Tiny Buddha

Tag: choose

  • Never Forget That You Have the Power to Choose

    Never Forget That You Have the Power to Choose

    “If we are peaceful, if we are happy, we can smile, and everyone in our family, our entire society, will benefit from our peace.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

    Dedicate today to the power of choice. Your choice. You can’t choose everything that you experience in life, but what you can choose is mightier than any circumstance, outcome, or other person’s opinion.

    Where you focus your mind, how you use your words, and how you treat yourself and others are all up to you. One chapter at a time, you write your own story.

    We all have the power to choose what we absorb and what we release. We ultimately decide what we share, what we keep, and what we let go. How long we stay mad and how long we wait to reach for hope, when we say yes and when we say no, and how long we say only what others want to hear are all up to us. Whether we see the world with gratitude or resentment begins with a choice.

    It’s not that anyone chooses pain, though. I can’t think of a single person who’d choose despair or insecurity. No one elects shame to be their shadow. Not even boredom is a choice. We just forget our power sometimes or maybe underestimate the power of our intentions.

    For me, forgetting is a quick slide into control or fear. Every doubt, complaint, and fear leads me directly to more to doubt, complain about, and fear. The pressure builds. Tension rises. And even then, as much as I hate to admit it when I’m steeping in it, I have a choice.

    I can choose how closely I pay attention to my thoughts and how I respond to what I feel. Even if hours go by, days, years, it’s never too late to make a different choice. 

    My husband will be the first to tell you that I can hold on to things. I spent months holding on to a comment a friend made about my writing. I mentioned to her that I felt stuck on a project, and she told me, “It’s not it’s like real work. You don’t actually have to do it.”

    I was seething when she said this but didn’t say a word about it to her. I’d let the comment go for a few days, saying “it’s fine,” but as soon as her name came up? That was all I could think about.

    I can go even further back than that. When I was about six, a little boy on the bus called me a hag. It may seem like a small thing for first graders to tease each other, but I cannot tell you how many ways that one comment has worked its way into my self-image since then. At times I thought it was hopelessly stuck in my psyche. And still, thirty years later, I somehow made the choice to process and resolve that memory.

    It’s never too late to choose.

    When I remember the power of my intention, no matter how long it takes me, I come back home to myself with deepened perspective and goodwill. My choices soften the anger, fear, and sorrow I once felt. Remembering my power to choose restores the gentleness in my step and words. I see a completely new world around me. 

    From that place of remembering, all the positive, empowering choices available to me emerge from the mental fog. I can choose to ask a question, solve a problem, or call for help. I can choose to take a walk, meditate, have a snack, water the flowers, or count my blessings.

    Each positive step leads to more and more positive choices.

    So many things are out of my control, and I’m learning to let go of wanting it to be otherwise. I understand now that this only happens through my choice.

    I’ve historically wanted to follow a plan, not go with the flow. And I’ve depended on those plans going off without a hitch to feel safe.

    Here’s an example: When my husband mentioned finding a new job a few years back, I wanted to know all the details. No, I wanted more than that. I wanted to be so involved in the process that I knew exactly what was going on. When he didn’t get a new job, I wanted to know why and what this meant.

    Of course, life doesn’t work that way, and by hanging my security on details I couldn’t control, I gave away my own power.

    When I could acknowledge that pattern, I opened myself up to choosing differently. If I want more certainty, I can choose to look for the things I trust like my values, strengths, and the learning process rather than the things that could go wrong. If I want to feel more at peace, I can choose to speak to myself with more kindness not more criticism. Above all else, I can choose to have my own back no matter what.

    What I’m learning from this is there’s so much to be deliberate about and so many ways to choose.

    You can choose to set a small boundary when you’re exhausted from keeping the peace.

    I choose to be true to myself. May my honesty restore what’s been depleted.

    You can choose to broadcast loving-kindness when you see the images of suffering in the news.

    May all beings be safe from harm. May all beings return to peace. May all beings find freedom.

    You can choose to acknowledge our shared human experience when you feel most alone.

    In this moment, I remember that in my joy and suffering, I am connected to all of humankind. 

    And when you’re on top of the world, you can choose to bask in it.

    I dedicate this moment to the deep gratitude I feel. I choose to delight in this joy today. 

    There’s always something you can choose. So, choose soothing, however you’re able. Choose to look for things to feel good about. And if nothing else, choose to be as intentional as you can. Always with acceptance for the part of you that forgets. 

    Starting now, starting small, remind yourself of your power to choose. Here’s how:

    Begin with yourself. 

