Tiny Buddha

Category: Strength

  • Tiny Wisdom: The Same, But Different

    Tiny Wisdom: The Same, But Different

    “What you do today is important, because you are exchanging a day of your life for it.” -Unknown

    My boyfriend, who is an aspiring screenwriter, has told me that the film industry and moviegoers essentially want “the same, but different.”

    We want the same themes, but with different people; the same humor, but in different circumstances.

    We want to see good rewarded, and for love to conquer all; we want the hero to change for the better, and the villain to reap what he sows.

    We want action, excitement, adventure, and romance; we want to feel terrified and then relieved; we want to doubt and then believe.

    We want to see people fall and survive—struggle and thrive. We want to feel the full spectrum of emotions, from low to high. We want to be moved, inspired, and maybe even in some small way, changed.

    In the real world there are no happy endings, since we’re perpetually in the middle—and often, there’s gravity where filmmakers would insert levity, and unfairness where they would create justice.

    Still, this is all very similar to life: from one day to the next, it’s often the same, but different.

    We experience fears, insecurities, and emotions that we’ve known and felt for years. We deal with challenges that seem so familiar they may even seem like a part of us.

    We might make mistakes we’ve made many times before. We might come against the same resistance we’ve been battling all our lives.

    We may repeat the same patterns in relationships that we’ve known since we were young. And we may find ourselves receiving guidance that seems like nothing new.

    And yet it’s always new. It’s always different. Even if the days are similar, we come to each one totally new people.

    We come to our struggles with new insights. We come to each other with new understanding. And we come to each moment with new potential to be that hero—to make a different choice, to change for the better.

    Sometimes it can seem like nothing ever changes and nothing ever will. But everything changes, in tiny shifts, every day. The real question is whether or not we’ll recognize the tiny shifts within us and act on what we feel.

    Regardless of our circumstances, we always have a choice. We can choose more of the same; or we can recognize this moment is different—and that we can be, too.

    Photo by malfet_

  • Tiny Wisdom: Take This Moment and Start Anew

    Tiny Wisdom: Take This Moment and Start Anew

    “Many fine things can be done in a day if you don’t always make that day tomorrow.” -Unknown

    When I was younger, an adult I was staying with told me, “The diet starts tomorrow. Let’s eat everything we can before midnight.”

    So we did. We ate grilled cheeses, leftover Chinese food, Twinkies, and anything else that called to us from her cabinets.

    It was then or never, that was the message, and tomorrow would be different—which of course it wasn’t.

    For years, I started each morning intending to make healthy choices, and then after failing to meet my perfectionist standards, decided to turn over a new leaf the following day.

    I justified chain smoking by telling myself I’d quit tomorrow. I allowed myself to remain inert by rationalizing that the day was “ruined” because I missed my morning workout.

    It was impossible to make big change because I always had an excuse to avoid making different choices.

    I eventually gave up Marlboros and binge fests, but I still deal with all-or-nothing thinking at times, particularly when it comes to leaving my comfort zone—and if I’m not careful, it can be paralyzing.

    Perhaps you can relate. Maybe you’ve rationalized that you’ll start dieting after the holidays, instead of cutting back just a little starting now. Or maybe you’ve put off looking for more fulfilling work, assuming it would be easier next week, next month, or next year, when you feel less frustrated or overwhelmed.

    We delude ourselves when we rationalize that tomorrow we’ll excel at what we aren’t willing to start today. We may never feel fully prepared or confident when it comes to our ability to change—and that’s okay, so long as we’re willing to try, starting now.

    That means accepting we may not do things perfectly.

    We may feel like we’re making progress and then fear we’re right where we started. More likely, we will have taken two steps forward and one step back—which means we are moving forward.

    I don’t believe that life is short; most of us will have abundant opportunities to experience all this world has to offer. Whether or not we actually do that is largely dependent on how we spend our time.

