Tiny Buddha

Tag: job

  • Sometimes the Safe Path is Not the Right Path

    Sometimes the Safe Path is Not the Right Path

    “As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.” ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

    When I was a kid, I wanted to be an artist. I loved to draw, especially, and even took art classes on the weekends when I could. For fun.

    Obviously, being an artist isn’t a viable career (or so everyone in my life told me in subtle and not so subtle ways), so instead of going to college to delve deeper into drawing or painting or sculpture, I went the safe route: art teacher.

    Well, after a few semesters I decided I didn’t want to be an art teacher, so I went another safe route: graphic design. Unfortunately, I didn’t enjoy graphic design that much, most of the technical/pre-press stuff was way over my head (and interest level), and I turned down the one full-time job I was offered after college.

    Since I was only twenty-one, adventure seemed appropriate. I moved to Vermont to work at a ski lodge, I drove cross-country, I lived in a tiny apartment in Montana, and then I lived in a tent for a while. It was awesome.

    After that I went back to the safe stuff. I worked in an office here, I worked as an event coordinator there, then back to another office job.

    I don’t want to make it seem like I’ve always just automatically chosen the thing that felt the safest, the most conventional, since the travels of my early twenties, because I certainly haven’t.

    I quit a “good” job because it made me miserable and I wanted to get trained as a life coach.

    I quit another well-paying job (that made me absolutely batty and went against all of my core beliefs) in order to stay home with my daughter, even though it seemed like there was no way to afford to do so. (We made it work.)

    I started making art again, with real gusto and zeal, even though it doesn’t really make any sense beyond my own deep desire to do so.

    Recently, though, I faced what feels like my biggest What-My-Heart-Wants Vs. Take-the-Safe-Path challenge ever.

    After going in circles and wondering if I should bother trying to make art my main “thing,” I decided that I should apply to graduate school to become a school counselor. Because you can’t make a living as an artist, as you’ll remember.

    Counseling has always interested me, I like kids, and I would have the summers off to do the thing I really like, which is, well, you already know this: art.

    I spent a while researching the career and working on convincing myself I’d be able to find a job and that it would be the right fit for me. I applied about six months before applications were due and then pretty much forgot about it.

    That is, until the deadline rolled around. I knew I’d hear something shortly after February 1st, and then there it was, an email inviting me to a four-hour group interview.

    I can sum up the way I felt about going to this interview with one word: Ugh. I texted a friend and told her if someone else was in my position and felt the sucking feeling I was having, I’d tell them not to go.

    I kept thinking, though, that I should go, “just to keep my options open.” You know, to be safe.

    Before I went, I hooked up with a coach to talk me through some of what was going on in my head. What stands out to me the most about our sixty-minute conversation is that I said going to school felt like the safe option.

    When she asked me what really, truly felt safe to me, in my soul, I said I felt the safest when I was in my living room, art supplies set up, light flowing through the windows, creating something.

    Still, though, I went to the group interview. I was surprised by it; I enjoyed meeting the current students, the professors seemed lovely, and I was impressed with the program.

    I also learned how competitive the program was—of the eighty something people there, only about thirty would get in. I didn’t think I had a chance.

    I was wrong about that. In fact, I was included in the first round of applicants; a top pick. That made me, or at least my ego, feel really good.

    My husband was out of town for work at the time, and we agreed to discuss it when he got back. After a lot of back and forth, I decided to accept.

    I mean, I’d be taking on probably $18,000 in debt, but I’d have an almost guaranteed job when I finished! And I’d have a state pension! And I’d have summers off!

    The other thing? Multiple people who have known me for a very long time told me what a great fit school counseling was for me. I used other people’s excitement about it to continue to believe that this was the right thing to do.

    But then some weird stuff started happening. Conversations with my husband would often end with him saying, completely unprompted, “I wish you didn’t have to go to school.” Spiritual teachers who mean a lot to me started popping up on my Facebook or Podcast feed telling me things that I needed to know, like how to really follow my soul’s calling.

    I felt like the Universe was trying to tell me that going to school was not right for me, despite seeming like the safe option. I understood that if I went, I’d be giving up what I had dreamed for myself and even my family, and that I’d be one step farther away from listening to my true self.

    So I decided to withdraw.

    I knew I wanted out, but every time I went to send that official email, I got scared. I kept thinking about what I’d be giving up (Stability! A pension! A “real” job!).

    Finally, after a month, I did it. I sent the email from my phone while I was sitting on the floor in the living room, light pouring in the windows, a painting I was working on in front of me. I did it before I could think too hard about it.

    Since then I’ve felt a variety of things. Sometimes fear, sometimes joy, sometimes worry, sometimes nothing much.

    I wish I could tell you that in the month since I withdrew I’ve become a beloved artist who makes money constantly. I wish I could tell you that everything is working out perfectly. So far, though, I’m just practicing going toward what feels good and away from what feels bad.

    I have faith now, faith that I’m following the right path for me. That picking something because it looks good on paper is absolutely not a reason to do something, even if other people tell you it is.

    When I look back on this journey, what I see is a woman who wants what’s best for herself and her family, so is following the steps that she thinks will bring her what everyone else will see as success, and I can’t say I blame her. I’m just glad she changed her mind.

    I want everyone to know that the safe path isn’t always safe, and it isn’t always right, and that only you know what’s the next step, but only if you listen closely. Here are some ideas for tuning in.

    1. Listen to your body.

    I just can’t understate the importance of this one. I’ve known for a long time that bodies are way better guides than minds, but sometimes I lose track of it.

    I knew, for sure, that school was wrong for me because every single time I thought about starting in the fall my body, especially my chest, clenched into a tight ball. A message like that is the body saying loud and clear “wrong direction.”

    2. Stop listening to your thoughts.

    Just as you want to start listening to your body, you want to stop listening to your mind and your thoughts.

    I know, it seems weird, because our brains are supposed to be all rational and smart and stuff, but so much of what goes on up there is completely based on fear. We worry about money, we worry what our family will think, we worry about dying alone. Those fears are just words, and if you let them lead you away from what you truly want, you’re going to be in trouble.

    3. Do it a little at a time.

    If you’re enmeshed in a career or relationship or financial situation that’s been going on for years and years and you have tons of people relying on you, it probably doesn’t feel so easy to just say, “Eh, I don’t want to do this anymore.”

    That’s why you do one small thing at a time. If your body is giving you ulcers because you hate your job so much, but it feels like a fluttering butterfly when you think of taking a photography class, take the photography class. Try one small thing at a time, building toward the life that you really want.

    4. Never buy into the idea that the safe way is the right way.

    If you find yourself thinking anything along the lines of, “Well, that’s boring, but it’s a smart career to get into” or “He’s from a prominent family and would be a smart choice,” run! Or at the very least, slow down and check to see what your body and heart are telling you.

    I’ve said it before and I’m sure I’ll say it again: This whole being human thing is hard. I believe that it can be delightful and joyful and wonderful, but it takes work.

    We have to push against societal norms that tell us we should do things a certain way. We have to get clear on what we want and be willing to pivot when that changes. We have to be flexible; we have to be aware.

    My goal is to choose what feels good for me. I hope that you’ll do your best to choose what feels right for you, too, even if it’s not what other people think is safe.

  • How to Promote Yourself Authentically to Gain New Opportunities

    How to Promote Yourself Authentically to Gain New Opportunities

    Self Promotion

    “If you really put a small value upon yourself, rest assured that the world will not raise your price.” ~Unknown

    I have always been a smart, dedicated, hard working person. I was raised to believe that those were characteristics required for success. So imagine my surprise to reach the working world and find unexceptional colleagues getting promoted above me.

    There’s one memory that particularly stands out.

    When I was twenty-five, I was on a team that consisted of amazingly smart, ambitious, hardworking people, plus one mediocre guy, Tom. His mediocrity stood out amongst a high-achieving team, but Tom thought he was a rock star.

    Infuriatingly, all the right people noticed Tom. And they didn’t notice me.

    In hindsight, the biggest difference between Tom and I was our mindset around self-promotion. We were both ambitious, but he was willing to push for it. Meanwhile, I was waiting patiently for my turn.

    I couldn’t get past the idea that self-promotion was sleazy, manipulative, or desperate, so I refused to do it. I didn’t go in to a meeting with sweaty palms ready to ask for the promotion that I wanted. I just did nothing.

    I waited and hoped that someone would notice how hardworking and deserving I was. But it never happened. I lost out on opportunities that would’ve helped me make a bigger difference and feel more fulfilled in my work because I refused to raise my hand.

    Now, I’ve built my career on my skill for authentic self-promotion and have found tactics to promote myself in ways that feel in perfect alignment with who I am. These are the things I’ve learned along the way. I hope these work for you, whether you work for yourself or have a traditional job.

    1. Find a role model for authentic self-promotion.

    You can probably picture the kind of person that you don’t want to be when you’re promoting yourself. But do you know whom you do want to model your self-promotional behaviors after?

    Look out for examples of people that promote themselves with honesty, integrity, and personality.

    One of my role models once told me a story about going to a networking dinner and being pestered by someone who wanted her to quit her job and come join his company.

    When her boss asked how the networking event was, she said: “It went well. I got offered three jobs. Actually, I got offered the same job three times. See how in-demand I am?”

    She told me that it felt like a light-hearted way for her to tell him that she’s highly sought after. It both matched her cheeky personality and how they usually interacted with each other every day. If she tried to do it any other way, it would have seemed awkward and insincere.

    Your mindset around self-promotion will dramatically change once you start looking for positive examples of people who practice authentic self-promotion. You’ll be surprised how many role models you can find.

    2. Remind yourself how self-promotion can help you make a difference.

    Self-promotion has a bad reputation for being egotistical. But it’s only egotistical if you’re solely focused on what it can do for you. Try focusing on how it allows you to help more people.

    How many more people will you be able to help if you promote yourself and more people discover your work?

    How will landing this new job or client help you make a bigger contribution to the project?

    Getting the job or landing the client gives you the opportunity to change their lives or business for the better.

    Thinking about how your work makes a difference takes the focus off you so that you feel less egotistical and reminds you that your work (no matter how menial you may think it is) helps others.

    3. Realize that no one else is paying as much attention as you are.

    In the past, I believed that if I truly deserved that new opportunity, then the people in charge would have already offered it to me. But that’s rarely true.

    They have a lot on their to-do list and it’s easy for them to forget everything that you do. That’s why you need to regularly remind them, whether it’s a boss or a client.

    All it takes is getting into the habit of a quick knock on the door to say, “I just wrapped up that project and wanted to let you know about the great feedback we’ve had so far.” It can be casual, honest, and low pressure. Don’t be afraid to let them see how valuable you are.

    4. Ask yourself how satisfied you are with your work right now.

    Feeling the need to raise your hand for new opportunities is a sign that there’s something missing from your current work. By raising your hand and advocating for yourself, you have an opportunity to find greater fulfilment in your career with minimal effort.

    Ask yourself: what kind of projects would bring me more job satisfaction? Then, proactively ask for those projects.

    Employers love it when their employees are engaged and fulfilled by their work, so there’s a good chance they’ll want to hear what you have to say. It’s helpful to you and it’s helpful to them.

    5. Approach it like an equal.

    I noticed that one thing that I disliked about self-promotion was feeling like I was asking for more than I was offering. It dramatically lowered my confidence and triggered the quivering, insecure voice that’s a dead giveaway that I’m nervous and unsure.

    Now, before I even start on the path toward authentic self-promotion, I get clear on what I want and what I will bring to the table that is of equal or greater value than what I’m asking for.

    It removes the feeling of powerlessness and helps give me confidence that I’m making a difference with my contribution. Even better, it means that I can easily explain how I’ll make a positive impact for my boss or client.

    6. Notice what your fear of self-promotion is masking.

    Your fear of self-promotion masks something much bigger. It could be fear of success, failure, judgment, or not being good enough. You’re not afraid of self-promotion itself; you’re actually afraid that if you promote yourself and it doesn’t go well, it’ll prove that your real fear is true.

    For me, I’m usually afraid that I’m not good enough to get that big project or land that new client. If I raise my hand, promote myself and get rejected, it can feel like evidence that proves my fear—I truly wasn’t good enough.

