Tiny Buddha

Tag: enjoy

  • Stop Trying to Fix Yourself and Start Enjoying Your Life

    Stop Trying to Fix Yourself and Start Enjoying Your Life

    Enjoy

    “You think that the goal is to be over there, and we say the goal is the journey over there; the goal is the fun you have along the way on your way to over there.” ~Abraham

    I have a clear memory of my mother looking at my bookshelves several years ago and commenting, “You’re always reading all these self-help books, and where has it gotten you?”

    I responded with a quip about how I’ll always be working to align my personality with my soul, to which she scoffed and said, “When will you grow up and realize you have a great life, a great job, and great friends—and just enjoy it?!”

    Of course, all I heard was “When are you going to grow up?” Her point, however, was a wise one: Just enjoy your life. She made a similar comment a couple of years later.

    I had just been told the place I was living was going to be turned into an art studio for my landlady. Thankfully, she gave me two months notice to find a new place. But man, I loved my cinder block house on the river and was crushed by the news.

    I called my mom in tears. I complained about how I’d never find someplace else so wonderful and how unhappy things were with my job. I talked about wanting to just sell everything I owned and take a walkabout.

    Mom didn’t say a lot at the time. However, when I got up the next morning I had a long email from her. My favorite paragraph is this one:

    Shannon, you should stop buying all that self-help crap and going off to retreats to find yourself. You are not perfect, never will be, and no one in the world is either. You make mistakes; we all do. Just live with it. You are a warm, intelligent woman—just live the best honest life you can.

    All of my self-help books and years of spiritual study, and my mom nailed it in one simple paragraph. Granted, her delivery could use some work, but the essence of what she wrote was right on. Again.

    I will, of course, continue to read personal development books and go on personal retreats. However, I no longer do those things because I think something was wrong with me. Now, I do them because I love myself.

    However, I think the best message here is to just live the best honest life we can and let that be enough.

    For the majority of my life, I’ve spent massive amounts of time beating up on myself. My inner critic is a loud and obnoxious voice that has seemed unstoppable. My biggest judgment of myself has been how I tend to “slumber” and “awaken” in my consciousness.

    For example, when I was on a personal retreat in the mountains this summer, I was really feeling inspired, in the flow, and motivated to become a successful writer and speaker. I was excited about this new life I am creating and about feeling fully conscious again. I was sure I was going to maintain my awareness.

    Then I came down off the mountain. Once back to the routine of my everyday life, I easily slipped back into distraction. I stopped meditating every day. I played computer games instead of writing. I vegged out to my favorite show on Netflix.

    Once again, my inner critic rose up and I started to get really down on myself. It’s ironic that what inspired me to get out of my funk was my own voice recording from when I had been on retreat. Listening to it, I was reminded that slumbering and awakening are just a part of life.

    I heard myself say, “When we do stumble, when we do fall, when we are capsized, we learn to have compassion and simply laugh at our humanness.”

    I’ve realized it’s so easy for me to get caught up in this idea that I need to be perfect. If I only drink enough green smoothies, go to yoga class, and chant an hour each day, then I can be happy. However, the minute I skip some part of this self-imposed regimen, I beat myself up and feel like a total failure.

    Life is about slumbering and awakening. It’s about falling off the wagon, the exercise routine, the diet, the spiritual practice. Anyone who appears to always be perfectly aligned is most likely not being fully authentic. We are human, and this is what being human means.

    My dear mother, at age eighty-three, has got this message without having read or studied any of the numerous discourses on this subject. She just enjoys her life.

    At the end of the day, what is most important is how we answer the question: Were we kind to one another? And, equally important, were we kind to ourselves?

    People jumping image via Shutterstock

  • How Getting What You Want Can Sabotage You

    How Getting What You Want Can Sabotage You

    Winning the Race

    “You can’t win enough. You can’t have enough money. You can’t succeed enough. The only thing that can satiate that existential thirst is love. I just remember that day I made that shift from wanting to be a winner to wanting to have the most powerful, deep, and beautiful relationships I could possibly have.” ~Will Smith

    About a year ago, I made the decision to start seriously working out with weights for the first time in my life. I’ve always been an athlete and in decent shape, but I wanted to test my body and see how much of its physical potential I could realize.

    Besides, I was approaching thirty and wasn’t exactly looking like the same pillar of youth I used to look like.

    Well, needless to say, it worked. Within six months, I got into the best shape of my life I had ever been in. I went from a very unhealthy 170 pounds down to a very healthy, lean, and toned 160 pounds. I felt so incredible, both physically and mentally.

    But then something strange happened.

    I started to slack off, until eventually, I just up and stopped. I lost the desire and motivation to keep going and keep exercising. As a consequence, within a few months, I fell back into the same shape I was in before I started.

    I got exactly what I wanted. I started lifting weights to get into the best shape of my life, which I did. I wanted to get really healthy and fit, which I did.

    So then why did I stop? Why did I slow down? What happened to my desire and motivation to keep going?

    I just couldn’t understand what happened.

    I wanted to find the answer to these questions, so I started doing some exploring, both internally and externally.

    The fact is I was duped. Actually, we’ve all been duped.

    In the modern era, we’ve become an overwhelmingly results-based society. It’s all about the destination. It’s all about goals. It’s all about the achievements, the rewards, the prizes, the medals, the trophies, the paycheck, and the big shiny things we can acquire and stuff into the big shiny house.

    The only problem is this: Nobody ever told us what would happen once we actually got those things.

    If a person sets out to lift weights and exercise for the sole purpose of reaching a weight goal, then where is the desire and motivation to continue lifting weights and exercising going to come from once that goal is reached?

    Some might say, “Well, then you have to set a new weight goal and go after that one!”

    So I’m supposed to just constantly be held hostage by results? I’m supposed to just keep chasing one goal after another, like a cat chasing a string? I’m supposed to become permanently attached at the hip to hitting targets?

    That sounded really monotonous, tedious, and lifeless. No thanks!

    The answer to my questions came to me when I was watching an interview with a man named Elliot Hulse, a gym owner and passionate fitness coach:

    “When we go to the gym with a goal in mind and we just go through the motions robotically, it robs us of the experience of the actual workout. Think about going to the gym just for the workout and not for the goal; not just so that you can put a check mark next to the reps and the sets that you did, but so that you can really become engaged with what your body wants to express.” 

    Like most people, I decided to start lifting weights and exercising to get into great shape. I did it for the sole purpose of achieving an outcome; of getting an end result. The problem with that is, since that was my main source of desire and motivation to work out, I lost that source of desire and motivation once I reached my goal.

    Getting into great shape and becoming fit was an awful source of desire and motivation. My reasons for starting to work out in the first place were bad ones.

    Lifting weights and exercising was nothing more than a means to an end for me. I didn’t do it because I actually wanted to do it. I didn’t do it because I loved the activity itself. I did it for superficial reasons.

    As a consequence, once I got what I wanted, I didn’t care to do it anymore. I no longer had the desire or motivation to keep working out.

    Instead of lifting weights and exercising for the sole purpose of getting into great shape, I should have started lifting weights and exercising for the sole purpose of loving the activity itself; of loving the physical challenge it presented to me as a way to test myself.

    Boom! That was it. That was the answer I was looking for. That was the answer to my questions, and was exactly what I was looking for.

    So, I started over. This time, however, my reasons for working out and exercising changed.

    With my newfound outlook, I completely stopped setting goals. No targets, no projections, and no objectives. I simply told myself this, and reminded myself of it every single day:

    “Love working out. Love lifting weights. Love the challenge of pushing myself to my physical maximum. Love the process. Enjoy it!”

    Not only did I get back into great shape, I felt much better along the way. I didn’t feel any pressure to achieve any arbitrary goals or targets. Working out didn’t become this monotonous task that I felt like I had to do in order to justify an expectation.

    I actually loved working out. I became engaged with it. It became really fun. I became much better at it, and even performed better.

    And the best part? My desire and motivation to work out has never been greater. It’s never faded off. Not even in the slightest bit. It will never run out. Why? Because my desire and motivation for working out comes from an infinite source: The love of the activity and the process itself.

    I transferred this outlook over to my work life as well. I have zero goals in my career. I don’t have a single objective or target set. Instead, I tell myself this, every single day:

    “Love your work. Enjoy working. Be the absolute best you can at what you do. Provide as much value to every single person you work with as possible.”

    To this day, I’ve never been more successful, happy, and fulfilled in my career. I’ve progressed much further than I ever did before since adopting this new outlook. I feel liberated and unshackled, like I’ve lifted a huge mental weight off my shoulders.

    Results are always the biggest imposter. Goals are always the biggest distraction. They’re a trap. If you do things for the sole purpose of achieving results and goals, then you’re robbing yourself of the opportunity to really become fully enthralled, intimate, and engaged with the process and journey itself.

    You’ll sabotage yourself.

    You don’t have to set goals to get results. Results are simply a natural consequence of enjoying something and doing it well. Results are things that come to you. They’re not things you can get.

    By prioritizing the process itself as opposed to what you can get from it, you create an endless source of desire and motivation. You liberate and unshackle yourself from the traps of results-oriented thinking. You’re able to do what you love with less pressure, less tension, and less stress.

    Not to mention, you’ll still get the results you want. Often times, you’ll get even better results than before.

    You might be thinking, “What if I don’t enjoy the process I’m doing?” Well, perhaps it’s time to move on. Quit. If something doesn’t make you happy, or makes you miserable, is it worth it to continue that process in the long run?

    Or, you can simply change things up a bit. If lifting weights is a process you don’t enjoy, try bodyweight exercises. Try resistance training, like kayaking or swimming. Keep changing things up until you do find something you can truly love and enjoy taking part in.

    Besides, if you find yourself truly unhappy doing something, there’s a good chance that whatever goals you aim to achieve won’t actually satisfy you anyways, or make it feel like the price you paid was worth doing something that made you feel miserable the entire time.

    The process is the most important thing. It’s the journey itself that yields the greatest rewards; that makes you feel awake, present, engaged, and alive.

    “Happiness is in the doing, not getting what you want.” ~Jesse Wallace

    Winning the race image via Shutterstock

  • Enjoy the Ride

    Enjoy the Ride

    Enjoy the Ride

    Source: Natural Life

  • How to Be Happier Without Making Any Big Life Changes

    How to Be Happier Without Making Any Big Life Changes

    “The place to be happy is here. The time to be happy is now.” ~Robert G. Ingersoll

    In 2014 I changed my whole life.

    I quit a horrible job, traveled to Costa Rica and Panama, moved across the country, moved in with my partner, and landed my dream job in an education charity.

    Why did I change so much? The answer is simple—happiness.

