Tag: grateful
-
The 3-Day Happiness Adventure: A Simple Guide to Getting Happy Fast
“You have a choice each and every single day. I choose to feel blessed. I choose to feel grateful. I choose to be excited. I choose to be thankful. I choose to be happy.” ~Amber Housley
What if I told you that you could dramatically and permanently increase your happiness within three days?
And what if I told you that it was much easier than you think, based on a simple and logical approach, completely free, and you already have everything you need to succeed? Would you be interested? I assume you would be, but you might be skeptical.
First, I am going to eliminate any skepticism, and then I will give you a straightforward and simple plan that you can implement for three days that will completely transform you, making you feel happier and leading you into a more grateful and abundant life. Sound good? Let’s begin.
The Source of Happiness
We’ve been taught that happiness is something to achieve, something that we go out and find.
We look for a relationship, job, status, or lifestyle that we believe will make us happy. However, this approach to happiness has one major flaw: we are basing our happiness on things that constantly change and are beyond our control.
By looking outside of ourselves for happiness, we are sure to have it forever slip through our grasp. Anything that might make us happy will not last, and this keeps us forever searching, always in pursuit. It has never worked and never will.
But there are those who are consistently happy. What’s their secret? They have turned their attention inward and have realized one of the most thrilling and exciting aspects of life: that happiness comes from within, and that we can consciously choose to feel happy by directing our thoughts.
Let’s try an exercise to illustrate this.
Take a moment, close your eyes, and put your hands over your heart. Physically feel it beating.
Be grateful for your heart and how it has guided you in your life. Ponder the fact that you didn’t have to earn your heart—it’s a gift. Think about how it’s always working for you, even while you’re sleeping. Really allow yourself to feel this. Take it in…
Did you do the exercise? If not, go back and do it! You deserve a shot at happiness!
Now, how does that feel? You have just redirected your mind to something positive. Positive thoughts lead to good feelings.
With a little practice we can redirect our minds to think positively and to feel good. By following the instructions for the three-day happiness adventure, you will come to understand how to do just that.
It’s All About How We Feel
Like anyone else, I have had my share of struggle and difficulty. I have had moments of deep sadness, regret, loss, and fear.
For years, I was involved in a relationship that tore me apart inside. I had pain and anger within me and I wanted to run from it, but I felt stuck and trapped.
Eventually, it became too much to bear and I broke free from this detrimental relationship, got rid of nearly everything I owned, and moved to the other side of the world, to China.
While in China, I went on a quest. I investigated Eastern mysticism, religions, and practices such as meditation, tai chi, and yoga. For years I searched, not knowing what I was searching for.
Eventually, a lightbulb went off and I realized what I was looking for. In the end, it’s all about how we feel.
We want a relationship, a job, a car, a higher status, to volunteer, or to fall in love because of how we think it will make us feel. And we want to avoid a breakup, a job loss, poverty, embarrassment, and the dentist because of the pain we think we will feel.
I realized that how we feel is ultimately the result of our thoughts and what we pay attention to. Therefore, happiness and joy rely primarily on our attitude and perspective.
I resolved to direct my mind. I was determined to focus only on that which I loved and was grateful for.
Within a couple days, my entire life transformed. I was astonished by the changes that took place so quickly. And I was completely amazed at my ability to direct my thoughts and attention, a skill that I had left dormant all my life.
Today, I wake up feeling terrific nearly every day. And many days I feel as if I am walking around in total amazement of the beauty around me, and in awe of the power within me. Yet, of course, I still face some difficulty and struggle, but much less than before. And that’s okay; some struggle is necessary.
From difficulty often come our greatest lessons: loss can teach us what is truly precious, discontent can motivate us to imagine and pursue a greater life, and mistakes show us how we can become better. If we never knew sadness, we would never fully appreciate our happiness.
Preparing For Your Happiness Adventure
So our goal here is not to become like a happiness drone, constantly in a state of blissful joy, sitting cross-legged in utter contentment forever.
Rather, the goal and the outcome of this three-day happiness adventure is to show you how to spend most of your time feeling good, feeling joyful and grateful.
There is also another empowering outcome from this three-day adventure: it will show you that you are ultimately in charge of your state of mind and how you feel.
In order to see results—truly exhilarating and mind-blowing results—you should give this your all.
You will not see major changes if you do this halfheartedly or give up quickly. But if you really go for it and persist, weaving these exercises into the fabric of your life over the next three days, you will emerge from your cocoon as a butterfly, full of beauty and ready to soar for the rest of your life.
Instructions for the Three-Day Happiness Adventure
The instructions are simple and nothing needs to be added to this. For the next three days, you are to:
1. Constantly point out what you love.
All day, as much as possible, look for what you love and say it out loud.
When something happens that you don’t like or if you find yourself thinking negatively, don’t fight it, don’t try to rid yourself of the negativity, simply look for something you love and point it out. You can say this to others or to yourself, but you should say it out loud as much as possible.
Say: I love the way you smile, I love the color of those flowers, I love the smell of this food, I love how you did that, I love how this texture feels, I love how that tastes, I love taking care of you, I love how kind she is, I love this song, I love that I have a roof over my head, I love that I can so easily get light by flipping a switch, I love that I can read, I love that I have hands to do so much with, I love that there is so much beauty in the world and so on.
2. Take eight minutes in the morning and eight minutes in the evening before going to bed to sit alone and undisturbed.
Remove all distractions, all books and electronics. Sit only with your mind and list off some things you are grateful for. Say everything out loud.
As you express your gratitude for each thing, person, and experience, take a moment to really feel how it feels to be grateful for that. Don’t rush through this. You can direct your thanks to a higher power, to your heart, or to nothing in particular; it doesn’t really matter.
3. Every time you go to the restroom, pause for a moment and think of two things, people or experiences you are grateful for.
Allow yourself to feel a sense of gratitude for these.
4. Don’t watch or read any news.
If you do this for three days, conscientiously and with persistence, you cannot fail to transform your perspective and your outlook. And, by doing so, your life will forever be more beautiful and joyful.
We know that happiness is a choice. Now it’s in your hands. A path to greater happiness has been laid out for you. Will you choose to follow it?
Happy silhouette via Shutterstock
-
50 Questions That Will Help You Feel Grateful and Good About Life
“Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” ~Melody Beattie
There’s very little that upsets me like feeling stuck and out of control. That’s exactly how I felt at the beginning of this year.
Things were going well in many areas of my life, but I was unhappy living in my boyfriend’s childhood home in a Bay Area suburb, after we’d spent years living in LA and traveling. Though I knew this was ideal for him, it just didn’t feel right for me,
And even if I could wrap my brain around asking him to leave his hometown when he was just settling back in and reconnecting with old friends, I wasn’t entirely sure what would make sense for us both long term, given that we have family on opposite coasts.
Some days I’d start crying out of nowhere, while eating breakfast, working, or watching TV. I’d feel fear, anxiety, and confusion, and then more guilt for being so emotional and unable to identify and own my desires.
One day I realized I’d fallen into a trap I’d fallen into many times before, and an ironic one, at that: because I’d felt trapped in my circumstances, I’d gotten trapped in my emotions.
I was dwelling, overanalyzing, and worrying about worst-case scenarios. No wonder I was so blocked. I was trying to solve a problem from a place of desperation and fear. Always a recipe for disaster.
So I decided to do something I’d done before, but hadn’t in quite a while: I started a gratitude journal.
I knew I needed to nurture more positive emotions on a daily basis, and that everything would get clearer and easier from there.
At first it was a little difficult. I’d write something down—“catching up with my brother,” for example—but it didn’t necessarily change how I felt.
That’s when I remembered that knowing you should be grateful and truly feeling gratitude are two very different things.
In order to actually feel gratitude, I had to dig deeper and reflect upon just how fortunate I was.
People have always seen me as fortunate, even when I was secretly struggling with depression and bulimia, as I’ve always appeared to have a lot going for me.
But I realize I am more fortunate than ever at this point in my life. I just needed a little more to help me access my gratitude, buried as it was beneath layers of fear and anxiety.
Throughout this year, I’ve been building a list of questions that help me identify what I most appreciate about my life and the people in it.
If you too could benefit from nurturing more positive emotions—and let’s face it, we all could—try asking yourself one of these questions and see where they take you.
1. What’s one kind or thoughtful thing someone did for you recently?
2. Who is always there for you, and how do you feel about them?
3. Who has helped you become the person you are today, and what’s the top thing you’d thank them for?
4. Who’s someone who always really listens when you talk, and how does that affect you?
5. How have your spiritual beliefs or practices fulfilled you recently?
6. What’s the best thing that happened today so far?
7. What’s something that inspired or touched you recently?
8. Has anyone done anything recently that made your job easier?
9. What’s one thing you enjoyed about doing your job recently?
10. Can you think of any non-physical gifts you’ve received recently—someone’s time, attention, understanding, or support?
11. What about today has been better than yesterday?
12. Who have you enjoyed being around recently, and why?
13. How have you used your talents and abilities recently, and what have you enjoyed about doing that?
14. What have you learned recently that will help you in the future?
15. What made you laugh or smile today?
16. What’s the last song you heard that you enjoyed? How did it make you feel, and why?
17. Have you experienced any blessings in disguise lately—things that didn’t turn out as you’d hoped and yet turned out for the best?
18. What’s the weather like today, and what’s one good thing about that?
19. How has technology enhanced your life and your connections recently?
20. Have you had an opportunity to help someone recently, and how did you feel about that?
21. What’s one thing you experienced recently that made you feel a sense of wonder or awe?
22. What’s the best thing about your home, and have you taken time to enjoy it recently?
23. If you didn’t get what you wanted today, can you identify something in what you got that’s worth having?
24. What’s improved about your life from this time last year?
25. What choices have you made in the last five years that you’d thank yourself for making?
26. What’s something you did well recently, and what qualities or skills enabled you to do this?
27. Who made a positive difference in your life recently?
28. What’s something you’re looking forward to in the future?
29. What did you learn from the most difficult part of your day yesterday, and how will this lesson benefit you going forward?
