Tiny Buddha

Tag: health

  • How to Enjoy Food and Feel Good in Your Skin

    How to Enjoy Food and Feel Good in Your Skin

    Have you ever felt like fat and food were your enemies? Like everything would be better if you could just lose weight—and eat whatever you want without consequence?

    I felt that way for much of my childhood and teens, when unresolved trauma and low self-esteem led to a long battle with food and my body.

    I struggled with bulimia for over a decade, starting at twelve. And though I technically “recovered” in my early twenties, I spent years after trapped in rigid food rules and a lingering fear of eating the “wrong” thing.

    It wasn’t until my thirties that I finally felt free with food and truly comfortable in my own skin.

    So many of us struggle with food in ways that profoundly affect our lives.

    We eat to numb, then restrict to “make up” for it. We obsess over every bite, or we check out entirely. We feel ashamed of our habits, uncomfortable in our bodies, and unsure how to break the cycle.

    And the worst part? It can completely consume our lives.

    When food feels like a source of stress, it’s hard to be fully present. It’s hard to feel confident. It’s hard to enjoy much of anything.

    But when you change your relationship with food—when eating feels enjoyable, your body feels like home, and you’re not constantly judging yourself—everything gets better. Your energy, your self-esteem, your day-to-day happiness.

    Since I’ve lived both sides of this struggle, I’m passionate about sharing tools and teachers who help people find that same freedom. And it’s why I’m excited to introduce (or reintroduce) you to Jules Clancy, one of Tiny Buddha’s earliest contributors (from 2011) and this month’s sponsor.

    Jules is a former food scientist turned health coach who’s dealt with binge eating herself, so she understands both the biology and the emotional side of food struggles. She’s offering a free 31-minute training called:

    The Secret to Eating What You Want AND Feeling Good in Your Clothes

    In this short but powerful workshop, Jules shares:

    • The 3 essential skills for a naturally healthy relationship with food
    • 6 sneaky reasons past efforts haven’t worked (so you can do things differently now)
    • The 3 phases of healthy eating (so you know what you’re working toward)
    • A surprisingly simple, non-restrictive approach to nutrition
    • And a small, doable first step to help you eat with more ease and enjoyment

    Jules’ approach is warm, down-to-earth, and backed by both science and experience. And while she offers a paid program as well, the free training alone is incredibly insightful and actionable.

    If food has been a source of guilt or stress and you’re ready to feel calm and confident instead, I highly recommend checking out the free webinar.

    You can sign up for instant access here.

    I hope it’s helpful to you!

  • How I Learned to Love the (Aging) Girl in the Mirror

    How I Learned to Love the (Aging) Girl in the Mirror

    The most profound personal growth happens when we stop running from our pain and start listening to what it’s trying to teach us.

    For years, I didn’t recognize the woman staring back at me in the mirror.

    Her body felt foreign—betraying her with weight she couldn’t lose, hot flashes that set her skin on fire, and exhaustion so deep, it felt like her soul was crumbling. Her mind, once sharp and confident, was now clouded with doubt, anxiety, and brain fog so thick she could barely think.

    But the hardest part?

    She didn’t just feel different. She felt invisible.

    I was that woman.

    A pharmacist. A mother. A wife. A woman who had spent decades helping others navigate their health, only to find myself drowning in my own. I was in my forties, staring down the barrel of perimenopause, but I didn’t know that at the time. All I knew was that my body was breaking down, my emotions were unraveling, and no one—not even my doctors—could tell me why.

    So, like any overwhelmed, desperate woman, I did what I thought I was supposed to do.

    I went to my doctor.

    And, like so many women before me, I left with a handful of prescriptions that did nothing but mask my symptoms and a vague, dismissive diagnosis:

    “You’re just getting older. It’s normal. You’ll be fine.”

    But I wasn’t fine. And I knew, deep down, that this wasn’t just “aging.”

    That was the moment I realized: If I wanted answers, I was going to have to find them myself.

    Breaking Up with the Lies I Believed About Myself

    It took years for me to unlearn what I had been taught about women’s health.

    I was a pharmacist, after all. I had spent my entire career dispensing medications, trusting the guidelines, believing that if something was truly wrong, there would be a pill to fix it.

    But what I never learned in pharmacy school was how to truly heal.

    That healing doesn’t come in a prescription bottle. That it isn’t about “powering through” or “sucking it up.”

    It’s about listening to your body instead of fighting against it.

    And that meant I had to start seeing my body, not as something that was failing me, but as something that was trying to speak to me.

    The weight gain? That was my body saying, “Something isn’t right. Pay attention.”

    The hot flashes? “Your hormones are shifting. Don’t ignore me.”

    The anxiety and depression? “Your body is in survival mode. Let’s figure out why.”

    For the first time in my life, I stopped fighting myself.

    I started learning about functional medicine, hormone balance, and the intricate ways our bodies change as we age. I discovered that perimenopause wasn’t just “the beginning of the end” but a crucial transition that—if supported properly—could actually lead to my healthiest, most vibrant years.

    I realized that hormones rule everything, and when they’re out of balance, nothing works the way it should.

    But more than that, I started to see how deeply my self-worth was tied to my physical body.

    I thought if I gained weight, I was less valuable.

    I thought if I struggled, I was weak.

    I thought if I couldn’t figure it out, I was failing.

    I had to break up with those beliefs.

    The Hardest (and Most Important) Lesson

    The hardest part of my healing journey wasn’t changing my diet, adjusting my lifestyle, or even balancing my hormones.

    It was learning to love the girl in the mirror again.

    Not just when she looked “good.”

    Not just when she felt confident.

    Not just when she fit into her favorite jeans.

    But when she was struggling.

    When she was exhausted.

    When she was bloated, broken out, and sobbing on the bathroom floor because she felt like she was losing herself.

    Because the truth is, healing doesn’t start with a diet plan or a hormone protocol. Healing starts when you decide you are worthy of feeling better. And that means learning to love yourself—even when you don’t feel lovable.

    Even when your body is changing.

    Even when your energy is gone.

    Even when your reflection doesn’t match the way you feel inside.

    Because you are not broken.

    And menopause? Perimenopause? The hormonal rollercoaster that makes you feel like you’re losing your mind?

    It’s not the end of you.

    It’s the beginning of a new version of you. A wiser, bolder, stronger you. A version that doesn’t shrink herself for others. A version that doesn’t put herself last. A version that knows she is still powerful, radiant, and worthy—at any age.

    And when you finally see her—really see her—you’ll never let her go again.

    If You’re Struggling Right Now, Read This

    If you are sitting in your car after a doctor’s appointment where they dismissed your symptoms…

    If you are staring at your reflection, feeling like a stranger in your own skin…

    If you are exhausted, overwhelmed, and wondering if you will ever feel like yourself again…

    Please hear me when I say:

    There is hope. You are not crazy. You are not imagining things. Your body is speaking to you, and it’s time to start listening.

    Do the research.

    Ask the hard questions.

    Get the right testing.

    Eat the foods that fuel you.

    Move your body in ways that bring you joy.

    But most of all, love yourself through it.

    Because this is not the end.

    It’s just the beginning.

    And you, dear, are just getting started.

    And that is how I started learning to love the girl in the mirror.

  • A New Understanding of True Health: 6 Practical Tips

    A New Understanding of True Health: 6 Practical Tips

    “Your body is precious. It is your vehicle for awakening. Treat it with care.” ~Buddha

    For years, I thought I was healthy. I was eating what I thought was a “balanced” diet, working out regularly (mostly cardio and HIIT), and I felt like I was ticking all the boxes for self-care. On the surface, everything seemed fine. I thought I had health all figured out.

    But the truth is, I wasn’t actually healthy. I was caught up in a cycle of restriction and over-exercise, trying to make my body fit a version of health that wasn’t serving me. I was punishing my body, not nourishing it. And it wasn’t until I hit a breaking point that I finally started to question everything I thought I knew about health and well-being.

    The Illusion of “Being Healthy”

    Growing up, like most, I was surrounded by diet culture. Thinness was celebrated, and I was constantly told that my worth was tied to how I looked. I learned to equate “health” with being skinny, and any deviation from that ideal felt like failure.

    This mindset became a driving force in my life. I believed I had to earn my self-worth through extreme exercise and rigid food control. It wasn’t just about being healthy—it was about fitting into a certain mold. My body became a project, something to be molded, shaped, and controlled rather than something to be nurtured and cared for.

    I spent a lot of time believing I was healthy because I was always doing the “right things”—working out and eating “clean.” But I wasn’t really paying attention to how I felt. Cardio and random gym sessions were my go-to, and I never took any days off. The goal was always to burn calories, not to feel strong or energized. I thought that the more I exercised and the fewer calories I ate, the healthier I would become.

    And when it came to food, I was equally obsessed with control. I counted every calorie, avoided anything “bad,” and felt guilty every time I ate something that wasn’t on my list of approved foods. I never went out to eat, as it gave me too much anxiety. I wasn’t eating to nourish my body; I was eating to control it.

    Despite all these so-called “healthy” habits, I was exhausted. I was drained all the time, despite my best efforts to fuel myself with “good” food and work out regularly. My body was telling me something was off, but I wasn’t listening.

    The Wake-Up Call: Realizing I Wasn’t Truly Healthy

    The turning point came once I realized I was still unhappy with my body, even after pushing it to its limits. I had finally found myself in a healthy relationship, yet I was still trying to make myself as small as possible.

    That’s when it hit me: I wasn’t truly taking care of my body. I was pushing it too hard with exercise and restricting the food I ate, trying to mold it into some version of myself I thought was “healthy.”

    It was clear: Health isn’t about being obsessed with calories burned or how little I can eat. It’s about taking care of yourself holistically, nourishing your body, and respecting its signals.

    Strength Training: The Empowerment I Was Looking For

    Once I realized something had to change, I decided to shake up my routine. I swapped my hours of cardio for strength training with a plan. I was always under the impression that weightlifting would make me bulky, but I realized it was exactly what I had been missing. I wasn’t just exercising to burn calories or eating to punish myself—I was exercising and eating to become stronger, to take up space.

    Strength training taught me something profound: It’s not about punishing your body to fit into some ideal. It’s about building your body’s power and resilience, which translates to feeling stronger, more confident, and energized. I was working to feel strong and capable rather than just lean or toned. It wasn’t about what I looked like but how I felt in my own skin.

    As I started lifting weights, I noticed a huge shift. I felt more empowered. I was proud of my progress. Every time I got stronger, I felt more in tune with my body. I realized that true health comes from building resilience, not burning out.

    Nourishing My Body, Not Punishing It

    The next major shift for me was with food. I had spent so long treating food like the enemy—avoiding it, restricting it, and feeling guilty when I ate something “bad.” But I soon realized that nourishing my body was not about deprivation. It was about fueling it with the right nutrients to support my strength and energy.

    I started to focus on eating foods that made me feel good: healthy fats, lean proteins, complex carbs, and plenty of veggies. I stopped counting calories and started listening to my body. I ate when I was hungry and stopped when I was full, without guilt or shame.

    For the first time, food became a tool for nourishment, not something to control or punish myself with. I stopped labeling foods as “good” or “bad” and instead focused on what fueled my workouts, gave me energy, and helped me feel my best. Nourishing my body became a form of self-love.

    A New Understanding of True Health

    Looking back, I understand that true health isn’t about fitting into a particular mold or following strict rules. It’s not about punishing your body with excessive cardio or restricting what you eat. True health is about building a sustainable, balanced lifestyle that allows your body to thrive—physically, mentally, and emotionally.

    I thought I was healthy when I was obsessing over calories and pushing myself to exhaustion with cardio, but I was missing the bigger picture. Real health comes from nourishing your body, moving in ways that empower you, and caring for yourself with kindness and respect.

    Practical Tips for Shifting Toward True Health

    If you find yourself in a similar cycle of over-exercising, restricting food, and feeling drained, here are some tips to help you shift toward a more balanced approach.

    1. Focus on strength, not just cardio.

    If you’ve been stuck in a cardio-only routine, try adding two thirty-minute sessions of strength training per week. It doesn’t have to be intimidating. Start with bodyweight exercises or dumbbells and gradually increase the challenge as you build strength.

    2. Nourish your body.

    Shift your focus from restriction to nourishment. Eat foods that make you feel energized and strong—whole foods that support your body’s needs, like lean proteins, healthy fats, and lots of vegetables.

    3. Move with purpose.

    Instead of overdoing cardio, choose movements that make you feel good. Strength training, yoga, walking, swimming, or even dancing are great ways to stay active without overstressing your body.

    4. Let go of perfection.

    Health isn’t about being perfect; it’s about balance. Don’t stress about eating the “right” foods all the time or burning as many calories as you can. Focus on what makes you feel good and sustainable in the long run.

    5. Listen to your body.

    Your body is your guide. Pay attention to its signals. Eat when you’re hungry, move with purpose, and rest when you need to. Trust that your body knows what it needs to be healthy.

    6. Allow yourself to rest.

    Rest is just as important as movement. Don’t skip it! Your body needs time to recover and rebuild strength. Allow yourself to rest and recover without guilt.

  • The Magic of Mindfulness: It’s Never Too Late to Find Peace and Balance

    The Magic of Mindfulness: It’s Never Too Late to Find Peace and Balance

    “If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment, live in the breath.” ~ Amit Ray

    On December 12th, 2019, I found myself in a hospital undergoing an exploratory heart catheterization, a wake-up call I could no longer ignore. My health had reached a critical low. I was battling high blood pressure, high cholesterol, prediabetes, and obesity.

    At just fifty-five years old, my long career in automotive manufacturing, with its relentless deadlines, high-pressure demands, and long hours, had caught up with me. The stressful grind had become unsustainable, and I had to make a choice: continue the same path or reclaim my health and happiness.

    That moment in the hospital marked the turning point in my life.

    A Career of High Pressure and Its Costs

    For decades, I poured everything into my career. The industry demanded perfection, quality, efficiency, profitability, and strict adherence to schedules. It was a high-stakes environment that left little room for personal well-being. My mantra of “work hard, play hard” defined me, but over time, the cracks began to show.

    Deadlines left me sleepless; stress fueled poor dietary choices; the constant push for productivity eroded my ability to relax. Though I achieved professional milestones, the cost to my health was staggering.

    Turning to Mindfulness to Heal

    After that fateful day in the hospital, I overhauled my lifestyle, not just physically, as many would do, but mentally and emotionally. While I embraced changes in diet, exercise, and sleep, one of the most transformative practices was mindfulness.

    Mindfulness taught me how to slow down and be present in a fast-paced world. Through meditation and yoga practices, I learned to quiet the mental noise, find stillness, and reset my perspective. This became a lifeline, helping me navigate stress, reduce cortisol levels, and foster resilience in the face of challenges. It wasn’t just about managing stress but about fundamentally reshaping how I experienced life.

    I leaned into the simplest practices, ones that felt natural and sustainable:

    • Breathing deeply: A single, mindful breath calmed my nervous system and reminded me to stay present, no matter how overwhelming life felt.
    • Noticing the now: I focused on what I could see, hear, or feel in the moment, anchoring myself in my senses rather than being swept away by anxiety.
    • Practicing gratitude: Even in life’s storms, there were small moments of light, a kind word, a peaceful morning, or the chance to rest. Finding and holding onto those moments kept me grounded.

    These lifelines weren’t about perfection or rigid routines; they were about creating space for calm in the chaos. Every breath I took reminded me that change was possible.

    Lessons Learned

    Looking back, I recognize that had I incorporated mindfulness earlier in my career, my journey might have been different. The tools I’ve since adopted could have buffered me against the relentless pressure.

    If I had stayed the course without change, I likely would have been on endless medications or facing even worse outcomes. Mindfulness gave me a way out, a healthier, happier path that prioritized my well-being without sacrificing my ambition.

    From Automotive to Biotech

    Today, I am thriving in a new career in biotech, where my passion for innovation is matched by my commitment to maintaining balance. At sixty, I am medication-free and healthier than ever. Mindfulness has become a cornerstone of my daily life, and I’m proud to share its benefits with others as a certified meditation facilitator.

    I share my story because I believe in the power of change at any age. Whether you’re in a high-pressure career like automotive manufacturing or simply feeling overwhelmed by life’s demands, mindfulness can offer clarity, calm, and control.

    It’s never too late to reclaim your health, happiness, and peace of mind.

  • How to Live a Joy-Filled Life with Chronic Illness

    How to Live a Joy-Filled Life with Chronic Illness

    “Living with chronic illness isn’t a life half-lived; it’s an opportunity to redefine what it means to be truly alive, resilient, and whole.” ~Christopher Reynolds

    I have spent the past eleven years of my life in chronic pain. While this journey has been long, excruciatingly difficult, and deeply lonely, I am beginning to come to peace with my body. After seven long years of intense physical pain, anxiety, and depression, my mindset shifted.

    Ironically, this shift began the moment that I got a diagnosis. In February 2020, I was diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. After seven years, I stopped searching and started living. That day, I did not leave the hospital crying with sadness. I left crying with relief.