    I had spent three years planning and dreaming of a different future for myself. One where I could travel, have a job I found meaningful, and live with my boyfriend in our own flat. Finally, after one morning too many spent in tears, I built up the courage to quit my job.

    I spent the next few months riding on a wave of relief. Everything was going to be all right. I was going to be happy and in love with my life.

    The problem was, this didn’t happen.

    It soon became clear that I wasn’t experiencing the blissful future that I’d dreamed of. I ended up feeling even worse than I had felt before I changed anything. A sense of dread and helplessness crept over me as I realized that changing your life situation doesn’t automatically make you happier.

    There was no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

    After a month or two of trying to pull myself out of a depression by making plans for a long off future, I started reading what I could about life and happiness. I went back to books I’d started but hadn’t finished and reread old favorites.

    As I read and reread these books, I started to notice a pattern. At the heart of all the arguments and instructions in those books were the same two ideas:

    1. Be aware of your thoughts so your mind can’t control you.

    Learning how to be aware of thoughts rather than letting your mind control you seems to be essential to experiencing lasting happiness. Meditating every day, even just for ten or fifteen minutes, makes it easier to be aware of your thoughts and to learn how to quiet your mind.

    For me, being aware of my thoughts has made me more intentional about how I think about things. I now try to look at my life positively and search for solutions to issues rather than worrying about problems that might not even happen.

    Being in the present moment also takes the power away from your mind. In the present moment there’s no past to regret and no future to worry about, so you are naturally happier. Though keeping your attention in the present is hard to sustain, it’s simple to try.

    Give it a go by focusing what you can see around you right now. What sounds can you hear? What can you smell? What can your body feel? Don’t answer these questions in words, just move your attention to your different senses and acknowledge what they notice.

    I’ve now made being aware of my thoughts a daily practice. Instead of reading the news on my phone, I dedicate my ninety-minute commute to meditation and being present.

    As I walk to the train station I listen to the birds singing and hear the wind rustling in the trees. On the train I meditate for fifteen minutes before reading a book for the rest of the journey.

    How could you incorporate meditation and being present into your daily routine?

    *Recommended Reading: The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle

    2. Fill your life with things you enjoy now.

    This step is more straightforward. There’s an easy process you can follow to complete it. First, you need to write a list of all the times you’ve felt truly, deeply happy. What were you doing? Who were you with? Are there any common themes?

    After you identify the common themes that brought you so much joy, fill as much of your day-to-day life with them as possible!

    Could you take a walk in nature on your lunch break? Or could you listen to your favorite type of music while cooking dinner? Perhaps you could swap TV time for working on a creative project like crafting, drawing, or writing?

    I realized that some of my happiest moments happened outdoors when I was surrounded by nature. So now I’m trying to spend most of my free time outside, inviting friends and family along too so I can spend time with them. I’ve noticed that I’m so much more relaxed and I really look forward to my weekend’s adventures!

    Now it’s your turn! What changes can you make to fill your life with joy?

    *Recommended Reading: Finding Your Own North Star, by Martha Beck

    Making these little changes doesn’t mean that you can’t make a big change in your life. They will just help you to be happier in the process and put less pressure on the end result.

    Enjoy the journey along the rainbow and it won’t matter so much how much gold is at the end.

  • 10 Ways Creativity Can Completely Change Your Life

    10 Ways Creativity Can Completely Change Your Life

    “Life is a great big canvas. Throw all the paint you can on it.” ~Danny Kaye

    I’ve had those days when I felt like my life was in the doldrums. When I felt stuck in the same-old, same-old and wondered how to get a pick me up. When I wished I had more passion or purpose or maybe just a jolt of joy to shake things up.

    Sometimes there were things I thought might make me happy, but I couldn’t have them just because I wanted them. Like, I couldn’t just snap my fingers and meet the man who sweeps me off my feet or become a kazillionaire.

    But there is something that’s always at my (and your) fingertips. Something we always have that will instantaneously make us happy, right now in this moment.

    And that is (drum roll please…) our creativity.

    Creativity is not just for artists or making art. Creativity is life making. It’s anything we do that turns us on, invigorates us, or offers a simple moment of pure merriment.

    For me, I love to paint and write. I knit while watching my favorite movies. I have a blast cooking and sharing my recipes. I let myself go wild in dance class.

    All of us have something we enjoy doing. Or something we think we would enjoy but don’t do because the bigger, more major things in our daily lives take priority. We just don’t make the time for it.

    Or we judge it as “a little hobby” (like crafting, kickball, or learning magic tricks).

    Or we think it will never become something significant or important (like changing the world.)

    Or we deem it as just plain silly. (Why pick up singing when we don’t even know how to stay in harmony?)

    But the things we enjoy are far more important than we could ever realize and can make a significant impact on our lives.

    Here are ten reasons why (and there are so many more):

    1. Creativity makes us present.

    Because we’re doing something we like to do, we’re engaged in the moment. Time passes in an instant ‘cause we’re just having some good ol’ fun.

    When I paint, write, knit, dance, or cook it’s like active meditation. Being present with myself dials up my knob of attention and wakes me up.

    Creativity stimulates us to be more mindfully in tune with our overall lives. It also calms our nervous system, decreases anxiety, and helps restore balance.

    2. We better our relationships.

    Simply because we enjoy doing something we love, we connect to ourselves more intimately. We develop a profound relationship with our inner selves.

    The more we connect to ourselves, the more we’re able to connect to others and deepen all of our relationships. This secures healthier bonds.

    And because we’re more fulfilled, the less we need others to fulfill us and the more we have to share. Our happiness expands and others feel it too and want to spend more time with us.

    3. We’re playing again.

    As kids we could create anything and have fun with it without worrying about what other people thought.

    We could sing out loud in the car, turn a mud-pie into a monster, or let our stuffed animals have conversations. We were all free in one-way or another.

    Creativity returns us to the innocence of our childhoods. And giving ourselves a break from the pressures of adult responsibility, we become lighter and increase our sense of humor as we delight in the pleasure of our amusements.

    4. We’re led to new wonderful opportunities.

    The current of creativity is like a river finding its sea. It always leads us to bigger waters. So even a small creative project might open us to whole new possibilities. We never know where it might lead.

    On a whim I got this idea to make a board game. My friends loved to play it and soon, I was hosting game parties once a month at my house for up to thirty people. It became such a wonderful way to bring people together, a publisher picked it up and today everyone can play it.

    But we don’t do it for product. We do it for pure joy and interest.

    For sure with any kind of project, as our creative juices get flowing, there’s an infinite pool to draw from to keep our inventiveness growing.

    5. Depression is lifted.

    While doing the things we enjoy, even if it seems small or easy, the self-judgments we make (like we’re not enough, or bad, or we don’t matter) are suspended. We do it just because of the sheer delight of doing it.

    It’s the permission we give to ourselves to do what we love that makes us forget we’re in the slumps. The more we engage, the more our spirits fly.

    Doing something that is not demanding or to win is the antidote to any dreariness or blahs. My mood always uplifts when I’m creating something just for my own gratification.

    6. It’s always new.

    Every time we make stuff we’re embarking on fresh, unknown territory. Each time we begin and as we continue, we’re traversing on a new adventure.

    Creativity has this awesome way of always changing things up. Even if it seems “mundane” like stirring a soup, or knitting a loop, or moving my body, it always brings a different experience.

    A plus is it also initiates new perspectives.

    7. We get out of our own way.

    When doing something we enjoy, we’re focused on the act of doing it rather than self-ruminating. It immediately gets us out of our head.

    So much of our unhappiness is bred from being fixed and consumed by our thoughts and behaviors. We tend to observe our feelings, words, and actions far too often.

    But when we’re engaged creatively, we’re freed from any internal traps that say something about us, especially because it doesn’t have to be so serious.

    It’s also the #1 best replacement for any addictions.

    8. We become amazed by our intuition.

    We may wonder what gives us pleasure when we feel stuck. But there’s always something whispering to us.

    That’s the beauty of creativity. It might be telling us to take a pottery class, or sign up for a book club, or learn a new spiritual practice because it knows this will add some sparkle and enliven us.

    When we listen, we realize that we’re being led by something much greater than us. The more we listen, the more astounded we are by what lives inside us.

    9. We build character.

    As we attend to our creativity, we feel better about ourselves. This simple act of showing up serves our self-respect and confidence.

    The more we make pleasurable, creative acts a priority, the more we rejuvenate, strengthen, and grow.

    Each time I sit down to write and my fingers get moving, I feel proud of myself for meeting the blank page head on.

    The overall gain is a greater sense of gratitude.

    10. Love begets love.

    The more we cultivate what we love, the more love we accumulate. Our cup flows over.

    Clearly there are days we may show up to do something we enjoy and it isn’t always enjoyable. Sometimes the cake doesn’t rise, the paint spills, or my muscles are sore. But finding creative ways to solve the problems can be fun if we continue.

    When we don’t worry about how it turns out and we do it simply for the wonder of exploration, our heart expands and love abounds. And this spreads out into our entire life.

    So, what’s compelling you to create? What might creativity be telling you to do because it’s sure you’ll gain from it? What if you just said yes to your freedom, fun, and happiness?

  • 9 Unique Ways to Start Having More Fun

    9 Unique Ways to Start Having More Fun

    Having Fun

    “If you are not having fun you are doing something wrong.” ~Groucho Marx

    I was at my eye doctor’s office many years ago and he asked me what I do for fun. He said he asks this of everyone to see how they use their eyes.

    We got into a heavy conversation about how I feel many people no longer have fun. It seems like once people get into adulthood, we forget how or don’t even know what we think is fun.

    Oftentimes, people get up, go to a job they hate, come home, make dinner, and watch TV before going to bed, just do it all over again the next day. And don’t get me started on how people waste their entire weekends on chores and catching up on errands.

    The human race is bored!

    My doctor shared a story with me about a time when he asked one of his clients what she did for fun, and she burst into tears. She admitted to him that she doesn’t have fun anymore. She is a wife, mom, and working woman, and she forgot what fun looks like.

    She told him that before she got married she used to paint, but that she hasn’t in years. She used to spend hours, losing track of time, painting beautiful portraits. She said that painting was a huge part of who she was, and she lost that.

    A few weeks later my eye doctor received a package came in the mail. It was a beautiful hand-painted card that this client had painted for him. She thanked him profusely for waking her up to her passion of painting. She took it up again and it was bringing her peace, joy, and fun!

    Unfortunately, too many of us are just like this woman. We get caught up with the kids, house, job, chores, parents, dog—life—and we forget to have fun.

    I make it a point to have some fun every weekend. It can be as simple as walking the dog with friends, working out, or doing something new I have never done before. I go back to work renewed when I have fun during my weekend. I am a better spouse, worker, and person.

