Tag: confusion

Life Is a Cycle of Happiness, Sadness, Clarity, and Confusion

“Life is a cycle, always in motion. If good times have moved on, so will times of trouble.” ~Indian Proverb

Two years ago I went on a volunteer trip to Vietnam, where I had hoped to find both myself and my purpose (ambitious), but instead found a rocky adventure that continues to teach me things to this day.

I was in the middle of a difficult time that was secretly a rebirth. It’s always hard to see that when it’s happening, isn’t it?

For a few amazing months, everything made crystal clear sense, and I felt like I could see through all realms of existence to the truth. I started listening to my body and my spirit rather than my brain. Life opened up to me.

I uncovered a deep interest in the healing power of art, especially dance and movement. I realized said interest was embedded in who I’ve been all along, I just had to take a minute to listen and let it show itself.

I have been a dancer all of my life, and somewhere along the way forgot that the reason I started dancing was because it allowed for joyful, authentic expression.

Three-year-old Laura knew that. I got older and forgot—I got wrapped up in doing, in trying to be the best, in comparing myself to others, in pushing myself and my body beyond what was loving.

I believe art is essentially a spiritual practice—any art. But, being humans (oh, humans), it’s easy to get wrapped up in the more worldly aspects of art. I’m talking recognition, fame, money, perfection, applause, all that.

That’s cool, it happens. But what my soul really wanted to do was dance and sing around my apartment and figure out how my body wanted to move when it wasn’t being told what was “good” and what was “bad.”

I could go on forever about this. I’ll spare you. But I implore you, make your art. Just make it, simply because it allows you to express who you are.

You don’t have to make a big stink out of it with performances and shows. You can if that feels right. But if you don’t want to show your art to anyone and want to just create for the sake of creating, that has enormous value and is, indeed, enough.

I started doing dance improvisations in my apartment regularly. I began going to auditions less and going to Central Park to be with nature and read about healing arts more.

I have practiced Pilates for years to take care of dance-related injuries, and a little voice inside said, “Hey, what about teaching Pilates?”

I said, “Alright, what the heck, let’s see.”

I started my certification off with a full scholarship to a mat training program at a studio that welcomed me with open arms. If that’s not a nudge toward something, I don’t know what is.

I met an amazing man approximately five days after declaring, “Okay, Laura! We are not worrying about men anymore! I am going to focus on what I am doing, and worry about that later.”

Before meeting him, I told him flat out, “I’m not looking for a boyfriend right now,” and of course, that’s when your person waltzes right into your life. Our first year together flew by.

I felt my heart opening up. I felt like I was expanding and moving into a different time of my life, a more authentic expression of who I am. I honored my intuition as best as I could, and it served me well. I was crazy happy. Like, hard to sleep happy.

I remembered that I had options and choices—what an incredible blessing. I did not have to keep doing the same thing I had been pursuing for years. I was free to let other, unexplored parts of myself out into the world. This was exciting and relieving.

I simultaneously felt like I had control and that, in fact, I didn’t need to have control, because reality was showing me the way.

I even went to Vietnam a second time and visited the same village I taught in the year before. This time I had a cute and supportive travel companion, as well as a heck of a lot of perspective. I felt like a different version of myself, although essentially the same. (I still got hangry and coped pretty badly with jet lag…)

And then, you know what happened? I got kind of confused again. A few months after the clarity burst, I started questioning again: “What am I doing? What should I do?” And then things were clear again. And then I was confused. And on and on. Sometimes life felt magical and sometimes it didn’t,

Sometimes things make sense and then they don’t make sense again. It’s a spiral.

We circle around to similar lessons, feelings, and challenges, but we experience them at different levels of awareness. And we keep hitting the same challenges until we learn the lessons we need to in order to let go and grow. At least, that’s how it seems to me.

And it also seems that we can learn a lesson, let something go, and then later on forget we learned the lesson and need to do it again. You know what I mean?

