Tiny Buddha

Tag: doing

  • The Surprising Reason Many People Are Still Stuck

    The Surprising Reason Many People Are Still Stuck

    “Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.” ~Anaïs Nin

    I never imagined I’d be fired.

    It wasn’t because I didn’t have the qualifications or experience. In fact, I had built a successful academic and consulting career. I had studied leadership, organizational behavior, and human development. I had read the right books, taken the right classes, built the right résumé. I was, by all appearances, doing all the right things.

    But after ten months in a role I had left my tenured university position to pursue, I was let go. At the time, it felt devastating. I remember sitting in the aftermath of that moment thinking: How did I get here?

    I had always been someone who wanted to become better. That desire had followed me since childhood—where I had a deep yearning to feel loved, connected, and seen. When I was young, I thought getting better at basketball and gaining athletic accolades would bring me that. Later, I thought studying leadership and performance would.

    I pursued excellence like a ladder—one rung at a time. If I could just learn more, do more, prove more, I’d be better. Right?

    Getting fired shattered that illusion.

    The Developmental Path That Most of Us Walk

    Looking back now, I can see that I was following a very common path—the one most of us are taught from the time we’re kids. I call it the Doing Better Development Path.

    This path tells us that if we want to grow, we need to learn more, improve our skills, work harder, set goals, and check more boxes. And to be fair, there’s nothing inherently wrong with this approach. It can absolutely help us improve in incremental ways.

    But the truth I’ve discovered—through my own pain, study, and coaching others—is that the Doing Better path has real limits.

    It doesn’t help us heal the parts of us that self-sabotage. It doesn’t address our fear of failure or our lack of self-trust. It doesn’t quiet the voice in our head that tells us we’re not enough.

    And it doesn’t help us become the person who can courageously show up in difficult moments.

    That was my problem—not a lack of knowledge or competence, but a way of being that was self-protective, hesitant, and reactive. I had the tools. But I wasn’t the kind of person who knew how to use them effectively when it mattered.

    What I needed wasn’t a new skill.

    What I needed was a new relationship with myself.

    The Shift: From Doing Better to Being Better

    In the months that followed being fired, I went through a season of reflection. Not just on what happened—but on how I was being in the world. I realized I had spent so much time trying to appear capable that I had stopped being curious. I had been defensive instead of open, self-protective instead of growth-oriented.

    That’s when I stumbled onto a different developmental path—one I now call the Being Better Development Path. This path doesn’t start with “What do I need to do?” It starts with:

    • Who am I being right now?
    • How am I relating to myself and the world around me?
    • What mindset or inner story is guiding my reactions?

    It was only when I started asking these questions that real transformation began.

    I’m not the same person I was when I got fired. And I don’t mean that in a vague, inspirational sense. I mean that how I experience life, how I respond to challenge, and how I see myself has fundamentally changed.

    And it all started by turning inward—not to fix myself, but to understand myself.

    Three Steps to Start Walking the Being Better Path

    The beautiful thing about the Being Better path is that it doesn’t require a job change, a spiritual awakening, or a year off in Bali. It just requires intentional self-exploration.

    If you feel stuck, or if you’ve been trying to grow but keep hitting a wall, here are the three steps that helped me begin my transformation—and may help you too.

    1. Understand Your Being Side

    Most people think personal growth begins with action—what do I need to do to get better?

    But real, transformational growth begins with awareness—specifically, awareness of your Being Side. Your Being Side is your internal operating system. It’s the invisible system that governs how you see the world, how you interpret what happens to you, and how you respond in any given situation.

    This system isn’t just about thoughts or beliefs—it’s also about how your body regulates itself. Your Being Side controls your ability to feel safe or threatened, connected or isolated, grounded or overwhelmed. In other words, it determines whether you’re operating from a place of trust, compassion, and courage—or from fear, defensiveness, and self-protection.

    Here’s the catch: most of us never stop to consider that we have an internal operating system, let alone evaluate its quality. We assume that how we react or what we believe is just “the way it is.” But it’s not. It’s just the way your Being Side is currently wired.

    When you start to observe your internal operating system—how you regulate emotionally, how you make meaning, how you instinctively react—you take the first step toward real, lasting transformation. You begin to shift from living on autopilot to living with intentional awareness.

