Tag: important
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Why No One Else Can Make Me Feel Insignificant
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt
Significance.
A phenomenon most of us only notice once we lose it.
If you’re like me, you’ve had (and could still have) a love/hate relationship with significance. Simply because it often seemed so elusive. Just out of reach.
Our journey together started as far back as I can remember.
As the youngest of three siblings, I often felt unheard. Overlooked. Ignored. Insignificant.
I thought it was normal. Didn’t all little sisters bear the same cross? Apparently not…
As a young adult, I looked to my friends to fill my “significance” gap. Sometimes they did, sometimes they didn’t. Teenage years are notoriously dramatic, and mine were no exception.
Those were roller-coaster years, as I constantly yearned for a sense of significance. Always relying on others to fill my proverbial cup.
Moving into adulthood proper, I simply handed the responsibility over to my various romantic partners. Looking back, those poor guys had no clue as to the immensity of the challenge they were taking on.
Back then, my particular belief system firmly stated that any partner of mine was responsible for how I felt. End of story!
It was his duty to pander to my emotional needs.
It was his duty to make me feel good!
I know, I roll my eyes in disbelief too.
But what exactly is this significance we all desire?
This sense of significance that we so readily measure our worth by?
Think about it. How would you describe your sense of significance?
Is it something you measure by another person’s judgment of you (e.g.: I’m popular, therefore I’m significant)?
Or are you able to feel significant despite another’s opinion (e.g.: I feel significant even when I’m alone)?
I had an incident a while back where, in a moment of desperation, I reached out to a close family member for support. And was deftly turned away.
It was unexpected. Entirely. And it rocked my little world.
This person was my support system. My fallback guy. My innermost circle.
My feelings of insignificance exploded back into my reality. Briefly. But in that moment, they ran deep.
Significance is often one of the ways in which we define ourselves within a relationship. Whether it be in work, family, friend, or romantic relationships. In other words, in these instances, we seek our sense of significance from someone else. Through their opinion of us, or in their attention to us.
We believe that what they think matters. A lot.
And when things are peachy and everyone’s on the same page, it’s awesome! We lift each other. We sing each other’s praises. Feelings of significance and worthiness abound!
Yet, when the peachiness turns bitter and we stand facing each other, with differing perspectives, the opposite is often true.
That familiar strength, support, and safety simply evaporates.
Leaving us raw. Naked. Feeling insignificant.
Now, before we all reach for the tissues, let me just say: There is value in this.
It’s only in the nakedness, the rawness, and the full feelings of insignificance that we can actually begin to make a shift. Toward who we really are.
Because here’s the thing: If we truly lean into those feelings of insignificance without fear, we realize that insignificance doesn’t feel like anything.
In fact, insignificance doesn’t really exist. At all!
You can’t see it. Touch it. Or taste it.
It’s simply a concept.
Born of the story we’re currently telling ourselves.
And, as with any story, it’s all made up!
I’ll venture one step further and suggest that it’s the fear of feeling insignificant that’s scarier for us mortals. And we’ll often do anything to avoid it. Mask it. Or stuff it down.
When I stood in the face of my own perceived insignificance a few weeks ago, I was initially rattled. I felt small. Rejected. And very alone.
But only for a bit.
Because as I faced it down and let the essence of it flow through me, I noticed something astounding.
Nothing. Had. Changed.
Nope, I was the same person. I looked the same, smelled the same, and sounded the same.
Even more importantly, the world didn’t end. Nor did the sky fall in.
I was okay.
So, here’s where I got to:
I get to choose whether I’m significant. Or not.
Nobody else is qualified to.
Only my opinion of me matters. Ever.
There is nothing that anyone (no matter who they are) can say that means anything about me.
Any sense of insignificance that I feel is simply my own perception.
Not real.
A story.
And if it’s all simply a story, then why not tell myself a good one?
One where I am important. Worthy. And enough.
