Tiny Buddha

Tag: grateful

  • Why I Now Complain Less and Appreciate More

    Why I Now Complain Less and Appreciate More

     “It is not happy people who are thankful. It is thankful people who are happy.” ~Unknown

    I used to be a complainer, a fault-finder, a grumbler. I would grumble a hundred times a day about mundane issues, be it the weather, the traffic, or my husband.

    I complained when my husband didn’t help me around the house, and grumbled when he helped. It took me some time to realize that it was not him or his lack of housekeeping skills that made me unhappy. I was unhappy because I was turning into an ungrateful person.

    I have some fond and not so fond memories of my childhood. When I was a kid, my parents force-fed me green vegetables and limited my television and playtime. They wanted me to study and do my homework, and made me go to sleep every night at 8:30 PM. But all I wanted was freedom, freedom from homework and freedom to do whatever I wanted.

    I was nine years old when I first expressed my ingratitude to my parents. One day, after school, instead of boarding the school bus that would take me home I boarded the one that took me to my friend’s house. I thought this would be the end to the horrible veggies and boring homework. But things didn’t go as planned.

    My friend’s father got in touch with my dad, who drove down to take me back home. As I nervously watched my dad step out of the car I noticed worry etched on his face. He gently put his protective hands around my shoulders and said, “Come, let’s go home.” We drove home in silence, and gradually guilt found its way into my heart.

    When we approached home, I peered through the windows of the car and spotted a tired, lean figure standing by the gate of the house, my mom. I got down from the car and tentatively took one step toward her. Gazing into her moist eyes I gingerly called out, “Mummy.”

    She took me in her arms and hugged me tightly, while crying into my school shirt. As my tiny hands held her I realized my mistake.

    Today, when I look back to that incident, I realize now that as a child I took for granted all that my parents did for me.

    In a world where girls are denied education, at times buried alive, where orphanages are filled with children abandoned by their parents, here were my parents who catered to all my needs and prepared me for the future. In this unfair world, I was blessed with parents who gave me a fair chance at life, to grow and to prosper.

    My parents indeed planted the first seeds of gratitude when I was still a kid. But it wasn’t until I attained motherhood that I truly understood the importance of showing gratitude.

    Like every first-time mother, I went through anxious moments looking after and raising my baby. With my hyperactive daughter, things just seemed like a never-ending battle, with crayon painted walls, carrot juice stains on the carpet, moisturizers and lipsticks tested on every piece of furniture, and toys scattered around.

    I longed for peace, I longed for rest, and I longed for a clean house. I complained and cribbed about how being a mother was the toughest job in the world.

    Until one day, I visited a friend whose six-month-old son was admitted in the hospital, as he was diagnosed with Muscle Dystrophy, a genetic disorder that affects all the muscles including the muscles of the heart.

    That tiny baby lay on a bed motionless, strapped to a heart monitor. It was heartbreaking to watch the grieving mother coax and beg her frail baby to wake up, to cry, to whine, to do something, anything, while he did nothing. He just lay there, motionless.

    As I stood there, watching helplessly, an image of my little devil—my daughter—scribbling on the walls flashed through my mind.

    What had I been complaining about? An active child, a healthy child? Isn’t this what I had prayed for when expecting her? Surely, there would be plenty of women out there in this world who would give anything for my sleepless nights and messy house.

    From that day on, whenever my daughter was unable to go to sleep even at two in the morning, I didn’t complain. In fact, as I held her and kissed her forehead, I was thankful knowing I have such a wonderful gift.

    It’s human nature to forget our blessings and concentrate on our problems, but when we complain, our mind plunges into negativity, and like a domino effect everyone around us gets impacted by it.

    Panasonic founder Konosuke Matsushita would often finalize a candidate selection by asking his famous concluding question. “Do you think you have been lucky in your life?”

    The purpose of this question, according to him, was to comprehend if the candidate was thankful for the people who helped him in his life. He believed that this attitude of gratitude in employees leads to a happy work environment, which in turn boosts company productivity.

    Most of us tend to connect happiness to major events, like a promotion or winning the lottery. But these events don’t happen often. Gratitude is what makes our life richer, more beautiful, and a lot happier as we start to enjoy the little things in life.

    We often take people in our life for granted, or get caught up in complaining and grumbling. It’s true, my husband can be lazy sometimes, my parents keep nagging me, my teenage daughters never listen to me, and I have some crazy friends, but you know what? My life is incomplete without all of them.

    Life is a celebration. When we love everything we have, we have everything we need. So, let us make this journey of life worthwhile and take that huge leap from grumbling to gratitude.

  • How My Gratitude Journal Has Made Life More Fulfilling and Fun

    How My Gratitude Journal Has Made Life More Fulfilling and Fun

    “Be kind. Be thoughtful. Be genuine. But most of all, be thankful.” ~Unknown

    Have you ever tried to keep a daily journal?

    How long did you last?

    I’ve tried to keep one many times in my life, and I have failed every time. The longest I’ve ever kept a journal was for a measly two weeks, in a Google Doc, with my college roommates as a way to keep in touch, before I got bored and stopped.

    For the last four months, though, I’ve managed to write in my journal every day. The trick, for me, has been to keep my updates short and sweet and to write less about my daily problems, which tends to make me feel hopeless and overwhelmed instead of relieved, and more about the things I love in daily life.

    I keep a gratitude journal, and it isn’t a drag, like my past diaries. It’s fun and makes me laugh because I limit myself to writing about only two types of things: moments of gratitude and moments of triumph, or wins, as I call them. Occasionally, and I mean only when something bothers me so much that I can’t sleep, I rant.

    Keeping the journal has changed my life, and it’s good value too! Doing it costs me less than five minutes and five dollars, depending on the brand of pen I buy (I’m a sucker for Pentel Energel pens).

    If you’re looking for ways to integrate more gratitude into your life, I can definitely recommend keeping a gratitude journal. I’ve benefited from it in five specific ways, probably more. Here’s how:

    1. I enjoy spending time with loved ones more and see our challenging moments differently.

    I recently realized that one of the impacts of losing my mom is a constant fear of losing other people I love. My mom died five years ago, and I feel anxious about eventually losing my dad all the time. It puts a lot of pressure on me to be fully present for every moment we spend together and to be the perfect daughter.

    Here’s an example: My dad and I see a movie together, and I’ll periodically say to myself throughout the film “This could be the last movie we see together. You need to appreciate every moment!”

    It’s a pressure that will always be part of me, but I write in my gratitude journal because I refuse to let it control my life.

    Writing things like, “I’m grateful that I got to see a movie with Dad today,” relaxes me. It’s like giving myself permission to enjoy the movie because I know that I’m not letting the moment mindlessly slip by.

    My gratitude journal also helps me reframe the challenging moments I have with my dad. For example, I recently wrote, “My win today was setting aside my ego and communicating with Dad after we got into an argument over cleaning out old things.”

    Now, instead of seeing confrontations as disasters to be avoided, I see them as opportunities for us to communicate and strengthen our relationship.

    2. I can find rest, even when I’m upset.

    When I was little, my mom predicted that I would become a sensitive person because I had a big forehead. I have yet to find scientific proof of the relationship between the two, but I’m definitely passionate and I can take certain things very personally.

    What bothers me most is when people don’t follow through on their work. “How can they not have told me that they’d send it to me late?” becomes, “It’s so easy! I would’ve done that for them,” which then becomes, “I don’t trust this person anymore.”

    When I hop onto this train of thought, it’s hard to hop off and it weighs me down as I struggle over how and when to express my frustration.

    Writing in my journal every day helps me deal with the disappointments of daily life. It’s a safe space to rant about whatever is upsetting me. I do a big release of built-up anger and frustration on paper, and then I think critically about a solution to the problem.

    Not too long ago, I furiously wrote about an especially frustrating day at work and, while writing, realized that I had been doing everything right; I just wasn’t receiving the support I needed. Moreover, I saw that it was my responsibility to ask for it. I never would have come to this realization without journaling about it first.

    When I finish ranting and raving, and regain some feeling of control over the situation, I say to myself, “Okay, are you ready to move on?” And I write down one thing, no matter how small, to be grateful for. For example, “I’m grateful to my heart, for pushing oxygen to the rest of my body,” or, “I”m grateful for that awesome chocolate chip cookie I ate for dessert.”

    It’s my way of ending each day on a good note, and it prepares me for sleep.

    3. I wholeheartedly accept joy.

    In her Netflix special, “The Call to Courage,” Brené Brown says, “…joy is the most vulnerable of all human emotions. We are terrified to feel joy. We are so afraid that if we let ourselves feel joy, something will come along and rip it away from us…” (00:45:49).

    I love traveling. I’ve been traveling since I was two and have since been to over twenty different countries. Every time I go somewhere, I’m so overjoyed that I fear something bad happening. I might worry about the plane crashing or an accident happening at home while I’m away, both of which I hope I never have to experience.

    Another example is when I brave unnecessary hardship and call it the price I have to pay for something else, which is often completely unrelated.

    Brown’s research says that we wait for the other shoe to drop to protect ourselves from joy, which is one of the most vulnerable emotions along with love and belonging.

