Tiny Buddha

Tag: fulfillment

  • 10 Mistakes To Avoid When Chasing Your Dream

    10 Mistakes To Avoid When Chasing Your Dream

    Boy Reaching for Stars

    “We dream to give ourselves hope. To stop dreaming—well, that’s like saying you can never change your fate.” ~Amy Tan

    Pursuing dreams…

    How you wish it were a smooth ride. Right?

    The twists and curves you’ve encountered may have left you full of negative thoughts and doubting your ability to succeed.

    In fact, you may be accepting your situation as fate and settling for defeat.

    But don’t give up yet!

    To keep your dreams alive, you must avoid making certain mistakes. You must realize that you’re the pilot, and you can take charge of your dreams and fly to places you’ve never been.

    My Dream

    After five years of spinning my wheels teaching in Kenya and dealing with mandated curriculums that didn’t make sense, I decided to do something bold.

    I packed my suitcase and moved to Botswana in pursuit of my dream—starting my own business. A friend living there had told me Botswana was the best place to live in Africa because the people were friendly, the economy was rich, and it was less populated.

    Was I scared? Sure.

    Did I care? Nope.

    I envisioned a successful life, being my own boss, and living the dream.

    Who wouldn’t want that?

    Sometimes moving is the best therapy for a new beginning.

    I lived with a host family for three months while applying for a business permit.

    A little after three months, my time was up. I had to cut the cord with the host family and move out. The business permit processing took a little longer than anticipated.

    With no money coming in life got hard. I hit rock bottom. I was broke and broken.

    I ate caterpillars to survive.

    I had no money, and my savings had run out.

    I had no place to live.

    I had no family around.

    But I refused to give up. I refused to lose hope. I refused to let the feeling of despair ruin me. I refused to let the pain inside win the battle. A voice inside kept on saying I would make it.

    One day, I was taking a stroll when I saw a swimming pool that was not being used; a private members club owned it.

    So I asked the manager if I could use the pool. (Remember, I didn’t have any money). I figured if I could learn to swim, I could turn around and offer swimming lessons for a living.

    He agreed that I could use the pool if I paid the club a percentage of my earnings.

    I lived on the good will of friends who loaned me money to pay for the club membership. A friend offered me free swimming lessons, which took a little over four months. I then became a swimming teacher and my clients were club members, adults, and kids.

    Nothing lasts forever, even the harsh life I’d known all so well. Finally, I was living the dream I had left teaching to pursue—coaching on my own terms.

    Through my experience, I’ve learned some huge mistakes to avoid when chasing your dream.

     1. Letting discouragement overwhelm you.

    Take the risk. Are you going to be scared? Oh, yes, you’ll be petrified. Remember, it’s not going to be a straight path. Take mini steps and be consistent with your work.

    Even if you don’t reach the goal you’ve set, you’ll learn, grow, and perhaps even find new opportunities through the process of stretching yourself.

    Believe in yourself and the possibility of your dreams coming true, without letting discouragement rob you of the faith you have in yourself.

    For me, instead of letting the work permit delay and lack of money discourage me, I opted to change the course of my dream.

    2. Denying your current situation.

    If your current situation is not ideal, don’t live in denial. If you do, you won’t be able to deal with the obstacles you’re currently facing. Doing nothing won’t change your situation or bring you any closer to your dreams. Before long, you will hit the wall and crash, and possibly fall into a depression.

    Instead, accept the situation you’re in and then work toward changing it. You have more power than you realize. Trust and believe in yourself. However small the change happens, be grateful.

    3. Dwelling on the past.

    Holding on to a painful past will fill you with doubts when you’re trying to pursue your dreams. You won’t be able to handle obstacles that arise and you’ll spend your energy on worries and regrets.

    You’ll be afraid to make decisions because of past experiences. You’ll hold yourself back from claiming opportunities when they arise.

    So, let the past be gone but cling to the good memories, and when things are rocky look at the past and smile. Let the bad be a learning experience, let learning produce growth, and let growth bring you closer to your goal.

    4. Procrastinating.

    It can be deadly.

    I procrastinated the first three months I moved to Botswana. I wasted time and money on vacation, clothes, etc.

    Time wasted cannot be recovered. It’s just like a river; once you touch the water flowing past you, it will never flow back toward you again. Do what you’re supposed to do, when it’s supposed to be done.

    5. Neglecting your body.

    Don’t ever forget to take care of your body. Treat it like a temple. If you don’t, you will get sick, mentally and physically, and this will prevent you from working toward your goal.

    However hard you’re working take time off to exercise, and don’t forget to eat healthy foods. (Don’t starve yourself. Eat what’s edible; it won’t kill you.)

    Don’t forget to pray. It’ll nourish your soul and give you inner peace.

    When I hit rock bottom I walked two miles or more every day, and by the time I got back home I was refreshed.

    6. Waiting for help to chase you.

    Knock on doors.

    Will doors be shut on you? Sure, more than you can count.

    Sometimes we ask for help anticipating getting our way. Sorry, it doesn’t work that way.

    I didn’t wait for friends to find me; I went out and became a friend. From that friendship, I was able to join the club, find a place to live, and teach swimming lessons.

    If doors close, go in through the window.

    If that means changing the course of your plan, please do so; change will not mean losing your dream.

    7. Taking it personally when people judge you.

    They will judge you by how you look, what you eat, and how you live. When people judge, it has more to do with their own fears and insecurities than you

    Turn a deaf ear to these judgments. Feel proud of the journey you’re taking.

    8. Dwelling on the negative.

    It’s impossible to only focus on the positive, but dwelling on the negative all the time is like a bomb waiting to explode. Your thoughts will hold you hostage from making progress and your mind will be filled with doubt.

    Allow yourself to feel the negative. Cry if you have to, but don’t let it take over you.

    Releasing your negative feelings will leave you at peace and you will be able to focus on the positive even in tough times.

    A positive attitude will help you decide the best strategy for achieving your goals.

    9. Comparing yourself to others.

    Comparison leads to jealousy and envy. It can kill friendships if not tamed.

    Celebrate the success of others instead of being jealous. Let them know you admire them.

    Turn the focus on what you have instead of what you don’t have and be grateful for it.

    10. Trying to get approval for your dream.

    Your dream is a vehicle, and you’re the driver. Don’t let the passengers map the road for you.

    Stop trying to win over the people who don’t believe in you and criticize you.

    Only seek help from those who support your mission and encourage you, because they will cheer you on along the way.

    Hold fast to your dream.

    Gear up to fight the storms.

    Keep that banner shining.

    Never give up, and never give in.

    Stand up and face the fear, baby!

    Your dream is counting on you.

    Do you believe you can pursue it?

    Boy reaching for stars image via Shutterstock

  • Let Go of Who You Think Should Be and Become Who You Want to Be

    Let Go of Who You Think Should Be and Become Who You Want to Be

    Happy Man

    “Do not become a stranger to yourself by blending in with everyone else.” ~Dodinsky

    I spent many decades of my life trying to be person I was expected to be.

    It was partly the kind of expectations our parents impose on us, but also those from society, combined with the worst ones of all: the expectations I had put on myself.

    For example, the story of who “I should be” had told me that:

    • I had to be a hard worker, a great student, and an overachiever.
    • I had to be responsible.
    • I had to be serious.
    • I had to take care of everyone else.

    Naturally, my actions reflected all of these thoughts.

    Eventually, the picture my life painted became everyone else’s picture.

    I ended up going into a “safe, secure career”—you know, the dreaded corporate job you don’t want but you “know you should do” to have all the trappings of a secure life.

    People discouraged me from pursuing the things I was interested in, because it wasn’t guaranteed that I would make a good living in them. How was I supposed to support a family if I didn’t have a safe, secure job?

    Happiness wasn’t less important in this equation; it was non-existent.

    As the first born, I felt I didn’t have a choice—partly because I had expectations from others riding on my shoulders, partly because I wanted to make my family and friends proud of me.

    I wanted to show them that all of my parents’ work didn’t go to waste.

    For a while I could fake who I was. And for a while it worked. I went to my job like a busy worker bee and did what I was supposed to do; then I clocked out, went home, rinsed, and repeated.