    What is the underlying fear for you? Where does that come from? When you dig deep into what the fear truly is, you can start to question its validity and build your personal growth muscles.

  • How to Thrive at Work (Even If You Don’t Love Your Job)

    How to Thrive at Work (Even If You Don’t Love Your Job)

    “Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present.” ~Jim Rohn

    We spend so much of our days at work, it makes sense that we should enjoy it, but many of us are not that lucky.

    Too many people work in jobs they dislike or for people who make them unhappy.

    Perhaps we don’t get the meaning of our jobs or are caught up in the corporate rat race. So quit, our friends say, but it’s not that easy. I have bills to pay, kids to feed, or things I need the money for. So how do we strike the balance? What’s the secret to thriving at work?

    I learned the hard way. Working long hours, if I wasn’t in meetings I was in the car driving. I’d grab fast food because it was quick and I could eat in on the run. After getting in late I was so exhausted that exercise was the last thing I felt like doing, so I’d crash on the sofa and then get my laptop to catch up on emails.

    I spent my weekends sleeping in and catching up on all the housework I’d let slide during the week, and I was usually sick during my vacations, as my body struggled to cope with the constant demands.

    I knew it wasn’t healthy, but wasn’t sure how to change it, how to find balance. When I looked around, I realized everyone else seemed to be doing the same. Eventually, I hit a wall and burned out. This ultimately led to a fork in the road where everything changed.

    I quit the corporate world to follow my dreams and became a writer and yoga teacher. It’s something I love, but it doesn’t pay well, so I found myself having to pick up contract work to put food on my table and a roof above my head.

    I still write and do what I love, but I also have to have a day job back in the office to pay the bills. The difference now is that I’ve learned the art of balance. Here’s how I thrive at work, and how you can too.

     1. Adopt a healthy routine.

    I found that adopting a healthy routine made things easier. I get up early so I can meditate and do a bit of yoga. This sets me up for the day and makes me feel good before I even get to work.

    Getting up early means I have time for breakfast and to walk to my office. It’s a challenge at first, and the snooze button is always tempting, but once we feel the benefits, it’s a no brainer. And after a few weeks of doing this, it becomes a habit.

    2. Take care of your body.

    Work can be stressful, which is why paying attention to the basics of good health and prioritizing this makes our workdays better.

    What we eat, how much water we drink, how much we move, the lighting, ventilation, how we sit—it all adds up. It may seem simple, but it’s also important.

    The meals we chose fuel us throughout the day; we know we can feel lethargic and short of energy if we’re not eating right. We are what we eat, so it’s critical we’re putting the right things in to help us thrive both at work and at home. It has a direct impact on our mood and how we concentrate, and therefore, how much better we’re likely to deal with stress and colleagues.

    Exercise is also key, especially for those of us who are deskbound. I ensure I get up and move around regularly, either to get water, talk to a colleague, or when I’m on the phone. I also make sure I get outside every lunchtime for a walk and some fresh air, and head to the gym some evenings to counteract all the sitting my job requires.

    3. Make it a priority to have fun with your coworkers.

    Human beings are social animals, and our colleagues can be the source of great company (or sometimes irritation!) Taking time out to ask people how they’re doing over the water cooler, chatting about your plans for the weekend, or asking about their latest trip is a pleasant addition to the workday.

    There are many ways to bond with your colleagues—Friday night drinks after closing, lunchtime walking groups, social sports teams, quiz nights, and office morning teas (where everyone brings something in). It’s a great way of getting to know your colleagues better, without the pressure of work.

     4. Treat yourself.

    Every week I treat myself to dinner at my favorite restaurant, or a takeout if I’m tired. It’s usually on a Friday, and I often spend the week looking forward to this.

    I also have a massage once a month, partly to offset the sitting at a computer, but also to treat myself and show my body some love. It’s the little things that I look forward to, that my wages allow me to buy, that makes working more worth while.

    5. Spend time in nature.

    This one makes a big difference, particularly if we live and work in cities, as many of us do, and may be confined to the indoors for most of the day, without natural light or ventilation.

    Get out during lunchtime for a walk in the park, or spend the weekend camping at the beach or in a cabin in the woods. Whatever it is, make sure you get some time in nature. It helps us unwind, relax, and reconnect, not just to the natural world around us but also to ourselves.

    Science is proving that nature really does have healing powers, and I know it’s a vital part of helping me thrive at work.

    6. Strive for balance.

    I learned the hard way, and now work/life balance is one of my top priorities.

    I see many people who seem defined by their jobs; this is their life and who they are, and this mantra often takes over their life.

    If we spend all hours at work, there are areas of our life we’re neglecting—perhaps time with loved ones, time to ourselves, or social events or hobbies. Work/life balance is so important. After all, one of the reasons we go to work is so we can afford to have a life!

    7. Do what you love.

    They say that if you love what you do you’ll be successful. While not all of us have the jobs we’ve dreamed of since we were young, we can often find things within our jobs that we enjoy—dealing with people perhaps, training others, designing posters, solving problems, or organizing events.

    If there is that long-time ambition you’ve had that involves a change of career, then think about how that may happen. It’s all about small steps, as I’ve found out, and can often mean we’re doing two jobs simultaneously for a while as we transition or retrain. But the important thing is that we start taking those small steps toward our dreams.

    When the hard days at work come, I put them into perspective and ensure I find a positive. I also make sure I find time to do something I love, whether it’s writing, walking outside in nature, or having lunch with friends.

    8. Never forget the why.

    Probably the most important thing is to not lose sight of our reasons for going to work. Yes, we need to earn money, and preferably we could do this doing something we love. But sometimes we have to do X in order to get to Y.

    Remember your “why.” This could be your kids’ education, that trip of a lifetime, your first home, or a medical treatment for a family member.

    Put a photo up on your desk that’ll remind you every day what you’re working for. It’s not that boss that shouts at you or the company that cares more about its bottom line than its workers; it’s for your hopes and dreams and all the things we do each month with the wages we’re lucky to earn.

    —

    We spend so much time at work, it makes sense that we make it as happy as it can be. It doesn’t have to be detrimental to our health. By mastering the art of balance, we can thrive at work.

  • Why Strong, Brave People Aren’t Afraid to Quit

    Why Strong, Brave People Aren’t Afraid to Quit

    “Some people think it’s holding on that makes one strong—sometimes it’s letting go.” ~Unknown

    Throughout my life I’ve quit many things.

    I quit a reasonably ‘sexy’ job title and steady paycheck.

    I quit a six-year relationship with an essentially giving and loving person.

    I quit being a yoga teacher after investing heavily in getting qualified.

    I’ve quit many courses halfway through like calligraphy (of all things), ‘life design map’ courses, and online courses for all sorts of random things.

    I quit therapy once, before they told me we were ‘done.’

    I’ve quit several crappy part-time jobs when I first started building my business.

    Yep, I’m a quitter. Or at least, that’s the label I gave myself.

    You see, for many years I was the queen of being mean to myself. She can still pipe up on some days, but I used to be so continually nasty to myself, it was exhausting.

    “You never finish anything.”

    “You just don’t have what it takes to go the distance.”

    “You’re so pathetic, Nat.”

    “Why can’t you just see things through? What the hell is wrong with you?”

    The other day a client told me she had these same questions (which are really just nasty taunting statements) going around in her head, as she felt guilty for giving up on something that she’d known for a long time she didn’t want to continue.

    “I feel like a quitter, Nat. Won’t walking away mean that I’m just quitting?”

    And so we began to talk about the meaning of quitting.

    What does it actually mean anyway?

    To me, to quit means to leave, usually permanently, or to be rid of something, right? I mean, that’s what the dictionary definition tells us.

    But what if all the times we labeled ourselves as quitters were actually times when we were following our very finely tuned but so often ignored gut instinct?

    What if quitting was just a term we’ve become used to hearing from the people around us, from our parents, from anyone else that might have reminded us where we “should have stuck things out,” but holds absolutely no truth in relevance to the situation we supposedly decided to quit?

    I mean, let’s take the end of my six-year relationship for instance, which some, including my ex, might view as me having ‘quit.’ Do the years prior to that, where I struggled with myself over what was working and what wasn’t, and where I held on and tried to keep things together for both of us, not count as me working hard to keep going?

    If I casually had just walked out without a reason, that would have been quitting, but I didn’t; I stayed and fought for as long as I could, and I made a decision that I felt at the time was right for both of our long-term happiness.

    And then maybe you could also say I quit being a yoga teacher, or at least my mum might have been worrying about that at the time. “But what about all that money you spent traveling over there and taking the course?”

    And I could understand her worry, but I reached a point when I had to be honest with myself.

    I had been putting pressure on myself to be a perfect and shiny and accomplished yoga teacher even though the entire reason I had gone on the training was to heal myself and my spine, tap into who I really was, figure out what I really wanted from life, and deepen my practice. It was never to be a teacher.

    So yes, maybe I quit yoga teaching, but again, what I was actually doing was being true to myself.

    And I want to encourage you to do the same.

    Drop the struggle you might currently be experiencing with the quitter label. It’s never going to serve you, and you know it’s not who you really are.

    If you know deep down that something doesn’t feel right—if you know you’re not meant to be with the person you’re with, in the job you’re in, or doing the work you’re doing—then walking away from it does not make you a quitter, my beautiful friend.

    It makes you empowered.

    It means you have guts.

    It means you are strong enough and tuned-in enough to listen to yourself.

    It means you’re following your intuition.

    It means you know your time and energy are best spent doing something else.

    It means you know you’re on the wrong path and you’re brave enough to take action to change direction.

    It means you’re brave.

    It means you’re strong.

    And it means you’re taking responsibility of your happiness.

    Does it mean you will quit everything in your life?

    No, it most certainly does not. When you find what’s right, you’ll know, believe me.

    But turning over several stones to find the one that shines instead of settling for the safety of the first thing you find is a journey few are prepared to walk.

    So with that in mind, you’re pretty amazing for having chosen to be true to who you really are.

    Finding what lights you up doesn’t come overnight; maybe for some it does, but for most, it requires a few more stones to be unturned.

    So don’t be afraid to keep moving, don’t be afraid to throw in the towel, don’t be afraid to ‘quit.’ It means you’re taking decisive action around what you will and won’t stand for, what feels good and what doesn’t, and most importantly, what feels true for you and what just quite simply doesn’t.

    We can’t live our most expressive, fulfilled, and empowered life trying to labor away at something that doesn’t light us up from the inside out, so stop wasting time trying to, and don’t be scared to do something different.

  • When You’ve Lost Your Job: How to Start Moving Forward

    When You’ve Lost Your Job: How to Start Moving Forward

    “If you can’t fly then run. If you can’t run then walk. If you can’t walk then crawl. But whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward.” ~Martin Luther King Jr.

    For five years, I worked for an incredible little company that makes creative products for creative people.

    I first joined the company as the marketing director and over time, moved into a top executive role. It was a wonderful adventure with passionate people and incredible learnings, challenges, and joys. And then it wasn’t. I was laid off.

    Suddenly I, among other top executives, managers, and team members, found myself out of work. The reason? Budget cuts. But that didn’t really matter.

    What mattered was that my “second home,” the place where I had made close friendships, where I had mentored and worked side by side to build teams, where I had laughed, cried, and come to work after too many sleepless nights of worry and planning, had let me go.

    I had lost my daily connection with my tribe.

    My mind flooded with thoughts, questions and emotions. I was pissed, and heartbroken and frightened, all at the same time. How could this have happened? What was I going to do? It was paralyzing.

    And then I paused and took a deep breath.

    I reminded myself of a phrase a friend had told me long ago, “Eat your elephant one bite at a time.” It had helped me through other seemingly impossible projects and life changes, so why not now?

    I asked myself what one thing I could do that day to move me forward. I knew that even one small step would be better than nothing.

    The pause brought me a moment of clarity. In that moment, I knew there was only one thing I needed to do.

    I took a deep breath and cried.

    I mourned not only a job that I loved, but also the loss of my friends and co-workers whom I’d grown to love. There would be no more daily hummus sharing, or yoga mat brainstorming meetings, or late night planning sessions, or morning burrito walks.

