Tiny Buddha

Tag: minimalism

  • How to Enjoy Life Without Buying Lots of Stuff

    How to Enjoy Life Without Buying Lots of Stuff

    “Minimalism isn’t about removing the things you love. It’s about removing the things that distract you from the things you love.” ~Joshua Becker

    Over the recent few years of being a digital nomad, I got a chance to live in Spain, Sri Lanka, Mexico, and Canada for a month or longer. As I didn’t have a home base and only had one medium-sized suitcase with me (still do), I couldn’t really afford to buy new things.

    I mean, I would need to put them somewhere, and my suitcase is already over forty-five pounds while most airlines only allow up to fifty.

    Even when I had to go back to my home country and stay there for almost a year because of the pandemic, I knew I’d be on the road again as soon as possible. So I continued to not buy anything other than essential things.

    I was never a shopaholic before, but I still felt miserable wearing the same few-year-old clothes and watching my friends (not even mentioning social media influencers I follow) regularly enjoy new things.

    I didn’t realize that more often than not we only buy things to fill a void or to relieve stress, not necessarily because we actually need or even want them. As soon as I figured that out, I started looking for alternative ways to fill my days with joy that didn’t involve buying new stuff.

    Today I want to share four things that I’m buying now when I want to feel better, which don’t occupy any space in my suitcase!

    1. Online courses

    Maybe it’s just me, but courses that teach me new skills are my favorite things ever! Even my husband knows that giving me a course as a gift will always make me happy.

    I have a ton of hobbies and things that I’m interested in, and each of them could become a full-time thing if I wanted it to. So there is no lack of information to keep learning.

    For example, last year I was into photography and took a bunch of courses on the subject. I learned mobile photography, then normal photography, and even some videography. I studied lots of related things including photo and video editing and even dipped my toes into stock photography.

    This year I’m learning digital illustration. YouTube and Skillshare are my two best friends right now and would probably be the most visited websites in my free time if I were to track my web activity. It just makes me so happy to ace a new thing I couldn’t imagine creating before!

    Honestly, I could never understand people who get bored staying alone at home and don’t know what to do. I wish I had another twenty-four hours in my day just to fit in all the things I want to learn!

    Besides, investing in yourself is never a bad idea. You never know where your new skills might appear useful on your life journey.

    2. Experiences

    You might say that it’s easy to find new experiences when you are traveling, and that’s true. I often go on walking tours, participate in cooking classes, and find other interesting things that my next country has to offer.

    But if you think I didn’t invest in experiences when I wasn’t a nomad, you are wrong.

    My favorite kind was always visiting an escape room. If you aren’t familiar with the concept, it’s a quest where you go into a room full of hints and puzzles, solving which leads you to the next one, and so on until the final thing gives you a key or something to escape the room. Usually, there is a specific theme for the room, you have one hour to escape, and there can be more than one actual room involved.

    Over the years, with my friends and coworkers, I went to almost every room that existed in my city at the time (which is a lot). Some were very easy; some were so hard that we didn’t get out on time. I remember the one which was absolutely dark and another one where they put chains around your ankles and wrists at the beginning, which you have to get out of.

    The feeling of nailing another quest room can hardly compare to anything else; it’s like actually being in an adventurous book for an hour. If you happen to be a nerd and avid reader like me, you know what I mean.

    Meaningful experiences strengthen your relationships and create memories for years to come. Do you remember every shirt you buy or reminisce about it with friends? I doubt that!

    3. Little gifts for friends

    This one is a bit of a cheat, as you might actually get to buy a physical thing.

    But, instead of it piling up in your closet, you give it away and feel good about it. Your friend is happy, you are happy, and your home doesn’t get cluttered. Not bad, huh?

    Just make sure to only buy things your loved ones actually want so they don’t start hating you for cluttering their home. Especially if your friend happens to be a minimalist.

    Wanna know my approach to always giving really good gifts? I swear by wishlists!

    I have had one for many years, and I made each of my friends and family members make one. Not everyone likes the idea at first, but I promise you, everyone loves getting specific things they want as presents! And don’t worry, it can still be a surprise, especially if their wishlist is long enough.

    To support the idea of having less stuff, encourage your friends to add items to their wishlists that aren’t physical things. About two-thirds of my own wishlist consists of specific online courses I’d love to take, new experiences I wish to try one day, and gift cards for fun things like massages and yoga classes.

    When it comes to hobbies and lifestyle choices, people usually know exactly what they want, and you can never go wrong with a wishlist. Without it, unless you know for sure all the details, it’s easy to gift someone a book they already have or a course that is too beginner-oriented (or too advanced) for their level. If you have doubts, better buy them a gift card to their favorite store or learning platform, so they can choose a specific item themselves.

    If you think you need to wait for a holiday or a birthday to give someone a gift, think again!

    The best presents are unexpected ones. Try surprising your friend with something they want for no particular reason, and just see how excited they get! They will feel loved and valued, which is something we can all benefit from.

    And as for you, the process of finding a perfect gift and seeing your friend genuinely enjoying it releases dopamine and endorphins, which basically make you feel happier. Win-win!

    4. eBooks

    The last thing on the list of things I still buy is eBooks.

    I am the person who used to read 100+ books per year and had a full bookcase at home. Now I travel with my tiny Kindle and am more mindful about what I’m reading.

    With that said, I still love the smell of real books and the feeling of actually turning pages! I still have a few of my favorite bookmarks. But I only buy digital books as it would be impossible to travel with “real” ones. I wish I had Hermione’s handbag with an extension charm on it, but sadly I don’t.

    I know many people these days don’t read books. With so many kinds of easily digestible visual content options we have online now, books became something of an old era. However, the process of reading still has a ton of health benefits: from improving your concentration skills and vocabulary to releasing stress and anxiety that is a constant problem in most of our lives.

    Nothing else can take your mind off your routines and worries quite as an interesting book can. It may only weigh a few kilobytes, but it has a whole world inside.

    —

    These were my four things to buy that won’t ever clutter your life! They might, however, make a big impact on your self-development, make you smarter, improve your skills and mental health, and make you happier. Not a bad deal, is it? Especially for things that don’t take up any space.

    I hope you can agree with me now that it’s possible to live happily without buying new stuff all the time. I am not exactly a minimalist, but I like the idea of surrounding yourself with things that bring you joy instead of cluttering your life with things that only bring you instant gratification and then get forgotten.

    Try to fill your days with fun experiences and learning new skills, as your memories and abilities are things you can always take with you, wherever you go.

  • The False Comfort of Having More: Finding Peace in Living with Less

    The False Comfort of Having More: Finding Peace in Living with Less

    “Be a curator of your life. Slowly cut things out until you’re left only with what you love, with what’s necessary, with what makes you happy.” ~Leo Babauta

    As a kid, I remember begging my dad to take me to Burger King, Wendy’s, McDonalds, and any other number of fast food restaurants. Their food was okay, but that’s not the main reason I went. The toys were what beckoned me.

    Each chain offered different ones, some of which interested me more than others. The Mini Nintendos at Taco Bell? I was there. Assemble your own Inspector Gadget at McDonalds? Count me in on that Happy Meal.

    I remember gleefully jotting my Christmas lists inside the Grinch who Stole Christmas ornament-shaped notepad I’d extracted from beneath a soggy container of fries at the bottom of my Wendy’s kids’ meal bag.

    When Burger King came out with Pokemon toys, I raced on over. My goal was to get enough Poke balls to strap to every belt loop—because people in class, pedestrians sharing the street with me, and my family at home all needed to know how serious, esteemed, and accomplished of a Pokemon trainer I was.

    Meanwhile, the neglected burger and the remainder of fries glistened untouched beneath the fluorescent lights, off to the side.

    Ever since I was little, surplus brought me comfort.

    An all-in kind of girl when it came to my belongings and collections, I threw myself into the hobby of collecting and amassing—everything from Archie comics to souvenir pennies to Pepsi cans featuring photos of different Star Wars characters (which my mom hated and my cat enjoyed swatting around, only to be startled by the noise whenever they crashed against the ground).

    My room contained surplus—whether that was after a trip to the library with my mom, or from Beanie Babies scattering the floor. Bobbleheads crowded my shelves. Shot glasses that I used as cups for my dolls and stuffed animals during our play tea parties did as well.

    So did the pages of my angsty adolescent diary. One poster of Aaron Carter or a single pin-up of J.T.T. didn’t cut it for me—I had to fill the entire wall. How I managed to not feel unsettled falling asleep under the watch of so many prepubescent boy eyes still mystifies me.

    Material surplus as a child became surplus of a more abstract kind as a young adult. People, experiences, a large social circle, and nonstop activities took the place of physical objects. These grown-up versions of childhood collections served the same function my clutter once did.

    I scheduled back-to-back activities, unnerved by the thought of banking on solely one interaction to sustain me though the day. My schedule was constantly full.

    Where Does the Drive for More Come From?

    Reasons for “hoarding mentality” are numerous. I can see looking back now how surplus brought me comfort as a kid. Material excess likely allayed feelings of solitude.

    At one point I even wrote in my journal: “I believe many of us collect to fill voids. More means never going without, never living in scarcity. More confers safety. More means escaping alone-ness. If I just keep accumulating more more more, maybe at some point I can let out all this breath I’ve been holding in.”

