Tag: guru

You Don’t Need a Guru; Life is Your Greatest Teacher

“Forget what hurt you, but never forget what taught you.” ~Unknown

I read a tribute Elizabeth Gilbert wrote for Richard from Texas who features in her book Eat, Pray, Love. It got me thinking that our teachers in life can take many forms and not always an obvious ‘traditional’ teacher.

In Eat, Pray, Love Liz went looking for a guru in India but learned a whole host of lessons from Richard, who was probably there seeking out the same guru for his own answers.

We can go through life looking for gurus, trying to learn from the experts, and seeking out those who seemingly have the answers to our questions, but what we often overlook is that the answers are there all along.

We don’t find the answers when we find the guru; we find them along the way, as part of our journey.

Sometimes a guru may help us uncover the answers within, but there is also so much more that those we meet and our experiences along the way can teach us about life’s journey.

The lessons can come from our kids, our partners, our friends, our enemies, and most of all from ourselves.

We can be our own teachers if we allow ourselves to learn from our mistakes.

A monk once told me there are no mistakes, only lessons, and we are a product of the lessons we’ve learned. As Thich Nhat Hanh says, “Without the mud there can be no lotus.”

We grow stronger from our challenges; we learn or to grow from these experiences, and this is what makes us who we are.

I’ve traveled around the world to various retreat centers, sat on many hill tops, and consulted a few gurus, but the answers I sought I found within me when I arrived home, stopped searching, and sat still long enough to notice them.

This led me to rebuild my life around my passion and fill it with meaning and purpose. I became a yoga teacher and was thrilled to be doing a job I loved, but in the early days I struggled. Marketing was not my strong point and the numbers for my classes were low, sometimes non existent.

As I sat in an empty room one night with my lesson plan, feeling defeated, I thought to myself, “What can I learn from this?”

I try to ask myself this question often, but especially when times get tough. Life is not always easy. Things sometimes don’t go to plan, and often we don’t succeed until we’ve learned a lesson and tried again, failed more, failed better.

I have learned valuable lessons from people who’ve come in and out of my life (often for only fleeting encounters). I’ve learned both from failed relationships and those that have evolved over different parts of my life to be stronger now than they ever were.

A friend’s betrayal taught me about forgiveness. A friend’s love has taught me about trust. My nephew taught me the importance of making time for play, and my pets taught me the power of unconditional love.

Depression taught me that it’s through the cracks the light gets in, and burnout taught me about my real priorities and the value of self-care. A house fire taught me about attachment, and a homeless man taught me to be grateful for the little things I have.

Success is a product of learning from experiences and failures—a product of our life, our experiences, and the people we meet along the way. This is the stuff that shapes us and builds our world, it comes from within, not from an expert or a guru.

Yes, we have formal teachers we can learn from—our parents, our schools, our gurus, those we aspire to and admire. But never underestimate the power of the lessons ‘ordinary’ people will teach us, the likes of Richard from Texas and indeed the lessons we learn from ourselves and our experiences as we navigate through life.

So take a moment and ask yourself what you can learn from your current circumstances and the people in your life. Whatever, or whoever, you’re struggling with could very well be your greatest teacher—and a stepping stone to greater peace, purpose, and happiness.

Monk image via Shutterstock

January 5, 2016
The Guru of Caumsett: Simple Yet Profound Lessons from a Kind Stranger

“See the light in others, and treat them as if that is all you see.” ~Dr. Wayne Dyer

It was about a month after my son was born that I was introduced to the man I have come to think of, only somewhat facetiously, as “The Guru of Caumsett.”

My husband and I were at the park with our newborn son when a man I’d never seen before began waving as he strode determinedly—despite a pronounced limp that caused him to drag, ever-so-slightly, one leg behind the other—past us.

“How are you doing?” my husband called, waving back while I smiled and nodded my hello.

“Just great! It’s a beautiful day. You enjoy it!” he encouraged, never stopping completely, but all the while holding my gaze and smiling brightly at us, as if he’d just bumped into long lost friends.

I questioned my husband as to how he knew him, and he explained that he didn’t. But he saw him every time he was at the park, and the man always greeted not only him but everyone he passed on the path the same way.

A month or so later I was back at the park. It was to be another scorching mid-summer day, as was evident by the tightness in my lungs and frizziness of my hair.

But I was determined to run just one full lap around the path before submitting to the heat. It had been many months since I had attempted such a feat. And within only a matter of a few yards, I realized that I had grossly overestimated my body’s readiness for such a challenge.

