Tiny Buddha

Tag: grateful

  • 50 Ways to Show Gratitude for the People in Your Life

    50 Ways to Show Gratitude for the People in Your Life

    “Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” –William Arthur Ward

    The holiday season generally brings us closer to people. Sometimes that closeness reminds us how much we love each other. Sometimes it reminds us that we drive each other crazy, as family often does.

    At the heart of it, Thanksgiving in particular calls us to see people with the deepest appreciation for the gifts they’ve given us. Some gifts are more immediately obvious than others—the type that come with praise, affection, and genuine esteem.

    Others push us, stretch us, test us, and make us wonder if there’s anything to be grateful for at all.

    There’s no denying that certain relationships are more challenging than others, but through each we have an opportunity to grow and help others do the same. Every relationship teaches us something about loving, trusting, forgiving, setting boundaries, taking care of ourselves, and taking care of each other.

    From the people who love you, to the people who challenge you, to the people who support you at work, here’s how to show your gratitude.

    Show Gratitude to People Who Love You

    1. Share a specific example of something they did for you and how it made a difference in your life.

    2. Do something little but thoughtful for them—like clean up after Thanksgiving dinner!

    3. Give a long, intimate hug; or if you know they don’t like hugs, stick out your hand for a handshake to cater to their preferences and make them smile.

    4. Tell them you’re there if they have anything they want to talk about—and let them know they have your full attention.

    5. Give them something of yours that you think they would enjoy, and let them know specifically why you want them to have it.

    6. Invite them to do something you know they’ve always wanted to do.

    7. Encourage them to try something you know they want to try but haven’t yet because they’re scared.

    8. Offer to do something you know they don’t enjoy doing, like organizing their closet or mowing their lawn.

    9. Compliment them on a talent, skill, or strength that you admire.

    10. Look them straight in the eyes and say, “You make the world a better place.”

    Show Gratitude to People Who Challenge You

    11. Fully listen to what they have to say instead of forming your rebuttal in your head and waiting to speak.

    12. Thank them for introducing you to a new way to look at things, even if you still don’t agree.

    13. Pinpoint something you admire about their commitment to their beliefs—even if you don’t hold them as well.

    14. Resist the urge to tell them they’re wrong.

    15. Challenge them right back to be the best they can be, with love and positive intentions.

    16. If they inspired you to push outside your comfort zone, thank them for inspiring you to take a risk, and let them know how it paid off.

    17. Write a blog post about how they helped you see things differently and dedicate it to them.

    18. Use the lesson this person teaches you through your interactions, whether it’s patience, compassion, or courage.

    19. Introduce them to someone who may challenge them and help them grow, as they’ve done for you.

    20. Let them know how you appreciate when they challenge you in a loving, non-confrontational way—and if they don’t do that, be calm and kind when you ask them to do that going forward.

    Show Gratitude to People Who Serve You

    21. Give a larger tip than usual.

    22. If they have a tip jar, include a thoughtful note of appreciation along with your coins or bills.

    23. Smile when you order or enlist their assistance. Smiles are contagious, so give one away!

    24. If they serve you regularly, acknowledge something they always do well—like work efficiently or stay calm under pressure.

    25. Exhibit patience, even if you’re in a hurry.

    26. Let their supervisor know they do an outstanding job.

    27. Keep their workplace clean—for example, at a coffee shop, clean up after yourself at the sugar stand.

    28. Offer to get a coffee for them, if it’s someone working in or outside your home.

    29. If you have their contact information, send an email of appreciation—and let them know you just wanted to express your gratitude, so they don’t need to write back.

    30. Praise them in a review on Yelp and/or recommend them to people you know.

    Show Gratitude to People Who Work with You

    31. Write a handwritten thank-you note, acknowledging things you value about them and their work.

    32. Offer to lighten their workload in some way if you are able.

    33. Bring back lunch for them if you know they’re working hard and likely haven’t had a chance to grab something.

    34. If you’re running a meeting, keep it short to show them you appreciate and respect their time.

    35. Ask them about their lives instead of always being all business. This doesn’t mean you need to pry into personal matters; it just means showing an interest in who they are as people.

    36. Be the calm, light voice in a stressful situation.

    37. Give them flowers to brighten their desk.

    38. Let their boss know how they’re doing a great job and contributing to the company.

    39. Listen fully if they’re having a difficult day, and recognize if they need space to figure things out on their own, not advice or help.