    About a year or two later, those first stirrings started showing up. Why am I even here? How did I get here? Do I even like this line of work? What on earth am I doing? What’s the point of my life and waking up to do all of this stuff?

    Then I felt the worst feeling of all—the one we’ve all felt before—the feeling of your soul leaving your body.

    The next year was unlike the first. Mysterious illnesses start cropping up: sleep issues, fatigue, aches and pains, and the worst, an unshakeable unhappiness that wouldn’t go away, even though I was doing everything “right.”

    That’s when I reached a breaking point.

    One day, which naturally was a rainy Monday, I stood for a moment longer than usual before entering the office door.

    A second later a big commuter bus passed by.

    Right then and there, I wondered if it might be easier to just get hit by a bus rather than keep repeating this ridiculous nightmare every day.

    I paused.

    The idea that I would rather die than live another day like that shocked me sufficiently that I stepped back, and after work spent time in a cafe and thought about how I got here, and how I could get out.

    There were three things after this event that dramatically helped me:

     1. Blind courage

    I thought about what I wanted, which was surprisingly difficult, and just went for that without questioning it. This is something that almost no one tells us to do when we’re young.

    I realized how important it is to be brave, because the entire world (and often our close friends and family) is trying to change us.

    Everything competes for our mind space—we want to be happy, we want to make our parents happy, we want to be successful, and more.

     2. Listening to my gut

    I understood that this battle would never end. I realized there would always be conflicting voices: voices that told me to work for money, voices that told me to work for passion, voices that told me to just run away and do neither.

    Most importantly, I remembered to listen what my gut voice told me, beyond the intellectual stuff of what sounds practical.

     3. Tuning out other people’s opinions

    Finally, I stopped letting other people determine who I think I should be and decided to just be me. This was perhaps the hardest of all because we’re always receiving the message that we should be more or less of something.

    I made a conscious effort each day to pause and think about what I wanted. Forget what my parents wanted, what my friends wanted, what I thought I should want—what did I want?

    It wasn’t until I made these three changes that I released the brakes in my own life, regained that feeling of being myself, and finally embraced who I actually was, not who I should be.

    I invested more in my passions and interests: health, medicine, meditation, reading (and writing), and lots more.

    And over the next period of months and years, I gradually felt “my spirit” coming back.

    We’re always going to feel pressure to make choices we think we should make rather than the choices we want to make. The world is always trying to pull us or push us in different directions.

    It’s up to us to stay focused and centered so we can identify what we really want; otherwise, we’ll end up feeling that we’re just going through the motions.

    Ultimately, it takes courage to be truly authentic. It can be easy to conform because it doesn’t require going against the grain or stirring up conflict, but it’s the little acts of courage that lead us to fulfillment.

    Happy man image via Shutterstock

  • Life Changes When We Change

    Life Changes When We Change

    Time for a Change

    “We can let circumstances rule us, or we can take charge and rule our lives from within.” ~Earl Nightingale

    Last Christmas, I was jobless.

    With piling bills and debts, I was trying to switch from a freelancer to a full-time employee. I had been job hunting for weeks, with zero results. I started wondering why. I was qualified, I had a great resume, and I was willing to work hard. So why did I feel so helpless, like the reins were in someone else’s hands?

    I didn’t like the feeling, but I couldn’t see how I could take control. Everyone said that’s how the job hunting process is. Endless applications and waiting for responses that may never come. There’s nothing you can do about it. Just remain positive. Hope for the best. Wait. Try harder.

    Well, I had just about had it up to my neck with this kind of advice. I was being inundated with positive messages, and I began to question their effectiveness. What’s the use of being positive if it doesn’t change anything?

    Now, I am an optimist. Glass half full and everything. But as weeks passed by and I hadn’t landed so much as one interview, the whole glass business started to turn sour. Simply remaining optimistic didn’t change anything.

    I wasn’t getting any better results, and I wanted to do something about it rather than sit around with an imaginary glass.

    It was one week before Christmas when I had a breakthrough. I decided to quit ”looking for a job.” I stopped ”trying to remain positive.” No use beating a dead horse. It wasn’t defeat. It was just a change of tactic.

    Someone once said that insanity is repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results.

    Endlessly applying to jobs with no results was indeed driving me insane. It was time I looked for other solutions. After all, I had nothing to lose. Might as well have some fun, explore and experiment with different options.

    Without realizing it, I had taken control. As cheesy as it sounds, I had taken back the power from the mysterious employers behind the computer screen. I stopped caring what they thought and started to focus on what I wanted to accomplish.

    Just a day before, I was searching for things like “how to get a job.” Suddenly, I was forced to search for something else. It was my day off from job hunting. What should I do instead? The mere thought that it was totally up to me gave me infinite control. I was free from the shackles of insanity.

    What happened next was life-changing. Instead of trying to get tips on how to land a job, I started to look at successful people that I wanted to emulate. Because I was no longer worrying about trying to get a job, I was free to turn my attention elsewhere, which led me to think about ways to achieve success and get ahead.

    It may sound like nothing, but in hindsight, it was everything. I realized what I wanted wasn’t a job. It was a fulfilling life. Of course, a source of income was an inevitable part of it, but it was just that. One part of a much larger picture.

    I was curious about how others had done it. I researched people I aspired to resemble one day. I perused advice and life stories of current CEOs and influencers. Then I revamped my application material with all this in mind, sent them in, and continued my exciting research.

    Instead of just looking for a job, I was now clearer about what I wanted and what I had to offer. I was more selective about where I applied, and I wrote my cover letters with a deeper understanding of the companies and how I’d fit within them.

    To my surprise, I landed an interview within twenty-four hours. The next day, I landed another two. I was completely thrown off, but I could not deny the immediate effects of my tiny decision.

    Simply by switching the search terms online, I was getting better results in my own life. The simplicity of it was what shocked me the most. After all, everyone knows that if you aren’t getting results you want from a search engine, you change the terms.

    I was reminded of countless accounts of people who had tried something else and achieved seemingly miraculous success, but until this moment, I never thought it would happen to me. I just thought those people were lucky. I didn’t even realize this was what I thought until I collided head-on with the revelation.

    As it turns out, luck often comes to those who want to create it. Positive thinking is good but ineffective without action. And that action could be as small as simply deciding to change.

    In reality, all I really did was switch from a passive state of mind to an active one. I had made a decision to change, and therefore brought it about. More importantly, the positive messages I discarded weren’t wrong. It was my way of taking them in.

    Now, I don’t stop with listening. I don’t think, ”that’s really good advice” and do nothing about it. What I do now is take the advice and run with it. Think of ways to make it my own. After seeing the difference it made in my life, how could I do otherwise?

    If you want change, don’t wish for it. Create it.

    Time for a change image via Shutterstock

  • 6 Ways to Cope with a Miserable Job

    6 Ways to Cope with a Miserable Job

    “Instead of complaining that the rose bush is full of thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses.” ~Proverb

    If you’re feeling miserable in your current job or career, wondering when you’ll be able to do something that makes your heart sing, I know exactly how you feel.

    I spent nearly a decade of my life working in jobs that I despised, having to dig deep every day to make it through another eight hours. All the while, my soul felt like it was dying inside.

    I remember writing one-page memos and having to wait a month while they worked their way through the bureaucracy. Every manager would return the memos, requesting a small, pointless change. By the time the memos were released, I barely recognized the words as my own.

    I knew that I had to get out, that I had to find something more meaningful, something where I could actually make a difference. But getting out of these jobs was hard. Really hard.

    One time, three years into a job, I knew that I needed to make a change. But it took me another three years to save up the money and find the courage to actually walk away. Meanwhile, I struggled to make it through the daily grind.

    Perhaps you’re in a similar situation and wondering how you can continue going to a job you hate, day after day after day, not knowing when or if you’ll be able do something more meaningful.

    I don’t want you to go through what I went through. So here are my suggestions for how to cope when you’re stuck in a career or job and find yourself feeling miserable.

    1. Figure out why you’re miserable and change what you can.

    People can feel miserable for all sorts of reasons. One of the first things you can do is to reflect on why you personally feel miserable in your current situation.

    Perhaps you don’t feel challenged enough in your current position. Or maybe you find the job too stressful. Or perhaps your current work team isn’t a good fit for your personality.

