“Peace and justice are two sides of the same coin.” Dwight Eisenhower
The other night, my boyfriend drove me to the airport for a cross-country flight. After he took a wrong turn, we ended up in a mess of traffic that pushed me dangerously close to my departure time.
When I entered, I saw two lines to check baggage: a long, winding one, and another that was oddly short. I assumed this was for “even more legroom” passengers and decided to upgrade my ticket so I’d be on time.
I made it to the agent within minutes, at which point a man at the front of the other line became vocally upset. Apparently, JetBlue opened this new line to better handle the mass of travelers, instead of filtering the existing line to the two agents working.
This other passenger was irate—not for his own inconvenience, since he was next, but for the injustice in general. He scolded everyone in my line for being inconsiderate; he berated the agents behind the desk for their horrible mistake; and then he walked, fuming, to the security line, where I ended up standing right behind him.
Even though his back was turned, I could feel his anger like the hot sun beating down on my face.
He was right: it wasn’t fair that some people had to wait for a long time, and other people completely bypassed them. I could relate to that feeling of annoyance and powerlessness. But his attempts to remedy this situation fell flat because of his rage and hostility.
Life is not always fair. There’s nothing wrong with addressing injustices when we recognize them—in fact, it’s imperative that we speak up when it comes to the big issues if we want to live in a world where everyone has a chance to thrive. But we’re far more effective at creating positive change when we challenge our instinctive emotional response and then act from a calm, deliberate place.
People tend to shut down when we come at them with fury. That’s not to say they’ll always be receptive because we approach them rationally, but it certainly increases the odds.
Today if you find yourself fuming over something that seems unfair, take a deep breath and remember: You’re best able to communicate your point when you remain calm and clear-headed.
Photo by Etsy Ketsy
About Lori Deschene
Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others to do the same. You can find her books, including Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal, here and learn more about her eCourse, Recreate Your Life Story, if you’re ready to transform your life and become the person you want to be.
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
I have had this issue my entire life. I get so furious when people cut in line or something like that. I once was so angry about being forgotten by a waitress that my husband had me sit in the car while he dealt with the bill. It’s a good thing I have him, one of us needs to have patience.
Nothing but the truth!
Keep calm to express properly is something I have to master yet.
Hi Lori, There are big issues facing our lives now that are unfair: 40% of the country’s wealth is in the hands of 1% of our citizens. Those people are accumulating more at the rate of 20% of the GDP. They have more wealth than one family could ever spend in a lifetime, while the middle class are losing jobs, houses, and health care. The poor are every increasing and getting poorer.That is unfair, and each of us can choose to make a difference.Then there are those little inconveniences in life, such as the situation you describe, that are “unfair” to those who have a sense of entitlement. Living in Southern CA I see that everyday … in all areas of life. In most cases these people don’t have a crisis waiting around the corner. They could wait a few minutes more. But they don’t want to! Prisoners of ego as they are, they see each life situation as competition.It also seems as if the people who feel they are entitled to everything going their way are also the least happy. While living in India I did not witness the same level of unhappiness that I witness in Southern CA. I lived in a small village where people had a “pooping field” because toilets were not available in their area, who walked to market everyday to buy a few vegetables and rice for their one meal, who had no source of heat in the Himalayan winter. My women friends and neighbors suffered abusive relationships, Yet, there was an inner sense of happiness far greater that what I see here.We can each live with (and encourage the growth of) this “I” vs “other” virus … or not.When someone at the PO was upset that I let a woman get in front of me I shared with him that she was there before me, and was filling out a form at a table next to the line. I also stated that we in Ojai are generous. He replied: you can be too generous. I said: no, one can never be too generous. He gruntedWhen it was my turn, I asked him to go first. He eventually did, jumping the queue by three people, appearing both ashamed and indignant … but that is just appearance. I don’t know what he was thinking or feeling.It was one moment in life. We can each choose at each moment how to be. Generous or not. Fair or not. And each moment does make a difference.linnaea
dear lori
I don’t understand the comments format.
I write directly in the comment box, and the blank lines between paragraphs are there.
I save it on word, in case my computer crashes (which it just did), and then I copy and paste the word doc in the comments box.
I put TWO blank lines between each paragraph after the word doc appears in the coment section.
The comment is published with NO blank lines.. and is thus very hard to read!
This is a practice of patience.
And at the same time could you please instruct me how to do this so that the comment is easy to read!
thank you
linnaea
Hmm. I switch fast between initial boiling rage and a subsequent complete shutdown. Neither help! Any advice on how to calmly and clearheadedly remedy this?
One thing you might try that works for me is to ask yourself: “What am I believing about this situation that is making me upset?” and notice what comes up. Then, ask yourself: “Is that 100% true?” Most of the time, the answer will be no but if the answer that comes up for you is yes, then ask yourself: “Could there be another explanation to his/her behavior?” Usually you are making assumptions and judgments about the situation that are not necessary true. You are getting upset as a result of your thoughts about the situation and not necessary the situation itself. Try it out and let me know how it goes.
Your posts are so inspiring it makes me want to be a better person. Yes life can be very unfair sometimes and they will not always be in our favor but how we face the unfairness is what defines us as a person 🙂
http://www.flickr.com/photos/wonderlane/5979488380/
flush the cash of the browser, get Ad-Aware for free to prevent your system from having problems as you describe.
thank you Linda. I have avast! and I don’t know if running 2 similar programs is good. After defragmenting the hard drive, the computer doesn’t gurgle constantly, or freeze, I also checked for rootkits. There were none. I may buy a registry booster. But the computer is working SOOOO much better now! thanks again, linnaea