    Writing in my gratitude journal enables me to feel joy without the sense of foreboding. If something good happens to me, I no longer see it as a foreshadowing event to disaster. I just see it as another item to be added to the list of wins or moments of gratitude in my journal, which I can (and should) enjoy.

    4. I am deepening my commitment to certain people and activities.

    My gratitude journal helps me cope with the uncontrollable outcomes I face in everyday life, but it also helps me make healthy decisions about the activities and people I engage with.

    For example, after keeping my journal for several months, I noticed I was often grateful for my yoga practice and my public speaking and leadership club, Boston Toastmasters.

    As a result, I decided to increase my commitment to both activities. Instead of practicing yoga weekly, I now practice daily. I also recently ran for (and won!) an officer position at my Toastmasters club.

    Certain family members and close friends also make regular appearances in my gratitude journal. It reminds me to maintain our relationship and actively update them about my life, even if they live in another state—or country!

    I like having a record of interactions, activities, and people that bring joy or wins; it brings some very important parts of my life into focus.

    5. I am more satisfied with myself and my accomplishments.

    Historically, I’ve been my own harshest critic. Some days, when I refuse to believe that I’ve done enough, I spread myself too thin and completely exhaust myself.

    I was recently awarded a scholarship to go to journalism school. But everyone I shared the news with said something like, “Oh, journalists don’t make much money, you know.” Gee, thanks!

    I started doubting myself, thinking, “How will I take care of myself? I can’t believe I decided to go for journalism. Who am I to think I can write, anyway? There’s no way I’ll be able to make a living on it.”

    By chance, I happened to see the win I’d recorded the day I’d received my acceptance letter: “Today, I won a scholarship to go to journalism school.”

    I may not make a stable living on my writing yet, but I won a lot of money for the one piece I submitted in my application. That’s a big win! And thank goodness I had my gratitude journal to remind me of that; otherwise, I would’ve continued to question my decision, even though I know that this program is exactly what I want to do.

    My wins remind me that I’ve done enough, and in most cases, more than enough. If I see proof that I’ve done at least one thing that day to achieve my goals, then I can relax. Recording wins transformed me from being my own toughest critic into one of my biggest cheerleaders.

    —

    I’ve written 142 entries, and I’m still going strong! In this short period, gratitude journaling has impacted my life in so many ways.

    It’s challenged me to cherish every moment with my family, good or bad. It’s helped me find rest and practice acceptance, especially on difficult days. It’s also become my way to methodically focus and deepen my commitment to certain areas of my life. Most importantly, it has reminded me to celebrate all of my wins, no matter how others see them. It’s changed my life, and it could change yours too.

  • How to Find Peace in the Dark Corners of Your Life

    How to Find Peace in the Dark Corners of Your Life

    “The mind can go in a thousand directions, but on this beautiful path, I walk in peace. With each step, the wind blows. With each step, a flower blooms.” ~Thich Nhat Nanh

    It’s easy to feel peaceful and positive when the sun is shining and life is going your way. It’s a different matter when you’re alone, afraid, sick, or so tired you have trouble getting out of bed in the morning.

    As a three-time cancer survivor, I know something about getting through difficult times. I know what it’s like to feel exhausted and hopeless, but I’ve also learned it’s possible to find moments of peace and light under the most difficult of circumstances. You can too.

    Here are six techniques that help me find the light when things are tough. I hope they bring you the same sense of peace and ease they bring me.

    1. Stop pretending everything’s okay.

    If things aren’t going well, acknowledge it.

    Stop judging yourself for feeling tired, anxious, or miserable. Instead of yelling at yourself for not being upbeat in the face of trauma or trouble, speak to yourself with the same understanding and respect you’d use to support your friends and family.

    Tell yourself you have every right to feel the way you do right now, but that feelings are like the tide. They come and go. And while things are tough today, you’re tough, too. You’ve been through hard times before. You’ll get through this, and tomorrow will be a better day.

    2. Give yourself the gift of living one hour at a time.

    When I was going through chemo for breast cancer, I was afraid I wouldn’t have the strength to make it through the six long months of treatment. And then I came across the idea of living my life hour by hour, and that changed everything.

    Here’s how it works:

    Let’s say it’s 1:15 p.m. where you are. All you have to do is focus on doing the best you can until 2:00 p.m. That’s it. You don’t have to worry about what’s for dinner tomorrow night. You certainly aren’t going to worry about that appointment you have next Tuesday, or how you’re going to replace your old car.

    You just have to make it through this one hour, secure in the knowledge that the next hour, and all the hours after that, will take care of themselves.

    It sounds simple, but living this way has seen me through some really tough days. Go ahead, give it a try, and see how this one change can make this tough time easier.

    3. Focus on loving yourself.

    This is a time to treat your body and spirit with fierce, loving self-care.

    • Listen to your body and give it what it needs to stay healthy.
    • Make sure you get enough rest. Go to bed early. Take a nap.
    • Take an afternoon off and do something that soothes your heart. Go for a walk in the woods, head to the beach, or read a good book.
    • Eat as well as you can, but don’t beat yourself up if you don’t get all your vegetables or eat an extra piece of fudge.
    • Move in ways that feel good to your body. And move as often as possible. Even a ten-minute walk or some gentle stretching can improve your mood.
    • Support your health and your spirit with loving words and actions throughout your day.
    • Remind yourself all day long of how many reasons and ways you have to love yourself.

    My favorite way to care for myself when things are tough is to take a warm bath or shower. I love taking time alone to nurture my body and spirit. I love to relax and let the water wash away my cares and worries. For me, bathing is the perfect way to end a tough day.

    4. Get busy.

    Don’t just sit around worrying; do something. Even if you don’t have a lot of energy, you can still find something small to do to make your life better.

    Clean out a drawer or a closet. Read something. Learn something. Start a project, finish a project. Knit, tinker, build, garden, write, explore, give, share.

    I like to go for a walk or head to the kitchen to cook something, but it doesn’t matter what you do. What matters is that you take one small action to get you back on the road to feeling better.

    5. Be grateful.

    Take some time every day to focus on all the wonderful things you already have in your life.

    Even though you may feel you have nothing to be grateful for, I promise you, you are surrounded by an abundance of miracles. The trick is to seek out the little luxuries in your day, the moments of unexpected joy, the color, sound, and beauty of the world around you. Find them and then celebrate them all with a full heart.

    As you go through your day, look for things that feel good. Revel in things like the warmth and comfort of a quilt around your shoulders, the beat of your favorite music, the splendor of the morning sky, the juicy sweetness of a crisp apple.

    See how many of these incredible things you can find. Make it a game to find more of those things today than you did yesterday. Play the game with people around you and see how this one simple activity changes your life.

    If you’re still having trouble coming up with the good things in your life, complete these phrases:

    I enjoy seeing…

    I enjoy hearing….

    I enjoy doing….

    I enjoy knowing….

    I enjoy being with….

    I’m so glad about….

    I love….

    I’m so glad I can….

    I’m grateful for…

    I’m looking forward to…

    When you start looking for, and talking about, things you’re grateful for, you’ll begin to welcome more of those wonderful things into your life.

    6. Look up and breathe.

    Finally, when you’re anxious, depressed, or at your wit’s end, all you have to do to instantly feel better is look up. Simply raise your gaze to the sky or ceiling or whatever is over your head. Take a moment to feel a connection to the universe.

    Then draw a breath deep into your belly. As you continue to breathe deeply, feel a sense of relaxation begin in your shoulders and work its way down your spine. Feel your muscles soften as a sense of ease fills your body.

    With your next inhale, repeat the phrase, “I now fill my body with peace and light.” As you exhale, feel your body soften and relax as you repeat to yourself, “I let go of the weight of fear and worry.”

    Repeat until you are completely relaxed. Then take that sense of peace into your day, knowing you can repeat this technique as many times as you wish to bring this sense of peace into your heart, no matter what is going on around you.

    —

    It may not be possible to avoid the dark days in life, but it’s always possible to bring some light into that darkness and peace into your soul, by choosing acceptance, gratitude, focus, and love.

  • How Gratitude Journaling Can Boost Your Mood and Change Your Life

    How Gratitude Journaling Can Boost Your Mood and Change Your Life

    “Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.” ~Melody Beattie

    A few years ago I had an ulcer and I would get dizzy after almost every meal. There was a point when I was afraid to eat. I lost twenty pounds when I didn’t need to lose weight.

    I wasn’t sleeping well.

    I was a complete wreck inside.

    It took me two and half years to get my stomach back on track. I tried one thing at a time until I found what worked well for me. I can no longer drink coffee or eat tomatoes or other acidic foods. And man, did I did love a good cup of coffee to help get my morning going.

    Still, I’m actually grateful for my ulcer. It was one of the best illnesses to ever happen to me because it helped me become a healthier person.

    I was only able to overcome it because of my gratitude journal. Each day, I thanked the foods that didn’t cause me to feel dizzy. As I journaled more and more about these foods, I began to see patterns, which helped me ascertain which foods to eliminate.

    I put my energy into appreciating the foods that helped me feel good instead of complaining about the foods that made me feel sick to my stomach. And that helped me both heal and keep a positive attitude.

