Tiny Buddha

Category: Perspective

  • Tiny Wisdom: Life May Never Be Simple

    Tiny Wisdom: Life May Never Be Simple

    “The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem.” -Theodore I. Rubin

    There are times when things get complicated and it has nothing to do with the choices we’ve made.

    Sometimes everyone around us needs us for different things, right as our work is becoming more challenging, and we’re feeling confused about what we actually want to do with our lives.

    Sometimes we receive medical or psychiatric diagnoses—and possibly both at the same time—right after being laid off and losing our health insurance.

    Sometimes we feel we’ve made headway with emotional wounds from the past, only to find ourselves feeling challenged by the smallest of triggers and uncertain if we’ve made any progress at all.

    Try as we may to eliminate the debt, responsibility, unhealthy relationships, and anything else that may cause us stress, life may never be simple.

    We may always have different challenges to address in our lives. But maybe simplicity isn’t eliminating problems; maybe it’s learning to embrace them, face them, and grow from them, instead of seeing them as something to resist.

    Perhaps “simple” has nothing to do with the circumstances in our lives, and everything to do with the mindset we foster in accepting and responding to them.

    There are certain problems that need solutions more quickly than others. There are certain events that may seem more overwhelming than others.

    We can either approach these situations with a sense of dread and anxiety, assuming we have no choice but to respond this way; or we can find our center, take it all one step at a time, and recognize that whatever happens, we can handle it and learn from it.

    We can’t change that life will be complex at times, but we can cause ourselves a lot less pain by accepting that, instead of fighting it, questioning it, and wishing we could change it.

    Life will inevitably involve challenges; and sometimes they’ll work in our favor. Problems allow us to create, innovate, and stretch both ourselves and the world we know.

    The question isn’t whether life will ever be simple; it’s whether we’ll recognize all the opportunities within the complexities and find the strength to seize them.

    What problem will you embrace today?

    Photo by Paralog

  • Tiny Wisdom: The Urge to Make Other People Wrong

    Tiny Wisdom: The Urge to Make Other People Wrong

    “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.” ~Friedrich Nietzsche

    Recently, a blogger I admire wrote a long note on a social media site identifying blogging practices he finds annoying—and referring to bloggers who utilize them as “fundamentally wrong.” Some of them are things I also choose not to do, but not all of them.

    As I read through his list of “blogging mistakes,” recognizing some of them here, I found myself getting defensive. I thought it was wrong of him to call other bloggers fundamentally wrong, implying everything he chooses to do is right, and then I realized the irony.

    I was making him wrong for making me wrong. How was I any different?

    I shared this story with a friend of mine, and she told me that sometimes, it is black and white. She said we sometimes need to identify other people as wrong, because this is how we learn what we believe to be right—which is a precursor to acting on it.

    What I realized amid all of this is that there is a difference between identifying something as right, and identifying it as right for you. And most often, what matters is that we do the latter.

    When you believe something is right, you may be tempted to tell other people what they should and shouldn’t do. When you believe something is right for you, you honor that belief, but accept what other people choose to do without feeling the need to negate it.

    When you believe something is right, you may be tempted to judge other people if they don’t support your belief. When you believe something is right for you, you realize it isn’t a threat when someone else thinks differently.

    When you believe something is right, you may be tempted to fight for it. When you believe something is right for you, you feel at peace whether someone else agrees with you or not.

    And now again, a little irony: clearly I believe it’s right to understand that what’s right for you might not be right for everyone. This feels right for me because it helps me understand and accept people while taking care of my own needs.

    What do you believe is right when it comes to identifying other people as wrong?

    Photo by jumpinjimmyjava

  • Tiny Wisdom: What We Choose to See

    Tiny Wisdom: What We Choose to See

    “It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.” -Henry David Thoreau

    Yesterday while driving home from the dentist, I listened to this CD my boyfriend made with theme songs from various movies.

    While I generally would rather do a low crawl down a muddy sidewalk than sit in LA traffic, I couldn’t have been more blissful lost in the tunes of my favorite films.

    I noticed something interesting during this peaceful drive.

    While listening to The Pirates of the Caribbean theme song, I recognized all kinds of exciting things happening around me. This kid did a Back to the Future-style skateboard jump while crossing the street at the walk signal; and several yards away in the park, I saw a group of girls doing back flips. I realize these events aren’t as riveting as Johnny Depp escaping death, but in that moment, I felt their energy.

