Tiny Buddha

Tag: food

  • I Used to Be Hungry All the Time

    I Used to Be Hungry All the Time

    I mean, hungry allll the time. Basically, if I was awake, I was ready to eat.

    I’d mindlessly pick at whatever was available.

    I’d wander the kitchen feeling “snacky” all the time.

    I’d be completely consumed with thoughts of what I was going to eat next from the minute I woke up til the minute I went to bed. And behind all the desires to eat were always the arguments—what I wanted to eat versus what I thought I was “supposed” to eat.

    No matter how much I had just eaten, I could literally always still eat. I lived in a constant state of fear of putting on more weight and felt guilty and horrible about myself for all of it.

    “No thanks, I’m not hungry” wasn’t a sentence that existed in my vocabulary.

    If there was food around, I was eating it. If there wasn’t food around, I was going to get it.

    (An interesting point to make here, and something for you to think about in your own history with food and dieting, is that I was never like that until I started dieting. The harder I tried to restrict certain foods, the worse it seemed to get, but I digress…)

    Dieting and food rules were a big part of the cause, but they weren’t the only cause.

    For many years, I thought I was a pig. I thought I was just someone who loved food. I thought I was a pig with no self-control. For quite a while I even thought I was addicted to food (and more specifically, sugar).

    That was the problem, I thought. The solution then, of course, was to just try keep trying to “be good.” I had to want it more, shame myself more, and try harder to stop eating things I shouldn’t eat.

    I thought the way I felt about my body (hatred, of course) was my fault because I was too much of a pig to stop eating and I kept making myself fatter and fatter (I thought).

    I knew there were things in my past that could have been considered “issues” I’d never dealt with, but as far as I was concerned, they were in the past. I was over them. Besides, I was strong and nothing bothered me (I thought).

    That’s what I honestly believed.

    But wow, was I wrong.

    Here’s what I’ve learned in the years since I’ve “awakened” (as they say) to the truth.

    First, our thoughts are not our truth, but if we repeat the same ones to ourselves for long enough, we believe them to be true.

    What stories are you running on autoplay in your head everyday about yourself, about food, about your body, about food?

    Second, our thoughts are only the surface level chattering of a very complex computer, and that computer is constantly running (mostly) unconscious programs in the background, all day, every day.

    Beneath those thoughts, what subconscious beliefs are lingering and driving them?

    Those programs not only store our beliefs about ourselves and the world around us, but they drive a lot of our choices as a result of those beliefs.

    Our thoughts, emotions, and beliefs drive a lot of the choices we make—like, a whole lot of them.

    I thought I’d share some of the unconscious beliefs I had below the surface, because, I’m also beginning to notice that a lot of us have a lot of the same ones; and if any of this resonates with you, you may recognize some of them or it may give some things to think about it your own history.

    Belief: At my core, I am bad.

    I am darkness. I am worthless. I am a loser. This is more a general theme of beliefs, I suppose, and thankfully it’s been shifting a lot in the last few years. It does, however, still have some roots that I’m working on.

    This came from childhood, an alcoholic parent, but a number of other things as well; weight gain and food struggles contributed to it. What surprised me when I was digging into this was how many other things contributed to it as well, things that, as an adult, seem rather silly and innocent.

    For example, money was always an issue when I was growing up. That’s a fairly common issue for most families that I never would have thought contributed to so much pain in my adult years—yet it did. It contributed to the “not good enough” and “loser” stories I believed about myself. Also, something I never would have guessed in a million years.

    The takeaway point is that it doesn’t take big obvious childhood traumas to create these destructive “not good enough” beliefs.

    Belief: I am unsafe. The world is unsafe. People are unsafe.

    This one is still in there for me. It’s one of the more recent ones I’ve uncovered, so I haven’t completely cleared it yet. I frequently still feel it as a heavy ache in the center of my chest. It came mostly from having an abusive, alcoholic parent, although other things contributed to that one, as well.

    Belief: Nobody cares what I have to say and even if someone does, I don’t say the right thing anyway.

    This is one that I’ve fairly recently discovered, and it’s another one that came from what now seems like the silliest place. I used to hear, “Shhh, don’t say that! Little girls shouldn’t say things like that” and “Girls are meant to be seen and not heard” all the time from the adults around me when I was growing up. I mean, I probably said that to my own kid when she was little. It seems like such a normal, adult thing to say, yet it’s a message that affected me most of my life.

    Belief: If I gain weight, I am worth less, I am a failure.

    This one is unbelievably common because fat = bad is a message we’re programmed with from the time we’re little.

    Those are a few examples to help you start thinking about some of yours.

    I lived with and from those beliefs my entire life and had no idea they were even there.

    What do I mean I lived from them? I mean, they drove the choices I made for myself.

    Because that’s how it works.

    Every belief that stemmed from the underlying, “I’m not worthy, I’m not good enough, I’m bad” theme prompted me to treat myself and my body accordingly.

    Those beliefs fueled overly restrictive diets, starvation, over-exercise to the point of it being corporal punishment, but they also fueled the non-stop feeling of hunger. They fueled emotional eating, over-eating, and bingeing.

    The more weight I’d gain, the more it would fuel those beliefs and the more I’d try to restrict to “be good” and “make up for it,” which would result in more bingeing. It was an endless cycle.

    The other beliefs created uncomfortable feelings in my body that I not only wanted to avoid but learned to mistake for physical hunger. That’s why I was always hungry. I was always trying to numb everything I was feeling—and I didn’t even know it.

    That gnawing, non-stop hunger feeling was never physical hunger. It was an aching hole in my chest that needed to be filled with feelings of safety and my own love and acceptance, but that I instead tried to fill with food simply because I didn’t know it. I didn’t recognize my own unwillingness to simply allow emotions to exist.

    And the whole time, I thought I was just someone who had no self-control with potato chips.

    Ha. Nope. That’s not it. And that’s the good news because once you recognize that, you can start doing something about it.

    Food numbs and soothes. It just does. Constant hunger or “snacking” comes from a program in your brain running in the background that’s usually attached to the need to soothe or numb something uncomfortable—fear, pain, boredom, annoyance, etc.

    It’s also reward and punishment. It took me years to realize that sometimes, I was feeling driven to eat, not because I was physically hungry but because I felt so worthless, I was actively trying to punish myself.

    And the side effects of trying to control food intake tend to create more self-destructive habits of over-eating and bingeing (aka, feeling “hungry” all the time).

    Constant hunger, feeling like there’s a hole that just can never be filled, isn’t physical hunger. That’s why it feels like it’s a need that’s never satisfied. It’s simply misinterpreting signals and responding with the wrong fix.

    Something else I’ve learned: Our bodies are unbelievably smart. They don’t want to overeat to the point of being uncomfortably full; we’ve just unlearned how to connect with and listen to them.

    If you can relate to those feelings of always wanting to eat, start by simply pausing before you eat to ask yourself, am I physically hungry? Do a quick inventory of how you’re feeling. What sensations do you feel in your body? Where do you feel them? Emotionally, how do you feel? What were you just thinking about? What were you just doing? 

    Just pause for a second and check in with yourself. What do you really need right now? Is food the answer? (Because I know sometimes it can be hard to make yourself stop for a second when you get that urge to eat something, you can alternatively start practicing this while you’re eating)

    Awareness and body-connection are where you start. From there, learning to recognize, manage, accept, and allow emotions makes a world of difference.

    You don’t have to have all your unconscious beliefs uncovered and changed before you stop feeling hungry all the time.

    Once you start recognizing when you’re being driven by your thoughts, beliefs, and emotions rather than physical hunger, and are better able to determine how to manage those emotions or when to just accept and allow them, the constant hunger begins to fade and things begin to shift.

  • Blinded by Our Diet Culture? How to Stop Hating Your Body

    Blinded by Our Diet Culture? How to Stop Hating Your Body

    “Don’t change your body to get respect from society. Instead let’s change society to respect our bodies.” ~Golda Poretsky

    Age thirteen—that was when my eating disorder kicked into full gear because our diet culture had its tentacles wrapped around me tightly. All I thought about all day was how I was going to control and restrict my food, then how I was going to burn it off.

    I sought to burn off every calorie I ate. I couldn’t go to sleep at night unless I’d burned off most of what I’d consumed. I was obsessed with exercise and trying to morph my body into an unreasonable shape.

    Thinness, that’s what I was seeking. I’d scroll through “ana” or anorexia forums online and gain inspiration from others. I’d swoon over protruding collarbones and thigh gaps. I was in eighth grade.

    I have a distinct memory of tears streaming down my face, when I was fourteen, in the parking lot of the YMCA in my boyfriend’s car. Desperation and regret were washing over me like waterfalls. I couldn’t believe I had eaten something outside of my diet plan.

    I had a roll of cookie dough in hand that I had just binged on. I wrapped it up and angrily threw it on the floor. Then I vowed to burn the sweet off by sweating on the elliptical and to never do that again.

    Though inevitably I had sweets again. Or something that was high in fat. Or something that was too carb-y. There was no winning, I had myself trapped.

    I’d even berate myself when I ate two granola bars because that was too many calories. I’d hide in the bathroom while at the beach in fear of being “too big.” Diet culture dogged my every step.

    I thought there was something fundamentally wrong with me, like I was broken, largely because of the messages I’d received from our culture—that I’d always have something that needed to be “fixed.” I lived my life as if that were true.

    I read in Jes Baker’s book, Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls, that 81% of ten-year-olds are afraid of being fat, and these same ten-year-olds are more afraid of becoming fat than they are of cancer, war, or losing both of their parents.

    That was me, terrified of weight gain. As a teenager headed into adulthood, I let the fear of gaining weight run my life. I developed a binge eating disorder, where I ate in private, and the shame, guilt, and remorse mounted.

    At seventeen years old I was the heaviest I’d ever been, though still small by most people’s standards. My dad was hoping to buy me a car for high school graduation, but instead, I convinced him to pay $4,000 to send me to fat camp for thirty days. There I starved and worked out until I was ill.

    They had us working out for hours a day, barely eating anything, and they restricted us from bringing in food from outside. We’d play running games, but also row on the lake that the camp resided on. Sometimes we would workout for upwards of six hours a day, so I got sick.

    Sun sickness, exhaustion, and insufficient nutrition knocked me on my butt. I went home a few days early.

    I had mixed feelings about the whole thing. The camp felt like a prison, but I also felt good about being there because I was on my way to being thin.

    I hoped that maybe this weight loss would mean that I’d finally be enough. I felt like I had to be good enough for my boyfriend, despite him thinking that I was just fine as I was. I was convinced that I needed to be skinny in order to keep him around.

    My weight continued to fluctuate: up, down, up, down. And you know what? No matter what diet, weight loss plan, or “lifestyle change” I tried, my total disdain for myself remained. When I hit my goal weight, I still hated myself.

    It was baffling. I told myself when I hit x weight I would be good enough, but even when I reached my goal, my level of misery was the same. I was still stuck with me, the same me that is the same no matter what I weigh.

    When I was talking to my AA sponsor about my dang weight plateau (even though I weighed less than my original goal), she asked me, “But, when will the weight loss ever be enough? What weight is ‘enough?’”

    It didn’t hit me like a ton of bricks that day. I had been hearing the sentiment over and over again. When is enough, enough? But I knew then I was sick of the cycle.

    What if I was enough just as I was? I began reading books like Health at Every Size and Bawdy Love. While reading these books I kept asking myself if diets and restriction were really the way to happiness. These books and others taught me, bit by bit, that I might just be an okay human without weight loss.

    I started questioning the way I thought about things and vocalized my feelings about my body. Like, what if I played hockey for enjoyment rather than to burn off food I’ve eaten? What if I stopped berating myself to others and instead chose to talk positively about my body?

    I slowly realized that I had more important things to worry about than how many calories I’d consumed and if I was thin enough for my date. Even before I was calling it body positivity, I was on a journey of self-acceptance.

    I’d been so convinced that I possessed innate badness, but I started to wonder, what if that was a lie? Can I really be all that horrible? What if there was another way?

    I had been studying Buddhism for years but got deeper into it right around the time that I was learning about body acceptance. That was when I found basic goodness, which is Shambhala’s Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche’s idea of discovering our inherent worth, our fundamental nature that cannot be obscured by anything like body dysmorphia or diet culture.

    It didn’t happen overnight, but I slowly began to learn about my inherent worthiness.

    I fought along the way. For as long as I can remember, I’ve had a sense that there was something fundamentally wrong with me. Trying to turn that around has been quite a feat. It’s taken daily kind self-talk, a body positive community, and professionals like a therapist and a Health at Every Size nutritionist.

    It’s also taken my sangha’s love and wisdom. When I’m in the space of my center, whether it’s my local one or the land center tucked away a few hours north, I feel a sense of peace with myself and the world.

    It’s not always so simple to say everything’s okay. There are many things that feel difficult to accept about me. Some days it’s my “fat” thighs (which are actually average-sized) and other times my jiggly tummy. Neither of these are bad things.

    My “flaws” are actually things to celebrate about myself. My legs are strong enough to carry me around day-to-day and sometimes even go hiking! And I have a belly that digests all the delicious food I eat.

    While it’s important to feel positive about certain aspects of myself, basic goodness runs a little bit deeper. It’s not “good” or “bad” in the sense we’re familiar with, rather it’s a naturalness that’s difficult to describe.

    It started seeping into my life, though, and became very real for me. I started to have this deep feeling in my chest that reminded me that I’m fundamentally okay no matter what mistakes I make or flaws I think I have.

    It helped that I tattooed the words “basically good” in giant letters on my forearm. I needed the reminder!

    It didn’t just affect my relationship with my body, it bled out into different parts of my life. In connecting to my nature and understanding my own worth, I interacted with people differently. For example, I was better at setting boundaries and saying “no” because I realized I deserve respect. I also had more empathy for people who made horrible mistakes.

    When I started to believe in my basic goodness I began to treat myself differently. When I heard those voices in my head telling me that I was broken, I gently dismissed them and moved on with my day. I replaced them with new thoughts like “you’re lovable just as you are.”

    I dove right into body acceptance work. I started to practice intuitive eating, subscribed to the Health at Every Size movement, and became a body positive advocate on social media.

    Experiencing intuitive eating manifested as learning to tune into my body and dropping the “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts.” There were no longer “bad” foods in my life that I “shouldn’t eat,” and there were no longer exercises that I “should” be doing.

    Rather, I learned that my body has inherent wisdom. It sends me hunger and fullness cues. It tells me when it doesn’t like something. It’s naturally emotional, providing me the opportunity to share joy with friends through a birthday cake.

    My relationships with food and exercise go hand-in-hand. Exercise became an outlet to move my body and have fun. What a revelation! I didn’t have to punish myself in order to get moving. I could move just fine by playing hockey and taking walks.

    Health at Every Size taught me many things, one of the biggest being that diets don’t work.

    In the book Body of Truth: How Science, History, and Culture Drive Our Obsession with Weight—and What We Can Do About It, author Harriet Brown cites statistics that show “over 45 million Americans will go on a diet at some point each year. All but 5% of them will gain the weight back in a year, and all but 3% of them will gain the weight back plus some extra in three years.

    Many of us throw ourselves into dieting, thinking that it’s going to cure our problems and we’re finally going to be thin. It’s a sinkhole. The real solution isn’t an attempt to change your body. It’s connecting with that goodness deep inside of you.

    From there, you can take better care of yourself. A meta-analysis of twenty-four studies published between 2006 and 2015 found that people were actually more motivated to exercise when the drive wasn’t from shame and guilt and instead focused on enjoyment.

    The same goes for eating and anything else we do. When shame is the drive, everything suffers. On the other hand, if we’re operating from an understanding of our basic goodness, we actually want to care for ourselves.

    One of the best tools I’ve found to care for myself and connect to my basic goodness is meditation.

    Meditation isn’t the only answer to connecting to your basic goodness, but it’s the biggest. This practice may drum up images of monks on mountaintops, but everyone can do it and everyone can benefit from it.

    It’s not about being perfect. It’s not even really about quieting your mind or becoming happy, though these are often welcomed side effects. Instead, it’s about making friends with what’s going on inside your own mind and in turn connecting with your body and realizing it’s doing a great job.

    To listen to your body, things have to be clear. Pema Chodron made the analogy of a glass of water. If you put a tablespoon of dirt in the water and start stirring, everything’s all muddied.