    Our cultural climate likely also contributed. It capitalizes upon low self-worth and generalized ennui to sell the message that solutions and relief lie in consumption—consume more to fill the emptiness, may as well be their mantra.

    Additionally, I believe we create surplus when we don’t trust. We don’t trust what we have is enough. Or we don’t trust it’s good enough.

    I think about all the unfinished drafts on my computer over the years. Littering the pages were paragraphs of clumsy prose and scattered ideas, all chucked into the document and then abandoned.

    One paragraph on racial inequality. Introduction, scattered thoughts…  abandoned.

    Two paragraphs of a fiction piece on a one-night stand. Introduction, rising action… abandoned.

    I didn’t trust the voice. I didn’t trust the content. I didn’t trust the direction the piece was going in. I didn’t trust anything about it—so abandoning it felt like the comfortable, somewhat logical option.

    After fleeing it and attempting to start anew, I didn’t trust in the voice of this draft either, so I fled that one as well. Abandonment seemed the common trend, syntactically if not thematically. And over time all these abandonments, fueled by lack of trust, left surplus in its wake.

    I once compared the scatter-focused to the hyper-focused work style: More cups for the scatter-focused worker means less likelihood of failure—because if one’s not working, they can always shift focus to another. A half-finished project isn’t a failure. It just hasn’t been completed yet.

    Or think of it as putting your eggs into different baskets. You don’t want to put too much pressure on any one friend; instead, you spread your efforts onto multiple so that no one gets overwhelmed.

    It’s similar to the way some scatter-focused workers might view tasks. Dividing our attention amongst various simultaneous assignments takes pressure off any single one of them, reducing the likelihood of “botching it.” Because if one’s not working, they can always shift attention to another.

    Some of us who allow surplus into our lives may have difficulty with letting go.

    I grow attached to the things I write, for instance, even if I know they’re bad. A weak sentence, or a paragraph wherein the phrases are all jumbled together and not working in unison—even as this clunky tangle of words on the screen makes my head spin, I still fear hitting that delete button and watching my ideas vanish completely.

    I fear hitting it because even in their imperfect expression, they were still my ideas, born in a moment of generativity. I was adding something to the world, however small and insignificant, when I spawned them.

    Is Surplus Bad?

    I’m not trying to say that surplus is inherently bad; many people not only can successfully juggle multiple commitments, but likely even have to in order to stay afloat in this increasingly demanding world.

    What I am saying is that sometimes the hoarding mentality can prevent us from mindfully attending to what’s directly in front of us.

    As I came to find through my own later life experiences, “‘more” can sometimes feed disconnection.

    I once drove a Lyft passenger who, together with his wife, fostered twenty-two cats—a number he said was a “manageable amount.” He said that he didn’t think he could take in any more.

    “It’s very hard, because we want to say yes to all of them,” Jacob said, “But we’ve also got to think about how many we can realistically care for.”

    He then quipped, “Crazy cat ladies get a bad rap because they’re too idealistic. They’re in over their heads even, is what I’d say. She’s crossed the threshold from cat lover to cat addict.”

    We talked about the point at which a loving impulse turns into an addiction. About how even if the addicted person started out loving the thing they’re now addicted to, once compulsion has replaced it, love may no longer be at the center of the equation anymore.

    Jacob’s saying that he “wouldn’t be able to love fifty-six cats” resonated with me. I recalled how back when I had only one or two Pez dispensers, I really treasured them. They meant more to me. We had as close to an intimate connection as is possible for a human and a chunk of plastic to have with one another.

    The more my supply multiplied though, the less connection I felt with any single one of them.

    Looking back now, I’m just glad those Pez were inanimate objects rather than living creatures with needs and pain receptors—because they surely would have felt the sting of negligence under my care.

    ~~

    Becoming more aware of the roots of these tendencies has helped me to gradually shift them.

    The past few years I’ve slowly and steadily fengshui-ed many of the items accumulated throughout my past. The Pez dispensers were the first to go—to a customer through eBay.

    Next it was 1,050 of my 1,075 Archie comics (I kept a few as souvenirs from childhood, for nostalgic purposes). Writing I’d always found too difficult to part with, I’ve slowly recycled as well (after salvaging whichever remnants I saw some potential value in).

    I’ve sought more one-on-one interactions, careful to not plan too many in too short a period of time—both to preserve my energy and give each encounter the attention I feel it deserves.

    As minimalist Youtuber Ronald Banks said, “Minimalism is living with more of what matters by choosing to want less of what doesn’t.”

    When I do find myself starting to accumulate—be that material items or events on my social calendar— I ask myself questions now. Questions like, Am I saying yes to have one more item to add to my stash? Or because I genuinely connect and derive meaning from it?

    Are my motives extrinsic and escapist—tied more to bolstering my image or avoiding an uncomfortable emotion? Or are they intrinsic and self-actualizing—aimed toward the purpose of connecting?

    I wouldn’t say I’m a minimalist now, but I have become a bit more intentionally resistant toward what I now regard as the false comfort brought by surplus. I realize now I don’t need more things, more friends, more projects, more commitments. I just need to recognize when I’m trying to fill a void and instead focus more on the things I value most.

  • The Paradox of Less is More (And How It Will Improve Your Life)

    The Paradox of Less is More (And How It Will Improve Your Life)

    “Don’t use a lot where a little will do.” ~Proverb

    One of the most common paradoxical statements we hear is “less is more.”

    I, like many others, understand what that means in the context of personal style, where it is commonly used.

    I can appreciate, for example, that when we overdress, we are often taking away from the beauty of the outfit or the look and detracting attention from each valuable detail or accessory.

    But recently I discovered that the paradox of “less is more” has many other applications.

    When I started questioning whether I could apply this simple philosophy to my life, more generally—to be more effective, to be more at peace, to have higher levels of self-esteem—I found that it became the single most effective guiding principle of my life.

    The first time I noticed the amazing power of “less is more” was when I accepted that I could not physically do the brutal corporate hours that I used to work, and neither could I compete with the hyper-alpha entrepreneurs and business owners that worked fourteen hours a day.

    I tried to do the 5am starts that seem to be the trend in the world of business but found that is not how my body works. Every time I tried to push myself beyond my natural rhythm, I was so tired during the day, I could achieve nothing of value.

    That is when I made a new rule, that I would do just one thing every day, and as long as I achieved that one thing, my most important, value-added thing, I would appreciate myself as having achieved something significant.

    I appreciate that this is not always possible when you are not in charge of your own workload, but the essence of this lesson is to concentrate your focus on what is essential and of highest priority and value, rather than becoming overwhelmed with trying to do every task.

    I found that when you apply “less is more” to your work and daily to-do list, you become the epitome of productivity and focus. And although there is a certain tribe of people that glamorize the hustle culture and the grind ethic, we also now acknowledge that our mental health and self-care are just as important. Thankfully, we have started to realize that burn-out is counterproductive to success in the long term.

    I found that by trying to do less, I actually achieved more in all the important ways. I was more creative, I was more productive, and I was able to sustain my energy throughout the week instead of constantly going through peaks and crashes.

    I have now made this my routine and my ultimate measure of productivity. By focusing on the most important task, instead of aiming to complete every task, we can all achieve more by seemingly doing less. This is one way powerful we can utilize this paradox to streamline our everyday life.

    After my success with applying this approach to my working life, I then started to consider whether “less is more” might help me in other parts of my life.

    One arena in which I have reflected on “less is more” is when I have found myself critiquing my natural tendency to not want to speak about my accomplishments in a boastful way or try to push myself to the front to be ‘seen.’

    Often, I have wondered whether my natural modesty was holding me back. Should I be pushier? Is it a failing within myself to not be more self-promoting? But then I reflected on “less is more” and realized that one of the ways we can be guided by this philosophy is in how we present ourselves to the world.

    We do not need to necessarily boast about our accomplishments or clamor desperately for attention.

    Sometimes we get greater appreciation and respect by allowing people to learn for themselves our true value. In allowing people to discover us, we are attracting only those who appreciate us without having to work so hard at being liked or selling to them in the manner of a pushy salesperson. And there is so much flow and peace in approaching life like this.

    Think of the greats in history who changed the world and never talked about themselves, instead choosing to keep the focus on their mission and the people they served. Therein lay their greatness.

    The concept of servant leadership (another seeming paradox!) speaks to the way great leaders are ones that serve, and this necessitates keeping your ego aside. This is my go-to now when I feel I should be more of a pushy salesperson or chase after people that have no interest in reciprocating my efforts. Less is more!

    “Less is more” has also changed the way I communicate. I, like many other people in our modern society, have been conditioned that we should communicate, communicate, communicate! That we should talk about everything all the time and express everything we feel and think.

    But I found, when reflecting on “less is more,” that in relationships, we sometimes over-communicate.

    We can all do with holding our tongue and learning when not to speak, what not to say, and when to listen.

    This self-control and self-restraint can often pave the way for a better quality of communication and more peace and harmony in a culture where we overemphasize the power of words spoken—words that are often unnecessary and destructive, words that cannot be taken back.

