Tag: Challenges

Stop Waiting for Life to Happen and Start Living It Now

“The grass is always greener where you water it.” ~Unknown

For a while there, I was a little peeved with the world. I’ve just recently snapped out of it, and I just want to sing and dance and share this message with everyone: Stop waiting!

Last year, after living through some profound experiences—travelling extensively, soul searching, attending incredible life-changing events, shedding massive masks, overcoming huge obstacles, and deciding to change the course of my life completely—I came back to my life, to my home, and sat back and thought to myself, “This is what life is about!”

I was on a snowball effect high of massive changes. It was the most intense feeling that seemed to go on endlessly, and the changes just seemed to keep on unfolding in my life naturally, organically.

I dropped out of a program at school I wasn’t really committed to, with the intention of going to culinary college after a year off. I faced the world for the first time, trading in my signature sunglasses for an eye patch, after hiding a facial difference I sustained from a car accident almost a decade ago. I returned to my yoga practice, focused on my health and vitality, and dropped 30 pounds.

Last year was amazing, and it just seemed to keep getting better.

I landed an amazing job at the company I was dying to work for during my year off before returning to school. I met amazing people and seemed to attract great new friends into my life. I traveled more for personal development courses and seminars and soaked up the amazing atmosphere that is unique to Tony Robbins events.

Around Christmas time, I began to sense a shift in myself and tried to brush it off. It wasn’t much; it’s just that it was no longer effortless to be happy, and I began to feel a little forced at times. Some challenges at work arose, and I was beginning to think that there was something wrong with me.

After months and months of work that flowed easily, I began to realize that the wheels of my life weren’t moving all too smoothly anymore.

At that point, I started to retreat. I had huge goals, big dreams on the horizon for the year, and it scared the crap out of me when things weren’t progressing.

I began to take on a passenger mentality in my life, making excuses for my inactions and myself. When things got worse in any area, it was a huge blow to my self-esteem, and I let it break me down.

Mid-winter I entered what I consider to be a “winter season” of life. I got fired from the job that I loved, despite what I thought were my best attempts. (more…)

July 31, 2012
Recognizing Our Patterns and Learning How to Change Them

“What we call chaos is just patterns we haven’t recognized. What we call random is just patterns we can’t decipher.” ~Chuck Palahniuk

Life has a funny way of teaching us lessons. When there is something you need to learn, something that you need to work on, the same situation will continue to repeat itself until you either learn your lesson or find a healthy way of dealing with that particular issue.

Think of the movie Groundhog Day. It was one of my favorites. Once Bill Murray realized that he was living the same day over and over again, he came up with ways to fix the things that went wrong before.

He learned how to fix the relationship with the object of his affection. He even learned to deal better with the annoying insurance salesman who approached him every morning.

It wasn’t until he learned to accept his fate that the cycle of reliving each day ended. He also became more compassionate and more sympathetic—an overall better version of himself.

I hear people say: Why do I keep going through the same things in relationships? I’m with different people, but things always end up being the same, or they act just like someone who I used to know.

Some of these people give up, some get stuck in a vicious cycle of their own making, and others don’t even realize that they are basically chasing their tail, repeating the same situation over and over.

Recently, I found myself in a pattern of attraction. It took some time for me to understand it. I had a hard time coming to terms with my divorce, and for years I wanted a second chance in that area of my life. A new start. A new marriage.

Only problem was that when I did come across someone I liked, he was unavailable—already in a relationship or emotionally unavailable to me, and therefore, unwilling to participate in a relationship with me.

I went through a period of time when the only guys who asked me out were either married or in a relationship of some type, live-in or on-and-off with a current girlfriend.

Instead of pursuing those situations (for obvious reasons) I would instead go for the single, yet emotionally unavailable guy. And I would try to win him over, to no avail, trying to prove that I was “good enough.”

It wasn’t until recently that I had an “a ha” moment, in which I realized that the critic I was trying to “prove myself” to was not someone else. It was me—the inner critic who still had not come to terms with the dissolution of my marriage and considered it a complete failure.