    Below are nine ways to add fun into your life:

    1. Daydream.

    Daydreaming gets a bad rap, but in fact, daydreaming is your mind’s way of sending your soul a message. If you daydream in a positive manner, you’ll be amazed at how creative your mind can be and the secrets it will tell you.

    Take a few minutes a day to sit and be quiet and just let your mind wander. Daydream about the kind of life you’d like to have. Anything is possible in dreams, so let loose and don’t hold yourself back.

    Pay attention and don’t think anything is foolish. You might want to write what you come up with on a piece of paper.

    As the saying goes, “if you want to know where your heart is, look to where your mind goes when it wanders.”

    2. Design your “perfect” twin.

    Oftentimes we can’t imagine ourselves stepping out of our comfort zone and doing something new and different. We get so locked into what we know that we can’t let go of who we think we are.

    Many years ago I gave a workshop and had the participants create their perfect “twin.” I asked them to make up another self that they wished to be. This exercise freed people; it gave them permission to be anyone they desired because it took the focus off of them.

    This should be fun and freeing, so let loose and make your twin be anything you want! What qualities would you give your twin? What would they do for fun and work? Who would their friends be?

    3. Write your own obituary.

    Okay, this may seem rather morbid, but this can have an eye-opening effect. Imagine you are at your own funeral with all of your friends, colleagues, and family gathered around. What would you want them to say about you?

    “Her house was always clean.”

    “He was a workaholic.”

    Or would you rather hear things like “She was so much fun, up for anything or “He didn’t take life too seriously and was always having a good time no matter what he was doing”?

    Write what you think they would say currently, and then write another obituary saying what you’d like them to say. What do you need to change?

    4. Create a vision board.

    Still can’t figure out what’s fun for you? Try making a vision board.

    Take a poster board and grab some old magazines, scissors, and glue. Flip through the magazines and cut out pictures and phrases that make you feel excited or hold meaning for you.

    Once you have them cut out, paste them to the poster board. Do you see a theme? What is the board telling you?

    5. Get rid of limiting beliefs.

    What we tell ourselves becomes our reality. If we think we can’t do something, then we can’t or won’t even try.

    For example, let’s say someone suggests skiing as something you might find fun. If you tell yourself that you’ll never be able to balance on skis, you probably won’t even try skiing.

    Stop reinforcing these limiting beliefs and start telling yourself you can do it.

    6. Give yourself permission.

    So many people don’t give themselves permission to have fun because they think it will detract from their responsibilities.

    Life is meant to be fun. What kid doesn’t love to see their mom or dad having fun, especially if it’s with them?

    Yes, we all have things that we are responsible for—kids, parents, house, job—but we need to remember to add in fun and give ourselves permission to have it. You’ll be a better person for it.

    7. Observe others.

    Sometimes I like to watch other people who seem to be having fun. I can be too serious at times, and when I feel like I can’t loosen up, I watch other folks who can.

    I had a gym teacher who was so much fun. Everyone loved her and she looked so comfortable in her skin and like she was having fun all the time.

    What did I notice? She laughed at herself all the time, she found the positive in everything, and she genuinely appreciated the good things in her life.

    Without her even knowing, she taught me how to have fun just by being herself.

    8. Count your blessings.

    People who count their blessings rather than complain about their troubles just naturally have more fun.

    Think about the people you know who are always moaning and groaning about their life. How much fun do you think they have? Would they even know fun if it bit them in the nose?

    Start a gratitude journal and see how much more fun life becomes without much effort.

    9. Stop being a perfectionist.

    I knew a woman many years ago that loved to knit, but wouldn’t show anyone her pieces because she thought they weren’t good enough. In fact, she gave up knitting years before because she thought she wasn’t good at it.

    Who cares if you aren’t the best golfer or guitar player? If you are having fun and you enjoy it, isn’t that the most important thing? You may or may not improve with time and practice, but that isn’t what matters.

    —

    You don’t have to feel that something is missing from your life or accept that your life is dull. It simply takes a little bit of hunting and soul searching and you can bring some joy and fun back into your life.

    Try these nine tips and see how much fun you and your family can enjoy.

    Kids having fun image via Shutterstock

  • Now Is the Time to Appreciate Each Other and Enjoy Life

    Now Is the Time to Appreciate Each Other and Enjoy Life

    Friends Making Heart Symbol

    “If your forever was ending tomorrow, would this be how you’d want to have spent it? Listen, the truth is, nothing is guaranteed. You know that more than anybody. So don’t be afraid. Be alive.” ~Sarah Dessen

    It was beginning to get dark. Lightning streaked across the cloudy sky above the ocean. The full force of the wind took the breath out of me as my eyes squinted from the heavy rainfall.

    Waves rolled in to crash down in front of me, as if the ocean was screaming at me.

    “Turn around, human. Go home!”

    “Maybe I should,” I thought. “What am I doing out here in this extreme winter weather?”

    But my intention returned. The news I had received that day continued to stir at the back of my mind. And so, I moved forward.

    The water was ice cold as the waves smashed against my legs. I moved forward.

    Just as I thought I could bear no more, I submerged myself underwater. The sounds and sensations shifted as I merged with the ocean for a brief moment. And then I resurfaced to brave the magnificent storm.

    In this moment, I felt so alive!

    I had awoken to the reality of life—that there is only one thing that holds us to this world. A heartbeat.

    Earlier that day I had received news that my friend, Nick, had tragically and unexpectedly passed away. His heartbeat no longer held him to this world.

    How fragile we truly are. Yet living this truth is where we truly fail.

    My ocean swim in extreme winter weather was a way to remember that I had a heartbeat; that I was alive. It was a reminder that all those I know and care about are mortal, fragile, and finite.

    Why had I ignored this truth? Why had I lived my life to this point in safe denial?

    Reflecting back on this experience, I have come to realize that when we lose someone, it temporarily shifts our internal compass of reality.

    It points us home, toward what some people call our “higher self,” “inner wisdom,” or put simply, our raw humanity.

    These lessons we learn from loss are valuable reminders for our own personal growth. They serve as road signs that lead the way back to our own humanity, which we so easily lose touch with in today’s society.

    In finding my own way back to humanity on that stormy night at the beach, my first road sign pointed toward letting go of judgments.

    Too often we form negative judgments about people based on their mistakes and choices we don’t agree with, and in doing so can’t see the best in them. What a selfish person! What a rude person! How could he do that!

    We create generalizations that cut us off from the people around us. We zoom in on these judgmental labels and before we know it, it’s too late to appreciate the people in our lives.

    I knew my friend who passed as a casual acquaintance for six years. Sometimes I thought he partied too hard. There were times where he even got into trouble with the law.

    Yet, there were so many things I could have appreciated more by simply looking beyond my judgments. 

    He was friendly and known by so many. He had a great sense of humor and was extremely fun to be around.

    His energy and zest for life were contagious. Although he had never been employed, I really admired his courage to live a satisfying life in his own way without worrying what others thought. But I never told him while he was alive because I was too busy judging his choices. And now I’ll never have the chance.

    Which judgments are getting in the way of connecting with people in your life? What would you appreciate about them if you knew your time with them was limited?

    My second road sign back to humanity pointed toward appreciating the present moment. Too often we sleepwalk through life, lost in our own minds with endless thinking. Many times we’re not even present in what we’re doing.

    If you’ve ever taken a shower and realized that you can’t remember whether you have already washed your hair, you will know what I am talking about.

    Perhaps you’ve taken a walk on the beach on a sunny afternoon, but spent the whole time gazing at the ground lost in thoughts about the day.

    The present moment? Before you know it, it’s gone.

    Appreciating the present moment is as simple as noticing the sensations and experiences around you.

    My spontaneous ocean swim allowed me to feel the heavy rainfall on my skin, the sheer force of the wind and waves against my body, and the exhilaration of submerging myself into the ice-cold water.

    What are the things that make you feel alive? What prevents you from fully enjoying those things, and what can you do to start experiencing them more mindfully?

    Oscar Wilde, a nineteenth century Irish writer, remarked that “To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”

    I encourage you to go beyond simply existing. Appreciate the present moment and completely savor the experience. Because that’s what we are all here for, right?

    In sharing my lessons from loss, I hoped that you too will remember that there is only one thing that holds us to this world: a heartbeat.

    Let this truth guide you in your actions every day, and be mindful of life lessons that serve as reminders.

    The moments we have are small grains of sand in an infinitely trickling universe; take time each day to enjoy the present moment before it trickles away.

    The people in our lives are drops in an endless ocean that forever ebbs and flows; take time each day to appreciate them before the waves carry them away.

    Friends making heart symbol image via Shutterstock

  • Plan Less and Enjoy More: Give Yourself Space to Simply Be

    Plan Less and Enjoy More: Give Yourself Space to Simply Be

    Couple Having Picnic

    “You don’t always need a plan. Sometimes you just need to breathe, trust, let go, and see what happens.” ~Mandy Hale

    I’m a Type A personality who formerly scheduled days, weeks, and even seasons in advance. I planned my day, my meals, and my activities, as well as those of my family, with the precision of a military regiment.

    Why? Part of it was control and part of it fear. The fear led to wanting to control. Letting things happen naturally without a plan would certainly mean chaos would ensue.

    I had reached the stage in my life where I was going through the motions. Everything was getting done, but there was no joy in my life.

    I loved my kids and my husband and had a supportive extended family. Though I had some health struggles, overall I had a good life. I kept asking myself, What do those “joyful” people do, or what is their secret? 

    I know friends who have gone through their share of difficult situations, but not only did they come through with grace, they retained their joy.

    Being the methodical person that I am, I started to look at their personality traits.

    They weren’t routinely overscheduled; they made time for their family, but also quiet time for themselves.

    I was attracted to their calm, their sense of peace, and their happiness. I felt a true sense of connection when around them, as they were genuinely interested in me and our time together.

    They were unapologetic about making decisions that were right for their family and met their needs as opposed to doing what was deemed as “right.”

    I reflected on the times that have brought me joy. Most of those times were unplanned.

    The surprise of getting a call from a friend just when I was thinking of them, and going for a walk to catch up.

    Sitting with that cup of tea or coffee early in the morning when the house and kids are still.

    Looking out my window to see the amazing shades of green that spring brings.

    Watching my boys playing basketball in the driveway while they trash talk with each other.

    Watching my father hold his grandson.

    In all these situations, I did not need to purchase anything, go anywhere, or schedule anything. I just had to take a breath, relax, and be present to what was happening around me.

    For so long, I also scheduled time to be present through meditation. I tried to wake up early, make time, and sit. I worked on breathing, visualizing what I wanted from life and using affirmations, but this practice was rigid, scheduled, and forced.

