Tiny Buddha

Tag: goal

  • What Happened When I Let Go of My Big Plan

    What Happened When I Let Go of My Big Plan

    “Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be.” ~Sonia Ricotti

    Turning fifty felt like a milestone worth celebrating—a time to honor myself, reflect on my five decades of life, and embrace the journey ahead.

    For someone who had never believed I was worth the fuss of a big celebration, choosing to honor myself in this way felt like a profound shift. I wanted this celebration to affirm that I am worth the effort and expense.

    The way I envisioned this milestone? Hosting a retreat for women like me, who were born in 1975 and at a similar life stage. But what began as an exciting idea turned into a chance for surrender, growth, and unexpected self-discovery.

    The Vision: A Retreat for Reflection, Celebration, and Pampering

    The idea hit me all at once, clear and undeniable. Why not create a customized birthday retreat experience to mark the milestone? The retreat would be intimate, luxurious, and restorative—a space where women could reflect and celebrate together.

    I spent weeks researching, contacting venues, and considering every detail meticulously:

    • A stunning eco-conscious venue blending luxury with nature
    • A top-rated plant-based chef to nourish us
    • Thoughtfully designed activities that honor our individual and collective needs, including a group birthday celebration and opportunities for deep introspective work

    The host venue I found was a gem, exceeding my list of must-haves, but it was meeting the owner of the venue that felt truly serendipitous.

    From our first conversation, we shared a kindred energy that was both grounding and inspiring, and I knew I was meant to find her. Our connection felt like a sign—one that I wouldn’t fully understand until much later.

    I joyfully secured the dates with a deposit, brimming with excitement to share this beautiful offering with others.

    Every Project Has Its Challenges, Right?

    Despite my enthusiasm, something didn’t feel quite right. The response from my friends and acquaintances was lukewarm. Cost and personal preferences were barriers for some, and others simply didn’t resonate with the idea.

    From others, I received unsolicited advice that the retreat just wasn’t compelling. My ego bristled at their comments, interpreting them as doubts in my capability and vision.

    Adding to this, I encountered bureaucratic issues and had to navigate compliance with the retreat regulating body in my province, bringing unexpected stress and layers of complexity I hadn’t anticipated. If this piece wasn’t sorted, the retreat would put me in the red beyond what made sense.

    I believed in my vision, though, or at least, I believed in that strong feeling of alignment I had whenever I spoke with the retreat venue owner.

    After perseverance and more hours of work, I was able to solve the compliance issue. I also revised the retreat to reduce the cost to attendees and broaden the audience to include women born in 1974 and 1976, editing all of the marketing materials and recosting everything.

    After my modifications, I informally launched to my circle again, and this time
 drum roll please
 more crickets.

    A Moment of Truth: To Let Go or Double Down?

    I knew that the retreat would be magical for the right women, but I considered calling it off anyway. Anyone who’s marketed a retreat knows it’s no small feat. To make it happen, I’d need to pour in more time, energy, and finances—yet something in me just didn’t want to.

    When I really tuned in, the idea of letting go and surrendering to the quiet message my heart was sending brought an unexpected sense of relief.

    My ego whispered reasons to keep pushing forward: proving the doubters wrong, justifying the time and money I’d already invested, and showing myself I could make it work. But my heart’s quiet, persistent voice urged me to release it.

    The Gift of Letting Go

    After weeks of introspection, I made the decision to cancel the retreat. It wasn’t easy—old patterns of shame and fear of failure surfaced, and I had to really sit with them. But over time, I found peace with my choice.

    Since I had planned so far ahead, I was able to redirect my deposit toward attending a retreat at the same venue—this time, for myself.

    And THAT decision changed everything.

    The retreat opened up a new path in my healing journey, guiding me toward a piece of the puzzle I’d been trying to figure out but hadn’t yet understood. The deep connection that I felt with the retreat host made sense in a new way. She was meant to be one of my guides, and I would be returning to retreat with her many more times in my future.

    A Powerful Learning

    My experience also highlighted an area of growth asking for my attention. In my professional life, giving of myself is at the heart of what I do. I continually work on myself to strengthen my capacity to hold space for others to do their work.

    I love this calling deeply, and I receive so much in return for my giving—but I’ve realized that I still struggle outside of this context with receiving. That is, receiving without feeling the need to give something back. I also find it hard to surrender to others caring for me and holding space for me to be my messy, human self.

    The truth is, my intention behind planning the retreat was misguided. I convinced myself I was finally allowing myself to deserve a celebration, but I still felt I had to earn it by planning something for others. Yes, I would enjoy it, but I would be receiving through giving—which is beautiful, but not the same.

    By trusting my intuition and listening to the message from my heart—that I didn’t need to pursue this—I gave myself permission to let it go. And in doing so, I recognized a deep need to learn how to truly receive.

    What better way to mark the transition into my fiftieth year than by learning this essential self-care skill?

    My Takeaways from a Lesson in Letting Go

    1. Find the value.

    Letting go can feel like you’ve wasted your time, money, or energy when you don’t ‘achieve’ the outcome you set out to create, but if every experience carries value, then it’s not a waste. In my case, I gained impactful insights into the women I serve, learned how to navigate retreat regulations in my province, and met a pivotal person on my path to healing.

    2. Trust your intuition.

    Letting go of control created space for something unexpected: a profound healing experience and invaluable clarity and guidance that wouldn’t have happened otherwise. My decision to cancel wasn’t analytical—it was intuitive. But leaning into that inner voice led me to something far more meaningful than the original plan. I got what my heart knew I needed, not what my thinking self thought that I needed.

    3. Honor the balance of giving and receiving.

    Letting myself receive requires surrender. And while offering space for others to receive is deeply fulfilling, allowing myself to be cared for fills a far-reaching need I hadn’t fully acknowledged. As I enter this milestone year, I realize that true wholeness comes from honoring both sides of the equation.

    Trusting my heart and letting go is an ongoing practice for me, as it is for many women who have been socialized in a ‘fixing’ and ‘doing’ culture such as what is typical of North America.

    The gift of remembering to trust was a deeper understanding of what I truly need in my next phase. Sometimes, the most powerful way to meet our needs is to stop striving and simply allow ourselves to receive—both from others and from the wisdom of our own intuition.

  • Why It No Longer Matters to Me If My Job Impresses People

    Why It No Longer Matters to Me If My Job Impresses People

    “Do not let the roles you play in life make you forget who you are.” ~Roy T. Bennett

    Wherever I go and meet new people, they ask me, “What do you do?”

    I love talking about what I do because I love what I do, but It’s not what I’ve always done, and it certainly isn’t all of who I am. It’s part of who I am, but there is so much more.

    When we’re young, we’re asked to decide on a career. You know, the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” The problem is, does anyone in high school truly know what they want to do for the rest of their lives? I’d venture to say that many high school kids don’t even know who they really are yet.

    When I was growing up, I was a straight-A student, a star athlete, a perfectionist, and an overachiever. I learned at a young age that performing well was my ticket to feeling good about myself. My accomplishments garnered the praise and admiration of many and gave me what I needed to feel good.

    Validation.

    As a senior in high school, it was natural that I chose to go to college for aerospace engineering. I was interested in aviation, but more importantly, when I told other people what I had decided on, they nodded their heads in approval. A smart girl should choose a “smart career,” right?

    Validation and approval drove me forward.

    When I got out of college with a BS in aerospace engineering from the University of Minnesota, I went to work for The Boeing Company in Seattle, Washington. I didn’t love it. Part of it may have been homesickness, or the dreary Seattle weather, but a huge part of it was that the corporate cubicle life was not for me.

    I thought there was something wrong with me. After all, I had worked so hard to reach this point in my life. I should love it, right? Hadn’t I finally arrived?

    I struggled with it so much because on one hand, I dreaded going to work. On the other hand, when I told people what I did for a living, they leaned in and listened a little harder. Even my own father was proud to talk about my engineering career and the fact that I worked for one of the top aerospace companies in the world, but I’ve since moved to less impressive pursuits, he has never once asked me about those endeavors.

    My career looked awesome and interesting and impressive on paper, but I was quietly dying inside.

    My husband and I ended up moving all the way across the country to Savannah, Georgia, where I worked for another top aerospace company—Gulfstream Aerospace. I didn’t really feel any different about my position there, until I transferred into a group called Sales Engineering.

    In this area, I was able to interact and collaborate with sales and marketing to create the technical data they would use to pitch Gulfstream’s fleet to potential customers. I enjoyed the challenge, but I really enjoyed the collaboration with other people that weren’t buried in their computers all day. It was here that I first got a glimpse that I loved connecting with other people.

    When my first child was born, I left the aerospace industry. We had just moved cross-country again to Los Angeles, and it made more sense for me to be a full-time mom since I wasn’t the family breadwinner, and we didn’t absolutely need a second income. Plus, I wasn’t enamored with the whole engineering gig either, so in a sense, it was a way out.

    Quitting the career that I didn’t love was, on one hand, so freeing. But on the other hand, without that thick layer of validation that kept getting piled on every time someone asked me “What do you do for a living?”, I felt naked. I felt inferior. I felt like I was a failure who couldn’t hack it in the real world.

    My identity was wrapped up in my career that looked so good on paper but didn’t feel good in my soul.

    My ex-husband is an attorney, and we’d attend events with lots of other attorneys and highly educated people. At these events, I dreaded the question “So, Kortney, what do you do?”

    My response was always a little timid, almost apologetic.

    “I stay at home with our son.”

    There was typically a slow nod, with a bit of feigned interest, as if they weren’t really sure what more to say about the occupation stay-at-home mom.

    Because I also had a side-gig photography business, I’d quickly add, “and I’m also a photographer.”

    That tended to garner a bit more interest.

    “But I used to be an aerospace engineer,” I’d tack on, in a final effort to gain the nod of approval I so desperately sought.

    Bingo. Alarm bells sounded. The crowd cheered. People were reeled back into something more exciting.

    That good, old familiar friend, validation was back.

    I struggled for a long time to find my identity without all the “stuff” on the outside. It wasn’t until I got divorced and had to figure out how I would financially support myself after my spousal support ran out that I even scratched the surface of “Who am I, really?”

    Who am I without my career, the accomplishments, the external validation?

    All those years, I lived with one foot in the world of wanting to love myself for who I am rather than what I did and one foot in the world of doing more, doing better, doing it ALL.

    I lived in between the worlds of self-validation and external validation. 

    I knew I wanted the former, yet I craved the latter.

    In doing the work of figuring out who I really am, learning to love myself fully, and being able to validate myself without any help from the outside, I realized that I was asking myself the wrong questions all along.

    As a society, we ask the wrong questions.

    Instead of asking our kids, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”, I think we should be asking them, “Who do you want to be?”

    I asked my eleven-year-old daughter this, and she looked at me in her quizzical mom-why-are-you-asking-me-such-a-weird-question way and said, “Umm, I just want to be me?”

    Yes!

    Shouldn’t we all just want to be who we are? 

    Instead of pursuing goals that are impressive because they bring us accolades and attention, what if we were to pursue our goals because they lit us up and we were truly passionate about them?

    What if we started asking our kids questions about what lights them up? How do they want to feel? What things do they like to do that make them feel that way?

    Even as adults, we can ask ourselves these questions.

    If you’re in a job that doesn’t feel right, you can ask yourself, “How do I want to feel?”

    What’s authentic to you? How do you want to show up in the world? What jobs or careers would allow you to show up that way?

    This is the work I did after my divorce. I’m in a completely different career now, and believe me, as much as I fought going back to a job in the engineering industry, I had to do a lot of work on my thinking about not having a “smart job” like being an engineer. The validation I craved and was so used to was like a drug.

    Through this work, I learned how I want to feel in my life and that guides everything.

    I discovered that I want to feel freedom, ease, joy, and meaning in my life. 

    Going to a cubicle every day didn’t allow me to create those feelings. I want to show up in the world authentically—I want to be able to be a human being who makes mistakes and can share myself with other people. Corporate life didn’t allow me to be that authentic person that I now so deeply love.

    Some of you reading this may have corporate jobs and love them. You may be able to create the feelings you want to feel and show up authentically with that type of career. That’s awesome!

    The goal is to be able to feel the way you want to feel. The goal is to be able to show up in the world in a way that is true to who you are. 

    Because how you show up to do the things you do in the world is what really matters.

  • How to Stop Procrastinating When Things Feel Hard or Scary

    How to Stop Procrastinating When Things Feel Hard or Scary

    “You’ve been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” ~Louise L. Hay

    I dreamed of starting my own business for years. Ten years, exactly.

    While there are a few reasons it took so long to take the plunge, procrastination is at the top of the list.