    By saying less, these days I find that my relationships are more harmonious, and greater peace and ease have found their way into my interactions. It also reminded me that there are many ways we say so much when we say nothing. When we let ourselves just hold space, just be, or spend time listening, we are communicating in powerful ways.

    In my family and the way I love and care for them, “less is more” has helped me realize that sometimes the best way to love and care is by taking a step back and doing nothing rather than helping out every time.

    It allowed me to recognize where I was not being caring but, in fact, was being overbearing and enabling. And as many of us have discovered, the tendency to overextend yourself does no one any good; not the person you are trying to help, nor yourself.

    One of the ways I used to step from caring into being overbearing was by offering ‘helpful’ but unsolicited advice to my loved ones. Now I have realized that, when it comes to offering advice, less is definitely more!

    I discovered that “less is more” is about creating space. In your relationships, this is where you are not always reaching out to connect and create intimacy and you are allowing air to circulate and bring new life and perspectives to your interactions.

    And this also applies to physical space. By decluttering and letting go of things I no longer use or need, I now have less but better quality items, which I really treasure. I am able to value them, (because I can actually see them!), and this results in a feeling of luxury and abundance from the sensual act of taking time to fully enjoy them, rather than being on to the next purchase after the initial thrill wears off.

    And when we apply this philosophy to our schedule, by creating fewer obligations that drain us, we allow space and time to spend on what is truly important, while also creating space for new activities, that are more aligned to us, to come into our lives and take their place.

    “Less is more” seems contradictory and confusing.

    But the reality is, beauty lies in simplicity, truth lives in simplicity, and greatness lies in stripping yourself and your life down to what is truly important.

    Here are a few questions you might ask yourself to start the process of applying this motto to your life.

    • In what ways can you do, be, and have less and magnify your overall happiness, peace, and success?
    • Can you find ways to reprioritize and focus on what is truly important?
    • What do you do, with relative ease and effortlessness, that is adding value to your life?
    • In what ways, and in which areas, are you trying too hard?

    We can all reflect and apply the teachings of this paradox in any and every part of our life to live a life of greater meaning, focus, simplicity, and peace.

    I encourage you to deeply reflect on how less might actually be more in your life and then take small daily actions to align to that reality. Take small daily actions to remove things, to do less, to be less, to try less, and thereby create more flow and ease and less stress.

    Take small steps to create pockets of nothingness and space in order to expand into more of what is truly important and, most importantly, to expand into a greater version of yourself.

  • A Life Full of Favorites: The True Essence of Minimalism

    A Life Full of Favorites: The True Essence of Minimalism

    “Happiness can only be found if you free yourself from all other distractions.” ~Saul Bellow

    What was your favorite toy as a child? Mine was a Spider-Man action figure. The limbs were adjustable, and there was a switch on his back that made his eyes light up.

    I played with that toy for years, even after his fingers broke off and his switch got stuck. While I had plenty of toys as a child, this is the one I remember best.

    Maybe you notice a similar trend in your own children. According to a study conducted by British researchers, the average 10-year-old has 238 toys but plays with 12 daily.

    Even if you don’t have children of your own, maybe you are inundated with your own toys. Outdated electronics that sit on the shelf, trinkets that sit in the closet, or old sweaters that you haven’t touched in the last decade. How many toys do you play with daily, and how many get in your way and cause havoc?

    What if I told you these things are getting in your way of living a happier and more meaningful life? What if you didn’t have to spend time paying off old junk that always needs to be fixed, maintained, cleaned, and repaired? What if you had more time to enjoy friendships, hobbies, and passions?

    As I started to ask myself these questions I noticed others, who called themselves minimalists, asking similar questions. After this discovery, I began my own minimalist journey and never looked back.

    People become intimidated when they discover minimalism because they think they have to sacrifice all their possessions and live like a monk.

    If you think like this, I can’t blame you. I wouldn’t like that either. My five-year-old self would’ve been devastated to get rid of that Spider-Man action figure.

    Fortunately, minimalism doesn’t require such sacrifices. In fact, minimalism doesn’t require anything. There are no rules, judgments, or requirements.

    If the term minimalism is intimidating, think of it as focusing on all your favorite things, every day. This may sound enticing, but what does it look like in practice? Let’s explore together.

    1. Visiting our wardrobe

    If I were to walk with you to your closet, there would be a few different types of clothes.

    Clothes for work.

    Clothes for a formal event.

    Clothes for a night out.

    Clothes for the gym.

    Clothes for lounging and watching Netflix.

    Within each of those categories, which outfits do you usually wear? Which outfits give you the most joy? Which outfits do you gravitate toward, and which outfits sit in the back and collect dust?

    What would your closet look like if you donated the clothes that took up space and hid your favorite apparel? If donating is too daunting, pack them in a box and stash it away for a couple months.

    Giving ourselves space and time helps us realize we never enjoyed, or used, any of that clothing anyways. This gives us the courage to donate the clothes with a sense of pride. If this sounds interesting, but you aren’t sure where to start, look up “Project 333” for some additional tips and support.

    2. Reconsidering our relationships

    In the 1990’s, British anthropologist Robin Dunbar discovered that people can only maintain an upper limit of 150 social relationships.

    Thirty years later, this number sounds like an underestimate. Many people have hundreds of Facebook friends and thousands of Instagram followers. In our everyday lives, this translates into the notion that having more friends leads to more popularity, likeability, and a happier life.

    But the quality of our friendships also matters. Out of hundreds of digital connections, how many people do you spend time with in real life? How many people can you depend on to lend a hand, listen to a problem, or provide feedback to help you improve and grow?

    When I thought about my own friend circles, I realized they were often dictated by proximity rather than by shared values or interests.

    As an avid reader, I like to surround myself with people who are passionate about reading. Using modern technology, I created a book club with members from my local community. What started off as monthly conversations around books turned into regular social gatherings.

    Through discussing our similar values and mindsets, we became close friends who have been a great source of support and joy for each other over the years. Instead of relying on surface level connections that were simply birthed out of proximity, I can now count on these rich and satisfying relationships to help me thrive.

    What would your life be like if you surrounded yourself with people who shared similar values or mindsets? How would your life be different if you spent time with people who enjoyed the same hobbies as you?

    Explore different options, like Facebook groups or Meetup activities, that match your interest. It takes time to foster deep and satisfying social connections, but they can last a lifetime.

    3. Evaluating our time

    I had one of my biggest revelations when I took a hard look at how I was spending my time. I spent all of my time checking my emails and looking productive, while sacrificing the chance to read, write, and spend my time in ways that help me feel happier. I did a lot on any given day, yet none of it was meaningful or fulfilling.

    Does this resonate with you? Look at the commitments and activities taking up your time. Can you delegate anything to someone else, or completely let go of it?

    Are there activities you’re doing because you think you should do them? Ask yourself these questions to pare down your to-do list:

    1) Does this task bring value to my life?
    2) What would happen if I didn’t do this task?
    3) Does this task align with my values?

    Shining light on our habits uncovers fascinating insights.  If someone were to ask me why I was engaging in habits like yoga or meditation, it was because it’s what I thought successful people did, not because I enjoyed those habits.

    Instead of yoga, I now go on walks. Instead of meditating, I express my thoughts through writing.

    Everyone has their own recipes to live a meaningful life, and it will look different for each individual in each season of their life. Consider what you need, what you enjoy, and what habits will be the best tools to help you get there.

    By questioning ourselves, we get better answers that best suit our own needs and desires. Start off with those three questions and add others you see fit.

    What’re your favorites?

    Imagine a life where you only wear your favorite clothing. A life where you surround yourself with people who lift you up and bring joy to your days. A life where you have the time to do the activities that you enjoy most.

    You already have your favorite clothes, friends, and activities. Minimalism isn’t about getting rid of everything, it’s about rediscovering our favorite things—some which aren’t even “things” at all.

    Being surrounded by our favorites can lead us to a happier and more fulfilling life. This switch may even cause our eyes to light up, like my favorite Spider-Man action figure from so many years ago.

  • Free Up Your Space: Two Simple Questions for Easy Decluttering

    Free Up Your Space: Two Simple Questions for Easy Decluttering

    “Owning less is better than organizing more.” ~Joshua Becker

    There are lots of reasons to declutter—to free up space, to pare down belongings in advance of a move, to release any possessions that weigh you down emotionally, and to make room for new things to come into your life. And there’s another reason, though people don’t usually realize it: to reduce stress and overwhelm.

    The more stuff you have, the more time, energy, and money you need to devote to maintaining it, and the more likely you feel anxious in your cramped and potentially disorganized space.

    I declutter two to three times a year now, but my biggest decluttering was the one I did five years ago prior to moving in with the man who is now my husband.

    We each owned fully furnished three-bedroom houses. After much negotiation, we had decided to sell my split-level house and keep his rancher.

    My first step was to create two wee signs for myself. Both read, “Official Policy: Get rid of anything that does not bring pleasure, beauty, or purpose into my life.” On days when I became a bit muddled, those signs helped.

    My second step was realizing that there really are only two options when decluttering: “keep” or “get rid of.” There are, however, subsets to each of those categories.

    For “keep,” you must decide whether it’s being kept in storage of some sort (and what that might be—attic/basement/garage or rented storage space—or incorporated into your space.