    This is equivalent to negative diet culture thoughts churning in your mind. Thinking about weight loss, calories burned, and steps taken are the dirt swirling. These kinds of thoughts often take you away from your intuition, or your state of calmness.

    What if you stopped stirring, though? The dirt would go to the bottom and you could see clearly again; you could connect to your body’s needs.

    Pema identifies this as our natural state, or state of basic goodness. When our relationship to our body comes from a place of love instead of punishment, many benefits can occur.

    I’ve done much healing of my relationship with my body (and mind and spirit for that matter). I still have days where the old voices and habits creep in, but I connect to my basic goodness on a daily basis.

    The best advice that I can share is to become connected to a body positive community. Connect with others who are on the same journey. Follow Instagram influencers like Megan Jayne Crabbe, Tess Holiday, and Virgie Tovar.

    Learn about the topic of basic goodness. Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche writes a lot about it, but you can also find more on the matter in books by Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche and Pema Chodron.

    Tap into that basic goodness. Use meditation to connect and use Health at Every Size and Intuitive Eating practices to be embodied. Know that you are so good, no matter what.

    Drop that diet culture garbage; it isn’t serving you. Remind yourself that your health is about so much more than weight. Lastly, work toward accepting your body; it’s the only one you’ll get.

    For me, it’s a journey. I’ll never achieve the perfect level of accepting my basic goodness and my body. We can talk all day about the best tactics to achieve freedom, but there are going to be plenty of days when I fall short.

    I just want to make it clear that, like many things, having a healthy relationship with our bodies is a practice. Fundamental worthiness and body acceptance have changed my relationship with myself for the better, for sure. But I’ll always be learning and growing.

  • 6 Powerful Steps to Stop Binge Eating for Good

    6 Powerful Steps to Stop Binge Eating for Good

    “As long as you are breathing, there is more right with you than wrong with you, no matter how ill or how despairing you may be feeling in a given moment.” ~Jon Kabat-Zinn

    Binge eating is hard. For me, winter time has always been hardest.

    The winter of 2011 was particularly bad. It was then that I sat, hands clasped around my knees, thinking about how best to kill myself.

    Hopeless only scratches the surface of what I was feeling—that same feeling I’d had on-and-off for fifteen years. I was twenty-three. I’d spent half my life in darkness.

    I went over the mathematics: Depression + Eating Disorder = Agonizing Existence.

    I was finally ready to admit I needed help. So as I sat there, I vowed to put an end to my suffering. I told myself “I’m going to give this one final push. I’ll put all of my energy into stopping this continual depression, and these cycles of binge eating and starving myself. If it still doesn’t work, I’ll just kill myself.”

    It really was that simple.

    By the end of 2011, I didn’t want to kill myself anymore. A few years later, I’d stopped binge eating completely. These days, I’ve never been happier. I don’t get depressed anymore. I am healthy, mentally and physically, and I try to live every day in gratitude, happiness, and well-being.

    That’s how I know you can do this too, and why today I’m sharing with you six powerful steps that I found essential to my journey.

    1. Realize there’s nothing wrong with you.

    I know it feels like you’re a disgusting, terrible person for binge eating. I know you don’t understand what’s going on, or what happened to your “willpower.” I know you’re starting to feel insane.

    But listen up: there is nothing wrong with you.

    Binge eating isn’t about food; it’s about emotions. People deal with their emotions in all kinds of ways. If you’re at the end of your tether, you might do drugs, you might drink, you might get really angry with the people you love, you might have anxiety attacks, and/or you might binge eat.

    This isn’t a judgment call. Binge eating is just what you’re doing to try to deal with difficult emotions in the best way you know how right now. That doesn’t mean you’re broken, that doesn’t mean you’re going to “be like this forever,” and it doesn’t mean you can’t learn how to cope in different and more productive ways.

    It’s completely natural and normal to want to feel better. So although it’s not ideal to binge, know that it is human, and it is okay.

    2. Reattach your head to your body.

    Up until I was twenty-three, I didn’t even know I had a body.

    I will never forget this: one day, I was walking up a hill to my office (I was doing a Ph.D. at the time) and suddenly I just felt terrible. Then I was frustrated that I had been feeling okay, and suddenly everything had become unbearable.

    I’d just learnt about mindfulness, so I did what is known as a body scan (where you “scan” each part of your body with your mind, and notice whatever is present, without judgment).

    You know what I realized? I was just really hot from walking up the hill.

    I took my coat off and felt instantly better.

    This moment was huge for me. I’d spent so long in my head that I didn’t even realize I had a body–that it too had needs—and that I needed to listen.

    As well as allowing you to get back in touch with physical sensations in your body (like temperature, and gentle, non-scary sensations of hunger), mindfulness increases your control over your emotions (more precisely, it increases activation of the medial prefrontal cortex, and decreases activation of structures like the amygdala that trigger our emotional responses.

    That’s good news if you’re binge eating. Maybe right now there’s a disconnect between your mind and your body, but by using mindfulness to gain more control over your emotional responses, you’ll start to learn to decide whether to listen to those calls to eat emotionally, or not.

    Action step: Start doing the body scan once a day. If you can’t manage thirty minutes, start with two minutes every day. Then build it up to five minutes, then ten. Start slowly and build it up over time. This is about practice, not perfection.

    3. Shift your self-worth.

    I’ve always been athletic, but while at University, I decided to “get in the best shape of my life.” I trained excessively: high intensity intervals, multiple times a day. I became obsessed with what I ate. I weighed myself multiple times a day, checked how my belly looked in the mirror every opportunity I could. I called myself fat at every single opportunity, and always felt incredibly self-conscious everywhere I’d go.

    In reality, I was a skeleton, but all I saw was fat, fat, fat.

    When my obsessive exercising and restrictive eating turned into binge eating, I didn’t know what to do. I was so ashamed of myself for my actions and what I was doing to my body after “all that progress I’d made.”

    All of my self-worth was in how I looked, and how thin I was. It felt like binge eating was against everything I stood for.

    I decided I needed to be stronger, both mentally and physically, so I joined a gym and began to train for strength. Binge eating made me feel completely out of control, but by showing up to train no matter how I felt, I started to realize that I actually did have control—that I could still act in the way I wanted to, even if I didn’t feel like it.

    I realized that I always had a choice.

    It’s important to say at this point that strength training has been a helpful part of my recovery, but you don’t need to go to the gym to stop binge eating. In fact, exercise can be unhelpful for many people, especially if you aren’t listening to your body when it needs to rest and recover.

    Indeed, while my commitment to strength training boosted my self-worth in the short term (and helped me stop binge eating), I eventually recognized I was too focused on my performance. I never quite felt like I was achieving, doing, or being enough.

    I now know that we are all so much more than how we look, how much we weigh, and how well we perform, so I recommend a diversified approach to building your self-worth. Instead of tying it to your body, focus on a variety of things, like being a good friend and relative, acting with integrity and honesty, and taking care of yourself enough so you can give back to others.

    So many people who binge eat are overachievers and perfectionists, but when you’re in this deep, it’s a sign that you need to diversify your identity away from perfection, dieting, exercising to extremes, and working too much.

    Instead, I recommend trying to figure out what you truly value in your life, then focusing on the process of becoming the person you ideally want to be. 

    Action step: Take a few moments to ask yourself: What do you value in your life? I don’t know about you, but when I’m lying on my deathbed, I don’t want the only thing people can say about me to be:

    “Well, at least she had a six pack.”

    No. I want to be so much more than just a body to the people in my life, and to myself. I want to be kind and strong, encouraging and inspirational. I want to love.

    Do you value being a good friend, parent, sibling, artist? Do you value your well-being? Could you start practicing gratitude for the things you have in your life, including your body? Could you practice just sitting, breathing, and being human?

    4. Find the diamonds in the turd. 

    Right now you’re focused on all the times you binge, all the times you have these strong urges to eat, and all the other things that you are doing “wrong.” But, I guarantee you are doing so many things right.

    I call these the diamonds in the turd.

    For example:

    Maybe there are only actually two to three hours each evening where there’s a strong urge to binge. Right now you’re focused on that time, but think about it: for twenty-one hours of the day, you don’t want to binge. That’s great! It’s also powerful information, because recognizing when you’re most prone to a binge is going to help you stop.

    Maybe you notice that you feel more prone to binge after you’ve had a bad night’s sleep, or when you’re stressed, anxious, or worried. Is it possible to get more sleep? Can you plan to get more time in for your wellbeing in general?

    Maybe you notice the urge to binge is stronger after you’ve looked in the mirror and insulted how you look, or when you scroll through Instagram and see athletes, models, and random happy people that you want to look like. Can you limit your time on social media, or only follow people that actually help you? Can you be kinder to yourself in the mirror?

    By starting to notice your own behavior—by becoming a detective about it, rather than judgmental critic—you’ll see there are plenty of things you’re doing right. This means you can begin to focus more time on the actions that are helpful (like taking better care of yourself through sleep, and taking time out just for you), and limit the unhelpful things (like social media, diet blogs, and your negative, hurtful self-talk).

    If you’re not sure where to even start, try making a tally chart of the number of times you catch yourself thinking about food today. This will make you more aware of your thoughts, which means you’re more likely to be able to catch yourself and say:

    • “Okay, I’m thinking about food. Does this mean I need something else right now?”
    • Or maybe just “Okay, I hear this thought, but it isn’t helpful right now. Let’s focus on something else.”

    It will also make you aware of how often your food thoughts aren’t occurring:

    “Okay, so today I caught myself fantasizing about food 37 times, but 50,000 thoughts go through my mind every day! So I’m not thinking about food ALL of the time. So when am I not thinking about food? Can I do more of that?”

    Action step: Find your diamonds in the turd:

    • What’s different about the times where I’m not binge eating / don’t want to binge eat?
    • Where am I when I do, and don’t, want to binge?
    • What activities am I doing?
    • Is there some way I can do more of the things that help, and less of the things that don’t?

    5. Stop restricting.

    There are many scientific studies showing a strong correlation between diets and binge eating. (Here’s a summary of just one of those studies.)

    If you’re finding it difficult to stop binge eating, one of the best things you can do right now is to stop restricting yourself. That means giving yourself permission to eat any food, at any time. It means not starving yourself the day after a binge, or doing excessive amounts of exercise because you “slipped up.”

    When I suggest this to people, there’s normally a lot of hesitation. I totally understand. You’ve been dieting and restricting your intake for so long that it’s scary to try something different. But binge eating isn’t serving you any more, and if you don’t eat enough, or eat what you’re really craving, then you will simply never be satisfied.

    Instead, satisfaction can be increased (both physically and psychologically) by bringing awareness to your tongue. How does your tongue feel in your mouth? How does the food feel, and taste, on your tongue?

    A lot of people talk about mindful eating, and this will definitely help, but only as long as it doesn’t feel restrictive. If “eating only when you’re hungry” feels too restrictive right now, then it’s totally fine to eat when you’re not hungry. If “eating mindfully” feels too restrictive, it’s okay to not do that for a while.

    When you’re ready, you can begin to introduce one mindful bite a day, then one mindful bite per meal.

    Action step: Try to stop restricting foods. If you binge, try to do it as mindfully as possible (giving yourself full permission to do so). When you’re ready, you can introduce mindful eating into some of your meals.

    6. If you do binge, follow these three steps.

    Trust me, you’re going to “slip up” on this road, but that’s okay. You’re in the process of learning the skills you need to cope in a more productive and healthier way. That takes time.

    These three steps will help you if you binge eat:

    Step 1: Forgive yourself immediately. (That was a tough moment, and you didn’t behave in the ideal way. That’s okay, you’re human, and you’re learning. Think of what you’d say to a friend going through the same thing, then say that to yourself.)

    Step 2: Try to become curious about what happened. Try to pinpoint what caused it. Was it a particularly stressful day? Were thoughts whizzing around in your head? What could you do to increase your self-care the next time that happens?

    Step 3: Wait until you’re next hungry, then try to eat a “normal” meal (just some basic veggies, protein, carbs, and fats). Don’t try to overthink it, and don’t try to restrict.

    The great thing about this is you will always get hungry again. And when you are, it’s another opportunity to practice listening to your body’s natural hunger signals.

    Finally, no matter what happens, just remember: as long as you’re breathing, there is more right with you than wrong with you.

    Illustration by Kellie Warren. Find her on Instagram @kellistrator.

  • How I Stopped Emotional Eating and Started Feeling Better About Life

    How I Stopped Emotional Eating and Started Feeling Better About Life

    “Don’t forget you’re human. It’s okay to have a meltdown, just don’t unpack and live there.” ~Unknown

    For the longest time, I wanted to lose weight. I wasn’t terribly overweight but it seemed to me that if I could just have the perfect body, life would be amazing.

    So, I threw everything but the kitchen sink at my food and exercise habits.

    Never one to settle for small wins, I pushed myself to have the perfect diet—I prepped meals at home, didn’t eat out very much, and worked out as often as I could. Yes, the kind where I would run myself ragged and feel exhausted for the next two days.

    My day until 7 p.m. would go according to plan. I’d use all of my willpower to eat right. The moment I finished work, though, life would go downhill. I would self-sabotage, stuffing myself at dinner and snacking until midnight to feel better.

    I would fall asleep feeling guilty, sick, and ashamed of what I was doing. I would berate myself for not having the self-control and the discipline—this was just a pack of cookies and I couldn’t even say no to it?

    I hated myself while I walked to the convenience store at midnight to sneakily buy another pack of chips. It seemed like I was compelled to eat against my will. My life felt out of control and there was nothing I could do about it. More than anything, it was this feeling of helplessness that really hurt.

    At the same time, I had a career in Fortune 50—by all outward means a great job at an amazing company—yet I was sad, disenchanted, and felt like I didn’t belong in my first couple of years there.

    In hindsight, I can see how I turned to food for comfort; it was why I always overate at night when I was drained out after a long day. It was the time when I needed soothing to make myself feel better, to numb the voices in my head that told me I didn’t belong, and to quieten my mind, which was always searching for answers to existentialist questions of “what is my purpose in life?”

    The more and more I ate to soothe myself, the more and more my body craved food. I felt restless if I wasn’t stuffed. Instead of stopping to deal with the pain rationally, I tried to use diet, exercise, and willpower to exert some semblance of control over my otherwise clueless life.

    Soon, I realized that I was in a deep hole and that all conventional attempts to get myself out of it weren’t working. I couldn’t go on feeling like this day in and day out, so I began to make a series of mindset and behavioral shifts to start feeling happy again.

    As a bonus, I also lost twenty pounds in six months, stopped having cravings, and finally felt in control of my life again.

    My biggest mindset shift was being compassionate with myself.

    • Where previously I judged myself harshly, now I try to do my best without criticism.
    • Where previously I would look for perfection, now I accept that I am dealing with a difficult period in my life and it’s okay to fail sometimes.
    • Where previously I would try to numb my emotions, now I accept that I can’t fix them immediately.
    • Where previously I would expect myself to overcome challenges in a jiffy, now I realize that these things take time.

    My biggest behavioral shift was noticing and facing my emotions.

    1. I began to notice and realize for the first time when I actually overate.

    For me, it was at night after work, and no degree of willpower or keeping trigger foods out of reach seemed to help. Just noticing this pattern, however, helped me anticipate what was coming so I wasn’t caught off guard. Automatically, this made me feel more in control of what was going on with my eating.

    2. I started noticing my feelings during the urge.

    What was that emotion, raw and murky, that I sub-consciously didn’t want to face? Was it tiredness or sadness? Exhaustion or a pick-me-up? Often, the reality of a purposeless existence hit me hard once I was back home and all alone. The last thing I wanted to do at that point was deal with it, so I ate to forget it instead.

    3. I honed it on what I actually wanted to feel—what was it that food would give me?

    Did I want to be warm and comforted? In control? Alert? I was always seeking comfort, so I made myself some hot tea and sipped it mindfully, feeling the tea warming my entire body. I always eventually took a deep breath at the end of it and I felt much better.

    Sometimes this relief was only temporary; I would be fine for a few hours, but by midnight I would be reaching out for food again. That’s when I realized that I also needed to face my emotions.

    4. I had to take the hard step and allow myself to feel my emotions.

    For me, it was sadness and hopelessness. I didn’t try to forget it. I didn’t try to distract myself from it. I just accepted the feeling.

