Tiny Buddha

Tag: kind

  • Releasing the Urge to Push and Being Kind to Yourself Instead

    Releasing the Urge to Push and Being Kind to Yourself Instead

    “Slow down and everything you are chasing will come around and catch you.” ~John De Paola

    Pushing has always been the way I get things done.

    Actually, I should be more specific: pushing myself harder has been the way I get things done.

    I grew up believing that life was hard, and that the only way to survive was to give up indulgences, buckle down, and trudge forward. Uphill. Against the wind.

    In my small, suburban high school, I spent hours after my classes ended wrestling with quadratic equations.

    I had the overwhelmingly generous help of my teachers, who tutored me for free in their after-school time. I had the patience of an incredibly gifted best friend to accompany me at study sessions.

    Still, I felt alone in it all. I cried (weekly, probably) over math and science. Other subjects came easily to me, but the black-topped tables of the science classroom consumed my experience of school. I still remember how smooth and cold they were under my elbows.

    I continued on to college at one of the most expensive private schools in the U.S., sinking into student loan debt with every lecture. When depression swept me away during my first college semester and my grades suffered, the only solution I saw was to work harder, to sleep less.

    The results weren’t good: I exited the school year with deepening depression and a blossoming eating disorder.

    It seemed the harder I tried, the worse things got.

    Over the next several years, things improved, though I still didn’t feel like I had much control over my life. Happily, I fell in love at first sight with the prettiest (and kindest) girl I’d ever seen, and she shone her light into many of my dark corners. (more…)

  • A Little Care Can Go a Long Way and Make Someone’s Day

    A Little Care Can Go a Long Way and Make Someone’s Day

    “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” ~Plato

    Ever since elementary school, I have had a built-in network of friends, family, and colleagues who make up my rock solid foundation of support.

    But recently, I’ve been struggling with being alone and desperate for human interaction—more specifically conversation and affirmation; and conversation that includes affirmation of my creative choices would be the holy grail of friendship.

    Two months ago I moved to a new city where I knew exactly two people; one was my cousin who I hadn’t seen in over fifteen years and the other was an old co-worker’s sister (which, come to think of it, doesn’t really count as knowing someone, does it?)

    Both have become wonderful companions, who I see every other week or so and share many commonalities with. But I wanted a deeper friendship, someone to tell me that, yes, I had gained a little weight and tomorrow we’d go the gym.

    Normally I shied away from strangers, skeptical of their intentions, but if I kept that up I’d meet no one. So, in a bit of a social experiment (forged by pure desperation), I decided to strike up a conversation with someone new every day.

    So far, about 90% of the conversations end with a simple thank you and us parting ways, never to meet again. But the other 10% of my attempts have been eye-opening.

    Today, for instance, while at the gym, I met this stunning woman, whose legs were reason enough for me to hate her. But I smiled sweetly and asked her how she was doing. Ten minutes later I had learned that she ate extremely healthy and worked out every day (hence the amazing figure), but also that she was the mother of a five-year-old girl.  (more…)

  • Choose to Be Kind and Change the World

    Choose to Be Kind and Change the World

    “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” ~Plato

    While volunteering my carpentry skills for Fundacion Uaguitupu on the outskirts of Panama City, Panama, I made a difference by assisting Kuna Indian communities in the renovation of their homes and churches. There was an abundance of necessary repairs, but unfortunately, funding could not keep pace with the work to be done.

    After three months of doing what I could with the resources available, I had done little worthy of the evening news, yet a small patch of the world had become a better place because I had been there. Sadly, in many parts of the world it doesn’t take much to be considered an improvement.

    I am forever amazed at the capacity of those who live difficult lives to treat others with kindness and compassion. I was welcomed into many homes, treated with great respect, and graciously thanked for my time in the community.

    It is humbling to think that I have so much to give, when the truth is I have so much more to learn.

    One of the most important things I’ve learned is that each and every one of us can change the world!

    Too many of us believe we have no power to make a difference. I have entertained the thought many times.

    Making a difference often takes time, and our kindness may not grow roots until long after we’ve fertilized the flower beds. Focus on the act of giving, rather than the results of your actions. Detach from outcome, and you’ll be free to make a difference in ways you never imagined.

    You don’t have to eradicate world hunger. Simply do something good everyday.

    It’s not results that soothe our souls; it’s actions. In a difficult world, kindness has amazing power.

    Every day people endure stressful jobs, demanding relationships, and backbreaking responsibility. Every day people battle life threatening disease, face uncertain futures, and struggle to survive.

    Each moment of our lives, someone, somewhere, is in need of kindness.

    What you do for others energizes the universe. What you do for the universe energizes you.

    Go slowly. Breathe, smile, and be present. Seek opportunities to make a difference, embrace the moments, and be grateful for every choice you make. (more…)

  • Being Kind When It’s Seen as a Weakness

    Being Kind When It’s Seen as a Weakness

    “The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.” ~Samuel Johnson

    When I worked in the corporate world, I didn’t focus on a race to the top. I enjoyed the day-to-day work of running a product line, finding opportunities for new markets, and helping managers in other countries launch similar lines tailored to their markets.

    My approach was to be ethical in all aspects of the work, to have concern for the people I was working with to achieve results, and to share the credit appropriately. This was not the latest “management style,” nor was it proven.

    The most senior managers saw the bottom line increase and gave me more responsibility and a promotion, while immediate supervisors discredited me since I was not like them.

    A transfer to Asia fortunately took me out of the quagmire of home office politics. I felt the freedom to continue managing in a way that was natural to me: to encourage my teams with kindness, cooperation, and credit while we increased market share and the bottom line.

    My staff felt safe and enjoyed their work. The division prospered.

    However, my immediate superior didn’t value my approach. He viewed it as a sign of weakness that I was caring and thoughtful, and that I cooperated and shared with each colleague. (more…)

  • 4 Ways to Be Kind When You Don’t Feel Like It

    4 Ways to Be Kind When You Don’t Feel Like It

    “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” ~Plato

    I used to have a horrible boss.

    I worked as a trainer in a big corporation. I can remember him coming into one of my training sessions and telling me off about something in front of my whole group.

    He talked to me as if I was five years old and I’d done something terrible. When someone talks to you like that it’s difficult not to start feeling you are five years old and you’ve done something terrible. I wanted to sink into the ground.

    He treated other people badly, too. He frequently criticized people and talked down to them. He set unreasonable deadlines. He didn’t trust us to get on with our jobs.

    Plato suggests that we be kind, for everyone we meet is fighting a hard battle.

    Some people are very easy to be kind to.

    If my friend is having a bad time in her relationship, my instinct is to call her and ask her if she’s okay. If we see an elderly person trip over on the street, our instinct is to go over and see if we can help them up. It is easy to be kind.

    But what about my boss? Was I kind to him? And why should I be kind anyway? (more…)