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Rethinking What Really Matters: The Four Most Important Things in Life
“Life is short. Focus on what matters and let go of what doesn’t.” ~Unknown
Our most precious commodities are not our smartphones, 3D TVs, brand new cars, or even our big and impressive houses.
Our most precious commodities can’t be found at the bank. They can’t be ordered online. The truth is, they are on a very short list.
Amongst our most precious commodities are our purpose, time, health, and our relationships.
How I Came to This Conclusion
Several years ago I realized I was accumulating more in my life. More things that didn’t really matter to me or speak to me on a spiritual level. More commitments I wasn’t really passionate about keeping. This was all leaving me feeling a little flat and unfulfilled. It felt like something was missing, but I wasn’t sure what that something was.
A period of fairly deep reflection followed. I then started to take some action based on this reflection. Amongst other things, that action has meant:
- I have made good on long-term dreams to write creatively
- I have realized I value freedom and flexibility over the ability to just earn more, and I now seek out ways of living accordingly.
- I have accumulated fewer material possessions but enjoyed more (travel and holidays, events, life experiences).
- I have concerned myself a whole lot less with the need to keep up with others (a toxic and empty competition if ever there was one).
- I have set up my own micro-business so I have more control over what work and clients I say yes and no to.
- I have met and married a partner in travel and adventure.
- I have embraced aspects of simplicity, 80/20, and other powerful concepts into my life.
The upshot of these and other changes has been that the quality of my life has improved significantly. I certainly don’t have everything figured out (spoiler: no one does!), but my compass in life is much more in tune with somewhere I actually want to get to now.
Alongside this period of internal reflection, I started to question lots about life.
I started to weigh what I thought I wanted with what I actually wanted. I started to question what I was really seeking. Whether I was on a path that would get me there. Whether I had people in my life that could support me emotionally along the way. I started to question what it was to be successful and fully explore my own definition of it, not just follow a second-hand version.
I also started to question whether what I thought was important in life was really important at all. I reframed my life and came to the conclusion that there are several areas, commodities if you will, that are vitally important to how we feel, that need careful attention.
This is what led me to the realization that our purpose, time, health, and relationships are amongst our most precious commodities. Such a simple and obvious realization, you may protest. Well, if that’s the case, how is it that we let these suffer so frequently?
Purpose
Purpose is our why. It drives our actions. It fuels our passion. It encompasses our work, our relationships, and our approach to living our lives. It wraps around everything we do. It means living our lives in an intentional way. It gives our lives a sharper focus.
Our why is what keeps us going when life gets tough.
Our why gives life extra meaning and richness.
If we’ve lost our way and are struggling with our why, we can ask ourselves several related questions:
- Where am I’m trying to get to?
- What lights me up and gets me excited?
- What’s my reason for getting up in the mornings?
- What do I want more of in my life?
- What do I want less of in my life?
The answers to these questions can be revealing and can lead us back to the core of what really matters most to us. Listen to these answers and use them as a guiding light. Revisit them often
Time
We all have the same number of hours in our day. Why do some of us run around, constantly stressed, complaining we “don’t have time,” while others seem to approach life in a relaxed and happy state but still get plenty done?
Though we all have responsibilities and obligations, this often comes down to choices.
Many of us make poor exchanges on our time on a daily basis. Each time we say yes to something, we are effectively saying no to something else. The problem is, we often say yes to too much. This is where a balance starts to tip.
Instead of feeling in control of our calendar, our time is all accounted for. We rush from this commitment to that, never really feeling like we’re truly present at any of them. We squeeze evermore into our days but feel we have less and less time to do the things we really want to do, or see the people we want to see. We have less space left for ourselves.
Time is a finite resource; once spent, it’s gone. We can’t get time back, but we can be selective and intentional with the time we have.
We can take control by saying yes to less and appreciating the white space in our diary. We can protect our precious time for the activities and people that give our lives the most meaning and joy.
Of course, reclaiming your time isn’t always this simple. Some of us are working several demanding jobs in order to pay the most basic of bills. Maybe we are bringing up a young family, caring for aging parents, or perhaps looking after a loved one who has physical or mental health challenges.