    While chronic pain is something that I still live with daily, my head no longer spirals into depression as I google the worst-case scenarios.

    I simply spend my time choosing how I want to live.

    If you are struggling with chronic pain, I hope this post offers a source of hope. As someone who has lived, breathed, and experienced the physical, mental, and spiritual pain of chronic illness, I know it hurts. And it doesn’t just hurt us. It hurts those we love.

    While my day-to-day experience is still pretty rough, I experience more joy than ever before.

    Here is my chronic health story. I hope it inspires yours.

    My Experience of Chronic Health Conditions

    As a teenager, I experienced pain in my knees, hips, and shoulders.

    I was taken to a physiotherapist and told something was wrong, but they weren’t quite sure what. So I told myself they were growing pains and continued with my life.

    At age nineteen, I returned home from a year abroad in Thailand, and my whole world fell apart.

    It began with intense gut symptoms, huge amounts of bloating, and severe stomach pain.

    I had the usual food intolerance and stool tests, but again, doctors found nothing.

    Around six months later, the gut symptoms persisted, and a debilitating sense of fatigue began to hit. Every morning, I woke up feeling hungover and as if I had been hit by a bus.

    My body started experiencing some pretty crazy, unexplainable symptoms; my skin would go through weeks of being intensely itchy, with no rash or raised bumps in sight. My heart started racing whenever I stood, and an off-balance vertigo feeling became the norm.

    My ears started ringing, I became incredibly sensitive to noise and light, and my eyes stopped making water—itching and burning on a daily basis. I had no idea what was going on.

    For the next three years, I walked through life feeling like shit.

    I was exhausted by lunchtime and had to sleep in my car on my lunch breaks just to get through the day at work. I returned to the doctors time and time again, only to be given omeprazole and told these were all symptoms of anxiety.

    Fast-forward three years, in a state of absolute despair, I ordered a private stool test.

    In a matter of days, I found out that I had, in fact, had a parasite called Blastocystis hominis—a type of algae/water mold—that had most likely been in my system for years since returning from Thailand. I cried and cried, thinking I had finally found the answer.

    This answer was hope that I could heal.

    At this point, I was on a nine-month waiting list to see a gastroenterologist.

    So I started my own healing path with an extremely strict parasite-cleansing diet, accompanied by antimicrobial herb protocols. After two and a half years of seeing multiple doctors, naturopaths, and nutritionists, combining antibiotics with herbal medicine, and doing an intense parasite cleanse retreat, I finally cleared the parasite out of my system.

    However, it was at this point that I really began to lose my mental health.

    After two and a half years of eating no gluten, dairy, sugar, high-sugar fruits, or alcohol, and being insanely regimented in my day-to-day routine—barely getting through each day and missing out on the fun of my early twenties—I still felt like shit.

    The parasite was gone, but all the symptoms persisted.

    I lost all hope and reached an all-time low. I started to believe that I was crazy.

    I thought I had just lived out the hardest few years of my life, but I was wrong.

    My health continued to spiral out of control, and I was literally losing the will to live.

    During this time, I was visiting doctors and hospitals every week.

    I was given a myriad of diagnoses by various specialists, including:

    • Chronic fatigue syndrome (M.E)
    • Fibromyalgia
    • SIBO (small intestinal bacterial overgrowth)
    • Postural Tachycardia Syndrome
    • Open stomach valve sphincter
    • Meneire’s disease
    • Vertigo
    • Sinusitis
    • TMJ disorder and chronic migraines
    • Facial neuralgia
    • Anxiety
    • Depression
    • Gastoparesis
    • Papillary conjunctivitis
    • Widespread inflammation in joints
    • Mild scoliosis
    • Low stomach acid
    • Bladder problems

    I was living with all of these so-called conditions and symptoms, simultaneously, every single day, with the odd ebb and flow, for seven years; it was relentless, and I would not wish it upon anyone. Little did I know that these diagnoses were simply masks of a larger issue at play.

    Fast-forward two more years, and somehow, miraculously, I was guided to a support group for those with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome.

    I attended the support group, felt seen, heard, and validated for the first time in my health journey, and was given the details of a specialist in London.

    The Radical Shift: Transforming Pain into Power

    In February 2020, when I was twenty-four, my whole life finally made sense.

    An EDS-informed rheumatologist listened to my story, assessed my symptoms, and carried out the Beighton score test. Within thirty minutes, I had answers to everything.

    I was given the diagnosis of hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, type 3—a genetic connective tissue disorder that affects collagen production within the body.

    I was also educated about comorbid conditions, such as postural tachycardia syndrome and mast cell activation disorder, which explained my crazy heart rate, experience of anxiety, and the inflammation-based diagnoses that I had received up until this point in my life.

    I walked out of the office with tears in my eyes and a huge smile on my face.

    I had been seen, heard, and validated.

    Finally, I could stop wasting my physical and mental energy constantly searching for answers.

    Now, I simply had one mission in life—to figure out how to live.

    How to Live a Joy-Filled Life with Chronic Pain

    For years, there was no space for fun or spontaneity; it was a matter of surviving, not thriving.

    I was obsessed with finding the next best specialist, trying every medication and holistic therapy under the sun, and putting everything on hold until I was ‘healed.’ I missed out on a lot in my twenties, not just because of chronic illness but also because of my mindset.

    I am sure there is still more to learn on my journey; however, I hope the tips below will shed some light on the small shifts you can make when living with chronic health conditions to transform your mindset and live an incredible, joy-filled life.

    1. Separate yourself from your health condition.

    A few years ago, I would have introduced myself with “Hi, I’m Jadine,” and sixty seconds later I’d follow this with “I can’t because I have a chronic illness.” These days, I don’t give it a mention.

    I began to realize that chronic illness was not me. By introducing myself as a chronically ill person, not only was I reinforcing this story within my own mind, but I was also robbing people of the joy of really getting to know my soul and passions.

    As a relationship deepens, I share my experience; however, I consider my words carefully. Here are some empowering phrases to separate yourself from chronic illness.

    • “I am chronically ill.” –> “I experience chronic health conditions.”
    • “I have (condition).” –> ‘”My body experiences (condition).”
    • “I can’t because I’m chronically ill.” –> “I adapt around chronic health conditions.”

    These phrases support you in separating chronic illness from your identity, labeling them as an experience rather than as part of you. By labeling it as an experience, you also open yourself up to the possibility of healing. An experience can pass; if you ‘are’ something, it can’t change.

    2. Focus on what you can do rather than what you can’t do.

    For years, I had deep sadness around the fact that I was always missing out. I was so scared of making myself sicker and experiencing more pain that I said no to everything. And if I did say yes, I would experience extreme amounts of anxiety leading up to a ‘fun’ event.

    These days, I take my pain with a pinch of salt. I go to the gym, swim, do yoga, and see my friends, and I have managed to build my working pattern up to four days per week.

    Sometimes, I overdo it. And sometimes I need an afternoon in bed. But my mental health and happiness have thanked me tenfold for getting back out in the world again.

    If I can’t do something, I adapt; there is nothing that you can’t do if you put your mind to it.

    Phrases to use to help you focus on what you can do

    • “I can’t because…” –> “I can adapt and…”
    • “I’ll be too knackered to join.” –> “I’ll put it in my calendar and confirm nearer the time.”
    • “I won’t be able to do that.” > “I can do it better this way.”

    3. Plan things to look forward to in your day, week, and year.

    This has been a huge game-changer for me. Once I stopped searching for answers and constantly trying to heal, I started planning things to look forward to again. This can be as simple as planning a relaxing trip to the sauna with a friend, going to a concert, or booking a holiday. If these goals feel too big or out of reach, start small.

    Ask yourself: If I could do one thing today that would make me smile, what would it be?

    4. Set yourself goals, personally and professionally.

    Just because you experience chronic health conditions or a disability that causes chronic pain, it doesn’t mean that you have to put your mental goals on pause.

    In 2020, I could barely walk a mile.

    In 2022, I began to walk 330 miles of the Cornish Coast path.

    I adapted by breaking it down into fortnightly adventures that just pushed my body to its limits without overdoing it each time. It was a hugely liberating experience, and I found myself feeling more alive, more driven, and more passionate than I had in years.

    Plus, I felt a huge sense of achievement raising money for EDS Support UK.

    Similarly, I spent years working low-paid jobs around twenty hours a week, thinking that because I had chronic health conditions, I would never be able to have a ‘career.’

    Miraculously, I am now working four days a week for a company I love and am about to receive my third pay rise in twelve months. Set yourself goals and let yourself achieve them, even if you have to adapt or do things slightly differently from others.

    5. Stop projecting into the future.

    When you are given a chronic diagnosis, it’s very easy to believe that you will only get worse. In the past, I spent nights bawling my eyes out, imagining worst-case scenarios.

    For years, I believed that I would be in a wheelchair by the time I was thirty. The only people I had met in real life with EDS had all ended up in this position, and through fear, this had been cemented into my brain.

    Here I am approaching my thirtieth birthday, and while I admit I find it difficult to hold up my back and spine for long periods and have recently found out I have a few ribs that are now sliding out of place, I’m still standing.

    I don’t know what the future holds, but I know I have the resilience to deal with whatever comes my way. Life isn’t linear, and there is no way we can know whether our bodies will remain the same, deteriorate, or miraculously heal.

    Stop projecting into the future so that you can live your most joy-filled life today.

    Final Thoughts: Reality Vs. Mentality

    The reality is, chronic illness is not for the fainthearted.

    It is for souls who came here to be pushed to their limits, to expand their capacity to sit in the darkness, build an extraordinary level of resilience, and bounce back to the light.

    You can be the most resilient, positive, and determined person, yet no doubt, chronic health conditions will still take their toll on your mental health. However, living with chronic conditions is possible. While it can feel like a constant uphill battle, there is still joy to be found.

    When you realize that you can either be in physical and mental pain or be in physical pain and choose better-feeling thoughts, the choice becomes obvious.

    You may not be able to control the cards that you were dealt.

    But you can take charge of your happiness and choose a joy-filled life.

  • The Most Important Pieces of My Cancer Coping Plan

    The Most Important Pieces of My Cancer Coping Plan

    “Health is the greatest possession. Contentment is the greatest treasure. Confidence is the greatest friend.” ~Lao Tzu

    When dealing with a serious health issue or life challenge, we can choose to navigate through it to the light or bury ourselves in its darkness. While it’s not always easy to find the light, it’s a much easier place to survive in and, in the long run, is much healthier. This way of being has helped me on my recent health journeys.

    Twice in the past twenty-three years, I have received the news of a breast cancer diagnosis. Both incidences were completely different and unrelated. This is my story, and how looking for the light is so important in the face of adversity.

    My first cancer diagnosis was in 2001 when I was forty-seven, received days before the horrific events of 9/11.

    DCIS, an early form of breast cancer, was discovered through my annual mammogram. I was given the choice to have a lumpectomy and radiation or a mastectomy and reconstruction. I opted for the latter because I didn’t want to spend subsequent days, months, and years worrying about a possible recurrence. Plus, back then, radiation was more dangerous and not as refined and focused as it is today.

    At the time, I was living in a small town in Florida and decided to travel to California for the best doctor to treat this type of cancer. It wasn’t easy being separated from my three children under the age of eighteen. In the end, it was the right choice and eventually led to a subsequent move to California, the place of my dreams. So sometimes going through difficult challenges can lead to better things.

    After I had surgery, my husband Simon and I stayed in California for two weeks before returning home to Florida. I slowly got used to my new body’s landscape since my diagnosis and diligently continued to go for my annual mammograms, watching my only breast being squished between those two sheets of glass.

    Tears would trickle down my face, triggered by the loss of the breast that fed my three children. During my meditations, I expressed gratitude for my life and remaining breast.

    I tried to bring the light into my life whenever possible by engaging in self-care activities. I surrounded myself with loving and thoughtful people and tried to disconnect from those who had less hopeful attitudes.

    Five years later, during a routine blood test, I found out that I had multiple myeloma, a rare type of blood cancer affecting the plasma cells. In short, it turns healthy cells into unhealthy ones.

    I had no symptoms at the time, but was told that I’d need bloodwork every three months to make sure that the disease did not progress, and that down the road there was a chance I would need to undergo treatment for this incurable type of blood cancer.

    The fear of enduring another cancer overcame me, and I researched the best integrative physicians in Los Angeles to help me navigate this new terrain. For eighteen years my myeloma was what was called “smoldering” because I had no symptoms, but my blood test continued to show high protein levels—a sign that the disease was present.

    Each day I swallowed handfuls of vitamins to ward off any further disease progression. I met and consulted with the best doctors and researchers at the Mayo Clinic and Cedar Sinai Hospital in Los Angeles. I was told that everybody’s case was different, but at one point treatment would be unavoidable.

    My second breast cancer diagnosis came in 2024, not long before celebrating my seventieth birthday. I was feeling fine, and it was still a few months before my scheduled annual mammogram when I noticed that my right nipple had inverted.

    A mammogram, biopsy, and MRI revealed lobular breast cancer, which is more aggressive than DCIS. I ended up having another mastectomy and reconstruction. Much to my chagrin, I also needed radiation. Thankfully, because my Onco Type DX Score—a score given from 0 to 100 indicating the likelihood of breast cancer returning—was low at only 9, I did not need chemotherapy.

    I am not generally a fearful person, although I am prone to depression and holding feelings in. I continued to try to keep clear of those who were living more in the light than in the dark because it triggered feelings of depression. The entire experience triggered reminders of my first breast cancer experience, coupled with increasing fear and sadness.

    Once again, I had to get used to my new personal physical landscape of implants taking the place of my real breasts. Much had evolved surgically in the twenty-three years since my last surgery, and the recovery seemed easier.

    The radiation, however, took a lot out of me. In addition to shrink-wrapping my newly constructed breast, I encountered sheer exhaustion during the six weeks of radiation five days a week.

    Unfortunately, during my hospitalization for this second mastectomy and reconstruction, my hemoglobin dropped significantly. This signaled to my doctors that my myeloma might be becoming active.

    They scheduled a bone marrow biopsy and found that 90% of my marrow had cancer cells. This was shocking news. My oncologist had been suggesting treatment to ward off progression, but I declined and said that I would rather wait until I was symptomatic.

    He had been very patient with me wanting to do it my way, combining Eastern and Western medicine, mainly because he knew that each case was different, and he honored my intuition about my body. However, he did tell me that there would be a time when he would say that I had no choice but to begin treatment, and unfortunately, it had arrived. He suggested I heal from my surgery before beginning.

    The hemoglobin drop made me feel very uncharacteristically tired. I had been an active person, hiking and working out with a trainer, so having no energy was very difficult for me, plus being active is also a way to fend off depression.

    I’d always been an advocate of listening to my body, and now I felt that my body was telling me that it was time for treatment that involved weekly injections at the hospital and taking a handful of medications at home to fend off any side effects.

    I never really understood the concept of “chemo brain” until now, but I truly feel I cannot think clearly. It challenges my lifelong passion for writing and creating.

    I’ve decided to continue to listen to my body—to rest when it asks to rest and move when it’s time to move.

    During the course of my three cancers, I went from being mad at my body for putting me through all of this to respecting the temple that has kept me alive. I’ve accepted that I cannot be as productive, and that spending a day with one or all of my six grandchildren was more healing than writing any article or a book.

    All in all, my healing had many layers—emotional, psychological, and physical. Compounding that with the fact that I was to live with an incurable cancer that would probably need treatment for the rest of my life, I was left feeling quite depressed.

    I decided I could not manage alone without the assistance of an antidepressant, which would just keep my head above water. I wanted to thrive and just needed that little bit of support.

    I maintained my sanity by deferring to self-care modalities, many of which I used in my younger years and during challenging times in my life, such as writing, meditation, listening to music, exercising, and connecting with friends.

    There’s one song that inspired my way of being, and that was Gloria Gaynor’s song, “I Will Survive.” The lyrics became my mantra.

    Cancer survivors can wear many faces. We might have a public face, and we might have a private face. True healing and recovery depend on the support of loved ones and trusted medical professionals.

    My physicians were very caring and kind, and I’ll never forget the words of my first oncologist when he gave me my diagnosis: “If this experience doesn’t rivet you, nothing will. You’ll never look at life in the same way.” He was right.

    My oncologist’s words continue to echo in my mind. From a physical standpoint, I can acknowledge and accept that my body will never look and feel the same. My daily glances in the mirror are a constant reminder of my journey. In spite of looking a little better when I’m dressed, when I’m unclothed, there’s no escaping the fact that I’ve had breast cancer—I have the scars to prove it.

    I can hide under my clothing, my covers, or in my closet, but in the shower and during lovemaking, I cannot hide, so I’ve taught myself to accept my newly transformed body.

    People say that scars give us character, and I’ve worked hard to convince myself of this supposed truth. I tell myself that the scars don’t really matter because the important thing is that I’ve survived, even though the moment I heard my doctor’s words, all I wanted to do was hide.