    We can sabotage our days by imagining tomorrow will be better; or we can seize our moments by forgiving ourselves when we struggle and doing the best we can right now.

    Photo by zedmelody

  • Tiny Wisdom: What You Need to Give Yourself

    Tiny Wisdom: What You Need to Give Yourself

    “Man stands in his own shadow and wonders why it’s dark.” -Zen Proverb

    I’ve recognized that I come to my computer to write for one of two reasons:

    Either I feel the need to explore something that’s relevant to my life, and in doing so, start a conversation about it; or there’s something bothering me that I haven’t fully addressed, and I’m hoping the conversation will make me feel better about it.

    Last week an old friend wrote to congratulate me on my book. She started the email by joking that she wouldn’t “sell my secrets if the tabloids called.”

    Though I doubt she was referring to anything specific, this struck a nerve with me because I’ve shared a lot of my personal experiences, but there are some stories I haven’t told.

    Some of them I’ve worked through and simply don’t want to share; others I haven’t completely addressed, and I’m still working through them privately.

    After I read her email, I started to write a post about the difference between authenticity and transparency. I realized three paragraphs in that my sole intention was to receive confirmation that I am not a fraud for keeping certain things to myself.

    So I decided to sit with this, and give myself the reassurance and acceptance I hoped you’d give me.

    I realized then that this same idea applies in everyday life, as we engage with other people and, consciously or unconsciously, look to them to give us what we’re not giving ourselves.

    If we’re feeling down on ourselves, we may look to other people to validate us. If we’re feeling drained, we might look to other people to give us permission to take a break.

    If they don’t give us what we need, we can end up feeling frustrated, and direct that at them. Ironically, even when people say what we think we want to hear, it tends to fall flat if we don’t truly believe they’re right.

    What makes it all the more complicated is that we don’t often realize we’re doing this. It’s far more comfortable to search outside than it is to look within.

    But if we want to fully feel the warmth of light, we need to first access our own. That starts with asking ourselves: What do I really need—and how can I give it to myself?

    Photo by Wonderlane

  • Tiny Wisdom: Little Everyday Challenges

    Tiny Wisdom: Little Everyday Challenges

    “Kites rise highest against the wind, not with it.” –Winston Churchill

    Have you ever purposely chosen to do something you felt resistant to doing? I do this occasionally because I recognize I sometimes limit myself by being inflexible.

    I can be a creature of habit, particularly when it comes to situations that make me feel in control.

    For example, I have one specific spot where I like to sit when I work in the Starbucks near my apartment. It’s right by the window and sufficiently removed from the chaos of the line.

    It’s the best lit spot, and it’s both private and ideal for people-watching, since I can see the entire room and the passersby outside. When this seat is taken, I sometimes feel hesitant to stay.

    Yet I consistently make myself sit and work wherever there is open space, despite my instinct to leave, because this is a mini test in acceptance—and there are many areas of my life where my controlling instinct affects far more than where I work.

    Every time I simply sit wherever there’s space, instead of indulging black and white thinking, I release my rigid grip on the ideal and get better at accepting and making the best of what’s in front of me.

    Not everyone deals with my control issues, but we all have areas where we limit ourselves in life.

    Maybe you avoid certain situations if you think you’ll have to wait because you know you get impatient. Or maybe you steer clear of events where you’d meet new people because you know you’ll feel vulnerable or awkward.

    If you don’t feel the desire to improve in these areas of your life, then by all means do what you always do. But if a part of you wants to feel less limited, you can likely find abundant opportunities to practice doing things differently.

    Life presents us with countless mini tests if we’re willing to take them. Each one is an opportunity to let go of the way we usually react and embrace a new way of being.

    Today I challenge my instinct to be rigid and controlling. What test will you accept today?

    Photo by Ton Haex

  • Tiny Wisdom: It’s You

    Tiny Wisdom: It’s You

    “Make the best use of what is in your power and take the rest as it happens.” -Epictetus

    The one you’ve been waiting for to tell you what to do—it’s you. You’re the only one who knows what’s right for you in this moment.