My thought process was: If I could turn this person around or make this person change his mind and love me, then I would be worthy of love. (more…)

July 30, 2012
Why We Need to Keep Growing: Lessons from Firewalking

“Our lives improve only when we take chances and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves.” ~Walter Anderson

I recently ran across a chat site called “Why Grow Up?” Their tagline reads:

“Why Grow Up? Why be responsible? Why act mature?

Why play by rules? Why eat healthy? Why sleep early?

Why become a doctor? Why this? WHY ME? WHY WHY WHY?”

I laughed aloud when I read that remembering something I had said 18 years ago to my husband, Jake: “I just want to retire and garden.”

I was tired of pressuring myself to keep a business going. I was tired of doing anything that did not fit my ideal of just living out the rest of my life in peace with him, our pets, a lovely garden, working with wildlife rescue, and frequent walks in nature.

Why Grow?

This was something of a turning point in our lives. I wanted to withdraw and Jake wanted to grow—to create something meaningful, together—and he was concerned that if he continued to grow, and I didn’t, he would grow beyond me and then we would grow apart. But I was tired.

Hadn’t I already done a lot of personal work in the years before? Weren’t my past many years of meditation retreats and remarkably good psychotherapy enough? Couldn’t I just rest on my laurels?

To be more honest, in addition to feeling tired, I think I was afraid. I was afraid of pushing myself beyond my comfort zone, letting go of the safe, familiar shore I was clinging to. What helped me get over my fear and woke up my curiosity was a ten-year-old girl who I met at a firewalk.

Yes, of all things, a firewalk! And in anticipation of the firewalk I did not sleep much for a week. I had fantasies of lying on the couch with my burned feet in the air, bandaged, in unbearable pain, as my friends visited me to tell me how stupid I had been to even try such a thing.

But finally the event arrived, and as they were preparing the fire, I met this little 10-year old girl who said: “There is nothing to be afraid of.” She said she had done this many times, in her (little) life. She said, in fact, she was prone to going over the fire numerous times during each event. (more…)

July 12, 2012
Life is Happening FOR Us: All Things Are Gifts

“Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ~Rumi

Up to a certain point in my life, I was always seeking approval and validation from everything outside of me. All I ever wanted was to feel loved. I longed for this feeling and wondered how the world could be so cruel as to reject me when I was so loving and available.

I have since learned that I was not as available as I thought.

It has been my experience that everyone that crosses our path is a mirror. They have come because we have called them into our lives to show us something—to teach us how to be more of who we truly are.

Our higher selves crave these experiences and relationships, because ultimately, this journey we call life is all about finding everything we want within us rather than without. It’s about waking up.

I have learned this over many years of things not turning out the way I wanted them to, feeling as though I was a victim and life was just not fair. I felt this way until I finally got it—I finally understood that life is happening for us. Yes, for us. (more…)

July 5, 2012
Peace Is Learning the Lesson

“No matter how hard the past, you can always begin again.” ~Buddha

It’s strange to feel peace while a part of your heart is being chipped away.

I’m in the middle of a heart chipping, but the longer it goes on, the more I’m realizing that it needs to be removed before it hardens the rest of the organ. Maybe the chipping is kind of like pruning a diseased tree so the remainder grows stronger and more resilient.

The cuts hurt like hell though.

The last few months have been some of the most difficult of my life. I’ve been trying to stand firm while my girlfriend determines whether she will stay in our three-year relationship or return to her former life.

Like it or not, and I really don’t, my own personal pruning must occur. I keep telling myself it will be worth it. I try to keep my highest prayer in mind, which is love, always love.

The pruning hurts like hell.

I’ve come to believe that love sometimes wraps itself around a process of letting go.

I don’t let go easily or often, but love helps me loosen my grip so that when I’m finally prepared, my knuckles are not quite so white from hanging on for dear life.

The pruning process of letting go releases the insanity in my life.

For me, the pockets where insanity lies—where I can’t tell the difference between what’s working for me and what’s not—nearly always involves a relationship of some kind.

Let me be clear: The process of releasing doesn’t necessarily mean letting go of the person. Sometimes, the pruning is about trimming back feelings.

The trimming hurts like hell.

