Tiny Buddha

Tag: disappoint

  • It’s Okay to Disappoint People When You’re Honoring Yourself

    It’s Okay to Disappoint People When You’re Honoring Yourself

    “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” ~Brené Brown

    On a recent day trip to the Yuba River with my daughter and two friends, unexpected tensions arose, offering me a chance to reflect on a lifelong pattern that has often complicated my relationships. It was a beautiful day, and I’d been looking forward to soaking up the sun and relaxing by the water—but my friend had a more adventurous day in mind.

    Though a footbridge led to a clear trail, she suggested we take a more difficult route over steep boulders. Despite my initial hesitation, I went along, wanting to be open to her plans. But as I navigated the rocks with weak knees and slippery Birkenstocks, I started to regret my choice.

    Each step required more balance and focus than I’d anticipated, and as I struggled to keep my footing, I worried about disappointing my friend if I suggested another path. I often find myself accommodating others at the expense of my own comfort—a pattern I’ve been working to untangle for years. Eventually, I did speak up, and as we turned back, I felt pleased reflecting on my growth in honoring my own needs, even though it felt vulnerable.

    However, just as we reached the stairs that would take us to the footbridge, my friend pivoted again. This time, she suggested wading across the river and scaling the rocky bank on the other side. The idea didn’t make sense to me, and I really didn’t want to take this route—but guilt crept in, knowing I’d already resisted one of her suggestions. Feeling that familiar tug of people-pleasing, I once again overrode my own preference.

    So, we waded across, balancing our backpacks and climbing over slippery rocks to reach the opposite bank—which was steep and hazardous. My daughter scrambled up the cliff-like bank with my friend’s help, but as I struggled to find my footing, I could see the anxiety in her eyes.

    In that moment, I realized I was pushing myself to do something that didn’t feel safe for either of us. What was I trying to prove? Why was I putting myself in this stressful situation when it would have been so much easier to just cross the footbridge?

    Ultimately, rather than risk the steep climb, my other friend and I decided to turn back. We waded across the river again and took the stairs to the footbridge I had wanted to follow all along. Reuniting with my daughter and our friend on the other side, we finally embarked on the trail.

    I felt a sense of satisfaction in once again recognizing my pattern of people-pleasing and choosing to change course. However, irritation soon followed—despite passing many perfectly nice spots, we continued hiking as our friend was determined to find a pristine, isolated area to swim. While I appreciated her vision for an adventurous day, I began to feel confined by it, realizing I was still prioritizing her desires over my own.

    We wound up stumbling upon a crowded nude beach—and while I have no judgment against nudity, the situation was uncomfortable for my teenage daughter. My friend tried to convince us to swim past the bathers to find a quieter place, but I knew this wasn’t right for my daughter. This time, I didn’t hesitate. It felt incredibly uncomfortable, but I firmly said no.

    I told my friends I wanted us all to enjoy ourselves at our own pace. So, I encouraged them to keep adventuring while my daughter and I turned back to where we’d started—a spot that had always felt perfectly fine for swimming. My friend seemed disappointed, and guilt once again crept in, but I felt grateful for my decision.

    How often do we let ourselves be swept up by others’ desires, ignoring our own?

    Years ago, I might have felt annoyed or even resentful that my day wasn’t unfolding as I’d imagined. I might have blamed my friend for being “pushy” and not listening. This time, however, I focused on observing my inner reactions rather than letting them take control.

    Each obstacle became an opportunity to examine my responses. I noticed again and again how easily I slip into accommodating others, even at the expense of my own comfort—a pattern rooted in a fear of losing connection.

    I felt no resentment toward my friend; I know she’s simply adventurous and eager to create memorable experiences. Alongside my love for her and trust in her good intentions, I’ve engaged in considerable shadow work. I recognize that judgment and blame are often projections, ways we avoid taking responsibility for our own feelings and needs.

    So, when that familiar pull to please others arose, instead of giving in to resentment or going along just to keep the peace, I practiced something different: listening to my inner voice and aligning my actions with what I truly wanted.

