“A wise man makes his own decisions; an ignorant man follows public opinion.” –Chinese Proverb
As you may remember from a recent post, I’m planning to have surgery soon to remove benign uterine tumors, known as fibroids.
Although I felt certain then that this is the right thing to do, I’ve vacillated quite a bit—mostly because I’ve been listening to too many other people.
Some have advised me to try alternative methods to shrink the fibroids, including herbs and positive thinking. Others have reminded me this surgery could have undesirable complications and a rough recovery. And then there have been people who’ve shared their own experiences to reassure me I’ll be fine.
The friends who’ve suggested alternative treatments have pointed me toward self-help authors who’ve written about curing their own diseases through positive thinking. While I believe in the mind/body connection, I initially felt confident about my choice to seek traditional medical care.
Yet I’ve still stopped and questioned myself, wondering if perhaps other people know something I don’t.
The reality is that no one knows the one thing I want to know: what the outcome of this particular surgery will be, and whether or not I will eventually be glad that I did it.
No one knows what will come of my choice. And no one knows what is right for me. They only know they mean well and want to help—which means I need to own my decision and simply accept the unknown.
This is a frequent theme on the site, and for good reason: every day we have countless choices to make, and sometimes even the smallest ones can have major repercussions that we may later feel we could have prevented, if only we knew.
Yet we can’t. All we can do is recognize when we know all we can, trust our instincts, and then resist the urge to be swayed by everyone around us.
Of course we need to be open minded and to educate ourselves before making a choice; but in most cases, once we’ve done that, we don’t need more advice and information; we need courageous resolve. So I’ve decided firmly to commit to my surgery, despite the other options and things that could go wrong.
No one can predict our future or take responsibility for it. It’s our job to create it, if we’re brave enough to decide.
Photo by Eddi van W
About Lori Deschene
Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others to do the same. You can find her books, including Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal, here and learn more about her eCourse, Recreate Your Life Story, if you’re ready to transform your life and become the person you want to be.
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
There is a saying in hindi “subki suno, apni karo” which translates to”listen to everyone but do what you think is best for you” . It is quite natural that our judgement gets clouded woth opinion overflow from outside! Dont worry Lori and good luck with every thing!
First, best of luck with your surgery should you choose to do it. Kudos to trusting your own judgement. 🙂
I also think this applies very much to bloggers. Our minds are constantly being shoveled heaping piles of advice on how to be a successful blogger. How to write, what font to use, who to target, how often to post articles, and when to fart.
After a while, you realized that you’re much happuer focusing on what you think is best. For me, it’s writing. Screw public opinion and let me do what I’m best at, and what I love. I’ll figure out the rest later.
There’s no sense in trying to predict and control outcomes.
Just live.
My Tibetan Buddhist teachers use Western medicine as part of their treatment. Sometimes the mind/body connection dynamic finds the mind directing the body to seek help in the healing process, including the help of surgeons.
Best of wishes in your surgery. You will be well.
At the end of the day, it’s always best to rely on your own intuition and inner knowing. I will send Reiki for your highest good and healing. We are always exactly where we are meant to be. Trust!
love’n’light
I struggled with the same issues revolving around the same surgery about 5 years ago. My gynecologist is holistic and also an energy healer on top of being a surgeon. We tried the alternative route for 2 years and then I decided I would “heal thru surgery”. I wrote a couple of essays for a woman’s site exploring all of the emotions and fear that came up. I actually had to have a hysterectomy which I had viewed as complete failure so lots of healing on lots of levels happened. Good luck with your journey. It will be a learning experience for you and then all of us through your sharing.
I had a fibroid removed and life has been good. Best of luck to you.
Wow. This speaks right to my current life, today.
May your surgery and recovery bring into your life the healing and rejuvenation that will allow you to continue to create and to live from a centered, spacious place:)
Mine is a simple, fulfilling life; yet, sometimes the ‘advice’ from others distracts me from my own truth. I wonder who truly ‘knows the way’, there are so many methods all leading to one place and so many voices one may listen to. My heart knows the way for me, and ultimately when I create this moment from such a space, I am creating a life of alignment.