    This awareness lays the foundation for the next step: evaluating the quality and altitude of your Being Side, so you can start the process of elevating it.

    2. Evaluate Your Current Being Altitude

    Once you begin to understand and connect with your internal operating system, the next step is to evaluate its quality.

    One powerful way to do this is to ask: Is my internal operating system primarily wired for self-protection or for value creation?

    When we are wired for self-protection, we tend to be:

    • Reactive
    • Defensive
    • Focused on avoiding discomfort, failure, or rejection
    • Concerned with preserving our ego or image in the short term

    When we are wired for value creation, we tend to be:

    • Intentional
    • Open and non-defensive
    • Willing to engage with challenge or discomfort to grow
    • Focused on long-term contribution, connection, and learning

    Here’s a simple example:

    Imagine someone gives you constructive criticism. If your internal operating system is wired for self-protection, you might feel attacked, justify your actions, or get defensive. But if your system is more oriented toward value creation, you’re more likely to receive the feedback with curiosity, reflect on it honestly, and use it to grow.

    Or consider moments of failure:

    A self-protective mindset might spiral into self-blame, shame, or disengagement. A value-creating mindset sees failure as a teacher, not a threat—and leans in with resilience.

    The goal isn’t perfection. We all have moments of self-protection. But the more we become aware of these patterns, the more we can assess where we are on the Being altitude spectrum—and begin to consciously shift upward.

    That’s what the third step is all about: the process of elevating your Being Side so you can experience real transformation.

    3. Elevate Your Being

    Understanding and evaluating your Being Side is essential—but real transformation happens when you begin to elevateyour internal operating system.

    Your way of being is like the software that runs your life. If you want to experience new results—not just in what you do, but in how you feel, connect, and show up—you have to upgrade the programming of that system.

    Elevating your Being isn’t about forcing change from the outside in. It’s about rewiring how you regulate, perceive, and respond from the inside out. And this often requires intentional, layered efforts.

    Here are three levels of development that can help:

    1. Basic Efforts: Strengthening Regulation

    These include practices like meditation, breathwork, mindful movement, or simply spending time in nature. These activities help calm and regulate your nervous system so you can operate with more presence and less reactivity. They’re foundational for building the internal safety needed for deeper growth.

    2. Deeper Efforts: Upgrading Mindsets

    Your mindsets are the lenses through which you interpret the world. When you begin to shift from fixed to growth, from fear to trust, from judgment to compassion, you start processing life in a more value-creating way. This level of work helps you move from reacting out of habit to responding with intention.

    3. Even Deeper Efforts: Healing at the Source

    For many of us, our Being Side is shaped by past experiences—especially painful or overwhelming ones that left an imprint on our nervous system. Practices like trauma therapy, EMDR, or neurofeedback therapy can help us heal, not just cope. They allow us to safely revisit and release the patterns that keep us stuck in self-protection mode.

    None of these approaches are “quick fixes.” But together, they help us shift from surviving to thriving—from being stuck in old programming to becoming someone new, from the inside out.

    The more we elevate our Being, the more we expand our capacity to create value, deepen relationships, lead with integrity, and live with freedom.

    There’s No Finish Line—But the View Keeps Getting Better

    I wish I could tell you that once you step onto the Being Better path, everything becomes easy. It doesn’t. Growth is still hard. Life is still life.

    But your experience of life changes. You become less reactive, more present. You stop chasing success to feel worthy—and instead create from a place of wholeness.

    This has absolutely been true for me.

    Over the past several years, I’ve incorporated all three levels of effort into my life. I meditate regularly to calm my nervous system. I’ve done deep mindset work to shift how I see myself and others. And I’ve engaged in trauma therapy to heal long-standing patterns I didn’t even know were holding me back.

    These efforts haven’t just changed what I do—they’ve changed who I am. I feel more grounded, more open, more aligned with the person I’ve always wanted to be. I’ve become a better partner, parent, friend, and leader. And for the first time, I feel like I’m living from the inside out—not trying to prove something, but simply trying to be someone I respect and trust.

    Ultimately, the Being Better Developmental Path is not about achievement. It’s about healing—healing the mind that spins with doubt, the body that tenses with fear, and the heart that aches for connection.