    Rather than accepting your current situation “as-is,” be proactive and work toward improving it. Can you ask your boss for more challenging projects? Can you be transferred to a different team?

    2. Change the stories you tell yourself about your career.

    Most jobs or careers aren’t inherently miserable. We often feel miserable because of the stories we tell ourselves. Your stories about your job are a creation of your mind and are neither true nor false. They’re simply stories.

    Misery is created when we create and cling to stories such as “I can’t stand this,” “This is awful,” or “I should be doing something else with my life.”

    If you want to feel less miserable in your current situation, then change your stories to something neutral or even positive. For example, you could tell yourself “This isn’t really that bad” or “I will continue working toward a meaningful career. What I’m doing right now is only temporary.”

    Those stories are equally as “true” as the negative stories that you’re currently telling yourself. Next time you catch yourself repeating one of your negative stories, see if you can replace it with a more positive story.

    3. Shift your perspective—it’s not as bad as you think.

    Throughout the world, there are millions and millions of people who would be confused if you told them that you were miserable in your current job. They’re making a lot less money, while working longer hours, and often in far worse conditions. They’d change positions with you in a heartbeat.

    When you’re feeling miserable in your job or your career, try thinking about these people and remembering that your situation may not be as bad as you think. Things may be far from ideal, but they could also be much, more worse.

    4. Build meaning however you can.

    While it may be easier for you to create meaning in some careers than others, you can always create meaning right where you are. Find the one or two things that you like about you current job situation and focus your time and energy on those.

    For example, I’ve worked in many government jobs that I found boring and repetitive. But I always had co-workers that I enjoyed talking to and spending time with. Those relationships were what provided me with meaning and helped me cope with the day to day drudgery.

    5. Connect your job to other values.

    If you can’t find anything meaningful about your current job, then try connecting your job to other values.

    For example, if you value providing financial support to your family, then focus on how your current job allows you to fill that value. Put up photos wherever you can of your family and periodically look at those photos and remind yourself how important it is for you to support them.

    Or perhaps your job provides you with ample time off to pursue other activities that you value. Again, focus on how lucky you are to have a job that provides you with that opportunity.

    6. Focus on other parts of your life.

    Finally, if nothing else works, you can always focus your energy on other parts of your life. Simply accept that it will take time to move to a more meaningful career. And that for now, your work won’t be a primary source of meaning in your life.

    And then put your focus and energy into creating meaning in other parts of your life.

    Build the best, most meaningful relationships that you can. Explore all sorts of different hobbies or explore one hobby in-depth. Get involved in volunteer activities that provide you with a sense of meaning.

    There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to change careers in order to do something that you personally find meaningful. I’ve done it several times myself. But making a career change can take time.

    There’s no reason for you to be miserable where you are right now, always waiting for a better future to arrive. Try using some of the suggestions above and see if you can improve your current situation while also taking steps toward a more meaningful, future career.

  • How To Design A Happier, More Fulfilling Life

    How To Design A Happier, More Fulfilling Life

    Happy Woman

    “Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it’s something you design for the present.” ~Jim Rohn

    A few weeks ago I found myself having a bad day. The frustrating thing was that on the outside everything was okay, nothing had explicitly gone wrong, but inside everything was a mess. It was one of those days where you’re in a constant battle with yourself.

    At the beginning of the year I saved up enough to be able to quit my job and focus on building my own online/writing career. But on this particular day I felt nothing but doubt.

    I couldn’t get my head straight, my creativity was drained, and with everything I attempted I came up against a mental block.

    In silent despair, I sank into my office chair and stared blankly across the room. As I gazed ahead, I looked at pictures from my travels stuck on the wall. Each was a reminder of good times I’ve had and things to look forward to in the future.

    To the left, Steve Jobs’ biography sat staring at me on the shelf. It’s tactfully put there, so that on days where I feel like I’m incapable of producing anything worthwhile, I get a reminder of what’s possible.

    I’ve recently been experimenting with incorporating things in my daily life to add extra inspiration. Things that give extra motivation when days are good and provide a weatherproof layer for the days when things aren’t going so well.

    If our routines and everyday life occur by chance, it’s unlikely that they set us up to have the happiest, most meaningful and productive days that we’re capable of. So I’ve started being deliberate in how I sculpt my days and routines. I guess you could call it happiness architecture.

    Of course, true lasting happiness takes practice. It’s a long-term commitment of expressing gratitude, being aware of our negative self-talk, and developing the ability to see the world around us with more optimism.

    So, while designing your days isn’t a quick fix for instant happiness, it’s a way to help cultivate a fertile environment for happiness to grow.

    Here are some of the things I’ve been toying with:

    Physical space

    The easiest place to start sculpting a happier life is with your physical space. Design your surroundings so they inspire you. This doesn’t mean you have to move to the Himalayas or to a villa beside the sea, but instead craft your current surroundings so they make you happier.

    The reason Disneyland is considered one of the happiest places on Earth isn’t by chance, but because around every corner is a Mickey Mouse, a Disney Princess, or another deliberately crafted inspiring moment. Craft your own daily Disneyland.

    This is the reason for my strategically placed biography of Steve Jobs. It’s the reason I drink coffee out of a mug that reads “Follow Your Dreams.” It’s the reason for the inspiring quotes and messages all over my walls and on the wallpaper of my computer.

    Have daily reminders of your goals dotted around the house. Surround yourself with plants, paintings, colors, and other visual elements that make you happy.

    Anything that can help ensure that not a single day goes by without some sort of visual kick-up-the-butt to inspire you to be happier.

    Little surprises

    You know the feeling when you find money down the back of the couch? Or when you find something that you totally forgot you had? What if you could manufacture your life to have more positive experiences like these?

    I’ve been experimenting with this too. I’ve tried setting random calendar notes or reminders for several weeks’ time, each with a short positive note or inspirational message to myself. Both add a nice surprise to the day when you receive them out of the blue.

    Perhaps order yourself a gift to arrive in the distant future and totally forget about it until it arrives. Or maybe leave hidden notes in completely random places all over the house.

    Get creative, because anything goes.

    Even better still, begin crafting these little surprises for others too. A couple of times a month think of somebody close to you and figure out a way you can help them.

    Maybe that’s with a call or a surprise visit. Maybe that’s a thoughtful gift or simply paying them a genuine compliment.

    The world needs more pleasant surprises.

    Company

    The people you spend time with can either raise or squander your energy and positivity. If you want to be happier, be deliberate in choosing who you spend your time with.

    I’m not the most extroverted of people, so who I’m spending time with can be the difference between me coming across as some crazy, passionate guy or a timid, bashful guy. The latter of which tends to leave me questioning myself—“What’s wrong with me?” “Why am I so quiet?”

    Very few of us are fortunate enough to be able to spend 24/7 around inspiring people who light us up, but we can craft opportunities to spend time with (or at very least call) somebody who inspires us a couple of times a week.

    We often default to whatever company is available to us, just to avoid being alone. We don’t pay any attention to how negatively that company might affect us.

    Be totally honest with yourself and ask: does spending time with these people make me come away feeling better or worse? If the answer is worse, then maybe it’s not worth it after all.

    Time

    Perhaps most importantly, we need to be very deliberate with how we spend our time. It’s so easy to fall into a routine and stay there no matter how counter-productive or negative it may be.

    I try to do something I’m passionate about every single day. For you, this could be taking an action that contributes toward a big goal, or maybe it’s knitting, playing an instrument, or another activity you love to do.

    You don’t have to spend long on it, but there’s a lot of satisfaction that can be had knowing that no matter how manic and stressful life may be, you are still working toward something that is meaningful to you.

    Make time to lose yourself in a book. Give yourself a sacred fifteen minutes every morning to savor and enjoy a steaming coffee.

    Make time to meditate, to enjoy the moment and to feel gratitude for all that you have.

    Dedicate a part of your day to going out into nature and noticing the sound of the birds, the crisp bite of the wind, or simply the gentle crunch of the leaves beneath your feet.

    Your time is the most precious thing in your life. Without it, nothing else could exist.

    Elimination

    With that in mind, just adding more positivity to our days will always have limited success without eliminating the negative too.

