything you really want that you haven’t done yet is going to be hard. Expect it to be hard.

    If you’ve wanted something for this long, there’s a reason. Don’t betray yourself by not going for it. It will be hard. Do it anyway.

    It’s not too late to have what you want in life. Would it have been great to have everything you wanted by the time you were twenty-five? Sure, but most of us don’t. We all have struggles and challenges. We all know someone we think had it easier.

    In our culture, we’re bombarded with images of people living the dream. We feel like we are missing out if we don’t have it all.

    It’s helpful to remember that gorgeous twenty-somethings with money, fulfilling relationships, and successful careers are simply not the norm. We’re all human and we all have our struggles. Life is not a commercial.

    You’ll be much happier if you get over the myth that life should always be fun and easy. Start creating the life you want to have today. It’s only too late if you believe that it is. Thinking that it’s too late is an insidious myth in our youth-obsessed culture. Don’t fall for it.

    You can still earn your degree, find the relationship you want, get in shape, whatever it is that you want to have. Start now. In five years, you will be five years older whether or not you did anything with your life.

    The difference between those who achieve what they want in life and those who don’t is determination and tenacity, not luck, looks, or youth. I’m so grateful for the opportunities I’ve had in life, but the truth is, I’ve made the most of them and they only showed up when I did.

    Show up for yourself and the opportunities will appear. Maybe they won’t appear immediately, but if you stick with it, they will show up.

    The universe is an abundant place and there’s always a chance for us. Set your course today for the life you want to have and remember that you can do more than you think. The way will find you when you step up, believe in your own dream, and work toward it.

    Once you achieve your big dream, remember to pay it forward and encourage someone else who needs a reminder of what’s possible.

    Follow your dreams image via Shutterstock

  • Create New Opportunities by Challenging Your Judgments and Reactions

    Create New Opportunities by Challenging Your Judgments and Reactions

    New Day

    “Taking responsibility for your beliefs and judgments gives you the power to change them.” ~Byron Katie

    “Alright, it’s time to break into groups,” said the professor.

    Immediately, I thought, “I hate group work. I can’t trust other students.” Before even meeting the other members of the group, I was sabotaging the opportunity with negativity.

    How often do you do this?

    The six of us waited, looking at each other with blank faces.

    “Okay, now it’s time to pick a group leader,” said the professor. “Each group will be assigned a psychologist to present his or her major contributions to psychology. You all have ten minutes to present, no more. AND NO READING OFF POWERPOINT OR NOTECARDS,” he screamed. “We present in four weeks. Be prepared.”

    Without even realizing it, I let out a huge sigh and dug my face into my hands. “Finals, papers, work, and now this?” The moment I realized what I was doing, I was embarrassed, because what kind of body language was I signaling? How automatic was that?

    I took a breath. I thought, “Is this how you want to lead by example? How ridiculous are you acting right now? Look back on your principles and follow them.” And so I did: one of my principles in life is learning how to flip negative situations into positive.

    Adversity is really a challenge in disguise. And challenges build character, facilitate growth, and teach us important lessons in life.

    My professor also said something that motivated me: “Out of all my years of teaching, I have never given a group a 100.”

    Challenge accepted.

    Be Mindful Of Your Default Setting

    David Foster Wallace talked about our “default settings” in his “This Is Water” Kenyon Commencement speech.

    Our default setting is how we react to the events in our lives. When we’re bored, we find solace in our phones. When someone cuts us off on the road, we drive up next to their window to see what they look like. And for me, when told that there is group work, I let out huge sighs and roll my eyes.

    This is, however, something we ought to overcome; we decide what has meaning in our lives or what doesn’t.

    I went home really thinking about this assignment—is this really about getting an A, or is it something more meaningful, like practicing organization, leadership, communication, teamwork, and, most of all, public speaking?

    Throughout our lives we will meet people that we don’t like right away or may be in a situation where we feel uncomfortable

    Instead of reveling in this negativity, it would be infinitely more rewarding to take a step back and realize what we’re telling ourselves about this particular situation or person. Is this how we really want to look at it or perhaps is there another way?

    1. Pause and focus on being mindful.

    Take a breath. What are you telling yourself? What do you feel? Getting to the bottom of your feelings, becoming self-aware, is step one; making the conscious decision to change your mind will be tough but necessary.

