Tiny Buddha

Tag: chasing

  • Stop Chasing: Finding What You Need in the Here and Now

    Stop Chasing: Finding What You Need in the Here and Now

    “Life is what happens while we’re busy worrying about everything we need to change or accomplish. Slow down, get mindful, and try to enjoy the moment. This moment is your life.” ~Lori Deschene

    Are you living life in a constant pursuit—chasing happiness, freedom, comfort, or success? What if the thing you’re so desperately looking for isn’t at the finish line? What if life isn’t a race to be won? These were the questions I asked myself not long ago.

    I won’t lie; answering them didn’t completely change my life overnight. I didn’t have any major breakthrough when realizing what I’m about to tell you, but it was a starting point.

    The starting point was realizing I had spent most of my life waiting. Chasing the things I believed I lacked.

    In the pursuit of happiness, I was waiting for that moment in which all my dreams coming true would finally bring me everlasting joy.

    Aspiring to be a free spirit—as free as the wind—I created mental cages and rules that made me feel stuck and hopeless, like a bird that knows how liberating it is to fly but cannot spread its wings.

    Chasing comfort, I let possibilities for growth slip through my fingers and run away from me.

    Trying to reach success, I forgot to take care of what truly deserved my attention: my health, my relationships, and my spark.

    The major problem?

    When you chase something, you’re placing it far away from you. You’re increasing the distance between what you desire and what you believe you lack.

    But what you desire is already at your fingertips.

    I didn’t have to wait for happiness because happiness wasn’t a destination to reach. Achieving my goals and making my dreams come true wouldn’t have made me any happier unless I was ready to fully embrace happiness in the here and now.

    Happiness was already inside of me and all around. I just wasn’t looking.

    The freedom I was so desperately chasing could have never touched me if I first didn’t get rid of the mental blocks I’d created myself. If I first didn’t destroy the walls my own mind had built.

    I quickly realized that comfort wasn’t my friend—it just wanted to keep me safe, but not necessarily feeling alive.

    Chasing success had me run, run, and run without actually going anywhere, like a hamster on a wheel.

    If life isn’t a race, why are we always running?

    We jump from one goal to another, from one’s arms to another’s, from one dream to another. We’re always running, chasing something that ends up turning into nothing.

    If we allowed ourselves to take a moment, slow down, and hit the brake pedal, we’d soon realize that the chasing is what’s making us unhappy.

    It’s pushing all we ever wanted far away from us—within our eyesight, but out of our reach.

    How do you stop chasing the next big thing when you’ve spent your whole life in pursuit of something—anything?

    All You Want Is Already Within You

    The major change you must make is shifting your perspective about what you want.

    I wanted freedom, but I wasn’t allowing myself to feel it because I had created unbreakable rules for my life. Then, it hit me: How could I expect to experience freedom in other areas of my life (career, money, etc.) if I wasn’t even free from my own mind?

    Whether you want love, connection, happiness, or purpose, are you sure you’re not the one standing in your way?

    If you want love and connection, are you loving yourself and genuinely getting interested in others?

    If you want to be happier, are you filling your days with small things that can bring you more joy?

    If you want purpose, are you actively seeking and engaging in activities that can bring you a greater sense of purpose?

    Shift your perspective and start believing that everything you seek is already within you. Because it is.

    Live in the Here and Now

    Being more mindful means learning to be where your feet are. Embracing the here and now can put an end to what feels like an endless race.

    Because there can be no race if you learn not to place any expectations or hopes in the future.

    There’s just this moment—right here, right now. Nothing else matters. Nothing else really exists.

    If this moment is all that’s true and all that exists, it means you already hold in your hands what you’re chasing.

    Becoming more mindful means giving yourself the space to be, to exist—still, frozen, standing.

    Mindfulness is not an end state but a way of living.

    You don’t have to meditate for one hour every day to start being more mindful.

    There are practices other than meditation you can adopt to bring more mindfulness into your day.

    For example, you could start by changing how you do mundane tasks.