    After the light turned green, I switched to the Forrest Gump theme song, and noticed numerous poignant moments in the moving picture outside my window—a little boy running and jumping into his mother’s arms, and a woman bending down to help a homeless man on the sidewalk. With the simple change of a song, I felt transported to a Lifetime special.

    Suddenly I wondered: How often did the soundtrack in my head dictate what I chose to see?

    At any given moment, there’s a lot of life happening around us. It’s far too much to take in all at once, which means we need to consciously choose where we place our attention—and how we perceive the things that we allow to hold our focus.

    This is usually influenced by our mental state. When we’re angry, we’re more apt to find people annoying. When we’re hurt, people can seem insensitive. And when we’re happy, all of a sudden, the world seems like a kind and beautiful place.

    Essentially, we narrate the world based on our moods, just like those pithy voiceovers, usually delivered by Morgan Freeman.

    But there is another way to go about it—we can instead create our moods by consciously choosing to see the good around us. It’s always there. It’s just a matter of whether or not we’re willing to look and see.

    Photo by The Wandering Angel

  • Tiny Wisdom: The Sacrifices That Lead to Happiness

    Tiny Wisdom: The Sacrifices That Lead to Happiness

    “As long as you make an identity for yourself out of pain, you cannot be free of it.” -Eckhart Tolle

    This weekend, a reader presented an interesting question about letting go of old beliefs and attitudes to make room for happiness and open up to a relationship.

    He suggested that this would require a lot of sacrifice on his part, and would leave him humbled and lost—as if he’s somehow “giving in” and losing touch with who he really is.

    He asked how he can reconcile the instinct to change with his resistance to becoming something he is not.

    I suspect a lot of us struggle with this. We know we want to transform our lives, but we’ve thought and behaved in certain ways for so many years that we identify ourselves with those ideas and actions.

    For a long time, I believed people were basically selfish, which made me feel constantly defensive. I thought I “earned” this belief because I had been hurt. Letting go of it felt like letting the people who’d hurt me off the hook—like saying they didn’t cause my pain, I did.

    But the reality was that my defensiveness hurt me more than anything anyone else had ever done—and for far longer. Sacrificing it might have been humbling, but the alternative was (and is) to sacrifice my potential for joy.

    We are not the beliefs that we, at one point, decided serve and protect us. We are not the thoughts that, if we’re honest, we know only cripple us. We are not the sum of our internal workings.

    Of course letting go of these will feel like giving in if we believe they define us. It will feel like a sort of death—like acknowledging there’s something wrong with us, and the only way to find happiness is to essentially rid ourselves of ourselves.

    Freedom is realizing that letting go isn’t losing anything—it’s gaining everything. It’s stepping into the present moment free from limiting thoughts, beliefs, memories, fears, and judgments, to see what’s in front of us with clear eyes.

    We have the potential to become anything—in fact, if we learn to let go, we will never stop becoming. But that means we need to want presence and happiness more than we want to cling to the past and our pain.

    Photo by Aschaf

  • Tiny Wisdom: The Best Disappointments

    Tiny Wisdom: The Best Disappointments

    “Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.” -Dalai Lama

    Opportunity often hides in the most unlikely places, but it isn’t easy to see it when you’re disappointed life didn’t meet your expectations.

    Michael Jordan’s high school coach cut him from the basketball team, which may have pushed him to work harder and become an NBA superstar. Soichoro Honda wanted to be an engineer at Toyota until he was rejected, inspiring him to start his own company.

    You never know when a disappointment might pave the path for something great. What wonderful stroke of luck have you had lately, and what can you do to benefit from it?

    This post was originally published in September, 2009. Photo by LisaRoxy.

  • Tiny Wisdom: Seeing the Good in the Bad

    Tiny Wisdom: Seeing the Good in the Bad

    “Instead of complaining that the rose bush is full of thorns, be happy the thorn bush has roses.” -Proverb

    I once read that people who journal to identify lessons from painful situations generally move on more quickly and easily than people who write merely to vent their emotions.

    In discovering opportunities for growth, we empower ourselves to see whatever we’ve been through as something that can be ultimately beneficial, even if it’s tremendously uncomfortable in the short-term.

    It’s not always easy to do that, particularly because there are so many things that happen that we may never understand—and plenty of events that seem downright unfair.