    Offer whatever you have on you right now—your beating heart, your breath, your hands, your eyes reading these words—to your power to choose. With that power, dedicate this moment in time to your health or happiness, to a new story, or anything that resonates with you.

    I dedicate this breath to my happiness. 

    I dedicate this day to my health. 

    With every word I read, may I remember my power to choose.

    From there, if you feel inspired, add on to it with another choice: Take a positive step that supports your health and happiness. Make plans to do the same tomorrow.

    If no step calls out to you, that’s okay. Smile and thank yourself for this choice all the same.

    Next, focus your power to choose on someone you love. 

    For just a moment, offer whatever is within reach to them. 

    I dedicate this hour to the people I love the most. May the beating of my heart bestow health, happiness, and security upon them.

    Again, build on this intention with a choice if it feels right. Pick up the phone, lend a helping hand, or send a quick text.

    If no action is needed or accessible now, that’s okay. Smile and imagine them receiving your dedication all the same.

    You can extend your power to choose as far out as you like. 

    Dedicate every step you take crossing the street to the well-being of all passersby. Then, add on as appropriate with another choice. Smile at them. Make eye contact. Mentally send them positive wishes for their day.

    Devote your commute today to bringing harmony to a challenging relationship. If it feels accessible, make another choice. List their positive traits. Name one way you could respond differently. Forgive if you’re able and willing. If nothing else, choose to be alert to how your attention feeds your internal experience of conflict and choose to nurture something new.

    With your power to choose, give a voice to your deepest wishes for the planet and all who inhabit it. Go as big as you like.

    I dedicate my words today to the message of love. May all who I encounter receive this message and help me spread it through their words. May this message proliferate and reach all beings.

    I send my love to the planet. May I aid in the purification of the air, the restoration of our oceans, and the health of all creatures in whatever way is available to me today.

    And then, take whatever action presents itself to you. If no action is available, that’s okay. Smile and know that you’ve strengthened your power to choose all the same.

    If a choice resonates with you, stay with it. Work with it for as long as it feels right. It could be a day, a week, a month, or more. Expand on it with more choices as is appropriate for you in your current situation.

    Pay attention to what happens as you practice this. Perhaps you’ll notice new ideas flowing more easily. Maybe you’ll feel motivated to take a positive step you’ve put off for a while. If all that happens is feeling more awake and empowered, then it’s well worth the effort!

    No matter what arises in your day or in your heart, remember there’s always something you can choose. May we all remember the power we have.

  • Choose People Who Choose You

    Choose People Who Choose You

  • You Are Free to Choose

    You Are Free to Choose

  • I Can Choose

    I Can Choose

    I can choose

    Source: Live Life Happy

  • We Have the Power to Choose Again

    We Have the Power to Choose Again

    Choose Again

  • The First Thing You Need to Do to Change Your Life

    The First Thing You Need to Do to Change Your Life

    Bold Man

    “Never forget: This very moment, we can change our lives. There never was a moment, and never will be, when we are without the power to alter our destiny.” ~Steven Pressfield

    Altering your life in the smallest or grandest way is so simple, but it requires you to do something you likely are already doing all of the time.

    If you’ve ever wanted to take up a discipline, begin a new business, stop an addiction, or start anything new, it’s the same for all.

    Any life change requires one simple action: you to decide.

    Over five years ago, I knew in my heart I wanted a different work life, that a greater way of living a life of my dreams could be real for me if I could just take the leap.

    I was afraid of not having the external security that came with that job of five years. But when I looked at my true dreams, and who I’d become not doing what I love, it wasn’t who I felt I was deep at heart.

    Then it happened, I followed the feeling. I simply chose that enough was enough; I quit my job.

    There is a rich and deep aliveness that comes from following your heart, in acting on what you love despite any limitations or fears of the unknown.

    It’s what brings you closer to knowing who you are in your heart, and who I believe we all came to be in this life, dreamers willing to live their dream, not just know dreams exist.

    When I finally decided, there was no more deliberation, or trying to think of all possible outcomes. I stopped thinking about it.

    There are two types of fear: debilitating, poisonous, inaction fear, and an excitement fear that comes with taking inspired action. As soon as I decided, just an excited fear remained. 

    In a moment of true decision where you act on what you love, you experience a feeling of freedom and aliveness that overcomes fear. 

    Poisonous fear exists mostly in indecision, between knowing what you love and the perception that you’re unable to act on it.Perhaps that’s why it’s called “False Evidence Appearing Real.”

    When you take action on what you love, whether you experience fear or not, you’ve decided with your whole being, what’s called a true decision; and it overcomes all else.

