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Tag: challenge
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Holiday Love Challenge #5: Recognize a Shining Star
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Holiday Love Challenge #4: Give Yourself the Gift of Peace
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Holiday Love Challenge #3: Kindness Documentary
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Holiday Love Challenge #2: Wrap Your Brain Around Someone’s Point of View
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Holiday Love Challenge #1: Give the Gift of Your Presence
Want more ideas to strengthen your relationships? Get Tiny Buddha’s 365 Tiny Love Challenges.
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Love Challenge #218: You’re A Lot Like Me
We’re all a lot more alike than we are different!
(This challenge comes from the upcoming book Tiny Buddha’s 365 Tiny Love Challenges. Pre-order before October 6th and get $300+ in free bonus gifts!)
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Love Challenge #278: One Supportive Phrase
What supportive phrase do you wish you heard more growing up?
(This challenge comes from the upcoming book Tiny Buddha’s 365 Tiny Love Challenges. Pre-order before October 6th and get $300+ in free bonus gifts!)
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Love Challenge #233: My Way Isn’t Right
We’d all be so much happier, and we’d get along a lot better, if we accepted that everyone does things differently!
(This challenge comes from the upcoming book Tiny Buddha’s 365 Tiny Love Challenges. Pre-order before October 6th and get $300+ in free bonus gifts!)
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Love Challenge #47: Hurt People Hurt People
Sometimes the most difficult people are in the most pain.
(This challenge comes from the upcoming book Tiny Buddha’s 365 Tiny Love Challenges. Pre-order before October 6th and get $300+ in free bonus gifts!)
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Love Challenge #95: Don’t Dwell, Let Go
What are you carrying around that’s weighing you down?
(This challenge comes from the upcoming book Tiny Buddha’s 365 Tiny Love Challenges. Pre-order before October 6th and get $300+ in free bonus gifts!)
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Love Challenge #99: Responding to Other People’s Mistakes
How do you respond when a child makes a mistake? Do you respond differently when it’s an adult?
(This challenge comes from the upcoming book Tiny Buddha’s 365 Tiny Love Challenges. Pre-order before October 6th and get $300+ in free bonus gifts!)
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Love Challenge #128: Listen Without Trying to Fix Things
From the upcoming book Tiny Buddha’s 365 Tiny Love Challenges. Pre-order before October 6th and get $300+ in free bonus gifts!
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6 Reasons Why We Can’t Give Up
“The minute you think of giving up, think of the reason why you held on so long.” ~Unknown
I was a serial “giver upper” for so much of my youth.
I tried gymnastics when I was about six until I discovered the teacher smoked. I’m not sure why I had an aversion to smoking at the time, but I can remember frowning and stamping my foot a lot about it.
I tried tap and ballet until I realized that the teacher was some kind of Roald Dahl headmistress. She would thump around the classroom scaring the crap out of us, and as a result none of us looked elegant and poised.
I tried horse riding until the horse turned psycho and kept throwing me off, including throwing me into a fence. It was a very big horse, at least for a little girl.
I’d write plays and novels until another idea distracted me and floated out the window, and I saw it as my destiny to run after it until I got lost.
I’d become passionate about causes until I realized that fighting the cause would involve too much sacrifice. Sacrifice for a cause? Who would have thought?
If things became too hard I would give up and move on. But the older I got, the more I regretted giving up on some of these things.
By now I could have been touring my play, “Horse Lake – One Woman, Sixteen Horses, and a lot of Ballet and Tap.” Intriguing, huh?
Seriously, though, I was becoming more and more aware that my lack of capacity for sticking with things meant that I was missing out on experiences and ways of being that were deeper, more beautiful, and more satisfying that were just over the mountain if I decided to keep climbing.
I also saw terrible and sad things that needed to be righted, that needed dedicated and brave people to fight and to not give up until things changed.
I saw people that had lost too much, that were worn out, that were on the edge of giving up every day who needed hope.
I saw a world that was turning more and more toward quick stimulation and transient passions. That was turning away from long-term endeavors and stickability. That was in need of a call to keep going, to go deeper.
So I decided to change. Little by little, I decided daily that I was going to stick with the things that mattered to me.
I still gave up on things that didn’t matter, but I decided I was going to hold true to what did. I’ve seen a slow change and experienced a deepening and a wonder that I didn’t know existed.
I wrote this for all of us that are on the edge of giving up to remind us that there is beauty if we can just keep going. We can change the world. So here are six reasons why we can’t give up. Can you think of any more?
1. We are unique.
We’ve heard this so much we’ve forgotten what it really means.
The American poet, Walt Whitman, once wrote, “I am large, I contain multitudes.”
We have hundreds of layers. These layers shift and blend. They form new permutations every day.
