Tiny Buddha

Category: Love

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Where We’re Going and Why

    Tiny Wisdom: On Where We’re Going and Why

    “A journey is best measured in friends,  rather than miles.” -Tim Cahill

    Not too long ago, someone asked me how scalable Tiny Buddha is, and how I plan to expand the site to reach millions of people and generate substantial revenue.

    My answer was (and is) that I don’t. I have absolutely no concrete plans to reach certain benchmarks for readers or dollars. I do, however, have plans for the site’s growth–but they’re focused more on creating new features than attracting new people to use them.

    It’s not about expanding Tiny Buddha’s reach; it’s about how deeply we can all reach each other.

    I realize that in business, particularly when you’re not working alone, you sometimes need to focus on numbers. But there’s something to said for checking in with why you’re doing what you’re doing and choosing to focus on that.

    I suspect that if we peeled away the layers of our motivations, most of us would discover that what we really want is to connect with other people and make a positive difference in their lives. Sure, we also want to make a comfortable living, and it wouldn’t hurt to leave behind some kind of legacy.

    But focusing on the numbers–putting all your energy into plans to go the distance–can be a huge distraction from why you started this journey to begin with. It can pressure you to sell when you’d rather just engage, or promote when you’d rather create, or brand yourself when you’d rather just be who you are.

    When you’re focused on how far you can go, it can be difficult to appreciate how far you’ve already come, and how beautiful it is, right here.

    Today if you find yourself dwelling on where you want to be–how many followers, fans, subscribers, page views, or customers you want to have–remember: Your success is only about the numbers if you choose to measure it that way.

    Photo by lok_lok 05

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Beautiful Things

    Tiny Wisdom: On Beautiful Things

    “The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.” -Helen Keller

    Gratitude. Kindness. Joy. Vulnerability. Passion. Hope. Inspiration. Motivation. Loyalty. Awe. Authenticity. Selflessness. Thoughtfulness. Patience. Understanding. Trust. Simplicity. Serenity. Relaxation. Purpose. Peace. Generosity. Honesty. Integrity. Balance. Bravery. Love.

    Look around. It’s a beautiful day, and because of all the good you do and create, you’re a beautiful part of it.

    Photo by AlicePopkorn

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Loving Life

    Tiny Wisdom: On Loving Life

    “If we look at the world with a love of life, the world will reveal its beauty to us.” -Daisaku Ikeda

    Whenever I visit my family in Massachusetts, I notice changes all around me. Sometimes it’s something major, like a Rite Aid where a Mom and Pop shop used to be. Sometimes it’s something less noticeable, like a new door on my parents’ neighbor’s house.

    Other times, these changes take place in my family. My mother’s changed her hair color, or my sister looks completely different after weeks on a new diet, or my father’s decided to embrace bright-colored clothes–despite formerly insisting to my mother that they’re “beige and earth tones people.”

    Minor or major, outside or inside, every change catches my eye when I’m visiting because I’m there so infrequently. Each shift reminds me that a lot of life has happened in my absence, and it’s imperative that I notice and appreciate every beautiful detail while I have the chance to do it.

    Anything can change in a heartbeat, and so much often does before we have the chance to stop, admire, and enjoy the beauty in how things are.

    If we want to, we can make a million-and-one excuses to get caught up in our heads, wondering when things are going to get good. I know I’ve done it before, and I’ve missed a lot in the process.

    The alternative is to make a point every day to notice all the beautiful details, as they are, while they’re there. This moment will never come again. What’s there to love today?

     

    Photo by Ste3ve

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Being Hard on Yourself

    Tiny Wisdom: On Being Hard on Yourself

    “When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.” -African Proverb

    Sometimes we judge ourselves pretty harshly. We blame ourselves for things we have absolutely no control over. We criticize, berate, and even disparage ourselves, treating ourselves far worse than we’d ever treat other people.

    It’s just all too easy to hold ourselves to high standards, and then get frustrated if we fail to meet them. I know I have done this before, and, at the risk of sounding defeatist, I know I will do it at some point again.

    I believe that in much the same we will inevitably have conflicts with other people, we will also go through times when we’re not kind and loving to ourselves.

    Perhaps the key to silencing the enemy within is accepting that it is there–that we all possess both darkness and light within us–and then learning to create a higher ratio of self-affirming to self-diminishing thoughts. Maybe the goal shouldn’t be to always be positive, but to recognize when we start being self-critical so that we can shift our thoughts more quickly and effectively with each internal struggle.

    In a perfect world, we would always know the exact way to think and thing to do to nurture ourselves and honor our needs, and we’d instinctively always do those things. Maybe some people do. But I can’t speak for them, because I sometimes struggle.

    What helps me is to focus on progress, not perfection–to forgive myself when I’ve gotten negative, and then start anew from right where I stand.

