Tiny Buddha

Tag: energy

  • How I Stopped Absorbing Other People’s Energy and Emotions

    How I Stopped Absorbing Other People’s Energy and Emotions

    “And then the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” ~Anaïs Nin

    I used to think something was wrong with me.

    I cried at the wrong moments. I felt anxious before a phone call, only to find out the other person was deeply upset. I could walk into a room and instantly sense who was grieving, who was fighting—even if no one said a word.

    People called me empathic. Intuitive. But mostly, I felt weird. Overwhelmed. Other. Too much.

    I tried everything to make it stop. Therapy helped a little, but only on the surface. I learned the language of trauma, boundaries, and projection—but still, I felt like I was carrying more than just my own stuff.

    After about a year with one therapist, she finally said, “It’s not that you anxiously imagine things—you’re honestly always right. That’s a big difference. And I don’t know how to help you.”

    The truth was: I wasn’t broken. I was energetically wide open. And no one had ever taught me how to close.

    The Moment Everything Clicked

    It was years into my wild, seemingly never-ending personal growth journey, and I was sitting on a date.

    I wasn’t looking up, but I responded to what I thought was a question the man across from me had asked. When I looked up, his face had gone pale.

    “I thought that,” he said. “But I didn’t say it out loud.”

    I had done so much inner work. And yet there I was again—caught in a situation I didn’t fully understand. Feeling as though I had done something wrong.

    When someone in the same room spoke about grief, it felt like I’d been punched in the stomach. Not metaphorically—my body literally responded. I had no idea where I ended and other people began.

    In a moment of late-night desperation, I Googled something like “how to stop reading people’s thoughts.”

    I ended up on the phone with a woman I’d found online. She greeted me with, “Whoa, you are wide open, aren’t you?” And then she said the words I didn’t know I’d been waiting for:

    “You need to turn this down.”

    Turns out, I wasn’t just sensitive. I had no energetic boundaries.

    My body, my emotions, my intuition—none of it was contained. I had spent my life walking around like an open door, receiving every gust of feeling and energy that came my way.

    It wasn’t empathy. It wasn’t anxiety. It was a lack of containment.

    The Difference Between Love and Enmeshment

    Growing up, I thought being a good friend, daughter, or partner meant feeling everything other people felt. I was prized for silently predicting the emotions of others in a way that often protected me from harm behind closed doors. If someone I loved was sad, I needed to be sad with them. If they were anxious, I would absorb it and try to fix it. If I thought they could hurt me, I stayed and soothed them—not just to protect myself, but to protect everyone else too.

    This orientation toward helping emotionally volatile people didn’t serve me.

    When I was young, I thought it was compassion. Later, I thought it was codependence. But it was actually energetic enmeshment.

    Over time, I lost track of my own inner compass.

    My attraction was confused. My decisions were reactive. My body was tired.

    I couldn’t tell what I needed because I was constantly responding to so many streams of information.

    The cost wasn’t just emotional exhaustion—it was disconnection from myself.

    The Practice That Saved Me

    The almost funny thing is the solution was simple.

    There are grounding practices intuitive people have used for centuries. I just didn’t have anyone in my life to tell me, “Honey, you can turn that stuff off and use it when you want.”

    I often imagine a parallel timeline where I had elders who taught me to close skillfully, rather than using my intuition to tether myself to people who needed to face their own karma—without my intervention.

    It began with a simple image.

    I imagined a grounding cord from the base of my spine, anchoring me deep into the earth. With every exhale, I released anything that wasn’t mine down into the soil.

    Then I called my energy back. I imagined it returning from all the places I had left it—washed through sunlight—like golden threads being rewoven.

    Next, I zipped myself up. Literally.

    I visualized a golden zipper running up the front of my body, sealing in my energy field. I imagined a soft dome of light around me—just my size. Nothing could come in unless I invited it.

    I was still loving, still intuitive, still me.

    But now I was also separate. Not shut down—just held.

    Grounding and Choosing

    Grounding, closure, and choosing when to open and when to put my “closed” sign up are now part of my everyday life. If something feels even slightly off, I know I’m pulling in information that likely isn’t mine to hold.

    The truth is, without a container, an agreement, and consent, diving into someone’s emotions, fears, or thoughts isn’t good for me or for them.

    Today, using my gifts is something I save for my work.

    The world needs sensitive, intuitive people—but not ones who are depleted and lost in other people’s pain.

    The most powerful thing you can do for others is stay in your own energy and listen with integrity.

    I still feel things deeply. But now I know how to feel from within myself—not from inside someone else’s story.

    And that has made all the difference.

  • 8 Compelling Reasons to Adopt a Whole Food Diet

    8 Compelling Reasons to Adopt a Whole Food Diet

    “The food you eat can be either the safest and most powerful form of medicine or the slowest form of poison.” ~Ann Wigmore

    Why aren’t we taught optimal nutrition in school as adolescents?

    I remember briefly learning about the food pyramid, which doesn’t even include water, by the way.

    Do you want to know what I vividly remember? Growing up during the peak of diet culture, when models and actresses who were unrealistically skinny were the only ones who were considered pretty or good enough.

    My dad died from a heart attack at age forty, and my single mother was always on the newest diet pill and didn’t cook much. I was under the impression that the only way to be valued in this world was to eat as little as possible to be as skinny as possible.

    In seventh grade, I started to obsess over cardio and barely ate 1,000 calories, yet no one flagged this as a potential disorder. This continued throughout high school and got so intense that I couldn’t walk because my stress fractures and the shin splints in my legs were so severe.

    Looking back, I’m almost certain that this lack of proper nutrition played a role in my extreme anxiety and depression. But of course, the root cause was never addressed; I was just put on a different medication.

    I remember sitting in one of UW-Madison’s largest lecture halls during my freshman year with obsessive thoughts over how much I hated my body. Focus wasn’t one of my strong suits.

    Yet, I was still operating on less than 1,000 calories a day—eating a serving of vegetables per day and the occasional granola bar. Of course, I was consuming most of my calories in vodka sodas. Poison.

    I tell you all of this to paint the picture of how improper nourishment can spiral out of control for years and can lead to physical and mental ailments. If only our education system valued teaching our children how critical nutrition is for the body and mind.

    It wasn’t until I started making my nutrition and health truly a priority back in 2021 that my life started to flourish.

    So how can we be better for our partner, our future kids, nieces and nephews, and grandchildren? It starts with being intentional about the foods and drinks we are putting into our bodies. It starts with nourishing the one body in this lifetime that we get.

    It starts with educating ourselves so that we can create sustainable nutrition transformations for ourselves and our families. It starts with supporting local farmers and cooking seasonally when given the chance. It starts with including our children in the kitchen to show them the importance of whole foods since their schools won’t.

    I’m not here to tell you what diet you should be abiding by or what foods you should be eating. But I am here to tell you the facts about how focusing on whole foods can nourish your body and mind from the inside out, leading to desirable physical and mental outcomes.

    What are whole foods anyway? Whole foods consist of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and legumes.

    Here are eight benefits of changing to a whole food diet.

    1. Whole foods are rich in fiber and phytonutrients.

    Fiber can decrease your risk of cardiovascular disease, help you manage diabetes, and keep you fuller for longer. Fiber has also been shown to lower cholesterol levels. Phytonutrients contain vitamins and minerals that contain antioxidant and anti-inflammatory properties and can help the body fight off free radicals.

    2. Whole foods are energy-dense.

    Energy-dense foods meet the energy needs of our bodies, without causing discomfort. This supports athletes looking to build fat-free mass. Additionally, energy-dense foods contribute to more energy.

    3. Whole foods provide nutrient synergy in the body.

    Nutrients from whole foods are more readily absorbed by the body, as many foods contain nutrients that complement one another. For example, vitamin C works to absorb iron from plant-based foods, such as spinach. The next time you eat spinach, try adding in some lemon for optimal absorption!

    4. Whole foods regulate blood sugar levels.

    Because whole foods do not contain added sugars and have fiber, the body digests the food slower, which enables a more gradual rise in blood sugar levels after a meal. Goodbye, sugar crash!

    5. Whole foods aren’t created in a lab.

    As if you needed another reason to want to consume more whole foods, to state the obvious, processed foods are NOT GOOD FOR US! Foods created in a lab are made with many artificial ingredients and additives including salt, sugar, and unhealthy fats, which can contribute to inflammation in the body and chronic illness.

    6. Whole foods can add years to your life.

    When you eat a diet consisting of predominately whole foods, your chances of chronic illness are lower. Did you know that six in ten adults have one chronic illness, and four in ten adults have two or more chronic illnesses?

    7. Whole foods can fit into any budget.

    Frozen and canned whole foods are a great, low-cost option that has been proven to be as nutritious as fresh fruits and vegetables, as their nutrient content is preserved when frozen.

    8. Whole foods can improve your mental health.

    Nutritional deficiencies have been linked to symptoms of depression, anxiety, dementia, etc. The brain consumes 20% of your daily caloric intake and relies predominately on carbohydrates, which are converted to glucose, which is the brain’s primary source of energy.

    Have you ever heard someone say, “I don’t like vegetables” or “Vegetables taste bad?” This is because of their comparison to processed foods, which cause similar levels of dopamine in the brain as addictive substances such as alcohol.

    But when we start eating a diet rich in whole foods, our dopamine levels become more stable and regulated, so we feel better without needing a processed food ‘fix.’

    Let’s start savoring each bite of the whole foods on our plate, knowing that the nutrient composition is working in our bodies to protect and serve us medicinally. I urge you to see if there are any community-supported agriculture (CSA) shares available near you, to support local farmers, and to eat more nutritious foods. Or look for a farmer’s market near you!

    Even if you still include processed foods in your diet, swapping some for whole food options can be life-changing, physically and mentally.

    Let’s stop poisoning ourselves and start healing ourselves.

  • Always Exhausted? Native Wisdom to Restore Your Energy

    Always Exhausted? Native Wisdom to Restore Your Energy

    TRIGGER WARNING: This post references sexual assault and may be triggering to some people.

    “Spirit carved by Nature
    Here I am.
    Slowly ascending
    toward my own profundity.”
    ~Elicura Chihuailaf

    That exhaustion you feel when your body is fighting something, the feeling of being completely drained to the point where you can barely move your body…. that’s how I felt when I was living with trauma.

    Over the years it had piled up inside of me—the sexual assault I survived one night after I’d just turned twenty, the physical and emotional abuse that went on almost daily when I lived with my ex-husband… all of it was still living inside of me. And every day it was making me feel more and more tired.

    The difference is, when we come down with, let’s say, a cold, once we fight it and heal, our energy returns, and we feel like ourselves again. But trauma… again, it’s different. At least in this culture; more on that in a little bit.

    That’s why I never “got over” it. I never got my energy back; I never woke up feeling rested or like I was back to being myself. Not until eight years later.

    Too Tired to Listen

    From a very young age, our people are taught the importance of listening… especially to energy. We recognize that energy is in everything that’s alive, from the forest to a rock, the water, the sun, all animals, and, of course, ourselves. And energy will always “speak” to let us know when something is out of balance.

    It’s hard to listen in this culture, though, even as an Indigenous person who comes from these teachings, and even though I’m only the first generation in my family to live in Western society. It’s hard because here we are distracted and so tired of just trying to survive.

    Whatever energy we have has to go to work so that we can pay our bills, rent, food, and whatever else is needed. We don’t have the support of our communities, where everyone helps each other out, growing food, caring for those who are sick or injured, and even raising children. At least that’s how it was in my community, on our reservation, before so many of us were forced to leave.

    It takes a lot of energy to do everything alone, as most of us do in this culture. That’s why so many of us don’t see any other option but to push through, and as a result, we forget to listen.

    Back then, if I’d listened instead of feeling guilt and shame for not doing enough, I would’ve understood myself better. I would’ve shown myself more compassion and known that my energy was telling me something was off.

    The fact that I could barely get out of bed and jumped at any chance to doze off: in parking lots in my car, at work behind some boxes in the stockroom, in bed while watching Friends. It wasn’t laziness or a lack of motivation. It was me, still trying to survive what I’d been through.

    Not Living, Busy Surviving

    While we don’t always think of the stress we go through or even the trauma that happened in our past as something that would be considered surviving—and if we do think of it as surviving, it’s usually past tense—it is how our energy and body respond.

    And what’s important to remember about energy and ourselves as nature is that we don’t have an endless amount of it. We’re not like our laptops or phones, with a charger that you can just plug in and recharge. That means when your energy is focused on surviving, it doesn’t have enough left to take care of you.

    Going back to the comparison of having a cold. When you go to sleep, your body doesn’t just stop fighting the virus, right? It continues while you sleep, which is why you wake up feeling exhausted.

    Stress and trauma work the same way. Just because you’re lying down, resting on your couch, or going to sleep, that doesn’t mean your body (and energy) stops protecting you.

    Think of a deer trying to escape a hunter. At that moment, their energy can only focus on survival, right? It’s not until they get away and find safety that their energy changes back to its natural state, balance, because then they don’t need to try to survive anymore.

    But let’s say this deer is living in a place that is not their natural environment. Instead of open meadows and deep forests, there’s a high chain-link fence trapping the deer with the hunter. The deer runs and desperately tries to find a way out, a place to be safe, but can’t find it.