    It could be as simple as sipping your coffee slowly, noticing its warmth and flavor instead of chugging it down.

    Or listening to what your friend has to say instead of thinking how you’re going to respond.

    Or, why don’t you start doing one thing at a time instead of falling for the trap of multitasking?

    If your body is here, why do you let your mind be anywhere else?

    Celebrate the Journey

    Finally, if you want to stop chasing the next goal, mental state, or fleeting desire, you must recognize how far you’ve gone before you start looking at what’s ahead.

    Instead of not giving yourself the time to reflect and look at the progress you’ve made, why don’t you try to slow down for once?

    Celebrate your achievements, big or small. Praise yourself for the path you’ve walked before you start searching for the next finish line. Your results deserve recognition.

    What’s the purpose of setting big goals and milestones to reach if, once you get there, you don’t even allow yourself to feel it, to enjoy the experience?

    The pursuit of anything loses its meaning if it’s not celebrated.

    What’s the point of reaching the top of the mountain if you keep looking for the next one to hike instead of enjoying the view from above?

    Chasing everything—or anything—won’t give you what you hope to get until you start giving it to yourself. Reflect on what you’re chasing and ask yourself, “How can I embrace it in the here and now?”

    Stop wandering in life, on a never-ending pursuit of something that’s already within you. If you only started looking…

  • How to Free Yourself from Your Constant Desires

    How to Free Yourself from Your Constant Desires

    “Wealth consists not in having great possessions but in having few wants.” ~Epictetus

    I surely can’t be the only one tired of constantly wanting things. By things, I mean a new job, a nice car, new clothes, a new home, perhaps even a partner, more friends, more money, or better holidays in more luxurious locations.

    It feels like we are forever stuck in a cycle of seeking the next bigger or better thing. Once we have achieved one goal, yup, you guessed it, here comes another, even bigger goal that will probably be harder to reach than the last one.

    It seems that we always want more; nothing is ever enough.

    At one point I felt like I had truly gotten lost in trying to keep up with expectations from society, my peers, my colleagues, and even strangers!

    I was fed up with not getting what I wanted when I felt I needed it, and with getting what I wanted but only enjoying it for a short time before I wanted the next big thing!

    When does it end? When do we pass over to the other side? When do we reach enlightenment?

    I was tired of constantly chasing things. It was exhausting, and I didn’t have the energy for it.

    I wanted to afford to live on my own instead of having to house-share or live with family. I wanted a partner who would be true to me. I wanted my side hustle to earn me enough to do it full time. I wanted holidays multiple times a year.

    I was eventually offered a flat viewing for an affordable housing scheme. These were few and far between, so I was lucky to be offered one. I thought that this would be my chance to meet my goal of living alone.

    If I got the flat, I could tick it off my list! I would be halfway there to the ‘perfect’ life I had envisioned for myself.

    Sadly, I wasn’t offered the flat for reasons unbeknown to me, but being rejected for it certainly put things into perspective for me.

    To my surprise, I was not in the slightest bit angry, upset, or disappointed!

    I sat and asked myself what it would have changed if I had gotten it. I would have been happy in the flat for a short period, but it wouldn’t have been long before I was itching to live in a house, somewhere bigger or in a better area.

    I concluded that it wasn’t life handing me the shit stick; it was me. I was the problem! I always wanted more, I didn’t appreciate what I already had, and I was always looking to the future when things would be “better.”

    I sat and wondered what it would feel like to just be, to not want anything, to take everything as it comes without judgment or fear of where I’d end up if I didn’t meet my goals.

    Call it a spiritual awakening or an epiphany that there had to be more to life than constantly chasing things I desire.

    Annoyed and frustrated with myself, I turned to a search engine for answers. “Is it possible to live without desire?” I typed into Google.

    I was met with many articles that provided helpful information.

    I have discovered, through books, meditation, online information, and reflection on my own experiences, that desire isn’t necessarily bad.

    Issues arise when we chase desires because we feel they are necessary for our well-being and happiness, and we rely on them for fulfilment. The problem is that when we do not get the things we want, it leads to disappointment and misery.