    Sometimes, it would wash over me like a tide and I’d feel like crying. At other times, I felt numb and empty. All of these feelings were only natural and perfectly normal. My body and mind were just seeking some acknowledgement and I would feel a sense of relief that the knot of emotion that was so tied up inside me was finally out.

    5. On some days, allowing myself to feel my emotions was enough. On other days I had to address my feelings head on even if they made me uncomfortable.

    I asked myself why I kept feeling this way. Was I just tired and overworked? Was I unhappy at where I was in life? I kept asking myself why again and again until I found a reason that resonated with me, that wasn’t just another justification to myself. I was experiencing a quarter-life crisis, it was affecting me every day and that was okay, because now I could deal with it rationally.

    6. Lastly, I always gave myself the choice to eat at the end of this exercise.

    If I still wanted to eat, that was fine. If I didn’t, that was fine too. It was important to me that I controlled my actions, and wasn’t a victim to my feelings.

    —

    In hindsight, I realize that at the end of the day, it’s not our conscious habits or behaviors that determine our happiness. It’s our unconscious desires, fears, and emotions that go unaddressed that eat us up from within, literally in this case.

    If you want to stop emotional eating, recognize that it started as a symptom of something much larger—perhaps dissatisfaction with your career, finances, or relationships—something you didn’t want to face head on.

    As the eating habit evolves, it gets more and more compulsive so there is a combination of mental, behavioral, and emotional hacks that all need to work together to heal. That is why conventional dieting and fitness advice doesn’t work. That is why relying on willpower doesn’t work. It’s normal that these things don’t help, and you’re normal for feeling this way.

    Remember that how you respond to an emotion or a craving is your choice, always.

    However hopeless you may be feeling now, know that you have the power to make changes that can transform your life. You just have to start again, even if you fail sometimes—but this time, start differently. Use your emotional awareness to beat comfort eating at its own game.

  • Loving Yourself Through Addiction and Relapse: Be Patient with the Process

    Loving Yourself Through Addiction and Relapse: Be Patient with the Process

    “The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” ~Nelson Mandela

    It’s a cold winter day. As I plunge my hand down into the wax paper bag, I fully expect to find another bite or two. But, alas, there are only crumbs.

    A distinct wave of sadness shoots through my heart. The chocolate scone is gone. And I don’t even remember eating it.

    It is in this moment that I wake up. I quickly shake my head from side to side, as if rousing myself from a long night of troubled dreams.

    What have I just done? What about the vow I’ve made to myself, again and again?

    For years I have known that the best thing for my body’s healing process is to eat fresh, whole, organic foods (lots of leafy greens, fruits, and nuts!) and to avoid ingredients that overstimulate my endocrine and nervous systems, such as sugar and wheat flour.

    And yet, today, here I am again. Eating some stupid, cheap scone I picked up on impulse at the local bakery. Full of who-knows-what ingredients.

    Here I am again. Ignoring my own wisdom. Falling back into the food addiction that has plagued me since childhood.

    Today I have lost control.

    I pull my car over into a parking lot. (Yes, I have been mindlessly scarfing that darned scone while driving!) I take a deep breath.

    Now is definitely the time for some self-love.

    Addiction is a Dirty Band-Aid 

    Whether you struggle with a food addiction like I do or you deal with drug or alcohol addiction, every addiction is the same. An addiction is a loss of control over one’s behavior.

    Our addictive behaviors don’t just randomly happen for no reason. They are a symptom of a deeper issue.

    Why do we get addicted?

    That scone or that cocktail or that cigarette brings about a temporary cessation of suffering. They block sadness, tension, fear, pain, boredom, and anger. They numb any and all negative emotions.

    To put it simply, an addiction is a coping mechanism. It allows us to trudge onward in life, but without really looking toward the deeper issues.

    An addiction may be a short-lived, temporary cure for the pain—but, as we all know, it’s not a long-term solution.

    Running to our addiction is like slapping a Band-Aid on the wound—a Band-Aid that is dirty. Over time, the wound gets infected with the dirt and grime, and it worsens rather than heals.

    The Addiction is Not the Problem

    Here’s the thing about addiction, dear friends: The addiction is not really the problem. The addiction is the glaring symptom.

    If we can look deeper than the symptom and see the situation from a holistic point of view, then we may begin to bring about a resolution to much of the suffering in our lives.

    So, what is the deeper issue? What lies at the root of addiction?

    Ultimately, all addiction—no matter the type or the severity—stems from a lack of connection. When we feel disconnected from other people, from our society, from our deepest hopes and dreams, and from a sense of love, then this disconnection brings about powerful emotions. These emotions hurt, and so we run to the seeming solace of the addiction.

    The addiction may seem, on the surface, as if it’s the problem, but actually it’s not. The addiction is, in reality, a helpful pointer, showing us that there’s some internal healing we need to do.

    The wonderful thing about addiction is that it is a powerful red STOP sign. It screams loudly: “Look! There’s a problem!”

    Addictions help us get in touch with our inner self. Just like a cough helps us connect with the needs of our lungs (do I need fresh air? do I need more exercise? do I need to take certain herbs?), an addiction helps us get in touch with the needs of our heart.

    Our heart is the seat of all emotion. Our heart is where feelings arise, are felt, and then released.

    When we feel a lack of connection and love, we do not feel safe. We do not feel safe enough to explore the many emotions that can arise as a human being in our daily lives.

    When we feel disconnected, negative emotions can feel overwhelming and scary. This is particularly true for those with abuse or trauma in their life history.

    The addictive behavior is a misguided attempt to self-soothe. We believe that if we eat that scone or we drink that beer, then those scary emotions will stop and we will somehow be safe, somehow feel connected again.

    But we all know that doesn’t work. What ends up happening is that, once the temporary high wears off, we are left feeling crappier than ever.

    The addiction is not the problem. The problem, rather, is the false perception that there is no love, no connection.

    Rising from Bottom

    The cliché of the “rock bottom” is a cliché because it’s true. Most addicts eventually experience it.

    Rock bottom looks different for everyone. It will have varying levels of intensity and consequences.

    For some, the bottom is drastic: a suicide attempt, an illness, or a hospitalization. For some, it will simply be a very sad day when they realize that the time has come to change.

    This time of rock bottom is the moment when we begin to wake up. It’s the time when the healing can truly begin.

    For me, my rock bottom with food addiction came when my body had disintegrated nearly to the point of death.

    I was on my perhaps my tenth round of antibiotics that year and having a severe allergic reaction to the medication. Delusional with a high fever, unable to lift myself from bed and barely able to call for help, I realized I probably would not live much longer if I did not change just about everything in my life. Shortly after, I began to explore the world of alternative medicine and began to clean up my diet.

    We can think of this rock bottom—this intense realization that things need to shift—as the bottom of a spiral. This spiral begins at ground zero, and it moves upward through time.

    As the days, weeks, and months pass, and we dedicate ourselves to a new way of being, we will have various challenges that arise. We will learn and grow and allow our emotions to be felt, rather than running from them. We will heal old wounds from childhood that have been lurking for many years.

    Over time, with patience, we will be slowly shifting our perspective. We will become a new and better version. We will be moving from contracted perceptions of disconnection, lack, and fear, into expanded perspectives of connection, abundance, and love.

    Through the adoption of various healing practices such as meditation, support groups, therapy, prayer, Reiki, or exercise, we come into greater harmony within ourselves. We learn to love ourselves.

    Relapses and the Spiral of Evolution

    In my struggle with addiction (not just with food, but with many other substances over the years), I have realized I am grateful to addiction. Addiction has played a very powerful role in my spiritual evolution.

    Addiction is a powerful point of change. It is a journey inward. It the journey of becoming aware and conscious.

    As we humans make this journey, and break the cycles of addiction, it’s so important to remember that change is not linear and it’s often not easy. Relapses happen.

    The spiral analogy can be helpful. If we imagine that we are travelling upwards in consciousness, to greater and greater levels of joy, power, and self-awareness, then we can avoid traps of self-blame when we do occasionally relapse.

    That day when I woke up to find scone crumbs on my lap was a challenging day indeed. I’d just had a disagreement with my roommate and was struggling with money issues. When I stopped at the bakery that day, intent on buying some tea, those scones whispered sweet love songs to me and I could not find the willpower to resist.

    In that relapse, I temporarily lost sight of my own truth: That I want to avoid sugar and wheat flour in order to heal my body.

    In that relapse, I was returning to the particular side of the spiral that was so known and comfortable: running to unhealthy food for comfort.

    And yet, even though I had returned to that old familiar side of the spiral, I actually experienced this relapse from a greater height! In other words, in this relapse, I was able to more quickly move past it and get back to my own power.

    It took just a few minutes and I forgave myself and moved into self-acceptance. I did not beat myself up.

    In that cold car on that cold winter day, I placed my hands on my heart, and whispered some words of love and reassurance to myself. In the past, in the beginning of my healing journey with food, I might have added a cookie or a brownie on top of the scone, as a way to escape the terrible emotions of self-judgment and guilt. But—this time I didn’t! 

    Love Yourself and Heal 

    A relapse is nothing to be ashamed of. It happens.

    If you or someone you love has been healing a pattern of addiction, please know that patience is key.

    The spiral of evolution will bring you situations that will test your courage and self-awareness. Sometimes you will succumb. And that’s okay!

    If you wake up and suddenly find yourself acting in a way that you know is not your highest good, then congratulate yourself for waking up. Take stock of your long-term changes and pat yourself on the back for coming this far.

    Notice how you can more quickly bounce back from the relapse, with greater levels of patience and self-love. Notice how awesome you are!

    Ultimately, the journey of addiction recovery is a journey of healing. And it’s a journey all humans go through, as we refine to greater and greater levels what it means to love and care for ourselves.

  • How to Stop Feeling Lonely and Escape the Emotional Eating Cycle

    How to Stop Feeling Lonely and Escape the Emotional Eating Cycle

    “When you no longer believe that eating will save your life when you feel exhausted or overwhelmed or lonely, you will stop. When you believe in yourself more than you believe in food, you will stop using food as if it were your only chance at not falling apart.” ~Geneen Roth

    I used to eat because I was lonely.

    Lunch hour at school would last nine billion years. I’d have no one to sit with—I was spotty and mega bossy, and my hobby was copying pages from anthropology books.

    Everyone would put a sweater on the chair next to them, so I’d have to sit further away. Then, just as I’d pick up my fork, they’d up and leave anyway! “Oh well,” I’d think, “If I eat slowly I can make my fries last till the bell goes.”

    I switched to packed lunches to avoid the dining hall. But I didn’t want to be spotted alone on a windowsill, so I’d eat my sandwiches in a toilet cubicle.

    After, I’d feel full, but unsatisfied. And still have time to kill! So I’d go to the dinner hall and buy a meat pie. I felt sad and gross.

    The truth was, I didn’t know how to be a friend, let alone make one. I was full of resentment toward other kids.

    I acted superior but felt inferior. I was needy, or tried to impress them.

    I didn’t think friendship was something people learned—I thought there was something wrong with me. That I’d be this way forever.

    I also hated that I couldn’t resist overeating. Since my family was big on brown rice and organic vegetables, I felt guilty for buying junk food.

    When I hit my teens, I became body-conscious. I panicked that comfort food would make me fat. I wasn’t! But I thought my thighs were big, and clenched my stomach in all day. All day!

    I felt too embarrassed to ask anyone—especially my parents—for help. I thought they’d say I was greedy. Or lecture me about eating crap. Or take me to a doctor—humiliating!

    I didn’t know it was called “emotional eating,” but I was pretty sure it was bad. So I kept quiet.

    I thought: “I can fix this myself. I just need the self-discipline to eat less!”

    Going on improvised diets made things a whole new level of worse: binge eating, bulimia, and feeling utterly obsessed and depressed about food.

    It took seven years before I found a way to recover.

    I wish I’d known how to deal with lonely emotional eating in the first place, instead of going off on an eating disorder tangent!

    So if you’re dealing with a double-whammy of eating and loneliness yourself, here are eight simple steps. They will guide you through solving your emotional eating, and your loneliness, from the inside out.

    1. Imagine your life without emotional eating, and shift focus away from guilt and shame.

    You’re not greedy. You’re not gross. You’re not ill. You’re just trying to cope with a fear: abandonment.

    It’s the emotional fear we’re born with. Outside the tribal circle, a baby would die. The primitive part of your brain thinks, “I’m alone—I’ll starve!”

    It’s how you’re wired, so give yourself a break.

    If you waste your energy wrestling with guilt and shame over eating, you’ll never tackle the real emotional challenge—loneliness.

    So when guilt and shame come up, shift your focus.

    Imagine a peaceful relationship with food. Imagine eating when you’re actually hungry. Visualize slowly nourishing yourself.

    2. Loneliness is a self-worth issue, so become willing to work on your self-worth.

    It’s like this: You’re by yourself. That’s not loneliness, that’s solitude.

    Sometimes it’s nice, but sometimes you don’t have a choice. Uh-oh!

    Mind games start: you imagine it’s because you’re unlovable.

    That’s loneliness. Low self-worth, in disguise.

    If you’re lonely, it’s easy to think you could earn your self-worth back by changing something external.

    You think, “If I found a great partner, then I’d know I was lovable.”

    Or you think, “I’ll be worth loving once I get a grip on my emotional eating and lose weight.”

    But that’s not how it works! Self-worth isn’t something you earn. Or that drops in your lap either.

    You choose to create it.

    So ask yourself: How can I work on my self-worth?

    (Don’t worry if you don’t know yet. Some ideas are coming up…)

    3. Spend some quality time with yourself.

    Are you enjoying your time by yourself? Or just watching TV?

    Imagine you treated a child the way you treat yourself on a too-tired evening.

    Browsing Facebook when they say, “Play with me.” Sending them to the fridge to scavenge instead of cooking dinner. Binge-watching Netflix instead of putting them to bed when they’re tired.

    They’d feel hurt, and start believing they weren’t worth spending time with. They’d also start misbehaving wildly to get your attention!

    The same is true for how you feel about yourself. When we ignore our inner selves, we start to believe we are worthless, and an emotional eating crisis is a great way for our heart and soul to grab our attention.

    Spend some quality time with yourself.

    Take yourself on a date, just you and you.

    Play (build a go-cart, paint your room), be in your body (move, bathe, meditate), or relax (read, whistle, sit in nature).

    Self-worth grows as you self-connect, so every little counts.

    4. Create thoughts that give an inkling of self-worth.

    When I was rock bottom with food and loneliness, my thoughts were dominated by failure, being a victim, and believing change was impossible.

    Stuff like “I’m gonna be lonely forever,” and “I hate my body, I hate myself for eating, and I’m too pathetic to stop.”

    Three positive thoughts in particular helped me out of my pit.

    They didn’t tell me directly I was worthy or fabulous—saying anything saccharine about my life would have felt like gloss painting a turd.

    They just implied a basic level of self-worth.

    They were: “I’m part of life unfolding.” (I’m not in a vacuum. Even though I feel totally dissociated and alone, I’m still participating in life on the planet.)

    “I really care about my body.” (I’m upset I overate again. But I couldn’t get upset if I were indifferent… So on some level, I must care!)

    And: “Things are already changing.” (Repeating this phrase is a positive action… So maybe I won’t always be like this).

    Find one thought that implies you aren’t your worst fears. That makes you feel worthy-ish. Then repeat it like you’re being paid a piece rate to do so.

    5. Explore how you’ve created loneliness.

    Try this: It’s funny!

    Imagine someone wants to master the art of loneliness. Lucky for them, you’ve honed the perfect system!

    Write down what you’d teach them.

    My own Perfect System for Staying Lonely says: “Don’t have a calendar for friends’ birthdays. Tell yourself that you’re too broke to buy gifts, cards, or book a babysitter.”

    And: “Get hired for shift work, and rehearse theatre shows every weekend.” I disconnected from my relationship like that that for the first five years of my marriage! (Thankfully, the guy’s a legend.)

    The point is, I thought loneliness happened to me.

    But I make myself lonely, when I don’t need to be. Years after my schooldays are behind me, I lead myself back to that painful-yet-familiar place. It’s called a comfort zone.

    It doesn’t mean it’s your fault you’re lonely—this isn’t about blame. This is actually good news: If you’re doing it, you can undo it.

    6. List everything that your loneliness buys you.

    An excuse not to face trust issues?

    A reason to avoid intimacy?

