Tag: negative

10 Ways to Complain Less (and Be Happier)

“Instead of complaining that the rose bush is full of thorns, be happy the thorn bush has roses.” ~Proverb

We all complain. Even if you argue that you are the happiest person in the world, you still complain sometimes.

Sometimes we complain without even realizing it, but rarely is it helpful. Sure, a common complaint can bond two people who may have nothing in common, but too much complaining would just break down the relationship.

For example, I once had a friend who constantly griped about her health, her family, her relationships, school, and the list goes on. Every time I hung out with her, I felt drained afterward.

No matter what I said or did, it never seemed to cheer her up. There is no arguing that she was going through a tough time, but her negative attitude certainly made matters worse. Eventually we grew apart because it was more than I could handle at the time.

So what happens if you are the one stuck in the negative attitude? We’ve all been there. I know I sure have. There are days when everything seems to go wrong, and complaining is the easiest thing to do.

It’s easier to complain instead of fixing a problem, like quitting a job or having a talk with someone. But I find that when you try to see things from a different perspective and challenge yourself to stop complaining, it is possible!

Here are some tips to stop complaining and ditch the negative thoughts so you can focus on finding solutions. (more…)

November 14, 2011
Aid for a No-Good, Terrible, Very Bad Day

“The outer teacher is merely a milestone. It is only your inner teacher that will walk with you to the goal, for he is the goal.” ~Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

Recently, I had a very bad day. It was a day when certain life events made me so scared, so panicked I felt like I was floating in a dark void with no connection to anyone or anything, certainly not myself.

It wasn’t one bad thing that happened, just an accumulation of family stresses, worries, questions, uncertainty, and self-doubt that flooded my spirit. I had been going-going for many days and lost touch with myself and it caught up with me—just like that. It spun me right off my center.

Although I know as humans we are imperfect, I judged myself as a fraud.

I’ve devoted myself to my inner-work for decades. I have a counseling psychology degree, published a self-help book and card deck set, and write articles with lessons about being peaceful, content, and happy.

But on this day, I needed to figure out how to help myself.

I tried to remember the amount of teachings spiritual, psychological, and creative I have collected in my toolbox over the many years.

I thought about the great teachers of the world that offer incredible valuable assistance to one’s growth and discovery. And remembered that without the application of the teachings, we remain a head full of knowledge rather than a being who is at peace and free.

I needed to be my own teacher in the moment, but I felt so weak and vulnerable I couldn’t connect to any of the teachings. This was a red flag of an emergency for me.

Lying on my bed in a temporary freeze, I thought about common emergency instructions we are given in case of disaster. The building’s sign: “In case of fire, take the stairs not the elevator.” The flight attendants: “Cover your own mouth first, then your child’s.” When a tsunami hits: “Run to higher ground.” The tornado: “Open the windows so that they will not shatter” or “Go to the nearest shelter” Even for the addict, “Pick up the phone and call your sponsor.” (more…)

November 9, 2011
8 Tips to Help Create a Positive Mental Attitude

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt

For years I lived an uneventful existence. I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t unhappy either. I was just sort of stuck.

I had a good career, earned lots of money, and I had great friends and a loving family. You would think that this doesn’t sound too bad, but I felt unfulfilled and unmotivated. I repeatedly lived each day like the one before.

I looked around me and saw that everybody within my own circle of friends, relatives, and immediate family were no different. They too seemed stuck. They seemed unmotivated—like they were living their lives on automatic pilot.

I began to question why this was. Why do so many people just accept this pattern as normal, as if this is the way it is supposed to be?

I read hundreds of books on philosophy, psychology, and spirituality. I continued with this for a couple of years until I gradually I began to see things with greater clarity. I began to wake up. Then one day, out of the blue it just hit me, like a ton of bricks.

The key to unlocking my prison door was not contained in any books I read (although they did help me somewhat). It was in my ability to accept what “is” in this moment. So I now I make that choice.