    Eventually, the deer will become tired and lie down because, like us, the deer can’t fight for survival forever.

    My life back then was not focused on living. It was almost exclusively focused on sleep and coming up with excuses so that I wouldn’t have to leave my bed. And to no surprise, my friends eventually got fed up with me always turning them down, so they stopped calling. While I was relieved to not have to come up with excuses anymore, I felt lonelier than ever.

    That’s the strange thing about survival, or it’s not strange; it makes a lot of sense. When we’re in this state, we don’t want to be alone, but at the same time, we’re also too tired to be around people. Or to pick up the phone or answer calls or texts from loved ones. We want to, but there’s not enough inside of us to make us do it.

    So we hide behind the walls we build to protect ourselves, while at the same time, wishing for a way out.

    It was only meant to be temporary.

    It was never meant to be this way. Survival is meant to be temporary, to protect you, to help you through something, to keep you alive. That’s why you were born with responses to finish it. That’s why you were born with the ability to heal, just as you heal from any other wound or when you’re sick.

    It’s the laws of nature, or else life could never continue.

    And like the deer, when your nge, your energy, knows you’re safe, it changes the message it sends to your body: from doing everything to protect you to taking care of you.

    What keeps us stuck in survival, too drained and exhausted to live our lives, is living in a culture that keeps trying to convince us that we’re not nature and that these responses we have had to be controlled, even stopped.

    Think about the responses you have that would make you embarrassed if they happened around other people, or would make you think of yourself as “weak” but are completely natural. Crying, trembling, shaking.

    Here we learn to look at ourselves as humans without human responses, and it has consequences.

    Too many people are now living too exhausted to engage with life because they can’t finish survival. They don’t know about the gifts nature gave them to heal from trauma and release stress from their bodies. That what comes in must come out, and what starts must finish.

    The arrogance of this dominant culture is thinking they can do better than, and even replace, nature. And the danger of a homogeneous societal culture is that it makes us believe it too.

    Conclusion

    Remember that no matter how strong and resilient you are, your energy can only do so much at a time.

    When you go to sleep, that’s when nothing else is going on and your body can focus on taking care of you. But if it still has to survive what you went through in your past, it can’t do that. No amount of bubble baths, journaling, Tempur-Pedic pillows, medications, or talking it over with logic will change the fact that survival has to end.

    It wasn’t until I healed from trauma (a reality that unfortunately causes a lot of suspicion in this culture) that I finally started feeling rested.

    And that’s the bottom line—no matter how much you sleep, your body can’t truly rest until it feels you’re safe.

    Just like the land we walk on and the water that gives us life, our bodies come with powerful abilities that, today, only ancestral Indigenous wisdom can help us remember and return to. Not just for a good night’s sleep but for all the things we miss when we’re too tired to live our lives.

    We just need to listen.

  • 5 Simple Yet Essential Self-Care Tips That Can Change Your Life

    5 Simple Yet Essential Self-Care Tips That Can Change Your Life

    “Never be ashamed to say, ‘I’m worn out. I’ve had enough. I need some time for myself.’ That isn’t being selfish. That isn’t being weak. That’s being human.” ~Topher Kearby

    Years ago, my extended family, who I am very close with, migrated from Vietnam to America as permanent residents. Four separate families had a couple of kids in each family. They are nice, kind, and loving people, and their kids were super cute and respectful.

    My relationship with my extended family has taught me a lot of lessons throughout my life so far, but this was one of the most impactful ones to date.

    Throughout the first few years of their residency here in the USA, they struggled with the language barrier and navigating an unfamiliar setting. As with most people who choose to migrate to another country, it was challenging for them to learn how to adapt to their new normal here in the United States.

    I couldn’t bear seeing them struggle, so I decided to step in to help them through this huge transition they were facing. I took them to most of their doctor’s appointments, brought them to work on time, helped them out with school conferences for their kids, and supported them in the completion of other tasks that they weren’t able to do on their own.

    I didn’t see this as a burden at all. In fact, I was having fun helping them because I love them so much.

    If you’re like me, you will understand this. When I am helping people that I care about, I tend to forget about taking care of myself. Slowly, this began to be the case.      

    The love I have for my family fueled my energy, which made me overlook the importance of caring for myself. Sure enough, after a while of supporting and caring for my family through their transition, I started to feel emotionally depressed and physically drained.

    I couldn’t find an explanation for why I was feeling this way, so I decided to check in with my doctor. My doctor explained that I had nothing to worry about regarding my physical health.

    After determining that I was healthy, I realized that there must have been a deeper explanation for why I was feeling that way. That’s when I knew my exhaustion was coming from overly helping and caring for my family. After all, I was taking on responsibility for everything in their lives from the little things to the important things.

    At this point, there was a little voice inside my head saying that it was time to sit down with myself and re-evaluate how I was spending my time and energy. Deep down I knew that this would be the only way for me to feel healthier and happier.

    For the sake of my well-being, I decided to implement positive change in my life, Once I did, I was amazed at how my physical and emotional well-being began to improve.

    I didn’t want to leave my family hanging, so I made sure that I took the time to show their kids what they needed to know so that they could help their parents and themselves. I knew that they had other family members that were willing to step in when they needed assistance with tasks.

    It took me a while to make this decision because I didn’t want to leave them without ensuring that they would be cared for. Thankfully, their children were confident taking over some of the tasks and helping their parents and their own families with the transitions that they were making.

    Sometimes, setting healthy boundaries with the people you care about also comes with setting a boundary with yourself.

    You cannot control how other people will react to your choices, no matter how badly you would like to be able to. With that said, it will bring you comfort knowing that you are doing what is best for you.

    In my case, I knew I needed to take better care of myself. I also took comfort in knowing that the choices I made for myself wouldn’t bring harm to anyone else. In time, I hope that my family will come to understand; but if they don’t, that’s okay too.

    I will always be wishing the best for them and sending them the brightest blessings in their life, regardless of if it is from a distance or up close.

    It was through this experience that I learned that the best way to care for others is to begin with caring for yourself. This may seem selfish or unnatural at first. However, with time, you will find that you are more capable of adequately caring for others when you are well cared for yourself.

    Once you master the art of self-care, you will find that you have more time and positive energy to put toward caring for those around you. Here are a few tips on where to begin on your journey toward self-care.

    1. Stay in touch with your feelings.

    If you’re honest with yourself about how you feel, you’ll be better able to meet your needs. It can be a challenge to be truthful with yourself and others about your feelings, but if you don’t, you’ll end up burnt out and resentful. This was my first step toward taking care of myself: telling my family I was feeling depleted.

    Ask yourself: How do I feel about how I currently spend my time? Am I honoring my needs and priorities? How do I feel about how much I give in my relationships? Am I overextending myself or giving more than I receive?

    2. Spend time with others.

    You can’t spend all of your time alone and remain emotionally healthy. Part of self-care is surrounding yourself with people who uplift, encourage, and support you.

    The ideal amount of human contact varies greatly from one person to another. No matter how much of a loner you might be, though, spending time with others matters because human connection brings happiness, joy, and belonging.

    When I realized I needed more time for reciprocal relationships, I set out a schedule to hang out with some of my closest friends.

    Call some of your friend or relatives to catch up, and ask them to get together. You’ll feel more connected, and if you open up about what’s going on in your life, you’ll be able to receive support instead of always being the one who gives it.

    3. Spend quality time alone.

    When you spend time alone, you’re able to get in touch with yourself on a deeper level. You get to reflect, introspect, and make a plan for anything that needs to change in your life. This will help you accomplish your goals, and you’ll feel more grounded as a person.

    Again, how much time you need to spend alone is an individual preference. It can be hard to refuse requests or say no to gatherings, but if you find the right balance for you, you can stay connected to other people while keeping up with your personal goals.

    4. Exercise regularly.

    When I decided to prioritize myself, I committed to keeping myself active and in shape. I personally enjoy weight training, pilates, dancing, and taking long walks by the lake. Not only do I feel physically stronger, I have more energy and get a boost of feel-good chemicals every time I exercise.

    Any physical activity is better than nothing, but you’ll feel a lot better if you can devote thirty minutes each day to movement, whether you play a sport, dance, or participate in a group exercise class. Your body is designed to move, so when it’s not using its potential, it creates stagnation.

    5. Manage stress.

    Take frequent breaks throughout the day to relieve tension and restore your energy before tackling your next task. Check in with yourself regularly to look for signs of stress, including physical exhaustion, getting irritated easily, having a lack of focus, and mindlessly eating junk food.

    When you notice your stress level rising, practice deep breathing or utilize any other relaxation methods that work for you.

    I generally like to get a massage, go for a walk, meditate, and journal. I like to write out all the stress on paper and burn it away.

    Another stress relief practice that I often do is chanting. It’s a healing method to help you clear any worries, stress, fears. When I chant for a period of time, my energy always shifts, bringing me back to a more grounded state.

    If you take on other people’s energy, you may want to practice energy cord cutting. This can be as simple as visualizing yourself detaching a cord connecting you to someone who drains you.

    Practicing forgiveness for yourself and others is also a powerful stress-release method. I highly recommend the Ho’opononopo practice; if you’re not familiar with it, you can go on YouTube and look it up.

    —

    The quality of your self-care is a great barometer of your overall well-being, and it can keep you firing on all cylinders. If you’re feeling down and out, give extra attention to your self-care. You deserve the time and attention. A regular self-care practice also demonstrates that you truly recognize your own worth.

  • 5 Ways to Be Productive with Chronic Illness: How I Built a Business from Bed

    5 Ways to Be Productive with Chronic Illness: How I Built a Business from Bed

    “The master leads by weakening their ambition and toughening their resolve.” ~Tao Te Ching

    How much of productivity advice is ableist? Sure, there are lots of good ideas and concepts in there, but most of it is healthy-body-focused.

    Advice like:

    “Be sure to exercise in the morning.”

    “Get up early before anyone else.”

    “Keep a consistent morning routine of meditation, journaling.”

    “Set aside fixed times in the day to do deep work.”

    “Get dressed and do your hair even if you work from home.”

    “Set goals and stick to them.”

    “Work harder than anyone else around you.”

    I have built a business entirely from bed, entirely from my pajamas, without ever getting up early, without knowing what time my body is willing to get up and function each day, with no schedule at all due to daily changing physical and schedule needs.

    I set goals, but they only get done when they can; I cannot force my body to make anything happen. I might have a few hours a day average of usable time, some days it’s barely usable at all.

    I’m 95-99% bedbound and have been for the last eight years since I started my business. Two of those years I was homeless living in tents, and I spent three more moving from B&B to B&B or hotel to hotel.

    My illness threatens to end everything on a biweekly basis, sending me into a few days of complete inability to function, followed by a trauma shutdown state for a day or two more.

    This is how I have been able to build a successful business in the midst of that, while learning from productivity teachers and adjusting the advice to these circumstances of chronic illness.

    1. Let go of the stress.

    The stress of working is one of the main things that prevents people with serious chronic illness from holding a job or running a business. Having a job that is super flexible has been key to my survival and success. Being able to take on tasks on my own time when I am able, without a deadline, is definitely central.

    But still, it’s been vitally important that I’ve worked on letting go of stress around my work.

    I was very much influenced by a video by Eckhart Tolle on how our thoughts make the situation what it is. It’s the thoughts and engrained associations with those tasks that create stress in the body making some of those tasks more difficult.

    For example, typing a letter to a friend versus typing an easy email for work is technically the same job. Watching a movie that takes concentration versus watching an educational video for work is technically the same job. By remembering this, work-related tasks feel less daunting.

    This is the most difficult item on the list for me, but I’ve made progress. I am still working on it!

    2. Let go of perfectionism.

    Banish this to outer space immediately! This was the best thing I ever did. I don’t have to keep going on a task until it’s done or until it’s perfect. I can keep many moving parts going without needing to do them all perfectly.

    I do focus on excellence in the research and writing for my job, but anything that doesn’t need to be done perfectly, I don’t. If it’s good enough then it’s done.

    You can’t be super productive in very little time and get caught up on anything that isn’t needed.

    3. On that note, let go of any and every task that isn’t necessary.

    This is the only way I have found time to work and is another big thing that can hold someone back.

    Emails that don’t 100% need to be sent or replied to? I don’t do it.

    PMs and messages? I don’t reply to almost all of them.

    Social events (online or even emails) that I can’t make it to, I don’t.

    Keeping up with email newsletters? I don’t.

    Keeping up with the news, nope, can’t do that either.

    Any task that comes my way regarding an account issue, to an order I need to put in, to something I need to clear up or fix with a company or provider, I ask myself if not doing it will not have any consequence. If not, it’s not getting done.

    I have faced the most misunderstanding on the point of not responding to messages. But it’s a matter of survival. I cannot do all of those things and also make enough money to eat and pay my enormous illness-related bills.

    4. Make time in a way that makes sense for you.

    I don’t have very much control over my schedule, but I do have some. I don’t know if my body will function on a given day; I often urgently need to arrange getting medical appointments, medication, or other items needed for survival, and these things can throw off so many of my days.