Finding time for anything in these scenarios can be especially tough. Even if we do have time, we feel a heavy sense of guilt if we spend it doing something for ourselves, because it seems selfish. Besides, exhaustion can hit us right when we have these small windows of time, and sleep or the TV may beckon.
If we’re limited in this way, a good start is to find small pockets of time to invest in our passion projects, our hobbies, and ourselves. Five minutes here, half an hour there can add up over a period of time.
Though we may be caregivers or breadwinners for others, we need to remember to care for ourselves along the way. We can do this without neglecting our responsibilities. In fact, the more we can look after our own well-being, the better equipped we are to be of service to others.
Another step that we can take is to try to change our situation. Maybe we can work closer to home or look to simplify and reduce our bills, and perhaps even work a little less. In the case of loved ones with challenges, maybe we haven’t exhausted our options in terms of additional help (from friends, family, or care groups).
These are all tough and very real challenges some of us face, and I will not make light of them here. All any of us can do is look to make the very best of our situations and be grateful for what we have instead of focusing on what we don’t have. Sometimes we need a little outside support from others to help us along. Where there is a will, there can be a way.
Health
So many of us take our health for granted until we have a reason not to.
We neglect exercise and then wonder why our bodies complain when we need to climb a flight of stairs. We neglect our diet and then wonder when all this extra weight crept up on us. We neglect our mental health and then wonder why we’re always stressed.
We can be kinder on ourselves. We can add regular movement to our lives. Walking, the gym, bodyweight exercises, yoga—it all counts and can all be mixed up. Our bodies are made to move, not sit humped over laptops or in front of TVs all day. Embrace the ability to move.
Eating healthily can also be simple and enjoyable. We can base most of what we eat on plants (fruits and vegetables). If we eat meat, we can treat it like a side dish and ensure most of the rest of our plates are filled with a rainbow of vegetables. No foods need be off limits, and we can still make space for the odd discretion. Healthy eating can and should be delicious eating, and should never feel like drudgery.
Being outside more, eating well, and making time to decompress can all help our mental health and general feelings of well-being. We can be gentler with ourselves by ensuring we make time to reset occasionally.
Regular check-ups with our doctors can help pick up the early signs of anything nasty, but we can also do our best to make the most of what we have by trying our best to look after ourselves.
Relationships
Our modern obsession with being busy leads many of us to feel we don’t have enough time in our days. This is a particularly sorry state of affairs when it means we “don’t have time” for our relationships.
The truth is, all this busyness just might be something we have had a hand in creating. This may not be welcome news, but it does mean we can also step back from it and live another way.
Our friends, family, and loved ones are what really add spark to our lives. We need to make the time to foster these relationships. Being busy is fine, if we’re busy with the things and people that mean the most to us.
Our relationships are our bedrock, our foundation. We need to nurture them with the love and attention they really deserve.
Purpose, time, health, and loved ones. These are truly the things that make us richer and make life more complete. Let’s treat them accordingly.
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Knowing What Matters to You Instead of Living by Default
“It’s not enough to be busy; so are the ants. The question is: what are we busy about?” ~Henry David Thoreau
If you are like most people reading this, I bet that you are very busy. We are all very busy. In fact, some of us even like to brag about just how busy we are. But are you busy doing the things that really matter to you?
There was a time when my life when I was busy. I was focused on my career, spending a lot of time at work, and enjoying the fruits of my labor.
This was okay for a while, but after months and months of working seventy hour weeks, it became a struggle for me to just make it through the day. I began to wish that things would slow down enough for me to be able to enjoy life.
Maybe you have been there too. Maybe you are experiencing this right now. You wish that your life would slow down so that you can enjoy the things that really matter to you.
In my case, I forced myself to keep going, and everything was fine for a while. Then one day I woke up with a sore throat.
I felt a stabbing pain every time that I tried to swallow, and I decided to take the day off and visit the doctor. The doctor told me that I had an abscess in one of my tonsils, and he had me immediately admitted to the hospital.
