Tiny Buddha

Tag: celebrate

  • The Magic of Celebrating Every Little Win

    The Magic of Celebrating Every Little Win

    “Celebrate what you want to see more of.” ~Tom Peters

    In a world that often only celebrates grand achievements, it’s easy to overlook the small victories that pave the way to lasting change.

    BJ Fogg, PhD, a Stanford behavioral scientist and author of the transformative book Tiny Habits, offers a powerful insight: If we want to get great at creating habits, we must celebrate. He insists that immediately after we do our new habit, or even approximate it, we must celebrate. This. Isn’t. Optional.

    Why is celebration so crucial? That’s what wires the habit into our brain. When we celebrate, it triggers a release of dopamine. This not only feels rewarding in the moment but also reinforces the behavior on a neurochemical level, helping to embed the new habit into our neural pathways.

    This concept of celebration took on a deeply personal meaning for me as I embarked on my journey toward mindful eating. As someone who had struggled with binge eating for over two decades, the idea of celebrating small victories felt both foreign and liberating.

    I used to find myself in a dissociation vortex during meals, lost in my phone, mindlessly scrolling through social media. This often led to overeating, as I was disconnected from my body’s signals. Determined to change, I decided to experiment with BJ Fogg’s method of celebration.

    During non-meal times, I would repeatedly practice setting my phone down in another room before entering the dining room and sitting down at the dining table. Each time I did this successfully, I threw my arms up in victory and shouted, “Yes!” This seemingly silly act was a fun and delightful way to grease the groove.

    I remember the first time I genuinely celebrated this small win. It was a sunny afternoon, the curtain rustling in the gentle breeze and the sun casting playful shadows on the floor. I was feeling antsy, the dining room table looming like a trigger, a place where I would often lose myself in the abyss of my phone.

    As I had done many times during practice, I purposefully set my phone down in the other room. Walking across the living room felt like crossing a chasm; each step was deliberate, like an adventurer nearing a crucial milestone. When I finally sat down at the dining room table, I could almost hear my own heartbeat.

    I proceeded to eat my meal without my phone, noticing details I had previously overlooked. The crunches were crisp and satisfying, a symphony of textures in my mouth. The smells filled the air, and the warmth of the sun on my skin made the experience feel almost magical.

    After I put my fork down, I stood up and shouted, “Yes!” and did an ineffable, happy dance. It was a mix of awkward flailing and spontaneous twirls—something that would make any witness question my sanity. The rush of dopamine was undeniable, and I reveled in the victory of learning that I could eat without my phone.

    Yes, it was one time, but if I did it once, I knew I could do it again.

    The act of celebrating these small wins started to transform my relationship with food and with myself. I began to feel a sense of accomplishment and pride each time I successfully avoided a binge by eating with awareness. The eating itself became a mini-meditation, and the celebration was a moment to acknowledge my progress and reinforce my commitment to mindful eating.

    Here are some practical tips and insights to help you incorporate celebration into your habit-building journey:

    1. Make it Personal

    Choose a celebration that resonates with you personally—something that genuinely makes you feel happy and successful. The more authentic the celebration, the stronger the positive emotional impact and the more robust the habit formation. Whether it’s a fist pump, a happy dance (I like to twerk), or a simple smile, make it something that feels right for you.

    2. Consistency is Key

    Celebrate every time you practice your new habit, especially in the beginning. This helps reinforce the behavior and makes it more likely to stick. Consistency is crucial in the early stages of habit formation.

    3. Small Wins Matter

    Don’t wait for big achievements to celebrate. Recognize and celebrate the small wins along the way. These small moments of victory build momentum and keep you motivated.

    4. Be Playful

    Approach celebration with a sense of playfulness and joy. The more fun you have with it, the more enjoyable the habit-building process will be. Let yourself be silly and embrace the positive emotions that come with celebration.

    One of the funniest moments in my journey came when my boyfriend witnessed one of my celebratory rituals for the first time. I had just finished a meal with him. Because it was without my phone, I stood up, threw my arms up in victory, and shouted, “Yes!” with the enthusiasm of a game show winner.