We like this and we don’t like that. We are good at this and we are bad at that. We’ve been here and not there. We know this and we don’t know that.
For this reason, and this reason alone, we can’t give up. The complexity of our character means there will never be another us. Ever. That’s incredibly precious.
What are we going to create from us?
2. Some things are worth fighting for.
Isn’t that what we said when we started this journey? There’s an imbalance and we wanted to right it. There’s beauty that’s yet to be explored. There’s a breakthrough that hasn’t broken through.
Guess what? This hasn’t happened yet.
We can’t give up because it’s up to us to change the world. There are misguided or ignorant or arrogant people who are doing things to hurt. There are dear people in need of beauty, kindness, and revelation.
There’s also us.
We wanted to make our lives better. If we give up things won’t change.
The unique beauty will be lost. The imbalance will remain. We won’t be able to see the ripples of our actions because we took our hands out of the water.
3. We are part of a beautiful world.
Yes, there is suffering. There are those that hurt. But there is also a beautiful world.
Profound valleys. Rain on our fingers. Cloud creatures. Kind gestures.
It’s worth saving, protecting, enjoying.
If we keep going we can touch others. Touch the sky. Rescue the earth. Explore for the rest of our lives. So let’s not give up.
4. It will pass.
Whatever block we are coming up against, whatever pain we are feeling, whatever swamps us and threatens to destroy us—it will pass. Eventually, it will pass.
When we persevere we get to know ourselves better. We have the opportunity to work with our challenges. We can speak to them. Spend time with them. Until eventually, on a glorious day, we bid them farewell and walk on. So much wiser and deeper than before.
5. We have to start again.
If we give up we have to start again. It’s okay to start again. Sometimes it’s a part of going deeper. Of rising again in another form.
But if we truly still believe, if all roads lead to this, let’s not think about starting again. Just the thought of it is exhausting. It feels hopeless.
Let’s remember how good it felt when we began. Let’s make a decision to keep going. Let’s keep our focus on hope.
We don’t want to repeat and repeat. We want to move forward.
6. We are worthy.
We are amazing for trying.
We are imperfect, but it’s so admirable and brave that we are doing everything we can to grow.
We are talented and have the capacity to completely honor our talents.
Our passion for spreading more love and care will help people in ways we can’t even imagine.
We are still loved if we give up. But right here, right now, we can remember how passionate we felt when we began this journey.
We don’t want to regret things. We want to grow, to fight, and to shine.
We are worthy.
The world has a rhythm. It is one of resistance and overcoming. It is the wave holding itself before it breaks into foam.
If we move against the winds we must expect resistance. We can also expect a new world that greets us.
There will be days of soft sunlight and tears of delight. Whatever the journey, we must keep walking the road. We can’t give up.
Don’t give up image via Shutterstock
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Don’t Let Your Bruised Ego Keep You Down When You Fall
“If you get up one more time than you fall, you will make it through.” ~Chinese Proverb
My niece is three years old. I get to video chat with her daily. During our interactions, she loves to show me, with tremendous happiness and pride, her new toys, her new dresses, and the various sounds her scooter is capable of making.
One day, a few months ago, as she was enthusiastically getting her scooter near the screen, she tripped and fell, albeit with no serious consequences. What I learned from this event has been gratifying.
After she fell, she sat there on the floor for about a second or two without knowing what to do.
She then looked up, squirmed a little, and was about to start crying (just because my sister had seen her fall), when my sister told her reassuringly, “Nothing happened, get up!”
And there the little child was, up on her happy feet again, flaunting her scooter with a big smile on her face.
I realized then that many times, we too, as adults, trip and fall. We are left dazed and shaken. We sometimes force ourselves into a haze of self-pity, dejection, and depression. It can seem worse when other people see us fall. The pain is so much greater when it comes with a bruised ego!
We start thinking we are the only ones struggling so much. We fail to understand what’s happening in our life and what to do about it. In short, we feel like losers.
One such similar incident happened with me.
I landed a job at a startup firm soon after my graduation, and it meant a lot to me. Obviously! It was my first job and I was so excited about it—about moving out on my own and getting to live the life I had been waiting for.
Then, within weeks, I realized I was at the wrong place. I initially tried to ward off my apprehensions as mere jitters. But then the frustration, stress, and pressure reduced me to a bag of sick emotions. My self-confidence took a tremendous beating, and I started crying myself to sleep every single night.
It was then that I realized something important about myself as a person: There is nothing in this world that can make me sit glued in front of a computer screen for hours, from morning to night. That just isn’t me.
I realized I wasn’t excited about the work I was doing. My value system wanted me to do something that felt more meaningful to me (like teaching, or working in an NGO, or even taking up public interest lawyering).