    It’s hard work to change careers, uncomfortable to leave a steady paycheck, and nerve-wracking to think of failure.

    Even after spending months and years learning, studying, and getting certified, when it was no longer a matter of having the skills, the uncertainty of success was enough for me to keep kicking the can down the road to start marketing myself.

    I was afraid of failing. I was afraid of not being perfect. I was afraid that people would think I was a joke. And I was afraid that I wasn’t going to be capable of all the work it entailed.

    So I dragged my feet and kept passing my work off to “Future Me.”

    I did this for everything, though.

    “Tomorrow Sandy” can do the dishes. She’ll take care of scheduling that doctor’s appointment. Oh, and sign her up for that tough conversation I need to have with my mom too.

    At one point I recognized that I often procrastinated because I needed everything to be perfect.

    • I wouldn’t work on a craft project or cook a new recipe unless I knew it would come out flawless.
    • Or I would keep tweaking projects at work up to the last second and beyond, at the sacrifice of getting more work done.
    • Or I would agonize over every text and email I sent, often opting not to send any message unless I knew exactly what to say.

    But, as you can see, I’ve come a long way from that version of me.

    I’ve since started my own business (and I’m loving it!), and I’ve pulled my best tools together on paper for how to stop procrastinating—even though I actually procrastinated on writing this post (ironic, I know!).

    Today, I didn’t let my fear of “good enough” hold me back from sharing actual, helpful advice and mindset shifts to get moving and stop staying stuck.

    Because when we’re stuck, we start telling ourselves stories. So that’s where we’ll start, with this story we tell ourselves about why we procrastinate.

    What We Think Procrastination Is

    We have this misconception that procrastination is laziness.

    But procrastination is an active process. You choose to do something else instead of the task that you know you should be doing.

    In contrast, laziness is not caring. It’s apathy, inactivity, and an unwillingness to act. It’s an “I could, I just don’t wanna” kind of attitude.

    But when you’re procrastinating, you feel even more stressed because you do care about getting the task done. You’re just avoiding stress and having difficulty with motivation.

    Because that is why we procrastinate.

    What Procrastination Really Is and Why We Do It

    Procrastination is a stress-avoidance technique. It is an active process to temporarily avoid discomfort.

    We subconsciously are saying, “Present Me is not willing to experience this discomfort, so I will pass it on to Future Me.”

    (We do this as though we’re asking a stranger to do the work for us. Researchers have seen on fMRI that when we think about our future selves, it lights up the same part of the brain as when we think about strangers.)

    The really cool news is that by working toward overcoming your procrastination habit, you’re building your overall resilience to distress.

    That is how I define resilience: a willingness to experience discomfort.

    Examples of Procrastination

    Procrastination is tricky. Sometimes it’s obvious that we’re doing it. Sometimes we don’t quite realize it (like when I had to water the plants right then and there instead of writing this blog post).

    So here are some examples:

    • Scrolling through Instagram instead of getting started on important tasks
    • Putting off work assignments until the last minute
    • Wanting to start a new positive habit (dieting, exercising, or saving money), but repeatedly delaying it while telling yourself that “I’ll start soon”
    • Wanting to start a business but wasting time in “research mode” instead of taking action
    • Doing an easy, less important task that “needs to be done” before getting started
    • Waiting until you’re “in the mood” to do the task

    5 Steps to Stop Procrastinating

    Now that we know what it is and why we do it, let’s look at how to stop.

    1. Motivate yourself with kindness instead of criticism.

    What really holds us back from moving forward is the language we use when talking to ourselves.

    Thoughts like:

    • I don’t want to.
    • It will be hard.
    • I don’t know how to do it.
    • It might not come out as good as I want it to.
    • I’ll probably fail.
    • This will be so boring.

    This is what we think that drives us to procrastinate. I mean, really, when you read those thoughts, they just feel so demotivating, right?

    This negative self-talk has a good intent. It is trying to save us from discomfort.

    Unfortunately, it’s achieving the opposite because it adds to the stress by making us feel bad.

    If you speak to yourself with kindness, just as you would a friend, it will feel so much more motivating.

    So think about what you would say to that friend. It might sound like:

    • I get it, it will be uncomfortable, but you’ll be done soon and then you can relax.
    • Once you get started, it will be easier.
    • You can do it!!
    • If it doesn’t come out perfect, at least you’ll have practiced more.
    • If you fail, you’ll have learned so much.

    2. Create a pattern interrupter.

    That negative self-talk has simply become part of your procrastination habit.

    Because that is what procrastination becomes—a habit—and habits are comprised of a cue, a routine, and a reward.

    • The cue is thinking about a task that needs to be done.
    • The routine is to speak that negative self-talk that leads to procrastination.
    • The reward is less stress. (Not no stress, because avoiding the task is still somewhat stressful because we know it eventually needs to be done.)

    In order to break the habit and create a new one, you need to introduce a pattern interrupter.

    Mel Robbins has a great one she calls the 5 Second Rule. When you think “I should do this,” before the negative self-talk starts in, count backwards, “5-4-3-2-1-GO” and move.

    I find this helpful when I’m having a hard time getting out of bed in the morning.

    If I’m having trouble getting motivated to do something difficult like write a post about procrastination, my pattern interrupter is “I can do hard things.” Not only am I interrupting the pattern, I’m motivating myself positively as well.

    If I’m having trouble doing a boring and tedious task like my taxes, I use something like “I’m willing to be uncomfortable now so that Future Me can be at peace.”

    3. Break down the task.

    One of the big drivers of procrastination is overwhelm. Overwhelm happens when we’re looking at a project in full scope, either not knowing where to start or feeling like all the work involved will be too much.

    If the next task at hand is too big, or if you don’t know where to start, your first task really is to either 1) make a list, or 2) figure out the smallest thing you can do first.

    The whole house is a mess? I bet you know where that one sock goes!

    Another example, I had social anxiety and going to the gym was overwhelming to me.

    So I broke it down into:

    • I just need to put gym clothes in my car, that’s it.
    • I just need to drive to the gym. I can turn around if I want once I get there.
    • I just need to walk in the door. I can always leave.
    • I just need to get changed in the locker room I can do that.

    Honestly, I never turned around and went home. Because once I’d taken the small, easy step, the next small easy step was doable.

    Which leads me to the next step…

    4. Just commit to five minutes.

    Studies show that if we commit to five minutes only, 80% of us are likely to continue with the task.

    Five minutes is nothing. You can do anything for five minutes.

    There is an 80% chance you’ll continue working once you put in those five minutes, but even if you don’t, you’re still five minutes closer to your goal.

    And, you’ve taken one more step to breaking the old habit of not starting.

    It’s a big win-win!

    5. Reward yourself or make the task more enjoyable.

    Another problem with looking at a big task in scope instead of the next five minutes is that the reward is too far away or not satisfying enough.

    When you’re trying to lose weight, twenty pounds is weeks and months away.

    Or, when you’re putting off your taxes, if you aren’t expecting a return then the reward is “not going to jail.”

    So bringing in more rewards sooner will fast track creating the new habit of getting started.

    But also, making the task itself more pleasant will make it a less monotonous task.

    • To write this post, I put on my softest bathrobe and grabbed my baby’s tub from when he was an infant to make an Epsom salt foot bath under my desk while I write.
    • I’ll be starting my taxes in the next few weeks, and I already plan to have a glass of wine and super fancy cheese and crackers while I sit down to do them.
    • I save listening to super nostalgic nineties music for when I’m exercising just so that it makes that time extra special and fun.

    What Would Open Up for You If You Stopped Procrastinating?

    We spend so much more time avoiding the discomfort of a task than we do stepping into what it will be like once the task is complete.

    If you were to stop procrastinating, what would open up in your life?

    • Would you start your business because you’re no longer afraid of experiencing any discomfort if you “fail”?
    • Would you simply enjoy life more if you weren’t in a perpetual state of stress because there is a list of things you’re putting off?
    • Would you finally lose weight or get in shape and feel good once you push through being able to get started?

    The Bottom Line

    Procrastination is an active process to temporarily avoid discomfort (it is not laziness!)

    By overcoming your procrastination habit, you are building your emotional resilience.

    Notice the negative, demotivating self-talk and motivate yourself with kindness over criticism.

    Create a pattern interrupter before the negative self-talk starts weighing you down.

    Commit to just five minutes and you’ll either keep going to do more, or you’ll at least be five minutes closer to done.

    Reward yourself or make the task more enjoyable so there is less discomfort to avoid.

  • When You’ve Lost Your Passion for That Thing You Once Loved

    When You’ve Lost Your Passion for That Thing You Once Loved

    “Do it with passion or not at all.” ~Rosa Couchette Carey

    If you’ve ever had a passion for something, you are probably well aware of the peaks and valleys that are natural side effects of pursuing the thing you love most.

    Whether it’s music, writing, sports, fitness, or anything else, sometimes you lose sleep because the thing you love keeps you up all night, and some days you just feel tired and uninspired. There are ebbs and flows in following your passion, which is completely natural and healthy.

    But what happens when the “valleys” stay valleys? Maybe you have a few days when you don’t feel excited. When the thing you once loved feels more like a job than something you look forward to doing. Then, maybe those few days turn into a couple of weeks. Maybe even a couple of months.

    As time passes, you start feeling sad and frustrated. The activity (hobby, career) that once was a burning fire in your heart no longer is. You may even begin to feel guilty for not feeling love for that thing anymore. After all, you did love that thing before. Nothing about it has changed.

    You may become frustrated with yourself, wondering what’s wrong with you for not feeling excited about something that brought you so much joy in the past.

    What began as a strong, bright, and hopeful fire is now a much smaller flame. You try to fan the flame, attempting to make it bigger and trying harder to bring it back to its former glory. But you end up becoming more and more tired as it becomes clearer that the fire is dying. 

    Some passions become a part of who you are. They become etched into your being, your identity, and your sense of self. So once that passion fades, a moment of panic may set in. You may feel anxiety or deep depression at the thought of no longer doing that thing that once defined you.

    As a professional dance instructor, I’m thankful to say that I have been able to turn the thing I love into a career. However, I went through my own peaks and valleys in dance.

    My personal dance journey has gone something like this:

    Walk into a ballroom dance studio one night. No dance experience or intention of becoming a dancer whatsoever. Attend the social anyway, just for fun.

    Dance with one of the dance hosts. Dance with others. Dance the night away. Feel happy and inspired. Fall in love with whatever this new feeling is.

    Sign up that night to take ballroom dance lessons. Train in dance for five years. For those five years, forgo everything else that regular early twenty-somethings do to focus solely on my passion.

    Leave my old studio to accept a teaching opportunity at a new studio. Begin making a living doing the thing I love.

    At this point, I feel happy. I don’t feel the burning passion that I felt when I was training and dancing just for myself and my own enjoyment. But it’s okay. I feel satisfaction in knowing that I am helping others to feel that same passion, which gives me a sense of fulfillment.

    I continue teaching at that studio for two years. Little by little, I begin feeling drained. I convince myself that it’s “natural” to feel drained all the time, that it’s just part of the job.

    Coworkers tell me that it’s “not supposed to be fun.” I try to find humor in it. I continue teaching. Slowly, I no longer enjoy it. I no longer want to dance. I no longer feel good about teaching others how to love dance when my love for it isn’t genuine.

    One night, fate steps in. I visit another studio to dance socially, just for fun. Just for myself.

    I feel renewed energy. I see dancers who are much better than I am. I feel humbled and challenged.

    I decide to start working here. Initially, it gives me a new feeling of hope and excitement. However, just like anything else, passion needs to be sustained from the inside—if it comes from outside factors, it can only last so long. Which is exactly what happens.

    Just like before, I begin to feel slowly uninspired. I long to feel something. But I don’t understand why I don’t. I feel sad. However, this time, I don’t deny it or fight it. I realize that I need to do some inner work. I need to figure out whether I should hold on or let go.

    When passion fades, it can be a very difficult thing to accept. It might seem almost impossible to take a step back from that former passion. You may feel a loss of identity and wonder who you are without it, regardless of whether or not it inspires you anymore.

    But from personal experience, I can say that stepping back, even just temporarily, is one of the best remedies. When something you once loved leaves you feeling bored, stressed, or uninspired, it’s often a clear signal that some inner work and reevaluation need to take place.

    Don’t be afraid of your gut feeling. When something no longer brings you the joy it once did, it’s often the soul’s way of saying, “It is time to take a break.” 

    For those of you who become so emotionally and spiritually intertwined with the people, places, and activities you love most that the very thought of taking a couple of steps back sends you into an identity crisis, I am here to say that I understand. I know the discomfort.

    But your soul knows better. Your innermost self knows when it’s time to create a little space.