    For “get rid of,” you have to decide whether it’s going to a specific person, being donated somewhere (and, if so, where), being sold, or being thrown out.

    Having worked into the “whats” of decision-making, I figured it might make sense to talk a bit about how to make these sorts of decisions, since it’s the rare person who is going to decide based solely on “what I like best” or “what fits in my new place.”

    One of the things my sweetheart and I did was decide what we were going to keep based on what we called a “must have” list.

    For each room, we decided what items we must have for the room to function properly. For our master bedroom, we decided we needed a bed, two nightstands, a TV stand with a TV, and one dresser.

    Once we had our list together, we focused solely on our necessities and figured out which items from where we were going to use to fill those needs. Only after we made those decisions did we add extras (like, say art for the walls, candlesticks, and the part of my hoard of crafting supplies that I kept).

    Making the list was simple. Deciding whose stuff got to fill the role of “dining table” or “dresser” or “bed” was a bit less simple, but we worked through it with love and dogged persistence.

    Here’s what I learned after decluttering and downsizing two full homes to merge them into one: You really only have to ask yourself two key questions:

    1. Do you love each object that you are considering?

    2. Do you use the object in question?

    You can actually start these in either order, because every single item has to jump through both hoops.

    1. Do you love it?

    You really ought to. Because life is too short to be surrounded by things you dislike or that you find oppressive to your spirit.

    If you despise an item, why would you want to keep it? (And yeah, I get “familial guilt” and all, but still. if you don’t have space in your new place and you don’t like it, this is the sort of stuff that you should be thinking of liberating, in hopes it will find someone who really does like it.)

    For clothing, optimally you should love the color, the style, the fit, and the way you feel in it, but realistically, I go with “what I like and wear and don’t mind being seen in.”

    For items, it means you should enjoy seeing them or using them. It’s kind of hard to love a can opener, but say you have two, and one hurts your hand and the other doesn’t, it’s pretty easy to decide you love the pain-free one. (If you have two and they both hurt your hand, which happened to me, then do what I did and get rid of them both!)

    And for items you’re keeping for nostalgia, a box of letters from an ex, for example, you’ll have to dig deep and be honest with yourself about whether this actually serves you, or just drags you down. You may have loved them in the past, but is it self-loving to hold on to them?

    If you’ve asked yourself if you love something, or if you at least don’t dislike it, you still have to proceed to the next question:

    2. Do you use it?

    For clothing, this means “Do you wear it?” And not in an “ever in life” way, but in a “within the past twelve months” way.

    If not, you probably ought to let it go, although I do believe in making the very occasional exception for this category as long as you have the storage space. That last caveat is very important.

    If you are crowding all of your stuff in order to keep a bunch of “maybe/just in case/but I can’t get rid of that dress/sweater/coat” items, then you are making every single day of your life harder than it needs to be. Because when your stuff is jam-packed, you can’t readily get to the stuff that fits, and that you wear.

    For every other usable item in the house, the same “within the past twelve months” rule applies. Possibly you only use that huge platter for turkey on Thanksgiving, and that’s cool—when next Thanksgiving comes, you’re still going to need it.

    If there’s “stuff,” though, that you haven’t used in ages, then you aren’t using it, and it’s a prime candidate for going. This was true, for example, of the ice cream machine I got rid of. On the one hand, it had been in the house for about thirteen years, so it was old; on the other hand, it had never been used—not even once—so it was brand new.

    As for stuff that has no practical purpose, like décor items, some people might think those are non-essentials, or are somehow non-functional. The purpose that they serve is to decorate your space and bring joy into your life. If they are something that brightens your life, and both you and your partner love it and have space to display or store it, you should keep it.

    Lastly, this tip from Yoda (sort of):

    3. Do or do not. There is no try “maybe.”

    Lots of decluttering gurus advocate creating a “maybe” pile for things that you can’t make an immediate decision about. I chose not to allow for it when we were downsizing as well as decluttering.

    The reason I chose not to use a “maybe” pile is because if you say “maybe,” you are essentially making a decision now to make the decision later, which isn’t really solving anything.

    It’s kind of like the advice when sorting through mail to not handle things twice if you can avoid it. If it’s trash/recycling, put it there right away, so you don’t have to go through the mail again later; if it’s filing, file it. So I opted as much as possible for immediate “keep” or “get rid of.”

    Five years on, there isn’t a thing we got rid of that my husband and I miss. There are, however, some things that we initially kept that we’ve since let go. Such is the way of decluttering.

  • A Different Kind of More: The Beauty of Living with Less Stuff

    A Different Kind of More: The Beauty of Living with Less Stuff

    She was all that mattered. I was deeper in debt, legal fees, and uncertainty than ever before, but I held on tight to my vow to give her more.

    I would give her everything. I’d work harder, make more, buy her more, take her to see more, do more, and prove to her that everything would be okay. I had no idea that this new goal would be just as damaging, and just as hard on my heart.

    My desire to give my daughter more wasn’t wrong, just misguided. While I could never have articulated it then, I did want more for both of us, but not more stuff and money.

    What I wanted was more love, connection, laughter, and adventure, but that was too hard to measure. Instead, I made more money, worked more, spent more, and accumulated more. Living with less opened the door to a different kind of more: more space, more time, more light, more freedom, and yes . . . more love. It has always been about love.

    My mom showered me with love on our trips to Boston, and I went into debt loving my three-year-old with Christmas presents she could never appreciate. All of the more . . . it wasn’t just for Bailey. It was for me too because I didn’t just think more + more = more, I thought more + more = love.

    By letting go, I was able to see that love could stand alone. It didn’t have to come attached to presents, shopping trips, or big work bonuses or acknowledgments. I didn’t have to earn or prove love. When I got rid of the stuff, the debt, the busyness, and the distractions that were swallowing me, I was surrounded by love. It was everywhere.

    I had enough.
    I am enough.
    I don’t need more approval.
    I don’t need more money and stuff.
    I don’t need more anymore.

    When I discovered that I was enough without anything else, I saw that I was love. I am love. You are too. We’ve been the love we seek all along. It’s just been hiding beneath all of the layers of clutter, busyness, and show we use to protect ourselves from the pain.

    Diamonds Are Not This Girl’s Best Friend

    Diamonds are not my best friend but they used to be. It wasn’t just jewelry but all the things I bought to lift me up, prove my worth, and demonstrate my love. As I became more and more me and started experiencing the world from this new stuff-less place, I realized that diamonds are not this girl’s best friend.

    My best friend is a magical rooftop sunrise. My best friend is the ocean. My best friend is a hike in the mountains. My best friend is a peaceful afternoon. My best friend is a really good book. My best friend is laughter. My best friend is seeing the world. My best friend is time with people I love. Diamonds have nothing on my best friends.

    So yes, I want more, but not more stuff. I want more early mornings, more hiking and connecting with nature, more meaningful conversations and hand holding. More seeing the world. More creativity. More crazy ideas. More love. Always more love.

    With a soulful simplicity and living with less, my life has become more than I ever imagined. Instead of more money, more stuff, more busyness, and more stepping outside of myself to be who other people may need me to be, I’m enjoying a different kind of more.

    I am more myself and more connected to my heart. I am more available for people I love and projects I care about. I’m more present and focused. I have more space, time, and love in my life along with all of the other mores I craved for so long.

    I am always learning something new about how simplicity works on my heart, changes my relationships, and influences my work. At first my journey was focused on tasks like decluttering, paying off debt, and downsizing. The changes started on the outside while the real work was happening on the inside.

    With each thing, obligation, or assumption I let go of, I remembered who I was. I saw how far I had strayed and made it a priority to come back to myself. Forgetting who you are and living outside of your heart is painful. Do whatever it takes to come back and be more you. Give yourself all the space, time, and love you need to remember who you are.

    Excerpted from Soulful Simplicity: How Living with Less Can Lead to So Much More by Courtney Carver with the permission of TarcherPerigee, an imprint of Penguin Random House LLC. Copyright© 2017 by Courtney Carver

  • When Too Much Stuff Gets in the Way of All the Good Stuff

    When Too Much Stuff Gets in the Way of All the Good Stuff

    “The secret of happiness, you see, is not found in seeking more, but in developing the capacity to enjoy less.” ~Socrates

    When Hans and I relocated from Chicago to Ann Arbor, we wanted to live in a house with a big yard so we could plant flowers and get a dog.

    There were two backstories feeding these wants. I grew up on a farm and we always had a dog or two. And having lived in Chicago three-flats for a decade, I was ready for some green grass.

    There were other things on our wish list, including enough space (to live in and for our stuff) and a garage (for the car and more stuff). And I think granite countertops might have been mentioned.

    After looking at a dozen houses, we found our home. By today’s standards, it was actually on the small side at 1,400 square feet (compared to the average size home of 2,500 square feet).

    There was a living room, family room, dining room, and kitchen. There were four bedrooms and two and a half baths. We don’t have kids, so that’s two bedrooms and a bathroom each—with half a bath left over!

    We earmarked a room for my home office, a workout room for the elliptical, a room at the far end of the house for Hans to loudly watch hockey…

    It seemed there was a separate room designated for every possible activity. And with so many rooms to choose from, it’s a wonder we ever ended up in the same room at the same time.