    He looked at me, bewildered, his eyebrows nearly disappearing into his hairline. “What are you doing?” he asked, his voice a mix of confusion and amusement. I could see him trying to decide if he should be concerned or join in the celebration.

    As I explained the concept to him, his bewilderment turned into a wide grin. We both burst out laughing, the sound filling the room like music. Then, in a moment of pure spontaneity, he joined in, matching my awkward flailing with his own equally ridiculous moves.

    It was a moment of shared joy and understanding, and it made the habit-forming process even more enjoyable.

    As time went on, these small celebrations began to have a profound impact on my life. Not only did I become more mindful of my eating habits, but I also started to celebrate other small wins throughout my day. I found myself more engaged and present in my daily activities, and my overall sense of well-being improved.

    The power of celebration lies in its ability to create positive emotional experiences that reinforce new behaviors. When we celebrate our small wins, we acknowledge our efforts and progress, no matter how minor they may seem. This recognition helps to build self-confidence and resilience, making it easier to tackle bigger challenges.

    BJ Fogg’s insight is simple yet transformative: You change best by feeling good, not by feeling bad. By celebrating every win, we create a positive feedback loop that encourages continued growth and development.

    So, whether you’re working on mindful eating, like I was, or any other habit, remember to celebrate your wins. Throw your arms up in victory, do a happy dance, or simply smile and say, “Yes!” Let’s embrace the joy of progress and let celebration be the catalyst for lasting change in our lives.

  • 5 Simple Ways to Make JOY Your Job This Year

    5 Simple Ways to Make JOY Your Job This Year

    “Don’t wait for joy to find you, because you might end up waiting forever.” ~Unknown

    Eight years ago, my husband and I made a pact to make joy our job.

    We were in the middle of chasing little kids and careers, had a whole lot of stress (on the edge of burnout), and realized that something needed to change.

    The idea started small, with the premise that if we waited for joy to find us, we might wait forever. We figured that life was going to require us to do something different to see a different result. It took us a bit of time to experiment with what brought us joy and what didn’t (because it had been years since we prioritized joy at all), but the juice was worth the squeeze!

    There were some small but key things that helped us shift toward a more joyful life, and I’d like to share them with you now in hopes that you can make this your year of JOY!

    Here they are.

    1. Give yourself permission.

    As a good midwestern gal, I have always had the belief that if I work harder, faster, and stronger than others, I will see success. I’m here to tell you that’s true! However, while working toward specific goals (promotions, planning a wedding, buying a house, you insert the thing), joy can fall to the bottom of the heap.

    I get it. I always thought that I needed to be one step ahead before I gave myself freedom for fun, but that’s the wrong mindset to take on because life’s a moving target. You will never reach the finish line because life happens in the living of it (cliché but true).

    Give yourself permission to prioritize joy! Maybe it’s a date night or an hour to yourself, but whatever it is, you should give yourself permission to enJOY. A burnt-out version of you is no good to anyone else.

    2. Make a joy ideas list.

    Have you ever planned a night out and looked at your spouse or friend and said, “What are you in the mood for?” Their response: “I don’t care. What are you in the mood for?” Sometimes it takes just as long to decide what to do for fun as actually going out and doing it.

    For this reason, we started with a whiteboard in our bedroom (doesn’t everyone have a whiteboard hung up in their bedroom?), and jotted down things we used to do, things we wanted to do, and things we heard others talking about. It took us a few days to get a good joy ideas list going, but little by little we had inspiration for date night and beyond.

    Our thought was, with a whiteboard at the ready, we could dream up joyful ideas before we fell asleep and add more right after waking up, when our brains were rested and fresh. It worked!

    Some of our ideas included:

    • Go back to the restaurant we got engaged at.
    • Carve out a date night for yummy food.
    • Join a volleyball league to stay active.
    • Play “college”—eat the foods, do the activities, and go to the places we used to visit in college.