    A cover for social anxiety?

    I know it’s not obvious that loneliness has advantages, but sometimes it’s a way to avoid something even more scary or painful.

    Me? Loneliness excuses me from owning my introvert personality. Intimacy makes me feel vulnerable, and rejection scares the crap outta me.

    These hidden benefits to your loneliness are called “payoffs.” It pays off to explore them!

    Because they’re the reason you’re creating loneliness, even though it hurts.

    7. Explore the ripple effect of loneliness in your life.

    You’d expect loneliness to make you shy at parties, or reluctant to date.

    But has it changed you in other ways?

    Unhealthy self-reliance has made me a nightmare to cook with. And low self-worth has taken its toll on my financial outlook.

    Clean out your worldview.

    Defy your loneliness-inspired beliefs about what you can and can’t do (like, ask someone to chop the mushrooms while you stir the risotto, or ask your boss for a raise).

    It’s a great way to un-victim yourself.

    8. Finally, when you’ve done all that inner work, break up your emotional eating habit.

    Habits weld to each other! Drinking and smoking. Driving and talking to yourself in a variety of accents. Lonely emotional eating and—?

    Break the links.

    Don’t just say to yourself “Stop eating toast.” Don’t make any rules about what you eat.

    Instead, change how you eat. If you don’t know how you eat, slow down.

    Notice what you do at each stage of your emotional eating habit—beforehand, during, after, where, when, with what planning.

    Do any part of your habit differently.

    Say you eat ten slices of buttered toast and jam in front of the TV each evening. Buy different butter that you don’t like so much. Put the TV (or the toaster) in the cellar. Create an eating area, keep the sofa for relaxing. Shop differently. Go out.

    Keep disrupting your habit, and it will eventually dissipate.

    Habit change takes patience, and sometimes repeated attempts too.

    But break up your habit from enough angles, and you’ll eventually find you’ve replaced it with a way to enjoy food again.

    —

    The way I think of it, addressing loneliness is 88% of the solution for emotional eating from loneliness.

    When I solved my eating struggles, I spent a couple of years of journaling and becoming aware of my beliefs, thoughts, and feelings. Then, only a month or two of habit change.

    I know a couple of years sounds really long! Perhaps it will take less time for you. The point is, this isn’t a quick fix. Quick fixes rarely address the underlying issues.

    It’s tempting to rush. To try to skip straight to solving the eating—out-of-control eating feels unbearable and you want it to stop, like, yesterday—but if that hasn’t been working for you, or you’ve even ended up binge eating like I did, give yourself permission and time to go deeper.

    Trust me, changing an emotional eating habit is much easier when it’s just eating, and the compulsion part has had your loving attention.

    So good luck, and don’t rush.

  • How I Got Stronger and Healthier After Giving Up Animal Products (A Vegan Q&A)

    How I Got Stronger and Healthier After Giving Up Animal Products (A Vegan Q&A)

    “Your body is precious. It is your vehicle for awakening. Treat it with care.” ~Buddha

    Not that long ago, I ate meat every single day. Every. Single. Day. For breakfast, I used to have fried eggs with feta or cottage cheese and turkey ham. My lunch consisted of minced beef or chicken with veggies. My dinner was then either leftovers from lunch or more meat/fried eggs/sometimes fish with veggies and cheese.

    I followed an intense workout routine, went to the gym five to six times per week to lift weights, and on top of that did another two cardio sessions per week in a beautiful park close to my apartment.

    The best I could do for my health, according to my personal trainer, was to stick to a high-protein, low-carb diet with lots of animal protein and avoid refined sugar. That also meant to drink one or two whey shakes per day.

    For some people, this might sound exhausting or even brutal. At the time, though, I loved my fitness lifestyle and was proud to be as lean as I was.

    For two years, this was my life, until I was offered a job abroad, which I accepted totally thrilled. This new opportunity was so exciting and full of possibilities! Sadly, I had to reduce my workouts and started to lapse when it came to my diet, meaning I ate significantly more carbs than before.

    I worked non-stop around the clock. Soon, I started to get sick more often. Despite a job change, things got worse.

    There was always something wrong with my body, either infections or injuries, which prevented me then from working out. The lack of exercise in turn led to feeling weaker. On top of that, I had to deal with a very toxic work environment, constant stress, internal gossip, difficult clients, and a lack of professional structure to only name a few unpleasant job-related factors.

    Whenever I was feeling slightly better, I used to fall ill again. I started to gain weight and lost muscle mass. It was like a vicious circle with no way out.

    The biggest support came from my boyfriend, who was there to take care of me. He was and still is my emotional rock. I don’t know what I would have done without him.

    Once you move abroad, your social circle shrinks considerably (at least mine did), thus making it hard to not feel lonely at times. Most of my closest friends who are my social support system live either in my home country or in other parts of the world making it difficult to connect.

    This state of mental and physical exhaustion lasted for a year and a half until I found the courage to walk away and quit my job. Once I had done that, I’d gotten rid of one of my biggest stress factors. Finally, I had time to focus on taking care of my health, body, and mind again.

    As a documentary lover, I started watching food and health related documentaries. They all had one strong message in common: the promotion of a plant-based diet. According to those documentaries, following a whole-food, plant-based diet solves a lot of environmental and, to my surprise, health issues. I was intrigued!

    I had a couple of friends following a plant-based diet already, so the idea wasn’t entirely new to me. A few weeks before quitting my job, I had suffered another internal infection and, therefore, reduced my meat intake to only once a month, following the advice of my gastroenterologist.

    Questions started popping up in my mind: What if I could get rid of all infections by cutting out animal products completely? What if my body could recover from all the diseases?

    I made my boyfriend watch those documentaries as well. He was shocked about the impact of animal products on our health. It took us a split second to decide that we were more than ready to give the plant-based diet a go!

    The change was easier than expected; there was not a lot we had to get rid of in our kitchen and not a lot of new ingredients to buy either. Cooking and preparing healthy dishes has always been one of our favorite hobbies, and having things like quinoa or amaranth in our kitchen has been normal.

    I quit drinking milk in 2013 and have loved almond milk since then, (Did you know that humans are the only animal species drinking milk from another animal, though this hormonal drink is only intended for baby calves to grow?)

    The only dairy products left in our fridge were five cups of Greek yogurt, a piece of butter, and a variety of cheese. Together with our last organic eggs, everything found a new home in a friend’s kitchen.

    Since the change, I feel so much better. It turned out that my new lifestyle wasn’t as complicated and hard to follow as I first imagined it would be. (I have to admit, having a special someone by your side doing the exact same thing makes it a whole lot easier.)

    The infections in my body have decreased, and I don’t get sick as easy and often as before. Finally, I’m able to go to the gym to work out again. Not as intense as I used to, but on a regular basis.

    I’ve consumed a high amount of animal products in the past, which is kind of the norm in our society. However, triggered by the lack of exercise and paired with a high stress level, it’s likely, that among other things, my high-animal-protein diet led to the many infections, a high level of inflammation, and a variety of illnesses I was struggling with.

    The change to a plant-based diet isn’t a magic bullet, but it plays a big part when it comes to living a healthy life, in my opinion.

    Sure, there are more things to consider like surrounding yourself with loving and compassionate people, regular exercise, being kind to yourself and others, and practicing gratitude, forgiveness, and mindfulness. Having said that, it would go beyond the scope of my post to delve into those topics.

    There’s this cliché and certain image that comes to everyone’s mind as soon as you mention the word “vegan.” Unfortunately, it’s often seen as being difficult or just plain weird. 

    That’s why one thing has been very important to me right from the start: I don’t want to be defined by the diet I follow. What does that mean? I simply don’t broadcast it and especially don’t use it to strike up a conversation. What I choose to eat and what not is not that big of a deal. Even some of my friends still haven’t noticed yet.

    However, when the subject comes up, the questions from friends, family, and sometimes complete strangers are often similar. Some people are really interested in my choice; others judge me for it. That’s the reason I felt compelled to write an honest Q&A, including the challenges I face in my everyday life and the personal benefits of my food choice.

    Being vegan and following a healthy whole-food, plant-based diet shouldn’t come with a stigma in our society. Let’s encourage an open, respectful, and honest conversation instead.

    Honest Q&A

    Why did you change to a vegan diet?

    Mostly because of health issues I was facing. I wanted to know if my health would improve with a plant-based diet. The high amount of animal products that our society consumes increases the likelihood of getting type 2 diabetes, cancer, strokes and heart attacks. All those diseases run in my family.

    What did you have to change in your everyday life?

    Not much, since I ate veggies and fruits lately most of the time anyway. I don’t cook with regular cheese or eggs anymore, which was the most difficult part in the beginning, because I truly was a cheese-aholic. There’s a scientific explanation for that, though. Long story short: Cheese triggers the same receptors in our brains as heroin, which is why I never met someone who doesn’t like cheese. Our society is simply addicted to it.

    Ok… what documentary did you watch?

    The first documentary I watched was Cowspiracy, followed by Food Matters and What the Health? The most comprehensive and objective one, in my opinion, is Forks over Knives. If you’re interested in the topic, I recommend to watch that one first. All documentaries are available on Netflix.

    Will you never eat meat again?

    I’m not entirely sure about that. Right now, being on a plant-based diet is definitely the right thing for me. However, a certain diet doesn’t mean that you have to be abstinent or else you’ll relapse and you have to start from zero again. Everybody should decide that individually since diets are such a personal topic.

    But you’re so limited now! What do you eat? There’s nothing left!

    At first glance, it might seem that way, especially if you’re used to eat only animal products. But there’s so much variety in all kind of different cuisines. So here’s what I eat:

    • Fruits
    • Vegetables
    • Whole-food options

    This Vegan Food Pyramid breaks it down nicely.

    My usual breakfast consists of:

    • Oatmeal with berries, banana, and almond milk
    • Or smashed avocado on dark bread

    For lunch I often have:

    • Stir-fried veggies with brown rice or quinoa
    • Sometimes I order veggie pad thai without any egg
    • Veggie sushi with brown rice (there are many different options at our local sushi stores)
    • A yummy salad with steamed vegetables, nuts, avocado, and pomegranate seeds

    For dinner, I love to make for example:

    • Zoodles (zucchini noodles)
    • Whole-wheat pasta with tomato sauce or pesto
    • Pineapple curry with dhal
    • Guacamole with sweet potato fries
    • A fresh tomato soup

    I currently live in the Middle East, so I also indulge in the local cuisine e.g.:

    • Hummus, one of my favorite dips made of cooked, mashed chickpeas, tahini, and olive oil
    • Falafel, deep-fried balls made of ground chickpeas
    • Baba ghanoush, a dip made of grilled eggplants and diced vegetables
    • Moutabal, another grilled eggplant based dip mixed with tahini
    • Loubieh bil zeit, green beans in olive oil with ripe cooked tomatoes and garlic cloves
    • Mouhammara, a spicy paste-like dip consisting of mashed hot peppers, olive oil, and ground walnuts
    • Alayet banadoura, super yummy sautéed tomatoes stewed with garlic, pine seeds, and olive oil

    There’s a ton of plant-based desserts as well that can be made at home easily. If I ever need a sugar fix, I get a piece of 90% dark chocolate, which also is vegan.

    But what about proteins? You need meat to cover that!

    Yep, I get that a lot. While this is wrong, it’s a strong belief in our society. But here’s a thought experiment: Where do the animals that we eat get their protein from? They eat plants; it’s as simple as that. High protein plant sources for example are lentils or edamame.

    You can’t eat pizza anymore. Or burgers. Don’t you crave those sometimes?

    I do crave pizza and burgers. And I eat them. The funny thing is that I don’t crave the meat or the cheese, but the comforting experience eating with my hands.

    There are vegan pizza ordering options or great recipes for easy plant-based pizza dough and vegan cheese. Same thing with burgers: There often are vegan patties available when ordering in. It’s also easy to make them at home e.g. crispy quinoa patties. And yes, they’re really yummy!

    Isn’t a plant-based diet expensive?

    Surprisingly, it’s not. The most expensive things we used to get at the supermarket were meat and eggs followed by cheese. Now we save up to 30% when we do our grocery shopping.

    I’m sure you’re not getting all your vitamins and nutrients without animal products.

    I hear this often, but it’s not true. A plant-based diet provides a ton of vitamins and minerals. I only take one supplement, which is Vitamin B12. Not only vegetarians and vegans suffer from Vitamin B12 deficiency, though, but also people consuming meat. Apart from that, I don’t lack anything.

    Sometimes, I read that you have to get Vitamin D supplements as well. Vitamin D however is produced by our own body as soon as our skin gets exposed to the sun and not by eating animal products. Other people believe they need to drink milk in order to get their calcium intake for a healthy bone structure.

    Surprisingly, studies confirm that a higher calcium intake leads to weaker bones and a higher amount of bone fractures. If you’re interested in those findings, please read here for further information.

    Don’t you miss anything?

    Surprisingly, not as much as I thought I would.

    What do you miss most?

    One of my favorite drinks was Baileys on ice, which I don’t drink anymore. Sometimes I miss that. And chocolate ice-cream.

    Are you now also a hippie-kumbaya-singing activist who only showers once a week and chains herself to train tracks?

    Okay, I made that one up. But unfortunately that’s the image a lot of people have once you mention being “vegan.” Let’s change that together!

    So you don’t eat fish?

    No, I also don’t eat fish or seafood anymore. But I do eat sushi stuffed with vegetables and avocado.

    Challenges I Face in Everyday Life

    Restricted choice of dishes in restaurants. Some restaurants only offer food options with animal products, and every dish contains at least butter or cheese. I only noticed that once I started studying the menu more intensively, and was really in disbelief.

    The wait staff gets often confused as soon as you mention “plant-based” or “vegan.” So I usually avoid it whenever I can and order instead the vegetarian option “without [insert animal product].”

    Depending on the country you live in, there’s a limited availability of some products. I’ve never seen the vegan Ben & Jerry’s ice-cream, for example, or any vegan cheese options in the U.A.E. In my home country Germany, however, there are even vegan supermarket chains.

    Few coffee shops offer milk substitutes like almond and coconut milk. Okay, this is kind of a first-world problem, but I need to get my daily coffee fix. Some coffee shops offer soy milk as the only milk alternative, but I don’t like the taste of it. Also the many controversial studies regarding soy simulating estrogen in our bodies confuse me, so I try to avoid larger amounts like a cup full of soy milk.

    Endless discussions with so-called friends or acquaintances who feel entitled to judge my food choices. It saddens me.

    Encounters with people who offer their unsolicited advice on how veganism is bad for my health (without having a nutritional background or an interest for healthy diets in general).

    I never try to educate people without them asking me first, but rather respect the choices everybody makes. Sadly, I rarely come upon the same behavior. However, if someone is genuinely interested in my choice, I’m happy to tell them about it and share my experience. I strongly believe in the saying ‘live and let live’.

    Noticeable Benefits of My Whole-Food and Plant-Based Diet:

    I sleep like a baby.

    My digestion improved significantly.

    My life got simpler. I always read the ingredients table on the food packaging in the past. Most of the time, I was worried about the origin of animal products. Did that hen live in a tiny cage in the midst of her feces? What did she eat and where did she lay her eggs? Does “organic” really mean organic? What about antibiotics? Is that really grass-fed beef?

    Since I cut out animal products, I only have to worry about the origin of fruits and veggies. Most of what we buy has organically grown in the U.A.E. or has been imported from Asia. I don’t like the thought of fruits or vegetables being flown around the globe, often only ripening on the plane, so we humans can indulge in whatever is not in season at the moment (or never) in the country we live in.

    My skin got a lot better.

    I feel healthier and more energized.

    I cook and bake more and love it.

    Some people claim that going vegan helps with weight loss. I’d say it depends from which weight and lifestyle you’re starting. I didn’t lose any weight, but my weight and body composition are also considered normal. Still, my goal is to fit into my jeans and tight dresses from my lean past with more ease, thus to reduce body fat. The journey is the destination.

    We spend less money on grocery shopping.

    I believe, that my choice reduces animal cruelty and environmental pollution.

    My action alone might not make much of a difference, but the actions of a lot of people do.

    Have you ever struggled with your health? What was your approach toward getting better?