30. What’s something you witnessed recently that reminded you that life is good?
31. What’s something you witnessed recently that reminded you that people are good?
32. How many of your basic needs do you not need to worry about meeting today?
33. What event or interaction made you feel good about yourself recently?
34. How have you made personal or professional progress lately?
35. What simple pleasures did you enjoy—or can you enjoy—today?
36. What modern conveniences (i.e.: electronics and appliances) do you enjoy that make your life easier?
37. What’s the most beautiful thing you saw today?
38. What’s something enjoyable you get to experience every day that you’ve come to take for granted?
39. What are three things your arms or legs allow you to do that you enjoy?
40. What’s the kindest thing someone has done for you lately?
41. How do your friends and/or family members show they care about you?
42. What’s the last thing you enjoyed with your senses—a good meal, a song you love, or aromatherapy—and how amazing is it that you were able to experience that?
43. What movie, book, blog, or article affected your life for the better recently?
44. What have you seen in nature recently that made you feel happy, peaceful, or free?
45. How has modern medicine improved your life, recently or overall?
46. How does electricity simplify and improve your life—and can you imagine what life would like be like without it?
47. What’s your favorite thing about your bed, and how often does it enable you to get restful sleep?
48. What’s something you have easy access to that always improves your mood, and how has it improved your life?
49. Who in your life has survived something difficult, and how do you feel when you think about the fact that they’re still here?
50. Have you recently imagined a worst-case scenario that didn’t actually happen?
This last one was crucial for me. Not only did this help me appreciate things that turned out better than I’d anticipated, it reminded me how often this happens—if only I’m willing to act.
And act I did. A couple of months ago my fiancé and I moved back to LA, still far from my family, but in an area I love, near an industry we both love. And we’re now planning to start working on short films together.
We’re also prioritizing visits with our loved ones, together and separately, so we can both still nurture our relationships.
It’s a compromise we can both not only live with, but hopefully one that will enable us to thrive.
I am far happier for having made this choice (and grateful that my fiancé was open to it). And I know I found clarity and the strength to act on this, in large part, because I made the effort to change my mental state.
It’s funny how that happens. We can sit around and stress about our problems all we want, trying to force a solution. But sometimes the best way to fix what isn’t working is to first focus on what is.
Everything gets easier when we move past fear and desperation and nurture a grateful, hopeful heart.
UPDATE: Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal is now available for purchase! You can grab your copy here.
-
It’s Not All About Money: 5 Ways to Redefine Success
“Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.” ~Maya Angelou
When I was thirty I was earning double the salary I am today. I was also stressed, depressed, sick, tired, and hated my job.
Most media portals want us to believe that in order to be successful we must own a large property, have vacations in exotic destinations, drive a flashy car, and be designer-dressed from head to toe. And that’s just for starters.
We are bombarded with these falsehoods from an early age and we set out on a mission to acquire the material goods that we believe will cement our success.
We chase an illusion because we expect it to bring us fulfillment and then we wonder why we’re left feeling unsatisfied.
Relentlessly pursuing a materialistic ideal is a breeding ground for anxiety and stress.
Today I’m forty years old and I’m a freelance writer. Fun fact: I don’t always get paid to write. It’s a truth for many creatives. For a long time I found it hard to believe in the virtue of working without financial reward.
Even though I was in a position to have my voice heard, even though I was able to connect with many likeminded people, and even though I received a wealth of messages from those who were able to resonate with and relate to my work, it still felt like I was falling short somehow. Why?
Because I’d been conditioned to believe that success was synonymous with a bulging bank account.
It wasn’t until I started to celebrate my personal achievements for what they actually were, rather than what I’d been told they needed to be, that I began to realize I didn’t always have to attach a dollar sign to everything.
Shifting my perspective was the first step on a journey to finding freedom and liberating myself from limiting beliefs.
Here are five ways I’ve learned to redefine success and recognize value:
1. Understanding that health is wealth.
Think of food as fuel. What we feed our bodies determines how we think and feel; our output is affected by our input. Paying attention to our diet is crucial to our overall well-being and has a direct impact on our ability to operate at our optimum best.
I used to feel constantly tired and run down when I was existing on foods that were sucking my energy rather than restoring it. We can’t enjoy life when we’re running on empty. Fill up on energizing foods that are rich in goodness and be prepared to notice the difference.
2. Creating a self-care system.
By weaving self-care into our days we feel a sense of reward that doesn’t have to be financial. Set aside time on a regular basis for some love and kindness, just for you—weekly is good, daily is even better.
Maybe it’s some lunchtime yoga, perhaps it’s finding twenty minutes to sit in peace or an evening ritual of a soaking in the tub with some essential oils. The benefits of holistic therapies are far reaching and make a true difference to how we feel.
Some of the things I make time for are reading, lighting candles, using lavender oil, and listening to classical music. They are my tools to unwind and de-stress and I love the positive effect they have on me.
3. Letting go of “should.”
The media machines love to tell us what we should buy in order to feel good. Countless magazines make their millions by highlighting what we are lacking and what we must purchase in our endeavors to be thinner/younger/sexier.
Since I’ve stopped being spoon-fed and started my own self-nourishment, I can honestly say I’ve never felt more confident. I make choices that are right for me and I don’t second-guess my intuition. Tune out of the TV and tune into yourself, and you too will feel more confident.
4. Being grateful.
When we truly appreciate what we have and make gratitude our starting point, we are far less likely to worry about what we don’t have. It’s actually quite difficult to feel a sense of lack at the same time as feeling a sense of gratitude.
Mindfulness is a discipline, but the rewards of appreciating each gift that life brings far exceed the momentary pleasure of a new purchase.
Each night, before I go to sleep, I make a mental list of things that I’m grateful for. It’s so nice to end the day focusing on abundance and joy. No matter what kind of day I’ve had, there is always something I can find to say thank you for.
5. Paying more attention to life rather than “likes.”
Success isn’t how many Facebook friends we have or how many people pressed like on our post. Social media is an amazing tool but it’s also a forum where people tend to showcase the best of themselves. We often make big assumptions based on small snippets.
I used to get so hung up on what everyone thought of my life that I lost out on living it.
These days I place high value on what I think of my life, not what anyone else might say. And, by doing so, I’ve found that I have not only set myself free, but I’ve also found myself within a community of like-minded people who are intent on raising each other up. It’s a loving embrace and it’s priceless.
When we make our real life our focus we’re much more likely to feel happy and fulfilled.
What’s your definition of success?
-
How to Maintain Peace and Joy Despite Your Everyday Struggles
“In the midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you.” ~Deepak Chopra
For years I allowed everyday struggles, like slight disturbances from schedule, to steal my happiness, peace, and energy. Whenever something disrupted my plan, I got negative and started complaining.
When I realized this, I began taking steps to accept the daily chaos. I shifted my focus to how I percieve my daily life and how I spend the twenty-four hours I get.
I started asking questions, like: Am I being positive? Am I spending my hours in a way that’s productive yet joyful?
And I began working on changes that enabled me to be at my happiest, most optimal self.
Gradually, I was able to regain my lost calm and restore my lost energy.
If you’d also like to experience more peace and joy in your days, these steps may help.
1. Add fun to your daily chores.
What are the most boring tasks in your daily routine? How can you make them more enjoyable?
Minor changes like this can make a large difference in your day.
One idea is to couple boring chores with more pleasurable activities. My favorite way to do this is by turning on some music while doing tedious tasks.
Another idea is to plan fun-time as a reward for after work. Or, do a task that makes you feel accomplished just before you handle a mundane one so you’re in a better mental space when you tackle it.
Completing your tasks in a more exciting manner enables you to have fun, while staying more productive as well.
2. Be grateful.
Once we start complaining, we keep listing everything, small or big, that frustrates us.
Meanwhile, we ignore the good altogether, as if it does not exists.
Recently, I was planning to meet with an old friend after not seeing her for a long time. But she cancelled the day before and said she was going out of town, so we wouldn’t be able to get together for at least a month.
Because I was so frustrated, and fixated on this one thing that went wrong, I couldn’t enjoy the movie I watched with my family that day. I kept dwelling on how upset I was, which pulled me out of the moment.
If you want more peace, stop getting into this vicious cycle of dwelling and complaining.
The next time you find yourself counting the bad, stop to count some good as well. The good things you find might seem ridiculously tiny—like a shared movie with someone you love—but so are the complaints, if you think about it.
Staying grateful keeps the negative balanced with the positive, thus preventing you from taking a glum view on life.
3. Go slightly out of routine.
When someone asks you what you are doing today, do you say, “Oh, the usual,” with a sigh? Or, do you feel excited as you count off things on your fingers?
If you do the former, then maybe following the same routine has become too monotonous, and you could benefit from some unpredictabilty.
Take a different route to your office, do something on the spur of the moment, or pick up a task that’s scheduled for later and finish it beforehand.
When you voluntarily break your timetable, you can adapt better to the sudden changes that happen.
Besides, If you finish an important chore, it will give you a sense of early achievement!
4. Set aside compulsory “me time.”
In our busy life, it’s easy to forget to take breaks. But working around the clock doesn’t necessarily make you more productive.
Instead, it ends up making you more negative and reluctant to work.
On the other hand, having something refreshing to look forward to makes it easier to get through even the worst of days.
What makes you happy instantly? Include it in your compulsory to-do list.
Enjoy some music, read a book, go for a morning stroll, or savor a cup of coffee. Anything that helps you relax can qualify as your “me time.”
5. Take care of your mind and body.
If we are not in our top form, mentally or physically, we get exhausted easily. We are also unable to deliver our best.
You don’t need to spend hours in a gym, follow a strict diet, or be an expert in meditation.
Here are quick examples of activities for a healthy body, wise mind, and contented spirit:
Body: Go for a walk, eat fruit daily, and ensure that you get enough sleep.
Mind: Indulge in quick mental exercises—solve a puzzle, do easy math, or memorize a number without your phone’s help!
Spirit: Spend a few quiet moments with yourself—focus on your thoughts, think of the minor goals you accomplished, or recall a moment that made you happy.
6. Cut down the negative sources.
Spend more time with the friends who encourage you instead of the ones that make you feel low.
Limit the activities that unnecessarily stress you out.
When you need to face something negative, decide in advance that you won’t allow that negativity to leak into your entire day.
I have a friend who used to put me on the defensive. I couldn’t understand why; she had a nice manner, after all.
I eventually realized it was because she’s the kind of person who expects everyone to conform to the society’s views.
She was actually being judgmental and criticizing, but with a disguised exterior. She was also coercing me into being like her.
I used to get drained because I was constantly making excuses or giving explanations for my differences.