    The one you’ve been waiting for to fix your problems—it’s you. You’re the only one who has the power to change what isn’t working.

    The one you’ve been waiting for to make the pain go away—it’s you. Whatever you’re holding onto, only you can let it go.

    The one you’ve been waiting for to give you permission—it’s you. You’re the only one who can decide whether you’ll try or hold yourself back.

    The one you’ve been waiting for to love you—it’s you. You’re the only one who can make you feel beautiful and worthy.

    The one you’ve been waiting for to provide something that’s missing—it’s you. You’re the only one who can create and recognize what’s enough for your happiness.

    The one who makes a difference in so many people’s lives—it’s you. Remember that even when you struggle with some of these things, the world is a better place for having you in it.

    Photo by silvihelsinkirocks

  • Tiny Wisdom: When Instincts Aren’t Enough

    Tiny Wisdom: When Instincts Aren’t Enough

    “Never ignore a gut feeling, but never believe that it’s enough.” -Robert Heller

    A while back, a friend of mine called me crying because of a huge disappointment in her life. She made a bold decision based on gut instinct, and then expected that everything would work out as she envisioned it because she felt so certain it was the right choice.

    I think what hurt her most of all was the realization that nothing is certain. Following your instincts to leave something doesn’t guarantee it will be easy to find something else. And knowing that something feels right doesn’t ensure you’ll immediately know the right way to make it happen.

    Our instincts point us in the right direction, but we need know before we take that first step that very few paths are clear and direct. The hardest thing isn’t taking the leap—it’s learning to relax in the free fall when you’re not sure yet where you’re going to land or how.

    I have been in this place many times before.

    I’ve walked out of offices, feeling empowered with my decision to quit—only to later to find myself wondering if I should have followed my father’s advice to “never leave one job without another lined up.”

    I’ve walked away from unhealthy relationships feeling proud of my ability to let go—only to find myself obsessing about whether it was a choice to be permanently alone.

    And I’ve decided to get help to change bad habits—only to find myself feeling unsure of how I’d function without them.

    That instinctive decision to walk away from something, or toward something, or through something—it’s only the very beginning.

    But if we’re brave enough to listen to it and take action, we’re also brave enough to handle the uncertainty ahead. If we have the strength to make that choice, we have the strength to keep honoring it when things get tough, as they often do.

    Today if you’re walking through unfamiliar territory, wondering if you made the right choice, ask yourself: Would you question your decision if things all worked out right away? If the answer is no, then keep learning, keep growing, and keep going.

    You know you want this. Now you just need to be patient enough to let yourself discover how you’ll do it.

    Photo by geishaboy500

  • Tiny Wisdom: It’s OK to Say No

    Tiny Wisdom: It’s OK to Say No

    “Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough.” ~Josh Billings

    Sometimes I feel immense pressure to do all kinds of things I don’t want to do. The reality is, I often put this pressure on myself. I think about the things I should do. Or the things I think I should want to do. Or the things other people might expect me to do.

    And all this thinking can drain me—before I’ve gotten a chance to do anything. This is basically choosing to create anxiety where there could be peace and joy. It’s wasting precious time, feeling conflicted, restricted, and full of angst.

    So today I invite you to join me in remembering it’s OK to say no, and our world won’t fall apart because of it.

    It’s OK to say no if you don’t feel moved by an opportunity—no matter how exciting it might sound to someone else. Happiness is a choice, but it’s made up of lots of smaller choices we need to make based on what we actually want.

    It’s OK to say no if you’d rather relax than go out—no matter how many other people think you should be social. Only we know when we need to recharge and take care of ourselves, so it’s up to us to recognize and honor that.

    It’s OK to say no if you’d need to sacrifice your needs to help someone else—even if a part of you feels a little guilty about it. People are always going to have requests. Sometimes we’ll be able to help; sometimes we won’t. We’re still good people regardless.

