Tiny Buddha

Tag: extraordinary

  • Redefining Extraordinary: How I Found Joy in the Everyday

    Redefining Extraordinary: How I Found Joy in the Everyday

    “Joy comes to us in moments—ordinary moments. We risk missing out on joy when we get too busy chasing down the extraordinary.” ~Brené Brown

    I started going to my local gym a few months ago to prepare for a strenuous hike.

    The gym is a tiny place, located on a quiet street in the middle of a small town. It doesn’t have any fancy accommodations or instructors leading classes. It doesn’t even have showers or lockers to store my bag.

    It does have a few treadmills, free weights, weight machines, and regulars who can lift really dang heavy weights.

    Now, I’m not someone you would usually find in a gym. Let me put this in context: my lowest grade in school was in physical education. I quickly grasped long division and read complex stories, but I probably still could not get the volleyball over the net.

    As you can imagine, the gym was not a fun place for me.

    I imagined everyone silently judging me. I worried about what to wear. I was so clumsy from nerves that I even had trouble opening the gym door.

    The regulars, mostly men, seemed huge and intimidating. I felt small and weak.

    I stayed on the treadmill in the corner for six weeks. Headphones on. Head down. “I don’t belong” on repeat in my mind.

    It was a battle with myself to get out of the car every time I visited, but I somehow found the courage to make it to the treadmill. I imagined the joy I would feel when I finally made it to the top of the mountain.

    Finally, after six long weeks of walking on an incline, my husband and I flew across the country to complete the hike. It was the longest distance and highest elevation (and quickest descent) I had ever experienced.

    I honestly thought I wasn’t going to make it in some parts. On two occasions, I had to sit down to avoid fainting.

    My muscles screamed. I panted and wheezed and sweated. But we climbed.

    And we climbed.

    And then, when I thought we had reached the top… we unfortunately had to climb some more.

    Finally, after several hours, we made it to the end of the trail. The summit opened up around us, and I instantly forgot my exhaustion. Every minute of struggle felt worth it for what stood before us.

    It was a bright, clear day, and miles of rocky peaks were visible. A blue lake twinkled below. The sun reflected off a small glacier to my right. Everything was still and, even with other hikers around, incredibly quiet.

    My husband and I spoke in whispers as we ate our peanut butter sandwiches, and I realized I had flown across the country and hiked a mountain in an intentional search for extraordinary.

    If I am really honest with myself, I’ve been searching for extraordinary my entire life.

    I know I am not the only one. Many of us high-achieving perfectionists often find ourselves frustrated. Not only do we want to experience extraordinary; we also want to be extraordinary. We have an innate desire to live a life of contribution and meaning.

    We often feel like we are not doing enough. We feel we should be doing more. We think we need to be there instead of celebrating where we are right now in this moment. And even when we do accomplish something, it often doesn’t feel like enough for long. Our constant striving reinforces the belief that we ourselves are not enough unless we’re achieving something big.

    This desire serves us well. We are individuals known for our ability to get things done and make an impact on those around us; yet we can be so forward focused that the right now can feel underwhelming and, well—for lack of a better word—quite ordinary.

    Lately, I’ve held these beliefs under a microscope and really examined their hold on me. What makes a moment extraordinary? Do I really need a product, a summit, for the moment to have meaning? How many people must I impact before my life “counts?”

    I’ve discovered extraordinary moments are like the summit of my hike, which also means they are fleeting. It is not long before your shins are killing you as you make the steep descent. It is not long before the extraordinary moment becomes nothing more than a memory and, on occasion, a beautiful photo.

    I am realizing that maybe the extraordinary doesn’t have to be limited to the peak. Perhaps it can also be found in the hike. Maybe it was in the moments I gasped for breath. Maybe it was even in the mundane gym sessions I completed in the weeks leading up to the hike.

    Those moments pushed me outside my comfort zone and allowed me to grow stronger. Those gym sessions prepared me so I could show up in the moments of the hike where it got really hard. Isn’t that, in itself, pretty extraordinary?

    I have returned to my local gym. Only now, I have moved from the treadmill in the corner.

    Now, several times a week, you will find me with a barbell in my hands. You will see me celebrating incremental growth—a few additional reps, a bit more weight, or maybe even just celebrating the fact that I showed up today despite my fear.

    In a way, I guess the quest for the extraordinary has led me to appreciate these moments of ordinary. I am finding myself appreciating consistency and routine. I find myself appreciating incremental progress over the huge gains.

    That’s not to say that I don’t still chase extraordinary. In fact, I have a trip planned in a few short weeks to find views like I have never seen and to push myself in new ways. I am sure it will be extraordinary.

    Yet, I also am starting to find joy in the small, everyday tasks. I am starting to see meaning and purpose infused in every action. I’m now on a quest to appreciate just how extraordinary the ordinary can be.

  • The Beautiful Gift of Finding Presence in The Ordinary

    The Beautiful Gift of Finding Presence in The Ordinary

     

    “For a long time, it had seemed to me that life was about to begin—real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, or a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last, it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.”~Alfred D. Souza

    I recently came across an old photo album from when I was in my twenties. All these snippets of my life back then—going out clubbing, those harsh Canadian winters, walking in the back field with my dog, hanging out at my uni campus, watching live music at my favorite outdoor festival. I remember it all so well.

    It felt like that time of my life would never end. It just went on forever. I remember how I was always craving something bigger and better than little old Ottawa. Wasn’t life meant to be cooler and more exciting?

    Everyone told me my twenties would be the best years of my life. I felt so much pressure to live up to these expectations. And now here I am, staring at these photos with years of perspective.

    I’ve lived in two different countries since then and traveled to countless more. I’ve married and had two kids. Now it’s all just a memory, contained neatly inside a heavy photo album. It reminds me of this quote above and how, in those days, I was always waiting for something. That one thing to make life exciting. But that was it—life was happening, even in the waiting.