When I understood this, I started spending less time with her and kept conversations general.
Now, when we do meet, and she finds something to criticize, I simply leave it at “Oh, that’s just the way I like it” instead of wasting my energy trying to justify my views.
7. Remove extra clutter.
One of the reasons we feel so drained is because we focus our attention on too many things.
Clutter doesn’t necessarily mean your posessions. Your clutter can be material, digital, or even emotional.
Whatever it is, take a while to understand what’s occupying your space, time, and thoughts.
Think deeply about what you really need and get rid of what you are uselessly holding on to.
Go ahead and do the house/office cleaning that you’ve been putting off for so long.
Limit your time on social media and utilize that time reading useful sites/watching informative videos instead.
Or go even deeper—let go of the grudges and negativity and focus your thoughts in a direction that benefits you.
8. Stop looking at the ideal things that could be.
We all have things we don’t like and situations we want to be different. But if we can’t change them, it only ends up making us unhappy.
Quit giving these external circumstances the power to affect your joy.
Appreciate what is present, use the resources you have, and accept the few things that are not the way you want.
I felt very lonely during the first year of college. I’d had to leave old friends behind and start afresh. I was okay with that—I’d always considered the possibility that we might go our separate ways.
But I believed that I would make new friends—ones who were totally like me—to share my dreams and passions with.
That was not what happened. I couldn’t find anyone I truly connected with, and I became hyperaware of how different I was. As a result, I felt shy and vulnerable, which further prevented me from getting close to people.
Eventually, I got tired of being aloof. I decided to focus on the fact that I had good people around me instead of comparing everyone to the ‘ideal friend’ image I had.
Accepting my situation didn’t change it, but it helped me appreciate others and gain true friends in spite of our differences.
Utilize any opportunity you get, even if it doesn’t looks perfect, or you don’t feel ready to use it.
Don’t expect things to be better; take steps to make them so. And when they are beyond your control, channel your thoughts into what you can appreciate about how things are and what you can improve.
—
A busy life doesn’t have to be a stressful life. By adding, subtracting, and modifying a few of our daily tasks, we can prevent the day from stealing our energy. Similarly, by fine-tuning our thoughts, we can find more peace in our days, months, and years.
Floating businessman image via Shutterstock
-
Thanking the Thankless: A Little Praise Can Go a Long Way
“The roots of all goodness lie in the soil of appreciation for goodness.” ~Dalai Lama
The school bus driver that I had throughout elementary and middle school was invariably grouchy. She was gruff and intimidating; she had a look affixed to her face that could best be described as a perma-scowl. As far as I could tell, all of the kids on the bus were afraid of her.
And so it perplexed me each year on the last day before Christmas break when my mom handed me a box of chocolates for me to give to my bus driver as a gift. But she’s so mean, I’d think to myself. Still, I followed my mom’s directions.
The first time I handed the bus driver those chocolates, she was totally surprised by my mom’s thoughtfulness, and I was left awestruck by the unfamiliar grin on her face. Her hardened exterior seemed to melt right in front of me.
Each year after that, I came to look forward to the occasion when I could see my bus driver transformed into a smiling, grateful, pleasant person—and to know that my mom’s kindness sparked that reaction in her.
Over the years, I began to understand what my mom already knew—that this bus driver wasn’t really a mean person. She was just somebody under a lot of stress from working a difficult and thankless job.
In college, I worked briefly as a customer service representative at a call center for a popular television provider. Never before had I realized how degrading people can be when they are frustrated, and how they may take it out on the first person they speak to.
My boyfriend, who also worked at the call center, was once called a terrorist by a guy who was unhappy with his bill. But no matter how irate any given customer was, when the conversation ended we had only a few seconds before the next call came in and we’d go through the process again with somebody else.
Stressful as they were to me back then, I know that the jobs I’ve held barely register on the scale of difficult work done by a multitude of employees with thankless jobs. I couldn’t last longer than a few months at the call center, though I knew workers who were there for years, working hard to provide for their families.
When we stop to think about it, it’s easy to see how many people work to make our lives better and easier. Just think about buying your groceries, as an example. There are farmers that grow our food, truck drivers who haul our food to the store, stockers who arrange the food on shelves, and cashiers who ring it up.
Once you get started, it’s difficult to stop thinking of people who work to improve our lives.
The teachers who taught us to look at life in a new way. The librarian who introduced us to our favorite books—the books we turn to when we need insight or a little pick-me-up. The mail carrier who delivers the birthday card from your grandmother.
The nurse who calls you back with the test results. The musician who wrote the song that pumps you up with enough swagger to nail that job interview or to ask out that guy. The booth attendant who sells you cotton candy at the fair (because, hey, it’s cotton candy!).
The bus driver who made sure you got to elementary school safely.
One day a few years ago, while reading Deepak Chopra’s The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, I was reminded of my mom’s empathy towards my former bus driver.
Chopra writes that when he was a child, he was taught to never go to anyone’s house without bringing them a gift—even if the gift was simply a note, a compliment, a smile, or words of thanks.
Chopra expands upon his childhood lesson, encouraging readers to “make a decision that any time you come into contact with anyone” that we should give them something.
Later that day while waiting in line at the grocery store, I began to think about how many people that grocery cashier sees on any given day. Some customers are friendly while others don’t seem to even acknowledge that the person behind the cash register is an actual human being.
Then I thought about how this particular cashier seemed to go above and beyond. He was always helpful and friendly. He asked if people needed assistance to their car.
Once I even saw him at the store without his uniform, seemingly on his off-day, adjusting the mats in the doorway so that they were easier for others to walk on.
I remembered Deepak Chopra’s advice to give to everyone we meet. I smiled and thanked this cashier, then went home and wrote a letter to the store manager detailing what a good worker this particular cashier was, and strongly recommended giving the guy a raise.
I hoped, at the least, that my letter would give the cashier some much-deserved recognition.
The more I thought of people to thank, the more people I realized I was thankful for. Suddenly I felt indebted to so many people.
I wrote a thank you letter to an old high school teacher. I wrote to my mail carrier. It was so gratifying that it verged on addicting.
Aside from writing thank you letters or expressing gratitude, another way of showing appreciation for those who serve you is to compliment them. Start paying attention to whether your restaurant server, taxi driver, or laundromat attendant has or is doing something that is worthy of some admiration.
Calling your attention to this will most likely evoke a smile and make them feel humanized.
You are letting them know that you don’t just view them as some background object crunching numbers, reading scripts, or scanning barcodes. They are human beings who are servicing you, and you appreciate it.
When we thank those that are often engaged in thankless work, we not only help them feel appreciated and respected; we also connect with that which is more human and compassionate within us.
A 2012 study from the University of Kentucky showed that people who practice gratitude are more sensitive and empathetic, and less likely to respond aggressively toward others.
We know how nice it feels to have our own work acknowledged. We know how it feels to be thanked, or to receive a compliment. And we know how delightful it feels to catch somebody off-guard with kindness.
Because, really, who wants to be the guy on the phone yelling at the college-age kid and calling him a terrorist because your bill (which he didn’t make for you) is higher than you want it to be?
It’s so much more satisfying to be the considerate person who thinks to give a box of chocolates to a bus driver. And, thankfully for us, there are so many people around, working behind the scenes to make our lives better, that are worthy of thanks.
Thank you image via Shutterstock
-
How to Show Your Friends You Appreciate Them
“Life without friendship is like the sky without the sun.” ~Unknown
You love your friends. They’ve been with you through good times and bad. They are the rare breed of humans that accept your weirdness, accept your authentic self, and even love you for it.
You wholeheartedly appreciate them. When you’re with them, you get an overwhelming sense of thankfulness that you have this wonderful human being in your life.
Sometimes, however, you get a sense that you wish you could let that person know just how much they truly mean to you.
Offering to buy a cup of coffee, giving a sincere compliment, and praising them to others just doesn’t feel like it’s doing them justice.
Trust me, I’ve been there.
I’ve felt like the luckiest man on Earth for many years because of the people I’ve been fortunate enough to be surrounded by.
Some time ago, however, I had the same feeling we all get on occasion—a desire to do more. To appreciate them in a way that will make them truly feel appreciated.
As a student of happiness, I’ve also known for years the positive impact my friendships have had on my health and mental well-being.
It’s no surprise that the director of one of the longest studies ever done on human happiness, the Harvard Grant Study, George Vaillant, concluded:
“Happiness is love. Full stop.”
The research has confirmed many times over what we’ve all known intuitively for years: our relationships are the biggest contributors to our own long-term happiness.
For this reason alone, our friends are worthy of more than a simple thank you. Use the following six powerful and simple ways to show your friends you truly appreciate them.
1. Prioritize them.
To show your friends you love them, show them that their well-being is a higher priority to you than other things in your life.
For example, a friend in distress who is in the middle of a big life decision calls you, in tears, and asks for your help. She calls, however, right as you’re about to leave for dinner.
You must ask yourself which one is truly more important. A true friend deserves to have your attention in this scenario. You don’t have to mention you sacrificed a night out to help them. In time, they may come to learn of the sacrifice you made, and it’ll continue to deepen your relationship.
2. Communicate like a real human being.
One of the most concerning sights I’ve seen in the past few years is a group of friends at a restaurant all talking … to people who are not at the restaurant … on their phones, via text.
If you are physically spending time with a friend, the least they deserve is your very existence. Being lost in your phone or other technologies brings no joy to a meeting, and you might as well not be there at all.
When I first noticed this pattern emerging in groups, I began to encourage my friends to play a game that I read about online:
Everyone at the table must put their phones in the middle of the table. The first person to give into the urge to check their phone must then pay the bill for the meal.
People never want to spend more than necessary, and this game works like a charm.
3. Believe in your friends and stay by their sides.
We all have one or two friends with massive goals. As a friend, you can be the one who believes in them, even when most others won’t.
You can be the one encouraging them to persist in the face of defeat, to reiterate how much of a truly golden heart they have and why they deserve success in whatever venture they may be pursuing.
For example, I have some friends who are extraordinary artists. Over the years, their journeys of making their passions their careers have been difficult, seeing as we still live in a culture than incorrectly undervalues the importance of art in society.
I decided a long time ago to always give them a small psychological nudge every time I see them, just to ensure their optimism is maintained.
I would remark upon their talent, ask them how business was going, and give any advice I was capable of giving, without being intrusive.