Here are eight tips to help you make that choice:

1. Remember that you are powerful.

Most of the time we have no idea what we are supposed to be doing, or who we are supposed to be imitating. I say “imitating” because this is what we do: We conform to the external environment. (more…)

June 29, 2011
Why Some Dreams Don’t Lead to Happiness

When I was 24 years old, I learned that some dreams are actually avoidance tactics, and some discouragement is a very good thing.

I was relatively new in New York City, and I felt overwhelmed by the prospect of failing if I tried to pursue my passions. I’d learned a lot about failure in the six years prior, and the only thing I knew for certain anymore was that I had to become someone important.

When I arrived at my interview for marketing job—as it was so descriptively advertised on Craigslist—I was surprised to find a room full of people and a whiteboard that read, “Who wants to work smarter, not harder and earn six figures?”

I did!

If I had the money, I reasoned, I’d have the freedom to do whatever I want with my life. The money was a smart dream. It was the path to everything and anything.

A 22-year old girl named *Aida led us through a 45-minute presentation. She told us how she recently bought her own home while helping other people find financial freedom, too.

That’s where we came in. We would sell phone and internet packages to our friends and family members, and recruit other people who wanted to do the same thing.

Every time we made a sale, we got paid. Every time those other people made a sale, we got paid. Every time the people they recruited made a sale, we got paid. And it only cost $499 to get involved.

That’s where she started to lose me. What kind of company asks you to pay them $500 to make sales for them? She told me that it cost because it was our own business—our investment, our tax deductions at the end of the year, and our profits.

I was skeptical, but I wanted to believe in the possibility of achieving massive success so that I could eventually do something big—and I loved the idea of helping other people along the way. (more…)

March 21, 2011
Transforming Negative Thoughts & Creating the Life You Desire

“If you correct your mind, the rest of your life will fall into place.” ~Lao Tzu

In my quest for personal development, I’ve done a ton of processing, meditating, reading, praying, exercising, eating well, and helping other people. All of these things are amazing, and I still do them regularly, but none of it matters if I don’t guard my thoughts as though my life depends on it.

The quality of my life literally depends on my thoughts.

I never thought of myself as a negative person, and most people who know me will tell you I’m a bubbly, outgoing, super positive individual.

This is definitely the version of me that shows up in the outside world, and this is absolutely who I want to be. However, when I am under the spell of my “stinking thinking,” I don’t feel so good and happy. I also begin to experience circumstances that are most certainly not what I want.

One thing that’s been really difficult for me is recognizing when I’m thinking negative thoughts. More often than not, they’re totally subconscious thought patterns playing themselves out over and over again, and kicking my butt in the process.

I’ve decided that most of the time, it really doesn’t matter what these subconscious patterns are. What’s important is to shift my thinking immediately, using my feelings and mood as cues.

By staying dedicated, loyal, and committed to positive thinking, I’m able to stay in alignment with the life my heart desires. (more…)

January 20, 2011
Let Go of Negative Feelings: 3 Ways to Watch Them Disappear

“Some people think it’s holding that makes one strong–sometimes it’s letting go.” ~Unknown

I’m the divorced mother of two teenage girls. Holidays are split; the girls have Thanksgiving with their dad and Christmas with me on even-numbered years, and vice versa on odd number years. It’s hard on all of us, but it has been especially hard on me this year.

This year I had Thanksgiving with my girls the weekend before Thanksgiving and asked if they wanted come over on Black Friday to set up the Christmas tree, as was the tradition before. They said sure.

I called them about ten that morning to find out when they’d be ready for me to pick them up. Well, they forgot and made plans with their grandmother to go shopping. I was devastated and in tears. So many emotions were ripping my heart apart. (more…)

December 14, 2010
4 Active Choices for Success & Happiness

“Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action.” ~Benjamin Disraeli

These last few months I’ve been digging myself out of a hole, which ironically enough, I had put myself into. I spent so much time in the last two years constantly being negative, and I could tell by the people surrounding me that it had been enough.

People were starting to leave my life; they were tiring of same repetitive mantra. And come to think of it, I was tiring of it also. It was becoming more and more exhausting to try and get people to tell me what was wrong with me and what was going in on my head.

Why couldn’t I be happy? Why couldn’t I do the things that I wanted to do? Why wasn’t I successful?