    Often I hear people express a desire to do, or be something, and then they list the reasons why it’s not possible in their circumstances. But isn’t it true that possibility doesn’t become available to you until you decide to do it?

    In my experience, what’s possible only becomes real once you decide on the inside and then act on what you feel outside.

    If you’ve ever rented an apartment, bought a home, or booked a flight, you may know the power of decision. I’ve often heard people admit, “I didn’t know whether I could afford it then,” or, “I couldn’t afford it, but I did it anyway.”

    How is it possible to not be able to afford something, but have or experience it anyway? You decided, and more than likely, somehow your life circumstances changed. Some people call those coincidences, miracles, or serendipity.

    What’s meant to be is meant to be because you decide.

    I don’t just mean deciding to put it on credit, although sometimes that is the way, I mean watching your circumstances change to reflect your decision. I’ve experienced watching my business increase or receiving an unexpected financial windfall right after making a decision. It happens differently every time.

    A couple years ago I felt to move to NYC. At that time, I had no external security, no extra money saved, no job, or apartment lined up. I had no real reason to think it was possible based on my circumstances.

    When the feeling came to my heart, I said yes. A true decision is like falling in love; you don’t decide from your head, it’s something that finds you. I had only my feeling, but I’d developed trust for my intuition by this point.

    Decisions with the most impact are those that come from your heart because they have the power to defy what you think is possible (through love), and it’s those decisions that you experience the most aliveness (more love).

    The greatest challenge is your thinking: you may have to embrace whatever limitations are in your mind, and let go of what security you perceive you may lose.

    Following your heart may make no sense, and it may be the opposite of your plans, but it makes sense to the deeper knowing within.

    In the beginning, it’s not easy to follow just a feeling, but the more you do it, the better at it you become, and the more you value yourself for doing it.

    At that moment in time, I didn’t feel compelled or inspired to look for places to live in NYC before I got there, yet I lived in three different places. By staying in my heart and following the moment-to-moment inspirations, I saw the power of my decision unfold with ease.

    First, an old family friend offered me his flat in Manhattan while he was away.

    Before I left, I met a woman at an event visiting from Brooklyn who emailed me two weeks later asking if I wanted a sublet.

    The last place came when I followed my intuition to meet with a friend who surprised me with a place to sublet, which I moved into days later, the day my other place was up.

    From experience, it’s easier to follow the feeling when the possibilities are visible: you have the time, the money, or all the tangible circumstances.

    But what about when you only have a feeling, when the possibilities are still invisible, do you still follow the feeling in your heart?

    Living a life of love is more effortless because you cultivate more presence naturally, but you don’t do it for the effortlessness; you do it because you come to know yourself in that love at a deeper level.

    Sure, the move came with ease, but it was the aliveness I felt in following the feeling that took my breath away.

    Anyone reading this must take note: this was my story of following the feeling in that moment. If I moved to NY now, I would follow my feeling now, which could mean looking long and hard for places. It’s a new moment!

    There is a fine line between a deep knowing, and hoping, wishing, and laziness. I wasn’t not acting out of denial, I was in my truth, but your truth is going to be different every time, so don’t try my story “at home.”

    A friend and inspirational writer who lives intuitively moved with two kids to California, leaving a secure law degree position back east, both she and her husband following their respective feelings.

    Recently, she told me how she bought her house. “The bank should have never approved our loan from a logical perspective, it doesn’t make sense given our finances, but I just knew we had to take a risk and go for it because the feeling was pulling me.”

    In her example, it doesn’t mean she won’t lose her house. Don’t forget life is a risk; so is going after what you love!!

    Following your feeling will not only give you the experiences you perceive to be positive, it takes you to perceived negative experiences so you can be free of the fear.

    I followed the feeling to start a business a couple years ago, and it failed. The feeling took me to a failed business, but now I don’t fear failing.

    Ultimately, your intuition is guiding you to your bigger picture of what you love: less fear, and more power to alter destiny (love). Sometimes it takes you into beautiful romances, but later the feeling pulls you out of that same relationship you thought was forever.  

    The bigger picture has opportunities and challenges; you don’t get one without the other.

    It can be really hard because going beyond limitations stretches you internally. You have to truly love it from your soul, not just your head. And you have to be willing to say yes!

    You want more love, more inspiration, and more empowerment, but don’t know how? Decide first. You want to live a life that’s of freedom? Decide to. Possibilities become possible when you decide.

