Tag: money

Is a Subconscious Money Taboo Holding You Back?
“The outer conditions of a person’s life will always be found to reflect their inner beliefs.” ~James Allen

I was one of those who used to say, “Money isn’t taboo for me! Not in a million years!” That’s until I became aware of the knot in my stomach during a phone conversation with a potential business partner.

I intended to explain how I award commissions for client referrals.

“Well,” I said, “I offer a…gift to friends and colleagues who refer potential clients to me.”

“A gift?” he asked on the other side of the line.

“The gift is…uh…” My mind searched in vain for a synonym of “commission.” I cringed as the word left my mouth.

I realized that wasn’t the first time I had felt my stomach clench during money-related conversations. I had experienced a similar feeling at the time to discuss my fees, or even at the time to bill current clients.

That’s when it really hit me. I was uncomfortable talking about money.

I was taught it was “bad manners” to ask people how much money they earned or how much they paid for something.

When I was growing up, focusing on wealth or having a large fortune was also negatively seen. You might have been raised in a similar environment. “Filthy rich” is cliché for a reason…

And this money taboo can cause big problems.

Why? Because the result of the subconscious messages you’ve received about what is and isn’t socially unacceptable might be driving you away from the income you need to care for yourself and those around you.

You might be subconsciously choosing to be underpaid for what you do.

Unknowingly, you might be devaluing your contribution to the world, and by doing so, struggling to make ends meet. On top of that, the financial strain you experience might be preventing you from helping others as much as you would like to.

Do you tend to:
- Avoid talking about how much you charge until you absolutely have to?
- Avoid revealing how much money you make?
- Dread asking for a raise?
If you can relate to any of those situations, it’s time for you to stop the subconscious money taboo. The five steps below helped me, and they might help you, too.

Perform a value inventory.

Money flows were value resides. It’s as simple as that. To feel that it’s okay for you to make money, you must feel that you’re delivering value.

I felt a positive shift in my attitude toward money when I listed everything I do for those around me. The list also helped me realize I needed to make changes to some of my offerings so they would be more valuable.

Starting today, create an inventory of the ways you contribute your skills and abilities to the world. Go beyond listing projects or services. Instead, ask yourself, “What results do I get for people? How is the planet a better place because of me?”

If you conclude that you’re not delivering a lot of value, it’s time to change what you offer.

You’ll be able to create massive value when you design a comprehensive solution to address a problem or meet a need.

Assess your confidence level.

Here is a question I always ask myself before I spend time and effort creating and selling new programs: “Would I buy this?”

My answer must be yes before I start to work.

Doubt is a clear sign that either your offer isn’t as good as it could be or you’re lacking self-confidence.

Set aside some time to closely study your daily work. If you conclude that you deliver true value but still feel as though you wouldn’t pay for it, then you’ll know it’s time to do some inner work to quiet your negative inner voice.

Any time a defeatist thought pops up in your mind, replace it with a thought that feels slightly better. For example, instead of saying, “I will never be able to pull this off,” proclaim, “I have a small chance to succeed.”

This inner work might take some time. Be patient.

It’s only when you feel confident about your contribution that you’ll be able to open the door to a higher income.

Rehearse money conversations.

One of the first public speaking tips that I learned in Toastmasters is, “Practice, practice, practice!” I decided to apply this tactic to master the skill of talking about money.

Stand in front of the mirror and rehearse the conversation you would have with your manager or a customer. First, clearly state the value you deliver, and then communicate how much money you deserve for your contribution.

The first few times you do this might feel uncomfortable or even silly. Keep going.

In time, money conversations will become natural to you, and when people sense how natural the money talk feels to you, they will relax and be more willing to say yes to your proposal.

Test money conversations.

It’s time to test your new money conversation skills. Don’t lose hope if the first few times you ask for payment/more money aren’t perfect.

I still felt slightly uncomfortable during my next commission conversation, but I got through it! This motivated me to continue testing and practicing.

What matters most is that you learn from your mistakes. Make tweaks to your delivery until you see the results you desire.

And remember, not everyone will say yes. You will be rejected, but you can turn rejections into useful feedback for the future.

If possible, ask the people who rejected you what you could have done better. Ask what else you could offer to help them say yes, and take prompt action.

Celebrate your success.

If you focus on what you’ve done right, you’ll feel empowered to continue on your road to financial success.

Share your accomplishments with close friends and family. Treat yourself to your favorite activity to celebrate.

With the right focus and positive attitude, you’ll see how success builds upon success.

And remember, the more value you deliver, the more money will be available to you, and the larger impact you will be able to make in the world.

In the comments section below, tell me what kind of value you deliver to those around you. This is the first step to attract more money into your life so that you can take care of yourself and make a difference in the world.

Money taboo image via Shutterstock
December 16, 2015
What If Success Was Measured by How Well You’ve Loved?

“That man is a success who has lived well, laughed often and loved much.” ~Robert Louis Stevenson

When I was a child, I learned a lot from my parents and other authority figures. I learned the difference between wrong and right, the value of hard work and perseverance, that one must not mistreat or use people, but be good.

I learned about love too, for when my loved ones were happy, the same joy always came back to me.

Making the difficult transition into adulthood, I picked up a whole lot of other things from whatever environment I managed to land in—from school, college, and my workplaces.

I learned that I had to get a certain rank in class for my intelligence to be considered acceptable. I was questioned and cross questioned repeatedly on why some kid who lived in my building got a better rank than me. Why couldn’t I perform better?

My future somehow seemed to be in peril due to my underperformance in math, geography, and languages, and my bad handwriting.

So I learned to be competitive and strive harder. I also learned that no matter what I did, even if I performed better than my last result, it wasn’t good enough because some friend in class or someone in the colony or prior performance by my siblings was always better!

Soon an epic thirst for ‘success’ kindled in me.

I learned that success meant doing well in class—getting great marks, getting into a good college, getting epic marks there, as well (you cannot fall lower than a first class), getting an epic job. And it should be in an epic company (brand name) and pay well enough to sound epic and also allow me to spend and save well, to provide sufficiently whenever I find a partner, have kids etc.