    It reminds me of where I am now. Deep in the trenches of motherhood and so incredibly sleep-deprived. I feel waves of guilt that I’m not enjoying every minute of it. Everyone tells me I must; it ends all too soon. Social media blares: Enjoy every minute! You only have X more summers left before your kids move out!

    I can already see myself many years from now, looking at photos from this moment. These days right now that pass like thick mud. When my baby learns to clap her hands, and sit up without support, and crawl around to locate every last crumb on the floor.

    The days when my toddler is piecing together the words to express how she feels more and more. Every day, something new.

    The days when a shower is a luxury. When I wake up feeling jet-lagged, like I’m on a perpetual flight, without ever arriving anywhere.

    The days when I’ve gone beyond my limit again. And again. These days when I find myself falling into this trap of wishing things were a bit easier, and then I could really enjoy myself.

    Then I remember that this is normal. It’s normal to yearn for things to be different when they feel hard. It’s normal to compare. It’s normal to feel so much in this highly saturated digital and addictive world.

    Not every day is amazing. Not for any human on this earth. Despite what social media shows us. Perhaps instead of being told we need to enjoy every minute of motherhood or our youth or whatever it is, maybe we should instead tell each other to be present as often as we can. To be a full participant in our lives. Whether it’s good or bad, or annoying or underwhelming, or not quite reaching our expectations in some way.

    Perhaps it’s better to make it a practice to show up and be fully engrossed in that moment. To practice accepting that this is your life right now. Even if just for a moment.

    I say practice because I don’t think it’s possible to be completely present all the time. Naturally, there will be times when we search for our phones in need of mindless distraction. Naturally, on tough days, we will long for weekends, or vacations, or some escape from the mundanity. In these moments, it’s just as important to practice forgiveness for not always enjoying everything. For being human.

    It’s important to remind ourselves from time to time of the blatant obviousness that there is no destination. That the only destination we’re heading toward is our death. Or old age, if we’re so lucky.

    For most of us, life is a series of ordinary moments strung together. The more time we spend chasing the extraordinary, the more we miss what’s in front of us.

    So, here’s your reminder to stop waiting for something to happen for you to enjoy your life. Wherever you may be on your journey, may you show up wholeheartedly.

  • How to Live an Extraordinary Life, Starting Right Where You Are

    How to Live an Extraordinary Life, Starting Right Where You Are

    “Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground.” ~Rumi

    “Isn’t this a miracle?” I asked myself in the milk aisle at Whole Foods.

    It was a Wednesday night after work, and I was buying a few staples to get us through the week. It was a completely ordinary moment in a completely ordinary day, and it was miraculous.

    Rewind a few years, same Whole Foods, same shopping list, and you’d find me absentmindedly wandering the aisles, lost in a head full of worries. I couldn’t tell you now what I was worried about then—the house, the kids, money, probably.

    My body would be tense, with a hint of tears right behind my eyes.

    “Isn’t this supposed to be a miracle?” I might have asked if I had the words to describe that feeling.

    For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be one of those interesting people who did interesting things like paint murals or write books. I wanted to see every continent and learn as many languages as my brain could hold. I wanted to feel excited by my life.

    As a child, I had no doubt that this is what growing up would be like.

    But, for just as long as I can remember, I also lived under the assumption that I had something to prove. My intelligence, my worth, my place in this world.

    Somehow, these two ideas became intertwined.

    That part of me that felt so certain that her life would be extraordinary started to have doubts.

    Could I really pull it off?

    Had I really earned it?

    Was I being completely delusional?

    Over time, that vision of an extraordinary life felt like a silly childhood dream, and I stopped myself from following it. I worked hard and earned a good reputation, but that excitement, that fulfillment was always just out of my reach.

    I would let it go saying, it’ll come later, but as I checked off the boxes of life’s to-do list—degree, job, marriage, kids—I wasn’t feeling anything like I thought I would.

    The feeling that something was off fueled a restlessness that I mistook for motivation. I poured myself into school and then work, but not necessarily out of excitement. I think a part of me still believed that if you weren’t happy, you just weren’t working hard enough at it.

    What confused me about it all was that my life was good. I had a beautiful, growing family, a stable job, and a safe, comfortable house. I mean, I was buying organic milk to pour on my cereal. That’s a privilege.

    So, if nothing was “wrong,” why didn’t it feel right?

    I’d scold myself for not being more grateful, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I didn’t feel the way I wanted.

    Then, one ordinary day, while squeezing in another email during my lunch hour, a little thought snapped me out of it.

    “You’re missing the point, Leslie.”

    Time stopped just long enough for me to notice my racing heart.

    Maybe you’ve had these epiphanies, where you’re amazed by your own wisdom and you feel so incredibly clear and awake. Maybe it was during a life-changing event, or maybe, like me, it was during an everyday moment, like buying toothpaste or feeding the cats.

    The immediate effect wasn’t anything extreme. There was no out of body experience, no inexplicable knowledge of the universe. Just an ordinary little thought that led to another ordinary little thought.

    What if living an extraordinary life isn’t about the details?

    Every now and then, I’d pull out a list I made that day and add a thought or two to it.

    The point is…

    Overflowing.

    Seeing more magic.

    Doing what you love.

    Being happy.

    Being present.

    Feeling bright, brave, and brilliant.

    Waking up and appreciating the mountains.

    My children knowing how much they are loved.

    Gratefully receiving everything I have.

    Letting myself unfold.

    Alignment, not approval.

    Trusting the wisdom of my own heart.

    A hundred percent up to me.

    And in a gradual, ordinary kind of way, I figured it out. That feeling I wanted wasn’t an outcome. It wasn’t something that would happen “when.” It wasn’t in the details at all. It’s your feelings, moment to moment, that make your life extraordinary.

    There is no committee keeping score and waiting to grant permission to begin. There’s just us, the people we care about, our corner of the world, and those little moments. And we have a choice in what we do with them.