    The truth is, you’re the only one with the true power to alter your destiny, to shape your life into one you love. It’s starts with what you decide through opening your heart to the feeling. You can complicate it in your head, but it’s that simple. What you love is in every moment; it’s up to you.

    I didn’t always believe in me, but because I decide over and over again to live a life of love despite the fear, I now do.

    No matter who you are out there in this world, I believe in you in this moment. After all, it is a new moment, your moment.

    Bold man image via Shutterstock

  • We Have the Power to Choose

    We Have the Power to Choose

    Man watching the sun

    “Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.” ~Wayne Dyer

    When I was twelve years old I returned from a weekend at my aunt’s house, with my mom, to find my father dead in bed. I remember my mom’s screams causing many of our neighbors to come over to see what had happened.

    The experience shut me down. I don’t know how else to put it. My father was young: fifty-three years old. It was a huge shock to everyone.

    Apparently, he was too proud to get a pacemaker. He died of a heart attack.

    My oldest sister was on her honeymoon. She had just gotten married a week before. My other sister was away at college. When they came home they were hysterical, just like my mom and the rest of the family.

    I felt like I had to be the strong one because I was the man of the house now. I was very quiet and reserved about the whole thing. This gave the impression that I was handling it well.

    Things were not well, though. I never dealt with it in a proper way. I never received therapy or any other kind of help. I buried the experience deep down—so deep that I can barely remember him.

    I rarely even spoke about it with anyone. I may have had only a handful of conversations about it by the age of thirty.

    I thought I was okay with it, but I was damaged. (more…)

  • We Need to Give People the Freedom to Choose What’s Right for Them

    We Need to Give People the Freedom to Choose What’s Right for Them

    Flying Free

    “You must love in such a way that the other person feels free.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

    I’ve read a lot of articles about loving without attachment and respecting other people’s choices, but it wasn’t until one day that I truly got it. And I will tell you what happened to me that day.

    My boss and I have a very special relationship. He’s the boss everyone would want to have. He appreciates me for my work and for everything I do. He thinks that I’m a great kid. Every time he has the chance, he praises my results and he shows his confidence in me and my work.

    One day, I decided to go to a job interview at another company. I wasn’t planning to leave; I only wanted to see what other companies have to offer. And I told him about it.

    His reaction was a complete surprise for me: instead of thinking of himself and offering me everything just so that I wouldn’t leave, he told me, “Andrei, go to the interview, and if you think that’s better for you, then go.”

    It was obvious for me that he wasn’t okay with me leaving. He loved my work and he wanted me to stay, but he understood something: the most important thing is for me to be happy. And that made the difference.

    He was thinking of me instead of thinking of himself. It was a breakthrough. Instead of forcing me to stay and granting everything so that I don’t leave, he offered me a choice. And choice means freedom.

    It meant that I got to compare. I got to see what others have to offer and then choose what is right for me. And of course, when I get to choose, I choose what makes me happy. So I went to the interview, realized that my current project was better than the new one, and returned to work with new forces.

    A few days after this I was at home, remembering the whole scene when my girlfriend called and told me that she was thinking of going on a trip for the weekend.

    We hadn’t seen each other for a while, and I had made some plans for us for the weekend. But she was thinking of leaving and she wanted to know what I thought about it.

    The first thing that popped into my mind when she told me this was: “No! Tell her not to go! We have plans!” But then I remembered how my boss had reacted. I wanted her to be happy.

    I wanted her to be able to choose what was right for her. I wanted her to have a choice, as I had, because I understood that choice means freedom. So I told her to go despite the fact that I was a little sad that I wouldn’t be able to be with her.

    There are two things that I learned from these experiences.

    Letting go gives people a choice.

    My boss taught me an important lesson: think about what other people want and need instead of only thinking about yourself.

    When someone wants a thing that is in contrast with what you want, there are two choices of action. The first is convincing the other to do the thing you want. This path empowers you. You will be satisfied, but the other will not necessarily be happy with it. By following this path, you take a risk by thinking that you know what is right for the other one. And you might fail.

    But there is another path: presenting your choice, but supporting the other’s choice. This path is more beautiful and more powerful because it empowers the other. You may or may not get what you want, but either way there is no way to failing.

    Choice means freedom.

    Freedom is a thing that we all desire because ultimately freedom brings happiness. Freedom means being able to compare the situations—the benefits and the drawbacks—and choosing what is best for you.

    As much as we all want to be free, we have to understand that others have the right to be free, as well.

    They say birds are a symbol of freedom. If you look at the sky and watch their flight, you will understand why. I’ve never seen a bird dragging another one around the sky. Yes, they might fly one near the other, they might eat and sleep near each other, but that’s it. If they choose to drag one another, neither of them will be able to fly and they will both fall down to the ground.