    It took three instances of going along before I finally gained clarity. While openness and flexibility are valuable traits, we must also be willing to risk disappointing others to honor our own needs. Far from weakening our connections, this kind of self-honoring fosters genuine relationships with ourselves and others.

    My daughter and I ended up having a relaxing time in our chosen spot while our friends enjoyed their adventure. When they returned, we all took a final swim together, diving into the cool water and drying off on the warm, sunbaked rocks. On the way home, we shared a fun conversation and even stopped at a roadside stand for some of the best key lime pie any of us had ever had. It turned out to be a wonderful day filled with connection after all.

    Reflecting on this experience highlights common patterns we often encounter: the tendency to please others, the fear of disappointing them, and the guilt that can arise when asserting our needs.

    My relationships and enjoyment of life have significantly improved as I’ve learned to witness and navigate these conditioned responses, ultimately becoming more authentic. This doesn’t mean I no longer face challenges, like the ones I encountered on my day at the river. However, I now navigate these situations with greater ease, and my increased self-awareness has led to continuous growth and a deeper sense of freedom beyond old patterns.

    Based on my experiences, here are some insights that may support you in similar situations—especially when you feel torn between your own desires and the fear of disappointing those around you:

    Pay Attention.

    Notice what’s happening internally and get curious about what triggers you. Identify your inner conflicts—such as discomfort with disappointing others or fear of being seen as selfish. This self-awareness is crucial for navigating your responses authentically.

    Stay Present.

    Focus on the current moment rather than your expectations. Embracing what is allows you to align your choices with reality instead of how you wish things would unfold. Redirect any frustration from unmet ideals into fully engaging with the experience at hand.

    Take Responsibility.

    Avoid blaming others, focusing instead on your own feelings and needs. This empowers you to advocate for yourself in alignment with your values, free from resentment or guilt. By slowing down and reflecting on your choices, you gain clarity and self-compassion. Ask yourself: What do I truly want now?

    Speak Up with Grace.

    Clearly and kindly express your needs and preferences to foster open communication while maintaining connection. Speaking up may feel daunting, but setting boundaries is a vital act of self-love. Trust that your needs are valid and worth sharing and it’s okay to voice them.

    Navigating our experiences in a way that honors our true selves is an ongoing practice. By listening to our inner voice, staying curious about our reactions, and letting go of blame, we create space to pursue our desires without guilt. Each choice becomes a step toward authentic alignment, freeing us from the weight of others’ expectations.

  • The 6 Personalities of People-Pleasing and How I Overcame Them

    The 6 Personalities of People-Pleasing and How I Overcame Them

    “The truth is, you’re never going to be able to please everybody, so stop trying. Remember, the sun is going to continue shining even if some people get annoyed by its light shining in their eyes. You have full permission to shine on.” ~Unknown

    I used to be a rebel. I was the girl at the party who would waltz into a room and have everyone in awe, their attention and curiosity caught by my presence. I felt it, they felt it, it was magnetic. I loved it—I had become the girl I wanted to be.

    That was until one night at a party, while I was making a batch of popcorn in the kitchen, someone came up to me and asked, “Why do you need to prove yourself all the time?”

    This question caught me so off guard. I was instantly confused. I was staring into space trying to figure out how I was proving myself all the time. So, I asked exactly how I was doing this.

    It turned out that when someone shared a story about themselves, I would share one of my own, and it came across as bigger and better. This person went on to tell me, “Actually, no one likes it, and it’s totally not necessary to win over your friends.”

    Holy moly. My blood started pumping faster through my veins, my face was burning up, my gut was wrenching at the thought of these people who I called friends not liking me. I thought I had finally found my community of like-minded souls.

    In this exact moment, I made the biggest decision of my life.

    It was time to squash down who I was, again. You see, I was in my mid-twenties, and I finally felt free from my childhood patterns. I was confident. I had friends. I could finally be me—who I was without the filter.

    They needed a toned-down version of me.

    So, I began to hide.

    I would sit in the corner or behind someone else. I wouldn’t share stories of my life adventures. I stopped dressing to impress. I apologized for silly things, and I watched every move I made around these people. It was exhausting, but the fear of them not liking me was crippling.

    Over the years I perfected these new behaviors of how to not be “too much” for the people around me. I went from being a wild, carefree soul to someone who was filled with anxiety in every social scenario.