    And here’s the good news: By giving the thing you loved some space, you are allowing one of two things to happen:

    One: You are giving yourself time to recharge and recover. Sometimes, this is all you need. You may have simply needed a little time off to get inspired again, and you may return back to that passion at a later time with inspiration, energy, and clarity.

    Or two: If you don’t return back to your first passion, you are creating room for a new joy to eventually take its place. You’re giving yourself the opportunity to explore other hobbies and interests. And if you don’t find the “new thing” right away, don’t panic! You will. Your heart knows. It may take time, but you will be guided, once again, to that new thing.

    For me, it turned out that I needed to take a different approach to my dancing.

    For one thing, I needed to focus on my strengths as a dancer and dance teacher rather than compare myself to those around me. Comparison had left me with feelings of inadequacy and insecurity, which, in turn, made me not feel much motivation for dancing in general. I realized that I felt much happier when I focused on my strengths, as well as my own growth and progress.

    Secondly, I realized that I needed to spend more time dancing for myself. Not teaching group classes or private lessons. Not hostessing. Just going out and dancing. When I danced for myself, I felt joy again. I felt full of passion and purpose.

    This led me to realize an important lesson: You can only give as much love to something as what you currently have inside of you. If you don’t feel happy on the inside, how can you expect to make others feel happy and excited?

    Self-care and balance are essential elements in pursuing anything that you love.

    So if your passion is currently causing you to feel burnt out, tired, or stressed, don’t be afraid to give it some space. Don’t feel afraid to take a few steps back, breathe, and focus on something else for a little bit. Everything will be okay.

    By letting go, you are allowing the universe to work its magic and fill that void—either with renewed love and energy or with a new passion that you would’ve never imagined.

  • How to Reach Your Goal (And Why Three People Showing Up Isn’t Failure)

    How to Reach Your Goal (And Why Three People Showing Up Isn’t Failure)

    “If you believe it will work out, you’ll see opportunities. If you believe it won’t, you will see obstacles.” ~Wayne Dyer

    I’ve been part of a social meet-up group for the past few years, one that’s helped me through tricky times like quitting my job, dealing with anxiety, and having my first baby. When I first joined the group, there were three people who attended the events. (Yes, you read that correctly—three people!)

    There were lots of people in the group itself, but only three of us would regularly attend monthly events. It meant that if one of us couldn’t make the meet-up, we would have to cancel the whole thing (or it would be a rather intimate evening).

    And yet, in the last year, the monthly attendance has quadrupled. (Admittedly, that only takes us to twelve people… but that’s still a 300% increase!)

    Not bad in a year (and anyone who’s organized an event knows how hard it can be to get people to actually show up). And we’re talking twelve “regulars”—people who love the meet-ups, and who come back time and time again, enthusiastic and inspired.

    Plus, our attendance is still growing, and interest is mounting. Who knows where we’ll be in a year’s time!

    As we tested out ways to increase our numbers, I realized that the lessons I was learning could be applied to life—not just to meet-up groups. I started using them in my own life, with great benefit.

    I realized that anyone going after a goal or project could use these strategies (and most of us are going after a goal, in some form or other).

    So here are five lessons I learned about getting what you want, as taught to me by our small (but ambitious) meet-up group:

    1. Be patient; play the long game.

    When we set out to increase numbers, we didn’t get disheartened if we didn’t see results straight away. We knew the long game was the most important thing. The first meet-up had four attendees. The next one had five. Then we went down to four again. It took a year for us to get more than ten regular members, and to really notice how the group had changed.

    A year can sometimes seem like a long time when you’re pursuing a goal or dream. But the time will pass anyway! Why not spend it doing something you love or are really passionate about?

    2. Do things that scare you every now and then.

    One of the ways we increased attendance was by messaging every single member of the group—to say hi, tell them about the monthly events, and to ask if there were specific reasons why they hadn’t attended in the past.

    At first, this felt scary. Are we bothering them? Will they tell us to go away? Or will we hear something bad about the events? It’s daunting reaching out to people you don’t know, and putting yourself out there.

    And yet, more often than not, it’s the best thing we can do! Let’s face it, if the things you’re doing currently aren’t working, then you might as well change it up. Try something new. What have you got to lose?

    Pressing “send” on that email, or saying yes to that call might feel scary for a few minutes, but imagine how great it would feel if you got the thing(s) you wanted. Are a few minutes of discomfort worth it for long-term progress or growth? I’d say so.

    3. Remember that things grow exponentially (one thing leads to another).

    The best thing about taking action is the snowball effect: your action sets off another action, which sets off another. And before you know it, you’re storming ahead.

    With our group, as more members attended, we could post more photos of our events (that didn’t show the same three people hanging out!) And as more people saw our photos and started coming to events, they told friends about it and invited them too.

    It’s the same with goals or projects. You might nervously share a few of your blog posts and think nothing is happening; you’re not gaining any traction. But you never know what’s happening out in the ether. Perhaps one of your posts resonated with a local professor, who shares it with her colleagues, who share it with their friends…

    The fact is, you never know what’s going on behind the scenes. So take an action step, and then another, and let the momentum build!

    4. Ask for help.

    No one does anything worthwhile alone. There’s always a team involved.

    The three of us emailed group members, posted on our Facebook wall, and spread the word however we could. We contacted friends. We held brainstorming sessions for ideas. We sought advice from peers and local event leaders.

    The best thing about asking for help is that most people want to help. In fact, they love it! Think about the times that you’re asked for advice. Do you get annoyed by it, or does your chest puff out ever so slightly?!

    Use the resources around you. Don’t be afraid to do so—because when the tables are turned, you may well be able to help in return.

    5. Be passionate about it.

    I’ve left this one till last because it’s the most important one, in my opinion. Be passionate about what you’re doing.

    The three of us in the group really believe in what we’re doing. We love holding the events. We love the sense of community we’ve created. And we’re so passionate about what we’re doing that we work on it—willingly—in our spare time.

    If you’re working on a goal or project and not feeling passion toward it at all, why are you doing it? Are you doing it for someone else, or to look good?

    Things are so much easier when we enjoy doing them. So choose wisely. Choose things you’re passionate about. And then during the tough times or dips (which do happen) you’ll be more likely to keep going, and you’ll feel even more committed when you come out the other side.

  • How to Keep Going When Your Dream Seems Far Off

    How to Keep Going When Your Dream Seems Far Off

    “Do what you have to do until you can do what you want to do.” ~Oprah Winfrey

    I needed a bit of extra cash last month, so I took on a temporary events role working at a local design exhibition.

    I’ve worked in events before, so I didn’t think much about it.

    I just knew that I needed some money, I liked doing events, and a short contract had presented itself.

    It seemed perfect!

    So off I went to my first shift, feeling pretty good about myself and about life.

    The first event was at a studio in a deserted industrial park. Even at 5:30pm, when it was still light, I felt uncomfortable walking the ten minutes from the bus stop.

    When I got there, I quickly realized that the role wasn’t going to be as fun as I thought it would be: standing shivering outside in the cold, wearing an exhibition t-shirt, registering attendees, most of whom weren’t on the guest list but were expecting to be on the list.

    So they got shirty.

    And the line up grew longer.

    So they got even more shirty.

    Two hours later, and I was starting to wonder why I’d taken on the role. (And don’t get me wrong—I know there are worse jobs, and that I’d signed up for it myself. I’m not looking for pity.)

    I started talking to the other girls who were working there. They were students, and it turns out they were a lot younger than me—nineteen and twenty-four. (I’m thirty-five.)

    Now, I know that age doesn’t make a difference, and I’m generally pretty comfortable with my age. (Getting older is better than the alternative!) But in that moment, I felt pretty crappy.

    So as I stood in the cold, with two girls ten to fifteen years younger than me, working for a near minimum wage job, I started to feel down.

    I started feeling sorry for myself.

    And at the end of the night, as I waited for the bus in the cold, dark bus depot, feeling pretty low, I texted a friend who I knew would understand.

    My text read:

    “What the hell am I doing?! I’m thirty-five years old, and I just worked a minimum wage job in a dodgy part of town, with a nineteen year old, and now I’m waiting for the hour-long bus journey to take me home.

     My other friends are doctors or lawyers, own houses, and drive their (nice) cars to their places of work. 

    Ever feel like you’ve missed the boat somewhere?!”

    My friend was sympathetic (she’s temping and traveling around Europe while most of her peers are buying houses, having kids, and generally “doing very well.”)

    And then she said something that really stuck with me. Something that brought it all home:

    She simply said:

    “Think of your long-term vision.”

    This is how she explained it to me:

    “Yes, you’re doing a minimum wage role (temporarily). And yes, you’re working with people much younger than you. And taking the bus to work.

    But you’re doing all this for a reason.

    You’re doing this so you can set up your business. You’re doing this so you can create a new life for yourself—a life to really be proud of.

    You’re doing this for the end goal.

    So yes, it is sucky right now. But think of your long-term vision.”

    I couldn’t have asked for a better reminder.

    Because that was exactly it: I was working the job to earn extra money while I set up a business I’m passionate about.

    I was temporarily in a murky patch so I could get to a better place in the future.

    And I had forgotten my long-term vision. I had gotten caught up in the short-term

    And this is so easy to do.

    So I’d like to share my experience with you, to remind you of this powerful idea: Keep your long-term perspective in mind.

    Don’t get caught up in what is happening now, only.

    Think of the bigger picture: your big plans, your long-term goals.

    If you’re setting up your business and feel like you’re not getting anywhere, think of the long-term vision.

    You might not get anywhere in the first few months, but what about the next year or two? How far could you get if you kept going and putting in the effort?

    If you’re working two jobs in order to go traveling after grad school, keep that vision in mind.

    Think of setting off on that plane with your passport in hand, sipping an espresso in a village in Italy, or seeing the Eiffel Tower for the first time.

    Keep your long-term vision in mind.

    If you’re writing a book and you’ve rewritten the first chapter ten times, think of your long-term vision: being an author.

    Picture having your first book published and seeing it on sale in your local bookstore.

    If you’re training for a half marathon and you busted your knee running, rest up, and think of your long-term goal: crossing that finish line.

    Don’t worry about the things happening now. The crappy jobs you take… the revisions you’re making… the demo tapes you’re sending off with no replies… the manuscript rejections. These are all temporary.

    But the long-term, if you keep taking action and putting one foot in front of the other, could be very different.

    If you let it.

    If you keep going.

    If you keep your goal in mind, and keep it clear.

    See, I had forgotten my reason for taking on this temporary events role.

    It wasn’t to work in the cold while annoyed guests took their impatience out on me.

    (Funnily enough!)

    It was to earn money so I can keep working on my business.

    To keep afloat while I follow my dream—my passion.

    Something that makes me feel excited and proud and hopeful and exhilarated.

    But, hang on, I know what you’re thinking:

    Sounds easy, but how do you do it in practice?

    How do you focus on the long-term, while you’re dealing with the difficulties of the short-term?

    So here’s how I did it. I hope these points are helpful for you too:

    1. Get clear on your goal, and display it somewhere prominent.

    Post it on your wall. Set it as your phone backdrop. Make it your computer wallpaper.

    Anything. Just make it visible. So you have a reminder, day in, day out, of what you’re working toward.

    2. Know how your short-term plans are feeding into your long-term goal.

    Get clear on how your actions are contributing to it.

    E.g.: I am putting up posters in the rain at eight o’clock at night so that people know about my business and I can eventually help people with my successful and inspiring series of retreats.

    I am taking the bus to this business event two hours from my hometown so I can meet people who might be able to help me get a job in my desired industry, or give me tips on how I can make it in this competitive market.

    3. Team up with someone doing something similar.

    Texting my friend was the best thing I could have done because she understood. She sympathized. I didn’t feel judged, or stupid.

    So find someone in a similar situation to you. It doesn’t have to be in person—go online and seek out supportive websites, Facebook groups, whatever it is that helps you realize you’re not alone.

    4. Know that everyone goes through this.

    The people you see at the top of their game didn’t start there. They sweated, and toiled, and kept going when the end seemed unrealistic, or even impossible at times.

    No one promised them they would get to the top. So they used their belief to keep them going.

    Think of anyone you admire, in any field…

    Did they work hard to get there, or did they have it handed to them magically on a plate? Did they take time to get to where they are now, or did it happen overnight?

    5. Appreciate where you are now.

    See the positives as well as the negatives. Your blog only has four readers? Great—think of all the mistakes you can make without anyone knowing or making harsh comments!

    Working a boring job while you pay your way through school? Then sign up with a friend, and make it fun!

    Because—without sounding negative—you will still have issues and problems when you get to where you want to be. They’ll just be different problems and issues. So enjoy the problems you have now.

