“Expect the best, plan for the worst, and prepare to be surprised.” -Denis Waitley
The other day I was watching reruns of a show I’ve recently found and now love. In one scene, the main character talked about the “perfect moment” that never came to be—an isolated point in time when things would have worked exactly as he imagined they would, and as a result, there would only be positive consequences to his choices.
This got me thinking about my own instinct to create perfect moments according to what I’ve visualized—and also the times when I’ve been part of other people’s plans.
In high school, I reconnected with an old friend from junior high, who’d also been bullied back then. I was going through a lot emotionally and wasn’t in a place to date him. He told me he was disappointed because he “wanted me for his senior year.”
He had a specific vision of me being the one on his arm at the prom. It wasn’t just about being with me; it was about being with me in a very specific way.
I’ve done the exact same thing at times. I know I want to have children—but in an ideal world, I’d have them in the next two years, and I’d have created a situation that allows me to spend equal time on the east and west coasts, to be close to family in both places. I realize, however, that in two years time, I may not have created those conditions.
Life doesn’t always work out in the way we imagine would be ideal. We can either resist that, feeling crushed when we don’t get exactly what we wanted, or accept reality at every step of the way and adapt to make the best of what we get.
We’re often advised to visualize the future in specific detail so that we may create it; to see in our heads the environment, the people, and the situations we want to manifest. This can be a powerful exercise because it helps us get clear about what we really want.
It will be a far more effective practice, though, if we remember that what we really want isn’t the perfect moment—it’s happiness from moment to moment. That comes from choosing to embrace and work with what is, instead of bemoaning and fighting it.
Photo by magical-world
About Lori Deschene
Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others to do the same. You can find her books, including Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal, here and learn more about her eCourse, Recreate Your Life Story, if you’re ready to transform your life and become the person you want to be.
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
I love it! I’ve had so many paths that I THOUGHT I should be on, now just walking the path after I realized that was unrealistic feels like freedom, even in a world like ours! http://www.facebook.com/andrefromidlewood
“Accept reality at every step of the way and adapt to make the best of what we get.”
Nailed it here. Circumstances change. Plans change. We change. It’s almost always best to let go of these “ideals” and focus on what can be achieved in the present.
That is interesting…I have always visualized specifics, like you mentioned. I guess you could get hung up on the “perfect moment” if you don’t open yourself to the possibility that there is something even bigger than what you imagined.
Love your “wisdoms” Lori.
If I may add an extension to what you posted…
Sometimes what we wish for (focusing our attention) isn’t REALLY what we want, because sometimes we don’t know WHAT we want. There are intentions below intentions and the Universe responds to our CORE WANTS/NEEDS rather than our RATIONALIZED WANTS/NEEDS.
As you have pointed out in prior posts: Where are attention goes, creates what we manifest in our lives.
For example, if we’re waiting for the perfect husband/wife, but instead are worried about what we’re trying to AVOID, like an alcoholic, we will draw into our lives an alcoholic because we are focusing more on what we don’t want than what we want.
Another example: We love our freedom, the ability to control our days, and we hate driving in traffic. Yet we can’t understand why we don’t get or keep structured employment. The reason why we can’t find a a job in a cubicle is because we really don’t want it. Or we want it less than we want our freedom. So we get more of that.
This is why it is SO IMPORTANT to know thyself!
Irv
I agree with you on some points, but “Accept the Reality” will not always the answer for everything, specially when it come to long term. in the name of “Accept the Reality”, many people take every single thing in negative way…
The 5th March is going to be a very important day for me this year as its the day when I know whether I start living my life as me or contunie on in the shadow of others. I am definately hoping for the best, I’m trying not to think of the negative outcome but I do not have the power to stop that happening. So I’m waiting to be suprised and just walk into court with faith. wonderful article Lori x
Well put! =)
Yes, absolutely. Sometimes the best things take us completely be surprise.
You bring up a great point Irv! It’s like that quote, “What we resist persists.”
I have definitely found that self-awareness is the foundation of peace, happiness, and fulfillment. If we can recognize what’s going on internally, it’s a lot easier to make changes externally.
What’s going to happen on the 5th Tina, if you don’t mind me asking?
This is a very insightful article, the kind I have come to relish from Tiny Buddha!
All very true to put attention to what we truly want, but how do we hold on to that vision when we are faced daily with the things we don’t want?
I’ve actually found that it’s best to have a loose vision of what we want so that we can be flexible and adaptable as we learn and grow. But I think what you’re asking is how can keep ourselves from being discouraged by difficult circumstances. One thing that’s really helped me to is taking tiny steps toward whatever it is I’d like to create, and focusing on the process and progress, not the outcome and perfection. This makes it much easier to sustain momentum, because every tiny step feels like a success.