  • 6 Toxic Thoughts That Keep You Battling with Food

    6 Toxic Thoughts That Keep You Battling with Food

    “Eating is not a crime. It’s not a moral issue. It’s normal. It’s enjoyable. It just is.” ~Carrie Arnold

    Like many women, I was introduced to diet “tricks” and “hacks” at a young age. In my case, that was around twelve to thirteen years old.

    I consumed magazines and movies that constantly reminded me about the importance of dieting, losing weight, and looking skinny.

    As a self-conscious teenager, I began to compare myself to the women in music videos with flat bellies, the slim actresses in movies, and models in magazines with their perfect “beach bodies.”

    This self-consciousness only grew louder as I witnessed girls in my classroom getting teased for being “too fat” and “ugly.”

    Thinking there was only one type of “perfect body” made me feel I didn’t measure up.

    How I Broke My Relationship with Food

    The feeling of not being good enough made me pay attention to the diet tricks I was promised on magazine covers.

    This is when my relationship with food changed.

    Food stopped being an experience to enjoy, and it became a way to create the body I thought I wanted.

    To be completely honest, my experience wasn’t as traumatic as what other women have suffered. I never vomited. I never stopped eating for days. Although I was happy whenever I came down with a stomach virus because my stomach looked completely flat afterward.

    I started experimenting with green juices—the wrong way. I would drink a spinach and cucumber juice (hating the taste) and immediately give myself permission to binge on pizza and other foods because I had “endured” the juicing.

    I began counting calories on a blackboard, like if I was doing math at school.

    For a period of time, I decided to eat only liquid and very soft foods, in tiny portions.

    After several months of my “experiments,” my father started commenting that the bones in my wrists became more noticeable, and my mom insisted I looked too thin, but there was not such thing at “too thin” in the mind of my teenage self.

    One time that I came down with another stomach virus, the doctor told me I was underweight, and she gave me a prescription for a supplement to gain weight.

    I was horrified at the idea of putting on weight. I refused, much to my mother’s concern.

    The irony was that even though I was restricting my food on a daily basis, I had no problem with binging on cake and ice cream while watching TV in my room. I thought if I ate very little most of the time, these foods were my prizes.

    Eating turned into a bittersweet experience. When I was in “diet mode,” I ate too little, with worry, and calculated the effect of everything I ate on my weight. When I was on “binge mode,” I ate without restrictions, with guilt in the back of my mind, feeling upset that I would have to go back to “diet” soon.

    When My Body Said “Enough”

    Because of my inconsistent and emaciating eating habits, I had digestive problems most of my teenage years.

    My turning point happened when I developed serious digestive issues during holiday.

    For almost two weeks I couldn’t digest my food properly, I was bloated, and I had constant stomach pain.

    Because we were away on holiday in my grandparents’ house in the countryside in Costa Rica, there were no clinics or doctors around.

    My grandfather made me tea with ginger and digestive herbs from his garden to alleviate my pain.

    To my surprise, that same day my stomach problems diminished, and after two days I felt in perfect shape.

    I was baffled that drinking tea helped me get better when medications that I’d taken for years couldn’t fix my stomach problems.

    This is the moment when I realized food could heal my body.

    I began researching and learning about what food could do for me from the inside out. Quickly, I realized the damage I had been doing to my body by eating the way I was.

    I decided to start eating whole foods, mostly plant-based meals, almost right away.

    I wanted to heal my body and in the process I healed my relationship with food.

    In my mind, food became what it should have been all along: nourishment and pleasure.

    Fast forward to today, I’ve learned how to eat intuitively, how to eat with mindfulness and joy, and how to approach my body from a place of acceptance and love.

    Our Thoughts About Food Matter

    Looking back, I realize how damaging my thoughts about food were.

    Seeing food as my enemy made me eat in a way that damaged my body—too little, too much, and never with absolute pleasure. This happens to so many people in our diet-crazed society.

    In this post, I want to help you identify and transform thoughts that are harming your relationship with food and holding you back from eating with joy.

    The way you eat is a reflection of your thoughts and perceptions.

    If you have been struggling with dieting, obsessing over calories, and restricting your meals, I want to help you take a step back and shift your mindset so you can heal your relationship with food.

    Letting go of these six toxic thoughts about food will help you eat mindfully, and with pleasure.

    1. Thinking of food as a reward.

    Rewarding a healthy diet with unhealthy food, like during cheat days, defeats the purpose of eating with joy.

    Having cheat days can make your daily meals seem less enjoyable in comparison, which diminishes your pleasure.

    Also, cheat days often turn into binge eating episodes that leave you feeling physically and mentally upset. This doesn’t contribute to your health or happiness.

    A more mindful approach is to allow yourself to indulge on not-so-healthy foods occasionally in moderate portions, instead of reserving certain moments or days to pig out on junk food. Don’t see these indulgences as “rewards” or “prizes” reserved for certain occasions.

    At the same time, eat healthy food that makes you happy on a daily basis. Don’t limit your meals to bland or boring food. Expand your daily menu so you’re always eating healthy meals you like.

    2. Using food as a punishment.

    Using food to punish yourself is just as damaging as using it to reward yourself.

    Eating less or not eating to “punish” yourself for overeating is only going to reinforce the feeling you have been “bad,” and this will make you more anxious and paranoid around food.

    For example, forcing yourself to eat only certain foods—green juices, “detox” teas, salads—that you dislike to compensate for binging episodes or because you feel “fat” will deprive your body of the nutrients you need and make you miserable.

    You don’t need to deprive your body; torturing yourself is not the answer.

    The best thing you can do to stop this cycle is to practice self-love. Love yourself, love your body, and know you don’t need to punish it.

    A healthy diet that keeps you fit is abundant in whole, nourishing foods. If you want to start over, don’t stop eating. Eat more healthy foods: berries, nuts, beans, lentils, quinoa, all the veggies you can imagine, plenty of water, whole grains, soups, and more.

    3. Thinking of food as comfort.

    Emotional eating happens when we see food as a form of consolation.

    I ate cake many times a week because I thought it made me “happy.” I was a lonely teenager, and cake made me feel life was a little sweeter for a moment.

    Using food to cope when we feel sad, angry, lonely, or hurt can be addictive. We start to associate “happiness” with food, and the longer we do it, the harder it is to break the habit.

    Relying on food to feel better shuts down the opportunity to work on your problems in a meaningful way.

    The best thing you can do for yourself is to actively seek healthier ways to cope when things seem bad—and there are plenty of them.

    Exercising, meditating, listening to music, reading, taking a walk, playing with a kitten or a dog, brainstorming solutions to your problems, learning a new skill, taking a nap, and talking to friends are more effective and healthier ways to lift up your mood.

    4. Seeing food as something “prohibited.”

    Having a strict and inflexible diet will stress you and it may not even help you eat less, according to studies.

    Food restrictions often result in constant thoughts and cravings about the food you are “forbidding”—donuts, brownies, ice cream, or sugar—and this keeps you from fully enjoying the meals in your plate.

    Studies show that restricted eaters have more thoughts about food that non-restricted eaters.

    Obviously, this won’t let you feel at peace or happy with your food.

    I’m not saying you should eat without limits and binge on whatever you want, I’m suggestion to focus your efforts elsewhere: Instead of frantically forbidding foods, focus on adding healthier foods to your diet.

    Forbidding unhealthy food makes you stressed and is ineffective, but if you simply focus on eating more whole foods, your mind will be at peace and you will eat healthier without even noticing.

     5. Seeing food as entertainment.

    When you go to the movies, do you eat popcorn because you’re truly hungry or just because that’s how it’s done?

    It’s probably the latter, right? In this context, popcorn is part of the entertaining experience.

    However, if you start turning to food to keep you entertained every time you’re bored, you will overeat and won’t savor your meals.

    Eating mindfully means being aware of your food and enjoying the experience.

    Using food as a distraction won’t let you enjoy your meals the same way.

    Instead of using food as entertainment, find constructive ways to occupy your mind.

    Activities that engage you, like playing a game, reading a novel, drawing, organizing or exercising are better for your mind and body.

    6. Measuring your self-worth based on how much you eat.

    Finally, don’t give food the power to measure your self-worth.

    You’re more than what or how much you eat.

    Beating yourself up over what you eat is exactly what harms your relationship with food and steals your happiness.

    If you feel you haven’t been eating healthy, don’t get angry with yourself. You can always make a change for the better and improve your diet whenever you decide.

    It’s important you see food as your ally, not as the enemy.

    —

    Food is not meant to make you feel guilty, worried, or restrict you in any way.

    It is there to nourish, support you, and make you feel your best.

    If you want to heal your relationship with food, begin by transforming the harmful thoughts that keep you from fully enjoying your eating experience.

  • How to Rise Above Negative Comments About Your Body & What You Eat

    How to Rise Above Negative Comments About Your Body & What You Eat

    Close up Portrait Of Beautiful smiling Plus Size Young Woman in

    “It’s also helpful to realize that this very body that we have, that’s sitting right here right now … with its aches and its pleasures … is exactly what we need to be fully human, fully awake, fully alive.” ~Pema Chodron

    I took a photograph with my mom last night. She sighed when she saw the photo, saying she looked “so big.” My heart sank.

    A few weeks ago, I was picking up sushi from the local supermarket with her, and she looked down at the to-go pack I was picking up and asked, “You’re really going to eat that? It has so many carbs.” Again, my heart sank.

    These two little scenarios shed light light on why I had so many body image and food issues growing up as a kid. If your mom, your main symbol of how a female “should” be, is consumed with calorie counting and her weight, you’re going to have some degree of that too, at least in my experience.

    More importantly, these scenarios showed me how far I’ve come. Because these things didn’t trigger me. Instead, they empowered me. Words like this now slide right off of me because of the strong relationship I now have with my body and food.

    As much as I don’t want to admit this, talk like this used to infuriate me. I’d feel like part of my soul was burning up inside.

    Now, I accept that that is how my mom is. Calorie counting works for her. It’s not my job to change that or her. It’s my job to practice acceptance and to choose to recognize that comments about weight and body image are coming from a place of insecurity within her, not me.

    That being said, how do you deal with people who make comments about your food, your body, or your choices on what you eat? While there are no black and white, clear cut, yes and no rules, there are some things to remember and tools you can use to help you stay grounded, centered, and most importantly, calm.

    I’ve discovered the more you do this work, the easier it becomes. Like all good things that last, it takes practice and dedication.

    Here are eight ways to rise above negative comments about your body and food.

    1. Don’t take things personally.

    We constantly need to remind ourselves of this, because when people make comments about us (in even the slightest negative context), it’s hard to not take them personally. But know that their comments about you show more about them.

    People who are truly happy with themselves (or the area of life they’re commenting on) don’t try to bring others down. Instead, truly happy people do the exact opposite—they’ll try to lift you up.

    People who are happy with themselves aren’t jealous or worried that there will be less for them, and they don’t make hurtful comments. No. Truly happy people are present and there for you, rooting you on. If they’re not, it’s a sign that your action, statement, thought, feeling, belief, or appearance, triggered a wound within them that needs some healing.

    2. Use people as a mirror.

    In that same context, watch when you get triggered. Triggers are strong emotional reactions to people, words, and situations. When someone’s words trigger you, don’t beat yourself up for reacting. Instead, use the person as a mirror for yourself and allow yourself to look within and investigate why you were triggered.

    If you do this when people make negative comments about your body or food, you’ll take the anger and emphasis off of them and put the focus back onto the only person’s reaction you can control—your own.

    This is what will further your personal development and self-love journey more than anything else. Even if you come up with no answers here, simply digging deep and exploring these emotions will allow you to expand your perspective. And it will provide insights on why you feel how you feel and what changes you need to make in your life, propelling you forward.

    3. Express how you feel.

    In all honesty, we can’t get upset with someone until we voice our feelings and tell them that what they’re doing or saying is upsetting us. Once you do this, it’s important to set boundaries (more on this below).

    There are so many times when people think their comments about your body, your diet, or your food choices are “helpful,” “inspiring,” or they’re just “trying to tell you what worked for them.” Whether or not something is helping in your journey, is your decision, not theirs. Let them know.

    4. Set boundaries.

    We teach people how to treat us. So if you never tell your friends, family members, or partner that commenting about your body or food in a certain way isn’t acceptable, they might continue to do it. Stand up for yourself. Often, what we think people should know, or people should be able to tell, they can’t. Tell them and teach them how to talk to you.

    An example: “When you’re always making comments on my weight I feel like I’m not good enough and that you don’t actually want me in your life. Can you please no longer bring it up unless I do?”

    Notice that you’re stating the action that bothers you, stating how it makes you feel, and then asking for what you need.

    If you begin to speak your truth and notice things aren’t changing, set boundaries with your time and how and with whom you spend it. You should spend time with people who generally make you feel good and who push you to grow in a positive way. If not, it’s time to reevaluate. And know that that’s okay!

    Not everyone is meant to be in our lives forever. Usually, once the growth period is over in any relationship, it’s time to move on.

    5. Have a grounding practice.

    When you begin speaking up for yourself it’s easy to get overwhelmed. So it’s important to find an activity that works for you that makes you feel calm, connected with yourself, and peaceful.

    There are many ways to do this: hiking, journaling, walking, meditating, painting, reading, exercising, singing, writing, deep breathing. The trick is to find what works for you, and once you do, to use it to bring you back to center when the chatter from others becomes too much.

    6. Reflect on your progress.

    If you’re receiving negative comments about your body, food, or weight, it’s hard to recognize all the good you’re doing. As human beings, especially sensitive ones, it’s super easy for us to reflect on everything we’re not and to let the negative talk (others and our own) consume us.

    Rise above this by making the time to reflect on your progress, how far you’ve come, and the amazing work that you’re doing right now to move forward along your journey.

    Keep a notebook and every day, write down three things about yourself or your choices that you’re proud of. Try it. It’s a serious life-changer. It’ll help you refocus your energy on the good.

    7. Practice radical acceptance (and don’t wait on the apology).

    This one is hard, but possibly the most rewarding. When you begin to not take others’ comments personally and accept them as who they are, it will change your world.

    You’re not trying to change them. You’re not trying to get them to see things a different way (this can be exhausting, especially when someone isn’t ready). You’re not trying to get them to apologize. Instead, you see them as who they are—working (or not working) through their own stuff—and you accept that.

    This may translate into you seeing them less, setting more boundaries, or expressing how you feel in a loving way. But at the end of the day, you see them, you accept where they’re at, and you choose your actions accordingly.

    8. Don’t wait on your weight, regardless, of what anyone says.

    For years I thought I wasn’t lovable or good enough unless I looked a certain way. This couldn’t be more wrong. Don’t you wait on your weight to do the things you want to do too! That chatter inside your mind is only your fear holding you back. And part of that fear of not feeling good enough comes from others who don’t feel good enough themselves.

    I’ve found it’s never really our bodies that hold us back; it’s our fear. Move through the fear and do “the thing” anyway. When you do this, what you find may very well surprise you—you’ll begin to break through your own body jail you’ve put yourself in and start living your life.

    And at the end of the day, your body is here to help you live the life you really want. Use your body to do what it’s intended to do—to help you live. And along the way, take care and speak kindly to it. Your body deserves that.

  • 3 Things That Cause Unhealthy Food Cravings and How to Stop Them

    3 Things That Cause Unhealthy Food Cravings and How to Stop Them

    desserts

    “Reminder: food is fuel, not therapy.” ~Unknown

    I learned about food cravings at a young age.

    My parents divorced when I was six years old. My older brother and I ended up living in another city with our grandmother. We used to spend long hours alone, and we learned soon enough how food could help us lift our mood and suppress our real feelings.

    That was when I started having unstoppable food cravings.

    Eating would make me feel good and bring me peace and calm. Trying to avoid my favorite foods would make me nervous and unsettled, and would bring my real feelings back.

    I was overweight until my teenage years, and I hated it every single day. Over the years, I became afraid that giving into cravings was making me lose control over my relationship with food, my weight, and my body.

    In high school, I learned all I could about calories and how eating better could help me lose weight. I put this knowledge into practice and finally dropped some pounds.

    And I promised myself that I would never, ever be overweight again.

    I decided to learn as much as possible about nutrition so I could find my own my way to manage my weight. That’s why I became a nutrition specialist.

    Learning to control my cravings naturally has helped me overcome my fears of gaining weight again. But paying attention only to the numbers on the scale is not enough, and only when you are in control of your weight you can say you made it.

    In this article, I’d like to share the knowledge I’ve gained over the years and show you how you can stop food cravings naturally.