    I might have moaned about my long bus journey home at night, but if I’m traveling for business in the future, there could still be times where my flight is delayed and I’m hailing a cab in the pouring rain at one in the morning.

    Appreciate where you are on your journey—it is all important.

    So there we go. Five ways to keep going when your short-term reality doesn’t match your long-term vision.

    Because we all have to do things we don’t necessarily want to do to get to where we truly want to be.

    Most people don’t want to put themselves through this.

    They don’t want to go through the tough times, the yucky stuff, to emerge out the other side, stronger and clearer on where they’re headed.

    It’s easier to stay in the easy, safe zone.

    Do the things you gotta do to get to where you want to be.

    Because we only have this one life. So why not live it pursuing the things you love—your big goals and dreams?

    Why not go after those dreams and adventures rather than moaning that nothing good ever comes your way? (Hint: it’s because you have to go out and get it.)

    And now, over to you:

    What are you working on now to fulfill your long-term vision?

    What are you going through now, in order to create a brighter future for yourself?

    What have you learned along the way?

    Let me know in the comments. I’d love to hear!

  • Are You a Multipotentialite? What to Do When You Have Many Interests

    Are You a Multipotentialite? What to Do When You Have Many Interests

    “I think a singular identity isn’t very interesting, and I’m a little bit more multifaceted as a person than that.” ~Catherine Opie

    Are you a person who gets inspiring ideas every day? Do you wake up, galvanized with such thoughts, only to end up feeling sore as the day ends because you failed to act on these bright morning ideas? Perhaps you also end up blaming yourself and feeling guilty for not having taken any action.

    Then welcome to the world of multipotentialite, a word I first encountered when I heard a TEDX talk by Emilie Wapnick. In her talk, Emilie talks about the challenges multipotentialites face and how to embrace them.

    Multipotentialite Defined

    So who is a multipotentialite? The urban dictionary defines it as “somebody who has potential in multiple fields.” Sounds cool, right? It seems that such a person would lead a meaningful life. They’d never get bored, as there would always be something to catch their fancy.

    Unfortunately, it doesn’t usually work out that way. How do I know? I happen to be one.

    I am a software engineer turned writer, counselor, web designer, and trek guide. I haven’t stuck to any particular field, so I cannot say I am an expert or a specialist—words the world loves.

    I detest family gatherings. Do you know why? People around me talk about promotions and their success while I talk about beginnings. I don’t mind; I’m a learner. But it’s difficult to explain to your family, who wishes to see you settled in your career, that you have multiple interests.

    Without a supportive environment, several things can go wrong. Here are some of them.

    Great ideas but no follow through

    You get plenty of ideas, so much so that it becomes overwhelming. There are countless things you’d like to do right away. Sometimes it’s difficult to choose, for fear that you’ll leave it mid-way. Or you have a desire to do a multitude of things, all at once. Or the dissatisfaction of the earlier half-finished projects may bog you down, so you don’t start at all.

    You’re labeled “irresponsible” or “afraid to commit”

    You begin to feel that you’re not a responsible person because you don’t stick to anything. After all, hasn’t it been drilled into you that success depends on your level of commitment? And a lack of commitment could mean anything from not being serious to being irresponsible and careless.

    The blame game

    You start blaming yourself. The pressure to perform and stick to one particular career or task intensifies. It may be a self-created vortex, or others around you will contribute to the pressure by saying things like, “get serious” or “discipline is just what you need.”

    Not fitting in

    Finally ,you realize you don’t fit in. You start feeling something’s wrong with you, that you’re not like other “normal” people around you who commit to doing things. You believe you’re different and feel you don’t belong anywhere. This can also lead to loneliness or a sense of being alone in the world.

    Disappointments greet you

    When you’re unable to come up with a goal for yourself, it can hurt. You know you’re ready to put in the hard work, but goals keep changing, as nothing interests you for long. The hurt and disappointment can erode your self-confidence, as well.

    The matrix

    Yet you try. You keep searching for that single purpose that will make you feel whole again. Maybe you feel there’s something out there that is “you”—something that’s meant especially for you. You only have to find it and then you’ll be okay. Beware: This path is full of lies.

    The feeling of being abnormal

    You begin searching for mental disorders on the web. Maybe this is a symptom of a condition, or maybe it signifies a psychiatric illness. The web is extremely helpful here, as it displays twenty or more different disorders that you could box yourself into.

    You suppress

    You start sticking to a goal even if it kills you. You wake up day after day reassuring yourself that things will work out in the end. The suppression does not get you anywhere. Instead, you feel a disconnect, an overwhelming feeling that something is missing.

    So this, in a nutshell, is the world of multipotentialites.

    In spite of their vulnerabilities, multipotentialites can get a lot done. They’re generally quick learners who are able to grasp varied things, a strength that they could capitalize on. In a team they can come up with innovative ideas; the jack-of-all-trades does not lack solutions. Belief in yourself is the only thing that’s missing. Well, that and a couple of other things.

    Trust that the dots connect.

    Nothing ever goes to waste. The skills you learn along the way will help you in the future.

    For a brief period I got a job as a travel writer when a magazine editor realized that I had explored quite a number of places within my city.

    A web design course helped me juggle multiple roles at a start-up that was always short on staff.

    The counseling degree gave me a better understanding of people around me. It also helped when my friend needed a student counselor for her tuition center.

    So my skills were put to good use and I sometimes got paid too, without any conscious effort on my part.

    Take small steps.

    A quote by Katie Kacvinsky sums this aptly. She says, “You need to be content with small steps. That’s all life is. Small steps that you take every day so when you look back down the road it all adds up and you know you covered some distance.”

    Especially when you have hundreds of things that you would like to do, it helps to make a list. Write down your desires and start with one of them. That’s it. Don’t expect anything except the desire to learn.

    When you feel saturated, stop and proceed to do the next thing on your list.

    The list will grow and so will you. Drop the expectations that you need to finish the project. It’s the learning that counts for you.

    Looks for creative ways to contribute.

    Maybe you could utilize your skills to earn more, by writing in your particular field, coaching, or even speaking. The important thing is not to give up on your interests; instead, look at them closely and see how you can proactively pursue them to better your situation. This removes the pressure on you and you start feeling less anxious.

    Connect with people who can relate.

    Joining a like-minded community helps put things in perspective. Forums and websites like Puttylike, started by Emilie, can help you restore your faith in yourself and move ahead in your life.

    In the end it’s all about perspective. A quote by George Carlin sums it rather well.

    “Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.”

    So choose to focus on your strengths. Success will surely follow.

  • The One Question You Need to Ask Yourself When Deciding What to Do

    The One Question You Need to Ask Yourself When Deciding What to Do

    Thinking man

    “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” ~Mary Oliver

    I’ve recently discovered that for fifty-odd years I’ve been asking myself the wrong questions. Uh-oh.

    Maybe you are too.

    The questions we ask ourselves habitually—even when the process is totally unconscious—guide our lives in a very profound way. For me, the two questions that dominated my thinking had very different, but equally pernicious results. They are: What am I supposed to be doing? And What do I feel like doing?

    The first question is all about hitting the numbers. What looks good in the eyes of the world? What would others see as successful, laudable or, at the very least, sensible? What would your mother approve of?

    This question was especially influential in my early life, but I’m still susceptible to a good dose of “compare and despair” angst.

    We love to see how we stack up against everyone else, and that impulse never seems to go away. Instead of comparing grades, test scores, and college acceptances, it’s salaries, vacations and how our kids are doing.

    There’s always some external standard we’re supposed to be hitting.

    The “supposed to” agenda is dictated by the ego, or what I like to call the Social Self. It’s all about getting you to line up and conform to the standards society sets for measuring success and general acceptability. It’s not about what would make you feel happy or fulfilled or even reasonably satisfied. Often it makes you downright miserable.

    I chose a career and two marriages based on that agenda, all of which are now defunct. The truth is, you’re not “supposed” to do anything. Truly. I know that’s hard to swallow. I have to remind myself of it daily, even hourly. There is no right answer. Life isn’t even a test! Who knew?

    Let’s all take a moment to let that one sink in.

    Unfortunately, once I finally figured out that I’m not supposed to do anything, I promptly fell into the next trap for a decade or two. As an antidote to the first question, I swung to the opposite extreme and decided that I would only do what I felt like doing.

    The problem with What do I feel like doing? is that it keeps us stuck in our comfort zones. Honestly, I usually don’t feel like doing things that make me scared and uncomfortable. Or that require a long slog of work with no guarantee of reward at the end.

    It’s hard for me to admit that this question is also wrong, because I’m a big fan of “following your bliss” and doing the things that make you feel good.

    The real problem here is in the timeline. What do I feel like doing? focuses on your feelings in that very moment. Would I rather have a glass of wine and surf the web right now, or work on that thorny chapter in my book that doesn’t want to settle into shape? Hmmm.

    Which brings me to the one question I’ve found that actually does pay to ask: What do I aspire to? This question still focuses on what you really want (not what society tells you to want), but it directs your attention out a little ways.

    What do you want to do in the grand scheme of things, not just in this moment?

    To aspire means “to direct one’s hopes or ambitions toward achieving something.” Some synonyms are: desire, hope for, dream of, long for, yearn for, set one’s heart on. That sounds kind of delicious, doesn’t it?

    Remember, we’re not talking about what would look good to others, but what would feel good to you, which is a tricky distinction for most of us. The key here is to focus on your body’s reactions.

    Thinking about what you aspire to should feel exciting and inspiring. If you feel tense or anxious or stressed out, you’re probably back in ego territory, trying to figure out what you’re “supposed” to do. (Stop that.)

    And don’t let the ego get its sticky hands on your aspirations, either. It’s easy to get sucked back into the idea that we need to achieve something specific—and within a certain timeframe, mind you!—in order to be happy.

    Refuse to go there. Focus on the joy of engaging in a goal that’s meaningful to you, no matter how long it takes or what others might think of it. Take your time and relish the process; that’s what life is really about.

    Asking What do I aspire to? keeps you homed in on your bliss, but defers the gratification just enough to get you off the couch and sitting in front of the computer, or schlepping to the gym, or picking up the phone.

    Go for the glow, follow your bliss, by all means
 just not in this very moment. Get used to projecting yourself a little bit forward, and then consulting your body to find out what would feel really good to it then.

    It’s a great question to ask yourself at the start of every day, as a kind of intention-setting ritual. What do I aspire to in this day? How do I want to show up in the world?

    Flash forward to the end of that day and imagine what would make you feel really great to have done. Do the same at the beginning of the month or a new year. Use it to set goals that really matter to you, not just to your mom or your 750 Facebook friends.

    So, what do you aspire to (even if you don’t feel like it in this very moment)? Now go take a baby step or two toward it. I’ll be right there, just as soon as I finish watching this kitten video.

  • 4 Things You Need to Know When Pursuing An Ambitious Dream

    4 Things You Need to Know When Pursuing An Ambitious Dream

    Dreamer

    “So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable.” ~Christopher Reeve

    Have you ever decided to pursue something that excited you, that seemed really hard to do, and then had your will tested and almost crushed? I have, many times, most recently this year.

    As you may recall, I shared a blog post in January about the newly formed Tiny Buddha Productions, a film company I started with my fiancé, fellow screenwriter Ehren Prudhel.

    If you haven’t read that post yet, you may want to read that now. Go ahead—it’s here. I’ll wait.

    Welcome back! A lot has happened in the six months since we decided to make a short film about loneliness and connection.

    We’ve faced delays, and drama, and disappointment. We’ve questioned ourselves, our idea, and our potential. And we even considered scrapping the whole thing when it all seemed far harder, and success far less likely, than we once imagined it would be.

    But we’ve pushed forward, in spite of the fears and the discomfort. We’ve waded through the guck of insecurity and uncertainty. And here we are, about to start filming our first short film tomorrow.

    As I sit here with a goofy perma-grin on my face, I’d like to share a little of what I’ve learned over the past six months.

    If you’re pursuing a dream, and feeling overwhelmed, uncertain, self-doubting, and scared, perhaps some of my lessons will help.

    1. There’s no shame in being green.

    I knew going into this there was a ton I didn’t know. Although I’d studied acting and writing in college, I didn’t study screenwriting, and I had no experience producing a film or working on a set.

    In addition to what I didn’t know, there was a lot I didn’t know I didn’t know—stuff about permits, and insurance, and securing locations. Every part of this has been a learning process for me, and that can feel incredibly vulnerable.

    It’s easy to feel insecure and embarrassed when you’re working with experienced people and you feel a little ignorant.

    But when I took my ego out of the equation and stopped worrying about what other people might think of me, I realized how fun it is to be at the beginning of a journey.