    It’s OK to say no because you don’t have time—even if you don’t know right in this moment when you’ll be more available. We’re allowed to say no without hinting toward a future yes.

    It’s OK to say no without a detailed excuse—even if you feel like you should offer one. “This doesn’t feel right for me right now” is a perfectly valid reason.

    Lastly, it’s OK to say no even if you’ve already said yes, if you realize you weren’t being true to yourself. It’s far better to make the right decision late than follow through with the wrong one because you think you should.

    Photo by permanently scatterbrained

  • Tiny Wisdom: Being Self-Aware and Minimizing Drama

    Tiny Wisdom: Being Self-Aware and Minimizing Drama

    “Our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world as being able to remake ourselves.” -Gandhi

    This past weekend, I took a break from writing at Starbucks to visit the nearby Fall Festival, which featured a petting zoo, face painting, and food samples.

    This is one of my favorite events because it encompasses many things I love, including farm animals, giddy children, and food on toothpicks (yes, that’s in my list of favorite things).

    Much to my excitement, I saw there was also a large makeover event set up in the vicinity. Since I had time, I decided to get in line—except there wasn’t one. It was more like a group of women positioned haphazardly in front of the two stylists.

    So I asked one of the women, “Are you in line?”

    Her response caught me off guard, because she snapped kind of defensively, “Yes. This is the line. Behind me—I’ve been waiting!”

    Instinctively, I felt annoyed. I’d asked to be considerate, but I gathered it didn’t come across that way.

    I realized then that I often feel angry when I have positive intentions that others don’t seem to receive as such; and I can easily get frustrated when I sense hostility that I feel I “don’t deserve.”

    Sometimes, because of that, I take things personally that simply aren’t personal—and also aren’t a big deal.

    While this was a brief encounter with little significance in the grand scheme of things, it got me thinking about the importance of self-awareness.

    So often in life, we feel things that have little to do with what’s actually happening and everything to do with the stories we’re telling ourselves in our head—stories that involve assumption, blame, and defensiveness.

    But we don’t have to fall victim to our instinctive emotional reactions. At any time, we can stop, assess what’s going on in our heads, and decide to respond a little more wisely based on what we know about ourselves.

    Today if you feel yourself getting all worked up over something that isn’t a big deal, ask yourself, “What can I learn about myself that will help me going forward?”

    Photo by Melissa Gray

  • Tiny Wisdom: When It’s Time to Stop Hoping

    Tiny Wisdom: When It’s Time to Stop Hoping

    “The natural flights of the human mind are not from pleasure to pleasure but from hope to hope.” -Samuel Johnson

    You’ll find lots of inspiring posts that suggest you hold onto hope against all odds and push through difficult times with your eye on a light down the road. This isn’t one of them. Sometimes hope is a beautiful thing. It can motivate, empower, and inspire you when you’re tempted to give up. But other times it just keeps you stuck.

    When you push through today for a better tomorrow, without doing anything to create that new possibility, your hope creates the illusion of change to come.

    When you hold onto the past, hoping to revive a relationship, situation, or time that’s come and gone, your hope precludes even better possibilities in the present.

    When you hope you’ll someday know happiness—when you get the right relationship, the right job, the right adventure—your hope allows you to avoid reality. And it makes it unlikely that you’ll ever know happiness since hope for something else is the only way you know to experience it.

    We all want to feel happy. We all want to avoid feeling pain. That’s what makes hope so exciting. It divorces us from the moment and projects us immediately into something better.

    It allows us the freedom to close our eyes and imagine a world far better than the one we think we know. Hope is comforting, but not always empowering. Hope may give you possibilities in tomorrow, but belief gives you possibilities now.

    When you believe you can be happy regardless of what you gain or achieve, you open your eyes and find reasons to feel and share joy.

    When you believe you can have something better, you take responsibility for creating it, starting in this moment.

