Tag: accept

The Power of Acceptance: Stop Resisting and Find the Lesson

“Of course there is no formula for success except, perhaps, an unconditional acceptance of life and what it brings.” ~Arthur Rubinstein

Sometimes you’re an observer of other people’s lives and you think you’ll never experience what they’re living, whether it’s a positive or negative situation. You think, “That will never happen to me.”

Part of the real beauty of life is that it’s unpredictable. Nothing is permanent, everything changes, and of course, a lot of things can happen that will transform who you are and have an impact on your life. The problem is that we need to cultivate the ability to truly accept whatever comes and embrace it.

We need to develop the habit of looking at whatever happens through a positive mindset instead of a negative, defeatist one.

Of course, life will bring many challenges, such as the death of someone we love, and it’s not easy to embrace them when we’re suffering and wishing those things would have never happened. But if we start cultivating acceptance in our lives right now, we’ll likely cope with future crises in a different way and view them from a different perspective. We will accept instead or resisting.

I am big fan of Deepak’s Chopra’s The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success. He dedicates one complete chapter (Law #4) to how we need to receive with open arms what happens to us, because if we fight and resist it, we are generating a lot of turbulence in our minds.

He explains that we might want things to be different in the future, but in the present moment we need to accept things as they are. That’s the way you can make your life flow smoothly instead of roughly.

During the last year of my life I have learned the true power of acceptance.

The first lesson I learned was last year when my boyfriend broke up with me after three years together. Even though I was reluctant to believe he wouldn’t give me a second chance during the initial months, I eventually realized I had no option but to accept his choice and move on with my life. (more…)

July 10, 2012
How to Release Shame and Love All of You

“When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.” ~African Proverb

If you’ve had any experiences where you had to keep your truth quiet, particularly as a child, it’s time to reclaim your truth and value its power. By doing so, you will release energy, old shame, and subconscious blocks that may now be holding you back from living your life to the fullest.

It could be that you had lots of family secrets that your parents made sure you told no one about (which creates shame), or it could be you were bullied and felt unable to confide in anyone about it.

There are many circumstances where we have our truth kept locked in, and unintentionally we create shame around our truths. If you feel unable to speak your truth, then you feel shame. It’s nature’s law.

When we become shameful of our truths, we end up cutting off, discrediting, and devaluing a hugely important chunk of who we are and how we show up in the world.

This is true for me. When I was growing up, my parents had an emotionally abusive relationship, and I was sworn to secrecy about it. My parents wanted no one outside of the house to know what was going on.

While my father had anger issues, my mother always tried to keep the peace, so I decided it was better to not speak up or voice my feelings. Living under the same roof as them, it was impossible for me to not be affected by what was happening, yet I was unable to have my experience validated.

My parents were busy fighting, being in tension, or creating drama, and I was conditioned to not talk to anyone about “the troubles at home.” So my truth was shut down, kept only to me and my journal.

After my parents divorced, I moved out and on to college, and started my adult life. I felt proud of myself for staying strong through all the tough times at home, for being an emotional rock for my mother, and for forgiving my father for not being the kind of dad I wanted him to be.

Yet in my mid-late twenties, things started to shift. After a few career U-turns, I started to feel unsure of myself, and it started to bring up emotions I hadn’t felt for a long while. (more…)

June 10, 2012
The Key to Beauty and Acceptance Is You

“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

I read this quote the other day, and I have to say, nothing has shaken me to the core more.

I was diagnosed with a rare form of muscular dystrophy at the age of two, and ever since, I’ve struggled with loving myself and with having self-confidence.

For the most part, you wouldn’t know I have a serious physical disability aside from my visible limp, my difficulty getting up and down stairs, and my tendency to fall when I get weak. I was never able to do sports growing up like my friends and often had to enroll in special Adaptive Phys Ed classes in school.

I always felt my disability separated me from my peers growing up, so I put up an emotional wall and convinced myself that I had to wear the latest clothes, have perfect skin, and have the perfect body in order to “blend in” with everyone around me—in order to be truly loved. Then maybe I would be considered beautiful.

Then maybe no one would notice I was different. If I just looked like those Victoria’s Secret models, then someone would accept and love me.

So often we look to external things to define our beauty, most commonly, our physical appearance. We think that if we just fit into the mold that society has told us is “good looking” then we’ll feel good about ourselves and will gain acceptance.