    It’s Essential to Understand the “Whys”

    Have you ever felt an unstoppable food craving that was stronger than you?

    You knew you shouldn’t go for it, but you couldn’t resist.

    This lack of control is very annoying, isn’t it?

    As with many other things in life, weight management related issues are much better approached when you understand what’s going on in your body, why, and the actions you need to take.

    In this post, I will explain the causes of those uncontrollable food cravings and the biological processes behind them, and I will give you easy to apply recommendations on how you can stop food cravings naturally.

    Just imagine how it feels to be in control of your food cravings and what it would mean for your weight!

    But before we dive in, a disclaimer:

    This is not a scientific paper on food cravings that aims to cover every single aspect of the topic, but an effort to explain the main reasons for food cravings and how to practically deal with them, in understandable terms without going too deep into science.

    The goal of this post is to give you enough information to understand the “whys” behind the food cravings and enough practical means for you to be able to stop food cravings naturally.

    What Triggers Food Cravings?

    Although food cravings can be caused by hormone imbalance or nutritional deficiencies, I would like to declare those food cravings off topic here.

    The way to deal with such food cravings is pretty straightforward: Either accept them and let them pass (pregnancy or PMS cravings, for example), or see a doctor if you suspect a nutrition deficiency.

    Instead, I’d like to focus this post on the unhealthy food cravings that you deal with every day.

    If you’re craving celery sticks, go for it! But if it’s donuts, chocolate, cheeseburgers, and similar foods that you can’t keep your hands away from, it’s dangerous for your health in the long run and you have to stop them.

    So what triggers these unhealthy food cravings that make you feel so powerless?

    Three things:

    • Your emotions
    • High-processed food as a product of food engineering
    • Sugar imbalance in your body

    Many authors cover the emotional part of food cravings, not considering food engineering and biology, but I’m sure you’ve noticed that you can crave food even without emotions involved.

    In this post, I’d like to fill this gap and put the spotlight on food engineering and sugar imbalance as triggers of food cravings.

    Let’s look at each trigger in detail.

    Trigger 1: Your emotions

    You see an apple pie and instantly think about a pie your mom used to make. Your mom lives far away, but that pie is right there.

    You feel lonely, but there is no one around. There is, however, chocolate ice cream in the fridge.

    Your boss is being unrealistic, and there’s nothing you can do about it. So you jump into a bag of chips, as you do every time you feel stressed.

    Many feelings are hard to deal with, and food is an easy way to help you handle them… and there is a physiological explanation for it.

    There are areas in your brain responsible for memory and sensing pleasure, which also act as reward centers.

    Specific foods can send signals that reach those brain centers and “make you feel good,” which will of course help you deal with those emotional needs, like calming you down and reducing your desire and anxiety, at that particular moment.

    The way it works is that the brain recognizes those feelings and knows that certain food can help alleviate them, so the body produces appropriate hormones (for example, cortisol) and other biochemical substances, like the neurotransmitter serotonin to make you crave for the “right” food.

    You can read more about biochemistry of food and food cravings here.

    Trigger #2: High-processed food as a product of food engineering.

    Have you noticed how you go for groceries to pick up “just bread and milk,” but once you’re in the store, you suddenly start craving all this food from the colorful packages aligned so nicely on the shelves?

    This would be fine if all this high-processed food was healthy for you.

    Except it’s not. It is delicious, though, and this is exactly the problem.

    The food manufacturing industry makes a conscientious effort to get people hooked on foods that are inexpensive, but yet tasty.

    They hire food engineers and gather tons of data taking an engineering approach to processed food.

    Although food engineering has been there for many years, the power it has over the consumers has not really been acknowledged until the most recent research and work of Michael Moss, the author of the best article on this topic you’ll ever read: The Extraordinary Science of Addictive Junk Food.

    Food engineering is manipulating your taste buds.

    Food engineers work hard on the food’s taste, which is measured by how much craving this particular food will induce.

    With that idea in mind, manufacturers have been adding sugar to many products that didn’t really need it, like tomato sauce, bread, and crackers.

    They look for the exact amount of sugar that will make the product highly attractive and desirable without making you feel overwhelmed by the intense flavor (they call it “the bliss point”).

    Not only will you crave that product again, but you’ll expect it to taste sweet. As a consequence, your taste preferences will change to prefer food that contains more sugar, and you won’t be satisfied with something that has less sugar.

    Food engineering is also turning you into an addict.

    You may be thinking I’m exaggerating, but numerous studies (like this one and this one, for example) indicate that sugar has similar effect on our brain as the drugs of abuse.

    This is why it is so hard to get off sugar and carbs once you are hooked.

    Trigger #3: Sugar imbalance in your body

    You can experience food cravings even if you don’t get emotional or eat high-processed food.

    In this case, your food cravings will be triggered by sugar imbalance in your body that happened because you’ve been eating your sugar and carbs “the wrong way.” (I’ll explain what I mean by this in a minute.)

    Let’s first look at how your body processes sugar and carbs.

    How Your Body Processes Sugar and Carbs

    The first organ that your biology needs to take care of is your brain. If your brain doesn’t work properly, nothing else will.

    The only source of energy that your brain can use is glucose. When your brain can’t find glucose available immediately, it will find a way to get it.

    The fastest, easiest, and most effective way your body can get glucose is by releasing the right hormones to make you crave food that contains a lot of it: simple sugars and carbs that break easily into glucose.

    But high sugar levels in your bloodstream are toxic, so your body needs to lower those levels. For this, it makes the pancreas release insulin to remove glucose.

    This process is called sugar metabolism.

    The higher the glucose levels, the more insulin is released and the faster all the glucose will be processed, leaving no glucose in the system again, which will start the cycle from the beginning.

    What Causes Sugar Imbalance

    As you can see, your sugar metabolism needs equilibrium for you not to get trapped in the vicious cycle of food cravings.

    This equilibrium, however, gets disturbed if you, in simple terms, eat your sugar and carbs “the wrong way.”

    In this case, eating sugar and carbs “the right way” means making sure the quantity, frequency, combination, and quality of your meals are appropriate.

    Quantity: How much sugar and carbs are in your meals?

    When you consume large quantities of simple sugars (glucose) or carbs (more or less complex forms of sugars that are transformed into simple sugars) in the same meal, your sugar metabolism will be activated in the emergency mode, removing all glucose suddenly.

    As a result, no glucose will be left in your bloodstream, and your brain will activate the mechanism to release the hormones that will make you feel hungry and eat more so it gets glucose again.

    Say hi to another food craving!

    Frequency: How often are you consuming sugar and carbs?

    When you are constantly eating food rich on sugars or carbs, not letting enough time pass between meals to let your sugar metabolism rest, it will end up constantly working, creating a circle of constant eating and hunger.

    When you wait enough time between meals (three to four hours), assuming you had a balanced meal, the sugar metabolism gets to rest and does its work properly.

    Combination: What are you mixing your sugar or carbs with?

    When you eat sugars or carbs alone, with no fiber, protein, or fat, the absorption of glucose will be faster.

    You’ll feel hungry sooner, and as a consequence your brain will trigger a food craving.

    Quality: How “good” are the sugars and carbs you’re eating?

    Simple carbs (like white rice, pasta, and bread, for example) and sugars break down into glucose faster, causing it to be absorbed faster as well.

    When you eat complex carbs (like brown rice, whole grain pasta, and whole grain bread, for example), however, glucose is released gradually.

    It means that in case of simple carbs, your blood sugar level will rise faster than if you eat complex carbs.

    To understand how fast a specific food will break into glucose and how much carbs it contains, you should look at its glycemic index (GI) and glycemic load (GL) values.

    Eating high GI & GL carbs will generate a fast rise in sugar and therefore a faster metabolic response, which will give you another food craving.

    How to Stop Food Cravings Naturally

    In the beginning of this post I promised you that I’d show you how to stop food cravings naturally by fighting the cause and not the symptoms.

    Now, when you know what triggers food cravings and what keeps them reoccurring (i.e. you understand the cause), it becomes clear that to beat those food cravings, you need to fight the triggers—deal with your emotions and resist the temptation of food manufacturing industry on one side, and keep the equilibrium of your sugar metabolism on the other side.

    Let’s look at it step-by-step and identify the practical solutions for each trigger.

    Cravings Caused by Emotions: Recognize That Food Doesn’t Change Anything

    If you think about it, that pie, ice cream, chips, or anything else you’re craving won’t change the way you feel about things in the long run.

    The food that you crave is the specific one that will make you feel better immediately. But the moment you finish your food, those “feel better” compounds will disappear again and you’ll be exactly where you were before, and you’ll probably even having the same cravings again.

    You need to realize that satisfying those food cravings helps only for a short period of time, and that this vicious cycle needs to be broken.

    Recognizing that food, even the most delicious one, does not change anything is the first step.

    Think about what brings up those emotions in you. Learn about yourself so you can predict them. Do your job and fight against them instead of just reaching for a piece of cake.

    Don’t give up by thinking there is nothing you can do.

    There are many hormones that you can’t really control, like your hormones during pregnancy. But many others are released as a consequence of your emotions. Once you acknowledge that you can do something about it, you’ll be able to handle them much better.

    Here are some practical tips on how to stop food cravings that are triggered by emotions:

    • Find other ways to reduce stress. For example, get a relaxing massage instead of hating your boyfriend, boss, and waistline, instead of eating ice cream.
    • Look for ways to manage your emotions (talk to a friend, get a pet, go for a walk or to the movie theater).
    • Eat healthy. It will help you maintain your hormones under control.
    • Call your mom or visit her if you miss her instead of eating her pie.

    Cravings Caused by Food Engineering: Don’t Let Them Trick You

    The food industry has many tricks to manipulate you into eating food that you’ll end up crave more and more.

    Food manufacturing companies are powerful, they hire the best food experts in the field, and they are always one step ahead predicting new trends and developing new ways to hook you on their food.

    But you need to be smarter! Learn their game. Don’t let them decide what and how you eat.

    Be the one in charge of what food you like by changing your buds’ taste and start craving for healthy food instead.

    Here’s how to stop food cravings caused by engineered food:

    • Most probably food engineering has got to your food buds already, so now you need to change your taste preferences back to healthy food. Do it slowly, one change at a time. Otherwise it will be harder to succeed.
    • Cook your own meals, which is the best way to know for sure what your meal consists of exactly. You’ll be able to avoid most of the added sugar and many other undesirable ingredients you will usually find in highly processed food.
    • Find out where the sugar, fat, and salt bombs you are more susceptible to are hiding so you can avoid them. Here are a couple of popular examples: potato chips, crackers, Japanese snacks, sesame sticks, etc.
    • Recognize that the attractive packages can make you desire unhealthy food.
    • Understand that the commercials are there just to trick you into thinking that eating certain foods will improve how you feel about yourself.
    • Visualize:
      • How food engineers are designing new food to hook you on it.
      • How food marketers play with you by making the food they want you to eat look irresistible.
      • How processed food is hurting your liver and adding fat to your abdomen.

    Cravings Caused by Sugar Imbalance: Eat Your Sugar and Carbs “the Right Way”

    Keeping your blood sugar levels under control and preventing sugar imbalance in your body is an essential way to stop food cravings naturally.

    To do so, you need to:

    • Eat only as much as your body really needs (quantity)
    • Let enough time pass between your meals (frequency)
    • Combine your meals properly (combination)
    • Stick to foods with low glycemic index and glycemic load (quality)

    This is how you can practically achieve it.

    Quantity: What are healthy portion sizes for carbs?

    You should learn and stick to healthy portion sizes of any food, not only carbs, of course. But it is especially important for foods that contain a lot of sugar (remember, carbs are a complex form of sugar).

    You shouldn’t eat more than a healthy portion size for carbs, which is one cup.

    Frequency: How often should you eat?

    Don’t eat too often so you are not making your sugar and carbs metabolism work all the time.

    You should eat four times a day: breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and a morning or an afternoon snack, depending on when you need it. Ideally, these meals should be three to four hours apart.

    For example, if you have an early breakfast and a late lunch, you need a morning snack. Otherwise you’ll be too hungry at lunch and definitely overeat.

    Combination: How to combine your meals properly?

    Fiber, protein, and fat make sugar absorption slower and less efficient, therefore reducing the risk of food cravings.

    In fact, the right combination of meals will make them healthy yet filling, which will help you with two previous aspects: quantity (you will be able to stick to healthy portion sizes) and frequency (you will stay satiated longer).

    Have every single meal with the healthy portion size of protein and fat, and avoid having meals that consist only of sweets or carbs.

    Quantity: How to choose what to eat?

    Stick to foods with low glycemic load and glycemic index.

    Such foods will release glucose slower and help you manage your sugar levels properly so you don’t have food cravings.

    To summarize, this is how you prevent food cravings triggered by sugar imbalance in your body:

    • Maintain your healthy portion sizes for carbs, which is one cup.
    • Have four meals a day making a break of three to four hours between them.
    • Compose your meals properly and always have fat and protein with your carbs.
    • Choose foods with low glycemic load and glycemic index values.

    Over to you!

    Do you believe me when I say you can stop food craving naturally? Do you think it’s doable? What are your personal challenges when it comes to controlling your food cravings? I would love to hear from you!

  • Why Dieting Never Works: 4 Reasons to Stop

    Why Dieting Never Works: 4 Reasons to Stop

    “Your body is precious. It is your vehicle for awakening. Treat it with care.” ~Buddha

    Diets are extremely seductive.

    We get lured in by the promises they make:

    The temptation of a smaller jeans size.

    The possibility of having a beach-ready body.

    The idea that everything would be better if you just weighed ten (or fifteen, or twenty…) pounds less.

    When you’ve overloaded yourself with sweets and feel horrible about your body, it’s easy to get sucked into attempting a diet as a quick-fix to your weight issues.

    In my own life, I struggled with gaining and losing the same sixty pounds for about twelve years. I would start over on Monday, swear off sweets and dessert, and then be knee-deep in a gallon of ice cream by Friday.

    If there was a diet out there, I tried it. Cleanses, detoxes, Paleo, South Beach, Atkins, The Zone Diet, Weight Watchers, and even diet pills.

    Even though I was continually seduced by the promise of weight loss, I never kept it off. I would inevitably end up failing miserably, but would still be seduced by the promise of “well, next time, I’ll really stick with it!”

    So when you’re seduced by the promise of weight loss and tempted to start another diet, let me save you weeks of frustration and tears with what I learned in my twelve years of dieting.

    Here’s why another diet is never the answer:

    Diets fail 100% of the time.

    Diets fail because there is an “on” and an “off.” If you go “on” something, at some point in time you have to go “off” of it. Yes, you may lose weight initially. You may drop a size or two from not eating carbs. But in six months, a year, or five years, has the weight come back?

    No one can sustain the “I’m eating only fruits, vegetables, and chicken” diet forever. When you rigidly restrict what you eat, eventually you’ll get to a point where you give in. This inevitably leads to a slippery downhill slope of overeating and then “starting over” the next day.

    Diets are never successful long term. Failure is built into the very nature of a diet. When you start a food plan, something will come up where you’ll desperately want something not on your diet. And then you feel like a failure because you broke the diet.

    Diets always measure “success” in days, weeks, or months, because the reality is, it never lasts long term.

    Diets set you up to crave even more sweets.

    When you tell a toddler he can’t have the green crayon, what does he immediately want? The green crayon. He throws a temper tantrum if you won’t give him the green crayon. After a while, you get so sick of him screaming about the crayon that you give it to him so he’ll stop his tantrum.

    And so it is with dieting. You tell yourself you can’t have cake, cookies, bread, or chocolate, so what do you think about all day long? The cakes, cookies, bread, and chocolate. You’re consumed with it, you dream about it, and you fantasize about ways you can eat one a piece of cake without having it “count.”

    Your forbidden foods seem to be consuming your thoughts and soon, you’re so sick of fighting an internal battle and thinking about cakes and cookies 24/7 that you give in so all of the fighting stops.

    The nature of something being forbidden means you’re much more likely to want, need, and crave it.

    Diets take you further and further away from learning to listen to your body.

    Diets work in direct opposition to intuitive eating. They’re based on strict rules and foods you can’t eat. There isn’t room to check in with your body, allow your needs/wants to arise, and nourish your body accordingly.