You never know how much resistance and rejection friends are receiving in their desire to live a meaningful and impactful life, and they often highly regard the opinions of friends.
You can be that friend who never gives up on them.
Objectivity, of course, is still necessary. It would not be wise, for example, to continue encouraging a friend who is on a clear path to suffering.
In this instance, you can still be by their side when they decide the doors must close.
4. Personalize gifts.
We’re sometimes tempted to get the nicest and newest shiny object when gifting to friends.
But remember that personalized gifts have always, and will always, be more welcomed than any new object on the marketplace.
Personalizing gifts shows your friend that you remember the unique things about them and that you value and notice their wonderful wackiness.
Receiving a gift like this, on every occasion, will open the floodgates of appreciation.
I once brought a friend a portable smartphone charger for his birthday. This particular friend was notorious for never having sufficient battery left on his phone to make or receive phone calls.
He greeted the gift with much laughter and gratitude, and it was also the most required and necessary thing he needed at the time.
A gift like this is simple, inexpensive, and easy to purchase, but most importantly, it’s thoughtful, and that’s what counts.
5. Ask if your friends need help before they ask you.
I’m not suggesting that you nag your friends with dozens emails a day with the subject line LET ME CHANGE YOUR LIFE.
That would be more suited for an article entitled “How to Lose Your Friends in 24 Hours or Less.”
What does work is being proactive in your desire to be a better friend.
Whenever you think your friends may be in need of some assistance or guidance, you can casually ask them if they would like a hand, before they realize they might need it.
This is a wonderful way to show your friends they are in your thoughts outside of the time you see each other in person.
6. Avoid the trap of required reciprocity.
This is one of the biggest traps in friendships.
The belief states the following: If I’m doing this great thing for you, you are required to do something equally great for me.
It’s a dangerous way of thinking.
Instead, do great things for your friends simply because they are great.
Expect nothing in return, and you’ll be surprised what actually comes back to you.
Yet you may be thinking, what about the ones who will just take advantage of my good nature?
Well, let them. You’d rather find out they behave this way now rather than later, right?
When you notice this tendency in another, be strong enough to leave that relationship respectfully and rapidly.
Going the Extra Mile
We’ve discussed several ways you can show your friends you love them so they will feel truly appreciated.
The theme among them all is the importance of putting in that extra effort to value the people who have stuck by you over the years.
Your friends deserve your time, presence, and companionship, and you are perfectly suited to be the shoulder they may need to lean on in times of distress and despair.
So enjoy the wonder of relationships in all their emotional color and spiritual zest.
You are special in your own right, and no one else can provide the love that you do, in your own unique way.
-
The Bright Side of Having Little Money: 9 Reasons to Stay Upbeat
“If you want to feel rich, just count the things you have that money can’t buy.” ~Proverb
Ever been in a bad money situation?
Life might have been cushy before, but all of a sudden you find yourself having to carefully watch your spending. You start worrying about how to make ends meet.
You’re unable to afford the luxuries you’ve grown accustomed to—the ones you used to take for granted, like a Starbucks coffee or a meal at a restaurant.
I found myself in such a situation not too long ago.
I used to have a well-paid corporate job that allowed me to spend my time shopping, partying, and going on weekend trips with friends. It was a comfortable life, yet I couldn’t shake the lack of fulfillment I felt.
Every so often I thought about my big dream—the one I hadn’t realized yet. You know the dream that scares you to the core, makes your palms sweat, and your heart beat faster? Yep, that’s the one.
Finally, I made the decision to be brave and take action. For me, that meant moving to New York City and starting a business. Luckily my sister had a similar vision, and our paths crossed perfectly.
My plan was to live for a few months off my savings. I didn’t know much about my sister’s financial situation, but let’s just say that working six months for free in New York doesn’t leave you with much.
She had tried to tell me that she was struggling financially. I told her not to worry—that we were in this together and we’d work it out. When we met up in New York City, however, her bank account contained exactly $1. I knew it was bad, but not that bad.
So there we were, in one of the most expensive cities on earth, with no place to stay, no job, no long-term visa, and only my savings to live on.
This experience pushed me way out of my familiar boundaries. I had to lower the bar on my comfort zone as well as my dignity—which I realized when I had to ask an ex-Tinder date if my sister and I could crash in his apartment for a few nights.
But my New York City adventure also taught me lots of valuable lessons. I learned to look past the difficulties of having little money to the positive aspects of it (and there are plenty, I promise). This is what I learned.
1. You connect with people.
When you lack money, you become more dependent on others. Some see this as a painful experience, but it can actually help you strengthen your connections.
Allowing others to be there in moments of difficulty isn’t always easy (hello, pride). But by sharing your vulnerability, you give others permission to do the same. When you allow others to be there for you, you open up to deeper connections.
Also, believe it or not, allowing someone else do us a favor actually leads them to like us more as a result. This is called the Benjamin Franklin Effect. Basically, we justify the favor we did for someone by telling ourselves that we did it because we like the person.
2. You realize your fears were overblown.
Not having enough money can be a great fear for many people. Our minds tend to imagine everything that can go wrong, and build up our negative expectations.
My mind went crazy when I realized what we were dealing with financially. It told me that I wouldn’t be able to pay the rent, so I’d end up on the street. That I’d lose all my friends now that I couldn’t afford to go out, and that I was at risk of starvation and potential death.
None of my fears came true. The point is that reality is rarely as bad as we imagine it will be. Most of the scenarios we make up exist in one place only: our imagination.
3. You tap into your inner strength.
When things around you are uncertain and unstable, you can’t hang on to anything or anyone else but yourself. Others can help, but when life isn’t easy, you simply have to tap into your inner strength.
Needing external things and people to be a certain way in order for you to feel strong is a recipe for disappointment. They are out of your control. You are the only thing you can control in this world; it’s the only place from which you can draw true and lasting strength.
4. You become more grateful.
When you can no longer afford the small things you used to take for granted, you become more grateful for the moments when you can afford them.
Drinking a coffee you take for granted and drinking one you sincerely appreciate are two very different experiences. In the end, happiness isn’t derived from what we are able to buy, but from the gratitude and appreciation we are able to cultivate from our experiences.
5. You realize you already live in abundance.
Sometimes we need to experience what we think is lack in order for the abundance to appear. The abundance is there—we just need to tune into it.
Just think about it. The sun rises every morning; birds keep on singing and food keeps on growing on our planet. We have roads to walk on, parks to spend time in and people around us to have interesting conversations with.
Having little money can make you appreciate what you still have in life, even the little things you never used to think much about.
6. You spend less time doubting.
I used to spend a considerable amount of time every day comparing and second-guessing all the options available to me. What to eat for lunch, where to go on a night out, what bag to buy, and so on.
Don’t get me wrong, having options is good—but too many can be overwhelming. Less money means fewer options. This leaves little room for doubt or dwelling on the alternatives. You simply have to accept the options available to you, and as you get on with your life, you realize they’re just fine.
7. You become more creative.
Constraints make you creative. When you are faced with limitations you’re required to find new ways of making things work. You start looking outside the box for alternative solutions.
For my sister and me, that meant becoming creative with our accommodations. Paying rent was simply not an option (unless we wanted to spend all of our money on that and come back home broke). So instead of living in our own place, we spent our time housesitting, babysitting, and dogsitting for people just to keep a roof over our heads.
8. You make the most of your time.
When a situation is unsustainable, a sense of urgency arises. Something needs to happen for the current condition to improve. Suddenly, every hour counts.
My New York City experience made me realize that I need to make the most of my time and stop wasting it on things that don’t bring real value. That means no more days in which all I’m doing is waiting for those days to pass.
9. You realize the importance of choice.
Money makes us comfortable. When we are comfortable, it’s easier to not make proactive choices. Choosing means excluding something; therefore, choosing not to choose becomes the easy way out.
When you’re not numbed by the comfort of money, life gets very real. Every choice you make (or don’t make) either moves you in the direction of what you want or not. The importance of choice becomes more evident.
Keep Looking on the Bright Side
Let’s be honest. Staying upbeat when you have little money isn’t easy. Reminders of your financial situation are constantly there, in the cup of coffee you buy, the unexpected bill you receive, or the craving you have for that unaffordable vacation.
Seeing the bright side of a difficult situation isn’t a quality you either have or don’t have—it’s a choice you make and a skill you can develop. You can learn to make the choice to not let your happiness depend on external things, such as money.
You deserve to feel good no matter the status of your bank account. To help you stay cheerful, keep reminding yourself of these nine things. Make a choice right now to proactively focus on what is good in your life.
While you work on improving your financial situation, I encourage you to take advantage of the positive aspects of having little money—connect with people, tap into your most creative self, and make the best of the time you have by not over-thinking your options.
And always remember this. It doesn’t matter where you are today, as long as you know where you’re going.
Piggy bank in the sun image via Shutterstock
-
Enjoy the Little Things: How to Find the Sacred in Everyday Life
“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.” ~Robert Brault
One of the things I love about the Native American spiritual path is the focus on appreciating the simple things in life.
Simple things are often hard to relate to in today’s world of overwhelm.
Eric Schmidt, executive chairman of Google, says we human beings currently create as much information in two days as we did from the dawn of civilization up through 2003!
And yet our bodies were, and still are, designed to be in tune with the sun, the moon, the seasons, and the cycles of nature. That simplicity is what our souls long for.
So our adaption to the “modern age” has been fraught with peril to our peace of mind and our health.
Our ancestors greeted the sun each morning, enjoyed simple home-cooked meals, played with their children and grandchildren, and delighted in a beautiful sunset, with no television to lure them inside on a beautiful summer evening.
I am as tempted as the next person to watch a good TV show, but I have found that the evenings when I putter in the kitchen, making a healthy meal while listening to relaxing music, are much more fulfilling.
Finding Meaning in the Little Things
I designed my house around being able to have African violets in the kitchen window.
I did it because my grandmother had them in her kitchen window. That meant the kitchen window had to be in the south, because that gave them the best light.
So my entire house was designed around having a south-facing kitchen window for African violets.
Every time I stand at the kitchen sink and see them, I think of my grandmother. And it becomes a simple, heartfelt connection to the past.
Native Americans sought a simple, earth-based lifestyle also. No one who truly understood the responsibility involved ever sought to be a “medicine man.” They longed to be a simple human being, living a simple life.