    And when we begin to heal, we become free.

    Since stepping onto this path, I’ve written books, launched a business, and built a community I care deeply about. But more importantly, I’ve become someone I’m proud to be—someone more resilient, more compassionate, more alive.

    If you’re tired of doing all the right things and still feeling stuck, consider this:

    Maybe the path forward isn’t about doing more.

    Maybe it’s about becoming more.

    Not someone different—but more you than you’ve ever been.

  • Doing Vs. Being

    Doing Vs. Being

  • Your Worth Is Not Dependent on What You Do or Accomplish

    Your Worth Is Not Dependent on What You Do or Accomplish

    Carefree Man

    “A life’s worth, in the end, isn’t measured in hours or money. It’s measured by the amount of love exchanged along the way.” ~Unknown

    I’ve had a go-go-go personality for as long as I can remember. I think I was born with it.

    Both of my parents were small business owners who truly believed that with enough hard work and heart-and-soul dedication, you can accomplish anything.

    By the age of three, I was a gymnast; by early elementary school, a competitive one, with a coach who was constantly (and sometimes aggressively) pushing me to the next level.

    Therein began the scheduling of every minute of my time: from school, to two-hour practices, to homework on the road, to weekend competitions, to girls’ slumber and birthday parties.

    I wanted to do it all, and to be the best at all I did. I hadn’t even reached high school and had already joined the universal struggle for work/life balance!

    The especially vicious part of this cycle was that, when I found myself falling short in any one area (for example, not being quite “good enough” for the popular group of girls in school), I would drive my energy fiercely into other areas, such as academic success, which my teachers noticed and encouraged.

    I graduated from high school at the top of my class, and Suma Cum Laude in my Bachelors and Masters degrees. (Both programs were in Psychology, by the way—even then, I tried to understand and connect more deeply with myself and others).

    Following grad school, I continued the fast-paced life and entered my first corporate career as a wellness facilitator.

    I traveled all over the U.S. and internationally too, to deliver a workshop that was, ironically, based in self-care and listening to your body. I certainly wasn’t practicing either of those things, but I was receiving praise from my bosses and respected colleagues.

    One of my more memorable breakdowns came toward the end of the first year on the job. Sitting in yet another airport, for yet another delayed flight home, I’d just had it. I was chronically stressed and exhausted; pale, thin, and fragile; and physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually spent.

    It terrified me to imagine living life another year at this pace; it was equally terrifying to listen to what my heart was and had been calling for, for some time: to slow down.

    The Universe had been gently coaxing me toward this moment for a few years by introducing a yoga practice, essential oil use, acupuncture, and many healing modalities and healers into my life. But rather than embracing the healing fully, I turned each experience into an opportunity to do yet another thing.

    Yoga? I became an instructor. Essential oil use? I became a distributor. Acupuncture? I turned it into a working relationship and an opportunity to build my network for my healing business.

    It’s as if my ego simply wouldn’t accept or allow such radical acts of self-care without some sort of business case outside of my being.

    Deep, deep down, at my very core, I didn’t believe I was worthy of slowing down, of being taken care of, of feeling good.

    I, by myself, unattached from all the things that I did, wasn’t good enough. And how could I be? I’d built my life, my whole identity, on doing a lot, being good at all that I did, and looking for approval outside of myself.

    I was the one that took on the world, the one that could clean, cook, be a great girlfriend, friend, sister, daughter, and thrive in a successful career. And to anyone outside of myself, that is what it looked like—that I had it all, and had it all together.

    According to my boss and the corporate world, I was a “high potential”; according to societal standards, I should’ve been on top of the world happy.

    But guess what? I was massively broken, empty, and unhappy. And that’s part of what kept me looped in, continually striving for the next thing; unfortunately, because I’d learned to search solely outside of myself, that is where my worth delicately hung as well.

    Throughout life, I’d also caught glimpses of my true and inherent worth.

    I saw it in giving—sharing a special connection with a yogi during one of my classes; hearing feedback from a participant in one of my workshops that they would finally commit to taking care of themselves. And I also found it in receiving—hugs and thoughtful gestures from my boyfriend (now fiancé, whom I rarely saw at the time); an especially connected meditation or journaling session; a deeply meaningful conversation.