As I saw it then and as I see it now, we get to live just once, and I can’t spend all my time in making a living, forgetting to make a life!
I realized I wanted to follow my passions, my deepest yearnings, and the deepest desires of my soul.
In those two months, I hadn’t written a word for myself (writing is something close to my heart), I hadn’t pursued music (which I desperately wanted to do), and moreover, I hadn’t made time for reading (another passion of mine). This pushed me even deeper into the abyss.
Because of these incongruences between my personal value system and my life and work, I lost self-respect, lost trust in my professional abilities, lost faith in my own skills, and above all, lost faith in myself.
I was shattered. I knew that I had to quit that job as soon as possible. Friends and family advised me to stay for a year so that it would augur well on my CV. But my sanity was at stake. I had fallen, and terribly at that, and I had to pick myself up by hook or crook. Of course, there was a catch.
I didn’t quit the job right away because I felt even more miserable thinking about what my relatives, friends, and lecturers would think about me if I left within two months of starting.
I imagined people gossiping about me in hushed voices, and I worried about what my juniors—many of whom idolized me—would think about me.
I was worn out, until I decided to follow my heart and not my head. I had tripped and fallen, and it was time that I picked my spirits up and moved on.
It was time I told myself, “Nothing happened, get up!” And, thank goodness, at last I did.
Months after this incident, I feel stronger, more self-aware, and more humble.
I have come to strongly believe that with any difficulty—be it a break-up, rejection, or mid-life crisis—we can choose how we think about it and what we do in response.
We can choose to stop for a while, analyze the situation, and to accept it completely, without trying to reject or blame ourselves or our circumstances. And by doing this, we can be a lot more peaceful within ourselves.
It is during such challenging times that we need to awaken that voice inside us that reassuringly prompts us to accept and get up, so we don’t find ourselves sobbing even longer, just because we fell down and everyone saw.
I’ve thus realized that a happy life is not a problem-free, perfect life. Instead, a happy life is that which we aren’t afraid to face, knowing that every time it knocks us down, we can and will get back up.
Man climbing image via Shutterstock
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9 Ways to Help Yourself When You’re Going Through a Hard Time
“Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge.” ~Eckhart Tolle
After my father had a stroke, it became too difficult to manage our family’s convenience store, so we decided to sell it. We spoke to several buyers, but a couple was most interested—the same couple who had originally sold us the store years earlier.
In December 2012, in the middle of the transaction, my father was manipulated and our store and retirement savings were snatched away.
They convinced my parents to transfer the store space’s lease over to them before selling the business. So we were illegally occupying someone else’s space.
The landlord sent legal notices and bills to clear the space. We tried to work out a deal with the couple, but it was of no avail.
I spoke to a lawyer and he said there was no case and that this was a deliberately hatched plan from the outset.
Long story short, we were faced with two choices: give the store to the couple for peanuts, or clear the store and take our belongings elsewhere without compensation.
We decided to clear the space, pack all our inventory and belongings, and dump them into our garage at our home.
My parents could barely open the garage door, and we didn’t know what to do with the stuff. Should we find another location and start our business afresh? Or should we just close this chapter completely?
I was filled with anger, bitterness, and pain, but I held it in.
Bills piled up. My brother and I struggled to pay our mortgage payments every month.
I channeled all my anguish into my work and staying afloat. When someone in my family talked about the situation, I brushed them off and avoided the topic.
One night in February 2014, I cried. The tears wouldn’t stop. Something had changed in me.
It was like my heart had to do an intervention and tell me: You have got to stop and feel your pain. You can’t keep going this way.
I want to share how I finally dealt with my inner demons and shifted to a place of inner peace and acceptance. If you’re going through a tough time, this may help.
1. Stop assuming the worst.
After my experience, I noticed that I jumped to conclusions and assumed the worst about everyone, so I made it a point to acknowledge when someone was nice to me, whether it was a loved one or waitress.
I also tried to be kind in return. This helped me open my heart again.
It’s tempting to assume the worst when you’ve been wronged, but seeing the best in others will bring out the best in yourself.
2. Challenge your beliefs.
I heard the word “struggle” many times throughout my childhood. My father and mother said it frequently. It was ingrained in their consciousness, and as a result, in mine.
After this experience, I decided to adopt a new belief: that I was meant to prosper.
As cheesy as it sounds, I hung up I am a winner posters on my bedroom walls. I read stories about normal people like me who transformed their lives.
I signed up for a life coaching and transformation program. All these things helped me create faith in myself so I could start to live a more inspiring life.
You don’t have to do the same things, but in your own way, you can start to shed your limiting beliefs and support yourself so you can prosper too.
