Tiny Buddha

Tag: expert

  • No One Starts Off at Their Best – Why We Need to Keep Going Anyway

    No One Starts Off at Their Best – Why We Need to Keep Going Anyway

    “Others have seen what is and asked why. I have seen what could be and asked why not.” ~Pablo Picasso

    This article is about the day I realized Picasso wasn’t born Picasso.

    If you’re already opening Google to find what his name was at birth, I’ll save you the typing and tell you here…

    He was born Pablo Ruiz Picasso. (His baptized name is wayyyy longer, but you get the point.)

    Okay, so he was always a Picasso.

    But he wasn’t always the Picasso.

    Let me explain by rewinding a few years back…

    I was in Spain for one of my best friend’s weddings, and I decided to spend an extra couple of weeks exploring the country.

    Of course, exploring the narrow winding streets and cultural history of Barcelona was high on my priority list (as well as eating endless tapas and indulging in delicious goblets of the most refreshing gin drinks to ever hit my lips haha).

    So many of the Great Creatives originated from Spain or left their mark in this beautifully complex country in one way or another.

    Put simply, I was in Heaven.

    I still remember the day I stepped foot in the Picasso Museum. With much anticipation I made my way up the stairs, one step at a time, until I was finally beginning my stroll down Picasso Memory Lane.

    Let me tell you… It was NOT what I was expecting.

    Confusion hit me first.

    “Wait, what? THIS is Picasso? Am I in the wrong place? Am I supposed to think these are incredible works of art?”

    Along with confusion, I was questioning my previous knowledge and what I thought I knew of this famous artist.

    I’m no art buff, but I’d like to think I know a thing or two about a thing or two.

    I weaved in and out of many more rooms, continuing to feel confused, kind of let down, and like there might be something wrong with me and my memory.

    I walked into the next room, almost feeling bored but trying to put on a super interested face by slightly tilting my head and nodding slowly as I took everything in.

    Then BOOM.

    There it was.

    The classic Picasso style we all know. The famous cube-like strokes and surrealistic images he was known for.

    I remember standing there in complete awe. It was a jaw-dropping moment for me, but it wasn’t because of the famous art I was staring at.

    It was because of all the not-so-famous art I had wandered past to get here.

    That’s when it hit me.

    PICASSO wasn’t born Picasso.

    He didn’t come out of the womb a world-famous painter, forging the way into a new era of art. He worked for it. Every. Single. Day.

    He was dedicated to his art.

    He was dedicated to the process, to the doing, to the journey of becoming the artist we all know today.

    In that instant, my perspective on the previous rooms and walls of art suddenly changed. I now saw those previous works of art as badges of honor. Of hours upon hours of self-exploration… Learning new techniques, putting images to thoughts, feelings, experiences, and words.

    Those paintings were a testament to his will and dedication not only to his art, but to himself.

    He didn’t give up just because he wasn’t acknowledged or celebrated right away.

    In fact, there were almost as many years of his work not being put on a pedestal as there were of his glory years.

    As a self-proclaimed perfectionist who has been afraid of “getting it wrong” or not being “good enough,” I’m letting go of the need to get it right.

    Yup, I’m doing it right now as I type. Eeks!

    This is a pivotal moment for me.

    I’ve realized I’ll never have the opportunity to “get it right” if I’m not willing to be okay with “getting it wrong.”

    And let’s be honest, the whole concept of “getting it right” is something that we all need to throw out the door ASAP.

    Let the “getting it wrong” begin and cheers to all of the ugly badges of honor I’ll create along the way.

    I’m realizing more than ever that like art, the exploration of self and quite simply, just living our lives, should be focused on what fuels our souls, what makes our heart sing, what makes us feel good, what makes us glow from the inside out—not how we’ll be received.

    Focusing on what feels good and true for us should be our number one priority.

    Of course, life comes with challenges, and there will always be tough times we need to wade through, but just imagine how much easier it would be to move through these times if we stayed committed to doing what brings us joy while we figure out the rest?

    This is what I think Picasso did.