    Once you become aware of what you’re telling yourself, only then can you start changing the inner dialogue.

    2. Let go.

    Okay, so there was no way of getting out of this presentation, not unless I was okay with failing the class. So now I accept what I cannot change. What can I do to make this moment better? Keep dancing in my discomfort and insecurities or step up and lead?

    Our default setting is to complain and whine, but we’ve all done this so many times in our lives that it’s obvious it doesn’t lead to anything fruitful. Probably best to do the more difficult task instead.

    Negative Judgment Into Compassion & Humility

    We all, to an extent, judge people automatically. We look at their clothing, body language, skin color, and age. This isn’t necessarily bad; this is just how our minds work. We process and organize information in categories to save mental energy, process new information, avoid danger, or approach new friends.

    But this automatic prejudging could be self-defeating at times. I automatically judged one of my group members to be the least active because of her demanding medical job and being a mother of two.

    And I was dead wrong. They were passionate, organized, and although tired after a long day of work, attentive and committed. I was humbled.

    1. Give chances.

    This is where empathy plays a big role: How would you want to be treated? Would you want strangers to give you a chance or not? From a leadership standpoint, I had no choice but to remove my negative judgments and exercise compassion and humility.

    You will have expectations, sure, but don’t let it cloud your judgment so deeply that you forget you’re working with human beings.

    2. Teamwork is also about compassion and humility.

    Depending on the way you are, working with others is difficult because your ideas get challenged. People may not agree with you, and the very feeling of friction against what you contribute is enough to put you on the defensive.

    The idiosyncratic and often deluded belief that we are the most important and knowledgeable person is something we have to let go. Once I truly embraced the suggestions and feedback from my group members, the presentation evolved in ways I couldn’t have previously imagined.

    Choose What Has Meaning

    After many weeks of rehearsal, I’ve never felt more confident in my group. I reflected on how I was thinking, feeling, and behaving just weeks ago, and I realized how foolish I acted and how I nearly sabotaged a great opportunity to exercise important, fundamental skills in life.

    I learned how to work with other people, how to listen, how to give and take feedback, and how to turn strangers into friends.

    We were the last group to present. One by one groups would go up and follow very similar routines, read off their notecards, and hide behind the podium.

    “Is this what you were so afraid of?” I thought to myself. My group, during our rehearsal, was the complete opposite: strong eye contact, no words on the PowerPoint, barely any notecards, and lots of engagement. How? A lot of practice.

    When it was our turn to present, of course, the fear crept right in; I even saw it in the eyes of my group members. Before we all walked up, I looked at each of them. We didn’t even have to say anything. We all gave each other a little nod, smiled, and walked up to the front of the room.

    One by one, each of us presented our section, and by the end the class roared with applause, even a few murmurs like, “That was the best one.”

    At the end of the class the professor walked up to us and said, “I have a problem with your presentation. You didn’t read off notecards, you didn’t read off the PowerPoint slide, and you didn’t have blocks of text on it either. I’m going to have to give you all a 100.”

    My group jumped with joy, hugging one another and congratulating each other. As I was soaking in the moment I thought, “See? What were you afraid of? Why those negative judgments? Look at what was accomplished and how it was done. Now apply this in other areas of your life.”

    To me, this wasn’t so much about the grade, although I originally believed it to be. No, the real joy was the experience of overcoming my fear of public speaking, turning strangers into friends, exercising teamwork, leadership, humility, and compassion.

    The challenge, of course, is applying this same mindset to new and upcoming endeavors. It’s easy to fall back on our default setting without being aware of it, but the more we practice mindfulness, the more likely it will become our new default setting.

    Just imagine if I stuck to my default setting? Imagine if I let negativity overwhelm me and guide my actions? This experience, this story, would have ceased to exist. So would the lessons that I’ve shared.

    Photo by Alejandra Mavroski

  • 50 Ways to Open Your World to New Possibilities

    50 Ways to Open Your World to New Possibilities

    “To get something you never had, you have to do something you’ve never done.” ~Unknown

    Maybe you feel stuck. Or bored. Or frustrated. It’s not that you don’t like the life you live, it’s just that you suspect there’s something more. Some greater sense of meaning or excitement. New connections. New adventures. New possibilities.

    The truth is those possibilities are always within your reach. You may not be able to quit your job or develop new skills by osmosis, but every day contains within it countless opportunities, all dictated by the choices you make.

