Tiny Buddha

Category: Determination

  • Tiny Wisdom: It Starts with Believing

    Tiny Wisdom: It Starts with Believing

    “Your belief determines your action and your action determines your results, but first you have to believe.” -Mark Victor Hansen

    In my early 20s, I got involved with a pyramid scheme that I mistook for an ethical company.

    I didn’t realize it at first, but most people were only pretending to make money because they believed they eventually would.

    Since the revenue came mostly from attracting new recruits, the head of my young team had rented out an office suite, largely to establish a sense of credibility. This made it look less like a risky network marketing business, and more like a lucrative career path. Of course, I didn’t realize this at the time. I wanted to believe, so I did.

    On one of my first days after joining, right before a scheduled presentation with 30 potential recruits, we got kicked out of our office because of a dispute with the rent.

    In that moment, I had this vision of our entire 40+ person team setting up shop in the tiny Starbucks downstairs. I grabbed all the marketing materials and overflowed with earnest enthusiasm as I told everyone, “We don’t need an office. We just need to bring our heads and our hearts!”

    In the movies, this kind of thing always seems to work. Things fall apart, and yet they somehow come together simply because people care, they’re determined, and they find a way.

    I learned from this scenario that we need to be discerning about what we choose to believe, and clear about why we care. But I also realized that it isn’t naive to believe we can create miracles when we recognize our passion is our greatest asset.

    In most situations, it’s not smoke and mirrors that create the magic—it truly is the people who believe in it and as a result never consider giving up on it. People run the companies. People create the brands. People change the world.

    People just like you and me. It’s not a fancy office that does it. It’s not a massive paycheck. It’s not even the best laid business plans.

    When it comes to building anything worthwhile, it starts with a willingness to believe in ourselves, each other, and what we can create when we have good intentions and keep going.

    Photo by Scottfeldstein

  • Tiny Wisdom: Moving Forward After a Mistake

    Tiny Wisdom: Moving Forward After a Mistake

    “A man’s errors are his portals of discovery.” -James Joyce

    When you were little, did you ever rip up a picture you’d worked really hard on just because you colored a little out of the lines?

    I was that girl; and I had a similar experience this weekend.

    I decided to make lasagna for this potluck party my boyfriend and I were going to host. I don’t cook often, so this felt like a big deal. I got all the ingredients the night before, stacked them on the counter, and then admired them. They were the pieces of my saucy masterpiece to be.

    The next day, I realized I’d made several mistakes, including buying the wrong type of noodles and failing to buy a bowl large enough for the massive cheese concoction.

    Since oven-ready lasagna noodles don’t break easily, I went through an entire box trying to perfectly fill in all the gaps in the pan. When my lasagna ended up looking like the food equivalent of Charlie Brown’s sad Christmas tree, I seriously considered tossing it out, even though there wasn’t time to buy ingredients for another.

    I decided instead to push through my perfectionist instincts because this has been a pattern in my life: start something and quit if I think I’ve messed it up.

    Last week I wrote about the beauty of starting over, but as with everything in life, it’s not universally applicable. Sometimes we need to start fresh, but sometimes we need to keep going, through the messiness and imperfection. I haven’t always done this well.

    When I’ve made huge mistakes with friends, I’ve wanted to hide or bail. When I’ve messed up royally with jobs, I’ve wanted to call in sick or quit.

    It can feel vulnerable to be present in a situation where you feel you’re struggling or not showing yourself in the best light, but this is how we grow: by stretching ourselves through discomfort instead of shutting down.

    This is how we get closer to others, closer to our dreams, and closer to the people who we want to be. It’s how we learn about ourselves and identify areas for improvement.

    Things are going to feel messy and imperfect lots of times in life. We can either resist that and run whenever things feel out of control, or lean into the mistakes and learn from every one.

    Photo by renaissanechambara

  • Tiny Wisdom: All Is Never Lost

    Tiny Wisdom: All Is Never Lost

    “In this world of change, nothing which comes stays, and nothing which goes is lost.” -Anne Sophie Swetchine

    I used to make a wish whenever it turned 11:11. It was something I started doing with friends in high school, and I kept doing it in college, a time when I depended on magical thinking to get me through difficult days.