    That was certainly my issue. I had become fixated on looking for things outside of myself to bring me peace, joy, happiness, and fulfilment, and they never did, or at least not for a significant period of time.

    We Desire More Because We’re Chasing Happiness

    We chase external things because we are ultimately chasing happiness; we think these things will make us feel good. When we acquire them, they usually do, but the feeling of happiness never lasts. Usually, it’s not long before we want something else.

    I discovered that as long as you believe there is something outside of yourself that can bring you happiness, you will never truly be happy because it starts within.

    Our Desire is Linked to a Feeling of Lack

    We want things because we think we lack something, even when all our needs are met, but if we constantly feel there is never enough, we will wind up creating more of that feeling.

    This is the basis of the law of attraction—like attracts like. What you focus your energy on, you receive more of.

    I realized that I needed to make changes in my life, slow down, refocus, and tame my constant need to obtain things. To do this, I had to look within to connect with who I really was—a spiritual being to whom materialism and what I have (and do not have) do not matter!

    In order to tame my constant striving for more and find happiness within, I implemented the following.

    Temper your expectations.

    We have to understand that the world doesn’t owe us a thing, but that doesn’t mean that we should stop pursuing the things we want. We should just refrain from expecting everything to turn out the way we hope they will.

    If we get what we want, that’s great; if we don’t, we didn’t have our hopes pinned on it anyway, so it’s also okay!

    When you have fewer expectations, less can disappoint you, and if you do feel disappointed about something, you will recover and be able to bounce back quickly.

    Accept where you are in life.

    Acceptance will free you from the victim mentality that keeps you focused on what you lack. Once again, this doesn’t mean you can’t strive to improve your situation. It just means you’ll get out of the judging mind that fixates on how unfair life is, enabling you to enjoy the things you do have and more effectively work to change the things that aren’t working for you.

    Surrender to life.

    Loosen your grip on your life and stop trying to swim against the tide.

    Often, we get so caught up trying to control everything and make everything work in our favor that we cause more harm than good, usually to ourselves.

    Trust that things could work out even better than you knew to imagine if you let go a little, and when you face adversity, remember it will pass, because nothing lasts forever.

    When you do have goals you want to achieve, try to enjoy the process of getting where you want to be instead of focusing on the end result. Things usually fall into place when we relax and let go of outcomes.

    Practice being more present.

    By constantly chasing our desires, we can end up living in the future and not here in the present moment, which means we can’t appreciate what’s right in front of us.

    The only matter that truly matters is that of now because yesterday is dead and tomorrow has not happened yet.

    I found that being present reduced my anxiety and worries about the future, because I made a conscious effort to only focus on the now.

    Practice gratitude.

    When we appreciate everything we have, we tend to focus less on what we do not have.

    Gratitude is linked to greater well-being and overall happiness, and it’s also effective in reducing stress and anxiety.

    What helps me is to take a little time at night to find something from the day I appreciated. It doesn’t have to be something big; it can be a colleague helping me with a task at work or a stranger holding the door open for me.

    —

    Upon reflection, I personally think that it is okay to live with desire. We are human, and living from a desire-less state would be extremely difficult—even wanting to live without desires is a desire itself!

    It’s natural to want to eat tasty dinners, to look nice when we go out, and to be able to treat ourselves for our hard work. While these wants may be minor, they are still desires.

    Some would even argue that if we did not have any desires, our lives would have no meaning or purpose, and we wouldn’t be motivated to do anything.

    But constantly chasing external things and relying on them for happiness and fulfilment is an unhealthy way to live, leading to stress, worry, fear, and even depression.

    The alternative is to appreciate all the goodness we have in our lives and understand that happiness cannot be measured by the things that we have, or found by constantly looking outside of ourselves; if they could, then those that could afford to have everything they ever wanted would be the happiest people in the world, and this just isn’t the case!