    Some of those choices may seem inconsequential when you face them. They’re the little things, after all. Why not do it how you usually do? Why not stay in your comfort zone when it’s just so comfortable there?

    Do it for the possibility. The possibility that if you make one minor change you may set the stage for major fulfillment. Sometimes even the smallest shift in thinking or doing can create the biggest opportunity. Here’s how to get started.

    Get Out of Your Head

    1. Challenge your beliefs about what you can and can’t do. Maybe you are a good leader. Maybe you can do hard things. Maybe you can change careers at your age.

    2. Challenge your ideas about how things should work. Sometimes when you decide how things should be you limit your ability to be effective in the world as it actually is.

    3. Have a vision session. Write in a journal, create a video, sketch—anything that lets you explore what excites you most.

    4. Look for opportunities in a tough situation. Avoid a victim mentality and opt instead for a “ready for new beginnings” attitude.

    5. Remove something from your life that doesn’t serve you to make room for something better and new. You never know what you might let in when you let something go.

    6. Commit to something you always say you’ll do but always fail to start—and then take the first step right now.

    7. Turn your focus from something don’t want to something you do want. This allows you to shift your energy from complaining to taking action.

    8. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Positive energy creates positive results.

    9. Identify the blocks that keep you from breaking a bad habit. Anytime you improve your habits, you pave the path for personal excellence.

    10. Forgive someone if you’ve been holding a grudge. Removing that block will open you up where previously you’d shut down.

    Get Out in the Open

    11. Walk to work and open your eyes. You may find a gym you want to join or an organization where you’d like to volunteer.

    12. Talk to someone while waiting in line and ask what they do. You don’t need to wait for a specified event to network.

    13. Make an effort to connect with people you pass—smile and make eye contact for a little longer than usual. Being even slightly more open can open up your world.

    14. Learn a new skill. Start taking piano lessons or karate classes.

    15. Say yes to something you always talk yourself out of—sing karaoke or take a kickboxing class, even if you’re afraid of you’ll feel embarrassed.

    16. Take a walking lunch. Walk around your neighborhood for a half-hour with no destination in mind, and then eat at your desk when you return. You never know what will happen when you get out without a plan.

    17. Volunteer at your local animal shelter or ASPCA chapter.

    18. Start something you always assumed it was too late to do. Take gymnastics, learn guitar. If it moves you, get started today. It’s never too late.

    19. Take up urban foraging—the act of foraging for “free” fruits and vegetables around your city (where harvesting is sanctioned). According to worldchanging.com, “It saves money (free food!), it reduces waste (all that fruit isn’t rotting on the ground) and it builds community (…by forcing interaction between strangers…).”

    20. Join an adventure club to try new activities, like white water rafting and rock climbing, and meet new people at the same time.

    Get in with People

    21. Offer to help someone else. Sometimes it’s the best way to help yourself, and not just for the warm fuzzy feeling it provides. You never know what you’ll learn through the process.

    22. Carpool to work. This gives you a chance to get to know coworkers better—good for socialization, and possibly good for your career.

    23. Compliment a stranger on something you notice. Everyone likes to be appreciated, and it’s a great way to start a conversation.

    24. Take pictures of things you find interesting that other people might not notice. When you’re trying to frame the smiley face of leftover food on your plate, people will naturally want to ask what you’re doing. (I know this from experience).

    25. Do something you enjoy alone. Go to a museum or read a book in the park. You’re more accessible when you’re not engulfed in a crowd, making it easier for new people to approach you.

    26. Wear an interesting T-shirt, something funny or nostalgic. You likely won’t get through a day wearing a Gem or Alf shirt with at least one conversation with someone new!

    27. Move one of your friends into a new pool. Take one from the “we keep things light and casual” pool into the “we share our dreams and confide each other” pool. Research shows people who have five or more close friends describe themselves as happy.

    28. Bring enough lunch to share with other people at work—particularly childhood favorites. Nothing bonds like shared nostalgia.

    29. Pay attention to other people’s body language and expressions so you can offer assistance when they seem to need it.

    30. Help someone else get out of their comfort zone. You just may set the precedent that you challenge each other in your friendship.

    Get Into Your Work

    31. Show up a half-hour early or leave thirty minutes late. You’ll get more done, you may impress your boss, and you might open yourself up to opportunities for growth, particularly if your coworkers aren’t around.

