Tiny Buddha

Tag: Gratitude

  • Shifting Suffering into Gratitude: Go Upside Down

    Shifting Suffering into Gratitude: Go Upside Down

    “Instead of complaining that the rose bush is full of thorns, be happy the thorn bush has roses.” ~Proverb

    They sound so cliché, sayings like, “There’s always a silver lining” or “Look on the bright side” or “there’s a positive to every negative.” Whenever struggle or suffering showed up in my life, those key expressions seemed to flow out of the mouths of family and friends.

    That’s not to say they aren’t helpful. Sure, it helps a little to hear my best friend say, “It’s going to be ok,” when I spilled water all over my computer and lost everything—everything! Or my Mom consoles me with, “There is always next time,” when another job interview did not pan out.

    And hey, I’ll admit, I—as a social worker, yoga instructor, friend, daughter, sister, and partner—have used these cliché phrases to encourage others when they’re in a place of sadness and hopelessness. These go-to phrases become the ticket to help a friend, a family member, or a loved one out of a bind.

    But sometimes, those comforting sayings just fall short. The pain, stress, and agony of whatever situation just feel too big for those words.

    Recently, I found myself swimming in a pool of suffering. In the midst of a painful break-up, I was not only ending a loving and supportive relationship but leaving a comfortable and friendly community as well.

    For the past 10 months, my boyfriend and I have been living and working in Costa Rica. And as my contract teaching English ended, planning the next chapter in our lives began.

    Unfortunately, “following your heart” doesn’t guarantee your boyfriend’s heart is going in the same direction.

    Where was the silver lining now? What positive could possibly be around the corner from the negative of losing someone I love? How was everything going to be “ok” since my employment was up and I didn’t have a job secured? Where was the bright side? I couldn’t help but wonder. And stress. And wonder some more.

    Not until I prepared to teach a yoga class did I find some inspiration. (more…)

  • Appreciate or Change the Game Instead of Blaming It

    Appreciate or Change the Game Instead of Blaming It

    “Have respect for yourself, and patience and compassion. With these, you can handle anything.” ~Jack Kornfield

    Imagine these three scenarios:

    Scenario 1: You wake up in the middle of the night and your baby is crying. You feel annoyed that you have to wake up in the middle of your sleep.

    Scenario 2: Your goal is to finish your first marathon, so you have to practice consistently. However, you don’t feel like exercising today. It’s raining and you’d like to watch television instead.

    Scenario 3: You hate your job. You snap at your boss and you procrastinate on the work you are supposed to do.

    What do these scenarios have in common? If you haven’t figured it out yet, then keep reading.

    It’s About You, Not About Them

    These three seemingly different scenarios have one thing in common: You are blaming the game even though you made a decision to play it.

    In many of these situations, we jump in without really knowing what we are dealing with.

    When we jump into situations with wrong expectations, it creates wrong attitudes. We expect things to follow a certain path, but the reality is different. And when the reality and our attitudes collide, it’s natural that we feel frustration.

    For instance, a new world opened to me and my wife when we had our first baby. Although we had prepared for this a bit, the reality was completely different.

    In the beginning, our son was constantly waking up in the middle of the night and his sleeping patterns were quite irregular. This led us as parents to be very tired in the beginning.

    At the same time, we knew that this was part of the reality when you have a baby. Sure, it wasn’t nice to feel tired all day because of the lack of sleep in the night, but we also understood that the start could be challenging until things smoothed out.

    You Are Not a Victim—Far from It!

    All this inner resistance leads to a “victim” mentality. When you find yourself in a situation that you don’t like, you feel like you have been mistreated.

    If you feel like this, then understand that you can change it by taking responsibility for your actions. (more…)

  • 4 Powerful Lessons from a Life Well Lived

    4 Powerful Lessons from a Life Well Lived

    Lori and Grammy

    “We must each lead a way of life with self-awareness and compassion, to do as much as we can. Then, whatever happens we will have no regrets.” ~Dalai Lama

    This year on June 4th, one of my greatest heroes passed away.

    I’d been planning to travel back to Massachusetts mid-month for my sister’s bridal shower, but I learned at the end of May that my grandmother was in the hospital.

    I knew she’d been in rehab since she’d fractured her hip, but I didn’t know she’d gained 30 pounds of water weight and her kidneys would soon fail her.

