Tag: judgmental

Shadow Parts: How to Recognize and Release Them
“When we are aware of our weaknesses or negative tendencies, we open the opportunity to work on them.” ~Allan Looks

Last year, I took my then-six-year-old son to a kite festival. He was ecstatic about flying his kites, and we spent a lot of time doing just that!

At one point, his kite string got tangled with another lady’s kite string. Both kites crashed to the ground, and the lady and I started working to untangle the strings.

In his excitement, my little one repeatedly asked if we were done yet and if he could fly his kite again. I reassured him, saying I understood his excitement and that his kite would be ready soon.

However, the lady, visibly annoyed, gave him judgmental looks and eventually told him he was being impatient and needed to stop asking.

Calmly, I explained to her that he was just excited to fly his kite and reminded her that he was only six years old.

This incident made me observe her shadow of impatience. She was essentially impatiently telling a young, excited child to be patient without recognizing her own impatience. This is what we call a shadow.

Recognizing our own shadows can be challenging because they are hidden within us, much like how a computer operates with its set of programs without being aware of them. Our shadows are ingrained from early childhood, making it difficult for us to see them clearly.

Here are some common examples of shadows I’ve witnessed in clients, family, friends, and even myself:
- A parent yelling at their child to stop yelling.
- A parent (or anyone) being impatient with their child’s impatience.
- Someone badmouthing another person while complaining about that person’s meanness, not realizing that badmouthing is unkind.
- Someone desiring more benevolence from others but gossiping behind their backs.
- I often feel unsure if someone wants me in their life or business, but the truth is, I am the one who is indecisive.
Shadows make us judgmental and inhibit our capacity for love, compassion, joy, presence, and understanding. They limit our experience of life. This is why I believe shadow work is crucial for living a joyful and connected life.

So, how can we shine a light on and release our own shadows? Here are a few steps:

1. Bring Awareness: Notice your triggers—when you feel frustrated, impatient, annoyed, or judgmental towards someone else.

2. Acknowledge the Emotion: Allow yourself to feel the emotion fully, without judgment or resistance.

3, Be Curious: Curiosity transcends judgment. Ask yourself: What is it about this person that makes me feel this way?

4. Identify the Shadow: Recognize that the part of yourself you have denied or repressed is being projected onto others. Ask yourself why you are judging them.

5. Observe Honestly: Be radically honest and observe this shadow part of you. Acknowledge it by saying, “I see you.”

6. Understand the Cause: Ask yourself why this shadow is showing up. Often, a younger, wounded part of yourself needs healing and love.

7. Nurture the Wounded Part: Identify who you are protecting—perhaps a little girl who was scolded or punished. Hold this part of yourself with love, acceptance, and compassion.

8. Heal with Love: Send love, patience, and kindness to this part of yourself. Give her what she needed at the time.

9. Apply this Love Now: Extend this love to your current self and observe how it changes your feelings toward the situation or person.

10. Practice Regularly: Repeat these steps until it becomes easier. As you nurture these parts of yourself, they will trust you more, and you will feel more grounded and loving.

By shining a light on our shadows, we can transform judgment into understanding and impatience into patience, and ultimately live a more joyful and connected life.
August 28, 2024
Why Judging People Hurt Me and 5 Things That Helped Me Stop

“It’s very easy to judge. It’s much more difficult to understand. Understanding requires compassion, patience and a willingness to believe that good hearts sometimes choose poor methods.” ~Doe Zantamata

In the past, judgments kept me safe. They reassured me that I had worth. That I was right. That I was good. I believed I knew the “right” way to live.

I felt I could clearly see the truth of matters. I didn’t understand why others weren’t always able to grasp the truth that I saw. However, the real truth was that my inner world was full of turmoil.

Since adolescence, I went about my day with a certain level of tension in my chest. It was almost imperceptible, but always there. I felt I was constantly fighting the world, the universe. I tried to control it, to mold it to the way I saw things. I judged anyone who didn’t follow my vision of right and wrong.

I spent a lot of time arguing and judging. Politics, religion, even school board meetings—they all elicited strong judgments from me. Judging others felt OH SO GOOD for a minute. That’s the kicker. Inevitably, though, the negative energy of the judgments left me feeling irritated or angry.

Why was I judging so much? Because I believed that missteps should be punished. My judgments were just that. I thought punishments were critical to learning. To growing.

The reality was that the person I was judging was mostly unaware of my judgy thoughts. My judgments weren’t resulting in positive change. When I sat down and actually thought about what punishments accomplish, I realized that no one needs to be punished in order to change. I saw that I was operating from a false “truth.”