    I needed to allow myself to mourn this loss and to experience these painful emotions. Until I owned these feelings, I knew I wouldn’t be able to move on.

    The next day, I found myself staring at my outdated resume. I had trouble remembering anything of importance that I had done in my career the past five years. What were the highlights? What are my strengths and how did I use them to the company’s benefit? I was at a loss.

    Again, I paused and asked myself what one thing I could do that day to move me forward. I reminded myself that even a small step would mean progress.

    The best thing I could think to do was to find a mirror. How did other people see me? What value did they think I brought to the teams I worked on and to the company overall? I asked several colleagues to write recommendations for me on LinkedIn and was overwhelmed with the responses that I received.

    It was a great way for me to see common themes of how and where I really add value. Many of them also wrote specific examples of successful projects or goals and noted how I had been integral to the success. Having these recommendations helped me to start thinking about who I am when I’m at my best.

    Like many people, when I’m at my best, I’m motivated, happy, and highly functioning. As I became clear about this, it was easier for me to see what kind of work I wanted to do moving forward, which in turn helped me create a resume that really spoke to my strengths and passions.

    I won’t lie; it was difficult at times. Finding a support system of friends and colleagues was so important. Being a support system for someone else was also very rewarding and helped to put my situation into perspective.

    In the difficult times, I reminded myself of my strong connection with my family, my loving circle of friends, and my supportive partner. Life wasn’t so bad.

    In the end, I found myself working with a lovely group of women at a local consulting company. I’ve been blessed to once again be working with an incredible group of motivating, intelligent, and supportive people, all while doing work where I can use my gifts and talents in a way that I’m proud of.

    If you have been laid off and are facing similar challenges, here are some things that helped me move forward:

    Pause.

    You don’t have to have it all figured out right now, so take a moment to breathe and clear your mind. If you’re overwhelmed, this can be a great way to help get you unstuck. Just think about one thing you can do to move you forward (which leads to the second item on my list).

    Keep moving forward.

    Try not to stress if things seem slow going, or worry about things not working out. Sometimes it seems like things aren’t coming together, but every small effort pushes you a little closer to your goal. As long as you’re moving forward, even just one little teeny tiny step, you’re making progress!

    Allow yourself to feel your emotions, but don’t let them overwhelm you.

    It’s natural to be scared, worried, and anxious, but you don’t have to let these feelings control you. You can create peace and foster patience by taking care of your mental and emotional well-being with deep breathing, yoga, meditation, exercise, and other self-care practices.

    You might think you should spend all your time job searching, but making time for self-care will make you far more present, peaceful, and effective.

    Find a mirror.

    Ask colleagues to write recommendations for you, or ask a trusted relative or friend to tell you what they see as your strengths, or maybe what sort of work they could picture you doing. Understanding your worth through other people’s eyes is truly inspiring, and it can help give you direction.

    Be good to yourself and find a support.

    Don’t be too proud to reach out to friends or relatives, or even search for an online career resource. (There are a ton of these kinds of companies now and they are great about offering all kinds of helpful content and community in addition to regular job postings.)

    One thing I’ve learned in this process is that we’ve all got things in our life that make us feel “less than.” Once I started sharing my story with people, I actually felt powerful!

    —

    You can’t always control what happens to you, but you can work on how you respond. It’s been profoundly helpful to claim the control I do have—inside of myself as well as in the external world.

    Treat yourself like you matter… because you do.

  • Hate Your Job? Change May Be Hard But It’s Worth It

    Hate Your Job? Change May Be Hard But It’s Worth It

    “It’s never the environment; it’s never the events of our lives, but the meaning we attach to the events—how we interpret them—that shapes who we are today and who we’ll become tomorrow.” ~Tony Robbins

    How long are we going to put up with lifestyles that kill us before we decide to do something about it?

    It’s no surprise to me that between 70-80% of American workers (depending on the source) dislike their jobs. I was part of that statistic until the disappointment got the better of me and I had no choice but to leave it all behind.

    Things were off to a great start; at least, they were for two months after my wedding. The week after Thanksgiving my boss came in after my shift and gave me the news that I was being laid-off without severance, effective immediately.

    This was shocking, and given the nature of the situation, I was angry, disappointed, stressed, sad, and anxious. Considering that my boss was a close family friend, I also felt betrayed.

    I didn’t want to go home and give the news to my family, so I did the only thing I could think of—I sat in an empty parking lot and cried for two hours.

    All of my problems were directly related to the stress of not having an income. So many thoughts ran through my head during those two hours, like the vision of being in a homeless rut and never getting out of it.

    I was in a state of panic, and sitting alone for two hours was not a good decision for my mental health.

    After a long discussion with my wife, we were able to calmly rationalize the situation and create a plan. It turns out everything was going to work out just fine. It had to—there was no other option.

    After three months of rigorous job-hunting, I got an offer for a new job for a major security corporation. This time it was in IT (tech support), so I could put my degree to good. My pay doubled and I had access to benefits, which I did not have at my previous job. It turns out that getting laid off actually worked to my benefit.

    My job started to lose its appeal around six months. I was beginning to notice the flaws within the company, the lack of good management and training, the politics that come with corporate jobs, and all of the drama between different levels of management.

    I was quick to find that tech support was not for me. However, like my last job, I could not leave because I was a slave to the money.

    Two years went by. My job had its “up moments” but for the most part it was a routine grind, Monday through Friday.

    Corporate masters diminished my genuine passion for helping people by telling me exactly how I should be helping people, despite the actual problem being that our product was terrible and we had no control over that.

    I survived three layoffs during those two years but the fear was there. My team was constantly told that we need to prove ourselves if we wanted to survive cuts.

    After two years I could say I officially hated my job. After three years it started to affect my health, physically and mentally.

    My depression and anxiety medications were increased three times since starting at the job. I had reached the maximum dosage available and was still experiencing severe depression and anxiety on a daily basis.

    A lot of workers have the mindset that “Mondays suck” and that it’s perfectly normal to suffer through a week-long grind, because the weekend is where all of our troubles go away and we get to have fun. At this point in my job I didn’t even look forward to the weekends.

    I spent the entire weekend stressing about having to go back to the office on Monday and resume the routine battle with my suicidal thoughts.

    I woke up one day with a migraine and cold sweats. “Just a bug,” I thought to myself, so I went to work that day only to give up after one hour. My boss expressed his concerns and told me that my job was in jeopardy. We discussed the option of going on an unpaid medical leave due to my health issues. I agreed to look into it.

    I took the rest of that day off and my wife came to pick me up. We sat in the parking lot of a local grocery store talking about my symptoms.

    My migraine was still intense and my body soaked with sweat. We called the doctor and I described my symptoms, or rather a lack of other symptoms. The nurse listed off all of the usual symptoms from WebMD, trying to diagnose what physical ailment I was experiencing, only to come up empty handed.

    Then the nurse told me to go to the emergency room. We were already $10,000 in medical debt (even with the best health insurance available), and we all know that the hospital will just give you some $100 Tylenol and send you home, so my wife and I agreed not to go; instead, we talked about my job.

    We talked about how medical leave was temporary and I would still have to go back to my job in a few weeks. The stress at this point was overwhelming, but she was extremely supportive and also concerned for my health.

    I finally built up the courage and said, “I don’t want to go back to that office.” She not only supported my statement but also agreed with me.

    We had both talked about finances for several months leading up to that point. We talked about what we’d do if one of us lost our job, and we agreed we would be okay for a while, so our planning helped this decision. It was at this point I decided that I wasn’t going back to that job.

    An interesting thing happened: Less than one hour after making this decision my headache went away and my cold sweats completely diminished. Not only was I feeling better, but I also felt alive.

    The stress of losing medical benefits and having a lower income was infinitesimal compared to the amazing freedom and positivity that I felt at this point. Once we got home I decided to go for a walk in the sun. This was the first time I had gone for a walk in over three years.

    The entire time walking, I reflected on my life, my potential, and my future. After that I started to re-invest my time into studying personal development and lifestyle design. As the weeks went on, I wasn’t just motivated and driven; I was alive.

    In that time I did a lot of writing and personal development. I worked on myself, discovering my passion and my core values, and committed to massive lifestyle change. I woke up with a drive to be productive.

    When I see people struggle with their lives, jobs, or relationships, it brings me back to those stressful times of feeling like there’s nothing more to life and it makes me want to help others realize how important it is to take charge and make a change.

    Whether you’re unhappy with your job, health, relationships, or life in general, you can’t wait for it to change on its own. You need to take action and change it yourself.

    You shouldn’t necessarily make sudden decisions without a plan, but you need to get something moving. Make the change happen before it’s too late and you end up severely ill, or worse. Nobody deserves to hate their lives, and if that’s you then you need to open yourself up to some major changes.

    Not all of us have the ability to just get up and leave our jobs. I am fortunate enough to have a loving and hard working wife, but not everyone has the financial or emotional support to suddenly change their lives. So what do you do?

    The most important thing you can do right now is start planning. Think of what you need in order to make that big change in your life. Write a list or draw a picture, just get that vision down and start planning. When you have a goal set, that is when you can start taking the steps needed to achieve it.

    You might have to take baby steps like saving a few dollars every paycheck, working another part time job, or studying to gain a new skill for that better job. Whatever it is, write it down and think about the different steps you can start taking to bring you a little bit closer to making that big change.

    Will it be hard? Possibly. But what would be harder—trying to create something different, or living the rest of your life feeling trapped and miserable?

    It might take a year, two years or more to see significant change in your life, but don’t let that stop you from starting. A year or two will go by whether you make a change or not—you’ll be far happier down the road if you make the effort in the present to work toward a different future.

  • How to Find the Courage to Quit Your Unfulfilling Job

    How to Find the Courage to Quit Your Unfulfilling Job

    Quitting

    “Begin doing what you want to do now. We are not living in eternity. We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand-and melting like a snowflake.” ~Francis Bacon Sr.

    Isn’t it a shame?

    You’ve studied and worked hard to get to where you are.

    You’ve succeeded.

    And you got that job.

    But now, it just doesn’t feel right.

    Well, I understand exactly what you’re going through.

    Once upon a time, I thought I had it all too.

    A great position, a great salary with generous bonuses, and I was working in the heart of the city of love: Paris. My life and career might have looked perfect on the outside, but on the inside, I was desperately yearning for something else.

    As the months went by, my sadness skyrocketed. And the voice inside telling me to change grew ever stronger. So did my concerns, worries, and fears about the future. What if things didn’t work out? What if I couldn’t make enough money? What if I would come to regret my decision?

    Sound familiar?

    When I evaluated my life, though, I found that the idea of staying was scarier than anything that may happen if I quit. So, I finally found the courage to leave the safety of a corporate job to find my true calling in life.

    If you’re yearning for change but too scared of the what-ifs, the following tips will help you evaluate your life and finally find your courage as well.

    1. Choose to live by design instead of by default.

    Take a step back and look at what kind of life you truly want to live. Does it look like the one you’re living today? A while back, I asked myself that question. One of the things that came back to me was that I wanted my life to revolve more around yoga. So, now I’m training to become a yoga teacher.

    Don’t settle for mediocrity or life by default. Instead, decide to make active choices to create the life you desire—that’s the only way you’ll get there.

    2. Fear regret rather than failure.

    Failing means you tried and learned something. Regret, on the other hand, comes as a response to what hasn’t happened. It’s an ugly emotion that usually doesn’t show up until it’s already too late.

    Failing at something is scary, but regret is even scarier. Wouldn’t you rather try and fail now instead of one day regretting you never tried at all?

    3. Imagine the worst-case scenario.

    What’s the worst thing that can happen if you quit your unfulfilling job? Maybe you’d have to find another full-time job? Maybe you’d be standing without a safety net, unable to care for the people that depend on you?

    By clearly defining a realistic worst-case scenario, you can prepare yourself not to end up there and to cushion the impact if it occurs. That could mean making sure you have enough savings, someone to fall back on, or a job lined up if things don’t work out.

    4. Listen to your gut.

    I had a nagging feeling inside of me for years before I acted on it. I had tried to push it away, and when that didn’t work, I changed tactics and chose to allow the feelings in. Only then did I understand the message behind it and what I needed to do.