    After my family told me it didn’t look good, I came home on the red eye on the 2nd, hoping to hear her voice one last time. She was too medicated to speak when I arrived, but I was able to sit with her and more than a dozen of my family members for all of June 3rd.

    There were so many of us there, unwilling to leave her side, that the hospital staff opened the adjoining room, where we set up a table with cold cuts and sub rolls for lunch.

    It was exactly what she would have wanted, and a testament to the legacy she left behind: Her huge, loving family stayed there, together, offering her the love and strength she’d given us for years.

    My mother asked me to write and deliver her eulogy—which was both a challenge and an honor. She’d touched so many people’s lives, including mine, and in that moment no words seemed sufficient.

    I feared I wouldn’t do her justice, but I knew that if she were still around she’d be proud of me, no matter what I wrote.

    I am who I am in large part because of my Grammy, Jeanne Santoro (and her late husband Henry “Grandpa Joe” Santoro, to whom I dedicated my book).

    So now I’d like to share with you some of the lessons that have stuck with me the most. Grammy, you taught me that…. (more…)

  • What You Do Matters

    What You Do Matters

    “To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived, this is to have succeeded.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

    I used to refer to myself as a white crayon in the coloring box of life.

    Have you ever wondered what purpose a white crayon serves? There are all of these other beautiful colors to be put to good use, but the white crayon just kind of sits there and tends to get overlooked.

    That’s exactly how I felt. I felt like I was just merely existing and not serving any kind of purpose. And at the time, I sort of wasn’t.

    I wasn’t doing anything except coming up with demeaning nicknames for myself, and trying to swallow the fact that I might never be of any importance in the world. I honestly felt like I didn’t matter at all.

    I thought that in order to feel like I really mattered or that I was doing something worthy enough, I had to be doing something big—something that everyone noticed and applauded me for.

    We live in a society where the little things we do often get overlooked and it has a way of making us believe that those things don’t matter.

    They do.

    Compassion, understanding, small acts of kindness, or a willingness to simply reach out to others in any way can all make a huge difference.

    I want to share a few real life examples of little things making a big difference, including my own story in which I realized this fact.    (more…)

  • A Reason to Be Grateful for Our Most Difficult, Painful Experiences

    A Reason to Be Grateful for Our Most Difficult, Painful Experiences

    “Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” ~Melody Beattie

    I’ve never had a problem with forgiveness.

    In high school my mother and I would argue endlessly. Her lectures and my rebellion both had no end. While it was true that my mother had her faults, my independence caused me to be less than willing to follow her direction.

    At one point we were arguing, as we usually did, which meant hours of crying and lecturing. As I pointed out to her yet another of her faults, she said something that I have never forgotten:

    “At least I didn’t tell you that you were worthless.”

    She was right. That’s what her mother had drilled into her head again and again, making sure she understood that she had little value to the world. A lesson that I suspect she still believes or at least struggles with.

    At some point in her life, perhaps while she was pregnant with me, or maybe before, she determined that this was one legacy she would not pass on. She would never tell me that I had no value, and indeed she never did.

    While it may seem like nothing, to struggle against your upbringing, to stop a cycle of emotional abuse, is a phenomenal act of strength.

    I didn’t know what I hadn’t received.

    Up until that point I hadn’t even thought about the fact that this horrible thing hadn’t happened to me. I only thought about the things I didn’t like—the treatment that was dysfunctional. (more…)

  • Now is the Time to Appreciate the People Who Have Helped You

    Now is the Time to Appreciate the People Who Have Helped You

    “No duty is more urgent than that of returning thanks.” -James Allen

    Recently, my mom told me that my beloved piano teacher had passed on. She had reached a high age and died peacefully in her sleep. This news, delivered to me via Facebook, hit me harder than I could have prepared myself for.

    Sitting there in front of my computer, I remembered the circumstances of my meeting her. Originally, it was because my sister wanted to learn how to play piano.

    It was by pure chance that I decided to go with her for her first lesson and I instantly fell in love with the teacher. She was the same age as my grandma, which was great because back then younger people terrified me. We hit it off right away.

    I must have been around thirteen years old back then and I was in a really dark place of my young life. My eating disorder, which I had developed at the age of about ten, was starting to get more serious.