    Today if you get down on yourself, remember: You’re doing the best you can, and you have the power to choose, right now, that your best is good enough.

    Photo by Chi King

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Discovering the Best in People

    Tiny Wisdom: On Discovering the Best in People

    “When we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow bring out the best in ourselves.” -William Arthur Ward

    I read somewhere once that we tend to judge ourselves by our intentions and other people by their actions. In other words, we give ourselves the benefit of the doubt, whereas we’re more apt to assume other people mean to be cruel, inconsiderate, or hurtful when they make poor choices.

    I suspect this is a survival strategy: We need to believe that we are good people in order to live with ourselves, and we want to quickly assess which other people aren’t to make sure that they won’t hurt us. It’s a mental shortcut, if you will–the sooner you discover the worst in people, the sooner you can plan how to protect yourself.

    But what it if we decided that just like us, most other people mean well, and then instead of fearing the worst, focused on finding the best? What if we put all our energy into recognizing the light in other people, and in doing so, brightened the light within us?

    I know that whenever I believe in someone else, it awakens a sense of possibility inside me. It makes me feel more connected to other people, more empowered to collaborate with them, and more passionate about what we can all accomplish if we work with each other, not against each other.

    Today if you feel tempted to focus on another person’s flaws, ask yourself: What good qualities am I overlooking, and what possibilities could I create if I focused more on those?

    Photo by emilio labrador

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Being Part of the Solution

    Tiny Wisdom: On Being Part of the Solution

    “Never look down on anybody unless you’re helping him up.” -Jesse Jackson

    I’ve always believed that there is a fundamental difference between compassion and pity: Compassion stands beside someone; pity stands above.

    Sometimes it’s tempting to stand in that place, and not just because we’re being judgmental or cruel. Oftentimes, it feels safer up there. You don’t need to understand that person, or what they’re dealing with.

    You also don’t need to get too close. You can simply remove yourself without getting too invested or involved, knowing that you feel bad, but there’s nothing you can do.

    Compassion suggests a level of responsibility. It’s not just a matter of recognizing that someone else is in a bad place. It’s about knowing what that feels like, even if you’ve dealt with different challenges, and being a willing participant in healing that pain.

    I remember when I was at the lowest point of my life there were two distinct types of friends: the friends who listened fully, and the friends who interrupted me with judgments and advice before I even had a chance to explore what hurt me.

    I want to be the friend who listens–the one who may not always have the answers, but intends to be part of the solution, not the problem. I suspect that starts with a simple assertion, followed by a question: I am here. How can I help?

    Who needs your help today?

    Photo by Andrew Dyson

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Strangers

    Tiny Wisdom: On Strangers

    “Strangers are friends you have yet to meet.” -Unknown

    Since I live in LA and my family lives in Boston, I take long flights several times a year. During many of these flights, I read a book or watch a movie and disappear into my own little world of self-entertainment.

    When I was returning from a recent visit, I found myself looking around at all the different people who I would likely not talk to during the flight, and then never see again.

    We’d all share an experience together–and yet apart–and then move on with our lives, without making much of a discernible difference in each others’ worlds.

    After I drifted off to sleep, I dreamed that the plane crashed, but we all survived on an island, somewhat like on the show Lost. Suddenly, we weren’t strangers anymore. We were all people who needed each other–who, over time, started loving each other.

    Our sense of separateness disappeared as we realized our lives were easier when we worked together and looked out for each other.

    When I opened my eyes I saw everyone differently–as if we were all connected. Then I remembered that we are.

    It seems so trite to say that we are all brothers and sisters, but the truth is that we tend to form a lot of our closest relationships based mainly on proximity–meaning we could love entirely different people if we followed different paths.

    Today if you find yourself surrounded by strangers, feeling tempted to shut down, remember: These are all people with qualities that you could love. When we see each other in this way and then act on it, even brief encounters can make a meaningful difference.

    Photo by Akuppa

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Fear-Based Decisions

    Tiny Wisdom: On Fear-Based Decisions

    “Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.” ~Marianne Williamson

    Sometimes I look at people who appear to be confident, successful, and happy and imagine that they always feel that way—that they never feel insecure or afraid, and they always operate from a place of trusting love.

    Then I remember that every person who has a pulse deals with human emotions. What confident, successful, happy people have going for them is that they feel fears, but they make decisions from a place underneath them.

    They push through discomfort, fully aware that it’s impermanent, and in the process learn, grow, and expand. They realize that whatever happened in the past is over, and what happens is the future is dependent on their willingness to act now.

    Some days I let my fear control me, feeling sure I know what bad thing is coming and determined to prevent it. On other days I remember that I am shaping the future, and I can create it in love or fear, but not both. Which do you choose today?