My first Native American teacher, Sun Bear, said, “I’m not interested in any philosophy unless it can help me grow corn.” Meaning, knowledge that makes our lives better is what’s most valuable.
It’s fine to spend time philosophizing about lofty ideals, but how does that help you if you’re unable to enjoy a cup of tea, or a sunset, or delight in watching a child take her first steps?
Living a peaceful, fulfilling life is sacred.
Is There More to Life Than This?
I remember an episode of the sitcom Seinfeld in which Jerry Seinfeld was, for once in his life, thoughtful and sensitive. In reviewing his shallow life, he asked, “Isn’t there more to life than this?”
His neighbor Kramer replied, “I know the answer to that: There isn’t!”
What if there isn’t more to life than simplicity, appreciating every day, helping others, and being kind when we can? I think that’s not so bad!
I have two friends who recently retired and told me they asked themselves, “What should we do now with our time?”
And they decided they just want to help people. They’re very handy and told me that whenever I need something fixed around the house, to just call them and they’ll come fix it at no charge. They do it just for the pure joy of it.
It helps me enormously and gives them the fulfilling feeling of having helped someone. What a simple retirement solution.
And I get the joy of inviting them over to dinner as a thank you.
Spiritual Acts in Daily Life
Here are some things that I feel are sacred in life, and they certainly are simple. Perhaps making time to add them to your day will bring the sacred back into it:
1. Prayer.
2. Meditation.
3. Time in nature.
4. Time with children; they certainly know how to live in the moment.
5. Meal preparation. It’s an opportunity to pray over your food. Make it a meditation.
6. Greet the day. Watch the sun rise and say, ”Thank you.”
7. Say “goodnight” to the day and express gratitude for everything that happened that day.
8. Declutter your home, which also leads to decluttering your mind. I’m going through a massive purging right now, getting rid of things I no longer use. It feels as though I’m opening up my mind and soul for a fresh breeze to flow through and renew me.
9. Awake early to have time to meditate, breathe, and watch the birds, while slowly, mindfully, drinking a cup of coffee or tea.
10. When you feel the need to buy something, stop. Wait twenty-four hours. Why do you want it? Do you need it? What void is it filling? What else can fill it?
11. Do you keep the T.V. on without even watching it? Living alone, I am well aware that sometimes I like the T.V on just to hear the voices of other people. But I’ve recently taken to leaving the T.V. off and listening to music instead. So I still hear voices, but more pleasant ones.
Here are a few things turning off the T.V. can give you: time with a loved one, time for exercise, time for meditation, time for self, time to observe nature, time for a nap.
Why not take some time to slow down, incorporate some of these spiritual acts into your day, and see what a difference it makes?
-
Awakening to Life and Love After a Devastating Loss
“The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.” ~Ernest Hemingway
For years I cursed spring.
During that time my heart woke to the bitterness of life. In the harsh frost of winter my anguish and the season were one, a climate where I felt safe, cocooned in a blanket of grief, a camouflage that ensconced me from the world outside.
Like grief, winter brings the bitter cold to our life, and those withered months drenched in sorrow tasted natural.
In the time I lingered frozen in my shroud of despair, spring had arrived, with feathered creatures whistling joyous songs while the leaves danced up our driveway. The warmth of the sun was a charlatan, exasperating my pain while seducing me like a stranger to a foreign place.
Welcoming the signs of spring felt like a betrayal of my grief. For years I remained suspended, cursing the seasons, as if they had something to do with my anguish. Spring represented an unwanted gift, and this rebirth offended me. How could life continue when I stood so raw?
Marooned in a well of grief, I felt alone in a world surrounded by people, a place where I was unable to articulate the wound that clutched at my soul.
My attention oscillated with an assault of questions, an endless loop of uncertainty that blemished my heart.
Feeling guilty for being alive when he was gone, for waking each day, even the shame I felt running out of tears depleted me, until nothing but darkness remained. Each day another upheaval when I woke peacefully until the ambiguity dissipated and exposed me to the pain again.
Meeting with other bereaved families and sharing our lives brought the courage I needed to begin functioning again. Slowly a thaw occurred and the bitter cold that once surrounded my heart began to warm.
The heartache that previously consumed me now unfolded into a treasure of memories and the gifts they bring with the passage of time. Gratitude can nourish us when our heart feels empty. Though learning through loss is difficult, it remains powerful.
Embracing this enlightenment and the growth it provided filled me with love and compassion. Through years of grief, love, and self-examination, I began to find myself authentically whole again, and like the new buds of spring, my heart began to open.
Eventually spring’s return blossomed within me and I looked forward to the new beginnings it would bring—perhaps because of the cold, seemingly endless winter, or the accumulation of snow all around us?
But when I happened upon an old journal from twenty years ago, the place where all this grief began, the year our five-year-old son died, the fog began to lift.
Finding a quiet room I sat down and began slowly turning the pages, revisiting the season of loss I had endured. Tenderly I stroked the pages acknowledging that despairing period of my life.
As I read, I recalled the brave woman I was, surviving the loss of my child, and I could not help but honor her and the battle she had forged to survive.
For days I continued reading the journal entries, discovering stories that swelled my heart and welled my eyes with tears. Yellowed pages filled with letters and poetry, notes and emotions bringing the words to life again, reminding me of how far I had come.
Entries I had written cursing the seasons stung at my vision, until suddenly aware of the anger I once held with spring, for it was not the season that hurt; the pain that gripped me was witnessing life moving on without me.
It took me years of unraveling to find myself again, and there are still days when I hear his sweet voice in the quiet of my day and know that he is still with me. Learning to step beyond the loss and share the love I had for my son in positive ways became one of my greatest blessings.
Gratefulness is plentiful when we look beyond ourselves and see the beauty that exists in life all around us.
Ryan’s story became a story of love, one of giving to others the way this small child gave to us. Caring for strangers with random acts of kindness began filling the emptiness that once consumed me.
The power connected to giving is immeasurable, and that influence sustained me. Beginning with small acts that kept me anonymous was the tipping point I needed to shift directions.
Paying at a drive-through where I remained nameless energized me, and instead of the melancholy I had previously felt, a new kind of optimism emerged.
Solace can be found in that quiet place of grace when you release a kind deed into the universe and let the laws of nature embrace it.
Over twenty years later I was running a race on Ryan’s birthday and aspired to do something special.
Although I was unclear on how I would present it, I went prepared, picking up two $10 gift cards from a local store. This time I needed to step out of my anonymous comfort zone and be present.
After asking permission, I handed the two gift cards to two young siblings there to run the race. The delight alone was a gratification to witness, but this act gave more.
After sharing Ryan’s story, they all thanked me and I returned to my own daughter, both of us beaming.
Within a few minutes the children bashfully approached me, thanking me again and sharing how special they felt. Smiling, I looked up at their mom who stood watching with tears running down her face.
Allowing Ryan to live on in positive ways is a gift I have given away countless times without regret. Connecting ourselves with others makes the world a more loving place.
Although we try and live with a strategy in mind, planning how many children we want or the house we need, within all of this, there is no immunity from loss.
When we realize that material things are fleeting collections of wants and will not sustain us in tragedy, we begin to embrace the little moments of life.
Giving of ourselves is the most valuable offering we can present, shaping the world in a perfect light. A beautiful sunrise, a child’s laughter, even the smile we bring the elderly neighbor when we stop to visit will be the pause that will anchor us if our ship begins to sink.
-
How to Smile More Every Day (Even if Life Isn’t Perfect)
“A smile is happiness you’ll find right under your nose.” ~Tom Wilson
I smile a lot.
In fact, yesterday I smiled eighty-seven times (I counted).
These aren’t fake smiles. They’re big, toothy, open-mouthed grins. And they’ve become a regular feature of my everyday life because I’ve been overcome with an immense happiness.
Everything I see, touch, breathe, and taste brings me delight.
It’s totally spontaneous and outrageously fun, and I want to share with you how it’s done.
What I Smile At
It could be the subtle texture of construction grating.
It could be the way a flower pops out of the background at an unforeseen moment.
It could be the way the sunlight glints off the window in the early morning.
But the thing that’s powering all these smiles is very simple.
Gratitude.
Most people smile when they get something.
We all like to smile when we receive a compliment, a surprise visit from a friend, or a big paycheck.
In other words, we’re happy when we receive a direct benefit.
But the way I see it, I’m the direct benefiter of everything happening around me.
The caw of a crow, the taste of a mandarin orange, the sound of a truck passing.
All of these things have made me smile today. I receive all of these things and am glad because of them.
So how can you smile more?
It’s simple really.
Be grateful for everything in your life.
It’s amazing what positive effects we experience once we begin to say, “Thank you!” for everything.
Thanks for the gift of life. Thanks for a delicious meal. Thanks for the smile of a stranger.
But the weird (and powerful) change I invite you to make is this:
Give thanks for even the seemingly negative things that come into your life.
Illness, pain, and loss are some of the most powerful teachers we have available. They reflect back to us the ways in which we need to grow. They show us the power that’s within us.
And they show us that life is incredibly precious.
For a few years I was in a really dark place. No home, no friends, no money. I slept outdoors in unfamiliar towns. I ate food stolen from dumpsters. I went days without talking to a single soul.
There were frigid nights when I would sleep in a construction site. I would curl up in the cab of an unlocked bulldozer because my body heat could warm the tiny compartment just enough to sleep a few hours before the crew came in at 6AM.
I was low.
But I appreciate this experience because it gave me fortitude to live anywhere. I no longer worry that I’ll be able to survive without food or shelter, because in tough situations, you get creative. You get resourceful. And you stop being afraid to ask for help.
Pay attention to the smallest details.
Right now I’m staring into the red of my ceramic coffee cup and just smiling my ears off. It’s too perfect not to.
But the coffee cup isn’t really just red.
As I look closer, I see infinite shades glancing off the glaze.
It’s reflecting the candy-cane stripes on a packet of sugar lying in the dish.
It’s reflecting a page of notes I’ve got in front of me.
And it’s following all the laws of light and shading, showing its brightest fire-truck vermillion face to the sun on one side, and a shadowy, murky maroon on the other.
Truly a glorious thing.
These details of experience are accessible to us everywhere, and they show us that no two things are alike.
Even things that we find offensive are opportunities for thankfulness once we begin to appreciate their details.
Plastic bottles on the street or decaying fruit, for example.
They all contain such marvellous detail that when you stop and pay attention, you can’t help but smile in thanks.