Makes sense, right?

Oddly enough, I managed to do most of that—get good marks, get a good job in an epic company with an epic package, and make my parents proud.

I seemed to be at the pinnacle of (my self-defined) success!

Well, not quite.

For one, I hated my epic job. The epic company that had hired me (thought they had bought my soul) put me in a department that was a far cry from what they had hired me for.

They increased the pay of said department a few months down the line (there were many others stuck in the same mess as me). I guess it was supposed to compensate. I also had to move away from home, far from my loved ones.

After much frustration and in a span of one year, I was packing my bags and returning home. I wasn’t ready to hand over all of my soul, after all!

What happened after that is a long story best kept for another time. Let’s just say that I returned to what would be, compared to my peers, a relatively mediocre place, both in terms of position and finances.

I was fast slipping off the success radar!

Something else also started happening though. While I was busy wallowing in self-pity and licking my wounds, I became more reflective and perhaps, more observant.

I noticed how happy I was to be with my family.

With all the glorious dysfunctionality that existed within, of which I am an integral part, I realized that I love them to bits and pieces. I had always taken them for granted, and the time spent away is helping me to treasure the time I spend with them now.

I discovered joy in little things.

A neighborhood cat gave birth to a litter of kittens. The mere sight of those tiny babies evoked love and joy in me that I cannot put into words! It was pure bliss feeding them every day, checking on them, and playing with them.

Most of the litter along with the mom cat dispersed. But two kittens, now nearly year old cats, still linger, and I look forward to going home every single day to feed and cuddle the furballs.

I took a course in dancing.

It was one thing I had loved as a child but that I simply wasn’t good at. While I struggled with it through the course, it was a liberating experience. It made me realize that we place a lot of shackles around ourselves as far as our capabilities are concerned.

I questioned my ultimate ambition in life.

Do I want to compromise on my health, happiness, and loved ones to achieve ‘success’ like everyone else around me seems to be doing? As a kid I had a lot of other dreams, and now I am revisiting them.

I realized that in the success I had been chasing for so long, in the rat race that I am still running, there is little room for integrity.

We are lying every day, be it to get a promotion, to get selected in an interview, or to aggressively sell a product. We are lying so much that it has become part of the fabric we’re made of.

I realized that power and success as I knew it did not teach love.

I noticed that people in prominent positions around me were not necessarily using their power with kindness. I have seen people in power abuse those below them, aggressively push them to overwork, look down upon them, and invoke bitterness in them. And I have also seen such behavior being hailed as the hallmark of a performer who could get the job done.

I realized that it was my responsibility to learn to become a better human being.

Whether or not I learned to become successful in practical, worldly terms.

I am not saying I have risen above any of this, only that I am better aware of what I’m doing these days and I reflect on the kind of choices I want to make for the road ahead.

Just think about it—what if success was measured by how well you’ve loved instead of what you’ve earned or how many people know you?

What if success was actually how much you’ve loved life itself, filling it with love and giving even more love? And not necessarily what you are wearing, the places you’ve been to, or the phones, cars, and yachts you’ve owned?

What if success was measured by how much joy you’ve brought to the table and how much better or worse you left the place than when you arrived?

What if success was measured by how kindly and sincerely you’ve treated those around you?

What if you actually got negative points every time you treated someone meanly or unfairly or judged someone or looked down on someone?

How would your success graph look in that case? Would you need to put in more effort to make it better?

I know I would be in the red.

These days I make it a point to not take for granted all that I have been blessed with.

Things like a stable home, concerned parents who love me and care for me in spite of some tremendous difficulties and conflicts, a great education including a post grad degree, loving reassurance whenever I feel I’m not doing well in life, freedom to live life on my own terms. Two cats who let me feed them and give some reluctant hugs for the same—all this and more!

These days, I have also come to notice many who are working out of love, giving freely, who are true blessings, making this world a better place, in whatever small ways that they are. Quite possibly, you are one of them!

I’ve learned that one can always appreciate what one has instead of clamoring for more of everything; it’s a good way to feel content. Yes, there are things to be achieved and they will be achieved in due time. Yes, I still lie as much as I am required to and I need a do a lot of work there.

I accept that I still don’t know exactly where I am headed in life, and that’s okay. I prefer to call it figuring it out instead of failing.

At the very least, I know that I am editing my definition of success. I am learning a whole new definition in fact, bit by bit, every day!

Heart hands image via Shutterstock

October 22, 2015
Happiness Starts with You

September 30, 2015
Should You Sacrifice Financial Stability to Pursue Your Dream?

“If a person gets his attitude towards money straight, then it will help strengthen out almost every other area in his life.” ~Billy Graham

To pursue financial security or your dream …

You’re in conflict, right?

I know because I’ve been there myself.

People often tell us that money isn’t everything, so we assume we can sacrifice money to pursue our dreams. Somehow it will work out. At least that’s what I thought.

What do you think about money? Is it everything or not?

I quit my job when I got married. My husband was a pastor in a small rural community in Vermont, and my dream was to help those in need and work with him in the mission field.

I helped serve in the community soup kitchen that ministered to those afflicted by addiction. Sometimes I worked in the food bank, and instead of getting paid in cash, they donated canned meat to the organization we were affiliated with.

It was work that fulfilled my soul but not my wallet.

Though I’ve been broke before and came out on top, I was suspicious we wouldn’t survive on one salary as a family.

My husband reassured me money wasn’t everything and we’d be okay.

Our budget was tight. We lived a simple life. We ate donated food, most of which was boxed and canned.

I longed for homemade food with fresh produce, but we couldn’t afford it. Instead, we tweaked the boxed and canned food as best as we could to make it taste better. I learned that if I added a different spice to the same meal each time I cooked, it tasted better.

We also learned to make our own 1% milk. We bought 2% milk, divided it into halves and filled each half with water. We didn’t care about the nutritional value as much as how far the milk would stretch.

We were surviving, but when you’re as broke as we were, one small thing can turn your world upside down.

We didn’t have health insurance, but I wasn’t bothered by it because I was healthy. Or so I thought.