    That feeling that something was wrong wasn’t about my reputation or my checklist. It was about my awareness of the miracles right in front of me and my willingness to take conscious, meaningful steps that felt extraordinary to take.

    Since that day, my life has changed dramatically.

    We live in the same house, we shop at the same store, I have the same job, but now, I’m also one of those people who is curious about everything. Who loses themselves in creative projects just because. Who creates art, writes poetry, and self-publishes books. I’ve become one of those people who sees even the most ordinary moment at Whole Foods on a Wednesday afternoon as extraordinary.

    How did I do it? I simply let myself begin right where I was.

    You may have a completely different version of extraordinary, and that’s what’s so perfect. How to live an extraordinary life is entirely up to you—it’s your life, after all. The action itself isn’t as important as the intent behind it.

    As long as your intent is to make something in your world just a little better, to learn something just a little deeper, to try something you’re just a little curious about, it’s foolproof. You could institute pizza Saturdays or travel the world, saving endangered species. Both are extraordinary.

    If you’re not sure where to begin, here are a few things to try. They changed the world for me.

    1. Be tenacious in your appreciation and optimism.

    First, slow down and look around. Then, appreciate anything and everything you possibly can. Thank the sun, thank the water, thank the air you breathe. Look out for the funny thing that happened on your way to work, beautiful sunsets, and acts of human kindness. Even when everyone around you wants to complain about the boss, be the one who notices that it’s such a nice day.

    When I talked about my day, I used to begin with something that went wrong. Then, I gave myself one tiny challenge: lead with gratitude. I made a point of starting conversations with something positive as often as I could, which meant I had to start looking for those positive things and remembering to bring them up. I discovered so much beauty around me with this one simple switch.

    2. Define your extraordinary.

    What do you want to see in this lifetime? What do you want to learn? How do you want to feel while you’re living your life?

    I’d thought about these things before, of course, but they would quickly get taken over by something more serious. I didn’t want to waste time. My attitude changed when I decided that feeling curious, engaged, and alive was more important than being productive.

    I began setting intentions for the week. I’d write down an idea that excited me, a feeling I wanted to nurture, and something I wanted to learn or create. Then, I gave myself small, meaningful challenges that fit with those intentions. Carrying a composition book with me quickly led to filling that composition book, and then another and another.

    3. Make friends with your body.

    Your body was made for living, so live in it. Use it in a life-affirming way. Don’t just feed it, nourish it. Let it move, let it sweat, let it pump its blood, laugh, cry, and feel. Stretch into it and savor its senses. Rest it when it’s tired, heal it when it’s hurting, love it even when you want to change it, and thank it. And when it has something to tell you, lean in and really listen.

    I used to treat my body like it had no purpose. I didn’t nourish it, I overworked its muscles, and I constantly tried to remodel it.

    It wasn’t until I started paying attention to how I feel now that I asked myself, is this how you would treat a child or an animal in your care?

    My answer was an emphatic NO.

    4. Lose yourself in curiosity and creativity.

    Follow the fun and let yourself overflow. Take on a ridiculous project just because it lights you up, even if it’s silly, you’re “too old,” or it’s “wasting time.” Let it be messy. Let it change directions. And let it fail spectacularly. The outcome isn’t as important as the process of it.

    I practice this by painting with my children. They are experts at following curiosity and creativity. While I’m painstakingly sketching a dog or a flower, they’re creating imaginary animals in underwater kingdoms and then covering the entire thing in handprints when the inspiration strikes.

    Every time, I shake my head with a smile—this is supposed to be fun, remember?

    5. Be of service in a way that’s meaningful to you.

    Share something. Create something. Teach something. Go where you are masterful and add value to the world in any way that’s accessible to you. Feed the hummingbirds, pick up litter, volunteer in your community. Big or small, it doesn’t matter; it’s the meaning behind it that makes all the difference.

    I started by cultivating the kind of presence I wanted to have in my own life. I wanted to feel present at home, for one, so I reduced the expectations I put on myself. The house may be messier, but our weekend adventures at the park are nothing short of extraordinary.

    If you’ve ever wanted to feel differently in your life, take one little, ordinary step. And then another. Let your feelings guide you. Your extraordinary life is waiting for you on the other side.

  • How Accepting That We’re Ordinary Opens Us Up to Love

    How Accepting That We’re Ordinary Opens Us Up to Love

    “Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.” ~C.S. Lewis

    I was talking to a mentor of mine several months ago, and they cut me off midsentence and said, “Zach, it sounds like you’re trying to be extraordinary. How about you just work at being ordinary?”

    I paused then promptly broke into tears. Yep. Tears. Not ashamed to admit that.

    Tears because the meat of the conversation was about self-worth and being enough. In that moment my deepest childhood wound was tapped into, and ordinary sounded horrible to me.

    Who wants to be ordinary? Not this guy.

    My mentor asked what was coming up for me, and I said my mom. Let me explain.

    My mom was a celebrity. She was an Emmy award winning actress that was on the cover of TV Guide, and she dated one of Hollywood’s biggest stars.

    She died tragically of cancer when I was three-and-a-half years old. One day she was there, the next she was gone.

    I interpreted her death the only way I knew how: I made up a story to make sense of it all. Mom left me because I’m not special.

    Ever since then, for as long as I can remember, the thought of being ordinary hasn’t agreed with me.  Like a taboo subject, I’ve treated ordinary like something society considers a no-no. To me, ordinary equals “not enough,” and not enough equals rejection, aka, abandonment.

    In my mind…

    Ordinary doesn’t get me love and affection. Ordinary doesn’t get me Facebook or Instagram “likes.”

    Ordinary doesn’t get me acknowledged at work. Ordinary isn’t talked about at parties.

    Ordinary isn’t interesting. Ordinary is abandoned just like when I was as a little boy.

    The thought of being ordinary scares the you-know-what out of me. So much so that I’ve spent most of my life trying to be something more.

    It’s been an insatiable quest to fill an empty cup of not enough-ness. It’s been me putting on a mask every day and trying to be someone else. 