“All we can do is recognize when we know all we can, trust our instincts, and then resist the urge to be swayed by everyone around us.” Thank you for such a beautiful affirmation!
I was starting on my won experience but then realized the reason to go on and on about my personal experiencie os to find a reason for having had a problemas, so instead I’ lo just say consider how much admite us really offered for the sake of the giver and not applicable to the rest of us.
We can only speak of the world as we know it. firsthand.
The most important thing is to pick a belief system and stay with it. Too often we opt to change course midstream and get swept off our horse(s). That is not to say one venue is perfect. None are. What is needed is to remain consistent and build upon what we have.
Think of your objective as an ultimate truth. There are many paths, one truth. Many directions, one North. Adjustments may be necessary along the way, like tacking in a sailboat. You will find your course is smoother by following what you had originally plotted in the chartroom.
Sorry spellcheck rendered the post unreadable
I meant people offer advice to listen for a reason thai makes their own problems carry a reason for having happened.
My best wishes and warmest thoughts for the surgery. I know you are making the right decision, meaning that you educated yourself before making a choice and are now using your courageous resolve. Thanks for sharing, as always.
May you be guided by your own divine spirit. Wishes to you for a successful surgery and a quick healing! Love you to ♥
I agree, no one knows the outcome of what the future holds or what a particular path may hold for another person. You just have to trust yourself and trust that the decisions that you make for the direction of your life choices are the ones that are right for you, not ones that other people are telling you are right for you, because like you said, they don’t know.
You have my most sincere wishes for a surgery that brings positive outcomes and a speedy recovery for better health 🙂
“; we need courageous resolve.” Perfect line. I so agree with every point. No one else knows what you have lived through, no one else knows how you feel deep down… follow your instincts and you will have fewer regrets…
Best of luck on your surgery and speedy recovery.
Every time I’ve substituted someone else’s wisdom for my own, I’ve regretted it. Good on ya for recognizing the only person who knows what’s right for you is you. Sending you healing wishes!
I’ve had the surgery twice- once to remove them and then a second time to yank the works. You’ve thought it through and YOU know it’s the best path to follow. Best of luck. Be kind and patient with yourself. It will take time to mend.
i SO related to this post and in relation to health, i too listened to the well meaning advice so much from others that i felt frozen with fear to make a choice for self what was the right thing for me to do in my situation and listening to my own inner voice..i tried to do my way, doctors way friends way , alternative treatment ways and i was so nervous the stress of it all caused more harm and chaos in my life then the medical problem ever was..it actually increased the original problem and left me with many others…i really say a prayer that when you close your eyes , take on board any information which you find of interest or useful for you in this particular situation, that you can tune out the world and listen not just to that voice inside your head but that emotion within your body that says -this is what i need to do now…every road has twists and turns, i think if you feel confident with your decesion whatever comes of it is for a reason and U WILL GET through it…you are truly in and prayers and thoughts and i really admire your wise wise words so very much..truly you should be guided by this very kind sensitive, loving, giving person that you are…best of luck
nicola
Thanks so much. Thanks quite an appropriate saying!
Thanks Tony. I am indeed going to do it. I’m committed now!
I know what you mean about blogging advice. I break a lot of the “rules” when it comes to being traditionally successful, but I’m pretty happy about how I’ve done things. It sounds like we have similar perspectives.
Just live. Great advice. =)
That’s an interesting way to look at the mind/body connection–and it’s exactly where my mind has been directing me. Thanks for commenting Preston!
Thank you so much for the Reiki! I had it done once before and I loved the experience. I really appreciate that. =)
Thanks so much Kathleen! I would appreciate reading your essays. Could you share the links?
Thanks Karen. It seems these are quite common. Mine are the size of a 20-week pregnancy, so I’m really excited to get them out!
