Tag: excuses

  • How I Created Opportunities in a World Full of Obstacles

    How I Created Opportunities in a World Full of Obstacles

    “I really want to, but I can’t because [add semi-valid reason here].”

    That’s a template sentence to let yourself off the hook.

    It’s not copyrighted, so feel free to use it any time you want to let go of your dreams and not feel bad about it.

    Honestly, it hurts me every time I hear someone say it. I see it for what it is—an excuse.

    Every single one of us has ambitions, hopes, dreams, and goals. We fantasize about them on our commutes to work and before we sleep. We talk about how we will one day achieve them, but when it comes time to put them to action, we use that template sentence.

    I had every reason to use the template sentence. I live in a third-world country in the Middle East. We suffer from a lack of water, electricity, security, and opportunities—especially for girls.

    In the Western world, if you want to learn a new skill, you sign up for a training course, get a book, find articles online, or join a club. It’s different here. Here, we don’t have training courses, libraries, or clubs, and the internet is slower than a snail crawling through peanut butter.

    During my teen years, I felt stuck in my life. I wanted to learn so many things and achieve my wildest dreams, yet I couldn’t. How was I supposed to impact people when I would only leave the house to go to school on the weekdays and grocery shopping on the weekends?

    I read stories of kids my age winning science fairs and inventing devices to solve the world’s leading issues. Yet, there I was, wasting my time at home, waiting five minutes for a single webpage to load.

    I had always imagined what my life would be like, and this is not what I had pictured. Time was passing me by, and my talents and ambitions were going to waste.

    I wanted to have an impact, but I couldn’t because I didn’t have the opportunities to learn and gain experience and feedback. (Notice the template sentence.)

    This way of thinking was eating away at my soul. Day after day, I found myself sinking into a pit of misery. I would spend my days lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. There was nothing I could do to change my life, so why try?

    One day, I had had enough. I had been lying in bed for days. It had been years since anything amazing had happened to me. I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t accept the fact that this would be my life. There was an itch under my skin to make my life worth living.

    “Life is too short to waste it moping about the hand of cards life had served me,” I thought. I didn’t care what it would take. I would do whatever I could to get myself out of the hole I was in.

    I decided to use the resources I had to create the future I dreamed. “Bloom where you are planted” became my life motto. What I had access to at the time was the internet.

    In order to get out of the country I was in, I concluded that I’d need a scholarship. I set my mind on getting the Japanese Monbusho Scholarship. I found blogs, articles, and books online to become fluent in Japanese. I practiced day in and day out. I tried a plethora of different methods to learn new words and perfect my grammar. In a few months, I was able to hold a simple conversation in Japanese.

    I also realized that I would need money. I wasn’t allowed to go out and get a job. This was an obstacle I had trouble accepting. I tried to convince my parents to let me work, but they refused for my safety. My mother introduced me to the concept of passive income and showed me blogs that were making six figures every month!

    I set out to build a hedgehog care website. Every day, after school, I would research hedgehogs and write detailed articles about how to feed them, groom them, play with them, and anything else one would need to know. I went on like this for 3 years, studying Japanese and writing about hedgehogs.

    I’m sure you’re expecting a spirit-lifting ending where I travel to Japan and live off my flourishing website. That’s not how this story ends.

    I didn’t get the scholarship. The fact is, I didn’t even get the chance to apply. I ended up studying in my third-world country. I was crushed. I didn’t want to, but it was either study here or not study at all. Unwilling to accept the facts, I started an online university the next year. I now study at two universities simultaneously.

    As for the hedgehog website, it made me a total of $60 for the three years of work I put into it.

    I can stand here and tell you that I tried, but it didn’t work out. That’d be a lie. It did work out—just not the way I expected.

    I’m not in Japan, but I know how to speak Japanese and have met many interesting people along the way. I learned from them and gained experience just as I hoped I one day would. And instead of one major, I now have two, both of which I enjoy learning about.

    My hedgehog website didn’t succeed, but I created a new one that’s even better with the expertise I gained. I interact with my readers often, helping them find ways they can live their dreams. I love hearing their stories and learning how I helped them build better habits or make their goals a reality.