For my twenty-seventh birthday in June, I went out of my comfort zone to a hippie farm up in the Berkshires. I’m talking barefoot, vegan, everyone dancing all the time in the grass. It was pretty amazing, but for this city girl, at first it was a lot.

I spent the week on retreat working through Anna Halprin’s life/art healing process. A year before, I read (more like devoured) her book Dance as a Healing Art during my daily trips to Central Park.

The book was one of the first I read during my period of magic. It was very cool to be in the mountains a year later doing the work myself. We danced, wrote, sang, drew, cried, laughed, and supported each other through our individual journeys of self-discovery and healing.

I met some amazing people that I felt deep connections with very quickly. I was skeptical at first, but I did my best to trust the process, and the results were pretty astounding.

One of the last days of the workshop was my actual birthday. I gathered the resources I had created over the week—my writing, drawings, notes, and dances—and saw a message in all of them.

Ultimately, what my heart was saying was “Go deep into yourself and just be.” That was an interesting message, because I came there looking for answers about what to do.

For a week after that workshop was over, I felt like I had expanded, just as I had felt the year before when all the magic was happening, but this time on a deeper level. I felt like I was high. (I wasn’t, I swear).

I felt so secure, so calm, so content just to be—happy sipping tea with my man across from me, happy walking through trees in the rain, happy watching the sky. It was one of the most profound experiences I have ever had, and it all came from being.

Since I’ve been back, I’ve settled back into my humanity, meaning, sometimes I feel grounded and free and other times I feel confused and irritable. I’m getting the impression that this cycle is kind of the way it is, and part of the human experience. Perhaps the cycle is the human experience.

We are in constant motion and everything changes, but this doesn’t have to be scary (even though it is).

Actually, it can be amazingly freeing, because in moments of loneliness or confusion, you can trust that there will also be moments of deep love, connection, and clarity.

Dance the dance, sing the song, write the story, draw the shapes, and embody who you are.

One of my all time favorite quotes is “Joy is the other side of sadness,” which I heard Sharon Salzberg say at Tibet House in NYC almost ten years ago, when I first discovered meditation.

I say this frequently to people who feel guilty or worried about not feeling happy. Joy is not just feeling happy and clear. Joy is also feeling sad and confused with an open heart.

Perhaps the universe lines things up for you in lightening moments of clarity as encouragement, a gesture of unconditional love. But then it pulls away and leaves you to navigate on your own, to wrestle with the uncertainties and take leaps of faith into unchartered territory.

Discovery isn’t nearly as rewarding, beautiful, and profound if you know the exact path to getting there. Up and down, round and round, we keep going, getting closer and closer to who we are.

November 3, 2016
Dealing With Uncertainty: When You Don’t Know What to Do Next

“Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer.” ~William S. Burroughs

There’s a lot of advice out there that tells us when to let go of something and make a change in our lives, as if moving on were as simple as your brain notifying your hand to loosen it’s grip and release a balloon in the air.

But when it comes to grappling with your heart and soul, it’s not such an easy thing to do. You cannot choose to amputate your feelings on a moment’s notice.

Maybe you’re sitting in a place of uncertainty for what you should do next. Perhaps you didn’t get closure on what happened in a relationship or you don’t understand what the lesson is that you’re supposed to learn from a situation. Whatever it may be, some part of your life is confusing.

I too have been going through a period of ambiguity, both personally and professionally, as I have been in a career transition that’s taking much longer than I expected, and I had a heartbreaking romantic relationship abruptly end.

Having both of these things occurring simultaneously has been intense, and it’s left me questioning my capabilities and how I got myself into these circumstances.

These are things I’ve gathered from thought leaders, spiritual teachers, books, and friends that have helped me to find some solace in the meantime:

Surrender the internal battle.

You probably have a long list of logical reasons for what you should do, or feel, about where you are. In an attempt to make yourself believe this rationale, you repeat them over and over.

You think, “This person is selfish and immature, so I should dump them.” Or, “This company doesn’t value me, so I should quit.” Yet, for some reason you just can’t make the conviction stick enough to take that next step. Stop fighting with yourself. This a sign that it’s not your truth right now.