    Now I know that the discomfort I was feeling was a good thing. It meant that my inner guidance system was working correctly, giving me direction in life. What are your feelings telling you? What are you being guided toward?

    5. Know that you’ll be better doing what you love.

    “If I could be good at something I was fairly interested in, what would happen if I did something I truly love?” This was a question I simply had to find the answer to.

    I believe outstanding work can only come from a place of loving what you do. This is when you utilize your unique skills, talents, and natural gifts. Imagine for a second how great you could become at something you love doing?

    6. Let happiness be the key to success.

    Studies prove (and people like billionaire entrepreneur Richard Branson confirm) that happiness fuels success and performance, not the other way around. Now, isn’t that nice to know?

    Creating a life around what makes you happy is the key to living a truly successful life.

    7. Become an example.

    Imagine that someone you care deeply for, such as a little sister or a friend, is observing your actions. He or she will copy everything you do. A bit scary, huh?

    Now, would you want this person to stay in a place that left them feeling unfulfilled? Or would you want them to find the courage to pursue what they truly desire?

    8. Come back to the present moment.

    Worrying about the future doesn’t change anything; instead, it hinders you from making the best of this moment. Here and now is all we ever have. It’s the only place where we have control.

    So, focus on what you can do right now to go in the direction you want.

    9. Know that everyone feels the same.

    Realizing that I wasn’t alone with my thoughts and fears gave me a surprisingly comforting feeling. I wasn’t weak or fragile for being scared—I was simply human.

    Understand that what you feel is normal, but whether to act or not is your choice.

    10. Define your why.

    I left my job because I wanted to work with something I cared deeply for, where I could express myself fully and make a positive impact in the world.

    If you’re clear on why you’re leaving a job, you’ll see the value in taking the risk. It will help you stay motivated and keep you focused in the right direction.

    11. Trust that you have a gift to offer.

    All seven billion of us have a unique set of skills, talents, and personality traits. I once met a woman whose great passion in life was the connective tissues in our bodies. Pretty unique passion, right? We’re all different, and that’s the beauty.

    You have something special only you can offer this world, and we’re longing to take part of it. So, trust yourself, and show us what you’ve got.

    12. Connect with like-minded people.

    Connect with people that are on a similar journey to yours. Build a support network, in person and online.

    To have people around you that support, motivate, and inspire you is priceless. They’ll help you through the most difficult days.

    13. Take risks for what you will gain long-term.

    Sometimes we need to take risks and make short-term sacrifices for what will serve us long-term. Basically, we must be willing to bet in order to win.

    Just think about this. Staying in an unfulfilling job means taking a greater risk since you already know it’s not what you want. So, you risk more by not taking risks.

    14. Aim to put a smile on your older, future self.

    Imagine yourself being ninety years old and at your deathbed. Looking back at your life, how would you want the story to unfold?

    You’ll want to die with a big smile on your face, knowing that you made the best of your time here. And that you lived a life true to yourself, not the life others expected of you.

    15. Know that the timing is never right.

    Maybe you’re young without any proper experience. Maybe you’re older and take longer to learn new things. Or maybe you just got promoted and want to give this opportunity a chance.

    The time will never come when all the conditions are right. When I accepted this, I understood that everything is as perfect as I perceive them to be.

    16. Trust that the path will unfold.

    What’s scary in following your dream is that the path is unclear. Stepping off the beaten path means that you can’t see a straight road in sight.

    But, we don’t need to know the whole path. We just need to know the next step in front of us.

    17. Make uncomfortable the new comfortable.

    When we want something we don’t have, we must do things we haven’t done before. And that means becoming uncomfortable.

    When I accepted this as a natural part of the journey, I decided to make uncomfortable my new comfortable.

    18. Nurture faith, not fear.

    Fear is uncertainty about what doesn’t exist yet. Faith is the same, but trusting that it will turn out for the best. So, instead of imagining scenarios of what you don’t want, choose to focus on what you do want.

    Give your energy to faith, not fear.

    Live by Choice Instead of Chance

    It’s not easy feeling frustrated and restless in an unsatisfying job. It’s not easy knowing that leaving might be a big mistake. But, staying might be an even bigger one.

    You don’t know how things will turn out if you quit. We never do. But here’s what you do know—staying where you are most likely won’t get you where you want to be.

    Wouldn’t you rather live life by choice instead of chance? Wouldn’t you rather look back and know that you did everything you could to create the life you desire instead of wishing you’d had? Wouldn’t you rather take a chance on faith instead of fear?

    Who knows, you just might get everything you wished for.

    Quitting image via Shutterstock

  • Losing Your Job Doesn’t Have to Mean Losing Yourself

    Losing Your Job Doesn’t Have to Mean Losing Yourself

    “I believe one of the greatest achievements in life is the choice to be empowered, not paralyzed, by a disappointment.” ~Lori Deschene

    I was recently fired from my dream job, and this was devastating to me.

    Anyone who has ever lost their livelihood should be able to relate to this experience. Vulnerability, shock, confusion, and anger dominated my feelings in the aftermath of suddenly losing a job that I loved.

    What happened? My company created a fantastic referral program, and I saw a business opportunity to take advantage of it.

    I reached out to multiple senior members of the staff in order to get approval for my business plan, and then I set it in motion. Two weeks later I was fired, without warning, for the very thing that I had openly sought and received approval for.

    Upon hearing the news, my mind was reeling. I don’t think I’ve ever been so angry.

    How could they do this to me, particularly after being told the day before that I could soon expect a promotion? How could they be so cruel? Why couldn’t they work with me to resolve the issue in an amicable way?

    Thoughts of revenge swirled around in my head. I wanted to burn bridges. Oh lord, how I wanted to burn bridges!

    My life was suddenly thrown into turmoil. The plans that my girlfriend and I had made for our next year or so were thrown into disarray.

    Would I have to move away from her, and how would that impact our relationship? How am I going to explain this to my friends and family? How was I going to pay my rent? How can I ever feel secure in a future job? Am I “falling behind” my friends?

    What it largely boils down to is feeling a loss of my identity. Despite only working at this company for a few months, its mission is something that I felt (and continue to feel) incredibly passionate about.

    I don’t just mean that I lost my identity in the sense that “I am what I do.” Of course not—I’m so much more than just my job.

    But this job allowed me to act authentically; not only did I enjoy my work, but I actually felt as though I was living my life, rather than just working in order to live my life. I was doing good things, and promoting something that I loved.

    As Homer Simpson once said, “If I’m not a nuclear safety whatchamajigger, I’m nothing!”

    Losing my job meant that I was no longer “cutting-edge tech industry guy who is revolutionizing the world and helping the poor and downtrodden.” Or at least that’s what it felt like.

    But in reality, personal identity is far more complex than this. Whatever you think you are is at best only a vague approximation of who you really are.

    My former job was in customer service. And while there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, I really wasn’t using my skills to the best of my ability. There are other lines of work, even within the same industry, that would allow me to express my identity more authentically—and perhaps more profitably as well!

    I had gone through something similar before, and learned a similar lesson then. Career setbacks have allowed me to “fail up” in the past, and they can do so again.

    Even though it feels as though the rug has been pulled out from under my feet, past experience has proven to me that these situations can be among the most valuable.

    Real life requires embracing the uncertainty of who you are and accepting the vulnerability that comes along with this fact.

    My identity isn’t some fixed quality that is only expressed via a particular job. My identity comes from my values, and I have to trust that these values can be expressed in some even greater, more authentic way. In other words, I am more than what I think I am at any given moment.

    Getting fired is difficult, but it need not be emotionally devastating. It helps to talk about it with trusted people who love you. It helps to write things down. And it helps to look at being fired as something to evolve through rather than something you “get over.”

    So what’s next for me, then? I don’t know specifically, but I’m sure it will be something bigger, better, and more authentically me than what I have lost.

    And in the meantime, I need to “let go” and forgive those who I believe have wronged me. Luckily, I have been reading my copy of Tiny Buddha’s 365 Tiny Love Challenges, and just came across several exercises that are helping me to do this (April 9th and April 27th, for those keeping score at home).

    First, I’m visualizing my former manager and the HR representative “as a young child who is doing his or her best, making mistakes, and hoping for [my] understanding and forgiveness.”

    The fact is, I was working for a startup, and chances are they were just doing their best and didn’t really know how to handle the situation properly. It’s quite possible that they are beating themselves up over it.

    I’m certainly not happy about what happened, but perhaps they aren’t either. Everyone makes mistakes, and I forgive them for it.

    The second exercise, which perfectly sums up the message I am trying to convey in this essay, is to “imagine that you are the hero in a movie, and all the pain you’ve experienced has helped you grow, and will eventually help you thrive in life… you are the hero of the story, not the victim.”

    While I’m deeply saddened to have lost my job, this pain will be invaluable in fostering future growth.

    If you too have lost your job recently, or a role that feels like a part of your identity, try not to see it as losing yourself. You are so much more than any one job or role. And consider that maybe this happened for you, not to you. This chapter may be over, but the next one may be even better.

    Being fired image via Shutterstock

  • What If Success Was Measured by How Well You’ve Loved?

    What If Success Was Measured by How Well You’ve Loved?

    Heart Hands

    “That man is a success who has lived well, laughed often and loved much.” ~Robert Louis Stevenson

    When I was a child, I learned a lot from my parents and other authority figures. I learned the difference between wrong and right, the value of hard work and perseverance, that one must not mistreat or use people, but be good.

    I learned about love too, for when my loved ones were happy, the same joy always came back to me.

    Making the difficult transition into adulthood, I picked up a whole lot of other things from whatever environment I managed to land in—from school, college, and my workplaces.

    I learned that I had to get a certain rank in class for my intelligence to be considered acceptable. I was questioned and cross questioned repeatedly on why some kid who lived in my building got a better rank than me. Why couldn’t I perform better?

    My future somehow seemed to be in peril due to my underperformance in math, geography, and languages, and my bad handwriting.

    So I learned to be competitive and strive harder. I also learned that no matter what I did, even if I performed better than my last result, it wasn’t good enough because some friend in class or someone in the colony or prior performance by my siblings was always better!

    Soon an epic thirst for ‘success’ kindled in me.

    I learned that success meant doing well in class—getting great marks, getting into a good college, getting epic marks there, as well (you cannot fall lower than a first class), getting an epic job. And it should be in an epic company (brand name) and pay well enough to sound epic and also allow me to spend and save well, to provide sufficiently whenever I find a partner, have kids etc.

    Makes sense, right?

    Oddly enough, I managed to do most of that—get good marks, get a good job in an epic company with an epic package, and make my parents proud.

    I seemed to be at the pinnacle of (my self-defined) success!

    Well, not quite.

    For one, I hated my epic job. The epic company that had hired me (thought they had bought my soul) put me in a department that was a far cry from what they had hired me for.

    They increased the pay of said department a few months down the line (there were many others stuck in the same mess as me). I guess it was supposed to compensate. I also had to move away from home, far from my loved ones.

    After much frustration and in a span of one year, I was packing my bags and returning home. I wasn’t ready to hand over all of my soul, after all!

    What happened after that is a long story best kept for another time. Let’s just say that I returned to what would be, compared to my peers, a relatively mediocre place, both in terms of position and finances.

    I was fast slipping off the success radar!

    Something else also started happening though. While I was busy wallowing in self-pity and licking my wounds, I became more reflective and perhaps, more observant.

    I noticed how happy I was to be with my family.

    With all the glorious dysfunctionality that existed within, of which I am an integral part, I realized that I love them to bits and pieces. I had always taken them for granted, and the time spent away is helping me to treasure the time I spend with them now.

    I discovered joy in little things.

    A neighborhood cat gave birth to a litter of kittens. The mere sight of those tiny babies evoked love and joy in me that I cannot put into words! It was pure bliss feeding them every day, checking on them, and playing with them.

    Most of the litter along with the mom cat dispersed. But two kittens, now nearly year old cats, still linger, and I look forward to going home every single day to feed and cuddle the furballs.

    I took a course in dancing.

    It was one thing I had loved as a child but that I simply wasn’t good at. While I struggled with it through the course, it was a liberating experience. It made me realize that we place a lot of shackles around ourselves as far as our capabilities are concerned.

    I questioned my ultimate ambition in life.