    And the connection that exists within each of those acts is embracing love, wholeheartedly. Believing that what we have to offer is enough, without condition, and that we are worthy of receiving such love the same way that we give it—freely.

    The truth is, our worthiness doesn’t reside in doing; it lies within our very being. It’s unchanging, unwavering, and infinite. But we can certainly convince ourselves of the former and spend our lives hustling for the worthiness that we’ll never find in doing.

    So how do we get there? How do we shift from identifying ourselves with what we do to who we are?

    For me, understanding this truth didn’t come with one massive blow to the ego; it happened in gradual shifts. Here are the practices that help me remember my unconditional worth and live a beautifully fulfilled and blessed life:

    1. Openness.

    Be willing to accept and embrace what comes, believing that it is for your own and the collective highest good.

    This really helped me release my urge to control, to come back to my inner truth, and to focus on being versus doing.

    2. Choice/perspective.

    Remember that in any given situation or experience, you have the choice to see through the eyes of fear or love.

    We are often faced with this one when we are putting our full selves out there in our careers, our relationships, and even our passions and hobbies.

    A fear mindset might keep us stuck in self-limiting beliefs, such as:

    • I really want the job, but there’s no way I’m qualified.
    • He/she is so great, but would never notice me.
    • I love to paint/sing/dance, but there’s no way I could ever do anything with it.

    A loving mindset encourages us to remain open and curious, without attaching our worth to the outcome:

    • I can’t ignore this job opportunity; I’m smart, experienced, and I owe it to myself to explore the possibility.
    • I really feel a connection with him/her; I should at least explore a conversation and see where it takes us.
    • I really feel the best of my energy comes out when I paint/sing/dance, and I’d like to share that energy with the world in a way that makes sense for me.

    3. Asking for what you need.

    Know that it is okay and necessary to say “no” sometimes, and to ask for help! And know that this doesn’t make you any less of a person; in fact, it creates space for you to keep your light shining and for others to step into their own light, as well. (This one is still an ongoing struggle for me).

    4. Surrender vs. striving.

    We are creatures of habit, and though I am totally and intentionally committed to slowing down and embracing self-care, I still find myself unnecessarily filling my time and getting dragged back into the worthiness hustle.

    Rather than beating yourself up further and digging the hole deeper, take a deep breath and surrender. Ask for guidance from the Universe and then listen and try to honor and trust what comes.

    When I fully commit to this, I usually feel a wave of calm wash over me almost instantly.

    So please, stop the chaotic and fruitless search for worthiness outside of yourself. Slow down, listen, and honor your body and soul’s cravings. Commit to embracing all that you are, and come back to your true nature—peace and happiness.

    Carefree man image via Shutterstock

  • When Happiness Feels Like a Struggle, No Matter What You Do

    When Happiness Feels Like a Struggle, No Matter What You Do

    Happy

    “There is no reason to reach high for the stars. They are already within you. Just reach deep into yourself.” ~Unknown

    I left a big job at a hedge fund in New York City nearly eight years ago. I was far from certain the job was to blame for my unhappiness at that time, but it was the biggest, boldest action I could take to make me feel like I was doing something to help my cause.

    I have spent the last eight years searching for happiness, not sure at all what it would feel like or where I would find it.

    So I mostly wandered. I moved from New York City to San Francisco to Seattle to Park City. I started a business, closed the business, took a job, quit the job. I ended an engagement, moved in with a boyfriend, and then moved out. I searched for happiness on beaches, in jungles, and in the forest.

    Open to all the help I could get during this rudderless time, I also compulsively collected Top 10 lists that offered surefire ways to achieve greater happiness. (The proliferation of these Top 10 lists has given me comfort that I am not alone in my search!)

    I can’t count the number of times I have put a small notepad on my nightstand to record three things I am grateful for before bedtime, or I have started exercising more (and more, and more).

    I would eat one list up and then move on to the next. And that’s the problem. My experience has been that quality-of-life improvements can be made with these lists as guides, but the improvement is typically fleeting—as was with each of my moves, new jobs, and new boyfriends.

    What to do? After years of trial and error (and some great teachers along the way), I have come to understand that it’s that question that gets us stuck to begin with.