    Why do some people retain their health despite poor choices, while others wake up seriously ill one day with no reason or warning? Why do some people enjoy great fortune without having to expel much effort, while others struggle all their lives without ever enjoying rewards or stability?

    When you look at the world through this lens, it’s easy to be bitter. We want there to be order—to know that if we’re good, good things will happen, and bad things won’t. But that’s just not a guarantee.

    What is a guarantee is that we can always decide how to interpret what we see.

    Over the past two years, countless readers have submitted posts for this site, many of them sharing stories about overcoming sickness and loss, among other personal challenges.

    There’s nothing as inspiring as seeing the world through the eyes of someone who is determined to see something good.

    After a blood vessel ruptured in Brian Webb’s brain, he couldn’t walk for months—but after running his first marathon he realized his injury taught him to appreciate life.

    Brandy Harris renamed her Crohn’s Disease “Crohn’s Teacher,” and uses her feelings about her symptoms as fuel for writing and sketching.

    Alexandra Heather Foss decided that there’s beauty in her scars—that her past struggles contributed to the strong, wise woman she is today.

    Life is always going to contain a little darkness, but we get to decide whether or not we recognize and appreciate the light.

    Photo by PrescottFoland

  • Tiny Wisdom: Saying Yes Because You Think You Should

    Tiny Wisdom: Saying Yes Because You Think You Should

    “It is not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.” -Unknown

    Have you ever felt a strong instinct to say no to something—but then said yes anyway? I did this a few months back, when someone contacted me on behalf of a bestselling self-help author, asking me to promote his book.

    As I’m sure you’ve noticed, I love sharing books that have made a difference in my life. And I generally choose which ones to feature based on a genuine desire to introduce them to you.

    When this author’s marketing team contacted me this summer, asking if I’d help make his book a bestseller—without offering to send me a copy—I felt a strong resistance. It felt too much like a business arrangement to engender my earnest support.

    Based on what I read about this writer online, I ascertained his book would be a valuable resource, so I agreed to share it—despite only receiving three chapters in a PDF.

    As the time got closer, I recognized I wasn’t operating with complete integrity, and ultimately decided to renege. His team sent me a number of angry emails, letting me know the author is “the real deal” and that there was no one else on the planet like him, sharing what he’s learned.

    When I recognized the high-pressure, fanatical tone, I instantly felt I’d made the right decision—not because there’s anything wrong with the book or the author, but because the circumstances themselves did not feel right for me.

    Ironically, I’d done something I’ve written about before: I made a decision based on value attribution—meaning I assumed I should say yes solely because the author is established and renowned.

    In a world where influence is king, we all need to be mindful of how and why we’re swayed if we hope to make decisions for ourselves, based on what we feel is right for us.

    This is particularly pertinent when it comes to how we spend our money, as there will always be a groundbreaking new system, or a life-changing new course, often promoted by people we admire and trust.

    That’s to not to say we shouldn’t support them and we wouldn’t benefit by doing it. It’s just that we’re best equipped to help ourselves when we say yes because we actually want to—not because we think we should.

    Photo by jamiehladky

  • Tiny Wisdom: We Get to Decide if Today Counts

    Tiny Wisdom: We Get to Decide if Today Counts

    “The future is completely open, and we are writing it moment to moment.” -Pema Chodron

    A while back, a reader commented that it’s easy for me to suggest tomorrow is full of possibilities, since I am relatively young. An older woman, she believed her options were far more limited, and that even if she could do the things she wanted to do, they wouldn’t count–not at her age.

    My first instinct was to start a conversation about mindfulness, since no one is ever guaranteed more than the present. Even young people don’t know for certain that they have decades more to live, so all we can ever really do is use this moment well.

    But then I thought about her comment about the future not counting.

    I interpreted this to mean she couldn’t enjoy the rest of her days because she felt they would somehow be defined by the “wasted” ones that had passed–like a smile wouldn’t be as joyful as it could be because there were fewer than she wanted before it, or helping someone wouldn’t be as meaningful as it could be because it wouldn’t contribute to a lifelong legacy.

    It seemed like she felt that life had passed her by, even though it was still going. I could relate to that feeling. I’ve wasted many days worrying about the days I thought I wasted. It’s a vicious cycle, and it only stops when we decide to use the present to the best of our ability.