3. Turn inward to heal inner wounds.
I wish I had done this right after we lost our family business, but I was too busy analyzing and strategizing, trying to make things work.
I felt I had to shoulder all the responsibility and hold my family together, so my emotions remained in my body energetically for some time.
One day, I wrote down what had happened from my perspective. I put all my feelings on paper and I didn’t hold back. In doing so, I helped myself embrace my emotions and begin the healing process.
Be honest about how you feel. Dive in deep and fully acknowledge what happened.
4. Stop pushing.
I remember when my father had a stroke; even then, I was busy making phone calls from my office, dealing with our employees, and managing our store. I would have intense, nervous, frantic, fearful conversations with my mother.
I would become angry and scream at her and my father. I was constantly pushing and in action mode. I couldn’t let go. That need to control and push became even stronger after we lost our business.
I clung on tightly to relationships, money, people, and things, all from a place of insecurity and fear. I was afraid I would lose them.
But when you let go, you make space for what is truly right for you. You learn to not tie your self-worth, happiness, or identity to external circumstances.
5. Practice saying yes to your desires.
I wanted to pour myself into my work. I also thought that struggling and living this way was the norm. I was used to suppressing my desires.
If I wanted to relax, I didn’t allow myself. I drove myself crazy with ways to make things better for my family. But the truth was, if I couldn’t find inner peace, there was no way I could help my family.
I learned that I had to be connected to myself in order to be more present for my loved ones. It started with embracing little things. If I wanted to have tea and read a book, I did just that. If I wanted a hot bath, I took a nice, long hot bath.
I used to think that I couldn’t do these things if my external world wasn’t great.
But surrendering to these seemingly tiny moments brought me solace when chaos ruled my external world.
Don’t wait until you have everything figured out to be good to yourself. Be good to yourself and you’ll be better able to figure things out.
6. Stop feeling guilty.
During this challenging period, we all screamed our throats off and made each other feel guilty. It was a vicious circle.
The only way I could make lasting changes and move on with my life was to stop feeling guilty.
I focused on the present moment. In doing so, I was able to forgive my family and energize myself. It rubbed off on them because slowly but surely, I noticed my family started to remove themselves from this guilty frame of mind, as well.
Even if you could have handled things better, let go of the guilt. You’re doing the best you can, and you’ll do better if you feel better.
7. Stay solution-oriented.
When things spiraled out of control, my family and I saw everything as a problem. We developed the attitude that whatever came our way would be difficult.
We became afraid of waking up in the mornings, couldn’t sleep well at night, and couldn’t enjoy time with each other. In other words, we expected the worst. But this is no way to live.
We had to shift to a solution-oriented frame of mind. So when things didn’t work out, I stopped dwelling in self-pity. I tried to look for solutions. If I couldn’t find one right away, I just let myself be.
Trust that answers will come at the right time. It’s easier to cope with hard times when you trust that the Universe has your back.
8. Turn to others for help.
During this time, I confided in my best friend about how I was feeling. Last year, I decided to enroll in a transformation program and had a therapeutic life coaching session.
These steps helped me support myself.
Don’t bottle up your emotions. Talk to your loved ones, friends, and even consider working with a life coach or therapist. You don’t have to go through it alone.
9. Foster a positive mindset.
I had lots of thoughts about revenge, but these only caused me to feel bitter.
I realized over time these thoughts weren’t going to do me any good. I had to shift out of them. They didn’t go away right away, but I accepted them without judging myself.
Then, to shift into a more uplifting state of mind, I immersed myself in things I loved like writing, meditating, journaling, eating, and spending time with friends.
Negative thoughts will come, but they will also go if you let them. Instead of judging yourself for having these thoughts, focus on what you can do to create a more positive state of mind.
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If you’re going through a challenging time in your life, keep your heart open. This won’t last forever, and you will get through it!
Depressed man image via Shutterstock
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You Have the Strength and Wisdom to Thrive Through Hard Times
“And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” ~Abraham Lincoln
Nothing can ever really prepare you for a cancer diagnosis, but it can quickly turn your life into an unplanned story.
Diagnosed at the age of twenty-eight with ocular melanoma, I was treated with surgery and proton beam therapy, and gratefully continued on with my life (though certainly a changed person).
But every year I went for a MRI of my liver/abdomen because if ocular melanoma spreads, it most likely goes to the liver. And every year when I got a clean bill of health, I felt grateful.
I didn’t live my life waiting for the other shoe to drop, though there had been other challenges along the way—being hit by a car and having shoulder surgery, struggling with infertility for years, and finally becoming pregnant only to have a miscarriage.
For each of these challenging situations, I would cry and experience the heartbreak, but then ultimately dust myself off and get back into being an active participant in my own life.