    32. Speak up in a meeting, even if you don’t feel confident or you’re afraid you’ll be embarrassed. Your ideas can only take shape if you put them out there.

    33. Hold your meeting outside. People work and engage differently in new environments, particularly when they can feel sunlight on their faces.

    34. Hold a meeting standing up. This will most likely make it shorter, meaning you’ll be more efficient and create more time to work on something else.

    35. Create a business card that speaks to what really matters to you, like Meng Tan’s “jolly good fellow” card.

    36. Start learning a new language. The more people you can communicate with, the more valuable you become, particularly for work that involves traveling abroad.

    37. If you don’t work in your dream industry, volunteer within it. This allows you to be your purpose now, even though you don’t have the job; gain experience; and make valuable connections.

    38. Find a mentor. Ask someone who does what you’d like to do for tips.

    39. Attend a networking event or conference that’s big in your industry. Collect at least ten business cards, and follow up with emails the next day.

    40. Consider one of these creative ways to turn everyday situations into opportunities.

    Get Caught in the Web

    41. Check the Craigslist Community section for activities, events, and classes—and then send at least three emails today. Don’t wait.

    42. Start a group at Meetup.com to connect with like-minded people, or join one that already exists.

    43. Ask on Twitter if anyone can offer you tips to move forward with your dream.

    44. Learn to cook one tweet at a time. @cookbook tweets entire recipes and instructions in 140 characters each.

    45. Learn how to do anything that interests you on eHow, Instructables, or wikiHow.

    46. Have a “friend trade” day on Facebook. Introduce your friends to one of yours, and ask them to do the same.

    47. If you blog, find other bloggers in your niche and email them to introduce yourself.

    48. Search WeFollow.com to find the most influential people in your niche, then initiate contact them through Twitter or email.

    49. Become a host on Airbnb if you have a room to rent; it’s a great way to meet new people and earn a little extra cash!

    50. Join the TinyBuddha forums to seek help and help others who need it. (Or subscribe to tinybuddha.com for more tips to live out loud!)

    There’s a lot of information here—way more than you can tackle all at once. But it’s more about quality than quantity. Even just one small change can have a ripple effect into every area of your life. Of course it’s up to you to decide what’s possible.

    How do you open your world to new possibilities?

  • 10 Powerful Benefits of Change and Why We Should Embrace It

    10 Powerful Benefits of Change and Why We Should Embrace It

    Old Way New Way

    “If you do not create change, change will create you.” ~Unknown

    We are often resistant to change, and we don’t realize that change itself is constant.

    Even if you resist or avoid it, it will enter your life just the same. When you initiate the change yourself, it’s pretty easy to adapt to it, since it’s a wanted one.

    But are the unplanned and unexpected changes bad? What if all changes were good by default?

    I have been embracing change since a young age. During my life I have lived in five countries and in over twenty-five apartments, changed five schools and about five different careers.

    At first it is a bit difficult and annoying, but after a while you get used to the change so much that if it doesn’t come for a while, you end up moving the furniture at home in order to feel something changing.

    Changes connected with moving from country to country impacted my personality. Thanks to them I became more flexible and open-minded. Now I understand cultural differences and appreciate diversity.

    Each of the career shifts brought knowledge and new experiences. As a result, apart from the professional experience I learned how to resolve conflicts with difficult colleagues and how to work with unbearable bosses.

    Career related changes brought self-confidence. All those changes led me to the realization of what I wanted to do with my life.

    The biggest change in life occured when I got married. The change brought love, peace, and comfort into my life. As a result, a new me was born—me being a wife, mother, and happy woman.

    Finally, the big change I initiated by quitting a good job and embracing the passion of writing made me truly happy and satisfied.

    In general, when looking back, I realize that all the good things in my life are the results of changes that occurred in the past.

    People usually avoid changes and prefer to stay in their comfort zones, but I am true believer that once you get the courage and take the first step to change, your life will become much better.

    Below are just few benefits of change: (more…)

  • Learning to Embrace Change as Opportunity, Not Loss

    Learning to Embrace Change as Opportunity, Not Loss

    “If you correct your mind, the rest of your life will fall into place.” ~Lao Tzu

    Two years ago my life as I knew it changed forever. No, I was not diagnosed with a disease, nor did I lose someone special or have a near-death experience. I actually gained some pretty amazing things: a new house, two dogs, living with my partner, and the chance to be a full-time stepmom to his two children.