    When you believe you’re complete, even if you don’t feel good in any given moment, you challenge yourself to think beyond your emotions, and remember the larger picture.

    You can hope yourself into a corner, waiting for tomorrow to improve. Or you can believe your way onto center stage, and create that tomorrow you want. It starts right now.

    Photo by reggie35

  • Tiny Wisdom: You’re Stronger Than You Think

    Tiny Wisdom: You’re Stronger Than You Think

    Buddha

    “Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.” -Mahatma Gandhi

    When I was twenty-one years old, I starved myself to ninety-five pounds and then spent every ounce of my energy worrying about the potential to gain weight back. It was torturous and yet comforting all at once. Because I obsessed about my body, I never had to think or worry about much else. There just wasn’t any time.

    Back then I was rehearsing for a musical holiday show. I loved belonging to that group, and I wanted to form real friendships with the other cast members. But when I wasn’t singing or dancing, I was often vacant behind my eyes. I was a prisoner inside my bones, starved for my own love.

    There was an incredibly buff guy named Rich. He was the strongest man I’d ever met, and we sometimes joked that we were complete opposites. He could easily pick me up with one arm and then toss me in the air.

    One day he found me crying in the parking lot, as I did often when no one was looking. He put his massive hand on my shoulder and said, “You’re such a great person, Lori, but you’re going to be amazing when you finally decide to get strong.”

    These words have always stuck with me. When I struggle, or feel like my world is falling apart, I remember: I can do amazing things when I choose to be strong—when I remember I am strong.

    We all are. We are all survivors. We have all overcome adversity. We have all had our share of battles. We have all had our moments when we’ve fallen so low we questioned if we could lift ourselves up.

    Yet we have. We’ve gotten smarter, bolder, braver, and wiser from the struggles we’ve endured. Maybe not right away, and maybe not easily, but we’ve bounced back from hard times, and we’ve proven to ourselves that our spirit is stronger than anything that could threaten to break it.

    Today, if you question what you can change, handle, or overcome, remember: You can do amazing things when you decide to get strong.

     

    Buddha image via Shutterstock

  • Tiny Wisdom: Doing What You Actually Enjoy

    Tiny Wisdom: Doing What You Actually Enjoy

    “Enjoy when you can, and endure when you must.” -Goethe

    This weekend, I attended the Wanderlust Yoga & Music Festival where I gave a presentation on Saturday afternoon. That evening, my friend and I went to the Girl Talk concert. In case you’re not familiar, Girl Talk is a musician specializing in mash-ups.

    Within five minutes of getting there, we folded ourselves into a crowded, rave-like environment, complete with frantic dancing, pushing, and claustrophobia-inducing chaos. Surrounded by smoke and free-spirited joy, I felt a deep sense of inner conflict.

    I wanted to want to be there–to be the kind of person who gets so lost in the music and movement that personal space becomes unnecessary. But a larger part of me wanted to be somewhere removed, where I could still hear, but with full range of motion, pristine air, and less potential for beer-spilling on my flip-flops.

    Essentially, I wanted to enjoy an experience that I plain and simply didn’t, and I neglected to vocalize this for at least an hour. Ironically, I had just read something about this in the book The Happiness Project, and yet I still felt like I should want to be there, because my friend seemed to enjoy it, and also because I didn’t want to somehow miss out.

    Perhaps you can relate. Maybe you’ve tried to force yourself to like classic literature for a book club, despite preferring self-help books. Or maybe you’ve pushed yourself to go to happy hour with your friends, even though it means sacrificing time you’d rather spend on a passion.

    The constant: you think that you should like something, and as a result, ignore your instincts when it comes to allocating your time.

    We only get so many hours in a day. While there’s something to be said for trying new things and being social, we open ourselves up to far more happiness if we honor what we actually love and acknowledge the things we don’t.

    Today if you feel tempted to say yes to something you don’t really want to do, ask yourself: What would I enjoy more? And what’s stopping me from doing that?