Later that day the abscess broke and the infection surrounded my heart. I was so sick that my doctors didn’t think that I would make it through the day.
Have you ever been told that you might not make it through the day? It is not a good place to be in life, but it does make you think about what really matters.
When you are lying in a hospital bed, and you don’t know if you are going to live or die, you spend a lot of time thinking about what is really important in life.
If you are like me, you will discover that it is not your job, or your money, or the things in your life. It is your health, and your relationships with the people who matter the most to you.
I am sharing my story with you today because I don’t want you to experience what happened to me. I want you to spend your time on the things that matter most to you before it is too late. I want you to decide what is important to you, and create a plan to get there.
Here are four tips that helped me, and they can also help you to begin to focus on what matter most:
Determine your priorities.
Think about what you want most out of life. What were you created for? What is your mission in life? What is your passion? You were put on this earth for a reason, and knowing that reason will help you determine your priorities.
I spent a total of four months in the hospital healing from my sickness. During that time I spent a lot of time thinking about my purpose in life. I discovered that my purpose is to help you change your lives by learning to focus on what matters most to you.
Create a plan.
Create a plan to get from where you are today to where you want to be. Maybe you need a new job. Maybe you need to go back to school. Maybe you need to deal with some relationship issues. Whatever it is, create a plan that will get you to where you want to be.
While I was in the hospital, I began to draft my life plan. My plan guides all of my actions, helps me focus on my relationships with my wife and daughter, and helps me keep working toward my life purpose. A life plan will help you focus your life too.
Focus on now.
Stop multitasking and focus on one thing at a time. It may be a project at work. It may be a conversation with your best friend. It may just be the book that you have wanted to read for months. The key is to focus on one thing at a time.
I plan each day the night before by picking the three most important tasks from my to-do list. In the morning I focus on each one of these task individually until they are completed. Once I complete these three tasks I move on to checking email, returning phone calls, etc.
Just say no.
We all have too much to do and too little time. The only way that you are going to find the time for the things that really matter is to say no to the things that don’t.
I use my purpose and life plan to make decisions about the projects and tasks that I say yes to. If a project or task is not aligned with my purpose, a good fit with my life plan, and something that I have time to accomplish, I say no to the project. Saying no to good opportunities gives you time to focus on the best opportunities.
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Research tells us that 97% of people are living their life by default and not by design. They don’t know where their life is headed, and don’t have a plan for what they want to accomplish in life.
These steps will help you too decide what matters most to you. They will help you to begin living your life by design and not by default. Most importantly, they will help you to create a life focused on what really matters to you.
Let me end by asking, “What really matters most to you?”
Happy family image via Shutterstock
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Live by Your Values and Everything Else Will Fall into Place
“Until you make peace with who you are, you will never be content with what you have.” ~Doris Mortman
As I sit here writing this, I am still in the middle of a huge shift in my life, a shift that has seen me move from living by other people’s values and expectations to identifying and living by my own.
The catalyst for change was a health scare when, on my thirtieth birthday, my doctor told me that I may have cervical cancer. Luckily, I got the all clear, but something had shifted and I realized how dissatisfied with my life I was. I felt like I was swimming against the tide; everything was a struggle.
At the time I was well on my way to achieving what I wanted: money, a high-status job, and the ability to buy lots of stuff.
I owned my own house and a car and I was out of the house twelve to thirteen hours a day working. For me, that was success. However, my ambition just seemed to disappear overnight and I went into freefall.
I felt exhausted, I was ill all the time, drinking and eating too much, and it was all I could do to drag myself out of bed in the morning to go to work. (I was doing a daily four-hour commute.) To quote Julie Roberts in Eat, Pray, Love, “You know what I felt this morning? Nothing. No passion, no spark, no faith, no heat, no nothing!”
I didn’t realize it at the time, but as soon as I started to question my life, I subconsciously communicated to the universe that I wanted—needed—to change things.