    No matter what he was experiencing, he took paint to brush and brush to paper. It was his exploration, his self-expression, his therapy.

    He was the painter of his life, and he never stopped painting.

    I’m moving forward with a re-ignited, deepened knowing that while I may not be a painter, I am still the painter or rather, the creator, of my life.

    I get to paint the next picture, and there’s something very liberating and exciting about this.

    So, my question to you is simple….

    What’s the next picture you want to paint? And what would you try if you stopped worrying about doing your best work and simply followed your heart

  • There Is No Expert on You

    There Is No Expert on You

    Confused Woman

    “Believe nothing no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and common sense.” ~Buddha

    Sometimes it seems to me that we are collectively obsessed with expert advice.

    In some cases, it makes sense to consult an authority.

    When you’re planning for retirement, it’s smart to seek out a financial planner. When you’re starting a business, by all means, sit down with someone who’s done what you aspire to do. And when your dog gets sick, it’s probably smart to call your veterinarian instead of relying on your gut instincts.

    But when it comes to the decisions we need to make for ourselves, the experts can easily become a crutch.

    When I first arrived in San Francisco, I accepted my first full-time writing job for a company that published senior care guides. I was new to blogging, and so were my employers.

    After a few months of writing polished articles that received hardly any traffic, the editor-in-chief decided the key to attracting a wider audience was to create a panel of experts who would cover a wide variety of relevant topics.

    What struck me is that readers often asked questions when they needed to make a difficult decision and were looking more for validation than information. The best example was when a woman with an aging mother asked if seniors with no prior mental health issues frequently get depressed in nursing homes.

    It seems to me that what she was looking for was less about statistics—which she could also have found by Googling—and more about confirmation that her elderly mother wouldn’t be unhappy if she moved her into a home.

    But no expert can provide that answer. Sometimes there isn’t an answer, and there won’t be until we act and then learn the consequences of our choices.

    I can understand the allure of confirmation. (more…)

  • When Self-Help Doesn’t Help: Doing What’s Best for You

    When Self-Help Doesn’t Help: Doing What’s Best for You

    Man Reading

    “Your inner knowing is your only true compass.” ~Joy Page

    Are you someone who devours self-help books, blogs, and articles?

    Do you take pleasure in checking out the latest advice from this “expert” or that “guru”?

    Are you someone who puts into play the advice proposed but are still left feeling somewhat unfulfilled afterward?

    The Trouble with Self-Help

    The trouble with self-help advice is that sometimes it leads us down the path of us not helping ourselves at all. Sometimes we get so caught up in someone else’s vision that we lose sight of our own.

    Truth be told, what I consider to be a great life may leave you wanting for more (or perhaps less). What you consider to be extremely ethical I may consider less so. And that’s as it should be.

    Our value system, beliefs, ideas, and ideals should be our own—informed by the outside, without a doubt, but we need to process and own them for ourselves.

    Part of the problem with self-help type advice is that we can start to lose sight of what we really see as success or a successful outcome. We get so caught up in what we’re reading that we can start viewing it as the Holy Grail.

    If I lose weight, then I should feel like this.

    If I simplify my life, then I should be immediately happier.

    If I run a marathon, I should feel the greatest sense of achievement I ever have.

    Sometimes these areas do live up to expectation and leave us with a deep sense of accomplishment. However, sometimes they don’t and can lead us all the way back to square one, or actually make us feel worse than we did originally.

    Falling into the Trap

    I personally have fallen into the trap of overdosing on self-help and self-development books, blogs, and writers over the years—reading book after book but then not implementing the changes suggested, or implementing them but feeling underwhelmed by how I felt afterward. This often led me in circles.

    I take my self-development seriously and I love to read about simplicity and lifestyle redesign, in particular. In fact, left unchecked, I could quite happily bury myself in books and blogs that fall under these categories all day.

    However, in my quest for perfection, I have taken paths that were anything but perfect for me.

    One example would be trying to be more minimalist than I am happy being. Reading about others living as minimalists, giving away most of what they own, or living with only fifty items, I had envisioned myself leading a similar life.

    That vision helped me to a certain point on my own version of simpler living, but then I tried contorting myself a little bit too much.