On August 27th 2013, I was diagnosed with Stage IV liver melanoma. After a misdiagnosis at one hospital I had switched care, and essentially spent almost two months in limbo about the state of my health.
Now, being treated at one of the best facilities in the world and going through two rounds of treatment in the past year for an incurable cancer, I have quickly learned a thing or two about life, and how I want to live it.
My hope is that by sharing how I approach a life-changing situation, it may empower you to think about your own health and happiness.
Follow your heart and your gut.
When you face a cancer diagnosis—or any life-altering crisis—it can seem like your internal GPS is off-kilter, or sometimes even broken altogether.
What I’ve learned is to throw that map out the window: forget about where you think you’re “supposed” to go and listen to your heart (and your gut).
You have the answers inside of yourself; you just need to find a quiet place where you can sit with your thoughts and breathe, gently blocking out the commotion of the outside world.
Meditation can greatly help with this. All the direction that you really need is already within you, it’s just a matter of tuning into it and really paying attention. When you listen to your heart, you can never really be lost.
Advocate for yourself.
Listening to your gut comes especially in handy when dealing with a medical diagnosis or some other kind of life quandary. It’s important to gather all of the information, bring somebody with you, and get second and even third opinions.
The first hospital that found lesions on my liver through a MRI dragged out the process of having it biopsied, telling me along the way that if it came back as cancer it would be Stage IV and “very hard to treat.” I was given few treatment options and even less information, which all led to a very scary few weeks.
When the biopsy results finally came back, they were negative, but my gut was telling me that it would be still be smart to find out what these lesions could be. So, despite the fact that both my oncologist and my primary care doctor at the time said that I didn’t need to see a liver specialist, I decided to see one anyway.
It’s because I advocated for myself and listened to my internal GPS that I was able to put together an amazing team and start treatment at a different hospital. My gut told me this was the place to be, and I’m glad that I listened.
It is more than okay to want to be happy and healthy; it is your birthright. Gratitude swells for my doctors, who are amazing, and we need these medical professionals greatly to heal. However, it is still so incredibly important to get multiple opinions, ask questions, and speak up if something doesn’t feel right.
Your health is in your hands, and nobody else’s. You’re not being difficult, you’re being smart.
Make friends with your inner ally.
I’ve also learned to listen to my gut much more when it comes to what is best for me. In the past I felt sucked in by what I thought I “should” be doing. A people-pleaser by nature, it was often very difficult for me to say “no” to things that I didn’t really want to be doing (and truth be told, it still can be).
It took a cancer diagnosis for me to admit that what my life coach calls my “inner ally” had been right all along: it is more than okay to often times say “no,” create boundaries, and take better care of myself by reducing as much stress in my life as possible.
Though there are still plenty of times when I have to do things that I don’t want to do, just like everybody, or I give of myself because I want to (and because there are so many in my life who deserve that), being “selfish” sometimes just feels like putting my health as a priority, and my gut (and heart) is a lot happier for it.
I’ve also learned that, most of the time, people get over your “no” a lot faster than you would suspect, and you wind up feeling grateful that, instead of doing something that you didn’t really want to be doing, you took that time and devoted it to yourself.
Tapping into your “inner ally” can be a powerful way to figure out what will truly make you happy and healthy.
Pay attention to the dark days.
There will be some, especially if you are being told that you’re facing a challenge like cancer.
There are some days when I feel so angry and resentful of those around me who don’t have to worry about the things that those with cancer do: dying at a young age, leaving a spouse, and perhaps never being able to have children.
These are real fears for me, and if I ignored them, I wouldn’t be giving myself permission to grieve for the life that I had before I was diagnosed.
I try to allow myself to cry or feel angry when I need to, which then enables me to be able to move forward with my life with more authenticity.
My positive outlook on life and on the situation is because I listen to what that inner voice is telling me, which is not to ignore the pain. It’s through the processing of this anguish that I can then recharge my batteries and gather the strength to do what needs to be done: continue on with my KBCP (Kick-Butt Cancer Plan).
Tap into whatever is going on for you, and while it can be scary, you may actually feel lighter afterward.
Journal, meditate, cry, get in touch with that anger in a way that feels like afterward, you can then release it and move forward. But don’t go it alone; see a therapist or lean on anybody in your life who you feel truly understands you, and will listen.
Believe in yourself.
When I was about sixteen years old I was diagnosed with a learning disability.
I was attending a private school, and my parents were told by my math teacher at the time that I would never be able to pass her class, and therefore would never graduate from high school. So did I want to try and re-take the class with a different teacher, or did I want to transfer to the public high school and take an easier math class?
I couldn’t stand the thought of somebody telling me that I couldn’t do something. So, when doctors insinuate that people with melanoma may not live past a certain age, I take it with a grain of salt and listen to my own inner strength, which tells me that they don’t really know what I’m capable of.