    If we worry about everything we wish we did, or could do with our lives, we will miss out on the opportunity to really live them–right here and right now. Regardless of our age, we all have two things in common: we get to decide whether or not we think this moment matters; and we get to decide what exactly it means to make it count.

    The present is completely open, and we are living it, right now. What do you want to make of it?

    Photo by Two Roses

  • Tiny Wisdom: Sometimes No One Is Wrong

    Tiny Wisdom: Sometimes No One Is Wrong

    “Love is saying, ‘I feel differently’ instead of ‘you’re wrong.’” -Unknown

    I’ve written a lot of posts about compassion these past few years, challenging both myself and readers to be open-minded and see things from others’ points of view.

    On almost every post, someone has commented that there are times when other people are, in fact, wrong–when the person who cut you off in traffic really is a jerk, not just having a bad day; when the friend who hurt you actually had cruel intentions, and didn’t just make an innocent mistake; or when the person who sees things differently is truly misinformed, as opposed to holding a varied, but different opinion.

    I think we sometimes fear losing our sense of self and self-respect by giving other people too much leeway. If we give the benefit of the doubt one time too many times, we may start to feel like a door mat. Or if we consider other people’s perspectives too seriously, we may risk losing the beliefs that help us make sense of the world.

    If we continually refrain from identifying people as right and wrong, we may find it challenging to hold onto the ideas that feel right to us. And that can be a scary thought, particularly when many of us wrap around our identities around our beliefs and understandings.

    But maybe it doesn’t have to work this way. Maybe we can define the conduct we believe to be good and kind, without assuming we know people’s intentions, thereby labeling them right or wrong when they stumble. Maybe we can decide and honor what we believe and allow other people the same freedom, choosing not to be threatened if they see things differently.

    Maybe loving ourselves is feeling secure without having to convince other people we’re right; and loving other people is wanting to understand instead of wanting to tell them they’re wrong.

    Today if you feel tempted to point out the error of someone’s ways or beliefs, ask yourself: Would I rather argue and create pain, or agree to disagree and maintain peace?

    Photo by the gardenbuzz

  • Tiny Wisdom: Certainty Is an Illusion

    Tiny Wisdom: Certainty Is an Illusion

    “More important than the quest for certainty is the quest for clarity.” -Francois Gautier

    Last week, I wrote a post about making difficult decisions, which incorporated 30 ideas from the Tiny Buddha Facebook community. The experience of writing it and reading the comments reminded me how certainty can sometimes silence our strongest instincts–when, ironically, certainty is always an illusion.

    The secure job could become obsolete. The dependable friend could move away. The stable relationship could run its course.

    None of the things that seem secure and safe are guaranteed to endure–not forever, or for any length of time, for that matter. The nature of life is that everything moves and changes, ebbs and flows, with beginnings, middles, and ends.

    We don’t get to know what will end when. We don’t get to know how long things will last. We can play the odds, try to align ourselves with probability for maximum longevity, comfort, and ease. Or we can instead focus on the possibilities that excite us and enjoy the journey to and through them, one moment at a time.

    We can either make what seems to be the best choice for minimal loss and change; or we can get clear about what we want to do with the short amount of time we have, and then embrace the unknown, with our passion as a compass, finding our way as we go.

    The irony about choosing the path that seems the most certain is that it generally guarantees only one thing: that we go through life wondering how things could have been if only we weren’t so scared.

    Today if you find yourself clinging to something that feels predictable and safe, ask yourself: Are these the moments I want to remember when I look back on my life some day?

    Photo by kelp1966

  • Tiny Wisdom: Judging by First Impressions

    Tiny Wisdom: Judging by First Impressions

    “When you judge another, you do not define them. You define yourself.” -Wayne Dyer

    The other day, I reached out to someone I admire, and felt disappointed by the experience. I perceived her response to be somewhat curt and even condescending, which surprised me. Based on my earnest enthusiasm and admiration—and what I thought I knew about her—I expected more.

    For a minute I thought, “She’s not who I thought she was at all.”

    While this was clearly a lesson in releasing expectations, it also got me thinking about (what I call) the judgment/assumption principle: when we judge someone based on one impression, and then assume that’s how and who they are—always.

    I suspect we do this more than we realize.

    Maybe you see an interview with a public figure, and, based on the topics discussed, assume she’s a shallow person. Or you meet a friend of a friend when he’s having a difficult day and, based on his withdrawn demeanor, assume that he’s unfriendly.