    These new patterns overflowed into my work, family, relationships, and friendships. I became oversensitive, reactive, and uncomfortable to be around.

    After a decade of self-punishment, I was on a call with someone who I was working with, and they called me out for apologizing for not getting something right, even though it was the first time I had tried what they were teaching.

    Then the words that flew out of my mouth were: I did it again.

    Seriously, here I was, thinking I had it all figured out. I had adapted my behaviors, beliefs, patterns, and values to get through life, all in order to please other people. This was the slap on the face that I needed.

    So, I went on a deep soul journey that involved journaling daily. I took a real good look at myself and what I had created in my life. I began evaluating friendships, my work, the people in my day-to-day life, my family, and my environment.

    I had created a reality where I was no longer happy.

    My life revolved around everyone else’s needs, and I placed them before my own. I had become so aware of people’s energy, reactions, body language, and tone that I felt like I was suffocating.

    And for what?

    To not have friends, to not have people like me, to sacrifice my life for others.

    From that moment forward, I chose me.

    In order to do that, I needed to recognize how I’d formerly denied myself and my feelings so I could become aware of when I was tempted to fall into old patterns.

    Let me share with you the six personality types I lived through for a decade, how they play out in our daily lives, and how I overcame them.

    The Six People-Pleasing Personality Types

    The Approval Seeker

    When I was living in approval-seeking mode, my actions were geared toward praise. I would do anything to be the best employee in my jobs, from working overtime to taking on extra responsibility. I would play by the rules when it came to my family. I would make an effort to be noticed by my friends, all while chasing that sense of belonging.

    Praise was the fuel that kept me going. It reinforced the things I was doing right.

    The remedy to being an approval seeker is self trust, owning my values and my beliefs instead of looking for external validation. I simply started by questioning my motives in my actions.

    If I suspected I was doing something solely or primarily to receive approval, I asked myself, “Would I make this choice if I were being true and fair to myself?”

    The Busy Bee

    As a busy mumma of two, wife, business owner, sister, daughter, and friend, there was a time when I thought I had to keep it all together for everyone around me. I was the person who organized all the parties, Christmas dinners, birthday celebrations, family get-togethers, kids’ school activities, groceries, holidays, and anything else you can think of.

    The people around me saw me as dependable and organized, and they knew that I would do any task to help out. Of course without any fuss because I was being of service to the ones I loved.

    After I spotted a yoga class I really wanted to attend and realized I needed to make time in my schedule, I started to review my weekly routine. I realized I didn’t have to be everything for everyone at all times, which was hard to accept since “acts of service” is one of my love languages. But I knew being less busy was an act of kindness and love for myself.

    The Conflict Avoider

    When people raise their voice or assert their authority to me, I tend to crumble. It looks like I am still standing there, but in my mind, I’m in the fetal position on the floor.

    Speaking up for what I believe in is sometimes easy when I am fueled by passion for topics I love, but there are a few people in my life who turn me back into the conflict avoider in a second.

    In tense situations with these people, I often observe what is about to play out and create an exit strategy. I ask myself, “What do I need to do? Who do I need to be? What do I need to say to get me out of here?”

    When I recognize I’m doing this, I now take a few breaths to ground myself before leaning into the discomfort I’m feeling. I consider how I can stay true to my values and respond in a way that opens the space for discussion.

    The Self-Sacrificer

    This is the most common form of people-pleasing because it’s driven by love. It happens with our nearest and dearest.

    I once had a boyfriend who was into punk music, and slowly, over time, while dating him, I turned into a punk chic. I listened to his music, I wore all black, I tore up my clothes, and I went from blonde to black hair. I would have done anything for his love.

    Self-sacrificing is when we put others’ needs ahead of our own, fitting in with their agendas and adapting to them, yet in this process we lose small pieces of ourselves.

    It’s a personal crime when this happens because it takes years to rediscover all the things we once loved.

    Experimenting is the cure to finding that feeling of pure happiness we once held. I took belly dancing and various yoga classes, went for walks in different places, and challenged myself to try new and old things to see if they lit me up. I also reminded myself that I don’t need to sacrifice my interests and needs for anyone else because, if they truly love me, they’ll want me to honor those things.