Write down your blessings.
Thousands of great things happen to us every day but we only seem to remember a few, while we remember most of the dull, unfortunate, or painful things that happen to us.
That’s not our fault; it’s just the way our brains are wired.
But we can overcome it.
That’s why it can be helpful to keep a notebook to jot down all the great things that happen to you daily.
Reflect on it when you’re feeling down. You’ll notice that even on your lowest days, things happened that touched you, that blessed you.
Don’t forget them!
Look at what is, not what isn’t.
Every time I look around, I think, “Wow, I’ve got a great life.”
I don’t have a lot. And yet, I live the happiest life imaginable because I’m looking at what is, not what isn’t.
Oftentimes we get caught up in worries about the future, giving substance to our negative thoughts.
We think, “If only I had a bit more money to pay the bills.”
“If only I didn’t have to worry about these aches and pains.”
“If only I had a little more time to spend with my family.”
Life isn’t the fantasies you have in your head—it’s what’s happening right now! All the great things around you are yours.
The sunshine hitting your face.
The smile of your kids and grandkids.
The exhilaration of going for a run and feeling your blood rush about in your marvellous arms and legs.
That’s all for you. And it makes me smile.
What made you smile today?
Smiling girl image via Shutterstock
-
When You’re Restless Because Every Day Feels the Same
“To know yourself as the Being underneath the thinker, the stillness underneath the mental noise, the love and joy underneath the pain, is freedom, salvation, enlightenment.” ~Eckhart Tolle
Years ago I found my self at a low point. It wasn’t a big, life-changing event that got me there; just a sudden realization that life sucked. Every day of that horrible summer, this question nagged at me: “Is this as good as it gets?”
My sons were very young then and always happy, a joy to be around. My marriage was healthy and my husband was doing great. The problem was me—my pain body had attached itself to this feeling of “Is this all there is?”
I spent many hours on my couch trying not to look like I was in this funk in front of my boys so they wouldn’t feel any negativity.
I plodded along with everyday things, such as driving them to friends’ houses and joining my friends for lunch, but I lived with this underlying resentment that was consuming me, swallowing me up like a dark cloud.
It felt like I had reached a point in life where I knew it all (of course, I hadn’t even scratched the surface), and I’d figured everything out, and now what?
I would get up every morning and go through my routine, part of which involved making my bed.
When I was feeling this way and I was lost in my own perception of things, I would look at our bed as I put it together and have a sense of ugh! Here I am, making this bed again to have the same predictable day only to get into it again tonight and start all over tomorrow.
WHAT’S IT ALL FOR?
This question nagged at me as I made sure the pillows lined up and ran my hands over the duvet to smooth it to non-wrinkled perfection. Yuk! What did it matter? Why did I care? Was this it? Would I just stay on my little path with these little details until I die?
I couldn’t find my way back to happiness. I was stuck. Thankfully, the Universe and my free will started to show me another side.
A friend opened my eyes to a different perspective and I started to re-think all of my negative thoughts. She helped me see everything around me with new eyes instead of taking it all for granted.
I felt an opening of my soul and realized that there was so much more than I had previously allowed into my life. Just the fact that I was open to receive this better, more positive way of viewing my life made me happier.
Within weeks I started gardening and got lost in the outdoors and the smell of the Earth.
I was emerging as a more enlightened soul, lighter, taking on the day and feeling excited to do simple things—things that I had not considered doing for a long time, such as hiking and just sitting in the grass for hours.
As part of my morning routine, I started meditating in my yard, then doing yoga in the glorious sun. My whole perception of my life turned around and I reveled in each day, so happy to be here in this beautiful place, having this amazing experience.
Filled with love for my family, myself, and just about everyone and everything, I had transformed. And just like that, I left behind that persistent question, “What’s it all for?”
Now I knew what it all was for—to experience love, to give it, to receive it, to relate to the Universe and others as part of the sum of everything imaginable.
My life situation hadn’t changed; I hadn’t moved away or started a new career. I didn’t seek therapy or join any club. I simply changed my perception about my life. I saw things with new eyes and realized how closed off I had become.
I have never again allowed myself to go to that dark place, as I am still high on life, with all of its simple pleasures and splendor. I walk around this beautiful lake every morning and marvel at nature and how perfect it is. I find ten miracles before breakfast, and I am living a life of joy.
I make my bed every morning, and I always make sure to run my hand over the duvet to make it smooth. I line up the pillows and spend a minute so it looks neat. I think about the day and how amazing it is that I can create whatever I choose.
With a feeling of being blessed, I have deep gratitude for everything in my life. And then I think, “Wow, I’m about to have a great day and then end up back here back in my bed with my husband! How awesome is that?”
Recognize that your thoughts represent just one possible way to perceive your circumstances. Write down all the great things in your life and decide to throw away any negative, self-limiting thoughts.
It’s your choice how you see your life, so see it as a beautiful gift and take on each day with love in your heart and a smile on your face.
Bored man image via Shutterstock
-
7 Lessons to Learn If You Want to Thrive in Life
“Embrace each challenge in your life as an opportunity for self-transformation.” ~Bernie S. Siegel
I’d been having mild pain for about a week—a consistent, dull ache in the center of my chest.
I’m thirty-nine years old with no personal history of heart disease, or of anything else for that matter. Worry hadn’t yet consumed me, but I was keeping an eye on the pain to see if it got better or worse.
Once a week I drive ninety Los Angeles miles round trip for work. I say “Los Angeles” miles because I should theoretically be able to make the journey there and back in just over two hours, but it can take up to five, since I spend almost the entire commute on the perpetually traffic-ensnarled 405 freeway.
It was during this commute that the pain began to feel more intense. I thought my left hand felt tingly. My mind, always a little bit anxious when driving in LA, ratcheted up the worry ten-fold.
I envisioned having a full-on heart attack while driving in rush hour traffic. I made a mental laundry list of the ensuing consequences, such as passing out and losing control of the car or what would happen to all of my debt if I died. Whose lives would be irrevocably changed for the worse?
I managed to calm myself down enough to make it home, but once there my dutiful and pragmatic husband suggested a trip to the Emergency Room. I was in no shape to argue, and truthfully was grateful that he echoed my own escalating concern.
During my visit to the ER and the subsequent overnight hospital stay, I had lots of opportunities to overreact and feel sorry for myself. I’m sure I did quite a bit of both. But I also saw it as an opportunity to remember and to practice some of the hard-won lessons I’ve learned over the years.
1. The most important things in life are worth waiting for.
It’s no surprise that the name for someone receiving medical care is the same as the word for tolerating delays without becoming annoyed or anxious.
The ER was so busy the intake nurse joked that they must be running a special she didn’t know about. After taking my vitals and determining that I was not having a heart attack at that very moment, I was sent to the lobby where I waited for over five hours to be seen.
I almost talked myself into leaving several times, convinced that if I really was experiencing something serious they would have seen me right away. But I have a family history of heart disease, and the pain wasn’t going away, so I opted to stay.
It turns out that I (thankfully) don’t have a heart problem, but that was not for me to determine.
In our modern age of instant gratification, exercising patience can be a real challenge, especially because we’ve become accustomed to getting what we want right away. But there’s a reason why people often say the most important things in life are worth waiting for—they are. Particularly when your well-being is at stake.
2. A little kindness can go a long way.
“Be nice to others and they will be nice to you” doesn’t always pan out, but when you’re in a busy hospital with doctors and nurses who are stretched to their limits and beyond, a little kindness goes a long way. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be firm when necessary, but remember the person you’re talking to is a human being.
Be respectful. In most cases, you’ll find that respect is reciprocated. Everyone has feelings, and most people are doing the best they can with the tools and resources they have.
3. What works for others may not work for you.
If learned nothing else from this incident, it is that nitroglycerin is not my friend. Yes, nitro is a life-saving wonder drug that opens blood vessels so blood can continue to flow through damaged heart tissue. But if you are prone to migraine headaches as I am, taking a nitro tablet as a precaution is just plain awful.
Nitroglycerin did nothing for my chest pain, but it did give me an instant, crushing headache that lingered for three days. If nitro is going to save my life, I will certainly take it. But if I’m taking it as a precaution, I will think twice in the future.
There is no one-size-fits-all solution to every problem. Sometimes knowing what doesn’t work is just as important as knowing what does. It can literally save you a headache or two down the line.
4. Happiness is being grateful for the small things.
I was finally admitted to a room at 2AM, with a roommate restlessly snoring in the next bed.
I felt dehydrated and a little nauseated from taking a cocktail of meds on an empty stomach. All I could think about was how much better I would feel if I could just eat a cracker, so I asked the nurse who brought me to my room if she could possibly bring me one.
A few moments later she returned with not one, but eight crackers—and two cups of apple juice! I almost cried with relief and gratitude. I think I thanked her four times, which she seemed to appreciate.
I also asked if she might have any earplugs, when I noticed a small box on the bedside table. It not only contained earplugs, but also a face mask, a book of crossword puzzles, a pencil, and—what felt like the best thing in the whole world—ChapStick! I actually squealed “OOO, CHAPSTICK!” out loud with delight.
I gave a silent “thank you!” to the genius that thought to include ChapStick in that box while I slathered the stuff on my lips and downed the crackers and juice. I popped in the earplugs and fell asleep with lubricated lips and a stomach that was no longer doing gymnastics.
It’s the small things, people. Finding joy in the seemingly insignificant moments and the small gifts is how to find happiness every day, even in the most trying circumstances. I think the choice to be happy is one of the most transformational decisions a person can ever make.
5. Laughter is the best medicine.
I did not sleep well that night. The earplugs didn’t really help to cancel out the various noises coming from my roommate, including the spa piano music she was playing to help her sleep.
But as I lay there listening to her snore, she suddenly blurted out in a thick Polish accent, “Wrong chef!” She then mumbled something under her breath and continued the buzz saw serenade. I laughed out loud, wondering what she could possibly be dreaming about.
Amusing things happen every day. Don’t get so caught up in the serious moments that you can’t have a laugh or two. Studies show laughter actually improves health, and will most certainly lighten your mood.
6. We could all use a little compassion.
While it could have been easy to be seriously annoyed by my roommate, I chose instead to practice compassion. Yes, she was an obstacle preventing me from getting rest. But she was also in the hospital because she wasn’t feeling well.