    Do I want to compromise on my health, happiness, and loved ones to achieve ‘success’ like everyone else around me seems to be doing? As a kid I had a lot of other dreams, and now I am revisiting them.

    I realized that in the success I had been chasing for so long, in the rat race that I am still running, there is little room for integrity.

    We are lying every day, be it to get a promotion, to get selected in an interview, or to aggressively sell a product. We are lying so much that it has become part of the fabric we’re made of.

    I realized that power and success as I knew it did not teach love.

    I noticed that people in prominent positions around me were not necessarily using their power with kindness. I have seen people in power abuse those below them, aggressively push them to overwork, look down upon them, and invoke bitterness in them. And I have also seen such behavior being hailed as the hallmark of a performer who could get the job done.

    I realized that it was my responsibility to learn to become a better human being.

    Whether or not I learned to become successful in practical, worldly terms.

    I am not saying I have risen above any of this, only that I am better aware of what I’m doing these days and I reflect on the kind of choices I want to make for the road ahead.

    Just think about it—what if success was measured by how well you’ve loved instead of what you’ve earned or how many people know you?

    What if success was actually how much you’ve loved life itself, filling it with love and giving even more love? And not necessarily what you are wearing, the places you’ve been to, or the phones, cars, and yachts you’ve owned?

    What if success was measured by how much joy you’ve brought to the table and how much better or worse you left the place than when you arrived?

    What if success was measured by how kindly and sincerely you’ve treated those around you?

    What if you actually got negative points every time you treated someone meanly or unfairly or judged someone or looked down on someone?

    How would your success graph look in that case? Would you need to put in more effort to make it better?

    I know I would be in the red.

    These days I make it a point to not take for granted all that I have been blessed with.

    Things like a stable home, concerned parents who love me and care for me in spite of some tremendous difficulties and conflicts, a great education including a post grad degree, loving reassurance whenever I feel I’m not doing well in life, freedom to live life on my own terms. Two cats who let me feed them and give some reluctant hugs for the same—all this and more!

    These days, I have also come to notice many who are working out of love, giving freely, who are true blessings, making this world a better place, in whatever small ways that they are. Quite possibly, you are one of them!

    I’ve learned that one can always appreciate what one has instead of clamoring for more of everything; it’s a good way to feel content. Yes, there are things to be achieved and they will be achieved in due time. Yes, I still lie as much as I am required to and I need a do a lot of work there.

    I accept that I still don’t know exactly where I am headed in life, and that’s okay. I prefer to call it figuring it out instead of failing.

    At the very least, I know that I am editing my definition of success. I am learning a whole new definition in fact, bit by bit, every day!

    Heart hands image via Shutterstock

  • Happiness Starts with You

    Happiness Starts with You

    Happiness Starts with You

  • The Key to Creating More Joy in Your Work

    The Key to Creating More Joy in Your Work

    Love My Job

    “Life engenders life. Energy creates energy. It is by spending oneself that one becomes rich.” ~Sarah Bernhardt                      

    Ten years ago, when I first moved to China, I came as an English teacher at a university. I hadn’t the faintest clue as to how I would teach and I only had one year of experience as a teaching assistant in graduate school.

    At the beginning, I was completely out of my element. In fact, I woke up the following morning after arrival in my new apartment only to realize that I had no food, couldn’t say anything in Chinese, and had no idea where to get something to eat.

    For me, everything was uncharted territory, especially my new career.

    After settling in, I tried to do a good job of teaching, and I truly did care for my students. However, having hundreds of different students and seeing each group for less than an hour per week, I did not see how I could make much difference.

    Because of this, I lost my motivation and never really gave it my all. I could find no reason to excel at what I was doing because I couldn’t see how I could have any impact.

    I became apathetic about what could have been a wonderful occupation. I dreaded waking up in the morning and dragging myself to class. When making a lesson plan, I would just throw something together that I thought might be sufficient.

    In class, I just wanted to get it over with and move on with my day. I rarely stuck around to converse with my students and I often complained about my work.

    I did what was necessary just to get by. I gave very little of myself and got very little in return. My profession became a job to trudge through.

    You Get What You Give

    Years later I began to work on improving myself. Naturally, this included my own job and I began to search for a way to transform my work into something better, something more meaningful. And I found the answer.

    Fast-forward a few years, and everything changed. When preparing classes, I would construct course plans with meticulous care and would repeatedly practice how best to deliver them.

    I would wake up each morning at 5:00am to make sure that I was physically and mentally wide awake and ready to give it my all, every single day. Before each class, I would talk to myself and whip myself up into a state of excitement, determined to make every class a masterpiece.

    I started to feel genuinely excited on my way to class and felt great joy upon entering the classroom. I would stay afterward and speak with students, who were always full of questions for me.

    Increasingly, I was able to see through the eyes of the learner. And, by being able to put myself in their shoes, I knew what needed to be done and how to execute it.

    I improved as a person as well. I became more confident, learned how to hold the attention of a crowd, gained a much clearer understanding of the process of learning, and felt much more joy. I learned how to lead and to provoke curiosity.

    I was getting significant, measurable results and I realized how huge of an impact I could have on my students’ lives.

    It was true that I was devoting more time to my work, but what I soon learned was that I received much more in return. I could feel and see such love from my students. They were more cooperative than before, I gained their trust, and they showered me with kindness and friendship.

    I was greeted each morning with enthusiastic smiles, and at the end of the school year thoughtful gifts poured in that brought tears of joy to my eyes.

    I had completely transformed, and so too had the experience of my students. And it was all because of a shift that I chose to make.

    The Key to Creating Joy in Your Work

    What had happened? What did I do to create this incredibly positive change?

    I made a simple decision: I was going to give more than anyone else expected of me.

    This decision happened in an instant.

    Back when I was still trudging through my work, one afternoon, I was walking through the halls of the school. I was struck by the fact that every classroom was full of silent, bored student who were playing on their phones or sleeping. At the front of every single classroom was a teacher speaking monotonously or reading from a slide on the overhead.

    I felt pity for my students and was angry at the laziness that I saw. The system was a total sham and nobody was receiving anything of value. And in that moment I had a revelation: I was part of it.

    I too had become lazy and was contributing to this horrible state of affairs. I felt a conviction rise within me: I would no longer be a part of the sham anymore.

    Upon returning home, I did something that forever changed how I work: I thought very carefully about what my students needed.

    I was struck by inspiration and spent hours putting together a new lesson plan. When I delivered the plan, everyone in the classroom, including myself, was shocked. The students were completely inspired and the entire atmosphere of the room changed.

    Afterward, numerous students told me how much they had enjoyed the class. They requested more like it. Overwhelmed with excitement, I set to work constructing more lesson plans that would truly have an impact.

    From there, it blossomed into a virtuous circle: the more I gave to my students, the more joy I received in return. And this made me want to give even more. Happiness flowed to me in avalanches of joy.

    I never imagined the beautiful changes that would take place. My classrooms were utterly transformed.

    Watching the enormous impact I was having on hundreds of lives, I realized something: all of this happened because of a single decision that I had made.

    I created this change. And so can you.

    And it starts with a decision: to give more of yourself.

    How to Give More

    The giving of service is the master key that will unlock joy and success in any profession. So, if you are not a teacher like me, how can you apply this to your own work?

    What, for example, would it look like for someone with clients or customers? If you are a waiter or waitress, a secretary, a nurse or doctor, in sales, or customer service you would want to be attentive to your customers above all else.

    Listen for and focus in on understanding what they need and find a way to deliver it to them. There is no better way to ensure repeat business.

    If you are a cashier, be the cashier who everyone remembers. Make every person feel important by looking them in the eyes and greeting them with a smile. This will bring more joy to both of you than if you mindlessly wished you were somewhere else.

    If you are a laborer, cleaner, or prepare food and may not interact with many people, focus on excelling at your task. Know who you are serving, what they need, and do it in the best way you know how.

    And even if nobody appreciates or recognizes your work or you don’t get the results you expect, you will go to bed with much greater satisfaction and contentment knowing that you gave it your all.

    If you dislike your work, the key to making it more enjoyable is to give more of yourself. When you focus on giving, you stop thinking about yourself and what you don’t like.

    It is as simple as it is profound. In the end, the person this will help the most is you.

    If ever you are uncertain as to how you can excel at your work, you only need to find the answer to these four questions:

    1. Who am I serving?
    2. What do they need?
    3. How can I give them what they need?
    4. What can I do to exceed their expectations?

    Once you have the answers, you have developed a plan to excel at your work. And, by doing so, you have created the master key to making your job a labor of love and a source of joy for yourself and for those around you.

    Love my job image via Shutterstock

  • Why Hard Work Might Not Pay Off (and What Will)

    Why Hard Work Might Not Pay Off (and What Will)

    Hard Working Business Man

    “Man is only truly great when he acts from his passions.” ~Benjamin Disraeli

    At a young age I was told, “Without hard work nothing grows but weeds.”

    I was also told, “With hard work it was possible to achieve the American Dream.”

    I was not sure what the American Dream was, but I did what everyone around me seemed to be doing. Working hard. I did well in school, helped my mother at home and my father at his place of business.

    The world looked incredible to me growing up, and I was so passionate about waking up every day and exploring. I wondered why my parents and the other adults around me didn’t seem to be passionately alive.

    Didn’t everyone see what an incredible world this was?

    There was a glimpse of this passion they once had in the boxes of photographs in our living room closet. I would look through them on Saturday afternoons while babysitting my siblings so my parents could take a nap and rest their weary, hard working bodies.

    In the photos, they were young and full of raw passion. My favorites were of my mother at around twenty years old, dressed up in a leopard velvet fitted suit, working at Oleg Cassini, a NYC fashion company. Smiling.

    My Dad’s photos were of him as a young twenty year old in full military uniform on a US Navy ship, somewhere far away, looking over the side rail in contemplative thought. Thinking. His favorite thing to do, an intellectual. Looking far off into the distance. Tall, slim, and handsome.

    “When did they let that go?” I used to wonder. “When and why did Mom stop dressing up and working, and Dad stop writing and thinking, taking quiet contemplative time for himself?”

    Mom resigned herself to working hard at home with lots of kids to raise on a dead end street in the suburbs, which she hated. Dad worked a series of jobs in the business world that he was completely unsuited for.

    Mom let us all know how miserable she was by her lethargy, and Dad’s anger and rage let us know just how discontent he was. I know they were doing their best to keep it all together.

    Yet passion was nowhere to be found.

    What did I do? I followed in their footsteps. I got engaged at eighteen and stayed in the suburbs, which bored me to tears. I worked a well-paying job in finance that I was ill suited for.

    I was living the American Dream they told me about, only it was more like the American Nightmare.

    I found myself crying on the way to work every day, with no joy to share with my child. I found myself longing to leave my marriage, which I’d entered to please my parents, and get to know myself and what would make me happy.

    No one had ever asked me what I was passionate about, and I’d never thought of asking myself.

    The realization of what former British Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli said hit me. A great man or woman acts on their passion. I realized my greatness was in the one place no one told me about. In acting from my passion.

    For me that was writing. When I write I feel great. I feel passionate and alive. Just like a kid again. So that’s what I did. I moved to the city and studied writing as if my life depended on it, because it did.

    You may have some troublesome thoughts about the conflict of working hard vs. acting from passion. I know I did.

    If you’re not doing hard work, you may feel lazy or guilty. Or like it’s too good to be true. Following your passion seems like it’s easy, yet it can be hard work too. But it’s the kind of hard that’s fueled by pleasure and passion.

    Or maybe you want cold hard cash. You want stuff. You want to support yourself and your loved ones. So you take the work that you can get, or that makes the most money, or do what someone else wants you to do.

    Yet, what happens if you act from passion first? Get happy first? Before you decide on a career or take a job or get into a relationship. Or move to a city or countryside. What happens is that everything flows more easily from this place. Sure, you could work hard, just put passion first.

    How do you begin acting from your passions?

    Put passion first, even if it’s only in your thoughts at first.

    When you want to discover and act from your passion, you may have thoughts that challenge this new way of letting go of “hard” and gliding into joy and passion. So develop a mantra for yourself that you repeat, about giving yourself permission to put passion first.