    I find it useful to eliminate the news from my life—I found that watching it caused me to see the world with so much more fear and negativity. That’s not to say I turn a blind eye to that which is happening in the world, but instead I choose to ignore the negative slander that the news puts on everything.

    Look at your own day and try to figure out what you can take out. What needs pruning?

    What routines or habits have you got that add nothing to your life—or worse, which ones actually have a negative effect?

    Maybe you find the traffic always leaves you angry on the way to work, so search for a different route instead. The road through the countryside may take you longer, but if it inspires you more and leaves you more positive, then it’s time well spent.

    Take the time to notice the other stressors in your life. Which of these can you remove completely? And if you can’t remove them, how can you reduce their impact?

    —

    Life is short. We all have a limited time here, so it’s so important that we’re deliberate in how we use it. That means being intentional and designing our lives to leave us as happy and fulfilled as possible. Don’t leave that up that chance.

    Woman jumping on the beach image via Shutterstock

  • The Value of Following Your Dreams When They Don’t Make Money

    The Value of Following Your Dreams When They Don’t Make Money

    Child Pilot

    “The real measure of your wealth is how much you’d be worth if you lost all your money.” ~Unknown

    Five years ago, in a move I wasn’t sure was so brilliant at the time, I quit my career at a rapidly growing ASX-listed financial services organization, packed up my life, and flew to Thailand to pursue my love of scuba diving.

    I thought I was just going for twelve months, that I’d get it out of my system then return to Melbourne and settle down—get a job in the not-for-profit industry, buy a house, maybe get married and have kids, save for my retirement…the usual rite of passage. My unleashed spirit had different ideas.

    When you answer the call to adventure, you never know where you will end up.

    I fell in love with an Italian man, completed my Scuba Diving Instructor course, and spent the next few years splitting my time between Australia and Thailand.

    When our relationship ended, I returned to Melbourne “to be sensible,” to try and put down some roots and figure out, once and for all, what I was meant to do with my life.

    I returned to work with my former employer, but fifteen months later, when I was still trying to figure things out, the universe gave me a divine kick up the bum; I was suddenly and unexpectedly made redundant.

    Instead of finding another job, again I answered the call to adventure. Ten weeks later I was in Canterbury, England following the 2,000-kilometer Via Francigena pilgrimage route to Rome, living a dream.

    When I returned to Melbourne to integrate all that I had learned on my pilgrimage, my bank account had dropped way below my comfort level and the job market was really slow; employers didn’t seem to appreciate my unconventional life that appeared as (well-explained) gaps in my CV.

    Living in suburbia, I started to compare my life to my friends who were getting married, having kids, and buying houses. I looked at my dwindling bank account balance, ten-year-old car, and unpacked bags of clothes—the sum total of my life. I began to panic.

    From my economic studies, I know the opportunity cost of walking away from my career five years ago to follow my heart into adventure is close to a million.

    As a financial planning professional, I know that the longer you delay buying a house, the more you have to pay and the less achievable it becomes. And the longer you delay saving for retirement, the more you have to save or the longer you need to work.

    These are the realities of living in our modern world, where money is the common form of value exchange and it costs to live—to put shelter over your head, food in your belly, and clothes on your back.

    Acutely aware of this, I promised myself I would never ruin myself financially by living unconventionally. I feared that was exactly what I had done.

    As I walked those 2,000 kilometers alone, I discovered the quiet voice of wisdom that speaks up when I ask it for guidance, or it decides there is something I need to hear. In that moment of panic, it told me this:

    “Your net worth is not your life’s worth—don’t confuse the two.”

    Your net worth is not your life’s worth. There was instant relief in those words.

    My choices may have “cost” me a million, and my net worth may be a small fraction of that, but the real value of my experiences over the last five years transcends physical currency. The sights I have seen. The blessings I have received. The moments I have witnessed.

    Diving in the ocean with sharks and manta rays, watching a volcano erupt, crossing the Alps and the Apennines alone on foot, dancing ecstatically in the rain at a dance party in India, caring for street dogs and orphans, muddling through French and Italian conversations with locals, and watching the sun die a vibrant death hundreds of times.

    These experiences have transformed me and, because I am changed, affect the lives of those whose paths I cross like ripples on a pond.

    In a world that requires us to earn money, the popular pursuit of purpose these days is by offering your skills, talents, and abilities to earn money doing what you love—that is, to create a business outside of the traditional corporate environment and make that your purpose.

    But what if your dreams are not the type that will earn you money? And what if following your dreams requires that you walk away from a high-paying career, or that you spend your savings or forego buying a house so that you can live your dream?

    Often misconceived as selfishness, honoring and doing what transforms our inner selves is a way of being of service too; everyone who comes into contact with your ripples will benefit from that change, directly or indirectly, known or unknown.

    In this way, the return on investment from following your dreams is infinite, larger than you can ever quantify or know while you are in human form.

    But what about the cost of not following your dreams?

    How will you feel at the end of your life if you don’t give your dream a go? How will you feel living in a big ole house with plenty of cash in your bank account and very healthy retirement savings, but with your neglected dreams fading away in the corner?

    I know that one day, when I am old and dying, I won’t regret the things I never had, but I will regret the moments I didn’t seize and the adventures and growth I never experienced.

    I know that every time I have followed my heart and answered the call to adventure, even when I wasn’t sure where the money was going to come from or how it was all going to turn out, life has shown me that it will support me. It will support you, too.

    Although it might never be reflected in your net assets, follow your heart and your dreams, focus on growing your life’s worth, not just your net worth, and no matter where your life takes you or what your external wealth looks like, you will be truly en-riched.

    Child pilot image via Shutterstock

  • How Understanding Can Lead to Forgiveness and Fulfillment

    How Understanding Can Lead to Forgiveness and Fulfillment

    Forgiveness

    “The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive.” ~John Green

    I remember growing up in a lonely home. My parents were distant, and it seemed they didn’t care much about me. Their lives were all about them, so I didn’t care much about them.

    My sister and I hated Christmas and New Year’s Eve because we never got any gifts or toys during that period.

    We used to be so lonely at home, and we couldn’t play with the neighbors’ kids because our parents didn’t allow it. I grew up having no friends, up until when I was fifteen years old, when I became friends with a classmate.

    Fast forward to two years later when I was seventeen; I was going through teenage years alone, and like every normal teen, I struggled to be happy, but it was more than that. I refused admit that I was depressed until a friend noticed and talked to me about it.

    For the first time I experienced what it meant for someone to truly care about me, and I wished my parents could do the same.

    I became really close to this friend because she was the only one who was there for me. She was a cheerful girl whose parents showered her with love, and extended this love to others, as well. We spent all of our weekends together, usually watching movies at her house.

    We graduated from high school and started college together, and then I lost her in a tragic accident. I was in shock and wished I would die too, because life was meaningless without the only friend who stood by me for all those years.

    I broke down for months. I refused to go back to college, and my parents couldn’t understand why I was so down. It took me a year to recover.

    I forced myself to start life again. I reapplied for college to try to make myself move on, but it was hard.

    I didn’t care about making friends or joining other social activities because I was introverted and l always feared that people would judge me.

    In my search for happiness I enrolled in a yoga teacher training program. It was during that period that I learned things I never knew about life and happiness.

    I realized that all I needed to be happy was within me; I was whole and needed to seek happiness by healing myself instead of looking for it outside myself. Instead of feeling bad about my life, I started tobe grateful for it.

    And one great powerful lesson I learned was the importance of forgiveness. It took me back to the resentments I had towards my parents, and I realized that I had to forgive them in order to live a more fulfilling life.

    The courage came one evening when I boldly picked up the phone and called. We spoke for a long time, and in that discussion I discovered that they deeply regretted all the years they were absent in my life.

    In that moment I felt whole again; I felt my parents’ love come back to me, and I finally understood why they didn’t seem to care when I was younger.

    You see, after they had been married for several years, my mum discovered that my dad had had an affair with an old flame. This caused her so much pain that she shut down from her social life, and consequently, didn’t allow her kids to have one.

    Understanding them and their pain helped me to let go of the past and forgive them, because I realized they never intended to hurt me, even when they didn’t remember my birthday or prevented me from making friends freely.