    I was struggling even harder to be present, be peaceful, to “work” at being happy, because we all know anything worth having takes work. After trying this for a while, I realized I was not making space in my life for anything to change because I was just adding more to my to-do list.

    I needed to do something drastic. While I understand not many people have the luxury of doing what I did, I quit one of my contract jobs and reduced my work commitments to two days a week.

    I told myself that I would not take another gig even if it walked up and bit me in the butt. I was going to take a three-month semi-sabbatical.

    Why three months? I thought I would probably go crazy if it was any longer than that and I didn’t want to burden my husband with any financial stress.

    The only plan for those three months was that I should not plan anything that would increase my stress level, had to do with marketing my next endeavor, or enroll in school, which I had been contemplating.

    So, what did I learn? I used to write a lot as a child and a teenager. I loved to write poetry, and I was the kid that loved to get a writing assignment in high school, so I dedicated to making space for writing.

    I have discovered that making no plans opens space in my life to slow down and be present without forcing myself to be present.

    I am learning that what fills my cup is kindness, compassion, and connection. Those are the only things that I want to schedule. Engaging in activities that fill my cup allows me to approach my day and my responsibilities as offerings as opposed obligations.

    In doing so, I am slowly finding joy in doing some of the most interesting things. I found myself smiling while folding the laundry. Wow, this is what it feels like to not feel rushed, but to feel the clothes warm out of the dryer.

    It reminded me of how my mother used to throw my clothes in the dryer for a minute or two in the cold Minnesota winter, and that brought another smile and sense of gratitude for my mother’s love.

    I find myself smiling more, and often it is for no reason.

    As I am phasing back into a work routine, I am dedicated to unscheduling my calendar. I am committed to saying no to activities that would have me racing across town, to events that are large public functions where I don’t really get an opportunity to connect.

    I am committed to taking thirty minutes a day for myself, even if it is fifteen minutes at a time.

    I am waking up fifteen minutes earlier to practice yoga, which wakes up my body, allows me to clear my mind, and adds focus to my day. I have also found that walking outdoors is worth the time away from my to-do list, because I come back calmer and ready to accomplish the next task.

    Surprisingly, I have found these small periods of time quite easily. I noticed that when I was just checking email, I got sucked into checking a social media site. Then I saw a link that looked interesting and clicked on another site, and when I looked up, it had been twenty minutes.

    I sat down in front of the TV and numbed myself because I needed to “relax,” but I wouldn’t take that thirty minutes to write, go for a walk, or just sit disconnected from all the stimuli.

    While I was great about finding the time to schedule a football game, a pick up from band, and a stop by the grocery store, I never put myself on the schedule.

    Now, I am dedicated to looking for and finding pockets of time not to fill, but instead, to take some deep breaths and just be.

    What can you do to make space and time?

    Make yourself a priority. Your sense of well-being is important. Schedule some me time on the calendar.

    Take a walk—it doesn’t matter how long, even ten minutes can make a meaningful impact.

    Spend at least twenty minutes prior to bed disengaged from email, TV, and social media sites.

    Set a time limit for electronic use during your workday that does not involve work related duties.

    Say no to offers for happy hours, birthdays, baby showers, and the like unless the person being honored is truly a priority in your life.

    And put away the guilt for not being at every school function, rehearsal, and game (if you have children). Check in with your child to see if it is truly meaningful and important to them.

    By being present and engaged in the activities that are important to you and recognizing when you’re getting caught up in mindless activity, you can create pockets of time to simply relax, unwind, and breathe.

    You never know what can happen with the extra twenty minutes. You may discover the flowers blooming outside your window, the sound of the rain as it hits your roof, or you may simply be grateful for the peace.

    Couple having picnic image via Shutterstock 

  • 6 Fears That Keep You Busy and How to Enjoy More of Your Life

    6 Fears That Keep You Busy and How to Enjoy More of Your Life

    “All the mistakes I ever made in my life were when I wanted to say no, and said yes.” ~Moss Hart

    Do you ever feel like you’re always too busy to truly enjoy life?

    I know the feeling.

    I work multiple jobs to care for my family and have many responsibilities at work and at home. My to-do list never seems to end, leaving precious little time for leisure and rest.

    But here’s the funny thing: whenever I do have some downtime, my anxiety kicks in because I’m thinking about all the things I “should” do to help move my life and career forward.

    Some days, I become so overwhelmed with all the things I “need” to do that I struggle to be present with my family and those I love. I struggle to find contentment in simply doing nothing.

    As I’ve reflected on these struggles, I’ve learned that my need to keep busy has been driven in large part by six subconscious fears. I’ve learned that by facing them, I can begin to let go of my busyness so that I can enjoy my life in the moment.

    If you’re always swamped and struggling to enjoy your life, consider if any of the following fears are the cause of your need to keep busy as well:

    1. The fear of missing out.

    So pervasive is the fear of missing out that it’s referred to simply as FOMO. This fear is based on the overwhelming feeling that something more exciting is happening elsewhere or that there are more attractive options than the one chosen.

    This fear is behind my compulsion to multitask while I work—most notably, switching between multiple tabs on my browser or even viewing multiple computer screens at once.

    It’s the force behind my need to purchase the next breakthrough product or program, or chase down every opportunity that comes my way.

    Worst of all, it’s the fear behind my mindless web surfing or constant email checking when I could be spending time with my family.

    FOMO drives us to be busier (or appear to be busier) than we need to be.

    Fortunately, we don’t have to let our FOMO control us. You can face your FOMO by accepting the fact that it is impossible to pursue every great opportunity.

    By acknowledging and accepting that you cannot have everything, you can focus your limited time and energy on the few things that truly matter. That way, you’ll never miss out.

    2. The fear of being bored.

    Kids are famous for how quickly they become bored, but adults get bored too, especially with the daily grind of life. This boredom is constantly tempting us to take on the new and the novel.

    I took a while to realize that I struggle with the fear of being bored. I become bored fairly quickly. I actually enjoy working in multiple settings because it keeps me from being in one place or doing one set of tasks all day long.

    But working in multiple settings means that I always have something to do and sometimes I get overwhelmed.

    To counteract the effects of the busy life I’ve created for myself, I frequently set aside time for prayer, meditation, and reflection. And as I began to reflect on my fear of boredom, I began to see that:

    Boredom is a privilege.

    It is not something to run from but something to enter into. Boredom means that all my basic needs are met. I’ve never heard the hungry, the poor, or the person in danger say they were bored. I can, so I give thanks when I’m bored.

    You, too, can begin to face your fear of boredom by expressing gratitude for all the comforts you enjoy.

    3. The fear of facing difficult tasks.

    Do you dread working on your taxes, your marriage, or that year-end report? Most of us in a similar situation would instinctively busy ourselves with the trivial and the meaningless to avoid facing the difficult stuff now.

    This busywork is simply a form of procrastination. But it can be hard to spot if we’ve thoroughly convinced ourselves that the busywork is important. In doing so, we manage to not do the things that are truly important.

    Avoiding difficult tasks may work in the short-term but may also have disastrous effects in the long-term. In my own life, I’ve found that this behavior only leads to prolonged and magnified pain.

    Facing this fear means learning to reframe how you think about the unpleasant and difficult tasks we all must deal with from time to time. Instead of seeing them as burdens to avoid, we can view them as opportunities for breakthroughs in our finances, our relationships, and our work.

    4. The fear of looking lazy or unaccomplished.

    It’s no secret that being busy, or looking busy, has become a sign of accomplishment in our culture.

    Sometimes, this fear manifests itself in my own life. I may feel insecure if the person I’m speaking with gets interrupted with a phone call or text – I’ve responded to such interruptions before by surfing the web on my phone (or checking my empty email inbox) to appear just as busy.

    Or I might feel inadequate by comparing my life to a busy professional who travels every week for work.

    I remember once feeling small compared to an acquaintance who frequently traveled for work. Somehow, I felt less important because my work did not take me to interesting locations across the country.

    I began to change my thinking about this when I later learned that this person eventually lost his marriage. The news caused me to re-examine my priorities. Instead of feeling inadequate, I began to be thankful that I could go home to my family every day after work.

    Facing this fear means giving up your insecurities about appearing lazy or unaccomplished so that you can focus on what truly matters.

    5. The fear of being alone.

    Is your busyness driven by the fear of being alone? We often think that to enjoy life, we must constantly be in the company of others.

    We learn from a young age that being alone is undesirable. If you’ve been labeled a loner at some point in your life, people may think you’re a loser, a weirdo, or even dangerous.

    We may fear being alone because we fear being labeled, we’re afraid to be with our own thoughts, or we’re afraid of being lonely.

    Always-having-somewhere-to-be is an effective strategy to deploy when we’re afraid to be alone, but it also robs us of the ability to enjoy our own company. In her book Between Dark and Daylight, Sr. Joan Chittister writes:

    “We love to be told that we are social beings, yes, but we also know deep in the core of us that we are not frantically social beings.”

    Facing the fear of being alone means embracing the moments we get to ourselves in order to rest, recharge, enjoy a good book, or enjoy your own company.

    6. The fear of not being well-liked.

    We all want to be liked, but sometimes this need drives us to say yes to every request that comes our way. We’re afraid that saying no will cause people not to like us.

    This fear has also been a big driver of my busyness. As a recovering people pleaser, I know what it’s like to suddenly find myself caught in a hectic schedule filled with the priorities of other people. It’s utterly exhausting and demoralizing.

    Whenever I’ve said yes to win the approval of others, I almost always emerge from the experience feeling resentful toward the person and myself. Furthermore, instead of winning the admiration of that person, I become an easy target for future requests, and their estimation of me may actually decrease.

    Giving up this fear means accepting the risk of being disliked by deciding to set (and stick to) clear boundaries. Once I learned to say no—with kindness—I began to feel happier for gaining control of my time again. And people rarely reacted as negatively as I imagined for politely declining their requests.

    Stop Keeping Yourself Busy and Enjoy Your Life Instead

    If you’ve always wondered why you can’t seem to stop being busy, one or more of these fears may be driving your busyness.

    You may have fallen for the myth that being busy means having social status and prestige.

    But you also know that all the status and prestige in the world is no good if it prevents you from enjoying your life.

    Yes, these six fears are powerful, but you have what it takes to overcome them.

    You have the power to drop these illusions right now.

    Acknowledge the fears. And release them today so that you can regain control of your time and enjoy your life.

  • How to Smile More Every Day (Even if Life Isn’t Perfect)

    How to Smile More Every Day (Even if Life Isn’t Perfect)

    Smiling Girl

     “A smile is happiness you’ll find right under your nose.” ~Tom Wilson

    I smile a lot.