    My hair has to look just right out of fear of you judging me. I have to say all the right things out fear of sounding stupid.

    I have to wear the right outfits because I only have one chance to impress you. I have to be the ultimate people pleaser or else you might not like me.

    I have to be extraordinary out of fear of you rejecting and leaving me. I’ve been afraid all these years that if you knew the real me, the ordinary me, you would turn around and go in the other direction.

    Note to self. Hustling for my worthiness all these years has been exhausting.

    And here’s the kicker. The act of me trying to be something is what keeps me alone in the first place because I’m not letting anyone see the real me.

    The definition of ordinary is normal. It doesn’t mean rejected or not enough. Just normal.

    In other words, it’s me being my normal self and not trying to be something else. Ordinary is authentic. Yet for some of us being authentic doesn’t feel safe. So we put on a mask and try and be someone else.

    It’s what our culture does to us and social media glorifies. Status is such a big thing in our lives today.

    But when you try to be something other than your ordinary self, whatever you’re attracting isn’t real because it’s not the real you. You’re not attracting real love or adoration.

    Therefore, you keep looking and you continue the cycle. Once you change your mind about this (and yourself) you will see change.

    Look, I get it. It’s easy to get wrapped up in the stories we tell ourselves. I need to be (you fill in the blank) to be liked and loved.

    But here’s the thing, when we do this, we show up differently in life. People don’t want to be impressed, they want to be understood.

    At the end of the day this was all about me being disconnected from my own inner wisdom. My inner wisdom is the core of my essence, and I was disconnected from this when I was on the call.

    When we try and be something we forget who we are and what love is. Ordinary is your return to love. It’s not you out there looking for love.

    It’s a return to what you were born in to. It’s like a return to grace.

    Here are four questions that I have found to be extremely helpful in shining a light on this subject:

    • Where in your life do you feel like you are struggling to be extraordinary?
    • Where in your life do you want to apply the healing balm of normalcy?
    • Where are you putting pressure on yourself to be extraordinary?
    • Who are you comparing yourself to?

    If you want to explore this area of your life, in a very human and grounded way, journaling around these questions might serve you, if you’re open to it.

    Put down the weight of extraordinary and be your beautiful, ordinary self. Extraordinary people exist within people with the most ordinary lives.

    We’re all unique in our own right and that’s the beauty of being human. We’re all ordinary and we’re all extraordinary.

  • Life Is in the Little Things: Finding the Extra in the Ordinary

    Life Is in the Little Things: Finding the Extra in the Ordinary

    “The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra.“ ~Jimmy Johnson

    “Write about what we did today,” my daughter said. She knows I often write once she is asleep.

    Dully I thought, “What we did today wasn’t that exciting.” Yet, for her, it obviously was.

    She gets lost in her experiences, deeply entrenched in the realms of her imagination that continue to weave each experience she is having.

    From my perspective, I took the kids and their friends to a nature reserve so they could get muddy and play. I needed them outside, away from the house where cabin fever sets in quickly and the mess builds up even more quickly along with my stress levels.

    Instead, we had a nice walk, first to see a waterfall, then for them to play in a stream and slide in the mud. After that, we had a picnic and I watched them all get lost in game after game led by their imaginations.

    When we got home my daughter set about making a Lego creation; there is a national competition going on and she wants to enter. She created a platform with a throne for the queen to sit upon after she climbs the magical rainbow-colored staircase. She had been reflecting upon that staircase the night before long after she should have been asleep.

    To the side of the queen was her courtier, and they overlooked a courtyard where many of her subjects had gathered so they could have a conversation. The courtyard was filled with beautiful flowers and another large plant that stands in the corner.

    The nuances of this creation I am sure to have missed, but I glimpsed beyond the plastic bricks that my mind wanted to adjust here and there, resisting the urge to ‘fix’ them. It was a thing of beauty.

    As is her habit every day, she also drew several pictures, each with its own story, ever evolving with lots of princesses and fairies. Then there was the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory audio book that she finished listening to, and the story of the Unicorn Riders we read at bedtime, each with their own stories and life lessons to untangle and reflect on.

    Not to speak, of course, of the majestic bun she has insisted upon having in her hair these holidays, with four braids that I carefully reproduce every few weeks (after a trip to Fiji last year). My hair dressing skills seem to have unwittingly evolved in all these requests.

    For me, I was just getting through another day of the school holidays. For her, though, she was a princess dreamily going about her day.

    After the kids were asleep, I pulled out the journal I keep to record all the things to be grateful for, or that were uplifting. Here is the sad effort I wrote:

    “The sun shining through the leaves at the reserve warmed my soul.” That was it, other than noting with thanks that my partner had gone to work all day long to provide us with money.

    Yet when I’ve sat down to fill my cup with a little writing, another voice speaks from within. One that sees much more in the day than I obviously had at first glance; it sees the ‘extra’ in the ordinary.

    When my daughter said to me a few days ago “It seems like I’ll have more fun when I’m young than when I’m old, Mum,” I understood why she thought that, but it also made me a bit sad.

    I lamely told her adults experience fun in a different way, then I realized I was just kidding myself. While that in itself is true, I knew there was no kidding the kids; they know when you are having fun or not.

    It’s time for an attitude shift. Sure, when I took the kids to the pools the other day, I did it to get it over with, since they have been nagging me for months to go. It’s an indoor pool, noisy, busy, and it stinks of chlorine. When I was a kid, I would have loved it too. Even as an adult, if I had peace to swim in the large pool it could be enjoyable.

    But being responsible for the lives of two little kids who are not yet able to swim properly yet go hurtling into the depths when the wave machine comes on, and in separate directions, it’s not so relaxing.

    Today, however, was more relaxing. No chlorine smell, only the smell of freshly cut grass. No loud echoing background noise, just the sound of kids laughing and playing.