Right now, I am totally messed up because the relationship with my girlfriend is the most significant in my life. We’re each highly invested and more than a little enmeshed. There’s certainly a lot of insanity mixed in with all the love! (more…)

June 20, 2012
Growing from Pain and Using it to Discover Who You Are

“Life’s challenges are not supposed to paralyze you; they’re supposed to help you discover who you are.” ~Bernice Johnson Reagon

At the age of 37, my beautiful young mother, who I considered my best friend, crashed her car in light rain just around the corner from our home. We will never know what really happened because she woke up from her brain injury a very different person from the one who drove away that morning.

The experience of suddenly becoming a caregiver at the age of 16, along with my 13 year-old brother and the rest of our family, could fill the pages of a how-to manual. I could have benefited from reading something like that during those long years, when we all struggled to adjust to our new reality.

Five years into this new life, our mother was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer, something that she did not fully comprehend because of her condition. Of course it was all too real for the rest of us, and, despite her continued resistance to the cancer, it eventually took her from us.

The ability to look back on a tragedy, a loss, a challenge of any sort and see through eyes that have healed, a heart that has been broken and patched up—this is the ability to grow and become a person who is shaped by the darkness.

It is hard—so, so hard. At times we may want to swat the well-meaning reminders of life like an annoying little insect in our face, close our eyes and our hearts to the new possibilities, and just sit in our paralysis. It’s certainly much easier to do that.

As we know, though, it is not the easy path that leads to the great discoveries.

We discover our real selves on the frightening, unknown path that pushes us outside of the places that feel safe and familiar.

It was a path that I resisted and resented for so long. Brain injury, cancer—it was all too much for me to really comprehend when all I wanted to do was fit in with everyone around me and live the life of a normal young adult.

Looking back I can see the stages of grief so clearly. I ached to stay in the place of denial for as long as possible because I found some comfort there.

The hospital visits, chemo, surgeries, and watching on as the person who’d taken over my mother’s fragile body was slowly fading away—it was like I was walking in a dream most of the time, watching on from far away as my family fumbled through all of this.

I managed to resist the new reality for many years. My body was there at the appointments, in the house cooking meals, and trying to help where possible, but my mind was somewhere else. (more…)

June 3, 2012
How I Found Inner Peace Despite the Drama in My Life

“Peace of mind is not the absence of conflict from life, but the ability to cope with it.” ~Unknown

Like many people, I lived my life for a lot of years failing to understand inner peace is a choice. I am not sure what I thought. Perhaps I didn’t believe anyone could feel a lasting peace inside. I did know that my own feelings of peace were always transitory.

There were many ups and downs in my life, too many claims on my time and too many difficult situations to be dealt with. I think I actually believed inner peace could only be achieved by monks and saints, or anyone living a reclusive life who didn’t have to deal with everyday struggles.

I was stuck in a world of confusion, wondering how peace could be mine when there was always something, some drama going on in my own life or the lives of those I loved.

In fact, it seemed to me that the whole world was filled with stuff, negative stuff mostly, which I read about in the newspaper, saw on the television, or heard from someone I knew.

It was the kind of stuff that pulls at your emotions—the breaking news story of a missing woman being found murdered, the tragedy of a child being killed by a hit and run driver, the numbers of homeless people tripling, and a devastating Tsunami killing thousands and paralyzing a country.

Then there were the stories closer to home—my friend’s husband being diagnosed with cancer and dying three months later, my father suffering from dementia, my best friend’s marriage falling apart—all tearing at my heart and leaving me hurt and grieving.

In my own personal life too, my emotions dipped and peaked along with how much control I felt I had over my own happiness. I literally felt like a puppet on a string, and asked myself over and over again, “How can I feel a constant inner peace in my heart and life when my emotions see-saw up and down according to what is happening in and around me?”

Looking back I know I believed that my emotions were important. After all, wasn’t being emotional an essential part of being alive? Emotions made me feel real and allowed me to extend empathy to everyone else.

But in the deepest part of myself, I did not feel good most of the time. I longed to not be so emotional. I wanted to be released from all the conflict in my life—to not react to other people’s words and anger, to feel serenity in my heart.

It was an almost desperate need to alter or to stop the negative cycle of events which seemed to dominate my relationships and my life.