What’s the rush?

Having doubts is a sign that your heart and mind are in conflict.

If you’re in a physical or emotionally abusive situation, obviously you need to make a more immediate decision for your well-being. But if your circumstances allow for you to have the option to stay put, you should. Try to stop flicking the problem with questions and more analyzing. Your intellect, creativity, and ability to reason have not failed you.

Lao Tzu wrote, “Trying to understand is like straining through muddy water. Have the patience to wait! Be still and allow the mud to settle.” We usually feel agitated and unstable when we’re unclear, and if we’re not conscious of it, we can push ourselves to make a rash decision that may not be the best option.

Drop the judgment.

Telling yourself you’re “crazy,” “foolish,” or “something is wrong with me” for being indecisive is mean. Punishing your emotions by ridiculing them will not make them go away any faster or help you to hurry up to make a decision.

When you work to try to change your feelings, you’re going against a natural part of you, which causes more pain and stress. Be kind to yourself. Just honor them as a piece of you that needs loving compassion and allow for them to be there.

Trust the process.

Try to have faith that whatever you’re experiencing right now will ultimately be for your highest good, and that whenever you receive the right information, it will be the perfect time.

The only certainty we have is change. While you may be suffering now, that too will transform. In Kinesiology, it is well-known that when building muscle tissue, for either flexibility or strength, tiny tears occur in the process. So too do our emotions. Sometimes they have to rip apart to grow and expand.

You’re going to be done when you’re done.

Just because someone tells you it’s time to move on, that doesn’t mean that you should. Trying to force yourself to let go before you’re ready to could mean you may have some regret later and you’re the only one who would have to live with that, not the other person who’s doling out the advice.

Find other examples in your past when you’ve known exactly when the right time was to make a change. You’ll have that certainty again.

Get busy.

What else do you want in your life? Focus on what you are certain of and start working on it. Whether it’s going to the gym more, cooking healthier meals, or organizing your living space, find a project that will improve another aspect of your vitality.

By distracting your attention, you’re cultivating positive energy rather than stagnating on something that is beyond your control. The more happiness you create, the more you’ll attract.

Being in a place of uncertainty can feel like a difficult, scary place to be in, but it’s a sign that you’re going through a transition. And in this odyssey that is life, it’s a normal phase of any journey of inner evolution.

Let the unfolding happen with the greatest comfort and care that you would with any birth. This is a gestation into your new self.

October 19, 2014
When You Want to Make a Change but Feel Confused and Scared

“Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Have you ever had an inner knowing that it was time to make some life changes, but you felt too confused to make them?

I’ve certainly felt that way a time or two. After I graduated college years ago, I felt completely confused about what I was going to do with my life. I was asking myself questions like: How am I going to find meaning? What should I do for a career? How can I make my dreams a reality?

But what if you feel so confused about your life that you end up doing nothing?

I remember moving home after college, lying in bed and reading fiction books for hours. I wanted to escape from the intense confusion and endless questions running through my mind.

The reality is, I was scared. I was scared to start a job, but also scared not to. I was scared to move away from the comforts of home, but deep down I couldn’t wait to get out. I was scared of the unknown, but also excited by the fact that anything could happen!

I was afraid to make a change, so I tricked myself into thinking that it was too complicated and confusing. For a couple months I did nothing, and my frustration grew.

Fear-based confusion is when you have an inner knowing that things are “off,” or you want to make a major life change, but you feel too confused to take action.

It seems like there are too many problems, unknowns, reasons why-not, or decisions that are too difficult to make. So you stay confused.

Does this sound familiar? Maybe you’re confused about making a career change, moving to a new city, ending a relationship, or getting your finances in order. I think we’ve all experienced this fear-gripping confusion in one form or another, and I know how frustrating it can feel.

I’ve noticed that when you’re aware we’re confused because we’re scared, it can drastically reduce your stress about it.