    This is why I suggest everyone keeps a gratitude journal. It helps you see things that you missed before. It encourages you to focus your attention on things that are making your life better.

    The best part is gratitude not only helps you live longer because it helps reduce stress, it also helps you build stronger relationships because you are more likely to share your appreciation with others. And when you regularly practice gratitude, you’re generally more empathetic and less prone to envy—great for your mental health and your relationships.

    The Power of Gratitude Journaling

    It took me some time to turn gratitude journaling into a daily habit. When I first started, I would miss days at a time. It took almost a year to get a consistent habit going. Once I made gratitude a regular practice, it helped keep me sane since I was focusing on the things I had in life instead of wanting a situation to be different. This was a huge mindset shift for me.

    As I got busier I started getting away from my journal again. Then, as my father was passing, I leaned back into it, but I wanted to go a little deeper. I started writing stories in my gratitude journal, which helped me uncover details I hadn’t really processed before.

    I noticed him getting grumpier as he got older. My journal helped me see that I didn’t want myself to fall into the same bad habits. And I didn’t have to. I had a path to build a better attitude.

    I quickly noticed my new attitude changed how people responded to me. For example, coworkers started gravitating toward me because I was letting them know that I appreciated them. Who knew that a little appreciation would help you build friendships?

    I also noticed that the migraines that used to start at the base of my neck weren’t as intense. Gratitude was not only improving my attitude and my relationships, but also my health.

    I felt like I’d stumbled upon a magic formula for life. I know that people have been talking about gratitude for thousands of years, but it felt so refreshing to me.

    I did some research on gratitude and found some amazing studies.

    In one book, Why We Do What We Do, researcher Edward Deci explains that when someone has six positive interactions to one negative, they are 31% more productive.

    When you have positive thoughts and interactions, it’s easier to focus on what matters. That may be spending time with your family, traveling, or writing. Positive interactions free you up to have the energy to do what matters to you.

    Start Small

    The intense focus of finding some small bit of gratitude in every situation really changed me.

    When I was stuck in traffic, I thought about how I could appreciate the situation and write about it. When I was stuck in another meeting, I thought about how lucky I was to be in the situation and asked myself, “What is one important lesson that I can take away from this meeting?”

    Sometimes the lesson was to breathe into my belly more. Other times it was learning from a really smart coworker who handled the meeting very well, kept us all on track, and helped us get a lot accomplished.

    Because I started small, I planted seeds to be able to go deeper into gratitude.

    If you too would like to create more positive feelings and interactions, I highly recommend starting a gratitude journal. And it can actually be really simple.

    Each day this upcoming month, just write a few things you are grateful for and why, for example:

    • I’m grateful for my coworker because she is always willing to listen and help.
    • I’m grateful for my ability to dance in my car seat when I’m stuck at a traffic light, because it allows me to release my stress.
    • I’m grateful for my pets because they make me feel loved and needed.

    The key component here is your why. This is important because it helps you actually feel grateful, as opposed to just listing things you think you should appreciate. Soon you’ll likely start to feel a lot better about your work, your relationships, and even yourself. And before you know it, you’ll probably notice an improvement in your attitude—and major changes in your life.

  • 50 People Share What They’re Grateful to Do Every Day

    50 People Share What They’re Grateful to Do Every Day

    At night, when you think about how you spent your day, how often do you focus on all the things you had to do?

    I worked. I ran errands. I went to the gym. I made dinner.

    And when you tell someone about this kind of day, how often do you do it with a less-than-enthused tone?

    I suspect this is the norm for many of us, at least during the workweek.

    Commitments, to work and family, can engulf our lives and seem like chores, not choices and chances.

    I distinctly remember one day, years ago, when my day felt particularly packed, stopping to remind myself that I had chosen the schedule I was keeping.

    I had chosen to get up early to write, to accept the job that supported me, to go to yoga in the evening, and to do laundry and other household tasks after that.

    And I was fortunate to have had these choices to make.

    These weren’t all things I had to do; these were things I got to do.

    I got to devote time to my passion in the hours before my paid work, creating possibilities for my future.

    I got to work a job that provided both pay and benefits, enabling me to take care of my needs, even if it wasn’t my dream career.

    I got to stretch my healthy body and create mental stillness.

    And I got to live in a comfortable apartment, filled with furniture and clothes I got to buy with money I got to earn.

    And in between all these things I had consented to do were lots of other beautiful little things I got to do.

    I got to wake up to sunlight coming through my window. I got to walk by interesting people, trees, and buildings on my way to work. I got to eat delicious food from various restaurants at lunch. And I got to use my hands when typing on my computer—hands I could have been born without, or could have lost to some type of injury or tragedy, but hadn’t.

    I get to do a lot of things worth appreciating every day. We all do.

    We all get to do things that challenge us, fulfill us, excite us, and energize us. We get to live, love, laugh, and explore in far too many ways too count.

    Since I’ve long been inspired by this idea of focusing on what we get to do, I decided to include this as one of the prompts in my newly released gratitude journal.

    I shared this prompt on Facebook this past Sunday to see how other people would respond. Over 1,500 people chimed in, creating a monumental list of blessings, many of which we all share but could easily take for granted.

    Since I was inspired and touched by the list, I decided to share a selection of those responses here.

    I Appreciate That Every Day I Get To…

    Health

    1. Shelley White: Breathe. I received donor lungs nine years ago after my own lungs failed. I have Cystic Fibrosis. Just being able to wake every day knowing I can spend another day with my family is what makes me grateful to be alive. I appreciate life.

    2. Kristi VanTassel McHugh: Wake up. I had open-heart surgery nearly two years ago, to replace a faulty aortic valve and repair an aortic aneurysm. When I was first diagnosed, I was told, “If it’s not fixed soon (the aneurysm) it will burst and you will die.” That was two days before Christmas, and I waited just over six months for my surgery. I am thankful to still be here, every day.

    3. GusandMaggie Nosce: Be alive. I was born a congenital heart patient (blue baby) and was advised I would need a heart transplant by the time I was four years old. By the grace of God, I have never needed one, even though the open-heart surgery I received when I was days old is no longer in practice and is no longer advised to perform.

    4.Manal Khatib: I appreciate that I can walk after a serious car accident eight months ago. Every day I had to relearn how to walk. This journey has made me appreciate my body and treat it with kindness.

    5. Laina Amarantinis: Walk and stand. After three spine surgeries I am finally able to walk and stand more and more as the healing progresses. I am very thankful.

    6. Mary Beth Hudson: Spend time with my family. I beat my battle with cancer; others in my family were not so lucky.

    7. Linda Otto: Move my body. I can walk, run, lift, bend, etc., all with ease. This is not possible for many people. It can be taken away in an instant or gradually as we age. Your health, eyesight, hearing are never appreciated enough.

    Friends and Family

     8. Anna Hunt: Spend time with my daughter. Soon she will be off to college and I won’t have her close. Hearing her laughter, knowing she’s in the next room, fills my heart with warmth. I appreciate that every day I get to see her.

    9. Amy Albinger: Be with my family. Be with my parents, my husband, my sister, and niece. They are the reason I live today. They are my reason to get through each struggle. They are my definition of love.

    10. Riddhi Solanki: I appreciate that I get calls from my parents and friends, as my current job isn’t in my hometown. They call me and talk to me so I don’t feel more alone.

    11. Niquita LeValdo: I wake up to my child. He was born with a heart condition and needed surgery at two months old. The thought that he may not have been alive today gives me a new perspective and helps me appreciate every moment. Love your children, praise them, cherish them.

    12. Lillivette Colón:‪ Keep my baby in my tummy one more day. Every day is victory.

    ‪13. Tezra Blake:‪ I appreciate every day I get to see and hear both my sons growing into awesome men, and that they aren’t ashamed to say I love you mom and check on me and ask how I am doing. Despite their age they still want my opinion on things.

    ‪14. Laurel Hausafus:‪ Have the memories of my sweetheart and husband in Heaven .

    15. Cheryle Midgett: Spend another day with my ninety-four-year-old mom.

    16. Anika Bruce:‪ Every day I get to hug my family. I love hugs, they’re life changing.

    17. Nicole Werner-Sayre:‪ Stay at home to raise the tiny little human I created and help her grow up into a person I’ll be proud to add to the world.

    18. Laurie Clemons: Give a hug and say I love you. We all need to hear it more.

    19. Dawn Creason: I get to read and cuddle with the most precious little girl that I never thought I would have. I get to hear her giggle and I get to play with her.

    20. Fiona James: Wake up happy and healthy with my wonderful family. Too many people don’t have that luxury.

    Needs and Comforts

    21. Elizabeth Sherriff: Have a roof over my head, fresh water, food, and a family around me.

    22. Kathy Kellermann: Have a warm shower and a bed to climb into (especially in the middle of winter).

    ‪23. Jessica Grandelli‪: Eat food that nourishes and sustains my life. It is a privilege to live in a place with bountiful food.