    40. Remember that the little things can make a big difference!

    Show Gratitude for Yourself

    41. Make a list of ways you’ve impressed yourself lately.

    42. Treat yourself to something you enjoy, like a pedicure or a massage.

    43. If someone compliments you, thank them and let them know you’re proud of that skill, talent, or accomplishment.

    44. Compliment yourself—say it while looking in the mirror, write it in a journal, or jot it on a sticky note and put it on your refrigerator.

    45. Give yourself time to enjoy a passion you’re sometimes too busy to fit in.

    46. Take an inventory of all the good things you’ve done for other people and the world.

    47. Write yourself a love letter. Seriously, start with “Dear Lori” (but insert your own name) and describe all the things you admire about yourself.

    48. Let go of any conditions you have for being kind to yourself—meaning you appreciate even if you didn’t accomplish or do anything specific.

    49. Schedule a date with yourself—an afternoon or evening that’s all about you.

    50. Share the beauty that is you with the people around you, knowing they’re fortunate to have you in their lives.

    I am fortunate to have you in mine. You make the world a better place!

    **Update: Since I wrote this post, I launched a gratitude journal/coloring book that people seem to be really enjoying! If you’re interested, you can learn more here.

  • The Joy and Peace That Gratitude Brings

    The Joy and Peace That Gratitude Brings

    “Gratitude is the memory of the heart.”  -Jean Baptiste Massieu

    Several months ago I was invited by the man I was newly seeing to come to one of his meditation classes. He’d been going through an incredibly tumultuous and painful time in his personal life; he realized that his family unit, which he had always seen as perfect, was human and flawed. That seemed to break something in his spirit.

    He turned to meditation as a source of re-centering himself. In addition to the deep breathing, one of the cornerstones of meditation practice is gratitude—finding at least one thing every day to be thankful for.

    He had told me it was a “bring a friend day.” After entering, we saw three other pairs of people and the group leader gathered around a table.

    The first pair was two women in their forties. They had been best friends since college and had remained close for over 20 years.

    One of them shared how through past illness and family strife her friend had never left her side. They laughed about margarita nights until dawn and how the other always picked up the phone. Where one woman stopped, the other picked up. They were grateful for their cultivated and cared for sisterhood.

    The second pair was two older men. They were neighbors and friends who had grown up together. One wanted to share his gratefulness for the other’s steadfast support through his divorce, and for always offering a welcome place for Christmas and Thanksgiving.

    He spoke about the difficulties he faced in not being with his children and his appreciation for having his friend to turn to. Face to face he turned to his friend and thanked him for his family’s constant support, for without them he didn’t feel he would have made it.

    The third pair was a mother and son. The mother wanted to remind her son how special and important he was, not only to her but to everyone around him. She recognized that his recent past had been marred with difficulties and let downs. She knew he felt broken and hurt; she held his hand as she thanked him for letting her be a support and nurture him. She was grateful to see her son’s smile again.

    The last pair was me and the man I’d been seeing for only a couple months. He wanted to appreciate our growing trust and support in each other.

    He appreciated that I showed patience in his slow approach to communication and that I encouraged him. He’d had a different experience growing up than I did—my family said everything on their mind the moment they felt it—so it meant the world to me that he wanted to communicate with me, and he acknowledged his gratitude in this way.

    The man who was going through so much in his own life took the time to reach out and show me thanks, simply for caring. I was blown away by the unexpected validation.

    I’d recently dealt with a series of blows that had left me feeling weak: the passing of a friend, numerous graduate school rejections, and building anxiety towards next life steps. His taking the time to share his gratitude with me pulled me up and opened my eyes. (more…)

  • How to Start a Gratitude Practice and Change Your Life

    How to Start a Gratitude Practice and Change Your Life

    “When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” ~Lao Tzu

    Somewhere in the distant past, out here in New Zealand, I recall someone saying to me “Be grateful for small mercies.”

    Back in the 1950s, when I was a small girl, that meant being grateful for the simple things that made up the better part of my life.

    As I grew, I forgot that piece of advice that someone, probably my beautiful grandmother, gave me way back then. But in 2010, I remembered it again.

    Like so many people in the world in 2010, troubles were crowding in on me.