    “Success” is based on adhering to a system that’s prescribed. If there are rules you have to abide by, you can bet that the diet does not encourage listening to your body. Instead of learning how to tap into your body’s own intuition, you only eat what’s on the list of “acceptable” foods.

    Lasting weight loss requires that you are in touch with your body, that you understand what it needs and wants, and that you pay enough attention to yourself that you are aware of how/why you use food. And when you diet, it takes you farther away from listening to your own body’s wisdom.

    Diets create a sense of separation from yourself.

    Because diets operate on strict rules and guidelines, it creates a sense of separation from your body. Your body becomes this “thing” you’re fighting against. You wage war on it, you deprive it, and you punish it.

    The sense of separation grows as you work against your body, attempting to punish it into a place of weight loss.

    A diet is essentially a battle with yourself, and the more you diet, the more the distance you create between you and your body. The way back to hearing your body’s messages is through listening, honoring, and nourishing yourself (which dieting will never do for you!)

    Remember that dieting never brings about the results you truly want. Lasting change begins with awareness, love, and self-compassion as you start to understand your food patterns and behaviors.

  • Life Is Good

    Life Is Good

    Life Is Good

    Source: Lessons Learned in Life

  • You Are Richer Than You Think

    You Are Richer Than You Think

    Richer than you think

    Source: Collective Evolution

  • When Your Mind Feels Like a Prison and You Zone Out to Escape

    When Your Mind Feels Like a Prison and You Zone Out to Escape

    Mental Prison

    “All the suffering, stress, and addiction comes from not realizing you already are what you are looking for.” ~Jon Kabat-Zinn

    I’m currently obsessed with Orange is the New Black. As a binge TV watcher, I find dramas at least three seasons long and watch them like a prisoner eating a box of contraband donuts. I’m glued to the iPad in every spare moment, while I cook, exercise, or eat.

    Then it’s over. And all I have left are wasted hours and a tidal wave of guilt. I always make the same promise to myself—no more binge watching.

    I punish myself. I cook and eat in silence, avoiding the TV. I put myself into the mental equivalent of solitary confinement, criticizing and shaming myself.

    But always after the punishment, I’m overwhelmed with the most powerful desire to rebel. I inevitably find myself again lost in the beautiful bliss of screen time, obsessed with yet another show.

    I watched the entire 144 episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer in a month and a half during one of my worst rebellions.

    Whether it’s TV, alcohol, drugs, or food, most of us use something to escape. We take the edge off, relax, and zone out.

    But at some point, all of this zoning out can start to become hazardous to our mental and physical health.

    I’m addicted to zoning out. Zoning out has trapped me in my own personal mental prison.

    And I want out.

    My Iron Mind

    We get addicted to escaping and zoning out because we create minds worth escaping from. My mental prison is a foggy and grey place.

    The leader of my mind runs a very tight ship, full of strict and unrealistic rules. When I inevitably fail, I punish myself.

    In my former life as a lawyer I remember not letting myself pee until I finished an email, in punishment for surfing the Internet and wasting 0.2 of a billable hour.

    All of this constant punishment and self-criticism then puts me in such a bad place emotionally that the only way out is an escape route. I binge-watch TV, have too many glasses of wine, pot, or an entire German chocolate cake.

    The War on Binge TV

    The war on drugs tried to teach us that the drugs are the problem. We were told that drugs hijack our brain and force addiction.

    But research now proves that it’s actually not the drug’s fault at all. Two different people exposed to the same drug don’t get addicted the same way.

    In other words, your propensity to addiction to anything is directly related to the circumstances you are in—your life.

    When you live in a mental prison full of punishment and internal criticism, for example, you escape to survive. You escape to not go crazy.

    So if you want to stop escaping with food, drugs, alcohol, or OITNB, you must work to make your mind a happier place.

    I must find a way to dissolve my internal prison.

    Your Inner Bubble Wrap

    Now I’m no expert here, obviously. But I have to think that if I created this mental prison, I can let myself out of it.

    First, I have to stop doing what I’m doing—stop this never-ending pattern of punish-rebel-punish-rebel.

    Whatever your pattern is, try this:

    Stop engaging in it. Just accept what has already happened and then cover the whole thing in compassion.

    So when I watch too much TV, for example, engaging with my pattern is to punish myself with a crap ton of guilt and shame, and then escape that criticism by watching more TV.

    Another way to engage with your pattern is to fight with it. Like for me, arguing with my inner critic to plead my case actually gives it more power.

    Inner criticism is particularly mean and tricky. Try too hard to stop criticizing yourself and you will start criticizing yourself for criticizing yourself.

    Instead of fleeing or fighting, just accept what happened and accept yourself in spite of what happened. Like, if you drew a circle around all of the behavior that you accept for yourself, draw a bigger one.

    I like to look right at my inner critic (in my head) and say, “Yea, so what? So what if I watched too much TV?”

    This opens you up to self-compassion. When you accept yourself no matter what you did, you can start to dissolve even the most powerful mental prison-y pattern.

    Next, you need to replace the negative pattern with a positive one. Plant a garden of positive feelings in your mind, like gratitude and joy.

    I like a “grow” analogy because new thoughts and patterns are like little seeds. At first they may seem small, but if we continue to water them and feed them with our attention, they will grow.

    So start finding ways to create a feeling of gratitude and joy.

    Every time you can remember to do it, find something you love about your life and acknowledge it. Most of us think of gratitude as “I’m thankful for mommy and the dog.”

    But gratitude is so much bigger and more powerful than that. Your mission is to cultivate the ability to find gratitude in any given situation.

    Even if the only gratitude you can find is in your breath, find it. Gratitude is about the feeling state that it creates. Gratitude is inextricably tied to joy.

    This process won’t necessarily free you overnight. But it will start to wrap you in mental bubble wrap, protecting you from the guilt, punishment, and shame that lead to your pattern.

    Strive to become the softest place for you to land. Dream of becoming your own most supportive and accepting friend.

    When you can let go of the way you think you must run your mind, you can embrace what is already a perfect system.

    Mental prison image via Shutterstock

  • Consumed by Food? 6 Lessons on Overcoming Disordered Eating

    Consumed by Food? 6 Lessons on Overcoming Disordered Eating

    “The struggle you’re in today is developing the strength you need for tomorrow. Don’t give up.” ~Robert Tew

    For a good twelve years of my life, I was obsessively consumed with food.

    I had this unhealthy relationship with my body and my eating. I simultaneously loathed myself and desperately desired to be skinnier, while also compulsively binging until I couldn’t move.

    For months I would restrict. I’d eat some fruit for breakfast, green peppers, and ranch dressing for lunch and a few bites of whatever was in my fridge for dinner. I was also hooked on diet pills and exercised until I worked off every single calorie I had eaten (which was not much).

    And then, because no one could ever sustain a diet of 800 calories (if that!), I ended up binging. I’d find myself in this compulsive frenzy, stuffing my face with bowls of ice cream, cookies slathered in icing, leftover brownies, and candy.

    This was followed by fits of depression, a deep loathing of my body, and promises to start again on Monday.

    I lost and gained the same sixty pounds over and over and over again. It was an exhausting and miserable way to live.

    When I began getting help, I thought I would never get to the end.

    My recovery consisted of lots of tears, endless pages of journaling, voraciously reading through self-help books, a mentor who guided me through the process (and kept me afloat when I wanted to give up), yoga, meditation, and lots of lessons learned along the way.

    It took years to get to the place I am today, where I don’t think about what I’m eating 24/7, I’m not consumed with being a size two, and I can relax into a life filled with freedom and ease.

    But every hardship, struggle, and tear was worth the fight because I’m a different person now. I’m the authentic, happier version of that girl I used to be. My life is full; my heart is happy (most of the time). And the lessons I learned on my journey still impact how I live today:

    Here are the top lessons I learned from my crazy, all-over-the-place eating.

    1. Comparing yourself to others only sets you back.

    When you gauge your own progress, your own body, and your own successes against others, it leaves you in an endless game that you’ll never be able to win. Trying to keep up with other people leaves you hopeless and discouraged. Others’ lives are depicted through snapshots; you never get the whole picture.

    Your journey is about focusing on your own milestones and progress. You can never compare your insides, struggles, and hardships with someone else’s, because you never know what is going on deep within them.

    There is a depth to everyone that we aren’t aware of. Each of us has our own battles, struggles, and insecurities. Focusing only on you frees up the energy it takes to create deeper healing.

    2. Your relationship to food mirrors your relationship to your life.

    Your relationship to food reflects your relationship to everything in your life: your family, your friends, yourself, and your mental/emotional state. What you are doing with your body/food is a projection of what you are doing in your mind/spirit.

    Exploring your relationship with food takes you deeper into your relationship with everything else in your life.

    The need for control and certainty is reflected in rigid, inflexible food rules. Fear of loneliness and emptiness is seen in eating for comfort and escape. Hurrying through life, always wanting to be in the next place and achieve the next goal, is reflected in rushing through meals. When we are aware of these connections, we can begin to change.

    When we change our relationship to food, we change the way we live. When we abuse our body, we abuse ourselves. And when we respect and honor our body, we respect and honor ourselves.

    3. You will never be done.

    Dealing with food issues isn’t something you can just ignore, put aside, or avoid. Healing disordered eating means dealing with it every day, multiple times a day, for the rest of your life.

    This is actually good news! You will constantly be refining what works for you, what foods give you energy, how emotions contribute to eating, what way of eating fits into your lifestyle, and what truly serves you.

    When you fall back into old habits, when you find yourself wanting to overeat and restrict, you’ll know it’s a signal to go deeper (see #2).

    4. Perfectionism derails progress.

    Striving to be a perfect eater, have the perfect body, and be a perfect person is stifling and exhausting. When you’re yearning to achieve this unattainable goal, it only sets you up for failure.

    We need to soften our expectations, relax into our imperfect selves, and realize that no one is meant to be perfect in any area of life. In a “perfect” world, everything is stagnant. There is no growth and no evolution. It is only through mistakes, trial and error, and experimentation that we learn and grow.

    When you allow yourself to make mistakes—whether it’s messing up your food plan, getting into a fight with a family member, or realizing your work isn’t satisfying—this is how you learn, incorporate feedback, and chart a new course.

    5. You are really, truly good enough—just as you are.

    I always thought that I had to lose more weight, be thinner, and have a flatter stomach in order to be accepted by others, and that I needed their acceptance to be happy. But the irony is that when you truly believe you are innately acceptable, just as you are, your healing begins to deepen and you’re able to nurture a happiness that isn’t dependent on what other people think.

    6. Disordered eating is your soul desperately crying out for help.

    Our biggest obstacles often turn into our biggest lessons. A screwed up relationship with food forces you to go deeper into yourself to really heal. It gently nudges you to explore the depths within you that you didn’t know were there, to heal all limiting beliefs, emotions, thoughts, and habits, and uncover who you really are.

    This journey is an act of pure, unfiltered courage. It exposes you raw and leaves you vulnerable. And as you realize this truth, you realize this is a gift. This is a chance to go deeper, live more honestly, and be more authentic. And isn’t that what living really is all about?

  • Always Hungry? How to Feel Full in Every Aspect of Your Life

    Always Hungry? How to Feel Full in Every Aspect of Your Life

    “The danger is not that the soul should doubt whether there is any bread, but that, by a lie, it should persuade itself that it is not hungry.” ~Simone Weil

    For most of my life, I was hungry all the time. My belly only ever felt full for a few precious seconds while eating the last few bites on my plate.

    One night after having dinner with friends, we stood outside the restaurant on the sidewalk, chatting and saying our goodbyes. I launched into an enthusiastic description of the next restaurant where we should eat, how fantastic their desserts were, what tasty little appetizers they served…

    “How can you talk about food right now?” my friend Pete laughed. “I’m stuffed full!”

    He held onto his stomach like it might burst open.

    “I don’t know,” I stammered. “I’m still kinda hungry, I guess.”

    Avoiding his glance, I stared down at the cracks in the sidewalk. In that moment I realized that even with all the yummy Ethiopian food we’d consumed over the last hour or so, some corner of my belly still wanted more. Even worse, I realized I could sit right down and eat the entire meal over again, from start to finish.

    Later at home, when the initial feeling of shame passed, a sense of amazement crept over me. Pete was genuinely full—in fact, he was surprised I wasn’t!

    He didn’t feel hungry all the time, especially not right after a meal. Did this mean that the bottomless hunger I felt wasn’t the human condition after all? Could I sit down at a meal and push away my plate, full and satisfied, without the wish that I could just repeat the whole experience of eating over again?

    I could, but only after I figured out that I wasn’t only hungry for food. I was hungry for enjoyment and satisfaction, and not just in my belly, but in my whole life.

    Somewhere as a kid, between dressing Barbie for her date with Ken and going on my first diet, I lost track of the idea that I was allowed to enjoy my body, my food, and just being alive. I decided that always feeling hungry and vaguely dissatisfied was part of growing up.

    But thanks to Pete, once I knew that everyone wasn’t always hungry, there was no going back. I had to learn the bigger lesson—that hunger isn’t simply about filling our bellies (though feeling physically contented matters), but about something deeper: a hunger for connection, enjoyment, and love.

    From my own experience of learning to feel full, body and heart, here are five ways to satisfy your inner hunger.

    1. Get to know your hungers.

    Make a list of what you are hungry for. Start with food, but then ask yourself, “What am I hungry for that isn’t food?” Make a list of all the things your mind, heart, and body crave.

    On my list you can find things like: Spend time outside. Do yoga. Share with friends. Listen to music.

    Give yourself the things that nourish you as often as possible. Then pause and notice when you feel full and satisfied after enjoying them. Look for even small moments when you feel full and let yourself take in that feeling of satisfaction.

    2. Give yourself permission to enjoy beauty in the world.

    Watch the colors shift with the sunrise, pause and take in how the evening sunlight illuminates the rose petals. Invite in art, photography, textures, water, whatever provides nourishing food for your eyes and heart.

    What do you find genuinely, satisfyingly beautiful? Make a point of offering yourself beauty and take it in as fully as possible. Breathe with it and let it fill you.

    3. Honor your need for connection.

    One of our most basic human hungers is for connection with each other. We sometimes feel shame about how much we need reassurance, love, and recognition from each other.

    What are you hungry for in your relationships? Notice if you are receiving enough sweetness, laughter, touch, and intimacy. Look for opportunities to consciously ask for and receive fulfillment of those needs.

    4. Feed yourself love.

    Without realizing it, many of us are starving for self-love. When we criticize and judge ourselves, we place ourselves outside the realm of worthiness. We say things to ourselves that if someone else said, we would remark on what a jerk they were and never speak to them again.

    Notice when you’re being hard on yourself, and then try the following practice. When my thoughts turn in the direction of, “What’s wrong with me? I’ll never get this right,” I place a hand over my heart and repeat to myself phrases of loving kindness: “May I be happy. May I be well. May I be safe. May I be full of peace.”

    I find the repeated phrases help to reset my brain in the direction of friendliness toward myself instead of self-criticism and let me relax into self-soothing. Try it and see if you can use these simple phrases to shift your own negative default patterns.

    5. Let every meal be an opportunity to savor and enjoy your food.

    I’ve found fullness is as much about how I eat as what I eat.

    They say that we actually absorb more nutrients and feel more satisfied when we fully enjoy our meals. Try to sit down and savor at least one meal every day. Look at the variety of colors, smell the scents, taste all the flavors, and close your eyes and let yourself make sounds of satisfaction.

    Take in as much obvious and authentic pleasure as you can and see how it affects your satiety. Even pause for a moment before or while you eat and offer yourself this simple blessing: “May I feel full. May my body feel full. May all bodies everywhere feel full.”

    My wish for you is this: May you use these steps to help feel full in every aspect of your life.

  • The Most Common Cause for Overeating and How to Overcome It

    The Most Common Cause for Overeating and How to Overcome It

    Woman with Cookie

    “When we run from our feelings, they follow us. Everywhere.” ~Martha Beck, Ph.D

    I’ve tried Paleo, The 4-Hour Body, even Body for Life.

    I’ve tried intermittent fasting. (That was no fun.)

    I’ve tried low-carb, carb-cycling, and carb-binging. (While I don’t think that’s a diet strategy, it was what I experienced.)

    Sure, I lost weight temporarily, but I never felt like I “arrived.” I never felt…good.

    Ironically, it took me gaining weight to learn the secret.

    How Will I Know When I’ve “Arrived”?