    After that, I made a promise to myself to spend more time with them, helping them with cleaning, laundry, and other little things, to show them I’ve moved on and I care about them. I can’t go back and receive or show care in my childhood, but I can do something different now.

    I’m only human, so I can’t say the sad memories don’t pop up in my head once in a while. When this happens, I reverse my thoughts to focus on the good part of knowing I have my parents’ love and affection back.

    I’ve learned that we can’t experience the full joy of life if we don’t let go of all resentments, because it is in truly letting go that we make space for peace and fulfillment.

    It can be hard to forgive if the person who hurt you doesn’t express remorse, but that doesn’t mean they don’t feel it, or that there wasn’t pain behind their actions. If you don’t forgive, you’re choosing to cause yourself pain. When we hold onto bitterness, we slowly die on the inside.

    No matter what, life holds a second chance for everyone. We give it to others by forgiving; and equally important, in forgiving, we give it to ourselves.

    Love everywhere image via Shutterstock

  • 3 Ways to Find Fulfillment Wherever You Are in Life

    3 Ways to Find Fulfillment Wherever You Are in Life

    Feel Alive

    “Don’t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect.” ~Unknown

    For almost all my life, I have lived in my head.

    In my head, there was a utopia. And that utopia was named “someday.”

    “Someday” I would have my degree, have the perfect relationship, become successful in business, own a beautiful home near the beach, be more athletic, and of course, be completely fulfilled with every aspect of my life.

    For me, “Someday” was both a place of refuge and a place of torment. Because although in my mind, it gave me something to hope for, it also made every moment of every day feel… empty.

    Nothing I did or experienced in the moment was ever enough. I lived life as a means to an end that never seemed to come.

    Each day I would wake up and jump from one thing to the next. When brushing my teeth I would think about breakfast, at breakfast I’d think about my commute, and so forth until I reached the brief moments just before I fell asleep, so I could promise myself “ Don’t worry, it’s all worth it—you’re getting closer!”

    I felt like I had to rush against some invisible clock to pack my life with the fulfilment I thought I needed.

    Milestones were passed and yet, I never stopped to appreciate any of it. I rushed head first into a serious relationship that wasn’t right for me, moved across the country to find myself, and launched a business.

    After years of working hard, I finally woke up one day to realize that I was “there.” I was engaged, living in a five-bedroom house, working as a high level marketing consultant, and had everything I thought I had wanted “someday.”

    And yet… I was still completely unsatisfied.

    While outsiders saw an amazing life, I was stuck comparing “someday” to my current life, and lamenting on how it didn’t stack up.

    Then, something amazing happened.

    I lost it all.

    And I mean lost. It. ALL: My relationship exploded, I had to leave my home, I was let go from my high paid consulting gig, no longer had a car, and to top it off, I lost the two closest members of my family. All while being stranded thousands of miles away from any loved ones.

    In the space of two weeks.

    At the time I didn’t think it was such an amazing experience. It felt like I was standing at the top of a mountain while it crumbled under my feet, and I saw the fall I was about to take.

    The amazing part came over the next couple of years, while I nestled in a humble little cottage working to rebuild my life.

    At first, I felt sorry for myself. I started to sink into a deep “why me” pity party, and everyone was invited.

    Then I realized, I was standing over the edge of a deep, bottomless hole. I could fight life and keep sinking deeper and deeper. Or I could decide to find a reason to step away from that edge and keep going.

    I decided to look away from the edge. And it changed my life.

    Here’s what I discovered:

    Love the present moment.

    Fully accept it and fully love it. It took me a long time to understand that you can want to change or move towards a goal, and still love where you’re at now. Life is about living and embracing each moment, not looking to some future that will never come.

    Find the blessings in the current situation.

    No matter how dark your situation seems, there is a jewel hidden somewhere inside it. You can make up your mind to see only the bad stuff, or you go find the beautiful stuff and be grateful for it.

    Understand that there is no magic moment that will save you—and rejoice!

    We’re all looking for that thing that will give us deep fulfilment. But it’s not outside of you. It’s not hiding in a job, in cars, in a house, in a relationship, or anything else. Those are all nice things to have. But that deep fulfilment will not come from any of those sources.

    You’re already a full and complete person. And part of connecting with that deep fulfilment is simply in finding the joys in the current moment.

    —

    These three simple steps broke the hold that “someday” had on me. I realized that “someday” was every day. Every moment of our lives.

    I started to enjoy every day. And to my surprise the fulfilment I thought that I had to work for was right there all along—even though I had nothing that I thought I wanted!

    The funniest thing is that once I let go of that search for fulfilment, everything that used to live in the world of “someday” manifested into my life with ease. I have since found my soul mate, live next to the beach, run my own heart-based business, and although I’m no athlete, I’m definitely much healthier.

    However, I always remember that regardless of whether these things stay with me or go, I will always have fulfilment in my life.

    Sotake on any challenge or go after any goal with a clear conscience knowing that you don’t need it to become completely fulfilled right now.

    You are already complete.

    Man on top of the world image via Shutterstock

  • Why Fulfillment Comes from Being Yourself, and How to Be Okay with That

    Why Fulfillment Comes from Being Yourself, and How to Be Okay with That

    Happy with Yourself

    “To wish you are someone else is to waste the person you are.”  ~Sven Goran Eriksson

    I have been studying business and marketing for quite some time now, watching the most successful men and women very carefully and picking apart how they’ve achieved what they’ve achieved.

    I’ve read every book I can get my paws on and thought long and hard about why they have managed it and others just haven’t.

    I’ve also seen many businesses and online brands mimicking exactly what those super successful people are doing, and I’ve wondered why they are a mere shadow on the wall in comparison.

    I’ve realized one thing: The super-successful people are doing exactly the same things as the not so successful people.

    They use the same tools, blog about the same topics, and have the same personal development techniques. But they still do way better; they have more followers and fans that rave about their work and share it with everyone they know.

    And it’s purely because they are rocking it in their own way. They are being their honest selves.

    But how do they do that?!

    I have been tormented with being myself all my life, struggling with the idea of liking myself and who I am.

    I’ve been on a merry-go-round of trying to be someone or something that everyone will like. But I know that not everyone will like everything, so I’ve set myself an impossible task.

    I also know that self-love and acceptance is the key to everything I want. Not just success, but to be happy with who I am, at last.

    I often have this conversation with myself:

    Hey, I’m weird. I don’t feel like I fit in anywhere. I feel as if people will always judge me for doing what I want and being me and only me.

    What’s wrong with being me? I’m no good at being anyone else, so what’s the big deal? Well, maybe there isn’t a big deal?

    Am I making a big deal?

    Right, that’s it, I’m stopping this nonsense. I’m just going to be me…

    But who the hell is “me”?!

    Can I determine that by what I like? Or by my interests?

    Or is it pure and simple my mannerisms, the way I look and the things I say?

    Maybe it’s the way I think…?

    Then I’m looping. On that never ending cycle of question after question.

    And those questions never get answered.

    The problem is, it’s very difficult to know who you are and why you do things and where your crazy thought processes come from.

    It’s impossible to put yourself into a category, but even so, we’re constantly trying to categorize ourselves. Think of subcultures like goths or punks, and blogging tribes, and football teams. Everyone is trying to belong.

    You see, I don’t have the dialogue above with myself in an attempt to understand who I am, but to try to understand how I fit into this world.

    I want to understand how I can offer something to the world, make a difference, be liked by the people I meet and, ultimately, belong. Just like those super successful people, but not them—just myself.

    I’m not sure if human beings can ever really know themselves. We’re constantly evolving, growing, changing, especially people like us who are into personal development and enlightenment.

    We’re on fast-forward compared to people who don’t take much notice of developing themselves. So every few months we become a different person, who is the same person, with a lot more knowledge and different way of looking at the world.

    It’s actually pretty mind-blowing!

    We know that the beauty of ourselves is our individualism, our differences, and the quirks that only we have. But at the same time, we know that people are drawn to familiarity and like-mindedness. And this is where I personally get confused, because half the time I’m trying to be myself and the other half of the time I’m trying to fit in—or even worse, be someone who I’d like to be like!