I had a cavity that had never been a problem for years until it woke me up in the middle of the night and made me scream in pain. Talk of the world turning upside down. We couldn’t afford a dentist. And the pennies in the jar weren’t enough to afford the smallest container of Tylenol.

That is when I knew something had to change.

Living in rural areas has its downside regarding jobs. At least I didn’t get one.

A friend of mine knew how good I was with children and asked if I could watch her kids after school until she got home. I took her up on the offer.

This offer was a win because I still helped with the mission work in the morning, and I got paid for nanny work in the evenings. Talk about killing two birds with one stone.

But, here is what I learned from the painful reality of becoming broke in the pursuit of dreams, and how to survive:

1. Follow your instinct.

I should have kept my job. Deep down I knew we wouldn’t survive on one salary, but I went ahead and quit. At least we should have first identified how much money we truly needed as a family before I quit.

Do you have a constant battle in your mind, one side telling you to quit and the other telling you to suck it up? Follow your instinct, but remember that if you chose to quit without a savings account, the bills will still roll in.

If your gut is telling you that quitting feels risky, be creative and find a way to pursue your dream while still maintaining your financial stability.

2. Honor friendship.

Sometimes we assume our BFFs knows what we’re going through, so we expect them to help. But in reality, they have no clue about how much we’re hurting.

Confide in your trusted friends about what you’re going through — you’ll be surprised by the help you’ll receive.

We sure wouldn’t have survived without friends. I called a friend when the toothache invaded and explained to her our money situation. She bought the largest container of Tylenol and paid the dentist fee.

There is no shame in asking friends for help when we really need it. But don’t be a mooch. One day you can return the favor or pay it forward.

3. Use your strength.

We all have something unique within. We learned through experience, formal and informal education, or job experience. Yet we don’t utilize that talent.

What are you really good at? What comes naturally to you? How can you use that skill to help you survive when you’re in a financial bind?

When my friend suggested I watch her children after school, I took up the offer and loved it. The kids loved sewing and knitting. I used my teaching experience to implement the activities.

4. Refuse to settle.

Are you in a tough spot and feel like you have no way out? We’ve all been there.

But don’t settle. Know that you deserve more. Settling can block your mind from seeing when new opportunities arise.

I told everyone I came across how poor we were and that I was okay with it because we were doing good work. But deep down inside, I wasn’t okay.

I longed for things I couldn’t afford, like a nice, warm winter coat. But the most unbearable parts were the things I couldn’t provide for my son.

For example, he didn’t even bother to tell us about the cookie exchange at school because he knew we couldn’t afford to contribute. He told his teacher his parents were always broke, so the teacher had other kids donate cookies to him.

It’s okay to experience being broke, but believe that you will find a way to change your situation. The more you believe, the more open you’ll be to potential opportunities.

5. Take consistent action.

Does your dream seem difficult to achieve? Is money holding you back? What can you do to bring you closer to it?

Be patient and consistence with yourself. Slowly and steadily work toward it.

You don’t have to achieve it overnight. Look at how long runners take to practice before they can win.

I slowly and steadily continued to pursue my dream while taking care of my financial responsibilities.

Trust me; you can pursue your dream slowly and still take care of yourself financially.

6. Create an emergency fund.

An emergency fund will save you on a rainy day.

Start saving whatever you’re able to, no matter how little. Lets say you tuck away $10 weekly that adds up to $520 a year.

That right there will make you giddy on a rainy day.

If we had money saved my toothache wouldn’t have turned our world upside down. If you don’t have a financial cushion, wait to pursue your dreams until you do.

Take action and follow your dreams while protecting yourself financially.

Because you don’t want to look back and regret that you followed your dream and had no money to spend.

But don’t let opportunities beneficial to your dreams pass by.

Believe in yourself, and call your own shots regarding your dream and money.

Slowly and steadily start working toward your dream.

What steps are you taking today to survive your financial struggles and pursue your dream?

Man and dollar symbol image via Shutterstock

September 13, 2015
Money Can Buy…

July 28, 2015
The Bright Side of Having Little Money: 9 Reasons to Stay Upbeat

“If you want to feel rich, just count the things you have that money can’t buy.” ~Proverb

Ever been in a bad money situation?

Life might have been cushy before, but all of a sudden you find yourself having to carefully watch your spending. You start worrying about how to make ends meet.

You’re unable to afford the luxuries you’ve grown accustomed to—the ones you used to take for granted, like a Starbucks coffee or a meal at a restaurant.

I found myself in such a situation not too long ago.

I used to have a well-paid corporate job that allowed me to spend my time shopping, partying, and going on weekend trips with friends. It was a comfortable life, yet I couldn’t shake the lack of fulfillment I felt.

Every so often I thought about my big dream—the one I hadn’t realized yet. You know the dream that scares you to the core, makes your palms sweat, and your heart beat faster? Yep, that’s the one.

Finally, I made the decision to be brave and take action. For me, that meant moving to New York City and starting a business. Luckily my sister had a similar vision, and our paths crossed perfectly.

My plan was to live for a few months off my savings. I didn’t know much about my sister’s financial situation, but let’s just say that working six months for free in New York doesn’t leave you with much.

She had tried to tell me that she was struggling financially. I told her not to worry—that we were in this together and we’d work it out. When we met up in New York City, however, her bank account contained exactly $1. I knew it was bad, but not that bad.

So there we were, in one of the most expensive cities on earth, with no place to stay, no job, no long-term visa, and only my savings to live on.

This experience pushed me way out of my familiar boundaries. I had to lower the bar on my comfort zone as well as my dignity—which I realized when I had to ask an ex-Tinder date if my sister and I could crash in his apartment for a few nights.

But my New York City adventure also taught me lots of valuable lessons. I learned to look past the difficulties of having little money to the positive aspects of it (and there are plenty, I promise). This is what I learned.

1. You connect with people.

When you lack money, you become more dependent on others. Some see this as a painful experience, but it can actually help you strengthen your connections.