What I hadn’t understood was that the only person I was punishing when I judged was myself. I was poisoning my body, my mind, even my soul, with anger.

What is clear to me now is that when I judge, I create division. When I judge someone, I am saying “I’m here and you’re over there.” I’m thinking, “I’m right and you’re wrong.” The problem is—they are thinking the same thing!

I experienced the wisdom of the introductory quote in what turned out to be a pivotal moment in my spiritual journey.

I was a witness to an unpleasant argument about vaccines between two friends. I started to feel the tension in my chest increase. I began to judge and felt the need to jump in and share my “right view” with them.

Then I centered. I became still. And I saw two moms who were scared. Two moms who loved their children. Two moms who were just trying to do their best. The tension fell away. I stopped judging and felt compassion for my two friends instead.

My inner world changed. The tension was replaced with expansion. I felt peaceful. I felt love.

There is a concept in Buddhism called “the right view.” The “right view” is often described as the perspective that doesn’t cause suffering. I’ve also heard it described as “all views, or none at all.”

I’ve learned that we filter all external information through our own personal experiences, knowledge, and traumas before coming to a conclusion. Our inner world and patterns determine our reactions. This is why we can all receive the same information and still come to different conclusions. None are right, and none are wrong. They are just different paths.

In the past, I would have tried to convince you that my path was right. I wouldn’t allow you to be who you were. I wanted you to be who I wished you to be. I would have judged you.

I don’t know about you, but when someone judges or shames me, I don’t change. I dig my feet in. It’s not a very effective communication technique.

Instead of judging, if we try to understand each other and allow each other to be who we are, we foster acceptance rather than division. We have compassion rather than judgment and our inner world changes. We feel an inner peace within.

It’s important to note that not judging someone doesn’t mean you condone what they’re doing. It also doesn’t change the consequences of their actions. It just allows you to keep your inner world peaceful.

So, how did I get here?

First, I learned to meditate and find that place of stillness within me.

Second, I learned how to find that place of stillness with my eyes open. These first two steps allowed me to create a space between an event and my emotions. This moment (or space) allowed me to respond rather than react. In this moment, the truth will often become clear.

Third, I practiced catching myself judging. I would take a moment and hold the person in compassion instead. I would try to understand them. I would allow them to be who they are rather than who I wished.

Fourth, I saw that punishments don’t work. Judging others or ourselves doesn’t facilitate growth. It creates tension and division.

Finally, I discovered that judging ties you to the past. To past patterns, reactions, and impressions. I’m judging based on my personal past experiences. I learned to let go and to forgive things in my past. I knew if I didn’t, nothing would change.

The result was inner peace. My chest doesn’t feel tight anymore. In fact, it feels like there is an open, shiny jewel in place of the tension. Love flows through me daily. I see the bliss of the present moment. I spend less and less time in the past.

When someone says something hurtful to me now, I try to pause and center. I bless them. I know when people are suffering that suffering often spills out onto others. I hold them in compassion. I understand that they are doing the best they can.

I’m also not perfect. I do still catch myself judging. I am also doing the best that I can.

I challenge you to try leading with compassion. First, compassion for yourself. We are all learning and growing. Then compassion for each other. See what happens to your inner world.

It is easy to judge; it’s much harder to try and understand.

March 7, 2022
Holiday Love Challenge #8: An Exercise to Minimize Judgments

Want more ideas to strengthen your relationships? Get Tiny Buddha’s 365 Tiny Love Challenges.

December 8, 2015
4 Ways to Deal With Criticism So It Doesn’t Get You Down

“The final proof of greatness lies in being able to endure criticism without resentment.” ~Elbert Hubbard

Are you afraid of receiving criticism?

Even if it’s minor or well-meaning, criticism can feel like a punch in the gut.

And if you let it, criticism can leave you feeling down and resentful for days or weeks after.

As the music director at my church, I occasionally receive negative feedback from members of the community.

After services one Sunday, a congregant came up to offer some critique of my music selections. At first it felt like a full-on attack. I didn’t even have a chance to get up from the organ bench before she began.

I wish I could say that I responded perfectly, but I didn’t. I immediately became defensive. My breath shortened. I interrupted her before she could complete her thoughts. But at some point in the midst of the barrage, I regained my composure and listened.

It was hard and painful to just listen without being defensive. On reflection, I realized that my pain had little to do with her criticism. It came from my own fear of being judged. Once I became aware of this, it was much easier for me to recover emotionally and move on.