    Filling the Space

    Conventional wisdom says when you have space, you fill it up. And we did.

    We brought furniture from Chicago and we bought furniture in Ann Arbor. We went to home stores and container stores and hardware stores. We acquired things to fill the space.

    Whether we needed all that stuff wasn’t really discussed. We had the space and it needed to be filled (or so I thought back then).

    But a funny thing happened as we settled into our new home after years of apartment dwelling. We realized a couple things that would have been nice to have figured out beforehand.

    First, we hated yard work. Mowing the lawn felt like a huge waste of a weekend afternoon. My would-be green thumb forgot how much I dislike getting sweaty and dirty and toiling in the soil.

    And the dog? Yes, we really wanted a dog to love and pet and love some more. It would’ve been easy to just focus on the wonderfulness of having a chocolate lab…

    But as we started to notice the disconnect between the dream of a big yard and the reality, we realized the doggie dream was much the same.

    What Freedom Feels Like

    We started to embrace this about ourselves: The less commitment and obligation in our lives, the freer—and better—we feel.

    Initially, this was really uncomfortable for me to admit. I worried not wanting responsibility and obligations made me less of an adult.

    But as soon as I have that thought, the record skips and I say WHHHAAAT?!

    Because I’ve realized being a mature adult is knowing who you are, what makes you comfortable in your own skin and at peace in your own mind—and then designing your life around what’s true for you.

    In our more-is-better consumer culture, it’s easy to buy into all the messages about what we’re supposed to want and supposed to have. But what if you get those things and … meh … they just don’t resonate. Then what?

    Because that’s what happened to Hans and me.

    Everything looked great from the outside, but just didn’t feel quite right. It took us awhile to figure out the disconnect between what we thought we wanted and what we really wanted.

    So, after the first year in our home, no flowers were planted. We paid someone to take care of the lawn. And I made sure to pet other people’s dogs whenever I got the chance.

    But… we couldn’t unknow what we now knew: We’re not house people. Or the landscaping-on-the-weekends type. And while we’re totally dog people, we’re dog lovers—not dog owners.

    So Now What?

    Hans and I started to have the conversation:

    • If we’re not house people, who are we?
    • If we’re starting to have a different relationship to space and stuff, what does that mean?
    • If we quiet the voices about how we’re supposed to live and what we’re supposed to want, what do we hear that’s really true for us?

    We began to realize we wanted less. Less space and less stuff. Less housework and less upkeep. Less overhead and less oversight.

    If you’re on your own, making a life-altering change can be a solo decision. But when you’re partnered up, it would be a tough compromise if one of you wants the McMansion and the other wants to go live in a Tiny House.

    Luckily, Hans and I were on the same page: We had a short list of new wants.

    We wanted to downsize.

    For us, this meant we wanted to significantly reduce our square footage. We made a conscious choice to define “enough” for ourselves.

    We rejected “more is better” as a default and really thought about how much space we need to be comfortable and how many rooms we want to clean.

    All in all, we went from a house of 1,400 square feet to a hotel room of 300 (for six months while our apartment was under construction) to our current abode of 733 square feet. We have a kitchen, living room, bedroom, and bathroom.

    And I can honestly say we’ve never been happier or felt closer. In fact, Hans and I joke that we could easily go lower, perhaps to 500 square feet. But, for now, our 733 square feet is home sweet home.

    We wanted to rent, not own.

    Home ownership has historically been something you’re supposed to want, save, and strive for. For me, renting an apartment equals freedom. Freedom from maintenance, but also the freedom to decide next month I want to move to Denver or Sweden.

    Home ownership, on the other hand, feels locked in, less fluid.

    I’m frequently asked: Don’t you feel like you’re just wasting money renting? Don’t you think you’ll regret not building up equity?

    My answer: No and no. We’re paying rent to buy a lifestyle that works for us. And while we’re not building up equity, day-to-day peace of mind is priceless.

    Of course, I’m not advocating apartment renting over home ownership for everyone. I’m only speaking to what I’ve come to realize is true for me—even as it goes against the societal norm.

    We wanted less stuff. 

    When you halve your square footage it follows you’ll need to do the same with your belongings. In our case, we also gave up a garage (aka: three walls lined with large blue storage bins), which meant dramatically reducing our possessions.

    In a smaller living space, every possession needs to earn its keep. Less square footage necessarily raises the bar for what comes into your home.

    I found these questions useful for deciding what to keep versus what to get rid of:

    • Do I love it? Is it beautiful? Does it enhance my well-being?
    • Is it functional? Do I use it?
    • Does it reflect who I am today and where I’m headed—rather than keep me rooted in the past?
    • Do I only have this out of guilt or obligation?
    • Am I okay with the price I pay for owning it—the overhead to maintain, the time to clean, the cost to insure, etc.?

    I also noticed this about downsizing: Stuff is not just stuff.

    We have all kinds of complicated relationships with the things we own. In fact, at times it can feel like our stuff owns us rather than the other way around.

    When we decided to downsize, I realized I had to stop coping with life’s boo-boos, disappointments, and frustrations by acquiring more stuff. It’s easy to stuff feelings with stuff. They don’t call it “retail therapy” for nothing.

    I also had to untangle my relationship to my belongings. For instance, if I get rid of something my grandmother gave me, does that mean I didn’t love her? Of course not, but it can be challenging to look at items objectively and separate the person from the thing.

    We wanted to live in a walkable downtown.

    When we decided to downsize we were lucky to already be living in a city with great walkability. In fact, Ann Arbor is often rated as one of the most walkable communities in the country.

    We wanted to be able to stroll to a nearby restaurant for dinner on Friday night and walk to the farmer’s market on Saturday morning. We wanted to be able to walk to the post office, library, cafes, and movie theaters.

    We all value different things, so walkability won’t be at the top of everyone’s list.

    The key is taking time to really consider what’s most important and be intentional about the kind of life you create around that.

    We wanted to be car-free.  

    In some ways living without a car has been even more interesting than downsizing. I’ve had a driver’s license and a car since I was sixteen years old. While Hans lived for a time in New York and L.A. without a car, he’d become accustomed to the convenience of 24/7 access to his own set of wheels.

    So why did we want to be car free? We could just have easily changed our living situation and kept our car.

    It was simply the answer to this question “How much overhead do we want to support?” Because even when you own your car (as we did), there’s the ongoing overhead of gas, insurance, registration, maintenance, repairs, parking, etc.

    It comes back to knowing ourselves and embracing who we really are. I’ll say it again: Hans and I are not big on too much responsibility and obligation. Owning a car feels like both.

    If public transportation or walking are not options, we get a Zip car for an hour or two or book a rental car for longer weekend trips.

    We make living without a car an adventure rather than a sacrifice. There’s something fun about figuring out how to get from Point A to Point B when you can’t just step outside and hop in your car.

    And I never say, We don’t have a car—as if it’s about scarcity. I always say, We are car-free to emphasize it’s a choice, an intentional act.

    The capacity to enjoy less 

    Our journey of downsizing and living with less stuff has been one of redefining “enough.” Of figuring out the disconnect between what we thought we wanted and what we really wanted.

    We have far fewer possessions and so much more time and freedom. With less square footage, we have less housework, less upkeep—and less stress.

    Can you say less really is more?

    Here are ten journaling prompts to help you explore your relationship to your stuff and your space.

    1. What do you believe about how much living space you need? Where do those beliefs come from? Have they changed over the years?

    2. Look around your home. Is everything useful or beautiful?

    3. What truth about yourself are you on the verge of embracing? What will be different or possible when you embace this truth?

    4. Do you think we live in a more-is-better consumer culture? How does this play out—or not—in your life? In what ways is less more?

    5. Is there anything about your life that looks great on the outside, but doesn’t feel so great on the inside? What can you do to close this gap?

    6. What is your definition of “enough”?

    7. “Stuff is not just stuff. In fact, at times it can feel like our stuff owns us rather than the other way around.” Agree or disagree? Be specific by stating why.

    8. Have you ever tried to shop away boredom, worry, or pain? What’s your experience with “retail therapy”?

    9. What five factors are most important when it comes to your lifestyle wish list?

    10. We don’t have a car versus We are car-free. How can you use this type of distinction in your own life to emphasize choice and intention?

  • The Benefits of Minimalism: 7 Reasons to Declutter Your Life

    The Benefits of Minimalism: 7 Reasons to Declutter Your Life

    Minimalism

    “Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful.” ~ William Morris

    Have you ever noticed that every time you move you need a bigger truck than the last time you moved?

    People love to collect things, and we have a tendency to keep collecting things in order to fill the available space in our homes (and sometimes beyond).

    I’m a firm believer in the idea that material possessions do not equate to happiness, so I recently started to explore the idea of living a minimalist lifestyle, to see if a less cluttered home would result in a less cluttered mind.

    I concentrated on decluttering each element of my life by reducing the amount of material possessions I owned and removing those that were unnecessary. This allowed me to focus on those items I valued most.

    I followed the seven steps below to declutter my possessions:

    Step 1: Categorized my possessions in order to sort through them one at a time (clothes, shoes, bags, jewelry, cosmetics, electronics, books, etc.)