And that math class? I re-took it, got a B, and not only graduated from high school, but from college and graduate school as well.
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Finding quiet times to tap into what direction my gut is guiding me toward has served me well, and what I love the most about my internal GPS is that it’s mine. Wherever I go, whatever happens, nobody can take that away from me.
It is because of these life experiences that I now know that deep down inside of myself I have the strength and the wisdom to thrive. And you do too.
Strong woman on mountain image via Shutterstock
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The Best Christmas Gift Ever: Finding Blessings in Challenges
“There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands.” ~Richard Bach
Recently, I began reflecting on a time in my life I hadn’t thought about in a while.
I began remembering the time when I was five years old and staying with my great aunt and uncle, because the town my mom and I lived in was under siege and unsafe.
Our town was experiencing some of the heightened turbulence that became quite common in many towns and cities during the Lebanese Civil War, which lasted from the mid-seventies to the early nineties.
Having the opportunity to stay with my great aunt and uncle for a little while was a treat because they lived in an area that was a bit safer.
However, I was still uneasy, because my mom could not stay with us due to work commitments.
Though she would visit us as often as possible, that Christmas she ended up being stuck at her workplace for days longer than she had intended because the route between us had become unsafe to travel.
This would be the first time in my five years that I would be without my mom for Christmas. Of course as any child would, I cried over it a bit, and eventually was assured that everything would work itself out.
Christmas Eve arrived, and my great aunt and uncle invited all their friends and family over to celebrate. I had honestly never seen anything like it before! All the food, the music, the people, the tree, the multi-colored wrapped presents—it was sensory overload!
It was as if magic was happening right before my very eyes.
I remember sitting quietly in the corner trying to make sense of everything I was seeing, because up to that point it had always been just my mom and me, celebrating on our own in a much less extravagant way.
After warming up a little bit to the guests, I sat down at one of the longest dining room tables I’ve ever seen, even to this day.
“Are you going to start eating, child?” one of the guests sitting next to me asked.
I nodded, and she filled my plate up with foods made up of exquisite colors, flavors, and textures, the likes of which I had never experienced before. I can remember actually pinching myself to make sure I was not dreaming.
Later in the evening, we heard sounds outside of the front door that resembled bells. The adults all started to clamor and make a big spectacle to encourage my great aunt’s daughter and me (the only kids there) to get excited, because someone very special had arrived.
We then heard loud knocks at the door. It was Santa Claus!
In Lebanon, Santas look less like American Santas with a white beard and jolly face, and more like a Halloween character, because they wear a plastic Santa Claus mask
I remember being frightened of this Santa, but one of the adults in the room assured me he was safe and friendly. I was still a little hesitant, but soon warmed up to him.
Now that Santa Claus had arrived, it was time to open up the shiny, packaged presents. I think there must have been more than a hundred presents under the tree.
One by one, Santa passed out all the presents. Everyone sat in a circle, and everyone opened their gifts, one person at a time.
It was such a lovely sight to see each person receiving their gifts. And it was especially fun to see my cousin, who was the same age as I was, so full of joy with each present she opened.
It was also funny to see how impatient she would get, because she had literally received forty to fifty gifts, and had to wait her turn to open them.
As the last present was opened, I felt like I was in a euphoric, almost dream-like state after all the joy I had witnessed.
While I was in this state, one of the adult guests turned to me, and with what seemed to be a particularly loud voice, asked, “Where are your gifts?”
I remember explaining to him that my mom and I usually drew pictures and sang songs as our Christmas gifts to each other, but that she was at work right now and would be coming back for me soon.
I also shared that I was happy just watching others celebrate, because I had never seen such magic before.
The guest looked a little confused by my answer, and then announced to everyone what had just happened: that I was the only one, and a child, mind you, who had not received a gift.
Although I now know that the guest meant well, his announcement shifted the energy of the room from one of joyful celebration to one of utter silence, where all eyes were looking at me with sympathy.
The adults’ comments poured in: “Oh, how sad!” and “I feel so bad for him!” while others asked me if I was okay.
I wasn’t really sure why everyone’s behavior had changed so quickly, but I do remember wondering if something was wrong with me because of what had just happened.
A few adults hugged me and said things like, maybe I needed to be a better boy in the coming year so that Santa wouldn’t do that again.
And then came the comment that I now consider one the greatest gifts I’ve ever received.
“You’d think this child was invisible, the way he was forgotten!” one of the adults stated.
In that moment, I excused myself and walked to the bathroom, while still keeping a smile on my face, as though none of the comments and behaviors in the room had fazed me, even though inside I felt quite the opposite.