You’re certainly not alone or helpless. And luckily, fear-based confusion is easy to move beyond. Below are my top ways to move through life confusion and finally get clear on what you want so you can take action toward it.

1. Follow your excitement.

If the fear runs deep, following your excitement will help. For example, instead of trying to answer the question, “What should I do with my life?” ask yourself, “What excites me right now?”

Make a list of all the activities and experiences that excite you, but try not to judge your list. For example, simply riding my bike to a local cafe for some homemade chai in the morning really excites me. It doesn’t matter if things on your list seem small or insignificant.

There are several benefits to following what excites you in this moment. One, you start to feel more excited about your life. And two, your excitement usually leads you to people and experiences that will help you set a direction for yourself (more on this below).

Follow what excites you now, and know that your sources of excitement are going to shift and change as you grow.

Following your excitement is much less daunting than trying to figure out your whole life. In addition, it leaves room for expansion and gives you the freedom to continually try new things.

2. Decide on your direction.

Decide very clearly on the direction you want to go in. Making a clear decision is the quickest way out of confusion. I know this sounds obvious, but sometimes we have insane inner thoughts that hold us back. Thoughts like, “I’m not good enough” or “I don’t deserve this.”

But you most definitely are good enough, and you do deserve peace no matter what you’re telling yourself. Believe in yourself enough to make a decision and know that you will make the right one. Don’t worry about making a “bad” decision. In my opinion, making no decision at all is often worse.

In my example above, after a couple of months living with my parents and sinking deeper into my confusion, I decided to pack a backpack and travel to Spain. I didn’t really have any idea how that was going to help me answer my “big” life questions, but it excited me.

When I got back home from that trip, I felt confident and even more excited. I then made the concrete decision to move across the country to Northern California, and that completely changed everything for me.

The point is, it didn’t really matter what I did. It was my initial decision to do something that got me out of my confusion.

Once you make the initial decision, the Universe will start to provide you with people and experiences that help you move forward. Breathe, become aware of how your decision feels in your body, and act on whatever option has a sense of lightness and openness to it.

3. Release your expectations.

Expectations lead to disappointment. Usually, when we finally make the decision to change, we proceed to come up with a detailed plan for how it should all go down. We immediately search for something that will make us feel secure in the face of change.

But the truth is, you can manifest change much more quickly when you open yourself up the all the possibilities that you haven’t even thought of yet.

It’s perfectly okay to focus on what you want, but I like to try and leave the details to the Universe and simply focus on what I’m excited and capable of doing right now. This allows you to feel joy now instead of making your joy dependant on a certain outcome in the future.

You are meant to be here. As you focus on following what excites you in this moment, the clouds of confusion begin to part and you can see your direction more clearly. Then, moving toward it with inner confidence becomes natural.

It’s okay to feel vulnerable in the process, but I know from experience that the vulnerability associated with change is completely worth it. You’re worth it. Don’t let the confusion hold you back a moment longer. Once you take the first step, everything else will unfold for you.

September 21, 2014
How to Find Clarity When You’re Confused About What to Do

“Nobody can give you wiser advice than yourself.” ~Cicero

You know that state of confusion where you feel really unsure about what to do—you’re talking about it with all of your friends, making lists, weighing options, lying awake all night?

As confused and unsure as you may feel in those moments, you’re not. You have much more clarity than you think.

Re-read that last line again. You have a lot more clarity than you think. You see, clarity is what you are. It’s what you’re born with, it’s your true nature, and it’s what is always there underneath the mess of confusing thought that sometimes dances on the surface.

Confusing thought is there in spades. Being lost in your own personal thought is what produces the feeling of confusion.

But are “you” actually confused? Nope, not in the least.

If I Am Clarity, Why Do I Feel Confused?

The feeling you call confusion is a big to-do that’s created in your mind when you have all kinds of conflicting thoughts (for example, do it, don’t do it, take a chance, why fix what’s not broken?) and you seriously entertain each of those as if they are helpful or important.

You innocently treat those thoughts as if they are each deserving of consideration just because they happen to be there, forgetting that thoughts are just blips of energy—they don’t possess qualities like “deserving.”