    I still live in the same country I did before. I still have to wait five minutes for a webpage to load. However, I know that even though the obstacles are always there—and always will be—they have nothing to do with happiness, fulfillment, success, peace, and satisfaction. Some people have it better than others, and some have it worse, but every single person, regardless of circumstance, can control their mindset.

    I didn’t let my obstacles stand in my way, and I created my own opportunities when I found none. In an instant, anyone can decide to embrace the cards they’ve been dealt and create their own unique way to shuffle, redistribute, alter, or mold them into a winning hand.

  • Overcoming Excuses and Believing in What You Can Do

    Overcoming Excuses and Believing in What You Can Do

    Sunrise Acrobatics

    “Your belief determines your action and your action determines your results, but first you have to believe.” ~Mark Victor Hansen

    I still remember how I felt crossing the finish line after my first 10K race. I was elated. I felt like I could conquer anything.

    I realize that for all you marathon runners, 10K may not seem like a big deal. But for me, it was monumental. Up until the two years prior to running my first race, the only running I did was in gym class (and only after trying anything I could think of to get out of it).

    But somehow, one of my good friends convinced me to give it another shot. We enrolled in a “Learn to run” class. I have to admit, I felt pretty embarrassed taking a class that promised to teach me how to run. Shouldn’t I already know how to run?

    But I showed up and I participated. For the first “run,” we practiced running one minute, then walking for two minutes. I thought I was going to die. Running for one minute felt excruciating. It wasn’t that I was out of shape. I went to the gym regularly. I tried to take care of myself.

    But running—that was totally different. It felt impossible. Unachievable. I wanted to quit. I was not a runner after all. Why was I even doing this? What was I trying to prove?

    But somehow, I found myself showing up for the next run. And the next run. And the next. Each time we added an extra minute of running, and less walking.

    As we reached five minutes of running to one minute of walking, I had an epiphany. Running five minutes felt challenging, no question there, but I realized that it felt just as challenging as running one minute did. In fact, it felt exactly the same; I had to push myself in exactly the same way to run five minutes as I did to run one minute.

    As we worked our way up to running ten minutes straight, I realized that this strange phenomenon was still true. Running for ten minutes felt just as hard as running for five minutes. Or, if I switched things around, running for ten minutes was no harder than running for five minutes.

    This switch completely changed everything. I had started out believing that I wasn’t a runner, and that running was too challenging for me. After all, I struggled to run one minute straight. Now, just a few weeks later, I was running ten minutes straight for a total of five kilometers.

    I realized the power that my thoughts had over my abilities, and how by taking small steps to push myself outside of my comfort zone, I was able to completely change how I thought of myself.

    I no longer thought of myself as unable to run. I was now a runner. And as long as I continued to stretch, there was no limit to what I could do. I pushed through and ran my first 10K race the following year.

    I don’t want to pretend that the whole process was easy, or that there weren’t challenges along the way. Each time I came to a plateau, I had to really challenge myself to go just a little further until that new place felt comfortable.

    I learned to celebrate the small victories along the way. I learned that running really is 90% mental.

    The most important piece of this whole experience, however, was learning that I was unknowingly placing restrictions on what I can accomplish. Where else had I decided I “just wasn’t good at that”? Where else was I failing to push myself out of my comfort zone?

    Now, as a business owner, I can see the same process repeating itself. I’ve exposed myself and my work for everyone to see. I’m vulnerable. I wonder if I have what it takes. I come up with excuses for why I can’t show up, just like I did in gym class.

    But this time I know that I have conquered this mental crap before, and I can do it again. It’s not easy, but I can push myself—take those small steps each day—until I reach my goals. I can celebrate the small victories along the way. I know that it is 90% mental, and I’m ready.

    I would invite you to take a look at your life and ask yourself where you’re not showing up fully. For me, this shows up as excuses and stories that I tell myself and others when I feel challenged. It shows up as self-made boundaries that keep me feeling small and safe.

    It isn’t until you begin to recognize your own sabotaging behavior that you are able to start shifting your beliefs. Once you start believing in yourself, you’re able to take those small steps forward that previously felt overwhelming or insurmountable.

    Pay attention to the stories that you are telling yourself. These are the stories that become your reality. These are the stories that have the potential to write your future.