    The Apologizer

    Sorry! Oops, sorry. Oh yes, I would apologize for everything from accidentally bumping into someone at the grocery store to taking a long time getting drinks at a bar.

    I eventually realized I apologized all the time because I believed I was at fault in each situation—not just super observant and sensitive to other people, as I’d formerly believed. I blamed myself for all kinds of things, from meeting my needs to taking up space.

    One day I decided to walk the busy city streets with my head held high, no more side-stepping to get out of other people’s way or apologizing for almost bumping into them. I bit my tongue and simply reminded myself that it is okay to have my own agenda, I am not to blame for things that are out of my control, and I have a voice.

    The Sensitive Soul

    Often, I would guard myself against the world, even though I wanted to trust it, because I had a hard time creating emotional boundaries. The word “should” always hung over my head—I should always be available, I should be able to listen whenever someone needs me. But this took a huge toll.

    Everyone would come to me to share their story, offload their junk, and then move on, leaving me with a negative energy load. I would push down my feelings and pretend everything was okay. Also, I felt like I couldn’t share my story with others because they were in a bad mood, feeling sad, or the timing wasn’t right. I was a doormat.

    I needed to address my conditioning in order to stop taking on other people’s problems. Why did my feelings come second to others’? Why were their stories more important than mine? I discovered that I had been putting others on a pedestal and that I needed to dig deep into the “shoulds” and start tackling them one at a time until I was able to speak up and set limits.

    —

    I started people-pleasing because someone told me I was always trying to prove myself, but ironically, that’s what people-pleasing is—trying to prove you’re a good person by doing all the right things so no one will be upset or disappointed. Ultimately, though, we end up disappointing ourselves.

    Since I’ve started challenging these personalities, I’ve slowly offset my need to please. It hasn’t been easy, but I’m now a lot closer to the person I used to be—someone who likes who she is and has nothing to prove to anyone.

    Do any of these personalities sound familiar to you? And how are you going to tackle it?

  • Forget What Other People Expect and Do What’s Right for You

    Forget What Other People Expect and Do What’s Right for You

    “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.“ – Steve Jobs

    When we come to this world, we know nothing. We are all products of the societies that raised us and shaped our belief system with things labeled good or bad, right or wrong, normal or abnormal.

    I was raised in an Eastern European culture that led me to believe every single woman on Earth must tick off certain boxes.

    During the time I was single, especially once I turned thirty, many people started to wonder “what was wrong with me” and why I couldn’t find that illusionary person that was supposed to be “The One.” The prince on the white horse who was supposed to make me forever happy. I was perceived as smart, healthy, funny, and beautiful, so “why I was single?”

    I used to think about my biological clock ticking, and the societal pressure to marry felt high, as if a woman without a romantic partner were unlovable, miserable by default, or incomplete.

    I think asking single people when they are getting married is rude and unfair. No one asks married people when they are getting divorced.

    I met my husband four years ago, many years after I was expected to marry. At the time, we were two Romanians living and working in Asia, within the same company but in two different countries. I was in China; he was in South Korea.

    Our relationship started as a beautiful, genuine friendship. After three dinners in Shanghai and many long telephone conversations that felt like a deep, soulful connection, he proposed. I will never forget that day. It came like thunder. Totally unexpected. Surreal. A miracle of love.

    I was thirty-five and very clear on what I wanted from a romantic relationship. My wish was to feel loved, supported, cherished, and appreciated. I wanted a partner—a lover and a friend—not to complete me, because I was already feeling whole and complete. I wanted to spend my precious time with someone I could share new life experiences with while building a solid foundation together.

    Once we got married, some people started to ask me about pregnancy plans. Some ask this question without even thinking that some women can’t conceive, or just don’t want to have children. In fact, it’s nobody’s business.

    Motherhood is not for everyone, and every woman has the right to her own choices. Having children is not a game to play; it’s the most difficult job in the world, and it has to come as a conscious decision, not an obligation or another box to tick. Some people adopt, and some don’t. Some women make amazing aunts, friends, caregivers, or mentors. There are various ways to give, nurture, and be of service.