    In fact, yesterday I smiled eighty-seven times (I counted).

    These aren’t fake smiles. They’re big, toothy, open-mouthed grins. And they’ve become a regular feature of my everyday life because I’ve been overcome with an immense happiness.

    Everything I see, touch, breathe, and taste brings me delight.

    It’s totally spontaneous and outrageously fun, and I want to share with you how it’s done.

    What I Smile At

    It could be the subtle texture of construction grating.

    It could be the way a flower pops out of the background at an unforeseen moment.

    It could be the way the sunlight glints off the window in the early morning.

    But the thing that’s powering all these smiles is very simple.

    Gratitude.

    Most people smile when they get something.

    We all like to smile when we receive a compliment, a surprise visit from a friend, or a big paycheck.

    In other words, we’re happy when we receive a direct benefit.

    But the way I see it, I’m the direct benefiter of everything happening around me.

    The caw of a crow, the taste of a mandarin orange, the sound of a truck passing.

    All of these things have made me smile today. I receive all of these things and am glad because of them.

    So how can you smile more?

    It’s simple really.

    Be grateful for everything in your life.

    It’s amazing what positive effects we experience once we begin to say, “Thank you!” for everything.

    Thanks for the gift of life. Thanks for a delicious meal. Thanks for the smile of a stranger.

    But the weird (and powerful) change I invite you to make is this:

    Give thanks for even the seemingly negative things that come into your life.

    Illness, pain, and loss are some of the most powerful teachers we have available. They reflect back to us the ways in which we need to grow. They show us the power that’s within us.

    And they show us that life is incredibly precious.

    For a few years I was in a really dark place. No home, no friends, no money. I slept outdoors in unfamiliar towns. I ate food stolen from dumpsters. I went days without talking to a single soul.

    There were frigid nights when I would sleep in a construction site. I would curl up in the cab of an unlocked bulldozer because my body heat could warm the tiny compartment just enough to sleep a few hours before the crew came in at 6AM.

    I was low.

    But I appreciate this experience because it gave me fortitude to live anywhere. I no longer worry that I’ll be able to survive without food or shelter, because in tough situations, you get creative. You get resourceful. And you stop being afraid to ask for help.

    Pay attention to the smallest details.

    Right now I’m staring into the red of my ceramic coffee cup and just smiling my ears off. It’s too perfect not to.

    But the coffee cup isn’t really just red.

    As I look closer, I see infinite shades glancing off the glaze.

    It’s reflecting the candy-cane stripes on a packet of sugar lying in the dish.

    It’s reflecting a page of notes I’ve got in front of me.

    And it’s following all the laws of light and shading, showing its brightest fire-truck vermillion face to the sun on one side, and a shadowy, murky maroon on the other.

    Truly a glorious thing.

    These details of experience are accessible to us everywhere, and they show us that no two things are alike.

    Even things that we find offensive are opportunities for thankfulness once we begin to appreciate their details.

    Plastic bottles on the street or decaying fruit, for example.

    They all contain such marvellous detail that when you stop and pay attention, you can’t help but smile in thanks.

    Write down your blessings.

    Thousands of great things happen to us every day but we only seem to remember a few, while we remember most of the dull, unfortunate, or painful things that happen to us.

    That’s not our fault; it’s just the way our brains are wired.

    But we can overcome it.

    That’s why it can be helpful to keep a notebook to jot down all the great things that happen to you daily.

    Reflect on it when you’re feeling down. You’ll notice that even on your lowest days, things happened that touched you, that blessed you.

    Don’t forget them!

    Look at what is, not what isn’t.

    Every time I look around, I think, “Wow, I’ve got a great life.”

    I don’t have a lot. And yet, I live the happiest life imaginable because I’m looking at what is, not what isn’t.

    Oftentimes we get caught up in worries about the future, giving substance to our negative thoughts.

    We think, “If only I had a bit more money to pay the bills.”

    “If only I didn’t have to worry about these aches and pains.”

    “If only I had a little more time to spend with my family.”

    Life isn’t the fantasies you have in your head—it’s what’s happening right now! All the great things around you are yours.

    The sunshine hitting your face.

    The smile of your kids and grandkids.

    The exhilaration of going for a run and feeling your blood rush about in your marvellous arms and legs.

    That’s all for you. And it makes me smile.

    What made you smile today?

    Smiling girl image via Shutterstock

  • Lessons from Almost Dying: How to Appreciate the Everyday Awesome

    Lessons from Almost Dying: How to Appreciate the Everyday Awesome

    “We’re so busy watching out for what’s just ahead of us that we don’t take time to enjoy where we are.” ~Bill Watterson

    “Rare as hell.” That’s how my doctor described my leukemia.

    The cancer had gotten real aggressive, real quick, and I’d need some heavy-duty chemo and a risky bone marrow transplant if I had any chance of surviving. How good a chance? “Forty to fifty percent,” said my doctor.

    Oof.

    As an otherwise healthy twenty-seven-year-old, cancer had been the furthest thing from my mind. Now, every waking thought was consumed by it. But I wasn’t ready to die. I decided to do whatever I could to beat the odds. It started with a list.

    One night during my initial stay at Princess Margaret Hospital in Toronto, I pulled out my journal.

    At the top of a new page I wrote the words “reasons to fight.” I then proceeded to write anything and everything that came to mind about what made life so awesome and so worth fighting for. Before I knew it, my list was 118 items long.

    Reviewing my hastily scrawled list, a number of things stood out. First, I was surprised how much food made the cut. The fact that “bagels with cream cheese” preceded “mom” should tell you something about how hungry and sick of hospital food I was when I wrote the list.

    Food bias aside, the people in my life certainly made a strong appearance—parents, brothers, sisters, friends, cousins, aunts, uncles. Finally, the list burst at the seams with life’s simple pleasures and experiential riches. Things like:

    • Gin and tonics (#40)
    • Hiking in the Fall (#19)
    • Tobogganing (#22)
    • Summer road trips (#81)
    • Building a fire (#35)
    • Slow-dancing (#46)
    • Writing (#66)
    • Beach sunsets (#77)
    • Skinny-dipping (#79)
    • Summer parties (#82)
    • Good conversation (#90)
    • The smell of campfires (#72)
    • Wedding receptions (#110)

    In our goal-oriented culture that places so much emphasis on reaching the next milestone, it was interesting to look back at my list.

    Lying on what could very well have been my deathbed, I wasn’t worried I’d miss out on getting a bigger house, fatter paycheck, or sexier job title. I wanted to live so I could continue to enjoy the little, everyday things with the people I loved.

    The Power of Being Present

    My near-death revelation call is hardly a new idea. For millennia, philosophers and world religions have been touting the virtues of living in the moment and appreciating the little things.

    In Buddhism, the Eightfold Path to achieving enlightenment includes Right Mindfulness: the practice of being completely present and paying full attention to the situation at hand.

    In 23 BC, the Greek poet Horace was penning Odes, famously reminding us to carpe diem—to seize the day and place no trust in the uncertainty of tomorrow.

    And in the 1800s, Henry David Thoreau strove to “live deep and suck out all the marrow of life” during his simple living experiment at Walden Pond. “You must live in the present,” he concluded, “launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment.”

    Even 900-year-old Yoda had strong feelings about living in the moment, chiding Luke for having his head in the clouds. “All his life has he looked away… to the future, to the horizon,” the Jedi Master scolded. “Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing. Hmph.”

    That ancient wisdom is backed up with a growing body of modern research.

    In one study, researchers out of Harvard University developed an iPhone app to track the happiness levels of its participants at random intervals.

    The volunteers would reply with information about what they had just been focused on and how happy they felt. The results? People are at their happiest when they are living in the moment and focused on what they are doing.

    Other research shows that learning to savor small, positive moments can significantly increase your happiness.

    Similarly, studies show people who foster an “attitude of gratitude” for everyday activities are shown to sleep better, be in better physical health, and have lower stress levels.

    Mind Your Mibs

    Whether it’s daydreaming about the weekend, brooding about an argument you had last week, or burying your head in your smart phone, it’s easy to find ourselves in a million places other than the here and now.

    Furthermore, in our milestone-obsessed society, we tend to look to achievements down the road for fulfillment.

    I’ll be happy when I’m married… when I’m making 80k… when my I have a thousand followers on Twitter. We become so preoccupied with the destination that we lose sight of the journey, of the adventure in getting there.

    And don’t get me wrong: goals and milestones are important. They inspire us to be better, to try harder, to reach new heights.

    But as my list reminded me, as great as accomplishments are, there’s tremendous satisfaction to be found in the little Moments In Between—or “mibs” as I like to call them.

    Learning to embrace your mibs and live in the moment is an important way to find happiness on a daily basis.

    Easier said than done, of course, and I certainly still struggle with it. I even caught myself obsessing about edits I wanted to make to this article while I was out for a walk, instead of appreciating the fresh air and sunshine.

    But I’m trying. And with a little discipline, I think anyone can get better at minding their mibs. Here are a few suggestions:

    1. Enforce a no-phone rule.

    Sure, technology has the power to connect. But it’s also got a nasty habit of pulling us away from the moment. Commit to phone-free dinners and give your full attention to the people you’re with.

    2. Go for a “one-sense walk.”

    If you find yourself worrying about the million things you need to get done or obsessing about something in the past, lace up your sneakers and go for a walk. Choose a sense to focus on and start a mental inventory of everything you encounter.

    For example, you may choose “sight” and pay close attention to the colours of the houses or the different types of trees in your neighbourhood. Or you might choose to focus on the things you hear, like the birds chirping or the crunch of your footsteps.

    3. Make your own list.

    My reasons to fight list was a great reminder of all the simple, amazing things around me. Whether it’s making a list of your own, starting a gratitude journal, or getting into the habit of thinking about the little things you’re grateful for while you’re brushing your teeth, make time to regularly acknowledge life’s everyday awesome.

    4. Collect memories, not things.

    My list overflowed with life’s little adventures and amazing experiences. When opportunities arise to try something new, say yes. If it’s a choice between a new pair of designer jeans or a weekend camping trip by the lake, choose the lake.

    More than six years after writing my reasons to fight list, I’m thrilled to say I’m completely cancer-free. And while it was a gruelling journey, it was an enlightening one as well.

    It taught me to not pin my hopes for happiness on far-off or one-off accomplishments. It reminded me to live in the moment and helped me embrace the everyday awesome—whether it’s sunrises (#78 on my list), sandwiches (#99) or a freshly made bed (#50).

    In short, it taught me to mind my mibs.