    I liked some of the stuff, even it was just stuff. I like the convenience of a car. I love going away on exotic travels as often as I can afford. I realized a little minimalist suited me, but not too much. Sounds contradictory, perhaps, but hey, that’s me!

    Another example would be working on being more mindful. I read the work of people who sound like they live in a permanent state of calm. I liked this as an ideal.

    I consider myself a pretty calm and patient person most of the time and see those as personal strengths, but I also have my limits, and I’m not above losing my cool at times.

    Rather than accepting this as part of me, I tried to “fix” it. It didn’t work.

    We’re human, not robots, and sometimes we lose our cool. I’m perfectly fine with that now but wasn’t for a time, as I saw it as a weakness. My expectations were unrealistic, and the advice, as well meaning as it might have been, didn’t completely fit me.

    Although these experiences left me a little dejected at the time, they led me to a better place overall. I came to realize that I am the best master of my own destiny with regard to my goals. I learn and take from external sources, of course, but I own the goals.

    I make the output suit me and know that no one person has all the answers. The result is a happier me, and something that I can implement into my own life, making any changes I make more likely to remain lifestyle changes rather than a five-minute fix that then gets discarded.

    Through the above process I started to realize the problem wasn’t the books or authors themselves, but me and my own expectations. Sometimes I was guilty of falling into the author’s view of what a good outcome would be rather than being focused on my own needs and wants. I worked on that.

    These days, I can still regularly be found leafing through books that fall neatly into the self-development area. And my bookshelves are full of such books. I still love the genre and indeed write in that genre myself.

    However, now I am very clear about what it is I want to get from each read. I’m more selective about who and what I read. I’m clearer on the version of my life I’m trying to get to. If someone else’s experience can help me get there quicker, all the better.

    What Does Success Look Like for You?

    To answer this question, we first need to know:

    • What it is and who it is we value most
    • Who it is we want to be in life
    • What kind of life we want for ourselves
    • How we want to feel when we see ourselves staring back in a mirror

    Only we can truly know what that version of ourselves and our lives looks like.

    Self-help should help. Make it your own and it just might do that.

    Make sure you’re building and supporting your own unique vision of what a great life is and are doing your best to make that your reality. Use what helps along the way, but don’t get caught up in comparisons or in someone else’s vision of what your life should look like.

    Set your own compass and live a life very much in line with your own terms.

    Man reading image via Shutterstock

  • When You Think You Need to Know More to Be Good Enough

    When You Think You Need to Know More to Be Good Enough

    Deep Thought

    “All the wonders you seek are within yourself.” ~Sir Thomas Browne

    I’m constantly looking for answers—in books, in yoga classes, in meditation. Everywhere I go I meet people, new and old, and I’m constantly asking questions. I thrive on learning new opinions, spiritualities, lessons, and facts. Relentlessly, I’m always searching for more.

    Aren’t we all looking for the answers?

    How am I going to leave the position that I’ve held for most of my life and start a new job, in a new company? Raise our first child (or puppy!)? Take care of our aging parents? Start teaching yoga classes after just finishing a six-month yoga teacher training course?

    How do we become happy with where we are today?

    These are questions that run through my head, and I’m 99% sure that a form of these questions have run through your head recently, if not today.

    Where do we find the answers? In the latest self-help book on finding happiness in three easy steps? Well, that may work for today. Most, if not all, of the self help books I’ve read have helped me in some form or another, although I still find myself searching for more answers, more knowledge.

    Maybe you and I will be searching for the rest of our lives for the answers that we need to live a happy, healthy, joyful, stress-free life and maybe that is okay.

    I just finished reading Dani Shapiro’s book Devotion. At the end of the book, she is speaking with Sylvia Boorstein, (a meditation teacher she met along her journey) about an upcoming TV appearance that she was nervous about.

    Sylvia reminds her, “This is what you know now.” Dani reflects on this and continues, “I can only know what I know now. That’s all any of us can know. Hopefully, we’ll know more an hour from now. And tonight. And tomorrow. And next year.”