    Is there an image inside your head of what you “should” look like?

    I was haunted by those “before” and “after” pictures.

    I could certainly identify with the “before” picture, and I wanted to look like the “after” picture. But no matter how disciplined I ate, no matter how many fitness classes I did, I never felt like I reached the “after” picture.

    Eventually, my husband’s job changed, and stress decided to make itself a nice and comfy spot on the internal couch in my mind.

    I found myself eating in front of the TV after dinner. I would sneak squares of chocolate when no one was looking. I had an extra glass of wine at night.

    Pretty soon, my clothes didn’t fit quite right.

    “Well, I lost the weight before. I can do it again, right?” But this time, my old tricks were not working.

    Not Good Enough

    Early in our lives (especially as women), the world teaches us that we need to have the perfect body in order to be worthy. Worthy of love, attention, validation, you name it. And we learn that lesson well.

    We may not like it, but deep down, how our bodies look really matters.

    And no matter how we look, we don’t look good enough.

    Just spend thirty minutes watching TV and all the commercials will tell you. Nearly every ad campaign is telling us something to the effect of:

    • We are not attractive enough (unless we buy their product)
    • We are not slim enough (unless we buy their product)
    • We are not happy enough (but we will be, if we buy their product)

    Naturally, not being (fill in the blank) enough feels bad.

    What do we turn to in order to help ourselves feel better?

    The commercials have an answer for that too. Their ads perpetuate the lie that food will make us feel better.

    For so many of us, eating is an unconscious way of avoiding pain. The pain of worry, fear, anger, stress, doubt—all of which are normal feelings that are universal to us as humans.

    The thing is, these feelings are signals from our bodies. They are flashing signs with a message that we fail to read because we have our blinders on.

    We end up creating a layer of armor (otherwise known as fat) that protects us from our pain.

    The problem is that running from our pain creates new stresses, like weight gain and health problems, which are more painful than the original painful feelings we tried to escape from.

    You Are Not Broken, There Is No Need to Fix It

    So how do we fix the pain that was caused by avoiding the pain?

    We can remove the armor of fat by letting down our defenses and allowing ourselves to not fix our pain, worry, fear, or anger.

    When we make these feelings okay, we honor ourselves and our bodies.

    We have these feelings for a reason; they are not meant to be ignored.

    If we let ourselves really feel those painful emotions, we can then start the process of letting them go instead of stuffing them down our throats. Once we no longer have to protect ourselves from our pain, then we are able to let go of our excess weight as well.

    “So even if the hot loneliness is there, and for 1.6 seconds we sit with that restlessness when yesterday we couldn’t sit for even one, that’s the journey of the warrior.” ~Pema Chödrön

    I was finally able to simply acknowledge my fear of the unknown. Just naming it helped me to be still with it.

    I began to realize that it was not my extra weight that was the problem. My fear of the unknown was the disease that caused the symptom of gaining weight.

    Gradually, I began (and am still learning) to appreciate my body for showing up for me. If I want to stand up, my legs work. If I want to eat, my insides digest my food. If I wanted to see, I open my eyes.

    For me, acknowledging my feelings is the key to loving my body and letting go of unhealthy weight.

    Letting Go Practice

    Try this quick visualization technique to practice honoring your feelings and letting them go.

    Take a deep breath. Try to name what it is that you are feeling. Just naming it helps.

    Feel where that feeling resides in your body. Is it creating tension in your shoulders; a feeling in the pit of your stomach?

    Imagine this feeling as a gas. Give it a color like yellow, green, grey, or black.

    Pretend that you are able to reach into your body and compress this feeling like a snowball. Make it smaller and smaller until you could hold it in your hand.

    Now imagine that you are able to put a glass sphere around this gas/feeling. See the gas inside of the glass ball.

    Mentally reach into your body and remove the ball of gas. Hold it in your hand and extend your arm.

    Loosen your fingers a little and notice your fingerprints on the glass. You have held it inside your body for so long that it almost felt like it was part of you. But it is separate and you can let it go.

    Imagine opening your fingers and slowly letting the ball drop to the floor. You may feel an irrational desire to scoop it up as it is falling. This is normal because the pain is so familiar that it almost feels scary to lose it.

    Let the ball drop all the way to the floor and shatter. See the gas escape and disappear, washed away in the clean air.

    This may take some practice since we are often good at letting go, and then grabbing our fears back so we can dwell on them. Stick with it.

    You just might find that releasing strong emotions lightens your physical body as well as your spiritual one.

    Woman with cookie image via Shutterstock

  • Enter to Win $500 at Thrive Market (A New Online Health Food Store)

    Enter to Win $500 at Thrive Market (A New Online Health Food Store)

    Thrive_FB_Banner

    Have you ever noticed that unhealthy food is a lot cheaper and easier to get than healthy food? You can zip through a drive thru and get an entire meal off the dollar menu without losing more than five minutes or five bucks.

    Because I was busy and on a budget, I formerly ate a steady diet of processed, packaged food, which did very little for my energy level.

    I didn’t realize at the time how poorly I was meeting my nutritional needs, or how I was poisoning my body with artificial ingredients and chemicals, but I knew I frequently felt sick.

    Still, I didn’t love the idea of stocking up at “Whole Paycheck,” as my friends called a well-known health food store.

    Since I now know that I can only function well if I eat well, I was thrilled to discover Thrive Market, a recently launched online store that sells health food at wholesale prices everyone can afford.

    About Thrive Market

    Thrive Market’s merchandising team works directly with brands to purchase natural, healthy foods and products at wholesale prices—which are 25−50% lower than the products sell for in physical stores.

    They don’t sell generic products you won’t recognize. They sell the same products you’d find at your local health food store, only cheaper.

    You can stock up on everything you need, including GMO-free food, snacks, vitamins, supplements, personal care products, cleaning supplies, beauty products, kitchen staples, pantry essentials, baby food and products, and more.

    Thrive Market doesn’t earn money by marking up prices; instead, they charge a low annual fee of $59.95 (less than $5 per month). I was pleased to see that I saved more than this on my first order.

    Since they offer a free one-month membership, you can give it a try yourself—at no cost—and see if your savings are equally substantial. And if, like me, you spend over $49, the shipping is free.

    For every paid membership, Thrive Market donates a membership to a low-income family, supporting their mission to make healthy food accessible to all.

    Equally notable, they make all packaging, boxes, and inserts using recyclable paper.

    I don’t promote a lot of products on Tiny Buddha because I would never recommend anything I didn’t personally utilize and enjoy. But I feel good about shopping at Thrive Market, and I’m excited to partner with them for an exclusive giveaway for Tiny Buddha readers.

    The Giveaway

    From now through Sunday, April 12th, you can enter to win $500 at Thrive Market by entering your email address here. Fifteen second-place winners will receive a free annual membership.

    After entering, you’ll receive a confirmation email offering you 15% off your first order. You’ll also see an option to share the giveaway on Facebook for an extra entry.

    —

    I hope you enjoy shopping at Thrive Market as much as I have!

  • Stop Crash Dieting: An Enjoyable Approach to Sustainable Weight Loss

    Stop Crash Dieting: An Enjoyable Approach to Sustainable Weight Loss

    Woman in the Park

    “It is better to take many small steps in the right direction than to make a great leap forward only to stumble backward.” ~Proverb

    You wouldn’t believe it now, but in my college days I did my fair share of crash diets.

    The craziest was the one where I tried (and failed) to eat nothing but oranges for nine days. My roommate’s ex’s dad was a veterinarian, and after the good doctor lost fifteen pounds on the same high vitamin C, high fiber, non-sense diet, I decided to try it for myself.

    It was based on a specific number of daily oranges to keep your metabolism and energy levels up. Orange juice was off limits, but I could season the slices with my favorite chili powder to mix it up a bit.

    I was off to a good start and enjoying the attention from friends who couldn’t hide their disbelief or their laughter.

    My resolve crumbled after sundown on the third day. No longer hungry, I had eight oranges to plow through before calling it a night. Instead, I ran to the cafeteria for chicken salad, and that was the end of the infamous orange diet.

    Crash dieting on oranges did nothing for my waistline, but it satisfied a deeper need. It was never about my weight or the way I looked. Crash dieting was fun; it broke the routine and more importantly, it was a distraction.

    My dad had just been diagnosed with an aggressive type of brain cancer, and these food fixations kept my thoughts on something that I could control. Instead of worrying about survival rates, I obsessed over the jeans I couldn’t fit into anymore, or how many hours I had to put in at the gym.

    For years my weight yo-yoed, stabilizing only after Dad passed away. At that point I was no longer binge eating to silence my anxiety, or dieting to lose a few pounds before putting them on again. It took two years for the weight to come off but it never returned.

    My relationship with food is still a work in progress, very much linked to my mental and emotional state of mind. Based on these experiences, I have opted for a more balanced approach to health and well-being.

    It’s about being patient, mindful of our impulses, and compassionate in our self-talk. The word “diet” has no place in my vocabulary. Rather, I take the middle road, eating almost anything in moderation. A few thoughts to consider include:

    1. Is it hunger you’re feeding, or something else?

    Dieting is useless unless we deal with the emotional and psychological issues that lie beneath. Anxiety over my dad’s illness fuelled my crash diets and binge eating. Think about the need that is being filled.

    Are you bored, stressed, or just looking for love in a chocolate bar? Is there a healthier way to satisfy that need? Knowing yourself is the first step; this is where a healthy dose of introspection will come in handy.

    There is plenty of reading material on emotional eating. My favorite so far is Doreen Virtue’s book, Constant Craving.

    2. Focus on maintenance instead of weight loss.

    The weight came off when I began eating as if I were already at my goal weight. That slice of chocolate cake was no longer the enemy. I could treat myself in moderation, so long as I listened to my body and stopped when I was full.

    This approach enabled me to make peace with my appetite. It also made exercise fun again, because I went to the gym when I wanted to, no guilt trips included.

    Pushing ourselves at the gym may be a popular option, but finding an activity that we genuinely enjoy makes staying fit so much easier. Whether it’s kickboxing classes, jogging, or ballroom dancing, make sure you have fun and get those sessions in regularly!

    3. Educate, love, and accept yourself fully.

    Buddhist philosophy teaches that ignorance, attachment, and aversion are the three downfalls of human nature. All too often we fall victim to the illusions of the mind, especially where loving and accepting our physical body is concerned.

    Taken to the extreme, wanting to lose weight because we dislike our current size can involve both attachment to an unattainable ideal and hatred of what is. It’s time we release the need to be perfect, love and accept ourselves for who we are, and make informed food and lifestyle choices.

    4. Follow the middle road.

    In my previous life as a crash dieter, my food choices were anything but moderate. Rich and creamy desserts may not have been my friends, but that didn’t keep me away. Trying to avoid that chocolate cake only made it so much harder.

    Instead of avoiding certain foods because of their perceived sugar, fat, or carb contents, let’s think about the big picture. No single food choice is responsible for our health and well-being, rather it’s the combination of foods we eat, and how they are processed, that makes a difference over time.

    This is where we can use knowledge and patience to our advantage, consulting with a qualified nutritionist to develop a healthy and satisfying nutrition plan that can last much longer than a simple New Year’s Resolution or a crash diet.

    5. There’s no time like the present!

    Start today! Don’t put your new life off to Monday, January 1st, or any other mental milestone. And remember that you are not sacrificing anything. Think of this approach as spicing up your meals with a dash of conscious moderation.

    Woman in the park image via Shutterstock

  • Avoid the Pain of Emotional Eating and Transform Your Mood

    Avoid the Pain of Emotional Eating and Transform Your Mood

    Eating Ice Cream

    “To ensure good health: eat lightly, breathe deeply, live moderately, cultivate cheerfulness, and maintain an interest in life.” ~William Londen

    In essence, interconnectedness refers to the linkages between all things. Some even take it a step further and say that not only is everything linked, but in actuality, there are no real distinctions between you and me, between thought and behavior, or between past, present, and future.

    On the surface, the concept of interconnectedness seems simple—everything is linked to everything else, and everyone is linked to everyone else. However, in practice, applying the concept of interconnectedness to the way I live has been anything but simple.

    After much contemplation, I came to the conclusion that if I were going to truly live interconnectedness, and not just think or read about it, I would need to fully grasp the fact that my thoughts, actions (or inactions), and outcomes were fundamentally intertwined.

    This not only impacted the ways I engaged with others, but also shaped the ways in which I engaged with myself, particularly with respect to what, when, and how I eat.

    Interconnectedness Eating 

    You see, for me, preparing and eating colorful, veg-centric dishes are beautiful, almost spiritual acts. Unfortunately, though, when negative emotions or stress creep into my life, my philosophy on the transcendent nature of food and eating gets replaced by hurried preparations and scarfing down faux-food.

    It was during one of my particularly busy weeks that I found myself mindlessly eating cookie dough ice cream for dinner, and thought, “How could interconnectedness help insulate me from this cycle of soothing my negative emotions with poor eating habits?”

    First, I tried to document my patterns.

    Upon doing so, I realized that when I am sad or angry, I actually don’t eat. I just totally lose my appetite. I also realized, however, that by not eating, I am essentially robbing my body of its ability function and, of course, to regulate my emotions.

    Moreover, deprivation also meant that I was not cooking—the one activity, in addition to dancing, that’s a surefire way to turn my negative mood around.

    So here it was, interconnectedness working oh so clearly: sadness and anger connected to deprivation, deprivation connected to physiological deterioration, and both of those phenomena connected to me cutting out the very thing that makes me feel better—cooking.

    When caught in this cycle, my energy wanes, negative emotions persist, and deprivation runs rampant. It was clear: My feelings, my behaviors, and my body were interconnected.

    Going back to stress, rather than not eating at all, I tend to eat a lot when I’m stressed, a lot of sweets, that is. While not total deprivation per se, consuming a bunch of processed sugar leads to similar ends—feeling undernourished, prolonged negative emotions, and negative physical outcomes, as well.

    All of this to say, the first part of interconnectedness eating is noticing. Noticing the linkages between our emotions, our thoughts, and our food choices and eating behaviors.

    Some folks eat a lot; some do not eat at all. Some folks prefer sweets; some salty or fatty foods. For some people, stress, sadness, and anger elicit the same eating behaviors; for others, there are nuances between the three. The point is, it’s important to ask yourself what are your specific patterns?

    Then what? What do you do once discovered your patterns?

    Set a Mood of Joy By Creating a Nourishment Ritual

    Stop.

    Now, when I’m sad, angry, or stressed, I stop. I stop, I note what I am feeling, and then I think about what role I have played, either through my actions or through my appraisals of the situation, in whatever has led me to feeling negative. I remember that I am interconnected with whatever it seems like on the surface is causing my negative mood.

    Importantly, just as I help to create my own sadness, anger, or stress, I can also transform my sadness, anger, or stress into my joy.

    Again, how you may ask? By going into full on nourishment mode.

    I put on a frilly apron, which makes me feel cute, and turn up some Latin or Brazilian music, which soothes my soul. In short, I start by setting a mood of joy, even I do not feel joyful yet. By starting the ritual of nourishment before food ever touches my tongue, I’m on track to a better mood and healthy actions.

    Next, I think about a dish to make, one with aromas that tantalize my nose and with colors that intrigue my eyes. Then, I start to prepare the dish. I cut, stir, whip, and sauté with care. In this way, cooking becomes a calming, nourishing act of mindfulness in and of itself.

    Once my dish is prepared, I set the table. Then, I serve myself, give thanks, and taste my culinary creation. With each bite, I’m reminded of just how lucky I am to have access to food, and with each moment of gratitude, a little bit of my sadness, or anger, or stress dissipates.

    Even when I do not have time to cook, I do this last set of actions—setting a place at the table, savoring my food, and evoking gratitude because I’ve found that just the act of slowing down can be realigning.

    I Still Have Far to Go

    Although I still have a lot of progress to make before I completely stop reaching for ice cream after a stressful day, I can see the difference in my eating after recognizing that my emotional, physical, spiritual, and social selves all benefit when I embrace their interconnectedness.

    We all owe it to ourselves to be conscientious about our eating patterns, but with so many demands, it can be exhausting to do so consistently.

    I truly believe though when we recognize interconnectedness and embrace the power we all have to create joy in our lives, we liberate ourselves. Why not use this power in the context of something we do each and every day—eat.

    Photo by Masha Kushnir