    But I did not initially view this change in a truly positive light.

    After the dissolution of a long-term relationship, I had spent several years living alone in my cozy apartment.

    I cherished my independence and, for a time, the solitude.

    I came and went as I pleased. If I was seized with musical inspiration, no matter what the hour, I played and sang. I had quiet time to read and write.

    My friends dropped by to hang out, I played shows with my band, and I regularly went out for meals and concerts.

    Yes, life was pretty darned good—except for the fact that I was alone.

    After interesting, humorous, and some downright sad attempts at dating, I met my partner, a wonderful man. He lived an hour and a half away, but we made it work, seeing each other on the weekends. His two children were then living with their mom in Quebec.

    My weekends with my partner were like mini-vacations. We kayaked, went out for meals, and laughed with abandon. Relaxation was our default setting.

    Fast forward two years, and traveling was beginning to lose its novelty, especially when poor weather made the roads dicey. Around this time, the kids asked to come and live with their dad. We knew the back and forth wasn’t going to cut it any more; the kids needed stability, so we buckled down and bought a house together.

    This was a lot to take on all at once, and I knew it. I could see it written on the faces of my friends, colleagues, and family when I described our plans. But we loved each other, we were committed to each other, and it seemed like the most practical solution at the time.

    I left my apartment, my partner left his house, and we merged our lives.

    I soon found I was walking on air, but not in the elated type of way—more so that the familiar ground was disintegrating from beneath my feet piece by piece.

    Even before the kids arrived, I started to feel overwhelmed with this new commitment, this new negotiation of space.

    I was used to putting things where I wanted them, eating when I felt like it, and functioning according to my personal schedule, but suddenly I was accountable to someone else—and he had equal right to give input on everything from where the pots should go to whose sheets should go on the bed.

    My relaxed state was replaced with the tension of constant compromise.

    Doubt began to snake its tendrils into my mind—had I made the right choice? (more…)

  • How to Become More Assertive to Seize Opportunities

    How to Become More Assertive to Seize Opportunities

    “In the long run we get no more than we have been willing to risk giving.” ~Sheldon Kopp

    It was a foggy day in the city. We decided to go to the Science Academy in San Francisco—me and the most beautiful girl I’ve ever known.

    We entered the aquarium. There was a blissful haze surrounding the room. There was a swirl of people going around. Yet, everything went into slow-motion. It was like there was an imaginary spotlight on her, and I gave her my full attention.

    I was mesmerized by her voice, eyes, and everything about her, really. Then suddenly there was a deep sensation in my brain that I had not felt for so many years. I was in love with her.

    As we continued to explore and talk, I had a few opportunities to share my feelings with her. And there were many opportunities when I could have kissed her. But I didn’t. I didn’t do either.

    Have you ever had the feeling you missed out on a life-changing moment? Have you ever had an experience when you knew you could have taken action but you didn’t?

    Looking back, I wonder why I didn’t do something to show her my true feelings.

    She lived far away from me, and a couple days later, she flew back home.

    I realized a long-term relationship would have been hard, but I simply wanted to share how I felt. I just didn’t have it in me to take action when the opportunity came.

    Over time, my disappointment dissipated because I got busy with my life. However, when I had time to think again, that scene kept playing over and over in my head. Then a wave of regret would strike me. I’d start over-analyzing and thinking, “What if?”

    I realized I didn’t want to have to think that again and that the key was learning to be more assertive. (more…)

  • 7 Creative Ways to Turn Everyday Situations into Opportunities

    7 Creative Ways to Turn Everyday Situations into Opportunities

    Open Door

    “If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.” -Milton Berle

    The people who are the most successful in life are the ones who create their own opportunities. Since I’m a work-from-home freelance writer who prefers beadworking to networking, I have to be ultra creative.

    I’ve identified seven simple ways to find opportunities in everyday situations. Here’s what I got:

    1. Wear your resume while running errands.

    Last year I read an article about a woman named Kelly Kinney who printed her resume on a T-shirt. What a brilliant idea! I always notice words on shirts; I’ve even been known to ask strangers to hold still so I can get a better look (far less awkward when the wearer is a man).

    You can order a similar one at ResumeShirts.com for under $20–well worth the investment if it lands you the job of your dreams! (more…)