  • The Power of Presence : A Few Simple Ways to Enjoy Life More Now

    The Power of Presence : A Few Simple Ways to Enjoy Life More Now

    “All that is important is this one moment in movement. Make the moment important, vital, and worth living. Do not let it slip away unnoticed and unused.” ~Martha Graham

    I am someone who is always focusing on the next step rather than the step I am currently taking. I am always longing for the next thing in life.

    Looking forward to the future isn’t a bad thing, but when it consumes 90% of your daily thoughts, it becomes a bit exhausting.

    My energy has always been restless. I get bored easily, crave change constantly, and yearn for immediate fulfillment. At one point, I realized I was letting a good life pass me by.

    I have been working full-time and have been a student year-round for over five years. Life has been repetitive for a long time, lots and lots of work with very little playtime.

    This began to leave my mind in a constant state of restlessness, and there was no turning it off.

    I craved more meaning out of life, richer experiences, and deep soul-searching. I had big ideas of what I wanted to do, so many ideas that it began to overtake me and make me feel angry about the life I was living.

    I became impatient and intolerant of my own life. I was in a rut. I felt completely out of control and stuck.

    I had always admired people who were able to be present and live in the moment. I had never been that type of person, and I really wanted to be.

    I realized the only thing I could control was the present moment; I could not control the future because it hadn’t happened yet. So I decided to focus my restless energy on things I could change that would help me live a happier life right now.

    In the brief moments when I wasn’t working, or at class, or doing homework, I decided to try turning off that multi-tasking motor in my brain. I began to focus on one thing, and one thing only. It could be something as simple as brushing my teeth or doing the dishes.

    You’d be amazed at how enjoyable simple activities can be if you enter them with a positive and uncluttered mind.

    I also decided to pick up a hobby and learn something new; I dabbled in a bit of photography and taught myself basic functions of the camera and different tricks and techniques. While school and work are stimulating, I often do things because I am told to do them, not because I want to.

    This was a refreshing perspective and a great outlet for that restless energy.

    I also started saying “no” less, and “yes” more. This forced me out of my comfort zone and enriched me with those new experiences I had been craving, even if they were small and simple. There’s nothing better than finding comfort in chaos and testing your boundaries.

    Once I began to practice these things daily, I started seeing benefits. I felt happier, more secure, and full of life again. My heart began to open and the weight that had been pulling me down began to lift.

    If you find yourself rushing through the present, focusing on the future, and not enjoying your daily life, it might help to try these small changes for yourself: fully immerse yourself in what you’re doing instead of multitasking, try a new hobby to create more moments where you’re engaged in something fun, and practice saying “yes” to things that you normally wouldn’t.

    This will push you out of your comfort zone and allow you to discover new things about yourself. It’s a lot easier to live in the now when you feel blissfully alive in the now.

    There will be times when you find your mind shifting somewhere that you don’t want it to go. Don’t judge it. Acknowledge it, and then mindfully transition yourself back to the present moment. With a little practice you will be amazed by how in control of your thoughts you really are.

    While I still have goals and dreams for the future, I am now focusing on what I can work on to be fulfilled in the present. These are the moments that matter; these are the moments that will soon be the past. We are not promised tomorrow, but we are promised right now.

    Live in it. Breathe it. Take in as much of this moment as you can.

    You are capable of being your best self, and you are capable of doing it right now. I challenge you to challenge yourself, to live in this moment, to break through your limits, and to find the very best, most present you.

  • 4 Simple Ways to Slow Down So You Don’t Rush Through Life

    4 Simple Ways to Slow Down So You Don’t Rush Through Life

    Woman Drinking Coffee

    “If you surrender completely to the moments as they pass, you live more richly those moments.” ~Anne Morrow Lindbergh

    Throughout my life, a deep voice within has constantly asked me to slow down.

    Don’t get me wrong; I thrive when I have deadlines, when I have to push myself to get somewhere. I love being quick in what I do.

    However, over the last ten years of living like a workaholic and then having to find a semblance of quiet after the birth of two adorable babies, I have begun to realize that being quick in what we do is in itself not worrisome; feeling rushed is.

    I began experimenting with slowing down after several episodes of sickness that resulted from the stress I accumulated in my rushed life.

    The struggle between being in ten places at once and being in just one place at one time was immense.

    Even today, I still feel the urge to check my mobile and send out a quick email as I walk my little ones to the park. Yet I cannot stand to miss the little tumble walk of my toddler and my big talking kindergartner as I walk with them.

    Slowing down just a little has taught me the power of pausing and gathering perspective.

    This is an invitation from my deeper self to yours to slow down, just for a few moments, to pause and breathe. Here are four simple ways to do that.

    1. Morning drink.

    For most of us, the morning tea or coffee has become somewhat of ritual that we rush through. Just for today, allow the morning drink to wake you gently. Sit with it as if you were participating in loving yourself.

    Eventually, allow your morning beverage to help you set an intention for your day, gently and with care.

    Set an intention about how you want to feel during the day, and after you finish your morning drink, intentionally rise and take good care of the cup that helped you slow down and gather perspective.

    2. Write/journal.

    Experiment with writing. When you take a few moments of your day to write, you allow for space to pause and reflect. You slow down the speeding thoughts of what is to be and what should have been to accept what is now.

    Write about the sense of feeling rushed in your everyday life and how you struggle to balance. Write then about how you yearn to feel and how that life you yearn for can begin now.

    3. Pause to observe.

    In this moment, pause and look around you.

    On the surface of things there might be chaos—the tooting of horns from the street, your children screaming for you, or your coworkers having an argument. Take a deep breath anyway, look around, and see how there is stillness in the objects around you.

    The earth that is bearing us; the furniture, still and sturdy; the air, present and quiet. Observe the nature of stillness around you and allow your thoughts and actions to slow down just a little.

    4. Embrace now.

    In any given moment there are one or more things around us that we like, be it the color of the blinds or people around us that we love. And yet, we are often overwhelmed by the things that happened to us or the things that didn’t happen.

    In this moment, identify three things you like. Once you identify them, allow the realization to sink in and enjoy it for a few seconds before you move on. Hence starts the experience of slowing down to embrace now.

    Experimenting with slowing down is an invitation to try out living in the now, because honestly, it is a pain to live in the past and too scary to think about the future.

    Now is all we’ve got. And experimenting with these practices helps us be everything we want to be in a more quiet, peaceful, and joyful way—in a more present way, with deep intention.

    There is utter beauty in taking refuge in our senses, in opening up to the small miracles that we always rush through. Take a day or more to experiment with slowing down and, as difficult as it may be, you’ll find it expands the time that we often think we lack.

    Woman drinking coffee image via Shutterstock

  • 51 Ways to Feel Happy in 5 Minutes

    51 Ways to Feel Happy in 5 Minutes

    “Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.” ~Buddha

    For the longest time I lived in the future.

    I had a grand list of all the big things I wanted to do…

    Build a multinational company, become a philanthropist, go on long vacations all over the world with my wife, have a big house with a lovely garden…the list goes on!

    It’s great to be ambitious, I still believe that.

    However, the more I made plans and worked toward my ambitions, the more I reinforced a concept within my mind—that the present is not okay. 

    “Who I am, where I am living, what I look like, how much money I have—none of it is enough for me to be happy now.”

    I had made my happiness conditional on my success, on the “big” things in life.

    One morning, after finishing my Tai Chi session in the park, I noticed a lovely bed of flowers. I had been going to that the park for months but had never noticed those flowers before.

    Being the goal-oriented person I am, I was focused on perfecting my Tai Chi moves. So focused, that I had forgotten that one of the key purposes of Tai Chi is to be more in the present, to be satisfied with life.

    That’s when I realized that my ambitions were blinding me to all that I already have in life.

    I asked myself: Can I be happy with what I already have now, be happy with the little things in life?

    I began to consciously make an effort to realize how beautiful my life is, to be aware of the little things that make the present moment special. We all experience such moments every day. We just don’t notice them. We let them pass by like strangers on an elevator exchanging polite smiles.

    Rather than just smile, I started to give those fleeting moments a hug. I really began to live them.

    I became happier, my energy levels rose, and I became more productive. I stopped worrying about my business—my grand plans for the future!

    My mind still has a habit of flitting between the past and the future, but sometimes it takes only five minutes to bring it back into the present moment, to just feel happy.

    If you are wondering how to do that, try one of these tiny ways:

    Enjoy Nature in the City

    I used to feel like heading out into the lap of Mother Nature every other weekend. Then I asked myself, how could I enjoy nature right in the city?

    1. Watch the leaves fall on a windy day.

    2. Wake up early and listen to the silence.

    3. Look at the clouds and try to find shapes and maybe even faces.

    4. Listen to the birds chirping.

    5. Check out some breathtaking photos on National Geographic.

    6. Watch a butterfly flutter away.

    7. Listen to the thunder on a rainy day.

    8. Sit on a park bench and enjoy the greenery.

    9. Walk barefoot on grass.

    Be Grateful for What You Already Have

    There’s so much in life that we take for granted that many can only dream of. Let’s remember how fortunate we are when we experience these ordinary moments.

    10. Enjoy drinking a glass of water. Eight hundred million people in the world do not have access to clean water.

    11. Be grateful for the food on your plate. Over eight hundred million people do not get enough to eat.

    12. Be grateful for the people in your life.

    13. Just be grateful that you are alive.

    14. Think of ten other things you are grateful for.

    Bring Out the Child in You

    How difficult is it to regain that carefree nature of childhood when you are older? Go ahead, do something silly and have a good laugh!

    15. Read an Archie comic book.

    16. Blow soap bubbles.

    17. Catch snowflakes with your tongue.

    18. Take a walk in the rain.

    19. Lick a fast melting ice-cream.

    20. Practice your Kung Fu moves or air guitar in front of the mirror!

    Enjoy a Hobby

    Do you have time for hobbies? I used to feel that I didn’t, until I figured that a hobby does not require half an hour a day. Five minutes is enough.

    21. Play a song on your guitar (or any instrument).

    22. Listen to a song you love. (Keep a playlist in your phone).

    23. Better still, sing aloud.

    24. Learn a new dance move from YouTube.

    25. Capture an urban scene with your camera phone.

    26. Read your favorite part from that novel you really love.

    27. Read a new book for just five minutes before you go to bed.

    Take Care of Yourself

    You might be giving time to your work, your ambitions, and your family. Are you taking good care of yourself?

    28. Exercise for just five minutes—skip rope, jog, do five pushups and squats. Exercise releases endorphins, which make you happier.

    29. Relish a delicious serving of fruits.

    30. Pen down your thoughts in a journal.

    31. Tidy up a corner of your house.

    32. Meditate for five minutes.

    Love Yourself

    Before I felt that I had enough in life, I had to love myself enough.