    Step 2: Gathered together everything I own from one category, so I could see the true extent of my possessions.

    Step 3: Immediately discarded anything that jumped out at me that I no longer required.

    Step 4: Analyzed all remaining items to identify whether I loved them. After careful consideration, I discarded anything I didn’t love or need.

    Step 5: This was a step where I pushed myself to be more ruthless. I questioned whether I really truly loved the things in my “keep pile” and removed a few more.

    Step 6: Tidied everything I had decided to keep neatly away.

    Step 7: Gave everything I wasn’t keeping to friends and charity shops and sent some things for recycling.

    The process of removing all material possessions I no longer required from my life taught me a number of lessons:

    1. Mindful purchasing

    We purchase many items on a whim, with little consideration of need or desire. What a waste of money to buy something you may not even particularly like!

    A thorough decluttering session teaches you to be more mindful of a purchase and analyze its importance before spending your hard-earned cash.

    When decluttering my clothes, I came across several items that still had the labels attached. I found it really difficult to part with these, as it felt so wasteful given that I had never worn them. This was a great lesson in ensuring that from now on I will only buy items I am sure I will definitely wear.

    2. Money saved from unnecessary and frivolous purchases

    Restricting purchases to only necessary items has the added benefit of saving cash. My biggest overspend in the past has been on clothes.

    Since I have significantly reduced my clothes shopping, I have saved a considerable amount of money. This money has helped to fund my true passion of travel and exploring the world.

    3. Time saved by being able to find things more easily

    Reducing your possessions allows you to find items more quickly, saving precious time.

    No longer will you have to hunt through a stash of necklaces but easily choose one from the small collection you have retained. No fishing around among a mountain of handbags or rooting through hanger after hanger of clothes. The choice is quicker and easier.

    4. Space saved from owning less

    The fewer possessions you own, the less storage space you need.

    Since doing some serious decluttering, I now need half the space I previously did. I am currently looking to move to a smaller apartment, as I now have far too much room for one person and could happily live somewhere much smaller.

    5. Happier outlook

    Surrounding yourself with items you love and displaying only the items most valuable to you will make you feel happier. You won’t have to search through lots of items that you don’t like. Favorite items won’t get lost at the back of the cupboard or the bottom of the drawer.

    Gone are the days of saving your favorite things for a special occasion. Every day is a special occasion now that I am only using the things I love and my life is happier as a result.

    6. Quicker and easier to clean and tidy

    The fewer possessions you have, the neater your house will be and the easier it will be to keep clean.

    Marie Kondo, the decluttering expert, advocates the philosophy that each possession has a place and you should know exactly where to find everything. This is only possible if you reduce the amount of your material items. Now my living space is cleaner and tidier, my mind is less cluttered.

    7. More freedom

    As you begin to detach from material possessions and place more importance on experiences rather than things, you will sense a feeling of lightness and freedom, which can become addictive.

    I love this new sense of freedom I feel from no longer being surrounded by piles of unnecessary items I never use and being less attached to possessions. This allows me to focus instead on people and experiences.

    Now it’s your turn. Choose one category to start with and focus on the seven steps. See how it makes you feel. Try to dispose of unwanted possessions responsibly.

  • 7 Decluttering Tips: How to Release Your Attachment to Your Stuff

    7 Decluttering Tips: How to Release Your Attachment to Your Stuff

    “To change skins, evolve into new cycles, I feel one has to learn to discard. If one changes internally, one should not continue to live with the same objects. They reflect one’s mind and the psyche of yesterday. I throw away what has no dynamic, living use.” ~Anais Nin

    I’m attempting to fit my life into ten large boxes (and one red suitcase).

    As I enter a new phase in my life I’ve decided that now is the time to reduce the stuff that has been sitting in my storage unit while I’ve been house sitting and declutter my world as much as I can. The process has been both satisfying and exhausting.

    Satisfying because I’m finally able to get rid of things that I no longer need, from an ironing board to a box of fifty-plus rubber bands. (I’ve no idea when my rubber band hoarding began!)

    Exhausting because every item of my belongings requires a decision. Keep or release? Sell or gift? Friends or family?

    I found that while some things were easy to be rid of, there were others that I moved from pile to pile, unsure where they should rest.

    I knew that I didn’t need them but felt unwilling to let go. This feeling came up the most with clothes, as it turns out I’d attached a lot of meaning to fabric and thread.

    Like my pink suit. It’s that rare shade that suited me perfectly. The shape was flattering—a random woman once came up to me in the street to say how great my legs looked. I wore it in a corporate law office where black, accessorised with grey, was the norm. (I never did like to conform!)

    That suit reminded me of a time in my life where I lived in an exciting city and felt successful. That beautiful suit also has a stain down the front that dry cleaning won’t remove. It now looks dated, not to mention that I don’t wear suits anymore. Yet I cling onto it.

    Part of my reluctance was due to my scarcity mind set. “What if I never find another suit in that colour that makes me feel as good?”

    Do you do that when you are trying to let go of your things?

    We ask ourselves, “What if I give it away and then need it in a month?”

    Even though we haven’t needed it in the past year and, in most cases, we could borrow or buy a new one if we really needed to.

    As I decluttered I found that following steps helped me. I think they’ll help you too, whether your aim is to empty your junk drawer, your garage, or your wardrobe.

    1. Start with an easy area or the area that annoys or distracts you the most.

    Starting with an easy area is great for instant satisfaction and giving you the motivation to continue. Those old shoes that are so scuffed you can’t see the original color? Out. Those shoes that are lovely but don’t fit you? Out. Give them to a friend and make their day.

    Tackling an area that annoys or distracts you is a fantastic way to free up energy. The garage that you can longer fit the car in. Start there. The sock drawer that you have to push and shove to close because it’s so full of mismatched socks. Start there.

    2. Give yourself a time limit.

    Having a time limit will stop you from being sucked into the time vortex that is your closet. Or garage. Or pantry.

    Focusing on the time limit that I’d set myself to go through a box meant I was less distracted. If I found myself looking through a photo album when I was meant to be sorting through a box full of things for the kitchen, a quick look at the clock got me back on track.

    3. Give yourself a challenge.

    This step may only work if you’re a competitive soul like me. I decided to reduce my boxes from sixteen to ten. Why ten? I thought it was achievable and a stretch. Having that set number really helped me with my decision-making, as I knew I had a set amount of space to work with.

    4. Only keep what is essential or beautiful.

    Imagine having a home that only contained things that were essential or beautiful, or both. That idea fills me with a sense of calm and pleasure.

    This step was the best way for me to make a decision on whether to keep something, as having that guiding idea took away the constant questioning. “Should I keep it? It could be handy in the future.” “You can never have too many pairs of black trousers, black socks…”

    A friend gave me another helpful tip when decluttering clothes and accessories. Does it make you look or feel like a million dollars?

    I love that the bar is set so high. Most of us have far more clothes than we actually need. Having a wardrobe full of things that make you feel like a million dollars is simplistic luxury.

    This doesn’t mean that you keep the most expensive things either. I own necklaces that I bought for a few dollars while on holiday that I feel like a million dollars in.

    5. Get some help.

    Who says that decluttering your world has to be a chore or boring? Invite some good friends over, put some music on, and combine laughter with letting go of what no longer serves you.

    6. Give your things a second life.

    Have you thought about giving some of your stuff a second life? I had a pile of t-shirts that I no longer wear, some sixteen years old. I’d bought them while on traveling adventures, and they reminded me of those trips.

    I decided to get inventive. I sent them to my young nieces and included a set of stories telling them where in the world the T-shirts were from and what I’d been doing there. When my nieces called me, I was thrilled because the youngest said, “Thank you for the T-shirts. I especially loved the stories you told us.”

    Is there another life that your possessions can live?

    7. Connect with your emotions.

    Letting go of possessions can be like letting go of a part of ourselves. When I came across things I knew I wasn’t going to use or wear, but was struggling to release, I deliberately sat down with them and dove into the emotions/memories they raised.

    Dig into why you’re hanging onto that item. What does the item represent to you? What memories have you attached to that item?

    Connecting to those emotions helped me to know that those memories are always with me and don’t need to be triggered by a thing.

    I began to thank those items for helping me to create those memories. That might sound a bit odd, but it really worked. I could then release those things with a smile and a thankful heart.

    —

    I love the way I feel when my possessions have been reduced. There are less distractions and I feel so much lighter and more in control of my stuff rather than having it control me. The same can happen for you.

  • The More of Less: Finding the Life You Want Under Everything You Own (Giveaway!)

    The More of Less: Finding the Life You Want Under Everything You Own (Giveaway!)

    Simple Living

    UPDATE – The winners for this giveaway are:

    • CA Los
    • Joy Nicholson

    When I think of minimalism, I think of two things: freedom and Joshua Becker’s blog, Becoming Minimalist.

    I think of freedom because downsizing has enabled me to afford more experiences with people I love, travel more often, and do it all without the burden of storing and maintaining possessions I don’t really need.

    I think of Joshua Becker’s blog because I’ve turned to it many times over the years for insights and tips to help me simplify and declutter.