    Photo by jeet_sen

  • Tiny Wisdom: When Things Feel out of Control

    Tiny Wisdom: When Things Feel out of Control

    “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.” -Charles Swindoll

    “I can’t wait to leave LA. Seriously, we should consider moving within a year.”

    I said this to my boyfriend as we were sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic a few streets away from our apartment, anticipating at least 10 more minutes of chaos. All around us, drivers were weaving in and out of lanes, honking at each other, and, in some cases, hurling swears at each other. Despite just meditating, I felt agitated.

    Since we moved here just recently so my boyfriend can pursue film, moving isn’t the smartest option. And truthfully, I don’t want to move. I said it because I felt stuck, and in that moment, professing my desire to leave felt like a proactive alternative to simply sitting with that out-of-control feeling.

    Suddenly I realized that this was good practice, because I will feel out of control in far more troubling situations many times in my life. We all will.

    We may have to wait to find out if we’ll lose our homes, or our jobs, or our health, or people we love. Or we may lose those things and wonder how we can go on, knowing we’re not sure how things will turn out. We may have to watch people we love struggling, knowing we have no clue how to help, or if we even can.

    It’s inevitable that we’ll feel out of control in life, over and over again. The good news is that we can always control how we respond to our circumstances, and we can practice this skill a little every day if we’re willing to breathe through uncomfortable feelings.

    Today if you find yourself scrambling for control–over your time, your circumstances, or the outcome of your efforts–take a deep breath. Then remember: It’s far more productive to learn through this moment than it is to resist it.

    *Email subscribers: This was the post from Thursday, but due to an error on my part, it didn’t make it into the email. Photo by fakelvis

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Realizing It’s Never All Dark

    Tiny Wisdom: On Realizing It’s Never All Dark

    “Turn your face toward the sun and the shadows will fall behind you.” ~Māori Proverb

    People often comment that the Tiny Buddha emails come at just the right time for them, and I think there’s a simple explanation for that. They all address universal challenges–things we all deal with, and often. They’re the things we sometimes forget connect us.

    We all deal with pain, heartache, disappointment, frustration, fear, anxiety, and loss. We don’t deal with it at the same times, in the same ways, or for the same reasons, but we all experience the same emotions–over and over again.

    Just when we think everything is perfect, something changes and we realize nothing is permanent. Just when we think we have everything figured out, we realize how much we don’t understand, and maybe never will.

    But we also have something else in common: No matter how dark things can seem in our lives, we always have at least a little light–and sometimes far more than we realize. Very rarely is all lost.

    If things aren’t going great with work, you may still have amazing friends who remind you that you are so much more than what you do for a living. If you don’t have the relationship you dream about, you might have family members there to remind you that you are never alone.

    We always have good things in our lives. It’s just that sometimes we get too distracted by what’s lacking to recognize what’s going right.

    Yesterday I asked on Facebook, “What advice would you give to yourself, 10 years ago?” I would tell myself to stop worrying that I was missing out on the good life, because I was actually missing out on life because of all the worrying.

    Though none of us can go back and do things differently, we can remember what we’ve learned and use it.

    Today I commit to enjoying the light, wherever it may be. What light is there in your life?

    *This is an updated version of a post from 2009. Photo by law_keven

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Creating Change

    Tiny Wisdom: On Creating Change

    “To get something you never had, you  have to do something you never did.” -Unknown

    There’s a reason we often take the path most traveled: Seeing all the footprints on the well-trodden road creates the illusion of certainty, especially when many are your own.

    When it’s familiar,  it feels safe. You know what’s at the end; you’ve been there before. You know how to get there, so you don’t need to pay too much attention to your steps or the details along the way. You can just kind of put yourself on auto-pilot and go.

    But there’s something kind of ironic about living on auto-pilot.