Allowing others to be there in moments of difficulty isn’t always easy (hello, pride). But by sharing your vulnerability, you give others permission to do the same. When you allow others to be there for you, you open up to deeper connections.

Also, believe it or not, allowing someone else do us a favor actually leads them to like us more as a result. This is called the Benjamin Franklin Effect. Basically, we justify the favor we did for someone by telling ourselves that we did it because we like the person.

2. You realize your fears were overblown.

Not having enough money can be a great fear for many people. Our minds tend to imagine everything that can go wrong, and build up our negative expectations.

My mind went crazy when I realized what we were dealing with financially. It told me that I wouldn’t be able to pay the rent, so I’d end up on the street. That I’d lose all my friends now that I couldn’t afford to go out, and that I was at risk of starvation and potential death.

None of my fears came true. The point is that reality is rarely as bad as we imagine it will be. Most of the scenarios we make up exist in one place only: our imagination.

3. You tap into your inner strength.

When things around you are uncertain and unstable, you can’t hang on to anything or anyone else but yourself. Others can help, but when life isn’t easy, you simply have to tap into your inner strength.

Needing external things and people to be a certain way in order for you to feel strong is a recipe for disappointment. They are out of your control. You are the only thing you can control in this world; it’s the only place from which you can draw true and lasting strength.

4. You become more grateful.

When you can no longer afford the small things you used to take for granted, you become more grateful for the moments when you can afford them.

Drinking a coffee you take for granted and drinking one you sincerely appreciate are two very different experiences. In the end, happiness isn’t derived from what we are able to buy, but from the gratitude and appreciation we are able to cultivate from our experiences.

5. You realize you already live in abundance.

Sometimes we need to experience what we think is lack in order for the abundance to appear. The abundance is there—we just need to tune into it.

Just think about it. The sun rises every morning; birds keep on singing and food keeps on growing on our planet. We have roads to walk on, parks to spend time in and people around us to have interesting conversations with.

Having little money can make you appreciate what you still have in life, even the little things you never used to think much about.

6. You spend less time doubting.

I used to spend a considerable amount of time every day comparing and second-guessing all the options available to me. What to eat for lunch, where to go on a night out, what bag to buy, and so on.

Don’t get me wrong, having options is good—but too many can be overwhelming. Less money means fewer options. This leaves little room for doubt or dwelling on the alternatives. You simply have to accept the options available to you, and as you get on with your life, you realize they’re just fine.

7. You become more creative.

Constraints make you creative. When you are faced with limitations you’re required to find new ways of making things work. You start looking outside the box for alternative solutions.

For my sister and me, that meant becoming creative with our accommodations. Paying rent was simply not an option (unless we wanted to spend all of our money on that and come back home broke). So instead of living in our own place, we spent our time housesitting, babysitting, and dogsitting for people just to keep a roof over our heads.

8. You make the most of your time.

When a situation is unsustainable, a sense of urgency arises. Something needs to happen for the current condition to improve. Suddenly, every hour counts.

My New York City experience made me realize that I need to make the most of my time and stop wasting it on things that don’t bring real value. That means no more days in which all I’m doing is waiting for those days to pass.

9. You realize the importance of choice.

Money makes us comfortable. When we are comfortable, it’s easier to not make proactive choices. Choosing means excluding something; therefore, choosing not to choose becomes the easy way out.

When you’re not numbed by the comfort of money, life gets very real. Every choice you make (or don’t make) either moves you in the direction of what you want or not. The importance of choice becomes more evident.

Keep Looking on the Bright Side

Let’s be honest. Staying upbeat when you have little money isn’t easy. Reminders of your financial situation are constantly there, in the cup of coffee you buy, the unexpected bill you receive, or the craving you have for that unaffordable vacation.

Seeing the bright side of a difficult situation isn’t a quality you either have or don’t have—it’s a choice you make and a skill you can develop. You can learn to make the choice to not let your happiness depend on external things, such as money.

You deserve to feel good no matter the status of your bank account. To help you stay cheerful, keep reminding yourself of these nine things. Make a choice right now to proactively focus on what is good in your life.

While you work on improving your financial situation, I encourage you to take advantage of the positive aspects of having little money—connect with people, tap into your most creative self, and make the best of the time you have by not over-thinking your options.

And always remember this. It doesn’t matter where you are today, as long as you know where you’re going.

Piggy bank in the sun image via Shutterstock

June 21, 2015
The Value of Following Your Dreams When They Don’t Make Money

“The real measure of your wealth is how much you’d be worth if you lost all your money.” ~Unknown

Five years ago, in a move I wasn’t sure was so brilliant at the time, I quit my career at a rapidly growing ASX-listed financial services organization, packed up my life, and flew to Thailand to pursue my love of scuba diving.

I thought I was just going for twelve months, that I’d get it out of my system then return to Melbourne and settle down—get a job in the not-for-profit industry, buy a house, maybe get married and have kids, save for my retirement…the usual rite of passage. My unleashed spirit had different ideas.

When you answer the call to adventure, you never know where you will end up.

I fell in love with an Italian man, completed my Scuba Diving Instructor course, and spent the next few years splitting my time between Australia and Thailand.

When our relationship ended, I returned to Melbourne “to be sensible,” to try and put down some roots and figure out, once and for all, what I was meant to do with my life.

I returned to work with my former employer, but fifteen months later, when I was still trying to figure things out, the universe gave me a divine kick up the bum; I was suddenly and unexpectedly made redundant.

Instead of finding another job, again I answered the call to adventure. Ten weeks later I was in Canterbury, England following the 2,000-kilometer Via Francigena pilgrimage route to Rome, living a dream.

When I returned to Melbourne to integrate all that I had learned on my pilgrimage, my bank account had dropped way below my comfort level and the job market was really slow; employers didn’t seem to appreciate my unconventional life that appeared as (well-explained) gaps in my CV.

Living in suburbia, I started to compare my life to my friends who were getting married, having kids, and buying houses. I looked at my dwindling bank account balance, ten-year-old car, and unpacked bags of clothes—the sum total of my life. I began to panic.

From my economic studies, I know the opportunity cost of walking away from my career five years ago to follow my heart into adventure is close to a million.