    I remember when my first long-term relationship ended, after three tumultuous years. I felt like I lost a part of me—the best part, to be more specific. My saving grace was the hope that we’d eventually get back together, if only I never gave up.

    Night after night, at 11:11, I’d wish that he’d come back. I don’t know if I really believed this would influence what happened, but it made me feel a little less powerless. Ironically, every time I expressed this longing, it was like adding another two-ton link to the chain that kept me stuck.

    One night, out of nowhere, I wished for happiness instead.

    While I recognize that wishing for happiness and creating it are two different things, this was an epiphany for me. Suddenly, I realized that what I really wanted wasn’t my old relationship. I wanted to feel good, and until that moment I assumed I needed to be in that relationship to do that.

    I thought I’d lost my chance. I hadn’t—I just lost that one possibility.

    There’s something incredibly empowering about realizing that what we really want doesn’t require us to cling to specific people and things—that we can experience the feelings we want over and over again in different relationships and circumstances.

    Suddenly, the world seems more expansive and individual losses seem less catastrophic, because we know that no matter what, all is not lost. We can and will feel happy again.

    Instinctively, we are going to get comfortable with the people and situations we love. And we’re going to want to fight for them. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. It keeps us passionately committed to who and what we believe matters.

    But loss is undeniable part of life. Embracing that means realizing that every time we let go, we make room for something else. All is never lost.

    Photo by mbstock

  • Tiny Wisdom: The Best Disappointments

    Tiny Wisdom: The Best Disappointments

    “Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.” -Dalai Lama

    Opportunity often hides in the most unlikely places, but it isn’t easy to see it when you’re disappointed life didn’t meet your expectations.

    Michael Jordan’s high school coach cut him from the basketball team, which may have pushed him to work harder and become an NBA superstar. Soichoro Honda wanted to be an engineer at Toyota until he was rejected, inspiring him to start his own company.

    You never know when a disappointment might pave the path for something great. What wonderful stroke of luck have you had lately, and what can you do to benefit from it?

    This post was originally published in September, 2009. Photo by LisaRoxy.

  • Tiny Wisdom: The Benefits of Slow Progress

    Tiny Wisdom: The Benefits of Slow Progress

    “It is better to take many small steps in the right direction than to make a great leap forward only to stumble backward.” ~Proverb

    Sometimes it can be challenging to operate with complete integrity in business—particularly because bigger and faster can be seductive.

    Case in point: I have a strong aversion to many traditional marketing methods, as I find much of it to be psychologically manipulative.

    I feel it’s wrong to sell people things by playing to their deepest fears and insecurities, and implying my book or product will be the magic bullet they’ve been waiting for all their lives.

    I also feel uncomfortable with the idea of personal branding, since a brand is an idea or image of a product or service, and human beings are neither of those things. We may sell products or offer services, but we are not commodities—even if consumers often buy based on who is selling to them.

    But statistically, products and books presented as ultimate solutions, by individuals with polished personas generally sell better.

    Now you might not hold the exact same perspective as I do, but you likely have your own set of beliefs and values that inform the decisions you make professionally—and they may occasionally hinder your progress.

    When we act in complete integrity, we often end up advancing at a slower pace.

    I remember when I was 23, knee-deep in a corrupt multi-level marketing company, oblivious to my team’s unethical practices. Everything changed the day I heard our leader suggest we look for “ignorance on fire”—new recruits who never questioned, but merely plowed straight ahead on the path of most profitability.

    Thinking and questioning can slow progress—but maybe slow progress is exactly what we need. Slow progress allows us to adapt as necessary, learn at each step of the journey, and ensure that we’re honoring our ideals and actual desires, instead of pushing ourselves blindly in the pursuit of success.

    I realize this idea isn’t universally applicable. When it comes to advancements that save lives, I absolutely support rapid progress. They couldn’t possibly come out with cures for cancer fast enough.

    But when it comes to our own personal goals and ambitions, sometimes the most satisfying results come from a slow but steady journey with unwavering commitment to what we believe is right.

    Photo by Akuppa

  • Tiny Wisdom: Stop Thinking and Get Moving

    Tiny Wisdom: Stop Thinking and Get Moving

    “Wisdom is knowing what to do next, skill is knowing how to do it, and virtue is doing it” -David Starr Jordan

    Have you ever felt so frustrated with your inability to do something that you committed to doing nothing else until you figured it out?