    We generally do the things we’ve always done because they require less mental effort; you know what’s around you, so you don’t need to worry as much. But instinctively, we still find things to stress about. Even if we follow the path that feels comfortable, we generally end up thinking about the possibility of things we can’t control. There are always things we can’t control. Nothing is ever certain.

    If you inevitably need to embrace the discomfort of knowing the future is uncertain, why not choose the discomfort that might push you one inch closer to the possibilities you dream about?

    Why not reach out to someone you admire, or go to that event you’re scared to attend, or pitch that idea you’re afraid isn’t great? Life is bound to be messy and occasionally scary. Why not actively choose your changes, instead of waiting for them to choose you?

    Today as you go about your day, if you find yourself doing what you’ve always done, ask yourself: What would make me feel excited about today? Then do it. That tingling sense of fear and possibility–it’s the feeling of being alive.

    Photo by C.Davenby

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Risks and Rewards

    Tiny Wisdom: On Risks and Rewards

    “Don’t be afraid to go out on a limb. That’s where the fruit is.” -H. Jackson Browne

    It’s safe. Familiar. Comfortable. Effortless. It doesn’t make waves. It’s what other people think you should do. You’re less likely to fail. Less likely to feel vulnerable. Less likely to question if it was worth the risk.

    Whether you realize it now or not, it is. We tend to regret the things we didn’t do more than the things we did.

    On my first date with my boyfriend, I told him over dinner that I’d always wanted to go skydiving, even though I was afraid of heights. And I meant it–someday. As in someday far away, in a time when it suddenly seemed less terrifying. Someday came far quicker than I’d planned.

    He told me that if I wanted to see him again, I’d have to jump out of a plane. So he took me skydiving on our second date. For days before, I considered backing out, especially after I tweeted about it and someone linked me to skydiving fatalities. Although I knew it would likely be safe, I was afraid of the inherent risk.

    What pushed me through was the realization that I said I wanted to do it because I did. So I took it one moment at a time. I focused first on just getting in the car–that was all I had to do. Then next on going into the building. Then next on boarding the plane. Then next on jumping out.

    What I didn’t plan was the last step–feeling more alive than I ever had before.

    I took the risk one simple action step at a time, and though it didn’t completely take away the fear, it certainly pushed me through it. It was absolutely worth it. Nothing is more satisfying than actually doing what you’ve always said you wanted to do.

    Get unsafe. Less familiar. Uncomfortable. Difficult. Make waves. Define expectations. Risk failing. Feel vulnerable. Be bold and courageous. No matter where it takes you, leaving your comfort zone–learning, growing, feeling alive–is always worth the risk.

    Photo by magical-world

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Helping Yourself

    Tiny Wisdom: On Helping Yourself

    “The best place to find a helping hand is at the end of your own arm.” ~Swedish Proverb

    Helping yourself is telling people what you need, even though you’re afraid to acknowledge it.

    It’s forgiving yourself for your mistakes, even though you feel like dwelling.

    It’s taking responsibility for your problems, even though someone else may have played a large part in them.

    It’s breaking a problem into tiny, manageable pieces, even though you feel overwhelmed.

    It’s living in accordance with your values, even when they stand in the way of something you think you want.

    It’s allowing yourself to dream, and then focusing on creating instead of arriving.

    Every one of these choices enables you to help yourself. And when you make the effort to help yourself, you can better help other people—and the world.

    What do you need to do to help yourself today, and can you start right now?


  • Tiny Wisdom: On When to Hold and When to Fold

    Tiny Wisdom: On When to Hold and When to Fold

    “All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.” -Havelock Ellis

    Sometimes it’s difficult to know when to keep plowing ahead and when to accept that it’s time to move on.

    You don’t want to give up on someone you love if you can make a positive difference in their life; but sometimes you need to let go and let them learn their own lessons.

    You don’t want to give up on a dream when you’ve put your heart and soul into it; but sometimes you need to let go of the outcome you’ve been fantasizing about to open yourself up to something even better.