    My American same-sex partner and I had not been able to see each other for over a year, due to both the usual constraints—American immigration law does not recognize our relationship—and the not so usual—the recession, joblessness, bankruptcy, and threatened foreclosure on our American home.

    In July my father died in New Zealand, and it was at that point I threw in the towel. Life was beyond me. Life was too big for me. I was like that small girl back in the 1950s trying to wear her big sister’s wool jersey, only it was way too big for her—she was swamped!

    At that moment I fired off an email to the great love of my life in New York. “Darling, I am beginning a gratitude list. Here are five things I am grateful for. Now you add to that and let’s start letting the universe know we love its small mercies!”

    And so we did.

    We began to shift our focus away from the pain we felt at not being able to be together, from the heartbreaking loss of people we loved, and from the impending loss of the home where we had known such happiness.

    Now I gave thanks for the silence that enabled me to hear the birdsong in my New Zealand garden, for my tea and toast, for my cozy bed, for the clear blue sky.

    She gave thanks for the good deeds she had been able to do that day and for the help others had given her. She gave thanks for the beautiful day, for her pizza, and for the delicious water she was able to gather from an underground spring near her house in upstate New York.

    And then, as the months went on, a curious thing happened. We stopped feeling alone. Together we summoned a power neither of us could have summoned alone. (more…)

  • Food is My Friend: 6 Tips for Mindful Eating

    “Your body is precious. It is our vehicle for awakening. Treat it with care.” ~Buddha

    Thank you for this food we are about to eat.

    Many of us grew up with families who began each meal with a blessing. These prayers followed people from generation to generation like an affectionate family member showing up when everyone sat down at the dinner table.

    These days, this honoring ritual is largely absent as we pick up food in a bag at a drive-through window, eat from cartons taken directly from the refrigerator without bothering to put the food on a plate or sit down, and spend meal times separated from family members.

    When did our connection to the food we eat become so distant and problematic? Many people have a love/hate relationship with food; they disparage particular foods even when they crave them. They say, “I want you—go away!” Doesn’t that seem a bit neurotic? What a mixed message!

    A mistreated person often acts out in ways that can cause trouble. I think of food as doing the same thing. It tugs at you when you have other things to do and makes demands that you pay attention to it when you would much rather think of something else.

    A perfect example of this is when you are positive you don’t want to eat the ice cream that is in the freezer. The entire time you are thinking this, you get a spoon, get the ice cream and finish all of it!

    I created the following exercises to remind myself to maintain a healthy and respectful relationship with the food I eat. As a result, I’ve lost weight and I choose healthier foods. Give it a try and see if it helps you, too. (more…)

  • 25 Awesome Things We Take for Granted Most Days

    25 Awesome Things We Take for Granted Most Days

    “It’s not a bad idea to occasionally spend a little time thinking about things you take for granted. Plain everyday things.” ~Evan Davis

    Some mornings I open my eyes and immediately start thinking about everything I have to do.

    I don’t notice the sun shining through my blinds.

    I don’t imagine all the things that could go right in my day, as Srinivas Rao suggested in his awesome post How to Wake up Every Morning on Top of the World.

    Instead, I immediately home in on my to-do list and all the mini fires I plan to avoid.

    On those days when my mind goes into defensive pessimism mode—conjuring up everything that could go wrong and creating plans to circumvent those things—it feels imperative to go on that way. Like the stressing and plotting somehow gives me more control over the day ahead.

    The irony is that while this type of thinking does nothing to avoid chaos and struggle, which are both inevitable, at least on some level, it actually creates the type of situations I’d prefer to dodge.

    A busy, cynical mind is more apt to find problems than solutions.

    Since I’ve been meditating in the morning again, I’ve been starting the day on a much more positive note. But I am by no means perfect, and some days I still expect the worst instead of creating the best.

    So I’ve started focusing on all the little things that usually go right instead of the big things that could go wrong.

    The reality is things could go wrong later, even if I start the day whistling over breakfast while birds and bunnies hover around my patio bistro set. Being positive isn’t a safeguard against the unknown.

    It is, however, one of the best ways to fully enjoy the moment and create the next one from a place of peace and empowerment.

    With that in mind, I’ve created this list of things that we often take for granted (some or all of which may be true for you). When you start thinking about everything you can’t control, it’s helpful to remember and appreciate all the little things that work in your favor most days. (more…)