When you’re in a big thought storm and you grab onto each disagreeing thought that wizzes by, it feels like serious brain muddle.

Real as it seems, the confusion is an illusion. You nearly always know what you want to do—but you have too much thinking about it all to just go with what you deep-down know.

For example, I have a ton of thinking about leaving my kids for a few days. I mean a ton. My separation anxiety is unenlighted to epic proportions.

I can very easily rattle off a dozen or more reasons to not travel without them, even for very short trips. If I were to make a decision based on my emotions or on the availability of solid “reasons,” I would surely never go.

So when an opportunity for me to learn from some incredible people next month—for four and a half days, thousands of miles away (the kids will go to bed without me tucking them in for five nights; it literally makes me nauseous to type that)—I knew I couldn’t do it.

But just a tiny bit more than that, I knew I had to do it.

And so I told my husband about the opportunity. That was a huge step because, although it’s ultimately my choice, he rarely lets me bow out of things I truly want because of something as minor as insecure, wavering thinking.

I was right. As soon as I told him, he told me to stop being ridiculous and book the trip. Even though it means he’d be alone with two toddlers for four-and-a-half days, he said “It’s a no-brainer, book the trip.”

I can’t. I can. I can? Can I really? I couldn’t. I went on and on like that for the better part of an hour, while he lovingly said, “You’re a basket case; just book the trip already.”

That basket case state where you are honestly entertaining the flurry of competing thought and you’re completely unaware of the calm and clarity beneath the thought—that’s confusion.

Clarity

Although it still seems wrong on many levels, I booked the trip because something deeper and calmer tells me that the wrongness is narrow and subjective. Not just because my husband tells me it’s crazy, but because the wiser part of me sort of knew it was all along.

Why I feel conflicted couldn’t be less important.

I’m sure I felt abandoned as a kid and don’t want my kids to feel that way, or something along those lines. But it couldn’t matter less because what happened in the past is not the reason I feel the way I feel now. My current, in this moment thinking—and nothing else—is why I feel the way I feel now.

When I jump on the “Can I? I can’t. I can?” merry-go-round, I get whipped all over the place in a grand gesture of confusion and uncertainty.

But here’s the magical thing I found: when I stepped away from that merry-go-round, something else was there.

I want to be very clear about how that something else looked, felt, and sounded. It did not speak loudly—in fact, it was very easily drowned out by the “I can…I couldn’t” tug-of-war.

It was not an overwhelming feeling of conviction, and it certainly did not erase all my doubts and fears. The doubts and fears were—and are—still spinning.

Here’s the best way I can think to describe it:

If I were to pit the knowing voice that arose from the confusion against the confused voice, the knowing voice would be like me after eight hours of sleep and a good breakfast, and the confused voice would be like me with no sleep and a shot of tequila.

The former just feels a little more trustworthy, a little sounder, and a little more grounded. The latter is louder, more repetitive, and maybe even a little more passionate, but it lacks substance. I get the very clear sense that I might be better served by the former.

That’s how I know that the knowing voice was clarity.

Well, that and the fact that I know enough to recognize insecure, personal thinking by now.

I recognize the merry-go-round. I’m quite familiar with the feeling of jumping on board with flip-flopping, fast-moving, fear-rooted thoughts. And I definitely recognize the fast-talking, passionate-sounding voice that feels like me with no sleep and a little mind-altering substance.

I’m familiar enough to remember that when I stay grounded and off the merry-go-round, the thoughts eventually die down. They sometimes come back and rev back up, but then they simply die down again.

And when they finally die down enough—which tends to happen faster the more I stand back and let them do their thing—that knowing voice is still there. That voice is constant while the others aren’t.

Yet another sign that it’s my always-there clarity.

Multiple Versions of Reality

Since I’ve committed to going on the trip, it’s been really fascinating.

There are ways I can think about it that make me break out in a rash. When my mind creates images of my kids feeling abandoned, or when it creates feelings of those four-and-a-half days being the slowest….days….ever, I suffer.