    It reminds me of when I was in college, and I felt excited about everything—being on campus in Boston, meeting new people, learning from them, getting to share my work, and imagining possibilities for the future.

    Would I feel more confident if I were an expert? Sure. But there’s nothing like the enthusiasm you feel when you’re just starting out. Some day I will be an expert, and I can only hope I’ll maintain this electric passion I feel right now.

    If you too are at the beginning, remember: This feeling won’t last forever, so soak up the best and don’t worry about the worst. No one loses respect for someone just because they’re new. If anything, they highly esteem people who are embarking on an exciting but challenging new journey—especially if they’re not just out of college.

    More importantly, your experience is worth far more than their perception, so enjoy every part of this new path. This is what life’s all about—trying things that excite you and feeling giddy, nervous, and passionately alive. Let yourself bask in it.

    2. Setbacks are part of the process.

    As I mentioned, it’s been almost six months since we decided to do this short film. We originally planned to shoot in in the spring, after speaking to lots of people and hiring a director, who was going to bring his own crew onboard and edit.

    With the most important hire in place, I ran a T-shirt campaign to raise money to fund the film. And then the setbacks began.

    The director—who, I should add, is a wonderful person, who we’d be fortunate to work with—said there were too many locations. So we re-wrote the script.

    Then he told us the budget was still too small, so we increased it, to much more than we originally expected we’d spend.

    Then, after much back and forth, with all our eggs in his basket, he had to back out due to personal reasons.

    As the months went on, I began to feel like the girl who cried film. I’d already publicly announced the project on the blog. I’d run a fundraiser. And there we were, seemingly back at square one.

    For a while I got myself worked up and discouraged. I had no idea how to move things forward with our first project, and I also knew it would be just a small step on a much larger path. But then Ehren and I regrouped and decided that the setbacks weren’t failures; they were part of the journey—to be expected.

    We didn’t need to feel bad about them. We had to view them as par for the course—simply part of the process of doing something new and difficult.

    So often we get down on ourselves when things don’t go as planned. But it’s nearly impossible to make a smart plan when you’re learning as you go because you have no idea what each step will entail. The only thing you can reasonably expect when you’re doing something new is the unexpected.

    The good news is, the unexpected isn’t always bad. It’s usually in putting out mini fires that we learn and grow the most. Every step of a new journey is a classroom—and remember, people pay good money for an education.

    So don’t let the setbacks get you down. See them as signs you’re moving up, because they are, in fact, a part of the process.

    3. It helps to hold yourself accountable.

    I wrote that blog post introducing Tiny Buddha Productions for a reason: I knew that this would be hard. But once it was out there in writing, and because we also told our friends and family, it felt nearly impossible not to follow through.

    I could lie to myself and say I didn’t really want this that bad, but I’d already made it abundantly clear, very publicly, that I did.

    Reading that post has kept me motivated when I’ve felt like giving up. It’s reminded me that this means something to me, and it’s worth pushing through my discomfort to make it happen.

    Tell people what you aspire to do, and not just casually, in passing, like it’s not that important to you. You want this. You dream about this. If you’re like me, you lie awake thinking about it, and it pops into your head first thing in the morning and when you wake in the middle of the night.

    You care—a lot. And it feels vulnerable to admit that, especially since everyone will know if things don’t work out as you hoped they would. Don’t let that deter you.

    Not only does sharing your intentions keep you on track, it also inspires others to do something about the faint murmur they hear in bed at night and when they open their eyes.

    Everyone has something that blows their hair back. Remind them what it looks and feels like to go for it. As the saying goes, “Enthusiasm is contagious. You can start an epidemic.”

    4. An experience can be worth so much more than it costs.

    We raised quite a bit for this project, because filmmaking is incredibly expensive. (In fact, I was shocked to learn how much it costs to make five minutes of film.)

    When I shared with a loved one how much we raised, she questioned if perhaps we should pocket the cash or spend it on something else. “Why spend that money on something that might go nowhere when you could just keep it?” she asked.

    Well, I’d positioned the T-shirt campaign as a fundraiser, so that’s one thing. But more importantly, I knew this experience would be far more valuable than what it would cost.

    Ehren and I each have our own reasons for wanting to do this, and wanting to do it together. His reasons are his to tell. For me, this is more than a project; it’s the beginning of an exciting new life.

    It’s a way to connect with who I was before healing consumed me; an opportunity to create something that will hopefully make an impact; and a chance to do something collaborative instead of spending so much time working on my own, from my computer.

    That’s why I’m doing this film, and I hope many more after it: it’s something I need to do for myself, and want to do with Ehren. If that’s not worth the cost, what is?

    I realize I’m incredibly fortunate to have a means to raise money, and that not everyone has that same advantage. But we all have the ability to invest in ourselves—whether that means a portion of our savings or a portion of our time.

    We all have the potential to put some of what we have toward what we want to create. I know, it can be scary to do it. You can think of a million and one reasons not to use your limited resources.

    There are no guarantees. It might not work out as you hoped it would. People might say, “I told you so.”

    Yes, those things are true. But things could actually turn out better than you’d hoped. And if they don’t, this could be the first step on a different journey you don’t yet know you want to take.

    You don’t need a guarantee to know that taking a risk—stretching yourself and coming alive—is worth it, no matter where it leads.

    —

    Having a dream is a lot like being that little man on the moon, in the picture on top. You know you can fall, but it doesn’t matter, because you’re lost in the music and the view. I’m lost in mine right now. What’s yours?

  • You’re Never Too Old to Set a New Goal

    You’re Never Too Old to Set a New Goal

    You are never too old

  • How to Overcome Fear and Live Your Dream by Changing Your Brain

    How to Overcome Fear and Live Your Dream by Changing Your Brain

    “Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.” ~Les Brown

    Fear used to be the driving force in my life.

    I didn’t even know that I was living in fear at the time. I hid behind labels like “stress” and “anxiety,” but those are just clinical terms for fear.

    Truthfully, my dreams terrified me because they seemed way too big to achieve. At the time, I wanted to excel in my new career, get into the best shape of my life, and create meaningful relationships—and I felt like I had a long way to go.

    So naturally, I got really stressed out.

    And why, oh why, did it feel okay?

    It seems like stress is such commonplace now that we think we’re slackers if we don’t feel tense all the time. But that’s just our fear finding excuses to stick around.

    Once I finally realized that stress was just an option, I started looking for a way through it. And I found the answers in a simple Japanese philosophy called Kaizen, which is the practice of continuous improvement through small, consistent steps.

    I learned that whenever we’re scared about making change it’s because the steps we’re taking are too big, and these leaps of faith will trigger a life-saving biological response: fear.

    But luckily, there’s a way to turn that fear off, and it all starts with your brain, specifically your amygdala.

    Shut Down Your Amygdala by Asking Tiny Questions

    Your amygdala plays a heavy role in your fight-or-flight response, a physiological reaction to something threatening (like those big dreams of yours).

    When you come across a scary thought or situation, your brain will enter flight mode and your amygdala will literally stop your brain from producing new thoughts. Most artists know this as creative block, but it’s really just fear.

    So your big dreams aren’t the problem—your amygdala is. And you can turn your amygdala off by asking tiny questions.

    When I decided that I wanted to excel in my career, I didn’t start out with a question like “How can I help my company revolutionize the world?” No. That question would terrify even the most capable person.

    Instead, I took a step back and asked tiny questions. I thought about things like “What one benefit do I hope to deliver to our audience?” Or, “What can I do for ten minutes today that will bring me closer to completing this project?”

    Tiny questions like that aren’t intimidating at all.

    In fact, they’re quite doable.

    Eradicate Fear by Taking Small, Relentless Steps

    Once you start asking tiny questions, then you can start taking tiny actions.

    The key is to pick things that are small enough to keep your amygdala from getting in the way.

    And that’s why New Year’s Resolutions never work. For example, on January 1st we decide that we want to lose twenty pounds and completely give up chocolate; so we restrict our calories and give up our vice all at the same time.

    When you put yourself up against a mountain, the big steps you’re forced to take will trigger your flight response and ultimately lead to stress and burnout.

    If you want to achieve a big goal, you have to break it up into tiny steps.

    I used this tiny-step tactic when I started focusing on becoming healthier. I didn’t do anything radical—although that’s how it started out, and I had to fail over and over until I realized radical wouldn’t work.

    Instead, I took the slow and steady route, and it was brutally slow. It took me about two years to really gain momentum, but it trained me to reject instant gratification and just go slow.

    First, I started avoiding processed foods, and I focused on that until I mastered it. Then, I started focusing on only eating until I’m full, and I focused on that until I mastered it.

    Then I started going to the gym two days a week and I kept it up until I gained the momentum I needed to go four days a week.

    I didn’t realize what I was doing at the time, but I proved to myself (and hopefully to you) that small steps are much more successful at making big change.

    And I’ve become the healthiest version of myself because of it.

    Get Excited—It’s a Fearless Emotion

    But what about the people who don’t do tiny things? What about the people who do really big things and do them exceptionally well?

    These people have a very special talent: They know how to get really excited about their goals, and excitement is another way to keep your flight response off.

    So if you want to successfully achieve your dreams, you need to get excited about them! It will help you avoid fear and take projects on with enthusiasm.

    For example, my boss just gave me approval to write a book, which is something I’ve always wanted to do, and I was absolutely thrilled!

    Instead of letting myself become overwhelmed by the size of this project, I chose to get over-the-moon excited about it, which helps me stay focused and creative.

    Have you ever felt so fired up about an idea that you can’t wait to start working on it? If so, don’t ever let that feeling go. It will propel your dreams faster than anything.

    But if you can’t make the excitement last (and that’s okay—fear likes to creep in any chance it gets), then try using visualization.

    Train Your Brain with Visualization

    To get yourself to do something that scares you, you need to visualize yourself doing it first. And you need to visualize it over and over because repetition is how your brain masters new skills.

    And if you consistently visualize it every day (and all you really need is just thirty seconds daily), you’ll start to mentally master the action. Then all your body has to do is follow through.

    The key to effective visualization is to involve excruciating detail.

    You need to visualize what it’s going to look like just as much as what it’s going to sound, feel, and emote like. You also need to imagine how you’ll react to different possible scenarios, including the worst possible outcome.

    What will you do if you fail? What will the alternative actions be? How will you feel?

    When you mentally train yourself to deal with potential failure, you won’t give up when that bump in the road actually happens.

    Apply These Concepts to Big and Small Goals

    You can use visualization to accomplish anything and everything, even the super small stuff, which is where everyone should start.

    One of the best ways I’ve used visualization was to mentally train myself to say hello to strangers. It’s such a small thing, but that’s how I knew it could make a profound difference in my life.

    Saying hello to strangers was always something that I wanted to feel comfortable with, but I felt this unshakable resistance to it. And it all boiled down to being scared of rejection—something we people pleasers fear most.

    Ah yes, I was terrified of how I would feel if people didn’t say hello back. It’s so silly and almost petty, but that’s how my mind was programmed at the time.

    So I started visualizing myself doing this super simple task that I was afraid of. I would visualize myself saying hello to strangers in the supermarket while smiling and feeling whole (i.e. not seeking their approval).

    I would also visualize the worst possible outcome, which is that they ignore me (sooo scary, I know), and I would visualize how I felt when that happened: still smiling and still whole.

    Then I took this visualization into the real world.

    I started smiling and saying hello to strangers, and I felt genuinely happy while doing it. Sometimes it would turn into engaging conversation, other times it would turn into absolutely nothing. But no matter what the outcome was, I was always smiling.

    Using visualization this way helped me gain the momentum I needed to create meaningful relationships in my life. Today some of the most amazing people I know were once strangers that I simply said hello to.

    Sometimes we resist small changes and small habits because they seem too easy to make a profound difference in our lives. But I challenge you to reject that notion.

    Every mental, physical, or spiritual block you’re facing can be softened with the Kaizen mentality. Life will become a beautiful opportunity to create something meaningful, and you can do it with confidence and ease.

    What passion project have you been putting off?

    And what tiny action can you make today that will get you one step closer?

  • My Goal for 2016

    My Goal for 2016

    My Goal for 2016

    Source: Lessons Taught by Life

  • The Magic of Momentum: A Simple Path to Achieving Any Goal

    The Magic of Momentum: A Simple Path to Achieving Any Goal

    Man at Summit

    “A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.” ~Confucius

    What stops so many people from changing their lives is a lack of momentum. They feel daunted by the sheer size of the task ahead and so revert back to inertia. It’s so much easier to just trudge along and hope that one day it gets better.

    I used to get up at 5.30 in the morning every Tuesday to attend a business networking breakfast. It was a severe shock to the system at first, and as I drove to the hotel where the event was held, I thought to myself, “What am I doing on this motorway so early?”