As I think back now, I really admire how that little kid in me was able to keep it together the way he did.
While in the bathroom, after processing through the embarrassment I had just experienced and feeling sorry for myself, I remember having a deep inner sense that one day when I was grown, I would understand why all of this had happened.
Flashing forward to present day, I wondered why this specific memory kept coming up in my awareness.
Was it because of the holidays? Why had it not come up much before? So I meditated on it, and asked the Universe, what purpose did this memory have in my life, at this present time?
Within about a minute, I received the following message:
“Because of this and several other similar experiences you have had in your life, where you were made to feel invisible and as though you did not exist, you received one of your greatest gifts in life. You received the gift of compassion. Not to be mistaken with sympathy, which you personally experienced on that Christmas Eve, where all the guests felt sorry for you.
“You received the gift of being able to connect with the true essence of a person, where you know only wholeness resides.
“If you notice, you have since made it your greatest priority in life for others to feel seen, heard, acknowledged and understood for who they really are. So although your gift that Christmas Eve didn’t come in a shiny wrapped package, you truly received the greatest gift of all.”
After receiving this message, I instantly felt a joy rise up in my being and felt as though I was lit up like a Christmas tree. An epic healing had just taken place within me, and a full resolution had been made.
Looking back, that Christmas Eve really did bless me with one of the greatest gifts one could ever receive. It led me down a path to where I was able to connect with people on a heart-to-heart level. What a gift! For that, I am forever grateful.
I share this experience with the hope that you too are able to recognize the gifts you’ve been blessed with, even if they were birthed during times of great challenge.
As you look back over this past year, you might be wondering what gifts could possibly be hidden inside times of loss or struggle.
But there is always a gift. A journey of physical pain can lead to knowledge about healing. Financial hardship can lead to an understanding of true abundance. An emotional loss can lead to the realization that love is something we create within ourselves.
Whatever challenges you’ve faced, take a moment and ask yourself, “What gift have I gained from this experience?”
You may have many gifts that lie unseen, waiting for you to claim them. Tap into the wisdom that will show you those gifts.
I know there are great blessings there, waiting for you to open up and receive them.
Gingerbread cookie image via Shutterstock
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Getting Back Your Spark When Every Day Feels Hard
“When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.” ~Thomas Jefferson
Did you ever wake up one morning and not know who you were anymore?
Waking up for the past four years of my life, I felt like I was in the movie Groundhog Day. The same things happened every day, and I felt the same horrible feelings all the time. Anxiety, depression, and hopelessness ran my life.
I had it all figured out at some point. I was furthering my career and moving toward my dream of becoming a psychologist. I had great co-workers, tons of friends, and a supportive family.
There was this continuous, sun-shiny, flowing feeling of “everything works out for the best.” Any struggles I went through would make me stronger, a better psychologist and friend. A better person. And so, I enjoyed the ups and downs of life with no regrets and little struggle.
It seems that I woke up one day and everything was gone.
I had lost my job, which paid for my education. All my friends had drug abuse issues, and I removed myself from their lives or vice versa. My puppy, best friend since age five, died four days before my birthday. I was plagued with pain from Lyme disease and an undiagnosed tick-borne illness. I felt like every piece of my life was falling apart.
My dreams were not coming true anymore. I still have no idea how I slid down this far without knowing it.
The best parts of my life had left me, and it seems like it all hit me at once. There were no more happy, “let it go, it’ll all turn out for the best” thoughts. It was all darkness. I had lost myself and my joy for life.
The worst part was that I knew I could get back to that place if I tried. But I didn’t know how. I longed for that spark, that fulfillment with my life, for years. I just couldn’t put my finger on what I was missing. I hadn’t even realized that it was gone until it seemed light years away.
I realize now that there were quite a few things I could actively do every day to pull myself out of this dark place. If you’re going through a rough time, these may help you as well.
1. Acknowledge and appreciate everything that happens, even the seemingly bad.
During my “golden age,” I had acknowledged everything that worked out well for me. I recognized the random strokes of luck that life handed me and appreciated them, and it seemed like more of these things happened as a result.
When I lost my way, I was so focused on the negative, overwhelming feelings that I thought good things just didn’t happen for me anymore. I had to learn that the only difference between a good thing and a bad thing is how you look at it.
I could sit and think about how much I disliked my boyfriend’s mother all day. From the first thought in the morning, all the way until bedtime I could obsess over how horribly she treated me. Why couldn’t she just accept me as I am? I love her son more than anything, after all!
After struggling with this for close to a year, I finally realized why she had grown to be such a focal point in my life. She was here to teach me compassion. True, loving compassion for someone you thought you couldn’t stand, until you open your eyes and think what it may be like to be them.