But those images and feelings always fade at some point and I stop suffering.

There are also moments when my mind creates totally different images and feelings, and I feel enthusiastic and eager to go on the trip.

What has become very clear is that there are multiple versions of reality available to me at any given time.

Luckily, I know that. I know that even in the middle of an anxiety-provoked rash, I’m only experiencing my own very biased perception of events, not events themselves. This is especially obvious when I consider that I haven’t even gone on the trip yet. I haven’t been away from my kids, and yet I’ve suffered over being away from them. How crazy is that?

So, knowing that my suffering is only due to my current-moment version of reality helps a lot. It also helps a lot to remember that nearly every time I’ve been totally positive something will be a horrible experience—yet that tiny knowing voice suggests I do it anyway—it ends up not being so bad.

You can remember these things too, because I’d bet anything they are also true for you.

The more you learn to recognize your own knowing voice and distinguish it from the loud, repetitive, flip-flopping doubts, the more you naturally cut through what looks like confusion and simply do what you already know to do.

January 30, 2014
4 Powerful Questions to Free You from the Daze of Fear and Inaction

“The lives we lead have everything to do with the questions we ask ourselves.” ~Lori Deschene

You lay in bed night after night, tossing and turning, eager to push forward but unable to shake off the onslaught of what-ifs.

What if I’m making a huge mistake? What if I fail utterly and miserably? What if I’m overestimating my ability to go through with this? What-if…? What-if…?

Yet, no matter how crazy your anxiety and fears seem right now, you can snap out of it and make that new start you so desperately desire.

How do I know?

Let me tell you a little story…

The Grand Decision to Quit a Great Job

Two years ago, on a day that started like any other, I got an unexpected call from my husband from the hospital. “Don’t worry. They just want to run some tests before letting me go,” he said.

He ended up having a four-hour emergency procedure followed by complications that landed him in the ICU for four days. Then a week of recuperation at home, followed by another mad dash to the emergency room.

We needed weeks to get back to the “new” normal. Slowly the truth sunk in—my husband will likely live to a ripe old age, but he has a chronic condition and we’ll always have an invisible sword hanging over our heads.

Something in me changed irrevocably after that incident.

I set out on a crazy journey that has transformed into a complete overhaul of our lives. Part of the change process was my decision to quit the job that paid well, but sapped the life out of me.

I planned every waking hour to discover an alternate way to earn a modest livelihood while living a life of purpose. I saved diligently and prepared my family and friends for what was to come.

Then, ever so slowly, it was time. I set a date to resign.

The Moment of Truth

It took me two years from the time of my husband’s hospitalization to get to this point. You’d think I’d be excited and thrilled, right?

Instead, an intense anxiety attack seized me. It took me completely by surprise. I couldn’t sleep. A slew of what-ifs threatened to wash away my resolute decision.

In desperation, I brought it up with my mentor Jon Morrow. Jon got me to ask myself a few questions that finally snapped me out of the paralyzing grip of fear and anxiety.

Question 1: Be a pessimist for five minutes. What’s the worst that can happen?

My first reaction was: Why, the world will come to an end!

But even in my crazy, anxious state, that sounded too dramatic and exaggerated. So, I tackled the what-ifs.

I could be making a big mistake. But I’d still have my resume, work experience, and the good relationship with my (soon to be ex-) colleagues. If it was indeed a mistake, I could always go back and get a regular job. A little humbling, but not quite the end of the world.

I’ll fail utterly and miserably. At making money—possibly, yes. But with other things—like trying to become a better person, a better parent, and creating a better world starting with my family first—there’s no failing. As for the money, again I could just go back to a regular job. Nowhere near the end of the world.

I’m overestimating my ability to go through with this. OK, that’s just whining. Enough, already!

So, ask yourself: What if all your what-ifs came true? What is the worst that can happen?

Question 2: What will happen if you don’t make the change?