As a financial planning professional, I know that the longer you delay buying a house, the more you have to pay and the less achievable it becomes. And the longer you delay saving for retirement, the more you have to save or the longer you need to work.

These are the realities of living in our modern world, where money is the common form of value exchange and it costs to live—to put shelter over your head, food in your belly, and clothes on your back.

Acutely aware of this, I promised myself I would never ruin myself financially by living unconventionally. I feared that was exactly what I had done.

As I walked those 2,000 kilometers alone, I discovered the quiet voice of wisdom that speaks up when I ask it for guidance, or it decides there is something I need to hear. In that moment of panic, it told me this:

“Your net worth is not your life’s worth—don’t confuse the two.”

Your net worth is not your life’s worth. There was instant relief in those words.

My choices may have “cost” me a million, and my net worth may be a small fraction of that, but the real value of my experiences over the last five years transcends physical currency. The sights I have seen. The blessings I have received. The moments I have witnessed.

Diving in the ocean with sharks and manta rays, watching a volcano erupt, crossing the Alps and the Apennines alone on foot, dancing ecstatically in the rain at a dance party in India, caring for street dogs and orphans, muddling through French and Italian conversations with locals, and watching the sun die a vibrant death hundreds of times.

These experiences have transformed me and, because I am changed, affect the lives of those whose paths I cross like ripples on a pond.

In a world that requires us to earn money, the popular pursuit of purpose these days is by offering your skills, talents, and abilities to earn money doing what you love—that is, to create a business outside of the traditional corporate environment and make that your purpose.

But what if your dreams are not the type that will earn you money? And what if following your dreams requires that you walk away from a high-paying career, or that you spend your savings or forego buying a house so that you can live your dream?

Often misconceived as selfishness, honoring and doing what transforms our inner selves is a way of being of service too; everyone who comes into contact with your ripples will benefit from that change, directly or indirectly, known or unknown.

In this way, the return on investment from following your dreams is infinite, larger than you can ever quantify or know while you are in human form.

But what about the cost of not following your dreams?

How will you feel at the end of your life if you don’t give your dream a go? How will you feel living in a big ole house with plenty of cash in your bank account and very healthy retirement savings, but with your neglected dreams fading away in the corner?

I know that one day, when I am old and dying, I won’t regret the things I never had, but I will regret the moments I didn’t seize and the adventures and growth I never experienced.

I know that every time I have followed my heart and answered the call to adventure, even when I wasn’t sure where the money was going to come from or how it was all going to turn out, life has shown me that it will support me. It will support you, too.

Although it might never be reflected in your net assets, follow your heart and your dreams, focus on growing your life’s worth, not just your net worth, and no matter where your life takes you or what your external wealth looks like, you will be truly en-riched.

Child pilot image via Shutterstock

January 20, 2015
Getting More Out of Life When You Have Less Money

“The real measure of your wealth is how much you’d be worth if you lost all your money.” ~Unknown

When we find ourselves not having “enough,” times may be rough; however, this is only our first glance, our perceived perception.

Not all who have little are poor. None who live simply fit into the status quo. And none of us deserves to be judged for what we do or do not own.

Poverty lines are a general measure of separating the classes, but they fail to feel emotions, see our genuine qualities, or tell the stories of our lives.

They quantify our income, encourage us to strive for more, but more of what? More money to engage in better opportunities? More cash to buy more stuff?

Numbers have a tendency to lose their meaning when they don’t add up—a well-paying job with no time for family is no better or worse than barely scraping by without savings, yet having no debt.

There are many lessons to be learned from being poor. If you have ever been on your last coin, or more than once, chances are good that you may have experienced an enlightened state of being.

Voluntarily choosing to live with less is quite different than being born into poverty, yet the paths overlap and intersect on so many levels.

Searching for the silver lining of a free fall into a greatly reduced income, of which my husband and I caught the winds of almost a decade ago, we discovered the concepts of minimalism and simplicity.

At first I was terrified at the aspect of living off of so little money, coming from a consumer culture that defines worth in terms of income. However, rationality quickly stepped in after that initial panic, and feelings of being lost without monetary stability were replaced by a desire to live well within our means.

There was no denying the change of mindset that was rapidly taking place.

We made a tiny handful of money (way below poverty measures) that allowed us to go to the grocery store a couple of times a month for food; the rest we had to acquire for ourselves in other ways—learning to forage, trading, growing…

Every coin we made went toward nourishing our bodies, because good health is the most important aspect of survival.

When we couldn’t afford electricity for eight months, we lit the kitchen with a few beeswax candles. When they burnt out we went to bed early, only to wake up with the sun.

Employment was nowhere to be found in the countryside. We had no Internet connection and it seemed that life was on standby. Months and years went by, and it was hard. We didn’t buy anything we couldn’t afford, we didn’t want what we couldn’t attain, and all the while we didn’t complain.

The last part confused a lot of people. We didn’t complain because we accepted the situation we were in, and rather than fight it, we decided to learn from it.

It is possible to live well, well below the poverty line. Much of it depends on your state of mind, part of it comes from where you enter the phase of living with less; but wherever life takes you, lessons are waiting to be found:

1. You may already have enough.

In our past we had acquired all the things we needed for survival, and then some. Clothes “out of fashion,” but definitely not out of use. Pots, pans, dishes, music, games. Though we didn’t have the ability to buy things anew, we certainly did not go without.

When you have little, you may still have more than you realize at first glance. Set possessions aside and focus on life that surrounds you. Friends, family, your health—foster those intangible, yet all important connections.

Most importantly, make peace with patience. Slowly moves the world without flowing cash or access to the Internet, and it still remains a beautiful place to be.

2. Less time with electronic gadgets leaves you more room for people.

Physical relationships are the ones that foster real laughter, genuine love, and lasting memories. Conversations flourish in the absence of technology.

We can relearn to have meaningful discussions without a cell phone on the table; they only serve as a distraction at the dinner table and attest to our shortening attention spans.