It is a good thing that she is in my life, and though she often presents challenges to me, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. She helped me to see that people are not black and white, good or bad.
Nothing is inherently bad; it just is. As your mind processes information, it applies your filters, your beliefs, and your preconceptions to the information. This is the reason we are angered, or feel sad, or disappointed. It’s not actually the thing she said, or what he did that angered you; it’s all what you think about it.
2. Challenge limiting, irrational thoughts.
When things go haywire, we tend to cling to our irrational thoughts like a life preserver, when what we really need to hold onto is our inner calm.
I really believed that I could just think my way out of the hopelessness-box I had placed myself in. I obsessed and ran and re-ran the same thoughts all day, trying to make sense or pull what I wanted out of every conversation.
My mind was a mess of tangled thoughts that I used to keep me in a bad place. Nothing was ever good enough; nothing was ever good at all. And there seemed nothing I could do about it but obsess even more.
I would obsess that my boyfriend and I weren’t getting along. Did he still love me? Why wasn’t that spark there anymore? He was cheating on me, he had to be. Why couldn’t things be the way they used to be? Why had he said that thing this morning, the one that made me feel so unloved?
I realized that all these thoughts did was give me something external to obsess over, to keep me from thinking about the real problem.
The real reason why I was uncomfortable and stuck in this thought loop was because of my own insecurities. I did not feel like I was good enough for him, hence my sneaking suspicion he would cheat on me. Focusing on what he may do kept me from addressing my own issues.
I was insecure. I had deep rooted self-worth issues, and I kept looking past the fact that all this started and ended with me. It was my insecurities making me think this way. It was my thoughts that would one day enable these things to happen—if I wanted to keep believing that I wasn’t good enough.
Often, when you think defeating and self-limiting thoughts all day, you start to believe they are true.
If you start from a place of love and acceptance for yourself, it greatly affects the way you think about important things in your life. My panicked mind just took the root cause and expanded upon it, made it grow, made it bigger and meaner until I couldn’t overlook the real problem staring me in the face anymore.
When you accept and love yourself as you are, and when you feel the inner peacefulness and calm inside yourself, you are able to see straight through your own tricks.
3. Do something just for you. Every day.
I am a responsible person and I always did everything I was supposed to do. I was a good girl. I went to work. I did my job. I did the dishes and laundry and was exhausted by the end of every day. But I couldn’t sleep through the night.
I felt like nothing was ever truly done. There was always more to do. I remember looking at a dirty bottle once and breaking down crying. Being everything for everyone doesn’t mean anything if you can’t enjoy a few moments with yourself. No one can appreciate you the way you can.
I slowly started substituting tasks with things I wanted to do. Instead of coming home and picking up the living room, I would come home and exercise. I felt better, relaxed, and energized when I was done, and the picking up got done quickly and without the bitterness accompanied by never having any time to do anything for me.
Its funny—all these people are relying on you, but all these people really need is you. Not the things you do. They love and appreciate you for you, not for the clean house. I had built up this idea that being a mother and responsible adult meant that I couldn’t have fun anymore. That I couldn’t do things I enjoy.
Make time to do something you love, and to just be you. Make you your number one priority today. Everything else will fall into place
4. Let the fun in.
Dance to your favorite song in the car, go dig your hands in the dirt in the garden, tickle your husband, make a mess; however you like to have fun, do it!
It seems like as we grow into adults, we are expected to act like grown-ups and slowly filter out all the fun in our lives. Piece by piece you realize everything that you used to enjoy, you no longer do!
Reclaim your life.
You need to take whatever time you have and use it to the fullest. It’s okay to go a little crazy. Get a little dirty doing something you enjoy. Remember what it was like to be a kid and totally immerse yourself in something, just because you loved to do it.
Forget your to-do list and do you instead. Love completely, open your heart, act like a kid, and who knows; you may just feel like one again.
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Pause for a Cause with Mindful in May
Today’s video is more than a cute cartoon (though I find it adorable!)–it’s an introduction to a global meditation campaign for social good.
Mindful in May is a one month online meditation campaign delivered to your inbox daily in May, to motivate you to bring a new healthy habit into your life, while raising money to help nearly one billion people on the planet who struggle daily without access to clean, safe drinking water.
Starting on May 1st, participants will commit to regular meditation through a mindfulness program delivered by daily e-newsletters. This will include weekly guided meditation downloads, cutting edge science, prizes, and curated links to inspire your day and keep you connected to the challenge.
While you meditate, your donations and fundraising will bring clean, safe drinking water to thousands of people living in the developing world. Money raised will go to Charity Water to help build clean water wells in the developing world.
Join the mindful revolution by registering for Mindful in May here. Clear mind for you, clean water for others.