    For this reason, I was thrilled when Joshua reached out to me to share his latest book, The More Of Less: Finding the Life You Want Under Everything You Own.

    Currently a bestseller on Amazon, The More of Less explores how our stuff can hold us back from pursuing our dreams, and how getting rid of things we only think we want creates space for what we actually need.

    With personal stories and practical advice, The More of Less is the perfect guidebook to help anyone escape the trap and stress of consumerism.

    I’m grateful that Joshua took the time to answer some questions about his work and his book, and that he’s offered two free copies for Tiny Buddha readers.

    The More of LessTHE GIVEAWAY

    To enter to win one of two free copies of The More of Less:

    • Leave a comment below
    • For an extra entry, share this interview on Twitter or Facebook, and post a second comment with the link

    You can enter until midnight PST on Wednesday, May 18th.

    THE INTERVIEW

    1. Tell us a little about yourself and what inspired you to write this book.

    Eight years ago, after spending an entire Saturday cleaning my garage while my son played alone in the backyard, I made a life-changing realization: Everything I owned wasn’t making me happy.

    Even worse, everything I owned was actually distracting me from the very things that did bring me joy. So my wife and I began a journey to remove the nonessential possessions from our home and life.

    We discovered the first step to crafting the life you want is to get rid of everything you don’t.  That is the message of the book.

    2. Many people equate minimalism with deprivation—possessing the bare minimum and forgoing all luxuries. What does minimalism mean to you?

    Minimalism is not about deprivation; it’s about liberation. It’s less about the things you remove and more about the things you add.

    In the book, I define it this way, “Minimalism is the intentional promotion of the things we most value and the removal of anything that distracts us from it.”

    With that definition and understanding, minimalism becomes entirely freeing. Everybody is going to pursue it differently because everybody defines their values differently.

    3. What do you think are the top benefits of a minimalist lifestyle?

    There are countless benefits to owning less: more time, more money, more freedom, more energy, less stress, less worry, less distraction.

    We become better examples for our kids and better stewards of our environment.

    We quickly discover contentment, gratitude, and margin for generosity.

    Minimalism frees us to better pursue our greatest passions.

    4. Why do you think so many of us get ourselves into debt buying things we don’t need when it ultimately causes so much stress?

    There are reasons both internal and external. But no conversation on the causes of rampant consumerism in our society is complete without considering the effect that media and advertisements have on us.

    According to statistics, we see 5,000 ads every day. And every single advertisement carries the same message, “You’ll be happier if you buy whatever we’re selling.” And I think, because we see this message so many times and from so many places, we begin to believe it without even realizing we do.

    5. Is there anything that can help us resist the urge to over-consume in that moment when we might look to a physical thing to fill a psychological need?

    I think there are a number of ways to overcome consumerism in our lives. As we begin to purposefully own less and recognize the benefits of it, we become more aware of consumerism’s empty promises—that more doesn’t equal better—and we are more equipped to overcome those temptations.

    Others have found great success in establishing a two-day or three-day wait period before making purchases. That time away from the emotion of the purchase allows them to think deeper about the purchase.

    6. As someone who tries to keep clutter down, I’ve struggled when it comes to items with sentimental value, like childhood journals and photo albums. How do you recommend dealing with items like these when downsizing?

    There are definitely some tips and tricks for each of these items. It usually comes down to one important realization: “Less is different than none. And less is better than more.”

    For example, sentimental items. I wouldn’t encourage anyone to remove every piece of sentimentality from their lives. But people would benefit from sorting through their sentimental pieces and keeping only the most meaningful.

    Oftentimes, those who are the most sentimental have accumulated so many things over the years, the pieces are merely stored in boxes in the attic—bringing value to no one.

    Working through those items, perhaps trying to cut their collection in half, brings more value to the memories because the most important pieces are not buried underneath piles of unnecessary things.

    7. Many of us reserve de-cluttering for specific times of year—during Spring Cleaning, for example—but then clutter builds back up again. What are the top habits we can adopt to maintain a clutter-free (or less cluttered) environment?

    That is great insight Lori! For most families, stuff enters the home every single day (especially when kids are present). When we only declutter around certain times of the year, things begin to pile on top of each other—usually leading to frustration and a breaking point.

    It’s helpful to remember if you live in a home where things consistently enter, that you’ll need to consistently be removing things.

    Walk around your home and begin to notice the various “clutter hot spots” where things start to pile up first (kitchen counters, desks, bedroom dressers). Work hard to keep those areas clutter-free and they will set an environment for the entire home.

    8. Do you have any advice for someone who’d like to reap the benefits of minimalism, but shares space with a partner or others who aren’t on board?

    It’s always easy to see everyone else’s clutter than it is to see our own. It’s important to start with that realization.

    Additionally, I’ve become convinced over the years that the best thing we can do is lead by example, offer patience, and engage in constructive conversation (not conversations born from frustration or impatience).

    Focus on the benefits and the positive changes that could come from it. Remember, the simplifying conversation is really not one conversation at all. It’s almost always many conversations.

    9. With so many companies marketing varied products to kids, and so many parents buying them, how can we introduce minimalism to children without making them feel deprived or left out?

    Your young children have probably never heard of minimalism, much less thought about it in any depth. So begin by describing minimalism in simple terms.

    Explain why you and your spouse are choosing to embrace a lifestyle of less, as well as the benefits you are hoping your family will receive from it.

    Kids are often much smarter than we give them credit for. Yours will soon realize that you’re not punishing them; you’re doing this because you love them.

    10. What’s the main message you hope readers take away from your book?

    I want people to realize that their lives are too valuable to waste chasing and accumulating material possessions.

    I want people to know they were designed to accomplish more significant things than filling a big house with a lot of stuff.

    And I want them to realize that all the stuff they own is actually keeping them from fulfilling their biggest dreams.

    FTC Disclosure: I receive complimentary books for reviews and interviews on tinybuddha.com, but I am not compensated for writing or obligated to write anything specific. I am an Amazon affiliate, meaning I earn a percentage of all books purchased through the links I provide on this site.  

    You can learn more about The More of Less or grab a copy on Amazon here.

  • Declutter & Destress: How to “Live Tiny” in Your Not-Tiny House

    Declutter & Destress: How to “Live Tiny” in Your Not-Tiny House

    “Not what we have but what we enjoy constitutes our abundance.” ~John Petit-Senn

    I love the tiny house movement because it embraces simple living and diminishes the spiritual and financial burdens of materialism. However, I don’t really want to trade in the 1,700 square foot house I love for something that’s 200 square feet!

    If you’re like me, you may have felt the same pleasure watching shows like Tiny House Nation, but not known how to apply the ideas they present to life in your larger house.

    Well, I’ve found you really can “live tiny” in a not-so-literal way, and reap some of those tiny-living benefits in your bigger home!

    Step 1: The ruthless pare-down

    First of all, no one transitions to tiny living without trimming down the stuff they possess. I decided I didn’t need a living space reduction to inspire me to undertake an extreme pare-down.

    I commenced systematically sorting through everything in my seemingly uncluttered and organized home. (Those qualities were really only on the surface.) I didn’t give a pass to spaces that never got assessed because they seemed fine as-is. I went through my house thoroughly, basement, garage, and gardens included—no drawer, cardboard carton, or crawl space was exempt.

    A tiny-living-style purge requires something stricter than the usual “have I used it in the last year?” rule applied with frequent exceptions. For example, of course I hadn’t used my high school prom dress in the last year, but it always got spared in pare-downs due to sentimental value. This time I put the dress on, took a picture, and said goodbye to it.

    Here’s a tip regarding clothing reduction: You can easily see how often you use items in your closet by turning hangers to point to the front rather than the back when you wear something. If you find a long time goes by with many pieces on unturned hangers, you’ll see what a small sacrifice it would be to donate them to the needy.

    Now don’t be fearful as you purge! This process isn’t nearly the challenge tiny living requires. You have the leeway to take into account how your belongings contribute to your individual quality of life.

    Most people have glassware or coffee mugs gathering dust, making them perfect candidates for chucking. Me, I kept a few of every kind of bar glass imaginable—because mixology is one of my passions and I actually use them. But I gave away the eighteen duplicate tools we had between our upstairs tool drawer and our basement tool chest—because you don’t need two drills to be a home handywoman.

    The key is simple: As you evaluate each item, ask yourself, Can I have an excellent quality of life without this?

    Step 2: Don’t buy new when you can enjoy the old

    So, you’ve completed your purge and feel a great weight lifted from your soul. Now the task is to keep things that way! Again, look to the example of the tiny house lifestyle.

    I used to love finding a way to justify buying something new—don’t we all? Well, tiny house dwellers don’t have room to expand, so they think twice before making new purchases. And if you do that too, here’s what happens: First, you save a ton of money. Second, you keep your possessions level down. And third, you discover just how great the stuff is that you already have!

    Do you even fully know what you already have? I thought I did, but no. I found clothes, décor items, hobby supplies, dishes, etc. that I had forgotten completely but saw had real value. So now I use them! Odds are you too have a ton of possessions that could be a joy to rediscover and use, and it costs nothing.