    As survivors, we go through many mood changes, but in the end, I believe in the old adage, “From all bad comes good.” I’m cognizant of the importance of being mindful of life’s priorities.

    As mentioned earlier, I’ve come to realize that my writing grounds me, makes me happy, and helps me survive. I also know that I need to surround myself with people who make me feel good about myself and who provide healing energy.

    I suppose this is what intuitively happens when you come face-to-face with your own mortality—you try not to allow people into your life who drain you of the vital life force that is essential for your own healing. For me, doing so made me feel that I was shoring up my spirit’s natural defense mechanisms.

    I’d always been a productive person, and my first cancer diagnosis brought with it a new sense of urgency to continue my writing practice and to share my words and passions with the universe.

    While working on my latest memoir, I made a point of trying to relax and remind myself not to overdo it. I made sure to meditate and work out every day and get a massage and/or acupuncture when I was able to fit these forms of healing into my schedule.

    I decided to express gratitude for my life and all the things I’d taken for granted, such as my family, friends, home, and the time I was able to spend in nature. Given my lifelong commitment to the care of others (I was trained as a registered nurse), I decided to turn that compassion inward and indulge in more self-care. For years I’d put everyone else’s needs first, so it felt good to offer gratitude and kindness to myself.

    Of course, when we’re diagnosed with something like cancer, the possibility of a recurrence is always in the back of our minds—but we have no way to predict the future, so we can only do our best and be compassionate with ourselves and others.

    I have repeatedly told myself that cancer was no longer welcome in my life. I realized that I would thrive as long as I continued to love and, like what psychic Sonia Choquette says, “When you name it, you claim it.” And I am naming to be in the light. That’s my choice.

  • Free Yourself from Sugar Addiction This Holiday Season

    Free Yourself from Sugar Addiction This Holiday Season

    “Part of the ingenuity of any addictive drug is to fool you into believing that life without it won’t be as enjoyable” ~Alan Carr

    “I’m okay, thanks.”

    See that? I just turned down a Tony’s Chocolonely from our family advent calendar.

    I don’t care that it’s a white raspberry popping candy flavor I have never, ever tried before.

    I don’t care that I remember being a kid, opening chocolate coins from my stocking.

    I don’t care!

    Because this year, I’m going into the holiday month already sugar-free. And I am tentatively walking on air about it!!

    I’m forty-five, and it’s taken a lot of bingeing and secret eating, regret, and shame to get here.

    Shame when the kids accused each other of having stolen bits of their Easter eggs. (I kept my head down, unstacking the dishwasher.)

    Shame when I found a whole box of Green & Black’s bars in my husband’s office, because if he buys a treat, I won’t leave him any.

    Shame when I had my head in the fridge, scooping teaspoonfuls of Eton mess into my mouth last birthday, while everyone else was enjoying the barbecue in the garden.

    Shame because being forty-five and still being silly about kids’ treat food feels ridiculous. Trivial.

    But I bet I’m not alone.

    I bet I’m not the only middle-aged woman who has Googled “addictive personality,” “food,” and “overeating.”

    I bet I’m not the only person who has worked from home, kidding herself that she ‘needs’ a few tiles of 85% chocolate “for the energy boost.”

    I expect I’m not the only perimenopausal gal allowing disrupted sleep to turn her into a cookie monster.

    I know I’m not the only one who has quit alcohol only to fixate on sugar.

    So, if you’re struggling with sugar addiction right now, I feel your pain. I was obsessed too.

    But right now, it’s like a switch has flipped in my head, and doing holidays without sugar seems possible. What’s changed? I gifted myself some new beliefs.

    Let me share the little self-talk phrases I started to use in case you’re struggling with sugar too.

    Maybe you’re not ready for sugar-free holidays. I admit it’s kind of radical, and I’m not saying anyone else ‘should’ do it. But maybe you’re thinking of giving it up next year. Or you’re wondering if it’s possible to let go of some of your attachment to it.

    If so, here are twelve brand new phrases to say to yourself.

    1. “Holidays are just days of my life.”

    I was always trying to allow sugar in my life because I wanted to eat it normally. But ‘normal’ never stayed that way for long.

    Every time there was a holiday—Valentine’s, Easter, summer, Halloween, Christmas—I’d start having loads of tiny ‘treats’ that added up to a ton of rubbish and a spiraling habit.

    From my first morning honey-laden cocoa until my last secret (what’s in the kids’ treat drawer? Broken Oreos!) self-reward for cleaning the kitchen after dinner, sugar would overrun my days like an invasion of ants.

    Eventually, I admitted my position was wishy-washy. I was trying to have my cake and not eat it.

    It was a relief to finally be decisive and make a clear code of conduct for myself around sugar, based on what I could realistically expect myself to handle. One way of behaving every day. Including holidays.

    2. “I’m deciding what I think about this now.”

    The government pays subsidies to the sugar industry. It does international trade deals. We get advertised to, and so we get the message:

    “Buy more sugar.”

    But their health messaging is the opposite:

    “Individuals should make better decisions.”

    I realized I was asking a ton from my own free will to resist it, given how ‘everywhere’ it is. I wasn’t being fair to myself when I called myself a willpower weakling. The odds aren’t stacked in favor of resistance.

    It was time to stop trying to please society and listen to my own messages.

    3. “This is just a commercial product.”

    When I looked at the shelves of shiny treats in the supermarket, I saw how clever the marketing is.

    Shiny wrappers. Expensive boxes. It reminded me of how cigarettes boxes suggest luxury—how misleading that now looks!

    Seasonal flavors keep us wanting ‘new’ experiences: “Look, Mum, this Ferrero Rocher is like a giant Christmas tree bauble. Can we get one?”

    I’ve spent my life believing these foods mean treats, fun, celebration, “I love you,” “Let’s relax and share something,” and “life is good.”

    But if you look past the wrappers, it’s just stuff. Chocolate is just brown stuff, like wax. Candy is just colored chewy stuff, like putty. It means nothing.

    4. “‘Fun’ looks like freedom.”

    I imagined chocolate Brazils wrapped in newspaper instead of shiny purple foil.

    I visualized all the shops for miles around stacked with sweets, and I could see that they weren’t rare or special but in endless supply.

    And I stopped telling myself they were ‘fun.’ Sugar addiction is about as much fun as having a constant snotty head cold. It’s with you everywhere you go, ruining your concentration and making you feel ever so slightly physically gross.

    Sure, it’s less life-threatening than other addictions. But it’s misery-making, and that’s serious.

    5. “Having more just makes you want more.”

    I dove into research on whether sugar is actually addictive. Short answer: It is.

    You get withdrawal, receptors in your brain become sensitized… All the markers are there. That’s why my urge to have a second treat is always even stronger than the idea to go get the first one!

    I had tried to normalize sugar many times. I had kept snacks stocked at home to stop them feeling off-limits. But they never lost their charm.

    Now I understood why eating more of it didn’t make me more blasé, as I’d hoped.

    6. “I stop when I decide to stop.”

    I also read up on whether our bodies can actually send signals of ‘satisfied’ around sugar.

    Surprise, surprise: They can’t.

    (Speedy science lesson: Our bodies break down sugar into glucose and fructose. It’s about 50/50. The glucose digestion process has an enzyme, PFK-1, to prevent us from overconsuming it. But the fructose part doesn’t have any signal to stop.)

    I began to wonder whether eating sugar intuitively was even achievable.

    I decided to keep listening to my hunger and fullness around other foods, but not expect them to help me out much around treats.

    7. “I only eat edible food.”

    I love the idea that all foods are morally neutral. So I didn’t think of sugar as ‘bad’ or tell my kids they shouldn’t have any. I just quietly switched my perspective to no longer thinking of sugar as an edible substance.

    Just because it doesn’t kill you doesn’t mean it’s edible.

    I ate toothpaste as a kid: Survived. Not edible.

    I once drank aftershave at a party in my teens to try to get drunk. Wasn’t even sick. But it’s still not on my menu of drinks for humans.

    Sugar is a thing, not a food. That’s how I think of it now.

    8. “I’m not a dog, and I don’t need a treat.”

    My overeating is largely emotional: the harder I work, the more I rely on food to give me a feeling of reward.

    With sugary snacks, I was treating myself like a pet, giving biscuits for good behavior. Sugar-coating my toxic habit of overworking.

    Then, during the holidays, when I couldn’t get my usual dopamine hits from ticking off achievements at work, I was at a loss for how to properly relax and was more vulnerable to receiving reward feelings from sugar.

    I learned to start giving myself inner high fives instead. And I now expect the first few days of any holiday to feel a bit empty too. That’s normal while I adjust.

    9. “Let me see how quickly this passes.”

    This was fun.

    I felt as though once I had an idea like “leftover banana bread!” I couldn’t settle or focus on my work until I’d scratched the itch.

    I’m pretty experienced at surfing urges—I mentioned I gave up drinking a few years ago, right? That was good practice.

    But with sugar obsession, my ‘urge tolerance muscle’ felt very limp indeed.

    To my amazement, as I made my way through my first two or three days without sugar, the urges died down unbelievably quickly.

    I realized my brain sent up thoughts of sugary treats like a puppy that’s used to begging. But puppies are really trainable. They adapt quickly once you stop feeding them under the table.

    10. “I’m the authority on feeding myself.”

    Nobody told me to.

    I didn’t do it to lose weight.

    I didn’t do it because I thought I ‘should.’

    I didn’t do it out of fear for my health or my teeth.

    I didn’t preach about it (or even dare to announce it) to my family.

    I didn’t join an online challenge that made me accountable to a community.

    I did it so that I have less food noise in my brain. That’s enough of a reason.

    11. “Ha ha, brain, nice try!”

    I made a previous attempt to give up sugar last January. February 1st, bang! I fell for my brain’s BS.

    “I wonder what that dark chocolate tastes like. I can’t remember.”

    “You’ve done so well; having just one little bit won’t hurt.”

    “Maybe you can eat it normally now—just have a bit from time to time.”

    Then, before I knew it, I was having a little all the time again. Throwing handfuls of chocolate chips at my face while the kettle boiled. A ‘dessert’ item after every meal.

    This time, I’m ready for the persuasion attempts. I get it, brain. You remember the taste. But, lovingly, no.

    12. “I already walked through a doorway.”

    Last February, it was as if I’d gotten to my mental finish line, so then I thought I could relax.

    Relax, relapse, collapse.

    So this time, I decided not to imagine an end point.

    I imagined walking through a doorway, and that my life with sugar was already behind me, and I was moving forward one day at a time.

    So far, so good.

    It actually felt refreshing to tell myself the truth about it all.

    I don’t know if it’s forever. I haven’t made a vow or gotten a tattoo.

    Don’t label me the ‘no-sugar’ person and then call me a hypocrite if I change strategy later on in my life.

    Because I’m not saying I’ve found the way and that you should do what I do. I truly believe that how we eat shouldn’t be about listening to other people’s magic solutions or expert advice.

    For me, it is a matter of trial-and-error, evaluating, refining my system, and finding habits and lifestyle choices that I can sustain.

    So, this is what I’m doing this holiday. It’s an experiment, and it feels fun to me.

    This year, I’m actually looking forward to connecting with the people more than the food.

  • 8 Compelling Reasons to Adopt a Whole Food Diet

    8 Compelling Reasons to Adopt a Whole Food Diet

    “The food you eat can be either the safest and most powerful form of medicine or the slowest form of poison.” ~Ann Wigmore

    Why aren’t we taught optimal nutrition in school as adolescents?

    I remember briefly learning about the food pyramid, which doesn’t even include water, by the way.

    Do you want to know what I vividly remember? Growing up during the peak of diet culture, when models and actresses who were unrealistically skinny were the only ones who were considered pretty or good enough.

    My dad died from a heart attack at age forty, and my single mother was always on the newest diet pill and didn’t cook much. I was under the impression that the only way to be valued in this world was to eat as little as possible to be as skinny as possible.

    In seventh grade, I started to obsess over cardio and barely ate 1,000 calories, yet no one flagged this as a potential disorder. This continued throughout high school and got so intense that I couldn’t walk because my stress fractures and the shin splints in my legs were so severe.

    Looking back, I’m almost certain that this lack of proper nutrition played a role in my extreme anxiety and depression. But of course, the root cause was never addressed; I was just put on a different medication.

    I remember sitting in one of UW-Madison’s largest lecture halls during my freshman year with obsessive thoughts over how much I hated my body. Focus wasn’t one of my strong suits.

    Yet, I was still operating on less than 1,000 calories a day—eating a serving of vegetables per day and the occasional granola bar. Of course, I was consuming most of my calories in vodka sodas. Poison.

    I tell you all of this to paint the picture of how improper nourishment can spiral out of control for years and can lead to physical and mental ailments. If only our education system valued teaching our children how critical nutrition is for the body and mind.

    It wasn’t until I started making my nutrition and health truly a priority back in 2021 that my life started to flourish.

    So how can we be better for our partner, our future kids, nieces and nephews, and grandchildren? It starts with being intentional about the foods and drinks we are putting into our bodies. It starts with nourishing the one body in this lifetime that we get.

    It starts with educating ourselves so that we can create sustainable nutrition transformations for ourselves and our families. It starts with supporting local farmers and cooking seasonally when given the chance. It starts with including our children in the kitchen to show them the importance of whole foods since their schools won’t.

    I’m not here to tell you what diet you should be abiding by or what foods you should be eating. But I am here to tell you the facts about how focusing on whole foods can nourish your body and mind from the inside out, leading to desirable physical and mental outcomes.

    What are whole foods anyway? Whole foods consist of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and legumes.

    Here are eight benefits of changing to a whole food diet.

    1. Whole foods are rich in fiber and phytonutrients.

    Fiber can decrease your risk of cardiovascular disease, help you manage diabetes, and keep you fuller for longer. Fiber has also been shown to lower cholesterol levels. Phytonutrients contain vitamins and minerals that contain antioxidant and anti-inflammatory properties and can help the body fight off free radicals.

    2. Whole foods are energy-dense.

    Energy-dense foods meet the energy needs of our bodies, without causing discomfort. This supports athletes looking to build fat-free mass. Additionally, energy-dense foods contribute to more energy.

    3. Whole foods provide nutrient synergy in the body.

    Nutrients from whole foods are more readily absorbed by the body, as many foods contain nutrients that complement one another. For example, vitamin C works to absorb iron from plant-based foods, such as spinach. The next time you eat spinach, try adding in some lemon for optimal absorption!

    4. Whole foods regulate blood sugar levels.

    Because whole foods do not contain added sugars and have fiber, the body digests the food slower, which enables a more gradual rise in blood sugar levels after a meal. Goodbye, sugar crash!

    5. Whole foods aren’t created in a lab.

    As if you needed another reason to want to consume more whole foods, to state the obvious, processed foods are NOT GOOD FOR US! Foods created in a lab are made with many artificial ingredients and additives including salt, sugar, and unhealthy fats, which can contribute to inflammation in the body and chronic illness.

    6. Whole foods can add years to your life.

    When you eat a diet consisting of predominately whole foods, your chances of chronic illness are lower. Did you know that six in ten adults have one chronic illness, and four in ten adults have two or more chronic illnesses?

    7. Whole foods can fit into any budget.

    Frozen and canned whole foods are a great, low-cost option that has been proven to be as nutritious as fresh fruits and vegetables, as their nutrient content is preserved when frozen.

    8. Whole foods can improve your mental health.

    Nutritional deficiencies have been linked to symptoms of depression, anxiety, dementia, etc. The brain consumes 20% of your daily caloric intake and relies predominately on carbohydrates, which are converted to glucose, which is the brain’s primary source of energy.

    Have you ever heard someone say, “I don’t like vegetables” or “Vegetables taste bad?” This is because of their comparison to processed foods, which cause similar levels of dopamine in the brain as addictive substances such as alcohol.

    But when we start eating a diet rich in whole foods, our dopamine levels become more stable and regulated, so we feel better without needing a processed food ‘fix.’

    Let’s start savoring each bite of the whole foods on our plate, knowing that the nutrient composition is working in our bodies to protect and serve us medicinally. I urge you to see if there are any community-supported agriculture (CSA) shares available near you, to support local farmers, and to eat more nutritious foods. Or look for a farmer’s market near you!

    Even if you still include processed foods in your diet, swapping some for whole food options can be life-changing, physically and mentally.

    Let’s stop poisoning ourselves and start healing ourselves.

  • The Simple Lifestyle Changes That Healed My Mind and Body

    The Simple Lifestyle Changes That Healed My Mind and Body

    “If you don’t give your mind and body a break, you’ll break. Stop pushing yourself through pain and exhaustion and take care of your needs.” ~Lori Deschene 

    When I collapsed that evening while fishing, I was fortunate not to land head-first into the water.

    It was April 2018, a few weeks before my fiftieth birthday, and after work, I decided to walk to the local pond and spend the remaining hours of light fishing.

    After a short time, though, I started to feel hot, a little lightheaded, and dizzy, and then the lights went out. I only blacked out for a second, but it was long enough to fall to the ground, and it scared the living you-know-what out of me.