I started taking on freelance work to see if I could reignite my passion for my career. I found that people wanted my services, which increased my confidence and made me realize just how low I felt after working for years in a macho and competitive environment that was never going to nourish me.
I suddenly thought, I can earn money as a freelancer, I should start my own business. I decided to keep going at my current job for another six months and build the business in what little spare time I had.
An hour after making that decision, I had yet another confrontational email from a colleague based on a lie told by another. I resigned that day. I already felt lighter.
I went into business for myself and I hated it. Now I know that it was because I wasn’t ready, plus I went into business as a marketing consultant, which I wasn’t passionate about.
Working on my own at home didn’t suit me, and the income instability meant I hit rock bottom. There were panic attacks, more illness, and I am certain I was fast heading to the stage where I would be needing antidepressants.
As I hit rock bottom, I had an epiphany and realized that two of the main things I need in life are:
1. Human interaction on an almost daily basis
2. A certain level of security—that’s why I was so keen to buy a house, when most twenty-five-year-olds are renting and moving around. I am a homebody to my core.
If a base level of security and being alone all the time are my life ‘deal breakers,’ then why had I been trying to build a life that didn’t incorporate them? I needed to get in touch with my real values.
I began reading books and articles, anything I could get my hands on, about personal values and how to identify them.
I identified the values I had been living by for the past thirty years, the values that had been the basis of every major life decision I had ever made. I have listed the top ten below:
Status achieved through career
- Money and wealth
- Advancement — This is great for me if advancement is personal or spiritual, but in this case it was centered on career and money.
- Affluence
- Ambition
- Recognition
- Leadership
- Materialism
- Perfection
- Achievement — I still want to achieve and I still have goals, but it’s different when it is a goal you have set based on your core values.
The values that I had been living by were not mine but a close family member’s. They are not bad values, but they are not my values; they are not the things that are most important to me and how I live my life.
So who was I? What were my values? I had no idea.
At this point I had been trying to carry on with my business to earn money to pay the bills while ‘finding myself’ and interviewing for jobs. I got the first role I applied for as the marketing manager for a lifestyle business and a much more suitable environment for me as a person. It has allowed me to carry on with my voyage of self-discovery.
My ten core values, the values that I now live by, are:
- Security
- Positive/fulfilling relationships with friends and family
- Contentment — I love the simple things; they make me feel at my most content.
- Peace — I can’t handle confrontation, drama, loud environments, or unnecessary competition; that’s why my previous job in a busy and noisy city for a company with a loud and competitive environment didn’t suit me.
- Fun — Since I started living by my values, life has become so much more fun.
- Laughter — I love a good laugh; my friends, family, a lighter outlook on life, and the odd funny film or stand-up comedy routine provide this for me.
- Loyalty — I am loyal to my family, friends, colleagues, and community.
- Financial freedom — This doesn’t mean earning lots of money to me, but actually keeping life simple and living within my means.
- Passion — Since writing this article I have moved forward and decided that my true passion lies in writing, so I have recently set up as a freelance copywriter and blogger. This will mean a lot of changes and new challenges, but I am very excited about the future.
- Simplicity — This for me goes hand in hand with most of the other nine values; a simple life suits me.
So what wisdom can I pass on after my journey?
1. Your core values play a huge part in how you decide to live your life.
If you are unhappy with parts of your life—if you are suffering from stress, illnesses, and feel generally uneasy in the living of everyday life—then it might be time to go inside yourself and answer honestly the questions “What is important to me?” and “How do I want to live my life?”
You need to spend time identifying your values; it’s well worth the effort.
2. Don’t live by someone else’s values.
This makes life hard because you are never being true to yourself. It is so easy to do this because so many people, parents, family members, and teachers have a say in how we should be living our lives, and this can mean that we develop their values and not our own.
3. Once you start living by your values, life shifts in the most beautiful of ways.
You don’t hold on to the things that no longer serve you because you have everything you need within yourself. For example, I realized that although I was a good marketing manager, it wasn’t my passion.