Not more than eight weeks prior I had been lying in the hospital after enduring twenty-eight hours of arduous labor that culminated in the emergency Cesarean surgery from which I was still recovering. In fact, from which I had only just begun to truly recover.

Sadly, like many women, my birthing experience, although successful in that our precious baby boy was born healthy, ended up being a rather traumatic event for me due to circumstances out of everyone’s control.

As a result, those first few weeks at home were filled with unexpected feelings of inadequacy and, at times, an overwhelming sense of fear that I’d only begun to be able to understand and move through.

Exercise, I was sure, would help shed not only the remaining baby weight, but also some of the anxiety I had so uncharacteristically been carrying. So when my attempt at running was sabotaged by my still ravaged body and the oppressive humidity, I felt nothing short of despair.

The paved path at Caumsett State Park is a three-mile loop. I had made it exactly to the halfway point when I could no longer maintain even the painful shuffle to which my usually fine runner’s stride had devolved.

Winded and with my clothes plastered with sweat to my still swollen body, I conceded. But I still had to walk the additional mile and a half back to my car.

As I leaned into the steep incline of the final hill, I was alarmed by the extent of exhaustion and weakness I felt. I began to wonder if I would ever again feel the same strength and comfort in my body that I had been so used to prior to my pregnancy.

And that’s when I saw him. Just as I was arriving at the top of the hill he was beginning his descent. Without a trace of sweat on his brow—and limp be damned—he moved past me with enviable ease.

With barely enough breath in my lungs to keep me moving, I managed only a small wave and smile. Without missing a beat and with his face beaming, he said, “Good Morning! You’re doing great. You look terrific!”

Despite my sweaty clothes and heavier frame, my labored breathing and negative thoughts, I simply stopped in my tracks and said, “Thank you! You have no idea how much I needed that.”

In the West, the word guru is most simply and often defined as “teacher.” However, when the word is broken into two syllables, its deeper meaning can be better understood.

Gu denotes a spiritual ignorance or a state of darkness that so many of us experience and unfortunately, dwell within. Ru represents the light of spiritual knowledge that dispels the spiritual ignorance.

In short, a guru is one who dispels the darkness of spiritual ignorance and lights the way toward spiritual knowledge.

So you see, with only a few kind words and his genuine goodwill, my guru of Caumsett managed to illuminate for me a new way of thinking and experiencing the situation in which I had found myself.

I quickly went from feeling frustrated and defeated to being able to recognize all I had so recently been through, and I became excited, proud even, of how well I was doing only a short eight weeks later. He shone his light into my darkness for no other reason except because he could.

For the most part, I’m sure he is just a regular guy. But to me and everyone else who is lucky enough to meet him along their way, he is a personification and great reminder of some of life’s most simple yet profound lessons.

Smile at each other. Offer some kind words and a genuine caring for those around you. Build people up instead of knocking them down.

Work to see your perceived obstacles instead as opportunities. And let nothing stand in your way of realizing just how blessed you truly are.

Smiling Buddha image via Shutterstock

October 29, 2015
When Self-Help Doesn’t Help: Doing What’s Best for You
“Your inner knowing is your only true compass.” ~Joy Page

Are you someone who devours self-help books, blogs, and articles?

Do you take pleasure in checking out the latest advice from this “expert” or that “guru”?

Are you someone who puts into play the advice proposed but are still left feeling somewhat unfulfilled afterward?

The Trouble with Self-Help

The trouble with self-help advice is that sometimes it leads us down the path of us not helping ourselves at all. Sometimes we get so caught up in someone else’s vision that we lose sight of our own.

Truth be told, what I consider to be a great life may leave you wanting for more (or perhaps less). What you consider to be extremely ethical I may consider less so. And that’s as it should be.

Our value system, beliefs, ideas, and ideals should be our own—informed by the outside, without a doubt, but we need to process and own them for ourselves.

Part of the problem with self-help type advice is that we can start to lose sight of what we really see as success or a successful outcome. We get so caught up in what we’re reading that we can start viewing it as the Holy Grail.

If I lose weight, then I should feel like this.

If I simplify my life, then I should be immediately happier.

If I run a marathon, I should feel the greatest sense of achievement I ever have.

Sometimes these areas do live up to expectation and leave us with a deep sense of accomplishment. However, sometimes they don’t and can lead us all the way back to square one, or actually make us feel worse than we did originally.

Falling into the Trap

I personally have fallen into the trap of overdosing on self-help and self-development books, blogs, and writers over the years—reading book after book but then not implementing the changes suggested, or implementing them but feeling underwhelmed by how I felt afterward. This often led me in circles.