    As did Dani, I reflected on this statement, “This is what you know now.”

    I’ve been struggling with where to put my time and effort. I work full time in the corporate world, just received my certification to teach yoga, and belong to an amazing support group dealing with the loss of my father. I also have my home life, to which I’d like to to continually devote a good portion of my time.

    Ultimately, I want to help others. I want to share yoga/meditation and what I’ve learned from grief. I want to continue to write. But I’m far from an expert in these things.

    There are times during a yoga class when I wonder if I will ever be able to teach a class as well as the teacher because of all the knowledge they have—quoting Buddha word for word off the top of their head, speaking Sanskrit words that I have never heard and bending fully into a forward fold while I’m still struggling to touch my toes.

    Questions start running through my head, and I wonder if I will ever be good enough to teach a class and be able to share what I know and what I’ve learned through my yoga journey and grief. Will anyone give me a chance?

    I’m learning, and all I can do is continue to listen and be okay with what I know right now, which is a lot more than I knew two and half years ago stepping onto my yoga mat for the first time.

    So for now, this is my answer to myself: “This is what I know now.” I can’t speak in Sanskrit yet, I can’t touch my head to my knees yet, and I certainly have no clue how to raise a baby yet. But I will learn, and in meantime, I will continue writing to help heal, and practice yoga/meditate the best that I can right now.

    I hope you, too, can find solace in these words, to understand that we do not need to have all the answers and all the knowledge right now.

    I hope these words come up the next time you are searching for answers or starting something in new life. All you can know is what you know right now, in this moment, and that’s good enough.

    Photo by John Aslund

  • 8 Ways We Block Our Creativity and Keep Ourselves Stuck

    8 Ways We Block Our Creativity and Keep Ourselves Stuck

    “Accept your past without regret, handle your present with confidence, and face your future without fear.” ~Unknown

    I have always considered myself a creative person, and formerly, I didn’t put much attention or energy into where  inspiration came from.

    There was a time when I had just started writing copy, designing, printing, and hand-painting T-shirts. Having worked on a few creative ventures before then, I felt that this time things were different.

    I urgently and passionately worked into the early mornings, designing and putting ideas and concepts on paper, afraid that I would lose the inspiration. Dramatic as it may sound, this was my first brush with raw creative inspiration and the waves of delight and despair it makes you ride.

    Fast-forward many years later, I had gotten myself gradually into a non-creative nine-to-five job. I began wondering why I didn’t feel as inspired to create.

    These last few years have been an attempt to reconnect with creative inspiration. I have always been interested in writing and the power and magic of words. I strongly feel like there is a writer within me who is waiting to unleash his creativity.

    As I turn the clock back, I reflect over how I blocked my own creativity—what thoughts, beliefs, and excuses got in the way. If you’re also feeling stuck, some of these may be holding you back:

    1. I am not an expert and I don’t feel ready.

    This is the most fundamental level at which we block ourselves from using our creative powers. We tell ourselves that we’re not ready, and we believe we need to learn more before we can begin.

    We may never feel completely ready, but we’ll feel a lot better and a lot more confident after we allow ourselves to take action.

    2. I don’t believe in myself.

    Have you ever met someone who was talented but chose to remain a wallflower in their own life because they didn’t believe they were?

    I remember the time I stood in front of fifty students to teach biology. Before the class, I’d looked at myself in the mirror, nervous and unsure if I would be received well. I looked squarely into my eyes and reconnected with a sense of deep belief that I was good enough for the task.

    As a result, I felt authentic and allowed myself to be a vehicle of expression to others.

    Since that day, I’ve incorporated many creative techniques in my teaching methods. Instead of just lecturing, I tell stories, use models, and engage my students in hands-on activities.

    3. It’s not the right time.

    Time is a wonderful excuse to put off that dream project because we always think we’ll be better prepared or have more time later. But every time I’ve asked myself if I could carve out some time for my creative dreams, the answer has been a resounding “yes,” because I know it’s a worthy, fulfilling, and rewarding experience, and that I need to make time.

