“In a sense, we are all time travelers drifting through our memories, returning to the places where we once lived.” ~Vladimir Nabokov
I found it by accident, a grainy image of my childhood bedroom wallpaper.
It was tucked in the blurry background of a photo in an old family album, a detail I’d never noticed until that day.
White background. Tiny pastel hearts and flowers. A border of ragdoll girls in dresses the color of mint candies and pink lemonade.
My body tingled with recognition.
It was like finding a piece of myself I didn’t remember existed. Not the grown-up me, but the girl I used to be before a career, a mortgage, and the heavy quiet of adult responsibility.
The Pull of the Past
When I was small, the world felt bigger in a softer way.
Colors seemed brighter, objects more alive, and the smallest things—the feel of my favorite stuffed animal companion in my hand, the scent of my mother’s bathwater—carried entire worlds of meaning.
These aren’t just memories; they’re sensory anchors.
I could forget a conversation from last week, but I can still picture the exact shade of the mint-green dress my wallpaper girl wore. I can still feel the gentle indentation of her printed outline, as if the wallpaper itself had texture.
These details, it turns out, were never gone. They were simply waiting for me to come back.
Nostalgia as a Regulation Tool
I didn’t realize until recently that revisiting those sensory anchors could calm my nervous system.
Of course, I know not everyone remembers childhood as safe or sweet. For many, those early years carried pain or fear. Some people find their sensory anchors in different chapters of life—a first apartment, a quiet library corner, or a beloved chair in adulthood. Wherever they come from, anchors can be powerful.
For me, nostalgia isn’t about wanting to live in the past. It’s about finding small pockets of safety I can carry into the present.
Touching the soft yarn hair of a Cabbage Patch Kid isn’t just cute, it’s grounding. Seeing those pastel hearts reminds my body what peace once felt like, and in that moment, I can feel it again.
A few months ago, one of my children was in the hospital for a week. Those days blurred together: the beeping machines, the too-bright lights, the smell of antiseptic in the air.
One afternoon, while she slept beside me in that cold plastic hospital chair, I scrolled on my phone and stumbled upon an online image of a toy I used to have. That single memory opened a door. I looked for another, and another. Each one reminded me of something else I had loved.
Before I knew it, I was mentally compiling a list of toys I’d like to find again, and how I might track them down.
That feeling—the rush of familiarity, the gentle spark of recognition—was more than just pleasant. It was regulating. In those moments of quiet, I felt a warmth that had been nearly forgotten.
When she woke and the noise and decisions returned, I carried that warmth in my belly like a hidden ember.
The Practice of Returning
Since then, I’ve begun weaving these cues into my home.
My shelf holds a cheerful line of 1980s toys in the exact colors I remember. At night, the soft glow of the wooden childhood lamp I sought out warms my space with a light that feels like safety.
These touches aren’t just décor; they’re part of my emotional toolkit.
When I feel overwhelmed, I step into that corner, touch the toys, take a slow breath, and remember who I was before life got so loud.
Some of my collection lives in my walk-in closet, tucked away just for me. I choose when and how to share it. Sometimes I don’t share it at all. That privacy feels important, like holding a small, sacred key that unlocks a door only I am meant to open.
This practice can look different for others. A friend of mine grew up with an entirely different story. His childhood was full of absence and stress, and he never had the GI Joes he longed for. Now, as an adult, he collects them one by one. For him, this is not nostalgia but repair, a way to heal by finally holding what once felt out of reach.
How You Can Try It
If you’d like to create your own version of a ritual of return, here’s how to begin:
1. Identify your sensory anchors.
Think about colors, textures, scents, or sounds from your happiest memories. If childhood feels heavy, look to other times. What do you remember most vividly? A kitchen smell? A favorite song? The feel of a well-loved blanket?
2. Find small ways to bring them back.
This doesn’t have to mean collecting big, expensive items. It could be a thrifted mug, a playlist of songs you loved at age eight, or a single scent that transports you.
3. Use them intentionally.
Place these cues where you’ll see or touch them often. Incorporate them into a morning or evening routine. Let them be part of how you calm yourself, not just pretty objects but companions in your present life.
Why It Matters
We can’t go back, and we don’t need to.
But we can return, in small ways, to the places inside us where we first felt safe, joyful, or whole.
For some, that means reclaiming the sweetness of childhood. For others, like my friend with his GI Joes, it means rewriting the story and creating what was once missing. Still others may anchor themselves in completely different seasons of life.
What matters is the act of returning to something steady, something that belongs to us now.
Each time we do, we carry a little more of that peace forward into the lives we are living now.
I’m still searching for that childhood wallpaper—online, in vintage shops, in the corners of the internet where people post long-forgotten designs. The search brings almost as much joy as the finding.
Because every time I search, I’m not just looking for wallpaper. I’m putting my hand on the door handle of memory. And when that door opens, I meet myself.
