Tag: comfort zone

How I Stopped Resisting Change and Embraced the Road Ahead of Me

“Just when the caterpillar thought her life was over, she became a butterfly.” ~Unknown

Change is constant, from small changes like trying a new hobby to big changes like making a drastic career move. Even though change is all around us, it can feel scary. While change could lead you to something great, there are a lot of unknowns with something new, and that can cause anxiety.

When I was younger, I used to embrace change. For example, each school year was a new and exciting experience.

But somewhere along the way, I started to resist change.

What Does Resisting Change Look Like?

For some, resisting change might involve remaining in a situation that feels boring or mundane just because taking a different path can feel daunting or like a lot of work. For others, it might involve staying in a situation that’s unhealthy for them because making a change feels scary.

I resisted change by focusing on the negative aspects of any new experience I was going through as a means to protect myself.

If I failed at trying something new, then I would have something to blame it on. I could give the impression to others that the change didn’t work out because of some outside factor beyond my control.

For example, when I began a master’s degree program, I moved to a brand-new city fifteen hours away from my hometown. I didn’t know a single person—in fact, the closest friend to me was six hours away.

When I chose to attend this program, I was excited. It felt like a fresh start and an adventure because I’d get to live in a cool place, make new friends, and move into a different career path.

I spent months preparing for the change, finding a place to live, and doing some pre-work for the program. About a week before I moved, the nerves kicked in. I suddenly felt like it was a crazy idea to move to a place where I didn’t know anyone and had no idea what I was doing.

But there was no turning back; everything was already arranged. And deep down, I knew this was the right decision for me even though it felt uncomfortable.

During the first couple of weeks in the new city, my mind took note of every undesirable thing it could find. Not only did I notice these things for myself, but I also complained to my friends and family. In a way, I was subconsciously building a case against this new situation so that if I failed, it wouldn’t look like it was all my fault.

I complained about everything: “The people aren’t friendly.” “The street across from my apartment looks so sketchy.” “My program is really tough—we have so many requirements it doesn’t feel possible to get everything done.”

Less than a month in, I was already considering transferring to a different program at my undergraduate college. I could move back to a city I knew, where I had several friends still living nearby. It felt like a safe and comfortable option.

But then something happened: I started making friends with some people in my program. As I got to know this group of girls, I realized they had a lot of the same fears that I did! Not only were we able to bond over that, but we were also able to help and support each other.

Suddenly, I didn’t feel so alone.

After all that time trying to convince others and myself that this situation was horrible, I was finally able to admit to these new friends that I had worries about our new situation. Through their advice, I found healthier ways to deal with the new aspects of my life.

For example, I began meditating every morning, which helped me manage my stress. I also found that, although I was far away from friends and family, when I stayed connected via phone calls and video chats, I felt less alone.

Over time, my fears around this change fell away. And you know what? The two years I lived there turned out to be some of the best years of my life so far.

I made lifelong friends. I gained so much knowledge—both practical and academic—as I developed as a professional and moved into a great job after graduation. I also met my fiancé during that time, someone who I can’t imagine my life without now.

Had I left just a few weeks in, like I was tempted to, I would have missed out on all of that.

While this is not the only example of when I resisted change, it’s a good one because it shows exactly how I would sabotage myself amidst the discomfort of something new.

One of the biggest takeaways that I learned over time is that change is something most people find uncomfortable, so you are never alone. Rather than focusing on the negative aspects of a new change and telling others about all the reasons why it’s not good for you, share your fears with the people you are close to, with the intention of overcoming them.

Why is sharing your fears about change with others so important?

Your support system is called that for a reason—they are there to support you! Just like you don’t judge friends and family when they come to you for help, they won’t judge you either. We are often so much harder on ourselves than we are on anyone else.

By sharing your fears with others, you’ll likely find that they can offer you advice or even just a shoulder to cry on so that your feelings don’t seem so overwhelming. When you keep those worries inside, they can start to build up in your mind and feel even more daunting. In a way, voicing your fears out loud takes their power away.

What else can you do to manage change when it feels hard?

Focus on what you can control.

When faced with change, it can feel like everything is out of your control. However, one of the best ways to face change is to focus on what you can control in this situation. Ask yourself, “What can I take responsibility for right now?”

For example, I accepted that I couldn’t control how overwhelming my schoolwork felt. However, I could control how organized I was, so I bought a planner and wrote out all my deadlines and when I needed to have tasks completed by, which made things feel more manageable.

By taking control of your own fate where you can, change will feel less intimidating because it won’t be just something happening to you; it will be something you’re intentionally choosing.

Take time for yourself—because you deserve it!

Self-care is important during any time of your life, but especially when you’re faced with anxiety about difficult situations. We tend to be hard on ourselves when we’re struggling with something new. Self-care is a way of telling ourselves we deserve to be comforted through it.

Self-care can also help you calm your mind and keep things in perspective when everything feels scary and overwhelming. Whether you just changed jobs, graduated, or ended a relationship, taking time for yourself is critical to maintaining a healthy mindset.

Choose activities that help you relax. For me, that includes meditating and journaling. For you, that might mean practicing yoga, relaxing in the sun, or walking in nature. Other self-care ideas include developing a skin care routine, reading a book, or eating a healthy meal.

Play around with different practices to find the ones that work best for you. You might also want to consider speaking with a mental health professional if you feel like you could use some extra support during this time of transition.

Give yourself some credit.

When faced with something new, you might find yourself thinking about all the many ways it can go wrong. To ease your fears, think about a time when you navigated change successfully.

Walk yourself through how that situation went and the positive result. Use what you learned in that situation to walk through this new change.

And as you start to make progress, don’t forget to reward yourself. Give yourself some kudos for all the effort you have put into your development and personal growth.

Remember that the transitional phase is only temporary.

If, like me, you’ve struggled when making a big life change, be kind to yourself through this transition.

The discomfort we feel when faced with change is only temporary. While daunting at first, each new change will soon become your new normal and feel much more comfortable.

—

Admitting that I had nerves about the situation to others around me was the first step to feeling at peace within my new adventure.

It’s how you take away the power behind those fears and start to embrace the change in front of you as an opportunity to become even better because of it.

August 4, 2021
How to Stop Sabotaging Yourself and Feel Like a Success Even If You Fail

“If you love yourself it doesn’t matter if other people don’t like you because you don’t need their approval to feel good about yourself.” ~Lori Deschene

In 2010, after a surge of post-ten-day-meditation-course inspiration, I publicly announced to the world that I was going to make a film about me winning the kayak world championships.

A very bad idea in retrospect. But at the time I felt invincible and inspired.

I had super high expectations of myself and of the film and thought it was all possible.

Coming out of a four-year competition retirement meant a rigorous six-hour-a-day training schedule, while simultaneously documenting the journey, alone.

I put an insane amount of self-imposed pressure on myself not only to be the best in the entire world, but also make an award-winning documentary at the same time, without a coach.

To make a long story short, it was a disaster.

Three days before the competition, my back went into spasm. I was so stressed out I couldn’t move.

Jessie, a good kayaking friend, knocked on the door of my Bavarian hotel room.

“Polly, take this, it’s ibuprofen and will help your back relax. Remember why you are here, you can do this,” she said.

The morning of the competition I felt okay. I did my normal warm up and had good practice rides. “Okay. Maybe I can do this,” I thought.

My first ride was okay, but not great. All I had to do was the same thing again and my score would be enough to make it through the preliminary cut to the quarter finals.

Someone in the crowd shouted at me, “Smile, Polly!”

I lost my focus, had a disastrous second ride, and made a mistake that I wasn’t able to recover from.

The worst thing happened, and it all went wrong.

Humiliated, embarrassed, and disappointed, I went on a long walk and cried.

My lifelong dream of being a world champion athlete just vanished, and my heartbreak was compounded even more by the public humiliation I’d created for myself.

I pulled it together and continued to film the rest of the competition and felt some protection by hiding behind my camera.

“So, what’s next Polly? Are you going to keep training for the next World Championships?” Claire, the woman who won, asked me at the end of the event.

“No,” I replied without even thinking. “I need to go to India.”

India had been calling me for years, like a little voice that connected a string to my heart.

“Being the world champion isn’t going to give me what I thought I wanted. There is more for me to learn. I want to approve of myself whether I win or lose. I want my thoughts to support me rather than sabotage me. I want to feel connected to something bigger than myself,” I told her.

A year later, I went to the equivalent of the world championships of yoga.

Three months of intensive Ashtanga yoga study with R. Sharath Jois, in the bustling city of Mysore, India.

Practicing at 4:15 am every day on my little space of yoga mat, surrounded by sixty other people, with nowhere to run and nowhere to hide, I began the journey of facing my internal world.

The toxic energy emitting from my mind, in the form of constant internal commentary of judgment and drama, looked and felt like an actual smokestack.

I felt like a dog chasing its tail and was in a total creative block with editing my film.

A yoga friend said, “Polly, even if your film helps only one person it is worth finishing it.”

This was not what my ego wanted to hear.

My ego wanted to inspire the world and had visions of, if not the Academy Awards, well then at least getting into the Sundance Film Festival.

It took three years, and I finished the film. However, releasing it to the world brought up all of my insecurities. I felt exposed and like a huge fraud.

How could I have made such a bold statement, failed, and then remind everyone about my failure three years later?

I released the film and ran to North India, high in the Himalayas where there was no internet.

Like leaving your baby on the doorstep of a stranger’s house, I birthed it and bolted.

Even though Outside Magazine did a great article about the film, in my eyes it was a failure.

It didn’t get into the big festivals I wanted it to get into and I didn’t bother submitting it to the kayaking film festivals it would have done well in.

In 2019 I left India and returned to Montana to teach kayaking for the summer.

It was the twenty-year anniversary of the kayak school where I spent over ten years teaching.