    The next several months involved working with doctors who ran a number of tests to see what might have caused the event. With no one issue found that would explain the collapse, my primary doctor started asking about my lifestyle habits.

    She asked me to describe a typical week.

    I told her I got up early Monday through Friday, got to work by 8 a.m., and got home around 7 p.m. Except on nights when I went to visit my mom at the nursing home; then I got home around 9 p.m. unless she was in the hospital again, and then it was later. I’m her healthcare power of attorney, so when she goes to the hospital, I’m always there, too.

    On Saturdays, I’d wake up early, do the weekly chores, and run as many errands as possible by dinner time. Then, I’d eat, watch a few hours of TV, and go to bed.

    On Sundays, I’d get up early to finish any chores and errands, then spend the afternoon visiting my mom at the nursing home again, have dinner with her, and I would usually get back around 7 p.m., followed by a few hours of TV while doing some last-minute laundry, and then go to bed.

    She asked me how often I took vacations.

    My answer surprised me because I had never considered it before, but over the past five (or so) years, I have taken no vacations. All of my vacation and personal time accrued at work was either used up for doctor and hospital visits with my mom or because I was sick myself.

    She asked me about my hobbies and what I do for fun.

    I said I liked to go fishing for an hour or so when time permitted, but other than that, I really didn’t have anything else in my life. To be honest, this was a pretty humbling and embarrassing admission.

    She asked about my eating and exercise habits.

    My answer again surprised me: I did literally zero exercise, and I mainly ate based on cravings and convenience, which generally included high amounts of sugar and fat. Not to mention, I drink coffee all day at work and at home.

    She was polite in her delivery, but her message was stern as she explained the problem and resolution.

    Her assessment of the collapse I experienced had less to do with that one incident and more to do with a lifestyle that was more than my current mental and physical capacities could handle.

    Through years of neglect, she continued, my overall mental and physical health had declined. Those faculties needed to be built back up, which would require willpower on my part and time so nature could run its course to heal what was broken.

    She started listing all my problems, which included being overweight, having high blood pressure and terrible blood work, and feeling stressed out and tired all the time.

    I needed to start a daily regimen that included eating nutritiously and doing daily exercise. That did not surprise me.

    What surprised me was when she said I needed to fit more personal time for hobbies and activities into my week and more quiet time and rest into my days because both help our minds and bodies heal in different but essential ways.

    I nodded in agreement, and for the first few days, I did precisely that, but then the train flew off the tracks.

    Life happened, as it has a tendency to do, and I regressed back to my prior unhealthy ways. Instead of following my doctor’s advice, my routine started to center again around work, my mom, and doing chores.

    I felt tired, drained, and unhealthy all the time, but I stubbornly pushed myself through each day, somehow thinking (or maybe just wishing) that tomorrow would be better.

    Fast-forward about a year and a half, and COVID hit, and like everyone else, it added stress to my already overstressed life.

    My mind and body didn’t respond well.

    That’s when I started to have anxiety issues, and the associated panic attacks were so severe they landed me in the hospital several times over the next few months. These attacks became so repetitive that I started to have trouble leaving my home to go to work. Eventually, I even had difficulties going to the grocery store.

    I couldn’t believe I was so scared of the attacks that I couldn’t even leave home to get groceries.

    This was a low point for me. In fact, the lowest.

    During this time, my doctor told me point-blank that I needed to either get a handle on my lifestyle or start taking some medications for all this.

    As a related backstory, she knew I didn’t want to take medication. I’ve had depression most of my adult life (which, of course, added to all this) and, at one point, took medication to get it under control. I worked for a few years on managing that and was so happy when I was able to stop taking medication for it that I vowed I’d never take meds again (or at least it was going to be as a last resort).

    She stressed to me again how this was probably all fixable with some time and drastic lifestyle changes. I needed to stop doing so much each day, get more downtime, learn to be mindful of what my mind and body needed, and then be sure to provide those things so I could start to recover and get my health back.

    So I started to prioritize my health and wellness.

    First, I slowed down and started working fewer hours while focusing on maintaining productivity. I mostly accomplished this by not micromanaging people as much as I used to and spending less time on distractions like socializing by the water cooler.

    I started to prioritize my health by eating clean foods and exercising daily.

    I became a student of mindfulness, listening to what my body and mind needed and providing it daily. I tried my best to become a positive thinker, focusing on my own path, and stopped paying attention to others.

    My life became more about me, and I was stingy with my time.

    I pursued what made me happy, cutting out what didn’t. I reduced the time I spent using social media, reading, and watching the news and instead used that space for quiet time. I learned to use breathing exercises and simple stretching techniques to nurture a positive mindset.

    Instead of rushing around multitasking and trying to see how much I could get done, I focused on what needed to be done, ignored the rest, and only did one thing at a time.

    I now took breaks in between tasks.

    Most importantly, I started with small, realistic lifestyle changes and made only one or two new changes each day moving forward. This approach helped me maintain consistency while also improving and progressing in the following days, weeks, months, and years.

    In October 2020, I was more than seventy pounds overweight, I had high blood pressure and poor blood work, and I had trouble leaving my home to get groceries for fear of anxiety-induced panic attacks.

    In February 2022, I had lost seventy-five pounds, my blood work was perfect, my blood pressure and anxiety were gone, and leaving home was no longer a problem.

    I healed (and then some).

    At that time, I sold everything that didn’t fit into my (really nice) backpack. Now, I am slowly traveling Asia full-time as a digital nomad, starting a new career as a freelance writer.

    I share this journey with you for three reasons.

    First, as the quote at the beginning of the article suggests, if you don’t take care of your mind and body, the collective ‘you’ will eventually break. We are all wonderfully different, so how that plays out will vary, but minor issues left unchecked now can turn into more significant problems that are more difficult to fix later on.

    Second, if that does happen, don’t freak out. Just visit your doctor to get the professional help you need. Chances are, you just need to make lifestyle changes to turn things around. Our mind and body have amazing healing capabilities; we just need to get in tune with what they need and provide that daily.

    Third, there was a surprising life lesson in all this for me: When you learn to be mindful of providing your mind and body with what they need, you nurture an amazingly rewarding lifestyle.

    That’s because the process involves prioritizing what you need and what is important to you and choosing not to be concerned with everything else because they are distractions. This provides ample room for rest, quiet time, and everything else that replenishes and nourishes essential elements in your life instead of depleting and depriving you of them.

    What remains is a life filled with only the things you value and need, which, I must say, is pretty awesome.

    So don’t wait until things build up and hit you like a ton of bricks at once.

    Be mindful and pay attention to the signs that you are not feeling well along your way, mentally or physically, and then slow down to address those issues before moving on.

  • 8 Ways Life Improves When You Value and Prioritize Yourself

    8 Ways Life Improves When You Value and Prioritize Yourself

    “Every day, the world will drag you by the hand, yelling, ‘This is important! And this is important! And this is important! You need to worry about this! And this! And this!’ And each day, it’s up to you to yank your hand back, put it on your heart, and say, ‘No. This is what’s important.’” ~Iain Thomas

    As someone who believes in the healing power of self-care, I absolutely love this quote. But I didn’t always believe it was true. And it didn’t feel good to do it.

    My heart was too tender to be touched for long. And for years, it seemed to be empty. I didn’t feel pleasure. I didn’t feel passion. I didn’t feel love or hope or joy. I just felt numb from years of pain followed by years of suppressing my emotions with alcohol, food, and other anesthetics. And my feelings and needs didn’t feel important to me because I didn’t believe I was important.

    I suspect a lot of people are living some variation of this story, even if they’re not consciously aware of it. Because none of us get through our childhoods unscathed. And many of us go into adulthood with mounds of unresolved trauma, resultant low self-worth, and an arsenal of unhealthy coping mechanisms to keep the pain at bay.

    We don’t prioritize the things that we need to thrive because we’re too busy surviving.

    It would be easy to blame the world for dragging us by the hand, because it does—oh, how it does. There are bills to be paid, and requests to be honored, and all the million little things we feel we need to do and figure out before we can finally take a break and breathe.

    But we also drag ourselves all around, trying to do it all and be everything to everyone, because it’s easier than facing ourselves. It’s easier than facing our deepest pains.

    And it’s easier than acknowledging the truth—which would set us free if we could only admit and address it: We simply don’t value ourselves enough to prioritize ourselves.

    Maybe because we blame ourselves for pain from the past. Or because we don’t think we’ve accomplished enough to earn kindness and care. Or maybe because we’ve learned that good people put everyone else first, and we desperately want to be good people—loveable people. All were true for me.

    But I think that’s the point of the quote. That our most important work is to heal the wounds that cause us to devalue ourselves so we can then prioritize ourselves enough to figure out what we need to do to feel and be our best.

    For years I tried to make my life better, starting by making myself better, but nothing changed until I believed I deserved better.

    When you believe you deserve better, you commit to creating it, and you keep going when it’s hard because you know you’re worth it. And oh, how life expands when you do.

    When you start valuing and prioritizing yourself…

    1. You’ll start feeling calmer, more energized, and more fulfilled because you’ll be meeting more of your needs.

    The hardest thing about being the kind of person who puts everyone else first is that you never feel like you’re doing enough, even when you’re giving all you have. So you not only try to do everything you can for everyone else, but you also try to make them all comfortable and happy—which is impossible, so you generally feel neither.

    When you make yourself a top priority, you’ll figure out what you need to feel comfortable and happy first. And you’ll give yourself permission to do those things without carrying the weight of everyone else’s feelings and problems, as if it’s your responsibility to fix them.

    Then, instead of trying to fill your tank with quick-burning fuel of approval, you’ll fill it with the kind of things that truly nourish you, which, for me, includes movement, creativity, and time in nature.

    2. You’ll experience the joy of growing and exploring new possibilities as you invest in yourself and your potential instead of spending money on distractions that leave you feeling empty.

    When you decide that your top priority is to take care of yourself and your needs, you’ll feel more confident about investing in yourself—whether that means undergoing training for a more rewarding career or going to therapy to start healing from your trauma.

    Instead of spending your money on Band-Aids that barely cover your pain and overall life dissatisfaction, you’ll devote your time, energy, and resources to addressing those things so that you no longer feel the need to numb yourself.

    3. You’ll prioritize healing and feel more at peace with yourself, your past, and others as a result.

    As you work on healing from pains from the past, you’ll find it easier to forgive the people who hurt you. And because you value and want to honor yourself, you’ll recognize this doesn’t have to mean allowing them back into your life. It can simply mean releasing your anger and resentment toward them—which is a lot easier to do when they no longer have access to continually hurt you.

    Healing will also allow you to see your past through an entirely different lens, with a deeper understanding of who and what shaped you and more empathy toward the little version of you who always did their best and has always been deserving of love and respect.

    4. You’ll feel proud of yourself instead of ashamed because, through healing, you’ll be able to forgive yourself for things you could have done better and focus on doing better now.

    As you build that empathy for your younger self, you’ll also grow your empathy for your present self, and your relationship with yourself will transform. You’ll start to focus more on what you’re doing right than what you think you’re doing wrong, giving you more and more reasons to feel good about yourself.

    You’ll simultaneously find it easier to forgive yourself when you struggle, and you’ll start seeing your missteps as opportunities to learn instead of beating yourself up and stewing in regret. This means you’ll bounce back more quickly, with confidence in what you can do differently going forward, which will make it a lot easier to actually make those changes.

    5. You’ll feel more connected to yourself and start to trust yourself more as you make time and space to hear your intuition.

    When you start allowing yourself time to just be—releasing the pressure to constantly do and achieve—you’ll find it easier to hear the voice of your intuition. Which means you’ll get clearer insight into what might be good for you, in all areas of your life.

    As you act on this insight and see (at least some) positive results, you’ll develop a deeper sense of trust in yourself. Trust that enables you to make big decisions you might otherwise avoid in fear of making the “wrong” choice.

    You’ll also spend less time worrying about what other people think because it will feel far less relevant when you’re guided by what you know.

    6. Your relationships will become more of a source of pleasure than pain because you’ll set boundaries with people who hurt you and let them go if they refuse to stop.

    When you put your own peace, happiness, and well-being at the top of your priority list, you’ll start setting clearer boundaries about what’s acceptable in your relationships.

    You’ll also find the courage to speak up when someone crosses your boundaries because you’ll know that protecting your heart and your energy is worth the discomfort of confrontation.

    That’s not to say your relationships will always be effortless and fun. People will still stress and disappoint you, just as you’ll sometimes stress and disappoint them, because we’re all only human.

    But you won’t say, “No worries” when someone’s behavior fills you with fear or “It’s okay” when you know in your gut it’s not. And when someone disrespects or mistreats you for the umpteenth time, you’ll find the strength to say, “No more”—which means you’ll spend a lot less time justifying and recovering from their behavior and more time enjoying people who treat you well.

    7. Your days will feel more enjoyable and exciting because you’ll be using more of your time on things that matter to you.

    The more time and space you allot for yourself, the more energy you’ll be able to devote to the things that matter to you. The things that make you feel excited to be alive. Your passions and interests and new possibilities—or the pursuit of discovering what brings you joy if you have no idea what that might be.

    Because other people also matter to you, you’ll still devote time and energy to them, but you’ll know it’s okay if it’s notjust about them. That you can suggest things to do or places to go or ask for their support at times.

    This isn’t just about filling time you previously didn’t have available to you. It’s also about enjoying more of your time because you’ll no longer feel guilty about doing less for everyone else, or at least you’ll feel less anxious about it because you’ll know you’re honoring one of your top priorities—yourself.

    8. You’ll feel physically stronger, mentally clearer, and more emotionally balanced.

    When you address your needs, invest in your happiness and healing, and make choices to honor and support yourself, you’ll notice improvements in every aspect of your health—physical, mental, and emotional.

    Because instead of merely surviving as you deal with the varied consequences of neglecting and devaluing yourself, you’ll be thriving through the process of taking care good care of yourself.

    And it will become a self-perpetuating cycle—because you feel better, you’ll continually do better, and then feel even better as a result. Unlike the opposite cycle that might be more familiar—when you feel bad, continually do things you feel bad about, and then feel worse as a result.

    This doesn’t mean you’ll always feel great and will never struggle again. You’ll still be human, after all. But you’ll feel a lot more confident in your capacity to get through your difficult times and make the best of every hardship you face because you’ll be acting from a stable foundation of inner strength forged through self-support and care.

    —

    Maybe you’ve already experienced some of these things. And maybe, like me, you feel like the path to valuing and prioritizing yourself has often been a journey of two steps forward and one step back—or one step forward and two steps back.

    Maybe some days you set boundaries and other days you suppress your needs in fear. Maybe some days you make time for exercise and meditation, and other times have one too many glasses of wine because it’s easier than feeling your feelings, or acknowledging what you really need to do or change to feel better.

    Healing isn’t a linear process. We grow, we stumble, we disappoint ourselves, then hopefully forgive ourselves so we can get back up and try again, one small step at a time.

    The important thing is that we keep taking those steps, even if we get knocked down for a while.

    That we try to face our pains instead of numbing them. Honor our needs instead of ignoring them. Acknowledge the things that aren’t working instead of settling on them. And most importantly, continually challenge the voice within that tells us we need to do or be more to be worthy of love and care.

    Once upon a time I thought my heart was numb because of everything that had happened to me. Then I realized that was the past, and I was the one numbing it in the present by treating myself worse than anyone else ever had.

    I only came alive when I stopped telling myself I didn’t matter and started working on believing I did—which started with treating myself like I did. One loving act of self-care at a time.

  • How My Wellness Passion Was Actually Destroying My Health

    How My Wellness Passion Was Actually Destroying My Health

    “Your body holds deep wisdom. Trust in it. Learn from it. Nourish it. Watch your life transform and be healthy.” ~Bella Bleue

    It didn’t fit. I zipped, tugged, and shimmied, but the zipper wouldn’t budge. I was twenty-three, it was my college graduation, and the dress I had bought a month ago would not zip.

    As I stood there crying in the mirror, riddled with exhaustion, anxiety, vulnerability, and sheer overwhelm, I wondered what was happening to my body. In just one month I had gained thirty pounds. I was having one to three panic attacks a day. Everything I ate made me sick, and no matter how much I worked out, I only felt worse.

    I was graduating with a degree in clinical nutrition, yet my health was the worst it had been in my entire life. The world was supposed to be my oyster, yet I couldn’t leave the house.

    I used to tell people all the time that my “passion” was health. I started my first fitness program when I was nine. Tried my first diet at the age of thirteen.

    Since that day on, health and wellness were all-consuming thoughts—to the point that I got a degree in clinical nutrition and became a certified personal trainer and Pilates instructor.

    But maybe the problem was that my passion for health was actually an obsession.

    In an effort to be fit, happy, and well, I became a victim of marketing and manipulation of “wellness and diet culture.”

    Everywhere you turn, there is marketing for wellness and finding your “best health.” Whether it is using fasting to regulate blood sugar, drinking adrenal cocktails to reduce stress, or only eating organic and non-processed foods.