    But I still arrange my weeks in a way that allows for the best chance of streamlining my schedule and creating time for deep work.

    I ask my caregivers to either come every second day, or at worst, take one day off per week. Some of those off days will coordinate with a “good day” for my body and will result in some time to dig into the larger chunks of work.

    5. Organize tasks by ability.

    I can’t know what my abilities will be like on any given day, so I always have a running tally of at least ten tasks that need to be done that vary in their length, cognitive ability required, concentration ability needed, and stress or annoyance level.

    I usually have about three that are at the top of the list ready to go for good days. My best moments are reserved for deep research and writing, with the smallest tasks reserved for the sickest days, the days with the least amount of concentration ability, or days where I know I will be interrupted a lot.

    I always do something, though, even if it’s just a ten-minute task that day. My entire business success is based on this “just do what I can approach.” But I never choose not to do anything just because it’s a day when I don’t feel great or have good cognitive ability.

    I take some time to think through the tasks at night in the bath and in the morning before I get up from bed.

    …

    Those are my secrets to building a business from bed, and most of these strategies are a far cry from the conventional advice on how you need to schedule your day to be successful.

    A “productive” schedule is one where you can accomplish what you want to in any way or at any speed that you need to.

  • Why Fibromyalgia Is the Greatest Gift of My Life

    Why Fibromyalgia Is the Greatest Gift of My Life

    “The wound is the place where the light enters you.” ~Rumi

    TRIGGER WARNING: This article contains discussions of difficult topics, including suicidal depression and a fatal car accident.

    I’ve always been an active, athletic person. In my twenties I was huge in tennis, squash, and swimming, and I began every morning with an intense workout that cleared my head and let me confront the day’s challenges with a relaxed, positive attitude. So, when I started experiencing mysterious pains and fatigue that didn’t go away no matter how much sleep I got, my life was turned upside down.

    After two years of doctors’ visits, I finally received the earth-shattering diagnosis: fibromyalgia. My worst nightmare had come true. The doctors told me I would have to stop exercising as all the sports I loved are hard on your joints, and according to them I needed to take it easy. But physical activity was my life, and I quickly found that “taking it easy” was emotionally devastating for me.

    Without my workout routine, my depression and anxiety spiraled out of control. I couldn’t find meaning or purpose in my day-to-day life anymore. The days blurred together, and all the energy I usually released through exercise turned inward, against me, in the form of daily panic attacks.

    Worse than anything was the sense that my body—my best friend and my #1 support system for so many years—had betrayed me. And on top of this, the symptoms of my fibromyalgia were not getting better despite the enormous sacrifice I had made of giving up exercise. In fact, they were getting worse.

    My turning point came several years after my diagnosis, when I was in my early thirties.

    My condition had continued to decline, and I was ready to give up—on my body, on myself, and on life. It’s not something you can really understand unless you’ve experienced it yourself, but I had reached a point where I had no interest and no motivation to go on living. The uphill battle just wasn’t worth it to me anymore.

    I remember the moment like it was yesterday. It was nighttime, pouring rain outside my third-story bedroom. I opened the window, put my head outside, and screamed from the top of my lungs into the howling wind: “Why, God, why do I have to go through this?” Then, overtaken by a sudden urge, I lifted my leg to climb out of the window, to fall to my death and put myself out of this agony.

    At that moment, something happened that I still, to this day, cannot rationally explain. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a child standing by my side—a child I quickly recognized as the younger version of myself.

    She looked up at me with pleading eyes and begged me to keep going. She told me to go back to my workout, that exercise would be my remedy, and that fibromyalgia, my greatest struggle, would lead me to my destiny.

    I closed my window, feeling like I had just woken up from a dream. That night I made the choice not to give up on my life, somehow knowing my story would not and could not end here. I realized I had more to offer—instead of turning my misery into someone else’s grief, I could turn it into a gift that I could share with the world.

    Although I had promised my friends and family that I would take it easy and not work out anymore, the next day I spent an hour swimming at the public pool. While I was there, I shared my story with a lifeguard who in turn shared some unexpected wisdom with me: “A doctor reads the book, memorizes it, and repeats it to the patient, but the patient knows her body.”

    His words resonated with me. I started doing a mild exercise routine: a few hours a day of swimming, which was easier on my joints than tennis or squash. After a while, I decided to retry some of the other sports I had loved to play before my diagnosis and found that, as long as I was careful, I could enjoy them without too much pain. The trick was knowing my body—learning and recognizing its warning signs, keeping a close eye on how I felt, and not letting myself overdo it.

    The young girl, the one who had stopped me from taking my own life, was right: exercise was my remedy.

    My mental health started to improve, and while I was still experiencing body aches, swollen joints, and all the other joys of my disease, I had a renewed, intentional outlook that made them possible to manage. I couldn’t choose to live my life without pain, but I could choose to live it without suffering.

    I will not lie to you and tell you it was a smooth recovery. I had bad days—days where all I could do was curl up in bed and cry, days spent feeling sorry for myself and angry at the universe. Days where my symptoms got so bad that I forgot all about my positive mindset and the mission I had set for myself, to turn my struggle into something positive and use it to help others.

    I experienced a serious setback when, almost ten years after my diagnosis, I was driving with my best friend and we got into a horrific car accident. I was the one at fault. My friend, who was thrown from the car, ended up being declared brain dead at the hospital; I myself suffered severe injuries that badly worsened my fibromyalgia symptoms, and I was told by doctors that I would likely have to start using a wheelchair if my condition did not improve.

    (Incidentally, while receiving psychiatric treatment for extreme suicidality in the days following my accident, I was also diagnosed with ADHD and dyslexia—a fact that might once have given me consolation or comfort in understanding why I am the way I am, but given the circumstances, only served to depress me further.)

    My physical decline combined with the trauma of causing my friend’s death was more than I could bear, and I again spiraled into hopeless agony. It was one of the darkest periods of my life, even worse than the few years after I was first diagnosed with fibromyalgia. But I did not succumb to misery as I almost had back then. And now, looking back, I see why.

    This disease, and my active and consistent determination to make the best of a bad situation, had given me the best possible tools to deal with whatever hardship came my way.

    I was in worse physical and emotional shape than ever before. But years ago I had made a choice to keep going, and followed through with that choice for many years, and because of this my mind was in perfect shape to keep me from falling apart when I hit rock bottom.

    So I kept going. Through my tears and my pain, I got up each morning and faced the day, whether I wanted to or not. Not only did I continue working out, I became certified as a yoga and Pilates instructor. It was during this time that I got my black belt in Taekwondo, though it took me six years. I even started working as a fitness trainer, finding that my experience with fibromyalgia gave me a unique perspective on physical and mental health that my clients appreciated.

    This realization was the beginning of a much larger realization about the struggles each of us will face in our lives.

    First, setbacks are an inevitable part of any recovery process.

    If you’re not seeing forward progress on a day-to-day basis, that doesn’t mean you’re not still moving forward! I went through long periods of nothing but bad days, but I wasn’t giving up, and that’s what mattered. Continuing to fight is an active choice—you are making progress every day that you choose to stay alive.

    Second, no matter what you’re dealing with, you have the power to turn it into something amazing.

    Fibromyalgia made me a better, more compassionate, and more open person, allowing me to connect with people on a deeper level and help them more than I could before. It opened up opportunities and put me on personal and career paths I would never have followed otherwise. It taught me patience, gratitude, and—more than anything—that I am capable of so much more than I think.

    Fibromyalgia has been the greatest gift of my life, but I need you to understand that it is a gift because I chose to turn it into one. The universe handed me an awful situation, and as you now know, I came close—too close—to letting it destroy me. It was my own decision to turn my pain into the blessing that it has become, for myself and for those around me.

    Life is full of hardships, but the incredible thing about being human is that we have the ability to choose how we respond to them. You can choose to fall apart, or you can choose to turn your pain into a gift.

    What will you choose?

  • How a Simple Action Word Can Guide You Through Even the Hardest Days

    How a Simple Action Word Can Guide You Through Even the Hardest Days

     “Our intention creates our reality.” ~Wayne Dyer

    What if you only had one thing you needed to accomplish today? One over-arching objective that encapsulates the multiple items on your to-do list or the meetings on your calendar? One word that you set in the morning and carry throughout the day to stay in focus and on purpose?

    Actors know that in order to convey a story well, they have to play an action versus an emotion. There has to be a verb involved in order to act. This might include something like provoke, seduce, destroy, or flatter, versus trying to portray an adjective such as humble, confident, or sad, which read neither truthful nor clear on stage or film.

    Simple action words, kept at the forefront of thought, can be powerful allies in keeping our thoughts, intentions, and actions clear as we move throughout the day.

    If you have a morning meditation, study, or stillness practice, the action word can come out of inspiration gained there and can be targeted to what the need of the day is calling for. Words might include focus, bless, or harmonize to name a few.

    What matters is that the word sits as an overlay atop the to-dos and the schedule for the day so that it infuses all of those seemingly disparate actions with a unified purpose, intent, and energy.

    If you hold a verb like harmonize at the top of your mind as you go about the activities of your day, you’ll see how the action of that verb seeps through in your tone, what you say, and how you treat people.

    I have seen action words come in handy when working with public speakers and executives giving presentations because they help to focus the energy, the intention, and the message.

    Most people don’t get up in front of others just to hear themselves speak. Most have an objective that is often obscured by data or too many slides. Identifying an action word at the outset of content creation, and keeping it top of mind as the story develops, is a simple and powerful way to keep a talk on track and achieve the objective the talk wants to achieve.

    Examples might include: motivate them to make their number, inspire them to serve in their community, or educate them on the hazards of too much sitting.

    I remember a time pre-Covid, where holding one word simply helped me to breathe through a perfect storm week of overwhelm and over-scheduling.

    I was in the middle of a tight-turnaround project with a grueling Fortune 10 client that demanded late nights. I was in tech week for a play opening in Silicon Valley. I was preparing a talk for an L.A. entertainment company, which required air travel, and I was trying to be present for a much-needed (and non-refundable) workshop getaway with my husband.

    While all of these commitments were of my choosing and were essentially positive when viewed separately, they were crashing and colliding in my mind. I couldn’t find the hours or the space that each seemed to need.

    My habitual physical reaction to such overwhelm is to lie awake in bed consecutive nights ruminating, catastrophizing, and fixing. And we all know that fixing anything in the middle of the night or during a day following a night of no sleep is about as effective as pouring hot water into a chocolate teapot.

    The word I leaned on? Surrender. I had to surrender the outcomes I wanted, or believed I needed, in order to relax and breathe.

    A wise mentor once used a golfing analogy to say that all we can do is execute the perfect swing and let the ball go where it will. By surrendering, I was allowing the balls to go where they would. I would show up and do the best I could do with each piece one by one as the demands arose and release the outcomes. The word surrender is also a powerful antidote to cortisol surges of stress. And it’s a great word to hold before bed if sleep stress is an issue.

    Holding an action word in mind can be applied to problems and demands as they crop up during the day. Try applying a word like release to traffic jams, cranky customers, or impatient bosses. Calling up the word to the forefront of thought can re-focus how you want to show up in the world. Or the moment. Scribble it on a post-it note and stick it to your monitor, workspace, or dashboard where you can prominently see it to be reminded throughout the day.

    In our distracted, hyper-connected world, sometimes the simplicity of one little word can help to cut through the mental static.

    Be.

    Serve.

    Listen.

    Simple in form, powerful in practice. Choose a word and lean on it for a full month. Or pick three verbs that define your year. Or change your mind at lunchtime and come up with a new verb for the second half of your day. The only rules are to choose something, keep it alive in your thinking, and ensure it is a verb so that it’s actionable.

    My favorite three verbs right now? Connect. Release. Love.

    What are yours?

  • Don’t Waste Your Limited Time and Energy Regretting Your Past

    Don’t Waste Your Limited Time and Energy Regretting Your Past

    “It is better to look ahead and prepare than to look back and regret.” ~Jackie Joyner-Kersee

    We as humans have an incredible ability to help each other in times of need. When things get rough and life gets hard, we tend to come together, step up to the challenge, and provide assistance. Our selflessness shows, and it’s amazing to see everyone work in harmony.

    Need proof? Just look at any natural or man-made disaster in this world, and you’ll see it. We are a species that shows calculated compassion, unlike any other living creature on Earth.

    But as much as we come to help one another, we rarely extend that same compassion toward ourselves. This is especially true when crisis hits us internally; we find it nearly impossible to show ourselves compassion.

    Why is that? Why do we have such a hard time with it? It’s a hard question to answer, but I believe it stems from one simple thing: We have really high expectations for ourselves, and it’s almost impossible to live up to them.

    When someone looks at us from the outside, they can only judge us on our actions. But from our own internal perspective, we judge ourselves based on our thoughts.

    There’s no better example of this than when you fail to take action on something you’ve been wanting to do for a long time. You let fear, uncertainty, comfort, and excuses talk you out of doing it. And looking back, it eats you up inside.

    And naturally, you get upset. I can already see the internal dialogue: “How could you let that happen? You idiot! Why didn’t you do it? Ugh, come on.”