    I know women who’ve been advised to have a second child right after delivering their first baby, as if a mother should not act “selfish” and “only think of herself.” To some people, part of being a good mom is providing the first born with brothers or sisters.

    Why so much pressure? In our lives, who makes the rules?

    Someone recently suggested that I hurry up and have a child now, as I’m still young enough to conceive. “What if you end up alone when you’re old?” they asked. “Who’s going to take care of you if you get sick?”

    But here’s what I think: I would never decide to have a child out of fear. It’s not a child’s job to complete their parent or make them happy, just as it isn’t our partners’ job. Children are meant to come to life for themselves, not to fill a void or make us feel whole and complete. Happiness is a personal responsibility, with or without children. But not everyone sees it this way.

    So many people live their precious years ticking boxes or following norms imposed on them by others, trying to fulfill other people’s requirements and expectations. I find this heartbreaking. Some do not go for their dreams because they feel afraid or guilty. They wouldn’t want to disappoint anyone, especially their dear ones.

    In reality, we can’t disappoint anyone. People disappoint themselves with the expectations they set for whom they want us to be, or what they want us to do. People with no agenda cannot get disappointed, nor can they get involved in drama. They accept and love us unconditionally, as we are.

    I wouldn’t want anyone to enter co-dependent romantic relationships with someone out of pressure.

    I wouldn’t want anyone to do a job they dislike or even hate because that’s what someone in their family wanted for them. Or more precisely, their family member wanted that for themselves.

    Descartes was right: by nature, we are all “social animals.” No matter our gender, race, age, or social status, we all have a basic human need to feel seen, heard, liked, appreciated, and loved. Most of us need to belong to particular groups or communities of like-minded people and feel socially accepted. There’s nothing wrong with that.

    The problem occurs when we are not able to satisfy some of our human desires by ourselves, using others as a source of happiness, an instrument for validation, or a means to avoid ourselves.

    I’ve been there myself in the past. I can recall many situations when I did things I didn’t really want to do to please others, like going to a movie with someone on a Sunday when my body wanted to stay home and take a good nap.

    I was a master of people pleasing and, to be honest, it wasn’t always because I wanted to make everyone happy. The truth is that I wanted people to like and approve of me. I expected them to give me the things I wasn’t giving myself: love, time, care, and attention.

    Again, being loved is a human need. However, being needy for love is something different. When we have a harmonic relationship with ourselves, we don’t need to spend time with others to fill a void in ourselves, but rather to feel a sense of connection and belonging. And we don’t need to make choices just to get their approval. We’re able to do what’s right for us, and accept that may or may not approve, and that’s okay.

    You are the sum of your choices. Do whatever feels right for you. You don’t owe anyone any explanations for the way you choose to live your precious years, and with whom. Your time is your life, and it’s never coming back.

    Spend your life with people who bring the best in you, who support you and accept you just the way you are. Relationships in which you need to pretend are toxic. If you don’t feel at ease with people, don’t try to change yourself; change the people you surround yourself with.

    Mind your own journey and sing your own song. If it sounds like something you “should” do, don’t do it. Your needs matter. Don’t let anyone else write your story. Your life is about you, and you deserve to be happy. The world doesn’t need more counterfeit people. The world needs you to be you.

  • Don’t Be Afraid to Disappoint

    Don’t Be Afraid to Disappoint

  • What to Do When Your Partner Disappoints or Frustrates You

    What to Do When Your Partner Disappoints or Frustrates You

    Upset Couple

    “Good relationships don’t just happen. They take time, patience, and two people who truly want to be together.” ~Unknown

    We are wired to seek “the right one,” the ever-supportive partner, and the loving relationship.

    If we get all three, it’s like winning the lottery of life. When we meet someone, we dream of him/her being our soul mate. When we are in a relationship, we hope they’ll love and support us unconditionally, and the relationship will be loving and everlasting.

    That would be the ideal world, and, unfortunately, the ideal world isn’t the one we live in.

    It took me a divorce and a few failed relationships to learn what real love is. Strong, lasting love is not being with “the right one” or being in a relationship that is effortlessly wonderful all the time. That’s a disempowering way of living, just like waiting for life to be perfect.