    And even if you end up doing it “right,” the next day you are wrong because there is some new trend or hack that is being pushed. This can leave your head spinning and, in the end, it only disrupts your relationship with yourself, with nutrition, and with fitness.

    It was on that day that I vowed to chase true health. Here are three lessons that I have learned along the way.

    There is no one-size-fits-all approach when it comes to nutrition and fitness.

    You are unique. You have a unique medical history, genetic makeup, environment, and lifestyle that all influence how you and your body respond to nutrition and exercise.

    This is known as bio-individuality.

    So there is no one RIGHT way to do things. You might respond well to eating lower carb due to a history of insulin sensitivity.

    You might respond better to heavier weight training due to your muscle fiber makeup.

    You cannot put yourself in a box and try to copy and paste success. You have to honor what your body needs and nourish it accordingly.

    I find that my body does best when I eat carb meals and lift heavier weights. I also feel my best when I eat every three hours.

    I find that my body shows increased signs of stress when I do high-intensity workouts. And it rejected any attempt I made at intermittent fasting or eating lower carbs.

    Finding what works for your body is how you unlock your best self.

    But whatever you choose, you must enjoy doing it. Because if you do not enjoy the process, if it does not make you feel good, if it does not add to your life and promote your best self….

    … it will be impossible to stick to it long term.

    It’s about what you can ADD to your life, not restrict.

    Nutrition is the science of providing nourishment to your body to sustain life. Food is the fuel that your body uses to keep you alive and thriving.

    Movement is medicine that gives you the strength to take on anything that comes your way.

    It is not about restricting, cutting out, or depriving yourself. When you approach it from this mindset, it promotes negativity, it fosters the development of a negative self-image, and it cultivates a culture of guilt.

    And no one—absolutely no one—feels good in this type of environment. Instead, think of what you can add to your life and body to enrich it.

    I love to eat nachos; I enjoy them every week. Instead of restricting them, I add protein to ensure they are a balanced meal.

    You might love to enjoy dessert every evening. A great way to enhance this is to add a delicious fruit with your dessert. Or you can take a walk after your meal to help regulate your blood sugar.

    This approach stems from a place of love, support, and encouragement, which makes it much easier to sustain for life.

    You can be all-in without being all-or-nothing.

    I used to feel so much guilt when my life responsibilities disrupted my workout routine. I would obsess over the missed workout, thinking it would end my progress, and then I would try to find ways to “make it up” later.

    There is so much pressure on remaining consistent, which is critical to success.

    But do not confuse consistency with perfection.

    Perfection is trying to take this structure or “formula for success” and cramming it into your life without any flexibility. Like saying you “have to work out five times a week” or you “can’t eat out.”

    Consistency is learning how to shift your goals and your intention to match what is happening in your life at any given time.

    Life always has seasons of highs and lows. That is the beauty of it.

    There will be times where you have the energy and intention to be consistent and even chase insane growth for your health goals.

    Then there will be times where life is calling you elsewhere, so while you are still prioritizing your health, you need to shift how you show up.

    Learning how to adapt your health goals and intentions across these phases is how you get long-term success.

    Consistency is showing up in the stress. Even if this means doing less than you hoped, you still did it.

    Perfection is showing up for ten days in a row then quitting when you miss a day.

    An all-in mindset is much better than an all-or-nothing mindset.

    If twenty-three-year-old me could see me now, she would be in awe. Her jaw would drop because even though I’m not doing everything “right,” I’m doing everything right for me.

    Your health does not have to be as complicated as it sometimes feels. You don’t need a fancy supplement, the latest trend, or another unrealistic habit.

    It really comes from creating a lifestyle around what makes you feel your best and happy.

    Because you can have the perfect health for yourself without losing yourself in it.

  • The Epiphany That Freed Me from My Body Obsession

    The Epiphany That Freed Me from My Body Obsession

    “Your body is precious. It is your vehicle for awakening. Treat it with care.” ~Buddha

    What is the first thing that comes to mind when you hear or see the word fitness? Do you think of an Olympic power lifting athlete, gymnast, or swimmer? The way we interpret and respond to the word fitness is a driver of physical health, but also our mental health.

    From a young age I associated health with fitness, which, to me, meant fitter is better. Society fed me the image of perfection. And so the chase of fitness became a moving target that could never be achieved.

    “I am strong, I am healthy,” I thought. I saw my physique as evidence of my ever-improving health. My fatigue and sore muscles were the price to pay for optimal health, or so I believed.

    Friends, family, folks at the gym, even strangers reaffirmed me by complimenting me on my body. This fueled my desire to continue “improving” my fitness.

    Like a house, foundation cracks take time to become problematic. For a while the cracks may go unnoticed. But then one day, leaks from a heavy rain begin to appear.

    Swapping nutrition for calorie-dense meals. Chugging shakes void of any enjoyment. Eating was becoming a chore and was no longer guided by my hunger, but instead by the precisely calculated macro nutrients needed to ensure I was meeting my calorie requirements to grow my muscles.

    Physically, I looked good, but I didn’t feel good. “What is wrong with me?” I wondered. I began to search for answers.

    Did I have low testosterone? Were there chemical imbalances that could be blamed for my insomnia, low mood, irritability, and anxiety?

    We hear these things all the time: Exercise your way to a better mood! Exercise helps you sleep! A fit body equals a fit mind!

    I ignored the cracks in the foundation for a while. It was easy given all the positive feedback I was receiving. I kept lying to myself: “This is happiness. I am happy!”

    I travel a lot. I enjoy seeing other cultures and meeting people. However, travel previously presented a problem: deviation from my exercise routine, thus derailing my goal of improved fitness.

    Even preparing for a trip became problematic. I’d find gyms at my destination and ensure the schedule or itinerary could accommodate.

    I never considered that I had an underlying issue as it related to my exercise, fitness, and physique because, again, society and everyone around me were telling me I was healthy in spoken and unspoken ways.

    The Cracks Begin to Worsen

    Fitness is not exponential. In fact, it is quite the opposite. “Gains” are more easily acquired when starting out and have diminishing returns as time passes. Despite knowing this concept from a biological perspective, logic didn’t win the day.

    Eventually, my time and energy yielded fewer tangible results. Maintaining what I had built took diligent planning in terms of nutrition and other activities. Simply stated, my physique started to rule my every move.

    Still naïve to the reality of what was going on, I decided my hormones must have been out of whack. While my testosterone was on the low end, it wasn’t terribly out of range. Even still, I decided to leap into the world of TRT (testosterone replacement therapy) in hopes that this would give me the boost I needed. (Note: This was under the supervision of a physician.)

    Again, the external affirmations began to flow. But something else happened, something more serious. I began paying the price for this new boost in the form of side effects.

    Insight: The Side Effect I Needed

    By now my life was entirely run by my desire for more “fitness.” But I began to wonder, “Do I really want to do this for the rest of my life?” I then experienced somewhat of an epiphany.

    The side effects and challenges with TRT served as a desperately needed wakeup call. I began to scrutinize my goals. I asked, “Are these goals serving me as a whole person? How could I have gotten so far off course? How did my passion for fitness and my desire for self-improvement lead me here? What am I doing to my body?”

    I realized with crystal clarity that I had conflated fitness for health and wellness. And more importantly, I started to understand that “fitness” should not be achieved at the expense of emotional and mental wellness. Fitness does not equal health.

    For some this might sound like a no-brainer. I knew that anxiety disorders and obsessive/compulsive disorders exist. What I didn’t know is that the phenomenon I was experiencing is far more prevalent than one can imagine.

    Blurred Lines

    We are fed from a very young age that fitness means strong, fast, and powerful, and that fitness is something you can see. My goodness, this couldn’t be farther from the truth.

    We are told to exercise and that exercise is good. And exercise is good, in moderation. However, unhealthy exercise is increasingly becoming problematic for a significant number of people worldwide. The obsession of supranormal musculature has gone from nonexistent to shockingly prevalent over the past half century.

    The line between healthy exercise and too much is often blurry because, on the surface, fitness looks healthy. We look at someone with a six-pack and think, “Oh, they’re healthy,” when in reality we have absolutely no way to holistically determine someone’s health just by looking at them.

    As I mentioned before, the calorie-stuffing and arguably obsessive-compulsive behaviors around eating take place at alarming levels in the “fitness” world.

    Body dysmorphia comes in many shades and is defined as a mental health condition where a person spends an excessive amount of time worrying about their appearance (Mayo Clinic).

    Accepting that I suffered from body dysmorphia was both freeing and disappointing. Freeing because I was no longer blind to the true source of my difficulties. Disappointing because I felt powerless on so many levels.

    Somewhere along the line the fruits of my exercise had become a source of validation for my worth and existence. Sure, being strong and fit is good, but at some point, that goal was 100 miles behind me.

    My New Perspective

    The side effects served as my awakening, and it was time to get to work. I know first-hand, from my work, that changing one’s perspective, though difficult, is doable. So I made it my mission.

    This process was slow. Relearning is as much biological as it is emotional in that creating new neurocircuitry doesn’t happen overnight.

    I started to conceptualize fitness as more than the summation of strength or speed. What if I include what I can’t see: how I feel, physically and emotionally?

    I reassessed my values and started making sure my goals were in sync with them.

    This new way of thinking demanded that I approach fitness and self-improvement from the inside out, not the outside in. The driving goal became a desire to feel whole, content, and enough.

    Before, I felt physically drained and fatigued. Emotionally, I felt empty, shallow, and lost. My motivation was external. My relationship with my body was one of disrespect.

    It took time, but I am now able to see physical activity in a new light—as a way to keep my body operating optimally. My relationship with food is driven by my desire to fuel my temple, to connect with nature as a sustaining source of life, and to replenish and nourish my life.

    Where I am Today

    I push myself physically, but not in the same way as before. Today, my body is my temple. I exercise several times a week, but I listen closely to my body’s whispers. Soreness and fatigue are signals that it is time for rest.

    I believe fitness is the byproduct of health, not the driving force. To me, fitness is not the reflection in the mirror. Fitness is how I feel physically and emotionally. Fitness is feeling whole.

    The improved relationship I have with myself is proving to be worth it many times over. My relationships with those close to me have improved. I feel at ease in the company of others because I’m not waiting for their affirmation to boost my self-worth.

    I know there will be good days, weeks, and months along with bad. But now that I have had a taste of stillness and peace, I am confident the good will outweigh the bad.

    My body is my best friend. I now treat it as such.

  • Forever Healing: 4 Things I Now Prioritize After Cancer

    Forever Healing: 4 Things I Now Prioritize After Cancer

    “I have come to believe that caring for myself is not self indulgent. Caring for myself is an act of survival.” ~Audre Lorde

    I’m a year out after completing chemo treatment for non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma and on my healing journey. Cancer is a nasty little thing and can rear its ugly head at any time again. So, to minimize those recurrent chances and to feel like I’m doing all that’s in my control, I’ve accepted that this healing path will be for the rest of my life.

    I originally thought I’d be spending this first year rebuilding myself. And I have. However, I now see that this is a forever life path. Healing is a daily intentional practice, and I am on its continuous road.

    Being proactive by incorporating healthy practices into one’s life isn’t a guarantee against illness, but it at least makes us feel like we’re taking charge and doing all that’s in our control to ward off disease and optimize our health and well-being.

    I began exercising more than thirty years ago when my ex-husband moved out to begin divorce proceedings. My friend Gloria came by one day and pushed me to go to the local gym. She said it would be good for me. “Okay, I’ll try it out,” I said, “but I don’t think it’s for me.”

    Well, fast forward… exercise became a life practice. Over the years my basement became home to a treadmill, stationary bike, free weights, a trampoline, bars, and a balance ball. The local gym is also my place of exercise, as is the boardwalk and nature trails. Like brushing your teeth and taking a shower, exercise is a daily living activity.

    Healing encompasses a lot of factors. Sometimes it can feel overwhelming. Good enough must become a mindset and motto so we don’t beat ourselves up over occasional off days.

    So what goes into a healing path?

    Exercise is a must and a biggie.

    Since that’s been a permanent structure in my life, I don’t have to work on that one. Like a tree trunk, it’s rooted deep in my ground. When the walking, biking, weightlifting, yoga postures, hoola hooping, or trampolining don’t take place for a few days, my body calls out, “Move me, twist me, stretch me, strengthen me.”

    I have now added a new piece to my exercise: HIIT (high intensity interval training). Twenty minutes of HIIT a few times a week is indicated as an anti-cancer workout. And my dream and goal of ballroom dancing is being realized once again, as I’ve excitedly resumed my lessons that I started shortly before I was diagnosed. Movement comes in many forms.

    Contemplative practices are inner forms of reflection and calming activities.

    Meditation and breathing exercises, journaling, and time in nature are all soothing and quiet activities, bringing us back to ourselves. We listen to and feel what’s inside, what may be bubbling up, what our gut is telling us. We put aside the external distractions to promote the engagement of our calming parasympathetic nervous system.

    For, as we all know and feel, as our anxiety levels have skyrocketed, we live on high alert all the time, fighting off the invisible tigers, as our fight-or-flight response is continuously engaged. We don’t have to be a guru meditator, but giving ourselves a few minutes a day to just be, sitting in quietude and breathing deeply, is a natural antidote to stress and a huge release of cortisol. And as we know, stress is a big contributing factor in illnesses.

    Our lives are lived in a state of perpetual busyness and hecticness as we push ourselves toward productivity and perfection; therefore, we must prioritize activities that counter that busyness and bring us back to our selves. We oftentimes want to drown out our pain with distractions and busyness, but it catches up with us one way or another.

    Eat to live becomes a mindset for a lifestyle of healthy eating.

    We are gifted with a body that requires food to function well. As I am not a nutritionist, I’m not dishing out dietary advice. My new level of healthy eating is nature’s foods and limiting inflammatory, processed foods and sugars.

    Before cancer, I had always been a big ‘nosher.’ Entenmann’s cakes, cookies, potato chips, Dr. Pepper soda, and ice cream were my after-dinner desserts. I cut most of this out years ago when I got ulcers and had reflux and irritable bowel.

    One of my best takeaways from my trip to the Amazon was our hiking guide in the jungle, who said, “The jungle is our supermarket and pharmacy.”

    The people there, as in many poorer countries, have very low rates of cancer and heart disease. Their food is plant-based, along with some fish and meat. And look at the Blue Zones, the places in the world where the people live the longest and healthiest. Those purple potatoes go a long way for them.

    Making intentional food choices becomes a habit, giving ourselves the good stuff to fuel our body. This can be a harder part of the lifestyle to keep up with, as food preparation and shopping become a focal point. And for someone like me who’d rather be anywhere but the kitchen, this is definitely more difficult. It is an ongoing process for me.

    The bigger purpose and mindset keep me on track. My guiding mindset is this: My body took care of me through my chemo treatment, and now it is my duty, in gratitude, to take care of it. I am paying it back for how it kept going and didn’t break down; it didn’t break me. So I look to feed it well.

    I’ve upped my healthy eating to another level. My one square of dark chocolate each day satisfies my chocolate craving, and it has no sugar. I’ve developed a taste for this 100% dark chocolate. Practice and repeat. And whereas I used to choke down one piece of broccoli or asparagus, I now eat many pieces with my meal. Yay to baby steps of becoming more of a vegetable eater!

    Inner psychological work is a new one for me.

    I’ve been to numerous therapists throughout my adult life to deal with different circumstances, but now my therapy has taken on a whole new level and direction. During my treatment, I knew I wanted some type of support but did not want to join any support group or go to regular therapy again. I found, on this site actually, a creative arts therapist with whom I’ve been doing therapy like never before.

    My goal, besides coping through the chemo treatments, was healing myself from the inside out. I had an intuitive sense that I needed to clear out my whole gut and center area of my body where the lymphoma had appeared. Get rid of the cobwebs that had taken root in there and work through past resentments, upset, anger, hurt, and all the rest of those toxicities.

    Art, instincts, and unconscious work were all at play in this therapy, and continues today; uncovering and working through stuff that I never looked at like this.

    —

    This is my new life, beyond the simple wording of self-care. It’s focused and purposeful care of body, mind, heart, and soul.

    It’s work, but after a while it feels really good to be doing this with the big purpose of optimizing our well-being so we can live our best life.

  • 3 Things I Learned About Healing from an Autoimmune Diagnosis

    3 Things I Learned About Healing from an Autoimmune Diagnosis

    “To truly heal, we need to create a healing space—physically, emotionally, and spiritually.” ~Lynn Keegan

    Growing up, I never understood the importance of taking care of myself. I thought my body was invincible, and I treated it quite poorly. I stayed up late, I ate out a lot, I partied, and didn’t have a care in the world.

    In my early twenties this all began to shift for me. I began experiencing all types of symptoms. My body was doing things I was embarrassed to share with anyone.

    I started having eight to ten bowel movements per day, I was afraid to eat anything, and I lost twenty pounds in the span of two weeks. I was confused and scared as to what was happening to my body.

    After missing countless days at work and taking countless trips to the doctor’s office, I was eventually given a diagnosis.