    I have done this many times before.

    I’ve confined myself to a chair, trying to force inspiration to form into written words when it just wasn’t happening. I have sat around intellectualizing about which decision I should make—as if the act of thinking really hard for hours on end would somehow make it easier to accept that the future is uncertain, and nothing is guaranteed.

    Essentially, I’ve many times chosen to put pressure on myself to do something really well, and effectively ended up doing nothing. Now, by “doing nothing,” I’m not talking about meditating to find clarity in stillness and silence. I’m talking about doing nothing physically, while exhausting myself mentally.

    Perhaps you can relate. Maybe you’ve also pushed yourself because you felt impatient with your process, creative or otherwise. Or maybe you’ve felt so paralyzed by things you can’t control that you’ve sat around trying to think your way around them.

    There’s nothing wrong with using our capacity for reasoning—in fact, it’s a smart plan, on the whole. But generally, we form our best insights and strongest ideas when we release the mental pressure and engage ourselves in the world, in mind and body.

    I know I generally feel most inspired when I actively choose to get out of my head and let ideas come to me, as a natural byproduct of connecting with the world—whether that means hiking, practicing yoga, or simply being with friends.

    I have found that for every wise saying, there is an opposite one that is equally true. Sometimes we need to let go; sometimes we need to hold on. Sometimes we need to be patient; sometimes we need to push forward. Sometimes we need to be still; sometimes we need to get moving.

    Wisdom is recognizing which is true for us individually in each moment.

    Is it time for you to get moving?

    Photo by Atsuhiko Tagagi

  • Tiny Wisdom: Not Taking No for an Answer

    Tiny Wisdom: Not Taking No for an Answer

    “Never allow a person to tell you no who doesn’t have the power to say yes.” -Eleanor Roosevelt

    Many times in life we ask questions of people and then put way too much weight on their answers.

    We ask people we admire if they think we have what it takes, and then consider their opinions fact. We ask people we respect if they think we should take a chance, and then follow their advice as law. We ask people if they’ll take a chance on us, and then interpret their response to be a reflection of our potential.

    Other people can’t tell us how far we can go. They can’t tell us how our talents could evolve. They can’t tell us if our risks will pay off. Other people’s “nos” aren’t what limit our future–it’s our own “nos” that do that.

    The other day, I read an interview with television producer and former American Idol judge Simon Cowell. He admitted that if Lady Gaga had auditioned for the show, he would have instantly rejected her because of her over-the-top persona. Like her or not, Lady Gaga has emerged as a force to be reckoned within the music industry–a bona fide record-breaking pop icon, who likely isn’t going anywhere any time soon.

    Odds are she heard her fair share of “nos,” as does anyone with a dream.

    Sometimes we hear “no” before we even get a chance to contact the person we really want to reach. We hear “no” from assistants, and publicists, and agents, and associates, and a number of other gatekeepers. Those “nos” are rarely final since a gate is made to be opened.

    We can take all these “nos” and use them as proof that we shouldn’t move forward with our goals. Or we can learn from them, release them, and then keep moving ahead, driven by a deep internal yes that refuses to be ignored.

    Today if you come up against rejection, remember: This does not mean “no.” It just means “not this way.”

    Photo by Akuppa

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Realizing It’s Never All Dark

    Tiny Wisdom: On Realizing It’s Never All Dark

    “Turn your face toward the sun and the shadows will fall behind you.” ~Māori Proverb

    People often comment that the Tiny Buddha emails come at just the right time for them, and I think there’s a simple explanation for that. They all address universal challenges–things we all deal with, and often. They’re the things we sometimes forget connect us.

    We all deal with pain, heartache, disappointment, frustration, fear, anxiety, and loss. We don’t deal with it at the same times, in the same ways, or for the same reasons, but we all experience the same emotions–over and over again.

    Just when we think everything is perfect, something changes and we realize nothing is permanent. Just when we think we have everything figured out, we realize how much we don’t understand, and maybe never will.

    But we also have something else in common: No matter how dark things can seem in our lives, we always have at least a little light–and sometimes far more than we realize. Very rarely is all lost.