    33. Think of five things that you love about who you are as a person.

    34. Every night before going to bed, think of at least one thing you achieved on that day, however small or insignificant it might seem.

    35. Give yourself a hug. (It works.)

    Do Something for Someone Else

    Giving creates a feeling of abundance like few other things do.

    36. Feed a stray dog or cat.

    37. Help a neighbor with an errand.

    38. Help out a coworker with your expertise.

    39. Send flowers and a card to that relative you haven’t spoken to in years.

    Connect with People

    Work was an excuse for me to not find time for my loved ones. Does it really take much to cherish these relationships?

    40. Call a friend and say hello. (Don’t text!)

    41. Cuddle with your partner in the morning.

    42. Call your parents.

    43. Remember a happy moment with your loved ones.

    44. Forgive someone for a small offense. (This makes it easier to forgive people for the big offenses.)

    45. Apologize to someone.

    46. Look at old pictures that bring back memories.

    Indulge Your Senses

    No, you don’t need to go to a spa!

    47. Slowly sip a good cappuccino.

    48. Listen to the sound of an ocean track (on the internet).

    49. Sit in the sun (on your terrace or backyard).

    50. Light aroma candles or incense sticks, like lavender or lemongrass.

    51. Feel the wind in your hair as you drive.

    None of these things are grand or profound, and that’s the whole point. I now believe that life becomes happier and so much more special if we start to enjoy the little things.

    There are, of course, times when I still worry about the future. That’s when I just go ahead and do something on this list. It usually doesn’t take me long to realize just how lucky I am, and I stop worrying.

    What other tiny ways can you think of to feel happy in just five minutes? What will you try out today?

  • Letting Go and Enjoying Annoying Situations

    Letting Go and Enjoying Annoying Situations

    Woman in a Waiting Room

    “Never forget: This very moment, we can change our lives. There never was a moment, and never will be, when we are without the power to alter our destiny.” ~Steven Pressfield

    This week I had the pleasure of waiting in a queue. Now, that is not normally something that I would be able to say, as I’m not the most patient woman.

    The queue was for the immigration department in Chiang Mai, Thailand—a busy place full of people who were stressed because they were unsure about where to get a number for their place in the queue, unsure if they had the right paperwork, unsure of how long the process would take, and unsure if their right to stay in the country would be extended.

    Friends had warned me that I might be sitting in that crowded room for hours, so I had come prepared with postcards to write and a notepad to write my next newsletter. I did neither of those things.

    Instead, I sat on the uncomfortable blue plastic chairs, observed the people around me, and observed myself. I watched people get grumpy and impatient. I watched the staff trying to do their job well while dealing with grumpy and impatient people.

    I watched myself getting nervous about whether I had all of the documents that I would need to get my extension.

    I watched myself getting impatient as the staff didn’t call the first number in the queue so that processing of applications could begin, right on the dot at 8.30AM. I was number fifteen.

    I watched myself itching to ask the first person processed how long they would now have to wait for their passport to be stamped and returned to them.

    Then I made a decision. None of this really mattered. Perhaps I would have to come back again if I had the wrong documents. Perhaps the queue would move at a crawl. Perhaps I would have to wait a long time to actually get my passport back. Perhaps I wouldn’t get an extension at all.

    None of these things were inside my control, so I made the decision to let it all go. To sit quietly. To enjoy the time not doing anything “constructive.” To let my mind wander. To have a brief conversation with the family next to me, the kind you have when you don’t speak much Thai and they don’t speak much English but you understand each other perfectly. 

    My decision turned a stressful experience into a relaxing and, dare I say, enjoyable one. I even played a game with myself to guess the time that I would be able to leave. I guessed 10:00AM. I left at 9.55. Not bad at all!

    This experience showed me that there is a massive difference in how I feel when I deliberately choose to view a situation in a different way.

    I know that in the past in situations like this I wasn’t even aware that I had a choice as to how I felt. It’s taken some hard lessons and a growth in awareness to realize just how much influence I can have over my own feelings.

    It turned out that the Universe had a reason for keeping me in that queue for as long as it did. As I was cycling back to the countryside, where I volunteer at a dog shelter, I came across a puppy in the middle of the road.

    Five minutes either side of that moment and I might have missed the puppy or, worse still, have come across a tragedy on that busy country road.

    I was able to get close enough to pick him up. I then had a dilemma; how would I get him back to the shelter, which was an hour’s walk away on a sweltering hot day?

    Using my well-rested and relaxed brain, I came up with a solution. I emptied the contents of my bike’s basket into a bag I fashioned out of what I had, and then tied the puppy up in a spare shirt so he couldn’t wiggle about. Into the basket he went.

    He sat in that basket the whole bumpy ride back to the shelter with the calmness of one who knew that this situation was outside of his control. He is now taken care of and was adopted after only nine days in the shelter.

    The lesson I learned is that we always have a choice about how we feel about a situation. Even if we initially react poorly, we still have the power to change what we think and do next. It’s simply a matter of changing what is going on internally and making a conscious decision.

    This week I’m grateful that I had the pleasure of waiting in a queue.

    Woman in a waiting room image via Shutterstock

  • Are You Too Busy to Enjoy Your Life?

    Are You Too Busy to Enjoy Your Life?

    Happy Guy

    “It’s not enough to be busy; so are the ants. The question is: what are we busy about?” ~Henry David Thoreau

    I was slipping deeper into a dark spiral after my fortieth birthday, looking for anything to grab onto and pull myself out of the darkness. Some said I was having a midlife crisis, but I believe it was actually the beginning of an awakening for me. For the sake of argument, I’ll call it a midlife awakening.

    This by no means meant that I understood the meaning of life and was all of a sudden enlightened and happy—quite the contrary. I was seeing for the first time the “me” that everyone else saw and had no idea who that person was or wanted to be.

    Try as I might, I could not remember much about my thirties. I know worked a lot and was raising my daughters as well as coaching; I was staying busy but definitely not living. I became numb to my surroundings: feeling no pain, no happiness, nothing but a big empty hole inside.

    Still, the real wakeup call came after returning to school as a forty year old. Working on an assignment for a speech class I watched a video tape of an overweight, sad, negative person.

    This led me toward the beginning of my journey and the first challenge was to rid myself of negativity. It was a journey to be positive and learn how to “live” my life as each moment presents itself to me.

    Setting out on a quest to find a spiritual balance that was not tied to labels and judgment, the biggest test was still being around people that knew the old me as I continued my transformation. It’s easy to get dragged back into old habits and feelings, so I separated myself from as many “triggers” as I could.

    In 2007 after my youngest daughter turned twenty-one, I made the decision to separate and later divorce, since the relationship was a major source of negativity.

    I was nineteen when this relationship started, so I never had a chance to know myself and, as selfish as it sounds, I needed to know me. One of the first things I learned was that I did not know how to be alone. As a matter of fact, this was my first time in my life with my own apartment.

    There was a lot of reading and soul searching going on and still going on, but little by little I got better at being me.

    In the fall of 2009 I met my soul mate, and although I previously said I would never marry again, in June of 2010 I asked and she accepted. We once wondered why we couldn’t have met sooner in our lives, but I know the answer is that we were not the people we are today, so it would not have been the same.

    I have never pretended to possess all the answers but I do freely give some advice when the opportunity arises, especially when people bring a child into the world. That is not take one moment for granted and enjoy their child or grandchild every chance they have.

    We spend so much time being busy and not enough time just being.

    I rarely look at the news, television, or read a newspaper because many times when I do I feel bad, and common sense tells me if something feels bad, don’t do it.

    Outside of work I try to surround myself with positive, good hearted people and do activities that help keep me centered.

    Exercise and running have become my best centering activities. Trail running particularly meets all of this criteria because it seems to draw these people, and if you run a rocky, root bound, hilly trail you had better be in the moment.

    There are moments that I know are gone forever and I can’t go back and try again to live them. I will strive to live every minute I am afforded and try to share what I have learned with anyone who is willing to listen.

    My intent is to pass on my love for the beauty and serenity of nature and the satisfaction of learning from everyone we meet along the way.

    I would love to tell you that I live in complete peace and harmony all the time now and I have my life in perfect order. But that wouldn’t be true. Still, living is a more positive and open-minded process now and I feel like I am a better person—one who does not have to be faultless.

    Also by having a more positive group of friends, I have help on the days when the ego wants the negative side to make an appearance.

    As our responsibilities grow it is increasingly easy to retreat into busy mode, overloading our senses, and lose touch with those around us.

    Staying busy as a defense mechanism leaves you stagnant; not growing, not solving anything, and not living your life. It is the equivalent of looking the other way and thinking that if you don’t see something it is not real.

    I try to remind myself to cherish every moment I am given with my family, friends, and people I care about. I fight the urge to excuse myself from experiences, from this moment, because if I tell someone “I’m just too busy” I will never get that time back.

    I read somewhere that if you stick your hand in a river you can never touch the same water twice, because by the time you stick your hand back in the water has moved on. It is like that with time and being busy simply for the sake of being busy; once that moment is gone you can never get it back.

    Happy guy image via Shutterstock

  • Enjoy the Little Things

    Enjoy the Little Things

    Enjoy the Little Things

    Source: Fun Munch

  • Doing Your Best Without the Stress of Perfectionism

    Doing Your Best Without the Stress of Perfectionism

    Stressed

    “Better to do something imperfectly than to do nothing flawlessly.” ~Robert H. Schuller

    Have you ever been stopped in your tracks by perfectionism? Would you rather not do something if you can’t be sure it will be perfect? Although this kind of thinking doesn’t make much sense, I understand it, because I’ve been there.

    I’d like to share with you some insights that helped me overcome my own deeply ingrained perfectionism and the unhappiness and stagnation it caused me.

    Avoiding perfectionism doesn’t mean avoiding quality work and high achievement.

    I am someone who loves making sure that even the smallest details of my work are right, and that the work I deliver lives up to my highest standards.

    I used to think that the opposite of perfectionism was doing sloppy work, so I tried that for a while, but it really didn’t sit well with me. I don’t know about you, but I like to do something well and make it good quality work, and doing something less than that makes me feel bad.

    If giving your best is what you do naturally, then doing something only half as well as you could just to avoid the trap of perfectionism isn’t going to help you. Trying this has always made me feel stressed because I was going against my nature and because I didn’t like the work I produced. So what to do?

    Who defines your “perfect”?

    I think perfectionism is really fear of being judged by others. It’s actually likely that others will judge us for what we do and say, but in most cases, we can get over it because it’s not so bad—or because we have to.

    However, a perfectionist never looks to compassionate and wise people and imagines how they might judge them! For example, when I am writing a new blog post, I never think of what my grandmother or the Dalai Lama would say about it. (It would probably be something like, “It’s wonderful that you express yourself creatively and try to help others at the same time!”)