    Then, and without fail, something else happens: Regret creeps in. This is the moment you start asking yourself hypothetical questions. “What if I had done that? Where would I be right now? What would my life look like?” I know what this is like because I’ve been there. And to this day, it can still be a struggle for me.

    I question my abilities at times, and my lack of action. At its worst, it feels like my life has been defined by my inability to take action. Almost like a chain reaction of missed opportunities, one after the other. As a result, I’ve wasted a lot of energy regretting a lot of things.

    Don’t Waste The Limited Energy You Have

    It’s not any kind of breaking news that time flies. We know this. There’s even a popular quote that conveys this sentiment: “The days are long but the years are short.”

    Yet we don’t really understand just how true it is, until the time’s gone. In fact, as I sit here right now, it’s crazy to think just how fast the last decade has flown by. Yes, even when most days seemed really long. Funny how that works. I’m sure you can agree with me here.

    So there you sit, thinking about the eighty-five things you regret not taking action on over the last twenty years of your life. Maybe it goes back even further. Maybe, if you’re lucky, you only regret some things you didn’t try in the last few years.

    Either way, you let the regret stew like a pot of beef that’s been slowly simmering in a Michelin star-rated chef’s kitchen. That’s the best way I can describe my regrets. Hey, if anyone needs a great recipe for regret, let me know: I’ve become a master in letting it stew in the crockpot for months, even years. You’re probably with me on that one.

    But here’s the problem: We only have so much energy every day to put toward our growth. In other words, it’s a finite amount. Every morning, we start with a defined energy level. A lot of it has to go toward running our daily lives; things like work, family, and daily responsibilities drain us of a large amount from our tank.

    After all of what daily life has to take, you’ve got just a bit of energy left. Unfortunately, some of the leftovers have to go toward unexpected things in life on occasion. Things like minor crises, a change of plans, a mild argument with someone, you name it. So now, you’ve got even less left in your tank. This is the crucial area where it can go one of two ways:

    1. We use that small amount of remaining energy fulfilling our passions and growth, or
    2. We use that small amount fighting things we can’t change.

    I’ve experienced extremes on both ends, and I can tell you right now the latter does you absolutely zero good.

    As I round into my mid thirties, I can tell you a number of occasions where I put myself in hot water with regret. I’ve said things I shouldn’t have. I’ve taken steps that, looking back, were obviously not good ones (but helped my growth). I’ve been in the wrong relationships, wasting time (but gaining invaluable insight into who I am).

    I’ve also regretted not making some things a reality. One of the biggest regrets was not moving to a different state when things were easier. What do I mean by “easier”? Well, I had my entire family residing in the same city I was in, including my parents. I had a good job, but one I could easily take elsewhere. I had a bunch of friends, but I had no big responsibilities tying me down.

    The problem? I was also scared, so I talked myself out of it. I was happy to be close to family, friends, and continue at my job. Time went on, and as much as I still thought about it, I didn’t make any big moves.

    Then, my dad passed away, leaving my mom, his partner of over fifty years, alone. And just like that, I suddenly became the only man around. I took on a bunch of responsibilities to help where I could, including being a rock for my mother. Am I glad I was able to provide that assistance? Of course. With absolutely no regrets.

    But did I regret not getting a chance to explore and live in a different city, years prior to him passing? You bet. But anytime it creeps up, I realize one important thing: the best time was twenty years ago, the next best time is now.

    It’s never too late to try something you’ve always wanted to. There’s never a perfect time for it, either. I foolishly tried to have 356 puzzle pieces all fitting together before I made any kind of step. Unfortunately, this is pretty normal. We as humans want to make sure things are lined up perfectly before we make any kind of bigger move.

    But I’m here to tell you it’ll never line up quite like how you want it. If things are in pretty good order in your life, take the action you’ve always wanted.

    Let Go Of Your Past

    More importantly, stop wasting your time regretting your past. Maybe you haven’t (yet) done something you’ve always wanted to do. Maybe you have done something you wanted, but it didn’t work out like you wanted and you wish you could go back and do things a little differently.

    In either case, it’s important to understand the past is just that, the past. There’s a reason your car windshield is so large in comparison to the rear view mirror. You have to be looking forward to drive, and only on occasion do you look backward, before focusing again on what’s in front of you.

    All of us, no matter what our backgrounds and our current situation, are here to learn. And learning happens through failures. Sometimes, failures are inaction. Sometimes, failures are action-gone-wrong. What’s more important than the result is learning from the situation and knowing things can always change going forward. Always.

    Remember, you have a finite amount of energy every day, and you want to use the little bit you have leftover on yourself, not others. This could go one of two ways: beating yourself up, or putting it toward your future and self-growth.

    I would personally choose the self-growth route. Getting mad at yourself is a fruitless endeavor. Instead, use that energy to make the moves you crave. The moves you know you want. The ones you know you need (hello, gut!).

    It’s never, ever too late to experience things and learn from your past. A new city. A new career. A new partner. A new outlook on life itself. Regret won’t get you there. But realization will.

  • How to Release Emotions Stuck in Your Body and Let Go of the Pain

    How to Release Emotions Stuck in Your Body and Let Go of the Pain

    “The human mind is a relational and embodied process that regulates the flow of energy and information.” ~Daniel J. Siegel

    We are emotional creatures, and we were born to express emotions freely and openly. Somewhere along the way, however, many of us learned to repress emotions, especially those deemed “negative,” in order to fit in, earn love, and be accepted. This was my experience.

    I grew up in a home where the motto was “Children are to be seen, not heard.” There was little emotional expression allowed, let alone accepted. No one was there to validate or help us process emotions in a healthy way. Anger was met with anger, fear went unacknowledged, and there was plenty of shame to go around.

    My parents didn’t model how to deal with difficult emotions, as they struggled with that themselves. When those emotions showed up, I often felt overwhelmed and inadequate, ashamed of my failure to be a “good girl.”

    I learned to bury my pain deep inside, feeling invisible, ashamed, angry, alone, and unable to ask for what I needed. Trying to hide the pain—from others and myself—I built walls, put on masks, and soldiered on. For better or worse.

    My pain was buried so deep, I didn’t realize it was there until I had my own children. Motherhood opened up old wounds, the house of cards fell apart, and I began to unravel.

    In my thirties, faced with growing angst and creeping depression—and motivated to be the best parent I could be to my children—I began to deal with repressed memories and old emotional residue that has left me suffering from C-PTSD, chronic back pain, sciatica, headaches, and anxiety.

    As a child, I hid from the emotional pain by delving into the world of books, music, and academics. As an adult, I realized I was strong enough to face it. I wasn’t a little child anymore; I didn’t have to hide. Now I was more mature and had the resources I needed to finally face the pain that used to overwhelm my young brain—and begin to heal it.

    The truth is, we all hide our emotions occasionally. We pretend, avoid, and deny uncomfortable emotions in an effort of self-preservation, as a defense mechanism.

    We do this most often with difficult emotions like shame, fear, or anger. When we experience events that emotionally overwhelm us and we’re unable to process what is happening, accept our emotions, and express them through our body and mind, we hide them deep inside us where others can’t see them. And we end up hiding them from ourselves too. Yet, they’re still there.

    The unresolved emotions get trapped in our body, where they build and fester, draining our energy, leading to burnout, emotional imbalance, and eventually disease. When we chronically repress emotions, we create toxicity in our body, mind, and heart.

    This unprocessed emotional energy is stored in our organs, muscles, and tissues. It leads to inflammation and chronic health problems, and it undermines our overall well-being.

    3 Steps to Processing Emotional Energy Stuck in Your Body

    The opposite of repression is expression. In order to process our emotional distress and move it through and out of our body so it doesn’t get stuck there, we need to learn to express our emotions in a healthy way, in the body and mind. But first, we need to learn to recognize and accept our feelings as they come and go.

    Step 1: Recognize (self-awareness)

    The challenge is to recognize the emotion and feel it in your body. This is where mindfulness comes in. The goal is to notice what is happening within our body, accept it, and feel it fully, without judgment.

    If you’ve ever come across Tara Brach’s teachings on radical acceptance, the practice of R.A.I.N. should sound familiar. R.A.I.N. stands for recognize, allow, investigate, and nourish (with self-compassion), and it “directly de-conditions the habitual ways in which you resist your moment-to-moment experience,” according to Brach.

    Buddhist teachings tell us that human suffering is caused by aversion and resistance to what is happening. Acceptance is liberating, and the practice of R.A.I.N. teaches us to accept our moment-to-moment experience instead of running from it. It teaches us to face any difficulty head-on, with self-compassion and the understanding that it will eventually pass.

    We have to feel it to heal it—we have to fully experience the emotion in order to process and integrate it into our experience.

    But we must feel it in the body; this is the critical point. As Brach writes, “If the process of including difficult emotions in awareness stops at the level of cognitive understanding without a fully embodied experience, the genuine acceptance, insight, and inner freedom that are the essence of true healing will not be complete.”

    Practice mindfulness to get better at recognizing your feelings and observing the bodily sensations connected to those feelings as they come and go throughout the day. Offer yourself self-compassion as you go through more difficult emotions.

    PRACTICE:

    Sit still for a few minutes with your eyes closed. Listen to your body and become curious.

    What does your body feel like right now? Is there any pressure or tingling? Where? Do you feel heavy, hot, contracted, warm, or cold? What is the texture, weight, and shape of the sensations you notice in your body? What emotions are those sensations connected to? Can you breathe into the parts that call your attention? What do those parts of your body want to tell you? What do they want?

    Step 2: Respond (self-expression)

    Emotions need to be expressed to be processed. The goal is to move the energy of emotion through and out the body so we can let it go.

    This self-expression must be authentic and embodied. Remember, true healing occurs when body and mind integrate, so express the emotion on the bodily level first and foremost.

    Still sitting, ask yourself: What does this emotion you just connected with need from you? What feels right in this moment? What do you need?

    Maybe you feel the need to cry, scream into a pillow, go for a swim, walk or run, dance it out, hit a punching bag, do some gardening, tapping, yoga or TRE, paint your feelings out, or simply breathe deeply while facing the sun—whatever feels cathartic in that moment, do it.

    You will free the poisonous emotion that you carried within yourself and free yourself from its shackles.

    Follow this step with one of the best forms of emotional healing—journaling. Writing can be a very therapeutic experience of self-discovery, reconnecting with our true self, and processing our deepest feelings and emotions.

    When we write, we give our internal world a voice. We process and make sense of what is happening within us and around us. And we gain perspective; by writing about our fears and hurts, we can look at them from a distance, detach from their grip, and eventually let them go. That release can be truly healing.

    Practice journaling every day to get better at expressing and processing your feelings. Don’t censor or judge yourself; let it all out, completely unfiltered. Over time, your journal will become a safe space for you to free yourself, get unstuck, and move forward.

    We often don’t have the time and space to process emotions in the moment, so make sure you allow yourself the space to feel the emotions you’ve had through the day and journal about it at the end of each day.

    WRITING PROMPT

    What is happening in your life right now that you wish you could change? What is the biggest source of frustration? As you write, notice the sensations in your body. Tune into the parts that are numb, in pain, or frozen. What are they trying to tell you? What needs healing, attention, or change?

    Step 3: Reset (self-care)

    If we’ve habitually neglected our bodies and ignored our emotions, we have to re-dedicate ourselves to body-mind self-care and indulge in healing habits that will bring in the feeling of well-being.

    The goal is to realign back with your authentic self, reset back to a relaxed and open state, and come back into wellness and balance.

    Take time to slow down and be alone, get out into nature, make art, listen to music while you cook your favorite dinner, meditate to cleanse your mind and relax your body, or take a bubble bath or a nap to restore. Take good care of yourself to awaken to life’s joy and simple pleasures that will nourish your body, mind, and soul.

    My Own Healing Journey

    When I decided to take charge of my own healing, I had no idea where to start. A lifelong bookworm, I quickly discovered writing to be therapeutic. It became my refuge, a place where I could connect with my inner world in an authentic way. Writing became my most trusted way of processing emotions I didn’t even know I harbored inside since childhood. I discovered shame, anger, fear, grief, and eventually, self-compassion.

    With mindfulness, I learned to allow my pain to surface, if only for a brief time, then surround it with tender love and care. My pain was a part of me, and I was done running from it; it was time I faced it.

    I learned to sense into my body, little by little, as the anxiety of reconnecting with my physical sensations was very powerful. But I realized the only way out was through—through the body—so in order to move the stuck emotions that had a tight grip over me for decades, I had to allow and accept them; I had to feel the anger, the shame, the grief.

    Slowly, I learned to give my inner child the support she never received. I listened to and validated her pain—and helped her let go of it. I learned to love and accept her. And I finally learned to love and accept myself.

    Healing is a taxing process. Remember to give yourself all the care and compassion you would give to a friend doing this hard work. Offer yourself understanding, love, and care. This is hard work, and you are doing the best you can with what you’ve got.

    Trapped emotions get in our way. They sabotage our efforts to create the life we want and make us miserable along the way. Freeing this emotional energy stuck in our bodies can shift our lives in a positive way. It’s healing and liberating. And you are worth it!