    It can sometimes be difficult to respect other people’s choices because it conflicts with our ego. But we all want the freedom to choose what is right for us. And everyone benefits when we all choose to give it to each other.

    Photo by Cornelia Kopp

  • Choose Love Now

    Choose Love Now

    “Eventually you will come to realize that love heals everything, and love is all there is.” ~Gary Zukav

    Growing up, I was lucky that my parents surrounded me with a strong and steady current of love, despite our family’s own little dysfunctions and a knowingness that I wasn’t like other kids.

    In truth, once I got past my shyness, I was a pretty confident young girl who actually enjoyed being the “different” one, immersing myself in the creative outlet of dance and soothing my soul with frequent trips into nature.

    Broken Bits

    It wasn’t until I fell in love with the world of acting that my bubble of confidence burst and I started to question who I really was.

    I was suddenly thrust into a world where image, judgment, and ego ruled, and my new identify as defined by others came through loud and clear:

    My stomach and thighs could use some work, the gapped teeth I used to cherish no longer fit the bill, and my take on pretty was labeled “small-town,” falling short of Hollywood’s standards.

    I began to believe the lies and little pieces broke inside of me.

    Powerful Words

    Of course it wasn’t all misery, and there were many moments of sheer joy where I seized opportunities to tell great stories and work on projects that fed me creatively.

    I kept at it for several years, riding these highs and lows, until I awoke to the fact that life is not just a ride I’m strapped into, destined to be flung about wherever it takes me.

    Indeed, I had a bigger choice when it came to how I handled the highs and lows and that, even though it would seem I was choosing the life I wanted by pursuing a career as an actress, I wasn’t choosing my most joyful life within the circumstances I had manifested.

    Tuning in, my new mantra flowed through me:

    Choose Love Now.

    I was blown away by the power in these words.

    Choose: Every moment is a choice…

    Love: …to choose either love or fear… 

    Now: …and that choice is made in the only real time there is…the present moment (more…)

  • On Making Positive Choices for a Happy, Empowered Life

    On Making Positive Choices for a Happy, Empowered Life

    “Life is a choice.” ~Unknown

    I’ve recently realized that life is a never-ending stream of choices, even when you think you don’t have many options.

    Some look insignificant on their own but somehow manage to contribute to a massive whole. Others can feel overwhelming, and you don’t always realize when you make them what the consequences will be—how they’ll shape your life story.

    The biggest decision I’ve made in the past six months is to return to university and complete the MA Creative Writing course I began two years ago. It’s almost a choice I never made—a life I never had—though it leads to the future I’ve dreamed about for years.

    Good stories aren’t about people; they’re about action. They’re about what people do and what happens when they do these things.

    What we do is based upon the choices we make, whether it be in our everyday efforts to keep on top of our washing or in the extraordinary moments when we decide to take that job offer, even though friends and family don’t understand because it’s less money (but a lot more fun).

    Over a year ago my ‘action’ was to intermit my studies because I needed to get my health under control. I was hoping the decision of whether or not to return would pass me by like the summer had already done and relieve me of the burden of having to consider my options.

    I could still be sitting here now avoiding a decision. Instead, I found the strength to make a choice, and in doing so, I’ve discovered my health problems haven’t gone anywhere. They’re still there, and they’re still creating challenges I can either meet or run away from. Action not only drives us but also reveals us. (more…)

  • Stop Second-Guessing Yourself: 5 Tips to Feel at Ease with Decisions

    Stop Second-Guessing Yourself: 5 Tips to Feel at Ease with Decisions

    “Good decisions come from experience, and experience comes from bad decisions.”  ~Unknown

    A reader recently wrote to me:

    “I struggle with making decisions and always second-guess myself… I recently had to make a decision about something and after giving it a lot of thought, I decided. Now, months later, my decision is eating me up and I can’t stop thinking I made the wrong decision. So I guess my point is once you decide, how do you stop yourself from second guessing?”

    I know I’ve been there, having made a decision I not only second-guessed but wish I hadn’t made and couldn’t take back.

    I think there are two parts to each of us: who we are day to day, and who we are in our broader intentions. Second-guessing comes when the smaller part—the one that is at the effect of everything—is afraid of the greater part that’s forging a new way.

    When we make any decision, for better or for worse, we effect change. And sometimes it’s scary to be responsible for the change we effect. That’s why I love the saying. “Make a decision. And then make the decision right.” (more…)