If you struggle with the fear of being criticized, here are some things to keep in mind:

1. Criticism will not kill you.

The mere possibility of being criticized can fill you with dread.

When I was being criticized, my fight or flight response was automatically triggered. Though I was in no real physical danger, my mind started to immediately generate thoughts such as: “What if she starts a campaign to get me fired?” and “How will I find work to support my family?”

In hindsight, it’s easy to see that the leap from criticism to catastrophe was a gross distortion of reality. But in the moment, the thoughts can feel very real.

Over time I’ve learned to regain control of my thoughts by asking questions, such as: “Are my disastrous scenarios likely to happen?” or “Will this kill me?” I’ve found the answer is often no.

Criticism can hurt, but it cannot maim or kill. If you struggle with the fear of criticism, know that you too have the resources to get through it and move on.

2. Giving criticism can be as hard as receiving it.

It’s hard for people to say what’s truly on their minds. Most would prefer speak ill of you behind your back or let resentment build rather than risk conflict.

As I struggled to hear the woman’s criticism, I noticed that she was visibly shaking. It dawned on me that this person, rather than simply grumbling to other parishioners or the pastor, had summoned the courage to speak directly to me.

In that moment, I was able to empathize with her. This profoundly changed my experience of being criticized. My attitude shifted from that of fear to compassion, even gratitude. I no longer perceived her as a threat and my own fears were calmed.

If you’re facing criticism, try to see the situation from the other person’s point of view.

3. Not all criticism is created equal.

Think of the last time you were criticized. Did you find yourself overanalyzing everything the person said?

In the struggle to articulate their feelings, people often say useless or hurtful things. Somewhere in there is the main concern they are trying to communicate. It’s tempting to let negative comments, often arising out of frustration, get the best of us.

In my own situation, I chose to address the genuine concern and discard the rest.

You too can challenge your own tendency to focus on the negative by asking yourself: “What’s is the focus of their complaint?” If the purpose of the criticism is simply to antagonize, give yourself permission to discard it all.

4. Criticism can fuel your personal growth.

When we’re in defensive mode, it’s practically impossible to be self-reflective. But once the defenses drop, allow this question to come to the surface:

Is there any truth to the criticism?

Entertaining this question will be the starting point of your personal growth.

Once I’d processed the valid concerns of the criticism, I began taking practical steps to incorporate the feedback into my work and attitude. I also began to process my own fears and general defensiveness. Finally, I worked to drop my resentment toward the person who criticized me.

How can you effectively incorporate useful criticism into your life? Focus on using the criticism to improve yourself rather than please or appease the person. This will help you let go any lingering resentment toward them.

Kick Your Fear of Criticism to the Curb

As long as you are breathing, leading, or doing something that matters, you will be criticized.

Don’t let your deep, dark fears of being criticized hold you back.

Instead of trying to avoid it at all costs, expect it—even welcome it.

You’ll learn to conquer your fears and increase your confidence.

So next time you’re staring criticism in the face, take a deep breath, smile, and say to yourself, “Let’s do this.”

Sad man image via Shutterstock

December 7, 2015
When You Want to Judge, Be Curious Instead

“Curiosity will conquer fear more than bravery ever will.” ~James Stephens

Earlier this year I wrote a pretty honest and open article about how I was trying to be less judgmental.

As with anything new, there’s a learning curve. Letting go of judgments hasn’t become a natural and automatic part of my life quite yet, but a skill I’ve recently learned that’s making a huge, huge difference can be summed up in one word: curiosity.

Let me explain: I recently finished Brené Brown’s newest book Rising Strong. It’s all about getting up after a hard emotional fall, and what it takes to get through the difficult feelings that come with failure.

One of the key concepts Brown illustrates is how important curiosity is in this process, and when I read that, something clicked: Curiosity is the key to letting go of judgment, as well!

I became even more certain of this about a month ago. I had taken my daughter to story time at the library, where there were many other young children with their parents and caretakers. Partway through, my daughter started wandering away from the group, and I stood up to follow her.

As we left the circle, I noticed one mom, a woman who had two children with her, was not engaged with her kids at all. In fact, she was sitting at a table turned away from the group, playing with her phone.

I saw this as a perfect opportunity to test out my new theory that curiosity would help me let go of judgment. My old thought would have been “Ugh, look at her! She’s not even paying attention to her kids! What’s so important on her phone that she has to look at it right this second?”