    24. Jacinta Harrington: Enjoy a cup of coffee while reading the newspaper.

    25. Caroline Driver: Eat whatever I want and drink water straight out of the tap.

    26. Marsha Frakes Waggoner: Walk outdoors in the grass with my dog and see trees.

    27. Heather Demick: Drink in the world through my eyes.

    28. Yvonne Hernandez: Have a place I call home.

    29. Alice Louise Pocock: Listen with my ears, see with my eyes, and love with all my heart.

    ‪30. Xuandai Hoang‪: Sit in front of my candle and relax.

    31. Enchari Rivadeneira: Dishes. It means I have food, a kitchen, a family to share with, and I did it. I made through another day, whatever happened. It’s a beautiful thing, dishes.

    32. Chloe Cunningham Sarno: Finish all the housework all in the same day. Ah, clean house!!

    33. Tammy Pillsbury: Lay my head down knowing I have a roof over my head, food to eat, a job that rewards me, a husband that loves me, friends and family whom I love, nature outside my door.

    34. Michael Bell: Read. There is no aspect of life that I have derived more benefit and pleasure from, and I couldn’t imagine my life without it.

    35. Danielle Yingling-Lowrey: Be with my babies, take care of my flowers, cook, drink coffee, be a friend, be a neighbor, be mama, be a daughter, be a wife, drive my car, take care of my house, giggle, laugh, read, smile at others…. so many things!

    36. Nicola Wood: Wake up and just be me and appreciate how blessed I truly am!

    37. Steve Kenney: Not feel the pain of starving, the pain of extreme thirst. Having a roof over my head, and AC. Having a few people who really care about me for me, not what I can do or give them. Not suffering from bad health. That’s it. Everything else is inconsequential.

    Possibilities

    38. Gena Pegg: I appreciate that every day I get another chance to do the right thing.

    39. Bani San: I appreciate that every day I get to wake up in freedom and pursue whatever life I dream of.

    40. Jayne Duncan Stites: I appreciate that every day I get to begin again anew!

    41. Jim Zei: Have another opportunity to make things right—whatever right is.

    42.Lechenda Crichton: Have one more chance to be better than I was yesterday.

    43. Sherelle Myers: Use my body and working limbs for whatever I choose!

    44. Angela Charlwood-Derbyshire:‪ Practice making better choices.

    45. Linda May Knowles: To learn from the mistakes I made the day before.

    46. Wizz Tomo: I appreciate that every day I get to learn new things.

    47. Ashley Glenn: To be alive and experience whatever the new day presents.

    48. Amy Brock: Breathe and do normal activities of daily living. There was a time that I couldn’t do such a great job of either.

    ‪49. Herb Daum‪: I appreciate that every day I get to make the world a kinder place.

    50. Melissa Milligan: Be here. Not everyone made it through the night. Be grateful you’re still here.

    I appreciate that every day I get to…

    How would you finish this sentence?

    *This post was originally published in 2017. I decided to republish it again today for those who missed it because it’s fitting for the season!

  • Are You Wasting Your Time?

    Are You Wasting Your Time?

    “Life is what happens while we’re busy worrying about everything we need to change or accomplish. Slow down, get mindful, and try to enjoy the moment. This moment is your life.” ~Lori Deschene

    I was on my way to work. At the time I worked at a bar. It was a Thursday night and my shift started at 8:50 PM. I was running late. I was in a hurry. It happened a block away from my job.

    The green light changed and the world stopped. The next thing I remembered I was waking up in an ambulance. The paramedics asked me if I knew what had happened. They asked me if I knew where I was, but everything was a blank.

    I don’t remember how it happened. I don’t remember much of anything to this day. Just that I was driving to work, and next thing I knew there was a woman at my driver side window telling me she was calling for help and an ambulance would be there shortly.

    I was hysterical. I had no clue what was going on. Why was she calling an ambulance? What happened? Was someone hurt? Reality was split. Some part of me was in the car while the other was eons away. I blacked out.

    A police officer came while I was in the hospital. He said I had been hit in the passenger side of my car by a Chrysler Town & Country minivan. There were four eighteen-year-old boys inside. They were all okay.

    I started to remember the accident a few days after it happened. I remembered being slumped over in the passenger seat bleeding and crying.

    At that time I didn’t realize I was hurt, I didn’t even know what had happened. All I remembered were the thoughts going through my head. Not if I would be paralyzed or seriously injured. Not if I would get the chance to go to college in the fall. All I could think was “I’m going to be late for work.”

    At that moment, instead of thinking about the things I cared about, all of my obligations plagued me all at once.

    That experience got me thinking, why was it that the first thing on my mind was work, weekend obligations, and chores? Why would my subconscious draw my attention to these things? Why was my boss, of all people, the first person I called? Were my life and my family less important than my job?

    I did a lot of thinking about that night in the next few months that followed. It was the scariest moment of my life. Not because I could have been badly injured or worse, but because it was the first time I realized my priorities were all wrong. The things I stressed and worried about didn’t really matter in the scheme of things.

    It’s been five years since the accident, but in those years I’ve realized a few things:

    1. Everything is temporary, whether pain or pleasure.

    My eighteen-year-old brain started to realize this after the car accident but didn’t fully grasp it until later five years later. At the time, totaling my car, sustaining the mild but painful injuries, and having to still be an adult and go to work and family events, seemed like the worst thing in the world. I didn’t want to do any of it. At times through college I experienced a similar kind of grief when life just seemed to pile up and crush me under the weight of responsibility.

    Even when the world feels like it will stop, it doesn’t. Life goes on. You figure out a way to move on with it, and the pain it eventually falls away.

    2. Always be grateful.

    Be grateful even when it feels like you have nothing to be grateful for. Be the most grateful when times are hard because it reminds you how lucky you are when things are good. Learning to accept what life gives you and how to love the journey takes practice, patience, and a thankful heart.

    For a while after the accident I went through life feeling really angry. I was mad that I didn’t have my car. I wanted to sue the boys that hit me. It took time but I realized what happened to me wasn’t the end of the world. I had all my limbs and I had the rest of my life to look forward to.

    3. If we waste our time stressing about the little things we will always be stressed.

    Once coming to the conclusion that all things are temporary it’s easier to let go of the little things because you know that they aren’t worth getting stressed about. Give yourself the five-year rule. If it won’t matter five years from now (and most things won’t matter five weeks from now), don’t let yourself get too worked up about it.

    4. We all get the same amount of time each day, and it’s up to us how we spend it.

    I had this teacher in high school, Mr. Fails, who stressed the fact that we all get the same amount of seconds in a day, and it is up to us to use that time wisely. We let our priorities dictate our use of time, but are our priorities in order? Do we use our time to improve? To learn as much as we can and continue to grow?

    I wasn’t in the frame of mind to do that yet, and I wouldn’t be for the next few years. The more twists and turns my life took and the more I saw people change without growing, the more I thought about the constraints time can have.

    I decided that the most important thing I can do with my seconds is what makes me happy, which is seeing myself learn and grow, through writing, through life’s challenges, and through life’s blessings.

    When is the last time you did something that made you happy? I don’t mean temporarily happy; I don’t mean that summer vacation you went on that was exciting for a second. I mean the kind of happiness that lingers, that you can think about and still smile, the kind of happiness that you get from great love, or doing something you never thought possible.

    Too often we base our happiness on tangible objects—houses, cars, clothes, and stupid things that give us a quick buzz of instant gratification. The kind of things that will only give you joy for a blip of time in the scheme of things.

    Real happiness comes from using our time in a way that feels authentic and meaningful to us. For some, that might mean making major life changes, But this also can mean spending more time with the people we love, or enjoying the little things that we might deprioritize when we’re focused on work and our goals.

    Life doesn’t guarantee much, but it does guarantee that there will be 86,400 seconds in a day. You don’t have a right to those seconds and I can’t guarantee that you will get them, but, with you or without you, they will tick by.

    When you are going into your dead-end job every day, when you are in an unhappy relationship that is going nowhere, and when you are spending your time unsatisfied with the life you’ve created, I want you to remember that you have 86,400 seconds every day, and it’s your choice how you use them. Are you wasting your time?

    If you are, because you think you have it to waste, or you think that the seconds aren’t as important as the hours and days, if you are constantly telling yourself that you will do it tomorrow, remember this: in the time it took you to read this article…

    Someone died in a car accident, someone else was abducted, someone just committed suicide, someone was shot, someone was married, someone had a baby, someone was reunited with a loved one, someone was wrongfully convicted, someone was bullied, someone is crying, someone beat cancer, someone died of cancer, someone cheated on their wife, and someone found hope.

    All that and more has happened while you sat there and read this. There are bad things happening in this world, and there are beautiful things happening in this world. You never know what’s coming, so why waste the little time you may have?

    Find what makes you happy and do it! Don’t wait for the right moment; it may never come. Don’t make up excuses because there is always a way. You might not be able to make major changes instantly, but you can make tiny shifts in your daily life and take tiny steps toward the life you want to create.

    Too many people waste their precious time worrying about what might be, could have been, and will never happen. Be the kind of person that spends their time loving, living, and letting go of what is unimportant.