    Come to think of it, we passed a really tall tree with fruits scattered all over the ground underneath; they looked like lemons. Except this tree was about twenty meters tall, so it was a bit of a mystery to me, and it was quite nice just to notice it and wonder what it was.

    It was also quite lovely to see the various dogs going past with their owners, clearly loving being out running around just as much as the kids were.

    After our picnic I even joined in the fun by doing a pretend tap dance while all the kids sat on a bench watching and giggling.

    When we got back to the house, the kids had all enjoyed their time in the fresh air and sat quietly drawing while I was able to hose down the clothes caked in mud. I have to admit to some satisfaction in seeing the colors of those clothes emerge again from the mud-brown-grey they had turned.

    I enjoyed listening to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory as much as the kids did, and it was interesting to connect the dots on a recurring dream I used to have, any time my life got a bit out of control, about the lift that went sideward and upside down.

    And when I came to read them their bedtime story, the Unicorn Riders pulled me in to their mythical world and left me on a cliffhanger as it was time to turn out the lights.

    Now, here I am, sitting contentedly tapping away on the keyboard. My cat is curled up next to me purring away. I am now reflecting on what a joy it is to have these kids that I waited for so long to come.

    Even though they drive me nuts at times, and life can be pretty intense, it is worth it to glimpse life through their lenses.

    I’ve also just realized that my long awaited new pillow arrived today, contoured to cater for exactly the way I sleep; this is not just great news, it is sheer bliss. How could I have left this and all these other snippets out my journal?

    All these years spent longing for things, recording my dreams, and yet once they are here somewhere in my psyche they turn to hum drum, stressful even. “This is what it is to be human,” I remind myself. “To always want something more.”

    It’s the age-old paradox of noticing what about my experiences I would like to change, while still appreciating in the moment the things that I do have. Instead, I seem to have slunk down into just taking for granted what I am experiencing and getting frustrated that what I want isn’t here yet.

    This is dumb, I know. It would be healthier to celebrate the sheer miracle that this life I am leading has been entirely of my own making. There is so much power in that. I remember a few years back, when my partner complained to his godparent about how hard it was to look after the kids, she reminded him that this was his dream.

    It’s true, it was our dream to have a family, and we spent years trying to make that happen. My partner even wanted two girls; he had names for them and everything. After we realized we needed to stop trying so hard, our wish came true.

    But it’s not just about kids; it’s about the place we live, the life we lead, the people around us—it’s all of our own making. And it’s actually pretty spectacular.

    I’m reminded of a little exercise of Marisa Peer’s I did one day, where I had to imagine seven-year-old me turning up at the front door of our house in my mind’s eye. I had to invite young me in and show her around. It was quite an emotional exercise. Looking at my life today through young me’s lenses was pretty gratifying.

    Thanks to my daughter, the dull response to her initial thought that I should write about today has turned to a sparkle. It wasn’t so unspectacular after all, I realize. In fact it was quite extraordinary and really quite fun.

    So often we focus on what’s lacking, or what didn’t meet our expectations, but we’re a lot happier when we appreciate the little things and recognize the beauty in the ordinary.

  • Create an Extraordinary Life: 5 Questions to Ask Yourself Daily

    Create an Extraordinary Life: 5 Questions to Ask Yourself Daily

    Woman thinking

    “We have one precious life: do something extraordinary today, even if it’s tiny. A pebble starts the avalanche.” ~K.A. Laity

    Do you have a vision of a life you want to lead?

    Doing work that you enjoy, being happy, healthy, and having great relationships?

    You probably have your own idea of what an extraordinary life means. But how often do you feel that you are living that life?

    Life is bound within the confines of our schedules, our money, and our limited resources.

    There are many things that you want to do, or want to be, but most of the time you tend to go with the flow, putting things off for later. Either because you are too busy, or because you feel that you lack the means to do so.

    What if that’s not true?

    What if you are mistaken about the limitations you think you face? What if you can do much more—starting today?

    What if, by just asking yourself a few questions every day, you could become happier, healthier, and much more successful?

    For me, an extraordinary life is not about being in a permanent vacation in Vegas or having millions in the bank. My vision is not of any particular destination, but a journey. It’s a life where I am content with what I have yet strive for more. A balance of the present and the future.

    Last year was one of the best years of my life. And I could make it so because I was able to look past what I had assumed to be major limitations that were holding me back.

    A Dream on the Backburner

    Since I was ten years old, I wanted to visit Scotland.

    Filled with breathtaking natural beauty, fascinating legends, rich history, incredible medieval architecture, wonderful people, and divine food, Scotland is one of the most enchanting places on Earth.

    I had glimpses of it all my life through travel shows, books, and movies –Braveheart, The Water Horse, the legend of the Loch Ness monster, R.L. Stevenson’s stories, and more.

    For me, this was not just about a vacation. This was connected to the very core of my identity—to my sense of freedom and adventure; to my love for art, beauty, and a desire to live a life of meaning.

    The trouble was that I was running a startup business and I was always either too busy or had too little money to spend on personal matters.

    My wife and I had this grand vision of a luxury trip to Scotland, when we would have enough time and money. We really didn’t want to go on a regular trip because we wanted it to be ‘extraordinary.’

    One day all that changed. But not in the way I had expected.

    A Simple Bit of Wisdom

    I came across a bit of simple but powerful wisdom by bestselling author Marshall Goldsmith. He spoke about asking ourselves daily questions about things that really matter to us:

    Did I do my best to (be or do something) today?

    The question might seem simple, but it has a very powerful impact. It will make you examine your life and your perceived limitations. It will prompt you to take personal responsibility for your life.

    I became intrigued and began to ask myself one particular question that he recommended:

    Did I do my best to be happy today?’

    Asking this question made me more cognizant of taking responsibility for my own happiness. Initially, it prompted me to practice gratitude every day. But then came a big revelation.

    A Revelation

    Over a couple of weeks, I began to think more deeply about my life. I really began to wonder, what would make me more fulfilled right now? And the same answer kept repeating itself: I had to go to Scotland.

