“The future is completely open, and we are writing it moment to moment.” -Pema Chodron
A while back, a reader commented that it’s easy for me to suggest tomorrow is full of possibilities, since I am relatively young. An older woman, she believed her options were far more limited, and that even if she could do the things she wanted to do, they wouldn’t count–not at her age.
My first instinct was to start a conversation about mindfulness, since no one is ever guaranteed more than the present. Even young people don’t know for certain that they have decades more to live, so all we can ever really do is use this moment well.
But then I thought about her comment about the future not counting.
I interpreted this to mean she couldn’t enjoy the rest of her days because she felt they would somehow be defined by the “wasted” ones that had passed–like a smile wouldn’t be as joyful as it could be because there were fewer than she wanted before it, or helping someone wouldn’t be as meaningful as it could be because it wouldn’t contribute to a lifelong legacy.
It seemed like she felt that life had passed her by, even though it was still going. I could relate to that feeling. I’ve wasted many days worrying about the days I thought I wasted. It’s a vicious cycle, and it only stops when we decide to use the present to the best of our ability.
If we worry about everything we wish we did, or could do with our lives, we will miss out on the opportunity to really live them–right here and right now. Regardless of our age, we all have two things in common: we get to decide whether or not we think this moment matters; and we get to decide what exactly it means to make it count.
The present is completely open, and we are living it, right now. What do you want to make of it?
Photo by Two Roses
About Lori Deschene
Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others to do the same. You can find her books, including Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal, here and learn more about her eCourse, Recreate Your Life Story, if you’re ready to transform your life and become the person you want to be.
- Web |
- More Posts
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
Thank you for this beautiful reminder that each moment is unique and full of possibility as I live it. I get to decide what kind of experience I will have, each and every day. My happiness does not depend on everything going my way, it simply depends on my attitude. Today, I choose to be happy and to make the best of what I have.
This goes beyond the usual “be mindful in the present” essay. Thank you.
Hi Lori,
Here is a message for the “older woman” who believes that if she were able to do the things she wanted to do, they wouldn’t count:
Many well know women have come into their own after menopause. In fact, there is a boost all women get after menopause: estrogen decreases, making the ratio of testosterone to estrogen higher. That small difference gives a woman’s body and mind more strength to move forward to accomplish whatever goals she has.
Witness Margaret Meade, Indira Gandhi, Grandma Moses, and I believe Betty Friedan, all who made their marks on the world after age 50.
I just talked with an 84 year old woman in Nipomo CA who dedicates her life to saving abandoned dogs in her county, one by one. I know a 70+ year old woman who runs a dog rescue for a breed of gentle giants. Currently she has a ranch with 90 rescued dogs. She takes care of all those dogs! It is her life’s purpose.
Oprah is over 50 and starting a new TV program called lifeclass.
I experience that it is easier each year over age 50 to BE rather then do, and that alone opens my heart wider and wider. And then whatever I do has more gentle power to make a difference. I am now 61 and enjoying everyday. I lost my job recently, and am thankful to make mortgage payments and feed my dogs. I still experience life as wonderful and full, and know that my life’s purpose is on tract.
Every woman can fulfill her own dreams at any age. And many others around her get to have their lives changed because of it. Some get their lives saved!
BTW: George Washington was over 60 when he became our founding father. Before that he was a landowner/farmer!
enjoy all your moments!
linnaea
Being over 60, (barely), I feel very sad for this woman. To feel you have nothing left to give or to accomplish is like psychological suicide. When we give up, no matter our age, we are cheating ourselves and others of all that’s possible each and every day. Why waste it?
Great post Lori!
b
When I was going through my mother’s papers after her death, I found the following quote: “To
be expectant is to remain young. You are never old when you can feel that
something joyous may be, will be, coming to you soon., even if you don’t
clearly know what it is.”
I realize this refers to the future, but to me it also shows a belief in the present in that possibilities never end. I am now 66 years old, have outlived my mother who died at 63. I have never been happier, enthusiastic, serene, motivated and loving. What I have discovered in my yoga practice both physically and spiritually keep me relishing life. (BTW, I plan to be able to do a hand stand when I am 85!)
This was a well-timed reminder for me on a couple of levels: first, that really, all we have to work with is right now; and secondly, that it’s what we do with our “now” now, that determines what (if any) now we get to inhabit in the future.
I was doing some journalling around my personal values a few days ago, and this actually came up as a value for me – the recognition of the importance of the present; and since then, the universe has flashed reminders at me from two separate sources (this article being the second). I get the feeling it’s something important for me to keep top of mind ;-)!