The school had hired a young woman paddler named Darby.

She told me, “You know, Polly, I watched your film about training for the Worlds, and it inspired me to train too. I made the USA Junior team and came second at the 2015 Junior World Championships. Thank you for making that film.”

Humble tears of disbelief welled in my eyes.

My film helped one person, and I was meeting her.

The takeaway was that my ego and perfectionism got in the way of possibly helping even more people.

I shot myself and my film in the foot so that my ego could continue to tell me I was not worthy.

But this simply is not true.

Hiding and running to keep my ego feeling safe no longer cuts it.

The world is in a deep spiritual crisis right now.

My ego would love to be in a cave in the Himalayas meditating away from it all.

However, that is not what I have been called to do.

Putting myself out there still feels uncomfortable, but I know that hiding is not going to help people. I have decided that good is good enough and am now taking small steps in the direction of my discomfort.

I have learned a huge, humble lesson in self-acceptance, self-love, and self-compassion.

The top fourteen lessons I now live by:

1. Listen to the inner voice that whispers and tugs at your heart. If you’re passionate about something, don’t let anyone or anything convince you not to give it a go.

2. Do the thing first. Enlist support from someone you trust but share about it publicly after you have done it so that you don’t create unnecessary pressure and feel like a failure if you struggle.

3. Do things one small step at a time so you don’t feel overwhelmed and tempted to quit.

4. Helping one person is a massive win.

5. Drop all expectations—the outcome doesn’t have to be anything specific for the experience to be valuable.

6. Do your best and let go of the results. If you’ve done your best, you’ve succeeded.

7. Celebrate every small success along the way to boost your confidence and motivate yourself to keep going.

8. Be proud of yourself every day for these small successes.

9. Approve of yourself without needing the ego-stroking that comes with massive success and know that the results of this one undertaking don’t define you.

10. True success is inner fulfillment. If you’ve followed your dream and done your best, give yourself permission to feel good about that.

11. Do not compare yourself to other people. Set your own goals/intentions that feel achievable for you.

12. Every “fail” is actually a step in the right direction. It redirects your compass and helps you learn what you need to do or change to get where you want to go.

13. Growth means getting out of the comfort zone, but you don’t need to push yourself too far. Go to the edge of discomfort, but where it still feels manageable.

14. If you freak out or feel resistance, take it down a notch. Move forward but in smaller steps.

July 18, 2021
5 Life-Changing Pieces of Advice I Would Give to My Younger Self

“I’d go back to my younger self and say, ‘Lighten up. Take it easy. Relax. Don’t be so anxious about everything. Try not to have today stolen from you by anxiety about yesterday or tomorrow.’” ~Bill Nighy

I believe there is great power in looking back at our past to learn from our experiences, mistakes, and regrets.

The Spanish philosopher George Santayana remarked, “Those who do not learn history are doomed to repeat it.” I might add that the history we need to study the most is our personal history so that we don’t keep making the same mistakes over and over again in our lives.

If I had the option to go back to my past, this is the advice I would give my younger self.

1. Express yourself freely and work to overcome your shyness.

In the past, there were many opportunities that I didn’t take and many friendships that I failed to make because I was shy and often felt uncomfortable and self-conscious. Some people would interpret my shyness as rudeness, so it was crippling to me in many ways.

Advice to myself:

Make a conscious effort to interact and express yourself freely around others, no matter how uncomfortable it may make you feel in the moment. If you struggle, take deep breaths to relax yourself and calm your irrational thoughts.

Nobody is judging you and analyzing you as thoroughly as you may think. Everybody is too absorbed in their own world to spend time caring about every little thing you say and do.

Try to do the opposite of what a shy person would do in any given situation. Easier said than done, I know, but if you do that long enough, you’ll start creating a new identity for yourself in your mind. That’s really all you have to do to overcome being shy. The more you do it, the easier it gets and the more confident you’ll become, and soon it will feel natural.

2. Stop fighting your negative feelings.

For the longest time, I would try to resist and battle my negative emotions, like anxiety, hoping they would go away somehow. If I felt that familiar knot in my stomach and started thinking anxious thoughts, I’d tell myself I should be positive because our thoughts create our reality.

A couple of years ago, I finally realized that the way to free yourself of negative emotions, as counter-intuitive as it sounds, is to accept them.

The more we try to fight our feelings with the underlying thought “I shouldn’t be feeling this way,” the worse we feel. However, these feelings pass much faster when we allow ourselves to feel them without judging them or thinking that they shouldn’t be happening.

Advice to myself:

Let go of the need to try and fix your negative emotions with your mind.

Accept your unpleasant feelings and focus your attention fully on the sensations these emotions invoke instead of thinking thoughts like “I shouldn’t be feeling this way,” “This shouldn’t be happening.”

When you do this, you will find that the unpleasant feelings dissolve much more quickly, and you will stop making things worse by feeding them with more energy.

View your feelings as visitors, for they always come and go. Like most visitors, all they want is your attention and acknowledgement, and once you give them what they want, they will be on their way.

3. Embrace uncertainty.

In college, I spent a long time desperately trying to figure out my future, wishing for clarity on what I should be doing with my life.

Many of us have a compelling need to have our whole lives all figured out. We hate not knowing where life may take us, and we seek the comfort of knowing what the future has in store for us.

But no amount of mental analysis of our future can provide us with the answers. And that’s okay, because we don’t always need to know what we will be doing a year from now.

Sometimes the only thing you can do is trust in life. Because when we are not trusting, we automatically start worrying, because that’s our mind’s default tendency.

Advice to myself:

Know that it’s okay to be confused and not have all the answers. Learn to be okay with not knowing and make room for surprise and mystery, because that’s a big part of what makes life exciting and interesting.

Most of your fears and worries about the future, if you closely examine them, are nothing more than mental fabrications and do not exist anywhere else than in your mind. Most of the things you worry about won’t actually happen, and even if they do, you might learn and grow from those experiences. Hence there is no need to take your fears so seriously and get worked up over them.

4. Stop trying to run away from discomfort.

Our mind tends to prefer the known and comfortable and likes to seek out the easiest way to feel good.

We’re often hesitant to do things that require effort or make us feel uncomfortable, since our natural tendency is to avoid feeling any discomfort.

But many of the things that are beneficial for us and worth doing in life will require enduring some kind of discomfort. To run away from discomfort is to run away from growing and evolving as a person.

That’s exactly what I did for most of my life. I avoided meditating, exercising, journaling, and spending time alone without technology—habits that have all had a positive impact on my life—during the times when I would have benefited from them the most because I felt resistance whenever I tried to get started.

I also avoided being vulnerable with other people. But I’ve noticed over the last two years that if I stay with the discomfort of interacting with new people instead of running away, as I used to do, the interactions ultimately become rewarding and enjoyable.

This is true of most things—reward lies on the other side of discomfort, but first we have to push through.

Advice to myself:

The mind can be very persuasive and convincing and come up with an endless list of reasons to procrastinate or avoid feeling any discomfort. But don’t let your mind deceive you.

Discomfort often points toward what you should be doing, not what you should be avoiding. Be willing to dive deep into discomfort and learn to embrace it. It will help you more than you know.

5. Accept yourself and stop judging yourself.

When I was in college, I used to judge myself a lot because many of my interests, such as spirituality and metaphysics, were very different from all my friends’ interests.

It was a few years later that it finally dawned on me that I needed to stop looking outside for validation and permission to accept myself.

Once you learn to accept yourself, it doesn’t matter what others may or may not think. Other people’s opinions may bother you fleetingly, but you will need to live with what you think about yourself every day, so don’t make it hard by judging yourself.

Advice to myself:

You don’t need to judge yourself or feel embarrassed about wanting to spend your free time journaling, meditating, reading books, or enjoying spending time alone by yourself.

Don’t feel compelled to be like everyone else, and there is absolutely no reason to be apologetic for following and doing what lights you up.

Because the truth is, it’s okay to be different and unique. Imagine how boring the world would be if we were all the same.

—

If you could talk with your younger self, what would you say? What do you think you would have done differently? What advice would you have for them?

May 23, 2021
How a Numb, Phony Zombie Started Singing Her Own Song

“Alas for those that never sing, but die with all their music in them!” ~Oliver Wendell Holmes

Six years ago, I came across a line from an old poem that punctured my present moment so profoundly it seemed to stop time.

On an average Tuesday, there I was, sitting at my desk, ignoring the stack of papers I was responsible for inputting into a spreadsheet and procrastinating as usual on the Internet instead.

At this particular time, Pinterest was my drug of choice—anyone else?

As I was aimlessly scrolling through wacky theme party ideas and spicy margarita recipes, suddenly, here came this old-school poet Oliver Wendell Holmes with these words that leapt off of my laptop screen and stung me like fourteen different bee stings to the heart:

“Alas for those that never sing, but die with all their music in them!”

I was floored. It was as if Oliver’s invisible hand had reached into my day and popped the protective bubble of my well-established comfort zone, sending me crashing down to the ground of an uncertain reality that I had so expertly managed to hover above for years.

When I landed inside of the truth of my life for the first time in a long time, here’s what I saw:

A recent college grad whose dad had died in the first few weeks of her “adulthood,” who took a job in the marketing department of a reputable company because it “looked good,” who spent her time outrunning looming fears of growing up and grief by seeking refuge in extraneous purchases, greasy slices of pizza, late nights under laser lights, and the bottoms of bottles of wine.

A numb, phony zombie in red lipstick who had forgotten her own song.

As a little girl, effortless music oozed from my pores. I could laugh, cry, dream, question, create, and believe in magic, and other people, and myself, with such abandon; it was like I was a tiny conductor leading a spontaneous orchestra of full self-expression, always unrehearsed and totally freestyle.

And I didn’t just speak, I SANG! And I didn’t just walk, I DANCED!