    And then, I thought, why not? Why am I putting off something that means so much to me?

    My wife and I were planning a trip for the next year, but many ‘next years’ had elapsed without us taking action.

    Over the next few days, we did some serious research and realized that it wouldn’t really be as expensive as we had thought. Besides, there are ways to save, like staying in AirBnB instead of a hotel.

    Soon after, we were standing in the medieval city of Edinburgh!

    Nothing can prepare you for the magic when you actually land in that mesmerizing city. Traveling through the Highlands, visiting castles, and taking a boat ride on the legendary Loch Ness was far more beautiful than I had ever expected.

    And it all began by asking a simple question every day. Honestly, if I hadn’t asked that daily question, we would have put off our trip again for ‘next year.’

    The Power of the Question

    A meaningful question has the power to prompt you to take a close look at your life and your actions. It directs you to take responsibility for your success and happiness. So what other questions can you ask that have the power to change your life?

    I will share four more daily questions that you can ask yourself about different areas of your life. Each of these questions has the power to transform your life. But first…

    A Word of Caution

    Don’t expect an earth shattering revelation when you ask any of these questions for the first time. You will only realize the profound power of these questions once you begin asking them for at least a few days. But over time, these questions can truly make your life extraordinary.

    Ready? Let’s begin.

    Here are four more daily questions for living an extraordinary life.

    Improving your Career

    Are you less than satisfied with your job?

    Most of us are, or have been. Few of us feel completely fulfilled at work.

    However, what’s also true is that few of us consider themselves to be responsible for their happiness at work.

    Ask yourself, “Did I do my best to enjoy my work today?”

    Asking this will prompt you to make a sincere effort to enjoy your work.

    The moment you take this responsibility, it will become easier for you to connect with people, resolve conflicts, take more initiative, and lend a helping hand to a colleague.

    Over time, taking personal responsibility will drive better results, reduce your stress, and bring you more recognition and success.

    Improving Health and Fitness

    Do you tend to ignore your health because you are too busy? Do you make fitness resolutions without ever sticking to them?

    Ask, “Did I do my best to stay healthy?”

    This question will provide you with the energy to persevere.

    Eating better, going for a run every day, or even changing simple habits like taking the stairs instead of the lift takes time and effort to build.

    It is important to do your health habit a little every day till it becomes second nature.

    By asking this daily question you will remind yourself to take the small steps toward everyday health—eat a fruit, skip the rope, or sit down to meditate for a few minutes

    It will also give you the assurance that you can succeed despite your lack of time or inconsistency in the past.

    You realize that all you need is some extra effort and perseverance. Let the question be your inspiration every day.

    Improving Relationships

    Do you often find yourself involved in a disagreement or a conflict?

    Conflicts are one of the biggest sources of stress. How much easier would your life be if you had a way to resolve conflicts quickly, or even better, prevent them from occurring in the first place?

    Ask, “Did I do my best to understand people?”

    Most conflicts happen because people fail to understand each other. Because we fail to see the other person’s viewpoint, or appreciate their interests. Before you can truly make the other person understand you, you must understand him or her. Why not take the first step yourself?

    Designing your Life’s Purpose

    Do you ever feel a lack of clear purpose? Or that there is a special purpose to your life, but you don’t know what it is?

    There have been times when I have felt the same. It’s not unusual to question the direction your life is taking.

    But have you considered that you don’t really have to discover a special purpose in life?

    What if you can design your purpose every single day? What if your life has multiple purposes, the same way we have multiple roles in life—a spouse, a parent, a friend, an employee, a citizen, a human being.

    What if you just strived to be a person who attempts to do the best in one or more of these roles – everyday?

    Ask yourself, “Did I do my best to find meaning in my life today?”

    Out of all the above questions, this is probably the most powerful of all. Take the responsibility of finding meaning in your life every day. I believe that meaning already exists; we just don’t recognize it. Well, now you can—every day.

    It’s All Up to You

    I believe that life is a gift. Life itself is extraordinary.

    All of us will not find equal success in relationships, work, finances, or health. However, we can choose to do the best with the limited means that we have. We can choose to make a sincere effort to live life to the fullest every single day.

    These are just a few daily questions that can take you in the direction of creating an extraordinary life.

    What areas of your life do you want to focus on? What daily questions will you ask yourself?

    Woman thinking image via Shutterstock

  • How to Turn Everyday Life into an Adventure

    How to Turn Everyday Life into an Adventure

    “Every day is an adventure.” ~Joseph B. Wirthlin

    Be honest.

    It gets to you, doesn’t it?

    You feel trapped in a life of monotonous everyday routine. One dull day merges into the next, each equally forgettable. The months slide past until you look up from your desk and suddenly another birthday’s here.

    So you avidly consume programs and articles on fearless adventurers and bold entrepreneurs who risked everything to pursue their dreams.

    And you follow them hoping someday to have your own stories to tell, your own daredevil memories to post and tweet. But instead, you end up doing nothing but beating yourself up at your seeming lack of adventurous spirit.

    But maybe it’s time you stopped beating yourself up so much. What if adventuring isn’t all it’s cracked up to be?

    What Nobody Tells You About Living an Adventurous Life

    At nineteen, I was also frustrated with the lack of adventure in my life. And then I met a crazy-haired free spirit who catapulted me out of my everyday, humdrum life and into a world of adventure.

    It was amazing.

    But just like all those Photoshopped, celebrity cardboard-cutout Facebook pages, another side existed that few people confess to.

    You see, in between exploring mountains, deserts, and rainforests, and sleeping under a million twinkling stars, were days of hunger, exhaustion, and illness.

    In between meeting strangers who became just like loving family members within hours, were days of arguing with officials, being turned away by border guards, and being stoned with rocks in remote valleys with no hope of outside help.

    In between the adventure of building and sailing our boat were years of living aboard with no shower or heating, even though the second winter hit sub-zero temperatures.

