“Always concentrate on how far you’ve come, rather than how far you have left to go.” -Unknown
Though I write a lot about mindfulness, focusing on here and now, I think there’s something empowering about looking back and realizing how far we’ve come. I’m not just talking about our big accomplishments. I’m referring to the many tiny personal victories we often achieve without taking time to honor them.
The other day, after I arrived at my local coffee shop to work, my computer died. No battery, no power from the cord, no explanation—and no backed up files.
I have an entire unpublished book in my saved documents. Forget for a minute how foolish it was to not have saved this somewhere else. (I know!)
What mattered to me in that moment was that I did not freak out. I did not catastrophize as if it were a person I love who died, not just a computer. I didn’t need someone else to drive me to Office Max so I could have a panic attack in the passenger seat. At one point, I would have.
Once upon a time, when anything went wrong, I fell apart.
Responding calmly, for me, is a huge victory. So I decided to stop and celebrate that, to rejoice in how far I’ve come.
Life is always going to entail challenges, both expected and unforeseen. We can choose to measure our progress based on the circumstances we’ve improved—the benchmarks, the goals, the professional successes. There’s nothing wrong with recognizing the big external changes we’ve created.
But we can also celebrate our many personal successes—those times when we respond better and more wisely to a difficult situation than we would have years ago—and in doing so increase our odds of finding a solution.
My computer wasn’t completely dead. It turns out the battery and the cord both need to be replaced. There was a solution, but I was prepared to accept and deal if there wasn’t one, instead of getting down on myself.
So today I honor how far I’ve come in maintaining my composure when things go wrong. In what area of your life have you made significant progress, and have you taken time recently to celebrate it?
Photo by Jan Kromer
About Lori Deschene
Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others to do the same. You can find her books, including Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal, here and learn more about her eCourse, Recreate Your Life Story, if you’re ready to transform your life and become the person you want to be.
- Web |
- More Posts
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
Hi Lori,
There are a few “tiny” areas where I’ve noticeably improved. All the tinies really add up in the “big” picture. Here are a few:
1. I used to be one of those folks who organized their closets according to season, color, pants, skirts, tops, and they all had to be facing in the same direction on top of it! All my shoes had to be lined up perfectly too. These days I find I’m happy just to get my stuff hung up. I also donated (gave to friends) a lot of nice things that I no longer wear. Less stuff, less urge to organize. Less stuff is definitely more.
2. All the elements in my environment had to be just right. I would spend hours making sure each arrangement met my critical eye and sense of balance (and you guessed it, I was anythiing but balanced). Order in the midst of chaos was my motto! If I saw a picture just a teensy bit off, the offending picture had to be straighted immediately. These days I leave the pictures crooked just to remind myself that life and myself are not perfect. When a due amount of time has passed where I no longer feel the insane itch to fix it and I’ve subjected myself to the prescribed amount of mental torture, I’ll go ahead and set it straight.
I used to have to have the drawers and cabinets in my kitchen organzed. I kid you not, I’d arrange all the canned goods according to what was in them, and then have to have all the labels facing forward. There could be a sink fulla dishes and I’d be arranging the silverware and canned goods. These days I’m just happy to get the stuff put away, and I do the dishes, then leave the kitchen.
3. I used to have to be “right” a lot. I don’t know exactly why, must have something to do with insecurity…ya think? These days I find that it’s really okay to have a different opinion, because most of the time, it’s exactly that, an opinion, and we are all different. I can accept another’s viewpoint and if I don’t have any input, I don’t have to address it.
4. I used to be very judgmental. I still fight this daily. I hated it when I thought someone was judging me, but you can be sure I had an opinion on who they were seconds after meeting them. These days I tend to hold off on any kind of compartmentalizing. Even people I don’t like too much, it’s not always because they’re offensive to me, it’s usually because I see something in them that’s on my “hidden agenda.” I learned that all people deserve to be heard. I can listen and learn with my mind most of the time free of the task of being busy judging them while they’re talking. I’ve learned if I want to be loved, I have to give love. Love is more important to me than any other one thing, and it’s the very thing I have to work the hardest on, being a cynic by nature.
Lori, thanks for all your inspiration over the months I’ve been following you! I’ve ordered your new book and can’t wait to get it! Because I won’t be arranging my closet, kitchen, or environment…I’ll even have time to read it!
Blessings to you,
Sal
i can TOTALLY relate to this. i have recently surprised myself how calmly i navigated a series of difficult situations. here’s to those victories! have a lovely day.
I love the quote in the beginning! Perfect timing with it being Finals Week! It’s easy to think “Yay! One final down!” And then reality hits you “…But four more to go.” And the onslaught of stress hits you again after that brief euphoric moment.
If you are prepared, you shall not fear! (D&C 38:30)
I’ve studied hard this semester and it’s been one of my best (grade wise) since starting college (well, THE best to be honest). If i’ve done my best then, and I keep doing my best studying for these finals now, then I can be at peace about it all as a whole.