3. Solitude gives you time to delve into your emotions.

It gives you time to think about life. Inner reflection is hard to focus on when we are busy day and night, so get un-busy and make more time for dreaming, questioning, and contemplating. Find quiet activities to let your mind expand to new horizons; you have the time.

4. Nature provides us with much beauty, energy, and inspiration.

No money for a concert? Great! Go listen to the night song of crickets in summertime, listen to frogs bellow, listen to birds or running water. Hike, walk, bike—get out of your four corners and find freedom in the “wild.”

5. Self-reliance will foster an unending sense of independence.

Spend time reading books; volunteer your time to learn and teach new skills, meeting new people and creating opportunities for advancement as you go about daily life. See the connections, and feel what is important for your personal growth.

Rather than feel guilty that we couldn’t afford to eat out, we chose to develop our cooking skills and embrace the art of slow food. We grew vegetables in the garden to preserve for winter, we baked our own pies and pastries, we relished in our growing confidence of all matters related to providing for oneself.

In eight years one can acquire immense knowledge, and our wealth grows with our ever-increasing set of useful skills (from knitting to felting to cobbing to shoe making) that we can apply over many aspects of life.

6. Happiness cannot be bought.

It can be grown, cultivated, tended, nurtured, but you won’t find it on a store shelf or a screen. Happiness comes when you are at peace with who you are, right in this moment—with your job or lack of it, with your salary or lack of it, with your friends or lack of them, with your wants fulfilled or lack of that.

Struggles can bring out the worst or the best in us! Living with less money than “ideal” is certainly a challenge and if we haven’t been there ourselves, we certainly know someone who has been financially in need. You can be rich and poor or poor and rich, depending on where you place your values.

Wanting less speaks volumes about your personality. It has nothing to do with charts and graphs that society creates, but it has everything to do with you—the way you treat yourself and the much-deserved attention you give to others around you.

The next time you take a pay cut, voluntarily or not, remember the advantages of more time, more meaningful experiences, and a whole lot less stuff to store along the way. You are not defined by your past; you and your thoughts are the future. Learn, let go, and move on.

You can live with much less than you ever thought possible and find many uplifting winds to carry you on your way.

Photo by Tony Alter

March 31, 2014
Wanting to Be Special: Would Fame and Fortune Make Us Happy?

“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.” ~Ann Landers

Until recently, the name “Tiny Buddha” didn’t make any sense to me for a website. Why “tiny”? Yet, an experience I had recently helped me understand why it might make sense to put those two words together.

This experience even led me to ask two key questions that help me to let go of whatever I’m holding onto.

Swimming with “Sharks”

It all started when I got a call from the producers of the TV show “Shark Tank.” The casting producer said he’d heard about my online “happiness course” and thought it would make a great idea for a business to “pitch” on the show—in front of millions of people.

They asked if I wanted to apply for a likely shot to be on their show.

Once I hung up the phone, I was extremely excited. In the 90’s I had been on Oprah a few times, and I loved the added attention and money her endorsements brought to my books. Although I had been focused on my spiritual path for the last fifteen years, I could feel my old longing for fame and fortune come galloping back.

Yet, the more I thought about it, the more I felt like something was wrong. Our Western cult/culture tells us that fame and fortune are good—even wonderful things. Yet, does Donald Trump look happy?

When I reflected on my life, I saw that the happiest times were when I felt connected to others. It feels magical to realize we are all simply small parts in a larger “whole of humanity.” If I so love feeling connected to people, then why was I still holding onto wanting to be “special” so intensely?

Questioning My Motives

Questioning my motives was painful. One part of me really wanted to feel special—even superior—again. Yet, somehow I knew that the real thing I was after was being smaller—not bigger. Only a “tiny” ego can have the spaciousness to see what’s needed in any given moment.

Our parents, our educational system, and our society reward us for attempting to be big—whether that may be in terms of being rich, famous, or successful.

But who do you really look up to? The business tycoon with lots of power or the loving friend who is always compassionate and there for you?

The problem with “getting small” is that it requires a lot of letting go of the parts of our self that seek out separation, power, and wanting all the attention. Yet, when I let go of my need for constant attention and power, that’s when I realize the world of love and peace are always available here and now.

But letting go is not easy to do, especially when some “sharks” are awaiting you.

The Two Questions

As I struggled to decide about the show, I remembered two questions author Peter Russell said he used to help let go of stuff. The first question was, “If I get this thing I’m holding onto, will it make me happy for long?” The second question was, “If I don’t get this thing I’m wanting, can I still be happy?”

As I reflected on each of these questions, my mind’s “Velcro tendency” to grab and hold on tightly began to soften. “If I get this will I be happy for long?” No, not really. “If I don’t get this, can I still be happy?” Absolutely.

When I called back the producer at Shark Tank and told him I was not going to be on the show, he sounded very surprised. His exact words were, “We’ve hardly ever had anyone say no to an offer like this. You’re missing out on a great opportunity.”

I thought about what he said about “missing out on a great opportunity.” In reality, every time we demand being center stage and trying to be a “big” Buddha, we miss out on a great opportunity.

In fact, each moment is an opportunity if our ego is small enough to allow this magical moment to shine through loud and clear.

Letting Go of Regrets

Right after saying “no” to the Shark Tank show, I had one regret. I would have liked to tell the “sharks” that the endless pursuit of money and fame was a waste of time.

I would have liked to tell them they don’t look very happy to me—and being happy and loving are surely more important than riches.

But I soon realized my desire to “tell off” the famous shark investors on the show was just one more thing my ego was holding onto. So I asked myself, “Would being self-righteous like that really make me happy for long?” No. “If I let go of my self-righteousness, can I still be happy?” Yes.

Finding the Buddha Within

Happiness and joy are our natural states—just look at little kids. If they’re not in pain or immediate discomfort, they’re pretty happy. So our job is to see and let go of whatever obstacles are in the way of that natural joy of being alive.

For me, being around friends who can remind me that love and happiness are more important than being famous has been key. In addition, asking questions like the ones I presented here have been helpful in assisting me to let go of unnecessary baggage.