I’ve taken the leap and decided to try writing full time. This may mean many more life changes and it’s scary, but I need to follow my heart.
Photo by Elade Manu
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Why We Stay Busy When We’re Not and The Benefits of Doing Nothing
“Doing nothing is better than being busy doing nothing.” ~Lao Tzu
How many times in a day do you tell yourself you are busy and have too much to do? In a week? In a month?
How many of those times are you actually busy doing “nothing”? You know the “nothing” that I am talking about—the nothing that means you are watching hours of mindless TV, roaming the internet, or playing a game that you can’t seem to tear yourself away from on your smartphone.
I’ve been there and done that, and I still do it sometimes. I know what it’s like to feel drained and tired and want a break from real life for a bit so that you can recharge and refresh yourself.
And I know what it’s like to choose to tune out/zone out/disconnect instead, and how that ends up causing you to feel even more worn out and overwhelmed than before you took that so-called break to do “nothing” for a while.
We tell ourselves that it’s okay to do “nothing” and that we deserve some downtime, but we really don’t believe it and that’s why we choose to occupy that time with activities that don’t allow us to recharge. We want others to believe that we are as busy as they are, so we distract ourselves with those mindless tasks.
I resisted “doing nothing” on its own for a long time without realizing it. I tried to do it while reading a book and watching TV and texting friends (yes all at the same time) and I burnt myself out.
I couldn’t focus anymore and I had trouble completing my work when I needed to.
I told everyone that I was busy and stressed out, but I really wasn’t doing what I was supposed to be doing, and my workload was getting larger and the quality of my work was decreasing, all because I wouldn’t give myself permission to take a genuine break and “do nothing.”
It wasn’t until I left a stressful work situation and took some time to travel in South America for a few months that I learned the difference between being busy “doing nothing” and just “doing nothing.”
It was there that I was challenged to just be, as I was traveling by myself, didn’t have any work to bury myself in, and there was no TV or phone to distract myself with.
It was scary at first to be alone with my own thoughts and feelings, and I actually felt anxious, as I experienced sadness, anger, and worry without any way to divert my attention from them. However, as those feelings came up I was able to deal with them and release them, and that was what allowed me to feel rested and recharged.
Even better, when you stop distracting yourself, you also get to enjoy your comfortable feelings such as excitement, happiness, and joy on a more intense level.
Now you don’t have to leave your job and travel to South America to learn how to just do nothing; there are ways to experience this in our everyday life.
For example, we don’t give ourselves permission to take a walk in the park and notice the changing leaves. Instead, we check in with a friend or work on our cell phone and let them know we are busy “exercising.”
We don’t give ourselves permission to enjoy a cup of coffee or a glass of wine with a friend as we talk about how grateful we are for what we have. Instead, we meet with a friend after months of trying to schedule something and end up trying to compete over who is the most overwhelmed.
We don’t give ourselves permission to have fun with our family at the beach, where the only thing we should worry about is remembering to put sunblock on. Instead, we get annoyed by our kids who want to play with us while we try to read “that book” that everyone is raving about, that we have no interest in but feel like we are supposed to read.
Well let me share something with you: All of those things that you keep busy with when you say you are “doing nothing” are distractions.
They are distractions that are preventing you from connecting with others on a deeper level. They are distractions that are actually contributing to your feelings of exhaustion and unease.
I want to challenge you to try doing nothing for a while. Spend some time just being where you are and enjoying this downtime either by yourself or with others. Tell yourself that it’s okay to spend some time really, truly “doing nothing.”
Now, you may be figuring out how to do nothing, and I don’t want you to waste your time worrying about that, so here are some ways to try this “doing nothing” thing out:
Sit on a park bench and enjoy the fresh air, take a nap if you need some extra sleep, enjoy a cup of coffee out while you spend some time people watching, call a friend or family member and only talk about happy events in your lives, lie in your backyard and watch the clouds roll by, or get lost in a magazine or a few chapters of a funny book.