And then it came to me. The reason I wasn’t happy, successful, or doing the things I wanted to do was that I wasn’t doing a single thing about it. I was complaining to others, constantly searching for their approval, for some sort of life line. I thought that I had to please everyone else in order to make myself happy, but I was wrong.

I kept asking for advice but I never accepted it. I shot every suggestion down until I finally realized: it takes more effort and energy to be negative then it does to be positive.

Here’s my advice for you:

1. Cut all negative ties.

Easier said than done, right? Wrong. Whatever causes you stress, whatever requires so much effort that it actually causes you strain, physically or mentally, cut it out! You don’t need it.

It could be the people in your life, the things you do, or to the food you eat. Anything that causes you stress isn’t worth your time. Trust me. Once I cut out all the negative people in my life, I had a clearer mindset, which made it much easier to reach my goals and be happy.

2. “Do or do not, there is no try.”

As cliché as it is to quote Star Wars, this is actually one of the truest things I’ve ever heard. You could word it however you want, but it’s proven fact.

I recently saw a film called An Education directed by Danish writer Lone Scherig. In the film, there was this quotation that really got to me: “Action is character. If we didn’t do anything, we wouldn’t be anybody.” It’s true.

I didn’t do anything for the longest time. I kept making list after list, excuse after excuse as to why I wasn’t doing the things I wanted, couldn’t do the things I wanted, and wasn’t the person I wanted to be. One day I looked in the mirror and saw the person I was becoming. I saw the direction I was headed and didn’t like it one bit.

That day I jumped out of bed, put my best face on, and went out into the world to achieve something that felt meaningful. I did that every single day until finally I had a job, great friends, and a healthy lifestyle, and was back in school.

Don’t try to do something, because trying means that you might not actually do it; but if you just get out and just start, you will get it done.

3. Don’t give up.

Many times I wanted to give up. It was exhausting to get out of bed every day and push myself harder than ever to be this person. Sometimes happiness takes a little effort.

There were days when I didn’t want to get out of bed, but I pushed myself even harder on those days. It’s always the last mile that’s the most exhausting; but if you push harder, when you reach the finish line it’s even more rewarding! Your efforts might not seem to be paying off but they will.

Giving in is giving up, and giving up is choosing not to be happy. Put in the time and effort. Give it your all. You can achieve anything you want to if you only believe and then act on that belief.

4. Love yourself.

If you don’t take time for yourself, all that pushing won’t get you anywhere. Once I realized how badly I was treating myself, I started to put extra effort into looking out for me. I would buy myself new clothes or treat myself to a new hairstyle; somedays, I would even just go for a walk, breathe in the fresh air, meditate, and try to learn something new.

The more time I gave myself to sit and breathe and relax, the better I felt; and the better I felt, the further I went. Take a small portion of each day to relax and enjoy yourself and it will pay off.

—

It really is pretty simple to be happy if you keep moving forward, figuring out what you need to do for you, and then making the effort to do it.

Photo by Nick Harris 1

October 3, 2010
10 Ways to Let Go and Overcome a Bad Mood

“Every day may not be good, but there’s something good in every day.” ~Unknown

We all get in bad moods, no matter how positive we try to be.

Maybe you didn’t get enough sleep last night. Or you feel overworked and overwhelmed. Or perhaps something happened and you keep dwelling on it, going over and over in your head how you froze up in a meeting or spoke too aggressively to someone you love.

Whatever the case may be, you feel something you don’t want to feel and you’re not sure how to change it. You just know you need to do something before acting on that feeling.

The reality is you don’t have to act on everything you feel. Still, emotional responses happen so quickly that it becomes challenging to put space between feeling and doing.

It may seem like the answer is to stop responding to life emotionally, but that’s just not realistic. Paul Ekman, one of the foremost researchers on emotion, suggests it’s near impossible to bypass an emotional response because of the way our brains are set up.

Perhaps the best goal is to identify negative feelings quickly and improve your state of mind instead of responding to feelings with more feelings. Odds are, if you choose the latter, you’ll do something you’ll regret later.

I’ve come up with ten ways to overcome a negative state of mind: (more…)

April 8, 2010