I believe it was that intention which kept on surfacing in my mind and in my heart that fueled my spiritual search and led me to discover a more peaceful way to live, despite the conflict in my life. (more…)

May 13, 2012
Are Things Happening For You or Against You?

“We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make our world.” ~Buddha

Your life is much like a radio.

If you’re in control of it, then you can actually tune in and make sense. Then you can set your dial on the talk-back radio show, listen to that, and learn some things, or you can set your dial onto music and have an enjoyable time.

If you feel that you are not in control, or you do not realize that you are in control, then you may just hear a lot of static and annoying sounds that might even drive you crazy.

The process of “Flick your Rich Switch Transformation” (FYRST) is about taking control of your life, taking control of all of the things that you merely think you are not actually in control of (but you are, or you can be).

Some people don’t think that they control their mood, their lives, their blood flow, their breathing, their heart rate, their body language—and that’s why they often get some outcomes that they’re not happy about.

Someone else can control all of those things by telling you some bad news or some exciting news; for example, “The winning lottery numbers are 4, 23, 16, 19 & 30.”

It is the subconscious process occurring in your own head that will make your blood flow to your face or to your feet; it is your own thought process that will make your heart pump slower or faster; your own thoughts that will make your body stand straighter with excitement or slump lower with dread.

Yes, dread. For some people, winning millions may represent an increase in responsibility, stress, and anxiety. (more…)

May 10, 2012
Sometimes We Need to Go Backward Before We Can Move Forward

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.” ~Albert Einstein

There I was in January, on the floor, physically and emotionally. From the outside, I probably looked like every one else attending yoga class off Robertson Blvd. that Sunday morning, but to me, on the inside, especially within my heart, I was in shambles.

And then, there was a moment I had not expected.

The waterworks came as I heard the teacher say, “Sometimes, you feel as though you are riding the bicycle backwards. You feel like you are backtracking and heading in the wrong direction, but really what’s happening is contraction and release. The universe is preparing you for something much greater and like a sling shot, it’s going to shoot you forward—you just have to move backwards for a little bit.”

I looked over at my roommate, eyes welled up with tears of disbelief and quickly thought to myself, “I’m an independent, successful woman and I get to control what direction my bike ride is going. So listen up universe, get me off this backwards bicycle, pronto!”

I felt a temporary sense of relief for 90 minutes or so. Then, upon my walk home, my heart was breaking again.

Why the sorrow? I spent the majority of 2011 really clarifying what I was looking to get out of life: success, giving back, a loving relationship, traveling the world. For the most part, I was successful in these pursuits.

I completed my 30^th Birthday Build for Habitat For Humanity in honor of 9/11. I had been able to cross bi-coastal living off my bucket list and returned back to the home base of LA. I had even started to pick up a few new clients and began exploring additional revenue streams. Sounds good, right?

What also happened is that I got used to getting everything I wanted and set out to achieve.

I got used to things working on this magic time frame—put it out there and it will happen exactly as you planned and wanted it to happen. I can hear you thinking, “Um, ok—so what’s the problem with that?” (more…)

May 2, 2012
9 Guidelines to Get Through Challenging Times

“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.” ~Charles Swindoll

I’ve recently dealt with numerous challenges that range from the ridiculous to the life-threatening. I’ve had friends telling me they “can’t bear to hear any more” about illness, financial loss, and an array of physical and emotional accidents that have broken parts of me, but not all.

Every aspect of my life is changing: career, relationships, health, and beliefs. I have to make the most of every situation and so I’ve created my own set of rules to keep me focused and to remind me that all will be well.

If you’re also dealing with a challenging time, these guidelines may help you, too.

Rule #1: Assert your goals.

When everything seems to have fallen apart, realize you still have options, and then assert exactly what you want for yourself.

I want to live my life using my natural gifts. I want to create, write, teach, paint, and inspire, and to use my skills to generate the energy to live and love well. I’m working toward my goals, but I understand they might not all come to fruition. If things don’t pan out exactly as I hope, I know I can deal with it positively.

I’ll give myself a break, discuss it with a friend, and do whatever I need to do to get clarity, and then I’ll re-assess. The important thing is that I know my ambition has to make my heart soar and excite me.