Had I put no soundproof walls up around my being then? I could recall what it was like to feel that free. But the memory of my smaller, wilder self marching proudly to the beat of her own drum felt so distant from where and how I was living.

So instead of continuing on with the endless spreadsheet that I was responsible for completing that afternoon, I decided to take a break. A long break. I found a sunny bench outside of my building where I could go to sit and think.

Then suddenly, The Little Mermaid swam right into my stream of thought. I closed my eyes and saw the scene where Ariel trades in her powerful voice to the evil sea witch, Ursula, for a pair of legs. She is so certain that becoming a part of the human world is more important to her than speaking her own truth and singing her own song. And I wondered…

In what ways am I living at the expense of my own inner music?

I began to examine the situations in my life where I found myself exchanging an authentic piece of who I was out of fear, in order to achieve a particular outcome in the world. Here are just a few places in my life where I discovered this was so:

I’d sacrificed my passion, by accepting a job I merely tolerated, because I was afraid of failing and wanted to give the appearance of being successful.

I’d pushed down my grief, numbing it with shopping, food, and alcohol, because I was afraid of breaking down and wanted to give the appearance of being “fine.”

I’d sacrificed authentic connection for toxic friendships because I was afraid of being lonely while I found the right friends and wanted to give the appearance of being liked.

I’d sacrificed my authenticity and ended up living a small life because I was afraid of vulnerability and wanted to give the appearance of being in control.

That was the moment when I decided I was ready to ditch the legs—everything that was just about appearances—and dive deeply into my own true passion, grief, and longings for connection and authenticity.

I quit my job and enrolled in a spiritual studies certification and celebrant ordination program.

I hired a therapist to help me heal and a coach to help me dream; these two women would become some of the fiercest advocates for me and my inner music that I’d ever meet.

I started taking courses in personal development, joined a business mastermind, and got myself into as many meditation circles and yoga classes as I could.

I began to play around with my expression again, belting my favorite songs from my childhood, wearing colors that sparked aliveness in me, scribbling lines of poetry till I fell in love with my own heart’s language again, and dipping my fingers in rainbows of paint without a plan.

It felt so good to seek for the sake of seeking, and to create for the sake of creating!

I finally started to let some of the people that I loved and trusted in enough to really see, hear, and hold me.

And I got present, like really, really present, slowing down for long enough to fully inhabit whatever moment I was in. From that place, it became so natural to tap into the very real magic that had always existed within and around me.

I recognized the miraculousness of my two feet on the ground, the blessing of my breath, and the rhythm of my heartbeat. I started to notice the sound and sensation of my full-body NO and YES. This new level of awareness polished my lens of perception, allowing me to see my life through my child self’s eyes once again—from a place of curiosity, excitement, imagination, and hope!

My dive has brought me to terrifying places where I’ve wanted to sell myself out to the sea-witch over and over again, but still, I keep on swimming.

For my song cannot be silenced, and neither can yours, though both of us will spend months, if not years living in fear of what it will take to truly sing.

There is so much music inside of you and me. And to be the highest expression of who we are here to be, we’ve gotta sing our songs and sing em’ loud! But to live like that, we’re going to have to give ourselves permission to feel, say, and do what’s true.

So, maybe owning your truth doesn’t look like finally quitting a job or grieving the loss of a loved one. But I challenge you to really take some time to stop and scan through your life with no judgment, just wide-open eyes and a loving heart, and ask yourself:

What do I desire? What fear arises in the face of my desire? Where am I selling myself out to run/hide from my fear? And what must I do to express the full potential and possibility of achieving my desire?

Do you remember the fierce and fearless drive that you had as a child to learn and grow? Can you imagine how many times the little you tried and failed and tried again at mastering the skills you needed to really engage with life—walking, reading, writing, using your words to ask for what you want, feeding yourself, tying your shoes, wiping your own bum, etc.? Where does that invincible tenacity go?

The answer is: YOU’VE STILL GOT IT!

It has been and always will be within you. You and I have the capacity to thrive in any and all areas of our lives. How? By becoming brave enough to stop and listen to our own music, then allowing ourselves to be truly guided by it as we go!

Belt out your song like your life and the lives of future generations depend on it, because they do. And if you miss a beat or sing a note or two out of tune, don’t be afraid to own it. It’s all just a part of the dance.

If you’re looking for me, I’ll be here, diving deep into the depths of my being, tuning into my own music, swimming through fear, and daring myself to sing. Over and over and over again until my very last breath.

And you? It is my hope that you will have the courage and the willingness to go deep and begin unleashing the divine music that only you were born to sing.

March 30, 2021
The Cages We Live In and What It Means to Be Free

“Cages aren’t made or iron, they’re made of thoughts.” ~Unknown

I recently read Glennon Doyle’s Untamed, and like many who have read it, I felt as if it had changed my life—but not because it made me think of all the things I was capable of (as was the case with many of friends who read it), but because it made me realize how capable I had already been.

The book on the whole is beautiful and inspiring, but the part that stuck with me the most was the story about Tabitha, a beautiful cheetah that Glennon and her kids saw at a safari park and a lab named Minnie that had been raised alongside Tabitha, as her best friend, to help tame Tabitha.

Glennon watched as Minnie sprinted out of her cage and chased a dirt pink bunny that was tied to a jeep. Shortly after, Tabitha, who had been watching Minnie, ran out of her cage and chased the “dirty pink bunny” just like her best friend had just done.

Born as a magnificent, wild beast, Tabitha had lost her wild by being caged. She had forgotten her own power, her own strength, her own identity, and had become tamed by watching her best friend. But remnants of Tabitha’s inner wild came back to life when she walked away from the pink bunny toward the perimeter of the fence that was keeping her caged in. The closer she was to the perimeter, the more fierce and regal Tabitha became.

Glennon insightfully notes in the book that if a wild animal like a “cheetah can be tamed to forget her wild, certainly a woman can too.” And that’s when I wondered, had I also forgotten my own inner wild? Was I spending my time trapped inside a cage when I could be pacing the perimeter instead?

I beat myself up over that story for days while desperately trying to think of how I could break free of my metaphorical cage so I could find my way to the seemingly elusive perimeter that others seemed to have easily found and were already pacing.

I questioned why I hadn’t worked harder, pushed further, and done more to create the life I truly wanted, especially when it became painfully clear that the one I was living didn’t fit that description. And that’s when it suddenly hit me. Like a ton of bricks falling on me out of nowhere:

I didn’t need to make my way to the perimeter. I was already there. Truth be told, I had been there for most of my life, and it was so familiar to me that I didn’t even notice it anymore.

As I sat there in the midst of this comprehension, I looked back on my life and suddenly the steps to the perimeter all seemed to fall in place.

When I fell in a bucket of boiling water at two years old and put aside my own discomfort to comfort my mother who had broken down at the sight of my burned body, I took a step towards the perimeter.

When I moved to America at the age of seven and couldn’t understand the language and was instantly labeled as “stupid” but kept going anyway, refusing to let them define who I was, I took another step towards that perimeter.

When I watched my younger sister die of an incurable illness and kept her light alive inside of me by recognizing the beauty of her life and not just the heartache of her death, I moved closer to the perimeter.

When I said no to becoming a teacher or a doctor—an unfathomable and disgraceful choice for women of my culture during those times—I took another step toward the perimeter.

When I refused an arranged marriage, again disgracing my family in the process, the perimeter was directly in my sight.

By the time I took off for law school (much to my parents’ continuing dismay), the perimeter and I were practically face to face.

For a while I stayed at the perimeter, quietly stalking my surroundings with the same pride and inner fierceness as the cheetah who inspired these ramblings. But I now realize I was never meant to stay at the perimeter—I was always meant to go beyond it.

Until I did, I would remain trapped inside my own inner chaos. And the calm I was so desperately seeking would continue to evade me. That inner restlessness that just wouldn’t go away, that indescribable lack of fulfillment and the hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach… those were all signs that I was ready to move beyond the perimeter. I was ready to uncage more than just myself—I was ready to uncage my soul.

That’s why I was repeatedly drawn back to certain people, programs, and even books. I was ready to free myself of all restrictions and for that matter, all perimeters.

The process hasn’t been easy. And at times, it has been beyond lonely. But it has also been rewarding, deeply healing, and transformative at the same time. And perhaps most importantly of all, it has allowed me to understand that in one way or another, we are all here to break free of the cages that have encased most of us for the majority of our life.

Some cages are imposed upon us by the thoughts and ideas of those around us, and other times we put ourselves into them, willingly. So we can avoid discomfort, pain, suffering, change, growth, and our own rebirth.

Sometimes they can even be helpful, but other times they do nothing but hold us back. The steel cages often tell us who to be, where to live, what we “should” do for a living, how to behave, and even who to like or dislike.

Often, the cages come in different colors, shapes, and sizes. Some are made of gold and filled with expensive toys and bribes to keep us from going outside of them. Their allure is simply too hard to resist for some people, even though they are often accompanied by gold shackles.

Others are sparkly and filled with all that glitters. The shine is so intense that their occupants don’t even know they’re in a cage. They’re so fixated with the glitter that they spend their entire lives confined inside and never even realize they’re no freer than the people they’ve been looking down on as being “trapped.”

And of course, there are some who live in small, dark, and dingy cages that they desperately want to escape but dare not try to because they’re so convinced that it’s safer, easier, and more comfortable to just stay.

Those are the people that are so afraid of their own power and the taste of true freedom that they probably wouldn’t leave even if the cage door was opened for them.

And then there are the brave. Those that are truly courageous and have no desire to be confined by any cage or any limits. Those are the people who will do whatever it takes to break the cage so they can set themselves and all of humanity free.

Those are the people who are roaming beyond the perimeter and have uncaged far more than their physical body—they have uncaged their very soul, and along with it, the many lifetimes of memories, wisdom, and truth it holds inside.