    Most Top 10 lists for finding greater happiness are prescriptions for what to do, actions to take, and this is their limitation. It was also the greatest limitation to my own approach—my focus was on taking big, bold action.

    What I have learned about finding happiness is that first we have to stop doing. We have to start by focusing on who we are at our core, on our being; only then can we begin to figure out what we should be doing to fully realize this beautiful person, to let the stars that are already in us shine brightly.

    So, who am I at my core? Who are you? We are each made up of a unique collection of values, the combination of which make up our being.

    The top way to live a happy life: identify your values (who you are) and act (do) accordingly.

    How well do you know your personal value system?

    Often when we talk about values, words like honesty, integrity, kindness, and thoughtfulness come to mind.

    Most of us were taught to honor these values early in life (it’s as if we were all in the same kindergarten class), and then most teachers, parents included, stopped talking about the v-word.

    In the West, ambitions and goals typically receive much more emphasis than values as young people grow and gain responsibilities.

    But your value system is like your fingerprint, full of life and wholly unique to you. (That’s what makes it so hard for any list of Top 10 lists to speak to us all.)

    My value system, for example, is made up of roughly twenty principles that combine to make me the one-of-a-kind person I am.

    My values include courage, beauty, curiosity, creativity, adventure, presence, and generosity, to name a few. When I’m in a funk and can’t figure out why, it is likely because I am not feeding one (or more) of these values.

    For example, when I’m out of touch with beauty because I’m spending so much time in front of my computer, my to-dos might include taking a walk in nature. When I feel life’s become too routine and scheduled, I might make an adventure date with myself and go rock climbing.

    Inevitably, when something’s not quite right, I can identify a value that needs more love—pronto!—and create an action item from that deep source of wisdom.

    Now it’s your turn. What values make you uniquely you? If you have not spent much time getting to know yourself in this way yet, here are a few suggestions:

    • Peruse a lengthy list of values and circle those that hit home
    • Think of your role models and consider what it is about them you admire most
    • Reflect on the values you want to pass on to your children

    Once you have your list of values, start by identifying a few that you’ve fallen out of touch with, values that for one reason or another aren’t getting visibility in your daily life. With those values as your guide, create a list of to-dos that will allow you to connect with each value more fully.

    Add on from there. (Why wait until a value is not getting visibility?)

    The more you can connect your actions to your values, the more happiness awaits you. Ultimately, you will be connecting with the beautiful being that is you and that connection is what happiness is all about.

    Photo here

  • 5 Surprising Things I Learned During a Year of Silence

    5 Surprising Things I Learned During a Year of Silence

    “Freedom is instantaneous the moment we accept things as they are.” ~Karen Maezen Miller

    Four years ago I spent the better part of a year being silent.

    A friend had told me that in silence, the bits of you that need healing heal themselves. He was talking about the bits of me that had pushed me until I was sick and depressed, too anxious to answer the door.

    I call it my year of silence, but it was more like a year of “doing nothing” because I wasn’t silently reading a book or silently reorganizing my cutlery drawer; I was just sitting. The not doing was the really challenging part.

    Much of what I learned from that year was different to what I’d expected. Five things that surprised me the most were:

    1. A unique meditation

    My brief going in was “The less you do, the better.” Things I’d considered useful and productive—reading, writing, talking, cooking, and even cleaning—were now distractions. “Let your thoughts run,” my friend said. “Notice them if you want to, but leave them to themselves.”

    And so, I just sat.

    After five days I called and said, “I feel like I used to when I meditated.”

    I didn’t get it. Meditation is when you focus on one thing; I was letting my mind leap about. But when you sit without distractions you start to see your thoughts for what they are, just thoughts, and as you do, you reconnect with the you beneath your thoughts.

    It felt like meditation because it was meditation.

    I saw a poster recently that said, “I missed meditation today, which makes seven years in a row.” That’s pretty much how I used to feel too.

    Now I know that every time I just sit, without distraction, even if it’s for half an hour, it’s meditation.

    2. The din of silence

    Being silent sounds peaceful, right?

    It’s not.

    It’s like pulling up a chair with your harshest, most foul-mouthed critic and saying, “Okay, tell me what you really think?”

    And while there were some “I’m connected to all things” times, there were also the “I want to stab myself” times. (I’m only half kidding.)