Couldn’t we all use a little extra compassion from others when we aren’t feeling our best? Letting go of my irritation not only allowed her to continue doing whatever it was she felt she needed to do in order to feel better, it actually made me feel better.
One night of poor sleep isn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things. Being compassionate is.
7. Now is the time to prepare.
There really is no feeling worse than knowing you are woefully underprepared for serious circumstances.
This isn’t to say you should be constantly worrying about the future, but having the courage to face the inevitable consequence of life (which is, of course, death), can mitigate much of that worry. I don’t want my loved ones to be left in the lurch with my passing.
It’s finally time to admit that I’m a grown-up and I need to act like one, which means obtaining life insurance so my family doesn’t find themselves saddled with financial responsibility they aren’t prepared to handle when I’m gone.
—
Sometimes it takes big, scary moments to remind us that the quality of our lives is not determined by what happens to us, but by how we react to those experiences.
Why wait until you’re confronted with a serious situation to adopt one or more of these behaviors? Not only will it make your daily life richer and more meaningful, but it’ll also give you the tools you need to survive and thrive when life takes an unexpected turn.
Strong, confident woman image via Shutterstock
-
6 Exercises from Positive Psychology to Boost Your Happiness
“The secret of happiness is to count your blessings while others are adding up their troubles.” ~William Penn
A friend recently asked me, “What’s the worst habit you’ve overcome?”
“Besides eating chocolate for breakfast?” I joked. “That would be complaining.”
I used to be an incessant complainer. Whining was practically in my DNA. When I was growing up, my father blamed the weather for his tennis elbow, the traffic, and his subpar golf game, and he frequently formed judgments and assumptions about other people.
If we drove by a neighbor’s nicely manicured lawn, he’d whisper that the house was bought “for a steal,” while waving to the owner. When his colleagues vacationed in Hawaii, he presumed that family money financed the trip.
So it wasn’t surprising when I started criticizing my friends during disagreements, or when I hit below the belt when my best friend invited another friend to Disneyland.
I admit, it felt good at first—powerful even. But soon after, I felt sad and guilty.
My turning point came during the fourth grade when my teacher gently pulled me aside one day after recess. “You know, sometimes we think our situation is worse than it is. But life is pretty great when you start noticing what’s going right.”
Though the lesson was indirect, Ms. Braun taught me the gift of gratitude. And gratitude is one reason I love positive psychology.
Positive psychology encourages us to question which thoughts and actions we can change to become happier.
This intentional focus inspires us to cultivate positive emotions, nurture relationships, and commit acts of kindness.
The following exercises can help improve your emotional well-being, and someone else’s, too.
Exercise #1: Three funny things
Write down three funny things you experienced in a given day, and why those things happened. For example, was this something you were directly involved in, something you observed, or something spontaneous?
When you can laugh at yourself and your circumstances, it means that you don’t take life too seriously. Best of all, laughing is contagious!
Exercise #2: Journaling
Journaling provides a snapshot of a moment in time. Not only does journaling create a healthy habit of self-reflection, it allows us to document positive changes to our thinking and our actions, and it helps us transition from a bad mood to a good one.
For example, if you earned a promotion at work this week, you would recount:
- How it happened (through hard work and spending fifteen minutes double-checking my numbers)
- Why it happened (I took the initiative to apply for the promotion.)
- What I did right (I talked to senior executives in the company about the best ways to improve job performance.)
- How I helped this happen (I gave up watching my favorite TV shows and read trade publications and stock reports instead.)
Next, record one activity that you didn’t like and how you can address it. For example:
I snapped at my roommate when she came home late on Thursday and woke me up.
Problem-solve the following:
- How this is keeping me stuck (I couldn’t fall back asleep because I obsessed over how inconsiderate she is.)
- What thoughts and actions I can take to get unstuck (I can be more flexible; after all, she’s a grown-up and doesn’t need a curfew. I can buy earplugs and wear them when she goes out during the week.)
Exercise #3: Write your future diary
Whether you’re trying to eat healthier, studying for an advanced degree, or starting your own business, the time between being an apprentice and reaching your goal can seem like an eternity. Envisioning your future can be a great motivating factor to get you over the slump.
Close your eyes and picture your future. Focus on how life will be different and what changes will be in place. Reflect on how you’ll feel and on how others will respond to the new, improved you.
Most importantly, think about how you’ll utilize the habits, skills, and talents you’re learning now to benefit others.
Exercise #4: Count kindness gestures
Keep a record of all the kind acts that you do in a particular day, and the acts of kindness you witness. These can be as simple as placing the morning newspaper at your neighbor’s doorstep, helping an elderly person cross the street, or smiling at strangers.
Exercise #5: Gratitude visit
Think of someone you should thank, someone who’s been helpful or kind to you (and not a family member, partner, or spouse).
Write a letter to this person, including details about how they’ve helped you and the lasting impact this has had on you.
Arrange to meet up with your friend and tell them you have something to read to them. After you finish reading the letter, present it as a gift.
A lovely gesture, though entirely optional, is to put the letter in a frame, or to laminate it.
Exercise #6: Cultivate a positive outlook
Despite the bad things that happen daily, it’s important to remember that the world is basically a safe place.
We all suffer pain and trauma. People who find the good in every situation possess the resilience to bounce back more quickly.
When you intentionally choose positivity, you look inward for resources and you trust your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. Life still brings pain and heartache, but you know there’s a way out.
After dropping my son off for school last week, I found myself feeling sad and scared for no reason. What if something bad happens and I never see him again?
I knew these thoughts were futile, yet it was hard to shake the doom as I watched his disappearing frame recede amongst the sea of middle school students.
I then breathed deeply, closed my eyes, and reminded myself that my feelings are not facts, and I could get myself on the other side of anxiety with intentional action.
I looked around and savored the trees, the fresh air, the morning sunlight, and the giggly teens eagerly running toward the crossing guard at the edge of the street.
I focused on the simple beauty around me. And then it dawned on me: The difference between people who complain and those who do not is utter appreciation and gratitude for what you have, right here and right now.
-
We Can Find Reasons to Be Happy and Grateful Every Day
“A day without laughter is a day wasted.” ~Charlie Chaplin
Many people have told me throughout my life that I sound just like my mother when I laugh. I lost her to cancer when I was sixteen, over twenty years ago. I learned from her to laugh and laugh often, even through the toughest of times. “Happiness is a choice,” she always said.
Life has thrown a few curveballs my way over the past five years and tried to test my ability to choose happiness and laughter. My husband, Eric, and I had just started talking about having children when the first wild pitch came our way.
Early in 2010, Eric was diagnosed with cancer. I remember how I refused to cry in front of him or in front of anyone really. I remember how overwhelmingly sad, scared, and angry I felt. I also remember the first time we laughed after we found out.
We were sitting on our couch watching TV, and something very funny came on and we both laughed. I can’t remember what it was. I just remember looking at him and feeling a bit surprised.
I realized that it was going to be really important for us to keep laughing, and we did, often at times when most people would think we were nuts.
We laughed at the crazy sound Eric made when he got sick (to put it politely) after chemotherapy. We laughed when I blew into his ostomy bag to make sure it was attached correctly (a very risky maneuver considering what could have come out of there.)
We laughed hysterically when a nurse very inappropriately commented that our sex life would probably be a lot better once he had the surgery to get rid of the ostomy.
Fast-forward a few years. Eric was healthy and we were ready to move forward in starting a family. We knew there could be some complications, but they turned out to be worse than we thought. Cancer treatments had made Eric sterile and it turns out that I had some issues too.
We decided to try IVF with samples Eric had frozen prior to treatment and failed multiple times. Again, we ended up laughing when most people would think we were crazy.
We laughed when my first embryo transfer turned into a show for about six interns (thank you teaching hospital).
We laughed when we got a box full of hormones and needles that would make some people faint.
We laughed ourselves to tears when an employee at CVS very inappropriately asked me if I was pregnant yet because she’d seen me buy so many tests.
We decided after two rounds of IVF and one frozen embryo transfer that we were not going to do any more fertility treatments. We had discussed adoption before, and we both agreed that we wanted to become parents this way.
We took a good bit of time to research and discuss our options and eventually agreed that open adoption was the path for us.
Fast-forward about a year to today and to the event that inspired me to write this post. We are in “the wait” to be chosen by an expectant mother to become parents through open adoption.
This is something that could take months or years. Every day we are hoping that this woman, who we already love, will find us through our agency and want to place her child, who we already love, with us.
We bought a separate phone for our toll free number to make sure we never miss a call. Today, I heard it ringing in my office and a million thoughts ran through my head instantly. Could this be her, already, we’ve only been live for a month, how should I answer, will I sound stupid…
I ran like the wind to my office and as I was picking it up to answer, my husband jumped out from under my desk and yelled, “It was me!”
I could have been irritated that he scared me half to death. I could have been angry that he got my hopes up that we were getting “the call.” Instead, I chose happiness and we laughed—a lot!
Laughter has kept us sane and grounded through very trying times. I’m so thankful that my mother taught me to choose happiness and that I married my best friend who makes this choice with me every day.
Yes, there have been sad, scary and angry moments, but we have always been able to find our way to happy and hopeful, which will make “the wait” much easier.
We are so thankful that my husband is healthy.
We are so thankful that we have the ability and opportunity to become parents through this amazing and loving way to create a family.
We are so thankful that we choose to be happy. We can’t wait to share our lives, love, and laughter with our child and to teach him or her to choose happiness.
Just as my mother encouraged me, I will now encourage all who are reading this to find at least one moment during the day to really focus on what you are thankful for.
Taking these moments to be grateful—especially on the days when being happy may seem impossible—can be just what you need to get through them.
Through all of life’s up and downs, at the end of the day, it is simply amazing that we are here, and we need to appreciate and enjoy it!
Couple playing in the snow image via Shutterstock
-
How to Intentionally Embrace Change in the New Year
“Change is inevitable. Growth is intentional.” ~Glenda Cloud
What do you do when you come to the end of a calendar year as it approaches the start of another one? Do you get caught up in the festive season hype and then, as you roll into the new year, find it all a bit anticlimactic? Or, are you a bit like me and prefer to keep it a quieter, reflective time?
We know that calendar time is really artificial, for true time is simply an infinite and continuous cycle of day and night, seasons, birth and death, and change.