    Instead, the people I have in mind are the cynical journalists whose articles I read (which is really my own fault) and the mean and angry people who post anonymous insults in online newspaper forums. I’m pretty sure they would actually hate what I have to say, but why do I pick them as my internal jury?

    This internal process is what I call destructive perfectionism, because it’s a way in which we beat ourselves up and possibly feel so stifled that we never even start our work, or never dare show it to anyone.

    Constructive perfectionism is the fuel you need to move forward.

    Destructive perfectionism stops you in your tracks. Constructive perfectionism allows you to start and do your best—even if a year from now you find it amateurish. That’s how great things get done; you have to start somewhere and work your way up.

    I started getting into strength training, movement art, and gymnastics over a year ago because I wanted to move as capably, strongly, and gracefully as the movement teachers I admire. I soon found that achieving this in a short time frame was highly unrealistic, meaning: For a long time I looked and felt more like an elephant doing gymnastics than an actual movement artist.

    But the vision of what is possible kept me going, and now I am a far better and stronger mover than when I started, even though I am miles away from what I want to achieve. If I had given up after one attempt because it wasn’t perfect, I’d still be a couch potato!

    In my journey away from perfectionism, I also stopped beating myself up and driving myself so far that I came by several injuries, and started enjoying the movement and the small progress I made every day.

    Maybe I will never reach the kind of athletic ability and grace that I long for, but I am enjoying the process so much and doing my health a big favor. So I hope you take this to heart and start enjoying yourself by doing what you love and giving it your best.

    Life is too short to miss out on the pleasure of doing something well just because others might judge you or you might not get it right. As they say: Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.

    Photo by Helga Weber

  • Finding Our Inner Child and Having More Fun in Life

    Finding Our Inner Child and Having More Fun in Life

    Happy Kids

    “A healthy attitude is contagious but don’t wait to catch it from others. Be a carrier.” ~Tom Stoppard

    Just the other day, I was at my daughter’s school to watch her participate in a spelling bee. As the kids came into the room, I took notice of their manner and their faces.

    They looked excited, frightened, and some, decidedly uninterested. The teacher led them over to their area and promptly told them to sit on the floor, in two straight lines, and no talking please. They complied.

    Some kids pushed at the others to “move over!” Some held their fingers to their lips, loudly shhhhhshing the others. Some opened their notebooks and began to draw or write. Some spoke quietly to the friend next door.

    I smiled as I watched them; some caught my grin and smiled back. I wondered if adults would have fulfilled the teacher’s request so quickly, and with relatively little complaint.

    I pondered how many adults, after being told to sit on the floor, would have protested “I don’t want to sit on the floor,” or “the floor, are you kidding?!”

    How many would have continued talking, ignoring anyone imploring them to quiet down? How many of them would have busied themselves instead of complaining, “This floor is hard, how long is this going to take anyway?!”

    And I wondered how many of them would have spoken to the people next to them as if they were their best friends instead of judging, sizing up.

    Once the spelling bee was under way, I paid close attention to the children in the room. There were four classes participating, with what must have been around 100 kids on that cold, hard floor.

    The children on stage were doing great.

    Some of them struggled with a word here and there but managed to put all the letters in the right order. And when they did, their relief and pride in themselves was more than evident. They slapped their foreheads, dramatically wiped their brows, knees buckling as they pretended to faint punctuated by laughter and camaraderie. They cheered each other, congratulated each other, consoled each other.

    What of those adults? Would they be willing to slap their foreheads? Pretend to faint? Laugh and shrug their shoulders when they messed up?

    What about that camaraderie? Those kids all cheered each other. It didn’t matter whose class they were in, how good or bad a speller they were. It just didn’t matter. Adults won’t speak to you if you’re on a different team.

    Maybe I’m being too hard on the adults. I’m sure there are some of them who’ll stand up on life’s stage, give it their very best shot, and maybe win—then pretend to faint, or jump up and down arms waving yelling, “I did it!” Or lose and shrug their shoulders, knowing there will be another chance, or run into the arms of a friend for consolation. But I think they are few and far between.

    Composure—looking the part for the other eyes—that’s the important thing.

    Take all that sadness or elation and put it away now, my goodness; how old are you? Don’t you know that when you win you’re supposed to look sheepish, uninterested?

    When you lose you’re supposed to pull your shoulders back, steel your face, nod your head, and say, “That’s okay, I’m fine.” When you dance you’re supposed to have “the moves,” do it well or don’t get on the dance floor; people are watching.

    I stayed with my daughter for the better part of that afternoon, following the children as they headed out the door for Physical Education. Once there, they were told to sit down, this time on the concrete. They did.

    I sat down right there on the concrete with them, and they looked at me a little strangely. Then they listened intently while the coach explained the rules of the game they were about to play.

    When he was finished, arms shot up in the air, shaking crazily, bursting with the fire of the questions. What if…? When does…? Who goes…?”

    They asked all their questions until satisfied that they understood. The game was underway. I watched. Some cheated; most played fair. They came back off the court to their spots on the ground exhausted, sweaty, giddy.

    For about a second, some were angry their team didn’t win. But they didn’t dwell. I laughed with them, told them they did really well, and asked if they had fun. They responded with a resounding “yes!” I sat cross-legged, just like them, absorbed the energy, and contemplated the attitude.

    How would I have participated, I wondered. Would I have raised my arm and asked questions? Would I have given it all I had and collapsed on the ground afterward? What, as adults, do we do to get exhausted and giddy?

    After that day I looked around at the adults I encountered. This is what I saw:

    Some were well dressed, on their way to work or a lunch break, talking intently on the phone or rummaging through purses and wallets.

    Some were driving, staring through the windshield, maybe thinking about the mortgage payment or the kids or Mom and Dad or how much it’s going to cost to fix the hot water heater.

    Some were standing in line, checking their watches, rolling their eyes, seemingly counting the number of items the person in front of them had.

    Some were at the park, watching their kids play soccer, looking stressed and yelling, “Kick it! Move up! Go! Go! Go!”

    Where did our little kids go, I wondered? Where did that elated, excited, play the game because it’s fun, run in the rain, catch the drops on my tongue, ask all the questions I need to, hug my best friend and tell them I’m sad person go? Can it be I’ve grown up too much? Have all of us?

    What would happen if the next time we do something well, we ran around in circles and screamed? What would happen if the next time we don’t understand something, we raised our hand, shook it mightily, and asked a question?

    If the next time we’re sad, we grabbed a friend and sobbed into her shoulders? If the next time we sit next to someone we don’t know, we asked them what their favorite color is? What would happen if we danced any way we wanted?

    So what am I going to do the next time? I hope I’ll be able to find the inner child I raised into an adult and give her a voice, an arm to wave, and a song to dance to.

    But for now, I’m going to sit on the floor and color.

    Photo by David Robert Bilwas

  • Want More Joy in Life? Prioritize Things You Enjoy Doing

    Want More Joy in Life? Prioritize Things You Enjoy Doing

    “I don’t believe people are looking for the meaning of life as much as they are looking for the experience of being alive.” ~Joseph Campbell

    Because I am self-employed, I often find that my work is my life. There is no off switch when the day is over. Some days I get so caught up in the busyness that I completely forget myself.

    While my work is immensely meaningful and enjoyable, I believe it’s important to have other activities outside of work that bring us joy so we can live even fuller lives.

    When I get too caught up in my work of helping others, I forget the other things that are important to me. This makes me feel that I lack the balance of a multifaceted life.

    One day I realized that I was so caught up in helping other people that I completely forgot to help myself. As an introvert, it’s important to recharge my batteries by pursuing activities that recharge the soul.

    So I sat down with a pen and paper and did what most busy people do: I wrote a list.

    This was a list with a difference.

    I wrote down every single activity I enjoy. I wrote down every single activity I hadn’t tried but wanted to. And I wrote down every single place I wanted to visit.

    This was the beginning of actively creating joy in life. You can make of life what you will. Personally, I choose happiness.

    In positive psychology, a method for finding happiness and joy is being in a state of flow. You already know this feeling. It’s when you are completely tied up in what you are doing and you lose track of time because you are so engaged and stimulated in your activity.

    Often, activities that put us in a state of flow are creative—things like painting, playing music, cooking, sewing, reading, writing, and doing arts and crafts.

    Other activities that often put us in this flow state are physical. This could be gardening, hiking, bike riding, yoga, golf, and any other physical activities we enjoy.

    For ultimate happiness and health, I believe it’s important to pursue both creative and physical activities. Stimulating your mind and body leads to greater intelligence and a heightened state of awareness.

    Some might say to get into a state of flow you need to get a hobby. I think perhaps this is true. When was the last time you heard someone say they have a hobby?

    Hobbies seem to be something of the past. Today we are so busy. We get so caught up in work, family, relationships, pleasing other people, and technology that we forget to do the things we enjoy for ourselves.

    This is where my list came into play. It ended up being a multi-page list of every hobby I ever had, every activity I enjoy, and every activity I wanted to try. I then made it a priority to do at least one “happiness activity” every week.

    Taking time out of our regular day-to-day work and finding new ways to enjoy life is essential to our happiness and well-being.

    If your life is very busy, do not be fooled into thinking you have no time for hobbies. Everyone has fifteen minutes available, even if it cuts into your sleep or email time.

    Although fifteen minutes may not feel like enough time to get into a state of flow, it is enough time to feel joy and happiness. With a bit of practice, you might find you get into such a state of flow that fifteen minutes turns into an hour. Over time, you may find that these pursuits of happiness overtake the importance of busyness.

    If you think you have no hobbies now, the best way to find out what you enjoy is to remind yourself what you enjoyed as a child. Did you previously enjoy baking? Or drawing, or playing music, or playing football?

    Write yourself a list of every activity you ever enjoyed and every activity you’d like to try but haven’t yet. Pick one thing that you previously enjoyed immensely, and set yourself an appointment to give it a go again. When you are ready, set an appointment for one new activity you have never tried before.

    Your life could be transformed by this one simple act: making it a priority to do the things you enjoy.

    Ideally, you want to set time for this daily. I completely understand that this is difficult to do. At a bare minimum, you want to schedule it in weekly.

    Personally, I like to set aside one day every week to go for a hike. But sometimes if I don’t have time for that, I like to pick up my flute and improvise. If I only have a spare fifteen minutes to do this, I find the time just flies by, and it only feels like five minutes.

    Doing something like this is so good for my soul. I find that if I don’t schedule flow time, then I feel tired and overwhelmed with life. It is so important to me that I actually write it down in my diary and stick to it like any other important appointment.

    We can all experience more joy in our lives. We just need to consciously choose to create it.