Thinking that way would have left me feeling annoyed, angry, and a little superior, but definitely not in a good way, so I’m glad I remembered that I wanted to try being curious instead.

This time, I consciously shifted the direction of my thoughts, trying to be curious about her actions rather than making assumptions about them.

Could she be waiting for a really important email from a family member or friend?

Is she using her phone to search for a new job?

Did she have an incredibly rough morning, and really just needs to zone out for a few minutes while her kids are in a safe environment?

Is it any of my business if she’s looking at a gossip website or texting her friends rather than being highly engaged with her kids?

When I did this, I felt so much better. I felt happy and light. I was so thankful that I’d remembered to be curious.

There’s something so freeing about giving a person the benefit of the doubt and coming up with possible reasons for their behavior that go beyond the obvious. It feels so good to operate this way.

If you’d like to try, here’s what I’ve discovered so far:

Always skip over your first reaction and look for something deeper. If someone is tailgating you and you start to feel angry, skip the “That jerk!” response and try imagining what could be going on in their lives.

Could they be running late for work? Thinking about something else and unaware that they’re so close? Notice how those curious thoughts allow you to simply switch lanes and let them pass, rather than fuming and yelling.

Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Maybe a salesperson was short with you, and you started mentally calling them names. Trying putting yourself in their place for a moment.

Is it possible they’re on their second shift of the day because a coworker called in sick? Or they just found out their kid failed geometry for the third time?

Your harsh judgments of them won’t help you be compassionate or get better service, so you may as well get curious about what’s going on, which will allow you to be kind and non-judgmental

Ask questions instead of making automatic statements. Making judgments always involves black and white statements that put you in the right. Shifting to curiosity means shutting off that automatic response and asking thoughtful, insightful questions.

Even family members and close friends deserve your curiosity and compassion. It’s easiest to practice this new skill on strangers, but once you get the hang of it, remember that being curious rather than judgmental of your friends and family will benefit you both.

Instead of assuming your sister didn’t call you because she cares about her new boyfriend more than she cares about you, try being curious about what’s really going on. Maybe she’s got too many things on her plate right now and could use some help.

The bottom line is that judgments are assumptions, not truths.

They’re about you being right and the other person being wrong. They don’t feel good or serve you. Being curious is kinder and gentler, and creates an environment where it’s clear that we’re all different people, dealing with life as best we can.

It’s really for you, when it comes down to it. Being judgmental doesn’t feel good, but being curious certainly does.

December 7, 2015
6 Ways to Deal with Critical, Judgmental People

“When we judge or criticize another person, it says nothing about that person; it merely says something about our own need to be critical.” ~Unknown

We all have people in our lives who unintentionally hurt us. Their words may sound harsh. We may feel judged. And they may question our choices so much that we feel emotionally unsafe around them.

People can make comments about our career choice, living situation, life partner (or lack of), child-rearing decisions, and hobbies—and often when we didn’t ask for their opinion or advice.

Oftentimes, the healthiest choice is to stay away from these people. But sometimes we have to pay a hefty price for this choice, and it’s worth exploring other options.

For example, if some of these people happen to be relatives, or someone is your childhood best friend’s spouse or your daughter’s best friend’s mom, staying away may bring other challenges.

And even when we can avoid them completely, it can be valuable to have such people in our lives, as they empower us to learn and grow.

Note: I said we could invite them to be a part of our lives, not consume our lives! There is a big difference between the two.

A few years back, a friend’s words began to hurt me and brought tears to my eyes, lots of tears.

I knew her intentions were good, yet her comments on my choice of work, living situation, and vacations, and her constant unsolicited advice, left me feeling sad and angry.

I opened up my heart and ultimately felt judged and vulnerable.

I could have just let the friendship die, but that wasn’t an authentic manifestation of my values.

A part of me wanted to tell her exactly how I felt, but I didn’t have the courage to face the consequences if she didn’t understand where I was coming from, and that I really wanted to save the relationship.

I was sharing this with my mom, and in my pain I asked her why someone who cared about me would say the things my friend had said.

She said something that stuck. “What if you look at your relationship with her as an opportunity to grow? What if you focused on what you could do and change instead of complaining about her? What if she were a friend not to hold, nurture, and support you, but to help you get a tiny bit closer to your own truth along with some pain and discomfort?”

This was simple, yet deep and profound.

Over the last few years I have become a little more skilled and have more peace and joy around this relationship.

Here’s my list of the wonderful gems that have emerged, and my enhanced toolkit on dealing with difficult relationships.