Where are your instincts guiding you? Assert it to yourself, the people who support you, and the world. This is the first step in creating a life you’ll feel passionate about. (more…)

January 26, 2012
Uplifting Depression: 15 Unexpected Lessons from Adversity

“Whenever something negative happens to you, there is a deep lesson concealed within it.” ~Eckhart Tolle

Two years ago, reading this quote, I would smirk and think, “What a cliché.”

In the last two years, I would read this quote and be in utter disbelief that anything can be learned when one is in the depths of hell.

Today, I read this quote and resonate confidently, that yes, even though I tried to end my life, even though I had to quit a high paying job, even though I still suffer from major depression, good has come out of my negative experience, and I have learned the lesson to take care of myself and listen to my body, albeit the hard way.

Around November 2009, my doctor said to me, “Noch, I think you are burned out. Your migraines are most probably due to stress. Please go see a psychologist.”

My fiancé dragged a reluctant me into the shrink’s office, and I came out, diagnosed with major depression. I had no idea what it meant or what would become of me. I just felt extremely unmotivated, had no appetite, only had negative thoughts in my little head, and was excruciatingly tired of life.

I was immensely frustrated with myself. I didn’t know why I was depressed, or burned out. I thought I had it all: the executive job, high on the corporate ladder at the young age of twenty-eight.

I spoke a few languages, lived all around the world, had a man who loved me for who I was, had my few soul mates and a wide network of friends. So what happened to me?

Indeed, I felt really ungrateful to be sick at all.

All the people who passed me everyday in the misty smog of Beijing seemed to live much harder lives, scraping by the wayside. So, who was I to be unhappy about my life? I had no answer. And the more I thought about it, the more I got caught in my web of negative thoughts and unreasonable reasoning of life.

I closed myself off from the rest of the world and disappeared off the social radar. I was forced to take medical leave from work, being physically unable to do any work or concentrate.

The few close friends who knew of my plight tried to console me.

“It’s a challenge and test, to make you stronger,” they’d say. They gave me examples of all these great leaders of the world who had to go through trials and tribulations to get to where they were. There was something in store for me, and it would end up a positive life changing experience, they reassured me. (more…)

January 10, 2012
Embracing All of Life Instead of Resisting Pain

“Don’t seek, don’t search, don’t ask, don’t knock, don’t demand – relax. If you relax, it comes. If you relax, it is there. If you relax, you start vibrating with it.” ~Osho

As far as I can remember, I have always asked myself questions about the nature of my emotional pain. I analyzed and went on long thinking quests to find answers to all of this deliberation. I was convinced that I would find deliverance by coming up with the exact hypothesis, about why I was chosen to have to live with so much trauma and pain in my childhood.

I felt like a victim of life.

I did not wonder about the source of my joy; on the contrary I simply accepted these positive emotions.

I went through a phase of denying the negative emotions I experienced, and I thought that being positive, at all costs, would “chase” away my suffering. At the time, I used the skills best known to me, to defend myself against the pain I felt.

For many years I attempted to transform a negative emotion into a positive one. Albeit, the pain did not subside, it was still echoing loudly, and eventually manifested itself at full volume. Then not too long ago, someone gave me the permission to embrace my pain. I felt as though I had been given the authority to grieve the entire trauma that I had ever experienced.

I began this journey of looking at the source of my pain. Yet, I felt drowned by it, and I felt the constant burn of going through the fire. I indulged in this state and felt some form of relief about acknowledging all of this suffering.

Upon reflecting on the path I had permitted myself to take, to travel to the depths of my past, I uncovered that I had developed an unconscious belief that someone was guilty for inflicting this suffering on me. As a result, I continued the cycle of victimization, where I was seeking to lay blame on someone for my ill feelings, thus not achieving inner peace.

Following my last break-up, to the man I call one of my soul mates, I fell to pieces, and delved into the tides of emotions that came my way—sadness, loneliness, fear and depression. The pain was louder than anything I have ever experienced, thus far.

I blamed him for all of the suffering I was experiencing, I made him the source of my turmoil, and then I used hate towards him to manage my pain. I was in victim mode, and I turned him into the cause of my darkness.