  • Why Introverts Feel Drained in Groups and How I Preserve My Energy

    Why Introverts Feel Drained in Groups and How I Preserve My Energy

    “In the midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you.” ~Deepak Chopra

    When I was younger, I was always referred to as “the quiet one.” I didn’t mind it; I knew I was much quieter than most people I met. Not speaking and spending time on my own was natural for me.

    Friends and workmates recognized this but would still often ask me if I wanted to join them when they were going out, even though they knew I would usually say no. They understood me as quiet, but they didn’t really understand just how much I disliked the whole socializing thing and how much it would drain me.

    I’d always loved time on my own. Even if I was somewhere amongst people, as long as I didn’t have to speak or engage with others, I was fairly content. In both situations I could retreat to my own inner world.

    My thoughts and imagination were never boring; there were always observations to make about myself, the world, and other people. There was a sense of coming home whenever I became quiet. There was a familiar comfort in my inner world.

    For the first half of my life I was a very shy introvert. While I’m not so shy anymore, I’m still introverted.

    From Quiet on the Outside to Quiet on the Inside

    In 2001 I discovered meditation at the recommendation of my brother, and one of the first things that became extremely obvious for me was just how active my mind was.

    There was a very clear realization—that just because I was “the quiet one” did not mean I had a quiet mind. This might sound obvious, but before I started meditating, I didn’t realize how busy my mind was.

    My inner world was full of noise. Thoughts triggering emotions and emotions amplifying thoughts in a vicious, neverending cycle . It was comfortable and familiar, but when I paid attention I realized it wasn’t peaceful.

    Prior to this realization, I’d very much identified with the noise in my mind. The constant stream of thoughts, emotions, and stories created a certain sense of self. The flavor of how I knew myself.

    How does a fish objectify water when it has lived in it for its entire life? Contrast. It needs to experience what it feels like outside of water.

    For me there was a similar experience happening through meditation. I started having experiences of an inner quiet. In the beginning it was only moments, but it was like being taken outside of my usual sense of self, allowing me to objectify the inner environment I usually resided in.

    It was uncomfortable because I was used to the comfort of my usual inner monologue, stories, and moods, but a part of me that realized I am not the thoughts, emotions, dramas that made up my usual sense of self.

    Although there was a comfort that came with the familiar, it was far more peaceful outside of it, since my mental environment had become polluted. Still, my active mind did not want to let go easily. It took time. I could have given up when I felt discomfort and resistance to seeing the reality of my mind; however, there were two things that helped motivate me to keep going.

    The first was the relief I was starting to feel. Just like the peace that would usually come when I had time on my own after being with people, or when I’d spend time in the quiet of nature after being in the noise of the city, this relief came from letting go of my thoughts. It was more than a craving for quiet. It was a longing for depth… inside myself.

    The second motivator, which I believe should pique the interest of any introvert, was that I was starting to feel less drained in group situations or events. I was still an introvert—I still preferred time on my own—but the negative side effects of being around people were shifting.

    Understanding the Main Difference Between Introverts and Extrovert

    I always knew I was an introvert, but I never really understood what it meant in greater detail until last year when I heard Faris Khalifeh from Quiet Leadership in Vancouver speak.

    I’d understood introversion very basically as someone who tends to be quiet and prefers time on their own. As I learned from Faris, a major distinguishing trait between introverts and extroverts is that introverts gain energy by being alone and tend to get drained in groups. Vice versa for extroverts.

    I believe one of the reasons introverts get so drained among groups of people is because they are not quiet on the inside. Much like stress is an internal reaction to a stimulus (external or internal), for an introvert there is an internal reaction to our natural sensitivity when in groups of people, creating a certain stress that drains our energy. Quietening our mind changes our reactions.

    For me, the combination of my naturally active mind and sensitivity created an internal environment that made group events draining. In group events there was so much stimulation happening around me that even if I was only connecting with one or two people I would eventually become drained.

    For clarity, there’s no more stimulation happening around an introvert than an extrovert; it’s that the introvert is usually far more sensitive to it.

    I remember a work dinner many years ago. There were about eight of us, but we’d gone to a pub, so there were a lot more people in the space. I was chatting with a work friend, but the ambient noise from all the conversations happening around me was pulling my awareness in all directions. Sensory overload. Too much information at the same time. It was very difficult to relax, and I was more distracted than present.

    It was like being immersed in a soup of chaotic ambient noise. I wished I could just leave! This outer noise added to my own inner noise, amplifying my thoughts and inner monologue:

    “That couple over there is having an argument. When will this evening be over? The man behind me is drunk; I hope they ask him to leave. There’s an awkward tension between those two workmates sitting together; they don’t like each other. I’m running out of things to talk about. Who actually enjoys this atmosphere? Maybe there’s something wrong with me?” And on and on.

    All of this created a general sense of stress and agitation in both my body and mind. Over a couple of hours, I was gradually drained.

    I often wondered if I was the only one who found social events unpleasant.

    The problem was, I had nothing solid to rest on. The constant stream of thoughts and emotions that run through our mind give us a familiar sense of self, but for me, a familiar sense of self based on my active mind was not a very stable place when I was so sensitive.

    Sensitivity was not the problem; a lack of stability was. Sensitivity is an amazing gift, but without some stability it feels like chaos.

    The Antidote

    The antidote that was emerging for me was stillness.

    Stillness created a stability and grounding. It was extremely nurturing and recharging by itself, and the more I cultivated a relationship to it the more it was there where ever I went.

    Even though I was still sensitive to the ambient noise at group events, I had a stable center, an inner quiet that created a separation between me and the noise. Without the separation, I was the noise, and it drained me. With stillness, I was stable and free, and my energy was preserved.

    Introverts tend to accept that having their energy drained in groups is an inherent trait of their personality type. While this is true in the usual introvert categorization, I believe it doesn’t have to be like this. I was not looking for a solution to being drained at group events; I’d simply accepted this is how I was. But I was wrong. The solution presented itself as a side effect of my meditation.

    I’m not suggesting you will transform into an extrovert and gain energy by being in groups. I’m still an introvert and I still love time by myself, but being at group events does not drain me like it used to.

    As introverts, at some point we have to engage with people and attend extroverted events. I share my experience with you because these situations do not have to be a point of stress or anxiety. Stillness provides a stable resting place that can change our relationship to group situations.

    Stillness is your superpower!

    Though meditation is one of the best paths to stillness, it can also help to use the exercise below, which I call “Finding stillness amidst the chaos.” I would not call it a meditation in the truest sense, but I would call it a training for your mind.

    Finding Stillness Amidst the Chaos

    1. Go to a crowded place, preferably where there is a lot of noise. A busy food court at lunchtime is a good one. Perhaps before a conference or event when everyone around you is talking. The more people, the better.

    2. Remain quiet and start listening peripherally to all the people talking. Don’t listen to individual conversations or voices. Listen to them all at once. The peripheral noise.

    3. If thoughts come into your mind, just let them go and return to the peripheral noise. Don’t judge your thoughts.

    4. As you listen peripherally to the noise for a couple of minutes, start to notice there is the chaos of the noise all around you, but you are not the noise. This is important! There is a separation between you and the noise. It’s like the noise is a tornado and you are in the eye. Notice the stillness in the center. It’s the place from where you perceive the noise.

    5. The key here is that the noise and chaos are in the periphery and stillness is in the center. Thoughts will come and go, but keep your awareness with the peripheral noise and center of stillness.

    6. Pay attention to how you feel more stable when you can do this. You can still be aware of the noise, but you are not affected by it, because you are not the noise.

    It may take some time to get the hang of this, but like anything else, with practice you will see progress. You may even find this fun. Don’t worry, you’re not becoming an extrovert—you’re just cultivating your stillness superpower!

  • To Protect Your Energy

    To Protect Your Energy

  • Your Time Is Limited

    Your Time Is Limited

    Your time is limited

    Source: JoyofMom.com

  • How to Reclaim Your Energy So You Can Follow Your Dreams

    How to Reclaim Your Energy So You Can Follow Your Dreams

    “The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” ~Dan Millman

    I don’t care who you are or where you live, we all have one thing in common: We like to dream—to close our eyes and imagine that we’re living the life we were meant to lead. It’s a desire that’s imbedded in our DNA. To want more. Achieve more. Become more.

    It’s why we start new businesses, write novels, learn to play the guitar, get our MBA, change careers, learn to cook, sew, or speak Swahili.

    We’re all chasing a dream, everyday life dreams as well. Like simple happiness, good health, or financial independence; finding a place to call home, someone to love, or a path to inner peace. Perhaps it’s just a life with less pain, heartache, or loneliness.

    Dreams are not only what make the world a better place, but you and I better human beings. We need to chase our dreams every chance we get. Fortunately, most of us do, and with all our hearts.

    Unfortunately, many of us give up on those dreams almost before we even start, stuffing them in the back of our sock drawer until we forget they were ever there.

    It’s easy to make excuses for our failed dreams, too. We don’t know where to begin, or we have no time, money, skills, or commitment. But the real enemy is deeper and more insidious.

    We’re plain worn out. We have no energy to chase our dreams.

    There’s always somewhere to go and something to do. Late meetings at work, carpool to drive, lunches to be made, trash to be taken out, homework to finish.

    We catch a cold. Lose our job. Start a relationship. End a relationship. Birthdays. Holidays. Trips to the dentist. The list is endless and exhausting. It’s no wonder we have nothing left in the tank for a better life. It’s all we can do to maintain the life we have.

    Money is not the great currency of our time. Energy is. Physical energy to get out of bed and positive energy to do something better with our lives. All the noblest dreams in the world mean nothing if we don’t have the energy to pursue them.

    Several years ago I was diagnosed with Meniere’s disease, a disorder of the inner ear. Two months later, I was diagnosed with an acoustic neuroma in the other ear, a benign tumor.

    While neither is fatal, and there are certainly people with far worse conditions than I have, I found myself in the unusual position of being tired all the time.

    I could live with the symptoms. Dizziness. Vertigo. Ringing in the ears. Hearing loss. But being worn out, tired, and deprived of my energy, well, that was the real enemy. I had no desire to chase the things that were once important to me.

    At the same time, I was going through a career change that drained even more energy, coupled with poor eating habits that drained me even more.

    That’s the thing about energy; it can drain out of us in so many different ways. Sure, bad health will do it, but so will a toxic relationship, or not being able to pay your mortgage, or finding out your son is being bullied in school. Worry. Fear. Regret. Anger. They’re all “pin in the balloon” energy busters.

    Fortunately, there’s hope. Lots of hope. We just need to learn how to get our energy back. In fact, the fight to reclaim our energy is one of the most important battles we’ll ever fight. Triumph here and we gain the strength to fight an even greater battle—the fight for our dreams and the life we imagined.

    Of course, reclaiming our energy doesn’t happen by accident, and it’s not always easy. But every day there are golden opportunities for us to get back our energy. Here are some random tips to get started.

    Just point your finger at one and go for it. It doesn’t matter which one. Any one will do. Then try another. And another. Before you know it, you will find yourself with enough energy to reclaim the life you desire.

    Energy Building Tips To Live The Life You Desire

    Stay in the moment.

    Want to see your energy soar? Catch yourself living in the past or the future as often as you can.

    Notice regret as it pops up, or guilt, or longing. Recognize when you start thinking about what might or might not happen tomorrow. Catch all these “past and future” moments, and then bring yourself back to the moment you’re living in. The present moment is the only place where we will find both peace and power.

    Engage in activities that keep you in the moment.

    Deep breathing exercises work, as will meditation, yoga, gardening, reading, swimming, running; a walk in the woods, a bike ride at the beach. Nature helps, so does humor, volunteering, gratitude, compassion, and doing virtually anything that brings you joy.

    Avoid the 24/7 always on lifestyle.

    Turn off lights, music, news, equipment, and most importantly, the mind. And while you’re at it, stay away from conversations with people who only want to talk about how screwed up the world is. The more you obsess about something, the faster you’ll bring more of it into your life. And every time we do, we just suck away our energy.

    Seek friends who uplift and support, make you smile and laugh.

    Avoid friends who infringe on your space, covet your time, suck your energy, and give nothing in return. We all know who they are.

    Avoid excessive food, drink, or anything that consumes more time and energy than it gives back.

    In short, avoid anything that brings you imbalance, fatigue, and illness, no matter how pleasurable or intoxicating it may seem. This means poor diet, sedentary lifestyle, excessive alcohol, caffeine, and sugar.

    Treat your body like a $200,000 Ferrari.

    It’s not enough to just avoid putting negative influences into our body. We need to put the best gasoline into our bodies we can.

    We can start by drinking more water and eating nutrient rich foods that give energy. That means colorful greens, fruits, good proteins, and fats. Experiment with a gluten-free or sugar free diet, or just try eating less packaged and processed food. Keep a journal and take note of how your energy levels rise and fall based on what you put into your body.

    Live your own life.

    Avoid saying, doing, and becoming something only because it’s what others want to see and hear. It takes too much energy to live your life for someone else.

    Live an authentic and conscious life.

    Avoid doing work you don’t want to do, places you don’t want to live, or situations that no longer serve your needs. Being conscious of what you do on a daily basis puts you on a path to finding your purpose in life, which will energize every other part of your life.

    Treat yourself well.