You’re most welcome. And thank you for this: “My heart knows the way for me, and ultimately when I create this moment from such a space, I am creating a life of alignment.” Beautiful! =)
So true…we each have our own experiences, and what’s right for one of us, may not be right for someone else.
Thanks Mark. I’ve changed courses many times because I didn’t trust myself. This is great advice!
Ah, this is much clearer now! That’s an interesting perspective. I think there’s likely some truth to that. We give advice based on our own experiences…I know I do.
Thanks so much David. I appreciate the support!
Thank you so much. Sending love right back to you!
Thanks so much. This is definitely a test in trust, because I’ve come up against a lot of fears and resistance that I’ve been overcoming. I know it is a great learning experience on the whole!
Thank you for the support! In the end, I know if I follow my instincts, it’s the right choice for me.
Yes, me too! Thank you for the healing wishes. =)
Thanks so much Debra. My doctor told me women often need to have the procedure done more than once. As for taking time to mend, I’m thinking I might take a week off from writing after the surgery…but I might change my mind and end up opening my laptop at the hospital. We’ll see how I feel!
I know what you mean about the stress Nicola. I’ve found myself feeling anxious when I listen to too many other people. It feels freeing to tell myself, “No one knows the ‘right’ answer–what feels right to me is right for me!” Thank you for the thoughts and prayers. The support I’ve received here as truly made a difference for me!
Lori,
Sometimes when I read your posts it’s like we have parallel lives. I’ve been struggling with my own sense of self based on a lifetime of guilt-mongering people in my life who insisted they know better for me than I know myself, and after years of this treatment, I started to believe them.
Now divorced and living far away from aging parents (a good thing), I’ve become reacquainted with my intuition (which was always right but was suppressed under 20 years of others opinions being king).
Go with what is right for you. I can only imagine how it must feel when it is your health at stake. It must feel like you are on “The Price is Right” with eager audience members yelling for you to go with their opinion, but ultimately it is your gut and soul that know best. It is hard to silence the audience and evict their voices, but it’s the only way to solace.
The right path for you is crying out to you through your intuition and soul, it’s just difficult to hear it when so many others are clamoring for your attention.
I know you’ll make the right choice for you and soon the health situation will be behind you (and you’ll be on to more pleasant pastures!)
Almost 30 years ago, when I was 33, I was told by a presumptious male doctor that a hysterectomy was far easier than a myomectomy (removal of fibroids), and that, fi I didn’t think I’d have children (at the time I didn’t), I should just go ahead and have it, because “after all, a uterus is just a baby carriage.” I signed up for the hysterectomy. Two weeks before the surgery, I cancelled, and decided instead on the myomectomy to remove the fibroids…”a more dangerous surgery with a more lengthy recovery.” Well, I’m glad I followed my instincts. I now have 2 beautiful grown daughters, 24 and 27, who are the lights of my life! NEVER will I be sorry, and when I look at the scar, and the not-so-attractive roll that has developed where my stomach muscles were cut, I just smile and thank myself and my instinct for taking choosing to remove the fibroids! Well worth it in so many ways. Best of luck to you. You will be FINE!!!!
Thanks for sharing your story Kate! How wonderful you followed your instincts and now have two beautiful daughters. I hope I can say the same some day!
Thanks Carol! It has sort of felt that way, but like you’ve advised, I am trying to trust my gut. I’m just so glad the surgery will be soon so I can put this behind me!
Ten years ago I had a myomectomy to remove a fibroid the size of a small grapefruit. Beforehand, I had educated myself about all the available options to deal with my situation and had tried less invasive treatment to no avail. I went through all the emotions associated with embarking on major surgery with a very good chance of success, but not a guaranteed outcome. I am thrilled to say that I came through with flying colours – successful removal of the fibroid with no re-occurence to date, maintained fertility and a quality of life that I had not known for years before the surgery. I appreciate the skill of my surgeon, who had many years of experience. My scar is so fine that it is hardly noticeable and my abdominal muscles have been unaffected.
All the best with your surgery and recovery Lori. It is your decision alone and everyone’s circumstances are different, but I know positive stories from other who have been through the experience are encouraging at a such a time.