    Start making a list and checking off your joy items. You’ll be surprised how completing one joy item will spur more ideas and more joy. Here are some ideas to consider:

    • Be a tourist in your town. If you have a free afternoon, go out and do the things your town is known for! Try all the “bests”—ice cream, coffee, park, scenic views, you name it.
    • Create joy during meals. Spice up your meals with different types of cuisine and different meal locations (picnic in the living room). Also, a fun or fancy glass can bring joy to any table.
    • If you are short on time, exchange some screen time for a bit of joy and be sure to involve the kids! A few of the things we love to do are go on walks, play games, go on scavenger hunts, and play flashlight hide-and-seek.

    3. Carve out time on your calendar.

    This sounds easy, but it’s where people fall off the joy wagon.

    We’re going to Mexico in February! That’s what I often hear when I ask about joy. People give me the itineraries for their upcoming vacations (never mind that they might be six months away).

    If I asked you, “Where can you add joy tomorrow?” would you be able to do it? Or would you say something like, “After my next project at work, I’ll have more joy.” Or “Once my kids sleep through the night, I can have more joy.” Or “I don’t have time for joy tomorrow, I have too much going on.”

    Our minds are programmed to solve, achieve, and contribute, and that is a great thing…most of the time.

    Make sure you put the joy ideas and activities on the calendar—even if it’s just “take a walk” or “read a book.” Or at least save a block of time specifically for joy. Otherwise, time will slip by, and you will not have anything to show for it.

    4. Pick a theme.

    Sometimes it can be hard to think of something that is new and exciting yet takes little brain space and energy to put into action. My advice is to pick a theme. We have themed meals, parties, weeks of celebration in our house—you name it, we can theme it!

    We once celebrated a travel birthday for our friend’s daughter who took her first plane flight. We blew out candles on a cupcake to celebrate. We’ve had pretend holidays, tailgates for random sporting events, craft days, and even themed parties with friends.

    A theme is an easy way to give purpose to an afternoon, an event, or a week. If you are struggling to think of a theme, the internet has some great ideas.

    5. Invite other people to join.

    Our original joy list moved from bulleted ideas to a joy calendar, and the rest is history! We now create a monthly joy calendar, and our kids contribute ideas. One night a month my husband and I sit back and look at the calendar, almost like consultants to our own lives, and decide if we have enough joy. If we don’t think we have enough joy planned, we add some.

    It was a few months after we started to make joy our job when we started sharing the joy with friends and family. They started attending parties and joy activities, and I would get text messages saying, “Started our own joy calendar today! Thanks again.”

    Making joy your job will change your life! There will never be a perfect day or a perfect reason for more joy. Today is that day! Just start with permission, make a list, and go!

    Be sure to reach out when you create joy. I’d love to celebrate with you!

    Bonus tip:

    Joy is messy. Just do some small experiments. You will plan joy and it may not turn out the way you thought (kids will act out, sporting events may be cancelled, themes may turn out to be a bust), but be sure to keep going! Some of our funniest joy moments have come from our experiments (think failed cooking experiments and funny date night memories).

    Joy is your job!

  • Celebrate Your Strengths Instead of Pushing Yourself to Be Better

    Celebrate Your Strengths Instead of Pushing Yourself to Be Better

    Excited

    “Make the best use of what is in your power and take the rest as it happens.” ~Epictetus

    Performance reviews. Assessments. Evaluations. The dreaded annual review. Most of us have run into some kind of quality assurance technique while employed in the American workforce, or at least know someone who has.

    Evaluations are a regular part of life at my place of employment and something that I am very used to by now. Typically I get good scores and the evaluation includes plenty of praise and positive acknowledgement, along with whatever constructive criticism is appropriate to the work that is being evaluated.

    Usually I can look through the evaluation form, note what needs to be noted, and move on. I can accept feedback when needed, use it appropriately, and in turn notice the strengths of others and acknowledge them along the way. I do pretty well, really.

    Most days, doing pretty well is enough. But sometimes I get the feeling that there is something missing. That I could still do better. That enough isn’t actually satisfactory. That if I’m not constantly evaluating how I’m doing and striving for something better, there’s something wrong. That in acknowledging others, my voice gets tired and there’s not much left for acknowledging myself.