Those are the people I want to run with. Those are the people I want to call my tribe. Those are the people that, when I meet them, I’ll know I have found my home.

February 3, 2021
How to Gently Coax Yourself Out of Your Comfort Zone

“Everything you ever wanted is one step outside your comfort zone.” ~Unknown

We’ve all seen this quote or similar ones. All the magic, growth, and transformation seem to happen there. Not everything that happens outside the comfort zone is magical, though. So, when we go wandering, leaving the safe shores, we also need to be realistic and aware that mixed in with the good, there’s also potential pain and discomfort waiting for us.

Being aware of this, how can we still motivate ourselves to try something new and to step outside our comfort zone?

On the one hand, I love variety and I easily get bored. On the other hand, I am also risk-averse and easily scared. The latter doesn’t exactly lend itself to living the great adventures of life, whereas the former often acts as a motivating kick up my backside.

I am also a very rational, analytical person. I can quickly see the benefits of doing something. But I also deeply dislike feeling uncomfortable. Thus, while I can see that it makes sense to do something, I prefer to avoid voluntarily putting myself in a position that I KNOW will make me feel uncomfortable.

With this in mind, let me give you a few examples from my life of where I left my comfort zone.

I used to be very shy. My mum would tell me that in kindergarten, I didn’t speak to anyone. While I did start speaking to others, my shyness continued all throughout school—and still, somehow, I ended up studying abroad.

I will always remember sitting on the plane, crying my eyes out, wondering why on earth I was doing this to myself. How was I ever going to make friends? How would I pass my exams in a foreign language? It honestly was completely out of character for me, and it ended up being the best decision ever.

For my third year at uni, I chose to spend the year in France. And that decision came so much more easily based on my previous decision to come to the UK.

A decade later, I was offered a promotion at work. To a job I literally had no relevant experience for. I knew that it included a lot of tasks that I despised, and just the thought of them made me very uncomfortable (sales and networking, to name just two).

As you may guess, I said yes. And again, it proved to be an excellent move for me. I learned so much, and while it was challenging, I remember thinking that I had never before enjoyed a job this much.

By now I have lost count of how many times I quit a job without having had another one to start straightaway. In fact, often, I didn’t even have the faintest idea what I wanted to do next.

Growing up, I was taught how important it was to be financially independent. I’ve had many different jobs since my early teens and saved most of that money. Giving up a secure financial income was a huge step for me. Especially since it wasn’t that I was mobbed or close to a burnout or that anything else horrible had happened. I simply had come to the conclusion that I no longer wanted to do the job in question.

I am using these examples to demonstrate how change is always possible, and how pushing yourself out of your comfort zone can often prove to be the best decision you’ll ever make.

One option is to jump in at the deep end. But I appreciate that this can feel impossible at times. I want to share some tricks that have helped me over the years and that enabled me with all of the above examples. I believe they can help make that transition in a gentler way.

1. No comparison and no judgment

From the moment we are born the comparison starts, and it continues all throughout school (school reports) and into work (appraisals).

Social media does its bit to remind us of other people’s achievements, and we might feel like we are not measuring up to what society expects from us. This might lead us to either a) set unrealistic goals for ourselves or b) give up before we even started.

Please remind yourself that everyone’s comfort zone looks different. What is easy for you might be a challenge for somebody else, and vice versa.

Be honest with yourself and figure out what it is you want to work toward, and not what you think others expect of you.

What really matters to you? Setting an objective that feels worthwhile to you will make all the difference and will keep you motivated even throughout the lows that are often inevitable.

2. Baby steps

We all know that every journey begins with a first step. How about you make that a teeny, tiny baby step? Cause that isn’t so scary, is it? Seriously, start small. Even tiny baby steps, taken one after the other (and feel free to rest in between), will eventually lead you to your goal.

Not only are baby steps considerably less scary, they will also help you to keep going. If you are trying to make huge leaps, it is more likely that you will run out of steam quickly and/or get frustrated because it’s so hard.

Break it down. And then break it down some more. Remind yourself that you are making progress. It might not be visible to others yet, but you can see it.

3. Say yes now and figure out the rest later.

This is probably the tactic I use the most. When I first started in event management, I got invited to speak at a conference. It terrified me. But rationally I knew it made a lot of sense to say yes to this opportunity. For myself as well as the company I worked for at the time.

It was a no-brainer really—if it wasn’t for my fear of embarrassing myself on a stage. It was still four months or so to go until the event took place. So, I said yes. My reasoning was that I would either have it figured out by then or, in the worst case, pull out (I didn’t, and it went well despite me still being pretty terrified and hardly getting any sleep the night before.).

If something excites you but also terrifies you, how about you say yes to it right now? Trust that you will work out the details over time. That you can ask for help and support. Or indeed that you can always change your mind. But don’t let the opportunity slip away.

4. Worst-case scenario planning

Let’s be honest: You are indulging in worst-case scenario planning anyway. You might as well do it deliberately and mindfully. What really is the worst that could possibly happen? Chances are, it’s not all that bad.

Doing this will help you realize that even if things don’t go as hoped, you will be okay. And it also helps with putting measures in place to avoid some of the more likely scenarios you are trying to avoid. So many wins in that one!

5. Can you feel it?

Now that you’ve indulged your pessimistic side, it’s time to refocus on the positive. Stepping outside your comfort zone is not something you do just for the sake of it, but because you long for something that is out there. Your famous WHY.

Why is this even your objective? What’s your motivation? Who are you striving to become? What are you hoping to achieve? And once you get there, how is it going to make you feel?

Go all in and visualize the hell out of this! Close your eyes and imagine having already achieved it. Really feel it with all its glorious consequences. It’s that feeling and that fire that will help you make the next step. Remind yourself regularly of what it is you are after.

6. Getting others on board

I accepted promotions in the past partly because my superiors offered me help in the transition. You don’t have to go it all alone. You are not getting brownie points for NOT asking for help.

Check in with yourself: Is your pride in the way? Is there a part of you that thinks the achievement will be better, more valuable if you do it all by yourself?

There are certainly times when you will benefit from doing things yourself. But if it’s a question of not doing it at all or doing it with the help of others, surely the choice is clear?

Surround yourself with people who inspire you. And make use of the wisdom they have to share. Chances are, people have done what you are trying to do now, in some form. There’s no need to reinvent the wheel.

7. Be your own role model.

In an attempt not to be labeled as arrogant, it seems that we have gone too far the other way. We often practice self-deprecation instead of shining a light on our strengths and achievements. But let’s face it; you can’t have made it this far without having learned, grown, and stretched yourself.

Can you name your strengths? Do you have a list of your achievements? What are you proud of?

If you are finding these questions difficult to answer, I strongly recommend taking some time to think about them. And as highlighted above: this is YOUR list. No judgment, no comparison, no diminishing of what you perceive as your achievements just because you think society, your family, or friends don’t value them.

With all of that present, can you now see how you can be your own role model? What are the strengths that helped you reach those goals in the past? How can you harness them for your current project?

8. Expectations and acceptance

It goes without saying that leaving your comfort zone is unlikely to be plain sailing. We might experience setbacks, frustrations, and stress, and ultimately, we might not even reach our goal. All of that is human. Don’t let this deter you from trying.

Redefine what success and failure look like. The outcome might be different from your expectations, but you will have learned something along the way. At the very least you will have gained resilience.

Accept the discomfort. Be realistic about what the journey looks like and expect some detours. It’s all part of it, and I believe that the biggest disappointment arises from things not going as planned.

So, what changes when you are detaching from the outcome, when you practice acceptance of whatever happens, all the while knowing that you can handle whatever comes your way?

9. Reward yourself

This is my favorite part! Reward yourself for reaching milestones, which can be as small or big as you like. Do whatever you need to motivate yourself on this journey. Take a break, get some rest, adjust the plan, get more help. But most of all, acknowledge what you have already achieved. Congratulate yourself even just on the decision to make a change.

10. Practice makes perfect.

This is not a myth but a fact: It really gets easier over time. At the very least, with every experience, you will have more on your list of achievements to celebrate (step 7), right?

While it gets easier, it doesn’t mean that the experience itself will be pain-free or more comfortable. Trust me, any speaking engagement still makes me really nervous! But having done it once, I know I can do it again. Your self-confidence will make all the difference. Your belief that you will be able to handle it will grow.

—

Life is short. It’s my belief that we are put on this earth to make a wide range of experiences. You are limiting yourself if you aren’t prepared to step outside your comfort zone. And I really do believe that you are missing out.

I also believe that it helps not to take ourselves too seriously. Very often, the consequence we fear the most is embarrassing ourselves should our plans not work out. When you think about this more deeply, though, are you really going to let potential gossip stop you from going after your dreams? And as I like a good, cheesy quote, let me end with this one:

“What if I fall? Oh, but my darling what if you fly?” ~Erin Hanson

June 4, 2020
How 5 Simple Habits Made Me Love My Life More

“Good habits are worth being fanatical about.” ~John Irving

Your habits are directly related to the quality of your life. Good habits lead to joy and fulfillment in your life, while not-so-good habits leave you yearning for your life to be different.

I think I always knew that, I just wished I took it to heart sooner. Better late than never, right?

Gretchen Rubin, author of Better Than Before: What I Learned About Making and Breaking Habits, says that “Habits are the invisible architecture of our daily life. We repeat about 40% of our behavior almost daily, so our habits shape our existence, and our future. If we change our habits, we change our lives.”

I’ve spent far too much time in my life languishing in worries and regrets, wondering why life had to be so hard. I looked for outside sources to come in and save me. No rescuer ever came, at least not one that made a permanent difference.

I’d always wind up on the same boat: wondering why others seemed so content with the lives they were leading while I continued to have a burning desire for something different—something I really couldn’t even name, though I tried in vain to do so.