  • Happiness Is About Loving What You Have and Being Grateful for It

    Happiness Is About Loving What You Have and Being Grateful for It

  • Why I Now Appreciate Years of Pain and How Gratitude Healed My Life

    Why I Now Appreciate Years of Pain and How Gratitude Healed My Life

    TRIGGER WARNING: This post deals with an account of abuse and may be triggering to some people.

    “Hope is faith’s impoverished sister, but it’s a start.” ~Maureen Barberio, Gettin’ Out of Bullytown

    My life wasn’t always easy. It’s not always easy now, as a matter of fact. But there was a very long period where it was quite difficult and painful. It is sad how many of us can say that, isn’t it?

    I grew up in a dysfunctional home with two sisters. My father was an alcoholic and was physically and verbally abusive. My mother, herself a victim of my father’s verbal abuse, was very loving and complimentary but could do little about my father’s behavior. My mother, sisters, and I have always been very close.

    Each time I was yelled at, and with each blow I received, a little bit of my spirit was broken.

    Instead of gaining confidence during my grade school years, so I could enter the teen years ready to face the hormonal changes and roller coaster of emotions that go along with them, I went into the teen years feeling unworthy of anything good. I looked at my sisters and saw such beauty in them. I looked in the mirror and saw nothing but flaws.

    In addition, I had done what so many children do: I assumed all blame for the abuse my father was heaping on me. I continued to look up to both my parents, as impossible as that may sound, and I took to heart every word spoken about me.

    The fact that my father found me so imperfect and flawed meant it must be so. And being imperfect and flawed meant I was unlovable. The guilt and shame I felt about this was devastating, although at the time I had no idea that guilt and shame was what I was feeling.

    While other girls in high school got prettier and prettier, while my sisters became prettier in my eyes, I viewed myself as less and less attractive. I watched the excitement others had about boys and dating, and I knew in my heart I would never have those things. I’d never fit in. I was different. I was unworthy.

    There’s nothing like leaving a house of sadness on a sunny day, unable to enjoy the beauty of nature because your heart is so heavy that you want to die. There’s nothing like going to school and seeing how carefree your friends are, all laughing and having a great time, and joining in with them even though inside you feel like a piece of garbage who shouldn’t even have friends.

    I felt phony because I had so many secrets, not the least of which was my unworthiness, which they either didn’t see or they recognized but never mentioned out of pity for me.

    Even the most confident girls struggle in high school with all the changes they’re faced with. Imagine going into it convinced you’re nothing but a hideous thorn in everyone’s side. Those high school years magnify the negatives, but with the help of a loving, supportive family, young women come out of them feeling good about themselves and their future. I came out of those years just feeling worse about myself.

    By the time I hit my late teens I was convinced I would never have what ‘normal’ people have in the way of a life where there’s a man who cares about you and you plan for the future and build a life together.

    I was living in emotional pain, and to lessen that pain, I began drinking and using drugs. I wasn’t resorting to these things all the time, but I was using them as tools to help me instead of seeing the root of my problems and pain.

    In my early twenties, I met a man I thought was simply wonderful. The attention felt incredible. I started feeling better about myself. He loved me! This was as close to feeling loved and carefree as I had ever felt before, and it was so different that I embraced it.

    Six months after meeting, we began living together and then married when I was twenty-six, despite the fact that by that point he was drinking heavily and doing a lot of drugs. I guess it didn’t matter to me, because I was doing the same.

    Somewhere along the way, he began being very critical of me, so I found myself on the receiving end of verbal abuse once again. I tried harder to please him, as I had spent my childhood and teen years trying to please my father while always missing the mark. The little bit of my spirit that remained was constantly chipped away.

    To cope with the reality of increased disappointment and anger on the part of my husband, I went through periods of abusing drugs. During other points in our marriage I decided to live without taking substances, but my husband would push me to join him, and to keep the peace, I did.

    Even though I was a fully functioning adult, had jobs and attended college, I spent more than twenty years in a verbally abusive, alcohol and drug-fueled marriage.

    Each morning I’d wake up and tell myself I wasn’t going to drink or do any drugs, and each day that I failed I grew more and more disappointed in myself. I felt such intense shame about who I was and how I was living that it was difficult to even think about. I spent much time feeling depressed in a place of darkness.

    Growing tired of our lifestyle, we eventually stopped drinking and taking drugs and discovered we had nothing in common. The verbal and emotional abuse continued. So at the age of forty-five, I moved out of our home into another property we owned. I had no faith that my life would ever be better, but I hoped it would, and as the quote above states, that’s a start.

    There is something that is so satisfying about seeing a neglected garden of weeds and taking steps to clear them out to see what you can grow. Or watching a caterpillar move through various stages until a beautiful butterfly emerges.

    There were many uncertainties I was facing, but I decided that the Universe gives us each a garden—our lives—and it’s up to us to tend to that garden to see what beautiful things we can grow. Each of us is a beautiful butterfly, and sometimes we must let ourselves go through the process of getting rid of a hard shell in order to emerge as our true, beautiful selves.

    I was uncertain about who I was, what I wanted to do next, and had a million questions that couldn’t be answered. At the urging of a friend who had mentioned it numerous times, I finally gave in when she once again said, “Why don’t you try Centers for Spiritual Living? I think if you go it will help you.”

    And so I went. As soon as I walked in the door I felt like I was home. I actually felt something within me that was so moved on an emotional level that I cried.

    A wonderful speaker talked about gratitude and challenged us to spend forty days writing down everything we were grateful for, an exercise meant to shift our focus and put it on the good instead of what we felt was lacking in our lives. The Minister handed out a journal to each of us, and the person who walked out of the church that day wasn’t quite the same as the one who had walked in.

    Over the next forty days I diligently did my homework by trying to find something I was grateful for. At first it was hard. I’d sit for five minutes, ten minutes, fifteen minutes, and wonder what it was that I was grateful for.

    Oh wait, I’m grateful I don’t drink and take drugs anymore. I wrote that down. I’m grateful to be out of an abusive marriage. I wrote that down. Those seemed a little bit like I was still putting my focus on negative things, however, and I had to ask myself whether or not I was grateful about anything positive.

    Well, yes, I was grateful I finally took my friends advice and went to the Center for Spiritual Living. I was grateful my friend told me about it. Oh, and I was grateful for my friend! In fact, I was grateful for all the new friends I’d made. I was grateful to be living in a place where there was a Center for Spiritual Living to even go to. I was grateful to be living in a place that is surrounded by beautiful nature. I was grateful for nature!

    This is how it went every day. I would struggle to write something I was grateful for, but once I wrote down one thing, it would lead me to another and another and another.

    Sometimes I would close my journal and notice I’d spent thirty minutes writing and it felt like it was only five minutes. The floodgates would just open and I’d get lost in thinking about how wonderful my life had become. One more thing for which to be grateful!

    I so loved this exercise that I did it for a second time once the forty-day challenge was up. What happened after that was nothing short of astounding. I became more interested in the spiritual aspect of life, and filled with a bit more confidence, signed up for A Course in Miracles. I was starving for this kind of information, which seemed to fill me up!

    I began getting out more. I signed up for a couple of classes at the local university, in order to complete my studies and get a degree. I continued the practice of writing down the things for which I was grateful, only now it didn’t take five, ten, or fifteen minutes before I could think of something, I was already coming up with things while I was still reaching for my notepad and pen. I still found the flow to be the same though. I’d write down one thing, which would lead to another and another.

    I continued spending time at the Center, signing up for classes, and reading books to be discussed. It was a whole new world I was being exposed to.

    In the years that followed the dissolution of my marriage I achieved my goal and actually earned two degrees, graduating Cum Laude. Somewhere along the way, I began looking at my image in the mirror differently. I thought: Deborah, you’re not half bad! In fact, you’re pretty! You’re kind. You have a good heart. You’re lovable!!!!

    I met a wonderful man and got married. I started my own business, and I love the work I do.

    As I continued my spiritual studies and practice of gratitude, I came to be blessed more and more. I became a licensed Practitioner at our local Center for Spiritual Living, started a second business, and have become even closer to my two wonderful sisters, enjoying my time with them laughing and joking as though we’re three little girls.

    My life looks nothing like the life I lived until I was in my late forties, and yet, I’m grateful for that earlier life because the pain of it has led me to so many wonderful places. My heart and spirit have healed, and I am committed to spreading the word about the blessings you will receive through the daily practice of gratitude.

    This doesn’t mean my life is perfect, or without worry, or even absent from the occasional feelings of guilt or shame about something, but I am able to quickly deal with those feelings and put my focus back on the things for which I am grateful. And that has made all the difference in the world.

    Can you relate? Just for today, write down some things you feel grateful for. There are plenty of things. Just look out the window, go for a walk, and you’ll find them. Keep doing that each day and make it a habit.

    Think of some things you’ve always wanted to do but didn’t pursue because of fear, shame, lack of confidence, etc., and commit to doing just one of those things. Baby steps. That’s all it takes.

    And when you start feeling down or worried, open up your journal and read through your lists. It will move the focus from the negatives to the positives. You’ll find that writing about gratitude will lead to feeling more positive about your life, prompting you to take action that brings positive results—and even more blessings and opportunities. I’ve noticed this snowball effect in many lives, starting with my own.