    If things aren’t going great with work, you may still have amazing friends who remind you that you are so much more than what you do for a living. If you don’t have the relationship you dream about, you might have family members there to remind you that you are never alone.

    We always have good things in our lives. It’s just that sometimes we get too distracted by what’s lacking to recognize what’s going right.

    Yesterday I asked on Facebook, “What advice would you give to yourself, 10 years ago?” I would tell myself to stop worrying that I was missing out on the good life, because I was actually missing out on life because of all the worrying.

    Though none of us can go back and do things differently, we can remember what we’ve learned and use it.

    Today I commit to enjoying the light, wherever it may be. What light is there in your life?

    *This is an updated version of a post from 2009. Photo by law_keven

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Getting Un-stuck

    Tiny Wisdom: On Getting Un-stuck

    “What you are is what you have been. What you’ll be is what you do now.” -Buddha

    We all have goals–things we’d like to accomplish and ideas of who we’d like to become through the process. But sometimes we get so bogged down in fears and self-doubt that it’s hard to commit to the changes we want to create and then work toward them consistently.

    It’s not easy to do. When you’re faced with obstacles, you might get stuck. When you feel unmotivated or unsure, you might get stuck. When your goal seems too far out of reach, you might get stuck.

    And you can stay stuck if you want to. You can get sidetracked by other people’s opinions. You can talk yourself out of what you want, fearing failure or maybe even fearing success. You can limit yourself with stories of things that didn’t work out in the past.

    Or you can let go of everything that’s paralyzing you and decide that you’re not willing to let the now slip away and rob you of possibilities.

    Tomorrow has limitless potential if you’re willing to act today. It may even become something better than you knew to imagine, but it can only happen if you start and keep going.

    What tiny actions can you take today to contribute to that vision you want to create?

    Buddha nature

    This is an updated version of a post published on 9/14/2009. Photo by AlicePopkorn.

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Moving Forward

    Tiny Wisdom: On Moving Forward

    “Doing your best means never stop trying.” -Unknown

    For years, I stressed over the possibility that my best was not good enough. I realized that I couldn’t possibly do better than my best, but as a type-A overachiever, this logic wasn’t sufficient permission to feel proud when I put all my heart into something.

    I didn’t want to do my best–I wanted to do the best that anyone could do. I wanted to achieve greatness, as recognized by lots of people. I wanted it to be undeniably true that I was someone worth admiring and respecting.

    What I have since realized is that no one’s admiration and respect will ever feel like enough until I admire and respect myself. And that doesn’t come from obsessing about perfect outcomes–it comes from knowing I am strong enough and brave enough to keep going, even knowing I’ll never be perfect.

    If you are doing something that scares you, know that you are doing your best. If you’re doing something you’ve failed at before, know that you are doing your best. If you are doing something that you feel like you’re failing at now, know that you are doing your best.

    And more importantly, regardless of what you achieve, know that you deserve your own respect and admiration for being a person who is willing to try.

    Photo by retardoricardo

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Insurmountable Obstacles

    Tiny Wisdom: On Insurmountable Obstacles

    “A hard fall means a high bounce…if you’re made of the right material.” -Unknown

    I recently saw the movie Soul Surfer about Bethany Hamilton, the professional surfer who lost an arm in a shark attack in 2003 when she was just 13 years old. This would be difficult for anyone, but especially someone so young.

    Bethany lost 60% of her blood that day, and after turning down a lifelike but non-functional prosthetic arm, soon realized she had to relearn almost everything.

    What kept her going was knowing she didn’t lose everything. Lots of things were different, but lots of things were still possible. Because of that belief, Bethany has continued to compete in national surf championships while traveling all over the world to help other people dealing with adversity.

    As someone with a lifelong phobia of sharks, I can’t say for certain I’d get back in the water after an attack that took a limb. But I know that when everything seems challenging and nothing makes sense, it’s tremendously helpful to remember that possibility starts with the strength and courage to recognize it.

    If you’re dealing with an obstacle that seems insurmountable, remember that things are rarely what they seem. This can be your undoing–or it can be a reminder that you’re stronger than you realize and can do a lot more than you think.

    The question is: Are you ready to stop dwelling and start doing?