When I used to trek the mountains of the Himalayas, I loved the prayer wheels at the Tibetan temples. I would happily spend hours walking around the Boudhanath, spinning the prayer wheels with my hand, engrossed in a meditative state.
It always reminded me of how change turns the wheel of time and life. Without change, life is static, stale, and limited. Without change, there isn’t growth. Like everything in nature, a flower doesn’t remain forever regardless of how beautiful it is.
So, each year when the calendar slips into its last pages, as people rush around in a frenzy of spending, I prefer to retreat into a silent space of reflection. I write my gratitude list for the year gone and set my intentions for the year to come.
In doing so, I get a deep sense of the energy for the coming year, then prepare my mind, body, and soul to flow with it. This has become my ritual every New Year’s Eve.
Babies grow into children, children into adults, adults now have children of their own, and the mature become aged. New lives are born as we say goodbye to those who have passed on. Relationships end, new ones begin; some people fall in love and others out of love.
Every year we are bestowed more gifts and joys, while also confronted with more challenges and turbulences.
One particular year was especially tumultuous for me. Usually when I write in my Gratitude Book on New Year’s Eve, my pen won’t stop moving and I end up with pages of blessings that I’m grateful for.
However, that one particular New Year’s Eve, I just sat there, stared at the blank page, and thought. “Wow, how do I begin?”
Then, without thinking, my heart immediately whispered, “I am grateful for making it through this year.” And then it flowed again, “I am grateful for making through this year a wiser, more evolved and compassionate soul.”
That was the year I nearly killed someone (random unintentional freak accident, of course), thought I had lawn-mowed my pet tortoise, saw a friend suffer through severe burns in a freak accident, ended a relationship that I thought was true love, had conflicts with my children, experienced extensive damages to my home and car from a major thunderstorm in my city, and the list went on.
Globally, wars and riots ran rife, topped by natural disasters, like earthquakes, and human caused disasters, like major oil spills into pristine oceans. It was a year of chaos, so sitting down to reflect and journal into my Gratitude Book was most interesting.
As the saying goes, through chaos emerges a new order.Through chaos, I saw that I have indeed grown, expanded, and matured. Through adversities, I’d learned to trust more in my true and higher reality.
Through challenges, I’d come to turn inward and listen to the wisdom and voice of my higher self.
Over time, change continued to sweep through, and the world shifted into renewal and recovery. So the pages of my Gratitude Book continued to fill.
Now that I’ve come to the end of another year, again I bear gratitude. At the start of this year I’d sensed a very strong wind of change blowing through and knew I had to be ready for restructuring. Sure enough, everything regrouped itself in my life.
Transition wasn’t easy. It was tiring, and it required trust in stepping into the unknown. It summoned my courage in welcoming the new and acceptance in letting go of what was. My kids changed, one moved out of home, another fell in love, and another stepped into a newfound life path.
I’m grateful as I celebrate their independence, growth, and expansion into their own world, as much as I miss them. My home and divorce settlement came to a final closure. Our family home was sold and I moved into a small rental home that I love.
My work changed, evolved, and restructured as I stepped into a new role. Overall, it was simply a year of change and transitions.
So, in line with embarking into a new year, here are some suggestions for setting your purest intentions for moving forward into the sea of change. Incidentally, they are contained in the acronym CHANGE.
Choice
At every point in time, and especially when confronted with imminent change, you have a choice of whether to embrace or to resist.
Embracing change requires courage and trust because it’s always unnerving to step outside your comfort zone. But when you trust and embrace, change can bring you excitement, growth, and infinite new possibilities.
Happiness
Step into the New Year with the intention of choosing happiness for yourself and those around you.
Happiness is a choice that comes from within. Regardless of your external circumstances, your perception determines your emotions.
Choose to look on the bright side of everything; for example, ask yourself, “What can I learn from this?” Or, count your blessings with heart filled gratitude, and happiness will abound.
Anchor
Continue to anchor in your higher reality and wisdom, for there’s more to you than just this physical and transient existence.
This brief life, with all its ups and downs, is merely a myriad of experiences for the growth of your soul. Staying anchored, you will ride and surf the storms and waves of life with skill and ease.
New
Time and change involve flow and movement. Along with these are borne new experiences, people, places, and ideas. Be open to receiving and bringing forth the new and nourishing, and let go of the old if they no longer serve you.
Growth
When you flow with the movement of time and change, and embrace the new while anchoring and trusting in the greater you, growth is the natural result. Like the sun enables a plant to sprout from a seed, the happiness that you soak in and project will allow you to grow and thrive.
Emergence
Out of that strength and solidly grounded foundation, new creations will emerge.
You will find yourself forging new fulfilling friendships, relationships, successes, and joys. New ideas will emerge into manifestations. Imagination and dreams will become a reality. A new phase will continue and take you forward with the flow.
What are your intentions for this New Year ahead? May you flow with the energies of change and embrace this wondrous gift of life, along with its mystery and excitement, into the unknown.
Woman and sunset image via Shutterstock
-
51 Ways to Feel Happy in 5 Minutes
“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.” ~Buddha
For the longest time I lived in the future.
I had a grand list of all the big things I wanted to do…
Build a multinational company, become a philanthropist, go on long vacations all over the world with my wife, have a big house with a lovely garden…the list goes on!
It’s great to be ambitious, I still believe that.
However, the more I made plans and worked toward my ambitions, the more I reinforced a concept within my mind—that the present is not okay.
“Who I am, where I am living, what I look like, how much money I have—none of it is enough for me to be happy now.”
I had made my happiness conditional on my success, on the “big” things in life.
One morning, after finishing my Tai Chi session in the park, I noticed a lovely bed of flowers. I had been going to that the park for months but had never noticed those flowers before.
Being the goal-oriented person I am, I was focused on perfecting my Tai Chi moves. So focused, that I had forgotten that one of the key purposes of Tai Chi is to be more in the present, to be satisfied with life.
That’s when I realized that my ambitions were blinding me to all that I already have in life.
I asked myself: Can I be happy with what I already have now, be happy with the little things in life?
I began to consciously make an effort to realize how beautiful my life is, to be aware of the little things that make the present moment special. We all experience such moments every day. We just don’t notice them. We let them pass by like strangers on an elevator exchanging polite smiles.
Rather than just smile, I started to give those fleeting moments a hug. I really began to live them.
I became happier, my energy levels rose, and I became more productive. I stopped worrying about my business—my grand plans for the future!
My mind still has a habit of flitting between the past and the future, but sometimes it takes only five minutes to bring it back into the present moment, to just feel happy.
If you are wondering how to do that, try one of these tiny ways:
Enjoy Nature in the City
I used to feel like heading out into the lap of Mother Nature every other weekend. Then I asked myself, how could I enjoy nature right in the city?
1. Watch the leaves fall on a windy day.
2. Wake up early and listen to the silence.
3. Look at the clouds and try to find shapes and maybe even faces.
4. Listen to the birds chirping.
5. Check out some breathtaking photos on National Geographic.
6. Watch a butterfly flutter away.
7. Listen to the thunder on a rainy day.
8. Sit on a park bench and enjoy the greenery.
9. Walk barefoot on grass.
Be Grateful for What You Already Have
There’s so much in life that we take for granted that many can only dream of. Let’s remember how fortunate we are when we experience these ordinary moments.
10. Enjoy drinking a glass of water. Eight hundred million people in the world do not have access to clean water.
11. Be grateful for the food on your plate. Over eight hundred million people do not get enough to eat.
12. Be grateful for the people in your life.
13. Just be grateful that you are alive.
14. Think of ten other things you are grateful for.
Bring Out the Child in You
How difficult is it to regain that carefree nature of childhood when you are older? Go ahead, do something silly and have a good laugh!
15. Read an Archie comic book.
16. Blow soap bubbles.
17. Catch snowflakes with your tongue.
18. Take a walk in the rain.
19. Lick a fast melting ice-cream.
20. Practice your Kung Fu moves or air guitar in front of the mirror!
Enjoy a Hobby
Do you have time for hobbies? I used to feel that I didn’t, until I figured that a hobby does not require half an hour a day. Five minutes is enough.
21. Play a song on your guitar (or any instrument).
22. Listen to a song you love. (Keep a playlist in your phone).
23. Better still, sing aloud.
24. Learn a new dance move from YouTube.
25. Capture an urban scene with your camera phone.
26. Read your favorite part from that novel you really love.
27. Read a new book for just five minutes before you go to bed.
Take Care of Yourself
You might be giving time to your work, your ambitions, and your family. Are you taking good care of yourself?
28. Exercise for just five minutes—skip rope, jog, do five pushups and squats. Exercise releases endorphins, which make you happier.
29. Relish a delicious serving of fruits.
30. Pen down your thoughts in a journal.
31. Tidy up a corner of your house.
32. Meditate for five minutes.
Love Yourself
Before I felt that I had enough in life, I had to love myself enough.
33. Think of five things that you love about who you are as a person.
34. Every night before going to bed, think of at least one thing you achieved on that day, however small or insignificant it might seem.
35. Give yourself a hug. (It works.)
Do Something for Someone Else
Giving creates a feeling of abundance like few other things do.
36. Feed a stray dog or cat.
37. Help a neighbor with an errand.
38. Help out a coworker with your expertise.
39. Send flowers and a card to that relative you haven’t spoken to in years.
Connect with People
Work was an excuse for me to not find time for my loved ones. Does it really take much to cherish these relationships?
40. Call a friend and say hello. (Don’t text!)
41. Cuddle with your partner in the morning.
42. Call your parents.
43. Remember a happy moment with your loved ones.
44. Forgive someone for a small offense. (This makes it easier to forgive people for the big offenses.)
45. Apologize to someone.
46. Look at old pictures that bring back memories.
Indulge Your Senses
No, you don’t need to go to a spa!
47. Slowly sip a good cappuccino.
48. Listen to the sound of an ocean track (on the internet).
49. Sit in the sun (on your terrace or backyard).
50. Light aroma candles or incense sticks, like lavender or lemongrass.
51. Feel the wind in your hair as you drive.
None of these things are grand or profound, and that’s the whole point. I now believe that life becomes happier and so much more special if we start to enjoy the little things.
There are, of course, times when I still worry about the future. That’s when I just go ahead and do something on this list. It usually doesn’t take me long to realize just how lucky I am, and I stop worrying.
What other tiny ways can you think of to feel happy in just five minutes? What will you try out today?