    Even though I can plainly see the strengths in others and even verbalize them regularly, I don’t always notice and acknowledge them in myself. I have a tendency to want acknowledgement but brush it off when it arrives. 

    I crave being recognized for doing well but hardly know how to react when that craving is satisfied.

    When I receive feedback—even when it’s positive—my default reaction is usually set to “how could I do this better?” It’s easy to get stuck inside the idea that there’s always room for improvement, and then turn a blind eye to what has already been improved or what doesn’t need to be.

    There is nothing wrong with striving to better one’s self, growing professionally, building skills, or figuring out how to be more effective at what we choose to spend our time doing. But I think that sometimes we spend all of our time figuring out how to better ourselves, how to grow professionally, how to build even better skills, or how to be even more effective.

    We get so caught up in growing and getting better that we forget to honor the life we have right now.

    I know I get caught up in our culture’s mantra of “more, better, faster” more often than I care to admit.

    What if I could take my usually positive outlook and mold it into a way of being that sets my default to accepting wherever I am in my job, or my relationships, or my life situation? What if I could celebrate what is?

    What if I could put the focus on the strengths and gifts that I have—like being able to see the good in a challenging situation, or finding the joy that hides under anxiety, or baking a really good loaf of bread, or always knowing where the keys are—and then accept whatever comes from that focus?

    What if we all focused on what we already excel at, or what we have bettered already, instead of that thing we feel is a weakness that needs fixing? 

    Perhaps the intent to celebrate the perfection that we already are would allow us to evolve into a collective that is founded on acceptance and peace and less focused on longing.

    Maybe accepting the perfection that lies beneath our struggles can help move us into a space beyond what we think is possible—a space that knows no limits and a space that is simply enough. Period.

    Seeking to grow and building on knowledge and presence of being invites excellence by creating space for that excellence to exist and thrive. But perhaps we cannot expand without first truly seeing ourselves as complete. 

    It could be that the excellence I invite by way of acceptance is different from what I have been taught to strive for over the years. It could be that “living my strengths” means moving slower, or pushing forward less. It could mean resisting the urge to try to be something I’m not. It could mean listening to understand more and listening to respond less.

    I think it also means stopping to notice the beauty of a pebble in the rain, or hearing the gentle rustle of leaves when the wind changes direction, or feeling the warmth of the sun after the fog lifts.

    It means looking into the eyes of someone different and seeing truth reflected back.

    It means accepting myself as whole and complete, and letting that acceptance grow into my own version of perfection.

    I could say there is no such thing as a perfect life and that there is always room for improvement and growth. I think I’d be right.

    I could say that every life is perfect if allowed to be. And I think I’d still be right.

    Living through strengths is not easy. But living through our strengths sets us up to find our unique version of perfection. Accepting whatever that perfections looks like reminds us that we are enough.

    Photo by Gregory Tonon

  • A Simple Choice to Celebrate What Matters

    A Simple Choice to Celebrate What Matters

    “There are exactly as many special occasions in life as we choose to celebrate.” ~Robert Brault

    A few years ago it happened, and it couldn’t have come at a better moment.

    At the time I was involved in a monthly get together with my cousins. We were a group of eight cousins getting together to talk about family and life in general.

    It had started off when my sister was going through a nasty divorce, and one of the cousins came up with the idea of getting together to celebrate my sister’s birthday to bring some cheer into her life.

    Once the celebration was under way, we all agreed on how great it would be to make it a once a month gathering of all cousins. And so it began: the once a month ritual of getting together in one of the cousins’ houses for dinner.

    We would take turns hosting the event, so that we would each have a turn at being an amazing hostess for a dinner.

    We all had different financial situations, so we would go from a very fancy dinner at a very fancy house, to a simple dinner in a simple home where I would find more love and peace than in most.

    You could say I was one of the cousins with the middle class lifestyle, yet I opened up my home with the best of intentions, always hoping to give my cousins the best I could.

    The first dinner that took place at my home was exciting but also full of anxiety, for I had to prepare my home for the dinner gathering.

    I remember making a list of things I wanted to buy. I felt like I was having the president over for dinner—like I had to make my home seem fancy, when in reality it wasn’t. (more…)