    I came to understand that true love is a daily commitment to make the relationship great by being loving and attentive in our action and our words.

    With the exception of cases whereby our partner is purposefully being physically/verbally abusive or emotionally manipulative, to love is to commit to being loving even when our partner unintentionally disappoints, frustrates, or hurt us.

    On days when it’s difficult to fulfill this commitment, I apply these five steps and they help me avoid getting caught up in passive-aggressive spirals with my partner.

    1. Get real and see the whole picture.

    When our partner lets us down, it can hurt so bad that we become blinded from everything else that matters.

    In defense of our wounded ego, we overreact by blowing the issue out of proportion and getting argumentative beyond reason. Our logic gets hijacked and we forget to see the whole picture—that in most cases, what we fight about isn’t truly important.

    During times like these, I ask myself, “Is it the end of the world, or the relationship, that this problem happened because of his insensitivity/immaturity/irresponsibility? Or is it a passing storm that ravages, but we can rebuild from there and learn lessons for the future?”

    2. Dig out the “I am loved” list.

    Reason flies out the window of our mind whenever we’re in pain or experiencing rage. Our mind focuses on how we’re being victimized and blacks out the times when our partners acted lovingly toward us.

    Whenever I find myself reacting like this, I dig deep in my “I am loved” list. It’s a list I keep of all the big and small loving things my partner regularly does and recently did for me.

    For instance, I may recall that when I was feeling stressed and exhausted, despite finishing work late himself, he traveled a long way to my place, got me dinner, went grocery shopping, and stocked my fridge with my favorite nourishing food items.

    I’ll also recall the regular acts of love he does, such as texting me first thing after he wakes up and last thing before he goes to bed each day, getting me coffee in bed, giving me massages when I’ve been working long hours, and cheering me up whenever I feel down.

    3. Picture his/her plate and realize how full/heavy it is.

    In the ideal scenario, our partner is loving, caring, attentive, and affectionate 24/7. That said, it’s easy to be so when we are not bounded by life’s stresses, problems, and burdens.

    Whenever my partner is acting in an unloving way, I try to counter my feelings of anger, hurt, and disappointment by putting myself in his shoes and picturing the responsibilities, issues, and worries that are in his life at that point.

    This simple exercise helps me see things from his perspective and enables me to be understanding on days when he isn’t able to act in ways a “good” partner would. Instead of focusing on how he can be loving toward me, this practice gives me the opportunity to identify how I can be loving and supportive of him.

    4. Get aware of how your response perpetuates your partner’s unloving behavior.

    It takes two hands to clap. When our partner isn’t being loving, the ego’s response is to think, “I don’t deserve this, so I’m going to retaliate and claim back my power.” Such a reaction only traps us in a lose-lose cycle.

    We pit ourselves against each other, when deep down all we want is to feel that our partner cherishes us and is on our side as our biggest supporter.

    Whenever I feel tempted to react negatively, I take a deep breath and direct my thoughts to how I can break the vicious cycle. I’ll ask myself, “How can I communicate my boundaries on unacceptable behavior without angry words of blame, judgment, and criticism?”

    The challenge is to swap the unconstructive reflex of finger pointing with the constructive practice of educating our partners on the right way to treat us.

    5. Be loving, but keep healthy expectations and boundaries.

    While it’s important to be the right person in a relationship, rather than wait for one, it’s critical that we maintain firm boundaries. Being loving should not happen at the expense of our sense of self-worth.

    It’s healthy to expect our partners to treat us with respect, to prioritize us, to communicate their feelings to us, and to show appreciation. When our partners start to take us for granted, we need to communicate in a firm but non-confrontational way that we will not accept that behavior.

    —

    How do you respond when your partner is acting in unkind and unloving ways? Do you think these tips could help?

    Upset couple image via Shutterstock

  • How to Cope When People Disappoint You

    How to Cope When People Disappoint You

    Disappointed Woman

    “Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.” ~Alexander Pope

    Growing up, I had a wonderful relationship with my mother. We did all the usual mother-daughter things together—went shopping, had brunch—and we supported each other when my father left.