Then it dawned on me, and I recognized that I was fighting against the tide again by not accepting my pain.

That is when I started to wonder about the following: “If I am able to accept the positive experiences of my life, that bring me joy and happiness, without even questioning their origin or trying to avoid them, what if I did the same for the other emotions I fear so much, such as sadness, pain, fear, anger, and loneliness?” (more…)

November 21, 2011
Cherish Your Challenges and Find Your Authentic Self

“Life’s challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they’re supposed to help you discover who you are.” ~Bernice Johnson Reagon

My quarter-life crisis kicked into high gear about six months ago.

Take this as evidence: I quit my job. I quit my apartment and moved back home. I quit booze and boys. I quit gluten and sugar. I quit friendships I’d imagined would last a lifetime.

I’m not asking for an A+ or gold stars for my “self” work. I wasn’t hit by a spark of spiritual lightening and magically committed to this transformation. In a lot of ways, the Universe didn’t give me much of a choice.

There were cysts, and scans, and rashes, and allergic reactions, which ignited a powerful underlying anxiety about the fact that I hadn’t been “healthy” since I could remember.

This anxiety festered and danced into relationships with my roommates, ex-boyfriends, siblings, co-workers, and, most importantly, myself.

It was the perfect mix of elements, a storm front hitting just the right pocket of pressure. And boom—a hurricane showed up.

I stood in the middle, watching as the winds of change tore through my life, uplifting anything that wasn’t serving my purpose, my passion, my inner peace or my health.

This ripping and tearing of people, places, and things that I’d brought into my life—assuming they might help me grow into a happier, stronger version of myself—was at first paralyzing, upsetting, and infuriating.

I was tempted time and time again to numb out, to play the familiar role of the victim. After all, I had more than my fair share of material to work with, courtesy of the endless doctor’s appointments, unrelenting stomach aches, and my never-ending anxiety.

Instead, I decided to bow my head, nod, and accept that the Universe had sent a storm to help me clean up my act and fall in love with my best self. I surrendered and allowed those gusts to take with them all the other versions of Kate I’d built for everyone else. (more…)

October 11, 2011
You Can Control What You Do Today

“What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.” ~Pericles

Life is full of challenges. These obstacles are the greatest teachers we can have.

As I’m sure is true for all of us, I have struggled with many things throughout my life. I used to feel a sense of “woe is me,” but I’ve learned to leverage these experiences to make positive changes in life.

Don’t let your history dominate your life. We have a choice. You can let your past be the ruler of your life—or, you can make a choice to change your attitude and perspective.

I grew up in a dysfunctional family. My parents showed little in the way of affection, and I dare say they stayed together “for the kids.” This was a recipe for disaster. Water boils at 212 degrees, and our family was moving closer to that boiling point on a daily basis.

The inevitable collapse came to fruition during the summer of my freshman year of college, in 1995. After an intense argument, I had to separate my parents from a potentially disastrous physical altercation.

A call to the police was made, and my dad was taken to jail for the night. Twenty-six years of marriage gone in an instant. That was it. My dad moved out the next day.

I felt extreme guilt. I was faced with unending questions about what I could’ve done to save my parents’ marriage. I didn’t allow myself to grieve. I felt the grief my parents were feeling was enough for all of us.

I buried these feelings and numbed myself. My negativity and destructive thinking overwhelmed me. I was never the same as a college athlete, as I let my personal challenges affect my confidence. My relationship was never the same with my girlfriend. It eventually went up in smoke.

My biggest mistake was never talking to anyone about what I was going through. I turned to drugs and alcohol to ease the pain. This only caused more problems. (more…)

September 27, 2011
Simplify Your Life by Eliminating These 7 Problems

Life has a tendency to become overly complicated and stressful, particularly because things change so quickly. I’ve identified seven problems that you can eliminate to make your life a whole lot simpler (which doesn’t mean boring or less interesting).

Problem #1 – Too Much Responsibility

Think back to a year or two ago. How much extra responsibility has come into your life since then? You may have too much stuff, too many possessions, too many projects, and too many commitments.