    But it doesn’t serve us to be torn like this, and I find that the temptation of trying to fit in is actually my own insecurities sabotaging the possibilities of me being completely myself. Completely free of the constraints of conforming, free of being a reflection of someone else, free of acting out someone else’s story.

    Next time you look at someone successful or beautiful or passionate, and you have those inspired feelings of “Maybe I could be like that too?”, always remember that, yes, you can do what they do, but you can never be like them.

    You can do it all too. But you need to just keep being you.

    I’m reminding myself of this on a daily basis, trying my utmost to convince my pesky brain that it’s safe to be me. In fact, it’s the only way to be if I ever want to be truly happy.

    These are the things I am doing to keep on track with being me. They might not work for you, because you are you, but they could change everything:

    1. Get the Universe in on the plan.

    The first thing I did was stop asking the Universe what my life purpose was, whether I should go traveling or start saving for a mortgage, or if this business idea was the right one. And instead, I started asking it to let me know if I wasn’t being myself.

    I started to get little signs that reminded me that I wasn’t on the right path. And also big ones, like when my last business crumbled into nothingness. Yes, the Universe was serious about me being myself and not something I thought I should be!

    2. Be kinder to yourself.

    You may have heard this a million times, but honestly, it’s working. When my mind chatter goes spinning off into some cruel dialogue along the lines of “I’m not good enough,” I ask myself, “Would I say that to someone I love?’

    The answer is no, I would never say that to someone I love. I would say, “Darling, you’re doing just fine, you deserve happiness and love, and you are perfect just the way you are.”

    And all of sudden I chill out, I stop fretting, knowing that I have my own support in this.

    3. Remind yourself that someone is relying on you.

    There’s nothing like a bit of guilt to motivate you! But really, imagine just one person that needs you to just be you. One person that needs your talent so desperately that it will change their life, move them out of poverty into comfort or sadness into joy.

    By not being you, you won’t be on purpose, you won’t be sharing your gift, you won’t be changing those lives. This makes me dig deep and get real with myself, because someone is relying on me to be me!

    You don’t have to know who you are to be who you are; just do what makes you feel alive, live how you want to live, and don’t let the constraints of other people’s stories hinder you in any way.

    Today, and every day, I’m choosing to be myself. And I’m getting better at it.

    Photo by Scarleth Marie

  • How to Be Your Real Self and What’s Been Stopping You

    How to Be Your Real Self and What’s Been Stopping You

    Hiding

    “The more of me I be, the clearer I can see.” ~Rachel Andrews

    This past year has felt a lot like I was running through a supermarket, naked.

    But not as chilly.

    As a life-coach for women, one of my brilliances has to do with supporting women in showing up fully as their shining, marvelous selves—and guiding them through all the work of facing fears, looking at self-worth, re-training brains to focus on abundance and feeling powerful, vs. scarcity and victim-hood, and so many other powerful pieces.

    I make no secret out of the fact that I have had to do all this myself in order to lead women through their own work.

    And working on visibility—showing up as my unique, in-progress, human self—has been at the center of most of the deeply transformational work I’ve had to do in the last year.

    As I’ve worked on building my ability to serve women, I noticed that I, myself, was hiding from shining fully. I was not showing up authentically, not speaking my whole truth, not reveling in who I am and how uniquely different from other coaches I am (as each one of us is!).

    Why was I hiding? What was going on that I was standing halfway in the shadow, afraid of shining in my brilliance, afraid of being 100% revealed as who I am and what I’m here to say?

    I was hiding for several reasons:

    • I had stories about what a successful female business owner “looked” like—and I wasn’t it.
    • I had stories about how I handle (or don’t handle) money—and deep fears about my ability to be responsible if I made a lot more money.
    • I had stories about showing up as an example of a woman building a life I love living because I told myself women wouldn’t look at my life and want to create something similar.
    • I had deep, unhealed wounds from being little, when I felt like I wasn’t seen or heard, when I felt like making my needs known didn’t necessarily get them met.
    • I also found powerful fears around being seen that were created as a pre-teen walking around the streets of NYC and feeling like a target for verbal abuse from men, which made me shrink myself really small so I wouldn’t be attacked.

    When you figure out what’s keeping you from showing up, you can learn how to heal it and move forward, into the light of what you love.

    Why might visibility as your authentic self be important for you?

    • Visibility as your authentic self enables you to create work you love.
    • Visibility as your authentic self allows you to form satisfying romantic relationships and rewarding and supportive friendships.
    • Visibility as your authentic self affects your ability to be generously compensated for the work you do.
    • Visibility as your authentic self affects your ability to create healthy boundaries for yourself.
    • Visibility as your authentic self reflects in your self-care and health—how clear you are about what you need, and then how fully you’re able to ask for what you need and prioritize it for yourself.

    Here’s what I’ve learned:

    The more authentic, honest, and visibly I show up in my life, my business, my friendships, my parenting, and my relationship, the better everything gets. Because everything I create is being built on a rock-solid foundation—a foundation of who I am at my wonderful, loving, talented core.

    And that stuff doesn’t wash away.

    So why are you hiding? See if any of the following reasons resonate for you:

    • It didn’t always feel safe for you to be visible.
    • You’re afraid you might offend, alienate, or intimidate people if you show up authentically.
    • People might not like you, might be jealous of you, or might get angry at you if you said what you think.
    • Success is terrifying.
    • You’re afraid of failure.
    • You have stories about why you’re not _____ enough to be who you are, have what you want, do what you love.
    • You’ve spent so much time hiding who you are, you’re not even sure what’s underneath anymore.
    • Who has time to be authentic?

    Take a second and write down for yourself, right now, how hiding from visibility or your authentic self has seemed to serve you.

    Now, write down how letting go of any fear or resistance to showing up fully you could serve you—what might become possible if you were to show up fully, 100% visible, and authentically you? What might be yours?

    When you are able to see how it once might have served you to hide, to be small, to stay quiet, you’ll be able to begin the work of releasing those old fears and beliefs and step out, into your light.

    Photo by findingtheobvious

  • 9 Ways You May Unwittingly Deprive Yourself of Love and Fulfillment

    9 Ways You May Unwittingly Deprive Yourself of Love and Fulfillment

    “Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ~Rumi

    Do you want to let go and live life fully?

    If you feel that you are missing out on fulfillment and happiness, but cannot put your finger on why, perhaps there is something deeper going on.

    Believe it or not, anyone can develop an unconscious habit of self-deprivation. Usually this habit begins in childhood.

    Here’s how mine developed.

    When I was younger, if anyone approached and tried to attend to my needs, I’d make sure they understood that I was just fine without their help.

    Interestingly, I was also accident-prone. I was always managing to take a spill, as if in hot pursuit of another skinned knee or broken bone. Yet, I cannot remember one instance when I welcomed sympathy or caring or intervention from anyone.

    I guess thought I was pretty tough. Looking back, I also wonder how much I wanted to prove that I didn’t need other people. I am fine! Now, kindly leave me alone. This was my attitude.

    Why? There could be many reasons.

    You could call it genetics—just look at the other men in my family. Enough said!

    You could say I had a somewhat cold and distant mother. I was proving to her that I didn’t need her anyway.

    You could even blame the primal backlash that occurs when we exit the womb. When we make the transition from the oblivious comfort and security of the womb into a world where, by comparison, we feel deprived, controlled, and rejected, we are bound suffer some maladaptive consequences.

    We could find lots of things to blame, but the point is, I developed this pattern. And I marched right into adulthood with it firmly in place.

    The unintended outcome was that I rarely felt loved (imagine that). It was hard to be close to anyone and I felt disconnected, empty, and alone. I didn’t want to feel this way, but that’s what happens as you refuse to connect when people reach out.

    I couldn’t have been more successful if my unconscious mind had an actual goal to keep me in a state of emptiness and deprivation.

    The big AHA moment came when I realized I was attached to being emotionally deprived. Attachments are not a conscious choice, but an unwitting set up that lands us in that old, familiar place where we do not get what we want.

    Amazingly, over the years we learn to tolerate it, come to expect it, and even prefer the deprivation in some strange, familiar way. It is critical to recognize when this is happening.

    Here are nine signs you have developed an attachment to deprivation, unwittingly setting yourself up to feel unfulfilled:

    1. You don’t express your needs.

    Refusing to express your needs virtually guarantees deprivation. Millions of people allow others to ignore, take advantage, and take them for granted because they will not speak up.