  • Stop Seeking and Start Finding: Create a Near-Perfect Life

    Stop Seeking and Start Finding: Create a Near-Perfect Life

    Seeking WIsdom

    “What could I say to you that would be of value, except that perhaps you seek too much, that as a result of your seeking you cannot find.” ~Herman Hesse

    I have a confession: I hate slowing down. When I finally let myself stop—being alone with my thoughts, vulnerable and open to the world—I become afraid.

    I have another confession: There was a specific time in my life when went through a painful and scary situation. It broke me. And the only way I knew how to cope with my shattered self was to avoid my problems.

    Simply put: If times were hard, I ran.

    I changed schools, moved to different cities, traveled to different countries, and found solace in running, a sport that calls for constant movement. I began seeking specifically for happiness: for the people, the place, and the situation that would help me find the “perfect life.”

    I was a seeker who kept looking for happiness and different ways to “become a better person.” I was searching for a new life that would be “perfect” like the lives I saw on college campuses, TV shows, and Facebook feeds.

    I believed my old life and my old self weren’t good enough, so I had to create a new life that would allow me to start over.

    I pondered getting a Masters in global health, joining a rock band, writing a bestseller, running marathons, making music in West Africa, climbing mountains, and learning how to build lean-to’s.

    I was convinced accomplishing any of these things would make me happy, make me feel deserving, and make me whole again.

    A couple years passed by, and I slowly began to realize that no matter where I went, what I sought out, and the situations I was in, I was still the same exact person inside.

    That’s when I realized if I wanted to find happiness, I had to first understand that the perfect life did not exist, and the acceptance of my past and my imperfections is what creates the near-perfect life. 

    Most importantly, I had to find myself again, which meant I had to stop feverishly seeking.

    We should all go after the things we want; we should be driven to chase after our dreams, embrace new challenges, and go on new adventures. But seeking often means deliberately searching for something that isn’t always meant to be there, or to simply run away from something that can truthfully never escape you.

    By being too tunnel-visioned and too set on a goal—landing the “perfect” job, finding the “perfect partner,” or making the “perfect” group of friends—you may miss out on the less-obvious scenarios that are intended to fill your near-perfect life.

    When on your journey to stop seeking, start finding, and create a life where you are whole-hearted, fulfilled, and accepting, take note of these tips:

    Accept who you are. 

    Know that your core self, and your emotions, outlook, and attitude, will follow you everywhere, no matter what situation you are in. Recognizing the beautiful and imperfect person you are is the first step towards accepting new challenges and allowing new experiences into your life.

    Give yourself options. 

    You may really want one thing—a specific job, a house in a certain part of the country, or certain fame or fortune. But if one of your dreams doesn’t come into fruition, maybe this means that another bigger and better dream is waiting for you. Don’t get discouraged, and allow yourself to be open.

    Be vulnerable. 

    Invite fear, uncertainty, and imperfection into your life. Once you fully open yourself up to the universe, it will allow you to see the incredible number of options for you, and let you try new things to help create the near-perfect life.

    Meditate.  

    Use meditation as a way to be with nothing but your present self. This helps you to slow down and stop seeking, to really get to know your true self and what you feel, want, and need.

    Try again.  

    Things don’t fall into place right away. There will be ten hardships before one celebration. Don’t give up. Be patient.

    Don’t be stagnant.  

    None of these tips mean you should stop moving completely and wait for life to work itself out on its own. Rather, it’s about finding a balance between learning what you want and inviting new opportunities, while recognizing that how you react to life’s situations is in your hands.

    After nearly ten years of seeking, I found my near-perfect life in New York City, the one place I had once swore I’d never move to. I found an apartment with an old friend, and we rekindled a friendship from nearly five years prior. I discovered a support system of friends and family who were always there for me, and one company of hundreds I applied to hired me.

    My time in New York has helped me uncover the happy spirit that was always within me—the spirit that once was simply too tired from my constant seeking to spread its light.

    I’m still not very good at slowing down. I’m happiest when moving, when constantly trying to reach that next tier. But I’m also trying to slow down and breathe—to stop seeking for “better” and start finding myself, allowing my near-perfect life to meet me halfway.

    Photo by 3Drake9