    That could mean anything. Chocolate. Massage. Mornings off. Exercise. Eight hours sleep. Flowers in the house. A glass of wine. A cup of tea. It also means letting go of self-judgment. When talking about yourself (or to yourself), use only positive, energizing, and life-affirming words.

    —

    At the end of the day, all this adds up to a simple two-prong strategy. Avoid the things in life that take our energy away and then find the magic that brings our energy back.

    But it takes conscious effort and a seeker mentality. We have to be vigilant, constantly looking within and without at all times, searching for those bits of insight and habit that will recharge our spirit.

    It’s the only way we’ll ever be strong enough to chase our dreams and live the lives we were meant to live.

    Go ahead and dream, but make your first dream the gift of energy.

    Your future self will thank you for it.

  • A Relaxing Yoga Practice for People with High Stress and Low Energy

    A Relaxing Yoga Practice for People with High Stress and Low Energy

    Childs Pose

    “We must always change, renew, rejuvenate ourselves; otherwise we harden.” ~Goethe

    Nine years ago after I had my twins, I was eager to get back into a routine of a weekly yoga class and daily home practice. However, I didn’t account for the soul-sapping fatigue I felt as a new sleep-deprived mum!

    I simply did not have the energy or ability to leave the house for a satisfying active class. And truly, I did not want to venture far from my precious babes.

    That’s when I discovered a soothing style of yoga that met me exactly where I was. I could do it at home, using equipment that I already had, and it made me feel refreshed and pampered.

    I fell in love with restorative yoga—a deliciously yummy practice where I could gently move my tired body, but with the support of comfortable props to help me feel completely supported, beautifully nurtured, and best of all, deeply rested.

    As soon as my babes slept, I would clear the floor, gather some props, and sink into a few slow, rejuvenating poses.

    As an avid yoga practitioner and instructor, I had a variety of specialty yoga props at hand—cork blocks, bolsters, and blankets. However, not wanting to miss my chance for some downtime, I would often improvise with whatever lay around, grabbing sofa cushions and towels to use as a bolster, a stack of small books wrapped in a pillowcase for a block, and a clean sock to place over my eyes.

    Even if I could spend just five minutes in a pose every other day this time became invaluable. It was time just for me. With every melting moment I could feel some of the resentment from having so little time to myself slip away. I would emerge rested and (mostly!) ready to begin again, feeling great at having moved my body.

    Restorative yoga is the super chilled-out member of the yoga family. This slow, passive practice combines the elements of time, warmth, comfort, support, and soft light to create a sequence accessible to most bodies and trigger the body’s natural healing responses.

    Just as an active yoga practice, a good restorative sequence aims to mobilize the spine, moving it backward, forward, laterally, and in a twisting motion.

    What make restorative yoga poses different to its more vigorous cousins are the longer holds (five to thirty minutes) and the use of props to cradle and hold the body in position.

    There’s no physical effort required; instead, blankets, pillows, bolsters, and blocks serve as a nurturing landing pad into which tired, achy bodies can dissolve.

    The longer timings and supports encourage tight muscles to let go and mental tensions to ease. Warmth is also important; as the body relaxes it cools down, so it’s a good idea to cover up with a blanket in the poses. Soft lighting also encourages relaxation. Draping an eye-pillow or washcloth over the eyes can further soften tensions around the eyes and reduce visual stimulation.

    When we’re relaxed, the parasympathetic branch of the nervous system switches on and begins the job of healing and restoring the body. In this rest-and-digest mode, the heart and respiration rates slow, busy thoughts subside, and a wonderful pause descends over body and mind.

    This delivers a much needed mini-break from the usual busy-ness of life, where the sympathetic or fight-and-flight mode of the nervous system can be habitually stuck in overdrive. Too much time here can cause stress, which could lead to negative states such as anxiety, sleeplessness, or adrenal fatigue.

    Ready to sample a restorative a pose or two?

    Start by gathering your props. Here’s what you’ll need, plus some “DIY” tips to make your own!

    Mat – A yoga mat is helpful, as it provides a non-slip surface, but it’s not essential. Substitute with a towel, blanket, or a carpeted floor space.

    Block – Store-bought yoga blocks can be made from solid cork, bamboo, wood, or foam and measure 9″ long x 6″ wide x 4″ thick. Make your own by making a stack of books to approximate this size, then secure with rubber bands or wrap in a pillowcase.

    Bolster – Bolsters are long, oval, or round firm pillows measuring about 26″ long, 7″ wide and 3″ high. DIY by folding a firm blanket or two into this shape, or substitute sofa cushions.

    Blankets and towels – use what you have around the house.

    Roll – roll up a bath towel, blanket, or space yoga mat until it’s around 31″ long and 6″ in diameter.

    Eye-pillow – these block the light and provide a subtle, soothing weight over the eyes to promote relaxation and sense withdrawal. A folded washcloth works well.

    Constructive Rest Pose

    A great place to start, this basic pose rests the spine, head, and limbs symmetrically. The neutral position invites us to check in with breath, body, and mind before moving on to more poses.

    What to do: Lie down on your back, with the head and neck supported by a folded towel or blanket. Bend the legs, space the feet hip-width apart, and ground the feet into the mat. Rest the arms beside you, an even distance from the mid-line, palms facing up. Let the head be heavy; relax the eyes, face, and neck.

    Descend the shoulders and allow your weight to drop into the floor. Notice how your body feels; notice the activity of the mind, notice the emotions, notice the breath. Stay five minutes or more. To come up, hug the knees to chest, roll to the side and press yourself up to a seat.

    Upper Back Booster

    This refreshing backbend helps to counter rounded shoulders and a slumped chest. It lifts the heart and encourages full, easy breathing. The entire front body receives a nice stretch.

    What to do: Place a roll across your mat. Take constructive rest pose again, this time with the roll underneath the nipple-line. Do any wriggling and adjusting till you feel comfortable, with a sense of lift at the chest. Straighten the legs, if desired.

    Stay five minutes or more, then remove the roll and revisit constructive rest pose again for a few moments. Hopefully, you feel like you have a brand-new back! Exit the pose as for Constructive Rest Pose.

    Legs Up the Wall

    Try this pose for a full body/mind refresh. The reversed blood-flow from toes to torso particularly benefits tired legs and the back is positioned nicely for rest and length.

    What to do: Clear some space and sit side-on to a wall. Take the outer shoulder to the floor, then gently roll onto your back and swing your extended legs up the wall.

    Rest your head on a pillow/folded blanket for extra comfort, and cover your eyes if you like. Stay for five minutes or longer. When ready to come out, bend the knees to chest, roll to the side and press up to a seated position. Observe how you feel.

    Child’s Pose

    This is a beautifully grounding, nurturing pose perfect to counter busy-ness and over-stimulation. It also helps to soothe a cranky lower back.

    What to do: Rest one end of your bolster on your block. Kneel at the other end with the bolster between the knees. Bend from the hips, fold forward slowly, and lay your whole front body along the length of the bolster. Turn your head to rest on one cheek.

    Place your hands and forearms either side of the bolster. After a few minutes, rest on the other cheek and stay in the pose for an even amount of time.

    When you are ready to come up, ground your hands either side of your bolster and slowly lift up. Come to a seat and see how you feel.

    Savasana – Corpse Pose

    This is a simple way to complete your practice and allows the mind and body to soak up all the goodness from your sequence. You can also take this pose anytime as a stand-alone pick-me-up.

    What to do: Rest your entire back-body along the mat. Insert a bolster or roll under the knees to take any pressure from the lower back, and a position a support under the head and neck.

    Pop an eye-pillow or cloth over the eyes, and cover up with a blanket to keep warm. Once warm and comfortable, make a commitment to be still. Give yourself permission to let go of physical tensions and mental chatter. Simply rest and enjoy the gift of relaxation. Stay in Savasana for ten minutes or more.

    When you are well-rested and calm your whole family will feel it too!

    Child’s pose image via Shutterstock

  • How to Stop Taking on Other People’s Fears and Live Freely

    How to Stop Taking on Other People’s Fears and Live Freely

    Jumping Girl

    “Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” ~Pema Chodron

    You wake up in the morning, it is sunny outside, and you are grateful for this brand new day. You are enthusiastic to get it started. You take a deep breath and go outside; then you see some gum in your street.

    Will you pick it up and stick it to your T-shirt, or maybe even have a little taste of it? Of course not!

    Please excuse the gross opening, but bear with me for a second.

    So many of us have done something just like that, energetically, myself included.

    I still remember an afternoon about three years ago. After work, I was on a high after watching a self-development video on the importance of going after our dreams, and in order to do so, we must conquer our fears first.

    So there I was, sitting on a bench by the River Thames, following the instruction, writing about my fears about becoming an intuitive guide.

    The first one popped up immediately: uncertainty!

    “Alright, let me see how I can conquer it!” I devoted myself to doing the inner-work over the next three weeks.

    Except, there was no progress, no breakthrough, nor much “conquering” going on. When I thought about leaving the corporate world behind and creating a business based on my true expression, I was still paralyzed.

    I was disappointed. It felt like that I was running around in circles and getting nowhere.

    Fortunately, my intuition visited me in my dream on one of those frustrating late nights.

    In my dream, I saw so many people shouting at me: “How are you going to deal with uncertainty? Isn’t it too risky? What if you are going to lose everything that you’ve built for years?”

    The images and voices were from my concerned family members, from my curious colleagues, from my cautious (perhaps overly) friends.

    But none of them actually were mine!

    Here is the thing: I only see uncertainty as opportunity and wonder. This was not what I was afraid of.

    I woke up with such a refreshing mindset the next morning. “I cannot deal with fear that doesn’t belong to me. No matter how much I look at it, look around it, look beneath it, it was not my fear.”

    Carl Jung said, “When the diagnosis is right, the healing begins.” But I got the wrong diagnosis, no wonder why I could not move forward.

    I am classified as a “highly sensitive.”

    On one hand, I relied on my intuitive side to see the beauty and gifts in people; on the other hand, the shadow side was that I also felt their fears and pains, so vividly at times that I thought they were my own.

    I was carrying on other people’s expectations and opinions, and allowed them to blind me so that I wasn’t able to see what was really going on.

    And I am not the only one. As social beings, we are all influenced by our immediate environment to various degrees.

    Do you know how much fear and anxiety you might have absorbed from others and now keep in your psyche on a daily basis?

    You might not even be aware of it but end up internalizing it over time.

    Day after day and year after year, gradually you came to believe that they were your own fears.

    Just like you cannot take responsibility for someone else’s actions, you cannot do much about those imposed fears other than lovingly release them.

    But firstly, how do you know if you take on others’ fears and emotions easily and unconsciously? Here are a few signs:

    You have a tendency to say yes on spot but then quickly regret it.

    Chances are you’ve absorbed the other person’s anxiety about you saying no. Your decision is dictated by how others feel, not your own well-being.

    But once you look into the situation, you realize that you don’t have the resources to deliver your promise. You become resentful toward your good intention earlier.

    You feel drained and depleted easily.

    It doesn’t always take a full-on party with hundreds of people; at times you are exhausted by just browsing your social media feeds for thirty minutes.

    You are happy when your feeds are full of joyful updates, but miserable when your feeds are full of misery. You unconsciously take on what your virtual circles experience, without a healthy filter to protect your own energy.

    You often feel unsettled out of the blue.

    You don’t really know why; only later on you’ve learned that something unpleasant happened in your environment such as a redundancy or burglary nearby.

    Or like myself earlier, you want to move forward, and you have been doing everything that you were told to do, but things just don’t work.

    By the way, it is not your fault if you said yes to any of the above.

    The truth is, we cannot live freely unless we actively release fears and emotions that do not belong to us.

    So how can you release those imposed fears or even prevent them in the first place?

    1. Develop a sovereign habit before your day kicks in.

    Before you rush to browse your inbox or social media profile every morning, meditate for a few minutes and check in with yourself. “How do I feel? What do I want today?”

    This way, you will set a clear intention that serves your spirit instead of being dragged away by some unimportant noises even before your day gets started.

    2. Sleep only with your own energy every night.

    Always finish your day with good vibes.

    Take some exercises in the evening to shake off the anxiety, pains, fears, or any other forms of “psychic rubbish” that have been dumped on you, followed by a relaxing bath.

    When you take care of your body and treat yourself gently, it’s like boosting your psyche to be more immune from negativity.

    This method has worked exceptionally well for a hospital nurse friend, helping her recover from long-term work-related depression.

    Sleep only with your own energy every night; otherwise, it’s hard to discover your most authentic self over the years.

    3. Whenever a fear pops up, discern if this is yours.

    Sit quietly with it, without any judgment, and ask it, “Are you mine? If not, whom do you belong to? Where are you coming from?”

    Then wait for the answer. If in doubt, trust what your intuition tells you.

    Once you identify the source, with your mind’s eye, send the fear back to the light and imagine yourself breathing in your own light and breathing out others’ fears.

    You can repeat this process until you there are no imposed fears that need to be released for the time being.

    Once you’ve released those absorbed fears, it’ll be like a spring clean on your energetic body, and you’ll better connect with your truest self.

    Now you are ready to see the deeper truth and live more freely.