    I lost weight rapidly and my exercising got out of hand. I was a shadow of myself and I was terribly insecure and weary of life.

    Spending one hour a week with this unusually large, brilliant lady was like my sanctuary. When I closed the door of her tiny piano room, I knew I was in a safe place.

    She listened to me when no one else did. If I showed you my piano skills today, you’d agree with me that we probably talked more than we practiced playing. Being with her was like the counseling I desperately needed.

    I treasured each and every moment with her. I was more open to her about my anorexia, about my problems with the family, and my terrifying fear of my brother than I had ever been with somebody else. I trusted her. No matter how caught up I was in my illness, I never skipped a lesson.

    Then, I went to the US and our ways separated. Over the years, I would hear frequent updates of how she was doing and I would send her the occasional letter.

    When driving by her house, I would make a mental note to schedule some time for a visit sometime in the future. I never did.

    My piano teacher had often told me that she had seen the vulnerability in my eyes and my posture when we first met. She saw that I was a broken soul and she knew that she was there to guide me and to help me through some of the hardest years of my life. (more…)

  • Your Most Important To-Do List

    Your Most Important To-Do List

    “What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.” ~Pericles

    Every day we are swamped by tasks. Catch up on work. Buy groceries. Reply to those emails. Do the housework. Hand in that project. Pick up the dry-cleaning. Make that appointment. Go to the gym.

    The constant connection to social media, as amazing and valuable as it can be, adds even more tiny tasks to our never-ending to-do-lists. Upload. Download. Tweet. Reply. Blog. Comment. Follow. Pin. Update. Check-in. Watch. Like. Read. Send.

    My to-do’s are pinned up on my wall, stuck on my laptop, written on my iPhone, and floating around in my mind almost constantly.

    With all these never-ending tasks consuming me all day, it’s easy to become stressed, irritable, and negative, and to forget what is most important: love, happiness, kindness, laughter, and gratitude.

    To help me stay grounded during my day, I created my most important to-do list. Seeing this everyday reminds me of what really matters, and helps me to maintain positivity, clarity, and peace amongst the craziness.

    Your Most Important To-Do List:

    1. Smile at yourself.

    “Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

    How many times do you see your reflection in a day? And how many times do you see yourself actually looking happy? (more…)

  • 50 Ways to Show Gratitude for the People in Your Life

    50 Ways to Show Gratitude for the People in Your Life

    “Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” –William Arthur Ward

    The holiday season generally brings us closer to people. Sometimes that closeness reminds us how much we love each other. Sometimes it reminds us that we drive each other crazy, as family often does.

    At the heart of it, Thanksgiving in particular calls us to see people with the deepest appreciation for the gifts they’ve given us. Some gifts are more immediately obvious than others—the type that come with praise, affection, and genuine esteem.

    Others push us, stretch us, test us, and make us wonder if there’s anything to be grateful for at all.

    There’s no denying that certain relationships are more challenging than others, but through each we have an opportunity to grow and help others do the same. Every relationship teaches us something about loving, trusting, forgiving, setting boundaries, taking care of ourselves, and taking care of each other.

    From the people who love you, to the people who challenge you, to the people who support you at work, here’s how to show your gratitude.

    Show Gratitude to People Who Love You

    1. Share a specific example of something they did for you and how it made a difference in your life.

    2. Do something little but thoughtful for them—like clean up after Thanksgiving dinner!

    3. Give a long, intimate hug; or if you know they don’t like hugs, stick out your hand for a handshake to cater to their preferences and make them smile.

    4. Tell them you’re there if they have anything they want to talk about—and let them know they have your full attention.

    5. Give them something of yours that you think they would enjoy, and let them know specifically why you want them to have it.

    6. Invite them to do something you know they’ve always wanted to do.

    7. Encourage them to try something you know they want to try but haven’t yet because they’re scared.

    8. Offer to do something you know they don’t enjoy doing, like organizing their closet or mowing their lawn.

    9. Compliment them on a talent, skill, or strength that you admire.

    10. Look them straight in the eyes and say, “You make the world a better place.”

    Show Gratitude to People Who Challenge You

    11. Fully listen to what they have to say instead of forming your rebuttal in your head and waiting to speak.

    12. Thank them for introducing you to a new way to look at things, even if you still don’t agree.

    13. Pinpoint something you admire about their commitment to their beliefs—even if you don’t hold them as well.

    14. Resist the urge to tell them they’re wrong.

    15. Challenge them right back to be the best they can be, with love and positive intentions.

    16. If they inspired you to push outside your comfort zone, thank them for inspiring you to take a risk, and let them know how it paid off.