Yeah! Good job Lori! That is also something I’m working on too. 🙂 Last night my boyfriend came over and helped me clean my apartment. I am notoriously messy and have been ill lately (and also working on finals) so it was pretty bad. Last night instead of getting upset with him for not understanding the situation I’m in, I said: “It must be frustrating for you to do this because to you keeping things clean is easy, it’s not a difficult concept. But for me it is.” I’m pretty proud of that. We had a nice talk and I think we both understand each other better now.
Man can I relate to that. I try so hard to stop at the “Yeah! One final down!” part.
It’s so true!
Often the small things are what we all tend to gloss over and fail to acknowledge!
Knowing the peace we all strive to attain comes from accepting EVERYTHING and every feeling we experience ALL the timers is what we need to constantly remind ourselves.
Thus, the little things are the big things!
Thank you again Lori for sharing and reminding.
Love this. And I will celebrate more often now.
Thank you, thank you! I am in the process of dealing with the end of a relationship in a way that I could never have imagined years ago. I am finding places of love and compassion that I have worked hard to cultivate over the years. I am proud of the work that I’ve done, and of how I’m behaving now.
I was thinking about this idea last night actually, about reflecting on the year’s progress and being grateful for the ways it has impacted me and made me better. Life is all about growth and progression, and without keeping track of progress once in a while, you won’t be able to appreciate it.
I’m sorry but I fundamentally disagree with this mentality. We don’t need or deserve “rewards” for doing the right thing. The “reward” for quitting cigarettes is not dying of cancer – it doesn’t call for a new purchase too. The “reward” for reacting appropriately to minor set-backs is not looking like a lunatic, not having panic attacks and not having to live your life in a padded room. I was hospitalized twice for suicidal behavior and my “reward” for working on myself is NEVER going back to that horrible place. I don’t pat myself on the back for acting normal and I don’t expect anyone else to, either.
Hope you also celebrated when you backed up your book afterwards! 😀
Thanks for your insight.
Hi Cricket, I am going through the same exact experience right now. The sense of calm versus what would have formerly felt like devastation is an amazing blessing in my life. I think that for me in large part my ongoing positive transformation is a combination of maturing with age and learning from my past mistakes. In any case, it feels great to be proud of how much I’ve grown. Congrats to you too :~)
Susan
I think it’s less about rewards Sarah and more about acknowledging successes.
I meant to add that you have many successes to celebrate. Congratulations.
Lori- This is wonderful and really resonated with me! Last year I lost a few thousand words of my novel… and instead of freaking out I thought, “Well, those clearly weren’t the words the world was meant to hear.” It was a personal victory for me to have perspective in a time that I would previously have considered a crisis. It’s so helpful to acknowledge progress in our lives.
YEs! Exactly the sa
yes! Exactly the same thing happened to me the other day – computer crash – before would have felt devestated, hurt, panic etc etc.
To accept these things as they come, is worth celebrating, because we can remember when these things felt fatal.
That’s great cricket! Congrats on all the work you’ve done. =)
I remember finals well. Congrats on the first, and best of luck on the rest!
Yes, it feels so good to realize these internal shifts! I felt really proud of myself for realizing it wasn’t the end of the world–even if I did lose an entire book.
It most definitely is! I thought something similar when I considered that I may have lost all my work. It’s such a great feeling to realize that even when things seem to go “wrong” externally, they can go “right” internally. =)
Haha I did! I bought 4 thumb drives so I should be all set now =)
Hi Sarah,
My intention was to suggest that it feels good to give ourselves credit for progress we’ve made. How wonderful that you’ve made such progress in your life, after going through such tough times. I admire your strength and determination!
Lori
Yes, so true! I think sometimes we don’t acknowledge all the little improvements we’ve made. It’s a great feeling to stop, acknowledge, and appreciate them!
You’re most welcome Robert!
That’s great Jennifer! I’ve had some similar situations with my boyfriend recently–but because I’m the opposite. I can be a little bit of a neat freak, but he is much more laid back. I’ve been challenging my controlling instincts in that regard, and it feels great to see it makes a difference in our relationship.
You have a lovely day too! =)
Hi Sal,
I could relate to a lot of what you wrote! One of my biggest challenges in life has been learning to be less controlling. It’s manifested in obsessive neatness and organization, and also rigidity in my relationships. One of my mantras is “Let go” because it’s so frequently applicable, and it always helps me feel more peaceful.
I love what you wrote about all people deserving to be heard–and that if you want to be loved, you need to give love. Beautiful. =)
I hope you enjoy the book!
Lori
Thank you Lori. I really admire this site and your writing 99% of the time, and I apologize if this came across as an attack.
I didn’t take it personally, so no apology is necessary. I appreciate that you took the time to write back. =)