1. Acknowledge the pain.

I have learned to acknowledge the discomfort with harsh words. This doesn’t mean wallowing in the pain or crying endlessly, but simply practicing awareness and noticing my own sensations and feelings as they arise, without getting overly attached to them or pushing them aside.

I have learned that resistance creates more suffering, and accepting our own discomfort is the first step to lasting peace.

2. Embrace your own fears and insecurities.

Difficult interactions give us an opportunity to embrace our own fears and insecurities. When we feel hurt about something, it’s often because it triggers some unresolved emotion within ourselves.

Recognizing this, we can practice compassionate self-inquiry, without anger or judgment toward ourselves.

I have noticed that comments around my choice of work are most difficult to hear, and as I have peeled the layers I have learned that is where my inner critic is the loudest.

What a lovely opportunity for me to come a tiny bit closer to my own truths, practice self- kindness, and work on myself instead of trying to change others.

3. Cultivate curiosity.

I have learned to have an open and curious mind toward critical behavior. I don’t need to judge or label, but I can still bring a deep sense of curiosity around why people may be behaving or saying such things.

With this sense of curiosity, we’re better able to practice compassion for other people’s pain and suffering.

Oftentimes when people say hurtful things, it’s because they are hurting and have unmet needs, and not because of who we are or what we have done.

4. Demonstrate vulnerability with intelligence.

I often felt upset because I opened my heart and revealed my imperfections and didn’t feel held or heard. I slowly learned that if someone might not accept my truth, it would be wise for me to exercise judgment around how much I share.

As Brené Brown says, “Our stories are not meant for everyone. Hearing them is a privilege, and we should always ask ourselves this before we share, ‘Who has earned the right to hear my story?’”

This didn’t mean that I was better or wiser than other people, but that at this point in our lives, my story doesn’t serve a purpose in our conversations.

5. Create boundaries.

Despite all the benefits that such interactions may bring, boundaries are essential.

A boundary meant saying no to that Saturday dinner invitation (with kindness and gratitude), or agreeing to meet for coffee on a weeknight instead of planning a long, leisurely Sunday brunch. It also meant exercising judgment around the topics that I’d discuss and the opinions that I’d offer.

If a relationship is causing you pain but you feel it’s worth keeping, ask yourself: What boundaries can I set to better take care of myself and my needs?

6. Refuel and recharge.

Practicing this piece can sometimes feel indulgent, or I can confuse this with “being weak,” but at its core, it is an act of strength.

I have learned to take time and create space (even if it’s just five minutes) to do something to recharge and refuel after such interactions—take a walk or practice meditation, for example—in order to ground myself and bring myself back to my sense of calm and worthiness.

—

When people are critical and judgmental, it’s often more about them than us. Still, this gives us an opportunity to learn about ourselves, take good care of ourselves, and practice responding wisely.

Which of these most resonated with you? What’s in your toolkit that could be added to this list?

Finger art of couple fighting image via Shutterstock

May 14, 2015
How to Respond to Negative People Without Being Negative
“Don’t let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace.” ~Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama

A former coworker seemed to talk non-stop and loudly, interrupt incessantly, gossip about whomever wasn’t in the room, constantly complain, and live quite happily in martyrdom.

It seemed nothing and no one escaped her negative spin. She was good at it. She could twist the happiest moment of someone’s life into a horrendous mistake. She seemed to enjoy it, too.

At first, my judgmental mind thought her behavior was quite inappropriate. I simply didn’t approve of it. But after weeks of working with her, the thought of spending even one more moment in her presence sent me into, well, her world.

Her negativity was infectious. More and more, I found myself thinking about her negativity, talking with others about her negativity, and complaining about her constant negativity.

For a while, though, I listened to her whenever she followed me into the lunchroom or the ladies’ room. I didn’t know what to say, or do, or even think. I was held captive.

I’d excuse myself from the one-sided chit-chat as soon as possible, wanting to someday be honest enough to kindly tell her that I choose not to listen to gossip. Instead, I chose avoidance. I avoided eye contact, and any and all contact. Whenever I saw her coming, I’d get going and make for a quick getaway. I worked hard at it, too.

And it was exhausting because whether I listened to her or not, or even managed to momentarily escape her altogether, I was still held captive by her negativity.

I interacted with her only a handful of times a month, but her negative presence lingered in my life. And I didn’t like it. But what I didn’t like didn’t really matter—I wanted to look inside myself to come up with a way to escape, not just avoid, a way to just let go of the hold this negativity had on me.