    So, maybe the workhorse old mixer you own isn’t as exciting as a new Kitchenaid, but the money you save by living with it could pay for a month of groceries, a weekend getaway, or fifty eBooks. And why not revert yourself to the wise lifestyle of your grandparents? Mend and repair whenever you can!

    In those moments when you used to think, “Oh goody, we could use a new one of these!” ask yourself, Can I have an excellent quality of life without replacing this?

    Step 3: One in, one out

    So maybe you really do need that new item. You can still adopt the “one in, one out” principle employed by tiny homeowners. They literally have no choice but to make room for new items by removing the old, and that’s the way they keep their belongings at a steady level.

    You can discipline yourself to do the same, by finding an unnecessary item to “open a berth” for something new. This is something I’ve traditionally done right before the holidays, to make space for incoming gifts. Even better to apply the principle all the time; you’ll never have to do an extreme pare-down again!

    When you bring in the new purchase ask yourself, What can I spare to open up the space for this—who might make far better use of that item than I?

    Step 4: Maximize your space

    Tiny house dwellers have to get absolutely everything they can out of every square foot of space. They find hidden storage under beds and on the ceiling, and they have brilliantly clever furniture that does double duty as couch/bed or dining table/desk, etc.

    Take a good look around your house and make sure you are using all the space you own. (You may even find this inspires you to move to a smaller house!) Your purging could free up a closet that could become a modular home office space. A kitchen can double as a crafting room—I have my crafting materials in rolling storage that I can bring into the kitchen, and the table folds out into a larger size for claying or painting.

    One excellent way to gain storage space is by reducing your inventory of books. Keep a small library of special volumes to cherish, of course. Then consider collecting eBooks instead, which take up no physical space at all. Love to read books on paper? They are free at your local library! Or take a tip from Tiny Buddha founder Lori: buy used books and sell them back to the store later (one in, one out).

    If you’re short on closet space, look to the challenges met by tiny homeowners. Use an old trunk as a coffee table, under-bed boxes for clothing, and shelving added to vertical spaces. You don’t need to move to a larger home in order to have the space to meet your needs.

    Ask yourself, in HGTV parlance, How can I Love It rather than List It?

    Step 5: Discover the zen in being minimized and organized

    Living tiny in your big house isn’t just about reducing expense and consumption. You’ll be amazed at how following tiny house principles enhances your relationship with your belongings.

    Here’s a lesson from our cat toys. Previously we had cat toys in two drawers, two baskets, and four closets—they are now purged, mended, and organized. Now it’s easy to put away stray toys, I know where our stock of new ones is, and I’m not tempted to buy more. And better than that: I’m also more inspired to play with the cats!

    In other words, I’m more in tune with my home and all who dwell within it. With distractions reduced, I am more mindful of my environment and how I interact with it. Meanwhile, I don’t miss out on what I already own, and get more enjoyment out of my belongings.

    For example, I created a meditation corner with objects incorporating the feng shui elements. I found nearly everything I needed among my current stuff (I did treat myself to a Himalayan salt lamp). Not only do I now have this inspiring, Zen space, but things that were previously hidden away now have a purpose.

    Every day or so, find something in your house you haven’t engaged with in a while. Ask yourself gratefully, What is it about this that I really love—and how can I enjoy it even more?

    No pain, all gain

    If you’re like me and find the tiny house movement really inspiring, the reasons why are clear. Tiny is a great way to live! And in a bigger home, applying these ideas to your lifestyle is all upside. You won’t sacrifice necessary items, space, or privacy. All you give up are things like this:

    • Not knowing what you own or where it is
    • The stress of clutter and crowding
    • Not making full use of your stuff and your space
    • Unnecessary consumption and expense

    And you gain things like this:

    • Sharing your abundance by giving away what you don’t need
    • Gratitude for and appreciation of your possessions
    • More complete utilization of what you already have
    • Increased peace and serenity

    So join me in discovering the wonderful aspects of tiny living that we bigger home-dwellers can enjoy. Think tiny…and live large and well!

  • Where True Happiness Comes From: How We Gain by Having Less

    Where True Happiness Comes From: How We Gain by Having Less

    “The things you own end up owning you. It’s only after you lose everything that you’re free to do anything.” ~Chuck Palahniuk

    Small is the new big. That is to say, minimalism and living with less is becoming a growing movement in America and it’s starting to catch on over here in the UK too.

    With the global economic crisis and changes in social attitudes, people are starting to realize that the more stuff we have, the more miserable and trapped we become. After all, stuff leads to debt, stress, and even increases our carbon footprint.

    Plus, living in larger homes with space we don’t really need only equals more stuff, more spending, and more worry. Then, when we run out of space, we move to a bigger property—or even rent storage space.

    Enough.

    Stuff doesn’t make us happy. We might get that initial glow of excitement when we purchase new things, but it doesn’t last. 

    True meaning and happiness come from experiences. From family and friends. From hobbies. It comes from the things that we do, rather than the things we own.

    Like most people, I followed the American Dream. I wanted the big house and garden. The nice car. The expensive clothes. I also wanted to portray an air of success to “get ahead” in the business world.

    As someone who runs their own business, there’s a perception that if you’re not moving along a certain path, you’re not considered to be successful. That if you don’t turn up to a meeting in a decent car or wearing expensive clothes, you won’t be taken seriously. That you’re not worth the money you’re charging.

    I guess this perception of wealth extends to our self-worth and confidence. We feel more empowered if we’re attending a meeting wearing the right clothes and carrying the right handbag, for instance.

    But then this false sentiment extends to our private lives, as well. We want our peers to think we’re successful. We’re embarrassed, for example, if we’re driving an old car or wearing last season’s fashions. We feel like we’re going backward rather than forward if we’re not “keeping up.”

    Of course, it’s easy to fall into this trap—assuming that we really must drive expensive cars, wear designer clothes, and buy things we don’t really need.

    It’s the way brands and big companies want us to feel. They want us to spend money, constantly consume, and place all our self-worth, confidence, and happiness on “stuff.”

    They want us to be on an endless mission to be happy through consumption and spending. I’m just relieved I’ve worked this out now and discovered the truth.

    Through my own endless pursuit to be happy and seemingly successful, I was miserable and constantly running on a treadmill to keep up with my excessive lifestyle. When I say excessive, it probably wouldn’t seem that way to others. Most people would see this typical way of life as pretty normal.

    At some point though, it stopped being normal to us and we had a “Eureka!” moment. We realized that we didn’t need all that space, let alone all that stuff. So, we sold our big house, got rid of our expensive car, and started to think about minimal living.

    What could we get by without? What did we really need anyway?

    Well, we’ve just bought a 600 square foot apartment in the city. It’s got one bedroom, one bathroom, an open-plan living space, and a little balcony.

    We’ve downsized our stuff and now only have what we need. Sure, there are a few luxuries but for the most part we’re a lot lighter than we used to be.

    How do we feel? We have no debt, we have less stress, and we don’t have to work as hard to maintain our lifestyle. Because we live in such a small space, housework takes no time at all. And with no garden, we don’t spend hours maintaining a lawn or borders.

    This means we have more time. And that time is dedicated to ourselves. To hobbies, experiences, and family and friends. We also have more money to spend on doing things like travel, concerts, or even French lessons.

    Because of our new lifestyle, we’ve never been happier or more comfortable. Our lives are rich with meaningful experiences and relationships. And many others who are following this minimalist lifestyle are enjoying the same benefits.

    I personally think the age of consuming could be coming to an end. It’s certainly starting to lose momentum. People are realizing there’s a big difference between “want” and “need.”

    And with an increasing population and higher land prices, the future could be quite small compared to the way we live now. It might be that minimalism becomes a necessity rather than a lifestyle choice.

    Do you feel like you’re weighed down by your things? Do you find yourself constantly working to pay for the expensive things you own? Are you lying awake at night stressed and worried about debt? 

    Why not try a little minimalism? You don’t have to go to the extremes I’ve gone to. You could just downsize a few bits and bobs. Buy less stuff. Or even swap your car for a cheaper mode of transport?

    And instead of spending money on things, why not invest in experiences? In relationships? In the times that set your soul on fire and make you jump for joy? Why not create those precious memories that have you grinning from ear to ear every time you recall them?

    Because you know what they say: You can’t take it with you. But you can certainly be satisfied that you lived a wonderful life.

    The Good Life painting by Tracy Booth

  • How to Regain Control of Your Time & Your Life

    How to Regain Control of Your Time & Your Life

    “Life is a choice.” ~Unknown

    I’m virtually broke, but I’m still enjoying life. How is this possible, you ask?

    True happiness comes from having much less than you think you need. Growing up, I wouldn’t say that I had an abundance of toys. By normal standards, my family was just getting by with what we had. The bills weren’t just going to disappear, and there were three other young mouths to feed. It was either use my imagination to escape my reality or die of boredom. Which choice do you think I made?

    When You Separate from Your Stuff

    In escaping my reality, I found myself taking on a whole new one.

    No longer was the day boring because the toys I had were old and worn. Suddenly, the little apartment we lived in turned into a massive playground where my siblings and I could play hide and seek. We could build forts. We had water fights using plastic cups and the kitchen sink. Through this I learned that life didn’t have to involve boredom, and it didn’t have to include suffering.

    It could be exactly how I wanted it to be. (more…)