I set big goals and made big plans that I was certain would make all the difference for me. Usually, my big goals and big plans wouldn’t live beyond the next new moon. Even when they did, though, the things that I thought would make me happy didn’t. The things that I thought would bring me peace only annoyed me for their utter lack of peace-creating properties.

By profession, I’m a strategist. I look at all the many things that contribute to situations being a certain way and explore ways to move the situation toward where I want it to be. Turns out, sometimes you don’t have to overhaul anything; sometimes, small, simple tweaks can make a big difference.

As the saying goes, it takes large sails to move a large ship, but the captain need only make a small adjustment to the rudder to change the direction. The other part of the saying is there’s no point in adjusting the rudder if the ship is not moving; you won’t go anywhere.

Your daily habits are the small rudders that can help you move your life in the direction you wish. Choosing good habits day after day is the movement required to experience the positive life changes you’re seeking.

I like to think of myself as an intelligent person, but what I neglected to see in my own life is that the smallest tweaks done day in and day out have the power to move the mountains I want moved. When my eyes opened to the power of small changes practiced daily, miracles began to unfold in my life.

Below are some of the simple daily habits I’ve worked to incorporate into my life that are making such a huge difference for me.

1. Meditation

Yeah, yeah, I know. Everyone says meditate, but did you ever consider that maybe all those meditation-lovers are offering an you an insider’s tip (pun intended) that in fact is actually priceless?

I have an overactive mind, as many people do. It loves to tell me about all its worries and warn me of threats that in reality aren’t all that threatening—nothing more than a mouse posing as a monster most of the time.

My mind loves to relive situations and conversations over and over and over; it’s so tiring! I’ve found that the antidote to my endless chattering mind is daily meditation.

I don’t do anything complicated. I just sit in a relaxing position, tune into serene instrumental music on Spotify, and focus on my breath. Anytime I notice that my mind is wandering (as it always does), I return my focus to my breath. In times of silence answers seem to arrive to incredibly insightful questions I didn’t even know I should ask.

2. Kind, loving self-talk

In the past, my inner dialogue wasn’t all that friendly. In fact, I was my own worst enemy, a relentless bully whose malicious words would leave me disheartened and unable to face the world with any sense of self-worth or confidence.

I didn’t come by this demeaning self-talk accidentally. Its roots go back to my childhood.

I grew up in a Roman Catholic home with seven children (another sibling died before I was born) and two overworked, exhausted parents who were flat broke all the time.

My father struggled with alcohol addiction and mental illness. This, along with my mother’s enabling patterns plus her own low self-esteem and depression issues, defined how the house was run.

The focus of the entire household was on managing life around dad’s issues.

Growing up, it seemed to me that nothing I ever did was good enough for my dad, though I tried so very hard to please him. I craved his love and positive attention. He either ignored me or criticized me, and when he criticized me he often did so in the most brutal tone.

I took to adopting that brutal tone in my inner dialogue and kept up the cruel inner monologues for years and years. I rationalized that I was just keeping my standards high, because who wouldn’t want to have high standards, right? A father would only criticize his daughter to help her improve, right?

So I kept criticizing myself; it never occurred to me that dad lashed out at me because his whole life seemed like a mess, so by God, the one thing he would have control over was his children.

There I was as an adult, using unrelenting, vicious self-criticism as a way to be perfect so I could get the love and attention I sorely wanted from the people in my life. It was a strategy that was never going to work; it had to go.

After examining my bitter, demeaning inner voice, I realized that I would never treat another human being this way, so why was I permitting this type of untenable talk go on inside me? I deserve better—we all do!

Now when those critical thoughts come up I’m patient with myself without buying into the scolding voice that’s offering up the hypercritical self-assessments.

I look at the scared girl behind those ugly comments and extend my deepest love to her. You see, while I refuse to allow my inner critic to talk to me in vile ways anymore, I also recognize the only reason I ever talked to myself that way was out of a deep need for belonging and protection. There was a call for love behind those ugly words, and now I simply acknowledge that deep desire for self-love without chastising the hurting girl who was trying to get my attention in the only way she knew how.

3. Follow the five-second rule

I love Mel Robbins, and the day I learned about her five-second rule was a very important day in my life. (And I’m not talking whether it’s still safe to eat food that’s only had five seconds of contact on the floor—that’s a whole different discussion!)

In a nutshell, here is Mel Robbins’ five-second rule, in Mel’s words: “The moment you have an instinct to act on a goal you must count five-four-three-two-one and physically move or your brain will stop you.”

So, you’re not a “morning person” but you have a goal of getting up earlier in the morning? Then the moment your alarm clock goes off, count five-four-three-two-one and jump out of bed. No more hitting the snooze alarm.

Yes, in the moment of those early morning hours, of course you’d rather stay in that warm comfy bed—who wouldn’t? But staying in bed doesn’t align with your bigger goals, and getting up does. If you move within five seconds, you’ll move toward your bigger goals. If you don’t move and allow your clever mind to talk you into staying in bed for “just a bit more,” you’re sunk.

If you want to change your life by getting up earlier so you can write that blog you want to write (a-hem, what I’m doing now) or do that exercise you know your body needs, then make those goals your priority over an extra thirty minutes of sleep and use the five-second rule to help you get your body out of bed.

Adopting the five-second rule is one of the best habits I’ve ever taken up. For the sake of full transparency, I admit I’m not always successful at sticking to the rule, but the more I try, the more I succeed.

“If your habits don’t line up with your dream, then you need to either change your habits or change your dream.” ~John Maxwell

4. Feed my mind

I’ve always considered myself to be a learner, though in actuality I get lazy about learning. It’s hard to improve your life if you’re never giving your brain any new information. Feeding my mind on a regular basis has become a top priority for me.

My “feeding my mind” goal looks something like this: one retreat a year, one book a month (that I can either read or listen via audio), one podcast a week, and one smart article on something I want to learn about each and every day. I’ve found that starting the process builds momentum; I often crush my minimum goals!

Feeding my mind in healthy ways also means giving up some unhealthy habits. I’m extremely careful about how much news I watch nowadays. While I don’t want to keep my head in the sand, I find it’s important to limit the number of negative messages I allow into my mind, and news channels are notorious for going over the same disturbing stories again and again. I make time in my days for my extra reading and personal growth activities by getting up earlier and limiting my Netflix and HBO time.

I’ve also modified my budget so I can afford the audiobooks and retreats I want to buy. My clothing and dining out budget is about half of what it used to be, and it’s a trade-off I’m happy to make.

The habit of feeding my mind is opening up whole new worlds for me. I can’t tell you how often I’ve read about something and the perfect opportunity comes up for using what I’ve learned in both my professional and personal life. Louis Pasteur said, “Fortune favors the prepared mind,” and I couldn’t agree more!

5. Do something outside my comfort zone at least once a week

If I were a more ambitious soul, I might put a “once a day” rule on this habit, but for now once a week works nicely for me. The habit of doing the same things the same way every day is life draining, while the habit of stretching outside your comfort zone regularly is life expanding. I’d rather see my life expand rather than to contract and shrivel, thank you very much.

Today, I regularly practice being brave—allowing myself to be seen, allowing myself to be vulnerable and unskilled at new things. I don’t tiptoe outside my comfort zone anymore; I’m even willing to take huge leaps.

I quit a job that I’d been in for twenty-two years without having the next job lined up. I moved 2000 miles from family and friends to live in a beautiful part of the world where I’ve always dreamed of living.

I now work in freelance, consulting, and coaching roles, which means my income fluctuates a lot. I’m not always certain how much money I’ll earn each month; I could have never tolerated that degree of uncertainty before.

It’s surprising how much your life can transform in miraculous ways once you’re willing to not be perfect in your own little world but instead actively choose to be imperfect in a world that might judge you. When you take risks that might leave you flat on your back, they also might enable you to soar.

I’ve found that bravery is rewarded, maybe not always in the moment, but always in time. I encourage you to be brave; it’ll change your life!

February 17, 2019
Why You Need to Embrace “Beginner’s Mind” to Live a Life of Adventure

“The don’t-know mind… doesn’t fear, has no wish to control or foresee, steps off the cliff of the moment with absolute trust that the next step will land somewhere, and the next step somewhere else, and the feet will take us wherever we need to go.” ~Byron Katie

I am fifty-five years old. I’ve raised a family, been through two divorces, bought and sold four houses, and had a successful professional career. And right now I’m doing one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, which is learning to host in a busy restaurant.

My coworkers range from mid-twenties to early thirties. They are smart and hardworking. I feel like my brain is about to explode.

Why am I doing this? Well, money, for one thing. For better or worse, I can’t go back to my original profession after taking two decades off to be a mom. But another large motivator is that I want to do something totally new and out of my comfort zone, to experience what Buddhists call the “not-know mind” or beginner’s mind.

In my experience, adults older than about twenty-five are exceptionally good at stacking the odds in their own favor. We like to do what’s familiar, what’s comfortably in our wheelhouse.

Let’s face it: It feels good to know what you’re doing—especially when you’re the oldest one in the room!

Throughout childhood and young adulthood, avoiding new experiences is not optional (however much we might resist them). Every year in school we get a new teacher, perhaps new classmates, and continually new material to learn.

Starting a new career, moving into new social roles and responsibilities, all require us to be a beginner, to not know for that uncomfortable initial period.

Our goal in life is usually to reduce this sense of uncertainty and vulnerability as quickly as possible. Resisting new experiences, even the ones we actively desire, makes them still more uncomfortable. If we could crack this nut and truly embrace the vulnerability (and excitement!) of being a beginner, our lives would be more interesting—and a lot less stressful.