    Hide from those that bring you down.

    Steer clear of the “hard work and little passion and play” people. Seek out those that understand how acting from passion first enhances your life and the life of everyone around you.

    Accept how hard your work and life really are and must be for now.

    Know that sometimes life is hard. And work is hard. World and life events and tragedies bring us down out of happiness and passion. Know that this is necessary so you can see the contrast of living from passion first to living from the work hard place.

    Remember, when you have passion about something you are more willing to take risks. Everyone can decide to work hard, but passion means something different to each person. Follow yours.

    You can have one leader that leads with hard work and another that leads with passion. Which one do you want to follow?

    Ask yourself some tough questions.

    What do you feel passionate about?

    If you have no idea, remember what you loved doing as a kid. What were your favorite toys and games?

    What activities do you partake in that, when you do them, you lose all sense of time?

    What do you really want to do but are afraid to say out loud?

    Close your eyes while contemplating this question. Feel the answers in your heart instead of thinking them with your head.

    Passion is not always strong and powerful. It can be calm and deep. Don’t worry about motivation. Once you feel the passion for something, the motivation comes with little effort.

    Queen Victoria invited Disraeli to become British Prime Minister, and they soon struck up a remarkable rapport thanks to Disraeli’s charm and skillful flattery.

    On finally achieving his long ambition, to become Britain’s Prime Minister, Disraeli declared, “I have climbed to the top of the greasy pole.”

    Find your own greasy pole, the one you are more than willing to climb, using passion as your inspiration and motivation. For whenever something great was accomplished in the world, it was done with passion.

    What are you doing to find yours?

    Hardworking man image via Shutterstock

  • How To Stop Giving Up On Yourself And Reach Your Full Potential

    How To Stop Giving Up On Yourself And Reach Your Full Potential

    Unlock Your Potential

    “Live up to your potential, not down to other people’s expectations.” 

    “Are you okay?” asked one of my editors.

    “Yeah,” I said. But I wasn’t.

    It was 11.30pm and I had just returned from a lengthy press conference where a major political announcement had just been made. My article was due in the next twenty minutes.

    A panic attack was quietly tightening its grip on me.

    Although I didn’t want to admit it, work was beginning to feel like Groundhog Day.

    I wanted to write, but in the fast-paced newsroom where I worked as a junior reporter close to fourteen hours a day, delving deep into subjects I was truly passionate about wasn’t something I was able to do.

    Every day was chase, report, repeat. I wanted so much more than that.

    But I refused to quit because I wasn’t a quitter, so I held on.

    Six months later and a year-and-a-half into my job, waking up and going to work was leaving me feeling inadequate and empty. Every assignment I got felt like a massive struggle.

    I was still adamant about not giving up, but I also knew that going on this way wasn’t a healthy option, so reluctantly, I chose to walk away from the newsroom.

    Giving up made me feel like a failure at the time, but now as I look back, I see my decision for what it was: my instincts telling me what was a good fit for me and what wasn’t, and me, honoring it.

    The one regret that I have is not realizing this and making the change sooner.

    What happened when I subsequently went after the things that really called to me?

    Excitement.

    I looked forward to challenges, not dread them.

    I gave 150% and never gave up.

    Success!

    If you constantly find yourself unable to finish what you start, jumping from one job, relationship, or diet to another without seeing progress, or feeling as if you’re a failure at everything you do, here are three things you need to do:

    Stop trying to fix yourself and forcing yourself to do things you don’t really want to do.

    Break the chain of moving from one thing to the next and trying to fit into a role that’s not right for you by taking some time out to figure out: What do you find meaningful and joyful, and how can you pursue that in your life instead of following your (or someone else’s) ‘shoulds’?

    What can you do to feel purposeful, in control, and good about yourself, and see results, rather than constantly feel exhausted, empty, and as if you need to be fixed?

    To get momentum going, try this simple exercise, which will help you get to the core of why you want something: Ask yourself “What do I want to accomplish?” When you’ve got the answer to this question, ask “Why?” Then, with whatever answer you come up with, ask why to that, and so on, five times.

    Not sure how to begin? Here’s how it worked for me when I was struggling with my weight:

    Q: What do you want to accomplish?
    A: I want to stop binge eating.

    Q: Why do you want to stop binge eating?
    A:  Because I want to feel in control of my body.

    Q: Why do you want to feel in control of your body?
    A: So I can feel confident.

    Q: Why do you want to feel confident?
    A: So I can stop avoiding social situations and feeling self-conscious about being overweight.

    Q: Why do you want to stop avoiding social situations and feeling self-conscious about being overweight?
    A: Because I want to start living again.

    Q: Why do you want to start living again?
    A: So I can get the most out of my life without wasting time hating how I look and feel.

    This final answer put me in touch with a painful situation I never wanted to relive again. I wanted so much more out of life than that.

    Yours, like mine did, will serve as a compelling reason to put in the work needed to accomplish what you set out to do, in congruence with your deepest-held values. It’ll pull you up and forward, not down.

    Work with who you want to be—you’ll find yourself feeling whole instead of constantly struggling to connect the missing dots.

    Focus on things you can control instead of focusing on outcomes.

    There are a million things that are out of your control: the weather, natural disasters, what other people think of your presentation, and your colleague’s insensitive comment about your weight.

    There are, however, a million other things that you can control.

    These include the little habits you can nurture to help get you to where you want to be:

    Waking up thirty minutes earlier to plan your day, parking a little further to get your daily 10,000 steps in, making a beeline for your colleague’s desk for a stress-relieving chat instead of to the pantry (where the donuts are), or responding to emails at fixed times during your day so you can work more efficiently and leave the office at 5pm to be with your kids.

    Once a week, ask yourself: “How am I doing?”

    If something isn’t working, find out why and focus on doing what you can do to change the outcome. You’re the captain of your ship—chart your course, do your best to be equipped with the skills that will help you weather storms that come your way, and let go of the rest.

    Get out of the race—life’s not a competition.

    You know the grind: Go, go, go! Deadlines are close. Time is money. Got to keep up with the Joneses. The clock’s ticking. That promotion is up for grabs. The thinner you are, the more popular you’ll be.

    But what if this rush for bigger, better, faster, and thinner keeps leaving you burnt out, unhealthy, depressed, and frustrated?

    Consider tweaking your priorities: Wouldn’t digging deep, zeroing on your deepest desires, and taking careful, methodical steps toward them leave you feeling calmer, happier, in your best shape ever, and focused on what matters to you in the long run?

    The less you focus on competing with others, the more time you’ll have to spend on nurturing your own happiness and reaching your full potential.

    So guess what? It’s time you gave up giving up on yourself.

    If you’re ready to throw in the towel and walk away (again), what can you do to break this cycle to head in the right direction?

    Unlock your potential image via Shutterstock

  • Life Changes When We Change

    Life Changes When We Change

    Time for a Change

    “We can let circumstances rule us, or we can take charge and rule our lives from within.” ~Earl Nightingale

    Last Christmas, I was jobless.

    With piling bills and debts, I was trying to switch from a freelancer to a full-time employee. I had been job hunting for weeks, with zero results. I started wondering why. I was qualified, I had a great resume, and I was willing to work hard. So why did I feel so helpless, like the reins were in someone else’s hands?

    I didn’t like the feeling, but I couldn’t see how I could take control. Everyone said that’s how the job hunting process is. Endless applications and waiting for responses that may never come. There’s nothing you can do about it. Just remain positive. Hope for the best. Wait. Try harder.

    Well, I had just about had it up to my neck with this kind of advice. I was being inundated with positive messages, and I began to question their effectiveness. What’s the use of being positive if it doesn’t change anything?

    Now, I am an optimist. Glass half full and everything. But as weeks passed by and I hadn’t landed so much as one interview, the whole glass business started to turn sour. Simply remaining optimistic didn’t change anything.

    I wasn’t getting any better results, and I wanted to do something about it rather than sit around with an imaginary glass.

    It was one week before Christmas when I had a breakthrough. I decided to quit ”looking for a job.” I stopped ”trying to remain positive.” No use beating a dead horse. It wasn’t defeat. It was just a change of tactic.

    Someone once said that insanity is repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results.

    Endlessly applying to jobs with no results was indeed driving me insane. It was time I looked for other solutions. After all, I had nothing to lose. Might as well have some fun, explore and experiment with different options.

    Without realizing it, I had taken control. As cheesy as it sounds, I had taken back the power from the mysterious employers behind the computer screen. I stopped caring what they thought and started to focus on what I wanted to accomplish.

    Just a day before, I was searching for things like “how to get a job.” Suddenly, I was forced to search for something else. It was my day off from job hunting. What should I do instead? The mere thought that it was totally up to me gave me infinite control. I was free from the shackles of insanity.

    What happened next was life-changing. Instead of trying to get tips on how to land a job, I started to look at successful people that I wanted to emulate. Because I was no longer worrying about trying to get a job, I was free to turn my attention elsewhere, which led me to think about ways to achieve success and get ahead.

    It may sound like nothing, but in hindsight, it was everything. I realized what I wanted wasn’t a job. It was a fulfilling life. Of course, a source of income was an inevitable part of it, but it was just that. One part of a much larger picture.

    I was curious about how others had done it. I researched people I aspired to resemble one day. I perused advice and life stories of current CEOs and influencers. Then I revamped my application material with all this in mind, sent them in, and continued my exciting research.

    Instead of just looking for a job, I was now clearer about what I wanted and what I had to offer. I was more selective about where I applied, and I wrote my cover letters with a deeper understanding of the companies and how I’d fit within them.

    To my surprise, I landed an interview within twenty-four hours. The next day, I landed another two. I was completely thrown off, but I could not deny the immediate effects of my tiny decision.

    Simply by switching the search terms online, I was getting better results in my own life. The simplicity of it was what shocked me the most. After all, everyone knows that if you aren’t getting results you want from a search engine, you change the terms.

    I was reminded of countless accounts of people who had tried something else and achieved seemingly miraculous success, but until this moment, I never thought it would happen to me. I just thought those people were lucky. I didn’t even realize this was what I thought until I collided head-on with the revelation.

    As it turns out, luck often comes to those who want to create it. Positive thinking is good but ineffective without action. And that action could be as small as simply deciding to change.

    In reality, all I really did was switch from a passive state of mind to an active one. I had made a decision to change, and therefore brought it about. More importantly, the positive messages I discarded weren’t wrong. It was my way of taking them in.

    Now, I don’t stop with listening. I don’t think, ”that’s really good advice” and do nothing about it. What I do now is take the advice and run with it. Think of ways to make it my own. After seeing the difference it made in my life, how could I do otherwise?

    If you want change, don’t wish for it. Create it.

    Time for a change image via Shutterstock

  • 6 Ways to Cope with a Miserable Job

    6 Ways to Cope with a Miserable Job

    “Instead of complaining that the rose bush is full of thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses.” ~Proverb

    If you’re feeling miserable in your current job or career, wondering when you’ll be able to do something that makes your heart sing, I know exactly how you feel.

    I spent nearly a decade of my life working in jobs that I despised, having to dig deep every day to make it through another eight hours. All the while, my soul felt like it was dying inside.

    I remember writing one-page memos and having to wait a month while they worked their way through the bureaucracy. Every manager would return the memos, requesting a small, pointless change. By the time the memos were released, I barely recognized the words as my own.

    I knew that I had to get out, that I had to find something more meaningful, something where I could actually make a difference. But getting out of these jobs was hard. Really hard.

    One time, three years into a job, I knew that I needed to make a change. But it took me another three years to save up the money and find the courage to actually walk away. Meanwhile, I struggled to make it through the daily grind.

    Perhaps you’re in a similar situation and wondering how you can continue going to a job you hate, day after day after day, not knowing when or if you’ll be able do something more meaningful.

    I don’t want you to go through what I went through. So here are my suggestions for how to cope when you’re stuck in a career or job and find yourself feeling miserable.

    1. Figure out why you’re miserable and change what you can.

    People can feel miserable for all sorts of reasons. One of the first things you can do is to reflect on why you personally feel miserable in your current situation.

    Perhaps you don’t feel challenged enough in your current position. Or maybe you find the job too stressful. Or perhaps your current work team isn’t a good fit for your personality.