When I did look within, I saw that I was the one exaggerating the negative.

I chose to keep negativity within me even when she wasn’t around. This negativity was mine. So, as with most unpleasant things in life, I decided to own up and step up, to take responsibility for my own negativity.

Instead of blaming, avoiding, and resisting the truth, I would accept it. And, somehow, I would ease up on exaggerating the negative.

I welcomed the situation as it was, opening up to the possibilities for change within me and around her.

I knew all about the current emotional fitness trends telling us to surround ourselves with only happy, positive people and to avoid negative people—the us versus them strategy for better emotional health. I saw this as disconnecting, though.

We all have times when we accentuate the positive and moments when we exaggerate the negative. We are all connected in this.

Instead of continuing to disconnect, to avoid being with negativity while denying my own, I wanted to reconnect, with compassion and kindness toward both of us.

She and I shared in this negativity together. And once I made the connection and saw our connection, a few simple and maybe a little more mindful thoughts began to enter my mind and my heart. This reconnection would be made possible through love.

And these simple little, love-induced thoughts spoke up something like this:
- Patience can sit with negativity without becoming negative, rushing off to escape, or desiring to disconnect from those who choose negativity. Patience calms me.
- While I’m calm, I can change the way I see the situation. I can see the truth. Instead of focusing on what I don’t like, I can see positive solutions. I can deal with it.
- I can try to see the situation from the other person’s perspective. Why might this woman choose or maybe need to speak with such negativity? I can be compassionate.
- Why does what this woman chooses or needs to say cause me to feel irritated, angry, or resentful? I have allowed her words to push my negativity buttons. I can’t blame her.
- She doesn’t even know my buttons exist. She’s only concerned with her own needs. I’ve never even told her how much her negativity bothers me. I see what truly is.
- I see that we are both unhappy with our shared negativity. People who complain and gossip and sacrifice themselves for others aren’t happy. I can help to free us both.
- I will only help. I will do no harm. I have compassion for us both. I will show kindness toward both of us. I will cultivate love for us, too. I choose to reconnect.
- I will start with me and then share love with others. May I be well and happy. May our family be well and happy. May she be well and happy. I choose love.
And whenever I saw her, I greeted her with a kind smile. I sometimes listened to her stories, excusing myself whenever her words became unkind, much the same as I had done before. But I noticed the negativity no longer lingered within me. It disappeared as soon as I began choosing love again. I was freed. And I was happier. Compassion, kindness, and love had made me so.

My desire was not to speak my mind in an attempt to change hers, to change her apparent need to choose negative words. I did hope she might free herself from negativity and liberate herself by choosing positivity instead. Our reconnection was complete, quite unlimited, too, and it gave me hope that happiness could be ours, shared through our connection.

I continue to cultivate this loving connection, being compassionate and kind whenever people, myself included, choose to speak negative words, for we all do from time to time. We are positively connected in this negativity thing, and everything else. And compassion, kindness, and love happily connect us all.
February 9, 2014
A Creative Way to Judge Less and Appreciate Life More

“Judgments prevent us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearances.” ~Wayne Dyer

I am one of the millions of people in the world obsessed with photography. My camera is almost always with me, and when it isn’t, my trusty iPhone works pretty well.

But photography for me is much more than a fun hobby, and it is much more than taking pretty pictures that I can sell.

Photography helps me notice and appreciate my life.

I practice what is called a meditative or contemplative form of photography. It’s about being present and open to life as it is, without judgment. It’s about being open to what the world offers up to me rather than looking for a particular shot.

How can we be open to life without judgment? Isn’t judgment part of life?

Well, if we are photographing life as it is, there is no room for judgment. If we are photographing reality, it stands on its own.

We don’t have to label it interesting or boring, beautiful or ugly. What we perceive as beautiful or ugly is highly subjective and often prevents us from seeing the complexity, the wholeness of what is actually there.

Let’s face it. We don’t like to be judged. And we are complex people—interesting to some but not everyone, sometimes kind, generous, and compassionate, and sometimes not.

Rainy days are one example I like to use when it comes to judgment. How many times have you heard someone say what a terrible day it was because of the rain? I’ll bet we’ve all done it.

Rainy days can be inconvenient, interrupting our plans and causing our mood to match the gloominess of the day. Yet, rainy days are also necessary and nourishing, cleansing and cooling.

As someone who practices contemplative photography, I have learned to appreciate (almost) every day, rainy or not. I have photographed drops on leaves and reflections in puddles that are a wonder.

(more…)

January 1, 2013