    It can be tempting to judge someone by an isolated moment in time, especially if it’s a first impression and a particularly negative one.

    But none of us would want to be sized up that way. We are so much more than what we may convey in any one encounter—and sometimes, we have good intentions, but they get muddled in translation.

    I know I haven’t always put my best foot forward; and I’m sure I’ve also said things and sent emails that could have been interpreted as curt, even though I meant well.

    None of us should have to tolerate chronically rude or inconsiderate treatment; but we may be surprised by what we learn about people when we give them the benefit of the doubt.

    Today if you’re tempted to form a snap judgment based on one interaction, remember: When you judge someone by one of their worst moments, you rob yourself of the opportunity to see and appreciate their best.

    Photo by spencer341b

  • Tiny Wisdom: When Things Feel out of Control

    Tiny Wisdom: When Things Feel out of Control

    “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.” -Charles Swindoll

    “I can’t wait to leave LA. Seriously, we should consider moving within a year.”

    I said this to my boyfriend as we were sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic a few streets away from our apartment, anticipating at least 10 more minutes of chaos. All around us, drivers were weaving in and out of lanes, honking at each other, and, in some cases, hurling swears at each other. Despite just meditating, I felt agitated.

    Since we moved here just recently so my boyfriend can pursue film, moving isn’t the smartest option. And truthfully, I don’t want to move. I said it because I felt stuck, and in that moment, professing my desire to leave felt like a proactive alternative to simply sitting with that out-of-control feeling.

    Suddenly I realized that this was good practice, because I will feel out of control in far more troubling situations many times in my life. We all will.

    We may have to wait to find out if we’ll lose our homes, or our jobs, or our health, or people we love. Or we may lose those things and wonder how we can go on, knowing we’re not sure how things will turn out. We may have to watch people we love struggling, knowing we have no clue how to help, or if we even can.

    It’s inevitable that we’ll feel out of control in life, over and over again. The good news is that we can always control how we respond to our circumstances, and we can practice this skill a little every day if we’re willing to breathe through uncomfortable feelings.

    Today if you find yourself scrambling for control–over your time, your circumstances, or the outcome of your efforts–take a deep breath. Then remember: It’s far more productive to learn through this moment than it is to resist it.

    *Email subscribers: This was the post from Thursday, but due to an error on my part, it didn’t make it into the email. Photo by fakelvis

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Changing How You See Problems

    Tiny Wisdom: On Changing How You See Problems

    “If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.” -Mary Engelbreit

    In a recent response to my blog post about dealing with difficult people, an anonymous commenter mentioned that she has a negative team member, an irrational supervisor, and an ineffective HR manager. Since she feels that leaving her job isn’t an option, she asked for advice about what she should do.

    I could relate to that feeling of being stuck–when you’re in a situation you don’t like, but you feel powerless to change it.

    When I’ve been in those circumstances, the last thing I wanted to hear was that I should change my perceptions and responses. After all, other people were causing problems–why should I have to change?

    In fact, I spent years stubbornly fighting with people who I thought were in the wrong. Because I felt confident in my judgments–that they needed to be more considerate, or less abrasive, or whatever–I essentially justified a negative attitude by bemoaning their negativity.

    Instead of actively seeking workable solutions, I sat around complaining about how other people caused the problems.

    In doing so, I became the problem. The victim mentality was the problem. My stubborn righteousness was the problem. These were the things that were keeping me stuck–not what other people did.

    We’re going to feel powerless sometimes. Sometimes we’ll have to stay with difficult roommates, even if just temporarily. Sometimes we’ll need to work thankless jobs just to make ends meet. We can either fight what is, or choose to see opportunities within it.

    Today if you feel stuck in a situation you don’t love, ask yourself: Do I have the power to change this, and, if not, how can I respond positively and proactively in a way that can help me grow?

    Photo by Mark Mrwizard

  • Tiny Wisdom: On the Illusion of Tomorrow

    Tiny Wisdom: On the Illusion of Tomorrow

    “There is more to life than increasing its speed.” -Gandhi

    If only tomorrow were here.

    You’d have that promotion you feel you’ve earned. Your bank account would have an extra zero or two. You’d be finished with the improvements on your house, and ready for new ones to make it even more comfortable.