    Think of your mind as a spoiled child indulged with toys and shiny objects its whole life— books to read, things to watch, goals to work toward, scrabble.

    When you do nothing, there are no toys.

    Here’s a poem I wrote in one of my sneaky, writing moments.

    Having a Knees Up
    The only place my
    head wants to be, is
    under the covers
    close to my knees.

    There is no uplifting message to this point; just wanted to say, it can get gnarly.

    3. A year of minutes

    Your mind is a doing things junkie. It almost doesn’t care what you do.

    It’s like a heroin addict. No heroin? I’ll take crack. Finished the last episode of Walking Dead; I’ll take the video of the cat in a shark suit.

    I began this not doing lark for just one day, but I carried on because, for the first time in a long time, it felt right. My mind, however, thought I was a loser. It said things like:

    “How are you going to get anywhere like this?!”
    “Let’s start a blog and write about this.”
    “Elizabeth Gilbert went to India. You should go to India.”
    “Oh, learn Māori. You’ve always wanted to do that.”

    The urge to do was gargantuan. It was also epic. Mighty. And colossal. Thank you thesaurus, I think we’ve made our point.

    And it was made worse by all the cool ideas I was having. Silence does that. And a few of them were actually cool.

    My mind was relentless.

    Early on I realized the challenge wasn’t doing this for a year, but hanging-in until lunchtime.

    The only way through was minute by minute. Not in thinking how awesomely silent I’d been the day before—nice thought—or thinking about what lay ahead, but by being present in the moment.

    As time went on it got easier. My mind got tired of being ignored and stopped talking so much.

    4. The wrong guy for the job

    There is nothing like watching your mind to really get to know it.

    I hadn’t realized how bossy it was. How much it worried. Or that it’s so terrified of change it’ll do anything to maintain the status quo, even when the status quo is you being too anxious to answer the door, or whatever hole/habit you might be stuck in.

    I began to understand my mind’s basic nature. And how the most important thing to the mind is to be alert for danger.

    I realized that the problem wasn’t my mind—it was me. I’d given it the wrong job. I’d mistakenly put it in charge of my life.

    When my body told me to rest, my mind said, “No, try harder,” so I did.

    When I had an idea to do something, my mind said, “But no one else does it like that.” And so I didn’t either.

    I constantly allowed my mind to overrule deeper wisdom and natural desire. I didn’t allow the rhythm and energy of life to flow through me; I tried to control it.

    Letting your mind rule your life is like asking your inner eight year old to organize the next presidential campaign; she doesn’t know how and spends most of her time trying to look good in front of her friends. 

    5. The holy grail—acceptance

    Silence helps you find balance.

    Silence comes in different shapes. Silence is meditation. Silence is doing nothing. Silence can be standing in line without checking your phone.

    Silence helps you see your mind is just one part of you. Silence helps you hear your wise inner voice.

    But I also learned something far deeper and even more important; the cat inside the shark suit…

    Human beings try hard. At everything. For instance, at one stage I tried so hard at doing nothing that I became phobic. (Yep.) And you might be thinking, if I were silent for a year I could be as calm and relaxed as Lisa is.

    Firstly, ha ha about me feeling calm all the time. Secondly, that’s your mind talking.

    The key to feeling self-assured and peaceful doesn’t come from some arduous journey, like being silent for a year, but in living life day to day.

    People often ask me, but how do I feel calm and “positive” all the time? The answer: you don’t. Stop trying to. And when you do, gradually the moments that feel good start to expand and the ones that don’t start to recede.

    When you have a clear moment, you have a clear moment. But those other non-clear moments, they’re perfectly fine too.

    When you have a positive, life-affirming thought, this is fine, but so are all those cranky not so life-affirming thoughts.

    Practicing acceptance is the master key.

  • 5 Tiny Steps to Move Away from Unnecessary Busyness

    5 Tiny Steps to Move Away from Unnecessary Busyness

     

    “It’s not enough to be busy; so are the ants. The question is: what are we busy about?” ~Henry David Thoreau 

    I’m sitting on my porch watching the line of ants trail up the wall until the black line above me starts to fade into the roof. I wonder what they think about.