    “Believe in yourself, and the rest will fall into place. Have faith in your own abilities, work hard, and there is nothing you cannot accomplish.” ~Brad Henry

    Photo by Zach Dischner

  • 5 Ways to Seize the Moment and Live Without Regrets

    5 Ways to Seize the Moment and Live Without Regrets

    The Jubilant Man

    “Accept your past without regret, handle your present with confidence, and face your future without fear.” ~Unknown

    Samara is my colleague at work. She is one of the most pleasant ladies I know. She always has a smile and an encouraging word to give.

    She really is the kind of woman you want to speak to on the days you feel like life has dealt you a bad hand, because she always has something comforting to say. As we got closer, I confided more and more in her about the challenges I was going through in my life.

    I envisioned that her life must be perfect since she has such inner strength.

    But I was wrong.

    One day I noticed she had a sad countenance. That was strange because Samara was like sunshine itself. However, her sad countenance did not last, and before long she had her signature smile back on.

    But I was not deceived. I knew that deep inside her, she was experiencing some pain, so I asked her what was wrong.

    At first, she smiled and said that all was well. But I insisted that she confide in me. She looked me in the eyes, thanked me for caring, and then dropped the bombshell.

    “My six-year-old daughter has been in a critical condition for the past six months because of my carelessness. I saw her yesterday and her situation seems to have worsened. I think she is going to die.”

    For a second, I could not speak. I was in shock.

    “I am so sorry,” I managed to stammer, trying not to let her see how shaken I was by the shocking statement I had just heard.

    She explained to me that six months ago, she had stopped at a supermarket to get a few things. And because she was in a hurry, she had left her daughter in the car with the engine running. Her daughter had managed to engage the gear and the car had sped into the road, right into an oncoming trailer, and she had been seriously injured.

    The tears rolled down my face as she narrated this horrific story to me.

    She assured me that she had managed to forgive herself and had replaced regrets with gratitude for the six years she spent with her daughter.

    I recalled with a sense of embarrassment all the fuss I sometimes make over little things that, in light of what I’d just heard from Samara, now seem really insignificant.

    My marriage was not working out the way I wanted it to and everyday I lived with regret that I married my husband. I made a career change, which has turned out to be a very poor decision, and I have not been able to forgive myself.

    I realized that I spend too much of my time dwelling on all the mistakes I have made in the past. I spend too much time regretting things that I have no power to change. I spend too much time wishing things were different. I spend too much time beating myself up over what I’ve done.

    Over the years after that encounter, I determined to live a more positive life, free of regrets. Here are five ways I’ve learned to do that:

    1. Live your life with purpose.

    I realized that my career was doing badly because I did not have a career plan. I just drifted through my days without something to look forward to, so my life lacked momentum.

    Determine to live a life of focus. Today, take a stand on one thing you want to achieve in your life and draw up a plan to accomplish it.

    2. Stop making excuses.

    I blamed everybody else for the way my life turned out. I blamed my husband for the failure of my marriage and I blamed my boss for not promoting me.

    I am responsible for my life and not anybody else. Instead of making excuses, I need to take responsibility.

    It doesn’t matter what the obstacles in your life are. You can achieve almost anything if you put your mind to it. Helen Keller and Jon Morrow are examples of people who achieved excellence despite physical disabilities.

    Look within yourself. There is something waiting to be birthed. Find what that something is and do it, without excuses.

    3. Choose not to be a victim.

    At a point, I thought I had made such a mess of my life that there was no point trying to put things right. So I gave up trying. I mulled over my mistakes every day and went deeper into regrets.

    None of this helped me. I only started making progress when I embraced my mistakes, determined not to make them again, and resumed chasing my dreams.

    Life is not fair for any one of us. There will be storms and you will make mistakes. But be determined to get up as many times as life pushes you down. Forgive yourself, learn the lessons, and go on working toward your goals.

    The more time you spend feeling sorry for yourself, the less time you have to pursue the life of your dreams.

    4. Stop comparing yourself to others.

    I could not stop comparing myself to others. Everybody seemed to be happier than me, their marriages seemed to be faring better, and I seemed to be the only person with a less than fulfilling career.