    Rather than accepting your current situation “as-is,” be proactive and work toward improving it. Can you ask your boss for more challenging projects? Can you be transferred to a different team?

    2. Change the stories you tell yourself about your career.

    Most jobs or careers aren’t inherently miserable. We often feel miserable because of the stories we tell ourselves. Your stories about your job are a creation of your mind and are neither true nor false. They’re simply stories.

    Misery is created when we create and cling to stories such as “I can’t stand this,” “This is awful,” or “I should be doing something else with my life.”

    If you want to feel less miserable in your current situation, then change your stories to something neutral or even positive. For example, you could tell yourself “This isn’t really that bad” or “I will continue working toward a meaningful career. What I’m doing right now is only temporary.”

    Those stories are equally as “true” as the negative stories that you’re currently telling yourself. Next time you catch yourself repeating one of your negative stories, see if you can replace it with a more positive story.

    3. Shift your perspective—it’s not as bad as you think.

    Throughout the world, there are millions and millions of people who would be confused if you told them that you were miserable in your current job. They’re making a lot less money, while working longer hours, and often in far worse conditions. They’d change positions with you in a heartbeat.

    When you’re feeling miserable in your job or your career, try thinking about these people and remembering that your situation may not be as bad as you think. Things may be far from ideal, but they could also be much, more worse.

    4. Build meaning however you can.

    While it may be easier for you to create meaning in some careers than others, you can always create meaning right where you are. Find the one or two things that you like about you current job situation and focus your time and energy on those.

    For example, I’ve worked in many government jobs that I found boring and repetitive. But I always had co-workers that I enjoyed talking to and spending time with. Those relationships were what provided me with meaning and helped me cope with the day to day drudgery.

    5. Connect your job to other values.

    If you can’t find anything meaningful about your current job, then try connecting your job to other values.

    For example, if you value providing financial support to your family, then focus on how your current job allows you to fill that value. Put up photos wherever you can of your family and periodically look at those photos and remind yourself how important it is for you to support them.

    Or perhaps your job provides you with ample time off to pursue other activities that you value. Again, focus on how lucky you are to have a job that provides you with that opportunity.

    6. Focus on other parts of your life.

    Finally, if nothing else works, you can always focus your energy on other parts of your life. Simply accept that it will take time to move to a more meaningful career. And that for now, your work won’t be a primary source of meaning in your life.

    And then put your focus and energy into creating meaning in other parts of your life.

    Build the best, most meaningful relationships that you can. Explore all sorts of different hobbies or explore one hobby in-depth. Get involved in volunteer activities that provide you with a sense of meaning.

    There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to change careers in order to do something that you personally find meaningful. I’ve done it several times myself. But making a career change can take time.

    There’s no reason for you to be miserable where you are right now, always waiting for a better future to arrive. Try using some of the suggestions above and see if you can improve your current situation while also taking steps toward a more meaningful, future career.

  • Finding a Job You Love: 5 Things You Need to Do

    Finding a Job You Love: 5 Things You Need to Do

    “Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” ~Confucius

    I once worked for a big international consultancy firm (okay, it’s McKinsey, don’t tell anyone) and hated it.

    Everyone told me how lucky I was to have that job. They went on and on about how prestigious it was, how I got to travel the world, work with executives on the big topics, and hang out with brilliant colleagues.

    As much as all of that is true, I still hated the job. Not because of McKinsey, but because of me.

    It might be a dream job for a lot of people, but it surely wasn’t for me. It was a nightmare, and in the end I couldn’t sleep anymore (at which point a nightmare in the literal meaning of the word started to seem very attractive to me).

    Have you ever gone without sleep for days? If you have, then you know that it’s not sustainable for very long. After four days I was a zombie, and a miserable one at that.

    I was on the verge of a breakdown, and I knew that something needed to change. In hindsight, it was so obvious what that “something” was—but back then, twelve years ago, I had totally lost my way.

    Fortunately, I finally gathered up enough courage (or desperation) to pick up the phone and call my HR manager. I quit, and then I went to bed and slept like a baby for twenty hours straight.

    Two months later I had landed a job that I genuinely could love, and two years later I was running my own company.

    Since then my co-founders and I have grown our company to 200 employees, with offices in London, Berlin, and Copenhagen. More importantly, I am able to have fun, learn at a fast pace, and maintain a great work/life balance even from day one.

    From these two contrasting experiences I have learned five lessons that I use to keep myself on the right track, and that might be useful for you too:

    1. Don’t settle.

    It’s so easy to fall victim to the idea that we should be grateful just to have a job, especially in times where the economy is bad. As much as I am a fan of gratitude, if your job is not making you happy then it’s not the right thing for you to be spending 50% or more of your waking hours doing. Period.

    Of course, we can all have moments of doubt and bad days—congratulations for being human! But if you dread going to work more often than not, then it’s time to connect to your inner strength and creativity to move on to a new mission.

    2. Be courageous.

    I recently came across a happiness study that showed a positive correlation between courage and happiness.

    At first that seemed a bit odd to me. But then I understood: brave people get more out of their lives because they dare to break out, let go of their past, and embrace the unknown. They grow more, learn more, and live more intensely. Thus, they are happier.

    Since this realization, every time I get fearful, I ask myself, is this a happiness enhancer in disguise?

    Of course, sometimes courage comes in the form of non-action. Staying where you are even if it is difficult is also courageous. Only you can distinguish the difference between growing and fleeing.

    Statistically, most of us are biased toward the non-action end of the spectrum, so it makes sense to contemplate if we are staying put (in a job, in a relationship, in a city) because we are brave or because we are afraid.

    3. Follow the “One-Year Rule.”

    Let’s say that you have realized that you need to move on in your life, and that you are courageous enough to act on it. Good for you! However, sometimes you will find that you are actually stuck.

    Maybe you really need your paycheck at the end of each month. You may even have children to provide for. What do you do then?

    The One-Year Rule goes like this: make a plan and a firm commitment to yourself that one year from now, you will have sorted out your problems and be in a much better place. With planning, creativity, and patience, most things are possible.

    4. Live your priorities.

    More than once, you have probably listened to someone go on about how their children are their number one priority, or how they value good health. Then you wondered if their actions were really in line with these beliefs. Worse yet, sometimes we have been that person.

    When we say that our daughter or son means everything to us, then that statement needs to be backed by recognizable action. This could mean picking up your child early from kindergarten and being present while you play with Legos together.

    Maybe your priorities are very different from mine, and that’s fine too. The point is that we each need to be clear on what’s important to us and then live according to that blueprint. Otherwise, we end up with regret and low self-respect.

    For me, working at McKinsey wasn’t the right thing to do because that required me to be an always-on type of guy. I needed a job where I had much more freedom—that was my priority.

    5. Don’t believe the naysayers.

    It’s amazing how many well-intended friends, family members, and colleagues are more than willing to tell us when our ideas, visions, or plans are unrealistic. They tell us that we should rather be grateful for what we have, whether it’s a job, a spouse, or something else.

    Our parents can especially be a strong source of our self-doubt; parents are inherently risk-averse on behalf of their children. That’s fine, but we, their children, shouldn’t pay too much attention to that.

    My dad thought it was the silliest thing that I wanted to write a book. “There are so many books out there already,” he said. “Shouldn’t you rather focus on your business?” I didn’t listen and I am happy about that. What advice from your friends and family should you make sure to avoid?

    Here’s a tip: the next time someone is projecting their own fears and limitations on you, imagine a huge trash bin between you—and visualize all their words slipping into that bin, before they even reach you.

    Don’t be upset with other people; they are allowed to have their own beliefs and opinions. Just remember it has nothing to do with you, even when they claim it does.

    If you follow these five simple rules, I believe that work can become much more of a gift in your life rather than an obligation.

    It certainly worked for me, and I am by no means unique (or we all are). You deserve a job you truly love—and if you haven’t found it already, it’s probably out there looking for you.

  • Releasing Labels: Be What You Love, Not What You Do

    Releasing Labels: Be What You Love, Not What You Do

    Happy and free

    “Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.” ~Brené Brown

    I thought I was supposed to have a shiny job, the kind that makes people envious at cocktail parties.

    We had moved with my husband’s job again. I think it was move number six out of nine and we were over at a friend’s house. There were people I didn’t know there, and I could feel myself avoiding them in case they asked “the question.”

    The question was “So,” (pause to look at drink), “what do you do?” My brain used to do flips when people asked this. I thought it translated into something like “Is speaking to you of any value, or are you nothing very important?”

    I spent the party around the edges of the room, feeling shy and apologetic that I didn’t have a job, a title, a label.

    I was paying a penance for my new status, which seemed to be “wife of my husband” rather than a person in my own right. I was worried that they would judge me for my lack of label and think the highlights of my day were a spot of light dusting and some mindless daytime T.V.

    “I am a teacher in a prep school” was a totally respectable, “yes, I have a pay packet and meetings on my online calendar” answer. Then the other person would usually exchange their respectable answer.

    I cried in the car on my way home from the party. The pressure of having no label made me feel that all the others were bottles of fine wine (like champagne) and I was a bargain basement vino with a lot of sediment.

    I could see that we wouldn’t really learn very much about each other. So I am now wondering what questions I could ask to, you know, actually get to know someone.

    Here goes:

    What is most fun in the world for you?

    What song sings your tune?

    Oh no, they’re already sounding like chat-up lines, aren’t they? Do we only let people really know who we are in casual flirtatious situations? Is there no place for this in the everyday?

    I need to try again to suggest a way around this so you don’t get to the end of this post thinking, “Oh no, Tiny Buddha is not about cheesy chat-up lines; it’s about eternal truth. What’s up with this writer?”

    Right, new way of getting to know people, part two, or getting to know people 2.0. Okay. So we’re at a party and I have never met you, and that’s a shame, because you read Tiny Buddha and we could talk about all sorts of Tiny Buddha stuff.

    I’m brave. I am not hiding in the corner. I am ready to meet you (best unfreaky smile). Hi, I’m Deborah. I don’t think we have met before. (Oh no, the smile was freaky after all!)

    Then we start a revolution of introduction. The new rule is: (please pass this on so everyone gets to know the rule) you say a list of things you love and that you are crazy excited about, and you let that beautiful, joyous, unapologetic list circle around your essence.

    Yes, you are right, it still won’t fully express your utter fabulousness, but it is a better start than “I am a prep school teacher/lion tamer/accountant.”

    So do your bit, share the revolution of introduction. Then you get to be what you love rather than what your HR manager/business title says you are—and you get to meet people who are a whole lot more interesting.

    Happy and free image via Shutterstock

  • That Horrible Job You Hate Might Just Change Your Life

    That Horrible Job You Hate Might Just Change Your Life

    “What you do today can improve all your tomorrows.” ~Ralph Marston

    Before I started my business, I spent three years at an ad agency and a little over a year at an international furnishings retailer. I also waitressed, wrote freelance articles, designed and developed a church website, and worked in an incredibly boring mailroom.

    Some of those jobs (let’s be honest, most of those jobs) totally sucked.

    In the mailroom, my boss was a sexist jerk with a Napoleon Complex.

    In waitressing, I spent too much of my time being other people’s emotional punching bag.

    And at the ad agency—the most relevant, fun, and useful of my full-time jobs—I worked myself half to death, burning out around the three-year mark and seriously contemplating a simple life spent working at Starbucks and never taking my work home with me.

    Sometimes, in the middle of the day, I would walk around the block and cry my eyes out because I was so exhausted. So you won’t be surprised when I say that I don’t look back on any of those jobs and want to relive them. I don’t think back on them and feel nostalgic.

    And if you told me that you hated your job or even that you loved your job but you’d burned yourself completely out, I’d say, “I hear that, sister!” And then I’d help you come up with a practical plan for quitting and doing something truly spectacular.

    That said, it’s only now that I’m truly working toward what I want, doing the things that inspire me, that I can look back and realize that every single job I had, with every good, bad, and ugly thing about it, led me perfectly to the place I am today.

    Waitressing taught me patience. It taught me how to work with people (even entitled, difficult, or angry people). It taught me not to take everything so damn personally.

    At the furnishings retailer, I learned about account management, event planning, eStore management, and editing content across multiple countries and cultures.