    In 2011, I was happily pregnant. I felt supported by my family and ready to take on motherhood. My husband and I were elated by the birth of our little boy.

    It’s fair to say that I may have been a little naïve about what was to come. I knew it would be hard work, but I didn’t quite realize how hard.

    The other expectation I had was ongoing support from my family. You know, the kind of situation where family (both parents and siblings) rally around you to welcome a new little person into the world. The kind of situation where there are regular visits and an influx of babysitting offers.

    In particular, I expected the bond with my mother to strengthen—because in my mind, having your first child is the time when you are deeply supported by your mother. What happened next fell entirely short of what I had imagined life to be like post-baby. I was utterly disappointed.

    I felt blessed for the birth of my little boy but resentful for the lack of support from my family.

    You see, although my little boy was healthy in the most important ways, he was a screamer. He was diagnosed with severe acid reflux, and we endured an extremely unsettled baby (and toddler) for the first eighteen months.

    My husband and I didn’t sleep for more than two hours per night (on shifts) for the first four months, and it improved only marginally from there. There were feelings of despair, helplessness, and confusion as we paced the floors trying to help our little boy.

    At first, my mother stayed with us in our house and helped us tirelessly. But at month four she relocated overseas. By this time, I felt disillusioned by the experience of having an unsettled baby, and disappointed that what was supposed to be a beautiful time had become somewhat negative and relentless.

    Looking back, I realize expectations played a huge part in my disappointment.

    I had expected a blissful experience—picnics in the park with my (sleeping) newborn! My disappointment was closely linked to my expectations of how it would be, with my baby, and with support from my family.

    Had I not expected a certain outcome, I would not have felt so low about what occurred. Had I been more open-minded about what may eventuate, I may not have felt abandoned and resentful at a time when I needed the most help.

    My little boy is now healthy, happy, and three. Granny has moved back to this side of the world, and she visits weekly. There is still minimal involvement in comparison to the vision in my head, but I have come to terms with it. Acceptance is liberating sometimes.

    The following philosophies have helped me to be more at peace with my own feelings, and you may find them helpful when facing disappointments in your world too.

    You have the right to feel what you feel.

    So don’t ignore your feelings of disappointment. But try to obtain a renewed sense of the other person’s perspective.

    We all have different expectations.

    Most people are inherently good. They are on their own journey, and although disappointment can feel personal, it’s often not. The other person’s expectations are simply different to yours.

    Disappointments aren’t always all bad.

    What may seem like a challenge may be a blessing in disguise—or a blessing in waiting; it may only be a matter of time before you recognize that your disappointment is actually the universe working its magic for you. For example, my challenging start with my first born has led me to support other mothers through their own hard times.

    It helps to shift your focus.

    Resolve to do things that bring you joy. Focus on what is new and good, start manifesting, and leave those disappointing thoughts behind.

    It will pass.

    No matter how deeply you are disappointed, in time you will move through the feeling.

    Weed out the people who consistently disappoint you.

    Be mindful of people who regularly disappoint you or let you down, and make more time for those who don’t. Maintain a positive sense of yourself through happy relationships with people who are uplifting and energizing.

    We’re all on our own paths (even grannies). We have our own lives to live, our own choices to make, our own wishes and wants, and our own free will.

    Our closest connections can’t be expected to live on our terms, or to live inside the box we have created for them in our minds. So release your disappointment and get ready for the next adventure the universe will send your way.

    Disappointed woman image via Shutterstock

  • 4 Steps to Deal with Disappointment

    4 Steps to Deal with Disappointment

    “Don’t let today’s disappointments cast a shadow on tomorrow’s dreams.” ~Unknown

    For me, disappointment is one of life’s most uncomfortable feelings. It’s complex, containing a subset of other emotions like anger, hurt, sadness, and probably many others too subtle to identify.

    Sometimes, those emotions by themselves are easier to deal with, but disappointment can leave me at a loose end.

    I might not be sure whether I should feel angry, or just impatiently wish that I would hurry up and get over it. Disappointment can hover at the front of your mind and niggle at the back, bringing you a grey perspective on life, even if you’re trying to forget about it. (more…)