The discomfort we feel is pure ego. Ego is the part of us that needs to look large and in charge at all times. It is not a fan of beginner’s mind. Ego tells us we’re in danger when we’re not in familiar territory. Its job is to keep us “safe,” and if that means living a small and boring life, so be it.

I have to actively calm and soothe my ego each night when I report to work, filled with unfamiliar butterflies. I use self-talk that sounds exactly like what I say to my daughter when she embarks on a new experience:

“Just do your best. No one expects you to know everything right off the bat. New things are always scary, but you learn more every night.”

One of the keys to beginner’s mind is humility—a characteristic not highly regarded in this society. We are mostly about pumping ourselves up (there’s ego again). Humility requires us to acknowledge and honor what others know that we do not. For instance, I never knew how challenging restaurant work was before this, but I will never take a server for granted again!

Humility and humiliation are not the same thing. Recognition isn’t a zero-sum game: Genuine admiration of someone else’s ability or expertise does not automatically make me “less than” as a person. In fact, it makes me stronger! To be humble in this sense is a mark of maturity and real self-esteem.

Humility isn’t about falsely running ourselves down, but about seeing ourselves—our strengths and weaknesses—clearly. In this job, it doesn’t matter that I have a master’s degree (there are lots of servers with master’s degrees, I find) and no one cares what my previous profession was. What matters is that I’m willing to learn from anyone with the time to teach me.

Beginner’s mind is all about being willing to learn, which can (and should) happen at any age. But you can’t learn something new if you only do what you’re already good at. You can’t learn if you insist on being the expert. You can’t learn if you’re not willing to get it wrong for a while, to make mistakes—even in public.

The pay-offs are many, although it might be hard to convince yourself of that when you’re full of butterflies and dread. Life is an adventure, and adventures require us to step out of our comfort zones.

Ask yourself: Am I really ready to settle for more of the same for the rest of my life? Isn’t it worth a little discomfort (even a lot) to learn a new skill, meet a new person, or discover a new aspect of myself?

We can ask the ego to take a back seat for a while, and no one will be the worse for it. We can take our courage in our hands, and step out into the unknown, over the cliff, trusting that the next step will land somewhere.

Usually, the worst that can happen is that we will feel uncomfortable, maybe even embarrassed. Maybe we’ll actually fail! I’ve considered that outcome and decided that I’ll survive if it happens. I’d rather try and fail than wonder if I might have succeeded.

I hope that I’m providing a positive role model for my younger coworkers; maybe when they’re fifty-something they won’t hesitate to step out on a limb either. I know that I’m providing a good role model for my daughter. She texts me good luck almost every night on my way to work, and says things like, “I’m proud of us, Mom.”

We lose touch with what our children are going through when we get too comfortable with our lives. They don’t put much credence in our advice to “just try it” when they never see us taking a risk. We can’t model courage, or how to handle mistakes and survive failure, if we always stay safely ensconced in our comfort zones.

And the fact is, change will come even when we do our best to guard against it. The safety of a comfort zone is temporary, at best. In embracing humility and beginner’s mind, we really have nothing to lose and everything to gain. We’ll either succeed, or we’ll learn something—or, most likely, both. It’s a win/win (although you might never convince your ego of that)!

November 21, 2017
7 Reasons to Abandon Your Comfort Zone and Why You’ll Never Regret It

“Everything you want is on the other side of fear.” ~Jack Canfield

Imagine with me for a second. You wake up, roll over, and blindly reach to hit your alarm to start the routine of the day. Make the same thing for breakfast. Maybe go to a new coffee place…nah. Same place. Go to work on the same route to the same job you’ve been at for years.

After a long day of struggling through your daily responsibilities, you come home tired and slink back into the comfort of your TV and couch. Watch the same shows. Pass out. Repeat. At long last, the respite of the weekend finally comes. You go to the same bars, and hang out with the same friends, and before you know it, it’s Sunday night. Time to repeat the whole process over again.

Somehow down the road, you begin to feel like everything turned into too much of a routine. Nothing new happens anymore, and you can’t even remember the last time you really grew or progressed at something new—the last time you felt that burning sensation in your heart, that incomparable feeling of venturing into something new and scary.

That was me.

When I was a kid, I remember having this recurring nightmare. I was in prison, and my prison job was making license plates. That was my job for the rest of my life.

I had to find every combination of letters and numbers, and if I ever made a mistake, I would have to start over. There was no goal. There was no challenge. Just repetition and routine. (There were a lot more intricate details, but I’ll probably just give myself anxiety trying to recall them).

Anyway, I would wake up in a pool of sweat every night, wake my mom up, and tell her I was having the license plate dream again. She would just look at me like I was crazy; I don’t think I was very good at explaining why it freaked me out so much.

I don’t think I knew why it freaked me out so much.

Fast-forward a couple decades. I fell into a rut after a long period of falling into the same routines, day after day. Same jobs, long commute, long days, same weekends. It wasn’t even that I disliked my jobs—I worked in the music events and festivals industry. But my life had turned into such a routine, without challenges, without fear—just the same jobs, the same bars, the same everything, day after day.

I woke up one day with a thought that scared the hello out of me—when did it all end? I didn’t even know what goal I was working toward. The license plate nightmare had manifested itself into real life.

Dear God.

That day, I quit both of my jobs and bought a one-way ticket to Southeast Asia. On this trip, I went through just as many cliché life realizations as the next traveler, but one stuck out far more than any other.

The safety of my comfort zone was what was holding my growth and happiness back.

I realized how crazy comfort—one of the biggest roadblocks to our growth—is something our bodies crave the most. However uncomfortable and unnatural it may feel to jump out of our safe zone, the benefits outweigh the initial discomfort drastically. It’s just hard to see the other side sometimes.

Although the individual acts of leaving that safe space might vary from person to person—whether it’s quitting your dead-end job, traveling to a foreign place, finally talking to that person you’ve been too shy to engage, or simply diversifying your daily routine—I’m going to tell you some concrete reasons why leaving your comfort zone is so important for every person, and why you won’t regret it once you do.

1. All development comes from outside your comfort zone, especially from failure.

“We are all failures – at least the best of us are.” ~J.M. Barrie

Let’s start with the basics. People tend to forget that struggle and discomfort are where all growth happens. Remember when you were a kid, and every single day was a challenge at something new? Your parents forced you to try scary new things you didn’t want to do, and either you succeeded or failed—and either way you were growing the entire time.

Somewhere along the line, your parents stopped forcing you to do things, and your responsibilities added another layer of chaos into your life, forcing you to retreat into a comfortable routine to achieve a form of stability. In that process, many people start daring less to take a step outside of their comfort zone.

Subconsciously, we attribute “learning” as a phase that only happens when we’re kids. That’s ridiculous. The learning process never ends, and there is always opportunity to grow, no matter what age you are or situation you’re in.

We don’t like to try new things because we fear failure, but we need to understand that failure isn’t the end of the road, it’s the beginning. We learn and gain more from failure than we do from succeeding—and way more than if we never took the chance in the first place.

Whether you succeed or fail at whatever you’re doing, it’ll be a hundred times more valuable to your growth than if you never took the chance in the first place.

Whether it’s the soreness of your muscles after a long workout, the exhaustion of staying up all night chasing a goal, the fear of venturing into the unknown, or the feeling of failure, one old cliché always remains true: no pain no gain.

Either you succeed and you grow or you fail and you grow, but trying anything is better than doing nothing.

2. You’ll discover passions you never knew existed before.

People often look for new hobbies that’ll fill their life with passion, but many are not only afraid to try new things, they don’t know where to look. They trudge through their daily routine, hoping something new will pop out of nowhere and save them from the repetition.

Hey, sorry to break it to you, but it’s not going to happen. Nothing’s going to fall in your lap. You have to go find it.

Not only will leaving your comfort zone help you take a crack at the things you’ve always wanted to do, but you’ll discover other things you never even knew you might’ve liked before.

When I decided to quit my jobs and go on this trip to Southeast Asia, at one of my darker and lonelier moments (don’t ask), I found myself needing to write something, just to get some emotions off my chest. Little did I know I had just discovered my passion for writing.

I started writing article after article, and decided to design a website to share them on. I started taking more and more pictures to combine with these articles, which even led to editing travel videos together.

That’s four things, if you didn’t count. Four things I had never knew I had interest in before. All these newfound hobbies were borne from one thing that I discovered just moments after I left the comfort of my home.

No matter how much you want to believe it, waiting around for something won’t get you anywhere, but the second you leave your comfort zone, you’d be surprised at how things just start falling into place.

3. You’ll become more open-minded and understanding, making you appear wiser and more intelligent.

Life is full of completely different and unique people, but when we get stuck in the same routine, we tend to gravitate toward people that are similar to us. When this is the only interaction in our lives, it leads us to become close-minded and cuts us off from the reality of the differences that exist between people.

When you’re surrounded by the same people, who share the same opinions about everything, you gain a confirmation bias, and you start to think that a certain way of thinking is how all people think, or how all people should think. (Need an example? Go look at any political party ever.)

Leaving the comfort of being surrounded by the people you are accustomed to will introduce you to different ways of thinking, which will not only lead to a better understanding of our differences, but an appreciation for them.

This can be a whole different kind of uncomfortable, but the next time someone that has an opinion you disagree with, instead of immediately trying to convince them your side of the argument, try to understand why they came about that thinking in the first place.

We all gather our opinions from a rich web of experiences and thousands of variables, yet sometimes we tend to think of other people’s opinions in black and white. Everyone has a reason for why they think the way they do, many of which are a lot deeper under the surface than you might be able to initially see.

Opening your mind to other people’s cultural views and understanding what their ideologies are based out of (as opposed to just trying to confirm your already established beliefs) is the first step to gaining wisdom that applies to all people, rather than just the social group you’ve become accustomed to.