    At the ad agency, I learned how to run my own business.

    I sat with the accountant while she explained how she balanced the books. I worked alongside the designers and developers and learned to speak their language and respect their work. I wrote and strategized content for every format you can imagine. I managed client projects. I flew across the country to present on social media in front of hundreds.

    I also learned the art of the short sentence, the closely edited article. I worked closely with the Creative Director on brand slogans and ad concepts for big brands. And I learned how to sell. Sell my ideas. Sell our services. Sell my expertise.

    I learned that when you’re constantly selling yourself, you start to believe in yourself more.

    In other words, all the tools that made my first business successful were things I learned on the job at jobs that weren’t my dream.

    All the skills I’m using now as a full-time travel writer—my long-time dream job—come from a history of difficult, sometimes heartbreaking work.

    Which is why today I wanted to offer up a little encouragement:

    If you’re in a totally sucky job you hate or even a job that you kinda love but that is zapping your energy and killing your creativity…

    It’s okay.

    Because you never know how those skills you’re developing now might just set you up for future success.

    So, while you’re in that not-so-ideal job, learn as much as you can. Hone your skills. Connect with your colleagues. Go for that award. Volunteer for a task you want to learn more about.

    And in the meantime start looking for or planning for the thing you really want. That job at a company you admire. That career as a freelance creative type. That business idea that’s been coming up over and over again.

    Make a change. Do what you love.

    But also take advantage of what you can now. And remember that you can’t know just how much that job is doing for you until you’ve left it in the dust. The things you do today can change everything…even if you can’t see it yet.

  • Your Job Doesn’t Define You, No Matter What You Do

    Your Job Doesn’t Define You, No Matter What You Do

    “I’ve learned that making a ‘living’ is not the same thing as making a ‘life.’” ~Maya Angelou

    When I started working toward a life of freedom a year ago and dared to set my sights on my dreams, I never imagined I’d be where I am today.

    However, if you took a snap shot of my life three years ago, you’d have seen a different person. I was a career woman, a high flyer, rising quickly from an office manager to the head of human resources for a fast growing, successful business, going from strength to strength.

    I was living the dream, earning more than enough money to make sure I could buy whatever, and I’d finally become a success at long last!

    Yet today, the story is the complete opposite. I am a cleaner. I work part-time seven days a week, cleaning and clearing up after other people. I work for minimum wage and I work physically hard every single day.

    Who I Thought I Was

    I thought I couldn’t get a better job, a better position in life, or a better chance to show the world that I had finally made it. I was earning substantial amounts of money, getting to travel the world, and buying whatever I wanted.

    I thought that if I could just make it somehow, and prove it to everyone because I was working in London fifty hours a week, that I’d get the respect I’d always deserved. I was completely and utterly defined by my career. Without the job, the status, and money I’d be nothing a nobody, and who wants to be that?

    So, what happened?

    I quit. One day I just decided that it wasn’t for me. It was too stressful; it was life-numbing work, killing me from the inside out. I knew I no longer wanted to work for someone else’s dreams. I was tired of working hard, on the verge of becoming mentally unstable and feeling utterly miserable.

    I realized that what I did as a job wasn’t what mattered. What mattered was the fact that I was happy, that my purpose went a lot deeper than sitting behind a desk, with my head in my hands wondering what the hell I was doing and why.

    The Journey Began

    Once I’d started on this journey, I knew there was no going back because I’d never be satisfied. So I began searching for what really made me happy, what I loved to do, and how I could use that to serve the world.

    I wanted to contribute, to make a difference, and inspire others to do the same. It was like a light had finally been switched on in my brain. I realized that life was what I made it and I didn’t have to do what everyone else was doing. I could try something new, step out of the ordinary, and live an extraordinary life.

    The thing was, however, I had no money. When I’d quit my job, I’d mounted up a lot of debt. My credit cards were maxed out, and the money I did have I had to use for bills, rental payments, and to pay off those debts.

    I became very scared and anxious, as I wanted to follow my dreams and search for what mattered; yet, I still needed to live. I wasn’t about to go backward, so I had to admit defeat; I had to get a job, a menial one, something that required little attention or time that would still paid the bills.

    So I became a cleaner.

    I won’t lie to you; it wasn’t easy. For so long I’d been a high flyer. I was proud of being known as a success and loved being able to afford anything I wanted. Then here I was, a failure, the type of person I felt sorry for and could never imagine being.

    I had become someone I never wanted to be. I was embarrassed to admit it to people, but at the same time I knew I had to do it. Financially, it took the pressure off. It also gave me the freedom to do what I loved during the day, and most of all, it allowed me to rediscover my dreams and work toward them.

    Your Work Doesn’t Have to Define You

    It took me a long time to realize that my work didn’t have to define me. All that mattered was that I could pay my bills, which was the only reason for doing this. The fact that everyone else saw me as just a cleaner didn’t mean a thing; they could think what they wanted.

    I was the only one who knew the truth. I didn’t have to justify myself to anyone anymore.

    It was so liberating.

    Of course, there are down sides. I have days where I get so exasperated, so frustrated that I have to do this job. I get a little down and disheartened, but each time those doubts pop into my head I instantly turn them into something positive.

    So how can you deal with these down times when you’re doing something that isn’t your dream?

    Realize it serves a purpose.

    Remind yourself why you are here, why you are doing this job, and what you are getting out of it. Remember there is a reason for it, and that reason is to pay the bills, the rent, or buy food, and that’s it.

    It’s not that you are a cleaner, or a garbage collector, or whatever you decide to do while you work on your dreams. You are a planner, an achiever, and you are courageous enough to do what has to be done to make sure your dreams happen.

    Be grateful.

    Seriously, this is the most important thing you can do. When I get down I remember that I am so lucky and grateful for the fact that I can do a job, get paid for it, and still work on my dreams.

    If I had a nine-to-five job, I probably wouldn’t be where I am today because I’d be too tired. I’d be too comfortable with the money, the work, and the easiness of it all, so I’d probably stay stuck.

    Sometimes it’s good to be doing this kind of work, as there’s something you really want to get out of. It will motivate you so much more in that way. So always be grateful for having this opportunity.

    Keep cheerful.

    Whenever I go into work, I see all the office staff looking down and depressed. I remember what it felt like to be stuck behind a desk all day doing work that did little for me. So I make sure I am cheerful.

    I spread a little bit of light around me because I feel so lucky to have gotten out of the rat race. If I can make other people see that cleaning isn’t who I am, it’s what I make of it that matters, then perhaps I can inspire others to do the same.

    I hope these will inspire you and keep you on the journey toward your dreams and purpose in life. It’s so important not to let what you do affect who you are. Some people will only see you for what you do, but those people don’t know what you know.

    Always feel blessed and honored to be able to follow your heart and have the courage to go after what makes you happy.

    If you are like me, you are very lucky indeed—and if you want to follow your dreams, begin today before it’s too late!

  • Making Your Passion Your Career (Despite the Naysayers)

    Making Your Passion Your Career (Despite the Naysayers)

    Painter

    “Don’t let life randomly kick you into the adult you don’t want to become.” ~Chris Hadfield, astronaut

    As a kid, you put zero thought into doing what you loved.

    You simply played, not knowing that your future self wouldn’t play that much at all. Work was serious business.

    When I was in kindergarten, our classroom had a block center, a board game shelf, a home center with dolls and a play stove, a drawing center, and a sand table.

    We naturally gravitated to the area that was most fun, with no thought about what would look good on our future resumes or college applications.

    As far back as I can remember, making up stories, writing them down, and telling them to anyone that would listen were my favorite activities.

    Fast forward to high school, then college.

    It’s Time to be an Adult

    Others told me that writing and art were lovely little hobbies, but I needed to choose a real career, something that would make money. I looked around to see what the other kids would do, trying to spark an idea. If it wasn’t writing, I was clueless.

    I never thought of asking, “Why not?” Why couldn’t writing be a career? I just accepted that a job or career had to be something you made a realistic, intellectual choice about, and not one that came from your heart.

    And I wasn’t the only one who received messages like this. I heard Oprah say that as a child she was asked what she thought she would do as a career.

    She said, “Well, I like talking to people.”

    The person responded, “Well, you can’t make money doing that.”

    7 Failed Careers Later

    Years later, after I was told I couldn’t make a career out of writing, I ended up with a resume that was four pages long and days that were like a yearlong run-on sentence.

    I plowed through job after job, staring out the windows and riding the trains I hated to jobs I hated even more. I did a good job at most of them and earned a nice income.

    I was a school secretary, lifeguard, pre-school assistant, mortgage processor, office manager, dance teacher, and a few others I can’t remember. I taught sewing classes and even started two businesses thinking that being my own boss would solve my empty feelings.

    It didn’t.

    A Return to Love

    Then I reached a turning point and realized I needed to go back to doing what I loved and make it work somehow.

    I had a week off work and found myself writing from morning to night. I felt my headaches lifting and a sense of peacefulness developing. I submitted an essay to a local newspaper. The publication didn’t accept it, but I didn’t care.

    I knew it was time to make my passion my day job, and here is what I did.

    The next time I was asked what type of work I did, for the first time in my life, I answered, “I’m a writer.”

    I began to read everything I could about writers and bloggers who wrote for a living, how they did it, and how they transitioned from other jobs. I wrote daily because I loved it.

    No worries about publication or earning money from my passion, just pure unadulterated love. I decided not to lose hope no matter what.

    I responded to an online ad for writing work and got the gig. Though I was only writing a few blog posts for $25 each, it felt like a million dollars.

    So my kids started wearing their cousins’ hand-me-down clothes. I held my breath as I tightened my belt until I could barely breathe. The fridge had the bare basics, the electricity got shut off once, and the car got towed and it was a pain to get it back. But I managed.

    I took a course on writing, joined a business mastermind group, and worked with a mentor on writing during the mornings. I worked evenings and weekends to support myself.

    I was writing at last.

    Do you recognize your passion? Not hobbies or things you like doing for fun sometimes—the one thing that rises above all. Think back to what you loved to do as a child, what you gravitated toward for no reason other than fun, and you will find it.

    Are you ready to say yes? Turn your passion into a career one step at a time with the following tips.

    1. Tell one stranger.

    Even before you’re working at making your passion your day job or income source, go ahead and tell someone that you’re a _______. (Fill in the blank). At any chance you get, do it again.

    2. Obsess over it.

    Move your passion from the back burner of your mind to the front. Think about it every chance you get if you’re not already doing so. Read about people who have successfully transitioned into the work you want to be doing.

    3. Do it for love.

    Whatever your passion, forget about making it into a career until you spend enough time reveling in the absolute joy of doing it. Paint, write, dance, take photos, carve wood, whatever it may be for love and only love.

    4. Hope above all.

    Decide that you will never give up hope.

    5. Shout it out loud.

    Put an ad out or tell people that you are willing to do some work in your field of passion for pay or for free.

    6. Wear the tightest belt ever.

    Pull. Tight, if you must (if funds are an issue). I hate this part, but there’s no getting around this. See where you could take some funds from one budget and put it toward a course or mentor so you are not doing this alone.

    One person inspires another. If you are already pulled tight, reach out for a mentor or learn from free resources and YouTube videos.

    7. Forget “Easy does it.”

    Easy doesn’t do it. Period. You’ll face challenges, and resistance from yourself and others. Do it anyway.

    Goodbye Naysayers

    Whoever told you that you couldn’t turn your passion into a career had better sit down, because you may be on your way to doing just that. The girl with the pretty voice from the Bronx, the English writer on the train on welfare, the guy with the alcoholic step dad that became President.

    And now you.

    Stop Looking at the Odds of Failing

    The odds against successfully turning your passion into a career and making money from it seem so overwhelming. So stop looking at the odds.

    The longing of not doing what you are meant to do catches up to you, and it becomes like a faraway lover that you dream of, that will never return.

    The power is in your hands to make it happen day by day, and to blow the naysayers a kiss from the podium. Every moment of the journey is, in fact, an end result in itself.

    You will glow from internal approval, even if the money doesn’t come as fast and as much as you would like.

    Reclaim the act of doing your passionate work as your career, as if happiness depended upon it.

    Because it does.

    Photo by Garry Knight