    This made me feel even worse. I wondered what others were doing that I was not. Their progress in life seemed to dampen my spirit.

    Over time, I realized that comparing yourself with others is one of the greatest mistakes anybody can make. No matter who you are or where you find yourself in life, always remember that you have your own unique path to walk.

    Never compare yourself, your struggles, and your journey to anyone else, for that would only distract you from your own.

    We are all different. Forget about others and focus on fulfilling your own life dreams.

    5. Take action now.

    After I drew up a career plan for myself, I still lacked the courage to follow my plan. I wasted a lot of time because I was afraid that I would fail and I did not have to courage to start. So I continued to push things off.

    It’s funny how so many people seem to think that tomorrow is better than today for getting things done. We put off those things that are important to us and we lie to ourselves by saying that we will do them later.

    Whatever you need to do, do it now! Today is the tomorrow you planned for yesterday, so start today.

    My chat with Samara that day was a wake up call. I promised myself that day that I would not waste any more precious moments of my life regretting. I have been able to do that and have discovered inner peace in the process.

    So I urge you to do the same. Don’t waste any more time on regrets. Learn the lesson and move on. There’s still a lot of life in you. Go out there and live it!

    Photo by Benson Kua

  • Overcoming the Fear of Taking a Risk: Just Do It

    Overcoming the Fear of Taking a Risk: Just Do It

    Jumping

    “Fear is inevitable, I have to accept that, but I cannot allow it to paralyze me.” ~Isabelle Allende

    About eight months ago I hitched a ride to Buenos Aires, Argentina via a one way ticket with the love of my life. It wasn’t as easy as it sounds. I wasn’t throwing things in my suitcase and cashing out my bank account while kissing friends and family goodbye, sayin’ “See ya!”

    My boyfriend and I were recent graduates at wits end suffering economic woes with no place to go. We had always wanted to go abroad to teach English, but weren’t sure where we’d end up.

    At one o’clock in the morning after an argument over my apprehension, I just told him to book the tickets and I’d feel better.

    Well, I thought I’d feel better. We finally booked our long anticipated flight. Champagne wasn’t popped and confetti didn’t cascade to the floor. I sat on the bed wondering why I felt so petrified to go. It had been a childhood dream of mine to travel abroad.

    It was rather terrifying, and for the first time in my life I was afraid of an adventure.

    Surprisingly, as I looked at our online itinerary my stomach sank. Nausea filled my days when I looked around knowing I was going to leave everything I knew.

    I rationalized every excuse to get out of going but I reminded myself to persevere and that everything would work out. But the questions still popped up in my mind.

    Was I making a mistake? Was this risk going to be worth every penny and hardship?

    The night before our flight my stomach was curling into knots and my mind was a twisted mess. I tried telling myself to calm down and to just take the risk. I knew that if I could just get my butt into my window seat that everything would be fine. But even then my fear didn’t subside.

    It wasn’t until the plane took off that I realized I had done it. I was twenty thousand miles in the air, and nine hours ahead of me was awaiting an entirely different world. But the fear was ever present. After a week of being a tourist, the fear remained hidden under a layer of excitement.

    I couldn’t sleep, I was thousands of miles from home, only able to utter a few phrases in Spanish that I remembered from middle school.

    I stayed in the apartment as much as possible because I was afraid to go out and communicate with others, let alone take a bus by myself and get lost some bad part of town.

    With time, the fear slowly dissolved, the unfamiliar became familiar. We found jobs and an apartment within three weeks of arrival, a blessing considering we had no idea what we’d do when we got there. I had kept on despite my reluctance and faked a smile when I wanted to scream and run.

    Everything worked out because I kept a positive affirmation despite the fear.

    Many of my friends made excuses for themselves by letting me know how easy it was for me to just up and leave to a foreign country because of my circumstances, especially having a boyfriend who spoke fluent Spanish.

    Yes, some of the opportunities I was afforded made the journey easier, but we worked our butts off, sold everything we owned, and packed up our few belongings into plastic bins.

    My boyfriend, who is an optimist, was ecstatic and I looked calm because I wanted everyone else to believe that I was confident in my decision to up and leave.