I put a lot of value in being in a relationship too. Because of my disability, I was extremely shy for a long time and very insecure. All I wanted was a guy to come along, sweep me off my feet, and fall in love with me.

Then I thought I would truly be like everyone else, because I would have someone (other than friends and family) there all the time telling me that I was loved and valued. (more…)

May 23, 2012
Create Solutions, Not Resolutions

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

With the New Year approaching, resolutions are on everyone’s mind.

I’ve never liked the word “resolution.” As defined in the dictionary, resolution means “a firm decision to do or not do something,” and anyone who’s ever done, well, anything knows that life rarely works like that.

I prefer to think of my January decisions as New Year’s solutions. Defined in the dictionary as “a means of solving a problem or dealing with a difficult situation,” solutions are useful and practical. Thinking about them now helps us find peace in whatever may happen in the year ahead.

The best solution I can think of, and one that is especially helpful after the excess of the holiday season, is letting go.

I often hear stories from people who decide at the beginning of a year that this will be the one when they’ll be able to fix their bodies.

They want to “fix” themselves; they want to look like their high school pictures or their super fit best friends or whoever’s on the cover of Vogue.

My feedback for all who are constricted by a negative diet mentality: let go.

This seems counterintuitive, ironic, cruel, and maybe even ridiculous. You’ve just connected with a powerful desire about what you want your life to be like, and now I’m going to tell you that you have to move forward completely unattached to the outcome of whether you’ll get the life you want and will now be working toward.

The crux of this philosophy is that in order to get that which we want, we must let go of our need and desire for it.

This may sound impossible, unattainable, and completely contradictory; however, this is where freedom lies.

I know firsthand that letting go is the path to freedom and joy. My struggle with weight started when I was a toddler. When I got older, I thought that if I could only lose the extra weight, I would be happy.

I did lose the weight—a hundred pounds—between my twenty-fourth and twenty-fifth birthdays. I had finally achieved what I thought was my goal; I was thin, so I should be happy, right?

I was more miserable than ever. I was so worried about gaining the weight back, so scared that I might relapse, that I couldn’t enjoy my newfound health.

I was stuck living in fear that the future would not be what I wanted, that I would lose control, that my hard work would be for naught.

It was only when I figured out how to live in the present, how to be focus on the now and not concern myself with worrying about things that had not even yet happened, that I was able to be happy.

After learning to do that, not only was I content for the first time in my life, but I also was able to keep the weight off without worrying about it. I have kept that a hundred pounds off for twenty-four years.

We achieve the life we desire when we begin living for the moment, in the moment, and because of the moment. Finding happiness in this New Year will not be an outcome or a result. It is doing; it is being.

How can your foster this way of being in your life? It begins with looking at those things we desire most and finding the bliss in working toward them in the present—not in achieving them in the future.

Achievement is still the goal, but ironically, you only get there by letting go of the need for it. (more…)

January 1, 2012
The Courage to Accept Your Own Beauty

“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

As I was looking in the mirror, I was feeling the soft curves of my body, all the way down to the flesh on my belly to where it met my hips. I was frowning at my “belly pooch” as I pinched my skin between my fingers. I had a name for my belly pooch and the other not so desirable places on my body.

I called those places “my chubs.”

My partner and I like to play fight. As we often chased each other around the apartment, he would playfully tease me about “my chubs.” I would always squeal back at him with a “don’t touch my chubs” as I tried to tickle him.

It was all fun and games. However, there was a small part of me that the detested how I felt when my “chubs” would get tickled or playfully grabbed.

You may be thinking, “Why don’t you just ask him to stop tickling you?” Being tickled is a symptom of a problem, rather than a problem in itself.

The problem is that I was more frustrated at myself because I allowed other people’s words and actions to feed my worst enemy—my inner critic.

There are days when my inner critic can be extra cruel.

Like countless people out there, I’ve put my body through a lot with all the latest diet trends. From keeping track of my calories, to the slow-carb diet, the no carb diet, vegetarianism to even eating only one meal a day. I was constantly looking for something to help me feel beautiful on the outside.

No matter how much weight I lost, I still couldn’t see the beauty my lover saw. Even when I was making progress, the friendly tickle fights with my lover or a quick glimpse of my reflection in a window would stir up negative emotions.

Whenever this happened, my inner critic would often hurl me down the depths of despair and a sea of self-loathing.