I suddenly had this vision of a rich bride on the way to the altar to marry a poor bloke she desperately loved, get married, and live happily ever after in a tiny cottage, wearing the same two gingham dresses all her life—or bolt back to the comfort of her rich parents but be wretched for the rest of her life.

Frankly, neither option looked very enticing.

But if I had to make a choice, I think I would rather go ahead with the marriage. I could always spruce up that cottage and, heck, maybe even make a fine fashion accessory with the hay from the barn. Or something.

So, ask yourself: Why did you want to make the change in the first place? What do you stand to lose if you don’t make the change?

Question 3: What’s the real reason for your anxiety?

I had no rational reason to feel anxious; I had covered pretty much all the bases.

Or so I thought.

As I dug deeper though, I realized my anxiety was essentially an identity crisis.

I had spent the better part of the last 20 years being an engineer, and in the pursuit of making money.

And here I was, on the verge of throwing that away. And with it, my old identity.

While the rational part of me was okay with it, and even looking forward to it, a core part of me found it hard to let go.

So, ask yourself: Are there any obvious reasons for your anxiety? If not, are there any underlying reasons that you may not have recognized yet?

Question 4: What little step can you take now to get started?

I knew switching my identities overnight was unrealistic. So, I took steps to slowly ease into my new identity.

I took two days off each week and on those days, I wrote articles for blogs that I admired (just like this one) and interacted with their audiences. This let me test-drive being a blogger—my new identity—without actually having my own blog.

I immersed myself in books on self-help and parenting, the topic of my future blog.

I interacted with other bloggers through comments, emails, forums, and Facebook groups.

And with each passing week, my anxiety shrank.

So, ask yourself: What can you do right now to see the other side of change, in spite of the anxiety? Who can you reach out to that can help you quiet the negative inner voice?

Finally, at the end of March, I walked into my manager’s office and handed in my two weeks’ notice. I felt calm. I felt in control. We had a nice chat and wished each other luck.

Bottom Line

In the end it all comes down to one thing: change isn’t easy.

Despite your best-laid plans, you will have a few very low points. Your chances of success are often a result of how well you respond to them.

This—the fear, the anxiety and the panic of starting—is just one of the low points.

If you can beat this fear, you will not just succeed at making a new start now, but you’ll significantly improve your chances of surviving through all the future lows.

So, what’s it going to be? Ready to ask yourself some tough questions?

After all, what’s the worst that could happen?

Photo by Chang’r

May 23, 2013
Knowing Which Advice is Right

“Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and common sense.” ~Buddha

The old cliché, “I say tomayto, you say tomahto,” has been popping up in my head recently, mainly because of a lesson I recently learned after years of trial and error.

For the last several years, I have been closely listening to and reading the advice of “experts” on subjects related to life, love, business, and the pursuit of happiness. I have come to an astonishing (for me, anyway) conclusion: Everybody is right, and everybody is wrong.

Confused? Allow me to explain with an example.

About 18 months ago, I changed careers from newspaper journalism to insurance sales. When I first started in the insurance industry, my boss told me that to be successful I would have to not let “no” bother me. Just keep trucking, let that rejection roll like water off a duck’s back, he would say.

He also told me persistence was a major key to selling life insurance. Keep calling clients, even if they blow you off a few (or in one case, many) times.

His advice worked with one client. I literally called her a dozen or more times. She bought insurance, and then canceled.

I scheduled a follow-up appointment to find her some more affordable insurance. She canceled. Another follow-up appointment scheduled. Another canceled. This literally went on for three months.

Finally, we were able to get the insurance she was looking for at a price she could afford.

After writing that application, my boss (let’s call him Jay) said, “Let this be a lesson on the power of persistence.”

A few weeks later, my boss’s boss (let’s call him Brent) gave me some very different advice: “Never call a potential client more than five or six times. It makes you look desperate.”

I have learned that, in many cases, this advice is also true. Calling too many times will certainly not work on a lot of clients. But, in the above-mentioned example, it did work.

So, I asked myself, “Whose advice is right, and whose is wrong?” (more…)

June 4, 2012