The Buddha is already inside of us; it’s our job to make sure our ego and desires stay small enough that they don’t block the view.

Photo by JM Abania

September 22, 2013
Don’t Wait for a Major Wake Up Call to Start Loving Your Life

“Sometimes in tragedy we find our life’s purpose. The eye sheds a tear to find its focus.” ~Robert Brault

“Lay still. We think both your arms are broken.”

I obeyed the police officer and stopped struggling to rise from the hard, cold pavement.

An ambulance soon had me in emergency, where I discovered that my problem was a lot worse than broken arms.

My right arm had to be amputated. My left arm was paralyzed. I had no more use of my arms.

I laughed my way through my long hospital stay.

No one could understand how a man who had lost his arms could laugh so happily.

I couldn’t explain it to anyone, but I was feeling a vast sense of relief. My old way of life had been stripped away in an instant.

My family had always worked as loggers or fishermen, and before the accident, I felt stuck emotionally and unable to leave my blue collar social group. What they saw as disaster, I saw as liberating. I knew I would never have to use a chainsaw to cut trees again.

At thirty years of age, I had been given a whole new life.

I was free. Free to create the life I really wanted to live.

Maybe you can gain your freedom without waiting for disaster to strike.

Take a good look at your life. Are you really doing exactly what you want to do in your heart of hearts? If you’re not, you may get a wakeup call like I did.

Finding Purpose

There was a lot of time in the hospital to think about what I really wanted to do. More than anything else, I wanted to write.

My California state rehabilitation counselor didn’t agree. He didn’t think I could make a living writing. So I agreed to a business program at state university.

Once enrolled, I took all the business classes to keep him happily supporting me while I also took all the writing courses to keep me happy.

Writing all those papers meant a lot of pecking away at a keyboard with a chopstick gripped firmly between my teeth, but I knew what I wanted.

Once you know what you want, you’ll also discover the fortitude to make your dream come true.

Money Sidetracks Me

After university, I discovered that my counselor had been right. Nobody wanted to hire a disabled person to write or do anything else.

With a wife and two small children, I had to find a way to get money quick.

A radical old dude from Canada took me under his wing. We wound up in Tokyo, where he showed me how to busk. All I had to do was make a show on a busy street corner, and people passing by dropped money into my tin cup.

A lot of money. Hundreds of dollars an hour.

You see, in Asia, begging is a traditional occupation for the disabled. My highly visible disability gave me a license to beg in any of Asia’s newly rich mega cities.

The money poured in.

I soon had a house in the city, a farm in the country, and a new car for my wife to drive our kids to private schools in.

But happiness was gone.

My wife didn’t like being married to a crippled beggar. She welcomed the money, but she tried to hide me away from her friends and family. Divorce wasn’t long coming.

I also suffered terribly from severe chronic pain in both arms.

Powerful tranquilizers were the only treatment modern medicine could offer me. I could feel how slow and stupid my once brilliant mind had become under the cloud of drugs.

I wasn’t writing, and I felt like I was losing the ability to ever write again.

Money had sidetracked me.

Don’t get sidetracked.

Doors Open

Then, fourteen years after my accident, I met Remedia.

She saw from across a crowded room how much pain I was in. Saying nothing, she simply began massaging the pain out of my shoulders and arms.

It felt like she had magic coming out of her fingers—magic that dissolved away all my pain.

Remedia had been born with the ability to heal, but had never studied it formally. She just used her gift whenever she saw a person in need.

I was fascinated.

We started traveling all over Asia to learn more about healing energy. Soon, we knew enough to start giving healing sessions. It wasn’t long before we were teaching too.

Joy and purpose returned to my life.

I was writing our course materials. I was keeping a journal. Most importantly of all, I was actively helping other people.

I wasn’t a crippled beggar anymore, able only to give people a humble “Thank you.”

Now, I could give something back to all those who had helped me for so many years.

Then, something even more momentous happened.

We met Krishna Kantha, Thailand’s living Saint. He kindly invited us to stay at his retreat center for a month.

Krishna has magic coming out of his hands too. Only Krishna’s magic opens and heals minds. Krishna opened the world of meditation for us by giving us instant access to the deepest states of meditation.

During repeated visits, he taught us how to open minds like he does. Then he said, “Go to India. You need to be in India.”

Years later, we’re still in India. We’re still growing spiritually, and we’re both radically joyful.

Remedia is living her life purpose of healing and helping all whom she meets.

I’m living my life purpose of teaching meditation and writing about it. I’ve pecked out four books published on Amazon, and I keep two websites going—all with my trusty chopstick.

My Advice for You?

When life slaps you upside the head, get serious about laughing, having some fun, and figuring out exactly what it is that you feel passionate about doing.

Then start doing it.

Your radical dude from Canada, a Remedia, or a Krishna will appear and open doors for you. But you have to be actively helping yourself first.

When help comes, don’t miss it because what has come is different than your vision of what you want.

I almost missed the radical dude because he was dressed in old, dirty clothes.

I almost missed Remedia because she has no education and speaks broken English.

And try some meditation. It really helps.

Photo by Luz Adriana Villa

August 12, 2013
4 Ways To Take The Ego Out of Money Decisions

“Prosperity depends more on wanting what you have than having what you want.” ~Geoffrey Abert

Nothing has the power to mess up my finances more than my own brain—or, more precisely, my ego.

According to Eckhart Tolle, the ego entails the habitual and compulsive thought processes that go through everybody’s mind continuously. Left unchecked, this constant ego monologue prevents us from focusing on the present moment. Instead, we get caught up in worrying about what happens next. Or, in my case, what I want to buy next.

My Ego Challenges

As a financial planner, you would think that I would have mastered money challenges! But the reality is, I have struggled as much as the next person because I allowed my ego to drive my decisions for almost five years.

When you’re a new financial planner, it’s easy to get caught up in creating the image of a successful planner—in fact, my first manager told me it was okay to go into debt to get a “successful” wardrobe!

And it doesn’t stop there; I bought the “right” car, the “right” house in the “right” neighborhood; and before long, I was exhausted from maintaining appearances. I may have looked like the perfect planner, but I sure didn’t feel like one.