    2. You are overly focused on the needs of others.

    Focusing solely on the needs of others at the expense of your own is actually a disservice to yourself and others. It typically leads to resentment and emotional martyrdom.

    3. You feel guilty when you do something for yourself.

    Guilt or “selfish” feelings when you meet your own needs is a sign that you don’t believe you deserve to have them met, as if it were wrong.

    4. You can’t take compliments.

    Not accepting compliments graciously (inside and out) is a way to deflect them, depriving yourself of the need to be appreciated.

    5. You are attracted to emotionally unavailable or self-centered people.

    A sure way to not to get your needs met is to attract emotionally unavailable or narcissistic people into your life. When you commit to these kinds of people, you set yourself up for a lifetime of emotional deprivation.

    6. You expect disappointment.

    Expecting disappointment keeps fulfillment at a distance. Going into situations anticipating disappointment becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

    7. You don’t know what you want or cannot define your purpose in life.

    This is so common! People usually don’t think of it this way, but not knowing what you want or even trying to figure it out is a way to avoid your purpose. Living with a sense of purpose is a huge need that brings meaning and fulfillment.

    8. You shy away from intimacy.

    When you avoid close relationships or shy away from deeper connections with people, you miss out on this fundamental contribution to happiness and fulfillment.

    9. You cannot enjoy the moment.

    Letting go and having fun in the here and now is an important way to experience fulfillment and reduce stress. It is a huge need! Staying in your head, remaining preoccupied or self-conscious robs you of the opportunity to enjoy your now.

    Each of the above examples leads us straight into deprivation, even though we did not consciously choose to go there. It is important to shine the healing light of awareness on this issue and begin to question whether or not it is appropriate to continue doing this at this point in life.

    My self-deprivation tendency, to act too tough to accept help and love, is much softer these days. I’ve been working on it. In the process, I have discovered a whole new world of support—people who are willing to love and be loved, to support and be supported.

    This new world has always been available; it was just hidden behind my attachment.

    Look for the signs of a deprivation attachment in your life. You may be surprised at what you find!

  • Create Meaning By Helping Others (Without Doing it for Validation)

    Create Meaning By Helping Others (Without Doing it for Validation)

    Helping Hand

    “If you light a lamp for someone else it will also brighten your path.” ~Buddha

    Why are you here on this earth? What is your purpose? What are you supposed to be doing with your life? These deep questions burn in all of us. Our souls’ desire is to lead fulfilling lives that have meaning.

    My life’s journey has always been linked to helping other people; I just never saw it as serving them. As I have grown to know myself, I have discovered that I have this huge heart that wants the best for myself and for others. I now live to serve, and this brings me great fulfillment.

    The Difference Between Seeking Validation and Serving

    It wasn’t always easy for me. I spent a great deal of my life questioning why I was here and what my life was all about. I had been through so much pain and had suffered at the hands of others. I couldn’t understand it all until I took a stand. Enough was enough. I needed to be different.

    Little did I know that being different meant discovering myself and not simply changing my circumstances.

    I was always a helpful person, but it was about seeking validation for what I did, not about the difference I could make in others’ lives when coming from a place of inner strength.

    I started learning about who I was and why I was behaving the way I did. I would often be so angry with myself for doing things for other people that I really didn’t want to do.

    I was angry that I didn’t say no when I really wanted to. I was seeking validation in these moments and wanting to be liked. I realized that I could say no, and that I’d been saying no to the wrong person. I needed to start saying yes to me, and that meant no to others.

    I also wanted to be sure that I wasn’t being mean and hurtful to others by saying no to certain requests, and so I started asking them. I realized quickly that true friends are the ones who tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear.

    I wanted more of that in my life, and I knew if I were open and honest with others in this same way, I would help them discover something great about themselves. This was true servitude, and it came from a more empowered place.

    The focus was on serving them and not seeking validation for myself. (more…)

  • The Difference Between Fulfillment and Achievement

    The Difference Between Fulfillment and Achievement

    “You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” ~C.S. Lewis

    I have always been ambitious. I have always felt an incredible need to become someone, to do something, to achieve. I have always been a dreamer on my way up.

    I’m a fashion designer. I belong to an industry that I knew was highly competitive from a young age. Ambition and hard work counted, but increasingly, I was getting the message that status, money, and connections were far more important factors for success.

    In fact, fashion as an industry is parallel to the entertainment industry. Just look to all the celebrities whose next career move, often in desperation, is to create a fashion line. I was no celebrity—not even close. I was a plain, quiet girl who was more studious than glamorous.

    In fashion, there are sayings like “You’re only as good as your last season” or “One day you’re in, the next day you’re out.” We live in a go-go-go, high-achieving, fast paced world laced with ambition, goals, and people who want to do it all and have it all. So it had been ingrained in me to always work hard.

    Throughout college, I worked (almost full-time), went to school (actually full-time), and came home to work on design projects, sew into the night, or write for my little fashion blog. I took no time off, worked endless hours, and dedicated myself wholly to my craft, my industry, and my goals.

    All to get somewhere, become something, to achieve my lifelong dream.

    That all came to a halt when I graduated and I started pounding the pavement. I was sure that my hard work and talent would pay off—but it didn’t. For almost an entire year, I didn’t even get an interview.

    It was a shameful part of my life, one that I would not readily admit to anyone. I was working full-time in a different industry making very little money, but could not get in on the one I had worked so hard toward my entire life.

    So I stopped after a year to ask myself, what was I doing wrong? (more…)

  • 6 Steps on the Path to Passion and Fulfillment

    6 Steps on the Path to Passion and Fulfillment

    “I don’t believe people are looking for the meaning of life as much as they are looking for the experience of being alive.” ~Joseph Campbell

    There are seemingly small events in life that, in retrospect, turn out to be the catalyst for cataclysmic transformation. Such was the case for me when my oldest child left home to pursue her passion as a ballet dancer.

    Little did I know at the time that this event would lead me to a brand new passion, a new business, and a new life.

    My Life Passion Story

    Prior to my daughter leaving home, I’d spent the previous three years supporting her as she pursued her passion, driving her two sixty-mile round trips daily to train at her ballet studio. I often spent three hours a day in the car. I was also tending to my two younger children and attempting to maintain a public relations consultancy.

    A child leaving home isn’t really a small event, but in my case, it wasn’t as dramatic as it is for most parents. My daughter was away from home most of the day anyway between school and dance. And she spent six weeks away every summer at ballet programs. So her moving to another city did not feel so dramatic or unsettling in itself.

    But what it triggered in me was a tsunami of internal upheaval.

    As my daughter’s passion for ballet blossomed, I was happy to help her pursue her dream, and I accepted the sacrifices involved. Prior to this intense training period for her, I had an active public relations business in which I promoted my clients (actors, artists, designers, and business professionals) as they pursued their passions. But as my daughter’s training intensified, I had to cut back on my PR work.

    When she left home, and I no longer had to spend hours a day in my car, I suddenly had a huge chunk of time on my hands.

    You’d think regaining this time would have filled me with elation. But I remember standing in the middle of the house in despair, wondering who I was and what I was supposed to do.

    Between my PR career and supporting my daughter, I had spent years helping others come alive with their own passions. Suddenly, I realized I didn’t have one of my own. I felt directionless, uninspired, and totally lost.

    I tried to resurrect my PR business, but I had no joy in it. I so wanted to feel the enthusiasm and intensity that my daughter and my clients felt about their passionate pursuits. I wanted to feel alive again. At the time, I was in my late forties with a twenty-plus-year PR career under my belt but no other marketable skills (or so I thought).

    I had no idea what to do, but I knew I had two choices:

    • I could accept a boring, unsatisfying life
    • I could figure a way out of this internal upheaval and find something to ignite my passion

    I chose the latter. (more…)

  • The Top 25 Excuses to Wait on Your Dreams and How to Overcome Them

    The Top 25 Excuses to Wait on Your Dreams and How to Overcome Them

    “The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses…The gift is yours—it is an amazing journey—and you alone are responsible for the quality of it.” ~Bob Moawad

    If we try, we can always find a reason not to do what we want to do, and it can seem perfectly valid. We can convince ourselves that we’re being smart, realistic, or safe, or that we don’t even really want it.