    As I live a life that consists of gratitude, I see where every negative experience has molded me, taught me, made me compassionate, and led me to be the wonderful and best version of me that I can be today.

    Isn’t that a blessing?

  • Happiness Isn’t About Getting What You Want

    Happiness Isn’t About Getting What You Want

  • 20 Inspiring Gratitude Quotes and Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal Giveaway

    20 Inspiring Gratitude Quotes and Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal Giveaway

    Update – the winners for this giveaway are:

    • Marc Remington
    • Kittenpants13

    Hi friends! Happy Thanksgiving to those of you who celebrate.

    I’m so grateful to all of you who share your experiences and insights on the blog, and to those who you who give your time and energy to help others in the comments and community forums. I am endlessly inspired by your openness, your empathy, and your kindness.

    To celebrate this day, I gathered some of my favorite gratitude quotes (mostly from anonymous sources), and I’ve also put aside two copies of Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal for a special giveaway.

    About the Journal

    Including questions and prompts pertaining to both your past and present, the journal will help you see your life through a new, more positive lens.

    The book also includes fifteen coloring pages, depicting awesome things we often take for granted, like nature and music.

    With space for written reflection, these pages provide all the benefits of coloring—including mindfulness and stress relief—and also guide you to recognize the beauty in the ordinary.

    Whether you’ve been gratitude journaling for years or you’re just giving it a try for the first time, Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal will help you access a state of inner peace, contentment, and joy.

    The Giveaway

    • To enter to win one of two free copies of  Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal, leave a comment below sharing something you’re grateful for today.
    • For a second entry, share this post on one of your social media pages and include the link in a second comment.

    You can enter until midnight, PST, on Thursday, November 30th.

    If you’ve already received your copy, I would appreciate if you’d leave a review on Amazon here. It doesn’t need to be long—even a tiny review can make a big difference.

    The Quotes

     

    Yes, that last one is my own quote, so it’s probably kind of odd to include it in a list of my favorites. But I wanted to add this one in case you’re going through a tough time right now and not feeling all that grateful. Be good to yourself. Take care of yourself. And know that you are loved and appreciated.

    —

    **One request before you go! Tiny Buddha has been nominated for Healthline’s Most Loved Blogs contest. If Tiny Buddha wins, the entire $1000 prize will be donated to Operation Smile to give new smiles to four children with cleft lips and palates. You can vote once daily until December 6th here. Thank you so much in advance for voting!

  • Be Grateful for This Day

    Be Grateful for This Day

  • Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal Giveaway

    Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal Giveaway

    UPDATE: The winners for this giveaway have been chosen. They are:

    • Keri Olson
    • Your Computer
    • Kelly Hawkins
    • Jadice-Teal N Momz
    • Maryrose

    Hi friends! Last week I launched Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal, after sharing some of the book’s fifteen coloring pages over the past several weeks. I’ve received some wonderful feedback so far, and I’m thrilled to know that so many of you are finding the book fun and helpful!

    Along with today’s coloring page, I’m running a giveaway, offering five free copies. If you’ve already purchased one for yourself, you may want to enter the giveaway for a chance to gift one to a friend.

    About the Journal

    Including questions and prompts pertaining to both your past and present, the journal will help you see your life through a new, more positive lens.

    The book also includes fifteen coloring pages, depicting awesome things we often take for granted, like nature and music.

    With space for written reflection, these pages provide all the benefits of coloring—including mindfulness and stress relief—and also guide you to recognize the beauty in the ordinary.

    Whether you’ve been gratitude journaling for years or you’re just giving it a try for the first time, Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal will help you access a state of inner peace, contentment, and joy.

    The Giveaway

    • To enter to win one of five free copies, leave a comment below answering the question in the coloring page above.
    • For a second entry, share this post on one of your social media pages and include the link in a second comment.

    You can enter until midnight, PST, on Monday, June 26th.

    If you’ve already received your copy, I would appreciate if you’d leave a review on Amazon here. It doesn’t need to be long—even a tiny review can make a big difference!

    And if you’ve already colored a page or two, I’d love to see it! Please share it on social media using the hashtag #tinybuddhagratitude

    Thanks so much, everyone. I am grateful for you!

  • 9 Things Grateful People Believe About Life

    9 Things Grateful People Believe About Life

    *This post was originally published at the end of 2015. Since this was around the time I decided to create my newly launched gratitude journal, it seemed fitting to share it again today!

    “Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more.” ~Melody Beattie

    My title was a little misleading, at least based on my personal beliefs.

    I don’t believe the world fits neatly into some massive yin yang with grateful people on one side and ungrateful people on the other; but rather, we all go through times when we feel high and low degrees of gratitude, and that’s only human nature.

    It’s okay to feel angry, despondent, and disappointed. It’s okay to wish things were different—that we were healthier, or happier, or generally less lost in the world.

    There’s nothing evolved about ignoring reality or repressing our emotions. But there’s a difference between embracing our feelings and stewing in them.

    It might not be possible to be feel grateful all the time, but it is possible to be grateful more often than not.

    The opposite was true for me for years, but I’ve shifted my ratio of grateful to ungrateful moments by adopting and reinforcing the following beliefs.

    1. Everyone has something to teach or offer me.

    That person who cut you off in traffic—she’s likely not a selfish jerk, but rather someone who’s having a stressful day and rushing. Annoying, yes, but thankfully this is an opportunity to practice patience.

    That person who broke your heart—he’s likely not a sadistic bastard who took pleasure in your pain, but rather someone who was human and hurting, just like you, and did the best he could. Distressing, yes, but thankfully this taught you a great deal about yourself and what a healthy relationship entails.

    This mindset was difficult for me to adopt. For a long time I felt convinced that some people were beyond understanding. And, I thought, like Miley Cyrus, some of them came into my life like a wrecking ball and provided absolutely no value.

    I now see that I’ve learned something from every broken heart, broken hope, and broken promise. It’s all helped me become a stronger, wiser, more compassionate person, and the same is true for anyone who chooses to see it that way.

    2. There’s something valuable in every challenge.

    Just like every person can offer us something valuable, every challenge can contain an opportunity as well.

    To be clear, I don’t think we need to see everything as a blessing in disguise. In her book Bright-Sided, author Barbara Ehrenreich shared her resentment for the implication she should see her cancer as a gift. I understand why she felt that way.

    This goes back to what I wrote in the beginning—there’s nothing worthwhile about pretending we’re not shocked, saddened, and disappointed by the hardships that come our way. It doesn’t benefit anyone to ignore our natural feelings in the face of trauma and tragedy.

    But it is possible to acknowledge that, while some things just plain suck, good things can come from them.

    When my grandmother passed away several years back, we all wished we had more time with her. But that began a new tradition for my extended family. Once a week, on the day when my mother previously took my grandmother out to dinner, my aunt, uncle, cousins, parents, and siblings get together for “family night.”

    It was a tradition born from tragedy, but one that’s brought everyone closer.

    On the other side of loss there’s an opportunity for gain, if we’re willing to seek or create it.

    3. Even if I don’t have what I want, I’m fortunate to have what I need.

    Very few people have everything they want. True, some may have a lot more than others, but the vast majority of us have hopes that have yet to be fulfilled.

    We have dreams and goals and ambitions. We want things and experiences and opportunities. We want to be a little richer, for life to feel a little fuller, and to generally get the sense that we’re moving forward, not backward.

    Still, amid all the ups and downs and highs and lows, many of us have everything we need, or at least most of it. We have somewhere to live, food to eat, people to turn to, and the ability to pursue whatever it is we’d like to achieve in life.

    Those things are not givens. Many people—and you may be one of them—do not have their basic needs met.

    I didn’t always appreciate this, because it didn’t seem to make my challenges any easier. But if I didn’t have those needs met, my challenges would certainly be harder.

    4. The “little things” are the big things.

    If you keep a gratitude journal, you’ve likely recognized just how many touching, fortunate, or fun little things happen every day.

    Recently I’ve listed the following in my gratitude journal:

    • My new adult coloring books, which provide stress-relief and joy
    • Getting to see the Christmas tree lighting at The Grove with my fiancé and an old friend (it happened before Thanksgiving—which annoys some people, I know, but not me!)
    • Realizing the new season of Arrow started, and there were five episodes to watch
    • Taking a hot bath with a mindless (okay, trashy) magazine
    • Getting a cheap but awesome burrito for lunch
    • Anticipating a fun family visit for Thanksgiving
    • The smell of meatballs cooking in my parents’ kitchen

    It’s not every day we get a new job, marry the love our life, or bring a child or passion project into the world. Most smiles in life stem from little things, appreciated.

    5. I don’t have to have it all or do it all to be happy.

    In the US especially, many of us hold the belief that we need to do it all, have it all, and be it all. We can’t miss out. We can’t fall short. We have to keep up, and keep accumulating.

    Sure, it’s nice to cross an experience off our life to-do list, and we all love when we’re able to provide ourselves with something that’s caught our eye.

    But grateful people realize that happiness comes from accepting and appreciating what is—and knowing that even if we never have or do more, we can live a full and fabulous life.