    In February of 2012, I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease, which is an autoimmune disease with no official cure. It causes inflammation and issues with digestion. It can affect the physical body anywhere from the esophagus down to the colon.

    As if being told you have a disease with no real cure wasn’t enough, my doctor found precancerous cells in my colon. This meant I was at high risk of having to get my colon removed. I was in my early twenties at the time, and my doctor mentioned he had never seen a case so severe in someone my age.

    I faced a lot of resistance with this at first. I was caught up in my old ways of life, not really having to care about my body. I continued to punish my body through my old habits of drinking, smoking, and eating an unhealthy diet.

    I’m sure you can imagine that this got me nowhere. Things weren’t getting better, and I finally realized that no one was coming to save me. It was up to me to turn this situation around.

    This is when I started what I like to call “my path of un-doing.” I began to step into unknown territory—health, wellness, and taking care of myself.

    Step by step, I started adopting healthier habits. It started with physical activity, which naturally led me to eating a healthier diet. I started to see improvements with my symptoms and knew I could discover how to heal even further.

    I started to explore my mental health. I had been through a stressful situation prior to my diagnosis and was dealing with energetic blocks because of this. I was able to work through these blocks with modalities such as yoga, meditation, journaling, and reiki.

    It didn’t happen overnight, but eventually my symptoms decreased from all of the work I was doing. Fast forward to today, and I’ve now been in remission of Crohn’s disease for the last six years. I was very lucky that I never had to get my colon removed, and I’m thankful for that every day.

    If you are dealing with a serious illness and are having a hard time right now, here are three takeaways I learned from my own experience with illness that will help you move forward on your healing journey.

    1. Focus on a holistic approach.

    When I first started my journey, I only focused on the physical side of things, nutrition and movement. I also followed my doctor’s protocol and took the medications he prescribed. These changes helped to some extent, but there was still something missing.

    I needed to work through energy blocks I was experiencing from my past. I needed to find healthy ways to cope with stress. I needed to find ways to work through challenging emotions that came up along my healing journey.

    This situation taught me that we are more than just our physical selves. We are multidimensional beings, and because of this need to focus on the mental, emotional, and spiritual sides of ourselves as well.

    Meditate and journal daily to tune in with your emotions and clear out blocks. Get clear on your why so that when motivation trickles down on challenging days, you have a strong drive to keep moving forward. Spend more time in nature to help regulate your nervous system.

    Healing requires a holistic approach. There is no shame in taking medication, but it’s important to not rely on this alone. Focus on making shifts with your entire lifestyle to support yourself the best way possible.

    When you focus on nurturing all aspects of the human being you are, you take your healing journey to a whole new level.

    2. Be patient with yourself.

    Your symptoms didn’t show up overnight, so you can’t expect them to go away that quickly either.

    Healing takes time, dedication, and consistency. There were many times along my journey where I felt like giving up, or that my efforts weren’t paying off. I kept going anyway.

    Some days you will feel like you’ve made major progress, and some days you will feel like you took five steps back. This is a normal part of the process. When you feel like you aren’t getting anywhere, take a break and reconnect with your why to help you regain momentum.

    3. Celebrate the small wins.

    It’s easy to get swept up in the “all-or-nothing” approach when you’re first starting your healing journey. The problem with this approach is that it isn’t easy to sustain it long-term.

    The key to long-lasting results along your journey is taking small actions every single day. It’s the small changes you make every day that eventually lead to change and transformation.

    Find something to celebrate every single day, no matter how big or small. This is going to help you stay positive about your journey and will help you build a new lifestyle for yourself that is actually sustainable.

    Dealing with a life-changing illness is overwhelming and it can feel like no one understands what you’re going through. Trust that you are not alone on your journey and that you can make your way out of this. Your body was designed to heal, it just needs the proper environment to do so!

  • How I Finally Starved the Disorder That Was Eating Me Alive

    How I Finally Starved the Disorder That Was Eating Me Alive

    “If we are ready to tear down the walls that confine us, break the cage that imprisons us, we will discover what our wings are for.” ~Michael Meegan

    It’s weird, isn’t it? One day you’re playing hide and seek with friends without a worry beyond the playdate you’re having or dinner options for that night. But in a blink, those carefree days vanish. That’s what happened to me, and my teenage years started ticking away right in front of my eyes. Eleven, thirteen, fifteen, seventeen, nineteen…

    And a realization hit me: “It’s still eating me alive.”

    Maybe it wasn’t as severe as it was before, and I wasn’t underweight anymore, but I still needed control.

    Let me give you a little background about myself to provide you with some context. At the age of ten, I moved to the United States with my family. These big changes caused a lot of insecurity, impostor syndrome, and anxiety within me. I needed a way to become “better,” to “fit in,” and to control what was happening.

    It was impossible for me to suddenly turn into a cute, fun, skinny, blonde cheerleader. So I innocently turned to something that made me feel in control. If I could start “eating healthier” and “becoming the best version of myself,” I thought, I would finally fit in. Little did I know that this decision would haunt me for a long time to come.

    I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa at twelve. I turned thirteen in the hospital. I even refused to eat my own birthday cake. I moved on to residential treatment, a partial hospitalization program, and then outpatient.

    After a year of treatment, I had checked all the boxes and jumped through all the hoops, and I was finally “recovered.”

    On the outside, I was a success story—weight restored, eating again, and out of treatment. But inside, the disorder still maintained a relentless grip in subtle ways I couldn’t ignore.

    No, I wasn’t crying over a handful of cashews, but I was counting exactly how many went into my mouth. I would go on midnight ice cream runs with my friends, but quickly search for nutritional information and get the flavor with the lowest calories.

    Even though I didn’t want sorbet, I got it. Even though I wanted a medium, I got a small. Even though I wanted sprinkles like everyone else, I wouldn’t get them.

    You get the point. The carefree joy of picking a flavor based on taste and intuition was gone.

    At times I’d think that maybe I was still not fully recovered… then a voice would interrupt, “SNAP OUT OF IT. You are fine. You ate ice cream, so you couldn’t possibly be sick. You are just practicing self-control.”

    And just like that, I’d be back in this hypnotic state. I’d repeat the cycle over and over again. Once again, the disorder would take a bite into my enjoyment and precious memories.

    I eventually realized that this disorder doesn’t care about what type of hold it has on you. As long as it is still alive and gripping onto you in some manner, it is happy.

    Every single time I give in, YOU give in, the disorder is fed and empowered.

    Whether that means not putting on the extra bit of sauce you want because it “isn’t necessary” or intermittent fasting because of “digestive issues,” it doesn’t care.

    I believe there are so many relapses in recovery for this exact reason. Because it is hard to completely let go.

    In time, I became aware of all the different little ways the disorder could manifest itself. I realized that this disease I thought had lasted five years was still present and would continue leeching off me for life if I didn’t do something about it.

    I’m going to share with you the process that helped me starve my eating disorder and loosen its grip on every aspect of my life.

    If we don’t fully let go and don’t resist all those little temptations we give in to, they start compounding and, like a virus, the disorder spreads and grows.

    So how did I finally starve it?

    This is the process I followed daily.

    1. Reflect

    Take time to reflect on your past and recognize all the small ways the disorder has shown up in your life. I suggest writing everything that comes to mind. You’ll likely identify scenarios you hadn’t thought twice about at the moment and in hindsight realize the disorder was controlling you. Identifying all the ways it sneaks in will help you recognize the patterns while they are happening.

    Write everything down. Even if it seems insignificant. From not adding extra cheese to your spaghetti to ignoring hunger in the morning, write it all down.

    One thing that helped me was comparing my present behaviors to my younger self’s. “Would younger Sophi add extra cheese to her pasta?” If she would, then so do I. Sounds silly, but try it out.

    Also, reflect on times you may have used food restriction or bingeing behaviors to avoid or “stuff down” difficult emotions like loneliness, anxiety, shame, or disappointment. Instead of facing those feelings, the disorder offered an unhealthy coping mechanism. Now that you have awareness, you can work on identifying the core issues or needs beneath those emotions so you can address them in a healthy manner. Rather than stuffing feelings down or starving yourself, get to the root and nurture yourself properly.

    2. Redirect

    Now that you are conscious of the behaviors, I want you to do something. Each time you recognize the disorder sneaking in, ask yourself “Am I going to feed it? Or myself?” You can’t do both. They are literal opposites.

    If you ask this question, it creates friction. Friction gives you the chance to decide consciously rather than engaging in the automatic behavior you are used to.

    Keep in mind that feeding yourself may be in a physical and literal way. But other times it simply means choosing to feed a hobby you enjoy, a relationship you want to develop, or a goal you want to achieve. This disorder drains your energy and sucks the life out of you. Energy and life you could be pouring into YOURSELF.

    You get to choose. Are you going to engage in conversations with your loved ones? Or think about how you are going to compensate for the dinner you ate?

    3. Repeat

    As much as I would love to tell you this is a one-time thing, it isn’t. You have to constantly repeat this process and not beat yourself up because of slip-ups.

    This is like any other habit. If you have been practicing it for years, it is a neuropathway in your brain. So you have to forge another healthy and helpful pathway, which is done through repetition and consistency. Years of reinforcing behavior will take time to change, so be kind to yourself.

    While completely eliminating behaviors associated with your disorder may seem impossible, consistently choosing recovery over disorder is the goal. Even if you experience setbacks, make the choice to feed your true self rather than the disorder as often as possible. Keep being resilient and trying again. With time and practice, choosing yourself will become more natural. But you have to keep making that choice, even when it’s difficult. Feed your spirit, feed your dreams, feed your life.

    Just like one of my dietitians told me, “Your eating disorder will stay alive as long as you let it.” I know it doesn’t seem like it sometimes, but you are actively choosing. I invite you to choose FULL recovery and destruction of your eating disorder.

    I don’t mean to learn how to function and co-exist with it, but to destroy it.

    Enjoying every ice cream outing with friends, saying yes to a coffee run, and letting yourself be intuitive and authentic.

    I knew a friend years ago whose mom struggled with an eating disorder when she was younger. At the time, the family felt she was recovered like she had overcome the beast. Looking back now, I realize the eating disorder still gripped her life in subtle ways.

    She skipped family dinners because cooking made her “full.” She viewed extreme dieting as a hobby, not the unhealthy compulsion it was. All this to say, now I realize, years later, she was still controlled.

    Without intentional healing, those ingrained patterns persisted, slowly impacting her family as well.

    For example, her daughter began mimicking her mother’s disordered eating habits and extreme dieting rules, developing body image issues and an unhealthy relationship with food at a young age. The mother’s fixation on calorie counting and skipping family meals also disrupted bonding time, as she isolated herself and couldn’t enjoy family dinners or holidays.

    I encourage you to write your “why” lists. Why is recovery worth fighting for? What makes you want this? Is it your future family or your goals, or are you simply sick of living under the rules of the disorder?

    It takes energy and strength to constantly fight it, but the less you feed it, the weaker it becomes. The weaker it gets, the fuller your life becomes and the stronger and happier you get. You deserve to live freely and fully, without shame or restrictions holding you back.

    I believe in you!

  • How Toast Changed My Life and Helped Me Stop Bingeing

    How Toast Changed My Life and Helped Me Stop Bingeing

    One day, toast changed my life.

    It was many years ago, when I was working as a personal trainer and nutrition and wellness coach.

    I spent my days helping people “get fit” and “eat healthy,” so of course I was always preaching about lifestyle changes, “healthy” eating, and “whole, clean, nutritious” food, while demonizing “processed” foods, as most others in those worlds do.

    Toast, at the time, was a big no-no. Especially toast made with white bread.

    That’s basically blasphemy in the “healthy eating” world, with two strikes against it. First, bread has carbs, which I learned, from Atkins in the nineties, were trying to kill me and making me gain weight. Second, it’s processed, and I learned from the “clean eating” world that processed food was also trying to kill me and making me gain weight.

    So I wasn’t allowed to eat toast for breakfast. Toast was bad. Especially if I paired it with butter and didn’t at least have protein with it.

    And there I was on this particular morning, standing at the counter buttering two pieces of *gasp, shock, horror* white bread toast for breakfast. With no protein.

    Because despite vowing to “get back on track” that day, a mere hour earlier when I woke up, I had already decided I’d start the next day instead because I didn’t want to eat what was on “the plan.” I wanted to have toast instead.

    You see, like many in the fitness and nutrition world, while I was preaching about clean, healthy, balanced meals to my clients, and trying so hard to stick to those rules myself, I was also a raging bulimic/binge eater.

    In fact, within four days of my first attempt at “clean eating,” I was a full-on bulimic.

    It got so bad that I was once hospitalized for a week and often went to bed feeling like I might die in my sleep because I’d eaten so much.

    I lived in what I call “on track” vs “off track” mode for many years. Many, many years.

    When I was “on track,” I ate meticulously “clean” and healthy.

    When I was “off track” I was bingeing and completely out of control around food.

    I could easily have concluded that I’d fallen “off track” that morning with the toast.

    But at that point, I had started working on understanding how my thoughts were contributing to my suffering, so I was in the very beginning stages of awareness.

    And there I was, standing at the counter, buttering toast and listening to my thoughts as I did so.

    They were horribly abusive, judgmental, and berating.

    “What kind of loser eats bread for breakfast? And white bread, even. It’s so bad. You’re such a screw-up. What’s the matter with you? You’re gonna be so bloated and gross. This isn’t going to build any muscle. You trained hard yesterday; you should be eating protein. God, you’re an idiot. You just promised you were going to be good today, and you’re screwing up again already. All you ever do is screw up.”

    Then the voice started planning a trip to the grocery store for all the things we would buy to binge on the rest of the day—yanno, because “I’m such a stupid screw up already; may as well just eat everything today because I won’t be able to have any of it when I get back on track tomorrow.”

    The voice had our entire day of bingeing planned out, and then it started getting all judgy again.

    “You’re supposed to be having oats, eggs, and six blueberries. That’s a good breakfast. You’re never going to be able to stick to anything. Loser. Why are you broken? You’re going to get fat. What’s everyone going to think of you then?”

    (Yes, I used to actually have meal plans from my own coach with six blueberries in a meal—this is me rolling my eyes into oblivion.)

    Then, like magic, something switched in my brain, and another voice came charging in like a knight on a white horse and said, in a lighter, more compassionate tone, “Uhhm, dude. It’s just toast.”

    The first voice stopped in its tracks and was like… “Wait, what did you just say?”

    White knight voice: “I mean, it’s just f*cking toast. You don’t want oats and eggs this morning. You just want a couple of pieces of toast. Normal people eat toast for breakfast sometimes. Why have you decided you’re a horrible human just because you feel like a couple of pieces of toast for breakfast? That’s the silliest thing I’ve ever heard.”

    It was like someone in my head threw me a life raft of sanity.

    The first voice was a little taken aback for a second and needed to sit with that information before replying, ”Holy sh*t, you’re right!!”

    Instantly, all abusive thoughts were gone. And all thoughts about bingeing during the rest of the day were gone.

    I ate and enjoyed my two pieces of toast and went about my day in peace.

    A few hours later it was lunchtime. I realized I was starting to get hungry, which made me realize that not only had I not thought about food since breakfast, but I had forgotten that before breakfast I had been planning to go to buy binge foods.

    I forgot to binge.

    What?! How did I do that!?!

    It felt like a miracle. Normally, I was consumed with thoughts of food non-stop, and nothing in the world could stop a binge.

    So I wondered, hmm… can I use this new skill of just having what I want for lunch too? *Gasp.* Dare I?

    I asked myself what I wanted and felt like a sandwich.

    *Gasp again.* But that would be bread… twice …in one day. *The horror.*

    The white knight rolled in with the reminder: It’s okay to eat what you feel like eating.

    So I had and enjoyed a sandwich.

    A few hours later, the same thing—I noticed I was getting hungry and, again, I hadn’t thought about food since lunchtime.

    I don’t remember what I had for supper that night, but I just ate something normal, went to bed feeling fine, and contemplated the fact that I hadn’t wanted to binge after all.

    What was almost another day of bingeing on things that made me feel like garbage turned into a normal day of eating in peace and enjoying food.

    Because I took my power back.

    I shut down the voice in my head that had been programmed by our insane diet and healthy eating cultures. I reconnected with myself, trusted myself to decide what I wanted to eat, and allowed myself to eat whatever it was without shame or fear.

    That was the beginning of freedom, peace, and getting my sanity back.

    It was the beginning of healing not only my relationships with food and my body, but also with myself.

    It was the beginning of healing and creating truly healthy eating habits—habits that are rooted in love and trust rather than fear and restrictions.

    Before I’d be scared to buy bread because I didn’t trust myself with it.

    “Don’t keep the bad food in your house,” right?

    Back then, if I did have bread in the house, I’d eat the entire loaf in a day.

    Now, I can’t remember the last time I bought a loaf of bread, not because I’m scared of it, but because I simply don’t care about eating it anymore. The last couple of times I bought bread, I threw it away because it got moldy before I could eat it all.