4. You’ll gain clarity once you ditch mindless comfort-zone distractions.

When we continue our routines and watch the same shows, go to the same places, or look at the same apps, we tend to turn our brains off and just follow muscle memory without even noticing. These routines make us feel comfortable and often put our minds to sleep.

You’d be surprised at how much clearer your mind works once you simply turn your phone and TV off and go explore something new. Your brain will actually start going to work without you even trying.

Something easy you can do today: Turn your phone off.

Something harder you can aim for in the future: Turn your phone off for longer.

5. You’ll become a more confident and sociable person.

Talking to strangers is often an anxiety-provoking activity for people. We’re constantly fearing we’ll get judged or that we’ll say the wrong thing to the wrong person. First off, let me tell you, everyone feels the same way. That thought alone helped me become a more sociable person without worrying about the consequences of a “failed conversation” (sounds stupid when I put it like that, huh?).

Interacting in situations with people you usually wouldn’t interact with is a great way to get out of your comfort zone. Go compliment someone you don’t know. What’s the worst that can happen?

In a more non-direct approach, forget about other people for a second. When you spend your time trying new activities and experiencing things you haven’t done before, through the power of leaving your comfort zone, confidence eventually comes whether you were looking for it or not.

The very act of being bold enough to try something you haven’t done before will raise your confidence on its own, and that in turn naturally minimizes the fear of interacting with people you don’t know.

Confidence and social skills will be a byproduct of your breaking of the ordinary. Which leads to the next point…

6. You’ll become a better storyteller without even trying.

“No human ever became interesting by not failing. The more you fail and recover and improve, the better you are as a person. Ever meet someone who’s always had everything work out for them with zero struggle? They usually have the depth of a puddle. Or they don’t exist.” !Chris Hardwick

Just as confidence and social skills come naturally when outside of your comfort zone, so will the stories. When you make a conscious attempt to leave your comfort zone, you’ll be surprised at how weird, crazy, and awesome things tend to happen more to you more.

You’ll start amassing an inventory of interesting stories without even trying. All of your failures and successes somehow start to become more of a narrative, rather than a repetitive list of chores.

Make your life a story that people would want to watch a movie about.

7. You’ll discover entire worlds you never knew existed before and the communities that go along with them.

Lastly, you’ll discover tons of different groups and cultures that will amaze you.

Think about one thing you like to do. For instance, we’ll say you enjoy golf. Think about all the tiny intricacies, tactics, and elements of golf that make you love it so much, whether it’s the careful studying of equipment, the complexity of your body motion, the perfecting of a craft, or just the peace of enjoying a beautiful day. On top of that, think of the entire golfing community that you connect with because of a shared love of an activity.

Now think about the fact that these passions and communities exist for an infinite amount of activities out there. Foodies for every kind of food. Music lovers of every genre. Fans of every sport. Professionals of every craft. Thousands of different cultures and communities that you have never experienced exist out there—all filled with people that possess as much love and passion for their craft as you do.

Discovering and sharing new passions with people is one of the greatest joys in this world.

The possibilities are endless. Go find some new worlds today.

—

Feeling like there is no end in sight can be one of the most suffocating feelings in the world. I know from experience that deep, sinking feeling you get in your chest when you realize your life has become too predictable—when nothing new happens, when you feel like you’ve stopped growing as a person.

The good news is it’s completely in your power to take control of your life and experience what’s out there, and turn that suffocation into freedom, curiosity, and excitement.

“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.” ~Chauncey Depew

Taking the first step is always the hardest, but I can guarantee you that once you do it, the only thought you’ll have in your head is “Why didn’t I do this earlier?” Every second you spend in this world is precious, and you shouldn’t waste a single second of it wondering if you should have done something. Life is waiting for you to take the reigns.

Imagine with me again. You wake up five minutes before your alarm, with a head buzzing full of ideas, ready to conquer the day. You go to work with a clear mind, with new goals formulating in your head at what seems like every minute of the day.

Before you know it, the workday has gone by in a snap, and you race home to start progressing to your next goal, or to write your next idea down, or to plan your next big getaway. Life has become exciting and full of wonder once again.

No more license plates.

September 19, 2017
How to Make Life More Exciting and the Benefits of Switching Things Up

“If you’re not living on the edge, you’re taking up too much space.” ~Stephen Hunt

Isn’t it funny how metaphors for life exist in all of our everyday experiences?

I found myself on a mountain the other day (no, that’s not the metaphor), where the route through the particularly rocky bits was marked with cairns. (For those non-mountain runners, a cairn is a man-made pile of little rocks indicating the pathway.)

Even though I was following a fellow runner, I liked to lag behind to enjoy the solitude and absorb the surrounding energy of nature. That’s the hippie in me.

There were a few times when I found myself gazing around, feeling lost, hands on hips, looking for those all-important cairns.

I yelled, “Where’s the path?” to my patient partner far up ahead, who replied, “You’re always looking for the path! Just come straight up!”

And there it is… my metaphor!

My personal epiphany was that in my life, I’ve always looked for that proverbial path. The straight and narrow. The safe way. The known route traversed by many. Need I go on?

Looking for the known path narrowed my focus to the immediate surroundings. It kept my world and experience small.

Had I forged straight up the mountainside, I would have had to navigate through unknown territory on high alert, and with extreme attention and interest. I would have seen different views and experienced a sense of accomplishment and exhilaration.

Yet, I followed the path.

How often do we do the same in life?

Ten years ago I ricocheted in and out of a volatile, toxic relationship.

Each time I left I would vow to have a clean break and move on. Yet many times (way too many times) I found myself back in this destructive relationship simply because it seemed easier than finding the courage to venture into something new.

I felt comfortable and safe, as I knew what I was getting. It didn’t matter that I was unhappy; it was the known path.

We can get from A to B on the known, safe, predictable route, or we can explore a new route and open ourselves to new experiences, adventure, and opportunities.

So where do we start?

Acknowledge the Mundane

Become aware of your daily routines and how they make you feel.

Start noticing those things you do on automatic pilot, things as simple as your grooming routines. Do you brush your teeth the same way every day? How about what you have for breakfast and lunch? Do you make the same thing because it’s easier and quicker?

And what do you feel when you’re doing these things? I’m guessing very little.

Identify the New Possibilities

Look at ways to do things differently, yet achieve the same (or better) results.

Ever tried brushing your teeth with the other hand? Trust me, it’s more of a challenge than you think. (And it’ll make you laugh!)

How about a completely new flavor of coffee? Or tea?

Or step it up: try yoga in the park instead of the monotony of the gym.

A spontaneous road trip somewhere new instead of yet another weekend of Netflix.

The options are endless. Let your imagination lead..

Plot a New Course for Excitement

Decide how you’re going to forge new “paths” into your current everyday existence.

Start with small steps and jot down a few things you can do differently every day.

Take a different route to work or try a completely new recipe for dinner.

Try soya milk. Or almond milk. You get the picture.

Again, observe your feelings as you try new things. Any intrigue? Fascination? At least a bit of interest?

The Benefits of Switching Things Up

And now the good bit: You get to reap amazing benefits when you make changes.

It encourages mindfulness.

You’re more present, which means your life experience becomes richer and more relevant.

If I run the same route every day, I fall into autopilot and lose myself in my head. I don’t notice my surroundings at all.

In today’s chaotic existence it’s not unusual to spend most of our conscious day either looping helplessly in thoughts of the past or fretting aimlessly in thoughts about the future. Both are essentially useless and serve only to create (mostly) bad feelings.

Being present is calm, interesting, and open.

It fosters a sense of accomplishment.

Can you imagine that sense of exhilaration inspired by something new and exciting?

Go on—think of the last time you felt exhilarated by achieving a new goal. Can you?

I remember when I completed my first ultra trailrun. I was completely undertrained, yet managed to drag myself through 80kms of mountains only to finish at the back of the field.

Yet I was completely exhilarated! I’ve never felt more alive and able to conquer the world.

Absolutely anything has become possible to me as a result of that achievement. I was Super Woman! (My version, at least.)

I know, it’s a big example, but the message here is to seek out that sense of accomplishment. Daily.

Smaller goals, more regularly.

It inspires a sense of adventure.

When you try something new, there are no habits and fewer rules in how you approach it. The task becomes an avenue of adventure. It’s like a blank slate. Perfect!

When we repeat things over and over again, it’s human nature to start comparing ourselves.

If I run the same route every day, I always start comparing my daily performance.

Was I as quick as yesterday? Do I feel as strong?

Unfortunately, this generally comes with a hefty helping of self-judgment. Not cool.

If I’m slower, I feel despondent. Down. Flat.

Who needs that? Really?

Varying my routes (and leaving my watch at home) leave me interested and open. Far better.

Leaping into the unknown can be scary, but it can also be exciting!

Which leads right to the next point…

We get to overcome our fears.

Most of us follow the same paths because they’re safe. By diverting ourselves into the unknown, we’re facing our fears and challenging ourselves to be more courageous.

I once entered a trail running event that scoured three peaks of a glorious mountain—at night!

That in itself is a challenge, but add awful weather (gale force wind and horizontal rain) to the mix, and it becomes almost ridiculous!

Yet I sucked it up and forged forward. Six exhilarating hours of being battered by the elements (did I mention it was dark?), with all my senses on extreme high alert, was nothing less than exhausting. But I cannot begin to describe the multitude of feelings I felt when I finished.

Stimulated, rejuvenated, accomplished, simply brilliant!

And if I can do that, what is there that I can’t do?

Who’s afraid of the dark now?

Our world expands.

We know there’s no growth without expansion. When we look for new options we have no choice but to grow.

To say that my little adventures into the mountains have had a domino effect on the rest of my life would be an understatement.

Over the last five years I’ve made more changes and taken more risks than I would ever have imagined! Some worked out fantastically and some were more challenging, yet each time I’ve stepped onto a new path my world has expanded. Literally and figuratively!