    This was quickly followed by the question “What are all those other people doing on this motorway, and where are they going?” I did this for over three years.

    Don’t get me wrong, I did get business from attending this group. Not great business, but business nonetheless.

    I actually ended up running this networking group, and that’s when the trouble started. I reasoned that in order for everyone to get more business, we should grow the group. Instantly, splinter groups formed and started lobbying to get me removed as director.

    I got upset at first, as I was acting in what I thought was the interests of the group, but they just wanted a cozy boys club with a few token females and weren’t interested in ramping things up.

    My partner suggested instead of getting up at 5.30 in the morning to get stabbed in the back by a load of schoolchildren, I get up at the same time and compose music in my garage studio. So I took her advice and quit the networking group the next week. It was the best thing I have ever done.

    In that hour before I went to my day job, I set about composing a full blown symphony for a seventy-five-piece orchestra, followed by four other albums worth of material. All this from just one hour a week.

    I had truly engaged upon my journey of a thousand miles and it began with a single step—setting aside one hour a week. So what lessons have I learnt from this experience?

    1. Find just one hour a day or a week and see what you can accomplish.

    It’s the discipline of finding that single hour in which to start your masterwork that makes the journey truly begin. I swapped the hour I was giving to the networking club for an hour in my studio.

    Examine your week. Could you get up an hour early five days a week, or one day a week? It might be best to avoid Mondays or Fridays, but what about the other days? Is your dream important enough to give up an hour of sleep?

    2. When you do something strictly, regularly, and without fail, it becomes a habit.

    It was the fixing of a set time each week that would not be broken, come hell or high water. I used to sit in the garage with a fan heater on, hat, fingerless gloves, scarf, and winter coat, but I never broke that appointment with myself. I already had shown I had the discipline to do this from attending the networking group.

    3. A single step if followed by another step becomes a journey of a thousand miles.

    Taking the first step is one of the hardest parts, so don’t think about the end destination. If you were going to walk for a thousand miles, you would probably give up if you kept thinking, “How am I going to walk that far?”

    So just think about achieving small steps. I would write just a few bars each week, and it gradually grew into a symphony. It took six months, but I got there in the end.

    4. There is magic in momentum.

    Once the weekly or daily routine has set in, it becomes a firm habit. Then you start to see progress and begin to feel proud of what is forming in front of your eyes.

    You might be building a blog or website, and that little bit of regular effort begins to create something amazing. If you are trying to tackle a physical goal, like running a marathon, your regular discipline will, over time, lead to increased strength and endurance.

    That is the magic of momentum. Once the flywheel has got over the enormous effort to begin moving, momentum takes over and the wheel begins to turn on its own using momentum. This is what you will find once the habit is engrained.

    5. Don’t stop the habit once you have that magical momentum.

    It might have been tempting to stop the early Tuesday morning habit when I finished my symphony so I could get some more sleep. But having seen the magic of momentum, I then plunged myself into composing new tracks for the next album, and was bashing them out at the rate of a new track each week.

    Twelve weeks later another album was completed, and a month later it was in the shops. Wow! This was exciting. This was addictive.

    Don’t make the mistake of pausing or losing momentum. Launch into the next project, the next book, the next album, the next painting, the next mosaic, the next marathon, the next website. Keep that morning habit.

    6. Leave that magical hour for your dream.

    Don’t be tempted to do administrative tasks in that golden hour. Try to make that hour as productive as possible.

    If you are painting, then get your palette ready ahead of the golden hour (choose the paints and have the tubes of paint lined up).

    If you are a musician, get your sound palette ready in advance (choose your drum sounds, samples, etc.).

    If you are writer, have your research done and your notes written up so that you can launch into the first chapter or the next chapter.

    If you’re training for a marathon, have your clothes and shoes ready so you have the full hour to run.

    Equally, promoting your masterpiece should be confined to other times of the day. If you are building a website or blog, just focus on writing new content. Leave the social media promotion to another time.

    7. An hour becomes much much more—just wait and see!

    The clever thing about limiting yourself to one hour a week or one hour a day is that before you know it, you are doing tasks relating to that hour at other spare slots in your week. The momentum creates excitement; you see that you are making serious progress, and this spurs you on to more; at least, that how it works for me.

    Go and take your first step on that thousand-mile journey!

    Man at summit image via Shutterstock

  • A Powerful Way to Motivate Yourself to Pursue What You Want

    A Powerful Way to Motivate Yourself to Pursue What You Want

    Chances We Didn't Take

    “See the positive side, the potential, and make an effort.” ~Dalai Lama

    Until fairly recently, I was somewhat afraid of talking to girls.

    Well, that’s not exactly true. I was afraid of talking to girls if I had a romantic intent. If it was an innocuous conversation, I could be cool as a cucumber.

    As you can imagine, this stifled my romantic life somewhat. If I met someone and things were going well, once I realized that she liked me a little and I could move things forward, I would freeze up. Self-sabotage.

    This was very frustrating to me, and I know that I’m not the only one who has experienced this phenomenon. In some ways, it looks kind of like a classic case of “fear of success.” But in reality, it was more subtle than that. Consider the following situations:

    Scenario #1: Imagine that you see someone who you are attracted to walking down the street. You’d like to go strike up a conversation with this person, but you feel some anxiety. What if they don’t like you? How embarrassing it could be! Your mind fills with all kinds of negative thoughts.

    Scenario #2: Now imagine someone on their bike loses control and is barreling down the sidewalk toward them, but the object of your attention doesn’t notice. How much would you hesitate before yelling at them to move out of the way, or even to grab them and help move them out of harm’s way? I’ll bet you didn’t have to think twice.

    In each of these situations, the action that you want to take is to talk to someone who you are attracted to. But the intent behind each is incredibly different.

    I realized that when I wanted to talk to a girl in a romantic context, the intention behind my action centered on my wanting something from the girl. There was no malice or anything—it’s just that I felt as though I needed to “get” their romantic interest. It’s something I was “taking” from them.

    In hindsight, this was such a silly thing to believe! I must have felt that somehow I wasn’t good enough, that she wasn’t going to receive some benefit from talking to me. She would be doing me a favor by giving me attention, and I was somehow imposing a burden upon her.

    You can imagine how this intention might make me feel bad about going after what I want.

    But that need not be the intent that I go into the interaction with. I’m a pretty cool guy and I have a lot to offer. Instead of my intention being “I want to get her to like me,” why not “I want to make her smile,” or “I want to share my positivity with her”?

    When I started going into my interactions with women with a positive intent, the difference was extraordinary.

    I used to be far more hesitant, but why would I hesitate to share my positivity with someone? Most people are very welcome to having positive experiences, so why would I be nervous?

    That is the power of having a positive intent. But while dating may be one of the most obvious and easy to relate examples, this principle can be extended to many other areas of your life.

    It’s far easier to motivate yourself to take any action when you know you are doing so with a positive intent. And when you do take that action, you are more likely to be successful with it.

    Let’s say you are considering applying for a job that you think you’d love, but it might be a stretch to get it.

    You might be thinking something along the lines of “I want this job because I know I’ll get paid a lot and have a good time doing it. But they are asking for five-plus years of experience and I only have three, so maybe I shouldn’t bother
”

    It’s a very understandable intent (who doesn’t like getting paid and enjoying their work?), but it leads to a thought process that isn’t conducive to your success. You can see how much less likely it is that you’ll even apply for this job in the first place. And if you do apply, do you really think your best self will shine through?

    Far better would be to have a different intent: “I want this job so that I can make a positive contribution to an organization that I believe in.”

    Even if you don’t have all the experience that the job listing is asking for, you still want to contribute to this organization, so why wouldn’t you apply? And if you get an interview, you are far more likely to focus on how you can help the organization, and that will improve your chances of getting an offer.

    The next time you are feeling unmotivated or are anxious about doing something, examine your intentions.

    Getting yourself to actually pursue what you want could be as simple as reframing your intent.

    Regret quote image via Shutterstock

  • You Deserve to Be Happy Now, Not Just When You Reach Your Goal

    You Deserve to Be Happy Now, Not Just When You Reach Your Goal

    “We cannot achieve more in life than what we believe in our heart of hearts we deserve to have.” ~James R. Ball

    I was a binge eater. At night. Every night. No one would ever have guessed it because I was at a healthy weight. But I believed that my weight was too high a number, so I would try to fix it.

    Each morning I would start afresh and eat like a svelte, sexy mouse. I vowed that this time would be different. But each night, to fill the voids I didn’t know were there, I would eat. And eat. And eat.

    What helped me get off that hungry, helpless cycle? A dress.

    When I was swinging wildly between under and overeating I did not buy clothes. Why bother when I would be smaller in a couple of weeks? I would be better. No point wasting money on clothes that would be too big on my soon-to-be-lithe frame.

    Years went by and my body shape was still no different. I still had a wardrobe filled with ill-fitting and ill-feeling clothing. I was still no better.

    Hiding behind the seemingly practical idea of not wasting money was the belief that I was undeserving.

    I did not deserve to clothe a figure I deemed too large. I did not deserve to move my body in ways that felt good (unless it was going to tone and tighten). I did not deserve to eat high quality food. I did not deserve my own love. And I definitely did not deserve to be loved by another.

    After years of weight loss attempts and willing the binge eating to stop, I was tired of the struggle. I decided to stop focusing on the scale numbers and start focusing on learning to eat normally. To eat without the restriction, the rebellion, and the inevitable guilt. I wanted to be free.

    The desire to feel sane around food trumped my desire to be thin. I put the pursuit of skinniness on hold. I realized that meant my body might not shrink. That the numbers on the labels of clothes I fit in may never decrease again.

    My previous excuses for not buying clothes didn’t apply now. I would have to dress my figure as it was. So I went out and brought a dress that fit my current body.

    That small act gave me some proof that maybe I didn’t have to wait until I was skinny to have nice clothing. Maybe all those things I had been putting off, I could do right then, at that weight, at any weight!

    I slowly gathered more proof. That party I didn’t want to attend because I deduced from the guest list I might be the biggest one there—I went.

    The walks I enjoyed but put off because I didn’t see the point when it wasn’t going to burn off enough calories—I walked anyway.

    The perfect, but expensive foundation I wouldn’t buy until my cheeks lost some chub—I bought it.

    I was dieting (and falling off the wagon via whole loaves of bread) to lose weight. And I was trying to lose weight so I could be confident and happy and could do the things I enjoyed. By doing those things and creating those feelings in spite of my weight, I cut out the middle steps.

    I realized that, instead of going from diet to weight loss to happy, I could go straight to happy.

    I showed myself that feeling confident and beautiful was not a luxury afforded only to those with bodies deemed perfect by our society. I realized that I deserved to feel good. No conditions. No weight restrictions. And that set me free.

    Make your list.

    Where do you hold back on what you deserve? Make a list of all the things you have been putting off until you lose weight (or achieve another goal). What would you do differently once you reach your goal? How would you live your life? What kind of things does that future person do each day?

    Start small and take action.

    Look at your list and pick at least one thing to do today. To get momentum going, start with whatever is easiest and fastest to implement. Do it immediately.

    By doing something small and simple, you’ll begin expanding your beliefs of what is possible for you right now. Instead of just thinking you might be able to do those things, you’ll prove to yourself that you can do them, regardless of how close you are to your goal.

    Some of the items on your list may seem too difficult or impossible. Break them down into smaller steps.

    For example, if you are putting off swimming until you lose weight, maybe you could go sun hat shopping, or try on some swim suits, or walk barefoot on the beach and feel how lovely it is to have your feet in cool sand and salt water.

    This should be a list of things to make you feel good. If a step still feels too scary or hard, break it down further.

    Keep going.

    Keep your list handy. Whenever you have a “once I reach my goal” thought, add the action you are putting off to your list. Each day, pick another item from your list to carry out.

    Doing things to make you feel good now doesn’t mean you will never reach your body or life goals. It just means you don’t have postpone your joy. And in these short and unpredictable lives we live, joy is too important to wait for.

  • When You Lack Focus and Direction: Stop Looking for Your “Thing”

    When You Lack Focus and Direction: Stop Looking for Your “Thing”

    “More important than the quest for certainty is the quest for clarity.” ~Francois Gautier

    Isn’t it funny—and annoying and brilliant—how often things turn out to be nothing like we thought they would?

    Six years ago I was recovering from a breakdown and reacquainting myself with my long dormant artistic side, and I remember spending a lot of time wondering what my “thing” was.

    You know, that one specific thing in this life that I was destined to do to be fulfilled, and ideally from which I would earn a comfortable living.

    I had always loved creativity, and particularly art, and had always wanted that to be my thing; I would be an artist, sell my work, and live comfortably on the proceeds.