    17. Write a blog post about how they helped you see things differently and dedicate it to them.

    18. Use the lesson this person teaches you through your interactions, whether it’s patience, compassion, or courage.

    19. Introduce them to someone who may challenge them and help them grow, as they’ve done for you.

    20. Let them know how you appreciate when they challenge you in a loving, non-confrontational way—and if they don’t do that, be calm and kind when you ask them to do that going forward.

    Show Gratitude to People Who Serve You

    21. Give a larger tip than usual.

    22. If they have a tip jar, include a thoughtful note of appreciation along with your coins or bills.

    23. Smile when you order or enlist their assistance. Smiles are contagious, so give one away!

    24. If they serve you regularly, acknowledge something they always do well—like work efficiently or stay calm under pressure.

    25. Exhibit patience, even if you’re in a hurry.

    26. Let their supervisor know they do an outstanding job.

    27. Keep their workplace clean—for example, at a coffee shop, clean up after yourself at the sugar stand.

    28. Offer to get a coffee for them, if it’s someone working in or outside your home.

    29. If you have their contact information, send an email of appreciation—and let them know you just wanted to express your gratitude, so they don’t need to write back.

    30. Praise them in a review on Yelp and/or recommend them to people you know.

    Show Gratitude to People Who Work with You

    31. Write a handwritten thank-you note, acknowledging things you value about them and their work.

    32. Offer to lighten their workload in some way if you are able.

    33. Bring back lunch for them if you know they’re working hard and likely haven’t had a chance to grab something.

    34. If you’re running a meeting, keep it short to show them you appreciate and respect their time.

    35. Ask them about their lives instead of always being all business. This doesn’t mean you need to pry into personal matters; it just means showing an interest in who they are as people.

    36. Be the calm, light voice in a stressful situation.

    37. Give them flowers to brighten their desk.

    38. Let their boss know how they’re doing a great job and contributing to the company.

    39. Listen fully if they’re having a difficult day, and recognize if they need space to figure things out on their own, not advice or help.

    40. Remember that the little things can make a big difference!

    Show Gratitude for Yourself

    41. Make a list of ways you’ve impressed yourself lately.

    42. Treat yourself to something you enjoy, like a pedicure or a massage.

    43. If someone compliments you, thank them and let them know you’re proud of that skill, talent, or accomplishment.

    44. Compliment yourself—say it while looking in the mirror, write it in a journal, or jot it on a sticky note and put it on your refrigerator.

    45. Give yourself time to enjoy a passion you’re sometimes too busy to fit in.

    46. Take an inventory of all the good things you’ve done for other people and the world.

    47. Write yourself a love letter. Seriously, start with “Dear Lori” (but insert your own name) and describe all the things you admire about yourself.

    48. Let go of any conditions you have for being kind to yourself—meaning you appreciate even if you didn’t accomplish or do anything specific.

    49. Schedule a date with yourself—an afternoon or evening that’s all about you.

    50. Share the beauty that is you with the people around you, knowing they’re fortunate to have you in their lives.

    I am fortunate to have you in mine. You make the world a better place!

    **Update: Since I wrote this post, I launched a gratitude journal/coloring book that people seem to be really enjoying! If you’re interested, you can learn more here.

  • The Joy and Peace That Gratitude Brings

    The Joy and Peace That Gratitude Brings

    “Gratitude is the memory of the heart.”  -Jean Baptiste Massieu

    Several months ago I was invited by the man I was newly seeing to come to one of his meditation classes. He’d been going through an incredibly tumultuous and painful time in his personal life; he realized that his family unit, which he had always seen as perfect, was human and flawed. That seemed to break something in his spirit.

    He turned to meditation as a source of re-centering himself. In addition to the deep breathing, one of the cornerstones of meditation practice is gratitude—finding at least one thing every day to be thankful for.

    He had told me it was a “bring a friend day.” After entering, we saw three other pairs of people and the group leader gathered around a table.