    Your kids would be in that school you can’t yet afford. Closer to graduation. Closer to adulthood. Closer to leaving your home.

    You could plan that vacation you’ve wanted to take. And take it. And come back. And want for another.

    If only tomorrow were here.

    You’d be one day too late to enjoy today’s sunset.

    Twenty-four hours too late to savor today’s lunch, today’s cool breeze, today’s little lessons.

    One night too late to tell someone you love them—someone who could move, or change, or even fade away.

    Smack dab in the middle of another today, when everything is still imperfect. And yet still so beautiful.

    Tomorrow will come, and tomorrow will go. Take a deep breath and enjoy right now. This is what is real.

    *This is an updated version of a post from September, 2009. Photo by lostintheredwoods.

  • Tiny Wisdom: On the Power of Trusting

    Tiny Wisdom: On the Power of Trusting

    “You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don’t trust enough.” -Frank Crane

    I had one of the most disheartening experiences of my life when I was 24. Some people I trusted conned me out of a huge chunk of my savings and then dropped off the face of the earth.

    Later, I  questioned if I was being naive whenever an incident looked slightly similar. I instinctively mistrusted a lot of people, projecting past hurts onto them before they even had a chance to show their good intentions.

    It was like everyone was guilty until proven innocent. And worse, I was constantly defensive and bitter. I didn’t want to be caught off guard when someone inevitably disappointed me again.

    A couple years back, I found a blog post that offered an interesting perspective on trust. The author described how a cab driver tricked her to steal her backpack, including her wallet and $500 worth of possessions. Her friend concluded that they should trust people less.

    But the author, she decided that losing faith is far worse than losing stuff.

    She wrote, “Spending $500 every once in a while is a small price to pay to be able to continue trusting people…I consider the loss to be part of the optimism tax.”

    It just plain hurts to suspect everyone. It hurts to hold onto past disappointments, as if it’s only a matter of time until other people let you down. That’s not to say we shouldn’t trust our instincts when we suspect we’re in harm’s way. But the world is a far more peaceful place when you believe in people.

    Today if you mistrust someone, remember: You tend to find what you’re looking for. Are you more invested in finding reasons to doubt or reasons to believe?

    Photo by Alice Popkorn

    **Clearly, we migrated the site to the new server without a hitch. (Let me know if you notice any problems!) Thank you to the amazing Joshua Denney who handled the switch. And though I believe I emailed everyone personally, thank you so much to everyone who donated to help with upgrades. Your kindness made a huge difference!

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Loving Life

    Tiny Wisdom: On Loving Life

    “If we look at the world with a love of life, the world will reveal its beauty to us.” -Daisaku Ikeda

    Whenever I visit my family in Massachusetts, I notice changes all around me. Sometimes it’s something major, like a Rite Aid where a Mom and Pop shop used to be. Sometimes it’s something less noticeable, like a new door on my parents’ neighbor’s house.

    Other times, these changes take place in my family. My mother’s changed her hair color, or my sister looks completely different after weeks on a new diet, or my father’s decided to embrace bright-colored clothes–despite formerly insisting to my mother that they’re “beige and earth tones people.”

    Minor or major, outside or inside, every change catches my eye when I’m visiting because I’m there so infrequently. Each shift reminds me that a lot of life has happened in my absence, and it’s imperative that I notice and appreciate every beautiful detail while I have the chance to do it.

    Anything can change in a heartbeat, and so much often does before we have the chance to stop, admire, and enjoy the beauty in how things are.

    If we want to, we can make a million-and-one excuses to get caught up in our heads, wondering when things are going to get good. I know I’ve done it before, and I’ve missed a lot in the process.

    The alternative is to make a point every day to notice all the beautiful details, as they are, while they’re there. This moment will never come again. What’s there to love today?

     

    Photo by Ste3ve

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Discovering the Best in People

    Tiny Wisdom: On Discovering the Best in People

    “When we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow bring out the best in ourselves.” -William Arthur Ward

    I read somewhere once that we tend to judge ourselves by our intentions and other people by their actions. In other words, we give ourselves the benefit of the doubt, whereas we’re more apt to assume other people mean to be cruel, inconsiderate, or hurtful when they make poor choices.

    I suspect this is a survival strategy: We need to believe that we are good people in order to live with ourselves, and we want to quickly assess which other people aren’t to make sure that they won’t hurt us. It’s a mental shortcut, if you will–the sooner you discover the worst in people, the sooner you can plan how to protect yourself.