    There were a couple of problems with my plan, however. One was my upbringing, which told me that art was unrealistic as a way to make a living. As a result, I had done all sorts of things that were nothing to do with my original dream, many of which I hated (hence that final breakdown).

    That mindset is not at all unusual in Western culture and is something many of us have to move beyond, but there was something else too.

    I could not seem to pin down my love of art and creativity to one single focus. I experimented endlessly, on my own and in classes, with everything from acrylics to oils, from printing to sculpture.

    And still I kept thinking, how will I ever know which is my thing? What’s the one thing I’ll be really good at and so endlessly enthused by that I won’t continue this constant dabbling?

    How will I ever be a credible artist if I paint in a different style every time I put brush to canvas? How will I ever fulfill my dream of making a living doing what I love when I seem so scattered and unfocused?

    Since no clear answer was forthcoming at that point, I just kept going.

    Sometimes I envied those who seemed to be born already knowing what their thing was, like my friend who always knew she’d be a vet. I thought they must have or know something I didn’t. That perhaps there was something wrong with me for being so fickle and apparently unable to settle on just one thing.

    But as it turns out, that seemingly flighty, unfocused, shallow dabbling was an essential part of the story, and not at all the waste of time I feared.

    I learned two key things about what I’ve come to see as the “myth of the thing.”

    1. There is what you are passionate and curious about and would do for free (and often do), an

    2. There are all the ways in which that comes through you.

    You are like a prism, full of your own unique mix of colors that join together to radiate a single beam—you.

    In my experience, it’s unhelpful and limiting to assume that you’ll whittle it down to a single thing or work it out with your mind. After all, your mind has no real knowledge of your heart.

    Your “thing that is not a thing” is already there inside you, but without taking action over and over from a place of curiosity and passion, you won’t give your personal and utterly unique filter a chance to make itself known.

    I’ll always be insatiably curious and I think that’s a fantastic trait to have, not a handicap. Today, I love to paint, draw, write, bake, tend my plants, make things, research, gather and share information, read books and blogs, spend time at the beach, explore spirituality, travel, and learn whatever I can about whatever catches my magpie eye.

    You might think I’m still dabbling. But all those things feed and become my thing that is not a thing.

    So what is my “thing”? It’s being what I can’t help being. It’s being curious and creative; it’s exploring, playing, demonstrating and sharing what I learn through the filter of art and creativity; it’s helping, supporting, and encouraging people to find their own unique ways to express themselves creatively.

    It’s doing what I’d do anyway and letting it evolve into something that feeds both me and others, and yes, it’s even starting to bring in an income. I am an artist, only in many more ways than the single one I envisaged.

    My magpie eye isn’t hindering me from finding my thing; it’s part of how my thing manifests. That realization has changed everything, and my life is infinitely richer for it.

    Without it, I would not have tried or learned so many things. I would not now have both a wealth of techniques and experiences and ideas to share, nor the understanding and empathy that comes with having trodden the messy meandering path myself. Both of those important factors unexpectedly became part of my work now.

    While there are many things we all know to do to help us find out who we really are and what we’re here to do, like journaling or meditation, I have found the following also helpful in my quest.

    It takes time, so give it time.

    I know that’s hard, especially if you feel stuck in an unfulfilling job or other restricting life situation. Patience and perseverance will stand you in good stead, so do what it takes to cultivate them. (I suggest a spiritual or energy practice.)

    Widen your view.

    Your “thing” won’t only show up in the obvious places. My creativity doesn’t just appear in the studio; it’s in how I put a meal together, how I arrange my desk, how I use my day, right down to the tiny moments.

    Listen to intuitive nudges.

    Have you developed an unexpected interest in historical fiction? Head to the library. Do you have a sudden urge to grow something? Visit the garden center.

    Not only might you find what you think you’re looking for, you also increase the chances of discovering something new that contributes to your clarity or brings a new opportunity. 

    Think of a task you do regularly that you find mundane.

    Ask yourself, what could I change about how I approach this to make it fun or interesting? How can I apply my unique way of seeing the world here? It could be a mindset change, an intention or affirmation, or it could be the actual physical way you perform the task.

    I have a system for folding my laundry that allows my mind to roam freely for a few minutes; that inner roaming brings in new ideas and insights. Thus laundry becomes not something that wastes my precious time but something that enhances it and brings me more into who I am.

    —

    Stop looking for that elusive “thing.” Start living your life in all the ways that are exciting and interesting to you, right down to the tiny daily details. Explore, create, discover, absorb.

    With some thought and imagination you can do this within your current job, with your children, when you’re doing daily tasks. It doesn’t have to be grand and time-consuming.

    And then you will find that your thing is simply who you can’t help being. The more of your unique inner rainbow you reveal, the more it will become clear who you are and what you are here to do. Just be prepared for it to look a little different—and a lot more beautiful—than you thought.

  • How Taking a Step Backward Can Be the Way Forward

    How Taking a Step Backward Can Be the Way Forward

    Moving Forward

    “Your dream doesn’t have an expiration date. Take a deep breath and try again.” ~KT Witten

    As I said goodbye on my last day of work, I couldn’t help feeling smug. When my colleagues turned up for work on Monday morning, I’d be at home, free to do whatever I wanted with my day.

    I’d resigned to explore the possibilities of a career in writing. With no clear idea of what the immediate future held, I was both nervous and excited.

    I imagined myself in a few years’ time, happily making a fortune from all my creative endeavors, living a life of adventure, appearing in magazines and on TV, chatting with Oprah about my latest project and my fabulous life.

    I was so cool.

    About eight months later I was back. My “bestseller” was still waiting to be published; I’d abandoned the blog that was going to take the world by storm; I’d dropped several other ideas that had barely even started; and my bank balance was looking very sorry for itself.

    Not so cool.

    Thankfully, I successfully managed to ignore my inner critic, who was doing her best to tell me how stupid I’d been. Nevertheless, I felt confused about what had happened.

    Over the past couple of years I’d been hearing how we should all have the courage to go for our dreams—that we should trust our instincts, follow our hearts, embrace uncertainty, and dare to believe in ourselves.

    And that’s what I’d done. I’d followed my heart, which had told me to resign from my job and pursue writing. Then I followed it back again to the same job I’d spent a year telling myself I had to leave.

    If I was supposed to follow my heart, why was I back to square one? On reflection, I realized the answer was simple; I wasn’t back to square one at all. In fact, I wasn’t even back to square two.

    When we try something new, when we dare to take a risk, it rarely, if ever, works out as we imagine.

    When unexpected challenges arise, when things go “wrong,” it’s tempting to tell ourselves that we’ve failed; that we should stick to what we know. That we should just play it safe and leave dream-following to those who have what it takes.

    Don’t do it; don’t let the negative thoughts and self-doubt bring you down. Instead, consider the following questions to keep you focused on your goal and going in the right direction.

    What have you learned from the experience?

    I knew becoming self-employed would be hard work, but I wasn’t prepared for the psychological shift it would take.

    I’d always worked for other people, and I’d always pretty much done what I was told in every other area of my life, too. It takes a huge change on the inside to be able to go from one extreme to the other.

    But if I hadn’t left my job, I wouldn’t have known that. I’d still be at work, resenting every moment, wanting to jump but not daring to do it and always wondering, “what if
?”

    I’ve learned that I don’t have to sacrifice everything to go for what I want. I don’t have to eat baked beans and live in a squat until I’m discovered.

    Going back to work has meant that I can afford to invest in myself, both in terms of my physical well-being and getting my ideas off the ground.

    Prioritizing your dreams doesn’t mean you mustn’t ever work a day job again. It means making time for the things that are truly important to you.

    I’ve also learned that taking a big risk isn’t always that risky after all. Before I left work, I procrastinated for months, alternating between excitement at the thought of going for my dream and fear over what would happen if I ran out of money.

    And what happened in the end? I ran out of money and went back to work. No biggie.

    Very rarely do the calamities we imagine happening come true.

    What have you achieved?

    It can be all too tempting to focus on the things you haven’t done, but try instead to focus on what you did manage to do.

    I finished the project I was working on before leaving my job and researched the world of publishing, which I didn’t have time for when I was working. I started a blog, and while it didn’t work out as I’d hoped, the experience gave me some more ideas to work on. It also led me to discovering that people liked my writing, which gave me the confidence to believe that I had something to offer.

    Even your “failures” can be achievements, as when you know what doesn’t work for you, you’re one step closer to finding out what does.

    How have you changed?

    Going back to work has shown me just how much my mindset has changed. For so many years, work was something I had to do to survive, and everything else had to come second.

    Now I understand that life isn’t supposed to be about cursing the alarm clock on Monday morning and living for the weekend. I can see the pointlessness of arguing over who gets the best parking space (especially since I don’t even drive) or complaining about things we’re not even going to try to change.

    Use the negative as a positive. Sometimes, a healthy dose of what you don’t want can help remind you of what you do want and where you want to go.

    Once you’ve taken the first step toward your dream, there really is only one direction to go in. Keep your eye on the goal and use any step you take backward as a tool for moving forward.

    Photo by Simon

    Editor’s Note: Louise has generously offered to give away two free copies of her book, Stop Making Your Life a Misery. Leave a comment on the post for a chance to win! You can enter until midnight PST on Friday, July 25th. 

    UPDATE: The winners for this giveaway are Amy and MAustin. 

  • Stop Waiting on Your Dream: Take Tiny Steps to Make “Someday” Now

    Stop Waiting on Your Dream: Take Tiny Steps to Make “Someday” Now

    Watching the Sun

    “The beautiful things about setbacks is they introduce us to our strengths.” ~Robin Sharma

    It was morning, March 2009. My alarm announced another ho-hum weekday.

    On the outside, I had it pretty together. I was living the corporate NYC life with a great apartment, a steady relationship, and a solid paycheck. But in the back of my mind, I knew I wasn’t as happy as I made myself out to be.

    I didn’t know what I really wanted, and I constantly felt like I should just stop complaining in my head and make the best of things.

    So, with every workday, I went through the motions of convincing myself things were great.

    But something was different this particular day: my toe had swollen up like a sausage.

    Did I hit the gym too hard? Take a wrong step in my running shoes? The pain was intense and didn’t get better. So I headed to my doctor to see what was going on.

    His diagnosis shocked me: at thirty-nine, I had arthritis.

    For the next six months, every move I made was excruciating, even with the strong medication I was taking. Even just a few steps shot pain straight up my legs. Walking was almost impossible, and you can forget about high heels and dancing!

    I didn’t get it. I was a healthy, slim woman who’d just dropped forty pounds. I had a boyfriend and a career. But in that moment
 I was someone’s grandmother.

    There’s one major upside to unexpected health crises: they wake you up to what’s important.

    Six months of mostly-immobility forces you to sit down and think about your life. And I realized a few things.

    My relationship wasn’t working.

    I really wanted to be happy. He wasn’t a terrible guy, and being a thirty-nine-year-old, single woman comes with its share of challenges. But he wasn’t able to make me a priority, and I knew the timing was all wrong.

    I hated my job.

    The constant go-go-go of my career path had completely worn me out. I didn’t get the same pleasure from it anymore. The only reason I still showed up every day was because of the paycheck (and NYC was just fabulous).

    I’d had the same wild, amazing dream for years.

    I wanted to live between my native New Zealand and New York City. But it seemed almost impossible. What kind of job would give me that kind of freedom, anyway?

    The bottom line was, I needed to stop pretending I was happy with my life.

    I always told myself “I can’t wait to____, as soon as _____.” I was constantly waiting for a catalyst—for my finances to be right, to be in in the right relationship, to have just the right job.

    Feeling chained to my inflamed foot and throbbing burning pain over those months made me realize that captivity was nothing new to me. I’d been a prisoner of self-doubt all my life.

    The only question was: what was I going to do about it?

    I was sick of thinking I would start my dream life someday. I knew if I was to live an awesome life, I had to take action.

    So, after devouring as many self-help books, articles, and blogs as I could find, I mapped out a path to follow.

    Part 1: For the first time, I started focusing on the things that brought me joy.

    When I was finally back on my feet, filled with fresh moxy and ready to tackle the world, I turned my attention to health.

    After my weight loss and six-month bout of sickness, wellness had become something near and dear to my heart. So I played the corporate game by day, moonlighted as a Group Fitness aerobics teacher, and took classes to get my Health Coach certification.

    Being a coach meant the location-independent life I’d always dreamed of on my own terms. It was more than passion to me. It was my key to my freedom.

    Part 2: I downsized and simplified my life.

    My relationship ended, I moved out of my NYC apartment and headed permanently to New Jersey, and eventually settled in a small place on the Jersey Shore.