I never enjoyed my successes, because I was too obsessed with getting the next thing on the list.

I finally realized that no amount of money would ever be enough to feel happy, regardless of what my ego told me. And so much money was going to maintaining appearances that I never felt truly prosperous, even though I was making more money than I ever had before.

That was the point at which I sold a successful practice and struck out on my own.

I decided that if I wasn’t happy with what I had, I needed to reboot. I don’t think everyone needs to take such drastic action; most people can simply bring more awareness to their decisions and start to course-correct as they go.

The reason I changed everything so dramatically—sold my business and my home and moved to a completely new city—was that I not only needed to get clear, I needed to recuperate. Letting my ego drive my life choices and burying my true self had made me physically sick, with hypothyroidism and adrenal burnout. (more…)

September 30, 2012
Creating Change by Leveraging the Power of Intention

“Our intention creates our reality.” ~Wayne Dyer

I got divorced a few years ago. It wasn’t pretty. We started out saying it would all happen amicably.

But we owned a business together. How much the business was worth at separation, we each contested. It dragged out. We finally got it done with after much pain and suffering.

And it just confirmed what I believed: Where money is involved, things get ugly.

I remember while I was living in Spain, it happened then too. I was living with a group of men and women who were working for social justice in a poor community. I was there as a recent graduate from the Jesuit Seminary, helping out at the summer programs for kids.

We lived simply and ate simple meals. I chipped in where I could for food. I kept offering to give more toward the groceries and other household expenses, but they politely declined.

After the summer program for kids was over, I set out to backpack around Spain.

In Toledo, famous for its sword making, I bought my dad his birthday present—a finely made full-size replica the King of Spain used to hold in ceremony. It cost about the equivalent of $100. My father had given me some money to travel with as a graduation present. So, I wanted to bring him back a nice gift from Spain.

I returned to the little community in Madrid where I was living. As soon as they saw the sword, they wanted to know how much it cost. It was immediately divisive. Their entire attitude toward me shifted.

They suddenly demanded I pay rent for the entire time I was there, even while I was away backpacking. They told me that the suitcase I left with them was taking up too much space and I should pay rent for that also. The situation was tense.

I left for a daytrip towards the last days of my stay there and when I returned, they had turned out the lights and locked the door on me. It wasn’t pretty.

That was 13 years ago. But, like I said, I’d noticed a pattern. Where money is involved, things turn ugly. That’s the reality I told myself. (more…)

July 26, 2012
Stop Focusing on Lack to Fully Enjoy Your Experiences

“Not what we have but what we enjoy constitutes our abundance.” ~Epicurus

Yoga retreats in rural getaways nestled in tropical mountain spaces. Exploration trips for pleasure and business on the east and west coasts. Bike riding and people watching on Santa Monica Boulevard.

Recognition and sponsorship from leaders in my professional circle. Adventures with my husband and daughters in Jamaica.

Even with all these rich life experiences, still my focus was always the same: If I could just have more money, my life could finally get good.

The past year found me deep on a journey to discover the muted parts of my life.

Through meditation, exercise, candid conversations, and radical self-expression, I’ve learned so much about myself, the influence my past has had on my present, and the ways in which I’ve been hiding.

Some of these revelations have been stark, not the least of which is the realization that a good chunk of my mutedness is rooted in one five-letter word: money.

For most of us, it’s inarguable that we need money to cover our day-to-day lives.

Even with my minimalist tendencies, I’m not one to give away the majority of all I own and take a vow of poverty. Truth is, I’m way too attached to shoes, obnoxiously loud colors of nail polish, and unconstructed blazers to fully adopt the less-is-more philosophy.

I can say though, that the more I release from my life (both physically and emotionally), the more access I gain to my Higher Self.

This access opened my eyes to a finding that has already created significant changes in my relationship with the energy of money. I’ve made it one of my daily life chants:

While you design your best life,

don’t chase the money,

crave the experience.

I’ve always chased money. More specifically, I’ve always viewed my connection with money akin to patches of grass. I’d earn enough to cover a bit of ground, but never enough to cover a respectable-sized lawn. (more…)

February 2, 2012
What Are You Worth?

Have you ever worked a job where you were grossly overqualified or underpaid?

I once had a job where I was getting paid $12/hour for doing stuff that I thought I liked.

I was working in a field very closely aligned with what I wanted to do in the future, and I had access to all kinds of experts that I could talk with.

At the start, I thought it was great; I was young, the pay was tax free, and it was my first job after a long absence from the United States.

But as time wore on, I was using all kinds of skills that, in their respective marketplaces, fetched much more than $12 an hour. I was suddenly doing tech work and website alterations, newsletter creations, and online marketing.

I still thought nothing of it because I was learning and helping my employer.

One night I was eating dinner with a friend who sowed the seed of something insidious in my head:

She said, “Are you serious? You should be getting paid three times what you are for what you’re doing. They are paying you to be a secretary essentially—not to do web design and marketing. That’s absurd. And that’s not what they hired you for.”

I went home that night and couldn’t sleep. Am I worth $12 an hour? Or am I worth more? What am I worth? Should I demand more pay or just quit?

I didn’t realize it then, but I willfully decided I was not going to be happy at work from then on. I spontaneously decided I was worth much more than $12 an hour—but instead of quitting, I stayed and felt indignant about being devalued. (more…)

January 16, 2012
Mindful Money: How to Erase Credit Card Debt & Spend Consciously

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” ~Lao Tzu

If you’d asked me about money five years ago, I would’ve said, “Oh I’m never going to have money.” On the surface, this sentiment didn’t bother me. I have a job I love and a great marriage, so who needs money?

Over the years I’ve realized, however, that everyone needs money. You have to have a place to live, food, clothes, and a chance to have fun.

So one day I decided that just enough wasn’t enough anymore. I wanted more money but I’d always thought of myself as a poor person. How do poor people get money? I didn’t want to change jobs or start a new career or move to a different city.

I looked at the amount of money that I make right now. Could that amount of money be more than enough? (more…)

August 1, 2010