Spreading yourself too thin reduces focus, increases stress, and lowers overall performance.

Too much stuff could include anything from a new cell phone to a new swimming pool to a bigger house. It might be nice to have more possessions and new gadgets, but they often come with responsibilities and maintenance. Ask yourself if you’re being owned by the things you own.

It’s also exciting to get caught up in many new hobbies or projects. I did this when I got into building websites. Before I knew it I was working on twenty projects at the same time and seeing minimal results across the board. It took me a while to realize that I was working like a maniac, yet none of my projects were anywhere near completion.

These days I’m only working on two to three projects in total. Not only do I feel more relaxed because it’s easier to keep track of what I have to do, but I can also see significant progress in my work month after month since I am doing less.

Try to simplify your life. Cut down your possessions, projects, and hobbies to relieve some of the responsibilities that you don’t really need to have. (more…)

September 22, 2011
The Relief and Power of Accepting Your Struggles (and Finding Hidden Gifts)

“It isn’t what happens to us that causes us to suffer; it’s what we say to ourselves about what happens.” ~Pema Chodron

I love acceptance. Acts of surrender create forward momentum.

If we all pause for a moment and observe what we are fighting, right here and right now—maybe depression, anxiety, weight gain, low self-image, or financial stress—we’ll have an opportunity to accept then.

But that’s just the start.

Recently I accepted something I never thought I would. Reframing the way I thought about it changed my life.

I have moderate to severe OCD. Having OCD is basically like believing everything that goes through your mind. Scary, right?

Obsessive-compulsive people have intrusive and extremely terrifying thoughts—for example, that he or she may have been contaminated by something, which might lead him or her to spend hours washing. I have a base underlying all of my obsessions: that I will hurt people. It was and can be my greatest fear.

For example, I used to worry that I left the oven or iron on and that, in doing so, I may have burned the house down, which would ruin my husband’s life and also kill our cat. So I’d return home multiple times per day to check these appliances and also send my husband home to check. I also had massive rituals around shutting appliances off.

OCD is a time-sucker. Obsessive compulsives create rituals to lower the anxiety. I’d check to make sure I didn’t leave the iron on, do everything evenly on both sides of my body so I felt “balanced,” retrace events that happened in my life to make absolutely certain I hadn’t harmed anyone accidentally, and search the internet excessively for answers.

These rituals literally took up hours my day.

I discovered that I had OCD one afternoon when I was trying to figure out how you know something for certain.

Try googling that.

The first thing that popped up for my search query was about obsessive-compulsive disorder. I felt immediate relief. (more…)

July 3, 2011
Freedom in a Life Full of Problems

“Freedom is what you do with what’s been done to you.” ~Jean-Paul Sartre

Sometimes it seems like life is conspiring against you.

This often happens just after a moment of pure joy. You’re walking down the street thinking, “Wow, I am so unbelievably lucky to be alive.” A few hours later, you get an email saying you’ve lost your job. Or you’re in danger of getting deported. Or your cat’s been run over.

For many people, these situations seem to be completely out of their hands.

The thing is, every problem has a solution, and usually more than one. We can spend so much time despairing over an issue that we forget that each challenge can be addressed in a thousand different ways—some good, some bad.

I recently left my home country to study abroad in the United Kingdom. I didn’t think that it would be difficult before I left, but have since found that my imagination was severely lacking.

The language is the same, but that’s about the extent of it. Since I’ve been here, I’ve had to question everything about myself. Can I do well in my classes? Am I brave enough to be here? Can I handle this?

In the last week, I’ve had to drop courses, I’ve been unable to open a bank account, and I discovered that I am in danger of being deported. All of these things are terrifying, numbing even. (more…)

February 28, 2011
Growing through Challenges: How Intentions Shape Our Lives

“Life’s challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they’re supposed to help you discover who you are.” ~Bernice Johnson Reagon

The last five years of my life involved a lot of self-inflicted stress and tremendous spiritual growth.

In 2003 I made a decision that would have a major impact on my life without realizing my true intentions.

While knowing the financial safety net was not securely in place, I decided to remain at home with my daughter instead of returning to work. Previously, when I left our first child in the care of someone else at ten months old, I felt anxious the entire time I was away from him.