    It was a cozy hideaway for me while I saved money and figured out what to do next. I studied, worked, and incubated my ideas while I geared up make the full leap.

    And leap I did, soon enough.

    Part 3: I just did it.

    When you’re stuck in bed for six months with no company but books and your laptop, you realize: There’s no perfect time. You’ve just gotta put one foot in front of the other and go.

    But I didn’t do it alone! I spoke with my family and friends of my plans to leave the corporate world and coach instead. While some of them weren’t so sure I could easily be a coach between New York and New Zealand, they gave me their support.

    Five months after starting my health coach training, I left my twenty-plus-year corporate I.T. sales role. Boom.

    Was it easy leaving a dependable income and starting a business from scratch? No! But it was easier than watching life fly by me while I pretended to be happy.

    Nowadays, I’ve got my dream of living between NYC and NZ. I’m in love with my life and my business. My arthritis is under control, and life has never been better.

    Now, it’s your turn to make it happen for yourself.

    It’s okay to be tired of waiting for happiness. But you have to step up and take responsibility for creating it.

    It starts with small shifts that lead to bigger and bigger ones:

    Instead of saying “someday, I’ll
” change your mindset to “I’ll do that.”

    Start writing about what you want—all those juicy little things you’re saving for when things are “just right.”

    Learn to ask yourself: “What’s stopping me?”

    Recognize negative self-talk and self-doubt for what they are: nonsense that keeps you playing small. Ignore!

    Break your goals into small steps, and actively add them to your calendar. Giving yourself real deadlines will help you stay on your path of action and see your goals through to the end.

    You just have to take the first step. Then keep going.

    So
 what’s next for you?

    It’s time to catch yourself every time you say “someday,” “I’ll do it later,” or “maybe next week/month/year.”

    Next time that phrase comes out of your mouth: Stop. Think. And get out a pen. It’s time to slip that dream goal into your calendar.

    Even if it’s one small step—reaching out to a colleague, beginning your research—write it down, schedule it in, and make it happen. Do this with the next steps in your journey. Before you know it, you’ll turn “don’t have time” into “done”!

    Make the call. Take the step. Watch what happens.

    Photo by Chad Cooper

  • Finding What You Want Means Realizing What You Don’t

    Finding What You Want Means Realizing What You Don’t

    “Sometimes the wrong choices bring us to the right places” ~ Unknown

    I’ve never dreamed of owning a mansion or acres of land. I’ve never dreamed of meeting Mr. or Ms. Right. I’ve never dreamed of glory on a sports field or stage, and I’ve never dreamed of being a billionaire or “Chief” of a company.

    But I have dreamed of one thing—finding and living out my “calling.”

    I’ve dreamed of coming across a cause, art, subject, or professional field that stuns me in my tracks and induces an epiphany: this is the work I want to live and breathe, the destined object of my monomania.

    Upon graduating from college, I landed a job in human capital (HC) consulting, a field that piqued my interest more than others. There wasn’t an unbridled passion, but I figured myself as one of those who had to make an effort to be passionate.

    And so I put in my best: I always said yes to projects and took on more work even when night after night, I was the lone keyboard typing in the office.

    Though I liked my commitment in the office, I rarely thought of my field in my personal time; this bothered me, because it meant my work hadn’t become my passion.

    If it were true passion, my thoughts at work and away would be intertwined, and my thirst for the field would span office hours.

    I reasoned this was because the field was different than I’d expected it to be, based on what I’d read.

    However, when an email sent to our national pool of associates and analysts requested staffing on a large-scale strategy initiative, my heart skipped a beat. When I was selected as one of two analysts, I was ecstatic.

    Here was finally a chance for me to live and breathe my work, to be in constant productive movement. This project had a steeper learning curve than any, and being on client site removed non-work distractions.

    I was excited that this would show me my passion. And it did. But not in the way I expected.

    For the next six months, I flew out every Sunday cross country to the client site and returned Friday. The scale of the project, aggressive deadlines, and the project manager’s haphazard work style compounded the intensity and stress. Sleep became a luxury, and all-nighters were at least weekly occurrences.

    As months passed, I was living out my ideal of “career monomania,” but the anticipated fulfillment never materialized. While I was stimulated by the novelty and high learning curve, I found it hard to believe in the “why” of the work we were doing.

    Just as on other projects I’d seen, we focused on published report numbers but I didn’t get to work on what I really wanted to know—how to identify what different people valued and how to change behavior.

    When I admitted I didn’t believe in the “why,” the “what” became harder to endure.

    Last minute overnight assignments made me feel resentful; insistence that I work on the car ride to the airport despite my motion sickness made me feel disregarded. I became physically exhausted and mentally de-motivated.

    When I returned to my home office in the Bay, I worked to re-establish “life” in work-life balance. I reconnected with friends, finally joined a self-defense training center (Krav Maga), and set aside time often to read/write.

    However, the project experience left a residual heaviness. Initially, I paid little attention to it until I broke down in my supervisor’s office one afternoon when talking about it. Truth was, I felt resentful and lost because I sacrificed my time, health, and personal life for a “fulfilling” lifestyle that proved otherwise.

    I had to admit my mistake—that I mistook a job for a purpose.

    You see, during college, when searching for my “calling” proved too ambiguous and elusive, I substituted it with something more mentally digestible: search for a job. Over time, I forgot that a “career should be but one tool for achieving your life’s purpose” (Clayton Christensen).

    This project was a slap in the face that my quest to find my calling wasn’t finished. This scared me but also freed me.

    In the next months, I delved into deep introspection. I read, quested, admitted, wrote, shared, debated, and repeated the cycle.

    Slowly, it dawned on me: the topics that I could never stop thinking about, the methods I use to become my own therapist, the readings I’m most drawn to, the topics I want to write about, the conversations I most enjoy, the principles I most believe in, all could be encapsulated within one umbrella field—what I now know as positive psychology.

    My attraction to positive psychology felt unforced and insuppressible. I connected to this field long before I knew how to label it, but I never gave myself permission to take it seriously.

    When I read about these topics, I always felt guilt over not reading about work-related “productive” topics.

    But if positive psychology was already a large part of my life, why shouldn’t I accept this and make it an even larger part?

    Thus, for once, I gave myself permission to be passionate. I read the spiritual/psychological books and articles I wanted. I started my own blog about conscious living. I talked with my supervisor about my interest in projects that dealt with engagement and motivation.

    Something strange began to happen: the more I accepted myself, the more authentic I became to others, and the more the world worked with me.

    My relationships became deeper and more constructive; incidental conversations and incidents motivated me to pursue things I was once afraid of (e.g., publicizing my writing). The more I talked about these topics, the more I met people like me, and the more they introduced me to new contacts and resources.

    Part of me wishes I were writing this post years from now. Perhaps if/when I’ve earned my graduate degree in positive psychology or conducted bold research experiments or have become a holistic HC consultant. I wish I could guide you from first-hand experience how to live your calling once you find it.

    But all of this happened recently, and I can’t promise how this will culminate; but I know that I don’t want to wait for the journey’s “end” to share.

    Like many others, I often restrict myself on condition—”I will be X when I reach Y.” But how many times have we reached our goals, only to realize there are infinite more beyond the horizon?

    “There” is just a state of mind; there is nothing that we want to obtain that could forever satiate our wanting once we obtain it.

    I don’t want to hold off daring or sharing until I reach “there.” I want to treasure and navigate “here”—this space where belief copulates with action, where fears dance with courage, where insecurities bow to passion.

    I believe we each have a calling—something that deeply resonates with, motivates, and fulfills us. For a few, it is evident early on; for others, like me, it requires patience and continual searching.

    But if we are honest with ourselves, if we consciously introspect, and if we dare to never stop questing, we realize that our experiences are orchestrated in perfect concert to guide us to our “Personal Legend,” as Paulo Coelho calls it, as long as we are willing to listen for the soft entrance of music.

    Photo by Jozoana

  • Why You Aren’t Living Your Dreams and What to Do About It

    Why You Aren’t Living Your Dreams and What to Do About It

    “Your belief determines your action and your action determines your results, but first you have to believe.” ~Mark Victor Hansen

    Screech!

    The car engine’s loud revving got quiet. The tires came to a screeching halt.

    This towering, slender, intimidating man, with a beard like the skin of a shaved porcupine, shut the driver side door behind him and approached me with thunder.

    “Is this what you’re doing?!” he demanded. “On the corner—with a girl?”

    It wasn’t her fault, but his expression almost made me turn around and look at her with utter disgust.

    Instead, I was too busy quieting the butterflies in my stomach, looking up everywhere into his chiseled face except his eyes. His head blocked the sun like a solar eclipse on that urban street while his eyes burned a hole in my forehead.

    “You’re going to throw away the championship for this.”

    Never explicitly saying out loud what I did wrong, as he put me to shame, it made the unspoken truth stab my heart like a dagger, over and over, especially because I had deep admiration for this man.

    As he walked away from the sidewalk concrete and drove off, I caught a glimpse of his long hairy calves in my peripheral vision and stared into the black pavement in deep contemplation.

    Yanking my arm away from the hot girl next to me, like an annoyed child from an overprotective parent, I walked up the block and took the bus home.

    I was sixteen when my tennis coach, this amazing man, taught me my first lesson in what it really meant to walk away from a grand vision you have in life, and the price you pay on your personal growth when doing so.

    My sin: I had stopped showing up for tennis practice with two weeks left to a championship game that depended on my performance.

    But why did I do that? And why do so many of us fail to do the things we want to do, resort to our old ways, and ignore our glorious vision in life?

    Luck

    A study by Janssen and Carton demonstrated how what scientists call the “locus of control” affects how timely we do things.

    No, locus of control isn’t that awesome pose at yoga class! It’s our perspective on what’s really  responsible for the outcome of things.

    Do we take personal responsibility for things that happen in our lives and have an inner locus of control? Or, do we blame it all on luck and circumstance, otherwise known as having an external locus of control?

    They gave forty-two students a homework assignment and found that students who had an inner locus of control started and returned assignments sooner, while those with an external locus of control started and returned assignments later.

    We procrastinate more when we blame luck and circumstance for the results we get and avoid taking personal responsibility for what we want to achieve.

    That’s what I did.

    I hung out with my new girlfriend instead of going to practice so that I could retrospectively blame her in the event that I lost the championship. I have a girlfriend now, and she’s taking up my time. That’s why I’ll lose. It’s not because I didn’t take full personal responsibility. It’s her fault.

    My tennis coach was trying to teach me the locus of control at the time, when the locus of other “things” controlled me more.

    Fear and Limiting Beliefs

    Research suggests a variety of reasons on why we fail to do things we want to do, but two stand out.

    1. Fear of the unknown.

    We can’t predict the outcome and the consequences it will have on our self-esteem. We do what we usually do to prevent our self-esteem from getting damaged.

    2. The belief that we’ll perform better at a later date when we’re “more prepared,” which will likely never come.

    This causes us to engage in indecision—on purpose, to validate our stalling.

    In my case, I dated a new girl and stopped practicing to avoid feeling bad in the event that I lost the championship. I knew that I would win the girl, but wasn’t sure about the game, so I focused on the easy win.

    Our human tendency to want to be right, certain, and safe can overshadow doing the hard work, breaking bad habits, and getting something we desperately want.

    Old Conditioning

    On Psychology Today, Ray Williams suggests that the brain is protective over its current habitual patterns. Achieving something new will require new behavior, and the brain will try to resist new patterns to protect its old conditioning.

    The brain is also wired to seek pleasure and avoid pain and fear.

    “When fear of failure creeps into the mind… it commences a de-motivator with a desire to return to known, comfortable behavior and thought patterns,” he writes.

    Before you set out on a journey to achieve something, you must pay attention to the triggers that will happen in your mind, because your mind could derail you.

    The most important factor in overcoming your mind’s tendency to keep you in your comfort zone is awareness.

    The more aware you are of how your brain is conditioned and the lifestyle it’s trying to protect, the better equipped you’ll be to take action.

    When my brain tries to make me curl back to comfort, I whisper to it, “Stop it! We must do this! Think about what we could gain in the long run.”

    Awareness

    While many “gurus” might tell people to wake up earlier, set priorities, and plan better in order to work toward their dreams, these tactics alone do not always help.

    Why? Because it’s our mental conditioning that’s holding us back, and that’s what we need to change. It’s our fear of the future, and often, our lack of personal responsibility that keeps us from taking action, not the failure to create to-do lists and wake up at a specified time.

    Keep a vigilant watch at how your mind will try to take you back to your old ways. This is the only way to change your conditioning.

    Changing your mind and spirit first, letting go of fear of outcomes, and challenging your old conditioning may revolutionize the way you live so that you own up to what you want to do—and then do it.