    Obviously, complete recovery required more work than the one day with the toast, but it was definitely a pivotal moment.

    Because from that moment on, I stopped fearing and trying to control my food intake.

    Instead, I practiced connecting with myself, recognizing what I wanted to eat and, more importantly, understanding why I wanted it.

    If I was about to make a choice that I knew wasn’t in my best interest, I’d ask myself, why? Why was I making the self-destructive choices I was making?

    One of the biggest reasons I was stuck in those patterns with food was because I kept trying to “be good.”

    The fear and restrictions I’d learned were required to “eat healthy” were, in large part, causing the bingeing and feeling out of control around food.

    That’s why after I simply allowed myself to eat and enjoy the toast for breakfast, I didn’t binge and wasn’t consumed with thoughts of food the rest of the day.

    Here’s the thing: I’m not here to argue about what’s the healthiest or the best way for you or anyone else to eat (anymore).

    Because I know very well what a sh*tshow the world of nutrition science is, and I also know that our beautiful bodies are natural healers and communicators. They know what they need to feel their best, and they know how to communicate those needs to us.

    We just get so disconnected from them that we cannot hear (or trust) them anymore.

    And it doesn’t matter how perfectly healthy and “clean” you think you’re eating part of the time if the rest of the time is a complete train wreck—because you’ve been trying so hard to “be good” that you end up falling “off track” and start eating everything you can’t have when you start “being good” again.

    And carrying fear, shame, self-judgment, and criticism over the way you eat is a lot less healthy than just having a cookie or two when you feel like it.

    It’s incredibly harmful and unhealthy, in fact.

    Especially because when you start allowing yourself the cookies while working on uncovering why you want them in the first place, you eventually naturally stop caring about the cookies so much, in the same way I have with bread.

    The healthiest way for you to eat is whatever way best nurtures and supports not only your unique body, but also your mental and emotional health and your relationships with yourself, your body, and food. Nobody knows what that looks like for you better than you and your own body.

    And you can be trusted to decide.

    There is no binary, one-size fits all answer to “healthy” eating, and it’s not rooted in rules and restrictions.

    It’s rooted in love. Trust. And wholehearted being—being fully grounded in the knowledge of our own worthiness exactly as we are, while also being present, connected, curious, and intentional about our choices.

  • Releasing Fascia: A Simple Way to Reduce Tension, Pain, and Disease

    Releasing Fascia: A Simple Way to Reduce Tension, Pain, and Disease

    “Take care of your body, it’s the only place you have to live.” ~Jim Rohn

    I hear this happens to so many, but when it happens to you, it’s unsettling. I didn’t know what was going on with me, and I wasn’t getting any satisfying answers either.

    Most days were good, and I felt fine and went about my regular routine wearing my many hats: mother of two young kids, human mom to three fur babies, a household-manager-of-all-the-things and full-time dental hygienist. And then out of the blue, it could hit me like a ton of bricks… the backache, neck pain, jaw pain, tension headaches, and even migraines.

    I would wake up in the morning with tension or pain in my body, but I had no idea how it got there! Sometimes it was pretty intense too, It would drive me bananas because I couldn’t put my finger on the reason why.

    Didn’t do any yard work yesterday. Didn’t hurt myself. Didn’t trip or fall. Didn’t shovel snow the last few days either. It was so strange. I had no idea what was going on.

    I remember that the first time it happened, I was about thirteen years old. It was a summer morning, and I wasn’t able to get out of bed to go to my babysitting job. Another time, in my late twenties, my lower back seized as I was bent down shaving my legs, so I dropped to the floor unable to get back up. There were many times like these.

    When I had one of those unexplained episodes, I would feel off for a few days and then it would settle. Luckily for me, most days I just felt my regular minimal tension at night. It wasn’t intense, but it was enough for me to notice.

    Other times, I’d have migraines or tension headaches that would last for days at a time. It wasn’t fun for anyone, including my young family. I also felt guilty and stressed out with my list of errands getting longer by the minute. I wanted to avoid this at all costs because it would stop me in my tracks when it happened, and everyone around me suffered.

    During medical visits I was told I had muscle spasms, tension headaches, or migraines. And was told to relax (right!) or prescribed something for the pain or given a topical cream to rub on the affected area. It helped, but I still didn’t understand why it would happen out of the blue like that.

    In my circle, I was hearing things like: “Wait till you hit thirty or forty, that’s when all the problems start!” or “Wait ‘til you’re my age!’ or ‘Welcome to the club!” or my favorite one: “You ain’t seen nothing yet!” To be honest, it was upsetting and depressing to hear that things would get worse as I aged.

    Ever have an ultrasound, scan, or MRI only to be told that everything looked normal? That it must be muscular, or even worse, it’s all in your head? It’s a very frustrating diagnostic for most people, as they are left feeling puzzled and still looking for answers. They’re hoping to find anything that could help, to alleviate some of the pain and tension. They’ve done many things, but nothing seems to help…

    As it turns out, it’s all about fascia!

    What is FA-SH-EE-AH? It is a connective tissue in our body. Picture one continuous piece of a three-dimensional spider web, from head to toe. It’s a semi-opaque membrane, thicker in some areas.

    This tissue does not only wrap or divide our organs, muscles, and other body parts, like previously thought, but it actually interconnects every single one of our cells, all 100 trillion of them! Fascia is everywhere! It protects us, it supports surrounding tissues, and communicates with our entire being. It is the only system in the body that connects to every other system in our body.

    The magic of our precious fascia doesn’t stop here, as it also has a memory! It records our entire life, but it’s the traumatic events—the physical, repetitive, and emotional stresses (every fall, burn, bruise, surgery, repetitive movement), the viruses (hello, Covid!), and infections… plus unprocessed emotions, negative thoughts, limiting beliefs, and unhealthy habits and behaviors—that affect it the most. From the 3rd trimester in the uterus to our last breath, our fascia keeps track and memorizes everything.

    Our beautiful body does have the potential to auto-regulate, and so does our fascia. But we live in a world where productivity is a sport, our to-do lists are never-ending, and our over-scheduling is a badge of honor. This absolutely takes a toll on our body and mind! Therefore, our fascia doesn’t always release like it’s supposed to, and it starts accumulating tensions.

    Tight fascia, that is unreleased, clamps down on its surrounding tissues and gets worse with time. Left unreleased, it can get rock hard. Plus, since it’s like a 3D blanket, it starts affecting and pulling other parts of the body… just like when you tug or pull on a corner of a blanket, it pulls on the entire thing. The fascia in our body is the exact same!

    This is why the root cause of our symptoms may be coming from a completely different place in our body. And it explains why many therapies don’t work, as they treat the location of the symptom and not the cause.

    Bound fascia creates havoc on our health and wellness and has a domino effect on our body and mind. It impacts all our cells (every tissue that makes up the muscles, organs, bones/joints, and all the other systems).

    As an example, clamped fascia that is tight around and inside an organ (remember, fascia is in every cell) will affect this organ so much that it won’t be able to function properly.

    The pain in your neck that keeps coming back, your tight shoulder blades and digestive issues, could all be from tight fascia from that time when you fell off your bike when you were learning to ride at the age of five years old. Your fascia protected you in the fall, but it’s been tight all this time and is now pulling on your 3D fascia blanket.

    The TMJ issues you’ve been experiencing, the acid reflux, and reduced range of motion in your shoulder could be from when you had your appendix removed as a child. With scars, we only see a tiny scar on the skin, but inside, it’s an iceberg of adhesion and it’s pulling constantly!

    That nagging hip tension that’s been around for ages, the ringing in your left ear, and your weak bladder could all be from your high-risk pregnancy and stressful delivery. Those babies take up a lot of room, and our tissues should go back to their original place, but sometimes they don’t, and that starts pulling too! Not to mention the impact of all that stress of having a high-risk delivery; this too could very well be the root cause of your issues!

    Healthy fascia is the missing piece to health and wellness! A holistic approach is needed to release this complex tissue, which impacts us in so many ways. For optimal health, gentle movements are best to release bound fascia and relax your nervous system, which go hand-in-hand.

    If your intention is to release your fascia, you’ll want to avoid anything that is too intense or that jacks it up like HIIT, spinning, and marathons.

    Other than body work (osteopathy, energy work, massage), walking, swimming, yoga, and meditation are great options that you can do without an appointment. Every bit counts! Here are some things you can add to your daily routine to keep your fascia happy and pliable:

    First, stay hydrated! Drink water throughout the day. The general rule of thumb is to drink your weight in pounds, divided by two. That’s the number of ounces your body requires daily to function properly. Therefore, someone that weighs 200 pounds could benefit from drinking 100 ounces of water per day. Some exceptions apply, but for most people this is a good guideline. Remember, we are mostly water, and that includes our fascia!

    Stretching is a must! To stretch a muscle, it takes twenty to thirty seconds, but to stretch and release one layer of our dysfunctional fascia, it can take around three to five minutes, sometimes more.

    Yoga is a great fascia therapy, as it’s wonderfully designed around fascia lines; for example, downward dog stretches the posterior line of fascia. Thread the needle pose stretches the arm line. Fish pose stretches the anterior line.

    Hatha is the style of yoga that most of us think of when we picture yoga. Downward dog, warrior pose, child’s pose, lotus, to name a few poses, are all great options to try.

    In yin yoga, we hold the poses longer, about three to five minutes, which is long enough to release the fascia. That’s when all the magic happens! These poses are gentler. As we hold them, we can feel a little flutter or a soft release somewhere else in the body. It’s all connected!

    Another kind of yoga that is great for our fascia health is restorative yoga. This one is a very passive yoga done with many props. It’s all about supporting the body and feeling safe. This creates immense healing, as it activates the parasympathetic nervous system. It’s incredibly powerful and utterly relaxing! So, let’s not discredit this type of yoga because it’s more passive than the others. The benefits are exponential!

    EFT/Tapping Meditation is also a great option to release tension in our fascia. As we tap on specific acupressure points on meridians in the body (hint: meridian and fascia lines are in the same places!), we release stored unprocessed emotions, limiting beliefs, and negative thought patterns, which all impact our fascia.

    It’s an amazing body-mind release technique! Tapping also activates the vagus nerve, promoting rest and relaxation, which is what we want, as the happiness of your fascia depends on the state of your nervous system, and vise-versa.

    Fascia health is a journey, and it’s so worth it! Do yourself a favor and start releasing your fascia today. Caring for it has the best return on investment and undeniably impacts your health and well-being. You totally deserve it, and your future self will thank you!

  • Thinner is Not Better – Healthy, Connected, and Happy Is

    Thinner is Not Better – Healthy, Connected, and Happy Is

    “Standards of beauty are arbitrary. Body shame exists only to the extent that our physiques don’t match our own beliefs about how we should look.” ~Martha Beck

    I have so many women around me right now—friends, mothers, clients that are on a diet—constantly talking about their weight and how their bodies look, struggling with body image.

    I am profoundly sad about the frequency and theme of those discussions.

    At the same time, I deeply get it; it is hard to detach from our conditioning.

    I too struggled with body image at one point in my life, and for a very long time. I suffered from anorexia in my late teens and early twenties. I was skinny as a rail and thought I was not thin enough. I hated the way I looked. I was never perfect enough.

    I controlled my food intake as a way to regain control over my life, as a way to maybe one day be perfect enough that I might feel loved. I almost ended up in the hospital, as my weight impacted my health, physically and mentally. I had no period, no healthy bowel movement. I was so unhappy and depressed. I had no energy.

    The messed-up thing is that the skinnier I looked, the more compliments I received from a lot of people, from family to friends: “You are so slim and gorgeous.” To me, this just validated the way I treated my body—and myself—with control, self-criticism, and harshness.

    Then there were the magazines, showing skinny models, getting so much positive attention. I was obsessed. The more my body looked like those magazine pictures, the better; though I could never quite get to a point where I looked at myself in the mirror and liked what I saw. It was an endless circle of judgment, control, and unhappiness. 

    It took me many years to change the way I saw my body and debunk the standards created by “society” for women.

    For many years I bit my tongue each time I would hear other women around me comparing and judging their body size and shape, repeating the same narrative of needing to lose weight. These conversations felt like an unbearable ringing in my ears, a knot in my stomach, the story in my head of “I am not good enough.”

    I was in the process of creating a new set of standards for myself, of what it was to be a woman in this world, but the old stories were hard to escape and easier to follow because they were the gold standard. I did not have any role models of women out there, younger or older, loving their body just the way it was.

    There was a point, though, when it was just too draining. I noticed that it was not the striving to get to a perfect body that brought me love. What brought me love was being vulnerable, authentic, sharing my inner life, supporting others, having deep talks, being kind with myself and others, and doing the things I loved.

    From then on, I started to soften and release all those standards that had been gifted to me. I allowed myself to be okay with how my body looked, to enjoy food, to enjoy movement, to enjoy my body. I learned to truly love my body, and with that came a different type of respect: I learned to rest when my body was tired. I learned to eat really nourishing food. I learned to move every day in a way that was respectful to my body and that I enjoyed.

    Thinner is not better. Healthy, connected, and happy is.

    Practicing yoga helped me so much in embodying this new belief, and studying neuro-linguistic programming as well.

    The truth is we are “society”—all of us, women and men—which means we are the agents of change. So let’s pause, reflect, and choose new standards. Is this constant need to lose weight healthy or serving anyone?

    There are a few different things to separate and highlight here.

    If your weight negatively impacts your health or your life, if you feel heavy in an unhealthy way and can’t do the activities you’d like to do, that is a different story; and yes, please, take care of your body, through what you think will work best for you: exercise, nutrition, mindset, support.

    Your body is your vessel to experience life, so finding your way to a healthy body is a worthwhile investment. And daily movement and good nutrition will have such a positive impact on your vitality and health, physical and mental, so yes, go for it, with love, softness and kindness—no control, judgment, or harshness.

    But if you feel that your body is strong and healthy, but you don’t like the way it looks… I feel you. I was there. I felt the shame, the discomfort, the sadness, the feeling of not being good enough. Allow yourself to feel this pain. It is okay, and human nature, to feel concerned about your appearance. We all want to be part of the tribe, to be loved and admired.

    But then, ask yourself, is it me that does not like the way my body looks, or is it because of society’s beauty standards? Is it because of all the noise from my friends, constantly talking about weight and looks? Do I want to transmit those standards to the next generation? To my sons? To my daughters? Is it really the most important thing for us women, to look thin and good? Is this story serving us all? Is it love?

    No, it is not love, and it serves no one. Not the women suffering in silence because they believe their body is not slim enough. Not the partners of those women who can’t appreciate their true beauty and fullness. Not the daughters that will believe the same messages and suffer as well. Not the sons that will not know how to recognize beauty in its diverse shapes and forms. Not society as a whole, which will be robbed of having a happy, compassionate, loving, self-confident population.

    So let’s choose differently. Let’s celebrate our different body shapes and weights and strength. Let’s feel good and enjoy life, movement, and food without counting and restricting and denying love to our bodies and selves.

    Let’s stop talking about our weight constantly and find other ways to connect.

    Some might say that I am too slim to really speak about this subject, that I have it easy. This is not quite true. My body has changed so much throughout the years. I went from an ultra-skinny teenager and twenty-year-old with anorexia, to a healthy weight in my thirties, to ups and downs with weight throughout my two pregnancies and breastfeeding journeys. I have seen my body change quite a lot and have been judged for how I looked oh so many times. I have been judged for being skinny, or envied for being slim, and I have been judged for gaining weight.

    Today I am forty-three. My body is not as slim as it used to be. I have a bit of fat around my belly, and my breasts are not as round and firm as they once were, but I feel strong and healthy. And I am SO grateful for my body for enabling me to experience life so far, and for creating life and feeding life, that I don’t want to ever criticize or shame my body again.

    I have learned to love every scar, my stretch marks, my extra skin, because they are the witness of my life, my loves, my years.

    So thank you, body, for everything you allow me to experience.

    The alternative to loving my body—the constant internal criticism and self-doubt—is too draining.

    We, as humans, are society, so let’s change this conditioning. Let’s never transmit this idea of what a woman’s body should look like to our daughters, to our sons. Let’s invent a world where it does not matter what you weigh as long as you feel healthy and good within. Let’s change the chattering from what diet we are on to how our heart is feeling.

    Let’s celebrate bodies, in their diverse beauty and forms.

  • How I Got Healthy & Overcame My Food/Body Issues by Ignoring Conventional Advice

    How I Got Healthy & Overcame My Food/Body Issues by Ignoring Conventional Advice

    I was an award-winning personal trainer and nutrition and wellness coach for over eight years.

    I also spent close to three decades struggling with my own weight and food issues—trying to “stick to” diets and/or healthy eating and lifestyle goals. And many years struggling with binge eating, bulimia, and (what I thought at the time was) an uncontrollable sugar addiction.

    During the years I was working in the fitness and nutrition industry, whenever I’d get new clients, I’d find out what their health and fitness goals were, and I’d give them the perfect plan to help them get there.

    And I made sure to remind them, it’s not a diet, it’s a lifestyle.