    We’re great at justifying the status quo, because we know exactly what that’s like, even if it’s dissatisfying.

    The unknown can feel terrifying. But somewhere in that same realm where anything could go wrong is everything that can go right.

    So many times in my life I’ve finally pushed myself to do something and then wondered, “Why did I wait so long?” If I had known the benefits would far outweigh my fear and discomfort, I would have pushed myself sooner.

    But we can’t ever know that in advance. We can only know that our reasons to do something are greater than our excuses not to.

    In my efforts to keep moving beyond my comfort zone, I’ve compiled the top excuses not to go after a dream, along with a few reminders to help us overcome them.

    (more…)

  • Discovering Peace from Within and Creating Fulfillment in Life

    Discovering Peace from Within and Creating Fulfillment in Life

    “Our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world as being able to remake ourselves.” ~Gandhi

    The feeling of inner-strength and fulfillment can be enough for us to move mountains. For the most part, we all have the desire to do and be great. It’s just a matter of finding the right pieces to put together to make it happen.

    Part of that discovery process is being able to overcome the low states of energy that hold us back from finding our inner happiness and confidence. When we feel refreshed, vibrant, and able to make the right choices for ourselves, the right actions and results follow.

    Like so many others, I once viewed the sources of happiness and fulfillment in my life as events that were few and far between. I’d have some good days here and there, but they were mostly based on what didn’t go wrong at work, at home, or with my finances. It certainly took a toll on my self-esteem and sense of worth.

    It was hard to be great when I didn’t feel great. 

    Events that I had no control over ruled my thoughts, feelings, and actions. Work-related frustration built up during the day, and nights at home were stressful and emotionally trying. I even let things like the weather and traffic on my daily commute ruin what could’ve been a perfectly productive and amazing day.

    It left me in a constant state of doubt and disarray, searching and wondering when the next positive experience would come along just so I could feel good again. It was a destructive way to live, and it continuously put stress on all the important areas of my well-being.

    In my eyes, I finally hit rock bottom: My finances were a mess, my personal relationships were suffering, and so was my emotional and physical health. 

    When my friends or family would ask how I was doing, my reply was always preceded with a long and drawn out sigh. (more…)

  • Happy Is As Happy Does: Make Your Own Joy in Life

    Happy Is As Happy Does: Make Your Own Joy in Life

    “Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action.” ~Benjamin Disraeli

    I used to get paralyzed with fear in the face of any load of work.

    Suffering from crippling depression, obsessive compulsive disorder, and severely low self-esteem, I’d find so many thoughts battling me, making it hard to take action:

    • What’s the point of starting if you know you won’t finish?
    • You’re just going to waste your time putting in all that effort when you get rejected at the end.
    • Think about how much time that’s going to take! What if it’s all for naught? How stupid will you feel?!

    I know many people who don’t suffer from depression and, yet, still struggle with those same thoughts. It drives them to procrastination and anxiety, and may even keep them from achieving any of their dreams!

    I have changed a lot since those voices ruled my headspace, and have since learned this:

    The key to a happy life is taking responsibility to make it.

    I started taking action to turn my life around only after being admitted to a program for suicidal adults in 2005. It took that for me to realize that what I was doing just wasn’t working and that I could never go on living the way that I was.

    Using a blend of exercise and cognitive therapy, I pulled myself out of that black hole and started making my own life.

    I began to realize that happiness isn’t served to you; it’s earned. It’s created.

    I am now a personal trainer and wellness coach, and I come across this paralyzed mentality in many new clients. (more…)

  • 3 Steps to Help You Achieve Your Truest Dreams

    3 Steps to Help You Achieve Your Truest Dreams

    “What I am is good enough if only I would only be it openly.” ~Carl Rogers

    From the time my grandmother gave me a copy of Little Women when I was five years old, I knew I wanted to be a writer and create books like that one.

    As I grew up, I devoured books left and right, working my way up from The Babysitters’ Club Little Sister to 1984. While other kids were asking their parents to take them to a toy store, I was begging for a trip to the local bookstore.

    What can I say? The nerdy heart wants what it wants.

    I wrote stories and articles in a private journal, amassing hundreds and hundreds of pages of text over the years, but I still had not developed the courage to let anyone read my work. I locked them up tight but longed for an outlet.

    When I started blogging a few years ago, it was out of the desire to finally let my writing free—a passion I had mistreated for way too long.

    Soon after reigniting this passion, though, my subconscious fears found a way to suppress it all over again.

    I wrote articles long and short, but, for some reason, I kept them focused on the topics I thought people associated me with, what seemed both safe and to the point: technology.

    I waded hesitantly in the waters, writing about industry topics and news without infusing my own voice or experiences in the text.

    I feared a reader would disagree with anything I wrote, so I didn’t take a stance on any of the topics I felt strongly about. (more…)

  • Letting Go and Becoming the CEO of Your Own Happiness

    Letting Go and Becoming the CEO of Your Own Happiness

    “Our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world as being able to remake ourselves.” ~Gandhi

    Ten years ago I was a young executive working in a fairly high-profile job at a big entertainment studio.  I had an office with a view, a gorgeous convertible, and a huge wardrobe. I was invited to fantastic parties every week.

    From the outside, it seemed like I had it all. I was convinced that I did have it all, because everyone was telling me how great it was. It was the life I’d been conditioned to strive for.

    The truth was, I was incredibly empty and unhappy inside. I wondered almost daily what was wrong with me. Instead of pausing to try to figure out the source of my grief, I kept going, convinced that it would go away on its own if I just stayed the course. 

    I was grateful for what I’d accomplished, but happy was another story. I was spending long days in what was a toxic work environment. I spent much of my time dodging people with negative energy and watching kind, capable people around me quit because of the stress or disappear due to office politics. I found myself laying low and wishing I were somewhere else.

    I thought one of the answers to filling the emptiness I was feeling in my life was lots of stuff. I shopped like crazy. I was making pretty good money for the first time in my life and was on a mad mission to find the next thing to make me happy. It wasn’t working.

    I went to parties, polluted myself with too many cocktails, and burned the candle at both ends thinking that I was creating a rockin’ life for myself, and that somehow, some way, it would lead to happiness.

    Yes, there were some good times, but it seemed that no matter what I did, I still felt empty—like I was simply existing rather than living.

    One night I was awakened by what felt like my heart pounding out of my chest. I was shaking, in a cold sweat, and could barely breathe. My pillow was soaked. I sprung up and realized that what was happening was a physical reaction to all the stress and the downward spiral I was in.

    My body was finally telling me to wake up or face serious consequences.  (more…)

  • 3 Mistakes That Hold You Back in Life & How to Avoid Them

    3 Mistakes That Hold You Back in Life & How to Avoid Them

    “Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.” ~Marianne Williamson

    I believe we are here to grow, to expand—to learn and experience and understand. Growth and discovery are the purpose of life.

    I also believe we tend to get in our own way.

    Our experiences, our cultures, and even our families can create fears and limitations that can hold us back, or hold us down. They don’t do this intentionally. It’s just that we’re all doing the best we can in this beautiful, messy, complicated world.

    There are so many circumstances or experiences that can get in the way of our growth and stifle our creativity and our lives.

    I’ve discovered that there are three mistakes we often make in our endeavors to grow, create, or experience something new:

    Mistake #1: Not Taking Your Instincts Seriously

    Have you ever said “I’m fine” when inside you were hurt or afraid? Or said “It’s not a big deal” when, in fact, it was consuming your every waking thought (and likely your dreams)?

    Or maybe you even rolled your eyes at yourself; told yourself that you were overreacting, or that a comment, dream, or feeling didn’t matter.

    Yeah, don’t do that.

    It—whatever “it” is for you—does matter. It matters that you have a dream to start a business. It matters that you want more than what everyone else is settling for. It matters that you are upset or unsettled or craving expansion in your life.

    It matters because those things are signs that you are not on the right track, signs that something is out there calling your name, signs that you’re ready to discover and devour it.

    And those signs should always be taken seriously. Listen to where your inner voice. It’s there for a reason. (more…)