    Once you peel off the “fear onion” layer by layer, the “real deal” will start to reveal itself.

    By “real deal,” I mean your truth.

    Have an intimate conversation with it.

    You can start it like this: “Dear Truth, what would you like me to know at this point of life?”

    The answer might surprise you, or you might feel uncomfortable to acknowledge it at first.

    But it will reveal something that you can take responsibility for so that you can shift your reality, no matter where you are in life.

    Don’t be alarmed or run away.

    No matter what your answer is, it will push you closer to your purpose.

    Back to my story earlier, beneath everyone else’s voice of “insecurity,” which I didn’t resonate with, what I was really suppressing was the sadness of letting my old self go.

    I had worked so hard to build a brand new life in a foreign country on my own, but I didn’t even acknowledge my effort, sacrifice, or growth.

    My old self was asking for love and witness, which had been absent for over a decade.

    That was it!

    I put aside the embarrassment of feeling my raw emotions for a change, and immersed myself into days of journaling, healing, (a lot) of crying, and (even more) praying.

    It was fantastically liberating and nourishing, and way more effective than affirming: “I must conquer uncertainty” a thousand times.

    As for the end of that story, I left the corporate world and launched my dream business in record time: one month.

    After releasing those imposed fears by others, I saw my organic truth, and honoring it set me free.

    When you feel the fear but really cannot do it, stop trying to “conquer” it, play with it!

    It will play back and reveal the hidden truth that you need to know.

    And this is how you can take leaps and bounds with grace.

    Jumping girl image via Shutterstock

  • 3 Self-Honoring Ways to Deal with Low-Energy Days

    3 Self-Honoring Ways to Deal with Low-Energy Days

    Low Energy

    “Being who you are is another way of accepting yourself.” ~Unknown

    A few months ago I woke up with what my good friend and I call “the rage.” I was automatically annoyed by the tone of people’s emails in my inbox. I was frustrated by the lack of response from others. My tea tasted too strong. I felt cooped up in the house. Need I go on?

    So I went to the gym to increase my endorphins. I figured that a good workout would be the perfect cure-all.

    It wasn’t. I left my HIIT (high intensity interval training) pleasantly exhausted but still agitated.

    Then I sat down to get into a Zen-like state with my life coach. I trusted that together we could get to the bottom of whatever this wonky energy was all about.

    I cried, releasing beautiful misunderstandings about current business relationships. It was an incredibly healing session, and I hung up the phone thinking it was such a relief to know where this negative energy was coming from. But the lightness I usually experienced at the end of a session was nowhere to be found.

    Instead, I felt sad and lonely.

    It was in that moment, hanging up the phone from my coach, that I realized I needed to stop trying to fix my low-energy day. There was no one reason I was feeling this way. It wasn’t anything I did or didn’t do; it just was, and it was time for me to be okay with that.

    The only place I had heard of such acceptance was within my Human Design studies, so I picked up a book.

    According to Human Design, most of us have what is considered to be an “emotional authority.”

    This means that we tend to let our emotions rule our decisions, and we can easily make rash decisions just to end the emotional turmoil we feel. Or, to the opposite extreme, we can say yes in an effort to hold onto an exciting expectation.

    Most notably, our emotional authority is an energy that constantly moves through us in a wave pattern. Sometimes the wave is up and we feel great, and sometimes the wave is down and we feel off or have low energy.

    I’ve learned that the key is not to focus solely on our high-energy feelings, or to get rid of our low energy. The key as Buddha says, is for us to find “the middle way.”

    Release attachment to either end of the spectrum and find the still point. That is where emotional clarity lies.

    Thus, on that day a few months back, I asked myself to stop pushing. I stopped pushing the negative emotions away and I stopped pushing myself into a more positive high.

    Instead, I honored and acknowledged my wonky feelings in these three ways.

    1. Self-pampering.

    I hugged myself. I sat on the floor in my living room and circled my arms around my knees. Then, when I was ready, I went out to get a hot yummy drink at the coffee shop down the street.

    I let my to-do list fly out the window, and I gave my body and my mind my full attention. I did a lot of journal writing that day. I like journaling when I can, and it helped me explore areas where I could really stand up for myself in my business and in my relationships.

    2. The twenty-four-hour rule.

    I released myself from making any big decisions. I knew my energy was all over the place, and the key was to wait for clarity. Thus, I gave myself a twenty-four-hour rule. I wouldn’t make any big decisions until 9:00AM the next day, at the earliest.

    This wonky, negative energy was here for me to explore and learn from. It was still too early to start sharing a new truth. I couldn’t expect myself to grasp my learnings well enough to articulate them to others, nor could I expect myself to be in a place to take feedback neutrally. Not yet, anyway.

    This rule gave me the freedom to explore what I really wanted.

    3. Judgment-free space.

    I deemed my home, my body, and the three-foot bubble around me wherever I went to be my judgment-free space. There was nothing good or bad, right or wrong about my low-energy day. It was here for me, as an amazingly imperfect human being, to experience.

    This allowed me to embrace it and learn from it. It was no one’s fault. There was nothing wrong with me for feeling this way. It wasn’t going to last forever, and everyone would still love me in the morning.

    When I woke up at 7:00AM the next day, I felt refreshed. The rage and negative energy were gone, and I could also see clearly how I wanted to proceed in my business relationships.

    A huge sigh escaped my lips. I had allowed myself to be a part of the day’s adventure. Instead of fighting it or allowing it to take over my life for who knows how long, I had loved my low energy.

    Which of these three self-honoring actions will you try when you have a low-energy, “rage” day?

    Photo by rklopfer

  • 5 Ways to Get Energized and Motivated When You Feel Lazy

    5 Ways to Get Energized and Motivated When You Feel Lazy

    “Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action.” ~Benjamin Disraeli

    Although laziness is common and a natural part of life, it has the potential to completely consume us.

    I personally have times where laziness causes me to feel trapped. No matter what I do, I cannot seem to shake it off. I feel tired, fall asleep constantly during the day, sit around a lot and feel unable to be active, avoid doing anything productive, and put on hold things that I want to accomplish.

    I believe there are two kinds of laziness. First, there’s the kind where you have been working your butt off for weeks and finally, after all your hard work, all you want to do is be lazy and do nothing.

    But then there’s the kind of laziness where you struggle to find motivation. Every time you think of something you would like to do or achieve, you cannot find the energy or drive to work toward it. This is the kind of laziness that I am talking about.

    Being lazy is actually quite draining and depressing. I know because I regularly find myself feeling so lethargic that even the simplest task seems like a challenge. I’m sure I’m not alone in this struggle.

    I have found five effective ways to overcome my laziness that I want to share with you so you can win your personal battle too.

    1. Focus on just a few things at a time.

    We often create a big list of things that we want to do and achieve. Focusing on two or three things at a time will allow you to feel less overwhelmed. Instead, you will feel motivated, as your goals will now seem so much more achievable.

    Out of the two sets of six-month goals below, which set gets you more motivated?

    Learn to play guitar, do well at work, and get fit.

    Learn to play guitar, do well at work, get fit, build big muscles, get better at singing, get top marks at school, learn how to draw better, and write a book.

    When I see the second list, I feel overwhelmed. When my life looks a bit like this, I usually don’t know where to start or if I can succeed at anything I’ve set out to do.

    People feel motivated when they feel they have a good chance of success.

    This has been a big learning curve for me. When success seems like it is just around the corner, suddenly I get an amazing rush of energy where I feel liberated and excited to achieve bigger things.

    Set yourself two or three easy to achieve goals at a time and you will notice that you will naturally gain inspiration and motivation.

    2. Exercise.

    Exercise is the simplest way to overcome laziness. A lot of the time, we feel lazy because completing a task seems too difficult. With exercising, you don’t have to figure anything out. You just have to make that one big decision to literally start moving your body (jump up and down, go for a run, or start doing lunges in your living room).

    This has been a big revelation for me. Sometimes I get so fed up with feeling lazy and lethargic that I literally just start running. I have learned that if you can overcome physical laziness, your mind will naturally follow.

    You will find that you will become more willing to think about complicated things, such as working on a project or doing something that you have been avoiding. Exercise will help you break through that barrier of inertia and will help you feel motivated and more willing to put in effort.

    3. Allow yourself time to relax and do the things you enjoy.

    Sound’s ironic, doesn’t it? Overcoming laziness by relaxing! But it works.

    Often, we become lazy because a task seems too difficult. By relaxing and doing the things we enjoy, we allow ourselves to feel satisfied. When we are satisfied, we are more willing to take on bigger tasks and achieve bigger things.

    By relaxing and enjoying yourself, you also allow yourself to think about things, reflect, and feel inspired.

    For example, I often feel uninspired to write articles. I get a mental block. Writing and researching becomes an overwhelming task, so I retreat to laziness. I completely block out anything that requires hard work.

    I have learned that as I relax and do things I enjoy, my mind is encouraged to reflect again. It is not scared of becoming overwhelmed because it knows that I am not going to push it to do something productive if it does not want to.

    This is how I gain inspiration again. When I relax, I suddenly find myself thinking of all these great ideas and I regain inspiration and motivation.

    4. Get organized.

    Your physical surroundings have a big impact on how you feel. If your house is a mess, you are likely to feel even more overwhelmed—both because clutter creates a sense of chaos and because having to clean your house adds to your giant list of things to do in a ridiculously short amount of time.

    Clean your house and organize your physical surroundings and you will naturally feel motivated to be more productive and active.

    You will be making life simpler and easier to manage.

    Once you’ve organized your home, you may feel motivated to get organized in other areas of your life and tackle tasks you’ve neglected.

    As I mentioned earlier, laziness is often our attempt to avoid difficult or unpleasant tasks. Ironically, once you start tackling them, it will all feel less difficult and overwhelming and you’ll likely feel a lot less tense.

    5. Be aware of and monitor your internal dialogue.

    Our internal dialogue (the way we speak to ourselves) has such a big impact on how we feel and what we do.

    Anthony Robins, world famous motivational speaker, explains that if we want to feel ecstatic, all we need to do is adopt a point of view that creates that emotion.

    For example, picturing in your mind the things that make you feel that way, change the tone and content of your internal dialogue and change your posture and breathing to create that state in your body.

    This has become my personal motto, and I am genuinely amazed at how much more positive I feel just by choosing to have a positive outlook.

    Every time I have a negative thought, such as “today is going to be a long, hard day at work,” I immediately challenge that thought by telling myself something like this: “I have so much to be grateful for and today is going to be fun and enjoyable!”

    I then make a choice to get rid of my slouchy posture and tell myself that I have lots of energy.

    Just thinking that way makes me feel excited and gives me a big boost of energy.

    I once learned that we have over 50,000 thoughts a day. Even if only 10% of them are negative, it equals a total of 5,000 negative thoughts a day. When I heard this, I realized that we have way too many negative thoughts and it helped make sense of why so many of us struggle to feel motivated.

    Being aware of and monitoring your internal dialogue is so important, and will inevitably impact on how lazy you feel and how easy it will be for you to overcome that laziness.

    These methods have helped me incredibly and continue to help me everyday. I am sure that if you apply them too, you will experience a big boost of energy and motivation in your daily life.

  • 4 Steps to Process Your Emotions So They Don’t Zap Your Energy

    4 Steps to Process Your Emotions So They Don’t Zap Your Energy

    Smiling Buddha

    “Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions.” ~Elizabeth Gilbert

    I felt zapped. Depleted. Drained. Out of gas. And I wasn’t sure why.

    • Enough sleep? Check.
    • Enough exercise? Check.
    • Enough nutritious food and vitamins? Check.
    • Health check-ups and tests up to date? Check and check.
    • Reasonable schedule? Check.

    I thought I felt this way because I’d recently had surgery to remove a sizeable tumor.

    But that had gone smoothly, and I was fully recovered and back to my regular schedule.

    However, there was one thing that I noticed since the surgery: I was angry and couldn’t seem to shake it. I don’t think I realized the grip it had on me until I started trying to figure out the source of my low energy.

    I began to wonder if my anger and inability to let go of it could be the cause. I also wondered why I was so angry when the surgery and recovery had gone so well. I should have been happy that the tumor was benign.

    I was in it, but not necessarily conscious of it and not realizing what it was doing to me. The best way to describe it would be an automatic emotional reaction coupled with a lack of awareness.

    I had been zapped by my emotions!

    How we manage and deal with our emotions affects our energy big time.

    Here are four steps to process your emotions so they don’t zap your energy.

    1. Be mindful and consciously aware of your emotions.

    Before we can manage anything, we need to be aware of it instead of acting on autopilot. Awareness puts us in the driver’s seat and allows us to not only engage in the experience, but also decide how we want to respond to it. In this case, we need to realize how the energy of our emotions affects us.

    I noticed that I had been low in energy, and by the process of elimination and observing my behavior, I realized I had been stuck in anger. I had been irritable, argumentative, and overreacting to the smallest things. Once I had observed my behavior, I acknowledged that anger was becoming my main emotional state.

    The next time you catch yourself in an emotional experience, try to notice your behavior and identify the feeling behind it. This will give you insight and a new ability to manage it.

    2. Identify what thoughts are triggering the emotions. 

    Once you’ve observed your behavior and identified the emotion that’s zapping your energy, you need to see what thoughts may be triggering it.