    From most people’s expressions and comments they didn’t believe we’d commit to actually boarding the plane, but I surprised everyone and even myself when I handed the boarding pass to the attendant and shook the pilots hand as I entered the plane.

    The fear crippled my mind, but my legs managed to carry me to my seat.

    Of Course There Will Be Doubt

    Despite my crippling fear, sleepless nights, and fake demeanor, I knew deep down that I needed to take the risk; after all, that’s why it’s called a risk. Of course as with any life changing decision, you will doubt yourself.

    You think Neil and Buzz weren’t freaking out before they got into an eight-ton firecracker that was going to take three days to get to the moon? They didn’t even know if they’d sink elbow deep in moon dust, but they took one small step for man, and an even greater leap for mankind.

    I am sure that despite the years of preparation and endless simulations, they still had a sleepless night before one of humanity’s biggest risks.

    Most people who take risks are kidding themselves if they don’t doubt themselves a teeny tiny bit. So do yourself a favor and take one small step toward your goal despite your apprehensions and gut-wrenching fear.

    Fake It Until You Make It

    Like I did, and so many other risk takers do, you have to fake it until you make it. It sounds cliché but it holds a boatload of truth. Use reverse psychology on yourself. You’re your own worst enemy. Tell yourself and others that you are confident about taking the risk and notice how your apprehension will dissolve.

    Nurture the Positives, not the Fear

    Print out some pictures of your risk and tape them on your ceiling so when you wake up with cold sweats, you can remind yourself that you are going to do what it is that you set out to do. I put pictures of Patagonia as my desktop screensaver to remind me of the beauty I would experience in Argentina.

    Write a pros list and forget the cons. Focus on the major pros. Cons can always be worked through.

    Whether it is lack of money, not knowing the language, being thousands of miles away from home, I knew that it was what I had always wanted to do and I could find money by selling all my things, or start learning basic phrases or use Skype to talk to friends and family. There is a positive to every negative.

    No Excuses: Just Do It

    Even worse, don’t make excuses about why you shouldn’t do it. Nowadays, we make excuses for everything. I’m too busy, I don’t have the money, or I don’t want to disappoint others. Make every excuse why you should do it.

    Despite my crippling fear which gave me many sleepless nights, I stuck with it and kept telling myself “We already bought the tickets.” Like the Nike slogan, I needed to “Just Do It.” Perpetual excuses will pour from your mouth, but remember fear shouldn’t be a chain holding you back.

    Don’t let fear paralyze you; close your eyes and imagine that everything will work out.

    Don’t expect the unexpected and focus on what could go well. Just as life will have its highs and lows, taking a risk comes with excitement and terror. Fear is only natural when taking a risk. So go on! Jump out of that plane (with a parachute of course) into the world of your dreams.

    Photo by _overanalyzer

  • Take Back Your Power and Start Loving Your Life

    Take Back Your Power and Start Loving Your Life

    Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Lindsey Kasch

    “People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can’t find them, make them.” ~George Bernard Shaw

    Excuses. We all make them.

    We make them for everything all the time without even realizing it, pointing the finger at someone or something else, anything or anyone but ourselves.

    I didn’t think I made excuses. Blaming people? Who me? No way!

    Once I took a real, hard look at my life I realized I was full of excuses and blame—excuses for why I was always running late, why I couldn’t start living a healthier life, do the dishes, go out on a Friday night, or call someone back.

    Excuses for why I couldn’t do this or that, why I wasn’t good enough, why my life wasn’t what I wished it was, why my financial situation wasn’t the best, why I was upset at someone.

    You name it, I had an excuse. I blamed everything and everyone under the sun for why I couldn’t do this or have that, why I felt a certain way, why I wasn’t fulfilled or happy. Nothing was my fault or my responsibility. This was hard to see and even harder to finally admit.

    What increased my self-awareness about the excuses I made was a cold, hard dose of reality when I broke up with my fiancé and boyfriend of five years. I chose to leave because it didn’t feel right, but it left me shattered and heartbroken. It became painfully clear that I really had no idea who I was.

    I was forced to figure myself out. For the first time ever I was being honest with myself. Brutally honest—honest about everything! Before this happened I had never once stopped to think about my choices and how they had affected my life and the people around me.