I’ve changed careers, relationships, and cities. In that order.

It was scary, risky, and some would say stupid. Yet I feel great! And that’s just the beginning.

—

Ultimately, the question remains: Why waste time doing something uninspiring? Life is simply too precious not to feel good feelings as often as we can.

Are we actually aware of how much of our day falls into the category of the mundane?

It’s easy to change.

And it can be fun!

Just “get off the path.”

May 26, 2016
The More You Do, The More Opportunities Open to You
“We’re here for such a short period of time. Live like you’re already dead, man. Have a good time. Do your best. Let it all come ripping right through you.” ~Jeff Bridges

Yesterday, a Chinese exchange student we hosted two years ago texted to let me know her mother would like to invite my family to visit them in Nanjing—and she would pay for our plane tickets and let us stay at their vacation home.

Of course I told everyone I know (I mean, China! C’mon!) and they all said, “You’re so lucky!” And it’s true, we are lucky.

However, there’s more to our luck than, well, luck. Receiving amazing opportunities is a function not of waiting around and wishing for good things to happen, but of going out and living life to the fullest so good things can’t help but come to you.

The China trip is one example: Since 1997 we’ve hosted fourteen exchange students for periods of time lasting from one month to the whole school year.

Our friends and relatives have always thought we were nuts to take on the inconvenience and expense. (No, you don’t get reimbursed for hosting.) But we consider hosting foreign exchange students to be part of our civic duty, a lot of fun, and a good learning opportunity for our now seven-year-old son.

Our kid has lived with students who hail from all over the globe—from South Korea to Ukraine to France—since he was one month old.

So is this free trip luck, or a natural outcome of hosting fourteen foreign teenagers over the years?

Another example: We entertain a lot, including holding weekly board game nights for ten to twelve gamers in our home. We’ve gone to great efforts to host these game nights—including managing a Meetup Group, supplying drinks, juggling our son’s bedtime routine on game night, and even having our garage converted into a board game room.

We’ve become good friends with one family we met through this group, and for my birthday last week they offered to pay for tango lessons for my husband and me.

Tango! I would never have thought of learning tango if we had not met these people and if they had not offered to get us lessons. Even though we expected nothing from our game group but some fun gaming, we have a new opportunity to do something fun and exciting that will stretch our limits—in a good way.

I started thinking about this more and more, and the concept holds: The more you do, the more opportunities open to you.

“Do More WHAT?”

Doing more means different things to different people, but at its core it’s about stretching, learning, expanding, and experiencing new things.

For some, that might mean helping at the soup kitchen or learning a new language, while for others it might mean starting a meditation practice or forming a book club. It doesn’t matter, as long as what you do is one or more of the following (the more the better!):
- A learning experience
- Something you’re passionate about
- Mind-expanding
- Helpful to others
- Exciting
- Requiring effort on your part
- Scary
Traveling, training for an athletic event, learning a new skill, volunteering, joining a new team at work, entertaining, writing, creating, launching…it’s all fair game. Just don’t fall into the trap of simply ramping up the intensity or frequency of the same-old-same-old if it’s not what lights your fire; try something new.

“How Does It Work?”

I can’t say for sure, but I can theorize. My feeling is that when you make an effort to try new things and expand your life experience, the universe—or heck, even your friends—see that you’re open and ready for more awesome opportunities, and they rush to make those opportunities happen.

After all, who would you invite to join you at a class at the local clown college, or to co-launch a business—the friend who’s ready for anything, who you’ve seen taking part in all kinds of events, competitions, and activities? Or the friend who shrinks from new experiences and who sticks to the same routine year in and year out?

“This All Sounds Expensive.”

It can be if you want it to, but it doesn’t have to be. Volunteering is free. You can start a new business or volunteer organization with a WordPress website for nothing. Starting a book club, dinner group, or running group on Meetup.com costs only about $13 per month, and you can charge dues to make up for it. Training for a 5k or fitness competition for free.

These (and many other activities) will create bonding experiences, memories, and opportunities to do even more—all without breaking the bank.

“But Wait…Isn’t This the Opposite of Non-Attachment?”

As a reader of this blog, you’re probably interested in concepts like being present and accepting what is. If you’re making efforts to experience more, create more, and do more, doesn’t that mean you’re grasping, attaching, obsessing about the future, and generally not being satisfied with your current self?

It could mean that, but there’s a way to experience more and create new opportunities without falling prey to attaching: Go after everything you’ve ever wanted to experience and create—but enjoy the journey while you do it and try not to attach to the outcome.

Work to improve your PR for that weightlifting competition, but don’t freak out over how you’ll perform at crunch-time. Write that book, but expect and accept rejection.

Even if all your plans go awry, you still have the memories, and the results of your hard work. Write a novel and you have a novel. Pump iron for a competition and you’ll be stronger. It’s the doing that matters, not the results.

Want to open yourself up to positive, amazing opportunities today? Think of something you’ve always wanted to do—whether it’s taking drum lessons, completing a sprint-distance triathlon, or hosting a gigantic family reunion—and take the first step toward that goal right now, before your “logical” mind steps in and tells you all the reasons it’s not possible.

Once you do that, please post your experiences in the comments below. Here’s to great experiences!
April 10, 2016
Stretching Yourself and Creating Smiles

“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” ~Neale Walsh

Have you ever thought about doing something way out there—and then done it?

I became intrigued with Patch Adams and his philosophy of medicine and healing after seeing the movie about him, starring Robin Williams.

This came on the heels of my daughter Nava’s miraculous survival and full recovery from a medical crisis that involved a year-long hospitalization. As her mother, I felt a renewed sense of life. Or, as I like to refer to it: I truly felt I had received a second lease on life.

I was clearly looking to do something meaningful in gratitude for my family’s miracle.

I found out that Patch Adams led clowning trips to different countries, visiting hospitals, orphanages, and hospices. This certainly sounded like something exciting and unique, and it connected with my recent experience with hospitals and illness.

It was a real way to give back. Thankfully, it didn’t take much to get my husband on board.

There were two criteria: pay your own way and be silly. No professional clowning experience needed. We were in. (more…)

February 8, 2011
When to Go with the Flow & When to Expand Your Comfort Zone

“Be bold, be bold, and everywhere be bold.” ~Herbert Spencer

I’m actually much more of a proponent of “going with the flow” then going against it. And sometimes forcing yourself to do something you don’t want to do can be considered going against the flow.

But I do that for a different reason, and not everyone would agree.

I have two schools of thought. On the one hand, expansion is inevitable. We’re always called to become more than we are in life. It’s the nature of being human.

On the other hand, there’s something called “homeostasis.” Like a thermostat that’s set to a certain temperature, it will always self-regulate. If it gets too hot, the air will kick in to bring it to a cooler temperature. If it gets too cold, it will start flowing hot air. Whatever the gauge is set to, the thermostat will regulate.

Similarly, there’s an unconscious process within us that self-regulates. We have relationship set points, money set points, and weight set points. We have comfort zones—sometimes ones that we’re completely unaware of.

That’s why people who win the lottery can go back to being at the same level of income or bankrupt in less than six years. Their unconscious financial set point didn’t change because they won a million dollars.

Like the thermostat programmed to monitor the gauge, their unconscious thermostat brought them back to where they were comfortable. They can win millions and within years, they are back to where they started.

I suspect that if you redistributed the wealth in the country and equalized it among all people, it would re-distribute exactly the same way within three years, according to people’s set points.

I say all of that to say this: Yes, expansion is our nature, but we also come up against our own homeostasis—our own comfort zone. We don’t want to move out of what we know. (more…)

January 10, 2011
Cracking Your Comfort Zone: How to Face a Fear

“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it’s worth watching.” ~Unknown

I’m about to write something that’s freaky and a bit philosophical, but true. Really take this in: You become your comfort zone.

Getting out of your comfort zone is crucial to actualizing your aspirations.

If you want something that you don’t already have, there’s a good chance you’ll have to do things that you haven’t already done.

Doing those things may not feel natural to you. You may even feel uncomfortable and awkward. But ultimately, behind the frightening facade of fear is a bigger version of who you already are. That’s where the fun is.

Cracking your comfort zone involves feeling fear and befriending it. Your fear is there for a reason. Respect and embrace it.

The best of the best feel fear. So will you. The trick is to not let it immobilize you, but instead, use it as a driving force to take you where you want to go.

When we learn how to accept and embrace our fear of the unknown, we open ourselves up to an endless opportunity for pure potentiality to emerge. (more…)

December 26, 2010
Being out of Your Comfort Zone: Opening up & Pushing Boundaries

“The future is completely open, and we are writing it moment to moment.” -~Pema Chodron

These past few years, I’ve focused on education and passing the required exams to get into university. I had my mind set on where I wanted to be and what I wanted to do. I didn’t do well on my exams, so that didn’t quite pan out, but I’m happy.

I’m now studying for a bachelor’s degree in biology with the hope of later furthering it into research. I’m also located just around the corner from where I originally wanted to be. So all in all, I consider my current situation a good result.

But this experience is going to be about more than just obtaining a certificate and increasing employability. For me, this is a huge step. This truly is out of my comfort zone.

Moving Away

Initially, I experienced a mix of emotions, including gross absorption and wonderment. My new surroundings were gripping me, showing me something much bigger and brasher than myself. I stepped out of the car and unpacked my belongings; it was the culmination of a mentally pre-rehearsed experience.

The journey felt a lot like autopilot, but I was finally there. Moving away from home and onto university was something I had been anticipating for months, maybe even years; but when it came around, it all just happened.

The first lesson I learned from this move was not to go over things for months on end. That can drive you crazy.

It’s better just to immerse yourself in the moment and let things come around. This doesn’t mean neglect import things; it just means not to consume yourself with worry. (more…)

November 11, 2010