    After I identified that I was stuck in anger, I kept thinking about the surgery and the events that led up to it. I had felt pain in my abdomen, so I went to the doctor and told her this.

    She did a regular check-up and said there was nothing wrong. I was relieved to hear this, and went home and didn’t give it another thought—until I started feeling pain again.

    I went back and told her that I felt pain and I was sure there was something wrong. It was a very strong intuitive feeling. This time she did a quick check and said, once again, “There is nothing wrong with you.”

    I questioned her about the pain, but she rolled her eyes and said, “Ignore it. At a certain age everything starts to hurt.”

    I asked if I should get a test or an ultrasound, but she said it wasn’t necessary, so, despite my intuition, I went home.

    A few days later, I was in pain again and began to think it was my imagination, because a doctor that I trusted said, “Don’t worry; nothing is wrong.”

    My intuition kept telling me I needed to get a second opinion. So I went to another doctor who immediately sent me for a test and quickly scheduled me for surgery after having found a tumor.

    Having gone back through the events, I realized that the few days before the surgery I was livid about what had happened. What if it was cancer? I let precious months slip by because I didn’t listen to my intuition.

    After the surgery, I was so focused on recovering that I guess I just put it out of my mind. After I recovered, the anger set in again, but it wasn’t until I started searching for the cause of my low energy that it started to make sense.

    The thoughts running through my mind post-surgery were: Why didn’t she take me seriously?  How dare she blow me off like that? Why didn’t I challenge her and insist on a test? All these thoughts were triggering anger. I was stuck in it, but not aware enough to figure it all out.

    Always try to connect your thoughts to the emotion you’re expressing. In recognizing the thoughts, you’re able to address them to move through the emotion.

    3. Lean into the emotion and learn from it.

    When we suppress our emotions, we send that energy underground, with toxic effects.

    Don’t suppress your emotions, but also don’t get caught in the energy of them. When we let our emotions hijack us, it’s like we’re on a runaway train. We are not in control. We may get addicted to the surge of emotion and get stuck in it.

    This is what happened to me when I was angry after my surgery; my emotion dictated my behavior, which depleted my energy. When I acknowledged what was happening and leaned into the emotion, I was able to identify the problem instead of just suppressing it.

    When we lean into an emotion, we can learn from it.

    4. Respond proactively to the emotion and transition from it.

    When an emotion lingers, we don’t have to get stuck in it.

    Now when I feel a powerful surge of emotion that I think will hijack my energy and time, I take a deep breath. I then visualize a simple picture with the cause, the emotion I’m feeling, and the action I can take to shift out of it and deal with what caused my reaction.

    For example, if something makes me angry, I visualize anger in a red circle with an arrow pointing to what caused it and another arrow pointing to the releasing action.

    The releasing action usually has two parts: The first part deals with the energy shift. For example, if I’m angry about something, I absolutely have to fit in some form of exercise as soon as possible. Even if I don’t have time and it’s just twenty sit-ups or a quick walk. This releases the energy in a healthy way and clears my mind.

    The second part deals with the cause and what action I can take to address it. In this instance, I promised myself I would always be my own advocate and insist on a test if I feel it is necessary.

    Make this process a habit and it will have a great effect on your energy, happiness, and productivity.

    You can only manage your emotions to the extent that you’re aware of them. Creating awareness gives you the chance to maximize and manage your experience. And by doing so, you can avoid getting stuck and depleting your most valuable resource: energy!

    Have you ever felt like your energy was zapped by your emotions? What helped you move past it?

    Photo by AlexanderStein

  • When You Fear Things Might Not Work Out: 3 Helpful Tips

    When You Fear Things Might Not Work Out: 3 Helpful Tips

    Hands in the Air

    “Your belief determines your action and your action determines your results, but first you have to believe.” ~Mark Victor Hansen

    This summer, after three years of dreaming, my daughter and I moved from the city I’ve lived in all my life to my dream city six hours north.

    The season of summer is known as a time when plants fruit, grow, and bloom. In order to harvest new crops we have to have a clear field and clean soil to plant in, right?

    Before we can grow new things, we need to look hard at what isn’t working for us, what isn’t serving us, what needs to go to make space for new, better, more deeply satisfying things to come. That could include work, relationships, ways of spending time, and beliefs.

    Then we need to clean and fertilize our own fields and soil so we can intentionally plant what we want to grow.

    This move was preceded by such huge old beliefs, fears, and heartache that I had to face and work through for us to be able to make this move.

    I felt terrified that I wasn’t seeing things clearly and might not make a decision that would work out well.

    Do any of the below feel familiar to you?

    • Where you are isn’t working, but you’re not sure how to change it.
    • You’re drained and exhausted by a part of your life—a relationship, your work, not enough self-care, no down time.
    • You know the change you want to make, but you’re afraid you can’t do it, you’ll be alone if you do it, or you’ll have no money if you do it.
    • You know a change has to be made, but the path isn’t clear. Maybe you’re not even sure what needs to change; you just know something needs to.
    • You’ve decided to make a big change, but the fear and doubt are making you feel stuck and miserable.

    Having grown up in NYC, I have a natural fear of apartment hunting. In NYC you practically have to commit a crime to find a good, affordable, safe place anywhere near where you want to be. For this reason, I had a deep fear around searching in Portland for our perfect home, even though I knew it wouldn’t be as difficult as looking in New York.

    So I did what I always do when I want to call something into my life: I made a want ad.

    I thought about what I wanted in a home and how I wanted it to feel for us. My ad looked something like this:

    A safe, cozy home for my family, in an aesthetically beautiful part of town, that feels amply affordable, has two to three bedrooms, allows dogs, and has space for us to grow, where we can walk to most things we need, with parking for my car.

    Then I started apartment hunting while in Portland for a week.

    Two to three bedroom apartments in the neighborhoods I wanted were more than I could afford, and most wouldn’t allow any “pit bull type” dogs, like we have.

    After running into this over and over again, I got worried. I had given July 1st as the date we’d be out of our current place. It was June 1st and we were about to go back to NYC, leaving me unable to keep seeing new apartments.

    It would have been easy to get sucked into a place of fear and self-doubt—worrying that we couldn’t find the right place, that I couldn’t afford any of the apartments I was seeing, that my dogs wouldn’t be welcomed, that we’d be homeless in four weeks.

    However, instead of staying in the fear place, I decided to use this situation as a wonderful opportunity to practice having faith.

    I did this by using EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) videos from YouTube, visualizing myself finding the apartment, and believing the apartment was out there.

    Then a friend connected me with her friend who lives in Portland.

    Portland-friend knew someone who was showing an apartment rental for her father-in-law. It was the neighborhood I wanted and the price I wanted but only a one bedroom, which was too small for us.

    But I talked to Renter-Lady and liked her, and she said there was a weird little room on the second floor that had a low ceiling but could possibly be a kid’s room, so I decided to go see it just for fun.

    The house was exactly what I wanted.

    I filled out the paperwork and gave impeccable references. Her concern was that her father-in-law didn’t want dogs there. I assured her that our current landlord would vouch for my pups, and I’d be happy to give them a security pet deposit.

    I filled out the application and walked away. I waited on pins and needles for five days and heard nothing.

    Five days after I’d last heard from her, I texted her to tell her how much I loved the place and asked if I could give her any further info. She texted back that night and said she was so sorry, but it wasn’t just wasn’t going to work.

    Her father-in-law worried that as a single mama with my own business I wasn’t making enough to cover the rent and utilities.

    I sat up in bed and texted her back furiously. I told her that their place was $600 less a month than any other place I had looked at—that it was $50 more than half of our rent in NYC.

    I texted, “How can I show your father-in-law that I’m more than capable of affording this place? Would you like to see three months records of my income?”

    She wrote back that that might help, so I jumped out of bed, ran to the computer, and emailed her my last three months of income.

    The next morning she wrote back: “The house is yours! I’ll email a lease tomorrow! Thanks for jumping through all those hoops!”

    Little-cottage-whose-windows-I’ll-decorate-with-window-boxes-dripping-with-flowers, here we come. 

    What made the difference between the fear place where everything seemed scary and difficult and an uphill battle, and the flowing place where it all worked out?

    1. Clear vision.

    I had a clear vision of what I wanted, what it would look like, and how it would feel to have it.

    2. Belief in my value and worth.

    I fought to convince the owners of house that yes, I do have enough income to pay the rent. My attitude was, “How can I show you how successful I am at what I do?”

    3. Energy management.

    I didn’t stay in a place of fear and doubt, but instead practiced faith, using tools like EFT, prayer, and visualization to focus my energy on what could be, rather than what might not work out.

    You could easily say, “Well, what if I do all these things and don’t get the house, or don’t get the job, or that person doesn’t want to be with me?”

    Energy management is a long-term, sustainable, inner piece of growth. It doesn’t mean that it’s a magic wand that gives you what you want. It’s a growth tool that helps create inner peace and grounding, no matter the outcome.

    So even if I hadn’t gotten this specific house, energy management would have helped me stay positive, which would have kept me focused and proactive, increasing my odds of finding a home.

    Can you think of a situation in your life where you can apply some or all of these tools? What small step can you take today to create something new in your life?

    Photo here

  • Love, Light, and Other Lessons That Crisis Reveals to Us

    Love, Light, and Other Lessons That Crisis Reveals to Us

    Inner Light

    “Life always waits for some crisis to occur before revealing itself at its most brilliant.” ~Paul Coelho

    There have been more shocking and devastating world events in recent memory than I can keep up with. Hurricane Sandy. Sandy Hook Shooting. Shooting at Portland Mall. Australian wildfires. Club Fire in Brazil. Hurricane Nemo. Earthquake in China. Bangladesh Factory Collapse. Boston Bombing. Texas Plant Explosion. Floods in Midwest. Tornadoes in Oklahoma.

    So much loss. Devastation. Pain. Piled one on top of the other with little time to regain our footing in between.

    I can hear that fearful place inside me questioning, “Is this how it’s going to happen? Is this the beginning of the end? Is nature finally gonna take us out for what we’ve done, or are we just gonna take each other out?”

    And I fall into that spiral of anger, frustration, and endless questioning, feeling my energy getting dragged down and down. 

    I want to crawl into my hermit-y, safe shell and hide, and resolve in the fact that people are screwed up, and nature is ultimately in control, and there’s nothing I can do about it except wallow and whine about how no one’s doing anything about it.

    And I can hear that fearful place inside me wondering, “Why? Why there? Why those people? Why kids? What’s going to happen? Should I be scared? Prepared? Worrying? Ramshackling together a bunker in my garage? What am I supposed to do?”

    So I do all I can do. Clutching my loved ones a little tighter to my chest, I keep going.

    My fear usually continues until the day after comes. Until we know it’s over. And then the fear and anxiety releases in a flood of relief as love comes in to fill its place.

    On the day after, there is hope. Incredible tales of resilience, courage, and survival. Amazing stories of heroism, selflessness, and grace.

    Suddenly, we feel spared, lucky. Yes, look at all we’ve lost, but look at all there is left to be grateful for.

    Suddenly, we are reminded that life is only about the people around us and that it’s all, and always, about love.

    Neighbors, strangers, communities coming together. Nations rapt in attention, holding their breath. In those moments, we experience our oneness. In those moments, we shift from a modality of competition into one of cooperation. In those moments, we can actually feel the truth that we’re all in this together. It’s palpable. 

    Could that be why these horrific events keep happening? Their rate seeming to steadily increase since 2013 dawned and we were ushered into a new era.

    It seems we need a collective shift in consciousness; our entire energy needs to be raised.

    And unfortunately, it often takes shock to knock us out of our hypnotic day-to-day enough that we wake up, rise up, and come together. It takes a shock for us to start questioning why we’re here and what it’s all about.

    It feels like the something greater out there has two gigantic defibrillator paddles on the Earth’s heart and is trying to shock us back to life. Clear. Hurricane! Shooting! Tornado! Bombing! Come on. Wake up. Come back to us.

    And in those moments when we do wake up and act out of courage, act out of conviction, act out of love, we feel it: lucky just to be alive. Grateful for this moment, this one, right here. We can’t believe how blessed we must be to be alive right now, having this experience.

    We feel connected. On purpose. Like we’re here for a reason. Like it all matters. And that’s how we’re meant to feel everyday. Not just through trauma and pain, but in our good ole, average ordinary.

    Miracles are not extraordinary events; they are happening all around us, all the time. It just often takes extraordinary events for us to see them and realize they’ve been here all the while.

    I think that if we can take one message from the sadness that’s surrounded our world lately, one possible why, is that only by witnessing the dark can we know what the light is.

    That light exists within all of us, and once we know where the switch is, we can turn it on every single day—not just in our darkest moments.

    It is wholly within our power and responsibility to feel lucky, and grateful, and amazed just to be alive. Just to be a part of it all.

    It’s wholly within our power and responsibility to shine our individual lights as brightly as possible so that when we come together, the darkness will have no fighting chance. We’ll obliterate it.

    From my perspective, our response to all these inner-light-switching events as of late just confirm to me, more now than ever, that our future looks positively bright.

    Photo by Hartwig HKD