    And even though we have a world record that says we went further than any other fools had gone before, we never knew where our next bed or meal was coming from the whole time.

    Are we glad we did it all? Absolutely.

    Was it like the movies? Not a bit.

    And our forays into business have taught us that the life of an entrepreneur is no different. Every day is just as uncertain, every venture a high wire act without a safety net between possible riches and certain bankruptcy.

    After ten years of living such a lifestyle, the constant uncertainty and discomfort had lost its allure. I wanted a regular income and the luxury of a toilet roll on a daily basis.

    So I settled down into a “normal” life, but within two years, that started to feel humdrum and stale. The lack of stimulation felt suffocating.

    But then I started searching for adventure in everyday life.

    And I swiftly found that opportunities exist to explore and experiment everywhere. You just need to be open to them.

    Actually, can I share a secret with you?

    My life now is way more adventurous (and happier) than before we decided to settle. You see…

    Life isn’t about the extraordinary once in a while; life is about the everyday—and the everyday can be extraordinary. Here’s how.

    Explore Your World

    You can become an everyday explorer without leaving your home and loved ones behind. I believed adventures only awaited in exotic lands. Then my eyes were opened to the truth: Everywhere is somewhere.

    1. Take a different route to work.

    You’ve no idea what you’ll discover. Two years of commuting busy roads was enough, and by taking a slower route, I discovered a beautiful house to rent on the doorstep of my workplace. I now get up earlier, but I can take a safer, quieter route to work.

    2. Discover an unexplored world.

    Take a sabbatical from your usual haunts on the weekend and try somewhere unknown. Forget guidebooks—just get out there and roam freely.

    3. Journey to a faraway land without leaving home.

    Pick a country you know little about, and have a theme night. (Invite friends.) Cook a traditional meal, and immerse yourself in an unknown culture—explore the history, art, and music, maybe even learn a little of the language.

    Find Buried Treasure

    Pull on your buccaneer boots, and realize this truth: If you search for the hidden treasures in your own life, you’ll discover wealth far greater than any rusty chest of tarnished gold.

     1. Uncover your forgotten skills.

    We all underestimate what skills we have and what we can do with them.

    For instance, have you ever arranged a yard sale or got the neighborhood together to raise money for a local project or to clean up the area? If so, you probably have forgotten skills in project management, delegation, budgeting, and cooperation. What other forgotten skills could you uncover and have an adventure with?

    2. Unearth your hidden talents.

    You’ve no idea what you’re capable of until you try. Say yes to things you might have previously said no to. Try your hand at a different sport, or join your local amateur dramatics group.

    I once helped finish a book for a friend who was woefully behind on the publisher’s deadline. Who knew that this previously undiscovered talent would lead me to write a book of my own and become a published author?

    3. Bring your buried blessings to the surface.

    Embark on a voyage of gratitude. Discover that your “dull” life is actually filled with bright blessings; you just need to recognize them to transform your everyday.

    Unleash Your Inner Entrepreneur

    You can become an everyday entrepreneur without having to leave your job. It’s just a question of looking for opportunities.

    1. Run yourself as your own company.

    Even if you’re employed, you can seize opportunities to thrive and grow. Decide where you want to be in five years career-wise, make a plan, and work toward it. Don’t leave it to others to choose your destiny.

    2. Learn to stand up for yourself and speak out.

    Say no to dead-end requests to be free to say yes to real chances of advancement. Rather than oppose change in your company, be the first to embrace it, and see where it can take you.

    3. Put yourself forward.

    Take the initiative and find ways to be more valuable. After I’d consistently volunteered to take on more responsibility, my boss generously paid for my professional studies, supporting my career advancement. All this presented a number of new challenges and adventures.

    Challenge Your Beliefs

    “Adventure is not outside man; it is within.” ~George Elliot

    You can become an everyday pioneer by stepping outside your comfort zone but staying totally inside your safety zone.

    1. Be an everyday seeker of knowledge.

    Challenge your belief that learning stops after high school or college. The adventure of learning never stops. Turn your boring evenings or weekends into an exciting quest for knowledge. You can learn anything from accounting to zoology, often for free, with online universities such as the Khan Academy.

    2. Freshen up your perspective.

    Have a break from everything you normally read, watch, or listen to. Pick different genres, explore, and experiment. Turn an everyday couch-side veg-out into a fascinating, inspiring journey into new worlds.

    3. Question all your limiting self-beliefs.

    Limiting self-beliefs stop one from taking a risk and trying new things. Overcoming these mental barriers is an adventure in itself that can transform your life.

    For years I believed I wasn’t creative, but I finally took the plunge and started drawing and painting. Now my previously dull evenings are filled with creative fun.

    Take a Chance on Love

    You can have your own Romancing The Stone adventure without risking life and limb.

    1. Take the blinkers off.

    Searching for love? Abandon preconceptions about your “perfect partner” and where you might find each other. Approach someone even if they don’t seem like your type. Leave your online dating profile open-ended.

    2. Never stop exploring.

    Settled in a relationship? Shake up the romance with a challenge to see how close you can become. Mark and I regularly play a fun game of writing out what we’d like life to be like, which led us, after fifteen years living together, to get married and embark on a new adventure.

    3. Have an affair—with yourself.

    Go on a personal voyage of discovery to fall in love with yourself. Perform an act of self-love each day. Journal all the positive things you did and said, and all the people you helped. Begin to see what a wonderful human being you are.

    Discover That the Greatest Adventure Is Helping Others

    Adventurers throughout history have sought personal fame or fortune. But, there is greater gain in helping others and greater reserves to be found in your heart than in any bank.

    1. Make the first move.

    Befriend a stranger at work or in your neighborhood. Be the first to break the ice and introduce yourself. Offer them a sincere compliment, and make their day. A stranger is just a friend-in-waiting.

    2. Try your hand at fund-raising.

    Explore inspiring ways to assist a charity you believe in to raise vital funds. Organize a car wash, or put on a local talent show.