    But what it if we decided that just like us, most other people mean well, and then instead of fearing the worst, focused on finding the best? What if we put all our energy into recognizing the light in other people, and in doing so, brightened the light within us?

    I know that whenever I believe in someone else, it awakens a sense of possibility inside me. It makes me feel more connected to other people, more empowered to collaborate with them, and more passionate about what we can all accomplish if we work with each other, not against each other.

    Today if you feel tempted to focus on another person’s flaws, ask yourself: What good qualities am I overlooking, and what possibilities could I create if I focused more on those?

    Photo by emilio labrador

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Living

    Tiny Wisdom: On Living

    “It is not uncommon for people to spend their whole life waiting to start living.” -Eckhart Tolle

    You might not think to compare beloved children’s writer Dr. Seuss to spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle, but there’s a common message about happiness in both their works: We can only experience joy through action in the now, not by waiting to get it some day, when everything works out and makes sense.

    From Seuss’ Oh the Places You Will Go:

    The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.

    Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.

    Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.

    He then writes: No! That’s not for you!

    But I’m going to alter that slightly since we’re all adults now. That very well might be you. I know that it’s been me. I’ve waited for the right time to make a change, the ideal time to tell someone how I feel, the safest time to try something new, and the easiest time to take care of myself.

    The only problem is that it rarely feels right, ideal, safe, or easy. Those words are merely excuses to let the moment slip away. And it does. Over and over again until they have run out.

    This moment is a chance to do something differently, no matter how small it may seem. Every big change starts with one small choice.

    The best way to stop waiting and start living is to decide that life happens now, and to ask yourself: If you knew time was running out, what would you stop waiting to do?

    Photo by scion_cho

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Imperfect People

    Tiny Wisdom: On Imperfect People

    “We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” ~Sam Keen

    There’s a popular musical that explores a common approach to love, titled I Love You, You’re Perfect, Now Change.

    It happens all the time: We meet someone, we fall for all their strengths and quirks, and then soon start identifying ways they could change to better meet our needs.

    I suspect we do this partly because we tend to blame the person we’re with when we’re feeling something we don’t want to fix on our own. But also, we try to change and fix other people because we’re acutely aware of our own imperfections and don’t want to deal with the pain of recognizing them in others.

    When you think about, everything we see in other people represents something going on in our own heads and hearts.

    We recognize selfishness—or what we interpret as selfishness—because we’ve been selfish before. We see fear, impatience, and annoyance—or what we assume those things look like—because we’ve felt them before.

    Maybe the key to loving other people is accepting that we’re all the same, and, flaws and all, we are all worthy. Or as Tiny Buddha contributor Erin Lanahan recently wrote in her post 5 Ways to Feel More Love and Compassion for Yourself and Others:

    “I know you hurt, just like me, and you feel joy, just like me. You worry and feel scared sometimes, just like me. You have bad days, just like me, and you have amazing days, just like me. You are seeking, just like me. You want to believe in love, just like me.”

    We really are all so similar. We’re all doing our best from day to day. We all mess up from time to time. We all want someone to accept us as we are, instead of lamenting what we aren’t. And we all deserve love, compassion, and understanding.

    Today, if you feel frustrated with someone you love, ask yourself: Can I empathize? How can I show it in action?

    Photo by Lel4nd

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Wasted Time

    Tiny Wisdom: On Wasted Time

    “Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely.” ~Rodin

    John Lennon said time you enjoyed wasting was not wasted. The same can be said for time you didn’t enjoy if you decide to find value in the experience of the moment.

    It’s easy to do this retroactively—to look back and ascertain that a frustrating moment taught you patience, or a disappointing moment taught you humility. It’s a lot more difficult to ground yourself within a less than ideal moment and decide then to use it wisely; not to remember it wisely later, but actually do something with it right then.

    One thing I like to do when I’m immersed within an experience that feels like a waste of time is ask myself: How can I make this valuable?

    It might mean practicing mindfulness when I’m somewhere I’d rather not be, breathing deeply when I feel impatient, or learning something from a mistake that I can use to improve in the future.

    If our thoughts shape our world, then we can decide every moment is valuable and then make it so.

    Today if you come up against time that feels wasteful, ask yourself: How can I use this moment wisely?

    Photo by EPi.Longo