I didn’t want to experience those feelings of discomfort again, and I didn’t wanted my children to feel as alone as I did as a child, so I ignored all external factors and decided not to place our daughter in childcare.

I wanted to be the primary caregiver for my children and to show them that, above all else, they were the most important parts of my life. I wanted my daughter to experience maternal bonding and the consistent physical presence of someone who absolutely adored her.

However, this wasn’t my only motivation; I just didn’t fully understand my complete intentions. (more…)

January 2, 2011
Identifying Real Problems & Letting Go of Imagined Ones

“We all have problems. The way we solve them is what makes us different.” ~Unknown

We all have problems, don’t we? There isn’t a single person on this planet who doesn’t have one, even if they’re the Buddhist monk living their life peacefully. Everyone has something to overcome.

There’s nothing wrong with having a problem. Life would be pretty dull if they weren’t around, and we’d never learn anything new or grow from our mistakes.

Sometimes, though, we create problems that have no real foundations. These are the ones that can cause us the most suffering because it seems like they’re unsolvable.

I’m thinking a lot about problems at the moment because having one is integral to writing a good plot in a story. If my main character doesn’t have an obstacle, then what is she going to overcome? What will she achieve despite it? What’s going to make her act? Nothing. She’ll wander about aimlessly on the page and there won’t be any story.

However, I can’t just throw any old problem at her because it has to be tangible, plausible, and something that can be realized and tackled. Having abstract problems in this novel will lead to the story being incoherent and useless.

But isn’t this the same type of thing we face in our own lives? Aren’t the problems that seem unsolvable, the ones that make life seem senseless, the problems that mean that our own stories lead nowhere? (more…)

December 6, 2010
5 Ways to Masterfully Navigate Life Challenges

“To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest.” ~Pema Chodron

In my twenties I had dreams that I could fly. Literally. In my mind’s eye, I had a vision of myself dancing in the air. I thought if I were an animal, I would be a graceful eagle soaring through the skies.

Never mind I am just shy of six feet tall and aerodynamically inept. I had a dream and I was going to follow it. Hence, I called the local circus teacher to pursue the hobby of aerial acrobatics.

My favorite nest became a piece of silk fabric also known as aerial tissue. I would spend hours dangling in the air while twirling, spiraling, and practicing an array of tricks.

If you have seen Cirque du Soleil, it’s likely you’ve seen this apparatus. The tissue is a colorful piece of fabric, typically hanging twenty to thirty feet in the air, which provides the landscape for acrobats to climb, dance, and perform a series of contortionist and ballerina-type moves.

I was a novice on all levels of performance, with the exception of a few good moves (in my opinion), but my passion was unstoppable.

One day I improperly rigged the tissue. While climbing fifteen feet into the air, the knot securing the tissue to a beam gave away. The result: a splattered me—two shattered wrists, fractured spinal vertebrae, and a broken foot.

Life as I knew it disappeared. In an instant, I lost my capacity to work, care for myself, and function independently.

At nine on Monday morning I was an avid athlete, massage therapist, and yoga instructor. At noon I was a hospital resident, infantile adult, and defeated cripple.

My life utterly and completely shattered, offering me one of my most challenging opportunities to become more fully awake.

I became 100% dependent on others for all my basic needs. I was fed, bathed, and taken to the bathroom. My nimble feet were reduced to wheels on a chair. My arms casted like prisoners. My back braced like steel.

The lessons I received were seemingly impossible to grasp in the moment, and yet they form the core of whom I am today.

Would I do it again? No. Would I do it differently if I could? Possibly. Would I trade in the personal growth I gained? Not in a million years.

As challenging, difficult, lonely, surprising, and frustrating as the experience was, as I began to view it as a doorway rather than an accident. I transformed my injury into an awakening.

Defying doctor’s prognosis and popular opinion, four months later, I was back on my feet teaching, giving healing sessions, and practicing yoga.

If you are up against the wall, if you have lost a loved one, your health, a job, a sense of direction or a feeling of hope, if you so choose, you too can transform your most difficult situation into opportunity. (more…)

November 14, 2010