A note to you … A friend of my mom’s, at the retirement community she lived in, at age 94 decided to take computer classes so she could communicate with her grand children … and did quite well. Another friend, at age 96, had never painted and decided to take up water colors … and did very well. This particular retirement community offered those classes on premises. Amazing to see that and quite inspiring to me. At my young age of 64, I still am not sure what I will be doing when I grow up! I am working for a property management company right now after doing odd jobs for two years trying to find work. It is not my passion, but I have to pay rent and buy food … so here I am … I like my job very much though. I will continue to grow and follow my passion of helping others through counseling, and such. I also enjoy writing and am currently editing a book, the 15th book, that a friend of mine just finished. We are just about ready to download it to Amazon as a Kindle book. So, it doesn’t matter how old we are chronologically … it is our soul and our heart and our spirit that must remain young and vibrant, eh? Best to you … With love and wishes to you for good health!!! ~ Sarah
I believe the “older” woman was giving in to the effects and expectations of age discrimination, which is, unfortunately, a reality. Both employers and the Federal Government list age as one of the non-discrimination tenants that is sacrosanct, along with race, religion, et al. In reality, age discrimination is violated every day in ways that no other prejudice is given.
My mother, age 82+ and now facing cancer for the second time in her life, has friends of all ages and is loved by people of all ages and all walks of life. For one reason: she converses with and respects people of all ages. We must respect age as a badge of honor that can only be earned with experience. That doesn’t mean that everyone gains wisdom with age. Some never seek it or attempt to improve. They give in to the expectations of age.
Regardless – everyone is deserving of our respect, no matter their Color; Sex; Religion; National Origin; Birthplace; Age; Disability; Marital/ family status… Something my mother taught me at age 5.
The phrase ‘tomorow is full of possibilities’ can seem like such a big idea – as in the possibility of landing a succesful job, or climbing a mountain, but sometimes the best possibilities that await us are the smallest ones… reading a a fantastic book, watching a bird was itself in a puddle, receiving a card or email from someone… I could go on and on. Great possibilities don’t have to be big ideas, but simply moments of joy in whatever shape or form they come.
Hopefully this post as well as all the comments will be a great big hug, and boost to your lady.
I too thought I was stuck, couldn’t do those things my heart desires because I truly thought the “moment” had passed for me.
Not true. I did it…and am doing it. Now I’m planning on sharing MY story to others. That’s big. Being 41 and single kind of sucks…but it’s also kind of amazing too. I have an opportunity to do what so many people never do…and I have the opportunity to teach my children not to wait, but that it can be done at any given moment.
Let us know if your commenter get’s inspired.
This post came at an opportune time; I just returned from a month in France with my husband, and at one point we talked about how fun it would be to take an immersion course in French we had heard about from a friend; but I said “what’s the point? I’m 54 and what would be the use of perfecting French at this age?” It was a really sad thought for me, with all its implications of mortality, but this post and especially the thought that no one, not even teenagers, know how long their lives will be, was really encouraging.
This messa
This message came at just the right time for me. I feel–have felt–very much like this woman did. At 55, having wrestled for the last three years with debilitating chronic illnesses, it seemed like my options are so limited, like it doesn’t matter if I even dress well, because I’m just at home, not even able to work full-time anymore. But I’m beginning to see–and believe–that all of this just means it’s time to reinvent myself, to find out what’s next. For me, the problem is breaking out of the inertia I’ve been in and start moving forward. Some days that seems SO hard, but I have to keep moving!
You are most welcome–and thank you for sharing your thoughts!
You are most welcome!
What a beautiful quote! I actually posted a video a while back about a 92 year old yoga instructor: http://dev.tinybuddha.com/quotes/tiny-wisdom-on-using-your-youth/ I plan to be like her one day. =)
What a wonderfully inspiring message, linnaea! Just beautiful. =)
Thanks Barbara! I think you really hit the nail on the head with “psychological suicide.” One of the saddest things in this world is to be living and yet not.
I’m so excited for you Barbara! How wonderful that you’ve decided to see this as an opportunity to reinvent yourself. I can imagine it’s difficult with chronic illnesses, but it seems to me you have the spirit and motivation to do it. =)
Your mom’s friends sound incredibly talented and inspiring! There’s a quote that reads “Anyone who keeps learning stays young.” I think there’s something to that. As long as we keep excited by and engaged in the world, we’ll feel truly alive.
I know what you mean, Bob. Other cultures respect “elders” in a way we don’t seem to here in the US. It’s a shame that we sometimes undervalue the people who often have the most wisdom to impart.
Great point, Hanri. Some of my favorite possibilities are the simple ones that only require me to be and enjoy.
Congratulations on your plan to share your story! Are you writing a book? Or is this on a blog?
That course sounds amazing! I’m so glad this post encouraged you to go for it. I’m sure it will be an amazing experience, one that brings up great memories of your time in France.
Hey Lori,
The wheel of time passing by aye!!,..Its concerning how many people around live life this way..
We all should remember to learn from the past but leave it there.Respect the future with plans but appreciate the here and the now and the those in our life. Embrace the unknown, run to it and live it..
A big thanks to you and all involved with tiny buddha.. love your work..Much appreciated..
HAPPY DAYS!!!
Regards, Buddy (mark)
Thanks so much, Buddy. =)