    4. It’s not perfect: analysis paralysis.

    Perfectionism can kill creativity. You wear yourself thin by assuming something isn’t good enough, and you get stuck in analysis.

    I have endlessly analyzed the merits and demerits of a creative venture, never quite going past that stage—never taking any real action to make it happen.

    We create standards for perfectionism based on our beliefs, and think that we don’t measure up. This becomes a self-limiting experience. When we realize we’re the ones setting the high standards, we have the choice to accept imperfection and become free to express our creativity.

    5. I feel overwhelmed.

    Having too much on your plate can push you into overwhelm mode, and everything feels like a crisis. How can you create if you don’t know where to begin?

    Whenever I feel like this, I take the time to unwind, breathe, and slow down. I clean my space, de-clutter my surroundings, and put things back to where they belong. I allow myself to take a break, relax, and do what I enjoy.

    I’ve realized that we were not designed to be on “go” mode all the time; doing too much makes us feel like hamsters spinning on a wheel. I’ve made the choice to step off. The solution is to take small steps!

    6. I’m afraid of failure.

    As a society, we are mortally afraid of failing and looking bad. Success and the quest for the better life are deeply programmed in us. We don’t always learn to fail, brush off, and move on, and we don’t accept that failure is not only probable, but also inevitable.

    I learned the lesson of failure when I began working in a laboratory setting. In science research, much of what you do on a daily basis fails. These failures become stepping stones for what finally works.

    7. I feel uncertain and don’t know what to do next.

    How many times have you felt uncertain and unwilling to do something new, and therefore became stuck?

    When we realize that uncertainty is just a step in the creative process, we can begin to feel at ease with it and focus on moving forward.

    8. I’m dwelling on the past and blocking my creative energy in the present.

    When I was angry, I told myself stories about how everyone else was to blame for my problems—how I had it difficult and why no one understood or cared.

    Now I realize that by being caught up in my stories, I stunted my creative growth. Instead of using the energy of anger and my stories as an impetus to create more, I just let it waste away.

    When ancient stories and programs bubble up, I do some acceptance and forgiveness work. I allow the emotions to come up and then I thank them and ask what can I learn from them. I then choose to forgive and let go. This frees up my energy to create more in my present.

    What blocks your creativity, and are you ready to get unblocked?

  • The World’s Top 7 Life-Changing Gurus

    The World’s Top 7 Life-Changing Gurus

    “Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer.” ~William S. Burroughs  

    Where do you turn when life gets you down? Who’s your hero, your mentor, your pillar of strength amidst the turmoil?

    Haven’t we all had those days when life just seems to be a battle? I know I certainly have. And then there are times when there’s an ongoing challenge that grabs hold of us and just won’t let go.

    What can you do? Where do you get your strength—your answers?

    For a lot of us, we look to inspirational figures, leaders, experts, gurus, and even celebrities. Those larger than life figures that are out there living life, experiencing things we only dream of, and dispensing the wisdom we don’t think we possess.

    In my younger years, I wanted a mentor. I thought surely that would solve all my problems. It would give me the hope, encouragement, and maybe even strategies to live the life I was destined to live. I could finally overcome my personal challenges or lack of experience and knowledge.

    This notion went on for years. Oh sure, I had plenty of good jobs and made decent money. I lived the life so many of us do. I just wanted more. I felt I had potential that just wasn’t surfacing.

    Eventually my yearnings led me to discover experts and gurus willing to sell their advice.

    I won’t list their names here, but you know who they are. They offered seminars, created master-mind groups, put together home-study courses. I thought, hey, maybe this is the answer. I can buy my mentors!

    From the big names to the lesser-knowns, I started buying nearly every self-development and business strategy course they peddled.

    It became an addiction that nearly led me to bankruptcy.

    I was buying so many programs and courses and retreats and “solutions” that I had no time to implement any of them. The buying itself became my solution. Ugh.

    I was hooked on glitter, celebrity, and everything external. I was chasing success, happiness, and purpose as if they were “out there” somewhere.

    I had no idea who I really was. I gave no credence to the experiences that life had blessed me with. I didn’t value the inner wisdom that resided within. (more…)