    I used to think that life happened and I had no control over it. Things happened to me. Life was hard and unfair. It wasn’t my fault that I wasn’t happy or didn’t have what I thought I wanted or needed. It was the fault of those around me. (more…)

  • The Top 25 Excuses to Wait on Your Dreams and How to Overcome Them

    The Top 25 Excuses to Wait on Your Dreams and How to Overcome Them

    “The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses…The gift is yours—it is an amazing journey—and you alone are responsible for the quality of it.” ~Bob Moawad

    If we try, we can always find a reason not to do what we want to do, and it can seem perfectly valid. We can convince ourselves that we’re being smart, realistic, or safe, or that we don’t even really want it.

    We’re great at justifying the status quo, because we know exactly what that’s like, even if it’s dissatisfying.

    The unknown can feel terrifying. But somewhere in that same realm where anything could go wrong is everything that can go right.

    So many times in my life I’ve finally pushed myself to do something and then wondered, “Why did I wait so long?” If I had known the benefits would far outweigh my fear and discomfort, I would have pushed myself sooner.

    But we can’t ever know that in advance. We can only know that our reasons to do something are greater than our excuses not to.

    In my efforts to keep moving beyond my comfort zone, I’ve compiled the top excuses not to go after a dream, along with a few reminders to help us overcome them.

    (more…)

  • How to Stop Being a Victim and Start Creating Your Life

    How to Stop Being a Victim and Start Creating Your Life

    “In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die.  And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.”  ~Eleanor Roosevelt

    “They” say things happen at the “right” time. For me hearing a presentation, live, by Jack Canfield, came at the perfect time.

    I was in San Diego, the traveling babysitter for my precious 5-month old granddaughter, while my daughter attended a nutrition conference. It was an all around win-win situation—a new place to sightsee and of course spend quality (alone) time with baby Rachel and daughter Penina.

    When I found out Jack Canfield was the final key speaker, I jumped at the chance to attend. And the topic certainly resonated with me—“getting from where you are to where you want to be.” Now how’s that for someone in transition working to carve out a new path!

    There were a lot of takeaways, fabulous ideas to hold onto; so much so that I’ve been carrying around his book, The Success Principles, and studying it since I got home.

    One thing that really speaks to me is this idea of taking 100% responsibility for one’s life.

    As a society, we are so quick to assign blame and pull out all the excuses as to why something did or did not happen.

    All the “He made me, she made me….” finger pointing. There’s a reason why “the dog ate it” became such a classic excuse.

    We relinquish all power when we go there. Where are we in this? I know that by nature many of us are passive recipients of life and are at the mercy of what befalls us.

    In my workshops with parents on teaching responsibility, many are stuck or love acting in their role as helicopter parents, swooping down to save, rescue, and do all for their kids—all under the guise of, “The more I do for my child, the better parent I am.”

    And therefore what are we teaching our kids when they come in to class and tell the teacher, “My mom forgot to pack my lunch”?

    Then there’s the parent who comes ranting to school, “Don’t suspend my little Stevie for calling Andy names and hitting him in the playground; his sister does that to him at home, it’s no big deal.”

    We are facilitating the perpetuation of an entitled breed of human beings.

    In my practice as a therapist, clients would talk for years about being stuck because of what their dysfunctional nuclear families did to them.  “My mother did this, my father that…”

    And then of course there’s me. What comes all too naturally for me is my quick ability to find fault with others, to pass judgment and criticize.

    Who is to blame—why, my mother of course, queen of “judgmentalism.” I fight against these tendencies constantly.  But they do rear their ugly head often enough.  I guess it’s in my bloodstream. I’m aware of it; I work at it. I know where it comes from; therefore that explains it but it certainly does not excuse it.

    This is my problem, my issue. What matters is how I handle it and work to respond differently—to catch myself while it’s doing its internal dance before it parts from my lips.  (more…)

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Dropping Excuses

    “We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations.” -Charles R. Swindoll

    Joshua Denney, who designed this site and does a ton behind the scenes, found this video and posted it on Facebook yesterday with the heading, “No excuses.”

    What could you accomplish if you stopped making excuses and started focusing on making a difference?