When I was preparing for my uterine surgery back in the day, I spent a lot of time listening to my favorite meditation and stress-reduction tapes (yes, tapes…it was THAT long ago 😉 ). When I was in the hospital being prepped, I was still listening to them, almost full time. By then, I had come to feeling very calm, trusting, accepting. Funny thing: when the anesthesiologist came in for his pre-surgery checkup on me, he asked, “Are you feeling calm and ready?” I answered, “Yes thanks, I am very calm. Are you?” He was quite taken aback at that question, didn’t know where to put himself, got a little flustered. I guess he’d never been questioned as to his state of mind, pre-surgery. I just smiled calmly at him.
Lori, I believe in you, believe that you’ll get to the right mindspace and heartspace before the actual day arrives, and believe that you’ll sail through it. Here’s a project to keep your mind off the pre-surgery fear — I’m sure you’ve already done this though — spend some meditation time on why you & your body have manifested these big fibroids. You know the thing: an opportunity for a lesson in everything. What is your lesson. (I didn’t add the question mark because I don’t expect you to answer that here!)
I’ve been hearing from a lot of people who had positive outcomes, which is reassuring! (Even though I know there are no guarantees…) My biggest one is about the size of a grapefruit. The doctor told me I am sized to a 20-week pregnancy! I am really looking forward to this surgery, despite my fear. Thank you so much for the encouragement. I’m glad yours went well for you!
My husband has been diagnosed with Prostrate Cancer, has had lots of tests etc, the medical profession is just so blase about it all, surgery is a great option at your age, etc,etc,etc. We have read and watched heaps of stuff, but you know what, at the end of the day it will be MY HUSBANDS decision, he will do what is best for him and I am happy with that, it is his call, no one else’s. He will be just fine and we intend to enjoy our lives to the full. Life is way too short to stress about something we have no control over. M
That’s a great question to ask the medical professionals you’ve entrusted–I think I will do the same!
I’ve actually been listening to this healing meditation I found on YouTube, and I find it very soothing and helpful. I plan to continue before and after my surgery to keep my mind focused on healing from the inside out!
Thank you for the reassurance. I’ve had a lot of things all going on at once recently. (I realized I have a massive tax liability that will deplete my savings account; I had to get 8 dental fillings, which I spread out for financial reasons and just finished two days ago; I’m flying home soon for dress shopping because I’m my sister’s Maid of Honor; then I return home to California literally the day before my fibroid surgery!)
This has been the most mentally challenging time I’ve had in quite a while, and I know having this outlet, and reader support, has made a big difference for me. So thank you again–and thanks also for your thought provoking question!
Your husband is fortunate to have your love and support, M. You are both in my thoughts!
Wow — perhaps a few too many opportunities for lessons! I’m glad you’ve found a way to focus on healing. I’m glad also that you feel the love here and I hope it truly helps you get through all this. The wedding will be fun and I hope it (and the timing of it) will help keep your mind off the surgery.
I love this site – you are such an inspiration Lori! I’ve always struggled with listening to my inner voice and at the same time bring open to outside opinions. Friends and family used to say (and I would end up agreeing) that I was too easily influenced, and I found myself living more fearfully with less trust in myself and the world around me…
With the help of my yoga practice and some meditation, I’ve slowly started to change a habit of so many years – what I decide IS good enough, no matter what other people might say. No one knows what’s best for me but me! This is true for every person on earth, and if we would just embrace and accept that – we’d be that much closer to unity and peace on earth!
This Decision is your alone to make, but i know that all of your readers stand by you no matter your choice(s), trusting in you and sending you thoughts of healing and love 😉
Namaste 🙂
Thanks so much Jeff! I really appreciate the support. I fell in love with yoga about seven years ago. It’s such an amazing practice for physical and emotional well-being. I’ll look forward to getting back into my practice after I recover!
why is it so hard to get rid of all the negative thoughts because people upset you. why are they wanting to always crush you down.
how does one keep being happy all the time ?