    The first pair was two women in their forties. They had been best friends since college and had remained close for over 20 years.

    One of them shared how through past illness and family strife her friend had never left her side. They laughed about margarita nights until dawn and how the other always picked up the phone. Where one woman stopped, the other picked up. They were grateful for their cultivated and cared for sisterhood.

    The second pair was two older men. They were neighbors and friends who had grown up together. One wanted to share his gratefulness for the other’s steadfast support through his divorce, and for always offering a welcome place for Christmas and Thanksgiving.

    He spoke about the difficulties he faced in not being with his children and his appreciation for having his friend to turn to. Face to face he turned to his friend and thanked him for his family’s constant support, for without them he didn’t feel he would have made it.

    The third pair was a mother and son. The mother wanted to remind her son how special and important he was, not only to her but to everyone around him. She recognized that his recent past had been marred with difficulties and let downs. She knew he felt broken and hurt; she held his hand as she thanked him for letting her be a support and nurture him. She was grateful to see her son’s smile again.

    The last pair was me and the man I’d been seeing for only a couple months. He wanted to appreciate our growing trust and support in each other.

    He appreciated that I showed patience in his slow approach to communication and that I encouraged him. He’d had a different experience growing up than I did—my family said everything on their mind the moment they felt it—so it meant the world to me that he wanted to communicate with me, and he acknowledged his gratitude in this way.

    The man who was going through so much in his own life took the time to reach out and show me thanks, simply for caring. I was blown away by the unexpected validation.

    I’d recently dealt with a series of blows that had left me feeling weak: the passing of a friend, numerous graduate school rejections, and building anxiety towards next life steps. His taking the time to share his gratitude with me pulled me up and opened my eyes. (more…)

  • The Days Will Run Out

    The Days Will Run Out

    “If we are not fully ourselves, truly in the present moment, we miss everything.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

    I heard this story recently while listening to a favorite radio show of mine. It was about this homeless man who was detailing some of his experience with homelessness.

    He told stories of sleeping outside in the rain and waiting for hours to get into an overcrowded shelter. He even told a story about another homeless man, who could speak no English, who told him about how he had spent a sleepless night in a trash compactor because he felt safer and was drier than sleeping out on the street.

    He didn’t get much sleep, however, because all night he kept worrying that someone might press “the button.”

    The single story he told that stood out in my mind, however, was the story of the time he was offered the job of house-sitting for a friend.  As you could imagine, the thought of existing somewhere safely, of being sheltered from the weather, of being able to relax on a couch and watch TV was overwhelming for him.

    He was excited like a child might be excited before being told that his parents had decided to go out and buy him a brand new bicycle.

    There was no doubt that he was thrilled about all these things, and he certainly had a right to be. With all that he was about to experience, however, the thing that he looked forward to the most was sleeping. 

    Really? Sleeping? I wondered, how could he be excited about sleeping when he had a house all to himself?

    The thing is, sleeping in a warm bed, to most of us, is something we take for granted. Something we don’t ever think about. But, as this man detailed, sleeping is tough when you’re homeless.

    You don’t get much sleep when the cold and wet are invading every inch of your body. Most of the time, when you do sleep, you sleep with one eye open for fear of having something stolen, or being attacked.

    So when he first fell like a rough heavy stone into the softness of his friend’s bed that first night, all he could do was lay there looking at the dark quiet ceiling and feel grateful. Then he said something that was special to me. Something that resonated inside me like the assertive crisp ring of a bell.  (more…)

  • 12 Gifts You Can Enjoy Now: Improve Your Outlook on Life

    12 Gifts You Can Enjoy Now: Improve Your Outlook on Life

    “If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.” ~ Mary Engelbreit

    About 10 years ago, I started on a journey any college dropout would embark on to quell the little voices in my head that said, “If you want to be happy, earn good money, and validate your choice of quitting college, you better get moving.”

    This epiphany fueled my mission. What was my mission of choice?

    Get rich quick schemes. The guy on the TV said it would work so it must be legitimate, right? Needless to say, I dangerously careened out of control in the years to follow with each scheme I bought into.

    At rock bottom and nearly bankrupt, I did some serious soul searching sprinkled with a little counseling. I learned I was correlating my level of life satisfaction with the size of my bank account.