It doesn’t matter which “nothing” you choose, just make sure that you will not be distracted so that you can benefit from it (that means keeping your cell phone far away from you or even turning it off).
This may feel uncomfortable for you the first few times you do this. There are some things that you can do to make this easier for yourself.
Put this into your calendar just like you would a haircut, a doctor’s appointment, exercise, or any other type of self-care.
Also, before you start this process, give yourself permission to set the intention that you will be doing nothing and are okay with that.
There are a bunch of benefits that you will get to experience when you release your need to stay busy, which include feeling relaxed and less stressed, decreased tension, increased focus, improved connections with others, and a greater appreciation of all that you have.
Isn’t time you let yourself reap the benefits of really, truly doing nothing?
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Live a Life You Love: 5 Steps to Set Your Priorities Straight
“It’s not enough to be busy; so are the ants. The question is: what are we busy about?” ~Henry David Thoreau
About a month ago I decided to add more at-home exercise to my schedule.
Since I found out that sitting for multiple hours a day can increase our heart attack risk by fifty-four percent, I have figured out that the more movement I add to my life, the better for my longevity.
Being vital and living a long life are important to me, so making the decision to add more exercise was easy.
Yet, my plan did not work out quite well. Even though I aimed to add twenty minutes of home exercise a few days a week, I am not doing it more than once a week.
I could not help it but ask myself why I am not following through.
If there is an area in your life where you have not been following through and you are like me, then you have probably made the same mistake. You have confused the important stuff with the urgent stuff.
You are being busy.
Countless things demand your attention, now.
- Your phone just buzzed because you were tagged in a photo on Facebook.
- You have a deadline at work tomorrow.
- You must prepare lunches for your kids.
- You must pay that bill because it’s due today.
The stuff that you devote most of your time to on a daily basis is urgent. It must be done today. You cannot postpone them for tomorrow, or at least, it feels like that.
The result? You clear out the important stuff to make time for the urgent. But you didn’t do that consciously. It just…happened.
You let the urgent stuff take control of your time and your life.
- And you get fat.
- Your parents complain that you are not as close.
- Your kids are growing up—without you.
You are sensing something is wrong, but you are not sure what it is. (more…)
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Simple Reminders to Focus on What Matters in Life
“Before someone’s tomorrow has been taken away, cherish those you love, appreciate them today.” ~Michelle C. Ustaszeski
As tough as it sometimes feels, change and loss are woven into life. We cannot live a full life without them.
Although both can be painful, they push us into a greater understanding of what matters in life, and they can help us become clearer about who we are since they provide a platform for substantial growth.
Over the past couple of years I’ve experienced many changes as I’ve transitioned from one chapter to the next. The one constant through all of that change has been my right hand man, my best friend: my dog Tucker.
My 80-pound golden retriever buddy came to me at the darkest period of my life. I adopted him when I was suffocating in a deep depression, and he became my earth angel that helped pull me out.
He has been by my side through all the failed romantic relationships, horrible bosses, and seemingly wrong turns in life. Through all the chaos he’s calmed me down and kept me grounded.
After a series of layoffs, a break up, and overcoming drug and food addictions, I thought everything would be fine because Tucker and I had made it through the darkness—until a couple weeks ago, when a veterinarian found a tumor in his nose attached to his brain. The likelihood of it being cancerous was extremely high.
Although Tucker is sick, we still have time together. Through this experience, I’ve learned a lot about what matters in life.
Here are some of the top lessons I’ve learned from Tucker:
Make Your Time Count
I spent so much time trying to be somewhere else—in another job, another relationship, another place. In my effortless pursuit to get to the greener grass, I was missing life. It wasn’t until my best friend was diagnosed with a life threatening disease that I saw the grass I’m standing on just needs a little water.
I realize now that I have been sleepwalking through life. I was awake but always looking ahead to feel fulfillment. I couldn’t be happy with where I was, whether it was with boyfriends, my job, or where I choose to live. (more…)