    This doesn’t mean we need to forsake all our goals and desires and grow stagnant. Though I love the movie It’s a Wonderful Life, as I wrote previously, I don’t believe we need to sacrifice all our wants and dreams to be good people.

    I do believe, however, there’s something to be said for putting in the effort, surrendering to the outcome, and recognizing that whatever happens, life can be beautiful.

    6. Everyone’s blessings are different, and that’s okay.

    When you’re caught up in that race to do more and be more, it’s all too easy to look around at who seems to be “ahead” and feel resentful. Grateful people realize that life isn’t a competition, and there’s no such thing as “behind.”

    We’re all different people; we all have different talents, interests, priorities, and values; and we’re all on our own path.

    What’s meaningful to me might not be meaningful to you. What’s valuable to me might not be valuable to you.

    You might feel blessed to have four healthy kids. I feel blessed to be getting a fish tank soon. You might feel blessed to have just bought a new home in the country. I feel blessed to live in a vibrant apartment community in a city.

    And you may have things I wish I had (I actually wouldn’t mind a healthy kid or two), but there may be things I have that you want. And that’s totally okay.

    We’re all fortunate in our own way, for different reasons. All that really matters is that we recognize, focus on, and appreciate our own.

    7. Things can, and will, change.

    Every now and then, I look deeply at someone I love and remind myself that they won’t always be here. And I won’t be either.

    It sounds morbid, I know, and it sometimes chokes me up to think about it. But recognizing that nothing and no one will be around forever makes it so much easier to focus on the good things and appreciate what we have.

    And this doesn’t just apply to people. It’s not a given that any of us will do the same job until we retire, or that we’ll make the same salary, or that we’ll have the health we have now to enjoy the same hobbies.

    Try as we may to insure things won’t change—with contracts and policies and commitments—things can, and will, change. Nothing nurtures a grateful heart like recognizing this, and acting like it.

    8. It could always be worse.

    Yes, it’s a cliché, and not something we want to hear when we’re going through a hard time.

    I recently found an anonymous quote that reads, “Saying someone can’t be sad because someone else may have it worse is like saying someone can’t be happy because someone else may have it better.”

    Knowing that it could be worse does not have to mean denying our feelings. But it does put things in perspective and make it easier to move through them.

    After losing both of his legs, my grandfather could have been bitter. Clearly, many people had it “better” than him—they could walk. But he still had his sense of humor, his values, and the people he loved, and that was all he needed.

    9. Life itself is a gift.

    We live in a world full of teachers—both people and experiences—that enable us to learn, grow, and continually evolve into the people we want to be.

    We have many, if not all, of our basic needs met, providing a foundation that allows us to comfortably enjoy life’s abundant simple pleasures.

    We may not have it all, or the same things other people have, but we each have countless things, people, and opportunities to appreciate and enjoy.

    This moment will never come again, and there’s no guarantee the moments that follow will look anything like this. Knowing this somehow makes the present more precious—even if things aren’t perfect.

    And that brings us to this final belief: life itself is a gift.

    It isn’t always easy, or happy, but it’s one hell of a ride—and it wouldn’t be without the bumps and turns. At least, that’s what I believe, and because of this, I’m grateful.

    What do you believe?

  • Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal Launches Today – Last Day for 3 Free Gifts

    Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal Launches Today – Last Day for 3 Free Gifts

    Today’s the day! I’m thrilled to announce that Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal is now available for purchase, and if you order today, you can still get the three free bonus gifts.

    I decided to create this gratitude journal/coloring book, with the help of the talented illustrator Rose Hwang, because gratitude and coloring have both greatly enhanced my life.

    Coloring is not just for kids. It’s calming, creative, and meditative, and best of all, it’s easily accessible. You don’t need fancy equipment or an art class, just some markers or colored pencils and a little time and space to get lost in the colors.

    As for gratitude journaling, it traditionally involves jotting down a few things you appreciated throughout your day, and I’ve done that for years.

    I’ve taken a few moments in the morning or night to appreciate the small things (that I slept well, the sun was out, or someone hugged me when I needed it) and the bigger things (that my relatives are healthy, that I’m currently in good physical and mental shape, and I have a comfortable apartment in an area I enjoy).

    It’s amazing how much you can come up with when you consciously choose to look for everything that’s going right, and how much it can boost your mood.

    I’ve taken this concept and given it more structure with Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal. Each page includes a question or prompt to help you focus on a specific area of your life, including your past, your relationships, your work, your passions, and more.

    The coloring pages depict common things we enjoy but may take for granted—such as nature and music—and space to reflect on what you appreciate about that thing.

    If you use this journal regularly, I believe you’ll feel better about life, more optimistic, and less stressed and anxious.

    It will help you shift your focus from everything you think should be happening to everything that’s already wonderful in your world. And armed with a new sense of presence and satisfaction, you’ll be more effective in creating positive change for the future.

    Order your copy of Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal now and receive the following three free gifts:

    • Tiny Buddha’s Handbook for Peace and Happiness (an eBook not currently available for purchase)
    • Gratitude Discovery, a Guided Meditation Experience from One Live Mind
    • Three printable, colorable thank-you cards

    Get your copy here:

     Amazon B&N Booksamillion.com Indie Bound

    To claim the free bonus items, forward your purchase confirmation email to bookbonus@tinybuddha.com.

    Whether you’ve been gratitude journaling for years or you’re just giving it a try for the first time, Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal will help you access a state of inner peace, contentment, and joy.

    I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed creating it!

  • Morning Coloring Page from Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal

    Morning Coloring Page from Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal

    Hi everyone! This is my seventh week sharing coloring pages from the soon-to-be-released Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal (available for pre-order now). Previously, I shared:

    How would you answer the question in the middle?

    Now that I get up much earlier than I used to, I appreciate that morning is my time for myself. On most mornings I meditate, sometimes while it’s still dark outside, and it’s usually feels quiet and peaceful around me.

    I also appreciate that morning always brings a sense of promise. It’s a new day, full of possibilities. A new chance to be who I want to be and do what I want to do.

    If you haven’t already, pre-order your copy of Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal here, then forward your purchase confirmation email to bookbonus@tinybuddha.com to receive three free bonus gifts! These gifts are only available until June 13th, the official launch date.

  • I Am Grateful to Wake Up and Know I Have Another Chance

    I Am Grateful to Wake Up and Know I Have Another Chance

  • Vacation Coloring Page from Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal

    Vacation Coloring Page from Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal

    Last week I shared the nature coloring page from Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal, which launches in June and is now available for pre-order. I’m having a blast coloring my way through the book, and I’m excited to share a second page with you now!

    How would you answer the question in the middle? (If you’re reading this in your inbox, click here to comment on the site.)

    My favorite vacation happened four years ago, when I went to Italy with my boyfriend and our families. Though it may be hard to believe given my fair skin and light hair, I’m actually 50% Italian, so it’s always been a dream of mine to see Rome with my family.

    It was the first time we’d ever traveled overseas together, and my siblings’ first time leaving the country, so that made it even more magical.

    But that wasn’t what I most appreciated about this trip. I come from one of those families that spends a lot of time close to home, crammed together in a kitchen too small to fit us, endlessly entertained by each other’s company. And yet I have an insatiable explorer inside me, who never tires of discovering new places, people, and ways of being.

    Dining al fresco on a cobblestone street with my siblings and parents to my left, my boyfriend and his parents across from me, and the Coliseum mere miles away, I felt whole. For that brief week, family and adventure overlapped, and I’ve never felt more happy or complete.

    Stay tuned for another page next Wednesday. Getting my markers out now!

    If you haven’t already, pre-order your copy of Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal here, and you’ll instantly receive three free bonus gifts.

  • Nature Coloring Page from Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal

    Nature Coloring Page from Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal

    Hi friends! I’ve decided to share the fifteen coloring pages from Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal (colored by yours truly), one every week for the next fifteen. I’m a huge fan of coloring because it’s fun and relaxing, and also serves as an excellent practice for mindfulness and stress relief.

    How would you answer the question in the middle? (If you’re reading this in your inbox, click here to comment on the site.)

    What I most appreciate is how calm and grounded I feel whenever I’m in nature, particularly when I’m on the beach. Something about the rhythmic sound of the waves crashing softens the voice in my head and brings me fully into the present moment.

    If you haven’t already, pre-order your copy of Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal here, and you’ll instantly receive three free bonus gifts!

  • Live Simple, Dream Big

    Live Simple, Dream Big

  • The 4 Happiness Archetypes and How to Get Out of the Rat Race

    The 4 Happiness Archetypes and How to Get Out of the Rat Race

    “When you dance, your purpose is not to get to a certain place on the floor. It’s to enjoy each step along the way.” ~Wayne Dyer

    One day, I was complaining about not having enough days off to escape work and treat myself to a vacation. I was feeling stressed and tired. I can recall my stepfather looking into my eyes with a deep sense of peace and compassion.

    “I hear you,” he said. “I know you work hard. Sometimes, I imagine myself jumping out of bed and going for a walk, whenever I want to.”

    His words came like thunder. It was a wake-up call to remind me how blessed I was and how much I was taking it for granted, as if nothing was ever enough. And there he was, my stepfather, trapped in a wheelchair by a severe form of multiple sclerosis, dreaming of a nice walk in nature. That day, he was my teacher.