    Do they question the busyness of their tiny lives? Are they determined to get somewhere, or do they just focus on each tiny step forward? Do they fear the long road ahead?

    I remembered learning from my mother—when my sister and I were homeschooled in third grade—about ants’ inability to see with their eyes. I remember my mother telling me that ants see through their sense of smell.

    In order to better learn how they saw, my mother placed small pieces of homemade brownies around the house and covered our eyes with blindfolds. Hungry and determined, my sister and I scrambled around the house on all fours, sniffing for our hidden treasure.

    While I am still grateful for this lesson my mother taught me about ants, I am starting to recognize a more important lesson that has taken a bit longer to learn.

    In high school I spent countless hours with my head down studying and using my hands for various volunteer organizations. In college I worked tirelessly from class to work to home.

    Little did I know I was just like the ants marching toward some destination, but I was blind as to where I was going and why.

    It wasn’t until I reached complete burnout in my young professional career that I really started taking a look at the time I spent staying busy and getting things done. I had to take a step back and look at what I was doing with my time.

    In my younger years I could push through mild illnesses to finish term papers and tests, so I thought this would be the case with my career.

    But long hours of keeping busy at work and extracurricular activities turned into days, weeks, months, and years until my body forced me to stop.

    I suffered a neck injury that kept me from my job. In search of the answer as to how I injured my neck, I went from doctor to doctor and they told me the injury was merely overwork, not enough rest, and too much stress. The doctors simply directed me to stop being so busy, something that is much easier said than done.

    Since the injury kept me from work, chores, exercise, and most of my demanding activities, I faced the startling realization that I had to slow down. I had to start questioning why I was keeping myself so busy.

    I discovered that if I stayed busy I could ignore the pain I felt of not being good enough. I recognized that if I continued to do things, I thought I would like myself more. I recognized that I didn’t love myself for just being me.

    That injury saved my life. It made me question why I was busy.

    I still have to come back to Thoreau’s question: What am I busy about? What are we all busy about?

    First, ask: What am I doing in the day that does not serve me? Do I need to spend three hours every weekend cleaning the house or can my family divide, conquer, and clean in only one hour?

    Do I need to spend two hours each day updating my social media status or can I update my profile once a week? What am I willing to sacrifice for internal sanity and calm?

    Second, ask: Why do I do all that I do? You might be shocked to see that you cling to a number of superfluous tasks for money, pride, power, or recognition.

    Third, ask: What would happen if I stopped doing this? Clearly, if you abruptly quit your job you might face immense challenges. Maybe start by identifying something small to erase from your over-packed day.

    Be as specific as writing down each hour in your day to see where you spend most of your time and what you can remove from your day. You might surprise yourself when you see how much television you watch or how much time you spend driving around to do errands.

    Tiny Steps to Move away from Unnecessary Busyness

    1. Challenge yourself to take a few minutes to stretch your legs or to close your eyes and concentrate on slowing down your breathing.

    Clearing your head and slowing down your heart rate will allow for clearer thinking, planning, and decision-making.

    2. Take a step back and look at your life from another perspective, as if you were a friend or a colleague looking at it.

    It can help you let go of emotional attachments and see why you are hanging onto pointless tasks and activities that once appeared significant.

    3. Pay attention to your dreams.

    Besides my strong advice to take a nap everyday (something we should continue to do no matter how old we are) our dreams can be indicators of many things in our lives if we slow down to recognize what they are telling us.

    4. Unplug.

    Limiting use of computers and cell phones can open up many more hours of free time, creativity, and relaxation.

    5. Allow yourself to feel and be mindful.

    Do you feel tension in your shoulders? Are you clenching your jaw?

    When we are busy, we forget to feel what’s going on with our own bodies. Let us not be the ants, blind to our own lives, oblivious to what’s in front of us.

    Let us continue to question why we “do.” There are some things that are important to “do” in life, but there are also times when it’s important to just “be.”

    It is up to us to take more breaks in our busy days and really ask, why am I doing this? Does it matter?

    Tonight I decided to stop working a bit early. I did not respond to all the emails in my inbox. Instead, I asked myself what I want to do tonight and why.

    I spent my evening reliving my childhood and made a fresh batch of brownies. I savored each bite knowing there is really nothing left for me to do but sit back and watch the trail of ants.