    At that time, I was not happy with my meager vocation or the person I had become. The wealthy, extraordinary life I longed for was vanishing further out of reach with each passing year.

    I didn’t realize it, but I was searching for something I already had. Cloaked before me, right within my immediate reach was a beautiful life worth living. All I had to do was open my eyes and change my perspective.

    Change Your Perspective

    Maybe you feel like the fire is gone and there’s just nothing exciting in your life. Maybe you’re just plain disheartened with who you have become and the life you are living.

    No matter how discontent you might feel, know it’s only temporary. You can choose to change that feeling if you lift your veil of dismay and aim to create clarity about your life and what matters. (more…)

  • How to Start a Gratitude Practice and Change Your Life

    How to Start a Gratitude Practice and Change Your Life

    “When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” ~Lao Tzu

    Somewhere in the distant past, out here in New Zealand, I recall someone saying to me “Be grateful for small mercies.”

    Back in the 1950s, when I was a small girl, that meant being grateful for the simple things that made up the better part of my life.

    As I grew, I forgot that piece of advice that someone, probably my beautiful grandmother, gave me way back then. But in 2010, I remembered it again.

    Like so many people in the world in 2010, troubles were crowding in on me.

    My American same-sex partner and I had not been able to see each other for over a year, due to both the usual constraints—American immigration law does not recognize our relationship—and the not so usual—the recession, joblessness, bankruptcy, and threatened foreclosure on our American home.

    In July my father died in New Zealand, and it was at that point I threw in the towel. Life was beyond me. Life was too big for me. I was like that small girl back in the 1950s trying to wear her big sister’s wool jersey, only it was way too big for her—she was swamped!

    At that moment I fired off an email to the great love of my life in New York. “Darling, I am beginning a gratitude list. Here are five things I am grateful for. Now you add to that and let’s start letting the universe know we love its small mercies!”

    And so we did.

    We began to shift our focus away from the pain we felt at not being able to be together, from the heartbreaking loss of people we loved, and from the impending loss of the home where we had known such happiness.

    Now I gave thanks for the silence that enabled me to hear the birdsong in my New Zealand garden, for my tea and toast, for my cozy bed, for the clear blue sky.

    She gave thanks for the good deeds she had been able to do that day and for the help others had given her. She gave thanks for the beautiful day, for her pizza, and for the delicious water she was able to gather from an underground spring near her house in upstate New York.

    And then, as the months went on, a curious thing happened. We stopped feeling alone. Together we summoned a power neither of us could have summoned alone. (more…)

  • 30 Things to Appreciate About You

    30 Things to Appreciate About You

    “You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~Buddha

    Depending on where you’re from, you may celebrate Thanksgiving today. You might get together with your family over a massive gravy-drenched feast. You might celebrate with a chosen family of friends, with traditional food, vegan fare, or a nontraditional fast food spread.

    Regardless of who surrounds you today or what meal you all share together, you’ll likely reflect upon your blessings, as we tend to do at this time of year.

    You might announce them as you all take turns at the table, or you might blog about them, tweet them, or simply acknowledge them mentally in a moment of silent gratitude.

    There are lots of ways to do this whole appreciation thing, and just as many wonderful things to be grateful for in life.

    Today, as you take time to acknowledge all the fortunate parts of your circumstances—your health, the food you eat, the freedoms you enjoy, the job that provides for you, and the people you love—I recommend taking some time to appreciate something that often goes unrecognized.

    Take some time today to appreciate yourself.

    I’m not talking about appreciating the miracle of life, although it’s obviously an awesome thing. I’m talking about actually appreciating all the good things you’ve done for yourself and the world.

    This may seem somewhat ego-driven, but take a minute to think about how valuable your actions are, both for you and other people.

    All of our relationships depend upon our relationship with ourselves. If you don’t love yourself, you can’t possibly love someone else. If you don’t respect yourself, you likely won’t make respectable choices. If you don’t value your time, you probably won’t use your time in a way you might deem valuable.

    The way you treat yourself dictates how you’ll treat the world around you. So today I say we should all recognize all the good we each do each day. While rattling off physical things and conditions that we deem to be positive, we should take a moment to celebrate the person who also weathers the negative.

    Here are a few things to appreciate about yourself today.