    Photo by jennratonmort

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Self Love

    Tiny Wisdom: On Self Love

    “You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~Buddha

    They say that love is a verb, and that’s not only true for our friends and family. If we want to be strong, confident people who can benefit others and the world, we need to make time to love ourselves in action.

    We need to do the things that we know nourish our hearts and spirits, whether it’s yoga, meditation, or walking on the beach. Even if we’re overwhelmed—especially if we’re overwhelmed—we need to prioritize taking care of minds and bodies.

    We need to get out and engage with people, allowing ourselves to feel a sense of connection and inclusion. Even if we’re busy—especially if we’re busy—we need to prioritize genuine connection.

    And we need to take time to be alone with ourselves, so we can learn to be strong, independent, and centered, regardless of who’s there for support. Even if lots of other people depend on us—especially if lots of other people depend on us—we need to prioritize being with ourselves.

    We have so much potential to make a difference in the world—to share our passions, talents, and love. But we can only give to others if we’re able to first give to ourselves.

    It doesn’t need to be anything huge. It can just be 15 minutes for deep breathing in the afternoon, or a few kind words internally before a big meeting or event.

    What matters is that we recognize loving ourselves takes effort, and then we make that effort consistently, at least a little every day. Just like we’d be accountable in the relationships we value, we need and deserve to be accountable to ourselves.


    Photo by Zigg-E

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Imperfect People

    Tiny Wisdom: On Imperfect People

    “We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” ~Sam Keen

    There’s a popular musical that explores a common approach to love, titled I Love You, You’re Perfect, Now Change.

    It happens all the time: We meet someone, we fall for all their strengths and quirks, and then soon start identifying ways they could change to better meet our needs.

    I suspect we do this partly because we tend to blame the person we’re with when we’re feeling something we don’t want to fix on our own. But also, we try to change and fix other people because we’re acutely aware of our own imperfections and don’t want to deal with the pain of recognizing them in others.

    When you think about, everything we see in other people represents something going on in our own heads and hearts.

    We recognize selfishness—or what we interpret as selfishness—because we’ve been selfish before. We see fear, impatience, and annoyance—or what we assume those things look like—because we’ve felt them before.

    Maybe the key to loving other people is accepting that we’re all the same, and, flaws and all, we are all worthy. Or as Tiny Buddha contributor Erin Lanahan recently wrote in her post 5 Ways to Feel More Love and Compassion for Yourself and Others:

    “I know you hurt, just like me, and you feel joy, just like me. You worry and feel scared sometimes, just like me. You have bad days, just like me, and you have amazing days, just like me. You are seeking, just like me. You want to believe in love, just like me.”

    We really are all so similar. We’re all doing our best from day to day. We all mess up from time to time. We all want someone to accept us as we are, instead of lamenting what we aren’t. And we all deserve love, compassion, and understanding.

    Today, if you feel frustrated with someone you love, ask yourself: Can I empathize? How can I show it in action?

    Photo by Lel4nd

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Being Fully What You Are

    Tiny Wisdom: On Being Fully What You Are

    “By accepting yourself and being fully what you are, your presence can make others happy.” ~Jane Roberts

    I suspect we all want permission to be exactly who we are—to accept ourselves instead of feeling unsure of ourselves, and then somehow find a balance between being and improving.

    When we see someone else who appears to do that, despite their weaknesses and flaws, it’s immensely inspiring and gratifying. Why? Because we all want to believe that even if we can be better, there’s nothing wrong with being exactly who we are.

    Yet only we can give that feeling to ourselves. No one else can validate us, support us, love us, inspire us, or motivate us to believe that we are enough. If we can find that magical feeling of being okay with being, we can give so much to the world around us, whether we realize it or not, because everyone wants to let themselves relax and simply be.

    Today if you question yourself, doubt yourself, or otherwise feel down on yourself, remember: everyone does, but the moment when one of us finds the courage to stand strong, it has a ripple effect on everyone else. The question remains: which ones of us will be brave enough to love who we are today?

    Photo by Eddi van W

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Love

    Tiny Wisdom: On Love

    “Love is loving things that sometimes you don’t like.” ~Ajahn Brahm

    The most challenging part of relationships is learning to accept people for who they are—knowing all their quirks, insecurities, and weaknesses and choosing to simply let them be.

    Psychologists suggest that once we form an idea, we develop an emotional attachment that makes it extremely difficult to abandon it. We feel convinced that our way is the right way and feel an imperative to sway other people accordingly, particularly people who are close to us.

    The irony is that this tends to push people further away. It’s hard to feel loved when you feel judged.

    Today, resist the urge to “fix” people around you (unless, of course, someone is legitimately unsafe).

    If there’s one thing we all want, it’s to feel fully accepted, inadequacies and all. We want permission to stop judging ourselves and just be. Put that kind of love out there and you may be surprised to notice it coming back to you.

    Photo here