I could easily blame the media’s portrayal of what a beautiful woman looks like by picking up a magazine, turning on the television or looking at a billboard. (more…)

December 25, 2011
Love Yourself, Accept Yourself, Forgive Yourself

“Love yourself—accept yourself—forgive yourself—and be good to yourself, because without you the rest of us are without a source of many wonderful things.” ~Leo F. Buscaglia

You mean I am a source of many wonderful things?

Yes. Actually you are. Own up to it.

Leo has it right.

Love yourself.

Despite all the things that you think may be terribly wrong with you, love yourself. Love yourself.

Tattoo it on your brain.

I can think of so many reasons why you should love yourself, but here’s just one: It is incredibly dull and uninspiring to be around people who do not love themselves.

I spent many years being anorexic and feeling like I was a monster. I’m sure I was not much fun to be around, and I also know that I didn’t book any of the acting jobs I was trying to land. It is very challenging to hire someone or love someone who fights you by holding up a mirror of hatred toward themselves.

Here’s my challenge for you today: Take a picture of your face and remember that in ten years time you will be amazed at how gorgeous you were. Be amazed now.

Identify something about you that you may not adore and find a way to at least laugh at it or like it, even a little bit.

I have profound hearing loss; in fact, I am almost deaf and wear hearing aids. I have ringing in my ears twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. Does it drive me mad most days? Yes. However, it’s here to stay, and I have learned that I can make light of it, or I can sit home and feel sorry for myself because I am missing out on what feels like everything.

Either way, the choice is mine to make.

I have also learned that because of my hearing loss, my other senses are highly attuned. I am more compassionate because of it. I am a healer.

I have turned something I don’t necessarily “love” having into another piece in the puzzle of me, and part of why I love that puzzle.

Instead of thinking “I am an incomplete human being because I can’t hear perfectly,” I think “I am an incredible human being with a profound sense of touch and understanding and a huge capacity for love. I am also awesome at reading lips. So there.” (more…)

November 1, 2011
3 Steps to Stop Making Comparisons and Start Valuing Yourself

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” ~E.E. Cummings

It seems like everywhere I look, I don’t measure up.

I was giving a presentation recently and noticed that several people seemed bored or distracted. I looked around the room to gauge my audience’s response to something I said and found myself thinking, “Am I good enough? Am I providing what this group needs?”

Suddenly, I felt sure that another, more talented presenter would have done a better job.

Later, with a friend, casually flipping through old photos, we both lamented that we were younger and thinner in them. We chuckled and then we sighed. Still, I commented that I didn’t like how I looked in the photos, and she said that I looked great.

I started to dispute her out of habit. I thought I should look better somehow. Do you know that feeling? It seems as if I can’t be satisfied with how I look because I should be something more.

There are people all around me who are more talented, thinner, wealthier, happier, nicer, and luckier. You name it and there is someone who’s got more of it or is better at it than me.

Ever feel that way?

And yet, our tendency is to continue to compare ourselves with others—over and over again. Demoralizing and useless as it is, we keep doing it. We’re pretty much on autopilot at this point.

Why oh why do we engage in such a fruitless mental activity? Do we think it’s going to make us feel better in some miraculous way? Do we think it’s going to motivate us to excel?

What’s that mental comparison thing you do ever done for you? (more…)

March 22, 2011
3 Steps To Practice Acceptance & Have a Peaceful Life

“Every day may not be good, but there’s something good in every day.” ~Unknown

I was in a motorbike accident in 1987. The physician in the emergency room delivered the bad news and told me the right knee cap had cracked. That day changed my life forever.

How could I accept that I wouldn’t ever be able to run again?

The physical injury took years to heal, and a lot of time passed before I slowly started to accept my new situation. In the meantime, I got depressed.

Life Can Be Beautiful

That might seem like an ironic heading coming after the preceding line, but hear me out. Life is beautiful every time you’re able to accept something that has gone wrong. When you can feel good on the whole even though things aren’t going your way, you know emotional freedom. What more could you ask for?

The opposite would be the guy who shouts in despair, “Not again, for God’s sake!” when his sports car breaks down in the middle of nowhere or needs thousands of dollars of work on that car. Neither is a fun situation to be in. But what about people that don’t even have food to eat?

It’s all about perspective, isn’t it? Are you looking at life through Ray Bans or from a refugee camp? We must learn to see and appreciate what we have and shift our attention from what we’ve lost. (more…)

June 6, 2010