“Enjoy your own life without comparing it with that of another.” -Marquis de Condorcet
Last Saturday I decided to take a mid-day bath, just because I felt like it. I’d been working from home (since Monday starts my “weekend”) and I felt like I needed to take a break and recharge.
Not two minutes into my relaxing soak, I heard loud fiesta music coming from somewhere outside.
There’s a little park close to my apartment, and families frequently reserve the space for birthday parties, complete with barbecues and blow-up bouncy houses.
Whenever I walk by one of these events, I feel tempted to pretend I’m part of the group and inappropriately thrust my inner child into the pile of jumping kids.
But of course I don’t. I just reminisce about my favorite childhood memories and fantasize about all the multi-generational functions I’ll attend when, one day, I too have kids.
Anyways, as I was lying in the tub on Saturday, listening to the loud, happy music outside, I found myself thinking, “They’re probably having way more fun that I am right now. I should be outside, dancing, socializing—not lying alone in a steamy room.”
What usually feels like a sanctuary and a gift suddenly felt inadequate in comparison to someone else’s experience.
But then it occurred to me: At least one person out in that park could very well have been thinking, “I’m tired. It’s been a long week. I really need some ‘me’ time. I should be soaking in a warm bath right now!”
I realized then, or perhaps remembered, that dissatisfaction is often the result of assuming something else is better.
It’s a consequence of comparing our present experience to something else we assume is more interesting, engaging, meaningful, fun—or flat-out more worthy of our time.
Nothing is more worthy of our time than the joy right in front of us, because in any given moment, that is where we have the opportunity to fully experience life. Not where someone else is, not where we suspect we should be, but right where we are.
I pulled out the rubber ducky last Saturday; I wasn’t alone after all. And I listened to the joyful music while I silently appreciated the opportunity to just be. It was a worthy choice.
Most choices feel that way when we consciously choose to let ourselves enjoy them.
Photo by Akuppa
About Lori Deschene
Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others to do the same. You can find her books, including Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal, here and learn more about her eCourse, Recreate Your Life Story, if you’re ready to transform your life and become the person you want to be.
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
Very well put, Lori. “Compare and despair” is another way I’ve heard it said. I once drove from North Carolina to Florida to attend my college roommate’s wedding, accompanied by my girlfriend at that time. On the long drive home afterward, we got into a fight about something, and she started telling me she’d had a lousy time the whole weekend. It ruined the rest of the trip. We got back to my apartment late that night and a friend of hers called. Instantly, my girlfriend began telling her how awesome the weekend had been, what a great time she’d had. I imagined her friend on the other end of the phone sitting there thinking, “Wow, I’m so jealous. She had this fantastic trip to Miami. My life sucks.” If she’d been in the car with us on the way home, she’d have seen the other side. Facebook has since made the temptation to compare much worse since we’re bombarded all day with updates on how amazing other people’s lives are. I’d love for there to be a day where everyone had to post all of their biggest, most secret problems and challenges. For once, many of us might feel a hell of a lot better about our own lives!
thank you. i feel like this was written just for me, just for this moment 🙂
Hello Lori, I had a very similar experience today – I found out I wasn’t pregnant and my donor has opted out of our agreement, however, it was a beautiful spring morning, and choose to spend it by myself in the park – a good friend heard the bad news and left a depressing voicemail on my mobile phone, asking me to call her back so we can chat about the situation. Instead of wallowing in despair, I sent her a text and said I was fine (a little sad but okay) and embraced the day. Just completed a lovely Vinyasa class and have something yummy for dinner planned. Tomorrow is another day and I may need company then but I’m at peace with the universe and trust it to guide me to my purpose if it isn’t to be a mum.
Crisp and touching. Thank you for sharing your experience. How simple it seems now! 🙂 God bless.
Nothing sucks the joy out of life like comparison, so why do we do it so often!? It’s not enough that we have done something, we then need to look around and see how that thing compares with someone else.
Your post resonates with me. I love the way you break down comparison into our present experience. Because really, when we are engaged and present in that, everything else falls into place. Life falls into place.
A mid-day bath sounds just absolutely perfect.
Thank you for this wisdom!
sounds so familiar…
before I was complaininga bout almost everything about my life very often. I stopped when I realized that my life is in my hands, I decide how I live and if I don’t like the way things are, it’s entirely my fault
Needlless to say, I almost never complain anymore:)
Nicely done Lori. There is a saying “Most of our unhappiness comes from comparing ourselves to other.” I have been guilty on more than one ocassion of feeling other people are having more fun than myself, which after the months of transition and evolving I realize it’s not true. I, too have also learned to accept where I am and what I’m doing is just fine.There is a certain peace in your life when you understand that your decisons are just that ‘yours’ and you don’t have to be with anyone else to make you feel complete. Growing and evolving is both painful and beautiful at the same time, it’s called ‘Coming Into Your Own. 🙂
This post could not have been more pertinently timed. Thank you 🙂
Thank you for these daily e-mails. They have become an integral part of my daily therapy and rejuvenation. You are half my age but you have learned some important life lessons and are the wiser for it. Your book is at the top of my to buy list. I appreciate you sharing your daily wisdom and contributions from others.
Thank you for these daily e-mails. They have become an integral part of my daily therapy and rejuvenation. You are half my age but you have learned some important life lessons and are the wiser for it. Your book is at the top of my to buy list. I appreciate you sharing your daily wisdom and contributions from others.
You’re most welcome. =)
I am sorry to learn you found out you weren’t pregnant–but I’m also inspired by your attitude. Thank you for taking the time to write!
You’re welcome. Thank you for reading!
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about a quote that reads, “Complaining is silly. Either act or forget.” Pretty empowering!
You’re welcome!
You’re welcome Elisa. I’m so glad you find the emails helpful!
You’re most welcome! I’ve played the comparison game many times before, and each time, it did nothing but cause me pain. Someone shared an article on the site once advising us to only compare ourselves to former version of ourselves (to recognize, celebrate, or enable growth) and that really resonated with me. It’s far more empowering than wondering if someone else, or someone else’s experience, is somehow better!
I know what you mean about the peace that comes from not comparing. When I accept and trust my choices, I feel so much more present in my life, because I stop doubting whether it’s worthy and simply enjoy it!
That’s a great point about social media. I read somewhere once that we tend to overestimate other people’s happiness. Of course, I doubt any of us would *want* other people to be unhappy, but it certainly puts our minds at ease to realize we aren’t the only ones who have our fair share of challenges and messy moments!
I *love* this. As an introvert, I often find myself comparing my weekends to those of more extroverted peers. “I should be out partying, not reading a book on a Friday night. I’m the worst 23 year-old ever.” … What a perfect way to ruin my lovely night in! You’re so right. Why compare? Why not just enjoy what you’re doing? Maybe what they’re doing is better – for THEM. But honestly, I’m far happier relaxing at home on the weekend – why diminish my own happiness because it’s different than what others are doing? Thanks for reinforcing this point, Lori. Can’t hear it enough.
You’re most welcome Kaylee! I think you hit the nail on the head with “Maybe what they’re doing is better – for them.” I find that when I stop judging myself, suddenly I’m less concerned with what other people are doing, and less inclined to compare!