    3. Immerse yourself in someone else’s world.

    Challenge your own preconceptions by volunteering. I foster hearing dogs, and our darling house guests have given me a much greater insight into the challenges the hearing impaired face.

    Turn the Ordinary into the Extraordinary

    You are too extraordinary to live ordinarily. You truly are an adventurous spirit.

    That’s exactly why you must live your own life of everyday adventures.

    You just have to unleash your curiosity.

    You can stay in your home, your job, your life. Your adventurous spirit can thrive right where you are now.

    Pick an idea from the list that lights your adventure torch. Start with one, and build in some others when you’re ready.

    Get out there and experiment, explore, and experience.

    Go make the everyday extraordinary.

  • 10 Ways to Be Great Today

    10 Ways to Be Great Today

    Earlier this week I wrote a post about the pursuit of greatness. I highlighted how it can sometimes create stress when it manifests as fear that we’re not good enough and might never be.

    In reviewing the reader comments, I felt a sense of deep appreciation for knowing so many truly great people. And I imagined there were far more of them who didn’t comment—some who may not realize just how great they are.

    I decided to put together this list based on some of my favorite related quotes. If you’re looking to nurture greatness, these tips may help you do just that—or they may help you recognize the extraordinary impact you already have on the people around you.

    1. Be a source of kindness.

    “Men are only as great as they are kind.” ~Elbert Hubbard

    We all want to live in a world where people are compassionate, understanding, and kind. Every time we treat someone this way, we do our part to create that kind of world.

    2. Treat everyone equally.

    “The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who does him absolutely no good.” ~Samuel Johnson

    There’s another saying that suggests we should be nice to people on the way up because they’re the same people we’ll meet on the way down. But there’s a more important reason to treat people well: We all thrive together when we stop fixating on “up” and “down” and choose to stand beside each other.

    3. Remember that actions speak louder than words.

    “Great thoughts speak only to the thoughtful mind, but great actions speak to all mankind.” ~Theodore Roosevelt

    Most of us have ideas to make a difference in the world—and we can do these things if we’re willing to act as much as we think and talk. Take your plans out of your head and off the page, even if with just one small step. Wherever you are in the process, that’s the opportunity to be great. (more…)

  • When the Pursuit of Greatness Does More Harm Than Good

    When the Pursuit of Greatness Does More Harm Than Good

    “Seek not greatness, but seek truth and you will find both.” ~Horace Mann

    You’re destined for greatness. Don’t settle for mediocrity. You can be extraordinary.

    Have you ever heard one of these motivating statements? I see them all the time around the web, and while I understand the intention, I sometimes have mixed feelings about the implication.

    We all want to make a difference in the world. We all want to make some kind of impact, both to contribute to mankind and to feel that our lives mean something.

    It’s a great, big world out there, and at times it can feel like we don’t matter unless we’re doing something huge. We might even be tempted to label our lives as unworthy if we’re not doing something that garners attention and admiration.

    This was the foundation of my early interest in performing. It wasn’t just that I loved expressing myself creatively, though I did; I’ve always had a wellspring of emotion that craved some type of artistic outlet.

    It was more that I needed that feeling of standing above a crowd that was fixated on me. I desperately craved their approval and applause, their confirmation that I was a valuable person—that I was someone with talent.

    Talent made me special. It made me stand out. When I held a microphone or moved center stage, I felt good about me.

    But when the house lights came on at the end of the night, that feeling depended on whether or not I received verbal confirmation of my greatness. If another actor received more flowers or compliments, I feared that I wasn’t good enough.

    This, right here, is what I dislike about the implication we can and should strive for greatness—it seems to imply that where we are right now isn’t already great.

    And the race to be extraordinary, to me this just feeds into the type of thinking that suggests we need to stand out, to prove we’re somehow better than ordinary.

    Now I’m not suggesting we shouldn’t try to make an impact on the world, or that we should stifle our energy or efforts in order to play small. (more…)

  • Extraordinary Passion: Making a Dream Come True

    Extraordinary Passion: Making a Dream Come True

    “Just as much as we see in others we have in ourselves.” ~William Hazlitt

    As an American living and working abroad in Barcelona with only local Spanish and Catalan television, I often look to the Internet for entertainment when I have downtime. I particularly enjoy looking up songs I’ve heard on the radio.

    I recently fell in love with the song We Are Young by the band Fun. I can still relate to this youthful anthem, even as an almost 40-year-old. I am fully aware that I probably just made the band hugely unpopular by admitting this.

    This is how I found the acoustic version of another Fun song, Carry On on YouTube. The accompanying instrumental music was simple and pure. And when Nate Ruess opened his mouth to sing, it appeared so effortless and natural, and created sounds so beautiful that it brought tears to my eyes.

    I couldn’t believe how emotional I was over watching this young, skinny guy sing!

    What struck my emotions so hard? It was the absolute beauty of someone, who looked like an ordinary guy, doing what he obviously loves, so well.

    The first thing I thought after watching him belt out Carry On was, “I want to do a thing so well that I feel like what he must feel like when he sings, or at least what he makes me feel like when he sings.”

    I was completely fascinated to find that Ruess never had formal musical training, couldn’t play an instrument, and pursued a musical career even in the face of being told that he wasn’t good enough and would never make it professionally. But he was, and he did, it appears purely out of true love for music.

    Had Nate Ruess been a more practical person, he may have forgone making a life out of his passion and pursued a college education and business or law. Had he done this, the world would have missed out on his incredibly unique musical gift.

    I have always stood in awe of people who are able to make their passion a main focus of their life. Many people don’t. And further, many people seem to think that it’s asking too much of life to live one’s passion.

    What makes people like Ruess appear so extraordinary is that they believed in their dreams enough to pursue them.

    I’ve often thought about other people who have realized their dreams by pursuing their passion or life calling: the Brazilian author Paulo Coelho; my cousin who is a gifted actor and musician; a world-class scientist friend of mine; Mother Teresa; the Buddha. (more…)