    I’ve been in both of these places, and similar ones, many times before. I’ve wondered what a strong person would do. Or what a brave person would do. Or what a determined person would do. Because that’s what it always came down to–what I thought I should do, and what might increase my chances of getting something I wanted.

    What I’ve realized is that there is no should. There is no simple answer. And there aren’t any guarantees. You can never know for certain if the day after you stop trying could have been the day everything came together. You can never be sure that if you keep going, you’ll eventually get what you’re shooting for.

    All you can do is know your true intentions, listen to your instincts, and then make the best choice based on what you feel is right. They key is to listen to your instincts. Not what you think you should do, or what you think other people would do, or what you think looks good. But what you know in the still, quiet place within.

    Today if you feel conflicted about whether you should hold on or let go, ask yourself: If you cleared away your fears and self-judgments, what choice would you make?

    Photo by Frames-of-Mind

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Dropping Excuses

    “We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations.” -Charles R. Swindoll

    Joshua Denney, who designed this site and does a ton behind the scenes, found this video and posted it on Facebook yesterday with the heading, “No excuses.”

    What could you accomplish if you stopped making excuses and started focusing on making a difference?

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Forgiveness

    Tiny Wisdom: On Forgiveness

    “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” ~Mahatma Gandhi

    Someone wronged you. Maybe they treated you thoughtlessly without your feelings or best interests in mind. Or maybe they hurt you with full awareness in a moment of anger orfrustration.

    Your pride’s bruised, and your expectations destroyed. Why should you extend compassion to them when they didn’t offer you the same? Why should you reach out to them when you’re not the one who was wrong?

    You could easily come up with a laundry list of excuses to stay righteous and unyielding. Unfortunately, no one benefits when we fester in anger, bitterness, or negativity—least of all, ourselves.

    It takes tremendous fortitude to acknowledge we all make mistakes and let go of our pain. The alternative is to hold it close to our hearts, where we can feel right and hurt over and over again.

    The Buddha said that, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”

    Put this way, it makes a lot of sense. We can’t possibly feel better if we choose to hurt ourselves. And yet it can still be so hard to forgive and move on.

    Psychologists suggest we don’t do anything unless there’s a payoff in doing it. We’re wired to seek pleasure and avoid pain; we’d only cling to a hot coal if we feared a worse pain in dropping it.

    But that’s the thing: We can’t possibly know how it will feel to let go until we muster the strength to do it. We can’t even fathom the transformative and healing power of forgiveness until we challenge ourselves to embrace it.

    Many times, it will be a challenge—perhaps the greatest we’ve ever known. It might take time, and it might require a sense of compassion we don’t feel someone deserves. Regardless, we deserve that relief.

    In giving it to ourselves, we may finally feel the peace to consider that someone else does, as well.

    Not all relationships can be healed, but all pain can transform into healing. That means it’s up to us to decide whether it’s time to let go of the person, or let go of the story that keeps us in anger.

    It’s only in doing what we need to do to forgive that we’re able to set ourselves free.

    Photo by mhaller1979

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Asking for Help

    Tiny Wisdom: On Asking for Help

    “It’s not the load that breaks you down; it’s the way you carry it.” -Lena Horne

    We often think that admitting struggle is a sign of weakness, but we all struggle sometimes. We all get overwhelmed sometimes. We all need help sometimes. Acknowledging this is not a sign of weakness, but struggling alone is a choice to grow weak.

    We all need each other. No one is an island. The good news is that people really do care. Think about it. If someone you know was hurting, would you offer your support? If someone you know got into a tough situation, would you help them find a solution? You’d probably want them to come to you–to know that you care and they can trust and depend on you.

    Why not give them the opportunity to do the same for you? Why push yourself to your breaking point when there are people who’d be honored to help lighten your load?

    If you’re carrying more than you can handle today, choose to let some of it go by letting someone else in. You may feel vulnerable asking for help, but wouldn’t the world be a better place if we all learned to depend on each other?

    Photo by wonderlane