    The Good Things You Do for You

    1. You let yourself learn new things, which helps you grow and contribute to the world.

    2. You do good things for your body, like exercising and eating healthy foods (even if not always).

    3. You honor your life by making healthcare a priority.

    4. You take time away from work to simply be, which allows you to feel balanced.

    5. You bounce back from bad days and disappointments.

    6. You do what’s right for you, even if it’s not easy to say no to other people (and even if you occasionally people-please).

    7. You choose to be around people who make you feel good about yourself.

    8. You work toward goals that make you feel passionate and purposeful.

    9. You smile, which benefits both you and the people around you.

    10. You give yourself the sleep you need to feel energized and balanced each day (even though you sometimes you don’t get enough shut eye).

    The Good Things You Do for Other People

    1. You have good intentions.

    2. You accept people for who they are and try to keep an open mind.

    3. You make people laugh, whether you have a dry humor, an acerbic wit, or a class-clown personality.

    4. You listen to the people when they need an ear.

    5. You’re compassionate toward other people.

    6. You make selfless decisions to look out for the people you love, even if not always.

    7. You forgive people when they make mistakes, even if sometimes it’s hard.

    8. You vocalize it when you notice something you value, admire, or appreciate in someone else.

    9. You help other people reach their potential.

    10. You’re honest with people, even if sometimes vulnerability feels scary.

    The Good Things You Do for the World

    1. You care about your work, or something you do outside it, and you do it passionately.

    2. You want to make a difference.

    3. You vote to create positive change.

    4. You recycle to preserve our natural resources.

    5. You choose not to litter.

    6. If you’re a parent, you’re shaping the next generation.

    7. You give back, whether that means volunteering, donating old clothes, or simply helping a stranger in need.

    8. You call for help when you see something potentially hazardous.

    9. You teach something valuable to someone every day, whether you realize it or not.

    10. You make positive changes in yourself—and being the change you want to see is the best way to change the world.

    And one last one: You’re great, you’re wonderful, and everybody likes you. (Okay, so that one was Rodney Dangerfield, but it felt apropos!)

    These ideas might not all resonate with you, but I’m sure the majority are true. Today, as you take inventory of all the things you appreciate, remember that you play a prominent role on many other people’s lists.

    One final request: because you are that valuable person who does so many good things in the world, I would appreciate knowing you. It’s a funny thing running a blog. I know there are thousands of people reading, and yet there are so many people who have never commented.

    I do this to connect with you. Knowing you makes it all worthwhile.

    Say hello in the comments if you get a chance, and share a little something about you. I’d be grateful to make your acquaintance!

    Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

    *Update: Since I wrote this post, I launched a gratitude journal/coloring book that people seem to be really enjoying! If you’re interested, you can learn more here.

  • The Art of Receiving

    The Art of Receiving

    “Appreciation is an excellent thing. It makes what is excellent in others belong to us, as well.” ~Voltaire

    Halloween is the coming attractions preview of the holidays. Those little witches, ghosts, and goblins will soon morph into angels, wise men, and reindeer, and the candy you gave in October will give way to more expensive gift-giving in December.

    While the old proverb tells us it is better to give than receive, countless people bemoan the absence of grateful receivers. Thank you letters seem to be a relic of the past and expressions of gratitude are often drowned out in a sea of complaints about what is wrong with the world.

    When you get back nothing or little in response to what you give, it’s natural to feel mystified or even resentful. Interestingly, our culture spends a lot of time on the value of giving, while little attention is paid to receiving. Yet, for every giver there is a receiver. And when something is not received well—whether it is candy, a gift, or a compliment—we notice!

    With a little time left before the holiday season arrives, it’s not too late to strengthen your ability to receive and help your children brush up on their receiving skills. Here are three simple steps that will help you receive as well as you give: (more…)

  • Food is My Friend: 6 Tips for Mindful Eating

    “Your body is precious. It is our vehicle for awakening. Treat it with care.” ~Buddha

    Thank you for this food we are about to eat.

    Many of us grew up with families who began each meal with a blessing. These prayers followed people from generation to generation like an affectionate family member showing up when everyone sat down at the dinner table.

    These days, this honoring ritual is largely absent as we pick up food in a bag at a drive-through window, eat from cartons taken directly from the refrigerator without bothering to put the food on a plate or sit down, and spend meal times separated from family members.