I take my self-development seriously and I love to read about simplicity and lifestyle redesign, in particular. In fact, left unchecked, I could quite happily bury myself in books and blogs that fall under these categories all day.

However, in my quest for perfection, I have taken paths that were anything but perfect for me.

One example would be trying to be more minimalist than I am happy being. Reading about others living as minimalists, giving away most of what they own, or living with only fifty items, I had envisioned myself leading a similar life.

That vision helped me to a certain point on my own version of simpler living, but then I tried contorting myself a little bit too much.

I liked some of the stuff, even it was just stuff. I like the convenience of a car. I love going away on exotic travels as often as I can afford. I realized a little minimalist suited me, but not too much. Sounds contradictory, perhaps, but hey, that’s me!

Another example would be working on being more mindful. I read the work of people who sound like they live in a permanent state of calm. I liked this as an ideal.

I consider myself a pretty calm and patient person most of the time and see those as personal strengths, but I also have my limits, and I’m not above losing my cool at times.

Rather than accepting this as part of me, I tried to “fix” it. It didn’t work.

We’re human, not robots, and sometimes we lose our cool. I’m perfectly fine with that now but wasn’t for a time, as I saw it as a weakness. My expectations were unrealistic, and the advice, as well meaning as it might have been, didn’t completely fit me.

Although these experiences left me a little dejected at the time, they led me to a better place overall. I came to realize that I am the best master of my own destiny with regard to my goals. I learn and take from external sources, of course, but I own the goals.

I make the output suit me and know that no one person has all the answers. The result is a happier me, and something that I can implement into my own life, making any changes I make more likely to remain lifestyle changes rather than a five-minute fix that then gets discarded.

Through the above process I started to realize the problem wasn’t the books or authors themselves, but me and my own expectations. Sometimes I was guilty of falling into the author’s view of what a good outcome would be rather than being focused on my own needs and wants. I worked on that.

These days, I can still regularly be found leafing through books that fall neatly into the self-development area. And my bookshelves are full of such books. I still love the genre and indeed write in that genre myself.

However, now I am very clear about what it is I want to get from each read. I’m more selective about who and what I read. I’m clearer on the version of my life I’m trying to get to. If someone else’s experience can help me get there quicker, all the better.

What Does Success Look Like for You?

To answer this question, we first need to know:
- What it is and who it is we value most
- Who it is we want to be in life
- What values we want to live by
- What kind of life we want for ourselves
- How we want to feel when we see ourselves staring back in a mirror
Only we can truly know what that version of ourselves and our lives looks like.

Self-help should help. Make it your own and it just might do that.

Make sure you’re building and supporting your own unique vision of what a great life is and are doing your best to make that your reality. Use what helps along the way, but don’t get caught up in comparisons or in someone else’s vision of what your life should look like.

Set your own compass and live a life very much in line with your own terms.

Man reading image via Shutterstock
October 22, 2014
The World’s Top 7 Life-Changing Gurus

“Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer.” ~William S. Burroughs

Where do you turn when life gets you down? Who’s your hero, your mentor, your pillar of strength amidst the turmoil?

Haven’t we all had those days when life just seems to be a battle? I know I certainly have. And then there are times when there’s an ongoing challenge that grabs hold of us and just won’t let go.

What can you do? Where do you get your strength—your answers?

For a lot of us, we look to inspirational figures, leaders, experts, gurus, and even celebrities. Those larger than life figures that are out there living life, experiencing things we only dream of, and dispensing the wisdom we don’t think we possess.

In my younger years, I wanted a mentor. I thought surely that would solve all my problems. It would give me the hope, encouragement, and maybe even strategies to live the life I was destined to live. I could finally overcome my personal challenges or lack of experience and knowledge.

This notion went on for years. Oh sure, I had plenty of good jobs and made decent money. I lived the life so many of us do. I just wanted more. I felt I had potential that just wasn’t surfacing.

Eventually my yearnings led me to discover experts and gurus willing to sell their advice.

I won’t list their names here, but you know who they are. They offered seminars, created master-mind groups, put together home-study courses. I thought, hey, maybe this is the answer. I can buy my mentors!

From the big names to the lesser-knowns, I started buying nearly every self-development and business strategy course they peddled.

It became an addiction that nearly led me to bankruptcy.

I was buying so many programs and courses and retreats and “solutions” that I had no time to implement any of them. The buying itself became my solution. Ugh.

I was hooked on glitter, celebrity, and everything external. I was chasing success, happiness, and purpose as if they were “out there” somewhere.

I had no idea who I really was. I gave no credence to the experiences that life had blessed me with. I didn’t value the inner wisdom that resided within. (more…)

December 18, 2012