Tiny Buddha

Tag: disappointment

  • How to Stop Obsessing Over Things You Want

    How to Stop Obsessing Over Things You Want

    “You only lose what you cling to.” ~Buddha

    I want to be famous. I want to earn lots of money. I want boxes of expensive chocolates. I want people to like me. I want you to think that this article is the most amazing thing you’ve ever read.

    Enough about me. Back to the Buddha’s quote. “You only lose what you cling to.” This doesn’t make any sense, does it? Surely you only lose what you don’t cling to?

    I think there are two ways of making sense of this idea.

    First, what we cling to slips away from us.

    Think about soap in the bath. If you grip it very tightly, it pops right out of your hand.

    If we’re really desperate for something, we’re less likely to receive it. This happens in lots of different ways.

    A couple of years ago I came out of a long-term relationship and started dating. I joined an online dating agency and started getting in touch with different prospective dates.

    I very quickly realized how insecure I felt. As soon as I started a conversation with anyone, I was desperate for them to like me, whether or not I actually liked them!

    One man in particular seemed perfect for me from his description. He was an artist, he lived in a beautiful and remote part of the world, and he had a cute dog.

    I imagined all the things that we’d have in common and all the sparkling conversations we’d have. I imagined visiting him and meeting his dog. I got a little carried away.

    He could hear this desperation in my emails, and he soon drifted away before we ever began a proper conversation. I wanted a date with him so badly (or I thought I wanted it badly) that I scared him off. Like soap from your too-tight grip. Whoops! (more…)

  • How to Get Past a Setback Today to Create a Better Tomorrow

    How to Get Past a Setback Today to Create a Better Tomorrow

    “What does not kill me, makes me stronger” ~Friedrich Nietzsche

    If you knew me, you’d think that I float through life without a care, that nothing fazes me, and that I don’t get stressed.  For the most part this is true, but every now and then something happens that really gets to me.

    We have been trying to sell our house so that we can emigrate to Australia. The house has been on the market for about two years, and we’ve had three sales fall through already. So a few weeks ago, when we had agreed on a sale price with a buyer, I felt mixed emotions.

    I was excited and optimistic but I also felt stressed, hoping that this time the sale would go through but fearing that it wouldn’t.

    I tried not to build my hopes up, but I also spent the week looking on the internet for jobs in Australia and checking out house rentals.

    The buyers were so enthusiastic. They had worked out where their furniture would go and who would have which bedroom. The father had grown up in the village and wanted to move to be close to his mother. It was all looking good.

    A week or so later, my wife texted me letting me know we received “bad news about the house.” Another sale had fallen through.

    I felt low and fed up. I had absolutely no motivation. But after a few days, I decided to pull myself together and get over it.

    Lately I’ve been learning to become aware of my emotions and how they can affect my actions.  Knowing how I am feeling helps me to be measured in my decision making.  I’ve been developing this self-awareness by reflecting on past experiences and examining my emotions and choices.

    As I sit here now, looking at the “For sale” sign outside my house, I can honestly say that I am glad that another sale fell through.

    It was unpleasant and it inspired all kinds of negative emotions. But it also enabled me to examine my own behavior, to become more aware of how I act when I’m stressed or feeling low, to practice being strong in tough situations, and to grow as a person. (more…)

  • 4 Steps to Deal with Disappointment

    4 Steps to Deal with Disappointment

    “Don’t let today’s disappointments cast a shadow on tomorrow’s dreams.” ~Unknown

    For me, disappointment is one of life’s most uncomfortable feelings. It’s complex, containing a subset of other emotions like anger, hurt, sadness, and probably many others too subtle to identify.

    Sometimes, those emotions by themselves are easier to deal with, but disappointment can leave me at a loose end.

    I might not be sure whether I should feel angry, or just impatiently wish that I would hurry up and get over it. Disappointment can hover at the front of your mind and niggle at the back, bringing you a grey perspective on life, even if you’re trying to forget about it. (more…)

  • Let Go of Negative Feelings: 3 Ways to Watch Them Disappear

    Let Go of Negative Feelings: 3 Ways to Watch Them Disappear

    “Some people think it’s holding that makes one strong–sometimes it’s letting go.” ~Unknown

    I’m the divorced mother of two teenage girls. Holidays are split; the girls have Thanksgiving with their dad and Christmas with me on even-numbered years, and vice versa on odd number years. It’s hard on all of us, but it has been especially hard on me this year.

    This year I had Thanksgiving with my girls the weekend before Thanksgiving and asked if they wanted come over on Black Friday to set up the Christmas tree, as was the tradition before. They said sure.

    I called them about ten that morning to find out when they’d be ready for me to pick them up. Well, they forgot and made plans with their grandmother to go shopping. I was devastated and in tears. So many emotions were ripping my heart apart. (more…)

  • 8 Ways to Turn Disappointment into Meaningful Success

    8 Ways to Turn Disappointment into Meaningful Success

    “Don’t let today’s disappointment cast a shadow on tomorrow’s dream.” ~Unknown

    Have you ever looked back on your life, exactly a year ago, and felt amazed by how much has changed?

    Last year at this time, I’d only just started this site and I was competing in a blogging contest. Ignite Social Media, the marketing company behind the mood supplement SAM-e, had come up with a clever crowdsourcing campaign to generate awareness for the product.

    In the beginning of the fall, they advertised a contest to win a dream blogging job. The winner would get a six-month contract to write one short daily “good mood” blog post—as well asa new laptop and $5,000 per month, totaling $30,000.

    In order to win, candidates needed to get enough votes to be in the top twenty—out of close to a thousand people—and then needed to get even more votes in a second round that involved a video.

    At the time, I was still collecting unemployment after being laid off earlier in the year. I was also putting all my heart into building Tiny Buddha around the ideas of wisdom and happiness and running my old blog, Seeing Good.

    I knew Brigitte Dale was in the running. In case you aren’t familiar, Brigitte Dale is a popular vlogger who used to make videos for ABC Family. I wasn’t certain if I—or anyone—had a chance up against a bona fide web celeb who could clearly bring in big traffic for SAM-e. And then there was her obvious charm—even I fell in love with her watching her videos.

    Still, I was going to do everything in my power to try. The judges said ultimately they would choose the winner, regardless of who had the most votes, so I reasoned that it was anyone’s opportunity to earn. (more…)