    When did our connection to the food we eat become so distant and problematic? Many people have a love/hate relationship with food; they disparage particular foods even when they crave them. They say, “I want you—go away!” Doesn’t that seem a bit neurotic? What a mixed message!

    A mistreated person often acts out in ways that can cause trouble. I think of food as doing the same thing. It tugs at you when you have other things to do and makes demands that you pay attention to it when you would much rather think of something else.

    A perfect example of this is when you are positive you don’t want to eat the ice cream that is in the freezer. The entire time you are thinking this, you get a spoon, get the ice cream and finish all of it!

    I created the following exercises to remind myself to maintain a healthy and respectful relationship with the food I eat. As a result, I’ve lost weight and I choose healthier foods. Give it a try and see if it helps you, too. (more…)

  • 25 Awesome Things We Take for Granted Most Days

    25 Awesome Things We Take for Granted Most Days

    “It’s not a bad idea to occasionally spend a little time thinking about things you take for granted. Plain everyday things.” ~Evan Davis

    Some mornings I open my eyes and immediately start thinking about everything I have to do.

    I don’t notice the sun shining through my blinds.

    I don’t imagine all the things that could go right in my day, as Srinivas Rao suggested in his awesome post How to Wake up Every Morning on Top of the World.

    Instead, I immediately home in on my to-do list and all the mini fires I plan to avoid.

    On those days when my mind goes into defensive pessimism mode—conjuring up everything that could go wrong and creating plans to circumvent those things—it feels imperative to go on that way. Like the stressing and plotting somehow gives me more control over the day ahead.

    The irony is that while this type of thinking does nothing to avoid chaos and struggle, which are both inevitable, at least on some level, it actually creates the type of situations I’d prefer to dodge.

    A busy, cynical mind is more apt to find problems than solutions.

    Since I’ve been meditating in the morning again, I’ve been starting the day on a much more positive note. But I am by no means perfect, and some days I still expect the worst instead of creating the best.

    So I’ve started focusing on all the little things that usually go right instead of the big things that could go wrong.

    The reality is things could go wrong later, even if I start the day whistling over breakfast while birds and bunnies hover around my patio bistro set. Being positive isn’t a safeguard against the unknown.

    It is, however, one of the best ways to fully enjoy the moment and create the next one from a place of peace and empowerment.

    With that in mind, I’ve created this list of things that we often take for granted (some or all of which may be true for you). When you start thinking about everything you can’t control, it’s helpful to remember and appreciate all the little things that work in your favor most days. (more…)

  • Approaching the Site’s 1-Year Anniversary (Giveaways!)

    Approaching the Site’s 1-Year Anniversary (Giveaways!)

    Buddha

    It’s a pretty exciting week in Tiny Buddha world. Several months back, I decided to have Tiny Buddha redesigned.

    Well, we decided.  There is an amazing man named Joshua Denney who has done a lot of work on the site.

    It’s through his passion, expertise, and hard work that we’ll have a completely new design at the end of this week.

    One of the reasons I’m excited to launch the new site this week is that Thursday is the site’s one-year anniversary.

    With that in mind, I’ve decided to do a few things:

    1. Conduct a series of book giveaways leading up to the anniversary/redesign.

    2. Highlight some of the milestones from the first year’s journey.

    3. Share some of the most popular posts from the year past. (more…)

  • See and Tell

    See and Tell

    Gratitude

    “Appreciation is a wonderful thing. It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.” ~Voltaire

    There are a lot of impressive people in the world. Some innovate and invent things that help masses of people. Some use art to tell powerful stories that move viewers to action.

    Others make the world a better place by being helpful within their own sphere of influence, however small or large it may be.

    Those little things define people.

    The way your neighbor asks how you’re doing and really listens for the answer. How your coworker supports your ideas and gives you encouragement to see them through. The way your sister makes your house a better place by staying calm when others seem stressed.

    These are all acts of greatness that affect other people, whether they notice or not.

    Noticing is a powerful act.

    A compliment rooted in truth creates more than just a smile. It shows someone you see the good in them, independent of what they achieve. It tells them they not only matter, they really make a difference—something we all hope to do.

    Tell someone what you see today. Let them know how simply being them makes a difference in your world. Life looks a lot brighter when you open your eyes to the light in people around you.

    Photo credit