    I did that because it’s what I learned to do. It’s what everyone does.

    Because that’s what we’re taught—that eating, living, or being healthy requires us to make choices that others have told us are healthy and not do the things they’ve told us are unhealthy.

    You know… the perfect healthy lifestyle that constantly reminds you to:

    • Eat this, not that… or you’ll get sick, disease-ridden, and die early.
    • Weigh this amount and not more…. or you’ll get sick, disease-ridden, and die early.
    • Move this amount each day, in these ways… or you’ll get sick, disease-ridden, and die early.
    • And… you’re not dieting. You’re just eating healthy. You’re creating a healthy lifestyle.

    The perfect healthy eating and living plans constantly remind you that you must always be fighting, resisting, ignoring, and controlling yourself, your body, your hunger, and your cravings.

    And always doing more, working harder, being disciplined, having motivation, building willpower, etc.

    There’s a predictable formula for this supposedly “healthy” eating and living culture.

    The formula insists that we conform to a socially acceptable, mythical, perfect body size and shape.

    The formula treats our health as though it’s a future goal or accomplishment that we can only achieve later if we’re “good” now.

    The formula must be followed with no excuses. When it’s not, the problem is you and your obedience, willpower, discipline, motivation, and commitment.

    The formula is primarily concerned with optics rather than actual health. As long as we portray the “picture of health” and the behaviors we’re engaging in appear healthy, it doesn’t matter if the pressure, fear, and shame created by trying to stick to them are actually destroying us behind the scenes.

    The formula requires us to trust the rules and advice of others over our own bodies.

    It’s a mass-marketed, templated, “easy” model that allows no room for our own inner knowing, logic, self-trust, or personal power.

    It’s easy to sell because it preys on fear and always sounds so shiny and tempting.

    And this is what we’re taught it takes to eat and live healthy lives.

    Multi-billion-dollar-a-year industries have taught us how to “get healthy.”

    “Lose weight, feel great. Gain confidence. Get fit. Be healthy and happy. Live your best life.” But the unspoken truth is that it’s only “…as long as you follow our rules.”

    But you’re not going to be able to stick to this plan, and when you can’t, you’re going to waste your entire life at war with yourself, promising to “get back on track.”

    “On track,” of course, meaning doing all the things they say you’re supposed to.

    It’s a paradigm that promotes constant fear and oppressive attempts to control ourselves and our bodies in order to follow one-size-fits-all, arbitrary prescriptions.

    Nothing proves this more than how we’ve become so completely conned into believing the lie that healthy eating is hard work that requires willpower, discipline, commitment, and constant vigilance.

    That’s horrible and not a healthy way to live at all!

    We’ve been sold this message because it’s highly profitable for us to believe that we cannot trust ourselves and our own bodies and we must rely on others to tell us what to do.

    And we’ve bought it—hook, line, and sinker.

    But it forces us to go through life literally fighting with ourselves and our bodies, trying to follow their rules.

    It forces us to live disembodied, detached, disconnected from, distrusting, and fully ignoring the wisdom of our own bodies and our own inner knowing.

    Living in all that fear, disconnection, and distrust is so harmful.

    For me, it resulted in bulimia, binge eating, anxiety disorder, panic attacks, chronic clinical depression, self-loathing, crippling shame, and what I was fully convinced was a sugar/food addiction so severe that I often went to bed at night afraid I would die in my sleep because I’d eaten so much.

    I lived in a constant state of being completely consumed by not only the number on my scale but also fear and shame every time I “screwed up” and ate something “bad.” For decades of my life.

    Eventually, my mental, emotional, and physical health deteriorated so badly that I recognized my only choice was to learn how to heal because I couldn’t keep living that way—it was killing me.

    I finally recognized that my suffering was in large part the result of everything I was taught to do to maintain this supposedly healthy eating and lifestyle plan.

    And all I really wanted was peace.

    So I turned my back on it all.

    I stopped exercising every day and started a little light, mindful walking and mobility work instead— whatever helped my body heal.

    I released the need for my body to look a certain way or be a certain size and worked on healing my relationship with it instead of fighting to shrink, change, or control it.

    I stopped trying to make myself “eat healthy” and allowed myself to not only eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, but I even allowed myself to binge. I know that sounds crazy, but it’s truly the first step that helped me stop binge eating.

    I shut out every single message I’d ever gotten in my life about what it takes to eat or live “healthy,” and I started reconnecting with myself so I could figure out what actually helped me best support my overall well-being, right now, in this moment.

    I even eventually quit being a trainer and (traditional) nutrition and wellness coach.

    I tuned out everything I knew about what “healthy” eating and living looks like, and instead I turned inward and started connecting with myself. I started getting to know myself, understanding the patterns that were driving all those unhealthy choices in the first place and learning to change those.

    I started asking, how do I feel right now? How do I want to feel? What do I need (mentally, emotionally, or physically) in order to bridge the gap between the two, if there is one?

    It’s changed everything in the most glorious ways.

    I haven’t binged in many years. That’s a pattern that simply no longer exists in me.

    I’m not scared of and don’t feel addicted to or out of control around sugar (or any food) anymore.

    Food no longer controls me… not even sugar.

    I crave things that help me feel my best, including water, which I never used to drink before.

    I treat (and speak to) myself and my body with love and kindness.

    All of the “unhealthy” choices we make, all the unhealthy things we do to ourselves—even binge eating and supposed “sugar addictions”—it’s all merely the result of our conditioning. The stuff going on inside us.

    My external world, my lifestyle, my unhealthy choices, they were all symptoms of what was going on inside me—all the self-abuse I heaped on myself, ironically, because I couldn’t “stick to” a healthy living plan.

    When I changed that, when I stopped focusing on what I was doing and started changing my inner world, who I was being, my outer world (and the choices I was making for myself and my body) naturally changed.

    Healthy eating and living should never be the goal; they’re the result of how we’re being.

    Because here’s the thing: your body doesn’t care about the “health” goals you hope to meet in the future.

    It only knows what it needs right now, in this moment, and whether you’re making choices that help support that or not.

    If you’re trying to make yourself be consistent with some plan that’s supposed to help you reach some goal at a later date, you are, by definition, disconnected from your body and what it’s trying to tell you it actually needs right now.

    That’s a recipe for not making healthy choices and ignoring your body’s cues and messages.

    Supporting our health requires supporting our overall well-being, and we can only do that when we’re deeply connected to ourselves through what I call wholehearted being: being present, connected, curious, and intentional about our unique moment-to-moment needs and loving ourselves and our bodies enough to want to honor them.

    When you do that, making choices that best support yourself and your body right now becomes the natural result.

    Not some arbitrary goal that you can’t ever stay consistent enough to reach.

    If you’re reading this and can relate to any parts of my struggles with weight, overeating, binge eating, and sugar addiction, I want you to know that you, at your core, instinctively know what you and your body need to feel and live your best.

    You’ve just been conditioned out of that inner knowing after a lifetime of learning from everyone else that the only way to be healthy is to control yourself and your body and follow their advice instead of trusting your own inner knowing.

    With wholehearted being, I’ve gone from binge eating, bulimia, obsessive and compulsive thoughts and patterns around food and exercise, self and body hate and distrust…

    …to kindness, compassion, self and body love and trust, and learning to genuinely want to eat in ways that best support and nurture me.

    A New Path to Healthy Eating and Living

    Healthy eating and living through wholehearted being helps you build a foundation rooted firmly in your own self-love, trust, and worthiness because how we feel about ourselves impacts every aspect of our lives, including how we treat ourselves and our bodies.

    From there, you learn to make choices for yourself and your body through four main pillars of being:

    Present in this moment and in your body so you can break the conditioning that drives unhealthy behaviors

    Connected to your inner world—your thoughts, feelings, and communication from your body about what you need

    Curious about your inner experiences in this moment, with gentle awareness, self-compassion, and non-judgment

    Intentional with your thoughts, behaviors, and responses—intentionally choosing from kindness, gratitude, and love

    This process is incredibly powerful because it does two things that are required for lasting change:

    1.It helps you learn to love, trust, and value yourself enough to care how you treat your body.

    2. It allows you to put space between your triggers and the conditioned, autopilot behaviors that drive unhealthy choices in the first place. This allows you to get to know yourself, your patterns, and your needs and learn new tools and practices that better support your overall well-being. Tools and practices that also help you learn to better understand and nurture, not only your physical needs, but your mental and emotional needs as well. And that’s vital because our thoughts and emotions are major components of our overall well-being. They drive the choices we make.

    It’s a powerful and simple process but not an easy one. It takes courage to relearn to trust yourself with food, to learn new ways of being, and it takes a lot of practice, repetition, and support, but it’s so very worth it.

    After eight years in the fitness, nutrition, and wellness industry (and almost thirty years of dieting), I finally got healthy and broke my sugar addiction by choosing to start focusing on my life instead of my weight or food choices.

    By learning to tune out the external messages trying to tell me what I “should” eat or do and turn inward to start making choices for myself that best nurture my whole being, moment to moment—choices that are grounded in love, self and body trust, connection, and kindness.

    And it’s changed everything.

  • The Best Approach to Self-Care: How to Attend to Your Unmet Needs

    The Best Approach to Self-Care: How to Attend to Your Unmet Needs

    “Caring for your body, mind, and spirit is your greatest and grandest responsibility. It’s about listening to the needs of your soul and then honoring them.” ~Kristi Ling 

    There’s something I haven’t told many people. I kept it to myself because it clashed with my “identity” and the image I hoped to project (hello, ego!).

    I’ve been creating content and working in the spirituality and personal development fields for a number of years. Although I don’t strive to become like Buddha, there’s a part of me (call it my spiritual ego) that expects certain things of me, such as to remain at peace, content, and emotionally well-regulated most of the time. After all, isn’t it what meditating daily is supposed to do?

    Well, last year, I did not feel that content or peaceful. I felt quite depressed, and rarely did meditation make me feel better.

    So I turned to wine. Most evenings, I had a couple of glasses of wine (sometimes three or even four) to forget how bored and unhappy I was.

    “I’m a fraud,” I kept thinking while sipping on the red liquid.

    I tried other things (besides wine) to feel better that helped, like gratitude journaling and spending more time in nature. Although these things did improve my mood, there was still a void within me that even gratitude didn’t manage to fill.

    It was when I read an article about humanistic psychology and the use of Maslow’s Pyramid of Needs in therapy that I became aware of the real cause of my “wine habit”: unmet needs.

    “What do I really need?” I started asking myself every time the impulse to pour a glass of wine arose.

    At first, I’d still give in to the wine, probably out of habit. But eventually, using Maslow’s Pyramid of Needs as a guiding tool, I was able to identify which of my needs weren’t satisfied and what actions I needed to take to fulfill them.

    “That’s true self-care,” I thought.

    I realized that a self-care plan requires more than a checklist downloaded from Pinterest. It demands a life inventory, identifying our unmet needs, and taking the right actions to fulfill them.

    Simply put, a bubble bath isn’t the best solution for everyone or any issue.

    I’d like to share with you my new approach to self-care that aims to satisfy our deepest needs rather than providing short-lived comfort.

    Step 1: Become aware of your unmet needs.

    The first step is awareness. Although it’s not necessary to use Maslow’s Pyramid of Needs to identify what we want, it provides a helpful framework to guide our reflections.

    I recommend going through each level of the pyramid and taking the time to reflect on your life. A good way to do this is through journaling.

    Below are a few reflection questions for each category of needs to help you identify what’s missing in your life and may be preventing you from thriving.

    Physiological Needs

    These include basic physical needs like eating, drinking water, and sleeping. Self-care at this level comprises rest and giving our bodies the proper fuel and nutrients to function optimally. You could ask yourself:

    • Am I eating enough whole and nutritious food to nourish my body?
    • Do I feel rested when I wake up in the morning?
    • On a scale of 0-10, what’s my energy level most of the time?

    Although most of us have no issue feeding ourselves, a deficiency in rest and nutrients is fairly common. For example, after running a few blood tests, I discovered that my iron levels were too low, which explained my low energy. After supplementing for a few weeks, I started feeling better.

    Security and Safety Needs

    Safety includes income and job security, health, and the environment in which we live. Questions you could ask yourself are:

    • Do I have sufficient financial resources to sustain myself and feel comfortable?
    • Do I often feel stressed and anxious? Do I have tools to help me relax?
    • What’s the state of my physical, mental, and emotional health?
    • Overall, do I feel safe?

    Social Needs

    These are the needs for love, acceptance, and belonging, which include friendships, romantic love and intimacy, and family life.

    The void I felt in the past two or three years mostly came from unmet needs in this category. Several people I knew moved away, and my relationship with a partner ended. Plus, after a year of isolation, I forgot how to connect with people, and the idea of socializing almost gave me anxiety (even though that’s what I needed the most).

    Here are a few questions you could ask yourself to uncover unfulfilled needs in this category:

    • Are there people around me whom I can count on?
    • Do I feel accepted and supported by the people around me?
    • Do I regularly interact and bond with people, or do I often feel lonely?
    • Overall, are my relationships satisfying to me?

    Esteem Needs

    These are the needs for appreciation and respect, which include having a healthy sense of self-worth and feeling valued.

    I worked hard in my twenties and early thirties on improving my self-esteem, but I can still remember the destructive impact of low self-worth on my quality of life when I was younger. Self-esteem needs are foundational for having healthy relationships, taking care of our bodies, and pursuing our goals and dreams.

    Questions you could ask yourself are:

    • Do I feel appreciated at work, at home, and within my group of friends?
    • Is my self-talk mainly positive or negative?
    • Do I believe I have good qualities? Do others appreciate those qualities?
    • Overall, do I feel good about myself at work, at home, and in social circles?

    Self-Actualization Needs

    Maslow defined self-actualization as “fulfilling our potential.” It includes feeling a sense of purpose and growing and evolving as a person.

    For most of my life, I had “purpose anxiety.” Nowadays, living my purpose is one of the most important aspects of my life and what sustains me in difficult times.

    Doing what we love and using our gifts toward a vision that matters to us gives us fuel to move through challenges.

    You could ask yourself:

    • Do I feel like my life is meaningful and has a purpose?
    • Does the work I do fulfill me?
    • Am I using my skills and natural strengths in ways that are enjoyable to me?
    • Am I constantly growing and evolving?

    Self-Transcendence Needs

    Self-transcendence is about feeling connected to others and all life and acting accordingly. At this level, we have a desire for contribution, service, and impact. The need for a spiritual practice and connecting to a higher power are also part of self-transcendence.

    Questions you could ask yourself are:

    • Am I making a positive impact on others and the world?
    • Do I feel connected to others, nature, and perhaps a higher power?
    • Am I satisfied with my spiritual practice and/or the legacy I’m leaving?

    Leisure Needs

    I’ve added this category to the list because I believe play is another important contributing aspect to our well-being.

    A lack of fun and laughter can negatively impact our mental health—at least, that’s been my experience in the past few years. Along with unmet social needs, a lack of play was my biggest source of dissatisfaction. I had become overly serious and forgot how to have fun. I couldn’t even remember that last time I had laughed.

    Questions you could ask yourself are:

    • Do I have fun at work, at home, and in my free time?
    • How often do I laugh?

    Step 2: Identify what requires your immediate attention.

    After going through these questions, I rated each category of needs on a scale of 0 to 10, assigning 10 to the areas that most required my attention. For me, those areas were leisure and social needs.

    This meant that doubling down on my meditation practice or having a daily green smoothie would likely not be enough to break my “wine habit.” Or, better said, they weren’t what I truly needed.

    I needed to have more fun, laugh, and play. I needed to bond with people more, have deep and meaningful conversations, and expand my social circle.

    Once you’ve identified which of your needs aren’t fulfilled, you’re ready to brainstorm solutions.

    Step 3: Brainstorm ways to fulfill unmet needs.

    Once we know what’s “off,” we can think of ways to improve the situation.

    “How can I have more fun?” I asked myself.

    I reflected upon times when I had the most fun in the past and wrote those down. I also wrote any other ideas that came to mind, from watching funny dog videos to going to a comedy show. I made a list of ways to have more fun in my journal and made an effort to do at least a few of them every week.

    Step 4: Choose one small action and schedule it.

    After brainstorming, it’s time to take action. I recommend picking at least one idea on your list and scheduling it.

    A few weeks ago, I decided to attend a Kundalini yoga class followed by a dinner with the teacher and fellow students. It was an opportunity to meet new people.

    I knew that, as an introvert, the risk I would cancel at the last minute was high. Therefore, I immediately purchased the ticket and scheduled the class in my planner. I’m glad I did; I met new people, laughed, and had interesting conversations.

    Self-care activities are more likely to happen when we schedule them.

    . . .

    I could summarize this article with one question: “What do you really need?”

    Taking the time to make a life inventory, identify our unfulfilled needs, and then take action to satisfy them—that’s proper self-care.

    The difficulty is that, sometimes, we don’t even know what we need! I find Maslow’s Pyramid of Needs a helpful tool to guide our self-reflection.

    I hope it can help you too.