    For too many years, I spent a lot of my precious time complaining. I thought I never had enough time, money, or love.

    Many of us get stuck in the habit of projecting our happiness into an imaginary future instead of living in the only reality that is, the present moment. We often think thoughts like:

    The day I get married, I will be happy.

    The day I can afford a bigger house, I will be happy.

    The day I make x amount of money, I will be happy.

    Looking back on my life, I came to realize that I didn’t know how to be happy. I continuously kept myself busy, always running somewhere so I could achieve more or better. Turning my happiness into a project and waiting for “the big things” to happen so I could finally feel joyful and satisfied.

    I didn’t know it at the time, but I was a rat racer. Here’s what I mean by that:

    In his book Happier, Tal Ben-Shahar (a Harvard professor, leading researcher, and author) defines four different happiness archetypes:

    Nihilism

    Nihilists have lost their joy in life, both present and future. They find no pleasure in their work or private life and expect no future benefits or rewards. They’ve given up and resigned to their fate.

    Hedonism

    Hedonists live for the moment and give little or no thought to future consequences and plans. Because they feel unchallenged by future goals or a purpose, they are often unfulfilled.

    Rat Racing

    The rat race archetype often sacrifices current pleasures and benefits in anticipation of some future rewards. This is likely the most familiar archetype to many of us (continuously setting new goals, never pleased, always busy).

    It doesn’t mean that setting clear goals for the future is a bad practice. We all need a purpose and a clear vision. If we don’t even know what we want, how could we ever get that? The problem occurs when we attach our happiness to future outcomes without being able to see and appreciate what’s already good in our lives.

    Rat racing is all about hunting for happiness, chasing an illusion, and never feeling content. The more we achieve, the more we want: another house, another car, another job, or more money.

    Happiness 

    True happiness comes from keeping a healthy balance between the present and the future. It’s when we are capable of enjoying both the journey and the destination, focusing on today’s gifts, as well as our dreams, goals, and desires.

    “Happiness is not about making it to the peak of the mountain nor is it about climbing aimlessly around the mountain; happiness is the experience of climbing toward the peak.” ~Tal Ben-Shahar

    The day I shifted my perception from stressed to blessed, everything changed. Here’s what I have learned and what worked well for me:

    1. Happiness is a verb. 

    Research has shown that happiness is 50% connected to our genes, only 10% attributed to life circumstances, and 40 perfect correlated with our thoughts and behaviors. That’s why happiness is not a noun; it’s a verb. For those of us who are mentally healthy, it’s an attitude, a continuous inside job.

    Many people are afraid to be happy, since they could lose it one day, and they let their worries ruin their joy.

    I cultivate optimism and trust the flow of life. I shift my focus from what could go wrong to what could go right. Whatever I fear, it hasn’t happened yet. I embrace my future with the genuine curiosity of a child, and I choose to believe that something wonderful is waiting around the corner—that we live in a supportive Universe where everything unfolds perfectly, and things happen for my highest good.

    If I see life with negativity, fearing that bad things could happen to me, my actions will likely attract the very things I’m trying to avoid. I’ve stopped letting my mind play with me and stress me with unnecessary fears, worries, and concerns about things that haven’t happen yet.

    I nourish my mind with healthy thoughts, like this one:

    “Life loves me. All is well in my world, and I am safe.” ~Louise Hay

    2. I sweeten my life, every day.

    I have seen that many beautiful moments and small pleasures come at a low cost or even for free.

    If I don’t have time for my hobbies, I make it. I read a good book or watch a fun movie that brings me the joy and laughter.

    I gather with non-judgmental people who love me just the way I am. The mere act of having a good conversation over a cup of coffee charges me with a high dose of positive energy.

    I go for nice walks in the park and connect with nature.

    I play with my dog.

    I sometimes light a candle or some nice smelling incense. (Jasmine is my favorite.) It stimulates my creativity and makes me feel good.

    I’ve stopped waiting for the VIP moments of the year (like my birthday) to embellish my house with fresh flowers.

    I have created the habit of drinking water from a wine glass with a slice of lemon in it.

    I enjoy my morning coffee from a beautiful cup with a red heart on it, to remind myself that love is all around.

    I use the beautiful bed sheets and the nice towels instead of saving them for the guests, just because I’m worth it.

    “Yesterday is history; tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift; that’s why we call it present.” ~Unknown

    3. I grow dreams, not regrets.

    The need for stability and security (including on a financial level) is a basic human need. No wonder we start rat racing if we don’t have enough money! But what is “enough”? Isn’t that a subjective qualifier, based on our individual needs and expectations?

    I have met many wealthy people who were unhappy because their ego always wanted to get more or better. It’s like when we think, “Okay, I’ve got this house now, but when I can move my family into a bigger one, I will finally be happy.”

    Another reason we project happiness into the future pertains to limiting (often culturally inherited) beliefs around money that keep us stuck in a survival mode.

    Take my example: Years ago, I used to work in China. I lived in a beautiful compound in downtown Shanghai, all paid for by my company, and I was single, with no loans, debt, or financial commitments. It all looked wonderful, but deep inside, I was so unhappy!

    I knew I always wanted to travel the world and meet people from different cultures. I had enough money to afford that, and still, I was so afraid of spending! Even today I am thankful to the good friend who insisted on me following her on a trip, because that’s how I finally managed to break that wall.

    You see, I was raised in an Eastern-European middle-class family. As a child, I often saw my parents saving money for the “black days” of their pension years (the time when one would not earn a salary and could potentially “start starving.”) As a result, I followed the same behavior once I started to make my own money.

    So here’s what I’ve learned: I won’t spend my precious younger years saving everything for my retirement. Saving money is a form of self-care, and something I currently do. However, I know I won’t die with my savings account, and I won’t look back on my life with regrets once I’m older. I invest in myself and in my learning, and I spend part of my money on experiences, making sure I gather more precious memories than material things.

    “You will never regret what you do in life. You will only regret what you don’t do.” ~Wayne Dyer

    4. I do what I love and love what I do. 

    We spend the majority of our lives at work. So if we’re not happy with our jobs, we’re not happy with most of life—another reason some of us start rat racing and hoping for something different.

    Too many people live their precious lives in survival mode, like robots. Frustrated or drained on Monday mornings and looking forward to the weekends so that they can feel alive. When we’re happy with our work, there’s nothing wrong with Monday mornings.

    If you find yourself stuck in a job you don’t like, know that you always have a choice to step outside your comfort zone and work toward something new. It may not be easy to change careers, especially if you have limited education and people depending on you. But it’s possible to do something you believe in, something that brings you genuine joy and fulfillment.

    The key is to work toward that something new while also cultivating joy in your daily life so you don’t fall into the trap of waiting for the future to be happy; and also, to remind yourself that no matter what happens, even if your circumstances are never ideal, you can still be happy.

    “The most important two days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why.” ~Mark Twain

    5. I stay away from perfection.

    To me, being a rat racer felt exhausting. I didn’t know how to have fun and relax. I was too busy trying to be perfect and do everything perfectly. It was tiring, and it made me feel like I was never good enough or worthy of the best things life had to offer.

    Even when I transitioned into the job of my dreams, I was still unhappy. I kept thinking:

    “The day I get to make that much money a month, I will be happy.”

    “The day I know everything about this job, I will be happy.”

    You see, even people who love what they do can be rat racers, if they are struggling with the need for perfection.

    Today, I aim for progress instead of perfection, and I enjoy each step of my professional journey, celebrating every new lesson and every kind of achievement, no matter how big or small.

    “If you look for perfection, you’ll never feel content.” ~Lev Tolstoi

    6. I mind my own journey. 

    Another thing that keeps us trapped in rat racing is the behavior of comparing ourselves to others—the money we’re making, the status at work, the house we live in, and so on.

    I now know everyone is on their own journey, and each time I dedicate moments of my life comparing, I find myself in someone else’s territory, not mine. It’s like trying to live in their story and life experience instead of my own.

    I’ve come to understand that when I shift my focus and attention from other people to myself, I suddenly have more time and energy to create good things in my own life. So many people complain about not having enough time for themselves. If you want more time for yourself, mind your own business and see what happens.

    “Comparing yourself to others is an act of violence against your authentic self.” ~ Iyanla Vanzant

    7. I am grateful.

    In the past, I rarely said thank you or counted my blessings. Today, I practice gratitude as a morning ritual. I focus on what I have, rather than on what’s missing.

    I make sure I start every day being thankful for my health; for having a loving family, a wonderful life partner, and a great job I love; for the creativity flow that helps me write such posts and the opportunity to share my insights and experiences with the world; and for the air I breathe and the sun that caresses my face.

    “If the only prayer you ever say is Thank you, that will be enough.” ~Eckhart Tolle

    I might not always get what I want, but I know I always get what I need. I see every day as a fresh start, a new opportunity for me to taste more of this juicy experience called living. Life is a precious gift and I intend to spend as much of it happy as possible.

    And now, I would like to hear from you. What is your happiness archetype? What makes you truly happy?