“Our lives improve only when we take chances and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves.” -Walter Anderson
Get posts like this one delivered to your inbox and be entered to win the 2026 Tiny Buddha calendar!One of the biggest challenges in my life has been understanding when I’m doing something because I want to, and when I’m doing it because I’m scared to do what I really want to do.
I am someone who can easily spend huge chunks of time alone. I enjoy eating out by myself, sitting solitary in parks to people-watch, and roaming around my neighborhood with only my internal monologue for company.
As a writer and a naturally inquisitive person, solitude often suits me.
Except for when it doesn’t.
Once upon a time, I isolated myself to hide from life and its inevitable pain. If I want to live a fulfilling, balanced life, I need to be highly self-aware about when and why I choose to be alone. I need to ask myself, “Am I choosing this for joy, or is it coming from fear?”
I suspect we all need to ask ourselves this question from time to time.
Are you choosing not to go out to that networking event because you’d genuinely rather do something else—or is it because you get nervous when you have to talk about your business? Did you decide to drop out of that class or club because you didn’t like it—or did you quit because you felt like you were out of your league?
It’s tempting to lie to yourself, especially when it allows you to stay in our comfort zone. It’s much easier to believe you just don’t want something than it is to acknowledge you’re really terrified.
But we owe it to ourselves to ask the probing questions that stretch us outside our safe boundaries.
We deserve to experience all the situations and adventures we dream about. But we can only do that if we’re honest with ourselves about what we really want—and if we’re brave enough to challenge our instinct to do what feels easy and safe.
Photo by McD22
About Lori Deschene
Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others to do the same. You can find her books, including Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal, here and learn more about her eCourse, Recreate Your Life Story, if you’re ready to transform your life and become the person you want to be.
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
Honestly, sometimes I think it’s more about being lazy in my case. But I totally see what you’re saying Lori.
b
Very helpful for me today, Lori! Well done!
this is amazing.
“Once upon a time, I isolated myself to hide from life and its inevitable pain.”
I did this too. Still do sometimes. Thank you for sharing this. I think it’s important to be honest with yourself about how you feel. Your posts make me feel less alone 🙂
Thanks Jeffrey–glad it helped!
You’re most welcome. That’s one of the main things I love about running Tiny Buddha–that feeling that we’re more alike than we realize, and no one is alone.
Hi Lori,
You have infiltrated the corridors of my mind…..I often seek solitude yet also crave ‘togetherness’. Your post is aking me exactly what I should be asking myself, Thank you
be good to yourself
David
Lori,
Do you have my house wire tapped?
I was JUST talking with a friend about this very issue.
We have a friend who we KNOW is holding back. She puts on this tough shield that everything is okay, she is afraid to tell us she’s sad, and resists taking heartfelt conversations deep; she purposefully keeps things shallow.
I think (know) a large part of her issue is she is holding in a few secrets from eras gone by. She was raised in a time that when women made “mistakes” the mistakes were covered up in clever ways and never spoken of again.
Its heart wrenching watching a friend not be honest with themselves. I wish this friend would just come clean. Perhaps she isn’t “brave enough to challenge her instinct”.
Great post.
How wonderful that she has friends like you who want her to be honest with herself. I think that kind of love and support makes it a lot easier to be brave. I hope it helps her find the courage to look within and open up.
wow Lori, it was almost as if you were writing about me! i often find social events daunting as i dont feel confident enough to be my authentic self sometimes as many people look down on me for being a free spirit in a corporate city. Therefore I tell myself i’d rather stay at home than have to put on the act but having not gone to many social occasions over the years i realise i am a bit lonely and do want company but just with like-minded people or alternatively not take others judgements quite so to heart (not wuite sure how to do this yet mind you!)…anyway..apologies for the ramble but your post just resonated with me so much today..many thanks 🙂 x
Hi Nectar,
You’re most welcome. If you were in LA, would could be free spirits together. =)
Lori
You’re most welcome David! I know that inner conflict well. I want to know that I can spend time by myself without feeling like I am alone. I want to be connected both to myself and other people. I’ve found that it’s all about balance!